Well, six months isn't necessarily what I'd call a seriously committed thing and even you said it's a "relationship". So if your relationship is in that weird, undefined grey zone of more than friends but not dating exclusively, he may not feel like he owes you any sort of explaination.
And think about it this way - at least he's showing you that he has the communication ability of a gnat early on so you can move on and find someone who is going to at least have the common decency to tell you to jump off a bridge. :winkgrin: The silent treatment is passive aggressive and immature. I would have little patience for it to occur in one of my relationships. But that's just me.
I'd start going out yourself having a good time and show him that you aren't thinking of him, his being a douche bag isn't the end of your world and he might come around or he might not. Either way - you getting upset and constantly texting/e-mailing/calling is NOT HELPING. He is either getting sick satisfaction that he has you all upset or you are driving him further away.
It is often a control mechanism. People who do that have often learned that it is a way to get what they want (see your comment about preferring even very negative "eff off" comments to being ignored.)
It's also a damaging way to deal with contention in a relationship. There is a saying to the effect of, "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time," and I'd say it applies here.
We teach people how to treat us, after all, by what we tolerate. I think you are wise to re-think everything based on this behavior. Life is too short to put up with that sort of thing.
Take it as an early warning.
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Agree with the other responders. This is a pretty clear warning. Ignoring and the "silent treatment" is a very passive aggressive move and tantamount to emotional abuse. It's extremely manipulative. It's on my short list of "deal breakers" in a relationship.
My last relationship ended after two breaks that included the silent treatment from him. Even my birthday he ignored. Can I just say that I. HATE. the silent treatment. Especially because I am the type of person that would rather talk it out and move on. I agree, it is very taxing on the person on the receiving end emotionally, I cried all the time. Eventually you just get to where you realize as much as it hurts to lose that person, you are better without them. I agree with the people that said it's a warning and think you should consider getting out now, especially since it's only been 6 months...when I reflect back on my relationship I realize that the breaks and silent treatment - all initiated by him - were just part of a larger problem. Everything we did was on his terms and what he wanted to do. Never what I wanted to do. Who wants to live like that?
Good luck to you.
My father did this. Nothing ever got resolved because he refused to discuss things and wouldn't speak for days. Stuff would just stew until it exploded - sometimes years later. Not a great coping mechanism.
ETA: oh yeah, he could be quite the "toddler" when it suited him.
Lets just say that's new levels of dumb and is inappropriate for anyone over the age of 11.
I'd look at it as a nice opportunity to move on.
Yep - take it as a warning! Doesn't sound like he has the relationship / communication skills that I would want in a relationship!
Stuff like this won't go away, and it will get worse, especially if a "silly" fight brought it on.
(Edited to add ….and some thrive on conflict, some totally avoid it, and some manage to keep conflict to a minimum. I am not a fighter, and either is my SO of 11 years. I can count the number of times we have raised our voices at one another on my fingers, and the "silent treatment" has only lasted for minuets not days - that said, there are people who stay together, and are happy despite disagreements – that result in loud arguments, or silence – It is not for me though).
To each his own I guess...
My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years and have a healthy, stable marriage. When he gets really pissed off, he will do the "silent treatment" thing, but he is still civil and will speak when spoken to. And about all I will say to him anyway is "do I expect you for dinner?" or "did you feed the cats?"
After three or four days, he will ask to talk to me and we will work out our little conflict. Quite frankly, after all these years, I have come to appreciate the silent treatment. Trying to end it while his thoughts are only half baked does not work out smoothly. At.All. Waiting until he has calmed down and realised he's been an ass suits me juuuuust fine.
He is showing you how he deals with conflict, and it's not in a healthy or constructive manner. Be happy you found out early in the relationship.
Now that said, if all of these communication attempts have been on a cell phone and not land line or email, well, his phone might just have a dead battery. BTDT more than a few times. :o
So you're dating my mother? It sounds like her, and the silent treatment was her big 'weapon'. The only problem is she's such a PITA, that the silent treatment is much nicer than her constant criticism, or pointless anger.
As others said, it's a sign of his communication and control skills, and if you can't live with this every time he gets mad, then dump him now before you get committed. Just think of a lifetime of this behavior, and how awful that will be. I couldn't stand this form of 'punishment', and usually for something that didn't even make any sense, so we have zero relationship now. It's exactly as others said, in that it's emotional abuse, and an attempt to control, and it's a miserable way to live.
I understand how people call it passive-aggressive, but there is another side to the silent-treatment story.
Men can be really good at this. I have a close guy friend that I somehow offended and he dropped off the face of the Earth (to me) for three YEARS over it! Lately he did for about a month again until I got flat out irritated and talked to his GF about it. Some do it on purpose, and like someone mentioned earlier, I brought up the, "At least tell me to eff off or something." and he admits he specifically doesn't because he knows it's more irritating. I couldn't date someone with such proclivities, I'd be having a serious talk with him or tell him to get to gettin'.
If he stomped off and refused to speak to me about ANYTHING, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
If you think he's worth the work, you and he should be getting some counseling so that you both learn how to argue fairly while preserving each others' dignities, and how to resolve conflict without all this pouting and ignoring nonsense. If there are other parts of your relationship are iffy already and then you might consider this is the end of it.
Arguments are part of life. The real concern is do you both know how to fight fair and square without abusing each other, name calling, and blasting each other's dignity? Argue yes and it's okay to argue at times on points you have strong feelings about and every person has different point of view, but when you do argue, do it the right way.
My mother was one for the silent treatment, so I guess that's where I learned it!! :winkgrin: