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Portia
Mar. 1, 2000, 06:45 PM
The "Best Advice" thread reminded me of this one, an idea I'm steal, er, borrowing from Lobito (Tex) who did it on the E-search board a while back and it was quite successful. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Anyways --

What are your favorite sayings from your trainers over the years? Those phrases that either ring in your head while you're riding even when that trainer is no where around, or that were so unique they'll stay with you forever?

To start off, here are a few from my mine:

1. LEG LEG LEG LEG!

2. Same same same same same same (said every stride while approaching fence)

3. "Reach for his ears."

4. "Think!"

5. "You give that horse a big pat right now and thank him for saving your butt."

6. Ooooohhhhh, he was VERY good to you.

7. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see that." (said after particularly stupid misses)

8. "That horse is a saint." (often said soon after nos. 5, 6, and 7 above)

8. "Very well wagoned." (don't ask me -- she's English; best I can figure it means you did a good job getting around a difficult course)

10. "Let me just have a little sit on him." (what the horses don't want to hear)

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Portia
Mar. 1, 2000, 06:45 PM
The "Best Advice" thread reminded me of this one, an idea I'm steal, er, borrowing from Lobito (Tex) who did it on the E-search board a while back and it was quite successful. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Anyways --

What are your favorite sayings from your trainers over the years? Those phrases that either ring in your head while you're riding even when that trainer is no where around, or that were so unique they'll stay with you forever?

To start off, here are a few from my mine:

1. LEG LEG LEG LEG!

2. Same same same same same same (said every stride while approaching fence)

3. "Reach for his ears."

4. "Think!"

5. "You give that horse a big pat right now and thank him for saving your butt."

6. Ooooohhhhh, he was VERY good to you.

7. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see that." (said after particularly stupid misses)

8. "That horse is a saint." (often said soon after nos. 5, 6, and 7 above)

8. "Very well wagoned." (don't ask me -- she's English; best I can figure it means you did a good job getting around a difficult course)

10. "Let me just have a little sit on him." (what the horses don't want to hear)

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

HunterPonyRider
Mar. 1, 2000, 06:53 PM
- "Leg, leg, leg!"

- "What were you thinking?!"

- "How are you going to ride that line?"

And the most said phrase...
- "Let's do that ONE more time." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Duffy
Mar. 1, 2000, 06:57 PM
I've been with her for quite a few years, let's see. . . .

1. Rhythm, Rhythm, Rhythm, Rhythm (you get the idea)

2. Keep him in front of your leg!

3. When in doubt, stay the same (i.e. don't pull on the reins. . .)

4. the same as Portia's: THINK!

5. Watch your left hand

6. Stay back in your tack (I tend to start leaning up his neck when I think I have to move up to a distance - i.e. I get excited when I see one at all)

7. He was a VERY good boy! (i.e. I probably wasn't)

8. Come to that again. (i.e. not the same way I did the time before)

9. What did you SEE on that one? (i.e. I've made a huge move to an imaginary spot I thought I saw)

10. Did you see Anything to that one? (i.e. at least I maybe stayed the same?)

Tap2Tango
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:00 PM
Oh my, I've heard these sooooo many times http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/tongue.gif

Don't loose you leg!

Keep him forward!

Gallop the line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be scared, he has nowhere to go!

I told you so!

Stop crying and do it!

I could think of so many more to /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Regalmeans
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:08 PM
My trainer's would go something like this

"if you chip you're WALKING home"
(said at shows)

"would you please, please relax?"
(before the aforementioned show)

"Do you know what you did wrong?"
(after messing up at the aforementioned show)

"your horse is *such* a good boy"
(same show, you screwed up but the horse got you around)

"keep your eyes up!" (or you'll end up whereever it is you're looking)

"come to that again" (meaning differently)

"That was nice. What did you do different?" meaning remember that for next time.

"It was a learning experience" meaning it's okay - you'll do better next time, I'm not mad at you and you shouldn't get to PO'ed at yourself.

"i'm so PROUD of you" {hug} after you finally get that impossible thing right...

Sarah

Ben and Me
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:13 PM
*My personal favorite: Lets quit with that.

*Just how many strides did you get? How many did I tell you to get (After I leave out 2 and forget to count.....)

*If you pick up the wrong lead again I'm going to pull you off that horse.

*Sit still for the lead change, he's automatic.

*Stick your chest out, shoulders back, back arched.

*Look up!

*Let the horse do its 50%!

*Sit still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Turn your hands over, lower them, pull in your elbows, and shorten your reins.

*Why do you always have to adjust in front of the jump?

*You ate a big CHOCOLATE CHIP SANDWICH over that one.

* He just laughs as I gasp over a really bad spot, usually a huge chip.

*What happened? What can you do to fix that?

*Fix your wraps/hairnet/bridle/girth etc.

*Why is your tack not clean/horse not wrapped?

Hmm there are so many more but I would hate to embarass myself further! Hehe! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

stop4
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:19 PM
Now that you've shown me how not to do it. show me how to do it the way I asked you.

MsHunter
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:34 PM
boobs up, you both don't have to jump flat

TequilaSun
Mar. 1, 2000, 07:41 PM
Hmmm... my coach is fairly hard to please, but here are a few of the nicer things that are occasionally found to utter out of his mouth /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

-Shoulders back
-Outside/inside leg
-sit back
-don't be such a city kid (aka weakling /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif)
-you're a suck
-toughen up!
-no pain, no gain

and when you do something *right*...

-that'll do
-good enough
-finish off on that
-all right, get outta here

LOL - reading over that, it sounds like my coach is a cruel old man... really, he's not. He's super. He's just not one of those people who gives compliments when they're not due. And when you can weasel a compliment out of him, it's really rewarding!!

Here are a few of the things he likes to say about my horse...

-the biggest mistake of my life was letting you buy that horse (aka he wants Tequila for himself <G> )
-he's got perfect feet!
-Some days he really is a stubborn *!&(@#*$


Hmmm... that's about all I can think of right now!!

HunterPonyRider
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:00 PM
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Jane you are by far the coolest trainer!

Regalmeans
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:08 PM
Love your saying Jane.

Reminds me of when I first started jumping my horse and didn't bend over enough my trainer would tell me to lean over and 'bruise your boobs' - which is another fun saying.

~S.

JumperEq
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:15 PM
There's always the one my old (as in EX, she was bad) trainer said that all my show friends mock.

"Soften your pelvis, open your hip. Haaands, darling, haaands."

I don't even think she knew what she was talking about. Probably thought it mad her sound good, or something.

~Erin

Fritzy
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:20 PM
"Don't be a bump on a log!"

Louise
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:28 PM
Oh, good one, thanks Portia.

Let's see:

1. Inside leg, outside rein: inside leg, outside rein.

2. Shoulders back

3. Forward, get that horse forward!!!

4. Relax your neck, relax your arms, relax your back, relax your legs -- now -- do it all over again!!!

5. Don't look down, look where you're going.

6. Forward, get that horse forward!!!

7. Right hand down.

8. That circle wasn't perfectly round, do it again.

9. Forward, get that horse forward!!!

10. Push him into the bit, get him going from behind. Use your leg.

11. Sit deep.

and the one I hear most often

12. I DON'T SEE THAT HORSE ON THE BIT!!!

Portia
Mar. 1, 2000, 08:29 PM
LOL Jane! The very German, very male owner of our barn, a dressage master, gets his dressage students to open their chests by saying: "point your headlights left and right."

wadino
Mar. 1, 2000, 09:01 PM
my old trainer used to say..

*EYES UP!!

*You should always take a weapon to war even if you aren't going to use it. (it means you should always carry a crop)

WarPaint
Mar. 1, 2000, 09:06 PM
Okay, for any of you who know Chuck, these will amuse you vastly... the rest of you might just be confused!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Before I go in the ring for an impotant class, I always get the "you represent a nation" speech. I think it's supposed to be motivational, but it actually does something even better: it makes me laugh, and then I'm not nervous going in the ring. The speech goes as follows:

"Emily, you represent a nation; not necessarily an English-speaking nation... not necessarily a nation with indoor plumbing... but a nation nonetheless."

*Don't ask* /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Here are some more Chuckisms:
~he calls everyone "Birdie"
~"Too slow, Mo!"
~when he wants to make sure I understand something, he always says, "You know what I mean, Emily Jean?"
~the first jump of every course is called the "Mexican Jump"... no one is quite sure why, but that's just Chuck for ya.
~none of my horses actually have names... War Paint is "the paint horse", Twist is the "grey mare", and Chaska is "the bay horse"
~When I ride bad, he calls me "Coconut Head"
~If I make the same mistake too many times in a row, he writes it on my forehead in Sharpie (ie "I will not jump the high side of the Swedish oxer" was tatooed on my head in green for three whole days at Catskills one year)

Well, I could go on for hours with Chuck's random sayings, but I think you get the point!

Kate
Mar. 1, 2000, 09:21 PM
- Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait
- Stop him! Stop him! I SAID STOP HIM!!!
- You're on a horse, not a bicycle

and,... yes, the best thing to hear -- this is when you know you've gotten 'it' :

"Let's quit with that"

Kate
Mar. 1, 2000, 09:27 PM
m

[This message has been edited by Kate (edited 03-01-2000).]

paw
Mar. 1, 2000, 09:48 PM
My favorite Glenn Moody-ism:
"Was that _luck_, or was that _skill_?"
said after a particularly good execution of an exercise - in either case, you got to do it again (if it was _skill_, you'd get it right a second time and get to quit). /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Indy
Mar. 1, 2000, 10:10 PM
Some heard from current and past trainers of mine (not neccisarily directed towards me):

*Grow Up!

*uhhh, let's try that again

*RHYTHM!!!

*Kill Him!! (after horse did something particularly stupid)

*keep your thumbs up (this is one reason my pony was "Thumbs Up")

*you blink too much (okay? can I control this?)

*Pretend you're Madonna (to get a little kid to open her shoulders)

*That was.... interesting

*Leg, leg, leg, LEG

*Stop making faces

*If you smack that pony one more time I'm going to commit child abuse on you (from trainer to cranky neice)

*Stop flopping around


Things I said too much when I taught over the summer:

*Look between your pony's ears

*Sit up, sit up, sit up, let go!! (as kid falls off pony)

*You're pony goes where you look, and if you don't start looking forward, your pony is going to start trotting down the highway, and I'm too tired to chase you.

*Look between your pony's ears

salsalito
Mar. 1, 2000, 10:53 PM
Oh gosh, my trainer has so many!

~leg, leg, leg, and he says it in this funny voice that I just HAVE to laugh!
~Get out of "fetal postion!"...a definite fave!...after I curl up in a ball when my horse is scaring me
~get her out in front of you...meaning...use your gosh-darn spurs and get her lazy ass going!
~Oh, and i have a new name just about every week. FUN FUN FUN!
~What are you doing, b/c you are sure not riding...pretty self-explanetory!
~Good you have such a great mare, she saved your butt...after we get a 5 foot long spot and I hurl myself forward so i don't get left behind, and fall all over my poor horse...LOL!
Those are the best ones anyways!

~*~antonia~*~

Smiles
Mar. 1, 2000, 10:57 PM
Trainers have so many words of wisdom. Here are some of my trainers wise sayings.

You have the eye of a dead cat. (which is very true. I can't she a distance to save my life, and I envy those who have the talent to see them.) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

No slooching!

Stir with two arms and not one.

Go faster!!!

