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Alex Pakzad
Jul. 9, 2002, 11:23 PM
Some of my favorite trainer sayings:

"Stop running like a wild banshi out of Hell."
- Wendy Carter
(usually when I run to the chip)

"Get my hat and chaps."
-Wendy Carter
(right after the banshi out of hell thing)

"Were you counting?"
-Misti Cassar
(When I add in a line)

"I'm not sure it looks like 3'6"."
-Debbie Olsen
(Her awnser to how high the jump is when it is really like 4'6")

"You look like you are starting a lawn mower."
-Mike Henaghann
(When my hands get busy.)

More to come...

Alex Pakzad
Jul. 9, 2002, 11:23 PM
Some of my favorite trainer sayings:

"Stop running like a wild banshi out of Hell."
- Wendy Carter
(usually when I run to the chip)

"Get my hat and chaps."
-Wendy Carter
(right after the banshi out of hell thing)

"Were you counting?"
-Misti Cassar
(When I add in a line)

"I'm not sure it looks like 3'6"."
-Debbie Olsen
(Her awnser to how high the jump is when it is really like 4'6")

"You look like you are starting a lawn mower."
-Mike Henaghann
(When my hands get busy.)

More to come...

bigbay
Jul. 9, 2002, 11:38 PM
How about:

"Okay, now do that again so I know it wasn't just a mistake." (said when I finally do something right!)
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

"This is not a vacation, it's a quest: a quest for fun."

Jul. 9, 2002, 11:46 PM
*"Thats the canter you picked so STAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY RIGHT THERE, STAAAAAAAY RIGHT THERE" (I swear, this phrase goes through my mind no matter what I am doing, driving, running, everything, lol)

*'Did you forget to count?'

'Course, my two 'favs' came from the same lesson (lesson from h*ll)...

*'Do you feel the difference?' (I said no, stupid me)- 'Only an idiot wouldn't feel the difference!!!'

*'Of course she isn't going to get it right, you've screwed her up so many times before!'

*Belen*
Proud Stalker of Reiners, Cutters, any hot cowboy with a cute horse /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
Proud Member (Cult-like follower?) of the AQHA Clique.
If riding were all bright lights, big arenas and blue ribbons, I would have quit a long time ago." -George Morris

Alex Pakzad
Jul. 9, 2002, 11:49 PM
Hahahaha that is so funny, I have heard EVERY SINGE ONE OF THOSE PHRASES soooo many times! I always get the

"Thats the canter you picked so STAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY RIGHT THERE, STAAAAAAAY RIGHT THERE"

and

"Okay, now do that again so I know it wasn't just a mistake."

Dragoon
Jul. 10, 2002, 03:52 AM
(When I kept breaking from canter to trot on my tank Hanoverian on small circle) "Ok, so you pressed the 'Whoa G'Dammit' button when you wanted the 'Whoa' button....Don't press the 'Whoa G'dammit!!

(When my chicken horse started galloping courses for once instead of stopping) "His name's Dragoon, isn't it?? Then DRAG-ON, Baby!! ."

(after a particularly difficult jumping lesson)
Gretchen: Where's your crop?
Me: In the barn...
Gretchen: Well that's a helpful place for it. Is it keeping the cross ties from misbehaving?

When I innocently ask for a break on anything, she innocently replies: "Why, you're not dead yet."

"Ok, let's try that again and jump the jump this time..."

"Try that again......Try that again....Try that again.....OK, enough trying, DO that again."

"Ok, so what did we learn from this pleasant experience??"

(after chipping a fence) "How'd those flowers taste?"

(Me doing my hour lesson without stirrups) "Keep going, you're doing great. I'll let you know if you're dying."

Other Trainer Quotes:
(to a group of beginner girls) "Your two point is just like peeing in the woods...unless your a guy, then it's totally different. But none of you girls are guys...I think..."

"Do you pee in the woods like that!? You must not be a hiker..."

"Good horse. Bad rider."


- "Don't look at your horse....I'll tell you if you fall off."
- "The base of the jump is your friend and the way you ride you can never have enough friends."

dcm
Jul. 10, 2002, 04:52 AM
How about this one:

"Thank you for finally riding your horse"

****^-^****
Don't ask me, I'm just the mom!

~Proud member of the Thoroughbred Clique~

If Dressage is Symphony, and Eventing is Rock 'n Roll, then Hunters must be R & B

Nylar
Jul. 10, 2002, 05:26 AM
"I see you've negotiated the 'I stay out of your way, you stay out of mine' treaty." - my instructor at school last semester, as I was riding a horse around on the buckle to keep him from fussing at my hands

"I really like this new and improved Ellen. She even smiles on course!" - my trainer this weekend

And my trainer's new favorite word is "sweet." So this weekend at the show, she kept telling her riders that they had "sweet little courses". It was pretty amusing.

"$3000 for a saddle? Who do you know that has a $3000 ass?"
http://www.geocities.com/dunnbypicasso/

*In Your Dreams*
Jul. 10, 2002, 05:53 AM
Andrea! Does your crotch itch or something!(my reins were too long)

When your not teaching your unteaching.(everytime I took a break)

I am the trainer, you are the student....SO LISTEN TO ME.(I was trying haha)

there are more...I will post them when I think of them. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
"Where will judging and showing go from here?--not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We'll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he'll always tell us...if we were born to listen." - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)

Kinsella
Jul. 10, 2002, 05:59 AM
My favorite trainer quote came while I was in college.... I was riding my mare in a private lesson (jumper) with the then director. Well, April (God love her) was not the bravest of girls with the longest of steps, and he had me doing a cavaletti to bounce to two stride gymnastic combination... The out on the bounce was 3'6" and the out oxer on the two stride was 4'6" I come off the corner, hit the cavaletti at a nice trot and he yells - this is the direct quote:

"RUN LIKE THE INDIANS ARE CHASING YOU"

I ran, laughing my a** off, too amused to think of being scared.... (I am a big chicken) It was the single best jump (that big old oxer out) I ever had!! Talk about hang time! I felt like I was up there forever!!

******************************
My reality check bounced.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

FirstCry
Jul. 10, 2002, 07:24 AM
Years ago with one of my old trainers:

"Stop chasing after the fences, they are not going to grow feet and run away."

"By the time you've figured out how to make ends meet, they move the ends"

mizzwade
Jul. 10, 2002, 08:50 AM
in the schooling ring to "guard your oxers and shield your verticals..."

WHAT THE HE** does that mean? My Mom and I just looked at each other like huh? I asked Mom what that meant and she looked at me and said I have NO idea!! It was HILARIOUS!!

mizzwade

knowonder
Jul. 10, 2002, 08:58 AM
Here are some of my favorites:

Well, you were serving drinks on that trip (cause I darn sure was not the pilot)

Would you like a sandwich and a drink with all those chips?

How was East Texas (when I leave from a very long distance)

There are more later...

Proud Member of Wood Hill Farm who's motto is "I'm not going sober!"

DreamBigEq37
Jul. 10, 2002, 09:05 AM
When not sitting up straight -

When in doubt- TUMMY OUT!



My variation of the STAAAAAAAAY there -

That's ALLLLLLLLL you need, no more CANNNNNNNTTER!



When I'm looking down-

Do you like arena sand or something, because you seem to be seriously attracted to it!

-or-

My, the view must be wonderful today down there!



When you're going too fast-

You're not cantering a course, you're gallopping off into the sunset!



I have a lot more but I can't think of them so..... that's it

*~*~Lauryn*~*~*~

<3 Justice Served <3
<3 Nip N Tuck <3

"Riding is sort of like Nuts and Bolts- If the rider's nuts, then the horse bolts."

Did You Hug Your Horse Today?

http://www.geocities.com/mysteryhunteronline <---- GO THERE!

Nikki^
Jul. 10, 2002, 09:39 AM
"TUCK THAT BUTT IN!" (my butt tends to stick out like a getto butt cause of my slight curve in my back.

"SHOULDERS BACK!!!!!"

"LEG, LEG, LEG!!!! )(when I'm on a slow horse)

"WOAH, WOAH, SIT TROT TO THE FENCE!"(when I'm on a hot horse)

"Get my hat and chaps!" When hot horsey is being a jerk.

"MAKE HIM JUMP THAT FENCE!!!" When bad horsey stops in front if it.

I love my trainer. She taught me not to be scared of stoppers and naughty horses.

http://www.dmtc.com/dmtc98/Pedigree/
I'm a Microbiologist!

pinkhorse
Jul. 10, 2002, 09:41 AM
My all time fav is, "Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there." I want to make a t-shirt....

I love the idea of the diff between "Whoa" and "Whoa, g'dammit".

The one I get the most now is "Be patient". It's kinda a combo of the 2 (tho for me it's the diff between "go" and "go g'dammit" - and that's on a really forward horse!

creseida
Jul. 10, 2002, 09:43 AM
When a horse is being silly or cute, according to my trainer he is a "Giant Snufflupagus" (sp?)

When you forget to do something, you are having an "out of brain" experience.

~<>~ Daedalus built the Labyrinthe, so winding and complicated a structure that no man or beast, once shut inside, could ever find the exit~<>~

Linny
Jul. 10, 2002, 09:55 AM
My trainer used to say when I was riding a huge, slow, luggy horse:
"See if you can make him feel like less than 1500lbs of $hit in a wet sack..."

I never could do it. That horse was impossible.


Founder of the mighty Thoroughbred Clique!

Resident racing historian

countingstrides
Jul. 10, 2002, 10:03 AM
My personal fav:

"Was last night margarita night again? Because you're riding like it was!" (guilty /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif )

Oh - and:

"are you trying to hitch a ride with those thumbs?"

AAJumper
Jul. 10, 2002, 11:02 AM
My trainer one said to a few of her advanced students after lots of poor riding one lesson, Don't make me watch this!!!!

visit www.victorianfarms.com (http://www.victorianfarms.com)

good booie
Jul. 10, 2002, 11:23 AM
My trainer who is generally VERY polite and reserved said once in a lesson, "Well, he's been scarred for life" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif And walked away /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Now mind you, we had been schooling tirelessly over a liverpool and yes, he was frazzled when I finallygot him over, but sheesh.

Coincedently, he coliced (sp) later that afternoon. Stress colic perhaps /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Guess you had to be there, but I still laugh when I think about the whole situation. Oh, the colic was very minor, no vet needed, just walking it out. I don't want anyone to think I am a masochist. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

Proud Member of the AQHA Clique!
Not so proud member of the E-bay Addiction Clique....

jumperpony_Blaze
Jul. 10, 2002, 11:44 AM
"you are screaming at him, talk to him!"
lesson with the greenie who didn't want to pay attention (sp) to me. i wasn't really screaming at him,just with my aids.

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony's job~~
*member of the PC clique*

Janet
Jul. 10, 2002, 12:19 PM
"OK, just once more" - TEN TIMES.

"Don't 'TRY'. DO it, or DON'T do it."

RRB
Jul. 10, 2002, 12:21 PM
My personal fave is:

"OK, that was OK. All you have to do next time is just try to ride more forward and use more leg, but be sure to package him a bit and don't let him get to fast. Then maintain your pace and keep your eyes up so that the distance comes to you. After that, really ride the corners and set your pace and make sure that you re-balancing when you feel him get out of line. Look ahead to set up the next distance and if you get in long, sit up a little but if you're a little tight you'll have to close your leg. Over the fence try to keep him straight so that you set up the departure. Why don't you try that again?"

Me: Well, OK then, is that all I have to do?

--R

Rack me, I'm out.

*In Your Dreams*
Jul. 10, 2002, 12:40 PM
My eyes are bleeding. - first dressage test schooling. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
"Where will judging and showing go from here?--not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We'll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he'll always tell us...if we were born to listen." - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)

Texan By The Grace Of God
Jul. 10, 2002, 12:51 PM
"Go Back and Think about it"
"if in doubt wait it out"
"WHOA"
"oops his neck is broken" (when showing us how long a girls Martingale was)
"Sit up and Ride!!!"
"Perfect! Now do it again"
"Thank you Beans!"
"That horse is PHENOMINAL!"
"I saw that coming" (after getting a bad spot - WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THEN??!!!)
" WAY Less horse"
" I'm not asking i'm Telling"



She always repeats herself

and my all time favorite

"Ride like you know what your doing" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

~~It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit." ~~

"All great spirits have encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

Nix
Jul. 10, 2002, 01:18 PM
"stop riding!" = I'm trying waaaaay to hard

"waaaaaait" = take the deep one

"stop riding to the out - ride to the in and let the out happen"


I guess she's too nice to me because I can't think of anymore! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

~ A bad day at a horse show is still better than a good day at work ~

ccoronios
Jul. 10, 2002, 01:52 PM
How do you stay on the horse??? I'd be falling off!
Those are some of the funniest comments I've ever heard!

www.ayliprod.com (http://www.ayliprod.com)
Equine Video and Still Photography in the Northeast

knowonder
Jul. 10, 2002, 02:18 PM
Our trainer is FAMOUS for saying:

"Go on--you're alright"--no matter how severe the miss/injury/fall, etc.

And as I am trying to pick and pick and pick my spot she simply yells "Shut up and quit riding"

Proud Member of Wood Hill Farm who's motto is "I'm not going sober!"

JAGold
Jul. 10, 2002, 02:18 PM
Lately, I've heard "Ride like a lady, not a truck driver." --Jess

wombat
Jul. 10, 2002, 02:47 PM
During today's jumping lesson, my trainer sets up a small course and says, "I want you to jump the lattice to the liverpool in a broken line on the right lead...get your lead change in the corner, proceed on the left lead to the white plank fence, cirle to the rollback, get your lead change, circle and turn down quarterline to the "wall" fence...then end with a "ending circle, OK??"

