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View Full Version : *UGH* Why can't people just mind their own business?!



LovinLatte81
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:32 PM
I have an amazing horse. I know everyone thinks their horse is amazing, but mine really is! I know she is. I know that even though I got her off the track for $500, I got something really special. She is beautifully put together, a nice mover, crazy athletic and now that she has been off the track for 1 1/2 years she also has a sane mind. She also just has a way about her that tells you how awesome she is. I am lucky. I know this.

I am also a teacher. A second year, non-tenured teacher. They cut one of the other specialists so we have two teachers doing the job of three. I teach 3 grade levels and write 8 completely different lesson plans a day, while also catering to the classroom teachers modifying work for my kiddos, writing IEPs (I had to do 7 in Jan) and attending a gazillon meetings and trainings for these stupid modules. I also do after school help 3 days a week because the classroom teachers are constantly telling me how stupid my kids are and how I need to help them more. Life sucks right now.

That having been said, my time at the barn limited and when I go I just want to spend time with my amazing mare who I love more than anything and VALUE.

Instead, all I get is another boarder (who, might I add is a stay at home mom with a rich husband) telling me that I don't realize what a great horse I have, I am wasting her and she does not believe for one minute that I am busy enough that I can't be at the barn everyday.

It is so annoying. I am already ridiculously stressed out at work and all I want is to spend time with my horse. I don't want her opinion. If all I want to do is brush my horse today, then you know what? All I am going to do is brush my horse. Don't bug me about working her and tell me how I should be riding her the whole time that I am there. All it does is make me NOT want to come out and deal with your BS!

I really do not want to end up telling her off. I like her a lot as a person and I genuinely do think she thinks that she is doing what's best for my horse by telling me all these things (as messed up as that is).

How can I nicely tell her to STFU? :) I have already said repeatedly that I know I have a nice horse and thats why I searched for THREE YEARS and tried MANY horses before I chose her.I have also explained my work situation, and she responds with eye rolls and repeats that she doesn't believe I am that busy.

supershorty628
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:33 PM
"Well, bless your heart." ;)

caballero
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:35 PM
Repeat after me: Do you mind leaving me alone?

War Admiral
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:35 PM
I don't think I'd even bother being nice. This kind of person doesn't really understand anything but "STFU, get out of my face, and go work your OWN horse."

Rel6
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:40 PM
Either ignore it, or say something less than 100% nice. Sounds like you have nicely explained it quite a few times. You can be polite and firm and next she brings it up say "I do not want to discuss how often I ride my horse with you. Please do not bring it up with me again as it does not concern you." Then switch the topic to something else and continue the conversation like nothing happened.

doublesstable
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:41 PM
Get yourself a set of earplug headphones, put on your Pandora and groom away.

Just go, uh-hu and okay... and hopefully she will get the hint. I wouldn't be mean to anyone.... if you feel comfortable just tell her you want to spend alone time with your horse and that your horse is your therapy and really need it.. don't explain that you are all up and busy - quite frankly that tends to annoy people anyway... it's like saying "your not busy, you don't understand, your a stay at home Mom so you are not as busy as me." I would guess that's not what you mean. But even reading your post kind of indicates some stress and negativity to that fact. You don't know how busy she is or isn't. I think to stick to the main issue and that is quiet time with your horse. Who cares what others think of how much time you spend riding or whatever......

HorseLuvr
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:45 PM
So sorry she is bugging you! In her defense, sometimes it is disappointing to see really nice horses at a show barn who stand around and do nothing and owner does not ever ride them. However, I always just think, not my horse and not my problem. If you want to just brush your horse and hang out with it, go for it! After all, it is YOUR horse and you can do what you please!

LovinLatte81
Feb. 16, 2013, 09:52 PM
yeah...we are at a backyard boarder barn in the middle of nowhere...6 boarders, no lessons, no trainer, but a really nice indoor!

I have spent many years working at show barns and thinking, darn, I feel like that horse should be getting used...but I would never say that to anyone because we all have our own lives and no one knows what is really happening with anyone when they leave the barn.

She knows that I do not have any real goals for my horse in the winter. I just want to be able to get on her a few times a week, maybe pop around some little jumps and enjoy her company. I think that is totally reasonable for the type of environment I am in! :)

Bristol Bay
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:05 PM
There is a type of rider that will go out in dead of winter and train their horse at 10:00 at night if that's the only free time available. I am not that rider, and it sounds like you aren't either. There is nothing wrong with a lack of ambition. Your horse certainly doesn't mind. I agree with those who say not to be rude about it. The horse world is too small to burn bridges. Just smile and keep brushing.:)

horsepoor
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:09 PM
An ipod will do wonders for such a situation.;) I made good use of mine back in the day when I had to board. Thank goodness I no longer need it, having all my horses at home now!

WW_Queen
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:16 PM
Maybe that's just her way of saying she likes your horse and is fishing to see if you're looking for a rider to help you out while you're busy (but she is obviously going about it the wrong way!)

alto
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:22 PM
Invite her to act as a classroom volunteer ;)
even if all she does is non-kid-interaction stuff, that will likely still help you with your To Do list & after a couple times she'll likely stop disbelieving how busy you are :eek:

caballero
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:28 PM
OP. you shouldn't justify what you do with your horse to her, to us, or to anyone.

Really. It's OK to do whatever you want with your horse, even if that is nothing at all. You don't need anyone's approval.

Do not be nice if you want to be left alone. Being nice will just enable the behavior.

SillyHorse
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:44 PM
"Thank you for your interest." Go back to what ever you were doing. Repeat as necessary.

ElisLove
Feb. 16, 2013, 10:48 PM
I am one of those people that would say STFU. I don't deal with people acting that way to me and I let them know. I have said that to a few barn people in my time.

equisusan
Feb. 16, 2013, 11:07 PM
And you will still have a lovely horse well into her 20s because you didn't overdo it. Good for you. Smile and nod.

CVPeg
Feb. 16, 2013, 11:53 PM
She knows that I do not have any real goals for my horse in the winter. I just want to be able to get on her a few times a week, maybe pop around some little jumps and enjoy her company. I think that is totally reasonable for the type of environment I am in! :)

Absolutely. How many of us only showed in fair weather years ago, and the horses did not dissolve into a puddle of flab.

And even these days, in chatting with riders at other barns, not everyone demands of themselves that the maximum be done this time of year.

And the horses don't mind taking a little respite.

I like the idea about suggesting she volunteer at the school. 'Long as she's in another part of the school! ;)

ultimateshowmom
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:14 AM
I understand your pain, I have been on both sides of this. Enjoy your time with your mare, try to ignore Ms rude and if you are worried about getting your girl enough riding time you may want to consider a partial lease. Summer is just around the corner!

fair judy
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:17 AM
STFU sounds like a good plan to me.

lpcutter
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:35 AM
Hey, Lovinlatte81, I have a perfect solution. I once worked with a very nosy woman. She constantly was prying into my life. I decided to turn her questions back on her by simply saying "Why do you ask?" Now she had to defend herself. For example, when the lady asks "Why don't you ride more?" Just politely reply, "Why do you ask?" or "Why is that?" I found a few sessions of her having to explain herself instead of me explaining what I was doing and why was all it took for her to mind her own business.
I hope this works for you. :winkgrin:

Arcadien
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:39 AM
Give her the benefit of the doubt. If she's never worked, been at home with kids most of the time, she may be a very nice person but just hasn't had exposure to the realities of the pressure working full time and having a life in addition to that create.

I agree with the suggestions to not say anything mean, but find ways to lessen the annoyance during your precious barn time. Ear plugs, music etc.

In her defense while I was a pampered college student, I used to agonize over the lovely horses at the barn who weren't in full work. I couldn't afford to bring my horse to college & couldn't understand how someone could have such a lovely horse and not ride every day. I thought they must be lazy & didn't deserve to own a horse.

Fast forward decades into the reality of adulthood - ha! I fully understand now! I have a gorgeous 7 yo TB mare who has done very little so far as I've been swamped with work & extremely tight budget. I've had to endure digs about what a "sin" it is for such a nice horse to be hanging out in a field doing nothing. I grin & change the topic.

Said mare is booked for 3 mos full training come April & we are aiming for BN eventing by fall - I finally have worked a window of time & money into my career to allow this! Come spring I'll have time to ride 5-6 days a week, at last. I fully expect the shocked faces & silenced critics when they see us galloping xc LOL.

Again just smile & nod & do what you are doing. Don't get mean, as really, she probably just has no clue, and will someday - then she'll think back & realize, I shouldn't have said what I did to that lady. And you'll come off the classy one for taking the high road.

KateWooten
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:40 AM
Hey, Lovinlatte81, I have a perfect solution. I once worked with a very nosy woman. She constantly was prying into my life. I decided to turn her questions back on her by simply saying "Why do you ask?" Now she had to defend herself. For example, when the lady asks "Why don't you ride more?" Just politely reply, "Why do you ask?" or "Why is that?" I found a few sessions of her having to explain herself instead of me explaining what I was doing and why was all it took for her to mind her own business.
I hope this works for you.

That. Exactly. Thanks for the reminder, lpcutter - it's a brilliant strategy which can turn the most aggressive questioner right back on themselves. I've used that before, and had forgotten about it.

ako
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:48 AM
Agree with the questions. I would say something like, "I'm very busy, why can't I just enjoy my own horse how I please?" She can read into it what she will!!

Or, "Yeah, I would love to get down more often but my work just doesn't allow it, so I have to be happy with what I can do."

And walk away.

Otherwise, just don't engage her. She can't understand if she hasn't had to balance a lot of work and horses.

GrayCatFarm
Feb. 17, 2013, 11:00 AM
First, congrats on finding the perfect horse. 30 min of quality time with such a horse does wonders for one's mental health. Glad you've got her in your life given current stresses. Teaching is an emotionally and physically draining profession.

As for your barnmate? I second lpcutter's recommendation. Maybe (probably) she's fishing for a ride, maybe she's really trying to flatter you or just make conversation. Turn the tables, and make her talk. If she asks for the ride, you can decline and that will settle that. If its anything else, she'll eventually stop.

Good luck

mvp
Feb. 17, 2013, 11:22 AM
OP, it's not the annoying boarder's fault that your life sucks right now. Please don't take it out on her.

You can ask her to leave you alone without being rude.

And by the way, her life circumstances are none of your business. None.

Also, you have no idea what it's like to walk a mile in her shoes. Maybe her life as a "kept woman" isn't all that great.

If she knew you were posting about her here, wouldn't you want her to politely tell you to butt out rather than coming back with a STFU?

Sheesh! Treating people well or asking for what you want isn't rocket science, my adult friends.

stolen virtue
Feb. 17, 2013, 11:41 AM
First off OP, thank you for your dedication as a teacher. I am a parent and very gratefull to the teachers who are struggling in this economy to not shortchange the students.

I also am not at the barn much because of my job, we just did more layoffs last week. I don't think anyone who does not work understands the work conditions that people are subjected to these days.

I also have a nice OTTB that is coming along, he is in training. I also had a group of people who were telling me this and that about my horse, all so that I could worry. Turns out he had a sore back so I told the woman riding him to stop, hired the trainer who had asked me if she could ride him, made certain the tack fit him and he is doing very well. In fact, I watched him jump yesterday and he is just lovely, I have never had a young horse so calm and happy jumping.

I guess my point is that you need to state directly, pointedly that this is your horse and that you are capable of making decisions on your own. My horse, my rules. I now hear about my guy through the trainer and other people have stopped the gossiping with me. We are all still friendly but no more stories about my horse.

clanter
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:03 PM
I have an amazing horse. .... If all I want to do is brush my horse today, then you know what? All I am going to do is brush my horse.


We had one of those amazing horses and to tell you the truth, it amazed people even more when we had to let her just stay in the pasture for periods of time...only to be brought in, cleaned up and thrown into show world again to win, then change tack to another discipline and win... only to bring her home and turn out again .... out trainer's wife kept telling us we were going to ruin a great horse LOL

Your good horse will not forget its job while you are attending to other matters

Event4Life
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:10 PM
OP, it's not the annoying boarder's fault that your life sucks right now. Please don't take it out on her.

You can ask her to leave you alone without being rude.

And by the way, her life circumstances are none of your business. None.

Also, you have no idea what it's like to walk a mile in her shoes. Maybe her life as a "kept woman" isn't all that great.

If she knew you were posting about her here, wouldn't you want her to politely tell you to butt out rather than coming back with a STFU?

Sheesh! Treating people well or asking for what you want isn't rocket science, my adult friends.

If I were border, I'd rather OP posted on here than have everything taken out on me, in person. We often post online to vent about things we cant/shouldn't say in person.

OP - I'm in training to be a teacher & know just how hard you guys work, so thank you for doing what you do! I really like lpcutters idea. Respond to her with questions. Be very polite, then go on your way. Hey, if your school has a volunteer program maybe you could ask this woman (nicely) if she'd like to come and help. You never know. Stick your Ipod on, or don't, but if you have earphones in, even with no music playing, people will generally leave you alone.

magicteetango
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:21 PM
First off... being a SAHM is a job, and it is not easy. I wish I had her situation I guess? Horses are in my front yard and I haven't ridden in at least a month. I don't have an indoor and my DH works a lot of overtime and is out of town a lot. Sorry but I hate the perception that it is not work. My job was way easier.

I also used to work 50 hours a week on average until I had my children. I rode more but I had a very different schedule than you do, different shifts so I could ride in the AM etc. But I didn't always do that, it was very high stress and like I said long hours. A lot of the time I was exhausted. You pay the horses board, do whatever you do and don't want to do with her. She is being very rude.

I would just be very honest with her. "Listen, I have a lot of stuff going on at work right now. I am aware of how nice my horse is but she doesn't know her potential and is just as happy eating as she is working. I know you mean well but I already feel bad enough not getting out here and I don't need help feeling worse." If she is worth not saying STFU to about it, she will understand. If she doesn't get it then tell her to STFU (in nicer words, very slightly).

Brooke
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:24 PM
I'm a retired teacher, so I know how incredibly hard you work. I also have been there - working too many hours, making time to raise two boys, and still trying to find time to ride my horse. I already was carrying around a lot of guilt about not doing any of it well enough. To then have someone add to that feeling would have been awful. You've gotten lots of good suggestions - I don't have anything to add - just hoping you can find a way to make what time you have peaceful and enjoyable.

ParadoxFarm
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:26 PM
I commend you for your obvious dedication as a teacher. We should have more like you.

Sometimes I don't understand the comments about such a nice horse being wasted. Um, the horse is happy and healthy. So what if it is not on a schedule you, non owner, would like? And it also indicates that it would be okay for the horse to have a lesser schedule if it wasn't so nice. What's up with that?

OP, you do whatever it is you want. Grooming is therapeutic. And it most likely feels good to your horse. I'm sure your horse is not thinking, "damn, I sure would rather you make me jump over poles today."

danceronice
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:28 PM
There is a type of rider that will go out in dead of winter and train their horse at 10:00 at night if that's the only free time available. I am not that rider, and it sounds like you aren't either. There is nothing wrong with a lack of ambition.

Um...way to sound rather like the person she's complaining about. "Lack of ambition?" It's a horse. She owns a horse because owning a horse in some way makes her happy. There's nothing noble about killing yourself by riding in the middle of the night or at four am because someone somewhere might think you're not 'maximizing your horse's potential' or something. Owning a horse, even if you want to go to shows, is not a second job unless you're trying to make it one. No one should apologize for owing a horse and not doing something with it, if that's what makes the owner happy. The horse doesn't care either way. (Some prefer their owners be a little less ambitious.)

OP--it's YOUR HORSE. Do what makes you happy and I agree with lpcutter, "Why do you ask" puts her on the spot without being rude.

JackieBlue
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:44 PM
OP, it's not the annoying boarder's fault that your life sucks right now. Please don't take it out on her.

You can ask her to leave you alone without being rude.

And by the way, her life circumstances are none of your business. None.

Also, you have no idea what it's like to walk a mile in her shoes. Maybe her life as a "kept woman" isn't all that great.

If she knew you were posting about her here, wouldn't you want her to politely tell you to butt out rather than coming back with a STFU?

Sheesh! Treating people well or asking for what you want isn't rocket science, my adult friends.

It's as if mvp were reading my mind! WHY do we play these games? What you should tell someone, in any social circumstance, is what you want them to understand. That is communication. Anything else is a silly waste of time. If you want the other boarder to understand that you don't enjoy being questioned about your schedule and chastised for not riding daily, then guess what! THAT'S what you say. You've said you like her. Tell her that, too. "You know, Ms. Boarder, I really enjoy your company when I'm here, but when you comment on my availability and sparse riding schedule it just adds to my stress level. So, what are you and your horse up to this winter?" It's amazing how "well" others will behave when you stop playing games with them and shoot straight from the hip.

HJStyleReport
Feb. 17, 2013, 12:54 PM
Maybe that's just her way of saying she likes your horse and is fishing to see if you're looking for a rider to help you out while you're busy (but she is obviously going about it the wrong way!)

This is exactly what I was thinking. Is she an accomplished rider? I wonder if she's trying to offer to help ride or work her for you but isn't sure how to bring it up.

JanM
Feb. 17, 2013, 01:16 PM
"I don't recall asking your opinion, and don't want to hear it either" would work nicely, and if she doesn't back off then STFU seems good to me. I totally hate people that are snoopy, and don't hesitate to tell everyone their opinion. You might also mention that if she ever touches your horse that it won't go well with her either. I bet she is not only snoopy, but wants to ride you horse too.

JackieBlue
Feb. 17, 2013, 01:22 PM
"I don't recall asking your opinion, and don't want to hear it either" would work nicely, and if she doesn't back off then STFU seems good to me. I totally hate people that are snoopy, and don't hesitate to tell everyone their opinion. You might also mention that if she ever touches your horse that it won't go well with her either. I bet she is not only snoopy, but wants to ride you horse too.


Maybe it's just me, but if I overheard this type of reply, especially with the "don't TOUCH my horse" thrown in, the speaker would be instantly placed in my "crazy file". There's no need for adults to behave this way.

FineAlready
Feb. 17, 2013, 01:29 PM
When I'm out at the barn after a long day of work, I really don't want to talk much to anyone. I have a difficult horse, and I need to focus on what needs to be done with him on any given day. Once I'm done riding, I'm usually more willing to talk to people, but not always.

If someone is talking to me a lot and getting on my nerves, I will usually just say, "Hey, do you mind if we don't talk right now? I'm just completely fried." People generally understand and accept that. In turn, on weekends, I am much more willing to be social at the barn. People soon come to understand that my not wanting to talk at night at the barn is not personal, and that I'm simply "used up" by that time.

I don't think there is any reason to be rude. And I think the fellow boarder is probably just trying to compliment your horse. She just doesn't go about it very well. A lot of people are really socially awkward and don't read "cues" from other people very well.

roamingnome
Feb. 17, 2013, 02:10 PM
I had (and still have!) a very nice jumper who hurt himself about 6 years ago. At the time I was a junior and my parents leased me a 2nd horse. Horse's injury meant me going to the barn 3x/day to hand walk and bandage/re-bandage the horse, in addition to riding my new one.
One day a barn mom came up to my horse (while I was rebandaging) and pet my horse saying " Poor Horse, your mom never pays attention to you anymore! Don't worry I'll bring you some treats!" :mad:
I didn't say anything except that I do still spend time with him, thank you very much. And I still felt awful.

A week later, barn mom does the same thing (who's kid rides her horse 2x/week) and I say " HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? I'm here 21 times A WEEK! I come before swim practice in the mornings, right after school and then again after evening swim practice- and I only see YOU on Tuesdays and Thursdays! So don't tell me I neglect my horse because he's lame- I actually see him MORE now!"
She Never bothered me again, and DANGIT it felt good to put her in her place.

OP- sometimes you just gotta be blunt or people won't get it through their thick skulls!

mvp
Feb. 17, 2013, 02:19 PM
If I were border, I'd rather OP posted on here than have everything taken out on me, in person. We often post online to vent about things we cant/shouldn't say in person.

If I were the border (sic), I'd rather the OP not have anything to vent about.

Look, if the OP is having a hard day vent about that. If the boarder did something annoying, vent about that in proportion to the offense. If the OP has a problem with the boarder's life circumstances, that's out of bounds..... for the same reason that the OP would like the boarder to respect her privacy.

IME, the best thing that can happen after a rather public vent is someone--- ideally the vendor-- untangling the various problems and fixing them or accepting them individually. A pile-on of complaints rarely makes anyone feel better. Ask me how I know....

mvp
Feb. 17, 2013, 02:22 PM
"I don't recall asking your opinion, and don't want to hear it either" would work nicely, and if she doesn't back off then STFU seems good to me. I totally hate people that are snoopy, and don't hesitate to tell everyone their opinion. You might also mention that if she ever touches your horse that it won't go well with her either. I bet she is not only snoopy, but wants to ride you horse too.

Yabbut one person's snooping is another one's well-meaning conversation opener.

Assume no malice until you are absolutely sure you see it.

The setting boundaries for people is Just Like setting them for horses. If you know you can get that job done, you don't have to make your first move so rough. Said yet another way, a sharp bit in a horse's mouth means you have all the ammunition you need to get what you want. You start with light hands.

FineAlready
Feb. 17, 2013, 03:04 PM
Yabbut one person's snooping is another one's well-meaning conversation opener.


Quite true. I'm a young (non-horse) professional. A lot of the women I board with are either retired or do not work outside the home. I don't have a ton in common with many of them besides horses, so it can be tough to think of things to say sometimes if I am trying to be friendly.

Recently, I said hello to someone when I arrived at the barn after a long day at work and a crappy drive that took an hour and a half instead of the usual 30-45 minutes. In an effort to be friendly when I really didn't feel like being friendly, I asked, "How was your ride?" She responded tartly and said, "Well, if you really need to know, it was FINE."

Um? I don't understand why there was any hostility on her part, as it was just a friendly question asked in an effort to make small talk. I felt like snapping back, "Actually, I don't really care how your ride was, but I'm trying to be nice to you, you weirdo!" Instead, I just shrugged, said, "Well, of course I don't need to know, sorry if you felt I was prying," and went on my way. I just don't ask how her rides are anymore. Sometimes she asks me how mine are, which I always think is funny now. But I don't really mind.

Things are fine between the two of us. No idea what was going on there. But, yeah, don't always assume someone is asking something out of malice. Sometimes they really are just trying to be friendly. I know I was.

Burbank
Feb. 17, 2013, 06:25 PM
if SAHM gets told by op that she is busy and yes does know that she has a nice horse and gets an eye roll by SAHM and a response of "no you can't really be that busy" then well yes, op can tell her to STFU

b/c SAHM is being rude by bringing this up time and again, op has tried to be tactful and has basically been told that she is a sucky owner, how nice of SAHM regardless of how hard a job that is and if her husband is or is not rich

op, you have tried to be nice and have been ignored, go ahead and up it some and tell her to back off as you are busy with your horse

RottiMom
Feb. 17, 2013, 06:32 PM
I would tell her that its your horse, and you dont want to ride all the time! At our barn the horses must get ridden 5x per week, regardless if you are there to ride or not, maybe she came from somewhere like this. But regardless,tell her that its your horse and your decision. If you just want her to be a pleasure horse, or dont have any immediate goals,there's nothing wrong with that at all!!

Renn/aissance
Feb. 17, 2013, 07:04 PM
Said in a polite, even, and reasonable tone. "You've asked about my riding schedule a lot, and I've explained to you several times that I have a very demanding job that limits my time. I really enjoy spending time with my wonderful horse and while I appreciate your concern about her, I would also appreciate if you could please stop bringing this subject up. Thank you."

I've also found the "I'm curious why you're asking" to be a great way of solving the problem, but it sounds like you've gone through this several times. I don't like having to repeat myself and I don't feel that a variant on "my answer is not going to change" would be out of line here.

sammicat
Feb. 17, 2013, 07:40 PM
Last year, I used to get the same question by my trainer and some of the other riders in our barn. And, like you, at the time I had a very busy life with little time to sleep, let alone ride. I would try and explain how busy I was, that I had to catch a plane in the am, or work until the wee hours, and everyone would nod and roll their eyes, then make the same comment a couple of days later. In the end, I just stopped answering with details and said, "Yeah, I'm tired," and left it at that. They stopped asking because I didn't give them anything to think about and, when I was able to ride more, there were no hurt feelings.

Just my experience ...

Bristol Bay
Feb. 17, 2013, 09:52 PM
Um...way to sound rather like the person she's complaining about. "Lack of ambition?" It's a horse. She owns a horse because owning a horse in some way makes her happy. There's nothing noble about killing yourself by riding in the middle of the night or at four am because someone somewhere might think you're not 'maximizing your horse's potential' or something.

I don't know how you read a criticism of the OP into my supportive post. I was saying there are plenty of us out here who just want to enjoy being with our horses. I'm also not knocking the riders with the drive to ride and train at the end of a long day, or whenever they can squeeze it in. Each to his own.

OP, I can't help but wonder if the reliance on test scores in your state to evaluate and retain teachers is part of what makes your job so stressful. And to anyone out there who thinks teaching is a lucrative part-time job, I invite you to spend a week dealing with the needs of so many children. It's exhausting!

Atlas Shrugged
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:58 PM
Maybe she is hitting a nerve, as you are aware of your horse's show potential but do not have time to pursue it right now. A friend pointed out to me once, tho, that horse's have no ambition to be famous. They are happy being horses. So enjoy, and let the others eat their harts out!

Atlas Shrugged
Feb. 17, 2013, 10:58 PM
hearts

LovinLatte81
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:25 AM
If I were the border (sic), I'd rather the OP not have anything to vent about.

Look, if the OP is having a hard day vent about that. If the boarder did something annoying, vent about that in proportion to the offense. If the OP has a problem with the boarder's life circumstances, that's out of bounds..... for the same reason that the OP would like the boarder to respect her privacy.

IME, the best thing that can happen after a rather public vent is someone--- ideally the vendor-- untangling the various problems and fixing them or accepting them individually. A pile-on of complaints rarely makes anyone feel better. Ask me how I know....


Obviously this is being taken out of context like most things on COTH. I am not complaining about what life has dealt her and what her life situation is.

I understand that being a stay at home mom can be just as hard as working a full time job. and she reminds me of that. everyday. When I tell her I am busy she tells me everything she has to do everyday as a stay at home mom then reminds me that she still makes time for her horses, and therefore I have no excuse for not being out as often as she is.


And no, I do not think she is looking for rides on my horse, she has four...though whenever we do ride together she gives me unsolicited riding lessons so that I can ride my horse properly.

and she tells everyone that their horses are lame.

Listing all those complaints did make me feel better :)

mvp
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:43 AM
I understand that being a stay at home mom can be just as hard as working a full time job. and she reminds me of that. everyday. When I tell her I am busy she tells me everything she has to do everyday as a stay at home mom then reminds me that she still makes time for her horses, and therefore I have no excuse for not being out as often as she is.


Does she really say the "Therefore..." part out loud? That's an unsolicited criticism. You don't need to take that, OP. If you think she's implying that, OP, then you are partly causing your own pain by taking her opinion to heart at all.

IME, having a wonderful horse is the best cure for all the nay-sayers. Nothing feels better than that great ride and great relationship with your horse. Have pity on the folks who don't have that or for whom that's not enough.

Truly, concentrate on that great one thing you have in your nice horse.

equinekingdom
Feb. 18, 2013, 02:36 AM
In her defense while I was a pampered college student, I used to agonize over the lovely horses at the barn who weren't in full work. I couldn't afford to bring my horse to college & couldn't understand how someone could have such a lovely horse and not ride every day. I thought they must be lazy & didn't deserve to own a horse.

Fast forward decades into the reality of adulthood - ha! I fully understand now! I have a gorgeous 7 yo TB mare who has done very little so far as I've been swamped with work & extremely tight budget. I've had to endure digs about what a "sin" it is for such a nice horse to be hanging out in a field doing nothing. I grin & change the topic.



TOTALLY get this!!! we have a few boarders now and I totally understand why they aren't at the barn more often....life is BUSY as a full-time working adult!!!!!

This lady obviously does not understand how busy you are, and that it's totally okay to NOT have major ambitions for your horse...just to enjoy your horse. :) I have a mare that has enormous potential...I hardly have time to ride her, but I can't bring myself to sell her, and she loves me. :)

Ruth0552
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:14 AM
Obviously this is being taken out of context like most things on COTH. I am not complaining about what life has dealt her and what her life situation is.

I understand that being a stay at home mom can be just as hard as working a full time job. and she reminds me of that. everyday. When I tell her I am busy she tells me everything she has to do everyday as a stay at home mom then reminds me that she still makes time for her horses, and therefore I have no excuse for not being out as often as she is.


And no, I do not think she is looking for rides on my horse, she has four...though whenever we do ride together she gives me unsolicited riding lessons so that I can ride my horse properly.

and she tells everyone that their horses are lame.

Listing all those complaints did make me feel better :)

Wow. In that case then feel free to tell her to mind her own business. That's just rude.

I gather from your post that you must be a special education teacher? I am in my fifth year of teaching high school math, regular ed (but supposedly we do "inclusion"). It sounds like you are doing more than you should be- 8 lesson plans a day plus helping regular ed teachers and doing after school help? There's something wrong with this picture. Make sure you aware of your contractual obligations and what is/is not required. Regular ed teachers should not be telling you that your kids suck. They are in special ed for a reason not just for fun.

It was pretty rough the first couple years- I feel like I must've reinvented the wheel every semester for a couple years. I don't remember the exact statistic but the number of new teachers that leave the profession in the first 5 years is staggering. You don't want to be part of that statistic- make sure you are limiting yourself so you don't burn-out. Personally, I found that I could not do school work on weekdays after I went home. I would do some after school at school, and I would and still do work at home on weekends, but when I get home during the week- that's my time. I found if I did schoolwork at home during the week I felt like all I did was schoolwork and became resentful of my job and my kids. It's perfectly ok to need and take YOU time.

Not like I'm an old hand at this- I'm only year five- but it does get better. My SIL teaches high school science and at the first district she was at took a lot of heat from other teachers- where are you in the curriculum, why aren't you scoring better, etc. etc. She wasn't rehired after that year, which is ridiculous in my opinion because she's a lovely woman, works very hard and relates well with the kids. She got another job at a different district, has been super happy there- all the other teachers are very supportive, and she's in year 3 there. So situations do vary as well...

serendipityhunter
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:39 AM
First truth first. It sounds like this has been going on for far too long. Tell her that while you appreciate the fact she likes your horse, you have a job that pays for the roof over your horse's head, so the job is priority. I would be honest that her comments do not sit well with you and that you would prefer to talk about something else. If that doesn't work, I would then go the ipod route.

Lady Eboshi
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:42 AM
yeah...we are at a backyard boarder barn in the middle of nowhere...6 boarders, no lessons, no trainer, but a really nice indoor!

I have spent many years working at show barns and thinking, darn, I feel like that horse should be getting used...but I would never say that to anyone because we all have our own lives and no one knows what is really happening with anyone when they leave the barn.

She knows that I do not have any real goals for my horse in the winter. I just want to be able to get on her a few times a week, maybe pop around some little jumps and enjoy her company. I think that is totally reasonable for the type of environment I am in! :)

Horses don't have goals. They are quite content hanging out and munching hay 24/7 if they have that option. The idea that their potential needs to be maximized constantly is a human projection--and a pretty darn obsessive one.

I would tell this woman:

"Pardon me, but would you mind leaving me alone with my horse? I'm not in the mood for talk, I'd really rather concentrate on what I'm doing."

If that doesn't do the trick, especially if used more than once, the next step is:

"I'm sorry, that really doesn't concern you. Now excuse me, please!"

The next step is to have a chat about her with the BO.

Sorry you have to deal with this!

Silk
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:50 AM
I teach 3 grade levels and write 8 completely different lesson plans a day, while also catering to the classroom teachers modifying work for my kiddos, writing IEPs (I had to do 7 in Jan) and attending a gazillon meetings and trainings for these stupid modules. I also do after school help 3 days a week because the classroom teachers are constantly telling me how stupid my kids are and how I need to help them more. Life sucks right now.

This sounds pretty whiny to me.......catering to the classroom teachers? Isnt modifying work for the regular ed teachers part of your job description? Are the reg ed teachers really telling you the kids are stupid?

FineAlready
Feb. 18, 2013, 10:10 AM
OP, with the new detail you have provided, I recommend disengaging from this person to the extent possible. Just say hello in a friendly way, but if she starts getting on your case, etc., just distance yourself and respond as little as possible. I do still think just saying you are tired and don't want to talk is a good method.

I did have one woman at one point who told me (and others) that my horse "needs to be sold" because I fell off once this year. Mind you, I have had this horse for over four years, since he was a three year old, and I have come off of him twice (both times related to freshness...and I could have anticipated the falls if I had been listening to my gut instead of telling myself to man up).

She is the type that generally makes snotty comments like that about a lot of people - to their faces and behind their backs. When she told me my horse "needs to be sold" and that she "wouldn't pay to feed him," I simply said "that's not going to happen." I walked away, and now I politely say hello to her when I see her but do not invite any further conversation. That is how I will deal with her from here on out. I will simply not engage. If she brings it up again, I will tell her it's a good thing she doesn't own him and therefore does not need to trouble herself with those decisions.

OP - that's what it sounds like you need to do here. Just disengage. I'm much happier that way. I don't have time or the inclination to worry about what this one person whose opinion isn't even valuable to me thinks.

And just a general point - I hate it when people talk about their stressful lives at the barn. Yuck. My life is incredibly stressful, but I don't talk about it much at the barn. I might mention I had a rough day, or whatever, but I try really hard not to go on a ranty, negative vent about it to others at the barn. That just brings a lot of "yuck" into a place that should be positive.

This past Christmas, there was a stay at home mom that was complaining to me that she couldn't bring herself to ride at night when it was dark because she was exhausted from Christmas shopping all day. I had to fight the urge to point out that I go to work all day, sometimes for 12+ hours per day, then come ride my horse at night, and then generally do all of my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve in a panic because that's simply the only time I have. Instead of being a jerk about it, I just said, "Yeah, it's tough to get motivated to ride when it's dark out." She has her life; I have mine. They are very different. I don't doubt she has stresses I don't know about, and I know she does not understand my life either. That's okay. She's a nice person. She was just trying to make conversation.