MsRidiculous
Mar. 1, 2000, 11:06 PM
Tee hee hee, Portia. This is pretty amusing. Do you mind if I do mine again? Steve-isms are always pretty funny. (Yes, they are all in caps because my trainer does not speak like a normal human being. He has one volume: loud) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

10. STOP!!!!
9. TURN RIGHT!!!!
8. COME HERE!!! (usually followed by a 'lemme sit on that one')
7. CAN YOU HEAR ME OR ARE YOU JUST NOT LISTENING???
6. CUT THAT CORNER JUST A WEE BIT MORE NEXT TIME, K???
5. I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONE THAT TOUGHT YOU TO TURN THE CORNER ON THE WRONG LEAD!!!
4. DROP YOUR STIRRUPS AND TRRRR-OT!!!
3. DO I LOOK THAT STUPID? WAIT, DON'T ANSWER THAT...
2. WHAT'D YOU SAY? NOTHING??? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!

and the number one Steve-ism is:
WHAT THE #U*% WAS THAT???

kissy
Mar. 1, 2000, 11:39 PM
I also get: Now we'll see if that was luck -or skill.

-ride a rythm
-pace track rythm
- sacrifice the distance for the rythm
-1, 2, 1, 2 Count
(was i spelling rythm wrong over and over?)

One of my favorites is "Do as i say not as i do"

thecowboyway
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:30 AM
I think my favorites are
1. don't have feet for hands
2. RUN (can't understand why loping is unacceptable)
3. GORGEOUS!!!(of course my favorite)[This message has been edited by leaper3 (edited 03-01-2000).]

[This message has been edited by leaper3 (edited 03-01-2000).]

Kennett Square
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:41 AM
My favorites are:

1. There are 2 sides to a horse. Let's ride both of them today.

2. The base is your friend and we can always use lots of friends.

3. You just got frequent flyer miles on that fence.

4. Use the whole ring, your parents have paid for it.

5. Don't push your hands forward like your pushing the grocery cart down the cookie aisle.

TBLover
Mar. 2, 2000, 01:07 AM
Some of my trainer's favorite sayings include:

(1) As you go into the show ring, "Have Fun" (Yeah, right), plus sometimes "Don't forget to breathe"

(2) When you've looking good: "Now you're styling"

(3) When you leave a long: "That was a bit gappy"

(4) When you get the distance just right: "Right on it"

(5) During a jump-off: "Gallop! Come'on, gallop. Now turn, turn."

(6) About the worst thing he's ever said to me was when I made really bad mistake and made it impossible for my horse to jump out of a two stride on the last line of a class that we would have won: "That was really dumb".


(

relocatedTXjumpr
Mar. 2, 2000, 01:40 AM
k lets see if i remember...

* got your course? ok, youre first, now GO!

* I thought you said you knew your course, Delta ( my little knick name, i always, always forget one course per show)

*Where did you learn that? certanly not from me, now do it again, the RIGHT way!

* Lobito, this is what steve used to do to me...."Pick a number, any number,ok, you sure you want 5? ok, do 55 laps with out stirrups, then you can go."

* c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, go, go go go

* you pick up the wrong lead and blow this flat class then you get to do 100 laps around the big field with out your stirrups when we get home! whispered from the side of the arena, hey, i picked up the right one!

* thumbs up, heels down, thumbs up, heels down

relocatedTXjumpr
Mar. 2, 2000, 01:43 AM
i forgot one, i would have to say my all time favorite...
* well, he went ahead and jumped it, why didnt you?!

Philly
Mar. 2, 2000, 08:34 AM
My husband's/trainer's favorite saying:
"FIX IT GOING FORWARD!!"

and whe he want someone to sit up and stop bouncing:
"You look like a monkey F-ing a football!"

Kick N go
Mar. 2, 2000, 09:05 AM
I hear this so often from my trainer.I decided to use it as my screen name.
KICK N GO..

STAY THERE ,WAIT,WAIT,WAIT.
MORE LEG,MORE LEG,LEG
Kick n go.

Mar. 2, 2000, 10:20 AM
Great thread Portia.

"Dolly's, come on girl show us your dolly's" (referring to Dolly Parton of course!)

"I don't care if his ears are pinned back, PASS AND KEEP MOVING" (of course I leased the only horse who thinks all other horses are out to get him http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

and of course the classic stream:
"heels down, dolly's, relax your hands, thumbs up, post into your thighs, tip forward a little more, inside leg, outside hand, squeeze - KARIN, WHY DO YOU LOOK SOOO SERIOUS" (Oh my, I have to smile TOO?) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"That's beautiful, gorgeous, good girl" "OOPS YOU LOST IT, but it looked good for 4 strides, did you feel it?"

And the classic last night, in packed arena riders and spectators "Karin. you have sex don't you? - What's the problem with you older girls?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

FlyingCircus
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:21 AM
How 'bout:

"Win. No pressure." (Thanks, JT)
"Can we not canter backwards to the fence this time?"
"Close your fingers!"
"Shoulders away, shoulders away..."
"Wait, stay the same, wait, stay the same."
"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
"Look where you want to go and you might go there."
"Have you forgotten that you have legs?"
"I see the f***-up fairy has paid us another visit."
"Reach for your shirt collar." (Generally used when someone is sticking their chin up to the sky over a fence.)
"Stop leaping up the neck!"
"If you look at the ground again, you're going to be on the ground again."
"Bring me that horse NOW."
"It's only as hard as you make it."
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
"That was perfect. Let's quit on that."

MsRidiculous
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:27 AM
OH MY GOD!!! BECCAM, HE STILL DOES THAT!!! At the end of a lesson Steve will say "okay, pick a number" to about two or three people. Of course, they say stupid things like 1, 0, and 2. So 1 + 0 = 10 + 2 = 12, so 12 laps each way!

Some old habits just never die...

I forgot one, too. Everytime I fall off (I'm a notorious lean-at-the-jump-to-get-a-better-look-er) he says "sit up, sit up, sit up, look at the trees, the trees, the trees, don't fall, hang on, hang on, ah, what the hell... you might as well let go now, you're halfway there anyways" or he'll look away for one second, I'll fall, then he looks back at me, now lying on the ground, and goes "what the F**K did you do that for?"

Marimee
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:34 AM
Oh, this is a great thread!
Here are a few of mine from many trainers in the past...

"Do you love me?" - from an old mexican trainer that made me jump things that I didn't want to jump

"Jiggle, Jiggle left rein, Jiggle, Jiggle right rein" - to get a horse on the bit

"Look down, fall down"

"Good Job Jockey" - I love to hear that one

"Are you TRYING to fall of that horse?"

"BAD PONY!!!" as my pony gawked at the rolltop for the 4th time

"If that mare moves any slower, you'll be going backwards!"

Sammy
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:40 AM
* Before I go in the ring I make them tell me "You'll be fine"
* "If you pick up the wrong lead, find another way out of the ring"
* "Perhaps you should think about playing tennis instead"
* "Close your fingers" (how do they know?)
* "Why do you always do that?" (like I am trying to ruin THEIR day)
* "I said look for a distance, not lean for one"
* "Lets not use all the good ones up in the schooling area" (I only get so many good ones in a day)
* "If you start listening, I'll stop yelling"

Glasgow
Mar. 2, 2000, 11:21 AM
Great Thread Portia!
Here goes:

"Let's talk about that."

"Steeeer!"

"Pretend you're driving the Beltway -- you've just caused a 10 car pile up!"

"You've just killed 3 pedestrians!"

"Breathing is good."

"Why did he break?" (correct answer is ALWAYS; "because I let him.")

"Do not scare me like that."

"He is not a Thoroughbred and this is not Saratoga." (He's a Quarterhorse w/aspirations)

"I like that -- ooohhhh stylin'"

"Does that feel good?????"

and, my favorite: "you are my personal project" (meaning, "if you actually learn to ride people will worship me").

[This message has been edited by Glasgow (edited 03-02-2000).]

Jet
Mar. 2, 2000, 11:26 AM
This is a great thread! Some of my favorites are:

1) "If I had a dollar for every time you circle (in front of the fence when the distance wasn't perfect) I would be a rich woman."

2) "Must you gyrate in the turn?" (lead changes are not my forte)

3) "This is not a steeplechase!"

4) "That was a Hail Mary" (said when I would find a VERY long distance to a particularly large oxer)

5) "I hope you brought some carrots for that horse" (after she just saved your butt 100x)

6) "Spot on!" (said to me by a British instructor when I would get to the jump perfectly)

Lois
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:06 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Portia:

8. "Very well wagoned." (don't ask me -- she's English; best I can figure it means you did a good job getting around a difficult course)
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks for the explanation Portia! I used to ride with Andrea, and often watched Jo teaching. You have the gorgeous grey mare, right? I never understood what Jo said after "very well". It still doesn't make much sense to me, but more than it used to /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

AHC
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:37 PM
Although not advice, my trainer's comments about various and sundry explorers, Magellan, Columbus even Vasco de Gama when people go off course are always a great source of amusement.

Betsy Fox
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:43 PM
I will never forget a clinic I had in college with Jimmy Cantwell....

"Do you hold onto your boyfriend as tight as you hold on those reins? I feel sorry for the poor guy"

speedracer
Mar. 2, 2000, 12:59 PM
Both my TB mare and I have a tendency to go too fast in non-speed classes. Imagine what my trainer wants to really say when his very calm comments are:

"I guess I didn't see the liverpool in front of that, but you certainly did."

"Hmm, I could have sworn that was a two-stride, not one."

"Remember, go slowly--we're not here to set land speed records."

and most appropriately:

"Patience is a virtue!"

By the way, I have the same trainer as TBLover, and I think we'd both agree--he is always supportive, even when you've made a mistake. The best is that he picks comments that he knows will work for each of us, so what works for me doesn't necessarily get put into the vernacular for others.

[This message has been edited by speedracer (edited 03-02-2000).]

Flash44
Mar. 2, 2000, 01:14 PM
Most of my favorite sayings were uttered by one or more Boniface's while I worked at Bonita Farm.

"They're horses, not tigers!"

"you can ride just as fast as he can run"

"you scared?"

"is she (the rider) dead?"

We mucked out from 6-7, trained from 7-11, lunch from 11-12 and groomed form 12-2. WE got off at 2. Often we would be running really behind and everyone would be shouting at us to move move move. Shorty, the oldest hand on the farm, never hurried a bit because, "2 o'clock comes at the same time every day."

holiday
Mar. 2, 2000, 01:15 PM
An all time stand out..." open your body !"The first time we heard this in the schooling ring at Devon in the late 60's we all looked around nervously, concerned that we might have been evesdropping on a personal conversation!

Skipper
Mar. 2, 2000, 02:01 PM
* left in the rumble seat (from visiting British pony club A)
*EYES
*get him in front of your leg
*forward, forward, forward
*open your shoulders

Regalmeans
Mar. 2, 2000, 02:07 PM
One of my fav comments, (said by my friend who was watching my ride my division in season finals - I had just won the first class and was now 3 points ahead of my biggest rival to win the seasonal awards) "Good job. you're up by 3 points - not forget that and keep riding to win" then as I ride off all of my friends shouted "NO PRESSURE" in unision.

And another great one

"I'd love to know who told your horse he was a
quarter horse, could he teach my horse that?"

"Would you PLEASE remind him he's a thoroughbred and that his nose doesn't belong on th ground!?!?!"(when my TB gets *TO* long and
low*)

and of course the latest and greatest

"If you don't sit up and trust that horse I'll break your arm. And then you recover I get to ride your horse and win ribbons and you can ride my horse and get bucked off"

(to explain - my trainer broke her wrist on her very bratty horse and is always threatening to make me ride him - and saying how she'd clean up on my much quieter horse)

"Why did he (insert fault here, refuse, break, whatever)???"

