Lack of tact
I can't find a better description for it.
And please don't hold back if you think I am wrong here...
Kid is in the marching band. Bad habit of ours, we see a need in the community and we try to help out, invest money and time, you know. So you know where this is going....we do band booster duty, because without volunteers, there is no show. Horse people understand.
Now it gets good.
We worked concessions during football season. DH is a hobby cook and gifted grill operator. He suggested a few things, donated the materials - ALL the materials - and while the new dish was a total success, he was chewed out for it. That's a LONG story onto itself. I am almost over it.
fast forward, the school year is almost over. The band had it spring concert, and the last booster meeting.
There was talk about some person having passed away, and the concert being in her memory. Sad, I think but don't connect the dots until during the concert. The Lady who had died was not some past supporter, but a lady I had talked to during football season, a BoD member....I about lost it.
I asked another parent from the band why this had not been communicated in any form. She tells me 'well they told the band the Monday after it happened'
And that was it.
And I am just floored.
No email, no FB notice, nothing. The good woman is in the ground for 3 weeks now.
I think it would be the booster clubs obligation to tell parents that a member had died, not the duty of a bunch of scatter brained teens to tell tehir parents 'oh, btw, that older girl I don't really see other in full band, her mom just died, I am gong to play mabinogi now' Which, of course did not happen.
But then again, the last 2, actually 3 meeting where not announced either, especially annoying since the dates had been changed from the original 'every 2nd tuesday'
Another kicker: I mean to send an email to our booster president (the one and only who chewed out DH for contributing to the success of the concession stand) but that other parent advised me against it, or my kid would be singled out in front of the band. flying fruit bats....really?!
Am I out of line to be beyond P*$$ed about that last incident?
(I am taking up suggestions to oust the pres from his position. Legal preferred, but I am entertaining other possibilities at this moment as well)
We have our own little insurrection going on with the HOA board here...no advice. Just sympathy and wine.
If i only could have cheese with it...
I'll give you some delicious french cheese to go with it. That all really sucks, and kids school politics are the absolute worse. I wont get started with the mums at the bus stop here in France, I'm just glad I can't understand a lot of it.
You are expecting the band booster club to run like a business. It won't happen. People are either trying to fit it into their busy lives or they are possibly incompetent, either way things get mishandled. If you think you can do better go for it, but tell everyone that you want to do it for the kids, not because the current president is an incompetent moron.
Man, I managed to get through school without any drama, now I get to make up for it....
but seriously, since when do you expect kids to deliver obituaries. That's what adults do.
Originally Posted by Woodsperson
You think to straight forward.
I actually settle for maturity.
I'd slap the kid silly if he ever acted like the booster pres (<ight actually have done that, many years in the past)
Ugh -- HOAs function in their own special ring of hell.
Originally Posted by LauraKY
Band boosters...oh my! I was vice president for 2 years and president for one. We had parents going off on each other during meetings (for the most ridiculous things you can imagine!), had to deal with the good but prima-donna-ish band director who looked at the band boosters as his supplemental income and entertainment fund, helicopter parents, etc. I like to think that the year I was president was the most business like of the 3 I was involved since all the drama folks moved on when their kids graduated and I tried really hard to be organized and fair. Not an easy task.
Believe me, it's everywhere. I've had my fill of Boy Scouts, church volunteering, etc. I help out as long as I can stand it and then move on.
About the only cure is to muscle your way into a leadership position and try to change the culture while you are in charge. Otherwise it's a real education in how a lot of folks run their lives. :eek:
Originally Posted by oldernewbie
Oh sheesh....I don't think they make wine boxes that big! :eek:
I never had a problem like that before actually. The clubs I used to volunteer for, everybody knew it was for the club to make money. A bit of bickering, sure, but nothing that ran off volunteers.
And I loff my scout group, very appreciative bunch, leaders as well as the comity.
But that little Napoleon booster pres....That was absolutely new to me.
However, I was absolutely floored at the lack of etiquette.
I really don't think leaving it to the band kids to spread the news.
After all, there had been no formal introduction during marching season, the seasoned parents already knew each other, it took me a few weeks to get her nick name...hard to make the connection.
not to mention it kept me - and I am sure a few other people - from doing the decent thing and paying my respects and offering assistance. You know, what decent people do.
That is a bit more serious than band booster mickey mouse crap.
Alagirl, yes, I don't get it. Was it a case where only the "in crowd" was notified? I just don't understand when adults just can't get past middle school behavior.
I wish it was as mature as middle school....
Originally Posted by LauraKY
I don't even think the 'in crowd' was notified. Really only the kids in band. Naturally, those with older kids, seniors/juniors have the clear advantage there.
In my case, the girl who's mother died is a couple of years older than my kid, does not have band at the same time and is playing a different instrument. So it had really no impact on my kid who is suffering from hormone induced rectal cranial inversion.....:sigh:
But he who controls the information....
One of my recent rants on a thread recently. It's not about the doing for others - it's about being recognized to brag about what they did. And, in this case, you don't get points for delivering sad news, so heaven forbid someone makes the effort to get the word out. And there is no empathy these days.
(Funny you mention the change up in grilling. I was almost ostracized at a cub scout campout for bringing chicken fajitas - what my boys voted on - had most of the kids looking at what our group was cooking. The folding chair squatting guys were annoyed that everyone didn't have just hot dogs & hamburgers.);)
Or, and I apologize in advance for making this generalization - but it has been my overwhelming experience lately - the person responsible for getting the word out has been a guy. Can't tell you the numbers of miscues recently among friends, family, and business associates where something got done poorly, because it was left up to a husband/boyfriend/male worker/boss to accomplish. My SIL makes it my brother's duty to inform us of their calendar, and consequently, dates are overlooked, everyone gets upset, & SIL can't understand why. Friend with new farm, and ex SO, can't put one foot forward to organize the highest priority to attend to their businesses, without help from a girlfriend, sister, or assistant to organize. I volunteered this week for help in a very large way to one item needed, and was the subject of annoyance at the other's mistake.
Finally, spent lots of $$$ moving temporarily from this little town into the big city to get my son through his last 2 years of high school, as each event, homework assignment, athletic event, was left entirely up to students to spread the word. No web pages, organized PT communications, heaven forbid student/teacher communication. Had to call constantly for meetings w/ teachers & principals just to get basic info, and finally threw our hands up. Found what we needed elsewhere, but it's now a huge deal if a school district merely does "the norm". Although they did finally can the inept administrators here, and the fight against the stranglehold this teacher's union had on this small community is winning with the new administration. Never was about all the kids, let alone the families - just egos...:mad:
yep, guy syndrome of not telling (though I leave those things up to DH, because I forget dates, we are exceptional in this way)
And here I thought it was just here in almost BFE KY.
I'm not happy about that - I have to grill my DD just about every day, keep an eagle eye on the emails and we hold tense little confabs in front of the calendar two or three times a week - I thought it was because we were outside the family/friend/church/lived here all their lives loop - and maybe it is people who volunteer but don't really have the time to do a good job of it. Or the experience.
I can't say I'd be angry so much as feel bad and somewhat embarassed about failing to offer condolences in a timely fashion. But with my luck here they'd write an e-mail and I wouldn't have a clue that it was the nice lady I'd carried uniforms for on fitting day.
Sorry Alagirl, I can definitely empathize.
Yes, and be careful what you wish for. YOU might end up with that president's position and it's a thankless job.
Originally Posted by Woodsperson
Hey, at last I could get done what the club is supposed to do:
Originally Posted by PeteyPie
make money for the band.
But I would have to take Little napoleon for a ride in the country and hope he does not find his way back....short of being carried out feet first, he won't leave the position!
Maybe volunteer to put together a newsletter or web site for the club. Might help you become one of the people that others look to for information, and make you a logical alternative to Napolean.
God, I do NOT miss high school band politics! I remember my poor sweet mother got reamed out for having the gall to start operating the snack station fry machine. Apparently that was Mr. Jones' station, and don't you forget it.
Band director was kind of creepy, sexist, practically bipolar. I saw him throw chairs at kids, and he always tried to force all the flute boys and trumpet girls to switch to different instruments. And he made us play a Sousa march every. single. concert. They're all the same effing song just set in different keys! Even SOUSA hated Sousa!
Originally Posted by Kestrel
I am liking the idea!
With all the ripples it is likely to cause. :D