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snbess
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:03 AM
I am 42 and, other than a few short term relationships, I have always been single. I love it and have no desire to be in a long term relationship. I hear that the majority of single people are happy being single. Are you?

thatmoody
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:06 AM
This is a good question, as I am contemplating becoming single again after many years of couple-hood. I eagerly await replies.

twotrudoc
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:10 AM
I'm 40 and yes I am happy being single. I don't intentionally not date but I also am not exactly looking either.

I have high standards and am not so desperate I need to lower them.

LexInVA
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:18 AM
I'm happy being single at 30, but I do wish I was younger. The dating pool of women in their 30's is pretty incompatible as far as potential relationship partners go and the younger ones are more in line with my way of thinking, my interests, and how I like to live my life, though many of them don't seem interested in someone who is as old as I am. By that, I don't mean they are radically different in every way, but they simply aren't boring and self-centered like many of the women I meet who are 30 and up. Also, by younger, I don't mean 18-23. I mean 25-29.

Love My TB Consent
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:19 AM
I am and I'm 26. Besides a couple not serious relationships, I have been single for 2 and a half years. I have absolutely no desire to date, or be in a relationship. I actually feel pressure from my decision though, as people in my life don't understand/accept it. I have tried a few times to start dating again, but every time I do I am left feeling like I am wasting my time as even if the perfect man appeared, I wouldn't be interested right now.

I have a child though, and the relationship with her father was not the best. While I've never felt the "need" to date, I feel it even less so now.

PaintPony
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:27 AM
Yes. I am fine with it. I'm 37 and a very independent person. I actually prefer to be by myself a lot.

I don't plan to be single forever - the right person will come along eventually.

BlueEyedSorrel
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:32 AM
I have high standards and am not so desperate I need to lower them.

Ditto. 31 and single. I'm not actively looking, also not actively NOT looking. I figure if the guy is right for me, I'll know. I'm not interested in drama, game playing, random hook-ups, being anyone's mommy (literally or figuratively) or sugar-momma. I also have no interest in changing or controlling a guy. You have your Saturday golf game/fishing trip/work-out session with your buddies?--OK, great, have fun, I'll be at the barn.

Sometimes I get lonely and wish I had someone to share the good & the bad with. I have many friends, my critters, my work but sometimes it's still a drag to have to do everything myself. But then then I've known plenty of married or otherwise coupled people who are unhappy and lonely in their relationships.

I also get fed up with the arbitrary labeling regarding ages and the people that say that wouldn't ever date someone over or under a certain age....because all women under 30 want this, women over 30 are like that, men under 35 do this, men over 40 are different because. Ughhhhh. I didn't magically change into some other person the second my odometer rolled over to 30, and I seriously doubt anyone else does either. Age is a state of mind.

BES

Outfxed
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:34 AM
Absolutely happy being single. I'm 61 and have been married twice. My 2nd husband passed away 5 yrs. ago. I was alone for 2 yrs. and then was in a relationship for 3 more years, one of which was a live in.

At my stage in life, I have a great job, a great horse, 2 wonderful beagles that I rabbit hunt, am a free lance artist and have a close knit circle of friends, both married and single. I honestly feel quite complete right now.

Being older, I have no more dreams of the "white picket fence, raising a family, etc." I am established, have a regular routine and don't have to consider someone else when I want to do something. Yes, its selfish to a point, but I'm also not willing to deal with the whole effort of meeting someone else and going through all the rituals of getting involved. My life is very simple right now and I'm happier for it.

Paragon
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:37 AM
Oh, hell yes. It took a while for me to get here, especially after my marriage. I had that nagging feeling like I needed to be with someone. But now that I have a focus in my life and a plan for myself, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship at all.

I still like to look at the buffet, but if someone offered me something, I'm pretty sure I'd turn it down. When I meet the right person, I'll know.

Coanteen
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:40 AM
In my 30's, never in a relationship beyond a bit of dating here and there, and perfectly happy.

Except for the inconvenience of not having a built-in companion for restaurants/travel. That does suck a bit. but possibly not enough to put up with living with someone 24/7 though ;)

Punkie
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:46 AM
I'm in my mid-20s and I love being my own version of single. I don't believe in monogamy, nor do I believe in marriage. I LOVE living alone, I love my freedom and independence. I love not being responsible to or for anyone other than my animals. I have a select number of people in my life that I am intimate with and I can call or who will call me to go on dates and do coupleish things and that's exactly enough for me. It's quite literally the best of both worlds in my opinion and in my life :)

Mukluk
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:47 AM
I am single but would prefer to have a partner in life. Problem is I am pretty picky and I can only compromise so much. Prefer someone who rides or failing that understands/supports my horse habit. It is also difficult to work full time, care for my horse, and run a household. I LOVE the idea of having two incomes as well!!!

dodedo
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:49 AM
Give me a nano second to answer...YES!
I am 50. Married once. Been legally single now for over 5 years but it took about 10 years to get divorce final so I have been single now for 15 years.... Long story. I have a great job, the best family in the universe and 2 fabulous daughters!
Tried the online dating stuff but everyone I met was either looking for a sugar momma, an immediate roll in the hay, or arm candy, which I am not....much happier in a ball cap and jeans than a mini skirt!
Marriage was so miserable for so long and so many reasons that I am pretty sure I will remain totally happy being single! No one to question my horse habit or tell me "don't make that again" after I spent hours preparing and cooking something new. Or vacuum behind me because I didn't do it good enough, or wipe the kitchen counter down behind me, or....you get the
picture! Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship for any reason.
At this point in my life I don't even have a desire to date anymore.
If there is a man out there as wonderful as my father or brother is then maybe we will stumble upon each other through
fate.

charismaryllis
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:51 AM
Same as the OP. officially pushing fifty now; couple brief relationships, and perfectly happy on my own. I've got plenty of friends to do dinner with if I want. ;)

xsalute
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:57 AM
I am 44 and single. I love making my own decisions and living alone. I wouldn't want to argue about how much I spend on my horse or the amount of time I spend with them. If I found a man that was animal crazy I would date. Doesn't need to be a rider but if they were they would have to ride better than I did - because men don't listen when you try to teach them, and it drives me crazy. One guy I dated tied his horse to a fence (the improper way) because his horse was reacting to being bit by mosquitoes.

dudleyc
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:17 PM
I am 51. I've been divorced for almost 15 years. I have had 3 serious relationships since my divorce and a lot of fun relationships. I've now been single and not dating for about 4 years and I am very happy.

I work full time, I ride 2 horses daily I live with 2 dogs. My money is my own, my house keeping is my own and my time is my own.

It is hard though for a lot of people to understand

Dutch Lovin' Dressage Rider
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:33 PM
I am 44. Divorced. Yes, and no. No one is perfect but I would love to share my life with someone whom we have true compatibility. I find that physical, mental, and sexual chemistry are hard to find. There has got to be physical attraction and compatibility but when I look at what is out there, I just have a hard time being attracted to whats available. It is either too young or too old squishy not healthy and requires help.

Plus, finding someone who fits into my lifestyle is not easy. They are either too city slickerish, or too country bumpkin hick, and they want to change you. Plus I am shocked at how there are lots of needy men out there, which is a turn off to me.

So yes, I would rather be happily single, than with some friction person who just isn't a match for me. If I had someone, it would be someone where I am completely myself in all regards, interests, and philosphy of life. They would have to be a fit or match for the person I am, and the person I want to be.

twotrudoc
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:34 PM
You gals in your 50s, I want to ask you something. I keep hearing that men in their upper 50s and over are just looking for someone to "take care" of them. Have you found this to be true?

The impression I get is some old wrinkly tired used-to-be a playboy but can't afford the lifestyle or girls that go with it anymore and is looking for a potential butt wiper and house cleaner.

Am I way off base? Thoughts?

Blugal
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:34 PM
I am ok being single. I haven't tried a serious relationship so I guess I can't really compare it! I am wary of the "grass is greener" principle - many of my married friends like to spout off about their lives, but they only tell me the bad things and not the good things.

Agree with BES - just because you turn a certain age, doesn't mean you suddenly change. I am always puzzled by the people who say, "the dating pool is so much worse after 30 - everything's been picked over." Well I guess I just assume there are probably lots of other people like me out there, who are living their lives and perfectly "normal" and still on the market.

MunchingonHay
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:35 PM
I am 35 nearly 36 and I have been in 3 serious LTRs, the last one I ended in December. I have dated a lot, and while I am very happy with my station in life, my goals, my schooling and what I want in the next few years. One thing that I would like is to have someone to enjoy it with. I have friends, most of them live out of state or have their own drama, (I run from drama). I realize that I am not at a place in my life where I can give all of myself and that would be selfish of me to be in a relationship where someone expected to have my full attention.

What I do not understand is this, and perhaps this needs it own thread, but I have been on Match, (just looking;)) and most men my age (I look at 33-40) want KIDS! And while thats all find and dandy, but dude, you are 39 years old, party like a player and want kids?? You have to date someone 10 years younger for that.

I get so discouraged by the "kid" thing, that it would not surprise me if I stay single forever.

Rhyadawn
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:37 PM
I'm in my mid-20s and I love being my own version of single. I don't believe in monogamy, nor do I believe in marriage. I LOVE living alone, I love my freedom and independence. I love not being responsible to or for anyone other than my animals. I have a select number of people in my life that I am intimate with and I can call or who will call me to go on dates and do coupleish things and that's exactly enough for me. It's quite literally the best of both worlds in my opinion and in my life :)

I had this and it was great..... I screwed it up though, so not anymore.....

Dutch Lovin' Dressage Rider
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:40 PM
You gals in your 50s, I want to ask you something. I keep hearing that men in their upper 50s and over are just looking for someone to "take care" of them. Have you found this to be true?


I am not in my 50's (yet), but I have encountered this. Not from a financial standpoint, but from someone who has health issues and wanted me to "help him", quote "Help me! Help me!", as he expressed that he "needed" me to make the meals since he couldn't quite figure out how to eat like champion. He continued to have poor eating habits (which gave him a heart attack in his 40's), and still hadn't changed his ways. I said, "No I am not going to be in charge of your weight loss diet. You're a big boy and need to get a grasp on that on your own". Argument followed, of course.

What a TURN OFF! I am NOT your mother (he had mommy issues anyway)! I am not interested in taking care of an invalid. No thank you!

mvp
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:40 PM
Yes, kinda.

I'm 43 and didn't see the best version of marriage/kid raising in my family of origin. So I think I could become a better version of myself if I were to do the work it takes to want to share my life with partner and trust him deeply.

But my standards are high! That's true for him and for me. Also, having made a cool life for myself, I don't want to give up the best parts of that just to incorporate a man.

But here's the thing! I think that if you are in a great relationship, you welcome those changes (and tolerate the compromises); it doesn't look like "losing," it looks like changing your goals.

threedogpack
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:43 PM
At my stage in life, I have a great job, a great horse, 2 wonderful beagles that I rabbit hunt, am a free lance artist and have a close knit circle of friends, both married and single. I honestly feel quite complete right now.

DD and I were talking about this last night. She's single right now and wishes she weren't. Relationships are a lot of work, and I'm just not going to work that hard. Mid 50's so I'm done with the child raising and all. I'm fussy. I don't want a guy who has needy kids, I don't want a guy who will monitor money with a microscope, and he simply cannot be negative about my animals. That's a lot to ask of someone.

OTV
Apr. 8, 2012, 12:56 PM
28, single and couldn't be happier! I got out of a bad relationship 2 years ago and since then...wow. I spend all my time doing what I want to do and it's still a refreshing feeling not having to explain, or justify, or feel judged about the things I do. Sleep in til 11am without hearing about how lazy I am for the next day = heaven. Sleep with my dog on the bed and not have to argue about it? Heck yeah. Eat a bowl of cake batter for supper because I've had a crappy day? Ooooh yeah.

As soon as I broke up with last bf, I had a very good male friend tell me, "you need to do everything you wanted to do when you were in that relationship but couldn't." I have lived by those words for the last two years. I quit my crappy job and went back to school. I'm applying for law school in a year. My dog sleeps in my bed with me every night despite how 'disgusting' some people might think it is. I give up my summer holidays so I can foster puppies for a local rescue. Everything I want to do, I do.

Maybe the right guy will come along at some point, but right now I am actively NOT looking. I'm too focused on what I want and I can't see myself giving that up anytime soon.

laskiblue
Apr. 8, 2012, 01:14 PM
I'm almost 50 and am absolutely fine being single.

I regret wasting years of my life in my 20s and 30s agonizing over romantic relationships stuff. I was so focused on "what's wrong with me, why can't I find a man to love me and stay with me?" that I totally disregarded all the good things about me and all the fun and wonderful things I could have been doing. I think our culture promotes romantic relationships as being the end-all and be-all of existence to the point where it can be a painful obsession for some people. I let go the idea of finding Mr. Perfect sometime in my early 40s and it has been nothing but a great relief to me.

HighFlyinBey++
Apr. 8, 2012, 02:47 PM
I'm 42 and LOVE being single! I was married for just shy of 10 years. I've been divorced for 5 years. In that 5 years, I've lived with two male roommates (both off craigslist, one gay/horsey/MESSY, the other divorcing w/2 kids) and my now-22 y/o son.

When my son left for college last fall, I truly lived alone for the first time in my life. I have my apartment exactly how I want it (down to the hairballs the Easter kitteh left me this morning). My schedule is my own. I only have OK things with my boss!

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have the stability that comes with a second income, but I have no desire to give up my peaceful life.

