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View Full Version : Retiring My Drugged Horse on XC Because of all of the Armchair Quarterbacking



RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 01:54 PM
I got this from a person that decided to comment on my horsemanship at Galway.


zzzzzzzzz Read you aint getin' it, an never will, man.

You should have caned that thing of yours after Galway. The sucker puked out on you and screwed up a nother jump.
Don't ya get it.
Should have let him there and parked the sucker.

But what are you fool doing.
You drag that piece of s..... back on my trailer, had him dump a big load, caused a tire to blow up. Luckily you did not leave him at my place, I am gerateful for that.

And now comes the real thing. Three weeks later you took this run down worn out dog food, that aint dowing the trick every time when asked, to Texas, of all places.

That must be your jumper upbringing, aint the Eventing Style, buddy.

followed by:


Let me tell ya wat jumpa-boy, you should tye that run down and not any more good for nothing thing to the next fence post along the road ditch and tye a sign retired to his tail.
Maybe some one has mercy with IT and takes it home as a pet for the kiddos an' a trailhorse horse for the ol' lady.


Maybe the SOB is right? Then again this comes from a person that needs to get finged more than anybody else I know. I mean his POS mare is just a rank, rail pulling machine. He keep saying she is going to the CCI* in the Fall, but c'mon he has been saying that since 2000.

Is it right for him to critisize me? Should I just give it up and retire Shiv? If I do I may never see Nevertime be an exclamation point nor will I get a chance to wipe that smug smile off of Sebastian's face. Of course frugalannie and Runforit are just feeding the fire. What to do?! If I don't compete my life will be numpingless.

Reed

Fence2Fence
May. 9, 2006, 02:03 PM
Omigod, I think I've died.

Reed--my honest, nonpaid, pro-ammie opinion, which I'll be shortly dropping a bill in the mail for you. The unlicensed vet, who recently was kicked off the board, has given me a life supply of mixed cocktail for the pony and I. We both can take it IV. He told me to save my money and re-use the needle. When I send you my bill for this purely ammie advice, I'll even send you a sample and one of my recycled needles. It's a little bent, but never mind that. This cocktail is great--calms him down, calms me down, and that chronic lameness from his hock has completely disappeared! Heck, it's even improved my sex drive.

Next year, it's Rolex baby. I've been practicing over the Hammack at the KY Horse Park.

:)

BarbB
May. 9, 2006, 02:10 PM
was this before or after you gave him a critique of his mare and offered to retrain her for him???

Gnep
May. 9, 2006, 02:36 PM
BarB ( is that as ol'rosty barB wire )

that young lady has style she would buck that jumpa boy of and remind him that he should retire himself. Don't forget he is already over 40 and should be turned out to pasture with that run down TBthing of his.
Remind you TB is the short form for Tuberkulose, which says it all.

Well he is just a jumpa boy, talking naturally of pulling a few measly rails, what else could he do, x-c ???.
Na, not him

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 03:08 PM
Don't retire him, Reed--send him to ME. :)

InVA
May. 9, 2006, 03:11 PM
Move to area 2where the real event riders are and let your sob friends comment = better yet, see if they can compete against anyone here.

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 03:12 PM
BarbB Of course I had to critique his mare! To watch that thing go around made my eyes bleed.

You all seem to feel free to just question every choice I have ever made.

Fence2Fence is my only supporter so send everything you got! Shiv has one question though, will it improve his sex life? As for the bill, let me know. Whatever it takes to keep the horse and rider at the top of their game (including extracurricular numping and/or finging). By the way, let me know if you intend to drop out if you are not in the top 10 at Rolex. Hopefully i can win simply by being the only rider there for XC. There it is again! I can't retire my horse. He is my only shot at glory, damn his health and welfare.

As for Gnep, what the hell is it with you and these "warmbloods" or whatever you call them. Big blockheaded things that would rather move the fence aside than jump over it.

In your dreams deltawave. If he goes big, I'm going with him. You are just jealous. You always have been. You don't want to see me succeed.

InVA, we will be there.

Reed

InVA
May. 9, 2006, 03:18 PM
You sound like that other discipline, not like an event rider. that's what I meant. go do the hunters.

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 03:22 PM
Oh, InVA, I get it! Well, just join in with everyone else. Fine. See what happens when you smack one fence hard enough everyone hears it. Suddenly, my horse can't do it anymore. What do you all know?!

Reed

Sebastian
May. 9, 2006, 03:27 PM
Totally against speaking out against pros, but you’re not so – even tho I’ve never seen your horse go? This is what I think you should do. First, was it an off day? Or is your horse just not interested in competing? I hear from my brother’s wife’s second cousin that the horse looked like a hornet’s nest going around… And, speaking of hornet’s nest’s, I heard from my friend’s holistic Vet’s assistant that if you stand under a hornet’s nest while mounted and poke the nest until you both get about 50 stings, that it will improve your XC immensely! Something about riding better in an altered state??? It might help with all the insecurity you have as a rider…

Also, how dare you not consult the owner… I think you and your wallet need to have a REALLY LONG heart to heart, warm and fuzzy, talk about what to do with the poor horse… My brother’s wife’s second cousin also said he over-heard your wallet say he thought the horse was worried in Dressage because his braids were too tight…

If I were you, and I’m not, but I should be… I’d drug my horse more and go schooling – making sure to LOOK DOWN at every fence so that I can find a distance. You know a good XC horse should know the course by heart so that you never have to look where you are going and can ALWAYS look down to find a distance. Just concentrate on what the top of each fence looks like. That really should solve all your problems.

Frankly, historically, everyone rides their horse into the ground. And the short format will ruin him anyway, so I think you really should just struggle around XC for the sake of it…

Your's always,
Smug ...I mean, Seb. :D

InVA
May. 9, 2006, 03:29 PM
dude, I was talking about whoever criticized YOU. I don't think anyone has the right to do that.

Gnep
May. 9, 2006, 04:00 PM
InVa as in vain ?

Opposit everybody has the right to critizise him, especialy him. He worked realy hard for it and everybody should deserve the results of that much efford.

DW are you running a retirement farm or are you looking for a donation for your local handycaped riding program. Be adviced that run down thing needs a serious drug rehab program

BarbB
May. 9, 2006, 04:06 PM
Reed, all you had to do was ask......since Gnep obviously didn't have the nerve to do it.....I would have started a thread titled....

"Should Reed retire Shiver or just drug him?"

Or something like that :yes:

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 04:08 PM
The "handicapped" designation would only refer to my (lack of) riding talent. But with a clever attorney one could easily turn Reed's generous donation into a tax write off and another shot at a CCI* for me. :D

bornfreenowexpensive
May. 9, 2006, 04:09 PM
Sorry Shivers had an off day and isn't going well....you are probably giving him too much grain. He also probably has ulcers and should get tested for ESPM. Take off his shoes and turn him out 24/7. You may have too much bit so only run x-c in a rubber snaffle and remove your reins....you should be able to adjust him from your seat alone. It will solve all your problems and he will soon be scoring off the charts in dressage and jumping like a working hunter.

InVA
May. 9, 2006, 04:17 PM
Sorry Shivers had an off day and isn't going well....you are probably giving him too much grain. He also probably has ulcers and get tested for ESPM. Take off his shoes and turn him out 24/7. You may have too much bit so only run x-c in a rubber snaffle and remove your reins....you should be able to adjust him from your seat alone. It will solve all your problems and he will soon be scoring off the charts in dressage and jumping like a working hunter.

HAHA! that's the funniest thing I've seen in a while! We should all just cut and paste it into every post we make to this BB...

Libish
May. 9, 2006, 04:17 PM
Yeah. I saw Shiv at Greenwood. Reed, maybe it's time to face reality and put the poor beast down. I think his whole deamenor said he hates his life.

BarbB
May. 9, 2006, 04:20 PM
jumping like a working hunter.


:D :lol: :lol: :winkgrin: :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :D :eek: :eek: :lol: :rolleyes::lol: :lol: :lol: :winkgrin: :winkgrin: :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :rolleyes: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :winkgrin: :winkgrin: :winkgrin: :winkgrin: :winkgrin: :no: :yes: :rolleyes: :yes: :no: :yes: :yes: :lol: :lol: :no: :yes: :lol: :lol: :) :D :lol: :winkgrin: :eek: :yes: :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


:cool:

brindille
May. 9, 2006, 04:52 PM
this may be a language barrier, but i don't understand if this is a joke and i am intrigued????:confused:

Roney
May. 9, 2006, 04:56 PM
Sorry Shivers had an off day and isn't going well....you are probably giving him too much grain. He also probably has ulcers and should get tested for ESPM. Take off his shoes and turn him out 24/7. You may have too much bit so only run x-c in a rubber snaffle and remove your reins....you should be able to adjust him from your seat alone. It will solve all your problems and he will soon be scoring off the charts in dressage and jumping like a working hunter.

And my GOD, do not forget to check the fit of his saddle!!!!:eek::eek:

Gnep
May. 9, 2006, 05:22 PM
maybe he could take a NH course with OC and than try baby novice with a carot stick.

