Is This Inappropriate?
Third thread in a row but dang I gotta fit it all in before going back to the books :)
I have a "friend" on Facebook. He added me last year and is part of a local political club I am part of. He is probably 60-ish and married (to a much younger looking gal I might add but that is neither here nor there). We do not know each other at all, just part of a club/group. I have long ago given up having my personal Facebook private, everything on there is now work-friendly due to the high number of coworkers on there.
So this guy, let's call him Bob, has been messaging me. I have never, ever responded to his messages. It's weird though and the messages are what should just be posted on the Facebook wall, like a comment on a picture or status. I feel like he is trying to initiate a closer relationship and, to be honest, I think it is creepy for a semi-stranger married guy to message a single female. It's not like we are friends. Here are the last 4 messages, about a week or so apart--
-all three to the right don't look so happy lol
-I like that thought about being lazy but, didn't want to like it in public lol
-they make it to easy to miss click things
-hows your foot (I sprained my ankle earlier this week)
See what I mean? All things that don't need to be messaged and that makes me think he doesn't want people seeing him posting?? Or...??? I am just sensing creeper old goat looking for action here.
I'm going to delete the guy regardless. I am sure I will eventually run into him, if he asks why I will just say why.
Or am I way off base?
Maybe he can't quite figure out how to comment? Sounds a lot like my Grandma...
I don't think that you're off base though. If you have a bad feeling about somebody, it's always better to act on it than ignore it!
Honestly it just sounds like he doesn't understand how to use Facebook properly. He's in his 60s... so it makes sense that he may not quite get it. I don't find those messages to be super sketchy, but if it makes you uncomfortable, just block him or unfriend him. No great loss.
He knows how to comment just fine on others posts and pics, he knows how to post pics from his computer and how to upload from his phone. He is not a non-techy guy ;) He talks about his smart phone on FB, trust me, he aint granpa fiddlin around the 'puter.
There are a lot of 60, 70 and even 80 year olds out there who are plenty computer savvy, so I wouldn't be too quick to write this off as just an old geezer who doesn't get it.
It is inappropriate for him to be sending you any messages. There are so many weirdos out there, don't take any chances. My advice is to block him, pronto.
Is it possible he's just FB- challenged? I'm friends with my mom and a few of my friends' parents/ grandparents and they definitely seem to struggle with the basic etiquette. I would probably just ignore him or if I did defriend him, pretend I'd done it by accident. It seems more dumb than really inappropriate.
OK, so apparently stalker/unhot-old-would-be-adulterer guy does know how to post clean, trivial comments on your public FB page.
Otherwise? Take it easy!
1. Married men are allowed to have female friends.
2. You don't know what the rules of his marriage are.
3. Whatever those are, it's not much of your business.
3a. If he bores you or skeeves you out, you can cut him off (however you FB types do that technologically and in terms of manners).
3b. He's not trying to get in your pants until he tries to get in your pants.
3b. i. You are not another adult's pants police.
3b. ii. You ARE the sole keeper of your pants.
See? Simple!.... and much more precise than that nebulous concept, "inappropriate."
Is he one of the paranoid FB people who are convinced that if they post anything on anyone's wall (including their own) everyone in the FB world will be able to read it (friends or not)? I have such a FB friend. If I want to say anything to him via FB I message him because he is afraid of having anything posted on his wall. We dont really keep in touch, on FB or otherwise, but he is my only FB friend so paranoid.
Take it easy mvp, and remember, we are talking about MY Facebook page, not the old goats. What he does on his own time is none of my business.
1. Married men are allowed to have female friends. We are not friends
2. You don't know what the rules of his marriage are. Nor do I care, this is my rules
3. Whatever those are, it's not much of your business. Your point is? I don't care about the mans business.
3a. If he bores you or skeeves you out, you can cut him off (however you FB types do that technologically and in terms of manners). Yep
3b. He's not trying to get in your pants until he tries to get in your pants. I disagree, and being an attractive female, I have lots of experience with guys trying to get in my pants. It all starts somewhere ;)
3b. i. You are not another adult's pants police. Again, not sure what your point is. I certainly don;t care about anyones pants.
3b. ii. You ARE the sole keeper of your pants. Again, your point?
It seems you are trying to be snarky or rude, have fun with that. I'll stick to fun OT Day topics and genuine opinions LOL!!
Wellspotted, I don't think so. He certainly is all over posting on other peoples Facebooks.
You can hide him if you don't want to block him for some reason.
I didn't mean to be rude.
Originally Posted by twotrudoc
To speak more plainly so as not to be misunderstood: Your original post (about his marital status and the age/attractiveness of his wife) made me think that you were worried about whether or not he was coming on to you.
My point was that you don't need to worry about that so long as you know that you can say No where and when you want to.
Also, it saves some worry on your part and grants some charity to him if you limit yourself to worrying about what you'll do and not his marriage, his way of posting, his intentions.
If you enjoy doing otherwise, have at it and I am sorry to have misunderstood.
Oh, well then please accept my apology :) I did take it the wrong way then.
I do think he is trying to feel me out to see if he can develop a closer relationship. That is what is making me cranky! So, I am going to delete him. You may have noticed I'm a little outspoken, I would rather politely just quietly delete the guy than tell him off LOL!!
I am curious as to what others may think though.
Uh yep, kinda weird. In my place, I'd ignore for a bit, and if it continued, he goes into time out.
Why make something out of nothing? I don't think what he is doing is technically inappropriate, it's not like he's telling you he wants in your pants or is asking where you live...
Clearly he is making you uncomfortable, and YOU think think it is inappropriate, so block him and move on. At the end of the day why does it even matter what other people's opinions are in a situation like this, do whatever makes you comfortable.
Yeah I think it's a little odd. Potentially quite innocent/lonely flirting, even sub-consciously, rather than creepy. Not saying it ISN'T creepy on his part, just that you don't know for sure. Could go either way, though my creep radar is definitely up on this one!! I agree with you that it's best not to stir that pot. It should go away when he eventually realizes you're just not going to be any fun...
If you're uncomfortable with him messaging you, there are a variety of things you can do. Personally, I think saying something to him (unless he got out of line), would be off base since by permitting him to be your friend on Facebook you are accepting and, to some degree, inviting, him to contact you. Ignoring the messages will hopefully convey a point, and from there you can choose to unfriend or block him at your discretion.
I can understand why you'd be a bit suspect of him private messaging you instead of replying publicly to your posts, and that thus far he hasn't gotten the hint. Hopefully it doesn't spiral out of control. I've had that happen before (my ignoring a guys friend request and subsequent messages escalated to him becoming very belligerent), but I think it's relatively uncommon that these situations get scary.
I was taught that if anything a man does makes you uncomfortable, don't go along with it. Doesn't have to be anything "major" -- just anything at all. If it makes you at all uncomfortable, don't go along with it. We have instincts, so let's trust them. If we have to ask whether or not something's "OK," the answer is, "It isn't." If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it is inappropriate.
We all have a little voice inside that warns us when things aren't quite right.
I am not not particularly wussy but I have learned the hard way - when that voice talks to me, I don't try to justify other people's behavior and I don't ignore it.
When you unfriend someone on facebook, they are not notified. You just disappear, lol. He'd have to actively check his friends list to know you unfriended him.
I had an old friend from a previous work that found me on FB. He messaged me and seemed harmless. He started messaging/texting me for hours at a time. Not cool. I have a long term SO and he was married with kids. I cut him off. It just set off my uh-oh meter.
He was never inappropriate but it was CONSTANT! BTW, my SO knew about it from the get-go and could read the messages if/when he wanted. I'm thinking not so much with his wife. I could be wrong on that but from some of the stuff he said...