DH won't work and I think I want a divorce
Using an alter because part of me feels nuts asking complete strangers for relationship adivce... :o
Been with DH for 11 years, married for the past 6. No kids. We've been together since we were both in college. He's a musician and gigs as well as teaching lessons privately. Although I have a "traditional" career and full-time job, I understand and appreciate that his (considerable) talents lie elsewhere, and I fully support his work gigging and teaching.
HOWEVER. You knew there was going to be a "however," right?
He hasn't kept a consistent "other" job - whether part-time or full-time - aside from music. In the entire time we've been together. He works somewhere for a while, from several months up to a year or so, and then something causes him to quit/move/leave/get laid off, etc. Most recently, he was managing a business, the owner went bankrupt and laid him off - that happened MONTHS ago, and he hasn't worked (aside from gigging and giving lessons) since then. He has been to exactly one interview, which was for an opportunity he wasn't excited about and didn't pursue further.:sigh::confused:
I work full-time: I provide us with most of our income and all our benefits, and I don't work in a high-income field. My salary alone can't support 2 people. And yet, increasingly, that's what has been happening.
We can't afford to even think about buying a home, although that is what both of us want. We can't afford much at all, and yet we live on a shoestring. Very frugal lifestyle.
And yet....it's almost as if he doesn't "get" the connection between "we can't afford ____" and the fact that he's only contributing about 1/4 to 1/5 of our total net income right now. When we talk about the lack of $$$, he A) bashes my job/boss for not paying me enough...which is true, but somewhat beside the point; or B) gets defensive about the work he *does* do and get paid for.
He's a good guy, and he isn't a lay-around either: he cooks, cleans the house, etc. But the fact is, we can't afford for either of us to be a stay-at-home spouse! :grief:
I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him dearly, but I don't want to do this daily struggle for survival for the rest of my life, especially when it's not of my own doing. Other than this (admittedly very large) problem, we get along well. I just....I don't know what to do.
I have a feeling I need to hear some hard truths about my situation, and I know I'll get it from you guys. I know I can't change him, but is there something I *can* do before just leaving?