The right answer is 'B/c I screwed up (explain why).' Wrong is "B/c he felt like it.'

RZ
Mar. 2, 2000, 02:09 PM
Here's a few worth noting from various trainers:

"Dolly Parton position please" (stop hunching)

"You get NO free strides with that horse!" (gotta work your *ss off every stride)

"Let's see, do we have to amputate?" (whenever I ask my trainer to please come look at the bump/cut/bite (pick one) on my horse's leg)

"That was anemic" (re a jump, of course)

"So, how's Cyclone?" How a certain trainer refers to my stallion, who happens to be exTREMEly mild mannered, at all times.

AHC
Mar. 2, 2000, 02:51 PM
I have the same trainer as TBLover and speedracer, and he is truly gifted. He's also the master of both the unspoken word and the understatement. Many of his adult customers suffer from the being too nice to our horses syndrome, and he tries to get around that with a sense of humor...

This is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship.

For the one hour a day she works, you are the boss... you can pet her the other 23 hours.

After your horse has galloped for 15 minutes doing her best porpoise imitation and he's peeling you off the ceiling, he calmy mumbles, I guess she's feeling a little fresh today?

When you're doing things right, he says very little, which was disconcerting at first, since I came from a very talkative trainer, but now there's a kind of security that comes with his silence, and from his hypnotic calmness.

And with apologies to all, remember, he says this, not me... Having a blonde day, are we?

FOXYANDME
Mar. 2, 2000, 02:53 PM
Great thread! I've been laughing OUT LOUD while reading all of your comments. I feel I'm in such good company /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Sparkles - love the one "stop crying"!!!!

The comments that resound in my head are not unlike many of yours...

Ride the rhythm...ride the rhythm...
sometimes becomes: Ride the pony...ride the pony...
Keep it...keep it...keep it...
Inside shoulder back...
Look through the turn...
Remember your "Victoria's Secret" (used for equitating on the flat and very useful in front of a male judge /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif)
Circle and come again (like I don't know she's raising that oxer another 3" while my back is turned!)

One all-time favorite: I was about to enter the ring for my second phase of a classic. I was last because I had the highest score the first round. I knew everyone was watching me (some probably hoping I would screw up!) I told my trainer I felt really ill - couldn't stand the pressure of numerical scoring. She stopped giving instructions and said, "Jan - go have FUN"
We did and took home $$ and a trophy /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


[This message has been edited by FOXYANDME (edited 03-02-2000).]

[This message has been edited by FOXYANDME (edited 03-02-2000).]

brilyntrip
Mar. 2, 2000, 03:03 PM
Portia!!! I have never laughed so hard in my life and the glen mMoody one I can hear him saying that !!!
Now herearemy fav sayings as heard by my students...They will comment on the list I am sure....
1 your base is like a tree with its roots.If therootsare weak thewn the tree tips over!!!
2Look past it
3count 1-2-1-2-1-
4 If it wereeasy it wouldnt be fun!!!
5One Two buckle my shoe,three four close the door(said to little kids on way to jump)
squeeze his guts out!!!

AMom
Mar. 2, 2000, 03:33 PM
This thread is too funny!

My trainer is very low key--prefers to call us over to her at shows to talk rather than compete with the other trainers for volume.

There are two girls who ride with us, however, who make up for it by commenting as they are approaching their warm-up jumps.

One is infamous for yelling out at the last stride when she's really missed "I don't see anything!" To which my trainer replies, "Obviously"

The other will do about the same thing, but says "Sorry!" as she kicks off the ground to which the reply is "We both accept, but please don't do that again!"

Hoofer
Mar. 2, 2000, 03:59 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by FlyingCircus:
[B]How 'bout:

"Win. No pressure." (Thanks, JT)

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."


Flying Circus: Did you ride with JT Tallon? You quotes sound familiar. My favorite was always: "It's a good thing that horse is a lot smarter than you or you'd both be in trouble"

JumperEq
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:10 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Philly:

and whe he want someone to sit up and stop bouncing:
"You look like a monkey F-ing a football!"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL! My old trainer makes me sit up by telling me that whenever this guy rides by with his ever-so-horrid eq. Ewww....bad mental picture...

PepTalk
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:16 PM
Hi! GREAT idea Portia!!! Just what I need to make me laugh today! OK, here are a couple of GOOD one's that my trainer has said!

"OK, let's try that ONE more time!" ( after about 3 ONE more times)! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"Give that horse a PAT! ( meaning he just saved my butt again!)

"Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! (as in, keep doing the same jump over and over again)!

"Didn't I tell you to canter? WELL, start cantering!" (as in, stop watching everybody else and get a move on!) /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"When I say half halt, I MEAN HALF HALT!!!(slow him down b/c you are not going to get the distance right if you keep letting him speed toward the jump!)

"Right Leg, Right Leg, Right Leg! OR Left Leg, Left Leg, Left Leg! ( when my horse is trying to duck to the right or left away from a jump when he thinks he can get away with it, which is pretty often!)"

OK, that's all I can think of right now! But, I'll post more tomrrow! I am going to my lesson tonight and I'll give you an update! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Thanks! Again Portia, GREAT thread! What a hoot!

Liza
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:22 PM
I hear this about everytime I have a lesson:

Trainer:"How many did you get down that line?"
Me:"Ummmmmmmmmmm?"
T:"Did you count?"
Me:"Yea"
T:"Then how many"
Me:"Four"
T:"Are you sure about that?"
Me:"Five"
T:"Is that your final answer?"
Me:"Yea"
T:"Well lets see here I counted 6 you said 5 now go do it again and this time count!!"
Me:"Ok"
T: "Don't say ok cause I know you have no idea what to do to get the 4 I wanted, get off and let me show you how its done"

mac_legs
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:36 PM
Great topic!!!
My coach, Rose, has way too many sayings to count... Here's a few:

She calls us her "goslings" (her nickname is "Mother Goose")

She used to call my very spooky Appy "a mad gelding in a tutu!!!" which was really great to relieve tension...

she sometimes describes the canter to older beginers (mostly teenagers) by saying "pretend you're having sex!"

And from her coach, Joe, who is very German:

"YA, YA, YA, YA!!!" if you're doing something right.

"Marching! Marching!" if you're walking too slow.

FlyingCircus
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:47 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PaintPony:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by FlyingCircus:
[B]How 'bout:

"Win. No pressure." (Thanks, JT)

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."


Flying Circus: Did you ride with JT Tallon? You quotes sound familiar. My favorite was always: "It's a good thing that horse is a lot smarter than you or you'd both be in trouble"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Oh, yes, I rode with JT Tallon (aka the Mustache). I hear him in my head EVERY time I ride. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not. When did you ride with him?

chief
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:50 PM
My trainer rarely yells, and is incredibly motivating, but loves to share her words of wisdom:

"Chin... butt." (We actually have to say this out loud over a jump, reminding us to lift our chins and get our butts out of the saddle.)

"Do it or die trying!"

"Remember the 4 P's... Pace, Path, Pockage (frame) and Position."

"I loooove that distance!" (What we're supposed to say to ourselves when we find the bad one so we don't make faces.)

"Fingers" (To remind us to keep our fingers closed and keep the frame in upward transitions)

"Whoever has the deepest heel wins a free lesson!" (My favorite!)

"You shouldn't have to work that hard!" (Change your bit, get spurs, etc. so that you don't spend the whole lesson miserable.)

"Well that was an expensive rail. wasn't it?" (after pulling one rail in a classic jump-off)

And something we hear in almost every lesson:

"What are the three things you should do each and every day you ride... ride with a bridged rein in one hand, Post at the canter, and ride a bending line. You all do this, right?" (We all look sheepishly at our horse's mane.) "Okay, so let's go out and bridge in the right hand..." (we end up doing all three, of course).

Coreene
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:50 PM
endlessly from my old dressage trainer (in same rythym - yes, i can't spell it either - as my trot):

HALFhaltHALFhalfHALFhaltHALFhaltHALFhalt

at which point the horse stopped and refused to move forwards

Lionheart
Mar. 2, 2000, 04:55 PM
I'm sitting at my desk at work cackling with tears running down my face from laughing so hard. My co-workers dont understand when i read these to them. Oh well...

You look like a 90 year old camel jockey! (said to me by Dan Jayne when i was about 12 and still wanted to be a jockey but was taking h/j lessons)

You look like John Wayne (Said by Dan Jayne to friend who was taking h/j lessons because she was afraid i wouldnt want a western friend)

THAT'S IT GIRL! (Said by a very excited polish event trainer who calls everyone girl when he gets excited)

Pretend that you have those little tassles on your nipples. I want to see both of them as you do your 20m circle around me! (said by my dressage trainer to bring my outside shoulder into the bend of the 20m circle)

Stop making those kissing noises in your horse's ears. Doesnt your husband get jealous that you're always kissing the horse? (Said by Michael O. Paige at several clinics when i would make kissing noises at take off. he even had my husband answer him and everyone else listening thru the clip on microphone he was wearing.)

That was an absolute TRAIN WRECK! (said by my hunter/jumper trainer when i get left behind)

Let's Play a Game... (said by my h/j trainer in my lessons when she wants to hike up or take down fences depending on if i release or not)

Let's just try something... (said by my h/j trainer when she's got a new idea to try on my overly smart, high strung tb.)

Please use the entire ring. Why must you cut those corners? You've just won the imaginary speed round. (said by my h/j trainer as we whip around the course in our lesson.)

Great stories guys! I should print these off to put in my barns newsletter because they are so funny! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Skipper
Mar. 2, 2000, 05:05 PM
Chief, slightly off the subject but what is the purpose of posting to the canter? I always thought that was a no,no.....???

Liza- I think your trainer has been watching Regis and "who wants to be a millionaire" too much but hearing "is that your final answer" would make me laugh.

Hoofer
Mar. 2, 2000, 05:21 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FlyingCircus:

Oh, yes, I rode with JT Tallon (aka the Mustache). I hear him in my head EVERY time I ride. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not. When did you ride with him?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I rode with him at R-MWC about four years ago. I definitely will never forget his sayings.(I doubt any of us ever will!) When did you ride with him? Email me if you want!

FlyingCircus
Mar. 2, 2000, 05:56 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PaintPony:
I rode with him at R-MWC about four years ago. I definitely will never forget his sayings.(I doubt any of us ever will!) When did you ride with him? Email me if you want!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I rode with him at Macon then too...Can't email you - your address isn't posted, but mine is, so email me so we can remember the times without boring everyone else!

Mustang Sally
Mar. 2, 2000, 06:06 PM
Hi there! It's funny...I can almost hear my coach yelling to SIT UP! SIT UP! SIT UP! LEG! LEG! LEG!...guess most of our coaches are cut from the same cloth...

A unique saying from my coach, hollered across the warm-up arena just prior to cross-country (I event as well as h/j) is "HAIR STRAIGHT BACK!" which, of course, is supposed to make me feel brave and go like stink. I still think it every time I head out on course.

Betsy Fox
Mar. 2, 2000, 06:07 PM
Hey R-MWC grads....email me!!! I'm much older - a 1989 graduate when Claire Cox was the riding instructor, but would still love to chat with you about R-MWC, H-SC, etc.... I was a greyfel member too!

Mar. 2, 2000, 06:15 PM
My dear former trainer had a handful of "isms" that he used regularly:

1. Sit on his face! (so you don't get left behind over the fence AGAIN)

2. You run me over, you buy me dinner. (my green horse and I had steering... difficulty)

3. He has a great sense of humor. (that distance you found was a joke)

4. Over, under, or through- never around. (teaching the green horse all about jumps)

5. IAN is telling you to put your heels down and close your fingers. (Ian was his dog. By this point in the lesson, even the dog knew what you should be doing, so why didn't you?)

6. Keep going keep going keep going! Always keep going! (my horse is lazy and likes to stop after every task he performs)

Mar. 2, 2000, 06:25 PM
I forgot one:

[Keep him moving] Long, low, and forward so he can trip on all the rocks and roots.

This became an ism when my trainer finally grew tired of trying to explain why show hunters should move this way when out in a field during a real "hunt" they would trip non-stop on rocks, roots, branches, etc.

Jaysee
Mar. 2, 2000, 06:47 PM
Oh where is Timmy Kees when ya need him??

I think he needs to do a guest appearance here!

PepTalk
Mar. 2, 2000, 06:51 PM
Hi! This was a GREAT idea, Portia! Some of my favorite things that my trainer has said includes.....

1) "Didn't I say canter? WELL, than do it! (as in, stop looking at everybody and get a move on!)

2) "When I say half halt, I MEAN HALF HALT!" ( as in, you are going waaayyyy too fast towards that jump and if you speed up, you are going miss the distance completely so slow him down already!) /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

3) " Give that horse a PAT" (as in, he just saved your a** for the thousands time over that 3' vertial)! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

4) " Get him to do the lead change!"

5) " Right Leg, Right Leg, Right Leg and rein OR Left Leg, Left Leg, Left Leg and rein." ( as in, my horse wants to duck out to the right or left from a jump because he knows he can get away from it and usually does!)

6) " Keep going, Keep going, Keep going!" (as in, DON'T STOP, or TROT keep going!)


That's all I know right now! I am going for my weekly lesson tonight and
I'll post some others tomrrow! Once again, THANK YOU Portia! You made my day! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Portia
Mar. 2, 2000, 07:07 PM
Some more from mine:

"Keep coming keep coming keep coming!"

"That was the right decision. Who made it, you or the horse?"

"Did you count?" [your rhythm, stride]

"Don't let him do that. Why do you let him do that? He doesn't do that with me." [The downside of having your horse in training]

"Just knock that on it's head right now." [English for put a stop to some new horsey behavior before it becomes a problem]

Me: "My fault!"
Her: "Yes it was. Now apologize to him and fix it."

"Every time you do it wrong, you have to do it right twice before he'll trust you again."

"Ohhhh, I hate you!" [said only to those who have been with her for years when they mess up a jump that was on its way to being really nice]

"Good pony." [often said to 16.3 warmbloods]

BostonBanker
Mar. 2, 2000, 08:25 PM
Well, most of my riding issues involve riding lazy horses and being a very non aggressive rider, so some favorites are...

-"Tell him 'get your butt in gear you big orange horse'"

-"Who's working harder, you or him?"

-"Don't be afraid to use the whip"

-"Reach behind your leg and HIT HIM!"

-"Whisper with your leg, and if he doesn't respond, KILL HIM!

-"You need to learn to listen to that little red devil on your shoulder"

-"Reach deep inside and find the b***h within!"

Other favorites:

-"Oh, he has happy feet today"

-"Look, he's snorty!" (okay, my horse has been a bit fresh this week!)

-"What is your left arm doing?" (an excellent question, but you'll have to ask him - we don't communicate anymore!)

The one that changed my entire perspective on riding:

-(to paraphrase) Having your heel down means nothing - I want to see weight in your lower leg!

And, that word I live to hear in any context:
-"Lovely"

buryinghill2
Mar. 2, 2000, 09:41 PM
Jaysee-
You are so right about Timmy Kees! We used to joke that we were going to publish a book of the funny things he said. Two of my personal favorites, for a spooky one, "This horse is divorced of brains."
For a really strong one, "That horse could pull Jesus off the cross!" I'll remember more with time.

BigEqRls
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:20 PM
Hey- I've got quite a few
But here are the ones I hear all the time

1) GALLOP
2) Your horse has a HUGE stride, GALLOP
3) The spot was RIGHT there, ( real good for me I DIDN"T SEE IT)- This was also stated at the last OSF as we watched my lovely fall in the Maclay as it was played back in slow motion several times by the video guy, complete with me looking for the buttons that I ripped off my coat in 3 bales of hay.
4) LET GO OF HIS FACE AND GALLOP
5) One more time and you can rest ( really like 20)
6) It's ONLY like 3'9 ( to the 4' fence)
7) If you add I'll Kill you, I HATE that
8) Do you have your spurs. Hmmmm??
9) Take you stirrups off your saddle
10) Me- Can I stop for a sec
Trainer- NO
Me- Can you put it down a little?
Trainer- NO
11) You have to go in there and Want it, Get it DONE
12) There is no 1/2 way in the medal/maclay
Right
Anymore I'll send them in
oh- I'm British and so are the rents. So far you got the meanings right
:razz:
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

brilyntrip
Mar. 2, 2000, 10:23 PM
ok I have to pst again and after a day of teaching i am laughing again I LOVE THIS PORTIa!!!love the timmys DIVORCED of BRAINS LOL!!! and pull jesus off the cross just great.

Darden
Mar. 3, 2000, 12:11 AM
1) "Well, I liked parts of your course. Great job!" --said to any and all novice intercollegiate riders their first semester showing over jumps
2) "You thought about it and you made a decision, it was just wrong."
3) "Getting tired?" (after the college kids canter 10 times around the ring without stirrups) "Need a break? Okay go down to the trot and get into a half seat." (ya, that's without stirrups).
4) "Strip! Strip now!" After this coach figured out that students would stop their without-stirrup work to take a break and take off a layer of clothes. One student would wear a jacket, 2 sweatshirts, a turtleneck, and 2 shirts for a total of 4 breaks.

[This message has been edited by Darden (edited 03-02-2000).]

Portia
Mar. 3, 2000, 12:22 AM
Lois -- you used to be at Tex-Over with Andrea? Are you the Lois who used to be there, or is that a screen name? Where are you now? Yes, I'm the one who owns the grey Porkers, and Lucien, the darling chestnut Trakehner. BTW, Andrea is very happy working for Peter -- she just got back from helping him at Indio for the last several weeks.

Thought of one more, but it applies only to my Lucien: "Good, now the ears have gone." [when we're doing flat work and he really goes to work and relaxes, his ears fall to the side and start flopping around in a pretty good donkey impression.]

veritas
Mar. 3, 2000, 01:24 AM
Ah, the wisdom of trainers!
Here are a few of the exclamations I hear:

F-f-f-f-fingers! (I have a habit of letting the reins go.)

Wow. You guys were in different time zones (over a particularly bad fence).

Do you have noodles between your ears?

Faster. (I come again faster.)
Slower. (I come slower.)
Now find a happy medium.

Are you lost? (I had to catch ride my friend's jumper, since I normally do hunters, I was momentarily lost on course).

Just My Style
Mar. 3, 2000, 04:54 AM
Because of my ducking habit:

"You look like Quasimodo" (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

"Stick out what you don't have."

JRG
Mar. 3, 2000, 09:18 AM
These are all really great, and quite alot of them I have heard over the years. I was laughing so hard my husband couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I have a couple too.

I got the nickname, for the vast difference in personalities of my horses,

Who do we have with us today CYBIL?

Now that your horse realizes he has four legs, howabout you realize you have two?

Don't take the scenic route!

Today!

After jumping way to the right,
Don't let that standard get in your way.

Too much, Too much. and of course after that jump, That was a bounce NOT an oxer.

AHC
Mar. 3, 2000, 09:29 AM
On the way to work in the morning I thought of a couple more

When left behind in dramatic fashion... Your horse is in New York, too bad you're in Cleveland.

And my favorites from the trainer who is such a natural rider he can't even comprehend how tough it is for the rest of us sometimes...
simple, easy. If it were simple and easy, I could do it without him!!!!!

A/O Hunter Rider
Mar. 3, 2000, 10:02 AM
Oh, this is such a great topic!! I have had the opportunity to train with some great trainers over the years and here are a few common things they would always tell me -

1) "Eyes up, heels down, thumbs up, shoulders back" - and this was about 20 times in one lesson!

2) "Sit up there and do nothing" - I tend to get a little excited if things are going really good.

3) "Inside leg, outside rein, inside leg, outside rein" - you get the picture.

4) "Use what God gave you - chest up, shoulders back" - From the rail, in the eq. u/s.

5) The best one was, when my trainer was trying to describe the best way to work on sitting trot - He told me I should stand in front of the mirror NAKED, and practice the hips movements and visualize being on my horse. I could not keep a straight face when he was telling me this /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

6) "You are alright, relax, you're there, just keep the flow" - A common phrase when approaching a fence.

7) "Miss. Picky" - I have developed this nickname, because I am such a perfectionist!

8) "Whoa!" - who hasn't had that one.

9) "Lets talk about that course!" - when I come out of the ring.

10) "So, tell me what you thought about that jump" - always said when the fence was less then perfect.

Well those are just a few of my favorites, thought I would share them with you! Thanks for starting this topic Portia /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

smi
Mar. 3, 2000, 10:02 AM
Many many yars ago. Very snall child(me) on very large old schoolhorse(Dondi).

Kick Him Until He GOES!
(sound of small legs flapping away, and then plopping sound emanating from rear of horse)

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!

brilyntrip
Mar. 3, 2000, 10:20 AM
Oh god I am dying again!!! to SMI on the last page....I love it ......Kick him until he goes ....THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN>>> i was laughing so hard ( still chuckling) and told my husband why ..He said OH...GUESS you had to be there????this is the best thing on the whole BB

Glasgow
Mar. 3, 2000, 10:34 AM
A few more occurred to me overnight:

While on the lunge: "Close your eyes. Now do you see what I mean?"

"This is the front end and this is the back end."

"Have you been killed lately?"

lisa
Mar. 3, 2000, 02:02 PM
What a fun thread!!

Here are a few:

"When the eyes drop, the aids stop."
"KU" (Knockers up)
"Think, ask, tell, demand."
"Let it (the fence) come to you."
"Make a decision."

OlmosHeaven
Mar. 3, 2000, 02:03 PM
My favorite: "Now, was that so hard?"

And my unspoken reply: "If it was so easy you'd be out of a job."

JAGold
Mar. 3, 2000, 02:30 PM
I rode in a clinic in January with Jimmy Wofford. As a general rule, event horses, January winds, and crowds are not a very good combination...Jimmy prescribed "Dr. Shoulder-In" for all of our hot horses as they landed bucking off his gymnastic excercise.

The other one I love is that halmark of all beginner lessons: "up, down, up, down..." We actually used to refer to lessons that way, as in, "Please tack up Manny for the up-down lesson at 2." My trainer claimed to need a continuous loop recording of the phrase, on the grounds that it would save his voice /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

The trainer I'm riding with out here in California insists on a funny little thing...submission. Sometimes, as she screams "bend in, get round, bend in, get round, ROUND, ROUNDER, THAT'S NOT ROUND ENOUGH..." I don't know whether she's talking to me or the mare...but when she says lets out a horrified breath and says "Good save!" it's usually directed at the horse...

Jess

Mac
Mar. 3, 2000, 02:41 PM
This is a fun thread!

*Stick out those boobs, they are BIG ENOUGH!(from my slouching days, always said in front of watching people!)

*Don't jump until he does or you will be jumping without him!

*Take your stirrups off your saddle, you won't need them this HOUR!!

So many more but I can't think of them right now /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

JB
Mar. 3, 2000, 03:30 PM
My instructor-friend told this one to me last night. She got this one from a 6 year old student who's from England, where she has already taken lessons. Now, you have to say this in a 6-year old's British accent:

Don't slouch like a banana, sit up straight as a pin!

chief
Mar. 3, 2000, 05:06 PM
CFS - Posting at the canter is supposed to help you maintain the rhythm of the canter, not speed up, not slow down. It's not the easiest thing to do either! I think it's not something hunter riders practice much- I never did until I moved into a mostly jumper barn. My trainer encourages us to practice it a lot, and often makes us canter to the jumps posting at the canter to teach us to not change our pace three strides from the fence. It's very effective- and it also teaches you to remain centered and balanced.

Portia- off the subject a bit, but I notice that you have Trakehners? I just started leasing one (jumper) and boy, do they have a rambunctious personality or what? I figure if I can channel mine's correctly, we could have a great year in the jumpers. Any advice on dealing with the breed?

[This message has been edited by chief (edited 03-03-2000).]

Lois
Mar. 3, 2000, 07:19 PM
Another one from an instructor from England. This in a group dressage lesson, when one of the school horses bolted, then absolutely refused to drop out of his canter, no matter what the rider did:

"Gob him, Gob him. Put his chin on his chest."

No, it wasn't me riding. It was a guy who rode quite well, but this horse had a mind of his own http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/eek.gif

Later, as we were going over questions we students had thought up during the class, the other student asked if "gobbing" was a new maneuver in the revised Dressage Test. We then postulated how it would be incorporated, and came up with the following:

Enter at A at dead run. Gob to halt at X. Keep Gobbing, don't stop. Gob Gob Gob! You're going to have to do a better Gob if you're going to get a halt, go around again, better, now gob chin to chest, gob and......halt.

Clive's Mom
Mar. 3, 2000, 09:26 PM
My favorite - one that always rings in my head - comes from Mike Rowe:

"Praise Him! He's been good."

(always reminding me to let my horse know when he's behaving as well as when he isn't)

Nicole
Mar. 3, 2000, 11:25 PM
This cracks me up! I swear some of these trainers have to be related to mine!
My trainer for years has told students to "carry your hand." Eveyone uses their own judgement on interpreting this one!

MsHunter
Mar. 4, 2000, 08:13 AM
To a student that goes off course:

Now, that was beautiful trip, maybe next time we could actually find the "right" 8 jumps? or are you practicing course designing 101 now?

Dolce Vita
Mar. 4, 2000, 09:20 PM
Heels Down!

Ok, 2-Point again

Leg Back!

The pony saved your butt!

Hands Up

Quit playing the Piano

oliverponyhntr
Mar. 4, 2000, 09:55 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Portia:
The "Best Advice" thread reminded me of this one, an idea I'm steal, er, borrowing from Lobito (Tex) who did it on the E-search board a while back and it was quite successful. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Anyways --

What are your favorite sayings from your trainers over the years? Those phrases that either ring in your head while you're riding even when that trainer is no where around, or that were so unique they'll stay with you forever?

To start off, here are a few from my mine:

1. LEG!

2. ELBOWS!!!!!

3. BREATHE! (i tend not to breathe)

4. "Think!"

5. HE'S SUCH A GOD! *HUG* YOUR SO GOOD OLIVER! (MY PONY)

6. I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU!

7. I'LL STAY HERE UNTIL YOU CANTER!

8. B-B-B-BOBBY BOUCHEY

8. IT'L BE ALRIGHT JUST GO

10. DONT BE SCARED HE HAS NO WHERE TO GO!

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Rocky Pony Rider
Mar. 4, 2000, 11:18 PM
here are a few of my favorites:

1) "what were you thinking?"
2) "that horse was not like that when you got him"
3) "give the mare to me"
4) "explain"
5) "if you don't know why you did it DON'T DO IT"
6) "next time you do that you are back in the barn"
7) "MOLLY!!"
8) "better"
9) "let's see if you can't do that again"
10) "good"
11) "don't yell at your mother!"
12) "just because emily does it doesn't mean you can do it"
13) "if that horse stops..."
my trainer is so cool /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

davidgud - equestrian jihad
Mar. 5, 2000, 06:52 AM
Don't bother bringing your stirrups to your next lesson . . .

Regalmeans
Mar. 5, 2000, 11:05 AM
/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I can relate to that one...

my trainer once locked my friends stirrups in her truck... and since she drives in to teach there once a week or so when she left they were stirrupless for a week as she *forgot* to return them the next time she was there.

and let's not even mention all the times she threatens to take your saddle away!

rascal
Mar. 5, 2000, 12:06 PM
Some of my favorites:

"Let's do that again, just to make sure it wasn't Christmas..."

"That was a 'munch'" ..(referring to a small distance to the front of a line)

"Stay on!" (when I lose my position over a particularly powerful jump)

"Ok, now is your chance to redeem yourself.."
(on my second course, or final classic round)

"You need to let the HORSE jump the fence.."

"RHYTHM!!"

"Get out of here, you're done." /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Duffy
Mar. 5, 2000, 01:31 PM
A few more . . .

"Don't Give Up!" (as spectators you know are offering you oxygen from the sidelines during an especially exhausting equitation flat portion w/o stirrups)

"I'm so proud of you - You actually concentrated for three classes - not just one! Good Girl!"

[This message has been edited by Duffy (edited 03-06-2000).]

Flash44
Mar. 5, 2000, 08:07 PM
VERY funny SMI.

Chief, my new trainer is having me post at the canter since my horse shortens his stride and goes up and down when he gets nervous. Or else makes a little dash at the jump about 1 1/2 strides away. I can still feel the horse thinking about doing these things, but I am able to keep him even without really doing a whole lot with my hands or legs. It's wierd, but effective.

maybelline
Mar. 5, 2000, 09:22 PM
these make me laugh!

"stop riding like a girl!!" (i am a girl)

"that was choclatey" (after i chip a fence)

"put your ass in the saddle" (we once heard a trainer telling that to a tiny little kid so now it seems pretty funny when we hear it)

"make sure you carry a whipper" (crop)

"make him cross his legs" (meaning leg yeild)

"smash his legs in to the jump" (give him a rub)

"you owe me a batch brownies" (if i fall off i have to bake brownies)

can't think of any more funny ones right now.

[This message has been edited by maybelline (edited 03-05-2000).]

Bethe Mounce
Mar. 5, 2000, 09:23 PM
Here's another one:

He's dialing your phone # and there "tain't" no one home! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Policy of Truth
Mar. 6, 2000, 12:16 AM
Ok, Here goes!...this is from both my trainers..a team!
1) You wanna' try that the RIGHT way this time?!
2) I don't care if you cry big 'ole crocadile tears! You're NOT getting your stirrups back!
3) sit deep and relax...relax....relax...RELAX!!
4) What was THAT??!!!
5) Let's see...how can I explain this in "Shaye terms"...?
6) keep your eyes up, shoulders out, chest out, heels down, and RELAX into the jump!
7) Tell me what you think you did wrong.
8) and what can you do to correct it?
9) Patience...
10) and of course my favorite..That was BEAUTIFUL!
I guess if we could all remember what each trainer has said, we'd all be olympic hopefulls! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Glasgow
Mar. 6, 2000, 01:45 PM
Uttered just last night:

"one more and you can be done" followed by "one more time and you are done" followed by "just once more like that and you are done" followed by "let me see it once more" followed by "this time I mean it, one more time and you're done" . . . you get the picture.

I was done like a turkey.

Nylar
Mar. 6, 2000, 03:52 PM
Very funny stuff. Makes me realize how many great things my trainers have said to me that I can't remember anymore. Some of the ones I can though (both to me and other riders)

"This one's the reason I have grey hair"

"Just pretend you have a chest!"

"Get your heels down!"

"Did you eat something today?"

"Go faster!"

"Don't let him second-guess you!"

"Did you all remember to screw your brains in?"

"The wall is your friend!"

"That's the Arab in him."

"Don't worry about it so much. He'll go over everything."

"Guess we need to practice brush fences." (after a particularly bad show)

I'm sure there are more, I'll have to remember what my trainer says the next time I ride.

bayrider
Mar. 6, 2000, 06:25 PM
My favorite when you are going too fast to the fence: "You were chasing down that fence like it had wheels."

lillian
Mar. 6, 2000, 08:21 PM
Excuse me, but are you having a "blond" moment?

Timex6979
Mar. 6, 2000, 08:39 PM
ok, here are some from my old trainer. now, you have to BARK, not say these, out loud in a thick german accent, like some old nazi army general:

LEG!!! I SAID LEG!!!

SEAT!!! NOW!!!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! WERE YOU THINKING?!?!

WHAT THE HE** DO YOU CALL THAT, RIDING?!?!?

WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN TO USE YOUR LEG?!?!

of course, followed closely by

WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN TO USE YOU SEAT?!?!?

and of course, after throwing 20 things at me, all of which must be done at once:

BREATHE!!!!

LOL, he was the best trainer i've ever had, as hard as he was on me, but he did it because he knew i could handle it and it would make me a better rider. too bad he died /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif he taught me sooo much! even now, 2 years later, i can still hear him, "leg, seat, hand, BREATHE!" breathing, now that is something i have a problem with. he would have to stop me about every 5 minutes and make me breathe so i wouldn't pass out and fall off, becaus ei was concentrating so hard on everything else. now, if i could have passed out and still stayed on, there would have been no problem, LOL

horse_jumper
Mar. 6, 2000, 10:58 PM
"You're Killen me!"
"Why don't you just throw durt on me now!"
"Sit up!"
"Looks like we need to work on no sturrups!"
"Horses have very small brains"

Sandy M
Mar. 8, 2000, 03:15 PM
Eventing trainer: Good. Do it again. Let's see whether it was talent or luck!

Dressage trainer:

On seeing a too abrupt halt: This is dressage, not reining.

From a friend who has ridden to GP in dressage: Speed kills. (This one could probably apply to hunters, too)

Jen
Mar. 8, 2000, 10:59 PM
OMG! Some of these are so funny! My trainer can always be counted on for a laugh, the two of us always come home with some stories from wherever we go.

Some 'famous ones':

1. Wiggle your butt! (when I rode stiffly)
2. You can do it in 5 or 6 strides- NO! WAIT! You'll die if you do it in 5, I meant 6 or 7, not 5.
3. "AAAAHHHYYUUP!" (this ungodly yell she did when I was in the process of stopping in front of a fence in a j/o- horse jumped when he heard her, we won the class)
4. "What will we NOT do today?" (answer, more often than not, is chip. on particularly bad days, the answer is die)
5. 'We've got childrens (this day) or (that day)' 'Adult, Kath, adult' 'What?' 'Adult Kath, important point- can't do childrens' 'You're an adult?' 'Yes, we've discussed this before' 'Really...' 'Oh give me the prize list, I'll do the entry form'
6. "HUH?"
7. (me to Kath as she tried to give me a leg up)- Horse walking... horse WALKING!
8. (me, to some guy at a show in response to his question about whether I was a child or adult jumper) "Yeah, I'm adult, turned 18 on Nov 20..." and Kath, piping up from the peanut gallery, says "AND SHE'S AVAILABLE TOO!"
9. There's always the infamous things she said to my mother about my house sitting- not quite board appropriate though = ) A truly priceless story.

There's plenty more, we ALWAYS have bizarre stories, and some *special* quotes from all of them. Hey, the point of the game is fun, and we have plenty of it.

always,
Jen

kNd
Mar. 9, 2000, 12:44 AM
hahaha this thread is funny, here are a few that my trainers say:

"Remember to BREATHE!!!!!"

