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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2008
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    186

    Default pushy new trainer

    A new trainer has come to my small public stable and she is driving me crazy with her constant soliciting for my business, and others trainer's clients as well. She doesn't seem to understand a polite "no,thank you" and launches into a diatribe about her opinion of my trainer, who I love! I don't want to be rude,but she won't leave us alone. Should I tell my trainer what this girl is doing ? Should I tell the stable management? i want to stay out of the gossip but she is downright intrusive! As a young adult, what is the best way to handle such a person? I don't want her coming after my horse, in case she is as crazy as she seems.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2000
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    Washington, D.C., U.S.A.
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    Default

    This is an easy one, and as a young adult, I think you should address it directly.

    Next time she says "Why don't you take a lesson with me?" Say, "no thank you, I like working with Trainer A".

    Leave it at that.

    If she launches into a diatribe about how Trainer A sucks, say "I find it truly inappropriate, and unprofessional, for you to be slandering my trainer like this. If I were interested in your opinion on the matter, I'd pay you and take a lesson."


    That should do it. Be firm, but nice



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
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    Out of the loop
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    Default

    I like RileyT's approach, and it should generally work if you are calm and firm.

    That said, if this person is a particularly hard case, you may want to ask the BO/BM to intercede. When I ran a boarding barn, we had one trainer come in with one client (which was allowed) who did the same thing, and was very aggressive and not at all responsive to polite, firm refusals. At one point, I witnessed her harrassing a teenaged boarder about the inadequacies of the girl's current trainer and "abuse" her horse was undergoing by not training with Ms. Pushy. I immediately interrupted and took Ms. Pushy aside for a conversation: Basically, stop or you're banned. (She didn't stop and was banned ... I lost a boarder, but she was soon replaced and the barn was much more peaceful.)

    I also immediately added a "no student poaching" clause to the barn rule allowing insured outside trainers.
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2008
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    186

    Default

    Thanks for your reply. Believe it or not, I've said almost the same thing to her but she doesn't get it. I've never met someone this brash in my life!! She almost makes me want to change stables but I don't want to leave my trainer.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 23, 2006
    Posts
    1,362

    Default

    For these types of people....

    When you say "no thank you", in her mind you simply don't understand and therefore she needs to explain why you really should say 'yes'.

    Try "no, because I am perfectly happy with my trainer and will not be changing. Please don't ask me again." Tell her explicitly to not ask again, since she can't seem to pick up on normal social cues.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2003
    Location
    Austin, TX
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    1,947

    Default

    I would say to go ahead and bring it up to the BO/BM.

    They should know if something is going on that could possibly hurt their business. Which this could, as it may keep people from moving in to this barn, and may cause people to be uncomfortable enough to leave your barn.

    If no thank you is not working, time to go to the next step.
    ~ Kimberlee
    www.SpunkyDiva.com



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2005
    Location
    maryland
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    5,219

    Default

    I think you're being TOO nice and not being firm enough. And when you say you're worried she'll hurt your horse, it's clear you're scared of her. Just because she's got no sense of boundries doesn't mean she's an animal abuser. Some people mean well but have no social skills.

    Next time she starts, I'd say "look, I appreciate you offering to help me, but I'm really happy with Mrs So-and-so. Please stop offering. Thanks." Then either abruptly change the subject or walk away.



  8. #8
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    Jan. 6, 2008
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    Default

    Should I let my trainer know? This girl is really sweet and nice to my trainer's face, so my trainer has no idea what's going on.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 27, 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    912

    Default

    Like the other posters said, can you just tell her (and i think it's the best way to keeeeeep on trying) "You know, I really like Trainer A... And although you may have a different methods of instruction, and your way may be great as well, her way really works for me and I'm making great progress with her so I don't want to switch anything up right now. And theres no way I can afford to take lessons from both of you guys.. Sorry"


    If that doesn't work, how about making her paranoid... Oh... I think Trainer A is coming... *looks around suspiciously* and keep being squirrely and thinking Trainer A is coming... Make her think about what she's saying

    If all else fails, you might just casually mention to your Trainer A, especially if you guys chat.. "Gee, Trainer B is really hounding me to come ride with her.. Guess she doesn't realize how much I like riding with you..." *voila* compliment thrown in as well as nicely letting her know what Trainer B is up to... I'm sure she'll inquire as to "what do you mean?" and you can just let her know what Trainer B has been up to.

    And really, the girl may actually be nice.. and doesn't get it.. just thinks her way is better.. Whether it is, is not, or is just different.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 6, 2007
    Location
    San Diego
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by oldschool View Post
    Should I let my trainer know? This girl is really sweet and nice to my trainer's face, so my trainer has no idea what's going on.
    I've been in this exact situation, not with training but something else. I let my person know about the would be client stealer. Turns out she already knew. This woman has been approaching many of her clients, trying to get them. Let your trainer know. She might want to have a word with this woman. As for dealing with client stealers, I say "Hello" and move on. I don't have much respect for people who behave that way. You shouldn't have to steal clients if you're any good, imo.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2008
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    277

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by oldschool View Post
    Thanks for your reply. Believe it or not, I've said almost the same thing to her but she doesn't get it. I've never met someone this brash in my life!! She almost makes me want to change stables but I don't want to leave my trainer.

