Coping with intense frustration
The title really sums up the question - how do you cope with intense frustration (and stress and anger arising from the stress and frustration).
I'll preface the rest of this by saying that the following will probably be very disjointed and perhaps random. I haven't been sleeping well, so writing coherently is not so easy right now.
I thought about creating an alter and going into details, but the details are really unimportant. Quick synopsis is that I have had the most stressful, horrible, frustrating year so far. Despite many exciting things happening (like a new farm and leaving my old career that I hated behind for a great new adventure), this year has been disaster after disaster for me. This weekend, with the Hurricane heading directly for a home we own (that is under contract, should have closed literally months ago, and is located hundreds of miles away from where we live now) is just absolutely doing me in... But that is only because of the months of stress and frustration that have lead up to this point.
Let's be clear - I'm functioning. I'm not at all, nor have I ever been violent. I'm not at all, nor have I ever been suicidal. I do not self-medicate, though my eating habits leave a lot to be desired right now. This isn't the end of the world... but I'm just having a horrible, craptastic few months.
I am very happily married to a wonderful spouse, so there aren't relationship troubles compounding the sources of stress. Truly. He's fantastic. I have a small group of close friends, but they all live hundreds of miles away. My BFF has been an amazing source of support and has just been listening, which helps tremendously. She doesn't judge, doesn't tell me what to do, doesn't tell me how to feel, she just lets me get it out and offers her sympathy and understanding. I have learned over the past few months that this is a rare trait in people.
I am just at a point now where I feel about to boil over. I'm really not one who keeps much inside and have previously always found healthy outlets for stress. I am no stranger to crazy stress, having spent years in a high-stress career environment... but the events of the last few months are really taking a toll on me. I'm at a metaphorical breaking point.
I haven't slept more than a couple hours a night in weeks. Mind you, I've suffered with insomnia on and off since I was a child, so that isn't exactly something new. It certainly tends to pop up when I'm stressed, so it is to be expected. I don't maintain a prescription for sleeping pills as they don't really do much for me.
The only way to describe it is that I am so frustrated I just want to scream and cry, while at the same time I just feel completely paralyzed. I cannot turn my brain off to relax for more than a few moments at a time. For the first time in my life, I feel so frustrated and angry that I think throwing dishes at a brick wall would be a great (though obviously unrealistic and dumb) stress reliever.
I'm normally a hugely positive person. I believe in the power of positive thinking and am normally an optimist. I am almost always in the "suck it up and put on your big girl panties" club. I just feel defeated right now. Even though I KNOW it not to be true, it's hard not to just FEEL like the whole world is against me. (I'm not paranoid or delusional. I know the world is not out to get me.)
So what do you do to de-stress. I'm sure 100 people will say "riding" - and while I truly love it, it isn't an outlet for frustration for me. I've never loved working out intensely. I DO it, I just don't enjoy it or really get any release out of it. I used to meditate frequently, but I'm actually at the point where it is difficult to focus on that for very long. I absolutely love to swim, but many of the things frustrating me right now are also preventing me from maintaining a pool membership. I used to write a lot... but haven't in quite some time. That's an option.
The main source of my stress should (hopefully) be resolved by the end of next week, but the next few days - maybe longer - are going to be really difficult. I'll be stuck in that spot where I am freaking out over something I can't control and there's just nothing I can do about it.
Thoughts? Hugs? Sympathy? Kicks in the pants? Jokes? Distractions? Flames? Funny web site links? Donations to my dish collection? :lol: