Horse show confidence gone with loss of show horse
Plucky was a one of a kind, he was beautiful and everything I could have ever dreamed of in a horse. We lost Plucky to colic a month ago and even though I have another show horse I just can't convince myself that I can compete with the other riders and their fancy warmbloods with my other horse Tolo.
Plucky was a Holsteiner gelding at 18.2 he was a truly stunning horse and his death has hit me hard. He gave me the confidence to go to the big show barns. Though when I was with him people were not always nice. At center line judges would ask what barn I was with and ask about my horses blood line and what my name was even though my paper was right in front of them. I felt like I was under a magnifying glass as if I wasn't good enough for a horse like Plucky, but Plucky never slipped up and always shattered my anxiety's. Other trainers were rude and looked down on me, after all I'm a petite girl 5'1 with this huge expensive horse my trainer paid for me to use as a show horse so I never felt as if I fit in, but Plucky always crushed their mean words and my anxieties. Other trainers and older riders were rude and condescending and I did my best to hold my head high and keep tears to myself in private after they smugly attacked me.
But when I went to shows Plucky always made me feel as if I stood a chance even when people were waiting for me to slip up. We were always in the ribbons and our very last show together we got 2nd in 2nd level but he will always be 1st place in my heart.
Tolo is a bay 15.3 tb/perch. I've had Tolo since he was one. My trainer who is really more of a mom purchased Tolo as a summer project for me. We never really thought he would turn out to be such a lovely little horse. My parents who really meant well purchased me a 2h trailer even though I was saving for one. It's an older trailer and it's barn red. barn red....It is a comedy on wheels and as if I need to provide the show snobs anymore fuel for their mean fires. Idk if my embarrassment has any validity but while everyone else has their beautiful Featherlites I'm in an old barn red 80's trailer and no Plucky to keep the snobs comments at bay. I'm terrified to show. My trainer says the best way to keep mean people at shows at bay is to just win. I don't feel like I can win with a barn red trailer and a horse that just isn't Plucky. These horse show brats are so ruthless, my trainer has a beautiful trailer and just because it wasn't off the lot they made her move it to the very back of the barn so it wouldn't be an "eye sore" to anybody. I have no confidence, no Plucky, and idk how to overcome these people. It's just not logical to travel 3hrs + to another show barn for every competition. I DO not want to stop showing but idk how to overcome this situation or if I'm just being silly and need to suck it up??