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 05:25 PM
You people have NO idea what it takes!!! NONE!!!!! Gnep, deltawave, you guys are just jealous. If you can't say anything constructive then don't say anything at all!

Bornfee, sure like you and Roney have done this all before. I already ride him in a french link rubber snaffle. I cut his grain out a long time ago and my dressage is just fine with a custom saddle, thank you! Stop critisizing me! I asked for help about making a decision with my horse. At least Shiver has a better career than that meat packing plant candidate that Gnep has. Or that constantly broken down nag of deltawave's. for god's sake look at the picture in her profile. She couldn't ride a fence if you saddled it. I bet neither on your mares has the cajones to get big air. Oh, that's right, they are MARES! Maybe Neuticles may be the answer?

Sure Seb, make you comments and act so smug. Like your brother's wife second cousin saw me braid. I bet you don't even ride.

As for Libish, sure you saw my horse at Greenwood. If you know us so well, why didn't you talk to me there! Coward.

Reed

Sebastian
May. 9, 2006, 05:27 PM
maybe he could take a NH course with OC and than try baby novice with a carot stick.
AUGH!!! How could I forget the Parelli's.

They will fix you right up, Reed!!! I hear he can jump dangerous picnic tables -- BARE BACK!!!

Smug :cool:

Libish
May. 9, 2006, 05:36 PM
Me, a coward?! A loud mouth like me! Hell no! I was just waiting for a better time is all..... now seems as good a time as any.

IQ3day14
May. 9, 2006, 05:42 PM
:lol: ;) :sadsmile: :yes: :cool: :winkgrin: :D :eek: :winkgrin: :) i think i may wet myself!!! :eek: :winkgrin: :D :lol: :cool: :yes: :winkgrin: :) :lol: ;) :yes: :eek: :winkgrin: :cool: :D :) :lol: :eek: :yes: :cool: :winkgrin: :)

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 05:45 PM
maybe he could take a NH course with OC and than try baby novice with a carot stick.


AUGH!!! How could I forget the Parelli's.

They will fix you right up, Reed!!! I hear he can jump dangerous picnic tables -- BARE BACK!!!

I don't need trainers! I don't need help. I know what I am doing all by myself.

Yes, the Picnic table is the one we smacked at Galway. Some inconsiderate boobs set it up in the middle of the trailer parking. I was giving Shiv a big smack to get him up for XC and he bolted!

All I asked was help for a serious question and all I get is a bunch people who don't even live where I compete. Only one person has offered to help and they had better be sending stuff soon because there is no way I want to retire my horse yet. I ride JUST FINE. I'll show you people!

Libish if you want to chime maybe you need a spelling lesson first. It is demeanor, not deamenor deary.

Sebastian
May. 9, 2006, 05:49 PM
Reed, one more thing, I think you should post conformation shots of Shiv, for all you know he may have physical defects, like a straight shoulder, slopeing croup, turned out feet or cow hocks that would exclude you from EVER Eventing him in the first place... We really could have saved you the trouble...

And, what's wrong with getting all my information from books? I only read the classics...

Smuggly yours,
Seb :cool:

BarbB
May. 9, 2006, 06:03 PM
hey! hey! HEY!

Knock off the baby novice with a carrot stick comments !!!!!!

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 06:34 PM
Reeeeeed, wasn't your dose of Thorazine due last week? :D

You have clearly taken off his magnetic browband, haven't you? And gotten rid of the vinegar, melaleuca oil, bentonite and diatomaceous earth enemas??? For shame, you wretched excuse for a horseman.

Send him to meeeeee, send him to meeeeeeee, I will love him and pat him and squeeze him and call him George. :D

RunForIt
May. 9, 2006, 06:35 PM
:rolleyes: oh my, my, MY - all of you have WAAAYYY too much time on your hands -I got home over an hour and a half ago from work, fed the horses, and I'm just now finishing mucking out the house, of course, I've doubled up laughing over and over reading this thread - I don't care how much the chestnut princess argues tonight; I'd say she's in rare company! :D :cool: Next year when Rolex is real again, I think we're in for a big party - just, must meet you guys in the flesh...:eek:


edited in haste because I realized 1/2 way to the barn that the "flesh" remark was just going to fuel the fire again.) So, No , not really IN the flesh - arrgghhh!

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 06:36 PM
Well, I had general anesthesia this morning and am still a little loopy. Tomorrow I will be back to my normal self. :D

CarrieK
May. 9, 2006, 06:37 PM
All I asked was help for a serious question and all I get is a bunch people who don't even live where I compete. Only one person has offered to help and they had better be sending stuff soon because there is no way I want to retire my horse yet. I ride JUST FINE. I'll show you people!
You'e got some anger issues going on here, and I certainly don't want to fan the flames, but here's my advice: don't ask a bunch of anonymous internet posters for help. You're right, we don't know your situation, don't even live where you compete, we have no idea what's going on. You have no idea of our abilities and our situations (which is obvious if you think deltawave is jealous of you and your situation) so why ask advice from us?

Another bit of advice: whoever sent you that email--block their address, don't respond. Don't get into pissin matches with folks, either in email or here on the forum.

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 06:40 PM
CarrieK, Reed is KIDDING. (probably) And I *am* jealous of him...he has way more letters after his name than I do ;) and is brave enough to jump those gi-normous ditch/brush things that leave me nauseous. :eek: But at least my old broken-down horse is prettier than HIS broken-down horse! :p :p :p

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 06:59 PM
Ahhhhh, 1500mics of thorazine is kicking in and the aluminun head cover is firmly adjusted.

CarrieK, I DO NOT HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!!!!!! This is supposed to be a happy, fun supportive group! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. We can't help you. Your horse sucks. Give it up. That is all I get. Well EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME!!!!!!!!!

Yes, Brindelle and CarrieK, this is a joke to take some of the edge off of this forum. All of this back biting about who should retire, who is fat, and let's all second guess each other has left me crabby so I am doing something about it. :D My profile has a picture from Greenwood 3 weeks ago showing my boy in action. He is the coolest and i love him dearly.

If you all go to Maui Jim, come by and we will all get together for beers after XC!

Runforit, I'm happy to meet folks in the flesh, one-at-a-time though. ;)

Gnep is really an awesome horseman who I greatly respect. Deltawave has a beautiful picture in her profile that shows a perfect classic position on XC. I can't wait to meet Smug...er, Seb someday in Cali and InVA back east! Libish and BarbB are good friends and accomplished horsewomen in their own right. Bornfree, if I remember correctly has a very cute horse going now. And I can't wait to compete against IQ3day14 becasue I will CRUSH you all and show you what a 14 year-old has been hunter and a creaky, now 41 year-old SOB can do! :D

I have to say, I have not laughed as much as I have on this thread in a while. Seb's description of Shiver and a hornets nest is a LOT closer than she knows!

Judi
May. 9, 2006, 07:10 PM
Reed.. no way... Shiv started as a Hunter? Really... you guys are our hero's and that picture from Greenway... is

WOW.. WOW...WOW...WOW...WOW...WOW!!!

By the way.. Seb and I ride together... and we both can't wait to meet you the next time you do Galway... when's the next time you're out our way???

judi

jenarby
May. 9, 2006, 07:17 PM
Oh! I'm so glad this was all a joke. I was utterly confused and feeling terribly sorry for you RAyers! Your ponee is GOERGEOUS! That pic in your profile rocks!

AppJumpr08
May. 9, 2006, 07:25 PM
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH I'm laughing too hard to even add to this!!!

Tehehehe you guys are the best (and Reed, your "couldn't ride a fence if you saddled it" put me on the floor!!:lol:)

Thanks for the laughs guys!

frugalannie
May. 9, 2006, 07:27 PM
{SIgh}

I am so proud of myself for bringing out the best sides of everyone. Even Deltawave came out to play!

Seriously, I was getting so bored with everyone behaving, being civil, and drinking tea with their pinkies sticking out I was starting to give up on this forum.

Bornfreenowonsale, loved your post. It concisely encapsulated all that I believe is holy and sacred about the art of horsemanship. (If anyone believes that, and I mention it only for those who don't know me, go out and bang your head against the side of a barn until you reach the altered state in which I routinely reside.)

By the way, Fence2fence... Was that practicing over the Hammock or in the Hammock?

Reed, perhaps you and Gnep can start collaborating on an instructional manual for the aspiring eventer? I can't wait to read the chapter on "Selecting the Horse".

And if I've offended anyone, please get a glass of wine, put your feet up and understand that I'm going completely bonkers.;)

Blugal
May. 9, 2006, 07:35 PM
If I've quoted the Old Deads Guys once, I've quoted 'em a thousand times. The problem is that you aren't doing the rollkur correctly. Learn to RIDE, you fool!! As for Gnep, he's said it himself, hasn't he?? He is too old for this sport - time to retire. All that loose facial skin is causing him to be left behind at the jumps. It's just cruelty to his horse to continue.


:) :D :lol: :winkgrin: :cool: ;) :yes:

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 07:41 PM
{SIgh}

Reed, perhaps you and Gnep can start collaborating on an instructional manual for the aspiring eventer? I can't wait to read the chapter on "Selecting the Horse".



Yeah, I'll describe how to get a good quality horse and Gnep will describe how to get a nag with too much attitude. Gnep will also describe how to tie back all of that flapping wrinkly skin at the gallop so it doesn't obstruct your vision.

And, yes, Shiver was being ridden in the Adult Amateur Hunter when I got him. Obviously, the judge could not grasp the versatility of a horse that could put in and leave out strides on a whim. C'mon, you WANT that in a REAL hunter.

Reed

Sebastian
May. 9, 2006, 07:47 PM
I had one of those... His name was Sebastian. Had I known at the time that I would end up eventing -- I, NEVER, would have sold him. And, then I woulda been kickin' genius boy's butt!!! Ah, the regrets...

Seb :cool:

Caroline Weber
May. 9, 2006, 08:18 PM
The problem is that you aren't doing the rollkur correctly.

Amen.

Jazzy Lady
May. 9, 2006, 08:36 PM
Hehehehheehhee... I didn't get the beginning of this thread until I read the AQB one...

This is f*$# funny ;)

Thanks for the laughs boys and gals :D

Gnep
May. 9, 2006, 08:47 PM
Barb, was that to close to home the NH and the Baby Novice.

Bluegal your absolutly not up to date any more, it aint Rollkur any more. Even those dressage weenies have enough style to anglosize it it is now officialy hyper flexation. So please if ya give the jumpa boy any advices what he is supposed to do with his run dow Tubercolosis thing use at least the proper technical words. Even if it is a complet watse of time cause he aint listening, but pouting like one of those little pclers whos pony pooped during dressage and stoped.

Riding lessons would be a terrible waste of beer money for you, buddy, well if you want to call the piss you drink beer. One day you should get yourself a real horse, like the wonderful Trakehner Mare of mine, would be a real upgrade from that meatpacker of yours, but I guess that would be to much horse for your age class. A medicate chopper would do much better. If that thing of yours would get past a lope you would be able to experiance the real joy of eventing, 5 to 8 minutes wrinkle free. Sorry Bud aint never going to happen with that wreck

I would drug that sucker of yours so he finaly can stand straight and run him over to that pirelli guy for one of shows he is alway looking for some incurables to show his magic.

DW get yourself a good horse, the killermarket is full of them.
And stop trying to get on jumpa boys good side, with that I want him, I want him. Gee what kinde gas did you use today. Send some over so I can give it a shot.

frugalannie
May. 9, 2006, 08:53 PM
Hey Reed. Since I never look at profiles, I never saw that picture of you and Shiv before. WOW!

What's really amazing is that they caught it in the split second before you hit that big tree.

So, Gnep, where's your picture?

And don't even ask to see mine. First of all, I'm older than the lot of you, second I only jump little tiny weenie fences, and third I crack cameras when I smile.

RAyers
May. 9, 2006, 09:06 PM
Frugalannie, why do you think I asked about retirement? i just don't know if a horse can keep going after an incident like that. I had to drug him to finish the course after he went through that flag and hit the tree. He was a bit woozy afterwards and we tended to ride every fence on a turn. It is amazing the stuff you can carry in your pockets and give to your horse before the people get there to help.

Oh, we can get that hyperflexion and he sure has the speed when we want to. We just don't want to right now. And I sure as heck don't need wind to smooth out my skin. Then again, I never knew Gnep's horse could actually go fast enough to get rid of his wrinkles. Maybe they go away due to simple shock that they go over a fence without downing a rail or pounding a log off its posts.

Yeah sure I could get a Trakhener mare, maybe as a target. Gnep, how do you keep hunters from mistaking your horse for a moose during hunting season? Talk about needing some dressage lessons, I have 3 words, Pot, Black and Kettle.

Come, Jazzy Lady, join the games.


Reed

Renn/aissance
May. 9, 2006, 09:08 PM
:lol: And I suddenly remembered why it is, exactly, that I love eventers. :lol:

Sannois
May. 9, 2006, 09:09 PM
I'm not getting into this thread, I have not even read it, but Reed I never looked at your profile before, AWESOME.. Some horse! Cooooool!!!!!:cool:

Libish
May. 9, 2006, 09:18 PM
Thanks for the spelling lesson professor.

kcrubin
May. 9, 2006, 09:51 PM
Maybe you should try rescue remedy - it can calm you down, speed you up, make you strong, make you flexible, cure your cold . . .

Riverview
May. 9, 2006, 10:12 PM
too funny!!!

Gnep
May. 9, 2006, 10:26 PM
Oh did I mention it Rained Three hours straight aint that something.
i mean rain, that wet clear stuff that falls out of the sky, not the white stuff when the sky is blue and the sun is shining and the birds are singing and flying.

Oh forgot to mention in this thread Ingrid Klimke Second at Badminton.

Oh one more thing, did anybody notice that since Bettina has no 3 and 4 star horse any more and is riding her ol' man's horses that that fart is wining and is even geting good dressage scores.
Geeeeeeee I got an idea jumpa boy, you need to get you one of those german horse chiks to get that thing of yours going, like ol' Hoy did. It works for him. He does not need any of those wrecks of his to retire those suckers work. German disciplin, german riding, german knowhow. They function like Preusians Soldiers. Look at you, that big pored Darren guy and his mafios pictures on dog food, or Kim Babe, or that wife of OC's and all the others whos horses were quitters at Rolex. Miserable run down, no disciplin horses, none has one of those German Horse Babes to train their horses, and than you don't have to dump IT at the guy with that italien tire company name, you know that rope shaker, the one with the piknik table.

Aint that the solution

And do me a favour quit whining, you just want that juice that the fence lady has offered you, or the stuff DW uses to poison those poor people ont the butcher table and you are just depressed cause you don't have as big pores as that Darren guy and your picture is not on dog food.

RunForIt
May. 9, 2006, 10:38 PM
"Oh, we can get that hyperflexion and he sure has the speed when we want to. We just don't want to right now. And I sure as heck don't need wind to smooth out my skin. Then again, I never knew Gnep's horse could actually go fast enough to get rid of his wrinkles. Maybe they go away due to simple shock that they go over a fence without downing a rail or pounding a log off its posts."

I missed a couple of hours of this thread....came back in on this post - oh great!!!!! :D :D :D - besides riding, these fine guys are now giving us master riders/female version help in the wrinkle department - hmmm...how many bags of feed can I buy if I give up the anti-sag, anti-crinkle schmears? :cool: Excuse me - have to go back and catch up...

deltawave
May. 9, 2006, 10:41 PM
Just don't buy the feed that gives you big pores. :p

RunForIt
May. 9, 2006, 10:50 PM
HA!!! DW, even at 56, my Clearasil is still sitting in the basket, gets used at least twice a year. We MUST get the bad boys to come east. I may be scribing next year at Rolex; I'm SURE Gnep and Reed will come down center line and we will all rise and cheer, and gasp, and watch in awe and wonder...and wonder???? :D :eek: :cool:

Off to do night check - :lol:

cowgirleventer
May. 9, 2006, 11:25 PM
sniff sniff...you men are in my area...I'm so proud. Surely you can learn a thing or two from me. After all, I got like 6th place at the IHSA Nationals one year and know for a fact I can drink all of your saggy asses under the table. Don't let Ishi on or she tell you about my saggy...nevermind. At any rate, let me give you BOTH some advice. Don't even bother to compete in this worthless area full of drugged horses, and riders for that matter, or you may find yourself hip-high in a prairie dog hole. The ONLY solution is to give up on eventing and start team roping or barrel racing because, you ARE in the west may I remind you?!? People here ride WESTern, duh. I'd say you better start turning cans on the bay horse and the grulla mare, c'mon, do you ever see a horse of that color in eventing? She belongs in a buckin chute making the rounds on the pro rodeo circuit.

retreadeventer
May. 9, 2006, 11:43 PM
GNEP you're killin me ROFLWMPSOS:):):):):):):):) German horse babes! What's your take on the barn at the Fork?

tuppysmom
May. 10, 2006, 12:31 AM
I was told that if you can just snag one of those "handicapped" stickers... you know the ones with the wheelchair pic on them... that you can go anywhere. Slap one of those between the eyes of the 'ol horsey and around Rolex you should go !!! Maybe the FEI stewards would think it was a blaze.

RAyers
May. 10, 2006, 01:06 AM
I was told that if you can just snag one of those "handicapped" stickers... you know the ones with the wheelchair pic on them... that you can go anywhere. Slap one of those between the eyes of the 'ol horsey and around Rolex you should go !!! Maybe the FEI stewards would think it was a blaze.


That might work if we slap it on Gnep's helmet. He always rides with a handicap - that damn grulla looking thing.

RunForIt, have you SEEN Gnep's face?!!!!!!

cowgirleventer, yeah like you should talk. Last time I saw, in the start box your horse still thought it was coming out of a bucking chute. Yeah all of that Western riding you do is working wonders on your dressage. I guess if you can call peanut rolling hyperflexion.

