I haven't read all of this, but ...
I understand completely. I am in a dire situation as well; if anything, perhaps worse off. The stress of no money (trying to sell good horse things on eBay for cheap ~ watchers, no buyers), is making me crazy. I always fear where the $$ for the next bag of horse feed or round bale will come from. I am literally living on peanut butter and ramen noodles.
I wish I would just drop dead. I am just so tired of worrying and crying. I pray for the money to get my old horse's front shoes pulled - it's been 12 weeks!!
I am ready just to have the vet come out, do the deed and be done with it all.
Then I can finally go and be at peace.
LOTS more bad stuff, but that is the jist of it: One step forward, three steps sliding back.
I truly, TRULY feel your pain and hopelessness.
I hope your situation will improve. I no longer hope or care that mine will; I just want the pain and worrying to end.