Most "interesting" things you've heard "Trainers" say

[Invested1]

Everyone knows that anybody can put up a sign claiming to be a "Trainer." We have one at our barn and some of the things that come out of her mouth are just....entertaining. Here are a few recent quotes: (DustInTime, please add!! or JustDandy, if you remember from your times at the barn) :D

Can anyone else out there add their own?

1. One of the horses sneezed during a lesson (in the dusty indoor), "trainer" said, "You see that sneezing thing he's doing right now? That's him being submissive to you."

2. The horse must be ridden from front to back.

3. To an up-down beginner who does not even know diagonals yet, "Well, no wonder she's not on the bit, you're not using enough leg!"

4. Drawreins teach you what it feels like to have the horse be round and on the bit.

5. To me when she overheard me talking about going to a dressage show, "Don't worry, you're an eventer, you won't be judged the same as the other dressage riders."

6. (My favorite) To one of her young students: "One of the things you're going to have a much easier time getting, that your dad won't be able to get, is suspension, because you're so much lighter."
Well shit, no wonder I can't get much suspension---better go on a diet! And this also proves to me that events need to be broken up not only by level but also by rider weight---how is it fair that my 138# butt is supposed to be able to get the same suspension as those 110# kids out there?!? :lol:

Ok, maybe this post was a bit snarky, but I couldn't help myself. :D It just amazes me how anybody can claim to be a "trainer" and all of her students are just beginners, so they don't realize how full of crap she is.... :sigh:

[justdandy]

DAMN! I wish my brain would function today. I KNOW there have been a couple of things I overheard but just can't remember!!!! All I can say is I damn near fell of the ladder (more than once - while braiding;)) when I heard her "teaching" a lesson!!!!!! Poor Beau! The only way I could keep from saying something was to pull the braids a bit tighter than usual!!!:lol:

[Invested1]

hahahaa, yah, JD, I KNOW there were some...fun things said while you were there!! :D

[fiona]

Is this about someone specific then?

[3eme]

2. The horse must be ridden from front to back.



Oh for the love of all that is good PLEASE explain this one to me!

[Janet]

Since I have no idea of where you guys ride/rode, but since it reminds me of a specific trainer...
Will some one please PT me and end my suspense.

Are we thinking of the same person, or are there TWO of them in NoVA?

Thanks

[LR1976]

Invested1- If you were from the midwest I would have to say that you were from my old barn. Thank goodness I'm not there anymore!!!!!

There should be some kind of course that must be passed in order to call yourself a trainer. Just my opinion:)

[Invested1]

There should be some kind of course that must be passed in order to call yourself a trainer. Just my opinion:)

AGREED!!! :yes:

And yes, this is about a particular person but I don't necessarily want to make it about her---the thread is more about stupid things you've heard "trainers" say. :lol:

[Invested1]

Are we thinking of the same person, or are there TWO of them in NoVA?
Thanks

LORD HELP US!!!

[Invested1]

Oh for the love of all that is good PLEASE explain this one to me!

:sigh: Wish I could.... :D

[cowgirljenn]

This isn't the same "trainer" (well, I doubt it is - I don't know the OP).

But at one barn I boarded at, we had a kid pretending to be a trainer. She was giving a "lesson" to an adult. The adult was trying to get the feeling of the canter, so the trainerkid says "I'll call out the beats to you so you can figure out where the feet are falling. 1... 2.... 3.... 4.... 1... 2... 3... 4..."

Ummm.. last time I checked, canter is a 3-beat gait...

She had a few other gems, but that's the only one I really remember right now!

[TBXCFan]

I have one that's a bit "word of mouth" from a "trainer."

In reference to putting one of my guys on beet pulp to put some weight on him, a person at my barn said his "trainer" said that rescues use beet pulp because it's cheaper than feeding hay, thus it was not necessary for me to be using it. :rolleyes:

[snaffle635]

Oh for the love of all that is good PLEASE explain this one to me!

I usually start riding from the ears. I find if I hold 'em just right, they're really good for steering.

[Invested1]

I usually start riding from the ears. I find if I hold 'em just right, they're really good for steering.

Sounds right to me!! :lol:
And these kids should be able to reach---this "trainer" has ALL of her students cranking around in draw reins!! :eek:

[Equinetech]

2. The horse must be ridden from front to back.



repeatedly, in a VERY CROWDED, VERY LARGE warm up arena at a VERY LARGE, insanely competative "season opener" all breed show (technically an open "schooling" show, but I'd not be caught there without my A circuit game-seriously, this is like the 'get the lead out' of the national-caliber show horses from all breeds in my hometown, plus the major social event of the new year) anyway:

"Pick him up!" then "put him away!" then "Pick him up!" then "put him away!"

It reminded me of basic training and the 'sweat parties' we used to have-just when we'd get down (push up position) the DI would scream out "get up!" then when we were halfway standing he'd scream out "get down!" then halfway down he'd scream out "GETUP!" etc.

The poor horse was a nice horse but you could tell he was like "WTF?" and the rider was terribly confused. I'm convinced it's one of the reasons they did so poorly that show (and the rest of the season) Just because you have a fancypants new horse and the trainer that convinced you to buy him charges you an arm, leg, and firstborn child doesn't mean your trainer is any good!

[Equinetech]

LORD HELP US!!!
OMGIH, THEY'RE MULTIPLYING?


<runs screaming from the library>

[Giddy-up]

Trainer yelling from in-gate during a jr flat class-"stick your boobies & booty out!". :eek: I can't believe a parent would pay for a trainer to tell their child that. But the adults are spoken to the same way too so I guess this trainer maybe just has a "different" vocabulary considering she was all of 18/19 YO herself.

And my personal all time fav:
"the laws of science won't allow you to miss using the 2 line approach to a single diagional jump". Yeah right Einstein. :rolleyes:

[3eme]

2a. The horse must be ridden from front to back

2b. The big check you write me every month must be written from side to side !



pick him up! put him away! pick him up! put him away! I'm going to have to try that one. (oh my poor horsies)

[ddashaq]

Holy crap this thread is funny!!!!:lol: I cannot think of anything that I have heard, but I have seen a few off things. One trainer (as in training youngsters) thought that to teach a horse to give to the bit (older, stubborn, very well broke lesson horse to be exact) you had them stop and then hang on their mouth with both reins as tight as you can. Supposedly he was supposed to flex at the poll and be "on the bit" after this exercise. What really happened was they wandered bcakwards around the arena for 20 minutes until the "trainer" got off in frustration announcing that he was dumb. Another "trainer" (an instructor this time) taught a whole slew of students to post the canter. I understand that polo players post the canter but these were dressage lessons.:lol: Let me tell you, retraining all those kids to not pound on the horses backs at the canter was quite a challenge for the next instructor that came along.

[LulaBell]

I worked at a summer camp, and helped out with the riding program. We had a foxhunter who could get a bit happy when you picked up the canter, but you just had to sit his canter and not let him put his head down.

A decent riding kid is on him one morning, and he starts crow hopping and trying to buck her off when she picked up the canter. The instructor yells at the kid "Give him his head!" Seriously? That kid would have been the next county over. I yelled at her to yank his head up with one hand, and all was well. I've been rolling my eyes over that ever since it happened.

[Invested1]

Lulabelle, your post reminded me of another one for this "trainer."

Kid was in the indoor and thought the horse had taken off with her (he didn't--he was just having a happy canter). Kid starts crying and getting scared. Does the trainer say, "relax" or "sit back" or "ask him to trot"? No, she stands in the MIDDLE of the ring and yells, "LOOK AT ME!!" ACK, NO!! There were 3 of us standing watching and we all gasped and said, "NO! Don't look at her!" as the trainer was now over the kid's right shoulder and even those with the best balance would've lost it....

[hiddenlake]

Not a trainer, but a BO who thought he knew it all....the indoor was cold, so he went out and bought a heater that shot FLAMES up out of it, and put it in the CENTER of the ring. Oh yeah, the horses just really loved that one. He also refused to give the horses two buckets of water because "it's common knowledge they only drink from one at a time." Well duh, they don't have two mouths, but they still need more water and since you only check the buckets once a day....:no:

Of course, this is the same guy whose wife, when she found out my son was a "test-tube baby", said--"how did they find test-tubes big enough to hold him for nine whole months?" :lol::eek:

[FlyingChanges]

So....if we all lose weight we can get more suspension??? Is that IT??? Wow...I wish I had know this years ago! WTF??? Some of these had me laughing, and I wish I could think of some b/c I have really heard a lot of these!

[physical.energy]

I was working for a BNT many years ago and someone was having a lesson while I was tacking up..... This very loud direction came from the arena...... "More Forward, More Forward, More Forward..... AHhhhh Honey your running him off his feet"
I about peed my pants I laughed so hard!

[Eleanor]

This is something I have heard many times.

"Lunge him at a run that way he will be quite when you get on."

"If you kick him really hard he will go forward."

[class]

we had a wp/4-h trainer at my barn who was actually quite successful (i think) and whose students did well at the shows.

i don't know how bad this advice is (for wp) but i swore i could have tape recorded one lesson and given it to all of the other students on repeat for a lot less money than they were giving her:

kick his head down!
not so fast! pull back!
now kick his head down!
he's speeding up, pull back!
now kick his head down!
slower, slower..
look where his head is! kick it DOWN!

[VivaBaby]

Had a "trainer" tell me the reason I was having "trouble" with my mare was because I "spoiled" her by letting her graze on grass. It was her opinion that allowing horses to graze made them lazy. Then I had to try to explain that I wasn't having trouble, I was just taking it slow and easy with a 17 yr old mare who hadn't been ridden in 4 or 5 years. I was then told I just needed to take her on a "good all day trail ride" and "whip her into shape." :eek:

A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!! :confused:

[Pirateer]

\

A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!! :confused:

Oh good, someone tell Alysheba so she can tell her friend ;)

[HunterJumperGin]

A trainer very dear to me yelled this upon coming to a jump (3'-3'6).

"Just run at it, babes!!!" :lol:

[Dalfan]

"Smack her with the whip everytime she grinds her teeth (and makes that awful noise); she'll stop.

[Dalfan]

From a long-time barn staffer (mucker) of a very large barn; "Hay is Hay" as I pointed out the moldy hay she was throwing the beast.

[Trixie]

kick his head down!


How does that work? :eek:

Originally Posted by VivaBaby
\

A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!


Oh good, someone tell Alysheba so she can tell her friend

OMG, I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything...

[Jsalem]

Well this one always gets me:

"Breathe!"

Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?

But seriously, here's the most "interesting" thing I've heard a trainer say:
Last year I was in Ocala. I watched a very BNT give a morning lesson to his Equitation riders. Very interesting. I then followed him over to the Maclay ring to watch the class. I stood near enough to hear his comments to his riders. One (very good) rider went in and had a very minor "miss" to one jump. Like, not a really big deal. She came out and I sidled over to hear what he would tell her. You know what he said? I quote, "(Name), what you really need to focus on....... is not advertising that you're a COMPLETE beginner." I winced and sidled away. But to her credit, she nodded and said, "Yes sir."

[Murphy's Mom]

Back in Murphy's wild, bad boy days, I was told by my friend's "trainer" that the devil was using Murphy as his tool to get my soul. :eek:

[Gandolph58]

A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!

After thinking WTF??????:eek: I ROTF and LMAO

[VivaBaby]

A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!! :confused:

I just realized my brain must have still been frozen from below freezing wind chills all day! The way I typed that is almost incoherent! And it's been quoted repeatedly! Waaaahhhh!

Anyway, what I intended to say was my friend had her colt gelded and a "trainer" she knows sat her down and uttered that gem! I'll add that said "trainer" is 20-ish years old but really, truly believes that a colt's testicles can grow back if he's gelded too young. Truly frightening!

[BigRedHorse]

My friend asked me to video her in a lesson with her "BNT" dressage trainer. She was trying to get a piroutte out her gelding and the trainer shouts: "half halt! half halt! That means pull harder!" He then turns to me and goes "can you edit the audio out of that? It won't be good for my business." The sad part was he was completly serious..

[archieflies]

She must watch too much TV... Hello, the phrase "grow a pair" is just a touch sarcastic... :)

[Quin]

Well this one always gets me:

"Breathe!"

Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?



Um - not a good example, JSalem. An adult in my group lesson often does NOT breathe as she goes down a line when she's worried about it. Trainer is truely concerned when she says "Breathe! That was fine! Breathe!" :winkgrin:

[ThisTooShallPass]

Of course, this is the same guy whose wife, when she found out my son was a "test-tube baby", said--"how did they find test-tubes big enough to hold him for nine whole months?" :lol::eek:

Would have served the lady right had you told her they used one of those Culligan water bottles...But then she probably would have asked how they got him out of it. :rolleyes:

[JohnDeere]

Oh for the love of all that is good PLEASE explain this one to me!

It's obvious. You face the front and push from the back! :D

[Canuck]

About a hundred years ago, when I was 15 and leaning how to event, this is how I was taught me how to get a horse "down on the bit".

Shorten up the reins and plant my hands on my thighs and leave them there until the horse drops his head. I was so afraid of this "trainer" that I did this until my whole body was screaming. I can't imagine how that poor horse felt. * shudders * He was a saint.

Luckily for future horses, I gave up riding for almost 20 years because of this "trainer". (Spits on ground).

Luckily for future horses, I knew enough to know how much I *didn't* know when I started to ride again 5 years ago. But I knew enough to be gentle, and I now have a wonderful trainer.

[Groom to Priceless]

My trainer used to tell me to pretend I was skiing (swooshing down the hill) to get me into two point. This comment would usually make me collapse on the horse laughing because my favorite position while skiing is tumbling down the hill in a cloud of skis, poles and assorted tree branches!!!:lol: Somehow that position has never been one that I wanted to repeat while on horseback!!

[Little Indian]

They didn't have to say it,
one "trainer" and i use this word so loosely it's crazy, sued me for $250,000.00 when MY MARE came down with strangles. Mind you, nobody got sick (not even the mares foal who was born during the infection and was up in the abcess all of the time) and everybody was able to continue working as normal (you just couldnt leave the property for 4 weeks). In the end, the trainer still hasn't sold any of the horses that were up for sale (the matter has been settled for now $101.00 minus $1, which is pretty freakin funny), is now selling her business because she was never good enough to make any money in the horse world. i hate stupid trainers. they make me crazy

[onwego]

1. One of the horses sneezed during a lesson (in the dusty indoor), "trainer" said, "You see that sneezing thing he's doing right now? That's him being submissive to you."


I've had two trainers mention this to me. My guess is that it goes along with the line of if the horse is nervous and tense, then they can't sneeze. When they relax, they relax their muscles enough to sneeze. At least this is what I keep telling myself.

[twnkltoz]

I often have to be reminded to breathe when I ride!

[Ibex]

Um - not a good example, JSalem. An adult in my group lesson often does NOT breathe as she goes down a line when she's worried about it. Trainer is truely concerned when she says "Breathe! That was fine! Breathe!" :winkgrin:

I have "BREATH" yelled at me all the time. I hold my breath and tense up :winkgrin: I had one trainer who made me sing so I was forced to intake air.

However, I have heard a few gems.

- "Don't steer the corners - the horse knows they're there"
- "the best way to get a proper two point is to stand up, lean over and grab mane"
- "I don't think he can do the whole combination, so just jump the first element at an angle and cut through the (2.5') gap between fences."
- "This is a hunter barn - we don't hack" (okaaaaay....)

[Beasmom]

Years ago, I took riding lessons from a Russian-German fellow. He was a colorful personality and used colorful language during lessons. Here are samples of comments he made:

"You look like a crow on a garbage can."
"You look like a monkey in a banana tree."
"Be proud your boozies! Boozie up"! (Boozie was his version of "bosom")
"Seet on your Poooozie!" (I was a naive kid and had no idea what a "Poooozie" was until many years later, when I realized what exactly he was saying...)

The young kids got the "Crow" and "Monkey" statements -- the older kids and adults got treated to the cruder stuff.

Once, at a horse show, when I managed to qualify for the jump-off, I was terrified by the size of the jumps. They were higher than anything I had ever jumped in practice. I would have been happy to skip the jump-off, but Arnold insisted I participate. I can still hear him shouting from the rail as we headed for the triple in-and-out:

"Grab his mane! Drop the reins! USE YOUR AAAAAAAAS!"

Horse and I got through the jump-off with 4 faults and a ribbon. I was more scared of my riding teacher than the jumps!

[Roxy SM]

I knew a trainer who would count the strides up to the jump his student was approaching, but seeing as how he had no clue what he was doing (but charging as much as the best trainers on the A hunter circuit), he didn't really know how many strides away the horse was from the jump. So if, for example, the horse was 5 strides away from the jump, he would shout, "Three, two, one, and, BEAUTIFUL!" Luckily for him his clients are even more clueless than him and love hearing him tell their children how wonderful they are at riding.
Another "trainer" used to tell his students to wiggle their pinky fingers in front of the jump to find the distance!
I know there's more somewhere in my brain.

[SBT]

I spent one summer working at a handicapped riding facility that offered free lessons/trail rides to the volunteers. A girl went out on one of the ponies, and came back leading him. :uhoh: I asked her what happened and she said, "He spooked and I fell off." She got back on him in the arena, at which point I noticed her stirrups were ridiculously short, almost jockey-length. Immediately I said, "No wonder you got pitched off, your stirrups are really short! Try lowering them three or four holes so you can get your leg around him." She did, and immediately felt more secure.

Just then, an instructor (NARHA/dressage background) came in and wanted to know why the girl's stirrups were so "long." I explained, and the instructor said,

"But she rides hunt seat. Hunt seat is ridden with a short stirrup."

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said, "Well, I've been riding hunt seat for 18 years, and nobody rides that short unless they're jumping really big fences."

Scary. :no:

[lesyl]

And my personal all time fav:
"the laws of science won't allow you to miss using the 2 line approach to a single diagional jump". Yeah right Einstein. :rolleyes:

So does this law come after the laws of thermodynamics? Or is this in addition to some sort of law of geometry? And jsut what is a 2 line approach? I can barely figure out one line to the jump, let alone two at once. It seems that this would violate the first law of thermodynamics or is it physics regarding two things occupying the same space at the same time. Perhaps if I were just better at understanding the principles of uncertainty, or where Schrodinger kept getting those cats from...
sigh, maybe it is best left a head-shaking mystery.

[elektra949]

"You look like a crow on a garbage can."
"You look like a monkey in a banana tree."
"Be proud your boozies! Boozie up"! (Boozie was his version of "bosom")
"Seet on your Poooozie!" (I was a naive kid and had no idea what a "Poooozie" was until many years later, when I realized what exactly he was saying...)


And one day it just hit you, in the middle of raking the yard or something, like OH MY GOD he was telling me to sit on my P*s*y! LoL!!

Along those same lines....One of my old trainers(back when I used to show, I must've been 12/13 ish) used to tell me I would never keep a man if I didn't learn how to ley my hips follow the motion. Pigs, I tell ya.

[Little Indian]

I had one trainer tell me that I was under no circumstances to use a D ring on my pony because D rings were for racehorses only. We promptly picked up and left.

[3eme]

I usually start riding from the ears. I find if I hold 'em just right, they're really good for steering.

See! I KNEW there was a reason that I always liked dopey looking horses with BIG EARS! Easier to grab!

[CANTERSoIL]

Watching a trainer "teach" a student who was trying to teach her horse to pick up his feet properly "If he doesn't pick it up, smack him in the shoulder with your crop" :no: Yeah, that'll let him know what you want him to do.....

[3eme]

"You look like a crow on a garbage can."
"You look like a monkey in a banana tree."
"Be proud your boozies! Boozie up"! (Boozie was his version of "bosom")
"Seet on your Poooozie!" (I was a naive kid and had no idea what a "Poooozie" was until many years later, when I realized what exactly he was saying...)


Clearly, he is the long lost cousin of my old coach. He would say "you look like a frog on a box of matches" (huhwhat?) And on those days where he was feeling a bit more piggish (um, like every day) he would say "that's not EQuitation, that SEXitation" to anyone who pumped in the saddle.

[Renn/aissance]

1. One of the horses sneezed during a lesson (in the dusty indoor), "trainer" said, "You see that sneezing thing he's doing right now? That's him being submissive to you."

I can see where the confusion comes from, because if a tense horse lowers his head and exhales gustily, it often means that he has relaxed.

"Breathe!"

Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?

My trainer used to tell me that... she was convinced that I didn't breathe at all during my courses. The way they looked, she might have been right. ;)

or where Schrodinger kept getting those cats from...

He didn't have to. Schroedinger's Cat Is Not Dead! :D

[Invested1]

Along those same lines....One of my old trainers(back when I used to show, I must've been 12/13 ish) used to tell me I would never keep a man if I didn't learn how to ley my hips follow the motion. Pigs, I tell ya.

I know I shouldn't laugh but THAT is awesome!!!!! :lol:

[GansMyMan]

"that's not EQuitation, that SEXitation" to anyone who pumped in the saddle.

Ah, I now understand my old trainer who used to say, "Honey, that ain't no man; and if it was, you'd be having less fun." Suddenly I feel as though I should take a shower.

[Cougar85]

this one is just plain funny (not insane). I heard this in a clinic with a fantastic national level judge, who was just trying to get her students to sit up tall.
Knockers UP, ladies!!!

[retsasid]

He would say "you look like a frog on a box of matches" (huhwhat?)

Ok, that made me laugh out loud in my school's strictly-no-talking library. How would you say that in french? :lol:

[archieflies]

Would have served the lady right had you told her they used one of those Culligan water bottles...But then she probably would have asked how they got him out of it. :rolleyes:

Hello- C Section! Duh...

[MeredithTX]

I had a dressage trainer for a while who told me to f*** the saddle in the canter. She also told me to "bear down with my abdominal muscles like I am taking a crap" to get a solid halt at X. Still today, I cannot get that out of my head when I am schooling halts.

[Pandarus33]

Gotta comment on the "Breathe" comment. I have one student who always came out of the arena shaking and beet red like she was ready to pass out. I thought it was nerves for a long time until I realized that she was doing her ENTIRE course while holding her breath. No wonder she was ready to pass out at every round! It actually took me reminding her in "sign" language to breathe during her rounds.

[hiddenlake]

Originally Posted by ThisTooShallPass
Would have served the lady right had you told her they used one of those Culligan water bottles...But then she probably would have asked how they got him out of it. :rolleyes:



Hello- C Section! Duh...


:lol::lol::lol::lol: Hysterical! Where were you two when I needed you!!

Another one---when I became a re-rider, my "instructor" (I use the term loosely) wouldn't let me use two-point except on the flat. For jumping, I was to rely exclusively on the only method she would allow: a full-out, flat-on-the-neck jump position, even over ground poles and cross rails. So I would dutifully lay my 5'10" torso all the way down on my horse's neck, and then bulge a disc or two trying to fight gravity (and middle age) on the way back up. I looked like one of those glass birds that have their butts filled with fluid that drop into the water glass over and over again. The poor horse must have hated it even more than I did.

She's also the instructor who, when I won an eq class on the flat, told me that another person in the class was a better rider and would have won if she just hadn't ridden around on the wrong diagonal most of the time. Excuse me, but if she can't get her diagonal right, what makes her a better rider???? And can't you just say "good job" and let me enjoy my pretty little blue ribbon?

[LE]

Is it sad that I've also heard some of these?
I've heard someone say that a horse snorting/sighing is a sign of submission. Well, not really sure--never asked the horse myself ;)
I've also had a dressage coach/teacher say to f** the saddle or it's like f**ing the saddle when you do dressage. Um, yah, nice way to articulate something. Even if I was 21, I still don't think that's a viable training comment.

Now, in defense of the breathing--like someone else, I have riders who do NOT breathe on course. They hold their breath and nearly pass out. So, yes, you have to encorperate breathing with riding or they'll pass out ;)

[JCS]

Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.

[Appassionato]

I HATE the "stick your boobies/butt out line". I don't care if the horse show world is female dominated, it just lacks...class? Tact? I don't know. Plus, I work with so many Christian children, I can't imagine what their parents would think if I said that. Not meaning anything badly against the fact they are Christian, I'm not religious, so I try to be respectful. And yelling to a 13 YO girl "stick out your boobies" in front of her father just seems wrong. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

Two dumbest things ever said to me by a former trainer:

1) A horse in my horse's pasture had been digging a hole all day long. Same spot. I reported it to the BO (her horse), and her response was "Oh, he's just being stupid!" Um, all day long digging isn't stupid, something is wrong. He died that night next to the hole. Who was stupid?

2) Same trainer, MY horse. I had given my guy a week off after a hard event (and halved his food). The following week I slowly had his feed increased slowly, and also started some light work. Two weeks to the day from that event I was riding him and he was moving shorter and shorter. Finally he was mimicking a 1300 lb inchworm! Trainer said, "Oh, he's just being stupid! Don't call the GD vet on that GD horse! Don't waste their time!" I called anyway, and the vet was stumped. Couldn't tell if it was founder or tying up. We hot-dosed him with meds, and he felt better. Moved after that.

[Invested1]

Forgot to mention the new "training" technique some have seen this "trainer" do. You know the old "hold the crop behind your back to keep your elbows back" trick? Well, she has the concept right but she uses bungee cords and ties them ON TOP of the students arms and around their backs. :eek: Would hate to see what happens if one of those kids gets tossed.....

[Appassionato]

I had a dressage trainer for a while who told me to f*** the saddle in the canter. She also told me to "bear down with my abdominal muscles like I am taking a crap" to get a solid halt at X. Still today, I cannot get that out of my head when I am schooling halts.

A fellow ** rider that taught lessons used to tell her dressage lessonees that if your privates aren't hurting, you aren't riding correctly. :eek:

Sorry, dressage can be a workout, but not to that kind of pain!

[LSM1212]

I usually start riding from the ears. I find if I hold 'em just right, they're really good for steering.

ROFLMAO....... :) So that's what I'm doing wrong..... dang it.

[Beasmom]

I think (hope?) teaching and training has changed since my childhood experiences in the late 60's/early 70's. My first ever riding teacher was a courtly Hungarian gentleman who never had a harsh word. "Aaah, not the best, not the best," he would say as I struggled to learn some new skill and absorb his lessons.

"Eeeempossible!" was as close to exasperation as he ever got.

Arnold's admonitions to "Be proud our boozies", usually got the opposite result from what he wanted. Young developing girls were more likely to round their shoulders and "hide" the "boozies". In those days, in my crowd, anyway. Certainly it reinforced my round-shouldered tendencies rather than stop them. It bothered me, his verbiage. In spite of that, however, he was an effective and successful trainer of riders in those primitive days. We stuck with him, but the smart moms never let their girls out of their sight at Arnold's barn!

Arnold also enjoyed mimicking pelvic movements for the riding classes. This was also incredibly embarrassing for us kids. I think the old perv did it just to observe our embarrassment!

I learned much from Arnold -- including what is NOT appropriate behavior and language for riding teachers!

[bip]

I've also had a dressage coach/teacher say to f** the saddle or it's like f**ing the saddle when you do dressage. Um, yah, nice way to articulate something. Even if I was 21, I still don't think that's a viable training comment.


Plus what kind of sex do they mean, anyway? Married? Having an affair? Age 17 in the back of a car? Clinton in the Oval Office?

[LE]

bip! OMG! ROTFLMAO! Funny because that's exactly a comment I would make today at such a ludicrous comment! My event coach had a much better way of describe usage of seat. She would say 'imagine rolling an egg under your seat, back and forth, and not wanting to crack it." Of course, the silly smart a$$ I was, I said 'please tell me this imaginary egg is hardboiled?" :D Got the message across though to use your seat and softly. :D

[ReSomething]

Oooh yes. I vividly remember my (14, 15?) year old instructor screeching across the arena at my quiet and shy 13 year old self to "pretend you're b**ling" as I cantered, embarrassing me half to death and creating a lot of sniggering from the railbirds, that of course made its way to school.

Yep, there are ways, and then there are NOT.

[Invested1]

"pretend you're b**ling"

Ok perhaps my mind is not *as* in the gutter as it usually is---I don't know what that word is supposed to be!! :rolleyes: :lol:

[arabhorse2]

Ok perhaps my mind is not *as* in the gutter as it usually is---I don't know what that word is supposed to be!! :rolleyes: :lol:

B*lling. Better? I dare not put that one last letter in there! :lol:

[Renn/aissance]

Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.

That strikes me as a much more polite way to holler across the show grounds, "STICK YOUR TITS OUT!"

[Invested1]

That strikes me as a much more polite way to holler across the show grounds, "STICK YOUR TITS OUT!"

NOT NICE--I'm eating lunch!!! How would you like chicken corn chowder to come out YOUR nose???

[ReSomething]

Sorry Invested1, anybody else, very old slang for the F word.

[Invested1]

Sorry Invested1, anybody else, very old slang for the F word.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So the missing letter is an "a"?

[ReSomething]

Yep. Isn't is amazing what you can learn here on Coth?:lol:

[Invested1]

Yep. Isn't is amazing what you can learn here on Coth?:lol:

Who knew?!? :winkgrin:

[Trixie]

Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.


That strikes me as a much more polite way to holler across the show grounds, "STICK YOUR TITS OUT!"


:lol:

On a less graphic note, my mother decided happier looking riders pin better (after she saw me show pony pleasure as a kid). So for years, into much bigger shows, eq, hunter classes, etc, no matter what, she'd be standing on the rail going "Tara Lipinski! Tara Lipinski!" because she said Tara Lipinski had the hugest smile she'd ever seen, plastered onto her face during her ice skating rounds.

[Heineken]

My trainer used to tell us to "stick out our flowers" rather than a cruder choice. As I was trotting past the judge another trainer on our circuit screamed "Look at them hooters" causing the judge and everyone else to crack up...I did win the class :)

[Beasmom]

NOT NICE--I'm eating lunch!!! How would you like chicken corn chowder to come out YOUR nose???

OW! Hope it wasn't CHUNKY chicken corn chowder...

[Hidden]

I got the "pleasure" of watching one of our teens explain that the reason she walked her horse up to a 2'6" fence.. stopped him and then kicked the crap out of him so he jumped it from a standstill - is because she was building his hind end to make a better jumper out of him! Whooooo... new one on me.

[SBT]

My first ever riding teacher was a courtly Hungarian gentleman who never had a harsh word. "Aaah, not the best, not the best," he would say as I struggled to learn some new skill and absorb his lessons.

"Eeeempossible!" was as close to exasperation as he ever got.

We have one such trainer at my barn. Took me a while to figure out not only the accent, but the inversion of sentences. I still try not to crack up when he says something like, "I don't think so my horse likes this hay." :D And thanks to the frequent a=o vowel swap, I now answer to the most horrendous mutilation my first name has ever known, in the form of "Sorrah." :p Nyc_rider (aka "Eye-ren") can vouch for this. ;)

[3eme]

Ok, that made me laugh out loud in my school's strictly-no-talking library. How would you say that in french? :lol:

a frog on a box of matches = un crapaud sur une boite d'allumettes

(actually, I had mistranslated. It should be "toad" and not "frog". I'm not so good with the reptile vocab thing...)

[sirbeastmom]

I don't think this woman was a legit trainer even though she certainly fancied herself one. She liked to watch lessons and give us advice after they were over. She apparently thought my horse had a self confidence problem and told me I should tell him "You are beautiful when you run." :rolleyes:

[Sandy M]

Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.

One dressage guy did Robin Williams/The Birdcage, yelling to me: "Madonna, Madonna...."

[Renn/aissance]

NOT NICE--I'm eating lunch!!! How would you like chicken corn chowder to come out YOUR nose???

Sorry! But thank you- I've finally entered the elusive Club of People Who Cause Other People to Leak Beverages from Unlikely Orifices! :lol:

[skyy]

A local big name hunter rider/trainer uses the line "chest on the crest" to all of his female students when they're jumping. He's a proponent of the exagerated hunter release in case you're wondering!

[arary]

I think my story tops all of yours!

When I was home from college on summer break on year, my horse went lame and needed 2 months off. So, I was missing my riding time, and saw an ad in the paper offering free riding in return for barn help. I figured at least I'd have something to ride, so I answered the ad.

The barn was a small backyard barn, and the job duties included arriving before the instructor's afternoon lessons started to get the horses tacked up and ready. Then I would assist the instructor with getting riders mounted and horses put away after lessons. If somebody didn't show up for a lesson, leaving an extra horse available, I was allowed to ride in the lesson. Sounded like a good deal to me, so I took the job. I figured I'd get not only something to ride, but free lessons for myself.

Well, almost immediately upon arriving for my first day of work I realized that I'd just agreed to work in the Twilight Zone Farm. It started out when I was saddling the horses. I noticed that a lot of the saddles leaned back (ie pommel much higher than the cantle). Having spied a pile of foam lollypop pads gathering dust in a back corner of the tack room, I asked if I should be using them to level out the saddles. The instructor gave me a blank stare, then told me that she taught "forward seat" riding, so the saddles were supposed to be higher in front. WTF!!! I suppose if you rode dressage the saddles were supposed to lean back?

But no, it gets better. Then the instructor introduced me to her one mare that was reserved for the advanced riders. I was told that this mare was very fussy with her head and needed a rider with quiet hands. You also probably needed a hockey mask to protect your nose from getting broken to judge by the garguantuan ewe-neck on this horse. Well anyway, as I was bridling her I noticed that while all the other horses had snaffle bits, this mare had a rusty old curb bit with positively midieval looking shanks. The bit was sharp from years of horse teeth chewing on the metal, and almost cut my hands just from holding it. I politely asked the instructor why she had such a severe bit in this horse's mouth if she was so fussy, and would the mare not go better in a snaffle? The instructor looked at me like I had 2 heads, then told me that the bridle and the bit came with the horse when she purchased her, so clearly this bit was the one the mare was used to.

OK, so I probably should have run screaming from the farm by now, but I REALLY was missing the whole riding experience. I wanted to ride. At the last lesson of the day I was thrilled to see one extra horse that nobody claimed. Finally, I could ride in the lesson. Everything was going fine until we started trotting. The instructor kept telling me that I was posting on the wrong diagonal. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not an Olympic rider or anything, but I think I know my diagonals. After the instructor incorrectly told me I was on the wrong diagonal for the 100th time, I'd just had it. I turned to the instructor and told her that 3 blue ribbons from the 3 shows I'd attended as a member of my school's intercollegiate teams certianly argued that I knew how to post on the correct diagonal. You should be standing up as the OUTSIDE shoulder goes forward. The instructor insisted that no, it's when the inside shoulder goes forward.

At this point I went home determined to never come back. No amount of free riding was going to make my lose my sanity this way. Well, 2 nights later the instructor called me to say that she'd looked up this posting thing in a book, and it turns out we were both right! You see, this instructor had learned from an English (as in from the UK) riding instructor, and they post on the other diagonal over there! C'mon, seriously. You've got to be kidding me! How's that for a lame excuse for complete incopetence. I never went back.

[lstevenson]

I think my story tops all of yours!

When I was home from college on summer break on year, my horse went lame and needed 2 months off. So, I was missing my riding time, and saw an ad in the paper offering free riding in return for barn help. I figured at least I'd have something to ride, so I answered the ad.

The barn was a small backyard barn, and the job duties included arriving before the instructor's afternoon lessons started to get the horses tacked up and ready. Then I would assist the instructor with getting riders mounted and horses put away after lessons. If somebody didn't show up for a lesson, leaving an extra horse available, I was allowed to ride in the lesson. Sounded like a good deal to me, so I took the job. I figured I'd get not only something to ride, but free lessons for myself.

Well, almost immediately upon arriving for my first day of work I realized that I'd just agreed to work in the Twilight Zone Farm. It started out when I was saddling the horses. I noticed that a lot of the saddles leaned back (ie pommel much higher than the cantle). Having spied a pile of foam lollypop pads gathering dust in a back corner of the tack room, I asked if I should be using them to level out the saddles. The instructor gave me a blank stare, then told me that she taught "forward seat" riding, so the saddles were supposed to be higher in front. WTF!!! I suppose if you rode dressage the saddles were supposed to lean back?

But no, it gets better. Then the instructor introduced me to her one mare that was reserved for the advanced riders. I was told that this mare was very fussy with her head and needed a rider with quiet hands. You also probably needed a hockey mask to protect your nose from getting broken to judge by the garguantuan ewe-neck on this horse. Well anyway, as I was bridling her I noticed that while all the other horses had snaffle bits, this mare had a rusty old curb bit with positively midieval looking shanks. The bit was sharp from years of horse teeth chewing on the metal, and almost cut my hands just from holding it. I politely asked the instructor why she had such a severe bit in this horse's mouth if she was so fussy, and would the mare not go better in a snaffle? The instructor looked at me like I had 2 heads, then told me that the bridle and the bit came with the horse when she purchased her, so clearly this bit was the one the mare was used to.

OK, so I probably should have run screaming from the farm by now, but I REALLY was missing the whole riding experience. I wanted to ride. At the last lesson of the day I was thrilled to see one extra horse that nobody claimed. Finally, I could ride in the lesson. Everything was going fine until we started trotting. The instructor kept telling me that I was posting on the wrong diagonal. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not an Olympic rider or anything, but I think I know my diagonals. After the instructor incorrectly told me I was on the wrong diagonal for the 100th time, I'd just had it. I turned to the instructor and told her that 3 blue ribbons from the 3 shows I'd attended as a member of my school's intercollegiate teams certianly argued that I knew how to post on the correct diagonal. You should be standing up as the OUTSIDE shoulder goes forward. The instructor insisted that no, it's when the inside shoulder goes forward.

At this point I went home determined to never come back. No amount of free riding was going to make my lose my sanity this way. Well, 2 nights later the instructor called me to say that she'd looked up this posting thing in a book, and it turns out we were both right! You see, this instructor had learned from an English (as in from the UK) riding instructor, and they post on the other diagonal over there! C'mon, seriously. You've got to be kidding me! How's that for a lame excuse for complete incopetence. I never went back.



Yikes!! :eek:

I have seen a lot of scary instructors, but this might take the cake!

[4Martini]

When I first started re-riding I went to Ireland to visit friends and signed up for some cross country riding. Well, on the second day we went to a cross country course and started jumping. It was pretty intense (since I'd jumped like 3 days in 7 years.) So, after watching a bunch of people get refusals, tumble etc. I was a little nervous. The guide pointed me at a solid 3'6" cross country fence. I said that looks a little high. And his response was:

"Well you didn't fall off on the little ones, what makes you think you're gonna fall off on this one?"

To this day I keep that funny Irish voice in my head when fences look a little high...

[retsasid]

Speaking of Irish instructors...

I go to Ireland frequently with my parents. My mother rides, my father does not. Besides having many wonderful horsey experiences, we've met some great, cooky people.

Our most recent time, we found a kinda out-there barn to ride at. The instructor was a real goof ball! We all got on horses, and off we went. We explored some trails, jumped some jumps, and game to a part of the trail that was strung across with what looked like electrical tape, but wasn't wired to anything. The instructor looked at it, looked at me, and says, "Do you think you can jump that?"

Now, I have very little fear when I ride. And even I said I didn't now, it seemed like a bad idea, thinking what if the horses legs got caught... This tape was about 4' high!

The instructor laughed, spurred his horse, and called over his shoulder, "Do one thing every day that scares you!"

Over the tape we went, and we CLEARED it. Exhilirating. My mother's horse, a quiet, old appy pony, trucked right through it and tore it down.

['Sconie]

I used to lesson at a barn where the instructor divided us by age group, so I rode with about four other women ages 20 and up. Whenever any of us would get frustrated about something and try to reason out what was going wrong, the instructor would tell us to "Stop having an Oprah moment!"
I wanted to reach down with my crop, give him a whack and say, "I don't even watch Oprah, just tell what I'm doing wrong!"

[abrant]

"Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"

What?

This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

~Adrienne

[TwoDreamRides]

In fairness to the UK instructor [not that she seems to deserve fairness], posting does seem to be taught slightly differently in the UK, as well as Australia.

My mom took Dressage lessons while we lived in both places and her instructors there taught her to go down when the inside leg goes down, rather than up when the outside goes up.

When we moved to the US and she had to learn to get used to the instrucor saying "Up with the Outside" it took her a good two years of not getting confused and doing "Up with the Inside"...

So, it is a confuseable issue when you are a "re-schooled" rider..

[SBT]

I once watched a "dressage trainer" halt a horse in the middle of the ring, and proceed to slowly see-saw on his mouth with her hands waaaay out to the sides. She did this for a solid 5 minutes while shooting the breeze with a client. The horse eventually wound up with his chin on his chest trying to avoid her hands, at which point "trainer" announced, "Ooh, he LIKES this opening-rein exercise!"

I had to chomp on my tongue to keep from pointing out the difference between submission and evasion. :uhoh:

[Montanas_Girl]

Very, very early in my college career, during one of my first Western lessons, my coach was trying to get me out of my "hunter hover" (I coined that phrase myself, lol!) into a full seat position at the lope. I was NOT getting it. Finally, in frustration, she calls "Act like you're having *** on top!" I don't know what it was, but suddenly I GOT it. I thought my friend, who was lessoning with me, was going to fall off of her horse laughing. To this day, that goes through my head whenever I get perchy, and I get myself back in the saddle!

[Chef Jade]

I once had a "lesson" from a jumper trainer who spent the entire hour setting a course. Now I was on a 3 year old who had only jumped a few x's so i am already thinking WTF? :confused:

So after a good amount of riding around, I trot on up to him and ask how I'm doing and for any feedback. His response, "Well, you're still on aren't you?" :lol: Needless to say, I walked out of the ring and that was the last time I had a "lesson" with him. I wasn't paying for him to set a course for his later lessons! :no:

[MTshowjumper]

Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.


My old trainer used to yell that at us!

[LisaB]

From ONE instructor.
I want to see air between the saddle and your knees!
Toes OUT!
Elbows in front of you! (They were square at my sides, hands in front of me)
Look ABOVE the trees! Chin high!
Imagine the visual!
I went back to my instructor back home and tried to piece together what was once a winning dr. seat over the winter. Proceeded to go back to the intercollegiate team and win the next hack class. WITHOUT listening to the screwball!

[*Teddy*]

"Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"

What?

This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

~Adrienne

really ?? i didnt realize that flying chicken arms was the way to go:lol: :lol: :lol: hmmmm should try that next time to help give the horse lift over a jummp:D or if all else fails try flying when being dumped:lol:

[twnkltoz]

I had a lesson once where my instructor was off doing chores. I'm waiting and waiting, warming up and practicing. Finally I move on and start doing a regular workout. Eventually, she comes out to tell me that she's not out there with me because I have plenty to work on and standing there yelling at me isn't going to help. WTF...how am I supposed to know I'm doing things right??? What if I have questions??? Another time, I told her I was going to be there on Friday morning before it got hot. She said, "Come at 7:30[am] so I can help you before I go to my show." Well, I drag my *ss out there at 7:30 in the morning to ride and guess what? Never see her until I'm DONE and she's washing a horse. No mention of the lesson I was supposed to have. I'm not exactly sure where my spine is...don't think I was given one. I'm not there anymore, at least.

[blondmane]

I have a boarder who once in awhile tells me things her former trainer told her, full of conviction:

1. You only worm horses when there is a full moon
2. You only do horse's teeth when it's cold out
3. You don't ride a horse after it's had its feet trimmed

WTF?

[bamboozled]

a few gems come to mind-
"that horse's neck is too long, he can't drop his head into a frame like so and so can"....."you have no confidence"..."that kid can't ride, that's why that horse is acting up" (while on a fresh, green OTTB)...."gymnastics, you don't need gymnastics, trot poles are fine"...."that horse doesn't know how to lunge"...."i have no idea where that pony came from, it got dropped off in the middle of the night"...."that horse can't jump 3 foot"....."i don't like your attitude" (directed to student face down in the dirt)...."this mare is easy to ride, it's you that has the problem"..."safety is my primary concern"..."that horse is fine, it's just a runny nose"..."i told the girls they didn't have to come in to feed until 10 am"...."your problem is that you know too many people at too many barns"..."i can't afford a new water tank, they will just have to go without".

and our personal favorites-"i am the most honest person there is"...."tell your mom to get off her wallet!"....and "get your head out of your ass!"

this person has not shown over fences in quite a few years, while his/her peers are doing so on their client's horses and have sales prospects they are bringing along. hence, this person is not a trainer, simply an instructor that gets lucky from time to time.

[Come Shine]

lmao - great thread!

My favorite wtf lesson involved being taught that the trick to riding dressage is to "pull that inside rein!", "pull that inside rein harder!", and finally, in case I didn't get the picture, being yelled at to "pull that inside rein like a MAN!". ummm. All righty then.

[josierider]

"Knees tight! Heels down! Knees tight! Heels down!"

I understand about the heels down, but do you think the 'knees tight' had anything to do with the fact that I popped off of the horse on a regular basis? (I stopped counting at 25 falls when I was about 12!) I was always a "chicken" rider as a kid, so I'm sure I tensed up, squeezed as tight as I could and popped off like a clothes pin!

[Shahrazade]

"The only way to get the right canter lead is to pull her head to the outside! Harder now!"

Oddly enough, worked on that poor mare... who then proceeded to travel counterbent for the next hour after I complied.

"An adult can ride a Shetland. It's just going to go slower."

[catknsn]

Well, back in the days when I was taught to ride, outside rein to get the lead was the standard procedure!

But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.

[MyGiantPony]

Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.

[Briggsie]

Okay, I am not naming names, but there was a woman who used to come out to the barn, at fort_______, she wore these crazy pink sunglasses. Some of the homeschool barn moms swore by her (thats because the kids did not complain, because she had ammy's working over 2ft fences before they even knew how to hold the reins correctly).

One of the barn moms told her i had a young yearling, that I was training myself. She came over to me, told me she could help me, gave me a bus. card...then asked me how I communicated to him (now she is a certified nutjob in my book). I looked dumbfounded. She asked me if I ever....get ready for this shocker:

"do you ever pee on your horse??"" WHHHHAAAAAAAAAATT?"

"Yeah, I get on my stallions and pee on them, it is how we bond"

okay a few things are wrong with this theory:

A: in most states, we call that beastiality
B: In most states, that is illegal
C: I don't pee on or in anything but a toilet, or a hole I dug
D: Um, dude, my horse is a yearling, even if I wanted to get on him and Pee, I would break his back
E. The fact that this is normal to her, really concerns me that moms would swear by her like Kix cereal.
F: She is not locked up in a mental hospital?
G: I still see her ads in equiery.

Wow. Peeing on a horse. If only John Lyons knew. New age horse training. Sorry, not for me!

[Come Shine]

Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.

hmmm 16.4? That is some "giant pony"! :lol:

[mayhew]

Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.


Not exactly trainer related, but I met a man from Australia at a bar. He ran a huge sheep ranch in the middle of nowhere. We got onto the subject of horses and he said that he had 70, and he collected their blood while they were pregnant. He didn't know much about it--turns out someone else runs the operation for him. Said it was all very humane, as they just take a bit of blood from the horse's neck and then chemically abort the foal before it gets big. Sounds for all the world to me like he is mistaken, and is running a PMU operation without even knowing it, but has anyone ever heard of Pregnant Mare BLOOD?

[archieflies]

"Yeah, I get on my stallions and pee on them, it is how we bond"

OK, despite the weirdness of the statement, my real question is... if you're on the horse and pee... are you then SITTING in it? Or do you get in 2-point? Well then you have it running down your leg. No, I think the horses probably just felt sorry for her and then did their best to keep her safe... no bonding there.

[Synrgystyk]

Well, back in the days when I was taught to ride, outside rein to get the lead was the standard procedure!

Me too: outside rein, outside leg. Maybe it was a western thing?

But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.

I don't know how old you are, but when I was a kid the vet "tube wormed" with liquid wormer every six months. I don't remember when paste wormers came out, but before they did, it was twice yearly (spring/fall) tubing.

In fact, I can remember having to guard the wormer bucket because one of our barn cats thought the wormer was ambrosia. (We'd let him have three or four licks -- after all it was wormer and the vet said a tiny bit was ok -- but then shoo him off.) I was never brave enough to form my own opinion.

Lorree

[MySparrow]

Well this one always gets me:

"Breathe!"

Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?

Actually, that's something I quite often tell my students. Yes, there are quite a few people in the world who hold their breath when they are concentrating/tense/fearful. One of the first things I teach my students is breathing exercises, and I ask them to work to breathe into their legs to relax them.

"Breathe" is one of the most constructive things you can tell people sometimes.

[tidy rabbit]

At Congress in the warm up there was a rather hot horse who was way backed off but would then rush the jumps. The trainers advice "KILL HIM" over and over again. Someone was actually paying for that advice?

[Invested1]

Sorry! But thank you- I've finally entered the elusive Club of People Who Cause Other People to Leak Beverages from Unlikely Orifices! :lol:

YAY--happy I could pass along the joy! :lol:

[Invested1]

..."i don't like your attitude" (directed to student face down in the dirt.

While not *really* funny, that actually made me laugh out loud!! :lol:

[Amber_M]

-Every hunter horse should wear a martingale at a show, regardless of need.

-A bit that's too large is ok, as long as you're only hacking around.

My personal fav- Your horse should be afraid of you, because that means it respects you. :lol:

[LisaB]

Ohh, the peeing reminds me (besides that I have to go potty) of a dog trainer. We were taking puppy classes and particularly didn't care for this lady. Anyway, she said to lay on the dogs once a day for the next week. It shows dominance. Okay, I read that in the Monks of New Skeet book. Very primal, pack thing. But then she went on that you do this to foals! Honestly! You lay them out on the ground and lay on them!
Okay
dog = carnivore = pack devouring meat
equine = herbivore = herd grazing grass

[mayhew]

Ohh, the peeing reminds me (besides that I have to go potty) of a dog trainer. We were taking puppy classes and particularly didn't care for this lady. Anyway, she said to lay on the dogs once a day for the next week. It shows dominance. Okay, I read that in the Monks of New Skeet book. Very primal, pack thing. But then she went on that you do this to foals! Honestly! You lay them out on the ground and lay on them!
Okay
dog = carnivore = pack devouring meat
equine = herbivore = herd grazing grass

Furthermore, that is something that most dog trainers disregard now too!

[zedcadjna]

Originally Posted by VivaBaby
\
A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!



I just had coffee come out of my nose, and it burns, but that is too funny!!!



I had a trainer once tell me at WEF in Tampa that I had nice assets and boosets, and that if I showed them off I would win more eq classes, I was like HUH!!!! He told my trainer that he has been watching me all week, my trainer told him off...

[Kerrysmom818]

But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.

That was the norm for a long, long time - tube worming - spring and fall. Rotational worming every 6 weeks is relatively new becoming common practice in the last ten years or so?

[Mtn trails]

A former member of the then USET said that the reason people ride dressage is because they can't find their distance to a fence.

Okay, really? Are you sure about that?

[SBT]

A "trainer"/BO once told me that horses only need ONE bucket of water in the winter, because "they drink less when it's cold." (The horses who routinely sucked down two buckets overnight were SOL.) :no:

Along those same lines, she also refused to put water in the paddocks during the winter (even when the horses were out all day) because "it'll just freeze anyway," and "they can drink when they come inside." From their ONE bucket, after having nothing all day... :uhoh:

Amazing that this barn never had any impaction colics. I guess the horses adapted. :sigh:

[tidy rabbit]

A former member of the then USET said that the reason people ride dressage is because they can't find their distance to a fence.

Okay, really? Are you sure about that?


That's not true?

Why didn't she/he include western peeps as well?

[Equinetech]

pick him up! put him away! pick him up! put him away! I'm going to have to try that one. (oh my poor horsies)
It just dawned on me that y'all might not know what the trainer was trying to get the rider/horse combo to do: he was attempting to get the rider to get the horse's head "set" (she was riding an AQHA WP horse-actually a very nice horse anyway...) but what would happen is just when the horse would become soft, rounded in the back, hind end up underneath him and "using himself" (er...this is like "western" for "on the bit" lol) the guy would yell "PICK HIM UP" and the rider would jerk on the reins and the horse would fling his head chin to chest and the guy would yell "PUT HIM AWAY" and the rider would fling her arm way out towards the horse's poll (in effect, throwing the reins away) and the horse would gradually "creep" back into the proper frame (the whole time with the "WTF?" expression on his face-you could totally tell the horse had had a good trainer at one time cause he kept trying to go back to the right way of going lol.

[sid]

My former trainer's dressage trainer/coach told her once that she was sitting the trot "like a reluctant virgin" -- thought that was hilarious.

[dalpal]

Here's a conversation I had with a person from another barn in the area..

She's telling me all the bad things about her barn...so here's where the conversation became frightening.

"I had the two year old in the crossties, she offered to kick when I picked up her back foot. BO (god, I wish I could type her name) saw it and made me flip her and then sit on her."

Me.."WHAT? How in the hell do you flip a horse? (Not to mention why would you)

Her.."You take a rope and wrap it around their foot and rig it around their back, when they move, they fall. Then we sit on them."

Me..."You've got to be kidding???"

Her.."No, this one horse figured out what was happening and would refuse to move. She took her out back, tied the rope, pushed her off balance and he rolled down a hill then made me walk down the hill and sit on her.":eek: :no:

Me.."Why the hell do you pay money to board at this barn? Doesn't anyone ever call the human society"

Her.."they've been out before, but couldn't find evidence"

Me.."You do realize what this does to a horse's back? It destroys it"

That is just one of many stories she told me goes on and what is sad, this is what the kids are learning is okay":mad: :no:

[keysfins]

I had an "instructor" at a local horse facility which was very high-end. However, the school horses weren't. Two thing I couldn't believe I heard:

1. I was grooming my horse-of-the-day, and found he had a shard of hoof poking out of his coronet band, and the leg felt warm. Went in to the arena where "instructor" was "teaching", and asked her to come look at it. She asked if he was bleeding: no. "Then tack him up and get him in here." (Oooh, do I wish I had trusted my gut.) So poor "Brownie" got tacked up, and I mounted and began to walk. Started rising trot and it was immediately clear that he was lame. Off I got, and "instructor" said: "I didn't think it was THAT bad!" ((Yeah, okay, so you have bamboo shoots stuck under your nails, how do you think YOU'D feel??) Put horse away and left. Wish I'd known then how to help him. Poor horse! :no:

2. Same instructor, different horse of the day. I had brought a test dressage saddle to try, possibly to buy. I tacked up, asked "instructor" to check the saddle fit. "It seems Okay, but honey, you're about two years away from riding in that saddle." :mad: :mad: GRRRRRRRR---the nerve. I was NOT a new rider, just one getting back into things.

3. (okay, more than two) "Instructor" is drunk during my lesson. Then has to cancel two more. I left to travel for several weeks, and when I got back, I located a wonderful little Arab to lease at the facility, got a TRAINER to work with, and watched "Instructor's" jaw drop when she saw me riding, even sitting trot, leg yields, etc.:D Guess she knew then I wouldn't be taking "lessons" from her.

Happily riding and training with my OWN horse and wonderful group of trainers who shall remain nameless---they don't NEED to be named----since I left the "Instructor". :cool:

[Sarah616]

"Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"

What?

This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

~Adrienne

I have to say that I had to try that to see what it would be like... It was quite interesting.

[TriggsPony]

I think there is a "trainer" like that at every barn! The "trainer" at my barn recently told a friend (who was teaching her horse to lower his head for haltering and bridling) that she shouldn't do that because it will cause the horse to be sore!! Mind you, my friend wasn't forcing the horses head down. I'm curious to know what the "trainer" thinks of horses in the wild, aren't there heads often lowered for grazing??

[JoZ]

The owner of (and also instructor at) the barn where I kept my first horse for 12 years had a bunch of great sayings, of which I remain very fond:
"Ya gotta do what ya gotta do"
"Just so's ya know"
"Ride your own horse"
"Tempo and direction"
"Make a change" (my favorite... it goes with the saying about repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome)
and so forth. Each of these had it's own place and made quite a bit of sense.

But this barn, on the outskirts of Boston, had no turnout... zero. This was not uncommon in the area. This guy used to say "look at horses out in the field... they are in the sun and the rain, look at their tails swishing at the flies... they are NOT happy outside". And we all believed it... to give myself credit the "poor confined horses" in his barn were as happy, calm and vice-free as you could want, so it made his story a bit more believable.

Well now my horses are out in pastures and paddocks as much as they can be, and you know what? I've asked them... they ARE happy! Flies, sun, rain, wind, you name it... they are HAPPY!