Well, you would think those were pretty specific directions, right? Well, I must have been on a different planet because I went sooo off course that my trainer states, "Do you drive like that??...If we are ever driving together, make sure I know the way, OK??"

Needless to say, I got it right the second time! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

flshgordon
Jul. 10, 2002, 02:49 PM
"Stop looking at the ground---unless of course there are diamonds down there you need to be picking up. Then by all means get your @ss off the horse!"

I hear this one about once a month!

bigbay
Jul. 10, 2002, 02:50 PM
From a Susie Hutchison clinic:

"Well that was a whole lotta nothing."


/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

"This is not a vacation, it's a quest: a quest for fun."

jumperpony_Blaze
Jul. 10, 2002, 03:40 PM
my trainer has endless Blaze rhymes, my fave is:

Blaze Blaze hes our man
if Katy sits up he knows he can!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

there is also:

Blaze Blaze hes our man
if he can't jump it no one can!!!

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony's job~~
*member of the PC clique*

soundfx
Jul. 10, 2002, 03:49 PM
stay just like that.....dont move..dont move....YOU MOVED!! now go in the corner and think bout what uve done!

TexHunter
Jul. 10, 2002, 03:58 PM
I hear this on a regular bases:

O.K. good practice now do it for real.
or
Thats a perfect example of what I told you not to do.

Dragoon
Jul. 10, 2002, 04:01 PM
They usually don't register until I stop...then I focus all my energy into saving them (in all their glory /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif ) for this BB! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


- "Don't look at your horse....I'll tell you if you fall off."
- "The base of the jump is your friend and the way you ride you can never have enough friends."

JumpTheMoon
Jul. 10, 2002, 04:04 PM
I over heard one of the trainers in our area say this to a kid before she went in for her round. This trainer is the funniest person EVER, everything that comes out of her mouth is hilarious (and she was walking around at the last show with waterguns, as were most of her students, and if someone came out of the ring and made a mistake or weren't smiling they'd get one shot, if they fell of they'd get 3, etc. LOL!) But anyways, she goes:
"Now, close your eyes and visialize your course. Are you visualizing yet?" "Yep" "How does it loo..woah, what are you doing? MORE PACE DARLING!!!!" I started laughing so hard!

lindz
Jul. 10, 2002, 04:35 PM
I love this topic and my coach has some great sayings..
She has a special "code name" for the single oxer on a hunter course...the "F.I." because it makes the F**** Idiot want to kick and pull.....
It's quite funny when we are learning our courses "Outisde line, diagonal line, outside line, FI..."

OMGpony
Jul. 10, 2002, 06:34 PM
My trainer will call out in real loud, high voice across the ring if she thinks I'm not paying attention "YooHoo!" which she knows embarasses me to no end so it behooves me to always be paying attention. Last year at High Prarie our word of the day was "Get your freak on!" from the Missy elliot song that we heard on the radio and she would tell me to go in the ring and get my freak on! My mare liked it and did better when we played that song for her and told her to get her freak on at the ingate. HAHA>.

Starmite
Jul. 10, 2002, 07:00 PM
My trainer:

"He (horse) looks like he swallowed a broomstick!"

"Ok so can you feel that you're doing (this and that) wrong?" "Yes" "Really?" "No" "I didn't think so."

"FROG LEGS!!!!"

(when going through a tight space) "Think thin."


My old trainer was a riot:

"What's that thing swinging down by your girth?! Oh, my mistake, it's your leg."

"If you're this off center to the jumps on course, I don't even WANT to be on the road when you start driving."

I think we should also add in rider quotes...for example, my friend was in a lesson and couldn't understand whatever she was suppsed to do and said "my BRAIN! it's just like...like...SCRAMBLED EGGS!!!"

~mp

*I'm nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect*

Fiction
Jul. 10, 2002, 07:42 PM
My trainer once was counting for me and I was on a pony for about the 2nd time in 3 months.
What she said: "Three..."
What I heard: "Leave...."

And I always get yelled at for the "wingy" distance- this one I got a "KKKRRRIIISSSTTTAAA!"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Or "Add a bazillion!" (I leave long but I coulda left longer) "THATS NOT ADDING!"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

-----
This is not a true story
-----

jetsmom
Jul. 10, 2002, 08:41 PM
I am constantly getting yelled at for having my reins too long, and my hands too low...

Trainer-"Stop playing with yourself...that's what Bruce is for!!! Raise your hands to your boobs...WHERE ARE YOUR BOOBS???THEY AREN"T DOWN THERE!!!!" ( My response..".They are since I turned 38!!!").

Trainer at show- "OK, go on in...AND DON'T YOU DARE DO WHAT SHE DID!!!! (Said after a barn mate left long and got left, and slammed her horse on the back which made him get too fast, couldn't stop and had to circle, and then had a refusal.)

Trainer in lesson- " RELAX, DAMMIT, AND DO NOTHING...YOU CAN DO NOTHING, CAN"T YOU???"

Not trainer, but my boyfriend, at his first show (spectating), watching a flat class I was in, where a horse coming up on the inside slightly behind me runs into a jump standard..."I don't know much about what the judge is looking for, but I'm pretty sure they take points off for having your horse run your a$$ into a standard"...said with a straight face.

maudeflanders
Jul. 10, 2002, 10:41 PM
Once, at an intercollegiate show:

"Oh good, the horse you're going to ride is bucking. I was getting bored."

Once, after wind had blown all the jumps down:

"I thought I told you not to jump unsupervised."

And then I overheard a trainer talking to an amateur, I didn't hear the whole thing but she was comparing something to being with an "inadequate lover." I REALLY wanted to hear all of that.

Last but not least:

"Well, that was...interesting. PLEASE don't ever do that again!" (and yet this keeps getting repeated).

msj
Jul. 11, 2002, 04:59 AM
my trainer will call him/her a prickerhead! :eek

msj


You know you're a horse person when...you can find your boots by smell.

PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)

Magnolia
Jul. 11, 2002, 07:40 AM
I got to ride with Nick Larkin for a while (an event guy!). He was so funny-
In a New Zealand accent
"You're going to eviscerate yourself" (as I attempted to switch a dressage whip)

and

"Do you need oxygen?" After jumping a looooooooong course on a lazy horse.

The witchy witch witch of south central NC.

Spider
Jul. 11, 2002, 07:52 AM
"ADD SOME PUNCH TO YOUR STEP!!!!"

"BOUNCY CANTER BOUNCY!!!!"

and i love when i do something really well "PUUUUURRRRRRRRRRFECT!"

Starmite
Jul. 11, 2002, 08:20 AM
"I want you to massage the reins...so open your fingers, and close your fingers, like you're squeezing a sponge." "How do I do that without dropping the reins?" "Hmmm...actually...I don't really know."

~MP

*I'm nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect*

scotchie
Jul. 11, 2002, 09:44 AM
Trainer: "I'm tired of that mistake, could you think of a new one?"

maudeflanders
Jul. 11, 2002, 11:21 AM
Trainer: "Stop worrying, what's the worst thing that could happen?"
Me: "I could fall off and die."
Trainer: "Okay, nevermind. Don't think, just ride!"

And another one once said:
"Ooh, that EMT is cute. You should fall off so I can meet him."

RacetrackReject
Jul. 11, 2002, 12:45 PM
Dressage lesson-
"Do you have hemorroids?"
"no"
"Then get your @ss in the saddle"

Asking what horse to ride-
"Just ride Idiot Features"
"Which one is Idiot Features?"
"Does it matter?"

"Sit up, sit up, leg, leg, LEG, BLOODY LEG!!"

piaffeprincess98
Jul. 11, 2002, 04:52 PM
In my lesson today....
:you're very inconsistant. You make a mistake, come over the gymnastic again and fix it, but have a new one. It goes in cycles."

Said to my friend who was having a lunge lesson. She was told to exagerrate her posting.
"You look like you're f***ing the saddle!"

~*Lindsay*~
A proud co-owner of CorLin PROductions, specializing in dressage, eventing, and hunter/jumper digital photography.

~*Co-founder of the COTH Photographer's clique*~

piaffeprincess98
Jul. 11, 2002, 04:52 PM
please, keep the boyfriend ones coming! they're hilarious!

~*Lindsay*~
A proud co-owner of CorLin PROductions, specializing in dressage, eventing, and hunter/jumper digital photography.

~*Co-founder of the COTH Photographer's clique*~

SBT
Jul. 11, 2002, 08:10 PM
My first trainer:

"Turn your toes in! You look like Mary Poppins on a horse!!!"

To my mother: "When she turns 16, call me. I'll stay off the roads."

Also to my mother: "Well, your daughter nearly killed herself today..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif (We switched trainers /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif )


My second trainer had lots of cute words. If something was good it was "Super!" If the horse was misbehaving, he/she was being a "twerp." If I was equitating well, I was "Pretty as punch." At that age, I weighed in at about 60 lbs soaking wet...so when I needed to affect the horse with my seat she'd say, "Now, put *ALL* your weight in the saddle." One of her school horses was an appaloosa, and she used to joke that the mare had "Spots for brains." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


Trainer #3:

"Step DOWN into your heel."
"Well, you're perching already." (said as I began a flat class)
"Everybody has an opinion just like everybody has a belly button." (in response to a bad judging call at a show) I still say this. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
With her, bad horses were "turkeys." /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Trainer #4: (Uber-German School Dressage Dude)
"LEG! LEG! LEG! LEG! LEG!" (timed to every stride)
"LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT!" (also timed to every stride when he wanted you to alternate leg pressure, or when he wanted you to feel the horse's hind legs)
"Don't be afraid to upset the apple cart." (said to a student who was asking too little of a fussy horse)
"Wow. She is one Nervous Nellie." (describing my mare /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif )


GM: We were riding a bending line after having just jumped fences at an angle, and my brain was stuck on angles for some reason (exhaustion, perhaps /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif ), so I kept riding the bending 5 in a straight 4. I tried it again, and as I turned to the first fence, George said, "Oooooooopen your left hand." I did, jumped the first fence, and then he said, "Now ooooooooooopen your right hand." I did, and got the 5. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif To this day when I need to use an opening rein, I still think "Oooooooopen..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

~Sara /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[This message was edited by sbt78lw on Jul. 11, 2002 at 11:31 PM.]

Backstage
Jul. 12, 2002, 06:31 AM
Overheard at a show: "Ride that horse like you ride your boyfriend!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Another favourite when a gelding is complaining about his rider "Life's a bitch and then one rides you." or "Life a bitch and then you die." (usually said in reference to my horse when she doesn't thing listening to me is a good idea).

~ Charter Member of the Welsh Cob clique ~

jumperpony_Blaze
Jul. 12, 2002, 06:38 AM
STAY ON !!!
like i am trying to fall off /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
what else am i trying to do?? /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony's job~~
*member of the PC clique*

Multiple Choice
Jul. 12, 2002, 07:05 AM
*Just don't think too much...when you think you mess up ( I tend to overanalyze my courses)

*Ride stupid (this one became quite famouse for a while...it got to be a joke)

*That was the stupidest thing you have ever done! (when I practically killed myself on a green horse over a 2 ft jump...long...short....long...short...leavvvvvvvvv vvve!) /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

HEHE! Those are just a few- I'll have to think of some more! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

*Sarah Beth*
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin and Hobbes

timedjumpoff
Jul. 12, 2002, 04:32 PM
Former Trainer ( foreign accent:): 'YOU HAVE TO GO A SLOW' as we would fly by, careening around a course totally out of control.

'COME AND REFUSE THIS FENCE"---never figured out why but whenever he said that, even the most reliable jumpers would stop.

Curent Trainer: 'YOU NEVER LEARNED HOW TO COUNT STRIDES, YOU RIDE OFF YOUR EYE, BY INSTINCT, WITHOUT HAVING LEARNED THE MECHANICS FIRST, YOU LEARNED EVERYTHING BACKWARDS. OK< I'LL JUST HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY I'M TEACHING YOU."
It is truly the astute and exceptional trainer who can not only recognize but is willing and able to adapt his teaching methods to a student's rather unconventional background, and build upon it, without making the student have to start all over again from the beginning.

WestarGirl
Jul. 13, 2002, 08:57 AM
Sorry I just had to bump it so that they keep coming! This thread is SO funny!

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers -Joseph Blosephina
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
http://www.dhtmlnirvana.com

DS
Jul. 13, 2002, 10:54 AM
ahh the good ones

"If your trying to ride the course by brail, IT'S NOT WORKING!"

"Isn't there supposed to be a NECK that is in between the head to shoulders? RELAX"

"Please, step into my office" (C.Bessett)

"I run this freak show here"

"theres no crying in baseball.
me- this isn't baseball
trainer- exactly, now GO"

This ISN'T the merry-go-round/circus so PLEASE lengthen your stride!

No matter how good the horse looks, somewhere someone is tyred of cleaning up after it!

Blondie22
Jul. 13, 2002, 01:56 PM
My trainers never were too inventive with their phrases, but once instance involving another trainer still makes me giggle in wonder.

Last season, I was on deck for a Children's Hunter class, riding my Jumper (long story, don't ask). As my coach was giving me last minute instructions, another coach by the in-gate caught a glimpse of my less-than-impressed face. I guess I was worried, since my riding hadn't been up to par lately (hence us being in the Hunter Ring). He looks at me and says:

"Darlin', if you don't start smiling, I'm going to have to start throwin' rocks at ya."

That sure got my spirits up!

Kelly
Just By Luck &
Silver Edition
"Save A Horse. Ride A Cowboy."

*Chanel*
Jul. 13, 2002, 02:39 PM
"If you mess up this round, I'm going to take off your boot and shove it up your ass"

"Stick out your boobs like you're trying to impress...uh...oh who gives a flying f*ck...just arch damnit!"

