View Full Version : Going on separate vacations from spouse?

Feb. 24, 2013, 04:15 PM
Anyone go on a separate vacation from their spouse? My husband doesn't seem interested in going on a vacation and is impossible to get to commit to a date. So, I'm thinking of just planning a vacation for myself. Curious if others have done this.

Feb. 24, 2013, 04:20 PM
not vacations per say, but we have done separate trips.

I had to travel to see my family for various reasons, while he had to stay home and work.

At the same time, I have no problem letting him off leash to see his brother or take the kid for a trip they both look forward to.

so if that is not a symptom of a larger problem, I don't see why not.

Feb. 24, 2013, 04:22 PM
I ended up doing vacations with friends or family. For me that was just one more nail in the coffin called divorce. I started feeling resentful that he didn't want to go anywhere and I know he would be quietly angry that I was "spending money frivilously". :(

Feb. 24, 2013, 04:27 PM
It's not as unsual as you'd think. There are plenty of couples who have completely opposite vacation ideas: one wants to camp in a National Forest, the other wants 5 star hotel and room service
Then there are couples who one really enjoys travelling and the other doesn't.
And sometimes couples who need a vacation from their spouse. ;)
And sometimes due to circumstances or jobs, only one can get away at a time anyway.

So it's not really a big deal to have a seperate vacation in many cases.

Mr Blue and I very very rarely vacation or travel. I've never been one to travel or vacation and Mr Blue is pretty OCD and makes any travel or even a day trip an enormous production fraught with angst. Hardly relaxing, LOL!

But I'd love for him to get away once in a while for his own peace of mind (he has a stressful job) and I won't lie: for a little mini-staycation myself. I adore my husband, but a little break wouldn't be turned down. :winkgrin:

Not to mention I am the type who would adore a fishing trip, wildlife watching to Alaska, go camping somewhere spectacular or go on a cattle drive or to a rodeo school or something. Mr Blue loathes outside stuff. I loathe inside stuff and don't really care for beaches and shopping, etc.

Feb. 24, 2013, 04:56 PM
I've been sending hubs on ski trips without me since before we got married. I went through a period where I had to do a lot of business travel, so I'm currently enjoying staying home. Plus hubs is a nervous traveler. The male angst gets old when I'm so used to traveling on my own without the drama.

Feb. 24, 2013, 05:18 PM
I send DH on ski trips with his dad, and I take a beach trip annually with my mom (and the kid). It is not an issue at all for us. I don't like skiing and would rather go to the carribean and get warm in the winter! He likes to ski and if I went, I would just hold him back from his black diamonds...or else I wouldn't see him anyway.

Feb. 24, 2013, 05:22 PM
I've gone away a few times without DH. To a girls only long weekend in Houston, on a week long college visiting trip with my older son (not really a vacation) and to visit DH's mother out in Wisconsin when he was too busy to come along. He's gone away without me a couple of times...usually to visit a high school or college friend in another part of the country.

Feb. 24, 2013, 05:28 PM
We have been married 25 years and most of our vacays are seperate, because we have such a hard time leaving the farm and all the animals to someone. We are just really uptight about it so its just easier. Whats the sense in being somewhere if your a wreck worrying about everything at home.

gully's pilot
Feb. 24, 2013, 05:49 PM
We have lots of family vacations that we love, but DH and I do do separate things, mostly around my passion (horses) and his (golf). For example, I go to FL with the horse for a bit in the winter; he has an annual golf trip with some male friends. Then our children share our passions, so my son goes with his dad to golf, and my daughter comes with me to horse trials. The only big vacations we've been separate have been like this--last year DD and I went to the Olympics, which we loved but which sounded horrid to my DS and DH, so they went on a golf trip instead.

Feb. 24, 2013, 05:55 PM
My daughter and I did one year. We were planning on Hilton Head and he didn't want to go...I found a deal at Disney World and went without him. It was actually a really great vacation. Next year he decided he didn't want to be left out.

Feb. 24, 2013, 06:16 PM
My mom and my stefather do.
He doesn't like to travel at all and my mom does. For the first few years they tried and did their big annual vacation together but they have since figured out that they are both happier if he stays home like he wants and she does the stuff she wants to and he would not enjoy. This past summer, she went on a safari in Africa with a friend of hers - he would have been miserable the whole time and she had a blast.

Feb. 24, 2013, 06:33 PM
Separate trips or visits, perfectly reasonable, no big deal. Been there, done that dozens of times. Yawn.

Separate vacations seems to me to be at very least a yellow light that there's something amiss in the underlying relationship. Those so out of synch that they detest the other partner's idea of a vacation, or that they don't want their partner around have some information they're willfully ignoring.

Over the years, when I found myself happier to be alone than with my partner, it was always and inevitably correctly just another marker the relationship was terminal.

(The other flashing red klaxon marker is when one spends time bitching to friends or even mutual friends about the partner.)

Feb. 24, 2013, 06:59 PM
I've gone on vacation solo a few times. And nothing is amiss in our 23 yo marriage (but probably because my husband is a SAINT).
It's always been horse related, since he isn't into horses.
First time was to go on a 2-week horse trek with my sister and a few friends. Then I did it again 3 or 4 times, over the years. I also took a long week-end to go to Rolex, and planning on doing that again next year.
He has gone on a week-long vacation involving riding motorcycles with buddies. It is so rare he even takes a vacation, I am all for him doing that!

Feb. 25, 2013, 06:21 AM
Like HULK, we find it hard to get away from the Farm at the same time. I love to go ride in Wyoming, Montana, etc. Mr. Lawndart does not. Every other year or so I go off with a group of like minded horsewomen and we have a great time, and I don't worry a bit about the Farm because I know Mr. Lawndart has it covered. I do the same when he goes off on hunting vacations.

We do vacation very well together, tho Mr. Lawndart seems determined to put as many miles on the vehicle as possible ;) I'm more a stop and investigate the quirky places type of person. I do adore the man, but we work together both on the farm, and on his two businesses, so sometimes being apart for a bit makes us appreciate what the other contributes even more.

When I get back, or he gets back it gives us a lot to talk about, and I love seeing him relaxed and happy. When I go thru one of my Menopausal Moments as I call them, he will ask "when is your vacation again?" Makes me laugh every time, as I know its his way of telling me to chill out.

Feb. 25, 2013, 06:30 AM
All the time.

I'd regularly visit out-of-town friends.

DH took a 3-month trip to Europe - he wanted to go, at the time I did not.
I knew he was ready to come home when I got a postcard addressed to the cat.

We traveled together too.

Feb. 25, 2013, 06:48 AM
Is it April yet??? Packing DH off for his annual golfing trip with the guys. Sorry I do golf but don't want to play 36 holes everyday for 4 days. We take vacations together and good ones at that but I certainly have no problem with him or I going somewhere without the other for a few days to completely indulge in something we really enjoy.

Mar. 29, 2013, 06:21 PM
Like a couple of other posters, we have a hard time getting away together because of the difficulty of finding someone to care for all the animals at our place. We love to vacation together, and get one once a year, but he also takes extended hiking trips, which I don't like, and last year, I went to Germany with friends. Our marriage is doing fine, at 35 years.

Mar. 29, 2013, 06:35 PM
I travel a lot for work so I don't really want to travel for a vacation without my husband and kids, although I will add on a day or two to see a friend in the area if I'm in their neighborhood for work (and by that I mean long-distance destinations when I've been in Europe or Asia for work and have friends relatively close by).

My husband OTOH has taken ski and surf vacations with his buddies and I am 100% ok with this.

Mar. 29, 2013, 06:47 PM
My husbamd and I had a ball vacationing together. He also regularly.sent me on mini trips with my friends. He understood the need for "girl time". My sister in law also went somewhere either with daughters or sister or friends. You can be very happily married while enjoyimg different recreational pursuits.