Lol I have to agree! Sleep a lot less. I'm kind of in the same situation. I work full time, go to school part time (tues/thurs in the evenings). Hopefully will be going back to school full time in Jan. I don't ride as much as I used to as I don't own one (nor am I currently responsible for riding one full time), but I still get on 2-3 days a week. AND I also try really hard to get to the gym. Needless to say.. sleep gets cut out in order to do everything and have a social life. I'm generally up until midnight or 1 on weekdays. I've spent the last two nights up until 2:30am, no work or school the next day though. I went awhile without any kind of social life or any attempt to really date for a long time... so at this point I'm loving going out and having fun with people my own age (and NOT generally horse people).. it's worth less sleep to me. Just met someone recently actually... seems to have good potential, we'll see how it goes.
Anyone who has a passion that is time/labor-intensive (like horses), and has a career (which may also be a passion or just a means of supporting the other) learns quite quickly that you either have to make concessions to a "partner" or find a partner that also has passions/demands of their own (wink!).
All depends upon where you are most happy and fulfilled devoting your time. Personally, I gave up the marriages (note TWO!) and dating thereafter have never been happier for the last 17 years. Juggling horses, jobs and husbands/boyfriends is no easy feat.
it's not the edge of the earth, but you can see it from here
Since 90% of the posters are women, and most of the men are already in relationships or are married, I don't think that would be very useful unless the people in question want to date other horsewomen!
Well, I really *could* use a wife...
I mean, someone who can iron a good pleat in a uniform (not me.) Someone who cares enough to clean (not me,) and who might actually look after me sometimes (not me.)
The gate doesn't swing that way, but that's probably too bad.
It's always been a joke that in order for a man to keep up with me I need a retired military-car mechanic-cowboy: Crisp Class A's, can keep the ol' 96 F150 going, and fix a fence to boot.
That said, I'm a kick @ss cook given anyone to cook for.
When I didn't meet Mr. Right in school (which had so very many Mr. Rights and a few Father What-a-wastes.) or then in my first career... now in my second, if I meet him in my line of work (Law Enforcement) and he's old enough, and single, THERE'S A REASON.
(I have a supervisor who hates when I say that. She's on her third marriage. 2nd marriage was to her kid's babysitter, almost 20 years her younger, who cheated on her, then she on him... 3rd is to an LEO who cheated on his first wife with his second, then his second with her. Gee, I dunno why she finds my comment offensive... <shrugs> )
Lucassb, I was actually being more than a bit sarcastic when I said I can only devote 30 minutes a week to a relationship! Hence the laughing smiley after that comment! I would CERTAINLY make time for the right person...it would be worth my while, if the guy is a really good fellow! My problem is what another poster said...it's not so much making time for a guy, it's finding the right one in the first place! Because of my schedule and my location, I really don't have much opportunity to meet guys at all...and I have come to realize that while I'm not actually "old," I've passed the age of prime selection...at my age, the guys that are single are that way for very good reason! I guess the same could be said for me, to be perfectly honest!
I really am trying to look at this situation fairly and realistically...and I do understand the difference between compromising and "settling." I honestly don't have a chip on my shoulder, and I just tried to inject a little humor into my first post but my sense of humor tends to be sarcastic and dry. My hat is off to all of you guys who manage to find the right partner and do the creative schedule juggling to make it all work out. I've been trying to figure that out for myself for 41 years and still trying...haven't given up hope yet!
p.s. someone suggested online dating...has anyone here ever done that? Successfully? is it kind of like shopping for a horse on Dreamhorse.com?
With or without horses its not easy dating over 40. Its just not. Signing up for a matchmaker service or using a professional matchmaker might be worth your limited time.
And don't discount people who are single. Many men wait to get married until later in life becuase they can.
I have found the best way to meet a potental mate is to move in with him. Then you can get to know each other, do a thourough background check, see if he will pay his bills and go through all his old photos and love letters before you decide if he is worth your limited time. Many eligible men do not have full homes of thier own and like to rent rooms or do house shares.
I have done, and am doing, the online dating thing. I tend to do it in "spurts," and have had varying degrees of success. I look at it more like "practice" for what I hope will someday be the real thing. By that, I mean that if I were not in the dating mindset, I would probably walk right past Mr. Right and never notice -- or never get him to notice me. Whenever I go online, I get plenty of dates. Usually, I get tired of it and take a break. But when I go back, it always sort of stuns me that I have to buy new clothes, new makeup, get my hair and nails done again, and bone up on current events so I have something to talk about. You just don't realize, when you're NOT dating, how far out of the loop you get. I mean, ask yourself, if someone called right now and said, "Would you like to meet me for dinner?" could you be ready in an hour or so? Do you have panty hose without runners? Really? Do you have a pair of shoes and a purse that match, and then do those match a nice date-type outfit that 1.) fits and 2.) is seasonally appropriate? Is it clean and pressed and hanging up, with all of its buttons, zippers, etc?
Are your nails polished? Are your toenails? Is your hair coiffed (and, if necessary, colored)?
