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saultgirl
Feb. 22, 2013, 09:16 PM
Does anyone know how/when/why it became the custom to put a baby in a room separate from it's mother, to sleep?

It just seems the most unnatural thing in the world to me; to take a baby away from it's mother.... stressful for everyone!

Letting an infant "cry it out" is just as strange an idea for me...

Anyways, does anyone know how/when/why this came to be?

paulaedwina
Feb. 22, 2013, 09:22 PM
It's cultural. I only heard about self-soothing here in the States. I don't know if it's an American thing, a First World thing, or a European thing, but it is not a Third World thing. I don't have kids, but the idea of letting a baby cry it out was not something I was raised with either.

I wonder whether it became the thing to do as a result of two income dynamics? I mean short or no maternity leave seems to be as a result of this.

Paula

saultgirl
Feb. 22, 2013, 09:24 PM
We get a year of maternity leave here in Canada and it's the same thing... baby in crib in separate room. Although you could be on to something... if it was started as customary where the hired help would attend to the children?

stolen virtue
Feb. 22, 2013, 09:26 PM
I totally agree, it is very strange. Our neighbor's had a little girl my daughters age and that little girl cried so much. I felt so bad, I kept my babies with me until they were about a year old but I never let my children cry even in their cribs at night. I brought them to bed with me and I would sleep with them in their beds when they were older and had a bad dream.

Never understood the concept of letting children cry themselves to sleep.

paulaedwina
Feb. 22, 2013, 09:39 PM
I don't think it's a hired help thing. My theory is that with two parents working and the emphasis on the nuclear family dynamic baby just had to get independent faster. Shorter breast feeding (if at all), shorter maternity time, and self-soothing. In an extended family (for example), somebody could take care of baby while you worked or slept so I'm speculating that self-soothing becomes less attractive. For example, at an early barn with people I knew for years, when the daughter had her baby she lived very close to her mom, Grandma would take him so she could sleep. So there were many adults caring for one child.

Paula

mvp
Feb. 22, 2013, 10:41 PM
I think the cry it out theory originated long before the 1970s when it became more common for women to work outside the home.

But it is probably also a middle class thing. Lots of theorizing about child development is tailor-made to suit those folks. I do think that in the rather isolated nuclear family where the mother is made the primary care-giver, the self-soothing thing seems appealing. So if you are wealthy enough to have nannies be part of what's normal, or poor enough that you regularly depend on many family members sharing the work and have those people around, different child rearing applies.

I'd guess that kiddo sleeping alone and learning to make himself chill dates to the 1950s when we got a superlative notion of the female superhero: Great wife who caters to the husband (in bed and so sans kid there) and perfect mother who never lets anyone see her kid-- her primary product-- put a foot wrong.

And it may be an American thing: Everyone wanting to somehow make sure that their kid is a tough-minded, independent success.

Casey09
Feb. 22, 2013, 10:49 PM
I am not sure about the veracity of this source but here is an article on the history of this practice: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

I am not a parent, but I did have a professor of child psychology that had kids and hated the practice. That doesn't mean he was necessarily right, but he made a big enough impression on me that I cringe a little when I hear the expression.

rustbreeches
Feb. 22, 2013, 10:51 PM
I have no idea why it originated, but several "new" parenting methods do not subscribe to this sort of thing. Both Little Breeches bed shared with me. Half the world's population sleeps in one room huts, but a 'civilized' nation thinks it is a good idea to take a baby that rested under it's mother's heart for 9 months and leave it in a room by itself? That doesn't even sound right to me. I never had the bleary eyed days, I never had a baby that was a screamer, or cried for long periods of time.
It was really easy to pat them back to sleep, or roll over and nurse them if they were actually hungry when we bed shared. There have been studies to show that bed sharing actually instills regular breathing patterns to help avoid SIDS.
But many things about American family life is structured around parents not really having to be around their children. Look at all the after school programs, summer camps, etc.