Where ARE the German horse babes? Ya gotta admit, Darrin's picture is almost like looking at the Minnesota lake country. I would be SO much better.

I notice DW isn't saying much. Of course she can only deal with real facts like her new barn is missing several key components. I suggest a new architect and contractor. Spell it with me...W - A - L - L - S.

CarrieK
May. 10, 2006, 02:58 AM
Yes, Brindelle and CarrieK, this is a joke to take some of the edge off of this forum
Phew! Glad you told me before I gave out my next advice, which would have been to take it to the dressage forum!

Sorry my tongue-in-cheek radar is off. I've been spen ding too much time over at dressage...

BarbB
May. 10, 2006, 08:44 AM
What's really amazing is that they caught it in the split second before you hit that big tree.

.

omg! I just spit coffee all over the keyboard :lol:

Debbie
May. 10, 2006, 09:32 AM
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Here's hoping you get a few more good years out of that nag when you take all of bornfreenowexpensive's stellar advice. Really it's amazing what you've accomplished with your body type. :eek:

Hannahsmom
May. 10, 2006, 09:40 AM
omg! I just spit coffee all over the keyboard :lol:

Me too. :lol: It sounds like Shivers really is ready for that handicapped pass after slamming into that tree in the profile pic. Do you think Reed should wear it? Or Shiver?

Gnep
May. 10, 2006, 10:02 AM
jumpa boy,
the guys that are building that shed have been on that butcher table of hers and got druged by her. Thats the result

Frugaannie, that pic is a kolage, thats how his dresage looks like, thats him at X. A-X-C track ride, preparing for the turn at C.

Tuppysmom, I take it you guys made it home alright ?

you see guys there is a nother proof for tha theory with them Krauts, good KRAUT NAME and that horsie they got was no quitter, that needs to be retired.

Reed, horse babes, horse babes, just follow that chant, and you got a good start.

Riverview
May. 10, 2006, 10:48 AM
OK I just had to chime in with my very valuable $0.02. No need to put your poor beast down, you can still get many more years out of him.First of all you guys are on the right track, give him a lil ace n go school the crap outa him XC. Work on that hyperflexion, it'll improve your dressage scores and I hear that dressage work will improve your cross country as well.
Are your giving him all the right supplements? You know he must have a joint supplement, an ulcer preventative, and stuff for his hoofs and coat(if you get him shiny enough the judges just might be blinded!)And remember that the more expensive it is the better the stuff works! Better not go cheap on ol Shiv!
Now that we've gone through the supplements, we must talk about equipment..I am sure that you have all the standard XC equipment already...color coordinated boots on all 4s, bell boots, big honkin studs, a breast collar, musnt forget the matching pad. You also need to make sure you have the right bit. I prefer a twisted wire pellham...gotta have that whoa power out there on XC. Pair that with a running martingale. Maybe he also needs a shaddow roll as well so he dosent spook.
Now i have also heard rumors that your horse seems to hate his life, and may be suicidal. Get him to a pet psychic at once. I'm sure they can prescribe some antidepressants for him...and maybe after all this you'll need some too. I'm sure they can handle it. If that dosent work take him straight to Parelli!! He needs help man, and ya know a little Parelli work will do wonders. If he cant fix your beast no one can. But I still wouldnt give up hope, keep up with the antidepressants, and if hes having an off day carry a biiiig stick. If he dosent want to jump you can just beat him over. A big enough stick an ya can beat him over anything!
Oh yeah one more thing! One thing I've learned from visits to Hunterland, BLING!!! Like I said above...it wont hurt a bit to blind the judge. So bling out that helmet, gloves, spurs. Get ol Shiv a bling browband, shine that big ol bit up real good. And maybe add some silver to the breast collar and maybe your saddle too. It works for them western people!


All in good fun yall!

Gnep
May. 10, 2006, 11:07 AM
frugalannie,
Ok here are the pics
the first me and the woman on our way to the startbox
the second me and the woman through the finish line, hitin' one of those darn holes cowgirl was talking about.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/guehardt/detail?.dir=d6d9&.dnm=bd44re2.jpg&.src=ph

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/guehardt/detail?.dir=d6d9&.dnm=352ere2.jpg&.src=ph

sassparella
May. 10, 2006, 11:47 AM
I was pondering this poor man’s dilemma and I too thought that it is time to bring a Professional Reader into this. However, seeing that it twas a fool moon last night (or very close to it); I thought I would give it a shot. Understand tho that I have never actually seen this done but I have talked to someone that truly saw a reading and I figured what the heck. So, I grabbed a nearby rock, my T1, opened the OP’s profile, and placed the rock between Shiv’s ears (I know that it the rock is supposed to be on the forehead but I got it as close as possible). My response from Shiv: He does NOT want to retire at all – it’s his NAME that is causing all the problems. His thought process: Shiver -- Goosebumps -- Poultry. My gawd Reed, he hears Chicken every time you say his name. His self-esteem is 0. I’m sure posters here will be more than willing to help you find something more positive than Chicken. BTW, let me know if this is helpful. I’m thinking instead of sitting in the doggery with my big black hound next year, perhaps me and my rock should have a booth at Rolex next year and offer my services to ULR’s at a greatly discounted price. Who knows, maybe a simple name change can help them OR if it looks like retirement is needed, maybe I can also help with the placement of these poor souls.

Jazzy Lady
May. 10, 2006, 11:48 AM
Gnep, that horse appears to need to be given 2cc of ace and throw in some quietex, bute and rescue remedy for good measure. She looks MUCH too lively on the walk to the box. Some kicking chains and a citation should help you to get her head up and her ass down.

You clearly are from the h/j world and need to sit up and kick. Adding a shoe with a good tread to your face for some traction might help to reduce the appearance of road rash, it will also help to prevent outsiders from viewing your dinner plate sized pores that you have recieved from that feed. You may want to speak to a dermatologist.

RAyers
May. 10, 2006, 12:18 PM
Gnep, that horse appears to need to be given 2cc of ace and throw in some quietex, bute and rescue remedy for good measure. She looks MUCH too lively on the walk to the box. Some kicking chains and a citation should help you to get her head up and her ass down.

You clearly are from the h/j world and need to sit up and kick. Adding a shoe with a good tread to your face for some traction might help to reduce the appearance of road rash, it will also help to prevent outsiders from viewing your dinner plate sized pores that you have recieved from that feed. You may want to speak to a dermatologist.

Did you see the size of the feet on that nag?! I suggest a good natural barefoot trim. I have yet to see a picture where the mare's butt is below her head.

saspaerlla and riverview, I suggest you guys should team up and combine your psychological and communicative abilities. I NEVER realized Shiv meant "Chicken" and how it has destroyed his esteem. How could I have been so blind? Could Shiv hit the tree on purpose?

Jazzy Lady
May. 10, 2006, 12:22 PM
Reed, Don't even get me STARTED on your nag. I think Shivers hit the tree on purpose. I think he's in need of some serious Canadian training. I know JUST the rider too ;)

RAyers
May. 10, 2006, 12:58 PM
Reed, Don't even get me STARTED on your nag. I think Shivers hit the tree on purpose. I think he's in need of some serious Canadian training. I know JUST the rider too ;)


Yeah, Shiv is on the way, right after Fence2Fence sends me the magic elixir and needles.

Fence2Fence
May. 10, 2006, 01:35 PM
:)

In my moments of "enlightenment," Shiv has been talking to me and I know what name he wants. He wants it to be more pointed and obvious: Needle.

Honestly, that's what he said. His feelings are deeply hurt as he wonders how could you do this to him Rayers. He thinks he one sharp pony and only someone as dumb as a box as rocks could have missed it. He is now filled with self doubt and loathing. And it's ALL YOUR FAULT! (I'm crying hysterical now for him.)

...Going back to my mixture of Ace and Quietex. I think I need to bump up my dosage of ace--1/2 cc just isn't doing it for me, and we know I have to keep training so I can kick your butts at Rolex next year. You laugh now, but just you wait. After I win Rolex, I'll write a book "How the druggie never retired from Cross Country." I'll bribe the police before I fabricate my story, make millions, Oprah will love me, and the last laugh will be on SMURFS!!!

Oh, Fruggleannie, how could you betray me on a public venue like this? You know what we did IN the hammock together! How could you publicly deny it? I'm hurt AND I'm NEVER returning to COTH again!

Whisper
May. 10, 2006, 02:35 PM
RAyers, that poor horse of yours has shivers - of *course* he needs to be retired. ;) Just grab some baby carrots and a carrot stick and saddle up one of the picnic table's benches instead.

Bensmom
May. 10, 2006, 02:47 PM
And, yes, Shiver was being ridden in the Adult Amateur Hunter when I got him.

Ah, now the truth comes out! Reed is really just a rider propped up on horse that was made up by someone else!

You know, Reed, if you were a real eventer, you would have bought a broken five year old unpapered stallion for under $500 like I did and then you'd have a real horse and wouldn't need all that extra crap. Why, it is clear from your posts that you probably just show up at some fancy barn, hop on your pre-trained, already tacked up by your groom, horse and go perch your way around the xc course. :lol:

Almost as bad as that German and his dumbbloods. Anyone could ride something that doesn't have a mind of its own. They probably come with computer chips that you just pop in under the bridle and he can get around perching up there just like you do. Sheesh.

