It's true in the rarified horse show world, it's true in the real world. I had a nasty yelling hot-tempered young trainer many years ago as a juniour. He shouted and hurled insults on a regular basis, and once even threw a jump pole at me. He was quite pleasant if my Mom stayed to watch the lesson. But if she dropped me off to run errands, etc. Watch out!
I didn't know any better, and took the abuse, until I was about 16. Then it occured to me, I could walk away. I left said trainer and have never had another like him...
I really don't have any sympathy for an adult that allows this pattern of behaviour. At some point, YOU do give permission for this to occur.
I can see from the trainer's point of view as well. She also has to put bread on the table. Maybe she is frustrated from a client who doesn't practice, study or listen to good advice. Granted it's a little middle-schoolish to carry on loudly at the ingate...but the tears?? It's not like the lady just lost an Olympic medal for pete's sake. Maybe they are both just drama queens or barn divas! The teacher/student relationship should work both ways. If there isn't at least a modicum of respect...I'd be outta there. But it does have to be earned.
To me, the question is NOT "why do trainers behave like this?" (Trainers behave like this just like people in all walks of life behave like this, it's no surprise.)
The question should be "why do paying customers put up with behavior like this?"
In my understanding, it's about EGO. If you mess up, your big-ego trainer gets embarrassed in front of his/her other trainer friends and hides the embarrassment by making YOU feel like a piece of cr@p. It's no different than spousal abuse, where the abuser has deep insecurities and takes it out on the spouse. If I make you feel small, then I feel BIG.
As an amateur, you better hope I make mistakes, because if I didn't, then I wouldn't need YOU, now would I? Job security!!
"Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War Rainy Stash
I want to know why trainers will tell their riders that they "represent their farm when they ride with them". If a rider behaves badly then they deserve a lecture, but not at the ingate or back at the stalls with other riders around. Take them aside and talk to them. I have heard a few times trainers getting after riders who they feel have represented them in a bad light ripping into them in front of everyone. I know of one young rider who was no more that 7 get ripped apart by a trainer who didn't canter a pony at the pace the trainer wanted in an u/s class. Does that make them feel better? What about the trainers behavior, don't they represent the customer? I feel that trainers lose focus of the bigger picture. They get lost in the moment and really don't think how harsh their words are. Some feel that this will motivate riders to do better but I feel that riders only remember the negative in the comments. I'm just tired of the bashing of the customers and that it's alright for trainers to behave this way. If you had a boss in the workplace that treated you in this manner you wouldn't stay with the company for very long.
Last edited by Kamikaze; Jul. 23, 2008 at 09:20 AM.
Much easier said than done for alot of us BAC.
Some of us have waited until WELL into our Adult years to start this dream.....
Would you say the same about a beginner child and her pony being disappointed in herself????
I may be mistaken and have misunderstood, but I don't think that was what BAC's comments were refering to. I think that she meant that because the person was an adult (and not a child), regardless of level of riding and show experience, that they should be expected to be more composed and mature and not come out of the ring crying because of chips and a break. Just my take on what BAC meant - I could be wrong.