I had a friend give me a copy of Babywise, but since the premise of that book is putting children in a crib in a nursery by themselves, we never tried any of it

magicteetango
Feb. 22, 2013, 10:53 PM
Not my thing... I don't get it either. I loved having Gavin in his room and if he is having a tough time he either comes in my bed or I sleep on his floor. Now Parker, the younger one, is extremely independent. He will go to sleep on his own if he is swaddled with a pacifier and I think he is ready for his own room but I wait a minimum of six months to reduce the risk of SIDs.

I could never sleep with Gavin in another room, I still rarely shut his door. I like to leave it a crack and leave mine a crack even though they are right next to each other... I still worry I won't hear him. He didn't go into his own room until Parker came home. That wasn't intentional but he is an awful sleeper and, not to hate on DH, but I don't have any help with him at night so I was too exhausted and pregnant to do it... I pictured this awful transition although it really wasn't bad.

I would like to think this is actually coming more into favor again. But cosleeping isn't as rare as you would think... I know I went in a crib but DH slept in bed with them until age 5, my step MIL kept her kids in bed with her, my cousin did, I have friends that do and did. Over all I coslept for short periods of time but kept Gavin in a pack n play in our room instead so he was right there (his crib is a huge furniture crib with an attached changing table so moving it into our room was not an easy task!)

I don't think its an awful thing to have your kid sleep on his own crib if he is emotionally ready for it but why push?

ETA... glad the PP didn't try Baby wise... there have actually been deaths attributed to those theories. Obviously they get misused but enough for me not to do it.

Plainandtall
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:06 PM
I heard an interesting cultural explanation about the traditional Japanese parenting and how it stands in sharp contrast to more modern western ideas. I did not hear this from a Japanese person, and I don't know how true it is- it's just what I heard.

The idea was that when a baby is born, it is like a little wild animal with no culture and in order to nurture that little wild animal into a human being- they must be brought close and bonded to the family- that it is in closeness to the family that the baby learns what it is to be human.

we seem to have the opposite ideas- that the baby is a dependant little parasite- and it must be cut off and pushed away in order to become human.



This is also an interesting cultureal perspective:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html

"My second observation was a cultural one. In the UK it was understood that babies cry - in Kenya it was quite the opposite. The understanding is that babies don't cry. If they do - something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify it immediately. My English sister-in-law summarized it well. "People here" she said "really don't like babies crying, do they?"

DieBlaueReiterin
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:17 PM
i also don't get the whole put-the-baby-in-another-room-and-shut-the-door thing. i don't have kids yet and not sure if i will, but i just can't see myself doing that. it seems almost cruel somehow, especially with a very small baby.

Wellspotted
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:21 PM
Maybe it's all part of the early-independence/separation philosophy? The same philosophy that sends a kid off to daycare the instant maternity leave ends, that used to send kids off to boarding school?

I don't know.

Maybe it's related to the philosophy that says get a puppy, dump him in the kitchen/laundry room/doghouse starting with the night you bring him home, stick an alarm clock in there with him, and let him howl himself to sleep?

Maybe it's the philosophy that says if the baby sleeps in the parents' room he/she will end up sleeping in the parents' bed and get accidently smothered/suffocated?

Maybe it's all related to the same child-raising philosophy that makes men afraid to say that one of the things they want in a woman is someone who's willing to snuggle-cuddle.

paulaedwina
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:25 PM
RE: I do think that in the rather isolated nuclear family where the mother is made the primary care-giver, the self-soothing thing seems appealing. So if you are wealthy enough to have nannies be part of what's normal, or poor enough that you regularly depend on many family members sharing the work and have those people around, different child rearing applies.

This is one of my pet seethes -the idea that the nuclear family dynamic is ideal and should be pursued is the biggest bill of goods sold to the middle class in a long time. The nuclear family is brittle. It does not cope well with child rearing (somebody suffers from a lack of time and attention -either the parents or the child), and it is not flexible (a divorce, death, or job loss can often fracture the family economics).

Casey09, thanks for the link. Isn't it interesting that we have to be convinced with scientific findings to re-discover what is intuitive? Baby cries pick it up. How the notion of stressing a baby out for its own good (and the physiological, emotional, a psychological repercussions of chronic stress) lasted this long I do not know. I feel for all the parents who fought against their nature to subscribe to the notion.

Of course I don't have human children so my only experience to bring to this discussion is the culture I was surrounded by, my parent's training of me, and dog rearing. The funny thing about dogs is that somewhere along the line the idea was you bring a puppy home and you put it to bed in a kitchen, in the den, in the laundry room, somewhere you were not and then let it cry until it stopped. Did it take the Monks of New Skete (among others) to discover -hey if you crate puppy in the bedroom with you he'll settle down right quick?

I think it's a typical dynamic -the more affluent you get the more "civilized" you get until you have to re-discover what primitive you knew all along.


ETA PlainandTall, I've also heard about cultures where babies don't cry. I can't think of them specifically, but they were "primitive" cultures. I wonder about the evolution of it. I imagine, as with other animals, crying young are just advertising their vulnerability to predators so the quiet young probably out competed crying young. Therefore the behavior of the parent to that end is inherited.

JMO of course
Paula

stolen virtue
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:30 PM
Well I had to work and both my children went to daycare. Both loved their daycare provider and that was/is a good thing. However, when they were with me I held them and touched them, and I never let them cry alone. Daycare does not mean "boarding school" we all must be the best parents we can be, I did not marry a wealthy man and so I work.

mvp
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:30 PM
@ Wellspotted.

FWIW, I don't know *any* parents who are happy about sending a baby to daycare when maternity leave ends, say 8 or 12 weeks. Usually it is done in order to keep a job.

And my dad thought (in a half-a$$ed way) that he'd roll over on the first kid (me) and do some smothering. My mom figured that no species could be that stupid. She was really good at figuring out what worked and doing it without fanfare. She was also an early fan of letting kids grow up with a certain amount of dirt around.

danceronice
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:34 PM
I think I was always put in my own room (it was mine until we sold the house after I graduated college.) My parents could HEAR (it was probably like ten feet at most from their door) but plenty of room for a crib, changing table, etc. I don't think they did the 'cry it out' thing, but it was a lot less cramped having a separate room for baby + baby stuff.

Foxtrot's
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:37 PM
I'll join you - I hate to hear a child cry (my friend was told to 'let him cry'
and the baby ended up with a hernia - so much for advice).

We want our children close to us, to love, and them to love us. I don't get it either.

And regarding the woman in the apartment block who did not soothe her
baby, it is about consideration for your neighbous, comunal living, and everybody trying to be as aware of her neighbouors as possible.

And I do have kids - and grandchildren.

paulaedwina
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:43 PM
Of course we hate to hear a baby cry -it's evolution. Across species the sound of distressed young will stress out the adults. It is not a good thing. It makes me think that parents who endured this advice suffered as much as the babies did.

I feel for the woman in the apartment building because the whole situation spoke to me of how isolated we are (speaking in general terms). Of course I don't know her, her life, or her business, but I couldn't help but think how it was really too bad she didn't have anyone to support her, to spell her with the baby so she could rest.

What a legacy.
Paula

stolen virtue
Feb. 22, 2013, 11:58 PM
Of course we hate to hear a baby cry -it's evolution. Across species the sound of distressed young will stress out the adults. It is not a good thing. It makes me think that parents who endured this advice suffered as much as the babies did.

I feel for the woman in the apartment building because the whole situation spoke to me of how isolated we are (speaking in general terms). Of course I don't know her, her life, or her business, but I couldn't help but think how it was really too bad she didn't have anyone to support her, to spell her with the baby so she could rest.

What a legacy.
Paula

Or perhaps a spine ? Really, I had more people telling me that I was "ruining" or "spoiling" my children by holding them and having them in a basinet next to me during the night. And I have really nice young adults who are caring, considerate and compassionate. My son loves his sister and cares deeply for his pets, even when I have to chase other boys his age out of our barn for agitating the horses.

I am amazed to see some of the parenting crap ideas that people buy into. Love your children, no child ever suffered from too much love from a parent or anyone else. Teach your children how to love, it needs to be taught and reinforced in terms of what is love. Working hard and having good work habits is also important but children need to know that they are wanted, loved and the best part of your day as a parent.

Sorry, I just love my children and they are the best thing that ever happened.

Foxtrot's
Feb. 23, 2013, 12:35 AM
Agree. Strongly.

