The funeral has begun. You are all invited to attend the wake

[Beezer]

Beezer, just back from the emergency room after slipping and falling at work and damaging her ankle ... SIGH ... says that you'll all be happy to know that the Dr. Baer who treated her and knew all about the Huntington Beach EC is NOT related to Tracy Jacox-Baer (sp??). Yes, Beezer asked. And yes, Beezer is a klutz. There is a reason she is nicknamed Calamity Beezer. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[Tin]

Here Merry, just for you /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

Heaven ... I'm in heaven!

Now THAT, ladies, is a man who wears a uniform. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Tin]

I knew someone who like that /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Now THAT ladies, is a Canadian!

[Merry]

Suddenly there's a chorus of Merry Mourners breaking into song...

"Oh, Canada!.." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[rusty]

SHould we start building an Ark or just stay here in El Torito. At least if we have to wether the storm we have all of the necessary supplies, Guacamole, Chips, Margaritas, (and I don't have to make them). /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Merry]

How about an ark constructed of tortilla chips? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Actually, rusty, we've gotten little or no rain recently," Merry says matter-of-factly. "The major part of the storm system just keeps passing us by."

At that instant, Beezer leaps from her seat at the restaurant booth and konks Merry over the head with the salsa bowl. "You idiot! Shut up and stop tempting Fate! If you aren't careful you'll be out re-stocking the koi pond once again." /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

[rusty]

Merry if it does start raining that hard, do you think the Canadain Clique will send the Mounties to save us?

[Tin]

...maybe if your nice to us and share your margarita's we'll send over a mountie or two /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif But what do you need mounties for? You have Hasslehoff, he's a lifegaurd and can rescue you all on his surf board /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

"Actually," says Beezer, licking off the residue left on her fingers after konking Merry upside the head, "I have come up with a new business scam ... er, PLAN ... for that koi pond. Why don't we take a page from the beauty folks and start manufacturing mud packs? After all, Merry, everyone is always complimenting us on our lovely skin. We could attribute it to more than just good genes ... we could thank the mud!!"

The more Beezer ponders this scam ... er, PLAN! ... the more she grows to like it. She decides she will have to involve Coreene for her advertising/marketing know-how, and because every fledgling scam ... PLAN!! ... needs a lawyer, Elizabeth will have to be pressed into service. Merry can be the model.

Rusty? Weeble? AAJumper? Everyone else in??

[Merry]

Oh, gee, you're resurrecting my modeling career so I can slather poopy mud on my face? So, like, I'm splattered in mud and it's not because I was standing too close to the rail at the Santa Barbara National? Wow, I don't know how to thank you for that assignment.

Merry realizes that many of the regular participants have tootled off to Indio. She finishes up a chicken taco and, while munching, wonders how AAJumper will do in her jumper classes in the mud.... /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[weeble]

Mud's involved....I'm there. A sad commentary on me, isn't it? My own personal pasture supply should be enough to contribute to the mud-packed beauty of at least, oh, thosusands of California girls or, I don't know, ten Canadians. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[rusty]

Beezer, count me in on the scam er Plan. I have plenty of experience with mud, from falling off in it trying to show in it. Etc. ( No I am Not an mud wrestler). /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[AAJumper]

AAJumper glares at Merry with envy and exclaims "what is this about not getting much rain???" AAJumper asks for volunteers to help build the proposed nacho ark, as it is possibly the only way to get her beloved Cypress to Indio!

Well, out here near Ventura County, we seemed to have gotten the brunt of that storm! I'm suprised my pool didn't lift out of the ground and float away! My husband actually went out on a call (he's a firefighter) where a pool had been emptied (they were redoing plaster or something) and one end of the pool actually lifted out of the ground almost 2'!!!

AAJumper immediately volunteers to be the Indio spokesperson for the new arena mud line of skin care products. After all, she figures she'll most likely be slopping in the mud anyway tomorrow. And with her luck, she'll probably get to take an full body mud bath by the end of the week!!!

[Beezer]

Beezer, happily ruminating (warning! inside QHSM joke for Merry ... who has now collapsed on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ) over her fajitas and margaritas about this mud scam ... PLAN! ... is really beginning to get a feeling that this could work.

SauveReno would seem to have the perfect name as the pitchwoman. Merry covered in poopy mud ... Beezer would PAY to see that. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Rusty and Weeble lending their "dirty" talents.

"Hmmmm..." ruminates Beezer, stroking her imaginary beard. (Merry: stop laughing, pick yourself up off the floor, woman!) "I do think this could work. We could all be rich! RICH!!"

And that would be a fitting tribute to the coat of many threads.

[elizabeth]

Excuse me . . . excuse me <<pushing people out of the way>> . . . . EXCUSE ME!! I am a trained professional.

I believe we can structure this as a 503(c) nonprofit corporation. Yes, yes. That is exactly what we will do. Though we will make lots and lots of money on our mud scheme. . . PLAN, we can evade taxes. . . I mean "take advantage of the tax shelters" through a non-profit structure. If we can claim to be a mud-worshipping CULT, I think we can keep all of the money for ourselves, as a non-profit religious organization.

MUHHHAHAHAHAAH!!!

And when the IRS comes after us, we can claim that they are squelching our freedom of religion. Those government heavies!! Lousy G-men. (I can say that b/c I worked for the government for years.) OH OH OH - we can point to the ARK as evidence of our religious affiliation. (Noah had an ark, Noah was religious.)

AAJumper, don't just stand there, ankle-deep in mud. BUILD THE ARK. (Oh, was I yelling? I'm sorry.)

[wtywmn4]

At last, a scam/plan to keep us in margaritas!! The perfect organic mud pact. And where shall this be sold? Neiman's? Nordstrom's? Ohhhh, I forgot, MUHHHHHHMUHHHHHHH...Chanted to the tune of "Hair". Billboards, photo sessions, magazine ads....Merry, career not over, you've been resurected. Chin up, hit the gym, drop twenty firm those abs... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif There is life after all.. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[weeble]

Cult? Possibly we could be identified by our show bows and muckers. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif All together now...
lotus position, OHHHMMMMMMMMMM /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Please, let's try to stay organized.

Who is going to draft the infomercial?

And can we get Suzanne Summers (sp?) to be on the infomercial, using the ab machine while her face is covered in Miraculous Merry's Mud Masque?

[elizabeth]

<<ugh. . . grunt. . . push. . .>>

There we go. You are a heavy one! You almost fell right off the first page.

Let's see who is around to feed you, Wake Thread. . . . /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[AAJumper]

AAJumper, after a pulling an all-nighter building the ark, loads up and heads to Indio. She wonders if the wake will still be in progress when she returns on Sunday.....

[elizabeth]

<<elizabeth and Wake Thread stand in the driveway, waving and cheering at AAJumper as she pulls away in the early morning light.>>

Bye AAJumper. Do well. Make us proud. You can do it. Woo-hoo!! We'll keep a light on for you.

(Now, Wake Thread, I'm off to work. You have a good day. And behave yourself. No more of this falling off the first page of the BB.)

[Merry]

Merry ruminates over the Miraculous Mud Masque scam... plan... "This could work," she says, savoring the last glob of guacomole. "I see words like 'organic', 'all-natural', 'earth-friendly' and 'recycled' being used to describe our product! It's secret ingredient: pre-digested vegetation!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Now, Merry must reveal the "inside joke" about Beezer "stroking her imaginary beard" and "ruminating": Okay, so we have this darling little pygmy goat that is the babysitter for the orphan filly. Couple that with Queen of Horse Show Mom's penchant for butchering common words/phrases of the English language. So one day Beezer's driving the car. QHSM's in the backseat, I'm in front next to Beezer. We're chatting about the goat. QHSM says, "I love to see her just lying in the sun ruminating."
Dead silence.
You see, my mom was referring to the goat chewing its cud; the goat is a "ruminant", like a cow, because it chews a cud. But "ruminating", well, means "pondering something".
So, naturally, at the same instant Beezer and I get this visual image of our goat lying in the sun, stroking her goat beard and pondering Plato or the shaky Mideast peace accord.
Since QHSM gets very hurt and defensive when we point out her language ineptitude, we remained silent. Sober on the outside, busting up on the inside. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
And that concludes our little animal language reference for today!

[Beezer]

Beezer just KNEW that Elizabeth would be able to help us set up the scam-plan! And I think Cypress would make a lovely equine model for our mud packs! It could be both a therapeutic agent for those sore jumper muscles and a beauty product for riders! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

"As for the necessary deity to qualify for that religious tax exemption -- which I think is QUITE the stroke of genius, Elizabeth," Beezer says with a grab for the tray of taquitos the waiter wandered by with, "I think we already have one. We're the cult of Fleet Apple!"

Beezer suddenly leaps up on her chair. "Bye, AAJumper! Good luck negotiating all the swollen rivers that pass for our freeways these days on your way to Indio! Do the clique proud!"

[Beezer]

Has anyone ... other than the spy wanna-be Elizabeth ... ventured over to the counterfeit Canter thread?? They are getting scarily close to us!

But really. We meant so much more. We WERE more. One just hopes that our achievement will never fade. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[rusty]

We must keep the wake going.

[Merry]

I could not get back into the BB!

"I think infopop is owned by a Canadian corporation!" Merry proclaims, jumping up from her El Torrito booth.

Saint Fleet Apple... now, does that have a ring to it or what?

What are our tenets of behavior? Like, what are our "Thou shalt nots"?

[weeble]

take Fleet Apple's name in vain (or Merry's, Beezer's, Elizabeth's, AAJumper's, Rusty's...) OK, just Fleet Apple. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[B.G.M. heidi]

Umm Merry, did I not share with you my esteemed last name?

It's true, my name is Heidi Infopop; and should you gals in the CA clique entertain any delusional notions of victory and supremacy, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that technology ain't on your side. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[elizabeth]

Doesn't it figure that the darn Canadians would mess things up? I mean, what do they know about people who are important who are trying to get things done who do not have time to wait around for "infopop"? Listen, heidi, we down here in the U.S. try to be productive, eh. So let's keep the infopop antics to a minimum, o.k. eh? I'm asking a favour, I know. (And look, I spelling it the Canadian way to appease you!)

O.k., back to the more important stuff:
I need to know more about this Fleet Apple business before I can advise on the ten commandments. (In legalese, they would be our by-laws.)

Oh, Merry and Beezer, every cult needs to sacrifice stuff to be legit. I'm thinking your ruminating goat is about ripe. I mean, what value does she REALLY add to the ranch, with all the sitting around and ruminating that she does?

[rusty]

If Merry and Beezer won't let us sacrifice the goat, we can always sacrifice a few Margaritas. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Merry]

"I must admit," Merry finally says with a toss of her head, "that the little goat is awfully cute. She may actually come in handy at horse shows. You know, I can get her a little Baker goat blanket, and then have Beezer or cousin Katey traipse her around juuuusssst outside the ring right before my amateur under saddle class. When all the other horses, who are not acquainted with the goat, spook and bolt, we can innoncently proclaim the goat is just our barn's mascot. So sorry! Oops!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Now, onto the Bylaws/tenets of our cult:
1. Thou shalt not take the name of Fleet Apple in vain.
2. Thou shalt not covet the Canadians' beer or their asses.
3. Thou shalt not kill... except in the case of a rival competitor showing up at the backgate wearing your exact same show outfit.

Anymore? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Thou shalt not bear false witness, except when a fellow competitor says "I felt really good about that trip - what did you think?"

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's horse; she might have a better horse, but she has a sad marriage or ugly feet.

[Merry]

This is pretty pathetic, elizabeth! So between the two of us, a what, Catholic and a Presbyterian, we can come up with versions of only 3 of the 10 commandments?

All those summers in Vacation Bible School for naught! /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[rusty]

Thou shalt not steal the best horse at the horse show, or some thing like that. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Katey]

Merry, Beezer are you with me? The knife toting Labrador trying to break in through your Mom's back window has got to go. We all knew he would end up being useful somehow. Merry you'll have to do it since you are the only one who can catch him.

SAVE THE GOAT!

[elizabeth]

Oh, Merry, Merry - ye of little faith.

Below are the remaining commandments, revised to avoid any blasphemy or fear of rotting in h&ll.

(1) Give due respect to your trainer, that you might live long in the irons and avoid being commanded to drop them.
(2) Take no horse before your own horse.
(3) Thou shalt not steal your neighbor's stuff, except for fly spray.
(4) Thou shalt not take the name of Fleet Apple in vain.
(5) Thou shalt not covet the Canadians' beer or their asses; Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's horse; she might have a better horse, but she has a sad marriage or ugly feet.
(6) Thou shalt not kill... except in the case of a rival competitor showing up at the backgate wearing your exact same show outfit.
(7) Thou shalt not bear false witness, except when a fellow competitor says "I felt really good about that trip - what did you think?"
(8) Thou shalt not commit adultury, though thou is permitted to make mildly-suggestive comments about Sea Urchin.
(9) Thou shalt not worship statues, though thou can strongly admire leopard print polos and luscious new leather halters.
(10) Keep reserved for horse shows Saturday and the weeks of March during which Indio is going on. Unless you need to go to a schooling show and it is on Sunday and you go to church the night before. . . .

[Merry]

Did we go to the same church... or have the same grandmother? I had the same "no blasphemy/rot in hell" thoughts.

Love the tenets. Let's frame them.

Now, for the sacrificial Labrador. I don't know. It's hard to let him go. It truly gives me such a sense of power. I can actually command that animal. He obeys me with such devotion, it's so bizarre! He is my canine puppet. Now, if I could only rule horses in such a manner...

What about sacrificing an object? Like one of those "No Bounce" Sports bras?

[elizabeth]

Yes, yes. I do believe some cults burn things.

O.k., then - sports bras it is.

I can just see me defending our non-profit organization before the IRS: Respectfully, I submit that Miraculous Merry's Mud Masque Inc. IS a non-profit corp. The evidence is right there - we *BURNED* sports bras. I'm not sure what more you want from us. Oh, and the ark is parked out back.

[Katey]

No way! Some members would not, could not mount a horse without one! SOME of us need those (kidding Merry kidding!) and would never want to do anything to upset the "No Bounce Gods". Now how about the padded riding underwear!

[elizabeth]

YES - granny pants - we can sacrifice granny pants!!

Sacrificing granny pants will stand us in good stead with the IRS b/c they will be too embarassed to question us. I mean, who the heck feels comfortable talking about granny pants. . . . except every freakin' person on this BB.

[weeble]

perfect, like they were sent from above. (and by above I don't mean Canada, Miss Heidi Infopop keeping weeble off the BB all night) /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

[elizabeth]

"Guys," elizabeth whispers, "i was over spying on the vermont thread, and they are discussing some weeeeeird stuff. Queen mothers and swords and stuff. Shoveling the roof of a house in 30 degree weather in just a t-shirt. Weird stuff like that."

Oh, wait, the sword bit sounds like fun. Can we get swords?

"I wanna sword," elizabeth whines, as she stamps her foot.

"Here, here," says Merry, quick to soothe the impatient elizabeth, "take this big knife that I took from the labrador."

[B.G.M. heidi]

Just popping in for a short visit as I've a previous engagement on our soon-to-be-record-breaking-thread. Did want to take the opportunity, though, to say, this - /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif .
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

While you were sleeping, Tin's mare gave birth - proving once and for all that while you gals sit around drinkin' and mournin', we are celebrating life.

[wtywmn4]

elizabeth......NO!!! Put down the knife and just walk away. Burning sports bras is one thing, but.....There has been just too much attention paid to that poor little pygmy goat. Geessh.. In fact isn't that one of our commandments?? Tho shalt not harm a living creature, except humans of course.

By the way, Merry, can we drop #2 commandment? Coveting asses, now you know we all can't abid by that. A girl has to have fun!! They can keep the beer, we have margaritas!!

A/A jumper, inflate those plontoons you paid for, on the side of the rig. You will slide right down the entrance and into your stall, no problem. Plus, if you had gotten that wind machine, similar to those So. Florida gator boats, you would have saved all that money on gas. Make us proud!! And have fun!

[Merry]

"A heathen is among us!" shouts Merry. "elizabeth, grab the sacred sword and chase that blasphemous Canadian out of here!"

Now, what else can we burn? Underwear, bras... how about hairnet? Does anyone really, really like wearing hairnets? What about when those pesky little knots get imbedded in your scalp?

[Merry]

This just in... Sorry to interrupt regular programming... /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

The Canadians are chiding us on their thread because we never "birthed" anything on our Merry thread.

So, let's continue our circle of life. What shall come to life here? Shall the koi spawn? Or must we keep this horse-related?

[Van Teal]

I ain't neva birthed no babies /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

Yeah, well, snap on those rubber gloves, because as soon as we figure out who or what is "with offspring" a birthin' is happenin'.

And no, it isn't going to be cousin Katey. She's done her part for humanity already. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Beezer]

Wait just a sec! It seems to me that we have recently given birth to a great scam ... PLAN! ... and a cult complete with its own 10 Commandments. You mean we have to do MORE??

[wtywmn4]

That be birthin in the correct sense. A cult is a rather large birth too!

[SuaveReno]

Wow /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Am I getting a dose of religion. Suave feels that a GNO might be in order /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif What say you all? /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[wtywmn4]

Yeah baby!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[wtywmn4]

Merry, Beezer that baby is awfully cute. Even if it's in the northern hemisphere. Do either of you have something? weeb's?(used by close personal friends, of short duration) Anything perking at your place?

[B.G.M. heidi]

Wtywmn, and the rest of the thread cultists, as a goodwill gesture, practised best by those who are fully confident of their clique superiority, we'll lend you the forceps should the need ever arise. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

BTW, I predict that we shall be shattering a record or two tonight. Brace yourselves, it's going to be a bumpy ride. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[wtywmn4]

The glove has been thrown!! Are we going to just sit here??? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Katey]

Thanks Merry, I agree I've done my part.

The last one wuz 15 pounds and it came out sideways. I didn't scream or nuthin! (Katey spits on the floor an then kicks some dirt around)

[Beezer]

For making me spit my lunch all over my computer!

[Merry]

The Canadians have challenged our superiority? Ha! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

The year is young, my minions! Let them think, in their own frozen little minds, that they have conquered us. But while they're still shoveling snow, come oh, about late April, we'll be back in tank tops and sunscreen, and me thinks we'll have to start yet another "Question for California riders(past and present)" thread, or something of that ilk. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


Merry likes the idea of the Birth of the Cult. Not everyone can say they've witnessed the spawning... I mean dawning... of a new era.
"So," Merry asks, "what will our traditional garb be? Like, what do we wear when we go to LAX to solicit funds? Do we have a special hair cut? And at horse shows, do we paint our faces with our mud masques before we enter the arena?"

[rusty]

Wasn't it the Canadians whining about the length of the thread that caused Merry to have it die in the first place? That we sacrificed the original thread for the good of the whole BB isn't that enough to make us the superior clique? Infact one of the reasons we were raised to cult status. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Now I must go burn a few hairnets /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Beezer]

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. He suddenly
smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up
the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself
from the bed. He slowly made his way out of
the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the
stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen
table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

The aged and withered hand,
shakingly, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table. SMACK! His beloved wife had smacked his hand with a spatula.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the wake." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[rusty]

They are mighty delicious cookies.

[elizabeth]

Man, I must be having a bad week, because your joke made me sad, Beezer! /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif Oh, hello, aunt flo is at the door. I totally forgot until I finished typing that the joke made me sad. (I generally cry my eyes out the day before she comes!!)

Back to the important stuff. . . . yes, Merriness (since we have grown close, I feel I should give you a pet name), we must agree on our solicitation uniform. How about we all wear our hair in the flat, sweaty helmet-head style? As to garb. . . . ahhhhh, let's wear breeches and paddock boots!!! Wearing dress/field boots and breeches would be flashy - we cannot be flashy if we are a non-profit cult. However, if we just wear our paddock boots, then we will look kind of tacky and cult-y. Nobody will suspect that we are wealthy horse-owners!!

[SuaveReno]

After the man's wife smacked his hand with a spatula his cute Swedish nurse brought him a dozen purloined cookies upstairs. He died a happy man /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[weeble]

With one post, weeble knows way more about Elizabeth than she was expecting. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

The mere fact that the Canadians are challenging us to prove our superiority is proof of the desperate frame of mind they possess. We do not need to prove anything. We gave birth to the Merry thread saw it through it's life and sadly through it's death. We gave birth to the Wake thread which in it's infancy has already acheived cult status. They can't come close, they know it, and it's killing them.

weeble removes her helmet to identify herself to the rest of the cult. She asks Elizabeth, "Do you think when we go beg, I mean, solicit funds for our non-profit, we will have to stand to one side of the yellow line?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[elizabeth]

Ahhhh, Suavereno, you must be a mommy. You made me feel much bettter. I like that story!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Yes, weeble, we must stay to the yellow side of the line. We are a law-abiding, nonviolent cult. (Except when we have to sic the labrador, who is now packing heat since I took his knife, on someone.)

[SuaveReno]

Yes Elizabeth, I am a Mommy. And I like to feel good too. However, My trainer thinks that I am a Mother tho' LOL!

May I suggest brick colored breeches and a plaid coat??? WE could be totally retro /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[weeble]

One more superiority issue...we are hands down more entertaining and interesting here in the Golden State. The Wake thread has 15 views for every post, the Canter thread, 11 views per 1 post. One state versus a whole country. Meaningless mathematical trivia, but WE WIN! WE WIN! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[elizabeth]

elizabeth, overwhelmed from the stress of trying to find a new boyfriend, trying to find a new roommate, struggling to acclimate to life on the west coast, fretting over her dad who is in the hospital having just gotten his hip replace, and still trying to figure out what to do with Buster, snaps like a twig.

"This is it," she growls, "I'm quitting my job and working full-time for the cult. No more stress for me. And I'm going to live in Merry's and Beezer's tack room and eliviate the whole roommate situation. And if they don't like it, that is tough! (And if you don't like the way I spell 'eliviate,' that is tough too.) I'll be a squatter, squatter here and there. . . to and fro. . . tack shack one week. . . camping next to the koi pond the next week. . . . If I get hungry, will QHSM make me a sandwich? Just asking."

Suavereno, will you please pat my head and say "there, there"? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[weeble]

I'm not SuaveReno, but "There, there."(Virtual head-patting coming your way)

[elizabeth]

Thanks, weeble. I feel much better now. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Everyone needs a little love.

Got that, Merry and Beezer? Everyone needs a little love. So when I'm camping down by the Koi pond, and it gets a little cold, you'll come down and bring me a blanket and stuff . . . right?

[wtywmn4]

Fair haired and golden, one state verus an entire frozen country? Pleeeeeeeaaaaase... And that is supposed to be a contest? Nada!!! elizabeth, We will bring you blankies and warm comfort food. Do not fear, we cultists stick thru mud and rain. Now the project at hand, solicit or dessert?

[elizabeth]

ughhhh . . . <<grunt>> . . . ehhhhhhhh. . . <<grunt>>

You are getting too big, Thread, for me to be boosting you back up the page. Try to stay up on the top of page one, please.

Now I'm hungry from all the exertion. Where's AAJumper or Merry with some munchies? Weeble, got any guacamole?

[This message was edited by elizabeth on Mar. 09, 2001 at 11:40 AM.]

[wtywmn4]

elizabeth I told you not to over do. Yikes, you will get a hernia from pushing this thread!! Phew.......errrumph You are right this is waaaay too heavy. No munchies??What happened to all for one and one for all?? /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[wtywmn4]

heidi, what HAVE you done to Infopop????? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif elizabeth it is not us, it's that infamous northern sector who has diligently sabatoged our thread. No one can get on!!

[elizabeth]

It must be sooooo ungratifying for their only obligations to be sitting around, eating bon-bons, watching the snow, and playing with infopop to mess up the BB. Poor Canadians.

[Beezer]

Which she would be. If only she weren't still out trying to explain to the sheriff's deputies why the bedraggled woman out by the koi pond shouldn't be hauled off....

"Really, sir. She's the legal rep for our cult. Honest. The Cult of Fleet Apple. We worship at the side of the Great Koi Pond, where in addition to harvesting koi for the wake for our great "Question for Merry" thread on the Chronicle's bulletin board, we also harvest mud for the soon-to-be-famous Merry's Mud Masque that's gonna make our NONPROFIT cult moolah bucks -- which, now that I think about it, was the name of this great western horse. But I digress. Really, that's Elizabeth and she's quite harmless. The QHSM even feeds her!"

