Originally Posted by Alagirl
This covers how I feel. I have my own home. But, I work full time at night. Three nights on and four off. When I am getting ready to switch back to night, I must sleep in if I am to be safe to be up overnight and possibly doing surgery. I would be pretty ripsh**t if I kept getting woken up by a baby whose parents were ignoring him or her at 5 in the morning. Just as the OP should expect to put up with some noise living in her condo, her neighbors are equally responsible for being conscientious of the impact their choices are making on their neighbors. I doubt her neighbors would appreciate it if the OP blasted heavy metal while showering at midnight, same type of idea.
Chief2 Ahhha! This documentary that you watched sounds very interesting.
I get the pain of a screaming baby in an apartment next door. I have to say that we lived in an apartment when our daughter was born, she slept with us and never self soothed. She breastfed whenever she woke up (without waking me I might add so I was less sleep deprived) and then went right back to sleep......no crying. I have to say that she is a very well adjusted 7 year old, who asked for her own bed at 3 and has never come into our bed since then.
On the other hand, most people don't do this so unfortunately this is part of living in an apartment. The OP could always move if it is that an option, to a building that is "adult".
My thought is, if this screaming is random, I'd let it go, assuming everybody is doing their best to deal with an unpleasant situation.
If this screaming is persistent, regular, always happen at wee hours, I'm going to go knock on the neighbor's door to see what the hell is going on. For one, if I can't sleep, the parents had better suffer with me. We can all wail together. I won't be too considerate if the parents shut their own door, turn on the white noise, and snooze away.
Well, one thing the parent can do, has not done, is to bundle the kid up, take the kid to the top of the roof, and let it cry to its little heart's content.
Originally Posted by ynl063w
Ridiculous? So you are saying a parent letting a kid shriek till the neighbor's ears fall off at 5:00 am is "responsible", but "irresponsible" when the same scenario happens at a restaurant at 7:00 pm? Which scenario would you prefer, to be driven crazy at 7:00 pm at your dining table, or 5:00 am from your bed?
Anyone who has really dealt with a baby knows that though you can often soothe them, there is no real way to make them stop crying. My second child would cry everyday from 4:30 to 6:00 pm for the first 4 month of his life. We called it the Witching hour. Holding, rocking, feeding, playing, ignoring made no difference. He just cried and then magically grew out of it.
The tone of your note seems fine. I don't see anything really wrong with it except that it will be received by 2 people who are probably more sleep deprived and exhausted than you are and who probably can't resolve the problem. Who really can say how it will be received? But there is bound to be a lingering impact.
The crying in a short term problem. The note may potentially cause a long term problem. If you don't want to move, just tough it out.
I DID move. That's all you can do really, I worked 3rd shift with lots of mandatory OT and needed to sleep all day and management let a mother of a toddler move in above me. Mom and baby didn't wake up till 10AM, and they'd leave the house at about 2PM, unfortunately that meant four hours of sleep for me. Plus she screamed at the baby too more than sang or made happy noises. which was sad and made me feel pretty badly.
I really like the Ambien idea!
Why should a parent have to remove his child from HIS OWN HOME THAT HE PAYS TO LIVE IN and take it up to the ROOF FOR GOD'S SAKE???
Originally Posted by Gloria
AGAIN, the infant in question is crying for short periods of time in his own home. The parents have every right to let him do his thing for these short periods of time in the area in which he lives (which is NOT a public area). Were these same parents to take said infant from the PRIVATE HOME as soon as he starts crying and go to a PUBLIC restaurant so as not to disturb the princess neighbors, THAT is the point where the general public can begin to complain.
People are acting as though this is a rational child. Maybe the parents ARE doing something, who knows?? You think you can make a baby stop crying?? Good luck!
I don't think children a the center of the universe but I'm kind of shocked at how many have such disgust for an infant who cannot help but do what it is supposed to do. Cry. It's the first communication.
And the parents a expected to do their part, yet the OP has admitted she is lax about the earplugs and I'm assuming hasn't looked into other ways to get sleep, like the white noise, or a good pair of earplugs, or sleep medicine.
OP- I empathize. I too live in a communal situation- condo for me- and having to listen to the people upstairs is frustrating.
Since you own, I HIGHLY recomend looking into accoustical sound proofing. It will help with all of the future toddler noises too. It is something that I fully intend to do once I have some more money.
And, if the family moves out and sells to a bunch of 20 somethings who listen to dance music at ungodly levels and wear cement shoes (like where I live), you will be covered.
It's very surprising to me that there are so many people who were never a baby themselves ;). Sprung out of Zeus's head, fully grown, apparently.
I'm still waiting for the magical solution some folks here seem to have that will make a baby stop crying when it doesn't want to. After dealing with a teething toddler (plus bonus fever!) screaming no matter what I do for THREE HOURS every evening this week, I will pay good money for that. Really, really good money.
Do a search on "white noise machine". They can mimic the sounds of rolling surf, waterfalls, wind, and babbling brooks, among others. A good one can be turned up quite loud.
This is not meant to be hostile - it is just a question. Are you saying that you would sleep in earplugs? Wouldn't that be a concern as far as hearing things you might need to hear at night (fire alarms, carbon monoxide detector, someone trying to break in?) I don't think that I could sleep in earplugs.