Dreamwalker
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:15 AM
Or perhaps a spine ? Really, I had more people telling me that I was "ruining" or "spoiling" my children by holding them and having them in a basinet next to me during the night. And I have really nice young adults who are caring, considerate and compassionate. My son loves his sister and cares deeply for his pets, even when I have to chase other boys his age out of our barn for agitating the horses.

I am amazed to see some of the parenting crap ideas that people buy into. Love your children, no child ever suffered from too much love from a parent or anyone else. Teach your children how to love, it needs to be taught and reinforced in terms of what is love. Working hard and having good work habits is also important but children need to know that they are wanted, loved and the best part of your day as a parent.

Sorry, I just love my children and they are the best thing that ever happened.

That is an excellent post. I too, am amazed at some of the crap people buy into. My theory, fwiw, is that we have created a mentality that people lack confidence in their own ability to work out what is best for themselves, their children and their own circumstances. They need 'how to' books or a 'parenting philosophy' to follow.
I'm the mother of 5, grandmother of 5 and foster Mum to many. My kids are independent compassionate adults in lasting relationships. Despite the many nay-sayers who were convinced that not letting them cry would create dependent selfish children with mummy issues

TBRedHead
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:17 AM
I'm really into the baby wearing/breastfeeding thing (I got super into wanting a baby last year and researched EVERYTHING, but decided I wasn't in a place to be the parent I want to be.)

And it's totally weird in our culture how we push babies away. In other cultures, they co sleep, they extend breastfeed, and it's VERY mother-child oriented. That seems natural, you gave your body to this thing for 9 months, why push it away?

RedHorses
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:18 AM
People like you stolen virtue should have kids. :yes: The world needs kids like yours with parents like you.

People like me should have no kids. There are enough "mother kills child, is convicted of murder" stories out there already. :lol:

MaybeMorgan
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:31 AM
There are dire warnings from doctors about the dangers of sleeping with your baby. It's hard to not feel insecure going against those warnings from "medical experts". When had my children in the mid-80"s I worried and fretted because the first would only sleep on her back for naps, and we were strongly told stomach only. Now we are told the opposite-back only. (!) I was told not to sleep with my newborn, but flat ignored that. So did my daughter.

paulaedwina
Feb. 23, 2013, 08:12 AM
I read that thread about the crying baby in the apartment, but I didn't contribute to the discussion because I would have suggested something less than popular. Knock on her door and ask her if she needs help. I know that would likely not have gone over well, but that was my reaction.

MaybeMorgan, I don't blame parents for doing as they're told. They don't have anybody else to support them generally speaking. It's back to the crap nuclear family dynamic. From my point of view -here you have a baby and they send you home to sort your stuff out. You're on you own unless you have some interfering family ethnic/cultural roots or something where relatives descend on your house and get in your business. So when you have no information you listen to the experts. You can only hope they don't lead you down some garden path. And when you're on your own it is very hard to say, "Nah, ain't gonna do that, doesn't sound right to me."

Paula

LauraKY
Feb. 23, 2013, 09:49 AM
When did letting the baby cry originate? I remember when my daughter was born, my MIL insisted I had to let her cry to "develop" her lungs. MIL left to go home shortly thereafter.

2bayboys
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:03 AM
Interesting article about this http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

I agree with the statements in the article, particularly this about "crying it out": The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated.

Seems pretty crushing to me. I wore my babies, slept with them, and breastfed on demand. There was very little crying at all.

Mickey the Marcher
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:08 AM
I'll join you - I hate to hear a child cry (my friend was told to 'let him cry'
and the baby ended up with a hernia - so much for advice).



In fairness, most parents get tuned into the difference between crying and CRYING pretty intuitively. There are times when you just know there is something wrong. However, there are times when a baby does need to cry it out by themselves.
I don't think these things are, or should be black and white..... always pick them up, always let them cry it out. There's plenty of gray area to work with in there.
Of course that is probably true for 90% of the things discussed on COTH, both horse and non-horse related.

