Any Only Children out there who cannot tolerate SO/DH's siblings?

I am an only child with no desire to ever have children and the longest healthy relationship I have had is with my horses. I traveled extensively for 10 years which significantly impacted my human relationship prospects and my life is so dominated by horses that it is no surprise I have a terrible track record with men. I think my man "picker" is broken to boot. If only I "vetted" my men as extensively as I do my OTTB's and was as critical about their temperaments...but that of course would lead to being too picky to ever find a man to "live up" to my impossibly high standards (only about 1 in 100 OTTB's make the cut and attempting to.form a connection with even 50 men (more than double the # I've tried) would be the death of me of anyway). So anyway, my current SO and business partner is one of six children and my experience in our 3 year relationship has led me to despise his siblings and dread associating closely or pursuing a relationship wth anyone with siblings. They are over at the house all the tim, sleeping here, eating our food, trash the house, and generally invading my space which I am apparently very territorial of. His friends are much the same and about a year into our relationship, two of his friends with their two big, loud dogs moved in and stayed for almost SIX MONTHS. My friends and I began to refer to them as the squatters. He even went off on me when I objected to his suggestion that his degenerate dungeons and dragons playing lazy cousin should stay at the farm during a weekend we were out of town. When he brothers are over, his annoying habits and vices are magnified ten fold and he is even disrespectful to me at times. I am not seeking relationship advice but merely curious if all men with siblings are like this? Miraculously, I have only ever really been seriously involved with only children before. Thank you for your input!

OHDEARGODALMIGHTY do I relate. Yup, I call Mr P's brother and his (as of yesterday) third wife the squatters. Complete with junk yard dogs. Who crap all over the palce. We have had him for 10 **&^%$# years, after he lied and told us he was dying of lymphoma. Just last month they overflowed the sink and damaged the hardwood floor and ceiling below. Third wife has 2 daughters, both convicted of theft.

I think FINALLY Mr P is ready to kick them out.

Thinking of my married close friends - no, not a one. No squatters, no family hanging out "all the time" - of course siblings will visit, but it seems to occur mostly a holiday times or visits are prearranged.

But I think it depends on how the couple lays out the ground rules. In the cases of my friends, it was "this is our house, if you would like to visit sometime let us know, we'd love to have you as guests" rather than "hey, come on over anytime and hang out!"
It sounds like in your case, your ground rules and his wouldn't match.

Believe me, this doesn't only apply to only children... :yes:

Maybe it has to do with the gender of the siblings? My DH has FIVE sisters, no brothers. He is extremely protective of "our" space, as am I.

It's a close, local family thing I think.

I am getting out of town. YAY!

You realize we now know exactly who you are talking about due to your link, right?

Just thought you might want a heads up on that.

I don't think it is so much a problem of your SO having siblings as that he does not have appropriate boundaries with those siblings (or with his friends) and they take advantage of him (and, by extension, you). DH and I both have siblings, we like them (all of them, he likes mine and I like his). They don't squat, they don't ask for money, they don't show up all the time and certainly not without calling first. Our siblings are our friends and great sources of emotional support, as no one knows the intimate doings of our families like they do ;).

Canaqua is exactly right. It's not the siblings/friends/hangers on/squatters, but the relationship he has with them, and the lack of boundaries. And it's also lack of respect for your house and property.

Carol-you'll need to be sneaky to get rid of them. Formal eviction procedings, and the day they get bounced you'll need a locksmith, and new combination locks for any outbuildings that are available, and when they come back and camp out somewhere you'll need to get them bounced for trespassing. As a matter of fact, I think posting all fences and property lines with legally enforceable trespassing signs would be a requirement also. People like this don't go easily. And you'll get so much c#*$ from the relatives and friends of these people you won't be able to believe it, and many people who wouldn't let these people in their front doors will give you the most screaming about how mean you are, because they don't want them next.

I think Joan Rivers (or a similar comedian) said she would only date people who are orphans, and have no other living relatives, and I can certainly agree with that. Of course, it doesn't handle the loser friends.

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Originally Posted by JanM

Canaqua is exactly right. It's not the siblings/friends/hangers on/squatters, but the relationship he has with them, and the lack of boundaries. And it's also lack of respect for your house and property.