After I broke my leg at a show..
"What the hell were you thinking? You had the class won until the last line!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

--------------------
Ashlyn
*Chanel*
~Sephora~

CBS
Jul. 13, 2002, 08:35 PM
OK guys and gals, who have heard this one!
" Where are your crop and spurs? NEVER go to war without your weapons?" That is what my trainer says when we have a problem with impulsion or refusals!!! Kind of makes sense! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Jul. 14, 2002, 05:18 AM
One of my mottos! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

You have to be smarter than the horse, and since that will never happen, pretend you are.

"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children""

Fat Chance
Jul. 14, 2002, 07:38 AM
This is more like a funny action or something:

I was having a lesson with another girl who kept saying "I can't I can't I can't." A friend of ours was watching the lesson next to my trainer and started reminding my trainer that she does the same thing and that it's ok (or something like that. I can't quite remember). So, my trainer got a little annoyed and said to me, "Kate, come here." So I walked over to the jump she was standing on and she said, "No, pull up next to it." So I, unsuspectingly, did. She jumped on my horse right behind me, grabbed the reins and proceeded to walk the three of us out of the ring and towards the barn, leaving the two "I can't-ers" in the ring wondering. Of course we turned around and went back to the ring in the end.

That has got to be my all-time favorite lesson. It was hilarious.



"Look Mommy! It's a whale!" "No dear, that's your father."

Gucci Cowgirl
Jul. 14, 2002, 09:49 AM
from my dressage trainers:

"Well that might have looked good to the ladies in the lounge but from where I'm standing it was PATHETIC!! DO IT AGAIN!"

"She's a bitchy little thing isnt she?" (said to a friends mare)

"half halt. HALF HALT! NO NO NO, a MAN's HALF HALT!"

"You look like you ride at southlands"

(said to me after a lesson)" I need to go in and get a new bottle of water." me "oookk, how come?" her "oh I had to throw it at eleanore's horse."

"Ok, go large.10 meter circles. every letter. twice."

"More. MORE. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? MORE!!! ok maybe a little less than THAT."

"Do it again exactly the same, but 100% better..."

*Every day you make decisions. Every day those decisions affect everyone around you. Just think, your choosing white over brown could quite possibly bring on a global dispute over bread preferences /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif*

Horsepower
Jul. 14, 2002, 11:57 AM
My trainer: You're going to send me to an early grave.
Me: Don't worry, at this rate I'll be gone long before you.

Me when my horse acted up screaming: Oh Sh--t.
Trainer: Never use voice commands other than whoa or tch, tch for go or you'll confuse your horse.
Me: Don't worry, by now my horse knows what the Oh Sh--t command means.

Palomino19
Jul. 14, 2002, 01:58 PM
Old trainer as I failed (again) to wake up my horse and keep him from stumbling "Have a nice trip, I'll see you in the fall"

"I am not going to move the jumps! I promise! So LOOK UP!"

"Yellowhorse good" "He gets dinner tonight!" (always kidding)

"You ask nice once and then you break his ribs!" (or "and then you kill him!")

"Wake him up, wake him up, crop, kick! See he wasn't awake...were you awake?" (going to and after a crappy fence)

"He looks good...do you feel ok?"

*`*`*

"I've this creeping
suspicion that things here are not as they seem..."

MsRidiculous
Jul. 14, 2002, 02:44 PM
When I switched to eventing my (at that point) new trainer wrote a list of things I needed to get. On the list was

-Whip. A real whip. I dont mean one of those hunter princess fly swatters.
-Spurs. Real Spurs. On XC, we don't "tickle", we "jab".

And below that she wrote in very large capital letters "NEVER GO TO WAR (xc) WITHOUT YOUR WEAPONS".

-Amanda

There is a fine line between dreams and reality, it's up to you to draw it. ~B. Quilliam

lawgrl
Jul. 15, 2002, 09:35 AM
Do NOT look at the horse. I will tell you if you fall off.

Tits to heaven, heels to hell.

solstice
Jul. 15, 2002, 12:16 PM
After a course: "Some parts of it I didn't mind." or "There were some things out there that I liked."

Which is always followed with a close recounting of the terrible choices that I made. Finishing with him walking up to my horse, giving him a pat, and saying "Good Boy, taking care of Mommy". What can I say, I'm an amateur! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

stablegirl
Jul. 15, 2002, 12:43 PM
These are funny-TE HE TE HE

My trainer always tell me:
-stick you boobs out(i am flatter than a board)
-Tuck you butt in
-Put you thumbs up i want to see those god awful finger nails

Every time when i get back from a show my trainers grandson always asks"Did she cry??"(the answer is usually yes) sometimes he even makes bet with my trainer on my crying

When my brother used to ride his trainer would always say in her dutch accent:
-SLOW DOWN, I dont think you are trying very hard

AMY

*Trinity*
Jul. 15, 2002, 01:01 PM
"That damn well wasn't gravity's fault." (when i make a dumb move and take a spill.)

"Move with the horse, not like you have a pole up your ass."

"The jump isn't going to move, so look up!"

"Did you like the feel of that?"
"No."
"THEN DO IT RIGHT DAMMIT!!!"

My vaulting coach says, "I have a whip you know." (When I'm not vaulting up or doing a move properly. She's used it too on us too!!! LOL)

Trinity

[This message was edited by *Trinity* on Aug. 01, 2002 at 04:11 PM.]

~SC~
Jul. 15, 2002, 01:36 PM
Haha, there are lots! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

-"Get your pace in the corner and STAY ON THAT PACE!"

-"Sarah, sweetheart, WHY are you RUNNING TO THE CHIP?!?! Don't do that!!"

-"Ya know, you do that on your other horse too. Maybe that's a clue to change something". /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

-"Wait..wait..WAIT..Didn't you hear me saying WAIT?!"

-"You're draining the life out of me!" (The new favorite after last weekend /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif )

-"Fix it to begin with" (when I explain why I added up the line after I chipped in instead of gunning her up the line so she stops b/c it would be too long. Well, DUH, I KNOW I have to fix the first jump, but this was my "alternative" plan. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif )

"Stop running at the jumps!!!"

I'm sure there are more.... /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

~Sarah~

~*Southern Comfort*~*Diablo Blanco*~

trae
Jul. 16, 2002, 06:05 AM
" I wouldn't ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do"

To which I say, ok, then why haven't I seen you on a horse in six friggin months?

On a horse thats known to bolt:

"He's not going anywhere"

followed by "Run him into the wall!!!"

trae
Jul. 16, 2002, 07:05 AM
oops, how could I have forgotten the famous:

"See how much better you ride when your life is in danger?"

*In Your Dreams*
Jul. 16, 2002, 05:25 PM
ever so slightly....bumb...bump


Ahhh..there we go /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
"Where will judging and showing go from here?--not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We'll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he'll always tell us...if we were born to listen." - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)

Fiction
Jul. 16, 2002, 05:27 PM
In my eq lesson today...

"Yes I know he's a big horse and these are easy for him, but a little legging might make him get over the jump instead of sitting on them!"