There also this slight problem Merry's having even LOGGING ONTO the BB, let alone the beloved wake thread. Blame the Canadians' apparent overthrow of Infopop. (Hmmm ... being a true cult, we martyred our original thread for the betterment of the BB, but now the Canadians are bogging it down.)

We must regain control! We must march northward, declaring martial law along the border! We must FREE MERRY from the frozen grip of the Canadian Clique!

[B.G.M. heidi]

My dear, dear friends in California...sometimes, envy, jealousy and desparation resembles panty lines - it's visible. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

Chins up girls, don't let your defeat at our manicured and lovely hands devastate you.

You'll always have the smog, the pollution, the fault lines over us -- tell you what, as a little pick-me-up, because yes, we are that gracious, we'll even return David Hasselhoff. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[This message was edited by heidi on Mar. 09, 2001 at 02:53 PM.]

[Tin]

Heidi weren't you suppose to return Hasslehoff last week? You've been hiding him in your closet haven't you? *tsk tsk tsk* No wonder my mountie hasn't come home.

I appologize to all the CA's, but we Canadians can't be responsible for heidi's actions we even have a legal document supporting that /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

Back, BACK you pesky Canadians! I'd used my lunge whip to chase you back across the border, but I hear you guys LIKE that kinda action! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

Geez, nothing like wandering thru cyberspace for a while. Phew! You wouldn't believe what's floating around out there: old Gilligan's Island episodes, Nixon's resignation speech, and an old radio ad for Nehi Root Beer /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif .

Merry dusts herself off from the last visit to the koi pond. "Okay. So we have our outfits: the 'disheveled look' as George Morris would no doubt call it. And we've already experienced martyrdom, what with sacrificing our thread for the good of the BB. And we have our tenets of behavior. And hey, the knife-wielding Labrador can be our protector, own version of a knight templar, like during the Crusades!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

All of this thought has made Merry hungry. She decides to order flan for everyone at the table.

As for elizabeth living from tackroom to tackroom, you are most welcome at our place. However, you will be required to "work for food". I see the roofs over our paddocks need repair. Oh, and the hay needs unloading and stacking. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Finally, the task at hand! We must paint our faces with our mud, stop by LAX for some donations, and then gather together for a communal meeting in the Hollywood foothills to spiritually repel the Canadians!

[Merry]

Will I be de-frocked now that Beezer has revealed on another thread ("Only a rider...") that I have, ah, occasionally "relieved myself" inside the horse trailer at shows when it's too far to the port-o-potties? Is this going to be like another Jim Baker/Jimmy Swaggart moment? /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[Beezer]

We're just relieved that you're, um, relieved. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[weeble]

that wants the Canadians to keep David Hasselhoff?

This cult was made for me, thinks weeble to herself, waiting not so patiently for the flan. I mean, helmet head, the dishelved look, and begging for funds, welcome to weeble's life.

In an effort to maximize our mud collection I have found that muckers can harvest ten pounds of mud per foot per step, very efficient, wouldn't you say? With our harvesting underway, what are the marketing plans?

[Beezer]

WEEBLE! Our very own Merry's Mud Masque harvester!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

And, yes, I am with you. They can keep David ... too much Hassle, not enough Hoff!

[weeble]

if we're going to LAX to beg...um, solicit funds, don't we need a song to sing while we are on the correct side of the yellow line to sucker, I mean, interest all the travelers in our scam/plan? I mean, a few tambourines a few "happy feet", a Lab with a knife, and dishelved looking people covered with mud...it just doesn't get any better. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Merry]

Yes, we need a theme song or anthem. You know, something familar and catchy, and mildly hypnotic. That way, long before the knife-wielding dog stabs his way through the crowds, people will hear our tune and say, "Oh, here come those nutty Muck Mud Masque people!"

Merry wonders if instead of a tambourine we could get the same effect by jingling curb chains? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[wtywmn4]

Ah, the sweet sound of the 1 inch curb, gently tingling in our ears. Ummmmmmmm, said with all the energy the cult can muster.. Merry, where have you been? And YES weeble, the Canadians can keep yea ole Hassel....His Hoff has ridden off! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Merry]

"I've been wondering how our fellow scammer, I mean comrade, AAJumper is doing at Indio. Let's all have a moment of silence for her.... Okay, now let's jingle those curb chains in unison!"

If we boot out David the Hoff, who will be the celebrity we pay off, I mean bribe, I mean hire to represent our Mud Masques? He must be recognizeable. He must have mass appeal. He must be able to at least SIT on a horse. And we must be able to afford him. Whom do you suggest? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[JustaLurker]

Merry, how soon we forget. It would be fitting and proper to hire Elizabeth's intended. He seems to be at liberty at the moment and he can sit a horse. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Cheers, Maggi

[Merry]

Merry whips out her Hallmark collectible Star Trek Christmas ornaments and says, "Yes! It'll be William Shatner! He can slather our Muck Mud on his bald head and declare that it cures baldness. And he can do it while riding around on a high-steppin' Saddlebred!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Oh boy, I'll bet elizabeth will love us for bringing this up again... Hee-hee!

[JustaLurker]

And, since we've had and lost David the Hoff, we certainly can and should have William the Shat. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Perhaps Elizabeth won't notice if we use his royal name.

[Merry]

"William the Shat". I like that! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Can't you just see him overacting in our info-mercials?

"This mud.... MASQUE... is so---ah---aMAZING. It'sallnatural. Made from... splendid... bio INGREDIENTS... with all the wholesomeness of farm---LIFE!"

[weeble]

a great idea...just don't let him sing. No offense, Elizabeth, but those "trying to be cool" singing commercials, I know it's a joke, but pleeeeeease! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

However, Capt. Kirk with Mud Masque on the face and bald head is a definite 6-figure return to our cult, um, non-profit.

[SuaveReno]

Didn't he used to have jumpers with Hap /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Suave Reno has just grabbed the bottle of merlot since she helped herself to more than her fairshare of Rusty's margaritas /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Merry]

Hey, William the Shat just hosted the Miss USA contest! We could've used him then to smear Muck Mud Masques on all the contestants. (He might've loved that assignment).

By now the flan was getting limp and runny. Merry brought up one last topic before figuring it was time to split from the restaurant.

"How can we get our scam... I mean, non-profit product... out into the horse show marketplace? Can we sponsor a class? Which one? Or a divisional championship? Boy, don't ya' think exhibitors would love to win a free jar of the stuff? And then we can set-up a booth for free facials by the port-o-potties!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[weeble]

The two standards of course resembling the Muck Mud containers with out logo (what logo?) strategically placed. A lovely mud brown color don't you think? That way it could travel from show to show spreading the word, er, muck. And it wouldn't even matter if it was raining or gloppy, our jump would always look clean, or at least as clean as it gets.

[Merry]

Our jump could travel the grand prix circuit, and be right next to the Cosequin and Sea World jump! During the opening ceremonies, William the Shat could stand next to the jump, sign autographs and let people pat his Saddlebred. Of course, he'd be wearing our Muck Mud masque. And Rocky, the knife-wielding Labrador would fend off any kookie fans!

[rusty]

I think we should only go to the Grand Prix, that are held in places with good weather. No Rain, it would wash off the Mud Masque.

[wtywmn4]

But don't you think we need an SPF factor in the mud masque? Especially since William the Shat is back and wearing the masque? One has to protect said topline! Along the same line, if in fact we earn 6 digits /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif we could sponsor our own GP. The Mud Masque Phenomenon with William the Shat as co-chair. He would love that. Strumming little vinettes,(sorry for the poor spelling, dictionary from '84) humming, not singing..sorry elizabeth but the vocals just .have to go.

Weeb's we could give the Mud Packs as little gifties to the exhibitors. Along with some lovely coupons and bags.

[rusty]

Excellent idea! Don't for get to give a sample to the grooms, they are often forgotten.

[Merry]

Yeah, I like sponsoring our own Grand Prix! In fact, the water under the liverpool could be a pond of Muck Mud!

(Should the traditional water jump be stocked with koi?) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Then we could go on to sponsor our own equitation challenge class: "The Muck Medal" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

"But if we're going to do all this," Merry says rather excitedly, "we'd better break up into teams and hit various locations for scamming... I mean soliciting... donations."

[SuaveReno]

We need a cool name and a jingle perhaps /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Merry]

Suave, when you mention the jingle, I gotta laugh. Have you heard the TV commercial for Closet World? I guess it's a place where you go (or call) to have them install or revamp your closet space! Anyway, they have this voice-over of a guy that sounds like a Michael Bolton knock-off (who's a knock-off himself of a Motown singer). Anyway, it's this laughable jingle/song about "Get yourself a closet..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

So hey, if there can be a theme song/jingle for CLOSETS, we can surely have one for our muck-based mud cream!

[weeble]

The traditional water jump should absolutely be stocked with koi. Those rebellious koi refusing to adorn said jump, or those cooperating but meeting an unfortunate end by a stop at (in) the water could be served to the patrons of the sponsor tent as sushi. Thus demonstrating to the IRS the fiscal responsibility of our cult. Darn, sorry, I keep forgetting....non-profit organization.

All together now, curb chains ready? Jingle!

[wtywmn4]

Now what great sponsor doesn't have a Polo shirt? Emblazoned on the left side, a leaping Koi. Done in lovely muck brown. Of course that then leads to other lovelies, baseball caps, travel size Mud Masque satchels...on & on.

Breathlessly, she wages on. Curbs jingling, now what airports should we haunt? Or would it be better to stand outside of a Taco Bell?

[Katey]

One eight hundred fourty nine closet CLOSET WORLD

Merry I know that whole jingle by heart! It's completely annoying but I just can't take my eyes off the computerized dancing little closet man. Do you think we could get a dancing jar of muck on our commercial? Then we could also hire someone as a "jar of muck" mascot.

[AAJumper]

AAJumper stumbles in, covered in a fine layer of desert sand. She shakes her head, and sand flies out of her hair in all directions. She has been wandering in a stupor since Friday night, when she was engulfed in The Great Indio Sandstorm of 2001. The days in the desert have taken their toll, and if you listen closely, you can hear her repeating "where is jump number one?" Unfortunately, jump number one, in fact, blew away.

Okay, I think that it can still be called HITS, but it should stand for Horse Shows in the Sandstorms. I was gonna ride in the classic, really I was, but it was postponed due to the fact that you could not see any of the jumps from the ingate, the sand was so thick in the air. And then came Saturday....oh, it was not good. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif I have some really bad habits that I need to work on...let's just leave it at that. No lawn darting though...that's the only good news.

AAJumper, becoming more coherent, reaches into her backpack for the jar of mud she brought back from Indio for the cult to inspect. As she opens the jar to reveal the treasured mud, she is shocked. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif The once thick and creamy mud has been replaced by the wicked sand!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

Just as Merry and the cult--- ah, non-profit group--- were about to leave, they sink back down in the restaurant booth. "Why, AAJumper, we were truly thinking of you! On March 9th, we shook our collective curb chains as we said a silent prayer for you. Did you feel the vibes? And, sandstorm you say? We thought you'd be drenched in rain!"

We like the idea of the collection of exotic Muck Muds: "Brought to you from all points on the A show circuit! Each Muck Masque contains its own rare, exotic blend of local bio-offerings." I think William the Shat could pull that off!

(You know, we may actually be on to something here, folks!) /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

LOVE the idea of koi sushi, LOL! And the logo merchandise! If dang Closet World can have a dancing closet man, we can have a dancing Muck Mascot! But who or what will it be? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Now, we all want to know more about Indio, AAJumper! Was the sandstorm really all day? Were classes really shuffled around? How were the hunters doing? And yet, people will go back again next year! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[AAJumper]

Indio was a muddy mess when I arrived on Wednesday. I jacknifed my trailer when I realized I drove in the wrong entrance to drop off my horse. I didn't realize that my barn was closest to the paved entrance, and drove in the other entrance because that was the easiest way when I was there for week 2. So there were shavings and huge mud puddles everywhere leaving me very little room to turn around. In a desperate effort not to hit the porta-potties as I made my u-turn, I backed up a little too tight. No real damage...fortunately I have an aged truck and trailer.

Then I went to hack my horse. The only decent place to ride was way way way far away in the trailer parking lot!!! It was the only good footing. However, Miss Cypress did not enjoy hacking amongst trailers with ponies galloping from out of nowhere. We ended up going back to Mudland and hacking here and there.

Thursday was actually decent...they had been pumping water from the bogs at night and did a lot of dragging, so the arenas were okay. There were a few soggy spots in the warmup areas, but it was okay in general.

Friday was nice too.....until about 4:30, after most classes were finished, fortunately. And then the wind came. And it huffed, and it puffed, and it blew the jumps down!!! It just kept getting worse and worse, and at one point, we had to stop the golf cart because we couldn't see with all the sand blowing in our eyes! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif So we went back to my friend's camper and waited for the classic at 7pm. We got to the GP arena at about 6pm and had free cold pizza and watched as they built the course. Around 6:30 I went down to check the course at the ingate. I was trying to learn the course, and I couldn't see the arena!!! All the guys on tractors were wearing goggles. You literally could not look in the direction of the wind. Sand was blowing everywhere!!! Finally, they announced that the class would not be held that night.

The next morning was sunny and calm, and everything seemed okay.....except for the giant tent that ripped and collapsed!!! I guess it blew off the pole, then landed on the spike and the ripping began. All the horses had to be evacuated and placed in whatever stalls were open. Apparently it was a real nightmare, but no one was hurt (horses included). The rest of the weekend was fine...nothing too interesting to note. I met Chef....right before my horrid AA class...I hope she didn't stay to watch!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif It's fun to meet people from the BB and finally get to put a face to a name.

So I packed up and left around 10 this morning, toting a fine layer of sand around in my truck and trailer!

[SuaveReno]

Post your Indio pics Pleeze (whines SuaveReno hoping someday she can aspire to greater than 2'9" heights)

And about the sand. I believe they call it derma-brasion that many women pay up to $300.00 a pop for and look you got one (sounds continuous tho') free!!! You indeed could be a product spokeperson
for the enriched mud product.. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[AAJumper]

Yes! Free dermabrasion! And here I was annoyed that I had sand coating my face! In fact, I even had a little sand mustache from the mixture of my blistex (which goes everywhere with me at shows) and the lovely desert sand. And for the truck, there's nothing like some good sand to really enhance an engine's performance. The hubby is afraid to look under the hood. We expect the truck is now in desperate need of a new air cleaner.

As for pics, fortunately I have a good one from when I was there week 2. I almost didn't get it! I left today and forgot to order it and remembered as I was 20 minutes into my trip home. Luckily I had my trainer's cell phone # and was able to call and leave her a message, which she got (fortunately she checked her messages) and was able to order it for me.

As for this week....well, I would have been happy to be able to jump over 2'9" too...at least in the ring!!! You see, I have this hideously bad habit of getting nervous and shoving with my upper body (like leaning forward and throwing away my horse's front end...totally throwing her off balance) when I don't see a good distance. My eye works well in that I can see I'm getting to a bad spot, but I can't decide if I want to add or leave that last step out. So my horse will stop because my shoving throws her off to the point that she just can't leave the ground from where I end up putting her. Then, I get worse because I start getting more and more indecisive (I get worried) when I see that I'm not getting to a good distance...and it gets worse and worse. And in the warmup arena, I am almost perfect....every jump works out great and I never really miss. I can hold when I need to, press when I need to...sit back and not tip forward regardless of the distance I get to....it's freaky. So I just need practice practice practice. And I know it's me, not the horse, because she was fine for her previous owner. Blech. /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif It's a freaky mental thing with me. If anyone has any suggestions to help mental focus, please feel free to post them!!! I need to be more aggressive and determined that I am going to get to the other side! My poor trainer is so patient with me through all of this, although I'm starting to think someone just needs to scream at me to get me to be more confident/determined. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

"Hmmmm," Merry muses, "it sounds like AAJumper may be our first subject... I mean 'volunteer'... for our exorcism rites! Perhaps you're actually channeling some other amateur rider? Could someone in your riding past have put a hex on you? You know, some de-hexing involves whacking off a chicken's head. But I happen to have had pet chickens once, so I can't condone that. What about koi? We could gut a giant goldfish over your head before your next show!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Here is where the fun begins: sacrificial rituals!

AAJumper, I refuse to believe that you are at fault for any of this. Tipping your body, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Merry's explanation is MUCH more likely.

Thus, we must summon the gun-toting lab (remember that I took his knife!), who will sacrifice a Koi for you. Then you and Cypress shall be purged of the evil karma and returned to your former glory.

Oh, Merry, I saw an ad for a house in Corona del Mar that had a Koi pond. And, because of you and your obsession with mentioning your Koi in every single conversation, I knew what Koi were!!

[wtywmn4]

elizabeth is this house big enough for all of us? Hmmmmmmm a home for the non-profit group. With the ability of housing our mascots....

A/AJumper, we will purge you of this nonsense. The electromagnetic pulls were at odds. Just be glad you weren't in the tent that blew down. Trying to find one's horses all night and then finding one was headed to be transported, well.....With the full moon and all the hooey, you will be back!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Now, exhausted from phone calls, wty heads for the nearest and dearest rest stop. Curbs jingling along the way, ummmmmmmmm she says perversely. Where is that Shat when you need him?

[elizabeth]

Just so that we are clear - we can't call Bill "Shat." That just makes him sound like a 22 y.o. fraternity boy.

And, quite frankly, not to be demanding, but I'm not thrilled w/ rubbing his bald head with mud. Didja see the episode of Seinfeld where George gets his bald head rubbed w/ massage oil by some home healthcare worker? Ickkkkkk.

O.k., I must go now to work, where people expect me to work. Unreasonable. Just unreasonable.

[Merry]

The entire group now heaves its bloated self back into the pickup trucks for the ride back to the family ranch...

"Hallejuah!" Merry exclaims as they tumble out of the truck. "It's a miracle! The koi pond is abating!"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

elizabeth gives Rocky, the gun-toting, knife-wielding Labrador the 'go/hunt' command. The black dog leaps into the koi pond. There's a splashing of muck and muddy water. On shore, the cult... er, non-profit group... jingle their curb chains to encourage the canine frenzy.

"Yikes!" Suave yells out. "Was that a gunshot?"

"Settle down," wtywmn says. "The dog's got a good aim."

With a shake of his ebony coat the Lab springs from the mire and trots up to the group with a mouthfull of koi.

"The sacrificial koi!" Merry proclaims. "Now, AAJumper, just eat this carp raw while we jingle our curb chains, and you'll be free of the evil jumping-ahead-self-doubting spirit that now rules you!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[SuaveReno]

SuaveReno immediately rummages through her backpack and yells "Sushi for everyone" as she pulls out her Ginza portable sushi set.

"Okay everyone, how many pieces?"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[weeble]

Elizabeth, I the cult goes for this Corona del Mar house, (which Bill will by for a write-off, right?) don't you think we should start referring to it as the compound?

SuaveReno, put away that sushi set, these koi are for AAJumper's ritual. Merry, with the koi pond abating what will happen with the Miraculous Muck? Wtywmn, quick, start thinking of Plan B for economic advancement for the cult, maybe something involving Canadians and immigration? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

Trust me ... even if the koi pond abates, there will be enough biological material for endless mounds of Merry's Marvelous Muck Mud Masque.

[wtywmn4]

Merry, what do you think? There seems to be enough for oodles of Muck Masques. So who is in charge of our web site? We have retail to set up, people, this means you.

Wty's bode is quite tired from bouncing in the back of the pick up. Hmmmmm, no margaritas? Why it's past the cocktail hour. A wee libation, to clear my head. Let's hit the Koi pond. At least it's fresh Sushi.

Plan B, hmmm wasn't that a nice A/O hunter she asks?

[Merry]

"Why, yes, we may need an offshoot enterprise. Diversify, right? Just in case the wind kicks up and we get the Indio Effect." Merry rips the knife out of Suave's hand. "Sorry, but if you go waving knives around, the crazed Labrador will go into a frenzy, and I cannot be responsible."

Merry likes the idea of a "compound". But is Corona del Mar suitable horse property? I mean, there isn't even a tack shop at Fashion Island! /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Hmmm... secondary mission... identify all Canadians. Quiz them on California trivia. If they fall below a score of 60%, they must be deported! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[SuaveReno]

SuaveReno realizes she is not a match for the buff and toned Merry. With a sigh she relinquishes her Ginzo and then rummages around in her backpack for /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif you guessed it /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif a copy of the Merry Thread. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"I just can't let go" sobbing SuaveReno turns to the CA girls for comfort /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[Beezer]

Suave: It's not that Merry doesn't WANT you to have sharp objects. It's just that the crazy black Labrador would see said object, grab it and start threatening people with it ... I'm telling you, this is one weird dog. So, really, Merry is protecting you.

Beezer thinks diversification is a fine idea ... in principle. But she worries that the cult ... er, NONPROFIT ... might be spreading itself too thin. And there is nothing worse than a Merry's Marvelous Mucky Mud Masque that is spread too thin! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Heidi]

Merry, before you even post the questions, I know all the answers, as follows:

-Ronald Reagan;
-The Big One;
-Deepak Chopra;
-Michael Eisner;
-No turnout;
-Leif Garrett.

What do I win? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[JustaLurker]

Congratulations, Merry! In spite of the Canadians and all their posts, you have risen to the top of the heap! But, keep an eye over your shoulder for fear someone from north of the border will try to usurp your crown. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[AAJumper]

AAJumper leaps up, shaking her head and gasping for air. As she spits out the raw carp she exclaims, "Finally the evil spirit of D.N.F. has been exorcised from my body!!! I can't possibly to thank you all enough!!!"

All this talk about sushi is making me hungry. Yum yum. And all I had for dinner tonight was Life cereal. Who has time to cook when there are message boards to be read?

AAJumper assembles the group in a small circle, to ensure no outsiders can hear what she is about to reveal. She whispers "I think I discovered the evil perpetrators responsible for the hex. Early this morning as I arrived at work, I got a glimpse of a Breyer horse with a doll on top, strings attached to her arms as she was being pulled forward onto the horse's neck! One person was holding the horse, while another was pulling the doll's strings, but they were both wearing robes with hoods!!! I can't be sure who they were, but I know they are trying to discourage me from attending future shows in hopes that I will spend all my hours slaving away in the office!!! Now, with the help of the CA clique, I must find a way to discover the identities of these evil people, and ensure they will never curse me again!!!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[This message was edited by AAJumper on Mar. 12, 2001 at 10:54 PM.]

[elizabeth]

I got two words for you, AAJumper. Darn Canadians!

Black dog: Go. . . . hunt!

(Shoot, Merry, what's the dog's name again and what am I supposed to command him to do? Could you write this out???)

[rusty]

We will protect you from the curse, because curses can't pentrate the forces of the cult.

[Tin]

it wasn't us Canadians, I swear!

Tin refuses eye contact as she hides hooded cloak behind her back and slowly backs away. Once out of "grabbing" distance she turns, screams and runs away really really fast!

[Merry]

Rocky the crazed Labrador rushes past Suave, who darts to the side just in time, so she misses being grazed by Rocky's current weapon: a pair of pruning shears left beside the hedge of rose bushes. With the wicked blades clenched between his canine teeth, Rocky pursues the dastardly Canadians out the ranch's gate and down the driveway.

As Tin and Shirley Maclone make it to the end of the eucalyptus trees that skirt the driveway, the cult... er, non-profit group... can hear them arguing amongst themselves, "So, which way is due North?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[wtywmn4]

Those evil northerners....Wty wanders off to find Rocky, we will give them something to think about. Hooded robes, my patoot! Curse us will they, hmmmmm, curbs swinging lightly in the air. The chant the chant, A/A, Merry, Beezer, weeble, coreene and dear dear elizabeth....the 5 M's need protection. Go HUNT ROCKY.. Oh protector, hear our plea. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

No more wind, no more rain, we need sun to end this pain. Ummmmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmmmmm.

[Beezer]

"Whoa! Whoa, Spot, whoa!!" Beezer yells as she goes thundering past the group on the wild pinto WB mare ... made even wilder by the lack of work she's suffered through because of all this rain. "Holy runaway horse ... WHO STOLE THE CURB CHAIN OFF THIS PELHAM?!?!?!?!"

Beezer rounds the corner, takes out a couple of eucaplytus limbs -- "Hey! OUCH!" -- as Spot banks the turn, and bears down on Rocky and the fleeing Canadians. The rest of the wake-sters, flicking the mud from Spot's heels off their faces, can only watch in amazement. Most have never seen a WB show this kind of speed. More than one is heard to murmur, "Warmblood racing. We bet people would PAY to see that!"

[wtywmn4]

Whoa, Beezer and Spot, what a pair. They could do the dash for cash without a doubt. Geeez that mud sticks..but what a hoot watching those Canadians scatter. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Hmmmm, WB racing? Let's see where would we have this? Oh, and we have to change the starting gates, widen them slightly..More work, wty toodles off muttering to herself. We need to find a REAL life.

[This message was edited by wtywmn4 on Mar. 13, 2001 at 05:14 PM.]

[weeble]

Our diversification plan fell right in our lap.
Warmblood racing, it's a natural. OK, it's not natural, but that makes it all the more interesting (and lucrative) This might be a harder sell as a non-profit enterprise, but we'll think about that tomorrow.

Weeble attempts to work on plans for devlopment of racing, but the CALIFORNIA SUNSHINE is making her sleepy. Hear that Canadians...sunshine, mid-70's, eh?

[Tin]

You guys may have sunshine but we have snow....yay snow! Lots and lots of the wonderful stuff!! Woohoo! In your face! Ha!

Tin gets drenched by the sarcasim dripping of that sentence

[B.G.M. heidi]

Poor weeble, so torn between a geographic burden and her heart's true desire.

Lemme quote an excerpt from a pleading email sent to me:

"Darling heidi, I am tiring of the CA Clique. I cannot foresee for myself a future hassling tired travellers at LAX, face smeared with Merry's Miraculous Mud Masque. Please allow me to seek glory, victory and peace of mind as a defector to the Canadian clique. Let me revel in your claim to the longest damned thread on the COTH BB. Please?"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[Beezer]

That email was merely a trick by Weeble to get you to post and thus add to the greater glory of our thread. And you fell for it!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Coreene]

...having been in a back room with the waiter she found cute a few pages back - again - buttons now done horribly wrong and a few more are undone, staggers over to Beezer and wonders when alcohol top-ups are happening.

Then she collapses in a heap in the corner of the drawing room.

[Merry]

coreene is back, coreene is back! Everyone jangles their curb chains in delight. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Now, if any of you want to defect to Canada, now's your chance," Merry advises. "They may have taken our thread record, but they'll never take our freedom!"

(Can you tell Merry watched "Braveheart" last night on cable?)

[rusty]

Does any one want another Margarita ? I just found the blender, No we can not use this one for making the Mud Masque.

[Beezer]

Merry! They haven't defeated us! All we have to do is add this thread to the old coat and WE WIN!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[AAJumper]

AAJumper begins humming "We Shall Overcome" and jangles her curb chain. She begins salivating when Rusty mentions margaritas. After all, last week was a sober week, what with the horse show and all.

Can you make strawberry-banana margaritas, Rusty??? That would be delicious!

I think we should wait until the Canadians are not paying attention, and then resurrect the Merry thread by unlocking it, and post nonstop!!!

AAJumper looks around the crowd, wondering why Chef hasn't returned to the board from Indio yet. "I saw her on Saturday, so she couldn't have been buried by the sandstorm....where could she be???

[weeble]

your attempts at sabotage make weeble sad /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif My fellow CA clique'sters know where my heart is. (and the rest of my body and my horses as well)

And by the way, Tin, snow you say? CALIFORNIA SUNSHINE, mid-50's, and lots of snow! Squaw Valley, Heavenly, less than 2 hours from weeble, but nice try.

[B.G.M. heidi]

Weeble! You may wobble but you don't fall down.

C'mon, admit it, you have to give me an 'a' for sabotage effort. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[weeble]

I can only go as high as a B+...you see, I never would have called you "Darling Heidi". Not because you aren't, but I don't even call my husband "darling". It was, however, a superb effort. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[B.G.M. heidi]

Thanks Babe! Is that better? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

This from the girl who's been known to call her hubby, "hey, you!".

[SuaveReno]

Victor said to me the other day as I SuaveReno was kissing the real Reno's nose, "Senora, besos para su esposo solamente". To which I replied, "Los besos para Reno es muy mejor!"

Usually I call my husband to tell him I will be late from the barn and the thread!!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[elizabeth]

Unlocking the thread? Resurrecting it? Ohhhh, that is truly the stuff cults are made of. Dealing with things that have passed on. . . .

Here's the real question, ladies: why have we gone dry? I mean, we were merrily drinking, blenders whirring. . . . and then. . . nothing. Was there a vow of abstinence I missed? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[wtywmn4]

Ah, but you see dear Tin, snow will make you RUST! Why on earth do we want that? Wty muttering to herself like a bag lady trundles off.

Get those blenders hopping, I see a new and more intent thread popping up. coreene, you will just have to behave yourself, good grief woman, these waiters will never bring us anything shortly. rusty, start your motors /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif elizabeth we need sustenance, weeble where are those plans. We can do this, seems to me there is a track close at hand we could resurrect? Beezer, get Spot ready, she will be breaking from the gate in no time /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Merry]

How did chef do at Indio? Wasn't this going to be her debut on Jade in the A/A hunters? Was she perhaps blown way, way, way off course by the sandstorm?

Merry is worried about her fellow cultist. She jangles her curb chain nervously.

A suitable racetrack, eh? We're close to Pomona. The track is open all year for the horses in training there....

We could plug in the margarita mixers at the barns along the backstretch!

"Our friends could stop by," Merry says excitedly. "We could have match races and our own little, non-profit 'gaming ventures'. We could sell refreshments and have a blast! What do ya' say? Should we hit the road to the LA Fairgrounds and have match races?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Coreene]

...and she says (still somewhat drunk and speaking in third person):

"Jade did great at Indio. Chef is out of the office this week, so Coreene could not get all details, but checked up on the Hits web site for results.

"SuaveReno, will we see you some upcoming weekend? Do let us know when you're coming down."

Then Coreene calls Restaurants on the Run and orders alcoholic reinforcements.

THEN she thinks she has a good fashion idea and proposes that the funeral crowd go into the curb chain business by making them into souvenir bracelets.

[wtywmn4]

Merry once again, resounds us with logic! Enterprise you say? Hmmm, we can also sell the 5 M Masque. Great little spot to get people introduced. Sit, relax, have a few. Pomona is always filled with, well people? We will just have to work on that endearing enterprise.

Off to gather her thoughts, she heads for a phone book. Let's see if Pomona would allow us to run the WB's. If not, we can find a bush track, there's always Vallejo..No, think it's a parking lot now...Weeeb's she whines...help us. Coreene is now defrocking another good looking young man. We will never get any food at this rate!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[SuaveReno]

Says SuaveReno to Coreene. I will be rolling in in the am, although I need to get an exact time for sure (fer sure, fur sure) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Rusty! Quick more margaritas I've got some Pedrone /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Coreene]

Coreene crawls out from behind the sofa with the waiter and wipes smirk off her face. She staggers over to Filofax and writes SUAVE RENO all over Saturday and so that she'll remember to arise at a civilized hour in order that they may meet. She is relieved that she does not own a PalmPilot as she is far too intoxicated to wave the little stick thing around.

[Merry]

Merry likes the idea of curb chain bracelets!

"Heck, we can even make them charm bracelets! We can have a little silver margarita, a little silver horse head in the likeness of Fleet Apple, a silver riding crop for AAJumper, and just for coreene, a little silver man wearing a busboy apron!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

And then Merry could sell them on QVC ... just like her alter ego on another thread -- Joan Rivers!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[Merry]

If I'm selling things on QVC, no doubt you'll be buying them! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

coreene sees that Merry and Beezer are in a snit. She wants to stop the fighting, but she's so involved with Jose (or is it Raul by now?) that she can't come to the rescue. Instead, wtywmn and Suave break up the two sisters.

"We can't let quarrels disrupt the karma of the cult!" rusty says. "Think of the legal hassles! elizabeth would be brain-fried!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

[Beezer]

"Hmm ... fried brains," Beezer muses. "Isn't that something Canadians eat??" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[rusty]

Rusty has just whipped up another batch of Margaritas. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

As far as tracks got there is always Pleaston or Golden Gate Fields or Bay Meadows. They are all relativly close together so if we get turned down by one there is always another. THey race Mules so why not WBs.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[equitationlane]

Curb chain bracelets! Afraid I beat you to it by several decades. When I was in seventh grade, YEARS AGO, my horsy friends and I wore them all year. It never caught on with the rest of the less than SAUVE classmates, but we knew we were special.

[Merry]

Welcome, Rexford!
Everyone jangled their curb chains in a welcoming tone and uttered, "Welcome, Rexford!"

But how do we know you're not a Canadian in disguise? Can you answer the following questions?
1. True or False:
Former president Richard Nixon (alias "Tricky Dick") was born in Yorba Linda, virtually just down the street from Merry's sister, Beezer.

2. Fill in the blank: "My, those look like a lovely couple of ___________. I'd like them for some guacamole this evening."

3. Multiple choice: The unofficial state mascot of California is: A)the seagull
B)a homeless man who was once a screenwriter for "The Michael Richards Show
C)the Taco Bell chalupa chihuahua

4. True or False: Proper huntseat show attire in California includes a pair of either Ray Ban or Oakley sunglasses.

5. Complete this sentence: "Yes, I know that my cellphone is visible underneath my huntcoat, but I cannot be without it. I never know when my __________ is going to call."

Essay Question (10 pts.) In a few complete sentences, respond to the following:
I am not impressed by show-business types. Movie stars, schmovie stars. Heck, I grew up competing with...

Neatness counts! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[This message was edited by Merry on Mar. 15, 2001 at 12:23 AM.]

[This message was edited by Merry on Mar. 15, 2001 at 12:25 AM.]

[AAJumper]

Hmmmm....eating brains? Reminds me of Return of the Living Dead...."It hurts to be dead....I can feel my body rotting.....brains make the pain go away......"

AAJumper jangles her curb chain, welcoming Rexford. After reading Merry's questionaire, she wonders if she has been making a fashion faux pas at the shows wearing her Hobie sunglasses rather than Oakleys. But then again, she does the jumpers, so maybe it's okay...after all, anything goes. Besides, at least she doesn't make her horse wear a baseball cap on its head at shows, like some jumper riders she's seen. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[elizabeth]

elizabeth pushes through the crowd, impatiently throwing elbows, shoving small children to the side, "excuse me, excuse me. . . . people, . . . I am very important and very busy. . . excuse me. Has anyone seen my post? I just posted a post welcoming Rexford and saying hello to AAJummper, and the post is gone. . . . It's those Canadians and infopop. It is SO hard to get good work-product from up North. What, with NAFTA and everything. Well, I can't post again, I'm too busy. Just too busy and important. Have I said that already?"

elizabeth strides away, jingling her curb chain impatiently.

I need a scotch. Where is Weeble? Suavereno, honey, where are you? Oh, coreene, who is this rumpled-looking 22 year old studmuffin of yours? <<elizabeth smacks her lips involuntarily>>

[SuaveReno]

Merry feast your eyes /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[SuaveReno]

Scotch? Are you sure? Rusty made some more margaritas with Pedrone this time /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Coreene: What's your time frame on Saturday says SuaveReno??? Will we be sober /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif ?

[elizabeth]

I've never heard of Pedrone. Is it some kind of narcotic? Or is it a facial scrub? Help.

Oh, hey, that horsie is looooovely. Let's keep him as our mascot and ditch Rocky.

Rocky growls menacingly from his dog bed in the corner, and he waves his rose bushes shears threateningly.

[wtywmn4]

Straight up elizabeth, on the rocks or with a splash? See how important you are? But you have to stop knocking those kids down, I mean...even if they do need it. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Wty jangles her curb, wondering how much it will cost to have it dipped in 14k. That would be a nice look, could even do Rocky's collar.

coreene, we have a fresh batch, thanks to rusty and now we need to address the curb chain enterprise. Leave him alone!! The woman is insatible.Wty wanders off, giggling to herself, picturing Merry in her gold sequined dress...That Beezer, she sure has a way with words.

Rexford? How are you coming with those questions?
Good, Merry is doing something other than fighting with Beezer. Heaving a large sigh of relief, one hates to see sisters fighting!

[This message was edited by wtywmn4 on Mar. 15, 2001 at 08:17 AM.]

[dublin]

OMG!!!!

Is it, could it be.... the one and only FLEET APPLE????????????????

(I can't believe I'm actually posting here at 5:15 am!!!!)

[Merry]

Yes, he's OUR mascot, but the entire state of California? Hmm.... I'd have to say the correct answer is the Taco Bell dog. I mean, what with our state being usurped from the indigenous Hispanics (that whole Treaty of Guadalupe Hildago would never stand up in court today, right elizabeth?), it only seems fitting that some shred of their culture should come back to poison us with fat and beef by-products.

"Gold-dipped curb chain bracelets, eh? Sounds like something we could 'do'. Heck, there's enough gold in Beezer's jewelry armoire to melt down enough gold to coat an entire tack store of curb chains!" Merry reveals with delight. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[dublin]

Welcome to insomniacs un-anonymous, Merry!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Looks like the CA clique is getting an early start today.

[elizabeth]

sigh. . . . elizabeth gets out of bed, showers, and drags hersefl to the office before 7 am to research the Treaty of Guadalupe Hildago.

"Darn clients," she murmurs sleepily, "first they ask me about setting up a non-profit cult to make bracelets, now they are asking me to research treaties."

[wtywmn4]

Yawnnnn, this is WAY too early. Ahhh rexford, you know how we Californians love our chalupas! elizabeth, we will forgo the scotch, unless you would like an Irish coffee with breakfast, so close to St. Paddy's day as we are.

Thus unsrambling her brains, wty heads for the kitchen, hey! The frig is empty!! Back to bed, someone will get us some food???

[equitationlane]

Welcome, Rexford!
Everyone jangled their curb chains in a welcoming tone and uttered, "Welcome, Rexford!"
But how do we know you're not a Canadian in disguise? Can you answer the following questions?
1. True or False:
Former president Richard Nixon (alias "Tricky Dick") was born in Yorba Linda, virtually just down the street from Merry's sister, Beezer.
----------------------------------------------
True, true. And he had the pink house in San Calmente, too.
--------------------------------------------------
2. Fill in the blank: "My, those look like a lovely couple of __AVACADO'S_________. I'd like them for some guacamole this evening."

3. Multiple choice: The unofficial state mascot of California is: A)the seagull
B)a homeless man who was once a screenwriter for "The Michael Richards Show
C)the Taco Bell chalupa chihuahua
---------------all of the above--------------
4. True or False: Proper huntseat show attire in California includes a pair of either Ray Ban or Oakley sunglasses.Actually, my WalMart's work just fine. But then again, I never was one of the "cool" people. Anyway, when I loose my WalMart sun glasses I don't have to take out a second on the house to replace them.

5. Complete this sentence: "Yes, I know that my cellphone is visible underneath my huntcoat, but I cannot be without it. I never know when my __�Significant other�________ is going to call."

Essay Question (10 pts.) In a few complete sentences, respond to the following:
I am not impressed by show-business types. Movie stars, schmovie stars. Heck, I grew up competing with... Horses, hoggs and hussies

Neatness counts!

Was that neat enough? It's really hard to answer all those tough questions. For the true, false I just rattled my curb chain and said a few Incantations to the GOD FLEET APPLE and hiis itty bitty rider.

Question for you: Who was Fleet Apples' stable mate that may or may have not been on the team? Hint: he was grey.

We should start a "do you remember" trivia thread. Like, who was the stunt rider(s) for the Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit?null

[elizabeth]

"Hello, homegrocer.com? I need you to bring some oreos, veggie burgers, and margarita mix to my friend wtywmn4. And can you attach a note saying 'here is my breakfast of champions for you.' Thanks."

Rexford, I loved your answers! Welcome, welcome.

Though your answer about the pink house was a little suspect. Being new to CA, I have noticed that every third person has a pink house!!

[rusty]

I should know the answer to the horse in the Greay Flannel Suit question since I have watched a zillion times in the past feew months. My daughter loves it. But it is to early to be thinking right now.

[Coreene]

...and swears off waiters. Says she only made out with them because one looked like Antonio Banderas and one looked like Ricky Martin and she'd felt that Champagne-induced need to live a little La Vida Loca.

She finds her Filofax, which unfortunately has little drips of crab dip and guacamole smeared on Saturday where'd she'd scrawled SUAVE RENO in coral lipstick. "Why is this here?" she wonders, and then vaguely remembers something about trying to hook up with SR on Saturday.

Now thoroughly confused, and PO'ed about the crab dip on her Filofax, she bossily orders one of the servants to clean it up and wanders off looking for Suave Reno, with her GOLD curb chain bracelets a-jingling.

[Merry]

QVC camera zooms in...
Voice-over from marginally attractive hostess (just missed being a weather girl for an Omaha station): "Today, direct from California, we're offering a limited edition shipment of your choice... that's right, YOUR CHOICE, of this stunning curb chain bracelet in either 14K yellow gold or stunning sterling silver. These are fabulous! No one else on your block will have them! They're handcrafted by the 5M Cultists, a small, non-profit group."

(Camera view now opens to shot of model wearing both bracelets on one wrist)

"Oh," the hostess gushes, "You can just see the craftsmanship evident in these bracelets! Order yours early. We can ship overnight, except...." (there's an uneasy pause), "except to Canada. I'm sorry, but our Canadian viewers are not allowed to purchase these bracelets."

(There's a hushed mumbling overheard as the hostess confers with the director: "Arlie, are you sure it says that Canadians cannot order the bracelets? What's up with that?")

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[SuaveReno]

It's J.J. Smith. says SuaveReno after 4 cups of coffee and after reading the "merry thread" frot he 2nd time in cased she missed something the first.

HORSES 1968 was my source for the photo. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
\
Welcome Rexford to our overtly happ CA clique /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I'd enjoy a whatever happened to.......thread too
hmmm maybe we could do it here /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[SuaveReno]

It's J.J. Smith. says SuaveReno after 4 cups of coffee and after reading the "merry thread" frot he 2nd time in cased she missed something the first.

HORSES 1968 was my source for the photo. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
\
Welcome Rexford to our overtly happy CA clique /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I'd enjoy a whatever happened to.......thread too
hmmm maybe we could do it here /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[wtywmn4]

Befuddled hostess flashs that ever so attractive smile, annoucing "We just had to make sure, but it looks like the Canadian border is the limit on these lovely, once in a life time bracelets." Rummaging thru her cards, then drapping one over a royal purple cloth..."Oh my, Arlie is that correct? We only have several dozen left. And we just don't know when we will be getting these back in stock."

Camera closes in for a parting shot, as the SOLD OUT flashes across the screen.... /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[VTrider]

Fleet Apples' stablemate was Silver Scot /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[equitationlane]

Now, (this one is easy) what hunter did they have and what junior rider rode him to AHSA Medal Finals reserve?

[Beezer]

Beezer frantically scrabbles through her jewelry armoire ... "What the heck?? I KNOW I have more gold chains than this ... and what's happened to my silver??"

Then she shrugs. Easy come, easy go ... as in, LET'S GO SHOPPING! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Come HERE. Come on. Back to the first page.

How embarrassing. Picking your thread up from the second page is as bad as picking your thread up from the holding tank at the local jail. Let's hope we all learned a lesson from this. (sigh) /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[rusty]

This thread is falling to page two. AGh!!!
Should we add the RIP section of the what ever happpened too thread here?

[SuaveReno]

As the others join Beezer in Olympic shopping, Coreene and SuaveReno come up with an idea for the ultimate horse show sponsored by (u guessed it /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Marvelous Merry's Metabolic Mystic Mud Masks /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Wanting to offer the riders the ultimate in competition and sport she offers the following classes: This is only a partial list

1. Hack & Yack Division consisting of:
a. Hack & Snack U/S (not under saddle but Upset Stomach)
b. Hack & Pack over fences (to be shown over a course of 8 fences approximately 3' in height with samonite 24" pullman in tow. To be judged on performance and suitability of bagage. Extreme weight of suitcase to be penalized)
c. Hack & Black undersaddle to be shown at the walk, trot and canter in a basic black cocktail dress (pearls optional)

2. Jumpers, Face-Plant and Out. (Jumps optional) Rider to be judged on originality, technical skills and creativity.

3. Hunter Breeding Division. Horse to be judged on originality, technical skills and creativity (garter belts and nylons will be penalized)


/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

SuaveReno is now passing out (to be judged on technical skills, creativity and originality /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Suavereno - "Hack and Snack" - LOVE IT!!

"And Posting Trot, please,. . . . and walk and take your peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of your fanny pack."

[SuaveReno]

By George you have seen that class haven't you? /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Beezer]

I'll be the first entry for "Hack and Snack With Jack" ... the terrieristas will make a grab for everyone's snack pack. She who manages to protect hers with the most panache wins! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

"So," Beezer muses, "this is how this late-night posting works ... and she's glad SOMETHING is working, 'cause Beezer sure isn't ... working, that is, even though she is at work." And not getting an iota of said work done, she might add. "Reporters ... can't can't kill 'em. No matter HOW hard you try." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[Merry]

"Oh," Merry says sheepishly, "so, Beezer, you, ah, noticed that a lot of your gold jewelry is missing? Sorry, but we soooo needed it for meltdown. Big production crunch for QVC, you know."

[This message was edited by Merry on Mar. 16, 2001 at 02:37 AM.]

[wtywmn4]

Suave you forgot Lawn Darts, a 2.2a class, in the jumper division.

Wty is so happy, at last the Hack & Snack class with Jacks, how utterly perfect!! Leaping Russells, running horses, hmmmm wasn't that the last under saddle class we participated in? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[elizabeth]

Beezer, it is unclear to me why you are not jockeying for a hostess position on the QVC series dealing with the gold-plated curb chain bracelets. I mean, now that Merry has 'fessed up, you SHOULD have a spot on the show, rightfully.

Can't you picture it? The glory, the fame: "And these are going fast, folks. What do we have left? I think we only have sizes 8 and 9."

[Coreene]

Coreene, always after a quick buck, tries to come up with a business plan for an offshoot catering company to supply the Hack & Snack class.

Then thinks "Hack & Snack - Appointments" will be another spin off the H&S class. Different appointments depending on which type of sporting event.

Then she thinks "Oh, we could sell the saddle bags for this on QVC, too!"

Do a limited run, so that we can hold back a few, make them collectors items and have another black market for them on eBay...

[Merry]

"We want to welcome you back to this last hour of 'Springtime Madness', where we present some one-of-a-kind fashion accessories. I'm your hostess, Bea Wannabe, and our special guests today are Beezer and Merry from the 5M Commune out in California. Welcome, ladies."

Beezer and Merry smile and cleverly jangle their own curb chain bracelets in a little "howdy" to the cultists at home.

"Now, tell us about your Hack 'n Sack saddlebag purses," Bea says coyly with a red-lipped smile.

"Well, these leather purses were designed by our comrade Suave Reno, and are handcrafted by slave labor in Canada..." Beezer begins.

... but she's interrupted by Merry, who grabs one of the hack 'n sacks and swings it over her shoulder and does a swirling modeling turn on the impromptu runway before the cameras. "Look at me!" Merry says into the camera. "I'm on television! Can you see I'm wearing a sparkly party dress? Look how pretty I am!"

Beezer begins to explain in an aside to the hostess that her sister has been under a lot of stress lately. "You know, suddenly her four-year-old gelding isn't doing his lead changes..." This only incites a puzzled look from the hostess. Beezer grabs the back of Merry's sequined dress and yanks her back into her chair and stuffs a hanky into her mouth. Just then, there's a sudden crash off stage and coreene's voice can be heard saying, "I'm so sorry! I was just in such a hurry to catch up with that cute blond script boy. I didn't mean to trip over the stagelights!"

wtywmn flips open her cell phone and speed dials elizabeth. "I think we're going to have some legal issues, liz..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[Coreene]

Coreene, horrified at knocking things over AGAIN, immediately swears off blonde men as bad luck, except for David Lee Roth, and demurely heads for the producer, Suave Enrico, who bears a striking resemblance to Antonio Banderas...

"Hola, Suave Enrico," she purrs. "Donde esta los banos?"

"Over there, lady," says Suave Enrico.

She races off, horrified, and dimly grasps through her drunken stupor that she has asked where the bathroom was...

[Merry]

The QVC show is now an utter debacle. The producer calls, "Cut to a commercial!" but Bea points out that dangit, this is QVC. Everything's a commercial, and besides, she wants more air time. She turns to Beezer. "So tell me," she says in a hoarse whisper, "is there anything you can do to entertain people while we try to salvage this segment?"

"Well," Beezer says, "I can bring on my Jack Russells and the crazed Labrador Retriever."

"Go with it Arlie!" Bea shouts, giving the thumbs-up signal.

Backstage, rusty can't believe she's told to unleash the Jack Russells and Rocky, the crazed Lab. But she does so. In a moment the terriers have savaged a toupee off the director's head, and Rocky has grabbed a butcher's knife from the display on the nearby kitchen set. Stage hands scramble for cover.

Bea is about to lose it. "Is this some kind of a joke? My career is finished!" she screams, waving her arms around.

"No! Stay still!" Beezer cautions. "Don't make any sudden movements while Rocky is armed!"

Suddenly, the TV screen goes black, replaced in seconds by the frozen shot of the QVC logo... /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[wtywmn4]

Wty's fingers are now furiously dialing. Oh pleeeeease elizabeth answer the phone!! Help, we need help!! She screams into the cell. Not only has Merry verbally abused Canadians, on the air, but now Beezer is trying to save the QVC segment and unleashed the Jack Russells. Oh and by the way, that crazed lab has the knife again. WHO gave it to him???

Arlies rug is now torn into a thousand strands of frazzled hair. Dogs jumping, Merry has a glazed look, Beezer seems to be enjoying this. Bea is still waving her arms frantically, which makes the dogs think she's throwing something. They dive into the camermen, knocking down stage sets, upheaving microphones, ohhh the cost of it all. "Oh my lord",screeches Bea, they have jumped into the cooking show which was due to open for the next hour!! Bob what's his name has a very perplexed look, as his Belgium Waffles on the special anadized waffle iron, are being wolfed down by 3 narly looking dogs. One of which is refusing to drop the knife in order to eat. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[rusty]

I just did as I was told, like a good cult member should. Can I borrow the blender from the cooking show? It time to make more Margaritas.

[Coreene]

Coreene comes back from Green Room, smiling again, all stupidity by her having been forgotten by her.

"GIRLS!!" she screams, ignoring the red flashing lights and the fact that the show is on RIGHT THEN. "Girls, I've gotten us a much higher percentage!"

Then she looks down at her blouse and is horrified to see that her buttons are, again, done up wrong.

"Zipper the next time," she mumbles to herself.

[Merry]

At this point, Merry leaps up from her chair, pulls the hanky out of her mouth, and locks arm-in-arm with coreene and rusty and the trio begins singing, "There's No Business Like Show Business", complete with synchronized high knee kicks.

[AAJumper]

AAJumper squeals with delight at the prospect of having a Lawn Darts 2.2a class in the jumper division. "Do you think they'll offer a Lawn Darts M&S classic? I'd be sure to rack up points in that!!!" Captivated by her visions of grandeur as Queen of all Lawn Darts, she fails to notice the chaos escalating on the QVC set. She is awakened from her daydreaming by what sounds like dogs howling...but in fact, it is Merry, Coreene, and Rusty singing at the top of their lungs. After quickly taking a swig out of the pitchers of margaritas Rusty made, she runs out and joins the trio.

[Beezer]

Beezer makes a mad grab for one of the terrieristas ... there is no way she can get both. And forget Rocky ... the crazed Lab is leaping up on tables, waving the knife around. Beezer is sooooo not going there; she values her life.

Beezer snags Weeble. "GET ELIZABETH! And for the LAST time, people, STOP jangling those dang curb chains!!"

Then she smiles. She has to admit ... wtywmn is correct ... Beezer IS enjoying this. She has a certain fondness for chaos. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

As Coreene staggers by, Beezer gently guides her toward the rack of clothes behind the curtains ... "They have some nice zip-up tops over there, Sweetie. In your colors, too. And that young sound man over there ... well, I think he's probably JUST your type. And if you find any cashmere over there, be a dear and wave it in front of Merry. It's the only sure way at this point to get her off the stage."

[vineyridge]

should unquestionably be "Singing in the Rain". It's bright, it's perky, it's likely to stop passersby in their tracks, when it's sung by the devotees of Fleet Apple, all mudded up in Merry's Marvelous Muck Mud Masque. For--how else is the cult able to harvest their muck, except in the rain? Without rain, there would be no cult, no mud, and no money from muck.

If this has been suggested previously, let me say that I've been spending too much time in ERs in the last couple of days, and not enough reading the Wake. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[wtywmn4]

Amid the chaos and song/dance routine, a small voice keeps calling "Hello?' "Anyone there?" "I can hear you, where are you?" Unbeknownst to elizabeth, wty has joined Beezer in trying to subdue the terristas. The cell, sadly, is laying next to one of the golden curbs. Bea has been knocked down by the lab. Who thinks her screaming is akin to play. Coreene, smirk on her face has headed to the clothes rack. Rusty, muttering something about only doing what she was told, didn't know it would end like this. Has now headed to the cooking stage, margarita mix in hand. A/A is bouncing off the walls with glee. A new M&S class, joy oh joy. Weeb's totally aghast at what should have been the high light of the group's business venture, is now sitting on the lap of Arlie trying to comfort him. It's okay, no one saw you with out your hair. I know wardrobe must have something, a hat, possibly a new hair piece? Elizabeth, now fully aware of the devastation, is shouting commands. Stop it!! NOW!!! We don't carry enough insurance for this.

[Beezer]

becomes an honorary CalClique-ster for suggesting such an appropriate theme song. It works on soooo many levels.

Beezer gives AAJumper a little shove. "Listen, Missy. I'm all over that Lawn Dart Jumpers class. I even have the Life Flight Air Ambulance bill to PROVE it!"

[SuaveReno]

Suave stops her horse show planning to remove several the terrieristas from her legs. But girls we need a course designer she syas accidently drop kicking a JRT into the middle of the chorusline /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[weeble]

weeble removes herself from Arlies lap and surveys the chaos around her. She breaks out in a huge grin as she thinks of the PR opportunities here. She can see it now, Entertainment Tonight, Dateline, Inside Edition, and maybe by the time we're done, World's Wildest Police Videos! After all, it doesn't matter what they say about us, as long as they spell the cult's names right. What a ton of free publicity for Merry's Marvelous Masque! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[elizabeth]

elizabeth screeches up to the curb, leaps out of her car, tossing her keys toward some young valet boy who then shouts "tell coreene I said hello."

She strides through the lobby, elbowing past the security guys, pushing babies out of the way, impatiently jangling her curb chain bracelet. When she reaches the stage and surveys the chaos, she is aghast. . . . But only for a moment. Then she is INSPIRED.

"Turn the cameras back on," elizabeth commands, "and where is the programming manager?? The American people have a right to see this glory!"

The trembling Bea points elizabeth to some lip-locked couple. elizabeth strides over, prys them apart, says "Excuse me, coreene, the valet is calling your number" and says to the slighly rumpled suit-wearing produced "Buddy, have I got a show for you."

Just then, the camera-man runs over. "Our veiwership is SPIKING!! SPIKING. We've gone from 7 viewers to 3,420."

Whereupon elizabeth pronounces triumphantly "I knew it. This is a cross between When Good Animals Turn Bad, QVC, and Jerry Springer." Turning to the dazed producer, she says with a self-important smirk "shall we negotiate a lucrative contract for my team?"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[AAJumper]

AAJumper is unfazed by Beezer's shove and scoffs at her claim of Lawn Dart superiority. "Hmmmphf...well, you may have been air lifted, but I have a plate underneath my eye socket as proof of my excellent lawn darting technique. A combination flip and kick to the face...it's a unique move that I'd been working on for months. And, I have good aim...why, once I even landed right on a jump cup." With that statement, AAJumper pulls down her pants, revealing a large V shaped scar on her thigh. Just then, AAJumper realizes that the camera is running and directed at her.... /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif As she tries to pull her pants back up, one of the Jack Russells grabs the waist of the pants, and a tug of war ensues. She screams for help, but her pleas are lost amongst all the chaos.

[elizabeth]

elizabeth and the producer clap their hands with glee as AAJumper moons the entire viewing population. Taking a large swig from her margarita, elizabeth says "here's to viewer ratings!"

[This message was edited by elizabeth on Mar. 16, 2001 at 10:53 PM.]

[weeble]

weeble writes furiously as Elizabeth fields calls on her cell phone nonstop. They all want an audience with the cult, Regis, Matt Lauer, wait...Jerry Springer?????? Oh, Jerry just wants the dogs.

The ladies on "The View" want Merry and Beezer for their fashion and beauty segment. weeble wonders if Elizabeth ever considered entertainment law?

[rusty]

More Margaritas any one? We need to celebrate the increase in our ratings.

[Beezer]

Matt Lauer and margaritas ... DIBS!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Merry]

If we go on Jerry Springer, who will throw the first chair?

[Beezer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>If we go on Jerry Springer, who will throw the first chair? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It will be Kimmie McDonald! Furiously heaving an entire contingent of chairs across the set at the assembly members of the 5M cult and screaming: "Stop talking about me!!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[wtywmn4]

Extracating herself from the folds of news reporters, who have now assembled outside of studio 5B, wty gallantly trys to grab A/A off the set. The russells will not let go. "Leave it" yells elizabeth, taking another long drink from her margarita. No way will elizabeth allow this current ratings peak to end. Weeble is trying desperately to chronilogically file all the dates being requested. Beezer, help she yells. Pleeease, rusty has taken to making 3 blenders full of margagritas. Now coreene is passing them out to one and all. Just then another call comes in, Weeble, mouth open, hands the phone to elizabeth. "Yes?" "Who?" "You have got to be kidding!" Well, says elizabeth, We have arrived. That was "Oprah" they want us to come on their show first! Curbs jingling, we all stare at one another....A/A stops mid grind, coreene hanging off the nearest & dearest valet, doe eyed looks on. Rusty making her now famous, QVC margaritas halts, mid-blend. Merry and Beezer look at one another, a slow smile spreading across their faces.

[elizabeth]

"ahhhhhh," elizabeth says, jingling her curb chain bracelet with excitement, "we are going to be rich, RICH, I tell you."

Now, we need to do some serious organizing. Which first - Jerry, Oprah, Today? Oh, and that guy. . . what's his name. . . Regis - he wants to ditch the chick he just signed up and have coreene join him in the director's chair. He said something about having a "zipper's only" clause in the contract, however.

Let me go draft that contract up. . . . .

Oh, can somebody please make the lab put down the Ginsu knife set? I mean, really.

[Merry]

"Oprah?" Merry asks in disbelief. "Oh no, just please don't tell me it'll be one of those episodes where we all sit around and sip coffee and wax poetically about the last book we read!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[wtywmn4]

No Merry, elizabeth says, she wants the full blown act! Hmmmm, muses wty, this could be really something. What will I wear? Might need to go shopping. Coreene, finally able to stand, unaccompanied, realizes she has a JOB! Merry, is muttering about the sparkly dress or cashmere, again. Beezer, desperately trying to extracate the ginsue knife from the lab, ducks as A/A finally dislodges the last russell from her clothing. Hauling her pants finally onto her bruised and battered body. rusty is wandering about coaxing people to take the last remains of her margaritas. I really didn't know it would turn out this way, she mutters. Weeble, no longer able to hold her composure, knocks Arlie over while wheeling about in glee.

[AAJumper]

After finally being released from the tenacious grip of the Jack Russells, AAJumper has a moment to ponder the possible earning potential of the cult, what with all these appearances they will be making. She glances around the room wondering, "now that we'll all be rolling in $$$$, who will be the first to buy one of those $500,000 hunters that everyone's been talking about???" She becomes mesmorized thinking of all the stuff she could buy.....

[elizabeth]

Elizabeth, having spent the morning working at a soup kitchen in East LA, declares that the bulk of the funds made will be going to charity.

$500,000, however, will be set aside for a communal horse. He/she will be named "Funeral Thread."

We need to think of a barn name for him. . . .

[weeble]

A barn name...how about Koi Boy? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[wtywmn4]

Once again, business is booming! Koi Boy, wty says, I like it! Who will show this bank account on four feet? Okay, now the farm name. Hmmmmmmm, 5M Acres? Koi Pond Acres? We need to be precise with a horse of this magnitude. Scratching her head, she survey's the set. Time to grab that limo and head for the airport. Elizabeth is hotly dictating contracts. She whips out her portable fax/shredder and waits patiently as the machine starts humming. Rusty, has finally run out of ingredients, coreene corraled is making her demands for the new job to elizabeth. Merry and Beezer are rounding up dogs, no one as of yet has been able to pry the ginsu knife from the lab. A/A is talking to QVC's Dr. on the set, showing him her war wounds. Suave has just called, weeble is trying to tell, gently, how the show went. Wty muses to herself, life does go on.