Carol-you'll need to be sneaky to get rid of them. Formal eviction procedings, and the day they get bounced you'll need a locksmith, and new combination locks for any outbuildings that are available, and when they come back and camp out somewhere you'll need to get them bounced for trespassing. As a matter of fact, I think posting all fences and property lines with legally enforceable trespassing signs would be a requirement also. People like this don't go easily. And you'll get so much c#*$ from the relatives and friends of these people you won't be able to believe it, and many people who wouldn't let these people in their front doors will give you the most screaming about how mean you are, because they don't want them next.

I think Joan Rivers (or a similar comedian) said she would only date people who are orphans, and have no other living relatives, and I can certainly agree with that. Of course, it doesn't handle the loser friends.

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Mr P has to get fed up with them first. I think he's getting to that point. Luckily they are living on property we own in the next county. I do not visit nor do I take their phone calls. They are not allowed in my presence AT ALL.

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Originally Posted by Long Spot

You realize we now know exactly who you are talking about due to your link, right?

Just thought you might want a heads up on that.

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Fixed. Probably not a problem but better safe than sorry.

My BF of 3.5 years has two brothers. One is 10 months older and a recovering, burned out addict who cant hold a job. The other is 8 years younger and is useless (no job, sits on Mothers couch all day) and unstable. He pulled a gun on my BF over a joke and tried to ppelt a saoda can at me (which in my own amazement I deflected) and screamed how he Fing hated me. after I asked if he could move his car because he blocked me in the drive way during a family dinner. He has said other violent comments towards me which makes me refuse to go to my BFs mothers house due to me feeling unsafe there. It causes some tension between me and my BF, but honestly, if he pulled a gun on me, it would end in 3 ways: Id be dead, he'd be dead, or he was going to jail (kid is under the age to have a concealed weapon). Not a safe place honestly.

Also their mom is a heavy drinker who hates my BF and when she gets drunk she screams and calls him horrible names and threatens him when he is the only sucess in the family. He puts up with it again and again and I have to deal with it later. I hate his family more than my own and my father and I havent spoken in years due to him being a violent drunk. Hopefully we will be moving away in the next year so I can get us away from this crap fest.

"I am not seeking relationship advice but merely curious if all men with siblings are like this?"

No more than women are not being able to separate from their mother...ex-wife was terrified of making her mother unhappy (maybe it's a Greek family ethnic thing).

Sexism aside, it depends on where the person is in the family (eldest/youngest) and just how dysfunctional their family was and just how much they respect their SO (and how much they feel their SO respects them...two way street).

Sounds like some passive-aggressive behaviour to piss the OP off.

The friends who stayed for 6 months, I'm with you on that one, but the large family coming over and hanging out? Sounds like a great, close family. Not to you, of course, but I respectfully suggest that it seems worse to you because as you say you're single and your whole life you pretty much go your own independent way. Going from that lifestyle of horses & travel and Solo (only child thing) - it'd be a shock to anyone to plunge into a houseful of people all the time.

It's like driving. If you're the one who always drives the car everywhere (I do, because it's just me), it's hard to be driven by someone else. When you're in the passenger seat you're like, Yikes! what a crazy driver, even though they're fine.

I see parallels here :D. So yes, I'm sure part of your reaction is totally normal, but part of your reaction is unreasonable in that there's nothing awful about THEM, it's just that you're not used to it.

My husband has "groupies", aka friends who come over and hang out in the garage and do "guy stuff" like work on the cars... or motorcycles... or guns... or whatever. We have the "cool house" on the block and people do congregate. However, they all have their own homes and if they're eating here, it's because they've chipped in for take-out or we're hosting a pot-luck BBQ.

This would drive me batty:

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They are over at the house all the tim, sleeping here, eating our food, trash the house, and generally invading my space which I am apparently very territorial of. His friends are much the same and about a year into our relationship, two of his friends with their two big, loud dogs moved in and stayed for almost SIX MONTHS.

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Nuh uh, no way. This goes way beyond tolerating siblings; your SO needs to set some boundaries and enforce them. If he doesn't want to, you can either throw this one back and re-bait the hook, because this fish ain't the right one for you, or you can suck it up, recognize your SO isn't going to change, and put up with this lifestyle.