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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jan. 2, 2006
    Location
    Dallas, NC
    Posts
    2,313

    Default

    Instead of condeming the OP so much, how about condeming the BO who is putting someone in a situation where they will potientially be on the street with their horse! What an awful person the BO is!! You say places would probably be sypathetic and let her slide on board. But to be honest I wouldn't let anyone in and not pay the deposit and first month. Someone also said if they owned the horse and someone called and told them and then they found out they were thrown out because she told they would be willing and grateful to help her out. Help her out how? Give her 1200.00 for first month and deposit on a new place and give her the 600.00 she for the month she already paid at the old barn? I sure don't think the owner is going to give that back to her.

    Drive around the country area and see if you see small private homes with horse, put a note on the mailbox explaining you are looking for a place to board and would they accept boarders or mail them a letter. I am a private small barn and am cheaper than big barns (200.00 unlimited hay, four water troughs of water and two grain feedings a day) I'm small but clean and the horses all love me. Small scratches I let slide but if anything looks like a puncture or if they are the slightest off in their feed or character I have the owner on the phone.

    Once out then call the owner of the horse and tell her, she has to be let known, she needs to get her horse out of there too.

    Wish you lived near me, I could use another boarder and the fact that you help out too! That would be wonderful! (not that the boarders I have don't help, they are so wonderful! I truly love them all, I got so lucky with them!)

    Good luck with your situation, it has to be a hard one. I hope you can find a place soon so you can call the horses owner without worry of retaliation on you and your horse.



  2. #42
    Join Date
    Nov. 16, 2004
    Location
    NE Indiana
    Posts
    5,530

    Default

    Oh please. After what she just admitted about her character here - putting up with these terrible things that the BO does for TEN YEARS and being an accomplice to stealing, decieving and even neglect....I wouldn't want her in my barn.



  3. #43
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2008
    Posts
    4,266

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chardavej View Post
    Instead of condeming the OP so much, how about condeming the BO who is putting someone in a situation where they will potientially be on the street with their horse! What an awful person the BO is!!
    On my part, at least, the BO is beyond help - she's crazy, dysfunctional and incurable. Besides which she's not reading this board, and probably would have an excuse-a-minute if she were. At least the OP has asked for help, and "help" often involves a load of "constructive" (or just plain ole) criticism - just like Mom used to give ya!



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jun. 21, 2008
    Posts
    1,692

    Default

    If you have been there ten years, I think you are so used to this, that this cycle must seem normal to you. It is always going to be something, today the dog, tomorrow somethingelse. It may seem tough after ten years, but if you muster up your strength and find a barn, you will find a place that is way better and more professionaly run...
    When you mentioned you were looking for a cheap place, I thought you were paying $100 for self care. But $400?? Especially for this run -down place?? Unless you are looking for a high end show barn, $400 sould get you a very nice place-full-board. Now if you want something right in the city or something with a lot of different ameneties and trainers -maybe difficult. But considering your place, anything else will be an improvement.
    Also some of the other places you looked at, it may seem that way-I do not know what happened as I was not there, but maybe the new places were just being curteous and business like? If you are used to an overbearing, busybody BO with no boundaries, someone who is just business like and gentle may seem standoffish....
    Take some time to cool off. Figure out what you need. Some people I know love drama and want to be in these places. They love getting outraged, banding together, discussing about it like the sky is falling down . That is their pastime-nothing wrong with that, but you just have to be honest with yourself.. What are you looking for in a new barn-try and get afew things jotted down and figure out what you need. Then as a starter, you can even go to Yahoo/Google maps and type in your address. Then put in horse boarding and quite a lot of places will show up...Try the online yellow pages, craigslist, local horsie webite, google horse boaarding, local tack stores. If you really want something, something always shows up....
    Everything in life, you choose to put up with-unless you are in a country where you can get killed for it. But you have been here and the B.O probably took a big chunk of your self worth out of you and I was surprised that you were ready to sell your horse innstead of moving your horse. Two barns is just training-now you have a feel. Once you are sure, barn shopping can be a pleaseant experience. Just going to different places, talking with different folks, seeing what they have. You just need to be clear about what what you need and if they ignore you-good riddance..
    Don't worry too much about your BO, she must have gone through several people like you and if you move on , she will find another one ..They always do..Good luck......



  5. #45
    98neigh Guest

    Default

    well, where is the horse's owner? If this is one of the horses who is retired and the owner is in another state, that's one thing, however, if the owner is one who dumped her horse off on the BO, and still lives near by, what's the point of bashing the OP for not calling the owner. Shouldn't the owner come out, at least once a week, to look at her horse? Not trying to defend the BO, she sounds like a complete pill, but owners need to keep tabs on their horses also.



