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  1. #21
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
    Location
    Napanee ON
    Posts
    3,933

    Default

    I just want to say thank you to evreyone replying, it is just re-affirming my beliefs.

    I loff you guys



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2004
    Location
    NASCAR HELL
    Posts
    1,741

    Default

    Ask him if he would want you as a shell of yourself....empty with no dreams? Would he be happy with that. Hell, just because you have dreams does not mean that you are incapable of having a life. Why the heck do people think that us wonder women horse people can't have it all? We are damn good at juggling....didn't they get the memo?

    What is special to him.....a car....football? Really that is incredibly selfish of him.
    The rider casts his heart over the fence,
    the horse jumps in pursuit of it.

    –Hans-Heinrich Isenbart



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Sep. 17, 2003
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    381

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jealoushe View Post

    ughhhhhhhh. I fear where this is headed...
    Don't be afraid.

    Do you really want to be in a relationship at the cost of being true to yourself?
    Proud Rubenesquestrian



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2002
    Location
    PA, where the State motto is: "If it makes sense, we don't do it!".
    Posts
    11,042

    Default

    Ya I think it was just hypothetical.......
    No, it's not! You want to think it was a hypothetical but in your heart you know that it isn't.... He was doing a reality check and you failed that test.... So what??? There are plenty of other good men out there who don't need you to give things up to be loved by them. This guy felt threatened by your response--the international sign for low self esteem!

    Frankly, I would give this guy the heave ho before you get even more attached to him. My first husband was jealous of the time I spent at the time with the horse. I had to spend a lot of time with the horse--it was only green broke and my first husband was a horse person and understood that. It was all right for him to spend time with his horse but when I needed to spend time with my horse it irritated him. The marriage did not survive his need to control me..... A blessing in disguise!!!!

    Being alone forever??? I would be pretty pi$$ed at the implication that if you don't choose hime without the horses, you would be alone forever...
    Yeah, really!!!!!!! Don't worry, honey! There are plenty of other guys out there who are more mature than this one who are just waiting to love you!!!!! My current (and hopefully my last) husband is incredibly supportive of my love for horses (and gardening). Likewise, I have no problem with him spending time away from me (he likes to go to the local racetracks to bet on the ponies, and golf). That's the way it is when two people care about each other, are secure within themselves and understand you can't go around all your life joined at the hip!!!! Don't get me wrong--we go a lot of places together, have many common interests and I cherish that time with him!!!! But the horse is an every day committment especially since she is kept in a self-care situation, plus she needs more looking after now she is getting older and is infirmed.... I'm over there at least two to three times a day, and often again later in the evening.... If I had to deal with his jealousy on top of everything else, well--I just wouldn't!!!!! I have a low tolerance for people who want to tell me what I should be doing with my time....

    So think long and hard about this relationship because it sounds like it's headed in the wrong direction, IMO....
    "Good gardening is very simple, really. You just have to learn to think like a plant." ~Barbara Damrosch~



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
    Posts
    24,479

    Default

    No such thing as hypothetical questions...someone is hinting towards something.
    There is happily married life and children with horses...because if horse people didn't get married and breed we'd have run out of horse people by now.
    My bet is he's either not realizing he's warning you that if he marries someone he won't put up with anything that takes time and lots of income away from the family
    or most likely:
    he's feeling very second place due to time/attention not spent with him AND is wondering where he really stands in your life.
    You could mention that those scenerios don't have to be Either/Or and then ask him why he asked that. Why he REALLY asked that.
    There are plenty of potential spouses out there who are either also horsie or wouldn't care that you are. Very few potential spouses will stick around with someone who will keep them desitute with equine costs and never have time or attention for their SO, though.
    If the person is the right one for you...you won't mind about cutting down on expenses/horse time a little bit.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  6. #26
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
    Posts
    1,052

    Default I didn't go to YOU camp ...

    When negotiating to buy my horse, I trotted out the following rationale when we were having that sort of priorities discussion:

    I haven't been dreaming about YOU my whole life. I don't have 56 Breyer models of YOU collecting dust in the basement. I don't have books upon books about caring for, feeding, managing, riding (ahem, no rude comments folks) and grooming YOU on my shelves. I didn't go to YOU camp when I was a kid. I didn't fill hundreds of Academy sketch pads with my perfect vision of YOU. I didn't ask for YOU for every single Christmas and birthday.

    That little discussion helped him see things more clearly, and the fact that he didn't run screaming from my side won him some bonus points ...
    Don't wrassle with a hog. You just get dirty, and the hog likes it.

    Collecting Thoroughbreds - tales of a re-rider and some TBs



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jul. 6, 2004
    Location
    East Central Mississippi
    Posts
    1,404

    Default

    Yep. Get on that horse of yours and RUN.

    Now. While you can. sylvia
    Never explain yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.



  8. #28

    Default

    I've had women ask me the same type questions over the years a couple asked the one I laughed at the most. " Do you love your farm and animals more then me ?" It was an easy answer. YES!!!!!!! Then my wife came along and could see it was obvious and never thought twice about it. She loves hers as much as I do mine.
    Quality doesn\'t cost it pays.



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,556

    Default

    Words of wisdom from my VERY wise mother (I should have heeded them long ago....could have saved myself lotsa pain ). Anyway, Elise says:

    "When in doubt, don't."

    "NEVER settle for second best."

    A) you're already having doubts because of his interesting question. Heed those doubts.

    B) You already know this guy is 2nd best because he doesn't get the horse thing.... and has no desire to do so.

    Break it off now and then seek out a quality person from a quality place
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jul. 6, 2004
    Location
    East Central Mississippi
    Posts
    1,404

    Default

    Omgosh, Johnnysauntie!!!!

    Now THAT is a response that brings it all into focus, no? LOLOLOL sylva
    Never explain yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2007
    Location
    South of Georgia, North of Miami
    Posts
    1,117

    Default

    My EX husband pulled that on me once. Told me I loved the horse more than him. I told him, "Yeah, she doens't b@#*h at me all the time." In hindsight it was a rather mean statement, but that's what you get when you push.

    I've always followed a philosophy of 'he who makes me chose, loses.' I resent anybody who asks me to give up something I love in order to prove I love them. It won't happen. I would never ask it of them, and I won't let it happen to me. I have never known anybody who has given up their horse, or dog, or anything, because of a boyfriend or husband to be happy with the result. Its usually just the first of many things they will be expected to forego for the other person.

    Yup - currently single and likely to remain so due to my disposition.



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
    Location
    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
    Posts
    6,337

    Default

    My EX-husband gave me the ultimatum. I am not exaggerating when I say I spoke to him twice after that. Once to explain why all my stuff was missing from the house, and the second time to arrange to get back some things I had missed the first time.

    My current husband understands that horses are part of my passion for life. Not the sole source of my passion for life, there is room for him and some other stuff too. But he understands that keeping that balance takes work, and he is willing to work with me to keep everything running smoothly.



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2006
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    4,940

    Default

    Id' say that question means that, in his mind, horses and husbands are mutually exclusive. So now you know, if you want the former then you can't have him for the latter.

    No reason you can't keep him around as a toy boy, but don't get serious about that one!



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2005
    Location
    maryland
    Posts
    5,219

    Default

    He's either looking for an excuse to leave... or he's starting to show control-freak tendencies. In either case, it's not a "hypothetical" or a joke, it's a veiled test/ultimatium. It's time to really think hard about this relationship. You deserve better than someone who will be planting seeds in your head that your horse is more important than your family.

    You CAN have both. It's absurd of him to think you could not enjoy both things.

    I love the response johnnysauntie gave: "I didn't go to YOU camp ..." That's priceless.



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,751

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    No such thing as hypothetical questions...someone is hinting towards something.
    Hmpf, that explains why when I called IT and asked them hypothetically speaking what would happen if someone spilled an entire can of soda in their keyboard they came to my cubby space with a new keyboard with in seconds of me hanging up the phone.


    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    If the person is the right one for you...you won't mind about cutting down on expenses/horse time a little bit.
    I totally agree.



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    Toronto CANADA!
    Posts
    353

    Default

    I have learned that 5 months into a relationship and there are already questions like that....it is time to get out!

    You will just keep trying to be someone you are not. Don't try please a MAN who obviously doesn't care about what makes YOU happy and keep a relationship for the sake of having a relationship with a man . Ditch him.
    ~Proud founder of the "Addicted to Lessons" clique~
    ~Ribbon Ho~



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Jun. 18, 2007
    Posts
    3,940

    Default

    "Hit the road, Jack."



  18. #38
    Join Date
    Dec. 17, 2007
    Location
    Meadowview VA
    Posts
    2,147

    Default

    I'm married with two horses and I have to admit, they get fed before we eat! My line is he can use the microwave, they can't.
    However, when my husband is gone, I realize he IS more important to me than the horses. But if he said it's me or the horses, ummm....
    He would never do that, thank goodness. But if a BF said that to me, warning lights and bells would be going off. What would be next, you'd have to decide who to pay more attention to-him or the children???



  19. #39

    Default

    Just curious but what do you ladies think about the same type thing where women get upset with men that hunt, fish, go to ball games etc.? I know lots of ladies that just flip because their boyfreinds and husbands spend money and time on these things.
    Quality doesn\'t cost it pays.



  20. #40
    Join Date
    Oct. 8, 2002
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    9,413

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by county View Post
    Just curious but what do you ladies think about the same type thing where women get upset with men that hunt, fish, go to ball games etc.? I know lots of ladies that just flip because their boyfreinds and husbands spend money and time on these things.
    I think they suck too

    There are people out there who are just always going to be jealous when something besides them makes their partner happy. And then they can't handle alone time, or seperate interests. Happens with both men and women.

    At the same time, if you love somebody, you sacrifice for them sometimes too, people do need reassurance that you love them. I've been bad at this lately, myself. So before writing off the jealous person, take stock of how important they are to you, and if your actions are matching up with your feelings.
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.



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