Watching the master, Malcolm Turner, I am reminded that we Americans are screwing up the Queen's English.
The term "F Off" as he uses it means "leave." It's a specific diss and command, not a general one as we use it here in the States.
How is one to know the right thing to do if the language is not precise?
As you can see from my siggy line, this thread is of great importantce to me. :D
Currently my most commonly used expressions are:
"You are [that is] infuckingcredible!"
Jesus Christ in green crocs!
When in company, the most withering thing I usually say is:
"Oh, bless her heart" (Said with dripping sarcasm it can mean almost anything you want it to mean.)
I am looking for more ways to call someone incompetent or stupid. My current expressions are:
Dumb as a box 'o rocks
Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few french fries short of a Happy Meal.
The elevator does not go all the way to the top.
I have heard more, but I forget them.
"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"
I personally enjoy "I wish I could light your face on fire and put it out with a chain" and "Man, I wish I could be there someday when Karma f**ks you in the a** with a cactus."
Ooh! Someone I know has a lovely curse (I suppose it loses a bit in translation from the original Arabic)
"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your pubic area/crotch/<insert area of choice here>"
I wouldn't piss on him / her if he were on fire.
Nickel-bred piece of shit (re: a bad horse)
Cock-knocker (I think I made that one up in the past!)
Now I always got a laugh out of this:
THE MANY MEANINGS OF THE WORD "FUCK"
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English
Language today is the word "F***". It is one of the magical words, which
just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate.
In language,"F***" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb,
both transitive (John F***ed Mary) and intransitive (Mary was F***ed by John).
It can be an active verb (John really gives a F***) or a passive verb
(Mary really doesn't give a F***) or an adverb (Mary is F***ing interested in
John) and as a noun (Mary is a terrific F***). It can be used as an
adjective (Mary is F***ing beautiful).
As you can see, there are very few words with the versatility of "F***".
Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
Greetings.........."How the fuck are you"
Fraud................"I got fucked by the car dealer"
Dismay.............."Oh fuck it"
Trouble............."Well, I guess I'm fucked now"
Confusion........."What the fuck...?"
Difficulty..........."I don't understand this fucking business"
Incompetence...."He fucked up everything"
Displeasure......."What the fuck is going on here?"
Lost................."Where the fuck are we?"
Retaliation........"Up your fucking ass!"
Denial.............."I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity........."I don't know fuck about it."
Apathy............."Who gives a fuck anyway?"
Resignation......"Oh fuck it."
Derision..........."He fucks up everything."
Suspicion........."Who the fuck are you?"
Panic..............."Lets get the fuck out of here."
Disbelief..........."How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in anatomical description..."He's a fucking asshole!"
It can be used to tell time......................."It's Five fucking Thirty!"
It can be used in business......................"How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be used maternal..........................as in "Motherfucker"
Some of my favorites would have to be twatwaffle, douchnozzle, and dickweed.
Moving on to the venerable butt hole.
My mom seemed to acquire a drawl when she'd say "Yeeahh.... up yours."
And in German, you don't even have to say the whole thing. "Du kannst mir" is sufficient for the whole phrase, which is translated as "You can lick my a$$." You'll see translations into "You can kiss my a$$" but not so! The last word in sentence is clearly "lecken." That would be licking, not kissing.
Get it right.
One of his (and his friends') most usual is the simple but effective:
"f*ck you, you f*cking f*ck"
Our next door neighbours are fundamentalist Christians with 8 homeschooled children. When my husband and I come out to work in the yard, the mum brings her children in............;)
The swearing on the Sopranos always makes me laugh. Even funnier is that the local (censorship station) bleeps out the swearing, but lets all the blood and gore be seen unchecked.
For pure unadulturated Scottish swearing, the go-to person would have to be Billy Connolly.
disclaimer: you might not want to click on this at work.
As crayons go, he's a taupe.
Drill sergeants are just one step below Scotsmen. My enduring favorite isn't even vulgar. "That boy is a waste of oxygen." The breath-taking simplicity and complete disdain in a short phrase! It's really the most withering insult possible :)
I said it recently (in public - and louder than I meant to) and one of my friends just about peed herself laughing.
And I say F*ck Me at least several times a day. If I'm really pissed I add Hard to the phrase. :winkgrin:
When I was growing up my dad had several good cover ups for swearing. Two of my favorites were:
God D...bless America!
I found out that "F*ck you, you f*cking f*ck!" loses a lot of it's bite when your phone's autocorrect changed it to "Duck you, you ducking duck!" :lol:
"What happy new species of f*ckery is this??"
"You are cordially invited to perform aerial intercourse with a tumbling pastry (or: with Earth's natural satellite)."
"When you get home, be careful your mother doesn't crawl out from under the porch and bite your ankle."
"If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose."
I just realized where the best insults are: Monty Python!
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
There is a web insult generator to make insults just like the above (in four styles, no less!) at: www.webinsult.com
Just thought of another couple:
"He's trying to win The Darwin Award"
One my English brother in law said: "She makes the best of a bad job" (when he saw a really ugly woman in heavy makeup)
And, if we are going multi national:\
Gamulto Malaca (Greek for "fuck your mother") Be ready to fight if you say that in Greece. -- However, I have used it in the US and I am safe because no one understands what I am saying.