Swishy-Tails
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:25 PM
all of you women are my heros..... I am 23 and am soooo happy being single! my family thinks I am crazy, or that something is just wrong with me! I am so tired of needy men, I am really surprised with how many there are out there. Or those that try and change me for who I am. I am perfectly happy with my intimates that I can call and go to dinner, watch a movie, whatever with when I am lonely. I mostly just like having nice company around from time to time. But generally I am exceptionally independent and I love living alone, just me and my animals. The last thing I want is a middle aged menopausal man to take care of for the rest of my life....ugh!!!! And they say women are needy/hormonal(!!!!)?

Jack16
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:37 PM
I actually am happy being single. The only time I really miss having an SO is around the holidays when it's super couple time. I like doing what I want, spending money how I want, living how I want. I'm 30 and really am enjoying focusing on myself. If I met a really great guy I wouldn't turn it down but I'm not going to allow myself to feel bad because someone isn't in love with me. That was hard to realize when I was in my twenties and I definitely held onto relationships I should have gotten out of way earlier but I'm having a good time and I am just fine single.

Opus1
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:40 PM
Ditto. 31 and single. I'm not actively looking, also not actively NOT looking. ... Sometimes I get lonely and wish I had someone to share the good & the bad with.

That's pretty much me -- except I'm 33.

I will have been single for 10 years this July. And while I do miss the companionship, I value my independence way too much. I'm the kid who was an expert at playing quietly by myself and it still holds true today. I need 2 or 3 hours a day completely alone so my brain can reset itself and people have a hard time understanding that.

Now that I'm in my 30s, it seems like women my age are all in a rush to have kids and a family. And I don't want that. I've actually thought about dating older just so the kids thing doesn't come up and maybe find someone a little more settled in their life and jobs. I don't want to create a whole new life with someone -- I'd rather just share a life with someone. If that makes sense.

But what I do want is a small house with a nice barn and pasture and a riding ring. And animals! Not just horses, but maybe a dog or two, barn cats, some goats, a couple mini-donks, hell, even a couple of alpacas. And a Flemish giant bunny. I'm not sold on chickens yet, but maybe if they were exotic chickens that made me laugh when I looked at them ...

Truthfully, I'm to the point I'd be more interested in a roomie who also loved animals and rode. Who I could open up to on occasion, and maybe even show with.

Arcadien
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:46 PM
45 & single most of my life. Most of the time very happy that way. Natural introvert & very independant - whoever said, don't want to have to tell someone else what I'm doing or going to do, or where I am - yep, that's me.

Does have it's lonely moments. But they are rare and not bad enough to make me want to change it. Never wanted kids, and very low, er, mating drive, so no issues there.

My biggest problem, since I'm still reasonably attractive, is other women friends feeling threatened by my being perpetually unattached. They don't start out that way, but at some point I sense jealousy & they start to wonder what I want, if I'm after their man - SIGH. I've always had to end up being very careful to be exageratedly cool to any girlfriend's SO's, which can get annoying as I'm really no threat to anyone's relationship, just naturally friendly. But I guess it's natural, so I'm careful to toe the line when girlfriends feel threatened by me.

The other problem is, not having anyone to bounce ideas off of, sometimes I've made stupid decisions that I think another person in my life might have helped me avoid. But I guess that can go the other way too, and an SO can also encourage wrong decisions...

I fully intend to be the little old lady with her horses in the woods, protected by Caucasian Ovcharka dogs. It kind of amuses me to think of the stories the future little kids will make up about that crazy loner old lady on the block to scare themselves :D

Punkie
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:47 PM
That's pretty much me -- except I'm 33.

I will have been single for 10 years this July. And while I do miss the companionship, I value my independence way too much. I'm the kid who was an expert at playing quietly by myself and it still holds true today. I need 2 or 3 hours a day completely alone so my brain can reset itself and people have a hard time understanding that.

Now that I'm in my 30s, it seems like women my age are all in a rush to have kids and a family. And I don't want that. I've actually thought about dating older just so the kids thing doesn't come up and maybe find someone a little more settled in their life and jobs. I don't want to create a whole new life with someone -- I'd rather just share a life with someone. If that makes sense.

But what I do want is a small house with a nice barn and pasture and a riding ring. And animals! Not just horses, but maybe a dog or two, barn cats, some goats, a couple mini-donks, hell, even a couple of alpacas. And a Flemish giant bunny. I'm not sold on chickens yet, but maybe if they were exotic chickens that made me laugh when I looked at them ...

Truthfully, I'm to the point I'd be more interested in a roomie who also loved animals and rode. Who I could open up to on occasion, and maybe even show with.

If you're anywhere near Ocala, FL, I might have the perfect situation for you! :lol: Small house on 20 acres, brand new 6 stall barn, in the process of footing a 130x240 outdoor arena, 3 horses, 2 dogs, a mini-donkey...oh, and a pot belly pig. That sleeps on the couch. And rides in the car. And does tricks. Did I mention I have a lovely one bedroom apartment attached to my barn? Oh, and I'm 7 minutes from HITS :D:lol:

But in all seriousness, I totally get where you're coming from! It's basically the most awesome thing ever!

jumpingmaya
Apr. 8, 2012, 03:58 PM
Yes and no...
I'm 25... super career driven, love my job/social life/career! I'm pretty sure those 3 things are 1 in my case!
Really focused on where I want to go and what I want to accomplish for myself!
I live by myself, have my routine, rarely if ever feel "lonely"... Hell, haven't cooked (other than for family occasions) in MONTHS... I don't like cooked foods... really eggs are as far as I've gone in the past 6 months.
But on the other hand, realistically... in 4-5 years, I hope to have met someone. I will want a "family", even if it is just with one person.
Was with someone for 4 years (18-22), engaged over a year during said time period and came out of it with the attitude- I'm going to do all the things that I WANT to do (for ME).
I'm doing exactly that.
Seeing someone that lives out of the country and who flies in every other week for a few days (for work)... it works 1000% for me right now. Not demanding, not pushy, not....
But I can honestly say.. that I do want the "white picket fence" and family.. in MY own way ;)
As long as each is happy with his/her own self... their is no right/wrong.
That being said... parents/family members are getting worried about my lack of concern for serious relationships at this point!

Tapperjockey
Apr. 8, 2012, 04:06 PM
I was with someone for almost 10 years. That dissolved when I was 28. I'm 31 now, and I am happy. If I meet someone that I want to share my life with.. that's fine. If not, that's fine too. I am not actively looking at all. Not even really inactively looking.. they'd almost have to fall out of the sky and into my backyard right now. But maybe in a few years.

Blugal
Apr. 8, 2012, 04:09 PM
they'd almost have to fall out of the sky and into my backyard right now.

:lol:
"It's raining men, halleluja, it's raining men, amen..." ;)

Opus1
Apr. 8, 2012, 04:19 PM
If you're anywhere near Ocala, FL, I might have the perfect situation for you! :lol: Small house on 20 acres, brand new 6 stall barn, in the process of footing a 130x240 outdoor arena, 3 horses, 2 dogs, a mini-donkey...oh, and a pot belly pig. That sleeps on the couch. And rides in the car. And does tricks. Did I mention I have a lovely one bedroom apartment attached to my barn? Oh, and I'm 7 minutes from HITS :D:lol:

But in all seriousness, I totally get where you're coming from! It's basically the most awesome thing ever!

Now you're just being mean. :lol:

How's your internet? How'd you feel about a large house bunny, and maybe 2 or 3 goats down the road? The apartment sounds perfect. I don't need or like too much space. I don't entertain people. Ever. Did I mention I was raised on a farm? And I'm handy. And I have no life, so I have time. I love to groom and pet and spoil ...

If you were only about an hour closer to the Ga. line ... Man.

:D

Punkie
Apr. 8, 2012, 04:57 PM
Now you're just being mean. :lol:

How's your internet? How'd you feel about a large house bunny, and maybe 2 or 3 goats down the road? The apartment sounds perfect. I don't need or like too much space. I don't entertain people. Ever. Did I mention I was raised on a farm? And I'm handy. And I have no life, so I have time. I love to groom and pet and spoil ...

If you were only about an hour closer to the Ga. line ... Man.

:D

Internet is better than it was in Boston! And my best friend has been pestering me to get one of those Finnish rabbits ever since I got my pig...she thinks the rabbit would be way more amusing! LOL

I am looking for a barn manager...:D

I'll tell you, having a farm is WAY better than having a relationship!

dressagetraks
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:13 PM
42, very happy being single. I've been in a few relationships, nothing serious.

I'm not averse to a relationship, but I have also seen very many lousy ones. Have also seen some good ones; I know they can occur, but I am admittedly cautious going in. There is a short list of things I will not compromise on (spiritually compatible, NO desire for children, considerate, integrity, loves animals). It's truly a short list, and there are lots of other things I'd flex on, but nobody interesting or interested has met those yet.

Thought someone was considerate once, but he showed his true colors after some months, close to a year, by bailing without a word or any contact return (and we had BOTH agreed initially and updated a time or two that the "taking things slowly" timetable was mutual and in fact mutually desired). He didn't even give me an "I've decided this isn't right," which I would have accepted had he said that. Just bolt and silence, after having agreed at our last date that things were going well. Coward stripes duly painted on, and I'm grateful to him for displaying them.

As others have said, I'm not actively looking. If the right person drops into my life, I'm not averse to the idea. But he will have to drop into my life; I am not going out of my way beating bushes. If I never meet anybody and die single, I'm fine with that.

One lesson learned painfully from my mother: It is FAR better to be alone than to be with the wrong one.

cherham
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:30 PM
Posting as a sister to a brother in his early 50's (never married) and it seems all of your concerns as ladies are the same as his. He finds that at his age the women he dates have usually been married, usually have kids and unfortunately usually have some weirdo ex-husband or boyfriend to contend with. He loves kids so that is never the issue.

My bro is financially stable, excellent well paying job, owns his own farm property, takes good care of himself and could easily pass for 40 and treats his family and friends like gold. Does not smoke, drinks only occasionally (hence no bar scene for him) and when he does find a "nice woman" to date they come visit him at his home and already start making plans to move in and quit their jobs so bro can support them.

His most famous saying is "all I want is someone who is normal" He is not looking for a glamour poster girl, but he wants to find someone that is hard working, has a bit of financial stability to their lives and basically be a life long companion and friend. I keep telling him there are lots of horse ladies about just like you guys.....I should let him read this thread...... :)

dressagetraks
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:44 PM
My personal best "recipe" I've ever heard is from the Music Man. Mentally insert the music to the song yourself.

"And I'd like him to be
More interested in me
Than he is in himself,
And more interested in us
Than in me.
And if occasionally he'd wonder
What made Shakespeare and Beethoven great,
Him I could love till I die."

Love that first bit! Although yes, the last part would really be icing on the cake.

Haven't met him yet. If I do, I'm interested. If I don't, I'm happy.

Gestalt
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:52 PM
In my 20's and 30's I was in relationships (married twice). But finally realized I am happiest living alone. Plan on staying this way.

maunder
Apr. 8, 2012, 05:55 PM
I hear that the majority of single people are happy being single. Are you?

Abso-bloody-lutely and Boy Howdy yes! :lol:

BlueEyedSorrel
Apr. 8, 2012, 09:30 PM
That's pretty much me -- except I'm 33.

Now that I'm in my 30s, it seems like women my age are all in a rush to have kids and a family. And I don't want that. I've actually thought about dating older just so the kids thing doesn't come up and maybe find someone a little more settled in their life and jobs. I don't want to create a whole new life with someone -- I'd rather just share a life with someone. If that makes sense.
.

Makes total sense to me! I want to barf a little whenever I here an engaged woman talk about "the start of our new life together".....like the previous 20-30 years on this planet don't count?:confused: I also don't want kids, and it seems like every other month another friend disappears into the mommy abyss:( (that is if I haven't already lost them to the marriage abyss). Yeah, I get that your kid is important, but puh-leeze, for the love of jeebus talk about something other than your kid and occasionally do something that doesn't involve the kid. Afterall, I don't bore people by talking ONLY about my horse (as beautiful, athletic, sweet, frustrating and wonderful as she is:D).

Sometimes I think I am more bothered by the comments people make about my being single than actually being single. My father has suggested on multiple occasions that I go to a church singles group because "there would be some very nice people there you could meet" (this from a man who hasn't been to Mass in YEARS:rolleyes:). I have major philosophical issues with churches that 1) are against gay marriage, 2) won't ordain women as priests/pastors, 3) are anti-woman (against birth control, anti-choice, think woman's highest achievement is to be a mother etc), 4) think being Christian is a pre-requisite for getting to heaven and 5) take the Bible literally / don't accept evolution. I figure 90+ percent of churches fail at least one item on my list, so my chances of finding a spiritual and intellectually compatible mate there seem slim. Plus, I am not good at keeping my mouth shut when confronted with BS:lol:

BES

LexInVA
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:28 PM
My new COTH profile pic accurately shows my feelings.

EqTrainer
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:31 PM
Lex, I think you need to meet my old working student. Hmmm.

EqTrainer
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:32 PM
Does this count? I have been single all week and as always, love it. Family comes home tomorrow. Sigh. Love them but I also love being alone :). True introvert here.

Arcadien
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:34 PM
My new COTH profile pic accurately shows my feelings.

@Lex LMAO!!! yep pretty much where I'm at too, and quite a relief to take ones own self "off the shelf" with satisfaction!!!:D

sk_pacer
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:46 PM
[I'm 60 and gave up long ago when I was given the unspeakable ultimatum: me or the horses. I took the horses. I am a package deal, a horse (two at that time as well as several I was training) and a whack of cats. He couldn't grasp that I had to go to the track every day and do 'nothing' but drive horses, never clued in that it was part of me. We still are friends but that's as far as it goes now.

I don't mind being alone, and when I need help with something that is a two person job, or something I just cannot manage, I have people to call. I rarely go anywhere alone, always someone wanting a ride along, particularly to the races..... Alone is not a problem for me at all. Except, dammit, I need a maid and/or a cook (dinner consisted of a sandwich made from leftover sausages and supper was cottage cheese) :winkgrin:

Wayside
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:56 PM
I'm not single, but my mother has lived alone ever since I moved out of the house 15 years ago. She's been divorced for 20+ years now. Although she dated a few men briefly after divorcing my father, they always broke up once she told them that she liked doing her own thing, having her own house, her own space, and her own stuff, and she wasn't interested in either marrying or co-habiting with anyone. And I can totally see her point. :lol:

We're pretty close, so I feel comfortable saying that she's very happy single, and has every intention of staying that way.

Though she did say that she never wants to live too far away from me so that she'll always have someone to fix her car and drive her home after colonoscopies :lol:

CatOnLap
Apr. 8, 2012, 10:59 PM
You gals in your 50s, I want to ask you something. I keep hearing that men in their upper 50s and over are just looking for someone to "take care" of them. Have you found this to be true?

The impression I get is some old wrinkly tired used-to-be a playboy but can't afford the lifestyle or girls that go with it anymore and is looking for a potential butt wiper and house cleaner.

Am I way off base? Thoughts?

um, no. I am in my mid 50's

I am born again single after a marriage in my 20's.
I cultivate a few close friends of both genders and none is a sexual relationship. I have a wider circle of regular friends with whom I can go to a variety of activities, and I occasionally date. My dating partners range all the way from their 20's to their late 60's. They all are charming men, and we have enjoyed each other's companies, but honestly, none was looking for a sugar momma or nurse. OTOH, I am pretty clear that I date for fun and am not looking for a soul mate or white picket fence. Its just nice to have a man's company for an evening from time to time.

You do have to be selective, I suppose. I tend to turn down more opportunities than I take. :yes:


PS: Lexin VA? your profile pic is hilarious! It should be an option on FaceBook!

phoebetrainer
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:12 PM
My bro is financially stable, excellent well paying job, owns his own farm property, takes good care of himself and could easily pass for 40 and treats his family and friends like gold. Does not smoke, drinks only occasionally (hence no bar scene for him) and when he does find a "nice woman" to date they come visit him at his home and already start making plans to move in and quit their jobs so bro can support them.

His most famous saying is "all I want is someone who is normal" :)

Cherham, this could be my post, but I'm the woman and nearer to 50 than 40.

I have been single for over a year now, having had a live in here for 18mths. Trouble is that he didn't see that being in a relationship means that you need to think of more than just yourself. Finally I put my foot down and he decided he needed to move out. Since then I've had him telling me that he is not complete without me, that he needs me in his life. Good grief, he lived without me for nearly 50 years, why does he need me now?

Anyway, I do not think that I have been happier or more contented in my life than I have been over the last year. I am very happily single. I know what I want from a relationship - and I do want someone "normal"

I have a farm and all the animals I could want: cattle, angora goats, horses, dogs, cats, pig. I compete with the horses and have fun with my friends. I am just beginning to plan my thesis and have a full time job. The people who I count as my friends range in age from around 6 to 80 or so.

I love my very busy and full life.

Halt Near X
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:26 PM
Yes. I'm in my early thirties and have no interest whatsoever in being in a relationship. It isn't that I avoid dating -- I just don't think about dating any more than I think about going out and buying a giraffe. I mean, I suppose one day I could run across an awesome giraffe at just the right time in my life and buy one, but on a day to day basis, I do not judge the happiness of my life by the presence or absence of a giraffe. Why would I?

LexInVA
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:28 PM
Honestly, I think about going out and buying a Giraffe all the time. The very thought of it fascinates me and though I have no reason to own one, the mere fact that I can easily obtain one and keep it locally is always in the back of my mind.

Halt Near X
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:35 PM
Somehow, that does not surprise me :)

CatOnLap
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:39 PM
nor is it normal! again made me laugh Lex. wanna date? (JOKING!!!)

Keg-A-Bacchus
Apr. 8, 2012, 11:47 PM
I am not currently single but let me tell you...when Mr. Right came along it was soooooooooo hard to give up my singleness. I LOVED it. I was divorced and living the best life I'd ever had! I dated when I wanted company, kissed who I wanted when I wanted, rode when I wanted and had no one to answer to. It took my poor guy FOREVER to convince me to settle down...even though I knew he was the one it was STILL hard to give it up! I could have lived happily single forever. I had SO MUCH FUN!!!! My friends all laughed after my divorce because I literally went from quiet and boring to a non-stop laughing daily string of adventures! I never felt lonely for a second. I say if you're not happy in your relationship ditch him and go have some fun! There are lots of cute boys out there who need some hot passionate kisses ;-)

Wonders12
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:51 AM
Question to ponder: are horse people more satisfied being single?

I'm 22, single and happy. I still feel like I'm really young and have plenty of time to "settle down" later, but I'm already noticing the push for me to "find a a nice guy." Many of my non-horsey friends are married/getting married/in serious relationships. However, I would say I bigger proportion of my horse friends are single and happy being single.

That being said, if anyone knows any good guys in California who don't mind an adventurous and independent girl, let me know! :winkgrin:

Tapperjockey
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:57 AM
That being said, if anyone knows any good guys in California who don't mind an adventurous and independent girl, let me know! :winkgrin:

So far the only ones I've found are married or gay :cool:

Event4Life
Apr. 9, 2012, 03:41 AM
24 here and never been in a serious relationship. Most of the time I'm ok with that. I think I'm taking my time finding an SO because my parents relationshio gives me such a high standard - And now I'm at the age where I don't want to just date for the sake of it, if any relationship I'm in doesn't look like it will lead to marriage within a few years, I'm not going to be in it. At the moment I'm not ready for marriage, so not really looking to be in a relationship.

tle
Apr. 9, 2012, 09:35 AM
I loved reading this thread. I needed to hear all your stories. Things aren't going so well for me. Single (again) and currently hating it because I'm not over not being married anymore (left a year ago which was a complete shocker... started reconciling in December and things were going really well when he came to some self-revelation and decided his focus needed to be ... well... not on me). Too many unanswered questions and my demon brain hamsters of insecurity and self-doubt are having a freakin' field day. I was ok with being single before (not great, but ok), but I really loved being married. Now I'm just trying to fake it til it feels better... one foot in front of the other.

