Jen22 and I stumbled across something today at the barn while riding: White Trash Dressage.
Now, WTD is very complicated and only the most talented horses can compete-I will outline some of the trickier movements that are involved.
One movement that is sure to get you off to a good start is the walk-away mount. This is when you climb up a ladder to get on your horse and before you are settled in the saddle, your horse walks away, ignoring your commands of "ho."
Another move that the judges will be sure to love is the giraffe trot--the higher your horse's head and the hollower its back, the more credit you are given.
One move that is sure to awe the judges is the tranter-this is when your mount tries to skip into a canter while trotting. I challenge anyone to match Jen22's mare to a tranter contest.
WTD classes are ridden with 2 horse/rider combinations in the ring. Credit is given to the rider who has the best close call without actually taking out the other pair. This is a very good way to rack up points when your mount decides to skip sideways across the arena when it refuses to go forward and especially for an OTTB who is jazzed up after cantering.
The Drunken Dressage walk is a crowd favorite-this is achieved by your horse's ADHD preventing it from walking in a straight line and instead weaving down the center line.
The judges will be more prone to watching you if your horse makes very ugly faces and pins its ears and swishes its tail in disgust.
Another challenging movement is the stiff as a board turn-this is when your mount refuses to bend whatsoever and keeps its entire body straight as can be; this is often combined with the Giraff trot described above, but can also be executed at the walk.
The octopus canter is very complex-this is when it appears and feels as if your mount has 8 legs underneath it going in 8 different directions. Extra credit is given if said legs are a blur; this extra credit will be doubled if it appears it is not known which direction you and your mount are going.
Double credit is given for the following:
The realk-this is when your mount attempts to rear while walking forward. Some say it is impossible, but trust me, my friends, it is VERY possible.
Second to the realk in complexity is a movement called the kier-this is when your mount attempts to kick out and rear simutaneously, not to be confused with the real dressage movement referred to as the capriole. The kier is much more ugly and very choppy in its flow.
The grab and go movement is lovely-this is where your mount snatches the reins out of your hands, causing intense pain in your shoulder(s). Your credit will be doubled if you yell out in pain.
Speaking of yelling, the more swearing and grumbling, the more bonus points you get. You will double your credit if you use the eff word.
For triple credit, your horse must break out of its halter while being hosed down after the class and run around the farm. The triple credit will be doubled if the halter is broken as well and not simply slipped out of.
Appropriate attire consists of tshirts with comments about beer not being just for breakfast anymore, obnoxiously colored half chaps, mismatched gloves, and dirty tack.
It should be mentioned that the credits can really be racked up if the above mentioned movements are combined into one movement.
It should be said to not attempt these moves at home without the coaching of a WTD trainer. Also, only certain truly talented horses can catch onto WTD, such as spotless Appaloosas and stubborn OTTB mares.
Hey, you can join forces with the White Trash Eventing Team, established 2004! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif Our colors are arena-dust beige, duct tape grey, grass-stain green and not-so-white-anymore white. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif
There was a whole thread on it over on the Eventing board last year...can't find it now, though.
Finally, dressage I can relate to! I think I'd be a shoe-in. Definitely works for the WT Eventing team!
What if I say "whoa" instead of "ho?" Does that raise me above the "white trash" rating?
..and don't forget to include the Extended trot across the diagonal....highest points given for the horse who can trot widest behind!
What? No extra points for leaving the arena during a test? Or ripping out the chain that makes up the arena?
Does falling off put you ahead of the competition? How about trying to ride a test on a horse that's screaming for it's buddy the entire time?
Finally an event I am actually gifted at! I think a big fat Percheron should qualify for extra points as well, don't you? Especially if the rider (me) has to leap from the top of the mounting stump during the walkaway, landing squarely on the pad, BEHIND the saddle. THAT, my friends, is WTD at it's finest!
LOL and how do we get certified judges?
The calling to friends is definitely worth some extra points.