Now, if you decide to change your ways, I have a new series of tapes coming out "how to spend four years and $15k in vet bills to get your $500 horse to Training level with someone else riding him." It'll be great and help you tons, I promise!

libby

sassparella
May. 10, 2006, 03:49 PM
Hit the tree on purpose? Yes! Suicidal? No, Reed, homicidal. After all, it is your insensitivity that has created this walking disaster known as Shiv. The poor boy is just playing chicken with ya.

frugalannie
May. 10, 2006, 04:09 PM
F2F: That wasn't me in the Hammock, that was one of the German riding babes pretending to be me. We all know I'm waaaay to frugal to spend the money to go to Rolex. Heck, I even prevail on Deltawave to do my shopping there!

Gnep, thank you for sharing the pictures of you and your mare. It does my heart good to see that you are riding such an outstanding example of the warmblood breeding programs. Even a rank amateur can clearly see what a disadvantage the American thoroughbred has against such an exemplar of European breeding. Do any of the warmblood societies sponsor you? If not, they should. You are a fantastic advertisement for their efforts.

Also, I would like to compliment you on your continental turnout. You must have searched the finest tailors in Milan and Paris to assemble a habit that fits you so perfectly.

Hey, somebody reel me in, or at least send help to remove my tongue from my cheek.

Gnep
May. 10, 2006, 08:30 PM
Frugalannie,

I new you would apreciate the rare quality and the fine exterior of my mare.
As you were probably able to read out of the others critique, they are bleeding with jealous.
My attire, I thought it would blend me in with the natives, but I could not resist my dandy streak, so I added some European flair to it, just a touch, naturaly.
You should see my special jog out shirt for final inspection, smashing.

Bensmom they come with frito chips and hot sauce dip, norishment for X-C and they have an insulated beer bootle holder.

Jumpa boy, those hooves size 5, thats a solid foundation, not like your nags they are so small that he can't stand

Jazz, thats what is called a sliding stop with a triple salto, only way I can get that monster to stop after the finish before we run out of room. But have look absolut syncronized, shows you how real eventers and their proud steads are totally conect.
Thats the problem Reed has with his wretched thing, if they don't slam into trees and get them self splattered al over the bark they have no conection, totaly out of sync.

phoebetrainer
May. 10, 2006, 10:12 PM
I love this!! I don't think that I've laughed so much over one thread - not that I've been around that long. One day I'll get to the US of A and see some of you in person, flying around some XC and no one will understand why I'm laughing so hard.

Eventers are great at laughing at themselves - and then tolerating their friends who keep bringing their worst moments up again and again.

Jazzy Lady
May. 10, 2006, 10:39 PM
I dunno Gnep... I think I'd prefer an animal who jumps itself into trees than one that has to do a triple sow cow in order to stop after cross country. I mean, isn't running into a tree a much quicker way to put on the brakes? I mean, them nags may not have big feet like the good nags do, but the brains to jump into a tree to stop? Now THAT is an intelligent critter!

Ishi
May. 10, 2006, 10:58 PM
Don't let Ishi on or she tell you about my saggy...nevermind.

Yeah, and sadly, given the fact that I can pass for a 14 year old boy, I don't know if I'm secretly facinated with them, or sad they went south on you :lol:

Ahhhhh, Area IX, gotta love it out west :D Suicidal horses, drama kings, and ex hunter/jumpers playing eventer. Carry on boys :D

RAyers
May. 11, 2006, 01:49 AM
Ah, now the truth comes out! Reed is really just a rider propped up on horse that was made up by someone else!

You know, Reed, if you were a real eventer, you would have bought a broken five year old unpapered stallion for under $500 like I did and then you'd have a real horse and wouldn't need all that extra crap. Why, it is clear from your posts that you probably just show up at some fancy barn, hop on your pre-trained, already tacked up by your groom, horse and go perch your way around the xc course. :lol:

Almost as bad as that German and his dumbbloods. Anyone could ride something that doesn't have a mind of its own. They probably come with computer chips that you just pop in under the bridle and he can get around perching up there just like you do. Sheesh.

Now, if you decide to change your ways, I have a new series of tapes coming out "how to spend four years and $15k in vet bills to get your $500 horse to Training level with someone else riding him." It'll be great and help you tons, I promise!

libby

All right, Bensmom, THAT'S IT! Bring it on. I will drop you like a 3 foot putt. Don't EVER compare me to a hunter! I suggest a new vet, $15K is cheap. What have you done so far, flexions? Did your horse sneeze and end up limping? And I'm not propped up. I am hopped up, however.

Ishi, all I can say is I am scared.

I don't need you to defend me, Jazzy Lady. Apparently you horse has a SERIOUS water problem. It seems he can not stay in the shallow end. No wonder you can't make the time. I suggest water wings and a snorkle.

As for Shiver, I dare anybody to hit a tree 8 feet up. Wussies. That is real eventing. The only thing Gneps' horses knock down are fences. The judge needed a calulator for their last stadium round. It was easier to to have him run at the end so the jump crew did not have to take down the fences. Those damn size 5s are great for pulling logs out of the ground, especially as you try to go over them.

frugal annie, the drag is turned off the line is set to let you run. Why would we reel you in?

tuppysmom
May. 11, 2006, 01:54 AM
Gnep, yep we made it home! Those **** truckers kept trying to kill us though. We get to make the trip again in about 6 weeks, lovely. I think I'll put one of those orange caution triangles on the rear end of the rig this time ! By the way, I looked long and hard for a guy with a German name so that when kids came along I would have someone to share the blame with.

Jazzy Lady
May. 11, 2006, 10:18 AM
I don't need you to defend me, Jazzy Lady. Apparently you horse has a SERIOUS water problem. It seems he can not stay in the shallow end. No wonder you can't make the time. I suggest water wings and a snorkle.

i

how did you know! *gasp* I thought I was being incognito moving my horse up to Canada and hiding out in the blizzards and bugs! Damn it... one must be more stealth. Maybe it's that you've been able to see further since Shiver placed you 8 feet in a tree. Although, I'm interested in the magical potion that fencetofence was going to give you. Maybe it will help my suicidal nag from drowning himself!

Sebastian
May. 11, 2006, 02:35 PM
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/pettitchristine/detail?.dir=d007&.dnm=5327scd.jpg&.src=ph

This would be the proper training equipment for a horse that has issues with water.

Seb :cool:

Hannahsmom
May. 11, 2006, 03:11 PM
This would be the proper training equipment for a horse that has issues with water.

Ya'll need to stop or I need to stop reading this thread. I'm going to get fired for all the laughing. I expected a picture of a diving horse, this was even better.

BarbB
May. 11, 2006, 03:13 PM
I will BUY that outfit for Scotty if you will guarantee that he will go into the D***** water if I do!!!!! :eek: :yes:

Jazzy Lady
May. 11, 2006, 03:37 PM
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/pettitchristine/detail?.dir=d007&.dnm=5327scd.jpg&.src=ph

This would be the proper training equipment for a horse that has issues with water.

Seb :cool:

You are SO lucky that I had just swallowed my milk before flicking that open... hahahaha

Fabulous :D

Libish
May. 11, 2006, 03:43 PM
This is too fun.

largehunter
May. 11, 2006, 11:07 PM
You guys are way funnier than the hunter group....

phoebetrainer
May. 12, 2006, 03:26 AM
Of course we're funnier (actually the people who are really contributing to this thread) than hunters. Anyone that wears their hair up in their hat the way hunters do has to be seriously in need of humour in their lives.

Toadie's mom
May. 12, 2006, 04:07 AM
You know, Reed, if you were a real eventer, you would have bought a broken five year old unpapered stallion for under $500 like I did and then you'd have a real horse and wouldn't need all that extra crap. libby

HA!!!!!!! What you really need is a free, derby nominated, so rank as a stallion who cares if he cost 100k, gelding with a broken leg. Now that's an event horse:eek: I've had him for 6wks and I'll see you at Rolex next yr:yes:

Reed, I really meant to introduce myself while you were at Greenwood, but I couldn't get off of the ice chest long enuff to go find you. You know if you move the beer just evaporates.:confused:

Gnep
May. 12, 2006, 05:23 PM
By now several very important points have come to the front.

Amatoer Adult Hunter. That sounds kinde kinky, like Adult Bookshop, or Adult Movies. I think this is the wrong BB to to make a indepth research what kinde implications that may have.
Naturally one can see this from a different perspective. One can alway see where a bowhunter lives, those plastik deers in the backyard, is that what this misserable rund down beast was befor he was traded in by Reed.

My advice :
Before you get to X-C

1. You need a hunting licens,
2. Firewood permit from the local National Forest Office
3. Emergency Wood Splinter Survival Kit
4. Have at strategically important places people with orange hunting safety gear placed, so that your poor sucker stops looking for them when you lope through the forest, it will relax him
5. get a german horse babe, it works for Aussy Hoy
6 . send a picture of IT to a annimal comunicater, you need to find out if IT likes the colour of Its halter.
7. get some F2F juice, high octane.
8. Have an expert measure the size of your pores, if they measure 3/4 of a DC you need skin replacement, if they are 1 DC get your picture taken for a dog food ad and retire IT.