Hulk
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:39 AM
I wonder how much of the letting a baby cry it out in another room is a primer for sleep disorders later on.

saultgirl
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:46 AM
There are dire warnings from doctors about the dangers of sleeping with your baby. It's hard to not feel insecure going against those warnings from "medical experts". When had my children in the mid-80"s I worried and fretted because the first would only sleep on her back for naps, and we were strongly told stomach only. Now we are told the opposite-back only. (!) I was told not to sleep with my newborn, but flat ignored that. So did my daughter.

I work in a law office and we actually had a client who did co-sleeping, and someone reported her to CAS for it!! It was a huge fight! There were some other issues but it boiled my blood that they gave her a hard time for not following their "recommendations" as far as a safe crib. They called it a danger to the child.

saultgirl
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:48 AM
I agree with the statements in the article, particularly this about "crying it out": The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated.
.

Not much difference from "learned helplessness" in horses, is it?

paulaedwina
Feb. 23, 2013, 10:56 AM
Indeed. Well said, Saultgirl.

Paula

grayarabpony
Feb. 23, 2013, 11:27 AM
Then there's the babies who cry even when fed on demand and held, probably from belly pain. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be medications deemed safe for this, so everybody suffers.

fordtraktor
Feb. 23, 2013, 11:49 AM
Well, it can be a danger to have them sleep in bed with you. It's certainly correlated with an elevated SIDS risk. I work with funeral homes, and after all the stories I hear I could never, ever fall asleep with a baby in my bed (most "SIDS" is actually "exhausted parent fell into deep sleep and accidentally smothered baby, or other accidental smothering cause like sleeping on couches, face in pillow, bumpers and toys in crib, etc. -- see http://www.npr.org/2011/07/15/137859024/rethinking-sids-many-deaths-no-longer-a-mystery). I totally understand people who do co-sleep and don't judge that at all (anyone would understand who has been a parent that many times you end up doing whatever works and there's a lot you can do to make a bed safer). I just can't get any sleep that way.

I keep mine in a pack and play (like a bassinet) right beside the bed for the first 6 months or so, then they go on their own rooms. I do shut the door so the cat doesn't get in there and wake them up but I have a monitor. It's not cruel and being in a separate room does not mean you have to let a baby "cry it out." You get up and go get them if they need you. After 6 months I found my son slept better in his own room as my rolling over tended to wake him up.

Grayarabpony, there are quite a few meds available for baby tummy issues and I tried them all for my son. And extensive elimination diets, etc. They simply don't know how to "fix" colic in some babies.

MMacallister
Feb. 23, 2013, 11:58 AM
I had both of my children in a bassinet in my room for their first 6 months or so. Basicly until they were sleeping through the night (most nights) on their own. I did here many conflicting stories about letting them cry it out etc. and my take on it was basicly if it was whimpering and little impish cries I would let them go, if they were all out screaming...no, I went and picked them up and soothed them.

hastyreply
Feb. 23, 2013, 12:23 PM
I have a co-worker who sleeps with one child and her husband sleeps with the other in separate rooms, said children are approaching Jr High ages.
My babies slept in a portacrib (probably outlawed by now) in my room and then in the next room, feet from my bed. I've known more women than I'd like who were happy to go back to work after their 6 or 8 weeks maternity leave. They also send their children to daycare even if they are off of work during the week.

I find it amusing that so many people who have never had an infant have such pronounced ideas about how other's should rear theirs. Rearing a child is akin to jumping into a raging river, no matter how much you watch and analyze how other people do it, when you do it yourself it's a whole other world and each person's experience is different from the next .

grayarabpony
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:20 PM
Well, it can be a danger to have them sleep in bed with you. It's certainly correlated with an elevated SIDS risk. I work with funeral homes, and after all the stories I hear I could never, ever fall asleep with a baby in my bed (most "SIDS" is actually "exhausted parent fell into deep sleep and accidentally smothered baby, or other accidental smothering cause like sleeping on couches, face in pillow, bumpers and toys in crib, etc. -- see http://www.npr.org/2011/07/15/137859024/rethinking-sids-many-deaths-no-longer-a-mystery). I totally understand people who do co-sleep and don't judge that at all (anyone would understand who has been a parent that many times you end up doing whatever works and there's a lot you can do to make a bed safer). I just can't get any sleep that way.

I keep mine in a pack and play (like a bassinet) right beside the bed for the first 6 months or so, then they go on their own rooms. I do shut the door so the cat doesn't get in there and wake them up but I have a monitor. It's not cruel and being in a separate room does not mean you have to let a baby "cry it out." You get up and go get them if they need you. After 6 months I found my son slept better in his own room as my rolling over tended to wake him up.

Grayarabpony, there are quite a few meds available for baby tummy issues and I tried them all for my son. And extensive elimination diets, etc. They simply don't know how to "fix" colic in some babies.

Sorry I should have said EFFECTIVE for many children.

paulaedwina
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:25 PM
RE: I find it amusing that so many people who have never had an infant have such pronounced ideas about how other's should rear theirs.

I think it is important to remember;

1. Parents were once adults with no children who had ideas about how they were going to raise their children.

2. Child-rearing differs by culture -what one culture views as normal another might view as alarming.

3. Those previously childless people who now have children have had their points of view influenced by the manner in which they were raised.

Paula

wendy
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:28 PM
in Kenya it was quite the opposite. The understanding is that babies don't cry. If they do - something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify it immediately.

that's probably the most correct interpretation. They have no other way to communicate their distress, so they cry. If they weren't distressed, they wouldn't cry, right? so why would you ignore their cries for help?

fordtraktor
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:40 PM
RE: I find it amusing that so many people who have never had an infant have such pronounced ideas about how other's should rear theirs.

I think it is important to remember;

1. Parents were once adults with no children who had ideas about how they were going to raise their children.

2. Child-rearing differs by culture -what one culture views as normal another might view as alarming.

3. Those previously childless people who now have children have had their points of view influenced by the manner in which they were raised.

Paula

I think parents often do realize all these things. I have seen it in myself. Before kids I too had lots of opinions about parenting, most of which I have discovered were pretty out of touch. I laugh at all the opinions I used to hold about the "right" way to raise children.

It's not just the childless. My SILs were full of "helpful" advice about how I should be raising my kid, who was a very difficult baby. They seemed sure they were better moms because they had easy infants. Everything they said seemed to imply that I was doing it wrong. Ha! In both cases they later had a second baby that was MUCH more difficult than their first, and suddenly none of their bright ideas worked. Turns out babies are not all alike.

It is annoying, though, when people wax eloquent regarding something they know precious little about. It's like when your horseless colleagues come over and try to tell you all about horse training and psychology based on the nose-to-tail trail ride they took 15 years ago, or the fact they've seen "The Horse Whisperer."

ReSomething
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:42 PM
We co-slept for quite some time. When she was really little she'd need soothing and DH would carry her out of the room and rock her or stuff her into a swinging chair, she teethed, she went through a period (which I had read was a developmental stage in some kids) where she had ear infections, I always dozed more than deep slept, of course she had the cyclical fussing of the breastfed infant, sleep, chirpy, starting to fuss, hungry, feed me!, eating, sleep. I don't recall she was a big crier and I can only recall one or two times she wasn't consolable, probably from gas or excessive pain. After a while we pushed the crib up to the bed and lowered the gate and she'd go in there quite happily to sleep, and finally she got a big girl bed and it was time to move into her very own room.

Babies are just noisy. At least ours was, she used to crow and chirp and "sing" before she began to talk, and then she started to talk and went on and on.
They are all different too, there were a bunch of us with same age kids at work and we used to compare notes, usually of the first child an angel, second child a devil variety - one reason I was in no hurry to have a second.
Babies are noisy, kids are noisy, some families are noisy, they yell, they bang and drop stuff, heck my MIL sounds like a herd of rhino crossing the Serengeti when she uses her walker to cross to open the door. It's not intentional.