The landing on the pad instead of saddle is PROBABLY worth triple credit. (Will have to check the rule book, which was written on a mixture of napkins and take out bags from McDOnalds)
This wide trot across the diagnal you speak of is indeed a movement, called the straddle trot.
Running over the letters, leaving the arena, or breaking the chains is only worth double credit but if it is combined with any of the above listed movements it will be a triple credit.
"Ho" and "Whoa" are equal, extra credit for screaming "I said effing HO/WHOA!"
And the newest rule: pooing while saluting the judge AND river dancing at the same time is indeed an OFFICIAL movement.
hhahahha this is great!
I boarded at WTD barn and geeeez them movements are great. Them there stoping with the mouth wide open and tounge hangin out was worth a few extra points from what them there people told me.
How about an attempt at extension that actually involves something more like the octopus movement going at Corvette speed?
And do we get extra credit for mismatched, loudly-colored polo bandages? Or, even better, for leaving our mismatched shipping bandages on?
I think there needs to also be in-hand classes for horses that haven't yet perfected keeping rider mounted while performing these moves. Say, 7-8 year olds who are just getting started after sitting around after being on the racetrack for a while. And this would be much more complex than a regular in-hand class. Points would be given to the brave, bold horse, who prefers to walk in front of his leader. Passage while half-passing on a lead line is quite a feat to accomplish! Then we would have the bite-and-bolt and the shoulder-in-(your-face), and of course the haunches-in(your face) as well. Horses who can manage to cow-kick someone standing in front of them are obviously super athletic. What do you think?
Vandy, you might be on to something there! I think it is a definite need! The cow kick octopus move is a thing of beauty.
And mismatched polos are not only allowed, they are encouraged http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif
What about correctness of gaits? Surely the horse who moves most like a sewing machine at the trot (an equisite enhancement of the giraffe trot, btw) shall be scored the highest, no?
And how could we leave out the teeter-totter canter? This is a gait with which some of you may be aware wherein the horse addes a crow hop with each stride. I feel that extra points should be allotted if the horse also adds a high pitched squeal to emphasize each mini kick. (Note: This gait is particularly fun to ride. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif)
Finally, there is the WTD upward canter transition which involves a squeal and buck. Performed correctly, the horse should spring a minimum of 2'6" off the ground. Double credit is certainly deserved if dirt flies as far as the judge's table.
What about those of us who are WT riders overhorsed on the fancy WB who is way too talented for us and has an attitude problem about it? (the horse, not the rider)
Which level has the "sits the trot from ear to tail" gait? Or the "why the hell did my horse's arse just pass me when I was trying to ride straight" gait? How about the "halt at X and I refuse to move again until you learn what the heck you're doing?" move? Or my favorite....the trot where each hoof hits the ground at maximum force...creating enormous divots in the footing and forcing my spine through my helmet?
We do a decent half-ass pass. We can achieve the canter pirouette into the levade if I use spurs. We've perfected the free jig as opposed to the free walk. Oh, and the stop-n-snore...I seem to bore the diva to death. Our best so far has been the "turn the head completely around and stare at the rider in horror" move.
So am I qualified to ride this WTD? I can make my coach cry in a matter of minutes...I promise! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif
ChocolateDream....certified judges, no way. The judge will be picked by spectators checking under their chair to see if a piece a paper with "Judge" is taped to it. They are judge for the day http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_smile.gif
Aggie, the sewing machine trot I believe would fall under the octopus gait category--squeals are good, but rider swearing is better.
Misty, whileit sounds like your mare may have a future in WTD, it appears she is um, good. For real. In order to excel in this sport you must do away with the pirouette unless it is done without you asking for it and it is ugly. I also fear that the standing at x and not moving will bring few credits, unless your mount was pinning ears, making ugly faces, pooing, river dancing, or you were hissing and swearing to get it to go forward, or a combination thereof.
And yes, the ol' sign under the lawn chair is indeed how judges are found.