Tupysmom, you guys should take that bumperstiker of the fender " My dog is smarter than your trucker " and remove the sign from the rear door of the trail " Trucker suck ". I did remove mine and it did wonders and I quit flippen of every truck that passes me. Since than I have not been pusht of the road.

frugalannie
May. 13, 2006, 12:17 PM
[quote=Gnep]8. Have an expert measure the size of your pores, if they measure 3/4 of a DC you need skin replacement, if they are 1 DC get your picture taken for a dog food ad and retire IT.

Oh my, Gnep. Who knew you payed such close attention to pores?

Thank goodness you've given me a chuckle on this dreary day. (expecting 4-6 inches of rain today, on top of the four we already got this week. I'm scheduled to ride in a Lucinda Green clinic on Tuesday and Wednesday. I think I'll need the official Steve Zissou Aquatic Life Horse Equipment {see link above courtesy of Sebastian}.)

2ndyrgal
May. 13, 2006, 12:52 PM
Ok, so if my hunter cum eventer wannabe is the exact shade of deer, what should I do to prevent an unfortunate accident? Should I get actual antlers to put on in in case he misbehaves? Also, he's big, so I've already taught him to stand next to the fallen logs so I can climb back up. And you get to wear cool stuff and colors and carry a watch. I always wanted a nice watch. My father remarked to my grandfather one time when I showed up late and without and umbrella, how unfortunate it was that I seemed to have no need for a watch or an umbrella. My grandfather's reply "it's because she doesn't care what time it is, and doesn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Yep, I definately think I should switch from the hunters to eventing.

ottb
May. 18, 2006, 02:19 PM
Of course we're funnier (actually the people who are really contributing to this thread) than hunters. Anyone that wears their hair up in their hat the way hunters do has to be seriously in need of humour in their lives.that's why i'm envious of hunters - at least they have hair to stick up under their caps!!!

RAyers
May. 18, 2006, 02:38 PM
Ok, so if my hunter cum eventer wannabe is the exact shade of deer, what should I do to prevent an unfortunate accident? Should I get actual antlers to put on in in case he misbehaves? Also, he's big, so I've already taught him to stand next to the fallen logs so I can climb back up. And you get to wear cool stuff and colors and carry a watch. I always wanted a nice watch. My father remarked to my grandfather one time when I showed up late and without and umbrella, how unfortunate it was that I seemed to have no need for a watch or an umbrella. My grandfather's reply "it's because she doesn't care what time it is, and doesn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Yep, I definately think I should switch from the hunters to eventing.


The question really is, are you man enough to event? Sure, those field hunters are tough and as crazy as they come, but show hunters.... perish the thought! Can you forget the need for TS breeches and the latest bling (see http://chronicleforums.com/Forum/showthread.php?t=45687 ). The moment folks start heading down the fashion path, this discipline is doomed. Not that that FEI hasn't already doomed it by the conversion to a short format. Then again the FEI seems to be also too concerned with appearances than functionality. Bastards.

This moment brought to you by a stream of consciousness.

Are you willing to go swimming? What are your feelings towards personal safety and other adrenaline sports? Do you have opinions concerning neon, clashing colors and glitter? Are you wiling to stand up to a saddle company and tell them "bite me?" How are your jumper rounds? Can you do the inside turn?

See, there is a lot to consider before you can event. You have to think like an eventer before you can event. Hence why I retired my drugged horse on XC due to all of the second guessing by the folks here.

Reed

2ndyrgal
May. 18, 2006, 04:20 PM
I foxhunt too, which is a bit like eventing only you get time to drink and pee while you're out there. I'm only doing the show hunter thing til my missplaced guts re-appear, took some time off and seem to have lost my nerve. If I get through the summer in the showring, the fall in the hunt field, the winter onmyassatadesk, then I should be ready to tackle the event thing next spring. I've got the perfect farm for event training.

Laurel&HollyFarm
May. 18, 2006, 06:31 PM
I foxhunt too, which is a bit like eventing only you get time to drink and pee while you're out there. I'm only doing the show hunter thing til my missplaced guts re-appear, took some time off and seem to have lost my nerve. If I get through the summer in the showring, the fall in the hunt field, the winter onmyassatadesk, then I should be ready to tackle the event thing next spring. I've got the perfect farm for event training.

So, I admit I am a hunt weeny :D. I have been too afraid to try. I would much rather have my horse out jumping by himself than in company, abeit at the Beginner Novice Level :winkgrin: . Fortunately he is a packer at that level :cool: . But seriously how is hunting easier at the lower levels. Please email me privately as this thread is way too funny to derail even if I could :no: .

Unfortunately I spend much more of my time onmyassatadesk than Eventing :sadsmile:.

Back on topic, Reed I do have a carrot stick and am not afraid to use it so send Shiv to me :D :D :D :D :D :D.

Terry

oreo
May. 18, 2006, 10:57 PM
After serious consideration regarding the gravity of the subject matter in this thread, and hours of contemplation, I do believe I have arrived at a solution to "Shiv's Dilemma".

The solution assumes that Shiv is a TB (which I believe "he" is).

As many have noted on other posts, TBs kicked a$$ at Rolex which seems to refute the "German WB breeders/ short format/ FEI conspiracy theory". So, instead of scuba-diving gear, or antlers, I think you should buy him a set of fake boobs and a uterus. Then you could ship him over to Germany to help improve the breeding stock and ensure they remain competitive in the short format. He could either come back over the winter to hang up his boobies a while and have fun with you, or go down under, ala Coolmore Stud, for more fun with the Aussies.

What does he think of that for a cool new career?:yes:

flutie1
Jun. 2, 2006, 02:45 PM
I am SOOOO excited. I received the first "draft" of Maui Jim entries yesterday, and right there on page 1, the drugged horse himself!!!!! Reed, I can hardly contain myself! Bring it on!

Flutie

Gnep
Jun. 2, 2006, 06:06 PM
UFFFF,

Some people are awful desperate.
Do they have trees there, I mean big enough ones, so they can handle the impact of this critter and its handler.

flutie1
Jun. 2, 2006, 08:00 PM
Gnep - Fear not. Ever since I saw the entry, I've been out on the course taking down every single tree that they could possibly hit before they get here. I was forewarned.

Flutie

Gnep
Jun. 2, 2006, 10:24 PM
what are they going to do now on x-c, if there are no trees left for them to splatter themself all over?

tuppysmom
Jun. 3, 2006, 12:07 AM
How can we compete with ya'all? ( learned that in AL) After all, I send my last born on XC riding an OTTB who couldn't outrun the water truck, wearing a polo shirt that she has worn in every event she's every ridden in, trained by the only trainer that she can afford, hauled around the country in a borrowed trailer, pulled by a totaled truck, and now we are just about to do the across the USA thing again, man o man !!! Here's hoping that area 9 keeps on growin'

Gnep, isn't this the most fun since the water truck in AZ. Beer anyone?

tuppysmom
Jun. 3, 2006, 12:13 AM
Maybe we could have a clinic for area 9 riders on how to not hit a tree on XC. It should be held in CO as we have no trees here in ID.

Gnep
Jun. 3, 2006, 12:42 AM
Tuppysmom,
That trainer guy, is he the one that has trucks rearend his horsetrailers and tries to colect the insurance money.
Typical, the last born always get the handdown, used stuff, as in OTTB things and on top of it the poor girl just has 1 ( ONE ) T-Shirt in which she has to ride every X-C.
Used horse, second hand, and just one shirt, the poor child.
And now you haul this poor child all over the country, in a totaled truck and a borrowed trailer, mind you, and display her and her second hand horse and only T-Shirt as if she were one of those 3 headed fair monsters.
That and Jumpa Boy and his critter with no trees on X-C to splatter on shows how far eventing has fallen.

Have a save trip, I haul water for you guys any time, for you to Jumpa Boy.

flutie1
Jun. 3, 2006, 08:19 AM
Since all the trees are now gone at Maui Jim, I've decided to hire a dozen Sumo wrestlers who can lumber around the course and be available for splatter duty. These giant hunks of humanity will also lend a chic International flair to the weekend.

Flutie

RAyers
Jun. 3, 2006, 12:58 PM
Well, Shiv is in detox. He still is a bit woozy and has incredible munchies. I will sand down the face imprints on his paddock shelter later. I'll take him out on the gallops later today. His speed is still down. He can't even outrun a fat man in a raincoat.

tuppysmom, drugs are the only answer, for you, your only born and the horse. It works for me. Of course folks like Gnep only drag us down farther with wonky colored mares and a stupendous display of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (hold it, that's me), nevermind about the wild ride part.

flutie, all I can say is thank you. I am sure a summo wrestler is much easier on the landing than a tree. Shiv is not my copilot, so we won't be doing so much weaving.

Reed

flutie1
Jun. 3, 2006, 02:00 PM
"He can't even outrun a fat man in a raincoat."
...or a Sumo wrestler in diapers?

Tally Ho!

Flutie

frugalannie
Jun. 3, 2006, 02:38 PM
Bumming on this very rainy day, but am very cheered to see this thread is back at it again.

I think the sumo wrestlers should be required to catch the horse as it jumps towards them. Extra points awarded if the rider knows how to say "Thank you" in Japanese. Double points if the horse makes it over the wrestler clean.

valmom
Jun. 3, 2006, 03:04 PM
I don't check in here often. My mistake, obviously.

Domo Arrigato. Having done the stopping by running into trees thing, Sumo wrestlers have got to be less splintery.

I miss eventing

tuppysmom
Jun. 3, 2006, 03:05 PM
Those sumo guys look all soft and pillow like. Shiv might not make such a loud thump if he hits one going full tilt. Maybe sumos should be required on any course that has "through the woods" trails, or as we have out here "around the rocks" trails.

Gnep, yep same trainer, you know the one who can't keep a good horse for himself. Sells them faster than a snow cone peddler on a hot day. He says it's so he can buy fuel for the totaled truck, but I dunno....

deltawave
Jun. 3, 2006, 03:27 PM
Reed, need a groom and/or braider for Wayne? I just checked the dates and I think I'll be coming for at least Saturday and part of Sunday. I LOVE Wayne, have I told anyone that lately? :yes:

flutie1
Jun. 3, 2006, 05:41 PM
Hey DW - If Reed doesn't want you, feel free to come and hang out with me. Bring strong drugs. I'll need them by then! Dealing with those damn Sumo boys is oh so very stressful!

Seriously, we have so many upper level riders that eventenrtries.com has had to close off on line Training entries - and probably only Opening Day entries will get in. Where did they all come from????

Domo Arrigato for loving Wayne - or as they say in Hawaiian, Maholo!

Flutie

ponygirlnmh
Jun. 3, 2006, 06:00 PM
I think any problems could be solved by extreme hydrotherapy training- can be found in the Northeast right now. One good thing- my weenie horse is over his waterphobia- need the snorkel setup. And my Appywarmblood may actually be able to slide through the mud fast enough to make xc time. I just have to teach him how to jump....

Gnep
Jun. 3, 2006, 11:44 PM
Ahhhhhhhhhh Jumpa Boy you are just jealous.
I got me a hot girl and you a woodpecker.
Gime a nother year and and me and The Nutty Woman go woodpecker huntin'

Those sumo guys, I dont know, sounds like airbags for eventing, we alraedy have wimpifikation and girlyfikation, wonderbras for beer guts and now sumofikation, I miss a nother ......kation word.
Tuppy same ol' guy ? I think people feel just sorry for the horses and buy them out of mercy.

And "I want him" is back.

Reed no braiding that week end, buddy you got it made. dont forget the lawnshair the cooler and the beer, whyl you watch them braid the wood pecker.
Eventers don't have groopies they have braidies, big pores or not.

frugalannie
Jun. 4, 2006, 12:02 PM
So here we are, having a wonderful time, vicariously getting ready for Maui Jim and Wayne, and a poster on the Dressage forum is concerned about us taking drugged horses out on XC.

Does she really think they'd go out there and jump into a pile of Sumo wrestlers otherwise?

And the creative pharmacology makes rehab from tree whacks so much more rapid...

StrawberryFields
Jun. 4, 2006, 07:37 PM
I DEF thought this was a real argument and I was SO confused about it all...glad to hear its not! BornFreeNowExpensive- that was hilarious about the riding with no reins comment

flutie1
Jun. 4, 2006, 08:50 PM
..."Maui Jim and Wayne"

One and the same. It was Maui Jim Wayne H.T., and it's now Maui Jim H.T.

Gnep
Jun. 4, 2006, 10:15 PM
hihihih sarah, thats why you ride dressage and we doodeldidadel with druged horse and a beer in the hand through the woods and occasionaly get splatered al over trees. Than we drug those damn critters a little more so they can handle the next hit get a nother beer and YEEPYYAHEEEEEE it again till the next tree gets into our way, yeeeeha, after we get scraped of for the second time, we get a 30cc needle the sucker real good, grab a 12 pack and let her rip again, united till the next tree.
Three trees on course and you get eliminated, have to save the trees, from those drugged armchair quarterbacked things and their handlers.

By the way they had a 4 Star this weekend, kinde a wet affair, every jump a water jump and that Aussi guy, the one with german horsy babe rode some of it with one stirrup, ah forgot that german horsy babe, the one of Olympic Circle Fame and who got herself that Aussi boy, placed second.

oldbutnotdead
Jun. 4, 2006, 10:21 PM
I knew something was up with the beer cooler on course (Intermediate?) at Coconino II last year!

Gnep
Jun. 5, 2006, 01:52 AM
Oldbutnotdead,
That jump was back this spring, very well stocked. Never seen so many people walk the courses, they even had peanuts.
Geeeeeeeeeeeee, I walked my course ten times, hihihihi, buuuuuuuurp
Ups

Hannahsmom
Jun. 5, 2006, 07:58 AM
That jump was back this spring, very well stocked. Never seen so many people walk the courses, they even had peanuts.
Geeeeeeeeeeeee, I walked my course ten times, hihihihi, buuuuuuuurp
Ups

You guys have BEER stations on your course walks?!?!? Wow, now *that* is an organizer-with-the-mostest. Does that because you need some help to make the jumps look smaller? Or are they checking out their porta-jon placements?

frugalannie
Jun. 5, 2006, 07:59 AM
I knew that. I just didn't process it while I was typing. Thank you for clarifying my mush-brain comment.

Still enjoying the run-up from the sidelines, though.

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 09:41 AM
I just checked in on the Sumo wrestlers this morning. They are very excited to learn about the beer component that has been mentioned on this thread and have offered to serve as bartenders as well as tree substitutes on Maui Jim cross country day. They're now arguing loudly among themselves about their attire for the big day - ceremonial or casual. They tend to wake up snarky!

Flutie

Hannahsmom
Jun. 5, 2006, 09:48 AM
So Flutie, will the riders have to dismount to quaff a brew on course? Will someone be stopping the clock and restarting it for them? Or is it kind of like marathons and the wrestler will hold it out and the rider grabs it on the Fly-by? I was thinking course walks only but this opens up a whole new ballgame.

Gnep
Jun. 5, 2006, 09:53 AM
Hannahsmom,
Even better, we got a jump that is full of ice cold beer.

I will built a jump for St Johns which will have a cooler inside.

RAyers
Jun. 5, 2006, 09:57 AM
So Flutie, will the riders have to dismount to quaff a brew on course? Will someone be stopping the clock and restarting it for them? Or is it kind of like marathons and the wrestler will hold it out and the rider grabs it on the Fly-by? I was thinking course walks only but this opens up a whole new ballgame.

No, there is a whole rule on this. From the USEA website 2006 rulebook:

10.4.56: Should a competitior elect to consume a barley based beverage while on course as part of a specified obstacle, if said competitor is sufficiently able to remount and proceed, the final two obstacles will be optional.

That jump RULES! I have pictures of Gnep hanging out there from last year. He hit a tree on his bike.

Reed

Hannahsmom
Jun. 5, 2006, 10:06 AM
You know Reed, now you are going to have everyone scrambling thru their rule book looking for that rule. You forgot to say that it is printed only on the WEST of the MISSISSIPPI version of the rulebook. Oh no, I'm trying to remember, does the Mississippi go to the east or west side of Wayne, IL? You may be stuck with the EAST of the M. rulebook.

InVA
Jun. 5, 2006, 10:19 AM
Hannahsmom,
Even better, we got a jump that is full of ice cold beer.

I will built a jump for St Johns which will have a cooler inside.


But my horse is trained to STOP at BEER! what would I do!?

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 10:29 AM
Actually. seeing as Wayne, IL is East of the mighty Miss, the rule Reed cited only applies in the West, specifically in States that have a paucity of oxygen. I interviewaed the Sumo-hunks about their preference, and they voted for the marathon fly-by approach. They feel it would be totally sexy - and who's to argue with a 400 pound man in a diaper? Not I!

Flutie-san

RAyers
Jun. 5, 2006, 10:39 AM
Actually. seeing as Wayne, IL is East of the mighty Miss, the rule Reed cited only applies in the West, specifically in States that have a paucity of oxygen. I interviewaed the Sumo-hunks about their preference, and they voted for the marathon fly-by approach. They feel it would be totally sexy - and who's to argue with a 400 pound man in a diaper? Not I!

Flutie-san

I will practice now, domo arrigato, flutie-san. How does one grab a beer out of a sumo wrestler's hand while galloping at 25 miles per hour? Very carefully, I assume.

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:06 AM
"...Very carefully, I assume"

Oh yes, VERY carefully!

frugalannie
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:17 AM
Flutie, I'm bemused at the mental image of you discussing eventing rules with a roomful of 400 pound men wearing diapers.

I hope for your sake that it's a really big room and there aren't many of them.

Also, should it be beer or sake (hot or cold depending on a complicated ambient temperature/humidity assessment by the ground jury)?

Roney
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:27 AM
So, do you get penalty points for spilled beer if you grab it marathon-style? Maybe you could hand it out in sports bottles just in case?

I really think the Sumo wrestlers need to be wearing aloha-print diapers.

sassparella
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:32 AM
Flutie,
Let me see if I have this straight:
You left the trees in place at Lamplight, cut them all down in the FOREST Preserve and replaced them with Sumo wrestlers? Have you been feeding said wrestlers Turtle soup?
You are truly a brave woman.

Hannahsmom
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:47 AM
Reed, you better check with the endurance riding people. You are going to need to figure out how to attach those empties to your saddle as flinging them away (like marathon runners) is probably not a good idea. You know you don't want to make the news on how you took out a spectator with your beer empty. But make sure you don't attach them in front of the shoulder as you would get a yellow card!

InVA
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:54 AM
Or....you could fashion one of those hats where the beer cans attach...and use a straw to drink all the way around xc! HANDS FREE for steering whoaing, balancing,,,etc. !

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 12:16 PM
Or....you could fashion one of those hats where the beer cans attach...and use a straw to drink all the way around xc! HANDS FREE for steering whoaing, balancing,,,etc. !

Oh I do love this idea - along with the Aloha print diapers and of course the prerequisite Maui Jim's. And of course littering is a no no on County land!
(The turtle soup will be a big hit with the Sumo's. Thanks for the idea!)

Flutie

InVA
Jun. 5, 2006, 12:52 PM
With Lots of sunscreen slathered on... the jump judge would SMELL you before you presented to the fence!

Hmmm? coconuts! ( I think I'd like a pina colada! )

Roney
Jun. 5, 2006, 01:09 PM
This is getting to sound suspiciously like white trash cross-country... :D

with a Japanese flair, of course...

SandyUHC
Jun. 5, 2006, 02:57 PM
Flutie,

Will the sumos be staying at your lovely home? I had a vision of one of your dachsies running through the living room with an Hawaiian-print diaper flapping from its mouth (ala' the SB story.)

:-)

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 04:01 PM
SandyUHC - You know far too much about me. Who ARE you?????
And yes, the doxies would totally groove on the Sumos' diapers - the grottier the better!

SandyUHC
Jun. 5, 2006, 05:14 PM
Sorry, didn't mean to be all stalker-y on ya! ;-) We actually only met briefly at the the first Area IV Course Building Seminar. You and I were sorta hiding out at your kitchen table after the dinner and you told me the SB story. I'd been trying to work it into the conversation here at CoTH for eons now. ;-)

So I'm not really stalking you but I do think you are da bomb and your house is the coolest and your doxies rock and I had the best time at the seminar -- dinner was DIVINE, Dan S. and the two Rons from Illinois were hilarious and I learned a ton.

I helped Ron P. at Hidden Hollow for a couple of years, this year I'm helping Susan B. get Catalpa Corner up and running but hopefully next year you can put me to work at Maui Jim. Can't come this year (foalwatch) so I'm ever so sad I will miss the sumos and Shiver the Drugged Yet Scarcely-Fazed Woodpecker Horse. Please take pictures.

(And, on a OT technical note -- is the unwritten rule for cross-country fences still if they are max height then they should only be 3/4 of max width, and vice-versa? Susan had the course professionally designed and a lot of the jumps were spec'ed at max height AND width. The training table looks WAY. TOO. BIG. The course is really shaping up though -- and not a single turtle in sight so far!! If you have any reason whatsoever to be in eastern Iowa before the August 13 debut please come check it out, would LOVE your input.)

flutie1
Jun. 5, 2006, 06:22 PM
I remember - and I believe our conversation was well oiled by copious amounts of vintage red! Great catching up with you!

Yes, you're correct about the max base spread. Is Catalpa where Dan Starck has been doing some building? Exciting to have a new event! I might send the Sumo boys out to help with your debut. They'll be out of a job after Maui Jim (unless they decide to go back to Colorado with Reed and Shiver!)

Flutie

Gnep
Jun. 5, 2006, 11:21 PM
It will be a real challenge to get rid of the empty beercans. Since beeing on a horse you don't have a truck or car window to throw them out, or toss them behind you on the rear bench.
That will be a real problem. Should we throw them at spectators, that are not dazzeled by our skills ?
3 misses and you have to retire and the horse to.

I still got an old fridge, that I have kept around. I will put it into a jump. But first I have to drag it into the National Forest so I can drain the freon, could combine that with a fast oil change on my truck.

SandyUHC
Jun. 6, 2006, 01:45 PM
Is Catalpa where Dan Starck has been doing some building?

I might send the Sumo boys out to help with your debut.
Flutie

Yes, he has created some of his divine portables and a lovely bank. I think he's due back soon to look over the water and such.

And ya know, the Sumos might come in quite handy. The dressage arena is quite a distance from the temporary stabling this year, do you think they would mind carrying some of the more elderly spectators over there for us? I'm thinking we could put hooks around their diapers to attach the lawn chairs and cameras -- if it is okay with them, of course. Tell them if they would be jump crew for stadium we will set them up with individual sushi coolers.

Gnep, I have some leftover lawmower gas/oil mix, would you mind taking that out to the woods with you?

Hannahsmom
Jun. 6, 2006, 03:45 PM
It will be a real challenge to get rid of the empty beercans.

Egads, what kind of a redneck are you? Longnecks all the way baby. And you could easily string them on the horse and then use them as mini-bats for drugged horses.

I'm still trying to figure out if leaning over to get beer bottles from sumo wrestlers count as unauthorized assistance. I mean, you can hand up eyeglasses, bats, etc. but I don't find beer anywhere in the rule book. Sounds like the "carry your own beer" hats is the way to go. Reed could even rig one up with a hose directly into Shiv's mouth.

RAyers
Jun. 6, 2006, 04:08 PM
I mean, you can hand up eyeglasses, bats, etc. but I don't find beer anywhere in the rule book. Sounds like the "carry your own beer" hats is the way to go. Reed could even rig one up with a hose directly into Shiv's mouth.


Good god people don't you ever read the rule book!? In reference to rule 10.4.56, you are referred to appendix H. Right there, after approved bits, under listings for appropriate containers you see:

H.14.4: When rule 10.4.56 applies, approved containers include but are not limited to, cans, including tallboys and Fosters as well as the "mini keg." Glass containers allowed include long necks and wide mouths. Limitiations on said containers are: container must have original manufacturer labeling and be sealed appropriately - flip tops for cans and bottle tops for glass.

By the way this reminds me under Oraganizer responsibilities in section 5.34.109, it is listed:

Oganizer MUST provide appropriate opening devices at the specified obstacle when rule 10.4.56 is in effect.

Am I the ONLY ONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS THE RULES?!!!!!!!

Reed

flutie1
Jun. 6, 2006, 05:52 PM
The Sumo-lads are undergoing extensive training in can and bottle opening as we speak. The trick is getting the open can and/or bottle away from the big lugs after they've opened them. Just another thing on the organizational "To Do" list.
Sigh........
Flutie=san

flutie1
Jun. 6, 2006, 05:55 PM
...The dressage arena is quite a distance from the temporary stabling this year, do you think they would mind carrying some of the more elderly spectators over there for us?

The problem with implementing this good suggestion is that the Sumos (Sumi?) tend to face plant anything they are carrying including elderly event spectators. It's worth thinking about, however. I have a list of those I wouldn't mind seeing spiked!

Flutie

Gnep
Jun. 6, 2006, 11:43 PM
SandyUHC,
I found that lovely ditch a couple of miles from here, fits my truck perfect. I even don't have to lay on back to take the drain plug out, very handy.
Seams to be a local hangout, lots of beer cans and oilfilter. But those people are lagging class, they use those cheep Wal Mart filters.
Would you beleave that.
The ditch is big enough to handle the lawnmower stuff.

Hannahsmam,
zzzzzzzzz, , you got it so wrong, you need to learn to spell, english language, red neck ?? I think you mean wed beck.
First Class naturaly.

Reed could you look up the rulebook again.
I think there was someting in it, concerning open container, not emptied, while crossing the finish line, and in my f...ing mess I can't find the thing.

By the way at that four star that ran last week was a horse, stud horse, ridden by a swedish Horsie Babe, whos name is actually Sun of a Bitch, I love it.
Just think what CBS or who ever would do if a horse with the name Sun of a Bitch would win the Rolex.
pruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust.
Biiiip, Biiiiiiiiip , Biiiiiiiiiiiiiip, Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP


Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppp

ups

pardon me

SandyUHC
Jun. 7, 2006, 12:31 PM
[QUOTE=flutie1The problem with implementing this good suggestion is that the Sumos (Sumi?) tend to face plant anything they are carrying including elderly event spectators. Flutie[/QUOTE]

Flutie-san, I tried to read this to the woman who came to the seminar with me but I was laughing too hard. I am guessing this indicates I will not be able to facilitate any retraining.