"Headlights! Don't forget to use your headlights!"

"That was a wicked trip!"

"Right-o!"

And various others I shouldn't post <G> that involve several four letter words

stop4
Mar. 10, 2000, 08:55 AM
Jen, that sounds just like my trainer! I'd still be a younger childrens if she did the entrys. She puts younger adults in older adults.... it's become a joke now.

sprite
Mar. 10, 2000, 01:29 PM
LOL these are great...here's some more...

"FEEL the rhythm!!!" on the way to a fence
" WAIT for the fence!!" ditto
" The bend is your friend"
"save your moves for the dance floor"
"LOOK ELEGANT" hehe i tend to slouch a LITTLE

"dont lose those hindquarters!"

Gayle
Mar. 10, 2000, 03:06 PM
Some of my favorites:

I hope you are not too fond of your stirrups.
Are you a ballerina? (when I am on my toes)
Let's see that again. (because I can't believe I saw it the first time)
You guys are riding like Jerry's Kids. (to a group lesson where one is going in the wrong direction, two are on the wrong diagonal and one is at the wrong gait)
Welcome to camp (insert trainer's name) where the fun never stops.
You and the horse need AA. (attitude adjustment)
My all time favorites:

Just one more time and I will let you stop.
Let me see it again so we know it was skill and not luck.
Things are going great lets see the line again.
Just one more time and I will let you stop...

Banks
Mar. 10, 2000, 03:44 PM
this is WAY TOO FUNNY!! i love all these sayings!
i dont really have and funny sayings at the moment..its friday, my brain is fried-
the only thing that is coming to mind is
just SIT there!!!!!

Lionheart
Mar. 10, 2000, 04:59 PM
I told my h/j trainer i put her train Wreck comment on here and she was thouroughly embarrassed!

an old one for beginners...
Rise and Fall with the leg on the wall (teaching correct diagnal for posting)

Shoulders up, keep that shoulder up! (I hear this a lot speeding around the hunter course like a jumper in my lessons)

Scoutie
Mar. 10, 2000, 04:59 PM
Hey Portia! What's a "tranier"?
This thread should be required reading as prep for some sort of riding instructor certification test! And the answer to every question is:
"LEG, LEG, LEG!!!"
"Eyes up, heels down"
"thumbs up, fingers closed on the reins"
"sit up, shoulders back"
"Inside leg to outside rein"
"ride forward to the fence!"
That about covers it!
Maybe we should hire someone with an authoritarian sort of voice to make a tape recording of all this stuff to play at home when riding alone! Might be a best seller!
Problem is, somepeople might laugh so hard they fall off!
All the talk about posting to the canter makes me think of trying to learn how to post on my rocking horse when I was 4, and my sister, (the instructor) yelling,
"UUUUP, DOWWWN! UUUUP, DOWWWWN!"

Clarke County
Mar. 10, 2000, 05:07 PM
From VERY well known judge on the A circuit to trainer after student missed distance in a class BIG time: "What do you think she saw?" (happened years ago and I'm still laughing about that....!)

AMom
Mar. 10, 2000, 05:13 PM
One of my favorites is "Just sit there and let him look expensive!" --said by my trainer to an older amateur who tries to do too much.

Sue
Mar. 10, 2000, 05:24 PM
My two favorite are

"go, go, gallop, the indians are coming! GALLOP!"

and

"do nothing" usually said on the way to a fence....which always gets me -- I'm never sure if I'm doing nothing enough! http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

hoopoe
Mar. 10, 2000, 05:35 PM
All time favorite, cautious rider doing long gallop to fence, trainer says

"Don't evaluate the karma of that fence, just jump it."

Portia
Mar. 10, 2000, 07:22 PM
I know Scoutie - you can edit the messages to fix the typos, but not the titles!

hoopoe, I'm dyin' here -- that's so great!

I remembered one that someone posted here a while back - I wish I could remember who so I could give them credit, but I told it to my trainer and she loved it and now uses it. When describint how you're supposed to fold your hips when you're in two-point: "Crouch down like you have to go in a nasty porta-potty and you REALLY don't want to touch the seat."

It's such a great visual image, and it really works!

[This message has been edited by Portia (edited 03-10-2000).]

Scoutie
Mar. 10, 2000, 07:43 PM
/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I know, you know, Portia! I'm just in a silly mood at the end of the week! The way this bulletin board functions is pretty amazing, but where's the spell check?! I can't even figure out how to get the "smilies" legend to work! I was trying to type "big grin" when I was supposed to type "colon capital dee"! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

brilyntrip
Mar. 10, 2000, 09:38 PM
ok here I am again...love this its great!!!Another one...A trainer ( a mom)talking her very timid young(like 9 yr)daughter around short stirrup course" GO GO like the wind .....Feel the wind on your face!!!!"
another of my favorites sayings (said to stiff posed non effective riders)NO BARBIE RIDING HERE!!!
AND "straight get straight to the jumpthe distance will be there if you are straight!!!

Chentilly Express
Mar. 10, 2000, 10:40 PM
Here are some I've herd about a gazillion times...
Oh shut up and canter
Sit up you look like a motorcycle
D** that was bad
Your thumbs should be sunburned by now
Golly that was good! (this is a phrase I don't here it to often)
We need to get you some saddle stick
Pose Pretty
Quit wineing and jump the fence
LEG LEG LEG and CHANGE
It cant get any easier
Never ever ever do that again

Oh and this is my favorite
SHUT UP AND RIDE

AAJumper
Mar. 11, 2000, 02:54 AM
My trainer once yelled at two of her students:

"DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THIS!!!"

I always thought that was pretty funny, and I'm glad she hasn't said that to me....yet!

Southbound
Mar. 11, 2000, 06:13 AM
A frustrated instructor who used to teach beginners always had the same three sayings.
Toes Up, Heels Down, Ballet class is on Tuesday.
Bring in those elbows!! You are not a chicken! Are you getting ready to fly?
Lift your chin up, and bring your neck back. You are not a Turtle!

Jen
Mar. 12, 2000, 12:27 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sandstone:
Jen, that sounds just like my trainer! I'd still be a younger childrens if she did the entrys. She puts younger adults in older adults.... it's become a joke now. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


She just has me do the entries now- I'm becoming proficient with the fax machine. I can handle a computer just fine, but was really bad with the fax for a while. Thank goodness I worked that one out, or I'd be spending a lot more time in the secretary's office saying "really, it was an honest mistake, I know I don't look it, but just trust me on the adult thing..."

always,
Jen

FlightCheck
Mar. 12, 2000, 06:42 AM
Aah, the memories this brings back...

"Rip his face off!" (when my horse forget that he has brakes!)

"You ride like a French who*e!" (learning to keep my leg closed!)

LucianCephus
Mar. 12, 2000, 10:15 AM
These are from my OT (Old Trainer):

Tommy and I manage to fit 7 strides into a 5 stride line.

OT Comment: "Oy."

In an attempt to remedy the situation, Tommy and I do the same line in 3 strides.

OT Comment: "Oy."

Tommy reacts with horror to the presence of a greyhound in the arena. Picking myself up, I stoically call out, "I'm not hurt."

OT Comment: "Well, that may be, but you certainly are DIRTY."

Janet
Mar. 12, 2000, 04:20 PM
These are from several different instructors.

"App-a-loo-sa" to maintain rhythm trotting into a grid.

"Hips to hands" when jumping

"Throw away the inside rein"

"Don't collapse your hip"

"Don't pivot your knee"

"You can pull as hard as you have to, as long as you only do it for a fraction of a second"

"Land into your feet"

"More impulsion, not more speed"

"Change into a lower gear- you are too strung out"

"Use your seat, not your hands"

"Make your hands act like side reins"


And when you get it right:

"Yavol" (sp?)
"La"

tbhunter36
Mar. 12, 2000, 05:01 PM
My instructor is famous for her one liners.

for a green horse or green rider having a problem being agressive at the fences
"over-under-or through"

When her warmblood took off 15 feet away from the sweedish oxer and i landed 15 feet on the other side /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif (that boy will jump from anywhere!) "Kari, look..you made dirt angels in the arena footing"

When she explains or corrects somehting ..like somethign simple like , never go out on a trail ride alone and what can go wrong she has "ok, guess how i know this?"

when it is taking a few tries for someone to get an excercise down in a lesson "well can we hurry this up? its almost midnight here" (it could be 3pm)

and my favorite, which is common in my barn "If you have a nice horse, and you want it to stay nice, dont use it as a lesson horse."

or "If you have a nice horse , and you want him to stay nice, dotn let anyoen with less experience than you do sit on his back."

there are tons others, but i dotn have time to read all other 4 pages of this thread and i bet i would just be repeating classics like "stick on like glue"!

Evan
Mar. 20, 2000, 07:56 PM
I have ridden with various trainers who all have their odd sayings. I currently ride with a German event trainer who has come up with some good ones(Picture saying these with a german accent):
1. Are you sick?? You ride good today.

2. Jesus Murphy....(after something scary)

3. Go with God, but just go.

4. Quit foodleing i.e be soft

5. Put your eyes back into your head and come on down. (After I got to the top of the bank and realize what a drop it was, my eyes popped out of my head)

ievent2
Mar. 20, 2000, 08:29 PM
hehe when my horse acts up on trail rides my friend tole me to sit deep in my saddle and think that you are 200 lbs and trying to melt a ice cube with your bottom. and it works! i have heard so many sayings.. like " lower your hands your not going to go flying." and lok up and dont look over those glasses. "stick your heels down to the ground and leg out in front of you so it feels like that you wont go into orbit when/if he stops" there are so many of these and they are so funny :-) i hear thumbs up all the time.. for an eventer its not good.. i tend to ride with my thumbs pointed in.

Appy
Mar. 21, 2000, 12:10 AM
Wow, some of those are pretty interesting.

What do my trainers say? (Yes, I have 2 of them, which means double the comments.)

During schooling--

1) What were you thinking? (Meaning you messed that up.) Sometimes alternated with "what were you thinking when you did that?"

2) Were you thinking? (Meaning you really messed that up.)

3)Hands even.

4)Do that again.

5) One more time.

6)Don't get ahead.

7)Let him do some of the work.

8)That's okay (I guess that means I did it right b/c I don't have to do it again).

At shows (in addition to the schooling comments)-

1)Have you posted yet?

2)I posted you first (naturally for the first class of the day and my horse won't stand to be braided)

3)Know your course? (I have to, sometimes when she checks the posted courses she memorizes the wrong one.)

4)You have to tell me when your going (in a class in which she entered and posted me).

kNd
Mar. 21, 2000, 02:16 AM
Here's a few

"BREATHE!!!"

"Steer with your headlights"

"Sit up sit up sit up"

"Right-o!"

"Rhythm, rhythm!"

"Attack it!" (the fence)

"Get into her!" (As in, when my horse misbehaves, smack her)

"Aw $h!t yeah"

"BAD corner BAD fence"

"What the f--- was that?"

"Did you feel it?"

"And we'll quit on that." (After a great ride)


My old trainer was British and the first lesson I had with him he said "Demi-pirouette to the left" And I was like SAY WHA??? It was turn on the haunches <G>

Em
Mar. 21, 2000, 06:10 AM
My personal favorite from my old trainer:

"Could I get some DIP to go with that CHIP?"