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2000
    Posts
    24,408

    Talking

    guess what? I ruined a really wonderful horse, leaving it at a junked up place like the one you're at. Ruined. No longer rideable.

    And guess what?

    It was MY FAULT - not the owners. I knew very well what the place was like, I knew the fences were awful, I knew the pastures were full of hardware and barbed wire, I knew they were not repairing things, I knew they were doing LOTS of stuff - I knew they didn't call the vet or owners when horses got hurt - I KNEW - I CHOSE to keep my horse there, and he was ruined - 100% ruined - because of ME. BECAUSE OF MY CHOICE - and don't kid yourself - it is a CHOICE where you board your horse - YOUR CHOICE.

    It's you making that choice and no one else. It's YOUR responsibility. YOU KNOW WHAT THE CONDITIONS ARE, and you are CHOOSING to stay there.


    Get out.

    Stop focusing on what the barn owner is doing, and start focusing on what YOU are doing.

    And just leave. It is not hard. There are plenty of barns out there.



  7. #47
    Join Date
    Jun. 6, 2000
    Location
    Amherst, MA
    Posts
    5,326

    Default

    Definitely don't give up the new barn search after only 2 attempts. Drive around the country a little, and sometimes you'll see small barns in people's backyards. They may not have an indoor (or even an outdoor), but you'll have a safe place to keep your horse. Go to the tack store and the feed store and look at the bulletin board. Ask around.

    Also, I second those who say you should inform the owner of the bitten horse. Perhaps the horse is alright, although surely a vet should actually make that determination--at the very least the owner should make the decision about whether to call a vet or not--but what about next time? And there will be a next time.

    And don't make excuses either for yourself (in not finding another barn) or for the BO (so far no horse has died).
    "The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions." --Dostoevsky



  8. #48
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2005
    Location
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Posts
    3,122

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hundredacres View Post
    Oh please. After what she just admitted about her character here - putting up with these terrible things that the BO does for TEN YEARS and being an accomplice to stealing, decieving and even neglect....I wouldn't want her in my barn.
    *ding ding ding*... come on folks... THIS has GOT to sound familiar...... can anysone say "chanter"?!?!

    will we EVER learn?!?
    If i'm posting on Coth, it's either raining so I can't ride or it's night time and I can't sleep.



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jul. 25, 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    132

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 98neigh View Post
    well, where is the horse's owner? If this is one of the horses who is retired and the owner is in another state, that's one thing, however, if the owner is one who dumped her horse off on the BO, and still lives near by, what's the point of bashing the OP for not calling the owner. Shouldn't the owner come out, at least once a week, to look at her horse? Not trying to defend the BO, she sounds like a complete pill, but owners need to keep tabs on their horses also.

    Yes, you should get out to see your horse as often as possible. But sometimes life happens for a week. Like two weeks ago we had another manager with some family problems. I ended up working on my days off & extended shifts on my scheduled days. I sent the BO a message to let her know I wasn't going to be out. And next week I'm going to be out of town on vacation. Life happens. It's honestly the single largest reason I board instead of keeping my horses at home and using the neighbor's arena. (well, that and one horse can be a herdbound freak if she only has 1 friend instead of lots)


    And I agree...my BO would have been willing to help out (free hauling, holding a check for a couple weeks, squeezing a space) for someone who got kicked out for standing up for a horse in need of vet care, someone who was looking for another place after saying nothing about a horse in need of vet care would NOT be allowed to board there.



  10. #50
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,036

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hundredacres View Post
    Oh please. After what she just admitted about her character here - putting up with these terrible things that the BO does for TEN YEARS and being an accomplice to stealing, decieving and even neglect....I wouldn't want her in my barn.
    Agreed. I was a bit horrified when I read the first post and all the dishonest things that the OP has been party to FOR YEARS. I mean, turning a blind eye for a few months while you find a new place is one thing, but for ten years - really no excuse for that. It really sounds like animal control needs to be called to shut the whole place down - or maybe the police since it must be fraud to charge full board to more than one person for the same stall(although I know that is more common than we'd all like to think).

    My sympathy was all for the owner of the bitten horse - the OP doesn't get any.



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    Your new mantra needs to be "Horses first"

    If you are doing right by the horses, you will find the right people who do the same.

    Channel the energy into that one thing. "Horses first". Even if you find a 30 day temp deal and have to split your horses up (if you have multiple, I don't know), DO IT. I met some of the greatest people when i was desperately door knocking trying to get my horses out of a bad situation.

    You just have to put your own feeling aside and do what is right for the horses.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  12. #52
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2006
    Location
    Little Rhody
    Posts
    3,525

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MSL View Post
    That is how she treats me...she says jump, I say how high, and if I say no I get snarled at. I said no and have gotten only silence in return. I bet she's planning to skewer me when I go up there later, and I have to hold it together because I have to feed today and teach a scheduled lesson.
    This sounds like a long standing abusive marriage. Hon, you need to get therapy to figure out why you allow someone to treat you like a doormat, as well as find a new barn. Like most abused women, you believe in the devil you know is somehow less scary than the devil you don't.

    You're going to need more than a message board to break out of that type of pathological thinking and make healthy choices. I hope the fact that your horse is in danger will give you the courage to seek help for yourself. Good luck to you.



  13. #53
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,026

    Default

    You wont tell that horse owner and I doubt you'll leave that shitty place. If this doesn't inspire any action from you I really have NO idea what will. Horses shouldn't ever have to pay for our lack of incompetance...and I will say it just like everyone else is: stop making excuses because this is a tough situation for you. So what, suck it up!!!. Find another barn..I am SURE there is something out there and get out and tell that horse owner TODAY. Telling her after the fact doesn't really do much for the horse does it?
    www.svhanoverians.com

    "Simple: Breeding,Training, Riding". Wolfram Wittig.



  14. #54
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2006
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Posts
    1,761

    Default

    What part of the country are you in that only has crappy, run-down, un-cared for barns?? Seriously. I can think of about 12 barns off the top of my head in my area that are clean, safe, and many are under or just over $400/month. I never knew my area had so many barns, but I've been looking for a new place and I started scouring the internet and posted on another BB looking for reccomendations. I didn't see a single one that was dirty or unsafe. There were other things I didn't like about them, but if I had to move my horse ASAP I would've chosen any one of them.

    I really think you need to look harder. If you post your general location on here, I'm sure people could help you.

    Can you horse be on pasture board? Many places offer pasture board pretty cheap.



  15. #55
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2004
    Location
    E. Washington
    Posts
    690

    Default Look harder for a private barn

    Quote Originally Posted by Chardavej View Post
    Instead of condeming the OP so much, how about condeming the BO who is putting someone in a situation where they will potientially be on the street with their horse! What an awful person the BO is!! You say places would probably be sypathetic and let her slide on board. But to be honest I wouldn't let anyone in and not pay the deposit and first month. Someone also said if they owned the horse and someone called and told them and then they found out they were thrown out because she told they would be willing and grateful to help her out. Help her out how? Give her 1200.00 for first month and deposit on a new place and give her the 600.00 she for the month she already paid at the old barn? I sure don't think the owner is going to give that back to her.

    Drive around the country area and see if you see small private homes with horse, put a note on the mailbox explaining you are looking for a place to board and would they accept boarders or mail them a letter. I am a private small barn and am cheaper than big barns (200.00 unlimited hay, four water troughs of water and two grain feedings a day) I'm small but clean and the horses all love me. Small scratches I let slide but if anything looks like a puncture or if they are the slightest off in their feed or character I have the owner on the phone.

    Once out then call the owner of the horse and tell her, she has to be let known, she needs to get her horse out of there too.

    Wish you lived near me, I could use another boarder and the fact that you help out too! That would be wonderful! (not that the boarders I have don't help, they are so wonderful! I truly love them all, I got so lucky with them!)

    Good luck with your situation, it has to be a hard one. I hope you can find a place soon so you can call the horses owner without worry of retaliation on you and your horse.
    Exactly. I have a boarder with two horses and I have three. She cleans and helps me with feeding, repairs and whatever. She is my youngest daughters roommate from college and they are again sharing an apt. We call her our third kid.

    I have five acres with great pasture, shelter for all the horses. Several water troughs with floats in the summer so there is always cool water and heaters in the winter. I put on and off fly masks, fly spray, turn out and in, feed hay and grain included. Pasture board is $120 each May - Aug, then I raise the board to $150 each to help pay for the hay I have coming in and cost of hay fed. I provide routine deworming, only charging for the dewormer when we Power Pack or buy Qwest.

    Downsides to my barn, is my tiny arena is also used as a corral for her horses and it got made smaller by the addition of a shelter. We do have some trails available and she can always ride in the pasture. My neighbor is less than a mile away with a nice arena we all use.

    I think you should at least post an area where you live, someone might just have a place for you.