-5 minutes later
"That jump is a stepover, SIT THERE and do nothing!"

the best- she looks at my big ole 17.3 "pony" after he was clunking the rails and says very sweetly
"Hunny, PLEASE, I just painted these rails, and I'd rather you not use the brail method of going around the course!"

I almost fell off laughing
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

-----
This is not a true story
-----

*In Your Dreams*
Jul. 16, 2002, 05:28 PM
After a rather ruff (sp?) combined training stadium course....

there was only one thing wrong with that course....EVERYTHING

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
"Where will judging and showing go from here?--not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We'll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he'll always tell us...if we were born to listen." - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)

goobergurl21
Jul. 16, 2002, 05:39 PM
*when looking down--
"Look where you want to go. If you look at the ground you're gonna go there"

*when not staying still before a jump--
"Stop doing the hula!"

*for shoulders back--
"turn your headlights on!" (i am really flat too!)
and the famous--"stick your boobs out"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif i gotta think of more!

~Claire~
*********
"The more I study, the more I know. The more I know, the more I forget. The more I forget, the less I know. So why study?"

mwalshe
Jul. 16, 2002, 05:56 PM
Some of my fabulous working student quotes:

On a retired *** horse that was refusing to jump a tiny coop and running me into a tree. The trainer said *nothing* and was in fact chatting to a friend. I finally (after three refusals) took the horse aside and spanked it but good, all along wondering what happens to working students who beat beloved retired *** horses. "Oh good", she said, "I was wondering when you were going to do that". He jumped the coop.

Same trainer on a WB she had as I was trying to motivate his lazy butt around the ring "God, it's impossible to believe he's actually won all those ribbons"

on a young horse I was riding as he'd already bucked off every other pro for miles around "Don't be such a weeny, you're not going to fall off" (I didn't)

Other good ones:
Jump the liverpool- but don't let her see it until you're in the air.

Why didn't you take your reins back? I didn't mean for you to jump that with no reins... my bad. (after a series of 4' oxers on a horse I'd never ridden before)

I told you to pretend to be an eq rider not to pretend someone shoved a stick up your a$$.

On a 6yo stud OTTB- OK, that's a nice trot, now DON'T MOVE becasue he looks a bit like he might go off.

Are you even trying to stay on that horse??

OK, the deal is, this horse jumps like a Jack Russell, so go faster for the big ones and remember there is NO spot too close.

Are you wearing a long sleeve shirt? becasue this is some pretty gnarly looking sand (the vote of confidence comment)

On another OTTB- Nice, now just stay on that circle for, oh, 6 months or so...

OK, ask for passage at C- you've never done that before?? Oh, it's easy...

Can you actually count to three? Becasue only people who count to three can ride fourth level. (DQs will get this, and No, I can't count to three, I prefer my tempis in even numbers thankyouverymuch)

You may evantually have to be able to do all this WITH your stirrups. Where are they anyway? (Another dressage comment)

And the ever classic trainer to working student quote -Oh, yeh, he does that.... (used after horse turns out to have rearing problem, deathly fear of arena sand, no brakes, etc.)

[This message was edited by maggymay on Aug. 19, 2002 at 04:12 PM.]

trae
Jul. 17, 2002, 05:37 AM
Such as...

"That line would ride so much easier if the fences were raised a bit..."

or... the red flag raising statements such as

"We're going to try something new today..."

and

"Trust me..."

When I was way young and ran out of leg, a trainer used to yell "Time to put another quarter in!"

knowonder
Jul. 17, 2002, 06:59 AM
Adult Amatuer Student on stopping egg sucking common dog of a horse named Manual Transmission

Trainer calmly walking over to fence standard and retrieving on very large crop after countless stops and involuntary dismounts--walks up and says "here's your clutch!"

Proud Member of Wood Hill Farm who's motto is "I'm not going sober!"

Backstage
Jul. 17, 2002, 07:06 AM
maggymay - I want to know where you were a working student! Its sounds like a lot of fun! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

~ Charter Member of the Welsh Cob clique ~

Bumpkin
Jul. 17, 2002, 08:56 AM
/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Starmite
Jul. 17, 2002, 01:21 PM
when I take my horsey over to the mounting block and lead him so he's right next to it, my trainer says "Step right up!" and after lessons she says "Quarter's up!"

~MP

*Everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I'll go ride my horse*

jumperpony_Blaze
Jul. 17, 2002, 04:54 PM
yet another one:
"STOP doing that or i am going to START swearing at you!!!"

during a dressage lesson:
"your arms are like dead pieces of meat" then "i know you think it is disgusting" (i am a vegatarian) "but it is true!!!"

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony's job~~
*member of the PC clique*

*In Your Dreams*
Jul. 17, 2002, 06:18 PM
"Could I sit on your foot, I like to swing." /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
"Where will judging and showing go from here?--not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We'll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he'll always tell us...if we were born to listen." - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)

sigh
Jul. 17, 2002, 07:21 PM
"He's got three legs in the grave and one on a banana peel!" (i.e. need more pace)

"Ride like the hounds of he!! are after you!" (pretty much speaks for itself)

"You get down that line in [insert number here] or die trying!" (i.e. if you don't make it, you're gonna wish you'd died by the time I get to you)

"I'm riding harder than you are!" (i.e. make an effort!)

"Don't look down! I already picked up all the money/He won't change color." (These two are interchangable)

And finally...
"Horses don't climb trees!" (It'a a long story /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif )

HuntRulz
Jul. 17, 2002, 10:38 PM
Here are a couple of my favorites:

"That girl couldn't ride in a boxcar with the doors shut!!"

After a particularly difficult lesson:

"You don't want me to treat you like a mushroom!? You know kept in the dark and fed shit!!!"

RRB
Jul. 18, 2002, 06:55 AM
This one I got second hand from a HSM at our barn, who was standing next to my trainer while I was in the ring.

At our first away show my green horse was still trying to figure out how he could escape out the gate when we rode by, and using the crop or spurs generated some spectacular bucks. Oddly enough, we discovered that growling scared the bejeebees out of him and worked quite well.

To me, trainer says, "Growl, growl, growl at him".
HSM: "What's with the growling?"
Trainer, very matter-of-fact, "If she doesn't, she'll die." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

--R

Rack me, I'm out.

Dragoon
Jul. 20, 2002, 09:41 AM
My trainer said the funniest thing ever yesterday in my lesson. We were talking about a girl that we love (truly love, she's a good kid /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif ) who was "in crisis". No one told us what the crisis was about, so my trainer says:

"That girl can never be in crisis. If she were 15 years old and pregnant to a Spanish pimp, that would be crisis!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


- "Don't look at your horse....I'll tell you if you fall off."
- "The base of the jump is your friend and the way you ride you can never have enough friends."

WestarGirl
Jul. 26, 2002, 05:40 PM
From Today's lesson...

