Can I vent about my dead (as of 6 weeks ago) friend's husband?
I've mentioned on other threads that my oldest friend and her daughter were killed in a drunk driving accident six weeks ago. I just had lunch with a mutual friend of ours today, who happens to be her neighbor down the street, and she filled me in on the latest goings-on with the husband.
Mind you, nobody ever liked the husband. Nobody. Her family didn't like him, her friends didn't like him, her friends' spouses didn't like him. He is a bore. He is always right. Everybody else (including his wife) is always wrong. One doesn't have a conversation with him as much as one sits and listens to whatever diatribe he happens to be on at the moment.
After my friend died, I wanted to think he was a better person than I thought he was. I visited him a couple times and had decent conversations (or listenings, rather) and he talked about how much he loved her and how happy they were in their marriage.
In their 20 years of marriage, I not once heard him compliment her and only heard him put her down so I wondered where he got the idea that they were happy but I was willing to think there were things I didn't see that were more positive than what I did see. In private conversations with my friend, she never indicated that she was happy and in fact she talked about the opposite. Her daughter commented that her dad was mean and yelled at them all the time.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when a new woman is already making the moves on him (for no other reason that I can come up with other than money, for he is not attractive, he is not friendly, he is not doting, he is not caring) - she moved her horse over to his house, she's been bringing her daughters over to the house, they saddle up my friend's horse and the lady's horse and the daughters ride up to the neighbor's house (our mutual friend). He's been out on the town with her. He went to a school event with her (at his now-deceased daughter's school). He complains that people in the community aren't all happy happy joy joy that he is stepping out with this new woman.
Husband told mutual friend that my friend had written a letter last year and left it with their lawyer. The letter was to be opened in case of her death. To go back 10 years or so, my friend's mother died and left my friend almost $1 million. BUT, my friend's mom hated my friend's husband, so she put it in a trust so that only my friend could access it. Well in that letter my friend turned over the trust to her husband who is now out on the town buying shit for the tramp who has shown up on his doorstep. He is going to pay for her kids' tuition at private school. God knows what else he's going to pay for. Oh, and he told mutual friend that my friend's mom was a horrible mother. OMGIH - I grew up with them and that couldn't be further from the truth - friend's mom was an amazing mom who loved her daughter more than anything. Everyone should be loved like that by their mother.
After my friend died a memorial fund was set up to help the family with expenses. I didn't contribute, nor did any of my friends, because we knew that the family had money and thought it tacky for them to take money for expenses when they really didn't need it.
I know this happens with men. My uncle had this very thing happen to him when my aunt died. Some old biddy swooped in and attached herself to him and he spent about $1 million on buying her a house, paying off her (adult) children's debt, taking her on trips, etc.
WTF, though!? Really? Just a couple weeks ago at the funeral everyone was talking about how wonderful this family is and what a great love the parents had - which IMHO wasn't true so I was kind of annoyed at the whole situation.
Anyway, this is just a vent. I'm really disappointed in the husband. I wanted to think he was better than that. I guess my original impression of him was correct and he was a louse who only cares about himself. While I don't think he was ever physically abusive to my friend, he was certainly emotionally abusive. She's in a much better place now than with him and I know she's happier.
Thanks for listening.:(