Anyway...just disengage and be nice when you can, OP. Life's too short, and time at the barn is even shorter...live your life, don't worry about others, and do your thing.

JackieBlue
Feb. 18, 2013, 10:37 AM
This sounds pretty whiny to me.......catering to the classroom teachers? Isnt modifying work for the regular ed teachers part of your job description? Are the reg ed teachers really telling you the kids are stupid?


Thank you. As the mother of a child who benefits from Special Ed in our local public school system, this rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning. I'd be mortified if I learned that the OP is my child's resource teacher!

LovinLatte81
Feb. 18, 2013, 10:40 AM
This sounds pretty whiny to me.......catering to the classroom teachers? Isnt modifying work for the regular ed teachers part of your job description? Are the reg ed teachers really telling you the kids are stupid?

Whether or not something is a part of the job description is directly related to what each individual student's IEP says. The only time that it is definitely my responsibility is if it says "special education teacher." Which none of my kids have. They all say "student's educational team," which means that the classroom teachers can modify their own work.

The way my district has my consultant teaching organized is through indirect CT, meaning I am never in the classroom with my students, because I do not have the time in my schedule (even with having 3 classes overlapping). I am a second year teacher and I do not know the curriculum (first year working with this grade), and when I asked them for their curriculum map they said "well, we have one somewhere, but we don't use it anymore so not worth getting it for you" So, not being in the room and not knowing the curriculum I am expected (by them) to modify everything, then they get mad if it is not exactly the way they want it, when they want it. Sometimes they give me things to modify and want it the next day.

And yes, I get told my students are stupid and do not belong in their rooms everyday. It breaks my heart because I think I have some awesome kids....they just need their teachers to stop lecturing at them and start using visuals/hands on things so that they can learn.

wow...I didn't mean to vent that much, but I did just feel *slightly* attacked there :)

and JackieBlue, you would be lucky to have me as your childs resource room teacher because I would be at school, every day, busting my a** to get them what they deserve that their classroom teachers refuse to do.

Do you want your kids gen ed teacher yelling because they feel they shouldn't have to follow your kid's IEPs and your kid doesn't belong in their classroom because they can't learn the way they want to teach?

ybiaw
Feb. 18, 2013, 10:55 AM
Or just completely lose your mind and go crazy on her. Usually only needs to be just one episode of screaming at someone for them to STFU. :)

JackieBlue
Feb. 18, 2013, 11:54 AM
and JackieBlue, you would be lucky to have me as your childs resource room teacher because I would be at school, every day, busting my a** to get them what they deserve that their classroom teachers refuse to do.

Do you want your kids gen ed teacher yelling because they feel they shouldn't have to follow your kid's IEPs and your kid doesn't belong in their classroom because they can't learn the way they want to teach?

:disgust: I LOVE my DD's teachers. All of them. And they're crazy about her. I'm sorry you feel so disillusioned with your position and your coworkers. It makes everything less fun, doesn't it.

BoyleHeightsKid
Feb. 18, 2013, 12:34 PM
OP, I know how you feel... I had to leave my previous boarding situation of 7 years because while I love the BO dearly as a friend, if I stayed we would no longer be friends. Either way I had to leave so I used the excuse of needing an indoor and more facilities and I got to keep my friend. She crosses the line constantly and would lose boarders all the time because of it. It's impossible for her to just take care of the horses and mind her own business.

I just don't have the heart to tell her that because I know it would hurt her feelings.

Goldie locks
Feb. 18, 2013, 12:39 PM
OP if you saw a child with great potential you would butt in and tell the parents if they weren't helping the child the way they should. No difference.

For you to even says this lady is a stay at home, "kept" mom as you complain about your lack of resources at your school and how difficult it is tells the real story.

Stop the pity party and just tell the stay at home kept mom that you just don't have the time because your job sucks and is overwhelming for you. You can also tell her since she is inquiring that you know you have a nice horse but really don't want to do the show thing or whatever you really feel, be honest. Saying STFU just would show even further your envy for her situation and are frustrated with yours.

CharingHounds
Feb. 18, 2013, 12:43 PM
Says OP to annoying boarder:
"You could always buy her, then you could do what you feel is appropriate with her. I'm asking $75,000."

caballero
Feb. 18, 2013, 12:50 PM
OP if you saw a child with great potential you would butt in and tell the parents if they weren't helping the child the way they should. No difference.

No difference? Good Lord I've heard it all......

It's just a horse.

Goldie locks
Feb. 18, 2013, 12:58 PM
No difference? Good Lord I've heard it all......

It's just a horse.

I've heard it all - it's just a horse!

Were not talking about ABUSE :rolleyes:

BoyleHeightsKid
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:01 PM
Says OP to annoying boarder:
"You could always buy her, then you could do what you feel is appropriate with her. I'm asking $75,000."

hahaha! This is my favorite one! I'm gonna have to use that one!

stolen virtue
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:06 PM
Wow, this thread really went off the rails....

I have to say OP that when you said that person "tells everyone their horse is lame" it was funny because I think we all know that "person". Hence my horse having a severely sore back-6 weeks off with meds-from the saddle that "Oh yes it fits him" person who was riding him. So glad I explained to her what she was actually doing to my horse and that "no" he did not have to transported to the nearest hospital immediately.

Ruth0552
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:12 PM
Didn't mean to derail this thread into a debate about education... but now that everyone's piled on the OP about being whiny...

OP- do you work in City of Rochester district? It took me about 30 seconds to look up that the free-lunch eligible rate in Rochester is 79% and the reduced-cost lunch is 5%. So 84% of the kids have parents with an annual income of under about $15,000.

I work in a district where 80% of the kids are on free or reduced lunch. Working in a poor school district with poverty-stricken clientele is completely different from working in a well-funded district with kids that have parents that have good jobs and a reasonable income to provide for their children.

On a daily basis, teachers in these districts are pretty much asked to do the impossible and perform miracles. As an example, last year I had a remedial level math class with 30 kids in it and 17 of them had IEP's. I did not have a special ed co-teacher for most of the year. And yes, there were students in there that did not belong in a regular ed classroom and they had IEPs that specified that they were pull-out for math. However, since we went "full inclusion" magically those students got put into regular ed classrooms. And that's just an example. Stuff like that happens ALL THE TIME in school districts like these.

So OP, it's not just that SAHM doesn't get your job- most of the world doesn't get your job. Feel free to tell her to butt out. And then have a glass of wine (or two). Also- studies have shown that teachers just starting at these kinds of districts actually suffer from some PTSS type symptoms. Just FYI.

JackieBlue
Feb. 18, 2013, 01:29 PM
"Most of the world" doesn't get my job, my neighbor's job, or my best friend's uncle's cousin's job. That doesn't mean it owes us a darn thing. Everybody is busy. Everybody has stress. Everybody has his or her cross to bear. Can't we jus leave it at that? What the OP does or does not do for a living and what her irritator does or does not do should have no bearing here. The OP is annoyed by the other boarder's line of questioning. All she needs to do is share that fact, politely and concisely and move on. The "my life is crazier/harder/suckier than yours and you just don't get it" game gets old. Fast.

doublesstable
Feb. 18, 2013, 02:00 PM
"Most of the world" doesn't get my job, my neighbor's job, or my best friend's uncle's cousin's job. That doesn't mean it owes us a darn thing. Everybody is busy. Everybody has stress. Everybody has his or her cross to bear. Can't we jus leave it at that? What the OP does or does not do for a living and what her irritator does or does not do should have no bearing here. The OP is annoyed by the other boarder's line of questioning. All she needs to do is share that fact, politely and concisely and move on. The "my life is crazier/harder/suckier than yours and you just don't get it" game gets old. Fast.

:yes:

This is what I think too. Many people have stress that we don't even know about.

Some think just because someone "appears" to be rich that they have no stress... I wonder how that kind of money just floats into their bank accounts? Maybe they have to work hard, hours upon hours dealing with things some will never know about.

bizbachfan
Feb. 18, 2013, 02:07 PM
OP, I feel for you, when your job overwhelms and you have to balance life by cutting back on other things it is frustrating. I don't blame you a bit for just wanting to "spend time" with your horse, especially in the winter with shorter days and colder temps. If this other lady constantly says the same thing time after time I think you are okay to take a different approach. I don't know I would even do they "why do you ask?" I would just stop what I was doing and look her straight in they eye and say how you feel. Explain that you have an extremely stressful job right now and yes you really truly don't have a lot of time and no you don't really care what her schedule is, you really don't. Explain you love your horse even without riding it, the horse makes you happy. Explain that you like the woman but you really would appreciate her respecting your limited barn time and to no longer preach to you that you can't possibly be that busy. Don't have to be rude but be honest, love the story about the mom pestering a kid who is out at the barn with her lame horse 10 times as much as the mom's kid just telling her the truth.

If that doesn't work, wave and play your ipod and sing loudly LOL.
I am sure venting did help. :)

sammicat
Feb. 18, 2013, 02:21 PM
I totally agree that this thread has gotten off the tracks, but I also wonder if there is more to the situation than we know such as the OP maybe complained to the woman about her job/schedule and not having time to ride, effectively inviting get opinion. Not that it matters now, but, I think, the OP just needs to ignore the woman. If you don't engage her she will find someone else to annoy.

Alternative1
Feb. 18, 2013, 04:28 PM
If you really want to do something, you will make time to do it......

541hunter
Feb. 18, 2013, 05:47 PM
If you really want to do something, you will make time to do it......

But OP does make time to do it - just not at the level that SAHM thinks is appropriate for the horse. If OP is satisfied with her saddle time at this point (and even if she's not!) and the horse in question is happy/healthy/getting enough exercise, it's none of SAHM or anybody else's business how often OP rides.

Goldie locks
Feb. 18, 2013, 06:31 PM
But OP does make time to do it - just not at the level that SAHM thinks is appropriate for the horse. If OP is satisfied with her saddle time at this point (and even if she's not!) and the horse in question is happy/healthy/getting enough exercise, it's none of SAHM or anybody else's business how often OP rides.

Sorry I think this is funny... I agree that it's no ones business but you act like you are there witnessing their conversations. Only the OP could respond to this comment. :lol:

sevensprings
Feb. 18, 2013, 07:07 PM
I like throwing questions back at them. But in this case it's gone past the point where that would be useful. Whenever we get in the position of trying to explain we go on the defensive. That doesn't feel good and encourages more questions. Remember it's your horse and you owe no one an explanation.

You can simply smile and say "Thanks for your input. I need to focus on my horse now. Have a nice day." Keeping the conversation as brief as possible then dismissing her will make you feel empowered and allow you to enjoy your horse.

Wishing you quality horse time now and every visit.

LovinLatte81
Feb. 18, 2013, 07:19 PM
I am just laughing at this point because I have no idea how this thread got to where it is considering that:

1. I never complained about the woman's job, and only mentioned it because she seems to think she needs to bring it up to me.

2. I never started conversations with her about my hectic lifestyle.

3. I love my students more than anything and the fact is that I DO all the extra work that is not required of me by law because I love my students. I wasn't trying to turn this into a b-fest about my job-just giving a basic understanding about my stress and what I have told the woman.

4. My horse gets 8 hours of t/o (4 on cold days), tons of first and second cut hay, amazing care from a fantastic barn manager who calls me immediately if something is wrong (and I go out as soon as I find out-but they are so careful and amazing there an injury is rare). People think she is a WB instead of a TB because she is fat, healthy and well muscled, even on a light riding schedule. She is also the type that I can chase around for 5-10 minutes and get on and have it be just like I had been riding her all week- like I said- AWESOME horse. She's fine- really :)

OH- and I don't feel comfortable saying which district I work for, but we are mostly caucasian, rural poverty.

californianinkansas
Feb. 18, 2013, 08:42 PM
My go-to reply with people like that is to say "duly noted." And nothing else. Repeat as needed. There is nothing wrong with simply walking away from her while she's talking at you.

Bogie
Feb. 18, 2013, 08:43 PM
I think ear buds and an ipod are the best solution, even when you don't have the ipod turned on.

It's terrible to have someone at the barn who is irritating. We had someone at our barn for awhile like that and it was so annoying to arrive and find her there.

Your horse has no idea of its "potential" and sounds like she has a good life.

woodhillsmanhattan
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:14 PM
I am just laughing at this point because I have no idea how this thread got to where it is considering that:

1. I never complained about the woman's job, and only mentioned it because she seems to think she needs to bring it up to me.

2. I never started conversations with her about my hectic lifestyle.

3. I love my students more than anything and the fact is that I DO all the extra work that is not required of me by law because I love my students. I wasn't trying to turn this into a b-fest about my job-just giving a basic understanding about my stress and what I have told the woman.

4. My horse gets 8 hours of t/o (4 on cold days), tons of first and second cut hay, amazing care from a fantastic barn manager who calls me immediately if something is wrong (and I go out as soon as I find out-but they are so careful and amazing there an injury is rare). People think she is a WB instead of a TB because she is fat, healthy and well muscled, even on a light riding schedule. She is also the type that I can chase around for 5-10 minutes and get on and have it be just like I had been riding her all week- like I said- AWESOME horse. She's fine- really :)

OH- and I don't feel comfortable saying which district I work for, but we are mostly caucasian, rural poverty.

I didn't read the whole thread but my opinion is that it's your horse, your money, your time, your life. Ultimately, I always think of the horse. And your horse is probably perfectly happy not being in a rigorous 7 day/week riding program. Horses weren't put on this earth to serve us. My horse LOVES to be worked, but not all horses have that attitude. I am the rider that rides in almost all weather conditions, but not everyone is that rider. If she is happy and you are happy that is all that matters.

lv4running
Feb. 18, 2013, 09:59 PM
Try, "Thank you for sharing that." smile, cock your head to the side a little, and just stare at her while you think about what you're cooking for dinner, or something funny that happened at work, or pretty much anything that distracts you from the immediate situation. That way you don't offend her and you don't let the situation upset you.

