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View Full Version : I just need to vent about my family



SAcres
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:34 PM
Today, as we speak, my 60 some year old uncle is flying down to Panama City, FL to pick up my younger sister and DRIVE HER back to PA. Yes, you read that right.
My 16 year old sister flew down to FL for "spring break" :rolleyes: a week ago despite having severe issues with her right ear making it difficult for her to fly. She proceeded to get sick in FL and now is unable to fly back, 1) due to the pain in her ear, and 2) for fear (my parents fear mainly) that she will end up rupturing her good ear drum due to her head cold.
This of course is all after my parents forbid her to go, told her she had to pay her own way, and made it very clear that they were not going to help her out if she got sick, had issues with her ear, or if her digestive issues (possible IBS) acted up. I understand her wanting to have fun for spring break, but she is a junior in high school, going to FL was not necessary.
My father couldn't go down because he has work tomorrow, and my mother can't fly. So now my poor uncle has the task of bailing her out...once again. I voted for leaving her down there and letting her find her own way back.

So now our Easter dinner is ruined, and I came back from the barn HOURS earlier than I wanted to (to get ready for dinner), only to find out it is cancelled. Lovely. :o

At least I'm not the one causing trouble this time...

Ghazzu
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:37 PM
I'm trying to figure out how a 16 year old who was forbidden to go by the parents got there in the first place.
And I'd be sending her a bus ticket, if anything.

SAcres
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:42 PM
My parents caved...they always cave. "Grounding" lasts a day...if that.

She is 16, and she did pay her own way, at some point I feel like you have to say, ok, screw things up for yourself and go, however since she made the decision to go, and she paid her own way, I think she should be responsible for bailing herself out. My family thinks otherwise.

This is one reason I'll never be a parent! I'm afraid I'll get soft and let the kid walk all over me. All I can say is that my parents are very lucky they raised me first, I didn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, no piercings, tattoos, or boyfriends 10 years older than me!

thatmoody
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:49 PM
She's 16, and went to Florida for spring BREAK? You've got to be kidding. My 17 year old wouldn't do that. Of course she'd probably be too scared to, thank goodness.

But that said, I wouldn't have stranded her, either. I would have at least given her a bus ticket home. My parenting instincts don't allow me to punish my kids by putting them in danger. I'd have killed her AFTER she got home, though!

Event4Life
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:53 PM
Since when do 16 year olds go to FL for spring break?? I didn't think I'd been out of the loop in the states for that long....

Yeah, in your parents place, I would've told her to hop on a greyhound.

Sorry about your easter dinner being ruined....I'm away from home for my first easter in awhile, and it kind of sucks :(. Though I did go to a truly awesome church service today, which helped. And made easter decorations/played with the kids i'm au pairing for yesterday.

Opus1
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:53 PM
And I'd be sending her a bus ticket, if anything.

I'm not a parent, but this option is mean. I can't fathom riding a bus from PC Beach all the way to Pennsylvania. Man, that would suck.

It's a great idea! :D No, seriously. The ticket would make sure she has a way back, the ride would be crappy and slow, and no one else would have to break their necks to go get her. And she'd have plenty of time to think about what she did.

Angelico
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:56 PM
Don't worry, I went to my families Easter extravaganza today. Lasted five minutes, I walked out shaking my head and swearing this is the last family get together I'll ever attend. I said it last time, but I think mean it this time.

I get harassed for dropping out of school (I finished online, technically I wasn't a drop out) and not going to college. Basically I ran away and joined the circus (aka the race track). EVERY family member older than myself seems to find a way to bring it up, and in the end they all gang up on me about it. Usually during DINNER! DINNER! Food is the only thing that makes it worth showing up! Don't ruin it for me!



Grrrrrrrrrrrr.... Now look, I'm venting to a bunch of people I met on the internet!

ReSomething
Apr. 8, 2012, 04:49 PM
Itld be a cold day in H E double hockey sticks if my 16 year old went to FL on Spring Break. She gets to go on two chaperoned trips this year through the school and if things go wrong, yeah, I'd burn up the credit card to get there and retrieve her - but Spring Break?? She can't rent a car, she can't rent a motel room, WTF, in some states she'd be a minor out of control - please tell me this is some group trip through school or something!

mvp
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:05 PM
I'm trying to figure out how a 16 year old who was forbidden to go by the parents got there in the first place.
And I'd be sending her a bus ticket, if anything.

Ditto.

Dollars to donuts this kid asks for a bigger bail out later. Why not? Disobeying paid off this time.

And HS students go to FL for Spring Break?

Aye yi yi, OP.

JanM
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:18 PM
Don't these kids remember the 16 or so year old girl that went to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break a few years ago and never came home? That's just nuts. And your parents and uncle aren't doing her any favors by enabling her either.

gully's pilot
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:41 PM
Wow, some people deserve better parents than you've got, OP. Your sister does, and so do you. Try not to sweat it too much--plenty of us who were raised by wolves went on to live happy, meaningful lives. You can't fix your parents or your sister, (or your uncle--why doesn't your mom fly?) but you can live your life well. Good luck.

SMF11
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:58 PM
But that said, I wouldn't have stranded her, either. I would have at least given her a bus ticket home. My parenting instincts don't allow me to punish my kids by putting them in danger. I'd have killed her AFTER she got home, though!

Exactly this.

SAcres
Apr. 8, 2012, 06:00 PM
She is with two friends and one friend's father. The father and daughter have been long time family friends but er, not the most responsible father. Not the worst, but not the best either.

They should not have let her go, not because it was spring break, or because she is 16, but because she has serious health issues that prevent her from traveling well. We're not even sure what these health issues are, been trying to diagnose for months but my dear little sister has been very uncooperative about that as well. She is deaf in one ear, gets dizzy on a regular basis, possible eating disorder, and some sort of digestive issues, possible IBS, although Crohn's runs in the family. She doesn't take care of herself, as in, she will go to school on a empty stomach, eat pretzels for lunch, have cheerleading until 5 pm, then start dance practice at 7, go to 9, and stay up to midnight on Facebook and doing "homework".

I feel like my parents need to get a grip on the situation, but I can understand their reservations. She isn't healthy, she could easily run away or something drastic like that if they push her. She needs to learn to take care of herself instead of having her parents bail her out of these situations. I try to tell them they need to be firmer, actually truly ground her, prevent her from going out, make her quit her sports until she maintains a healthy diet and lifestyle, but they won't. It's frustrating to say the least. I get why they don't listen, I'm young, in college, what do I know?

But whatever, she isn't my kid, I'm not allowed to comment on her "issues" to her, so I'll just ignore it I guess. While my poor poor uncle has to go retrieve her. Stupid child.

gully's pilot
Apr. 8, 2012, 06:03 PM
You know better than your parents, apparently. They should have said "No" a long time ago, and meant it; they should also be making sure she eats appropriately, goes to sleep at an appropriate time, and gets a proper diagnosis. Parenting is a tough job but you've got to do it.

Good luck, OP.

ReSomething
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:11 PM
So there is an adult in the group. Well, phew! (that is, I'm relieved)

BUT, and this is a big but, if my daughter were to have known medical issues I'm not so sure I'd be sending her off even with another adult without some sort of game plan, consent to treat etc.
I just had to pay for a doctor visit to get a school permission form filled out allowing my DD to have Advil if she had cramps on one of her trips so it's been recently on my mind.

Your uncle is a saint to help fix this issue. I'm not too sure how much control your parents can exercise beyond learning a non-negotiable "NO". But they might think about it.

JanM
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:53 AM
Just because there's an adult with them doesn't mean he's a good chaperone or not worse than the kids.

SmartAlex
Apr. 9, 2012, 01:23 PM
Don't worry, I went to my families Easter extravaganza today. Lasted five minutes, I walked out shaking my head and swearing this is the last family get together I'll ever attend. I said it last time, but I think mean it this time.

You know, I just realised I never even broached the subject of Easter dinner with either of my parents this year. My husband and I made reservations and otherwise ignored the holiday.

Wow, that was nice!!! :lol:

Neigh-Neigh
Apr. 9, 2012, 01:23 PM
Your parents are raising a monster. Let them know we said this.

Very glad you see the insanity in their ways.

And a bf 10yrs older than her? Do they like, HATE her or something? Cuz they certainly are setting her up to be a pregnant, used up 17yr old.

ReSomething
Apr. 9, 2012, 01:46 PM
Just because there's an adult with them doesn't mean he's a good chaperone or not worse than the kids.

Great. I was being hopeful and thinking "mature, responsible caretaker", and you had to bust my bubble with "old enough to buy beer".

Yep. Get Unk to go fetch and once she gets home, THEN kill her.

Jaideux
Apr. 9, 2012, 01:50 PM
Don't these kids remember the 16 or so year old girl that went to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break a few years ago and never came home? That's just nuts. And your parents and uncle aren't doing her any favors by enabling her either.

Yeah, she's from around here.

And her mom forbade her from going, but it turns out the sneaky kid got down there anyway and faked being in town the whole time.

Bad choices have bad consequences.

moonriverfarm
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:01 PM
I raised two daughters. I would have never thought of allowing them on a spring break trip across the country at 16, with or without medical issues. They wouldn't have asked either. I was the boss, they knew it, and my word was the only word when it came to decisions like this. I knew when they went to college, they would be able to make their own decisions and that my allowing them the right amount of independence would hopefully help them make good ones. I can honestly say I never felt like they ran over me or got away with anything because I would have lit into them like a match to gasoline. That said, I have two funny, smart, independent and responsible young women in my life and we have mutual respect and tons of fun together. Your parents are cooking up a recipe for disaster with your sister. and sadly you can't do a thing about it.

wireweiners
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:13 PM
Yeah, she's from around here.

And her mom forbade her from going, but it turns out the sneaky kid got down there anyway and faked being in town the whole time.

Bad choices have bad consequences.

How could a 16 yo "fake" being in town? I guess I'm just a mean mom but when my almost 15 yo spends time with her friends, I always have to know who, what, when and where but I also must talk with the friend's parent to determine that the invitation is real and to confirm the plans. I might let my daughter go somewhere with a friend's family if I knew the family, felt like they had the same values/attitudes about child rearing that I did and that I could trust them with my child. But I would never let her go just helter skelter with anybody. If she ran away and did it anyway? I'd be on the phone to law enforcement to report her as a run away, have her little butt arrested and brought back by force as well as filing charges against any adults involved.

Curiously
Apr. 9, 2012, 09:51 PM
They should not have let her go, not because it was spring break, or because she is 16, but because she has serious health issues that prevent her from traveling well.




I disagree. They SHOULD have stopped her from going for any ONE of the three reasons. Three damn good reasons to keep a SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD home!



I feel like my parents need to get a grip on the situation, but I can understand their reservations. She isn't healthy, she could easily run away or something drastic like that if they push her. She needs to learn to take care of herself instead of having her parents bail her out of these situations. I try to tell them they need to be firmer, actually truly ground her, prevent her from going out, make her quit her sports until she maintains a healthy diet and lifestyle, but they won't. It's frustrating to say the least. I get why they don't listen, I'm young, in college, what do I know?




You are absolutely right, and sound very sensible. Funny how one family can turn out one kid with a good head on her shoulders, and the other, not so much. :lol::cool: Unfortunately, I've seen that exact same scenario in many families. Dunno why, but it certainly seems to happen frequently. :confused::confused:

Though, if there is concern that she *could easily run away or do something drastic like that*, that maybe that needs to be addressed somehow? Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the kid? Talk to school counselors? Talk to a family counselor?




But whatever, she isn't my kid, I'm not allowed to comment on her "issues" to her, so I'll just ignore it I guess.


Well, you're in college, so old enough to be out of your parents' not-so-wonderful control. AND apparently have considerable sense. So the *not allowed to comment* to her....hmmm, well, I understand the point of not cornering her or pushing her to do anything *drastic* as you noted, but, seriously, I'm thinking you may need to have a non-confrontational conversation with her and see if you can provide some big-sisterly wise counsel. It may just go over better coming from you than from your parents, if you handle it well -- not a lecture, a discussion. ;)

Grataan
Apr. 10, 2012, 01:17 AM
I'm not a parent, but this option is mean. I can't fathom riding a bus from PC Beach all the way to Pennsylvania. Man, that would suck.

It's a great idea! :D No, seriously. The ticket would make sure she has a way back, the ride would be crappy and slow, and no one else would have to break their necks to go get her. And she'd have plenty of time to think about what she did.

I agree.

And FFS. I'm in my mid thirties and I don't even get to go to FL for spring break!

HorseLuvr
Apr. 10, 2012, 03:57 AM
My guess is the digestive problems are stemming from the eating disorder (abuse of laxatives).

Does not sound good to let a kid go to FL with virtually no parental supervision. I hope your family gets her the help she needs.

markbnly
Apr. 10, 2012, 05:11 AM
If I were her parent I would probably go pick her up. But then again I only deal with ones who are open to criticism of their behavior because they were brought up that way (although not always as easy, obviously).

She probably learned her lesson, I think it's good she is trying to have fun despite health issues. The problem here seems to be the distance.