Originally Posted by spacytracy
I do sympathize. I get up at 6 AM. I do have a sound machine, but I would probably slowly go crazy if something woke me up at 5 every single day and I had to get up and turn the sound machine on. Trying to go back to sleep at 5 AM is probably going to be difficult. I am also assuming that this happens every day of the week. Honestly, I don't know that many people that wouldn't be bothered. Of course if you have a baby then it is different, but then it is your baby - not your neighbor's baby.
On the other hand, communal living is difficult. I discovered that I just can't handle it because noise is a big issue. I am a fairly light sleeper at times, and a very deep sleeper at other times, but getting the right amount of sleep is important to me.
I would suggest soundproofing if at all possible. Yes, it might be expensive, but it sounds like the sound insulation in the apartment is not good at all, and that is going to be a serious, ongoing issue if you are planning on staying in this apartment.
If there is some kind of manager intended to deal with issues like this, I'd probably say something. I have no idea what the parents can do about this situation, but perhaps a manager could help in some way.
As for moving, I agree that it is expensive and a horrible pain. However, being in an apartment with someone above you can be a very bad deal, especially if you do not have a flexible schedule that allows you to catch up on your sleep when it is quiet. I'd probably be interested in moving somewhere quieter, but quiet is important to me.
At 5 am in the morning, thirty minutes is definitely not a short period of time for an infant to cry everyday without apparent intervention.
I have a white noise machine due to snoring husband. Woks great for that, but I still wake up right away if a corgi fusses. I couldn't see it being enough to allow one to sleep through crying infant.
Earplugs will not block out an alarm in the same room/near the room the person is sleeping in. Tens of thousands of people sleep in them to block out snoring spouses, street noises, apartment building noises, etc and yet wake up to the excessive high pitch of an alarm.
If an earplug can mute a grizzly bear snore 6" from your head, it can block out a baby a floor away.
There does seem to be shoddy insulation at the OP's complex since they can clearly also hear which room the adults are in all the time. That would drive anyone bonkers over time. In buildings like this, noise is going to happen. It's the baby now. It could be a million things on and off over time, from different units. It sounds like having soundproofing/extra insulation done is a good idea and might be something the owners in the building need to discuss at board meetings.
I probably would have done the note thing, because that's just something I would think to do. I've never actually done something like that, except complain on FB, but I HAVE thought about it because I house-sit for my boss when she goes out of town and her upstairs neighbors deliberately STOMP around their house. NOBODY walks like that normally. At all. They do it all night long (go to bed late, get up SUPER early) and very early in the mornings and it drives me insane. They have a new baby as well and I'll be house-sitting for her this March.
I did find that sleeping in her son's room was a lot less noisy.
I'm sorry, but yes, it DOES affect other peoples' quality of life if it's affecting your sleeping.
I'd probably invest in soundproofing my adjoining walls, and even offer to pay to do my neighbor's after explaining the problem to them. It'd be cheaper than moving, not that expensive and worth the money to get a good night's sleep.
While I sympathize with the OP, I have to wonder how 5am is "to early to get up" unless she goes to bed at 2 or 3 am. Been getting up if I am lucky 5am for mmm about 12yrs, if not 3am (because of dogs who do not know how to tell time).
Having two kids one who "slept through the night" at 4 or 5mths old, and another who cried a lot, I would have been kicked out of any apt complex that is how much cried. But he had a medical problem that was fix before he was 4mth old.. TG silence after that.
IF I was handed the note I probably would have gone postal. Having dealing with a screaming child who was screaming for no apparent reason, then handed a note?? Would have lost it...
I refuse to live an apt setting because of this. Well I was forced to when we lived in base housing. And not only did "we" have to put up with a screaming child (not mine),, 1 who too canoeing to a whole new level before and after working hrs. 1 who cooked some really strange smelling food for their evening meals.
Oh forgot the breaking hot water heaters I seem to recall there was 2 of them in the winter...
It sounds to me as though OP as others have said is not really reseptive to anything except making her neighbors lives difficult. Even though their lives are difficult already.
Originally Posted by Gloria
If you live in an apartment while raising your kids then you have to go above and beyond in the department of keeping your kids as quiet as possible during off hours.
Not saying kids have to be silent. I am also saying it is not fair to tell the neighbors to suck up and deal with it because you are insisting on teaching your kid to settle themselves at 5am (when everyone but a few are sleeping).
You lose the privilege of things like letting the baby cry, letting the puppy bark and the like when you live in a condo or apartment type setting.
Just because it is a baby does not make it OK to allow the noise to carry on.
The baby crying, fine. The baby crying for longer than it takes for the parent to drag their tired self over there and coddle and coo and take the baby to a room that is further from adjoining sleeping areas, not OK.
For the record, I get up at 4am every day. I do not think 5am is early. That does not mean since I think 4am is a perfectly acceptable time to be up that I should be insisting it is an OK time for the rest of the world to be up. There are generally accepted hours for making noise. 5am is not one of them.
It's the parents responsibility to parent and be cognizant/respectful of their neighbors. They are RUDE. Their choice to have a baby, not the neighbors. Alhough squallers could be a very good birth control method for the childless.
One surefire way to get a baby to stop crying is for the parent to haul their butt out of bed, toss the infant in their car seat and drive around until it falls asleep. EACH and EVERY time it is unable to be soothed. Better the folks who chose to be parents to lose sleep than their hapless neighbors. 30 minutes of colicky crying is FAR too long to let a child cry when you have neighbors above and below you. I used this method with my colicky infant twins and spared my townhouse neighbor the torture I was experiencing, particularly as I was a single parent at the time. If I could do it, your neighbors could too.