Keep the positive stories coming.

mroades
Apr. 9, 2012, 10:30 AM
45, never been married, a few LTR's. Havent been on a date in 15 years. Only child of a single mom, so being alone is what I do best.

jumpingmaya
Apr. 9, 2012, 10:38 AM
24 here and never been in a serious relationship. Most of the time I'm ok with that. I think I'm taking my time finding an SO because my parents relationshio gives me such a high standard - And now I'm at the age where I don't want to just date for the sake of it, if any relationship I'm in doesn't look like it will lead to marriage within a few years, I'm not going to be in it. At the moment I'm not ready for marriage, so not really looking to be in a relationship.

Other than being a year older and having been in a serious relationship... that's me...
Over the last year- 24 was rough... changed A LOT!!!!!!!!!- I've realized what I want and that if said person doesn't fit or want the same type of things/lifestyle... I move on... too "old" to waste time having fun with a person that has no future so as soon as I don't see it go anywhere, I'm out... running truly!
Keeping my standards where they should be and we will see where it takes me!

saje
Apr. 9, 2012, 10:51 AM
I wish I were single.

Jack16
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:02 AM
tle, I understand your heartbreak. It can be so devastating when it comes as a surprise. Sometimes all we can do is breath and remember your heart beats for you, not him. Here is a quote that has helped me deal with pain and move on......

"You can spend minutes, hours,
days, weeks or even months
over-analyzing a situation;
trying to put the pieces together,
justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…
or you can just leave the pieces of the floor
and move the fuck on."

-Tupac Shakur

Adamantane
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:47 AM
The only times I've ever been happy being single were when I had recently escaped from a bad relationship.

I think it's incredibly sad that so many of the self-selected group here who resonated to the OP's question apparently have never experienced a good, healthy partnership of mutually respectful equals, with a good mix of shared and individual interests and many points of connection with no power games.

This from someone who is very intraverted (in the Jungian sense).

And the last thing I ever would want would be to be 'taken care of'. That wears very thin by about age 14.

If all you've ever known is bad relationships or those founded in drifting sand, then I can see why you might shun them as a class, however that's not an inherent quality of relationships, it's just bad luck or poor choices.

snbess
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:54 AM
I've never started a topic that had this much interest. lol Thanks everyone for sharing. In this world we live in, where everyone seems so "couples" focused, it can sometimes seem like I'm the only one who is happy...truly happy...being single. I don't think that it's sad that so many of us are happiest this way. I think we've found what works for us and are embracing it. I think that is difficult for many people to understand. I'm sure most of us (I do anyway) have wonderful friends and much social contact in our lives, so it's not like we're moles or anything. ;) But I do love my freedom, independence, and quiet time. I need that alone time to rejuvinate and be ready to interact with the world on a daily basis. It's nice to hear from others who have similar feelings.

Louise
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:01 PM
I would have liked marriage, a family, the whole thing, but, never found the right man and wasn't about to settle for less. However, that hasn't stopped me from having a good, and fulfilling life. I like being able to do what I want to do, and still reach out to others when I want to. You take certain things because that's your life, and you build satisfaction and happiness within that framework.

The only times I really regret not having a man around the place are those like in my gas can thread, when I haven't the slightest idea how to handle something mechanical and its accessories. But, that is no basis for forming a relationship. :lol:

horsefaerie
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:12 PM
I am happy being single because that is where I am. I choose to be happy regardless of where I find myself.

If a great guy showed up I'd be all over it.

Hasn't happened recently.

If someone can add to my happiness they can come into my life. If they have a bunch of negativity they are not welcome. BTDT have the t shirt.

Wayside
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:26 PM
Even great relationships require compromise. As much as I love my husband, sometimes it would be nice to just do what *I* want. :lol:

And in-laws. Could totally do without those, too :lol:

Seriously, there are advantages and disadvantages to most lifestyles, and I don't think it's at all sad for someone to feel that being single is the right option for them.

tradewind
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:28 PM
I had a very brief marriage young and then was single for over 20 years. I was happy eoungh and unwilling to settle for a less than ideal partner. I have now been happily married for 10 years and I have to say it is wonderful. I much prefer being in a loving partnership. If the choice however, was between mediocre or unhappy partnership or single I would choose single every time.

texang73
Apr. 9, 2012, 12:28 PM
I'm 40 and yes I am happy being single. I don't intentionally not date but I also am not exactly looking either.

I have high standards and am not so desperate I need to lower them.

What she ^^^ said! I just turned 39, was married for less than 5 years, been divorced for 6 years and nary a relationship during that time as I feel the same way twotru does about dating.

I'd like to have someone in my life again, but I'm in no rush and would rather be single than unhappy.

wendy
Apr. 9, 2012, 01:57 PM
and have no interest whatsoever in being in a relationship. It isn't that I avoid dating -- I just don't think about dating any more than I think about going out and buying a giraffe. I mean, I suppose one day I could run across an awesome giraffe at just the right time in my life and buy one, but on a day to day basis, I do not judge the happiness of my life by the presence or absence of a giraffe. Why would I?

exactly how I HOPE most women think.

I've had two committed relationships in my life, and this still holds true. I also think people in general will be a lot happier if they discard this odd idea that one should "mate for life". Far as I can tell, couplehood definitely has a built-in lifespan after which it becomes miserable for all concerned if they attempt to keep it going. You'll be happier accepting it's done and just shaking hands and moving on as soon as you sense it's reached it's sell-by date.

After my two relationships, I must say that it's a major mistake to live with someone. Relationships do much better if you both have your own robust lives going on outside the relationship.

Halt Near X
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:25 PM
I think it's incredibly sad...

I'm so glad that my family celebrates my happiness as a single person instead of trying to wish me into a lifestyle that I would not enjoy. I hate the condescending "Don't worry, you'll meet someone and then you'll be fulfilled" attitude society at large takes towards single people.

Something to consider: just as there are boys who prefer ballet to football, or girls who prefer hunting to knitting, there are people who prefer being single to being in a relationship. It's not necessarily because we haven't found the "right" relationship -- sometimes, it really is because our personality and nature make us happier when we are single.

This is not "sad" any more than a kid who prefers activities outside stereotypical norms is "sad." Or a couple who chooses to stay childless instead of having children is "sad."

Jack16
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:30 PM
The only times I've ever been happy being single were when I had recently escaped from a bad relationship.

I think it's incredibly sad that so many of the self-selected group here who resonated to the OP's question apparently have never experienced a good, healthy partnership of mutually respectful equals, with a good mix of shared and individual interests and many points of connection with no power games.

This from someone who is very intraverted (in the Jungian sense).

And the last thing I ever would want would be to be 'taken care of'. That wears very thin by about age 14.

If all you've ever known is bad relationships or those founded in drifting sand, then I can see why you might shun them as a class, however that's not an inherent quality of relationships, it's just bad luck or poor choices.


I don't think it's sad at all. I like being single and often times think I am a better person when I am single. I have had great men in my life. At the end of the day they ended because I wanted to do what I wanted to do and I wasn't willing to not do that. I am happy with the decisions I made. Nobody on here is saying all men are jerks or anything like that. Some people just really like being loners. I'm not cutting myself off from relationships by any means but I am truly happy alone and often wonder if I will ever really want to share my life completely with someone else.

MistyStormy
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:48 PM
Glad to see there's so many other happy single people out there! I'm occasionally made to feel like I'm strange. I'm 29 and have never dated. No interest in finding anyone and I have enough friends that I don't need the social aspect. I don't like kids so there's no worry there. It may be selfish, but I don't want to have to change my life to fit someone else in. Any benefits aren't worth the tradeoffs to me. I love my alone time and the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want.

When I get questioned about my not dating I usually say that my standards are so high there's no use in even looking. If they keep at it I tell them that a man without a woman is single, and a woman without a man is a genius :D

dressagetraks
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:50 PM
Far as I can tell, couplehood definitely has a built-in lifespan after which it becomes miserable for all concerned if they attempt to keep it going. You'll be happier accepting it's done and just shaking hands and moving on as soon as you sense it's reached it's sell-by date.


Now that I DON'T agree with. I have seen many long-term relationships, still happy. Just saw a man this weekend who in the last two weeks buried his wife of 63 YEARS. One of the happiest marriages I ever knew (and by happy, I don't mean they never once had a disagreement or lost their own individuality) was my aunt and uncle. Until his unexpected death when he just keeled over with no risk factors or family history and with the healthiest lifestyle you have ever seen, they had a great marriage. They were at about 30 years; I would have bet a year's salary on them making another 30, barring the death of one participant, as unfortunately happened.

Seeing those successful relationships and knowing that it CAN work long-term is what makes me refuse to lower my standards and accept a quick relationship or one with an incompatible person just to have one.

If I believed that all relationships hit a "sell-by date," that would be reason enough to never be interested in having one in my life.

Relationships can and do work in the long term. Sadly no longer the majority, but I think that's because so many people these days confuse feelings with commitment.

Ozone
Apr. 9, 2012, 02:58 PM
I have to laugh at you how say "I would like to be in a realtionship but my standards are to high". I thought of myself this way before to the point if the potential partners tooth was crooked I was not interested ;)

If you don't start to realize that you need to bend just a bit you will find yourself single for life. Is that what you truly want? You need to put yourself out there, push those side walls down that you have built around you and let someone in when the opportunity arises.

People who have that "standards" attitude others can feel that off of you. I know this because I was you. I was noted as Miss Independent.

I am happily married now not because I let my standards in a partner drop or that I settled. More like I let someone in my world without changing me - who I am... I also LET a relationship try to happen. ;)

I find it silly of some to say that married people are not happy. Marriage makes you loose all independence etc. You are so mis informed but that is what is also keeping you single.

dressagetraks
Apr. 9, 2012, 03:15 PM
My list of uncompromising points, already mentioned on pg 2, is actually a short one.

Quote from me: "(spiritually compatible, NO desire for children, considerate, integrity, loves animals). It's truly a short list, and there are lots of other things I'd flex on, but nobody interesting or interested has met those yet."

I really don't see where any of those few need to be modified, or how I could be happy with someone who didn't have them. I have actually met people who fulfilled all of them. They were, unfortunately, not available. But they do exist. It's not like hunting for a unicorn.

I realize there are people with a shopping list a mile long, though. Yes, that's definitely overdoing it. Compromise is definitely important. But there are a few things not to compromise on.

danceronice
Apr. 9, 2012, 03:32 PM
Single, and hate it. I never have time to do everything, as I'm the only one who takes care of things around the house and I have to work and I have to walk the dogs and take care of the cats and the yard and as such the chores are never done. Vacations are okay but never GREAT as traveling alone is only fun to a point. I don't have any "girl" friends except a few from college who of course don't live anywhere nearby (we weren't the sort of school where people go locally.) Doing things with people from the studio is nice when there are activities, and I do talk to people at the barn (small barn, not a lot.) But I never have time to go to the barn as much as I'd like. Something always gets shortchanged, and of course I can't really indulge in being sick as there's no one else to walk dogs, mow the lawn, go to work, etc. And of course it's just deadly dull.

And yes, frankly, I'd want to marry someone where I didn't have to work. If the house is ever going to be clean and meals made to a reasonable standard and everything kept up, a day job is simply not feasible, unless it's something I can do a few hours a day from home. To be honest I'm never that interested in any job for very long as it is. I have no drive to have any sort of office-based career, it's just something I do because I don't have investments sufficient to live off and I don't make enough from books to live on, either.

MistyStormy
Apr. 9, 2012, 03:37 PM
I have to laugh at you how say "I would like to be in a realtionship but my standards are to high". I say my standards are too high to get people off my back in a humorous manner. :lol: I have no standards at all because I'm not looking!

I don't appreciate people lecturing me because think they know better than me what I want. I try to be nice about it and joke. Everyone's different and don't want the same things out of life. I'm very happy for friends that find their special someone, my BFF found hers in the last year and I'm thrilled for her. But I have absolutely no desire to find someone and it would be nice if more people would respect that personal choice.

Wayside
Apr. 9, 2012, 03:47 PM
Single, and hate it. I never have time to do everything, as I'm the only one who takes care of things around the house and I have to work and I have to walk the dogs and take care of the cats and the yard and as such the chores are never done.

This struck me as funny, because one of my complaints about married life is that it's at least 10 times harder to clean up after my husband than it is to clean up after myself.

Dishes, for example: Generally I eat everything on my plate, but if not, I do something with my leftovers (either save, dog, compost, or trash, as appropriate). Rinse plate if needed, put in dishwasher. DH picks at his food, leaves vegetable bits and sauce on his plate, then just plops his plate somewhere. Maybe in the kitchen, maybe not. By the time I find it, food bits are hard and dry, and some are so stuck to the plate that our dishwasher can't handle it, so I have to scour them by hand. And, since I'm the one that does dishes, if I have a glass of water, and then want another 20 minutes later, I'll use the same glass. DH will get a new one every time. And he always puts lids on pots, whether they need them or not, making more dishes for me. If I'm soaking a particularly sticky pan and he wants a glass of water, even if it's not in the way, he'll dump out the soaking water, place the dirty pan on the counter, and leave it there for the residue to dry into a hard crust.

Seriously, I had no trouble cleaning up after myself when I lived alone, but I have a hell of a time keeping up with DH's mess. And I'm a stay-at-home mom! :lol:

spotted mustang
Apr. 9, 2012, 06:15 PM
I love being single. I get plenty of socialization with friends and co-workers, but I can be alone when I want to be. I got my dogs to share my bed.

I'm an introvert. Being around people all the time is stressful for me. I need my alone-time, every day. I'm not shy, not at all, but I like to be alone. Being an introvert is when the best show in town is always right there in your own head. Any outside stimulation from others is just a disruption.

Roxyllsk
Apr. 9, 2012, 06:22 PM
Spent 12 years in a relationship trying to make my husband happy. Totally lost sight of being happy myself. I didn't realize how unhappy I was until he was activated in the military and sent to Egypt, then Iraq. He was gone for 2 years. I took care of all his bills, but his paychecks in a savings account, and filed for divorce when he came home.

Six years later, I have dated here and there but honestly I just can't be bothered. Some of the guys I've met have so stinkin' much (mental) baggage it's not even funny ! I don't need someone else to make me happy, but I also don't need someone who is going to drag me down.

I have lots of friends with different interests, both married and single. I just got back from vacation to southern Arizona with one group of friends - we had a blast ! I'm going away with another group of friends to the Keys in a few months.

My self-confidence is better than it ever was, and I no longer have to worry about making anyone happy but ME. Well, my critters too (horse, dogs, assorted birds, and the very large bunny). :winkgrin:

Opus1
Apr. 9, 2012, 06:23 PM
Question to ponder: are horse people more satisfied being single?

Yes and no. I don't know if it's about 'horse people' so much as people with serious, time-consuming hobbies. I know guys that fish every. single. weekend. Our CFO works like a dog M-Th, so he can take a 2.5 day weekend and pop down to Fla. to go fishing. And he's single and seems to be enjoying it.

====

We should seriously have a singles thread/forum on CoTH. :D

saddleup
Apr. 9, 2012, 06:33 PM
My husband died shortly after our 23rd wedding anniversay following a long illness. I've been alone for 12 years, and I am happy. I think it's a choice.

I have my grown children, two grandchildren, three horses, friends, church, community activities. I'm busy.

I also have a rolodex full of the names of good plumbers, electricians, handyman, lawn service, painters, appliance repairmen, etc. Invaluable if you are single.

People have stopped trying to fix me up with someone. Not interested.

Bluesy
Apr. 9, 2012, 08:08 PM
Yeah Baby!

I love it, but if the right person came along...possibly..

I love living alone and having my own space - which I need a lot of as I too, am an introvert. Definitely cannot be around people ALL the time. Vegas and those types of places, or even just busy malls/whatnots just make me very uncomfortable.

I have NO intention of getting married or that ilk. :cool:

Bluey
Apr. 9, 2012, 08:17 PM
I really should not be answering this, because I have been happy always, so you can't go by me.

If you make your mind to enjoy what is good and work at trying to help make better what is not and are happy with your efforts and the results, you can learn to be really happy no matter what.:)

Remember Willem, you do your best and then, "this be right" can keep you going and contented, if not outright happy.:yes:

Rhyadawn
Apr. 9, 2012, 09:48 PM
I resent the statement about having a standard and needing to let it drop. My shopping list for a relationship is not huge. The person needs to be accepting of my faith (as I of theirs), be ok with animals, and be able to take care of themselves financially, emotionally, physically etc. This isn't a huge complicated list! And yet men keep falling short of it.....

NeedsAdvil
Apr. 9, 2012, 10:11 PM
Yes. I was a serial monogamist for a while, and had to spend some time being single and taking care of myself to really appreciate the single life. However, I have met someone (well, re-met, as we have known each other our whole lives), and he is exactly what I would design if I were creating the perfect mate for me. But if I hadn't spent that time being single and learning to actually enjoy it, I never would have become the type of person who could be a good partner in that type of relationship.

I am a little sad for all the people who are single and never want that to change. I'm trying not to judge, but I do believe life is about having a human connection, and it's hard for me to imagine a life without that, or without a hope for it. But truly, that's just what makes me happy, and as long as you life your life the way YOU design it, and are happy, then I am probably full of poo poo. :)

spotted mustang
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:37 PM
I am a little sad for all the people who are single and never want that to change. I'm trying not to judge, but I do believe life is about having a human connection, and it's hard for me to imagine a life without that, or without a hope for it:)

whoever said single people don't have any human connections?

CVPeg
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:42 PM
Yes and no. I don't mind being alone - even while married I was alone often as my ex worked overseas in a place no sane person would care to dwell.

And enjoyed my recent relationship, especially the social part - until all shared responsibilities started to end up in my corner.

In recent years, I've learned to be even more supportive of the other half, and would really like to be in a relationship where it's appreciated, instead of demanded.

As I prefer to live in my own home, it is much tougher financially.

But the hardest for me, is that my siblings, and so many other friends, are uncomfortable while I am single, so am not included as often in social events. And they are more relieved when I am with someone, even if that someone is a miserable son-of-a-gun. Frankly that is painful, and I've always thought our family very close. But that's how they are socially.

It does make it easier to obsess with horses.

But I'll probably keep looking. Still believe, and if not, still happy. ;)

NeedsAdvil
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:44 PM
I am not saying they don't have connections, but if you relish living alone because you are unwilling to compromise on anything, or feel that would entail "giving up" your life, I have to wonder truly how much you are connecting. This is just how I feel, I can't imagine it differently, but don't wish to judge others who are happy with their situation. I have some chronically single friends who echo many of the thoughts others have shared, and they are basically rigid, set in their ways, stubborn people who have a difficult time getting close to others. They justify it in all different ways, but then in moments of honestly, admit that they wish they knew how to date or fall in love. Again, this is just my experience, and I find it a little bit sad. But if I felt those friends were truly happy, and not living in a negative space (with their weight, their careers, lack of relationships, etc), then I would be all for their happiness, whatever that entailed. I just haven't experienced too many TRULY happy people who have been single their whole lives. Not that married people are overall happier, but some of the happiest people I've known have had some sort of long term relationships in their past that they learned from. They either move on and find a soulmate or the become more comfortable in their own skin and find happiness that way.

NeedsAdvil
Apr. 9, 2012, 11:45 PM
But I'll probably keep looking. Still believe, and if not, still happy. ;)

THIS :yes::yes::yes:

The Shadow
Apr. 10, 2012, 12:19 AM
Posting as a sister to a brother in his early 50's (never married) and it seems all of your concerns as ladies are the same as his. He finds that at his age the women he dates have usually been married, usually have kids and unfortunately usually have some weirdo ex-husband or boyfriend to contend with. He loves kids so that is never the issue.

My bro is financially stable, excellent well paying job, owns his own farm property, takes good care of himself and could easily pass for 40 and treats his family and friends like gold. Does not smoke, drinks only occasionally (hence no bar scene for him) and when he does find a "nice woman" to date they come visit him at his home and already start making plans to move in and quit their jobs so bro can support them.

His most famous saying is "all I want is someone who is normal" He is not looking for a glamour poster girl, but he wants to find someone that is hard working, has a bit of financial stability to their lives and basically be a life long companion and friend. I keep telling him there are lots of horse ladies about just like you guys.....I should let him read this thread...... :)

Where does he live? :winkgrin: