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Leena,Quote:
Originally Posted by Leena
I just read this whole thread and it could not have come at a better time for me. You are truly an inspiration!
Please post as often as you can because I learn so much from you and continue to need to learn!
How are you today? How are your beautiful horses?
Hello Adriane, (and everybody !)
Well, my situation is as mentionned, pain is growing. In april doctors told me it has generalised, it was a carcinomatose peritenoal, pushing on my diaphragm, so I could feel breathless.
After severals visits to research department, an MRI and other scans, I had a pretty good picture. The metastase is pushing on my stomach and is invading the diaphragme on my left side. So that was in april.
I receive chemo every week, low dose of taxol, so it is 2 weeks on a row, then 1 week off simply because I can't tolerate a lot of toxicity. we still have 2 other cocktails we can use but more toxic, so the challenge is just to help me gaining a few months.
Today, or these days, the pain is really hard, all my left side is pretty much attacked.
Never mind ! I decide not to change anything again..I breath, I can walk then I ride and that is it !
These are the last pictures taken so this is from the horse's mouth, so to speak !
It is not easy, I have some bad days, especially when I decide to increase the pain meds..I figure this is always tough..Then anxiety come up, all sort of questions..Well everyone knows what cancer and finality is all about !
When I start that journey, I figure I would live this experience with serenity and happiness, takes this last opportunity to learn something on this earth.
I found the joy. I found that special spirit of joy on my horse. Actually my grey filly is such a joyfull horse; she taugh me about joy, how strong it is and how she would show me.
this was a magical experience.
You know those spooky horse, full of energy, that we, as rider, try to control with the reins, the legs, and the seat...And more we try, more they tense up..
I have learned to relax, to put my hand on the neck and she just went as a daulphin, teaching me what dressage was all about. This 4 yrs old filly showed me I was a nut and I have been walking so far away from me, away from that joy all my life.
I want to thank my horses, my greenies to teach me so much about their true nature.
For the next months, my strong will is telling me to go for it, to sit down and learn from the horse. I figure if I can live my last moment this way, that will be "fantastique".
That is about it for now ! On one pictures, You can see what I look like..I just wish this smile will last sooo long !
God bless you and keep you safe. You are an inspiration to all, even your horses obviously.
It's always great to read your posts Elene. You have such a beautiful and uplifting spirit and my thoughts and prayers are with you. :)
Elene,Quote:
Originally Posted by Leena
Thank ou for posting again.....you are helping me greatly with my own fight of pain which is no where near yours.....but reading your obvious joy when you ride through your illness truly helps and inspires me!! Bless you and keep us posted on you and your girls. I 'also, am blessed with a mare.
Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts with us. I hope your horses keep bringing you peace.
Elene, you are ... something special! Beautiful woman, beautiful horses!
Lena,
Loved the new pictures. The 3yo is such a lovely horse! As always thanks for the inspirtation you bring every time you post.
Terri
Lena, you are an amazing woman and reading your posts on this thread has caused me to make serious and lasting changes in the way intend to live the rest of my life. I wish I could know you in person.
Sketcher, I am really happy !
Fall is beautifull over here, so I hope for a couple of good rides. I have a scan scheduled next week to see how cancer has progressed. Really I don't need it to know, but this will be important since I want to get as much time I can, quality time.
Terry, I knew you would like the 3 years old since he is anglo-trakehner..You have an amazing eyes !!!
Lately, I felt really again better on my riding. I attempt a clinic with Margareth Dieckerman lately; I had one in early june and was working all summer the plan she gave me.
Anyway despite I went through ups and downs, fixing some bad riding habits and also a lot of judgements in regard to contact..I did progress and since in my confidence.
So the last couple of days I really had lots of fun. The 4 years old are stronger and more balanced, the 3 yrs old are well started and undergoing. I do much effortless. My pleasure is to see all of them at the gate when I come to the pasture, which means they like their training.
My anxiety towards pain came off a bit..Pain is there but I barely pay attention during the day, just keep on moving the best I can.
There is so many things I wish to tell all of you, but mainly I just focused on living every moment the best way, giving hope to other cancer victims I meet and keep on..Going forward.
Lena,
In all the pictures, but especially the most recent ones, you look so good in the saddle - congratulations on your journey and again, thank you for writing about it.
Katy
Dear Leena! You look wonderful with that radiant smile of yours showing so much joy and happiness. You are such a blessing to the rest of us who are following in your footsteps soaking up all the wisdom you share. I hope with the next MRI you will find the cancer has slowed down to allow you to enjoy the wonderful fall season and that you have the strength to keep on riding your greeenies and even the old mare!!
God Bless You !! Love, Bernie
And thank you so much for sharing with us. I love seeing your pictures of your beautiful horses and you with your beautiful smile.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leena
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leena
It is not only cancer victims you give hope too. You give us ALL hope and teach us how to best live our lives!!
Every time I think, "This is so hard," and I tense up, I think of you, Elene. And I think, there is a way to do this with lightness and joy, because Elene has told you so.
Jingles for a fantastic Fall Season in the saddle ~ you continue to be an inspiraton to all ~ Jingle Jingle Jingle & AO ~ Always Optimistic ~
You inspire me, you make me cry when I read your sad FB posts and you make me laugh when I read your happy ones. But no matter what, you are truly and inspiration. :sadsmile:
Élène, I appreciate your sharing yourself and your journey with us like this. Truly, you are an inspiration, and I offer you my humblest and most heartfelt thanks.
You are a truely brave and inspiring woman.
Paddy
Leena, you are brave and inspirational, and you have taught me a lot about horses, "truths" I had never thought about. You help people with cancer and you help riders who keep an open mind.