I find that when I take a break from dating, my wardrobe goes to pot ... and all of those little things like fingernails, toenails, pantyhose, etc., just fall to the wayside. I mean, I really LOVE my pink overalls and those paddock boots are THE BEST!
Will I meet Mr. Right online? Maybe. (I think Reynard Ridge met Mr. RR online, and she says he looks like Robert Redford so ...) But for me, the real reason to keep going out with the online guys is just to stay practiced at small talk, flirting, and being ready if Mr. Right shows up!
Last edited by King's Ransom; Jul. 27, 2008 at 07:35 PM.
First wife cheated on me and ran off with a convicted child molestor, so I have custody of teenage girl. My second wife was jealous of the horses and attention I got from very young girls at the barn because I was the only one there jumping over 3', but that wasn't all of it, she was very insecure.
Not every guy cheats, so not every guy is single by choice.
Ditto to the sleep a LOT less, and also boarding your horse works out much better than keeping them at home time wise imho.
I go to school full time. Mon, wed, fri from 10am to 3pm. I work Tues Thurs and either sat or sun, sometimes both. I leave from school at 3 to go see my horse. I get there about 4 (after stopping to pick up something to eat, that gets eaten on the way) tack up in about 30-45 minutes ride for about an hour then cool out in 30min to an hour depending on what we did that day, then head home. I get home at about 7:30. I then have to do homework, which takes about 2 hours at a minimum and its already 9:30 and Im exhausted, but still have chores to do around the house, for the dogs and my fish, and have to cook dinner so there goes more hours. My SO works till midnight so I dont see him till about 1 1:30 in the morning. Leave there about 3:30 get home at four. Then finally grab a quick healthy snack and go to sleep at about 4:15 to wake up at about 8:45. For a grand total of.......
4 and a half hours sleep a night.
Now another thing I do to make time, is have one day off of school and work a week, which for me is Sunday. I take Sunday off school and work so I can get up really early Sunday ride at about 9 am get home by 12 take a nap for 3 hours and the BF comes over at 4ish.
I also dont go out to the barn one day a week. (another reason boarding is a better option. You dont have to worry about whether your horse has its food or not) That one day changes week to week based on the BFs day off.
This will sound so incredibly cliche that I'm embarrassed to post it. So I'll reword it. I'm not saying that as soon as you stop looking, you'll find "the one". I am saying that it is okay to stop looking and let life happen. I met my husband while out on a blind date with another guy. I wasn't going to go, thought it would be a massive, awkward and boring waste of time, and when I spoke to my dad on the phone that afternoon, he suggested I go and get dinner and a few free drinks from the guy. I still remember what he said next - "You never know what might happen." I rolled my eyes, thought about the fifteen other things I could do that evening, and decided that a nice, free pasta dinner and a couple drinks sounded good after all.
Anyhow, my now-husband was sitting at the other end of a long table at the bar/pool hall we went to after dinner. He was a friend of a friend of my date's uncle and aunt. I thought he was hot After an hour or two, I followed him to the restrooms, introduced myself and asked him if he wanted to go out sometime. He did; we went out the next night, I left his house a few days later , moved in two weeks later and now we've been married almost 5 years. Added bonus is that he's quite handy, wanted to move to an acreage, and although he'd never even been on a pony ride in his life, took up riding and loves having the horses at home. He was actually more excited about the move this spring and having the horses home than I was.
Moral of my overly long story is that things happen when you don't expect them. I know you've probably heard that a thousand times, and rolled your eyes, as I have. But it happened. There are nice guys of a certain age out there, and they are not necessarily single because they are weird or because they are commitmentphobes or anything. My DH had his wife of 10 years cheat on him and leave. He didn't choose to be single at age 34, when we met. But I'm sure glad that ex-wife of his was a tramp, cause now I've got the best man out there
Unless you find somone that shares your passion for horses, your horse will always be a sore spot with the "boyfriend".
When I was married (to a non-horsey person) it did not matter how I arranged my horse activities to accomidate, he still would complain. It did not matter how much time I spent with him on his interests, the horse would eventually be thrown into my face whenever there was a issue. I even made a point to support my horse myself, still he was jealous when it got down to it. Eventually the horse, kid and I left. Still have the kid and the horse.....no man.
Its just to much trouble. I rather be happy.
1] I live in the boonies and work in the city. 1.5 hour commute.
I work 8 hours a day (+ 3 hours driving) Monday through Thursday.
2] I have my own two horses that I compete, one taking A LOT of time due to his level, the other not so much.
Show every weekend March - June / Sept - Nov
3] Horses are at home so I have home things to take care of.
4] I have a horsie community where I work 4 days a week riding about 3 horses each time I visit.
I used to play on the internet and found a fiance on match.com.
I kicked his butt out when he wanted me to refund a check for my first Lucinda Green Clinic.
ya right! bye bye!! Figured he didn't get me as well as I thought. : )
Been single for 3 years. Happy. Love my horse.
March/April Boy that I have been working with for 4 years wants to go to see Horton Hears a Who with me. Most just for fun in the sack but, whatever. July 27 Still together, suddenly Purp has a boyfriend type sort of person.
Not sure if he enjoys chasing skunks with a golf cart and killing possums just yet but it's time to find out.
I may have myself a little fairy tail in the works.
He's in Marketing and IT. He made my Kaboom Logo. : ) And did some stuff for my sponsors. Nice guy eh? He's a photoshop wiz. yey! He wants so badly to make a real website for me. lol. I haven't surrendered that just yet though.
see my cartoon logo. He also photo worked the Cold River sponsor logo to be a little more looker friendly.
oh, AND, I don't have HBO sports so he taped that Eventing show for me last week. I wasn't there and he actually watched the entire thing without me, not knowing a snicker about riding.
where the heck did he come from?
they are out there and if you look the other way long enough you get sneak attacked!
OK, since I didn't start this thread I guess I wont get in trouble, but I have wanted to do this every time I see a thread like this.
I have a male friend. He is very intelligent, rich, kind, funny, educated, caring and whatever else women say they want in a a man.
He is 6.1", about 34 years old, never married but wants to be and wants to have children.
He is average looking, going bald and is slightly overweight--very slightly and would not care if you told him to lose the gut.
I would love to give him away free to good home. NO man on earth deserves a good woman more then this one.
He does not ride, but has never had any problem following me around to the barn, throwing hay, rounding up chickens, moving heavy stuff--whatever needs to be done he just rolls up his sleaves and helps. Would make a great help mate for a horse girl. He does no tfind watching peopel school green horses for hours boring at all.
My dog adores him and I have nver seen him show the slightest bit of jealousy over any other living thing but another man.
His interests include science fiction, politics, and. . .um. . well mostly I talk about me so I don't know what else he likes. So yeah, he is also a good listener. Very good.
He does not care if a womna is older or younger then him. He just wants to have kids so breeding sound or willing to adopt is a must. He shoudl pass the Vet with flying colors. No alergies, headaches, heart problems or whining.
Can we get this guy re-homed with one of the wonderful lonely COTH ladies?
I dont want to have children. He is my friend and as so I would not ask him to give up something so important.
Believe me, I have thought about it! One reason is he is not all hung up on looks. He doesn't care of a woman is thicker then ideal or older then him. So as a fat old woman he is my last chance, but still. . kids. Nope. Not me
This will sound so incredibly cliche that I'm embarrassed to post it. So I'll reword it. I'm not saying that as soon as you stop looking, you'll find "the one". I am saying that it is okay to stop looking and let life happen.
Honey, I've been "letting life happen" for 7 years now! It has not been an option! Granted, I've been perfectly content, working VERY hard to achieve my goals, and taking a much-needed break from the whole boyfriend thing after the last one had to get the boot (he was mentally/emotionally abusive.) I'm enjoying the heck out of my farm (my very own, not one I lease from someone else) and my animals! I'm very, very proud of what I've accomplished and just once in a while, I think it would be fun to have someone to share it with...my soulmate...but then I start getting stressed out at the mere thought of trying to fit anything else into my life! I even just got a young stallion this year and will be standing him at stud for his first season in 2009, so that means I'll have even more demands on my time, what with having to collect him, breed mares, etc. I really feel that my life is pretty complete as it is...it makes me very happy...but once in a while I get this little niggling feeling that I might be missing out and I think maybe I should do something about it, and then I freak out because I've been out of the loop for so long that I don't even know where to begin! My purpose in starting this post was to find out how those of you who successfully balance everything timewise/keep SO appeased manage to do it, and hopefully get some good ideas. In case by some miracle I do happen to meet a worthwhile guy, I don't want to do something totally wacko and blow it before anything even gets a chance to develop.
I manage to do it because my DH is important enough to do it for.
It just so happened that he made it much easier on me than some others have it with their SOs, by being so interested, involved and supportive.
I think the best you can do is be honest up front with any potential partner....tell them what your life is like and what your priorities are. Tell them that while in six months, if everything is going well between you, and they may have a romantic dinner and an evening at a hotel planned, Dobbin might be NQR and you'll have to stay home at the last minute. That the two of you someday might plan to go away for the weekend to ski/surf/drink wine/go to Six Flags and if you were first on the waiting list for Mr. Important Clinician's clinic at the local barn, and you got the call the night before that someone cancelled, you'd REALLY rather go to the clinic than go skiing/surfing/drinking/roller-coastering. Be honest with him and he can return the favor. Maybe that is okay with him - maybe it's not. I think the important thing would be to find out sooner than later.
I do think finding a significant other who has their own hobbies is important... it keeps them busy while you ride, and they're more likely to understand your obsession if they're fanatical about something too (ie. the guy who special ordered strings for his tennis raquet (the one he used in competition, not any of the practice ones), took them to a special shop to have them installed, than had to go play with it to break it in before a match... he didn't really blink at the fact that my horse has 3 competition bridles and a schooling bridle... or the fact that I've been riding for years but still take lessons and have a coach... or that I "practice" a lot... these things seem normal to a sports guy I guess)
I never downplay the time or financial commitment horses require... I figure, this is the way it is... if you can't deal, walk away now. Sure, some will, but you didn't want them anyway!
My family comes first... some members of my family have two legs, some are furry and have four legs... they're all members of my family and will be treated accordingly