I'm gonna go for it. The married man thread. UPDATE post #139
Obviously I'm altered.
I met this guy 4-5 years ago. Said he was single. Wasn't single.
At the time I was a big mess anyway and not looking for a relationship so I decided to go for it. Not cool, I know.
It went on for a couple years. We got closer and closer and his wife started checking the phone bills. That freaked me out and I told him I was done. Of course he had said they were only living together, not in love anymore, etc. I didn't believe it, but all the same, he was alone on holidays and stuff, I figured she didn't care or whatever. But I also didn't want her calling me or coming to the house. So I ended it.
Sad to say, I really missed him
We didn't speak for two years. In the meantime, I had found a BF that I thought was pretty cool. About two weeks into that, the MM (married man) calls me out of the blue. Left a message. Completely freaked me out. So new BF was wondering what was going on. I kinda told him.
The MM was working in the area near where I was working, so we met. Bad, I know. But I had to see him. And he was in uniform, so, you know. LOL He's ridiculously hot anyway. But that was icing on the cake. He was trying to convince me to start up again, but I was trying to be on the straight and narrow and I said No. But man, it was tough.
He called off and on. I told him not to call anymore. But I didn't block his number either. Of course BF was getting pretty PO'd. By then we were living together and things weren't going well anyway. Not because of the MM situation ,but because he was just all over me. Clingy, wanted to go everywhere, control everything (that was triggered from the MM thing but was just beyond reasonable). Just not for me. MM started looking better and better. If I'm doing the time, might as well do the crime, I figured.
When we broke up, of course I contacted MM. We met briefly, but I was in such a state from the break up (it was REALLY bad) that I said, I couldn't do it. And we quit talking again for about 6 months. I deleted all his info, etc. Didn't expect to hear from him and didn't want to.
Xmas, guess who texts. Arg. Now I'm saving the number and thinking about calling him again because I sure don't want a BF. I am in counciling already, and I can't wait to talk about this to my councilor, who of course is out because his wife just had a baby. But anyway, hope that will straighten me out.
I don't know how to explain really, becuase I usually don't get this attached to people, men esp. Not sure what it is with this one, except that we are both pretty messed up in the head.
I think a lot of the attraction to MM is that he is unavailable. Plus the drama that goes along with it, hate to admit that, but it's true. I wouldn't want to steal him away for myself or anything like that. I think if he ever said he was leaving her for me, I'd run like hell.
I know you guys want to smack me on the head for bad behavior. I already know this is not good. What I want to know is how to not be attracted to it and leave it once and for all. Life was so peaceful before he texted me on Xmas, I was having a nice single life and now here comes the roller coaster again. I don't want to ride but can't seem to get myself off of it.