Horses don't care if their "potential" is wasted in grooming and grazing sessions, so why do we care? If your horse is fed, vetted, and loved, who cares about anything else?

danceronice
Feb. 20, 2013, 10:25 AM
It doesn't matter if you have a stressful job or could be at the barn ten hours a day if you felt like it. Choosing not do doesn't mean "lack of ambition" (I dislike calling it that because it's an inherent value judgement that someone who drags themselves to the barn after working a ten-hour day is better somehow than someone who doesn't). It's your life and your horse. If you've tried the suggestion s of turning it back on her or ignoring her, maybe it IS time to be a little rude if she's the barn busybody and just won't quit. (Or I like the "If you want to buy her, I'm asking $100,000" route.)

HRF Second Chance
Feb. 20, 2013, 11:26 AM
You're educating the future of this country and honey if you want to go out and stuff your mare full of treats that's your right. Do you think your horse cares if she gets ridden or not? No. She's just happy to see you and get some attention. And probably some extra cookies.

I go with what everyone else says, get some ear buds and ignore her. And if that doens't help I like the idea of asking her to help in your classroom.

And then you go for the gusto and tell her off. Personally I just go to Debcon Five straight away but some people aren't as short fused.

analise
Feb. 20, 2013, 12:37 PM
Most of the horses at my barn are not ridden regularly, if at all. I go out several times a week and ride my horse or do something with him. If one of those other horse's owners shows up when I'm there, do I tell them, "you should totally ride your horse more you're wasting its potential!"

No, I smile and say hi and wish them a nice day.

I agree with the other folks who say just don't engage her. "I'll consider that but I'd like to focus on my horse now." and turn back to your brushing.

Finzean
Feb. 20, 2013, 01:13 PM
If she's SAHM then she likely would be open to doing a little volunteer work. If you can stomach it, invite her along to "help" you out one day...she can help xerox, proof the lesson plans you likely stayed up til midnight writing the night before...

I taught middle school for 4 years. I barely had time to consciously greet my family and the toll it all took on my health... Peace to you, OP! You are much appreciated!! :)

ccoronios
Feb. 20, 2013, 01:48 PM
I think there's another piece to this: most people who are not or haven't grown up with teachers feel that they (teachers) have a ridiculously easy job - work 8:30 - 3 five days a week; weeks off at a time for vacation; six weeks off in the summer....yadda yadda yadda. They don't have one single iota of a clue what lesson plans entail (to say nothing of IEPs, multiple lesson plans, etc.) All they see is the school day hours and the school year days off.

Kinda liking suggestion about her volunteering - phrased something like "I would dearly love to have more time to ride. The school is always looking for volunteers to work in the classroom. If you signed up as my assistant - even a couple hours a week - you might just take enough load off me so I could do that!" Well, maybe not... The sweet potato queen's "Why bless your heart, I know you're just trying to be nice" is probably the best bet. Or the headset.

Good luck! And ENJOY YOUR MARE! I bet SHE enjoys the grooming!

Carol

JackieBlue
Feb. 20, 2013, 02:04 PM
While so many are busy griping that "most people" think teachers have a ridiculously easy job and blah, blah, blah....those same people are assuming that SAHM's have the time and inclination to volunteer at whim. I'll bet some do. And I'll bet some don't. How can you complain about generalizations toward teachers and then in the same breath make such a broad generalization about the other boarder because she's a SAHM? What is true about all professions (including homemaking) is this:
1. They require varying degrees of hard work.
2. The more you enjoy that work, the less it feels like work.
3. No one else really gives a crap how hard YOU work.

Whether or not teachers work hard is neither here nor there and has nothing to do with what's going on at the barn.

Finzean
Feb. 20, 2013, 06:13 PM
I guess I was thinking about my own circumstances and much I volunteered when I was a SAHM and how most of those working alongside me were SAHMs. Most of the folks who volunteered in my classroom were SAHMs and SAHDs. Walking in someone else's shoes or seeing them in action often is an eye opening experience. I worked my butt off as a SAHM too.

eastendjumper
Feb. 20, 2013, 08:41 PM
Just a sympathetic "why CAN"T people mind their own business?!" story that happened just a few hours ago...

I bought my current show horse to-be when he was 18 months. He is wonderful Gatsby baby, mostly TB with Oldenburg from his daddy. Loads of class, loads of potential, and he was a gift to myself. Decided from the start that A) I am in no rush to get this guy to the show ring and B) I want to do everything right by HIM. So, at age 3, when most people start their horse, I only did ground work, got him used to loading, clippers, spooky tarps, all in all just honing in on his gentlemanly side. Age 4, light longeing and learning cue words. Did not back him until he was 5, and gradually worked him into a full training schedule over several months. He is now 7 and we are aiming for his first show (well, first class, anyway, he's been tagging along to shows for a few years now) coming up in April. I did it this way because I feel good about the fact they he has started off strongly and fully developed, and will be more likely to still be working into his 20's, and that we didn't skip any steps in his education. He is a wonderful partner, always giving 100% and always waiting at the gate to get to work no matter what we did the day before.

But, I am given a hard time a lot, especially by other professionals, because horses are supposed to be put to work! Break them at 3, show them by 5. Anyway, tonite had a client come and say to me in a "Did you know...?" kind of voice that her daughter's friend is riding and showing a horse that is 5, and that his owner "broke him all by herself when he was 3!" Like she couldn't believe how good this person must be, and I should aspire to be that good. Then she asks "How old is Grim now?" I didn't go into it for the risk of coming off defensively, but I feel your pain. Its my horse, let me decide how I manage him! And no, he is not this far behind because I suck at starting horses (although I do have sucky days!)

Sorry, ranting.

Mouse&Bay
Feb. 20, 2013, 09:03 PM
This reminds me of the time when I heard one of our new barn staff mention the neglected mare.

Her owners *never* came to see her. Poor maresy was locked in a stall and deprived.

Yup - I was the culprit complained of! And yes - this barn staff never saw me and, quite frankly, was fully correct that maresy was deprived. During her shifts which were only sat and sun until 4. :lol:

We never rode on weekend morning (agreed a popular time for most) because 1. I hate to interrupt my horses' 'recess' and don't tend to ride during turnout time; 2. Weekend mornings were busy with other life stuff, like groceries and laundry. Our schedule agrees more with riding evenings and we are often the last ones out each night.

So no - maresy was not deprived but from the staffers perspective she was unloved. It is not always what it seems though the mare did appreciate the extra attention and treats. :D

Alternative1
Feb. 21, 2013, 12:14 AM
People think she is a WB instead of a TB because she is fat, healthy and well muscled, even on a light riding schedule.


LOL! It seems that every person on this board who owns a TB says this EXACT same thing!!! LOL!!!