Dee
Mar. 21, 2000, 03:23 PM
My old trainer had a few:
"KeepcomingKeepcomingKeepcoming" (In time with the canter as I approached a jump.)
"What are you waiting for--Christmas? My clothes are going out of style!" (If I was slow to get to the ring.)
"You look like a monkey riding a football!" (If I had a roached back.)
And, of course, the unspoken sign language--eyes covered if I had a chip or nasty stop, mouth covered so I wouldn't see him laughing the time he told me to jump something he didn't think I would, but did because he told me to..., and at a show, standing at a corner at the end of a diagonal line so I would have something to ride towards to get the change after the second fence, then mouthing, "YES!" when I got it right...

Weatherford
Mar. 21, 2000, 04:19 PM
"STOP THINKING AND JUST RIDE"

(Hungarian accent) "Move your hips like you are making love" (I was rather young at the time and didn't quite get it. I've heard it many time since with all accents but American...)

"CARRRRY YOUR HANDS"

"LOOK< LOOK< LOOK" and "FORWARD FORWARD GALLOP!!!"

(My favorite) "Throw your heart over the fence and then jump after it."

(A bittersweet one for me - doesn't happen much...) "THAT's THE DI I REMEMBER! FINALLY! YES!"


Oh and when asked to turn right, but go left, "I MEAN THE OTHER RIGHT"

ProzacPuppy
Mar. 24, 2000, 11:11 AM
Speaking of the British trainers-

"Go large..." or "Pop into a circle"(Usually on days when we didn't have alot of "pop" in the horse..)

"Your numnah is slipping..."(checked the foot in stirrup, checked the bra strap...what is slipping?)

"He's a bit fizzy today, isn't he?"

And an anonymous trainer, watching my jumper compete, the rider trying to slow him up by saying "Ho...Ho...Ho..." --"Sounds like Santa is on course now..."

Portia- I remember your grey mare being on a horsey diet and I always felt so sorry for her at feeding time, rattling her bucket and not getting a decent ration...
Is Andrea just working for Peter or is she still teaching now?

Nylar
Aug. 7, 2000, 04:27 PM
I had to bring this thread back up, especially since I'm getting a whole new variety of sayings with my new horse. A couple of the better ones:

"You can't give up, he just has his neuroticisms that we need to work with."

"Make him wait, make him wait...Well, you made him wait." -said after I proceed to put a very large chip before a fence.

"Your horse is a lot handier than you think. Remember, you're only doing it for the experience." -after I protested riding the Senior Eq. division since I'd never tried a rollback on Dunn

"I know who I'm sending into battle the next time I need someone." -after listening to me freak about said eq. course

"It just needs to be more consistent." The most common sentence after I finish a hack class.

Fivensevn
Aug. 7, 2000, 06:11 PM
Oh what fun! I hadn't seen this post before.

Some others:

"You ride like a sack of potatoes"

"You ride like bump on log"

"Ride like holy h*ll" (this is yelled with an accent about 3 strides away from a 4'6" fence or higher)

"Do you have cramps?.... SIT UP"

"get your hands outa your crotch"

"your o.k....your o.k....your o.k." coming into a fence.

"You left from here to New York"

"If you don't like your pony... can I have it?"

"Stop clucking.... you sound like a chicken"

"Puppy dog hands"

"We will ignore that"

"Since you missed that fence 3 times...MAYBE we should CHANGE something?

"Make it look pretty" (as your horse is pulling your arms out)

And many others that many of you have already posted. I love the thread...and WHERE IS that darned spell check???? LOL

ClemsonGraduateRider
Aug. 7, 2000, 06:22 PM
Oh I'm glad someone brought this topic back up. in One lesson I left out a astirde down a line that he wanted me to add down and he proceeded to tell (actually yell) that I was an undisciplined meatball!! WE were both laughing so hard after we realized what he had said that I almost peed in my pants and he almost fell on the ground. IT was hilarious I mean he screamed it!! I laugh still when i think about it

Hardly there
Aug. 7, 2000, 06:26 PM
Some things I have been known to say/yell at my students:
stick your stomache out
SIT UP!!!
keep your legs underneath you
elbows in I don't give flying lessons
bend your knees!!!!
toes to the skys
let your horse think if you aren't capable of it today god knows he knows best
do you stare at the gas peddles when you drive !?!?
Got it Get it GOOD Lets go

Portia
Aug. 7, 2000, 06:39 PM
TX Rider, if you're still out there - to answer your questions from 5 months ago -- which I didn't see at the time! --

Andrea is still working for Peter, working his horses when he's away, teaching, and barn managing. And, although she's supposed to be the one who stays home, she's gone to several shows with him and helps him out by warming up his horses.

The grey mare Portia, a/k/a Porky, always feels deprived, no matter how much food she gets. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif She's got the "poor, poor pitiful me" look down pat, and suceeds in getting more treats than any other horse in the barn.

leaderoftheposse
Aug. 7, 2000, 06:58 PM
My coach always says (when walking inside turns for jump offs)
"If you see it, go for the long one"

also;
when I screw up -
"I'll let YOU tell ME what you did wrong"

"They aren't ALL speed classes"

"You shouldn't have won that class"

and of course -
"We'll go with that"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Megan & Tequilla
Aug. 7, 2000, 07:31 PM
Some of my fave's:

"If you're going to make a mistake, make it going forward!"

"Holy Shit! How big an insurance policy do you have?"

"And what do you call that?"

"Are you on vacation?"

"Stop trying so hard!"

"What are you wearing!?" -- when I show up for a lesson in the middle of winter wearing a pair of breeches and a tank top.

My all time favorite, said when she first rode my horsie: "OMG, his canter is practically orgasmic!"

Kryswyn
Aug. 8, 2000, 03:02 AM
What I say to my students:

"YOU ARE NOT CHOPPED LIVER" when they let the horse take charge

"God gave YOU the opposable thumb!" ditto

"Remember, the rail is your friend" when your pony is going Mach 10, steer into it.

"And you were thinking that was okay, WHY?"

"That was SCAAARREEEYYYY"

"Do you WANT me to die?"

From summer camp a million years ago,
"The horse in front of you is going to kick you" a mantra to remind them to keep proper spacing

"I told you he was going to kick you" when they fail to listen and repeat the mantra.

"Honey, it wasn't an earthquake, he was just shaking!" to a beginner student in Hawaii who'd experienced earthquakes but had never ridden a horse before falling off one when it shook really hard.

Musical_Jumper
Aug. 8, 2000, 03:27 PM
ok, my ex-instructor used to sing while i rode, here's some of my favorites.....

Ooopps..i did it again, i made you believe, we're more than just friends.......

oh my ! what was that????

dirt tastes bad around here....trust me !

Good to go
Aug. 8, 2000, 03:33 PM
"Will you please pay attention" and "where's the peanut butter".....yes that one is one of those cliquish inside jokes...sorry had to throw that in!

daytimedrama
Dec. 3, 2000, 12:00 AM
Sorry for bringing this back , but the best of 2000 made my pull it out of the archives.

"If you get any closer to the neck, you'll be picking braids out of your teeth"

"I am offically declaring today as No Whining Day, so stop whining!"

3eme
Dec. 3, 2000, 05:07 AM
"Nom de Dieu!" (when he's mad)

"Nom de Dieu nom de DieunomdeDieunomdeDIEU oh putain NOM DE DIEU!!!!!" (when he's REALLY mad)

"Putain! Nom de Dieu! Arrete de monter comme une Américaine!" (when said anger is directed at me)

"Mais...nom de Dieu...fais QUELQUE CHOSE!!!!!!!!!!"

...and my all-time favorite (because it means he's done torturing me and I can go back to the barn! yippe!) "AU BOX!!"

Sannois
Dec. 3, 2000, 07:43 AM
Oh Wow, these are great. I've heard and said so many of them. I'm not sure I have anymore that have not been said.
Please let the horse do the jumping!
Ride forward out of the turn.
Look up! Theres no money down there, If there is its mine!
OK, One more time!
Land in your heels!
WHAT are you looking at?
Want some cheese with that whine??
Your not going to like the way that looked on tape!
This century PLEASE!
Close your hip angle!
Shall we do that again?
Coming out of the ring... What did you think of fence 7? Heck you cant even remember fence 1, was there a fence 7??
What do you think happened at that one??

Daphnes hair dresser
Dec. 3, 2000, 08:56 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CWP:
One of my favorites is "Just sit there and let him look expensive!" --said by my trainer to an older amateur who tries to do too much.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That is the best one!!!

My coach says,

You couldn't find that one with a search warrant!!

Your OTHER left!!

Use the concussion theory ( ride straight to the wall after the jump )

Stop humping! ( I can hardly wait to see the other exhibitors' reaction to that one in the in-gate /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif )

Lord Helpus
Dec. 3, 2000, 09:58 AM
This is great--I think I have heard just about every one at some time or another. A couple of new ones:

Ronnie Mutch (after I had chipped in for the 28th time to a jump): "There is a HUGE ditch in front of that jump. If you get that close again, you will fall in and I will not come to get you out!"

RM again after telling me to keep my elbows quiet in front of a jump for the 38th time: "That habit is not ingrained, IT'S INBRED!" (my mom, who he used to teach, did the same elbow pump..)

And, a personal fave from Linda Hough after I came out of the ring, riding for a very important ribbon: "You want to know how that looked? You really want to know how that looked? Well, you'll have to ask Butch [Thomas]. I was too nervous to watch. I was in the ladies room." (She was, too. LOL)

hobson
Dec. 3, 2000, 10:22 AM
From back in the day when I did clinics with Major Bela Buttykay:
"Zhennifer! Zee horrrrse, he bends lak a piece off WOOD!"
"Vill you please make ze horrse MOOOFE! Leg yield ze horrse! Haff-halt! NOW! Extend ze trrrot!"
He was such a great guy - hated my lazy, ewe-necked quarter horse, but taught us an awful lot.

And I must add, now that I teach lower-level pony clubbers, the thing I say most often to them starts with:
"Can you tell me why... then fill in the blank with things like:
~you are galloping your horse around with no warm up?
~you are jumping your horse already with no warm up?
~you are treating your horse like a sofa?
~your tack is all over the barn?

The usual response is a blank look followed by a shrug and something that sounds vaguely like "Idunno."

Regalmeans
Dec. 3, 2000, 10:38 AM
My trainer last week when I was in a bad mood and got pissy w/ her:
"Are you PMs'ing? God, I should just put you on Regumate!"
Me: "No dear, that's *next* week.....tonight it's just you..."

We love each other....er...really

Sarah

LaurieB
Dec. 3, 2000, 01:01 PM
"That's your Duh! fence for the day..."

To 99% of the riders in the barn after a lesson, "Okay, you're done. Give your horse a big pat."
To one teenage girl on her very difficult TB mare, "Okay, you're done. Give yourself a big pat."

Black Market Radio
Dec. 3, 2000, 02:10 PM
"Stick your boobs out, the judges like it"

justme2
Dec. 3, 2000, 03:44 PM
OMG! I love this thread. I am so glad it was brought up again....I was laughing so hard my cat left the room in disgust.

I have heard a lot of these too, but have to add....

What are the two mistakes you can make when riding fences?...going too fast and going too slow. And which one did you just do?

Why are you looking down? The horse is still there..or..the horse looks the same as it did when you got on him.

Did you plan to fail, or fail to plan?

If you weren't riding such a good horse that would have been a really bad crash. (in other words, he saved your a**...thank *g* I have only heard that one once)

What are you looking at? (another version of don't look down)

from when I was riding hunters: Why did you just make that sharp jumper turn?! (to myself...cuz it was the shortest route to the next jump.)

Get after him..don't let him get away with that! Establish who is in charge...followed by...are you going to take control? (me..first time on this particular horse...I am trying!)

