Over my own personal "cliff"
Warning!!!! This is very long and whiny....
I've fought the good fight.
And now must give up the ship.
I'm now over my own personal cliff and don't know how to save myself.
I am down to a handful of change ....
Last night I fed the last of my horse feed.
I have enough hay to see them through the day.
The kitties have enough food for today.
I ran out of most staples for myself last week.
I do not have enough money to put gas in my truck to get to the feed store 60 miles away.(They would hold my check for a few days to give me some time).
I sensed this was coming. I tried to save it by selling off my horse stuff and household items. I have had saddles and tack, blankets and all sorts of stuff listed for months.... it's all still here... over the week end I've fielded 37 calls for household goods, it's all still here, too.
I live in the middle of nowhere. A yard sale is out. I don't have the funds to advertise other than on free sites.
I can't work because there are no jobs here. (rural, rural, rural)
I have broached the subject with both my grown sons, who tell me that they have faith in me, I've always found a way before.
I have no friends. I have acquaintences, who don't really hear.
I had dreams... I had hopes...this was going to be the place we retired and breed a few nice foals and ride and show and enjoy. Then my parents needed me to take care of them, and for the ten years that I was their sole caregiver, my dreams were put on hold. My husband of 44 years abruptly left me for another woman as my mother lay dying in the nursing home. He vowed he would not support me. He left, I got the farm and the animals and I felt really lucky. But I cannot find a job. I drive a truck with over 200K miles on it. I downsized. I took an early Social Security in order to stay afloat til I could find something, but because of my lack of recent work history, and my age, and the fact that I do not have an education beyond some college courses and never had a "career" I cannot find work.
I applied for a reverse mortgage on the farm as a last resort. I know it's not the best thing to do, but I'm out of options. It will take a month to two months for that to come to fruition.
I just needed to get this out. Please, listen to what people have to say. Don't judge them because you probably don't have to whole story. Don't judge them because it could happen to you as well some day.
I just got an e-mail that someone is going to come get the bed I have for sale ... if they show up, it will put gas in my truck. If they get here in time for me to make the trip to the feed store who closes early today...
Sorry, COTH, you are all I got...