  16. #56
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2006
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Posts
    1,761

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 98neigh View Post
    well, where is the horse's owner? If this is one of the horses who is retired and the owner is in another state, that's one thing, however, if the owner is one who dumped her horse off on the BO, and still lives near by, what's the point of bashing the OP for not calling the owner. Shouldn't the owner come out, at least once a week, to look at her horse? Not trying to defend the BO, she sounds like a complete pill, but owners need to keep tabs on their horses also.
    On this...there are plenty of reasons an owner may not come see their horse. Maybe the owner is on vacation. Maybe the owner is in the midst of a family crisis, like a death in the family, and can't get out there. Maybe the owner is sick. Maybe the owner just had surgery and is on bed rest. Maybe the owner is working massive overtime to bring in some more money so she can find a better place to board. Who knows.

    OR maybe she just dumped her horse. That's possible. I'm just saying there are reasons a person may not see their horse for awhile.



  17. #57
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2007
    Posts
    3,152

    Default

    I'm beginning to wonder if the people flaming the OP have ever been in a similar situation as they seem to only see the black and white of the issue. She came asking for help in the form of ideas, talking about her fears and thankfully some posters have come up with good ideas. Why do you think so many people suffer such situations in silence? Because as someone said, they are able to manage with familiar threats rather than the unknown.
    Those of you flaming her are being abusive yourselves - becoming part of the problem rather than the solution. If you were, say, in a bad relationship and someone started blaming you instead of helping you find a way to get out, how would YOU respond? If someone said your bad marriage was your fault, that you ASKED for it? That you were a bad person for staying to protect your children instead of making them homeless? Using this parallel, it sounds wrong Obviously she WANTS to fix the situation, otherwise she would not be posting here. It sounds like the BO is a fruitcake - if she takes open action without having a safe barn to move to, who is to say that BO won't do something to put her horse at risk? We've seen posts like this on COTH before.
    One thing that people who haven't been in this kind of situation don't realize is that being there for a long time, it has become her "normal" - where she is so used to things as they are that they aren't glaringly obvious. Think of times where you have visited another barn and returned to see your own with fresh eyes - things that you could live with before, like that chewed board or the cobwebs in the corners - suddenly become glaringly obvious. It's taken this situation to make the OP sit up and realize that change has to happen - good on her.
    OP - good luck finding yourself new quarters. It's time you felt able to sleep at night and actually ENJOY horse life.
    Dee
    Founder of the I LOFF my worrywart TB clique!
    Official member of the "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique
    http://wilddiamondintherough.blogspot.ca/



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2002
    Location
    PA, where the State motto is: "If it makes sense, we don't do it!".
    Posts
    11,068

    Default

    I think you should at least post an area where you live, someone might just have a place for you.
    Yes, I think you should too. By not posting your general location you are making it that much harder for someone to help you.... You can play, "Yes, but...." until the cows come home but nothing will ever change for you! Get out!!!! Yes, the next time something happens it could be to your horse and it's going to be "boo hoo"--but no one's going to feel sorry for you. You know the kind of person and the kind of place where you're boarding but instead of doing the mature thing by leaving you've chosen to put on those rose-colored glasses.

    Yes, it's hard to find new a place to go with your horse--but if you want anything to change you have to do it!!!! Doing the right thing is often very hard and costly but you will feel better for having done it and a great sense of relief when you don't feel you have to be under a tyrant's thumb!!!! It sounds as if your perception of reality has become skewed by being around this BO for so long--there's still time to salvage what's left of your dignity....

    I was a lot like you--putting up with a bunch of assinine decisions and demands from a BO, and guess what--one day I just decided I'd had enough and left!!!! What a relief!!!!! Life is too short to be bullied by other people--regardless of who they are.... You need to take back your sense of "self"....
    "Good gardening is very simple, really. You just have to learn to think like a plant." ~Barbara Damrosch~



  19. #59
    Join Date
    Sep. 15, 2006
    Posts
    771

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MSL View Post
    I was calmer last night but I am back to my near-exploding point again. This is all going to go down very soon, and I'm not looking forward to it at all.
    The above is your answer.

    If you are worried about your horse's safety, it's a no-brainer. Find a back yard somewhere if you have to. Now. There are surely other places for the next month or so.

    And do contact the owner about the puncture wounds. Now.

    Similar thing happened to my neighbor, and she lost her mare to infection. All because our former BO's line of reasoning is that if she did not acknowledge it, it did not exist.



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2002
    Location
    PA, where the State motto is: "If it makes sense, we don't do it!".
    Posts
    11,068

    Default

    I am just starting to open my eyes and realize that, like you said, I don't HAVE to stay in this situation.
    Yep, now you're getting it! "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key....".

    Good luck with Barn #3.... May you sing that victory song....
    "Good gardening is very simple, really. You just have to learn to think like a plant." ~Barbara Damrosch~



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