    Say "no thank you" and just walk away. The more you discuss this with her, the more she's going to badger you.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    14,129

    Default

    yeah, just repeat No, Thank You, until it sticks. Especially important when she swaps to the 'why not' line of questions= smile, repeat 'no, thank you' and she' decide you're the village idiot, buy a clue, bite her tonque, swallow a bug, SOMETHING...but she'll end up stopping, and leaving you alone for good.



  13. #13

    Default

    You could do a couple things,
    If your trainer is there and she does this-walk over to your trainer, and call her over, then ask her to repeat what she just said (about your trainer).
    If she doesn't understand the 'no thanks' and continues on-then you could be plain mean and say 'when I want your opinion,I'll beat it out of you' That might keep her away, since she apparently is not so nice herself.
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  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2008
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    75

    Default

    The barn is a place for most people to get away from problems, not have more stressful situations explode. You can tell your trainer what is going on, but be ready for how she might react - it could really make the situation much worse. People like this generally work themselves out of places on their own. I think you just tell her "Look, thank you for expressing interest in training me and my horse, but I like working with my current trainer and I really would appreciate it if you would please stop harrassing me about this. If i ever want your advice or a lesson i will come ask, but for right now, i'm clearly not interested in changing trainers." Then go on with your business and ignore her. Getting others angry with her just stirs up a hornet's nest and usually not much good comes out of it except a lot of tension.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2007
    Location
    Aldie, VA
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    1,597

    Default

    Boy, I feel your pain.

    I have this problem with a few trainers and a LOT of riders at the barn I board at, but only one wants to "help train" me, the rest just want to ride my horse.

    I tell those who ask: "I'm sorry, but having other people ride my horse (help me with training) would confuse both her and I. I would prefer that anyone that rode her (or trained me) do so under the tutelage of X."

    X, who is the BO and my trainer, knows what's going on. I had a long talk with her about it. We both agree that it would not be a good idea for anyone else to ride my mare, unless in one of HER lessons. Same with having anyone else "help" me with my mare. If I need help, I go to my trainer or my trainer gets on my mare.

    It's also not a good idea for X to get involved, ergo the formulation of my replies. They make perfect sense, you can't really argue with them, and it keeps X out of any political scenes.

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  16. #16
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    Jan. 6, 2008
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    186

    Default

    thanks everyone..I think I'll discreetly mention it to the manager, express my discomfort,I'm not the only one she's harassing.. and hope she goes away. It's just a real bummer when you've been at school all day and you want to ride your horse in peace. I definately don't want to stir up a hornet's nest with this, but I have seriously never met anyone this obnoxious in my life!She claims to have trained with Zettle, Schumacher, Kursinski, George morris , etc. but noone has ever heard of her!!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2001
    Posts
    8,542

    Default

    This reminds me a bit of your other thread where you were afraid to speak up and ask a question at the judge's clinic and so you cast aspersions on the people giving the clinic even though you never even actually tried to ask your question.

    Then, you were afraid if you said something about it it would hurt your chances of ever being certified as a judge.

    now you are afraid that if you tell someone you don't want to train with them, they might do something to your horse.

    These seem like overreactions to ordinary situations.



  18. #18
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    Jan. 6, 2008
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    186

    Default

    Dear egg on.. Yes , you are right. I'm apprehensive about ruffling feathers. Maybe that' something I need to work on. I'll take your advice into consideration! It seems like in this society, just about anything you do can offend someone so I try real hard not to draw attention upon myself, and incur the wrath of botter psychos. But the Usdf program is, I shall REITERATE is not included in that demographic. I'm just too easily intimidated by people who know more than me. But this OTHER girl?? Oyyvayyy!!



  19. #19
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    Jan. 6, 2008
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    186

    Default

    Oh. I meant BITTER psychos. TYPO!! OOps!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
    Location
    Boulder
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    3,500

    Default

    This is actually a barn management issue and not an issue between the two trainers. I definitely would NOT tell your trainer the bad things the other trainer said (she who brings bad news is bad news). She doesn't need to hear it. It's not her place to approach the other trainer to intercede. It's the job of the BO/BM (a lovely acronym, BTW).

    The barn needs to have a "no solicitation" policy. The barn owner needs to call a trainer's meeting and make it clear to every trainer. It is wrong to approach other trainer's clients. If the client approaches the trainer, that is allowed. When I ( a trainer) am approached by another trainer's client I ask them, "have you spoken with your trainer about this? I will work with you only if it's OK with your trainer." This keeps barn gossip and politics to a minimum and trainers have a safe place with open dialogue.



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