Sannois
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:46 PM
I do not have kids either, but where is the cut off point, When the child is 8 and wants to sleep in the same bed as parents?
I never slept in my moms bed, Oh well maybe when I was sick,
I always thought it has something to do with, if you pick up the child every single time they cry they figure it out fast and well.. who knows, I have no kids.
I will say if I have a puppy or a kitten crying pitifully I cannot stand it and must pick them up. Okay, well disregard my opinion! :lol:

ReSomething
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:50 PM
Mine got a big girl bed when she was about 3 or 4 and getting ready to go off to preschool. She didn't have a need to crawl in with us except rarely afterwards.

goeslikestink
Feb. 23, 2013, 01:50 PM
[QUOTE=saultgirl;6853396]Does anyone know how/when/why it became the custom to put a baby in a room separate from it's mother, to sleep?

It just seems the most unnatural thing in the world to me; to take a baby away from it's mother.... stressful for everyone!


not strange to let a baby cry it out depends on the circumtances
if one wants to pick it up every time it crys your making a rod for your own back later in life as it will run rings round you

if crys - it might be hungry usually hungry or dirty or teething early in life then sleeps a lot but babies can be demanding and want feeding every two hours depends on the baby and 1st 3mths its stuck to you like glue and can be very
wearing
Letting an infant "cry it out" is just as strange an idea for me...

as for the room thing both of mine were int there own room when i cam out of hospital this allowed me a break and another to get up to sort the baby out

and also helps the child to get used to being on his own doesnt hurt him and you sleeping next door wont hurt either why

tip for you honey------ when you have a kid you need all the sleep you can get either before after and during pregnancy as soon as that babys born
you never sleep soundly ever again you have one ear open all the time natures way lol


and your mums worries about you still i bet, if at home does she say i know when you came in

proof is in the pudding mate and girls never sleep again once a baby born

glitterless
Feb. 23, 2013, 02:36 PM
I'm a mother and probably wouldn't have become one if I thought baby would be attached at the hip until kindergarten.

I don't think it's unhealthy for a baby to sleep in a crib. My little one did sleep in the same room and sometimes the same bed for a bit while I was breastfeeding, but I think we both did better once she was moved to her own room. When baby was in the room with me, I would wake and jump up every time she moved. It was exhausting.

I could still hear her cries on the baby monitor after she moved to her own room, but I slept better and she slept better when she went t oher crib.

saultgirl
Feb. 23, 2013, 02:40 PM
I'm a mother and probably wouldn't have become one if I thought baby would be attached at the hip until kindergarten.

It's funny - I'm the total opposite. When I really got to thinking about having a baby, I decided I wouldn't have one unless I could give it everything -- i.e. I would need to be a stay-at-home mom and probably homeschool and the whole nine yards.

glitterless
Feb. 23, 2013, 02:43 PM
Oh, I could not do it, Saultgirl! Kudos to you for wanting to and to all of the moms who do it, but I need my adult time :)

cowboymom
Feb. 23, 2013, 02:50 PM
I did everything according to the situation. Usually at night I made them go to sleep in their cribs but if they woke up in the night or very early morning I would take them into bed to finish sleeping. When they were very little I slept with them in the bed or recliner with me, when you're nursing it's the only way to get any sleep for a while. If they got scared at night or just couldn't settle down or whatever reason I let them in the bed, fell asleep a lot of times to a small child reading me Goodnight Moon! As they got older, 3 and 4, I'd have them throw down a sleeping bag on the floor beside the bed instead of crawling right in and many mornings I woke up and stepped on a kid b/c I hadn't heard them move in in the middle of the night. I don't remember ever having a big "kick them out of the room" stage, they just gradually stopped coming in and it was fine. We had absolutely no sleeping drama, we just did what it took for everyone to get some sleep.

I am not an "attached at the hip" kid person, I raised them to be pretty independent and they ended up joining our lives, we didn't conform to theirs. But I've been a SAHM most of the time and homeschooled for a while, too. But then again they've been doing pack trips and chores since they could walk. We all blend pretty well. :)

glitterless
Feb. 23, 2013, 02:57 PM
As much as I need that adult time I mentioned, I would love to stay home more with my little one. I'm a single mother now and up until recently little one was home with one of us 2-3 days per week, which I found ideal. She had her time to socialize, make friends, and get ready for kindergarten, but still had lots of time with mommy and daddy.

Now she's in daycare 5 days per week :( This is not the way I envisioned raising a child, but sometimes circumstances change.