"you were pulling so hard on that rein I could see the veins through your sweatshirt"

"Left hand! Left rein! With the left rein! Your left arm! GUESS WHAT, the other left"

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers -Joseph Blosephina
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
http://www.dhtmlnirvana.com

~SC~
Jul. 26, 2002, 06:31 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WestarGirl:

"you were pulling so hard on that rein I could see the veins through your sweatshirt"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

*sigh* I want to be wearing a sweatshirt right now. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Today I was practically naked while I was outside and I was STILL dying from the heat! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

~Sarah~

~*Southern Comfort*~*Diablo Blanco*~

hifi
Jul. 26, 2002, 06:38 PM
I'm so sorry, my trainer never says anything really funny. I bet tomorrow, after I have said this, she will say something funny!

Member and co-founder Thread Killers Anonymous.
Self proclaimed fashion police.
Poindexter, may he rest in peace.
President of the Late Nite Posters

*Cookie*
Jul. 26, 2002, 06:41 PM
"Stop trying to be so perfect and actually ride!"

"Stop making faces!"

"Pretend you meant to do that."

After my mare was being somewhat witchy..."No schooling for us, lets train that witch!"

"Kick her butt!"

And today...
"I was THIS close to throwing my bagel at you!"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

roxy527
Jul. 26, 2002, 07:00 PM
I constantly get, "Kick him forward, more more more more more! Don't take back!"

And, "Pop that shoulder in" (my horse's not mine)

And, "Are you a piano player?"

And, "Sit back, sit on him, get your shoulders back, leave your hands there, sit back!!!!"

still trying
Aug. 1, 2002, 11:44 AM
BUMP, This is pretty funny!

thoroughbred fever
Aug. 1, 2002, 02:20 PM
old trainers comments:

if my horse ran out of a jump - "oh, i see, your taking the scenic route"

if im being very stupid [happens often] - "i must congratulate your parents, they seemed to have birthed a moron!" [many laughs followed this one, hehe]

if my horse was going very fast - "YEEEHAWWWW. RIDE THAT WILD THANG" or "thats one live booger right there" [no clue where she got that one hehe]

many more. just cant think of them!

McLeanHunterRider
Aug. 1, 2002, 02:43 PM
one of my favorites that my trainer says to me is "POPSICLES!!!!!!!!!" it's kinda funny because everyone stares at my trainer like she's nuts. here's where it came from:
me and a couple other people didn't keep our thumbs up, so one really hot day, my trainer gave everyone two popsicles and had them ride with popsicles in their hands, the only to hold onto the popsicles is to keep your thumbs up. it was really fun and afterward we gave our horses the popsicles. that was one of the most interesting lessons my trainer has taught me....... /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"Life is a long race. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, but in the end, it's all a race with yourself" -From the Sunscreen Song

Bethe Mounce
Aug. 1, 2002, 03:47 PM
ones I have heard trainers say to their students and I believe a few of them have come my way over the years:

1. (When rider is looking down): Are there fleas breeding in that mane?

2. I am for thinking you need a reservation made for you at the Hotel of Gray Matter.

3. Such a Sorry Sack of Siberian Sheep S***....

I am sure there have been many other things said such as the hilarious ones I have read; alas I cannot think of them right at this moment....

sss
Aug. 1, 2002, 04:26 PM
"Ride like there's FIRE coming out from under your helmet!" (can be interchanged with "I want to see FIRE coming out of your horse's butt!")

"Dolly Parton!" (you can guess what this relates to)

To the little kids: "Your OTHER left leg!"

"She couldn't ride her way out of a paper bag"

"We're going to put a couch on the other side of that jump" (for a girl who kept running her horse to a stop, flying over his head onto the landing side of the fence)

"I'm going to tie a sweatscraper to your [insert body part that won't stay straight: back, wrist, etc]"

These are from several layers of trainers

knowonder
Aug. 1, 2002, 04:55 PM
Much to my eternal embarassment and in front of several BNT at Raleigh one year, my old trainer yelled at me during a hack "Sara does your crotch itch or what, cause you sure are burying your hands in it!"

Proud Member of Wood Hill Farm who's motto is "I'm not going sober!"

Starmite
Aug. 1, 2002, 06:41 PM
I was on my way to a show with my old trainer and we were talking about this green bean that he was having another girl at the barn show for him. He told me all about how "last time I brought that psycho here she almost killed me by rearing up on the edge of a steep hill." then proceeds to tell the girl the next day that "oh this one's a saint! she won't do a THING to you! wouldn't hurt a fly!" AAAHHH

~MP
Donut girl strikes again: 'my bro's bday is tomorrow and instead of cake we're having DONUTS!!!'

*Co Founder: Children's Jumper Clique!!! Member of the GA clique*

CharleyHorse
Aug. 1, 2002, 06:55 PM
My favorite came yesterday when I was trotting around on my new, very SPRINGY horse without stirrups and my legs were already incredibly sore from running for the first time all summer the day before so obviously I was having a little trouble concentrating on well, anything so I was bending too much left around the courner and she was tired of yelling at me so she said, and this is a direct quote,
" If I have to tell you one more time to pick up your hands and not to bend left so much I am going to jump up and down and scream! "
boy I would have loved to see that, lol

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter...

Proud member of the Glitter Clique!

CharleyHorse
Aug. 1, 2002, 07:36 PM
"Trainer Bob" aka Kate is always saying to me while I'm riding my hunter:
"Hey how does that mane taste?" because I'm always lying on his neck and shooting my body on him, etc.

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter...

Proud member of the Glitter Clique!

elizabeth
Aug. 1, 2002, 07:43 PM
My favorite Jumphigh83 quote, always uttered very helpfully when you are on the verge of fearing for your life on your horse, who is high as a kite for whatever stupid reason is: He is ON FIRE!

Thanks for the help, Jumphigh83. Thanks for the help.

WestarGirl
Aug. 13, 2002, 07:28 PM
Just remembered this one from last week...

Coach : "For a minute I thought you were schooling counter-canter"

Me : "(inaudible argh d**m)...me too"
duh, I dont believe he believed me one sec lol!

**************************
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish -Mark Twain
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
http://www.dhtmlnirvana.com

Nylar
Aug. 13, 2002, 08:04 PM
"Your sister does that better(worse)." (we have two fantastic girls who are a year apart, and ride the same pony)

And heard tonight as I was hacking Dunn: "That's it. You're not allowed to go back to school again." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://www.geocities.com/dunnbypicasso/

jumperpony_Blaze
Aug. 14, 2002, 04:52 AM
. . . that was a gift!!!(really bad fence)
. . . that was another gift!!!
. . . that was another gift!!!
. . . you used up ALL your gifts!!!!(when horse stopped or rider fell off)

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony'd job~~
*member of the PC clique*

headcat16
Aug. 14, 2002, 06:17 AM
"Are you TRYING to bite that thing off?" (I stick my tongue out when I'm concentrating)

"Is she crazy?"
"Like a straw!"

icy98ach
Aug. 14, 2002, 06:27 AM
"Don't just sit there like a bump on a log...."

*In Your Dreams*
Aug. 14, 2002, 06:36 AM
Ok Miss.Primadonna....go back and do that again. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

**~~Andrea and Dreamer~~**
A short saying often contains much wisdom.
- Sophocles (c. 450 B.C.E.) (IHFLC-Founder)

Carson
Aug. 14, 2002, 07:39 PM
Said at back gate of A/A hunter ring:

(referring to the horse) "Alrighty then, he's out there all alone today." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

jumperpony_Blaze
Aug. 15, 2002, 04:15 PM
*bump*

~Blaze~
~~never send a horse to do a pony's job~~
*member of the PC clique*

Fat Chance
Aug. 15, 2002, 06:31 PM
This only happened once, while we were waiting for some others to go on a trail ride with us.

Something like:
"Ladies, unlike men, we have round thighs, and sometimes you just have to reach down and rearrange them." I'm not saying which trainer though... he he.

Another trainer as I squeaked as I went over my very first gate (many moons ago):
"Is that a mouse in your pocket?"



"Look Mommy! It's a whale!" "No dear, that's your father."

Fat Chance
Aug. 15, 2002, 06:33 PM
Forgot one:

After chipping a fence many times and getting upset at myself:

"OK, after you're straight to the jump, just close your eyes and hang on and let the horse do it. You'll be fine... Well, you would have been fine if he hadn't jumped left... but that was the right idea."

"Are your arms still attached?" (my shoulders kind of dislocate easily... he he)



"Look Mommy! It's a whale!" "No dear, that's your father."

BarbB
Aug. 15, 2002, 10:59 PM
I haven't read every post on this thread yet - so this may have been posted, but it is my favorite:

Remain seated until the aircraft has left the ground!

BarbB
charter member BEQS Clique & Invisible Poster Clique

...virtue shall be bound into the hair of thy forelock... I have given thee the power of flight without wings. - The Koran

Nylar
Aug. 18, 2002, 02:21 PM
My trainer's been way too amusing lately. These are from the show we went to yesterday:

"Well, I THOUGHT he was going to be an idiot."

"I think we need to remind your horse that his mouth is supposed to be SOFT tissue."

"Sorry. I just didn't pay the judge enough for that class too."

"It's amazing how we always show right before my car payment is due."

http://www.geocities.com/dunnbypicasso/

G
Aug. 18, 2002, 02:56 PM
"Don't look where you don't want to go." (Said during my first lesson on a jumper)

Me: "I rode like a crackhead."
Trainer: "No, because if you rode like a crackhead you would have been going fast."
Me: "Ok, so I rode like a pothead."
Trainer: "Sure."

Those are just two of the good ones. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

-Jackie-
"I'm finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there."
http://jax.0catch.com

Starbucks
Aug. 18, 2002, 03:34 PM
"If you want to act like a chicken, I'll get you some feathers! Now get your @$$ BACK IN THE SADDLE!"

(I have a tendency to hollow my back over a jump, therefore making my butt stick out. Like a chicken, she says. :P )

~~ .. and the #1 horse-product that has yet to come out: Caffiene-free Thoroughbreds!~~

hunterprincez
Aug. 18, 2002, 03:42 PM
Donna's favorite saying is "Just do it regular like" She only says it to a few of us who have beeen riding with her for ages. Usually when we are on greenies who don't need quite as much help doing their job as we would like to think they do. She said it to a new customer and the little girl just looked at her like she had three heads.
Another fav. is "you need to normalize your canter". I know when people hear her say these things while we are schooling they think we have to quackiest trainer of them all.

eikcaj
Aug. 18, 2002, 06:00 PM
"It's Butt Appreciation Day!!"
When I round my back. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://www.mistyvalley.com/thehorseroom

~Gitter Clique~Willem Fan Club~Thoroughbred Clique~Do-It-YOURSELF Clique

tbhunter36
Aug. 18, 2002, 06:54 PM
when a horse is trying to run out or stop
"Over, Under, or THROUGH!"

when im riding one of her greenies
"Dont fall off, the in gate isnt wheelchair accessible"

after i fall off
"i know the ring boys were cute but couldnt you have gone about getting their attention while you were on the horse"

for the beginners that dont know better
"could you tuck your shirt in so that you look like rider and not some thing off the street"

for people with no clue
"why dont you just write I dont know what im doing across your forehead"

her answer to why we dont have fancy stall curtains
"because i know you will decorate the stalls with ribbons"

pukey lesson pony
"she canters like a bag of rocks rolling uphill"

bad lesson
"so far you are consistant-youve made the same mistake 4 times try something new"
-or-
"wake me up when you learn to ride"
-or-
"have I taught you nothing?"
-or- (my personal fave)
"she couldnt ride her way out of a wet paper bag"

and my other trainer in florida when i met a cute ring boy decided my walkie-talkie call name would be 'raker'
"raker-raker.. come IN raker"
(how embarassing when I was standign next to the boy with the rake ) /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

also when i try my ducking
"lean a-WAY"

bad course
"where did you catch this new 'first-course-itis'?"

an my alltime fave from andy when I fell off and totally split my pants at my last show (lol)
"hey at least you were wearing underwear!"
(this got dirty looks from everyone so he turned around and was like "hey shes an adult Im aloud to say whatever I want") haha... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -Thomas Jefferson

tbhunter36
Aug. 18, 2002, 06:58 PM
OH YEA! I forgot my friend Shelly always says "Landing gear UP!"

and then there is always the local trainers that know my horse "here comes the FireWorks" (his name is WireWorks) and one trainer used to call him "waterworks, waterthunder, er um... thunderbolt?" lol

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -Thomas Jefferson

tbhunter36
Aug. 18, 2002, 07:00 PM
ok i suck at this.. i forgot another one of my favorites ( i must have real comedians for trainers)
when I round my back
"use that stomach for something other than a beer holder @ frat parties"

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -Thomas Jefferson

MCM
Aug. 19, 2002, 12:46 PM
WIGGLE DO NOT!!!!! to a girl who wiggled her butt when droping down from a canter.

"Stick out your boobs" and "If you die, then you're done" were very often used too.

The most common saying "Just go do it, NOW!!"

stasha
Aug. 19, 2002, 03:11 PM
"Your fingers are like your mouth: always open."

"Why can't your mouth be more like your hands?" after having commented on how quiet my hands were.

"Be proud of what you've got!" meaning my shoulders were rounded, stick my chest out.

"Are you a duck? Do you enjoy wrenching your ankle on every fencepost you pass?"

~NOBODY tosses a dwarf! Gimli, son of Gloin~

Horsepower
Aug. 19, 2002, 09:33 PM
This is a fun topic. Thought of some more. When my hands start going horizontal by mistake -- "Stop playing the piano." or "Hey piano fingers!" If I pick up the wrong lead. "When I do it, it's a counter-canter. When you do it it's just the wrong lead!" Thanks to the person who wrote the one about headlights to heaven, heels to hell. I keep chanting this now when I ride and it is very helpful.