The horse goes where you are looking...(can anyone tell this is an on going problem...used to schooling dressage by myself for too long)

Good job!

and my favorite..You are really improving /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by justme2 (edited 12-03-2000).]

Kelsy
Dec. 3, 2000, 04:11 PM
~"If you want it, make it happen"
~"I hope you realize I'm staying here until you get this right."
~"I said take a circle, that does not involve going to Egypt."
~"I teach riders...I'm just throwing that out there." <~ lol that one's harsh!
~"Did I SAY chip? Do I EVER tell you to chip? Then don't do it."

There's so many others, but I can't remember most of them!

E
Dec. 3, 2000, 04:46 PM
Ok just remember I train with a mother and daughter team (the daughter being a Grand Prix Rider):
#1: "I could be wrong but I think we need to do that again"
#2: "Glad you fell off I didn't like that horse anyway"
#3: "TNA" (don't ask)
#4: "Did you see the jumps cause all I saw of you was a blur"
#5: "Real Slick, Slick"
#6: "Were's the cookie you got from number 6? That was one heck of a choclate chip"
#7: "Don't listen to me I don't matter" (turns around and trys to jank me off my horse)
#8: "It's pretty d@mn hard to scare me, however you just did GOLD STAR!" after my horse decided it would be good fun to stop jumping in the middle of the oxer
#9: "If you fall off and you cry I WILL DISOWN YOU"

[This message has been edited by ChldEqRdr (edited 12-03-2000).]

daytimedrama
Dec. 3, 2000, 06:22 PM
"you've got an EQ horse,,,,, why don't you use him?"

"What do you see down there, money?" this one is very funny b/c I was at a show today and found money in the warm-up arena.

kris10rb
Dec. 3, 2000, 08:23 PM
My favorite is when I'm trotting a tiny crosspole, and my trainer says "Can we try it again, and this time in this hemisphere!" or ...when I have a really scary jump, its really my alter ego, Christine, so she says...Christine can stop trying to kill her nice horse now, go feed her some candy. But then I say that would be rewarding BAD Christine!

Richard! :D
Dec. 3, 2000, 08:59 PM
'gallop'

'GET MADDDDD'

lol

Bethe Mounce
Dec. 3, 2000, 09:37 PM
From trainers past:

1. He's dialing your number and you are not home! If you leave the answering machine on, perhaps you'll learn this stuff!

2. If you don't go clean, you won't ride this horse again.

3. Jimmy Cantwell once mentioned to me: "Miss Mounce, it doesn't look like we're going to get any better at this---shall we quit while we're ahead?" Of course this made me madder than a march hare and whatever was happening on the horse improved drastically!

4. Cool those jets baby.

5. What is it going to take for you to learn this? How many times do we have to go over this?

6. Are you counting fleas in his mane? You know its not breeding season yet! (I was looking down!)

By the way, this thread is delightful. I have only had 3 trainers/coaches in my lifetime. Now I am on my 4th and he is all German! And a compliment from him is quite rare! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by Bethe Mounce-Blasienz (edited 12-03-2000).]

Starbucks
Dec. 3, 2000, 09:48 PM
Oo, neat topic!!!

** "Show me his eye! His eye, not his butt!!"-- trying to do dressage circles around my trainer while Sebastion thought it's be neat to leer at everything OUTSIDE the circle.

** "You two are just too funny .." -- meaning we keep messing up and floundering around that it's useless not to laugh.

** "Kick kick kick kick kick, good girl!!" -- getting my stubbern horse over a fence he doesn't like.

** "Heels! Your heels!!"

** "Hands up and down."

TB_33

JumpJockey
Dec. 4, 2000, 12:43 AM
"Ride inside leg into outside hand"

The most effective teaching method for me (when trying to negotiate a jump and getting my position all wrong after three tries) was for the instructor to declare, "Try it once more, and if it's still a problem, we'll take away your reins and stirrups and see if that will work!" I assure you, I was picture-perfect that next attempt!

Anyplace Farm
Dec. 4, 2000, 11:22 AM
Once of my favorites has been overheard by a good friend of mine and I, which was said repeatedly by a prominent trainer. It makes us laugh to hear it and we have incorporated it into some of our everyday conversation:

"Follow, follow, follow!"

brilyntrip
Dec. 4, 2000, 03:08 PM
I am sooo happy that this has been brought back !!!I have adopted a new phrase specific for a mother and daughter combo who MUST BE genetically linked,since they both do the same dumb things."Um ARE you Deaf???/ "
I say the same thing AGAIN and again they both do something totally from outer space
I say"HELEN? HELEN Keller? "

elizabeth
Dec. 5, 2000, 01:04 PM
Her comments in quotes. My unarticulated replies in parens. Even though the latter are always sarcastic, I have huge, huge respect for my trainer. Quite frankly, I have written letters to the Fla. electoral college to suggest my trainer as a Gore/Bush alternative for President.

(1) "Stay in the tack. . . the tack goes where the horse goes." (Oh, thank you for the insight. THIS is why I pay you.)
(2) "Get him to take a feel of the outside rein." (And I would have a remote chance of doing this HOW?)
(3) "I don't care what his head is doing. I care about his back-end." (As he tosses his head wildly, in an effort, it seems, . . . to clear both his and my ear wax.)
(4) "He is ON FIRE." (Again, I thank you for the insight. If you wouldn't mind calling for medical assistance to peel me off the ceiling, I would appreciate it.)
(5) "Step into your heels. Step into your heels. Step into your heels." (Is that REALLY going to save me when he launches his on-fire body into the air?)

Rosie
Dec. 5, 2000, 01:46 PM
From my trainer, who claims I'm much harder on myself than she could ever be:
1. Beeeend her, Beeennnnd her (as we go around corners)
2. Both hands to your left/right hip (as we go around corners and #1 doesn't seem to be working)
3. step into your heels (another way of saying heels down)
4. sit, sit, sit. sit, sit....getting me into the tack and out of 2 point on my way to a jump
5. pretend you are a large German woman....(when I -@105 lbs. - was having difficulty getting a lead change because I wasn't sitting down and asking for it.)
6. I loooooved that ride! (when I ride a fence well)
7. If you haven't fixed it by the time you're three strides out, live with it (to keep me from niggling and adjusting right before the jump -making my mare nuts)
8. You need to "fix-it" from there (the corner) NOT there (three strides out). Meaning the distance of course. I want to say if I saw it there (the corner) I would fix it there -but I didn't!
Can't think of any more at the moment.

Merry
Dec. 5, 2000, 01:57 PM
My trainer/coach and I are friends, and grew up riding and showing together in the same area. So we both respect each other's abilities. She realizes that I pretty much know what I did/did not do on course, so she doesn't so much critique me, but more acknowleges what I already feel about my round. So, some of her most memorable comments:

"What was THAT???"
"You know you left out a stride, don't you?"
"Auggghhh" http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif "We've gotta fix that."
Or there's the classic, pre-show statement when I said I was taking my just-broke greenie to its first show because he was being so good at home: "Wait! Let me clear my schedule. I've GOT to see that!"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif But my favorite must be when we're at a (local or county show) and one of the illustrioius characters from our horsey community arrives to attempt the jumper division with his usual display of ineptitude and arrogance: "Aha, now I see it's time for the entertainment portion of the festivities."

VTrider
Dec. 5, 2000, 02:13 PM
"Bend at the Belt Buckle"

Funny for two reasons...
1. my Dad is a team roper and has won pretty buckles
2. my trainer must have found my inner redneck during my first lesson LOL

holland
Dec. 5, 2000, 03:57 PM
two of my favorites:

after watching me nip nip nip to the chip for the millionth time:

"let go, and let God"


after watching me leave from the longest distance ever recorded:

"try it again. And, this time-- maybe that jump won't sprout legs and run away from you"

I miss riding with him so much!!! Always made me laugh at myself...a much needed release.

Moesha
Dec. 5, 2000, 04:14 PM
Here is my favorite trainer saying,


HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!

Snappy
Dec. 5, 2000, 04:41 PM
"No, your OTHER right!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Lori
Dec. 5, 2000, 08:15 PM
From my "trainer" Snooks in 1984
1. Your the reason I never had kids......

From a recent trainer whom I love dearly
2. Quit looking at the ears, you don't ride the head...

peaceofmind
Dec. 5, 2000, 09:38 PM
how about "hang on to her mouth again and we will be working on the longe(sp?)line for the next lesson with no stirrups or reins" That usually straightens me out.

WHOA!
Dec. 5, 2000, 09:44 PM
hmmm, so many gems, so little time:
"stop cantering to that jump like you're headed for a church social!"
and
"this is a hunter course, not a tea party!!" These two are particularly ironic; once my new horse gained the 150 lbs he needed, she spent the next couple of years saying "sit back, slow down, it's just a nice ride in the country. Just a calm little canter through the countryside."

Oh, and here's another favorite. My horse's left-to-right change is very...exciting. I asked a professional who was riding him if he could school that change a little. He gave me a long stare and said "maybe you'd better just make sure you land on it."

Jumphigh83
Dec. 6, 2000, 12:00 AM
Elizabeth.....The very same Elizabeth??? Yes I recognize those sayings! I WAS about to post my personal favorite "Stay with the saddle, it goes where the horse goes.." BUT YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!!! By the way I really enjoyed the (insight)! Just wait til Christmas! Buster says hi and yes he was "on fire" today! (cold and WINDY) Welcome to winter! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

N&B&T
Dec. 6, 2000, 09:56 AM
Trainers say the darndest things /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Obligatory Disclaimer: I believe both these comments, made by two separate (and excellent) trainers, were, though puzzling /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif , well-meant... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Trainer: "That was a totally amateur distance!"
Me (unvoiced): (that's probably because I am an amateur)

Trainer: "I don't think you'll make it to the Olympics."
Me (unvoiced): (????...me neither)

How about a "Best Replies, Spoken and (usually wisely) Unspoken, To Trainer Sayings" thread? Unless there has been one in the last six weeks-there are TWENTY-FIVE PAGES of posts since I last logged on!! How about some tips on which ones to check out?

Flash44
Dec. 6, 2000, 10:20 AM
The absolute kiss of death near the end of a really good lesson...

OK, let's just do this last _____ then we'll stop.

You know it will take the next 30 minutes to get that last thing right!

davidgud - equestrian jihad
Dec. 6, 2000, 09:10 PM
"Lose the attitude or lose the stirrups . . .

Your Call . . . "

brilyntrip
Dec. 7, 2000, 12:11 AM
Again this is my absolute fav topic!!!! Another one I' ve begun to use lately
"Straight ! parallel lines ears shoulders hips!!!"
Or
"If you are supposed to turn him off the outside rein ,then why is his head pulled to the inside ?Do you think he does that on his own???"

VTrider
Dec. 7, 2000, 10:06 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by davidgud:
"Lose the attitude or lose the stirrups . . .

Your Call . . . "<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OUCH!!!!

That's when I would start crying!!!

Regalmeans
Dec. 7, 2000, 12:04 PM
I just keep adding /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"If you talk back one more time I'm taking away your saddle..."

"I *know* he's pissed off with the world today but he's going to have to deal..."

"Umm... it was good until the buck" (said after we galloped the triple in the correct striding - then had a bucking fit afterwards)

"What horse are you riding? And what did he just do?" (after my usually quiet hunter started off a hunter round by bolting in the ring)

To Regal when he's being impossible - usually b/c he's really stiff or ouchy "WHAT THE HELL is wrong with you? IF you would please TELL us we'd try and deal with it for you....."

Sarah