[Merry]

"Koi Boy, I like it!" says Merry. "In honor of the funeral thread, should our stall drapes and be all black? Our tack trunks will be customized Warner's trunks that are designed like little chrome coffins! And we'll line the inside of our tackstall with tuck-and-roll purple satin. And there will be big sprays of red and white carnations on stands outside our stalls!"

[AAJumper]

AAJumper, now looking like a mummy from the waist down after being bandaged by the QVC doctor, claps her hands together rapidly in excitement over the stall decor. "Can we have little tombstones outside our tack stall? And for our golf cart, we can modify it to look like a mini hearse!!!"

[elizabeth]

"Beep beep. Get out of the way!. . . "

"Mama, was that a golf-cart hearse that just drove by?"

I was envisioning that we would all ride Funeral Thread, since for $500,000 he had better be a hunter AND a jumper AND perhaps play polo during the off season. Actually, everyone would ride him except me. I just want to stand at the fence at the show ring and shout at AAJumper and Beezer "You have to have more than that."

(Meaning, step on the gas.) I think I would sound very professional shouting that. . . at least in my day-dreams I do.

[elizabeth]

Oh, a syndicate. We'll have to form a syndicate.

elizabeth has no freakin' idea what that means, but it sounds good to say in a situation like this! Those entertainment lawyers are always forming syndicates. Weeble, thanks for reminding me that I am now an entertainment lawyer!

[wtywmn4]

Koi Boy, our own special hunter/jumper/possible polo pony! Black, love the color, every ribbon looks good with a black drop. And in those mini hearses, which will tactfully be left out, there will of course be the proverbial curb chain bracelets!! A lovely tack room in black, with carnations abounding, couchs and chairs for the ready. Elizabeth, you will have to do the honors in the under saddle classes. You're our entertainment attorney, we have to show you off. A/A will do the jumpers, Beezer, Merry the regulars, coreene, dear leave the man alone, good grief, we're talking showing here. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
Wty dreamily looks off, she can hear it all now "Koi Boy, owned by Funeral Thread's Farm 5M Corporation.

[AAJumper]

Phew....would someone please turn on the AC??? It's sunny, 82 degrees out, and I am roasting! Is there any water left in the Koi Pond? Those fish are gonna fry!

AAJumper is sweating profusely from all the activity, not to mention the recent change in weather. "Hey!" she exclaims....it's time for........ Koolaid!!! Just then, the giant Koolaid Man busts through the tack room drapery facade at the QVC studio, knocking over carnations and tombstones. Rusty instantly runs over to Koolaid Man with her blender the bottle of tequila she stole from the green room. "Anyone interested in a Koolaid Margarita?" she exclaims. Coreene, however, has a sparkle in her eye as she thinks up some other plans for Koolaid Man. Elizabeth begins fervently writing up a contract to include KoolAid Man in the cult, uh...organization, while Beezer and Merry consider having him break their greenies. "After all, he does have all that padding...we ought to put him to use," Merry ponders. Wtywmn, captivated by the drama unfolding, begins to ponder writing a made-for-TV movie about the organization's follies. "This could be a Lifetime Original," she exclaims.

[elizabeth]

wytymn4, I haven't done well undersaddle since I was in a school horse show about thirteen years ago. It was a one-shot deal; I was on a horse named Champ. I peaked early on the flat, and there is no going back..

No, I think I will stick to coaching. "Wait, waaaaait. Hold, hoooooooooold," elizabeth shouts to AAJumper from the ringside.

As to the Koolaid man, I wonder if I should make provisions in the contract for the situation where our scam. . . errr cult . . . has to be broken up for tax reasons. If we have to liquidate, I do NOT want Koolaid man to have a piece of Koi Boy.

[rusty]

This silly $%#^&%% computer would not let me post earlier today, and now I forgot all of the things I was going to post. So I guess I will just go rattle my curb chains and make more Margaritas. What flavor do my fellow cult members want now?

[elizabeth]

elizabeth stalks onto the QVC set and calls a meeting. "Do you know what they said? Do you? Do you?" Merry tries to jangle her curb chain bracelet to soothe elizabeth, but elizabeth was having none of it. Even Rocky could feel her rage and was cowering. . .

They said "We've only got two more pages to go and we're at 50. We kicked those Californians @$$ so hard that their great grandfathers felt it."

People, stop jingling your chains, smootching the valets, twirling in your sparkley party dress, sending faxes (that one was directed at me), getting toasted on bad margaritas (I'm sorry - I'm speaking in a frantic rage here), and START POSTING. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

But I feel so wrung out! It's sunny (84 degrees), my daffodils are blooming, and I have a two photo shoots and a horse show in the next week. I am creatively taxed!

Merry hears the sounds of wailing, mournful violins sobbing in the background... /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[elizabeth]

I know, I know. I'm sorry I raged. I was having a flashback to my guilt-induction, finger-pointing lessons my mother kindly gave me throughout the past 27 years.

Now, about this photo shoot, Merry - are you moonlighting on the cult?? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Merry]

No, they're photos to go along with my resurgence on the modeling scene. Remember? I'm really Anna Nicole Smith. Or is it Joan Rivers? I get so confused these days!

"What I really need," Merry says, "is a vacation. You know things are getting tense in my life when I ask my husband for emotional guidance." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

One of the reasons why I'm upset?

The koi pond is being graded over! The tractor man is coming this week! Yes, I will soon be riding in my arena again, tromping on the graves of so many shriveled carp carcasses! /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

[wtywmn4]

Oh, the stench! Wty grabs her nose, squeezing it hard, imagining all those little graves. Poor elizabeth, okay, well, ringside it will be. We need our cheering squad active, our cult.. errr corporation needs guidance. And WHO is trying to kick our proverbial butts? Not those iced over Canadians I hope. Coreene, you can't fool us, we recognise those doe eyes for what they really mean! Merry, now the shoot will take place on the beach, so put the sparkly dress away. A/A how are you feeling dear? You're looking, ah so much better. Some of the bandages have come loose. Lets see if we can't tie them up. rusty, koolaid margaritas, hmm there might be a business in all that. Nah, some college kid, somewhere, probably has already tried that. Wty's fingers are so tired from writing the script for a Lifetime movie. Should have brought that cute little laptop! Where is weeble when you need her? Beezer, are we syndicating our QVC show?

VACATION? Oh Merry, aren't we on one now? We only need the ocean, and cyrstal blue sky to complete the picture. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[rusty]

There would have been a few more posts if I had been able to post yesterday. I think that the CANadians were holding this thread hostage. Or else it was the sunny weather and we were all out riding. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
I think the Your so Vain Thread is about them. After all we stopped our original thread because they were complaining about it taking up server space. Maybe posting here is all they can do in the winter in the frozen north.

[Merry]

I agree, rusty! Here we were gracious enough to silence our original thread, and now theirs is more bloated than ours ever was. Those dastardly Canadians! They're motivated by pure jealousy. They can't make a real tostado. They realize they can't have our weather, our surfer boys, our avocadoes, our vineyards or Disneyland, so they're conquering us in other ways! They're so subversive!

Canadians: They look like us, but you cannot trust them!

[weeble]

Let's see...it's in the 80's, we're riding, we're showing, the green pastures of Northern California are lush and tall and the horses are getting fatter and shinier by the hour. We've broken out the shorts and tank tops and updated our sunglasses for the year. The cult is thriving and it appears the only thing green in Canada is their envy

Oh, and Merry, the Canadians really don't look like us...they're paler! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Beezer]

Beezer fears the worst has happened. Coreene has been silenced by the GREAT ROLLING BLACKOUT OF 2001! Beezer knows this because a Times photographer has pictures of Coreene's blacked-out place of business. We are all in the dark ... literally, this time, instead of the usual figurative.

"Now, where were we?" Beezer wonders. "Oh, yes. Elizabeth, dear, as grand as a movie contract sounds, I fear Merry is just too booked to write the screenplay. Have you talked to Stephen King?? And AAJumper, sorry for the damage the terrieristas caused. But really, those scars will look sooooo good with your other ones, don't you think? Oh ... what I wouldn't GIVE for a mango margarita right now ... HINT, HINT, people!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[rusty]

Mango Margaritas coming right up. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif As the cults self appointed Margarita maker I will try to make any flavor that is ordered.

The way to beat the rolling black outs is to live and work in the same power grid as a hospital or fire station. You don't get your power shut off that way. How ever we must all conserve or we won't have air conditioning this summer. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Not that I have AC any way and certainly not in the barn. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Although when I lived in TX I got to show in a arena with AC now that is great. The Margaritas don't melt. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[elizabeth]

Whew! Well, with all the fast and furious posting by the juniors, we need a little retreat. . . just like we have here on our Wake Thread.

<<sigh>> Rusty, please make me a Cadbury Creme Egg Margarita. (I'm getting in the Easter spirit early.)

Yes, now where were we? I guess we were dabbling in taunting the Canadians.

Do you suppose they realize that most of us had to take off our blazers when we went out for lunch today because it was so hot? If it keeps up, Koi Boy will not need his sheet at night anymore. . . . I doubt the Canadians can think about taking the borium off their horses's shoes yet.

[AAJumper]

I'm hoping for a blackout at my office, so I can go home and swim!!! Who needs AC anyway??? Hee hee...I'm just excited because our pool was completed last October, right after the hot weather left! It was in the 80's here today...I broke out my spring season suit to wear to work, with sandals!!! I bet the Canadians can't make that claim! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

AAJumper dons her Hobie sunglasses and begins to make plans to hit the beach. After all, the cult needs to get out of this stuffy studio on such a gorgeous day. She worries for a moment about her exposing her newly acquired scars from the Jack Russells, but the surf calls! And Rusty's margaritas would sure hit the spot while lying around on a beach chair, watching the waves. Aaaahhhhhh..... /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[elizabeth]

elizabeth, wearing a full sweat suit to hide the 10 pounds gained while studying for the bar, spreads out in the sand next to AAJumper.

<<shoot, she thinks. did i leave my portable fax machine in the car? oh well. . . pass the margaritas.>>

[Merry]

Merry raises up on one elbow. "You know, I just can't reach my back with the sunscreen. Where are those cabana boys when you really need one? Or does coreene have them sequestered behind the lifeguard tower, giving them, ahem, 'lotion lessons'?"

"Remember, ladies: if your sunburn lines are too out of place, you'll be sore and irritated in your Taliored Sportsmans'." /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Cadbury Creme margaritas, eh? How about Peeps flavored? Or,as Beezer and Merry called them while growing up, "Chicky-pippies". /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Every Easter QHSM would make us a chicky-pippy cake: a sheet cake with white icing, green-colored coconut, tiny jelly beans around the outside and chicky-pippies around the corners. Yummy! Talk about a sugar overload! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[Beezer]

Thank you, Merry, for bringing back one of my sugar-coated NIGHTMARES from childhood. "Oh, um, gee, QHSM ... a chicky-pippy cake. Is it THAT time of year again??" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

"Now, someone tell Weeble and Suave Reno to hurry up with the takeout. We have to have a picnic on the beach. Nothing like basking in the sun on the beach with good-looking men and charming friends to make those Canadians cry in their (frozen) beer!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Merry]

Merry takes a swig from her bottle of frosty Gatorade. "By the way, Beezer, the tractor man, Mario, stopped by and evaluated the former koi pond. He shall return on Thursday a.m. to 'do' the arena, which ironically will coincide with the farrier appointment, so we'll have an interesting morning."

Merry isn't sure how the cultists will take the news, that Mario thinks he can move enough arena soil around to prevent the formation of another koi pond in the future! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[elizabeth]

Ahhhhh, so if the Koi pond in the ring goes away, I guess the Koi will have to go into the bathtub in Merry and Mr. Merry's house. Would you bathe with them, or would they go in the guest bathtub?

Rusty, your blender is shooting up sand! Careful, please. I hate getting sand mixed in with my suntan lotion.

[Beezer]

The koi will NOT be moving into Beezer and Mr. Beezer's home. Though we DO have that lovely guest bedroom currently occupied by Mr. Beezer's mother ... but let's not even go there, OK??

"Coreene! Unhand that young man! That is NOT what we meant when we suggested you try body boarding!!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif