Lazy parents..Don't take you to barn? [Archive]

FeistyMare

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:11 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Schoolmarm:
Now, DELYTH . . . mustn't rag on the teenager.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

BORNTOFLY, you're going to have to come up with an offer your parent-of-choice can't refuse. Have you tried, for instance, telling your mom you'll do the vacuuming and help with the laundry to make it easier for her to take the time to get you to the barn? Believe me, parents aren't born stubborn, but a testy, demanding teen can bring out the brick wall in a heartbeat. As Delyth said, you have a horse, which is more than most kids can say. Now earn the additional parental support by showing you understand that they have lives, too, and that you can be a help or a hindrance--your choice.

**If you're lucky enough to own a horse, you're lucky enough.**

**Proud author of newly-released _It's a Horse's Life!_**<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for being polite about it.
I'd much rather listen to someone who doesn't speak with a barb in their text. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

That's a good idea though, thank you. I may try it, even though I ...-cough- hate housecleaning.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:12 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by saje:
Get yourself a bicycle?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Have one; used it once. Can't when it's so icy and I'm bundled up so much I look like a marshmallow... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

Proud member of the Teen Clique

marta

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:12 PM

i'm way past that age but i still remember how it sucked not to have a license and have to beg and plead for rides. 6 months will fly by. try trading chores at home for rides. or, 5 miles is not so far, if you don't have to go down a major highway maybe you could hop on a bicycle and pedal down to the barn? even if it gets too dark for you to come back on the bicycle, parents might appreciate your efforts since they'll only have to cart your butt one way...
good luck!

"It appears we are being transformed from an information
society to an informant society." Rep. Dennis Kucinich

lilblackhorse

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:12 PM

ok, you caught me at a bad moment. I am the parent of two kids, probably your age. I am also the chief taxi driver and expected to schlep my ungrateful children's butts all over hell and gone to see their friends and to dance classes.

These are the kids right now who are badmouthing me because I choose to spend my day off sitting and reading by the fire instead of hauling them all around. As it is, I will have to take one to tap class at 3.20, pick her up at 4.45, then take them tonite at 7.20 and pick them up at 9 , when I'd rather be in my jammies snuggled in bed. However, these are also the same small people who couldn't be bothered to empty the dishwasher or put the dirty dishes away or bring down their dirty clothes for ME to do...the list goes on. And they get mad at me for not wanting to do something for them.

So--I guess my point in this rant is to ask....how is your behavior? Are you a pleasant person to be around? Do you appreciate the fact your parents PAY for you and most likely for your sport...not to mention the gas and the hassle of taking you places?????

I would be a far nicer mom and more amenable taxi driver if my kids ever had the common courtesy to THANK ME once in awhile without being sarcastic.

A simple "Hey mom, I really appreciate all the time you put into driving me to the barn (dance,school, whatever). I know it's hard to you to make the time to do it, but being at the barn makes me really happy". That's what I'd like to hear.

Instead I come here to these bb's and hear ungrateful kids (not saying this is you-have read it before tho) badmouthing and calling their parents horrendous names when they are paying all the bills, and some spoiled kid is bitching that they aren't getting to buy a fancy new name brand saddle or fancy new horse.

I think sometimes a lot of teens just think this money and such grows on trees, and that you areentitled to anything that you want. It's not like that--I am not a mean parent, but I guess the reality is, like any person, I'd be a whole lot more willing and happy to do things for people (kids or otherwise) if they are polite, and do things for ME too. When's the last time you did something to help out at home when you weren't asked?

I am not saying you don't do these things, I don't know you, but I am making a big generalization and pointing out my maternal pet peeves....and you got me on a holiday with rain where I am stuck in the house with two nasty kids http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif.

good luck--ask nicely, help around the house, and someday TALK to your folks and let them know how much you appreciate them and what they do for you and tell them how much the riding means to you---how can you compromise or help out the situation? Can you organize a carpool or something? Earn money for gas? Just thoughts...

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

marta

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:13 PM

just realized that you're from minnesota - might be a little too cold and too snowy for the bike... sorry, it was a thought

"It appears we are being transformed from an information
society to an informant society." Rep. Dennis Kucinich

FeistyMare

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:14 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by mcmIV:
Well I won't be quite as harsh as Delyth http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif...

But.... it should be some help to you to stabilize your attitude, think glass half-full... if you do take a moment each day to thank your lucky stars you do have your own horse... and appreciate your parents for that gift, even if sometimes its frustrating when they won't take the time to drive you.

So I can understand your frustration, but I also think you are lucky to have a horse, and you might wnat to remind yourself of that when things get tense.

Only SIX MONTHS TO GO! Keep your smile on and look for carpools!

martha

Custom Colored Stuff For your Horse Habit.
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Proud member of the _* Hoof Fetish _& the _ NervousNellieWorryWart*_ cliques! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you.
I feel very fortunate and I know I am to own a horse. I don't like it that people assume otherwise because I complain about my parents. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

This is the way I see it: They pay for my board, since I don't have a job during the school year, plus other costs considering I got rid of my babysitting job[6 kids, then 4...yikes]. If they pay money for my mare, wouldn't you think they'd want me to..."use" her? Be with her?

I'll check this again in the morning!

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Kels

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:14 PM

Oh, and ONE DAY when you are paying for gas that is a buck 75 a gallon those 5 miles WILL add up.

Be grateful for what you have, seriously. My parents never let me have a horse and even though they supported my riding (somewhat) I still worked my butt off for what litgtle I did.

I was probably pretty mean about what I "didn't have" when they didn't take me to the barn- and I often times had to catch rides with friends or beg relatives to get me there. But I did it, and now I am grateful that they did what they did for me- eventually I was allowed to purchase a horse (I paid for everything) and they began giving me more frequent rides, and paying for lessons.

Oh, how I wish they still paid for lesson!

And you are being 100% selfish in thinking that after a long, hard day of work they want to do anything else but sit on their butts and eat dinner, read, watch TV or whatever else they enjoy. Because they work their tails off to supply you with a horse, a roof, food, and probably a heck of a lot more than that.

Get over it, and hitch a ride. If you really want to get out there more- get a job and pay for the taxi. Because I know when I was working to pay for my horse I was often unable to get out to see him.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

Kels

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:16 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Schoolmarm:
Now, DELYTH . . . mustn't rag on the teenager.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

BORNTOFLY, you're going to have to come up with an offer your parent-of-choice can't refuse. Have you tried, for instance, telling your mom you'll do the vacuuming and help with the laundry to make it easier for her to take the time to get you to the barn? Believe me, parents aren't born stubborn, but a testy, demanding teen can bring out the brick wall in a heartbeat. As Delyth said, you have a horse, which is more than most kids can say. Now earn the additional parental support by showing you understand that they have lives, too, and that you can be a help or a hindrance--your choice.

**If you're lucky enough to own a horse, you're lucky enough.**

**Proud author of newly-released _It's a Horse's Life!_**<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for being polite about it.
I'd much rather listen to someone who doesn't speak with a barb in their text. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

That's a good idea though, thank you. I may try it, even though I ...-cough- hate housecleaning.

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am sure your mother and father hate it too- and I am also sure that it comes priority to your horse riding, to them. This is a really, really good idea and you should try it out.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

tle

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:27 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>I feel very fortunate and I know I am to own a horse. I don't like it that people assume otherwise because I complain about my parents.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

sorry, but complaining about how they're "lazy" is guaranteed to have at least ME thinking that you're ungrateful and spoiled. If you had come here and said "My parents often feel too tired at the end of their day to drive me to the barn (I don't have my license yet). Any ideas how I can strike a bargain that will help them therefore helping me get to the barn regularly?" then people might have reacted differently to your query. But to just state that they are lazy, etc. is selfish, spoiled, immature, ungrateful and downright rude. YOu have no idea how lucky you are and you're taking it for granted.

*grrrrr* I'm done before I say something I'll regret that might involve the word "sell". http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

************
If Dressage is a Symphony... Eventing is Rock & Roll!!!

"All's well that ends with cute E.R. doctors, I always say." -- Buffy

Scootie

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:31 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Schoolmarm:
Now, DELYTH . . . mustn't rag on the teenager.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

BORNTOFLY, you're going to have to come up with an offer your parent-of-choice can't refuse. Have you tried, for instance, telling your mom you'll do the vacuuming and help with the laundry to make it easier for her to take the time to get you to the barn? Believe me, parents aren't born stubborn, but a testy, demanding teen can bring out the brick wall in a heartbeat. As Delyth said, you have a horse, which is more than most kids can say. Now earn the additional parental support by showing you understand that they have lives, too, and that you can be a help or a hindrance--your choice.

**If you're lucky enough to own a horse, you're lucky enough.**

**Proud author of newly-released _It's a Horse's Life!_**<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for being polite about it.
I'd much rather listen to someone who doesn't speak with a barb in their text. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

That's a good idea though, thank you. I may try it, even though I ...-cough- hate housecleaning.

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Great idea.

Guess what!

Your mom probably hates housecleaning just as bad as you do. Believe me, acquiring the status of "Mom" does not automatically assure that one will wake up with a love of housework. I bet she would be glad for you to take some of it off her hands--just be sure you are careful and do a good job.

As of tomorrow, I am leaving the ranks of Parents of Teens forever (even though I am too young to have a 20 year old http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif). I know that Scootie Jr. would have gotten a lot further and faster had she gotten serious about pulling her weight in the grudge work department. She probably wishes she had too sometimes.

Just think, in six months this should not be an issue. Even then a positive helpful attitude is a wise choice. At least in my state, if you are a minor your parents have the right to take your license away. This almost happened to Scootie Jr. once when she got too mouthy at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

Anyway, my advice would be to take the helping with housework route. Even if it doesn't get what you say you want here, it will pay off in other ways.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

flypony74

Jan. 19, 2004, 01:36 PM

When I was your age, I had no choice but to ride my bike to the barn. My mom worked and did all she could for us, but she only had so many hours in the day. It was cold in the winter, and hot in the summer, but I was out there almost every day, and wouldn't trade a minute of it.

I finally set up a photo album...take a look!
http://community.webshots.com/user/flypony74

tosca4711

Jan. 19, 2004, 02:00 PM

I side more with BorntoFly than the rest of you. I remember as a kid all the parents who would dump their kids at the barn and tell them to find their own way home. They never watched the kids ride. My father was always interested in my riding, and drove me to the barn. He also ended up giving lifts to the kids whose parents didn't want to bother. One of the kids I rode with mentioned how nice it was that I had a parent who cared. My father was as busy as those other parents (more because he was working full time, and going to school), but he made the time.
After saying this, there are too many parents who enroll their kids in every activity under the sun, and end up carting them around constantly. Scheduling your child in constant activities is not healthy for anyone.
Also how is BorntoFly to get to the barn? Her parents did buy the horse, and horses need attention. My barn now is a 35 minute drive (in good traffic). It is not on the bus route. Without a car, I wouldn't be able to get there.

Tosca

poltroon

Jan. 19, 2004, 02:02 PM

Titling your post "Lazy parents.." is a sure way to get testy responses. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Instead of going to your mom like she owes you a trip to the barn, instead perhaps try:

"Mom, I would really like to go to the barn today. Is there something I can help you with that would make that possible?"

Warning: the approach you were going with: "You're spending all this money, don't you want me to use the horse" is a sure path to the response, "You're right, honey, we should probably sell that horse." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Pol

Jan. 19, 2004, 02:57 PM

As the mother of 3 kids, I can assure you that tone of voice and attitude will get you where you want to go. As soon as you get a sharp or acusatory tone in your voice, your mother will not want to do a blessed thing for you. I was lucky. When my kids were little, I had, for example, 1 on a baseball team, 1 on a softball team and 1 rider. All sports took place in different towns. I was the driver. Drop 1, pick up another, pick up the 1st, drop the 3rd, round and round, back and forth. My kids were cheerful, enthusiastic, GRATEFUL, APPRECIATIVE, and didn't complain if they had to sit out on the field until dark waiting for me while I helped the 10 year old soak an abcessed hoof. I did nothing but drive from 2:30 in the afternoon till 7PM, when with luck, we'd all get home for supper with Dad. Ya, it was hectic. No, I never sat by the fire and read a book, at least not until after 10 PM, but I wouldn't trade those days for ANYTHING. My kids are now 25, 23, 20 and they are my very best friends. Life is choices and compromise. You need to do your very best to keep your moods under control. Try to be genuinely helpful. Ask your mother how you can help her so that you can get to your horse. She needs to figure out that your horse is your passion (if that is the case). Communication is your friend. You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Lochness

Jan. 19, 2004, 03:02 PM

Just an idea, but if your barn is close it may be in the same school district that you are in (assuming you go to public school). What I did before I got my liscense was ride the bus in the afternoon to my barn, one barn I had to walk about a 1/2 mile but it worked. Then your parents would only be asked to give you a ride one or two times a week. Trading housework is not a bad idea either.

lilblackhorse

Jan. 19, 2004, 03:03 PM

pol. fwiw, I didn't get the book read---usually I cherish the drives too. It's just the unappreciative nasty days make me want to do nothing for these people http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Oops, time for dance class number one (and they were pissed at me because I did my horse today and they were "bored". http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif)

I agree....it's all in the tone. Be appreciative and help out, your parents will be far more willing (Pol, I want your kids sometimes http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif-the teen years have their moments, that's for sure!)

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

Ain'tNoFoolinAround

Jan. 19, 2004, 03:05 PM

Maybe offer to pitch in for gas (what I did when I went to shows that were farther away, and about $30 bucks every week) Or offer to help pay for an oil change, get the car washed, or take the parents out for breakfast or lunch as a thank you. DOing some housework woun't kill you, and it shows them that you are trying to be responsible and reasonable, instead of using them as chauffers (sp?) Thank them, try to get them involved (my mom never said no to taking me to the barn if I gave her a 'lesson', grooming, picking feet, cleaning tack, andything horse related that was unmounted. She learned lots, had a blast, and kept her involved in the most major part of my life. There are lots of good suggestions here. Chin up, I didn't get my license until I was 18 years old. How embarrassing to have to bum rides at 18!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

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My Own Barn

Jan. 19, 2004, 03:40 PM

Well, I'm still inbetween the teenage and motherhood years, but I kept expecting to read a reply asking if you have tried asking your parents what's up? I would think if you showed your concerns (wanting to use the horse they provided you with) and proved you were open to negotiation (housework, saying thanks more often, a set # of trips to the barn per week), you might get somewhere.

Good luck. I was the kid who couldn't drive until right before my senior year in high school (not old enough), but luckily my best friend boarded at the same barn and lived near enough to give me a ride.

Jewels

Jan. 19, 2004, 03:58 PM

Before I had my license, which wasn't long ago might I add. I had to bike to the barn and I had to bike 40 miles (thats both directions, there and back! But thats still a lot!)! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I don't even have a horse, I was going to the barn to volunteer for eight hours, then come back. Needless to say by the end of the day I was very VERY tired! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sleepy.gif But it was worth it to see the horses http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Winters were different. I had to bargain my way there. I had to do a certain amount of chores to get there. I also had to make sure I was always on honor roll http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif But like I said, its all worth it to see the horses! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

"You could say I'm a few flakes short of a bale" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
*Member of the Short Stubby Leg Clique* *Teen Clique* & The Riders of Rohan Clique*

Phaxxton

Jan. 19, 2004, 04:03 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:

I feel very fortunate and I know I am to own a horse. I don't like it that people assume otherwise because I complain about my parents. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, look at the topic of this post!!! You're calling your parents lazy because they don't take you to the barn every single day. I'm sorry, but you don't exactly come off nice and appreciative of all your parents do for you. Maybe that's where people are getting their responses from.

You want to motivate them to drive you places? Motivate yourself to do all the things your supposed to do (homeowrk, chores, etc.) PLUS some extra housework, etc. WITHOUT being asked and do it with a pleasant attitude.

My parents would have FLIPPED out if, as a teenager, I posted on an internet BB that they were LAZY because they didn't drive me to the barn every day. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

I remember being your age and remember what a PITA it was relying on my parents to drive me everywhere... but I also remember that I could have a bad attitude and was pretty lazy about cleaning my room, doing dishes, and anything else that needed doing around the house. I'm also assuming that in 6 months when you do have a license that they'll be either getting you a car or letting you use theirs to get to the barn. Think of how fortunate you are. You parents work hard for everything they have. You should work hard for what they have given you. Do extra chores, etc. You're not entitled to their services, and your parents shouldn't be at your beck and call. Work for it, and maybe you'll like the results.

IFG

Jan. 19, 2004, 04:34 PM

hey i know exactly how you feel i feel the same way, except i dont have a pony much less a horse. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif my parents never take me to the barn until i do chores around the house. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif so i would grant that you are one lucky kid to even have a horse so why dont you just work and do some chores around the house and they will probably be more liable to take you instead of you just sitting around and whining for them to take you,so get off your *** and do some chores.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
and then maybe just maybe you'll get to see your horse more often. i think you're **** http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
lucky to even have a horse. i mean i have always wanted a horse but no i am even lucky to get to ride even in the space of 3 weeks or even lease a pony. so get off your *** http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif.if i ever ever even thought of even posting something like that about my parents on a PUBLIC BB i think i would be grounded for an eternity. i mean hello have you ever heard the saying 'respect your elders' duh

jess (IFG's daughter) 12 http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

[This message was edited by IFG on Jan. 19, 2004 at 07:43 PM.]

[This message was edited by IFG on Jan. 19, 2004 at 07:47 PM.]

[This message was edited by IFG on Jan. 19, 2004 at 08:02 PM.]

4_beatin_it

Jan. 19, 2004, 05:09 PM

If my daughter ever, and I mean EVER!, said that I was lazy because I didn't drive her to the barn enough to suit her whims...the horse would be gone! No 2nd thoughts about it.

You're "lazy" parents, work to pay a mortgage, car payments, put food on the table, bought you a horse, pay the board....I will lay odds that at least one parent commutes to work and you whine about it?

You are right, you're parents are lazy...as they obviously didn't bother to instill any manners or respect in you!

Grow up!

Dragons is so stupid!

horse_poor

Jan. 19, 2004, 05:26 PM

as a parent iunderstand the stress carting kids around can be----but also as a horse crazed kid who's parents hated horses and i bought my own instead of a car and rode my bike to the barn---i also understand

i too am in mn------where in mn are you? maybe i know someone who can help you get back and forth to the barn??? its a thought http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

DQT

Jan. 19, 2004, 06:48 PM

This might get some interesting responses but here it goes.

I am not so sure people should be being so hard on borntofly. I am in a situation similar to hers, and I do rely heavily on my parents to get me to the barn. But I NEED to get there not just to ride but so I can take care of my horse.
For example, I know that if I don't get out there for a day my horse will not have his stall picked before he goes to bed, he won't have his hayfilled water buckets changed. In the winter they might be too cold for him to drink. His stall might be too low on shavings. And most importantly he won't get wrapped.

Granted, asking politely and doing xtra stuff is always helpful when you need your parents to help you, but if she is relying on her parents to get her to the barn so that her horse has an xtra eye on it and gets some xtra TLC, her parents should help her! Especially when she has no other way of getting there. AND taking care of her horse is taking responsibility for something in her life.

I think people need to understand that it is hard on both parties, and parents and teens need to understand that they both have stressful and difficult lives.

JR/YR Dressage
Member of the TEEN CLIQUE

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 19, 2004, 07:05 PM

Ahhh, but DQT, having a horse is not a necessity. Paying the mortgage is. Losing a boyfriend is not. Keeping your job is. Totally different stresses at play here. Both are important when you're facing it....BUT as an adult, we have to deal with our stresses. This young poster isn't dealing with her own "stresses." Being a minor, I doubt she is paying much, if any, towards this horses upkeep. Her attitude in the initial post (and no attempt to redeem herself in subsequent ones) says much about WHY her parents may be so hesitant to help her. Granted, if the horse was not being properly cared for, and if she had not EARNED the privilege of being transported there, then maybe the horse needs to go. I don't think anyone here is taking issue with her desire to see her horse, whether it be purely for pleasure, or a necessity to ensure it's well-being. The issue is her attitude and HOW she might help HERSELF get what she wants. She has made no attempt to accept the advice (however critical or "mean" it may sound), which leads me to believe she doesn't really want to change her situation. She wants someone else (i.e. her parents) to change it for her. And she wants us to sympathize with her until that happens, if it ever does.

lilblackhorse

Jan. 19, 2004, 07:08 PM

ewww, well said Belladonna http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif...*clap clap clap*

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

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Pol

Jan. 19, 2004, 07:19 PM

Lilblackhorse....I hope I didn't say something to offend you...eeeek? I shall go back and reread page 1. Yipes, if I did, I'm sorry! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

DQT

Jan. 19, 2004, 07:34 PM

OK I guess I am broadening the topic out into the wider world of teenagers and not just borntofly, but I take issue with the fact that this girl is supposed to be expected to pay either in part or whole for her horse's board. How many teenagers can get above min. wage jobs? How many can make even 400 a month? (and in some places board is higher than this) If her parents have told her she needs to contribute financially to her horse than that is one thing, but I feel that all childrens' fist responsibility is school and then comes their job to fund their recreation. I do not belive she should be expected to pay for her board as a 16 year old when she is in school 7 hours a day with homework to do after that.
Also we do to have "stresses" and no they are not about boyfriends or hair or the prettiest browband. They do center around school, balancing responsibilities in the home and to ourselves, scheduling meetings with teachers, getting good grades, waking up at 4 to study (NOT and exaggeration and NOT due to partying the night before).
I guess it did sound in my previous post that the horse was being "mal-kept" but how would she need to EARN the PRIVILEGDE(?) for doing a night check on the horse to make sure he wasn't cast/colic/ill etc. That should not have to be earned. That is a basic part of caring for any animal.
Although her wording may not have been ideal, she is trying to be a responsible horse owner. Why on earth would her parents buy her a horse and then not help her get there to ride and care for it so it stays a healthy and happy horse.
Finally, how many people would actually to ride their bikes or walk five miles to and from the barn regardless of weather and after a 7 hour day of work. That should not be expected either.

JR/YR Dressage
Member of the TEEN CLIQUE

lilblackhorse

Jan. 19, 2004, 08:11 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Pol:
Lilblackhorse....I hope I didn't say something to offend you...eeeek? I shall go back and reread page 1. Yipes, if I did, I'm sorry! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh no, not at all. I just felt really crummy after I read your post with your nicer kids---mine are usually nice, but today they just annoyed me to pieces with their "me me me" thing. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, I just blow.

I honestly think that one good sucking up to the parents can undo a lot....just ONE honest, from the heart appreciate gesture or comment can overcome (at least for me) many weeks of them taking me for granted. I know they apppreciate me most of the time, but sometimes I need to spell it back out again and point out that they COULD walk instead of me driving them. Like you, I wouldn't trade our conversations in the car-we've discussed so many things. It's a good thing most of the time!

No, don't worry Pol, I just had a moment of feeling a bit guilty as a mom after writing what I did.....but it's ok. Kids need to know that we are not at their beck and call-it's not that we don't support them, but sometimes it's a two way street, and even parents can have bad days, or just days where they don't want to do things that they are supposed to (like cook and clean)

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Lianne

Jan. 19, 2004, 08:22 PM

Okay, so I was a teenager not TOO long ago, and I remember it vividly. I consider myself to have been pretty spoiled, and most of my peers agree. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif That being said, it sure would've been nice to have my own horse when I was a teen, but my parents were not about to go into debt to buy one for me.

I re-read the original poster's message just to make sure I didn't misread anything. You say your parents are "sometimes" too lazy to take you? Or just don't feel like it? Sometimes is VERY different than almost all the time.
You actually expect to be driven to the barn EVERY day to see your horse otherwise your "mood" will be affected? Um.. don't mean to be harsh here, but.. are you insane??? I have my own car, a 9 to 5 job, TWO horses, and even I can't muster the energy or the gas money to go every single day. Your parents are entitled to have a life, you know. Contrary to what you may think, it is not a "right" to have parents who chauffeur you around. It is a privilege.

If this was a case of parents who cluelessly bought you a horse and now refuse to drive you there EVER, then that would be a different story. But that's not what you said.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the people who were harsh with you, I'm appalled you would actually question your parents' desire to have a few nights off per week from being taxi cabbies. Are you ever going to get a rude awakening when you have to juggle work, riding, paying bills, doing laundry, getting groceries, scheduling doctor's appointments, getting prescriptions filled, cooking your own meals, doing the housework, etc etc etc.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Anna's Mommy

Jan. 19, 2004, 09:06 PM

When I was that age, my parents owned their own business so I would go in in the afternoon and help my mom finish up for the day so she would have the time to take me to the barn. Or I would make dinner and have it ready to go inthe oven. Anything to avoid my mom having to go to extra effort without somehing in return.
Sometimes my dad would take me and a few times my brother gave me a ride. The key. I was nice about it. then again, I was paying all of my own expenses at that point in life.

http://www.ultimateequine.com

dior

Jan. 19, 2004, 10:17 PM

I don't care much for the topic of this post, but everyone's already posted what I had to say about it. But I will add that while many teenagers (myself included) do have more to worry about than just boy/girl friends etc, from what I notice, parents have so much more to worry about - they're responsible for much more than just themselves and their own hectic schedules.

Anyway...why not ask some of the adults, if they live near you or your school (or you could walk/bike to them), for a ride in exchange for grooming or gas money or something?

That's what I did a few times, or got a ride with my friends who were older and had a car/driver's license.

I don't have to pay for my horse or for showing, but the agreement I have with my parents is that I had to get A's in school and go to university (and be something useful - haven't got to that point yet) - though I do try to keep the cost down by working off lessons and show fees. Sometimes it did mean not going to the barn because I had to study or finish a project, or if no one could drive me. In that case, my horse would either get a day off, or I'd ask a friend to ride him.

onelanerode

Jan. 19, 2004, 11:05 PM

I'm going to have to agree with other posters ... calling your parents lazy probably isn't going to get you a whole lot of support. That said, it's very hard for most teenagers to see and understand what their parents sacrifice for them. I know I didn't until I went to college, and now at times I feel very bad and guilty for the insensitive, selfish person I was (and still am).
Definitely tell your parents how much you appreciate it when they do take you to the barn. And as much as you hate doing housework, it's part of life. When you're on your own, you can make your own rules ... b/c you pay your own bills.
I know it's hard now. But try and be grateful for what you do have. It's tough sometimes, because when all you see is how much everyone else has that you don't, your point of view is distorted. Try and remember when you're feeling like you don't have much that there are thousands of girls your age who would trade places with you in a heartbeat.
You're not alone feeling like your folks don't do enough ... I did. My mom taught at an exclusive private school, and I got to go tuition-free, which was the only way I could have afforded it. However, I was the only graduating senior without a car, and several classmates rode horses and showed on the A Circuit. It was tough to keep perspective with that going on around me. But I went to a huge public university, and that was one of the best things I could have done. It let me see how the majority of people live, but it took college for me to understand how much my parents gave me.
I guess I need to end now. I don't want you to feel like I'm lecturing you or jumping on your back. I remember what it was like.
But wow, do parents ever do a lot for their kids. That kind of love is beyond me ... the kind of love that will make a mom take friday off work and drive 10 hours down to Alabama to help her daughter move back home for a job in North Carolina.
Don't ever underestimate the power of "Thanks." You never know what that might mean to someone. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Be careful to whom you lend your shirt if you have a tendency to wear your heart upon your sleeve.

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:16 AM

I'm with borntofly. My bone-lazy mother also refuses to drive ME to the barn every day. She also refuses to pay for board, feed, supplements, tack, lessons, and an extensive rug collection. It's obvious she cares nothing for me and has no concern for my physical or mental well-being.

I don't accept her lame excuse that it's because I'm 41 and she lives on a different continent. If she really loved me, she'd make the effort.

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:16 AM

DQT...reread my post. You're missing it. OWNING a horse is a privilege. If you don't earn with respect, caring for it becomes a moot point. No one said she should pay for the upkeep. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif The point is SOMEONE ELSE, who doesn't owe her a damn thing more than love, food, shelter and the basic necessities of life, IS.

Stresses? Your stresses become your parent's stresses (believe me...I was a chronic stress to my parents http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif). Your parent's stresses are also, guess what, your parent's stresses. Most parents willing take on the responsibility for the both their children's "stresses" and their own. Doesn't mean they should give PRIVILEGES to their ungrateful, selfish children.

One day, if you have children, you WILL see my point. You sound like a normal kid...but as much as you probably think parents should open their minds, you might want to try that too.

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:17 AM

armandh

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:55 AM

I remember my daughter turning 16, and after SEARS driving school, and re habbing one of the family castoffs for her to drive, what a relief it was she could go the 5 miles and we did not have to drag her there. now, 16 years later, she pays for her own car, gas, insurance etc., and comes by for sunday dinner and maybe a quick ride [the horses are at home now, a good trade]

more hay, less grain

MistyBlue

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:08 AM

Not sure this idea will fly...but I used to live almost exactly 5 miles from the barn where I grew up riding from. I, um, walked. Every day. Mom would pick me up to bring me home, but I walked there. Took an hour. In winter, in summer, etc. Actually, not as long in winter, when it's 5 degrees out you tend to walk faster, LOL! I could have used a bicycle...but I never liked bikes and to this day am horrid at keeping one upright.
And no...it wasn't up hill both ways in 2 feet of snow in June. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif But it did give me what my trainer referred to as Legs Of Steel.
Try it, you'll get used to it.
Oh, and as a mom of two grown children and a preteen, don't mention to your parents they're lazy. Or that you hate doing housework. They don't like housework either, I can pretty much guarantee that. I still don't like it. But I'm a mean mom and make my kids do a lot of it. Heck, I just bought one a horse...no housework...no horse.

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Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
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hansiska

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:44 AM

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> Instead of going to your mom like she owes you a trip to the barn, instead perhaps try:

"Mom, I would really like to go to the barn today. Is there something I can help you with that would make that possible?"

Warning: the approach you were going with: "You're spending all this money, don't you want me to use the horse" is a sure path to the response, "You're right, honey, we should probably sell that horse." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Perfect advice, Poltroon!

And I second those who said get a bike. My bike ride was only four miles each way, but it was good for me. Look on the bright side, now they make studded bike tires so you can ride on snow and ice!

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:57 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hansiska:
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> Instead of going to your mom like she owes you a trip to the barn, instead perhaps try:

"Mom, I would really like to go to the barn today. Is there something I can help you with that would make that possible?"

Warning: the approach you were going with: "You're spending all this money, don't you want me to use the horse" is a sure path to the response, "You're right, honey, we should probably sell that horse." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Perfect advice, Poltroon!

And I second those who said get a bike. My bike ride was only four miles each way, but it was good for me. Look on the bright side, now they make studded bike tires so you can ride on snow and ice!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So true!!!

When I was riding as a little, little kid my parents kind of rolled their eyes and took me ONCE a week.

When I was 12, 13, 14, 15 my parents took me ONCE or TWICE a week if I was lucky. The other few days I got a ride from someone.

Also, seriously, I can't wait until you turn 18 and your parents are like "Okay honey now you can get a job AND go to school AND pay for that horse and anything you want for it!"

Try having school, full time job, school and THEN a horse. Not fun.

And yes, Belladonna is right- your stresses ARE their stresses and your parents owe you nothing more than LOVE, FOOD, and SHELTER. And I hate to sound so cliche but think about those less fortunate children of the world whose parents are TRUELY lazy and don't care about their wellbeing.

Arghhhhhhhhhh this bothers me to no end!!!!!!!!!!

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:59 AM

Wow..I'm very sorry I offended you adults[mothers?]. I didn't mean it like that..But that's how it seems to me--like she's lazy. Granted, I'm not a mother but if I spent money on an expensive blessing, I sure would want my kid[s] to take every advantage about it.
Sorry.
I have yet to read through all of the posts, but I will at lunch.

Refrased:

"Sometimes my mother doesn't feel like taking me to the barn...Can you guys think of anyways to bribe my mom when she isn't feeling like it?"

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Schoolmarm

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:24 AM

I know I'm going to open myself up for a flaming here, but I have to say something to the parents. I'm a parent and a high school teacher, so I think I can speak with some authority.

Not all the responsibility here is BORNTOFLY's. I've frequently seen parents (myself included) take on, of their own volition, the responsibility of a horse (or a dog, cat, chicken, gerbil, goldfish . . .)for their child, forgetting that the child is incapable of shouldering that responsibility for them. I am by no means saying that BTF's parents need to take her to the barn every single day, and I stand by my original suggestion that she share the work that is keeping them tired and busy, but all parents need to understand that the child is not to blame for decisions made by the adults in her life.

It might be a good plan for the three of them to sit down together and work on a real plan. Schedule trips to the barn around work and social obligations on the parents' end, and add a list of chores on BTF's end to help make it happen. It's commendable that BTF is so invested in her horse and her riding. A lot of kids get what they think they want, then figure out that that wasn't what they wanted at all. The animal (or toy, or whatever) languishes for lack of attention, and the parents complain about THAT, too.

BTF, your parents must have had a reason for letting you have a horse in the first place. Discuss with them what they see as the ideal situation, then all work towards that. It'll be a maturing experience for you and a real shocker for your parents. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

**If you're lucky enough to own a horse, you're lucky enough.**

**Proud author of newly-released It's a Horse's Life!**

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:29 AM

Ahhh I am not an adult http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Nor am I a mother http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

BUT you don't want to bribe her...Just do things that need to be done before she has a chance to ask you.

Like, I am assuming you go home from school and your parents aren't home yet...

So you very quickly do the dishes (load/unload) and if you have pets you sweep or vacuum up their hair...Pick up ALL of your stuff and clean up any little messes. If your mom does your laundry take everything downstairs and sort it for her...Fold towels, your clothes, etc. and put them away.

These little things make the house look really, really good each afternoon and I know my mom and dad struggled the most with getting the smallest tasks done after work when my sister and I were begging to be run around.

Also, these things only take MAYBE 1/2 hour to an hour, and that's about what you're asking from your parents. It's only fair to trade off. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:39 AM

Kels, from what I read of your recent posts, I can only hope AT LEAST one of my children turn out as mature and level-headed as you sound at your age. Your parents must be proud. You are one of the reasons I try very hard not to generalize about teens and young people. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Amazing as it may seem, I DO remember being a teen and I DO remember how hard it was. Kudos to those who find a way to remain at least semi-human http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

There are many outstanding youth on this board and elsewhere, and they all have my respect, but I still think the original poster sounds like a brat.

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:52 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by JE:
I'm with borntofly. My bone-lazy mother also refuses to drive ME to the barn every day. She also refuses to pay for board, feed, supplements, tack, lessons, and an extensive rug collection. It's obvious she cares nothing for me and has no concern for my physical or mental well-being.

I don't accept her lame excuse that it's because I'm 41 and she lives on a different continent. If she really loved me, she'd make the effort.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif--Hey, me too. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

Kels...you can come be my kid anyday. BTF? You sound like a spoiled brat, and I'd personally sell your horse's sorry butt to some kid who made an effort instead of coming on a board and having the gall to call their parents lazy. You should be ashamed. Quit being so entitled and get off your butt and do something like walk there. I am amazed at some of these stories here-what people did and do to afford their horses and see them. You just don't get it, do you.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

jcotton

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:53 AM

An expensive blessing????????????? Try "Privelige". Who bought the horse, who pays the board, who pays the farrier, who pays for the grain & hay, who pays the vet bills, who pays for the lessons and shows??????????

You said gave up babysitting and it sounds like you are not willing to have a job even a minimum wage job.

As far as your moodiness when you don't get see your horse, get over it or get some hormone treatment started. Get a bike and bike to barn, 15 miles shouldn't take you more than a hour there and another hour home. And do somethings around the house without being asked as posted in previous posts.

You should be appreciative of the that fact that you have parents that bought you the horse. You are most likely are the one who is lazy and expect things to be done for you without reciprocating. The title of this thread needs to "Excessively lazy and whiny child expects the moon." For someone who will be an adult soon, you are not showing much adultlike actions. Don't get angry, you started this thread and especially with the way you titled it. Time to grow up and get off your duff.

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:02 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
Kels, from what I read of your recent posts, I can only hope AT LEAST one of my children turn out as mature and level-headed as you sound at your age. Your parents must be proud. You are one of the reasons I try very hard not to generalize about teens and young people. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is one of the NICEST things anyone has ever said to me. You are SO sweet, thank you so much you don't know what that means to me!!!

I am sure my mother would've disagreed at times http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif I was one of those kids who whose favorite saying was "just a minute!" until I was about 17! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

And YES, I was spoiled, and I knew it- but I thanked my parents every day for all the things they did for me- and I still thank them every day for teaching me some responsibilty. I have had a job since I was 14...I worked at McDonalds when I was 15 (Now THAT's a lesson!), etc. I have been babysitting since I was 9 for my mom's friend.

I really cannot wait for the day that you get on here and post that your parents finally realized what an ungrateful brat they have raised and that they told you to pay for your own horse, even your own weekly lessons...And a bus pass. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Thank you, LBH http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I'd love to http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif If you need another almost-20 year old to reinstate your mother of a teenager status! (For the next 5 months, anyway!)

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

deltawave

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:07 AM

Didn't read all the replies but I'm sure this has been said:

Maybe if you lost the "moody" attitude and said "please"?

Maybe if you didn't assume that your parents are lazy but realized maybe they work for a living, and to support the horse that you have?

My son's still too young to need to be taxied anywhere, but after an 11 hour day sometimes I'm too tired and burned out to drive MYSELF to the barn. And I want to see my horse every day, too. Reality bites, as they say. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

No doubt your parents are willing to do things for you, since they've bought and are paying for a HORSE for you! Why do threads like these give me the sneaking suspicion that WAY too many kids take this for granted? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

I'd suggest you plan ahead, make your demands reasonable, and allow for some flexibility. How about saying "Hey, Mom, are Monday and Wednesday good days for you? Those are the days I'd really like to ride this week." Or "Hey, Mom, if I did the laundry today would that help free up time so you could drop me off at the barn later?"

Or call a cab. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

---------------------------------------------
"If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
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MardiGras

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:38 AM

Um, I wonder if we're not approaching this all wrong. Everyone is going on about teenagers being ungrateful. Well, guess what? That's the norm. It always has been. Maybe back in the day no one talked back or openly acted ungrateful because parents had a more authoritarian parenting style, but adolescent egocentrism is pretty much par for the course.
What kind of parent puts themself in a situation where they are paying astonomical fees and bound to chauffeur the kid around and then starts randomly witholding? I understand the occasional day if the kid did something extraordinarily bad, that "one" would refuse to drive, but it seems a little saddistic to me to use the horse as leverage for the kids behaviour.

Maybe parents should more actively set standards of help around the house that is expected, and ways of acting or not acting that are respected before they throw a horse, (which is inherently spoiling the child) into the mix.

Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford NOT to buy a pony!

Yowsa

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:39 AM

This is reason 8,300,259,107 why I do not want kids....

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:48 AM

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE someone tell me that this is a troll/joke thread.

That there really ISN'T a snotty spoiled brat who owns a horse, doesn't realize ANY of her parents' problems, & (boohoo) can't ride a bike in inclement weather?????

PLEASE say it ain't so. . . . http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:56 AM

Mardi Gras and Schoolmarm do have valid points here--the parents do have some responsiblity in a way, because they shelled out for the horse. However, like others mentioned, it's a priviledge to have a horse, and perhaps they need to rethink as parents the choice they made.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

wanderlust

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:07 AM

While it may appear to you that your mom is lazy, BTF, it couldn't possibly be that she is TIRED, could it? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Believe it or not, being a grown-up and having responsibilities like a job, house, kids, pets, bills, etc, is REALLY hard work.

Yeesh...

~formerly Master Tally~

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:13 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by lilblackhorse:
Kels...you can come be my kid anyday. BTF? You sound like a spoiled brat, and I'd personally sell your horse's sorry butt to some kid who made an effort instead of coming on a board and having the gall to call their parents lazy. You should be ashamed. Quit being so entitled and get off your butt and do something like walk there. I am amazed at some of these stories here-what people did and do to afford their horses and see them. You just don't get it, do you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh my. Oh my.

I was going to stay politely out of this, but lilblackhorse gets the award for making the comments which induce me to join the fray. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Here's the thing, in my view: I am currently childless, in part because I want to curl up on my couch by the fire without anyone to ask me to take them to the barn, dance lessons, etc. Were I to have children, I would want to do the best I could to ensure that I was raising them in a way that would lead to them being well-rounded, talented, interesting folks. So I'd want to ENCOURAGE them to take ballet, jazz, pottery, riding lessons, tennis lessons, meditation lessons, etc., etc.

The kicker, however, is that all that stuff requires me (or my husband) to (a) devote a substantial part of our lives to driving the kids around or (b) hire a nanny to drive the kids around. Neither of those two options is appealing to me right now. I would rather be selfish with my time and money right now. Hence, I do not have children right now.

An option that is undesirable TO ME (note the "to me" language) is to have children and (a) begrudge them the things I think, in my ideal world, they should have, (b) insist that they "earn" things that, by rights, I would (in a peaceful state of mind) rather loving give them, free of strings or conditions, or (c) resent any moment I spend "doing" for them, regardless of whether or not they say "thank you".

My hope is that I will raise children someday who will say "thank you" and "please" because they have watched me say "thank you" and "please" often enough and freely enough. If my children do not say "thank you" and "please," I'm not sure I would blame *them* for these omissions. My hope is to raise children who are gracious, but my sense is that the only way to achieve that is to, myself, be exceedingly gracious, particularly when in their presence. If I do not raise children who are gracious, my hope is that I will be big enough to take my share of the responsibility for not doing what I needed to do to get them there.

So there's where I come out on these issues, and this is why I do not currently have kids. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

And, in a similar vein, since I'm on a roll here http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif, this is why I take my border collie for walks when it is freakin' FREEZING outside - I chose to adopt her, and, even though I COULD just put her in the backyard to play by herself (that is to say, I don't *owe* her a walk in the sense that nobody *owes* their child a horse), I know that she would much rather go for a walk, and I love her enough to give her that. It costs my time, it costs my convenience, and I'd rather be curled up warmly on the couch with a glass of wine, but, well, I should have thought of that before I adopted a dog. And, have I mentioned, it is my priviledge to give, without reservation or condition, to a creature I love. ***This last paragraph is not the most important paragraph of the post. Do not focus your attention here. I KNOW that raising a dog is not like rasing a child. My only point was that they both involve some degree of commitment to be somewhat selfless. Beyond that, ignore this last paragraph.

[This message was edited by elizabeth on Jan. 20, 2004 at 12:59 PM.]

rosijet

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:19 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
Wow..I'm very sorry I offended you adults[mothers?]. I didn't mean it like that..But that's how it seems to me--like she's lazy. Granted, I'm not a mother but if I spent money on an expensive blessing, I sure would want my kid[s] to take every advantage about it.
Sorry.
I have yet to read through all of the posts, but I will at lunch.

Refrased:

"Sometimes my mother doesn't feel like taking me to the barn...Can you guys think of anyways to bribe my mom when she isn't feeling like it?"

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whoa! I'm pretty sure we have some selective reading going on here. Most of these posts are seriously trying to give you great advice to EARN your parents respect and encourage them to WANT to do things for YOU. Or better yet, solutions for YOU to be PROACTIVE and find creative ways to get to the barn yourself.

If you need to look at it like a bribe, you're missing the point. Exhausted is not the same as lazy.

I remember how tough teenage years were. I wouldn't go back to ages 12-18 for any amount of money. But, cliche as it sounds, where there's a will, there's a way.

I was raised by a single mom, and we struggled to pay the bills to just survive. I was in love with horses and had to have one. My mom paid for my horse ($450) but I was expected to cover all the expenses thereafter AND keep an A average in school. I got a morning paper route. Pain in the @ss? Absolutely, but it paid my bills and was great exercise. I also worked off my board by turning out, feeding and watering at my barn. That developed into a great working student position that ultimately led to a trainer position. And in the summers, I also had a 25-30 hour a week "teenager" job. I arranged to ride on a different bus in the afternoons that dropped me off near the barn, got picked up by mom or my older brother (paid their gas money) or I biked if necessary.

None of this is a brag in any way. I had a goal, I did whatever it took to attain it. I sacrificed time with friends and extra-curricular activities but nothing in life worthwhile comes without some sacrifice. It is possible for you to get to the barn if you REALLY want to.

None of this will likely sink in today but someday, maybe tomorrow, next week or maybe it'll take you 10 years, you'll smack yourself in the forehead and wish you'd been a more grateful child.

If the purpose of this post is to gripe about your parents, I suspect you can find a different forum or call a friend and they can tell you what you want to hear. But if you TRULY are looking for a solution, reread some of these posts. The answer is there. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

"Crazy is just another point of view" Sonia Dada

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:25 AM

I wish I had more time to write, but you have some valid points too elizabeth.

I too "hope to raise children who are gracious"...I have modeled good manners and please and thankyous and all the stuff moms are supposed to. I have two Honor Society kids-they are not bad, but trust me, kids don't always turn out the way you wish them to. I love my kids, and like I said at the beginning, yesterday's thread topic caught me on a bad day with whining kids wishing to be carted somewhere.

I DO take them to school and to dance-because yes, that's my job, just like walking the dog in the rain. I wouldn't trade my children for anything, I love being a mom. It's pretty rare that I bitch about having to take my kids anywhere--the day my son is lead ballet dancer at the ABT I can look back and say it's all been worth it if that's the path he chooses.

However---I don't think it's too much to ask to have some common courtesy--a mere thank you...or what can I do to help. That's also raising good kids, to teach them that this is all part of being a family.

OK, I am late for an appt...sorry if this didn't make sense.

I know there are a lot of people on this bb who hate kids-I LOVE my kids, it's just sometimes it's hard to like them when they act spoiled and entitled, that was my point.It's a bigger world out there than some realize.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:45 AM

First off for those that said that they bought the horse for me, I worked by butt off for my mare.
And I am really sorry that you all think I'm a spoiled brat.

And I can be, I admit that.

And you all do have some valid points that I am taking to heart, but it also really hurts my feelings to hear you guys say I'm a spoiled brat...Without getting to know me.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:47 AM

Oh and when she does take me out to the barn--I do say thank you. I do ask please.

When I don't get my way, I often throw a fit to myself. Yes, I admit it. Sorry I'm an immature teenager. I'm working on it.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

USgrandprix

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:47 AM

Do nice things for your parents with a smile on your face(a REAL smile!) http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif, do things around the house - without them having to ask. Offer to do the laundry, dishes, even make dinner.

Every little thing you do to help out your parents will make their lives easier. If they don't feel like they have a million & one things that they need to get done then driving you up to the barn might not seem like a big deal.

Despite what you might think - your parents DO NOT like housework. Most people don't. So suck it up, take the initiative and do some of it yourself. You live there too, time to start pulling your weight a little. No doubt your parents would be floored if you just started helping around the house, and they didn't hear one complaint out of you. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

------------------------------
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:49 AM

elizabeth...I see the point you are trying to make BUT (big but here) a dog is not a kid. Your border collie probably won't be expected to grow up into a responsible adult dog with a job and bills and at least a modicum of respect for those around him/her. As much (actually more, IMO) as wanting your children to be happy and have nice things is important, raising them to be respectful, disciplined and able to take care of themselves is paramount. I currently work with someone who was spoiled absolutely rotten as a child and came from a completely dysfunctional family. Abused? Not physically but yes...she was given everything she wanted and never had to so much as say thank you. She's a total pain in rear to work with and I doubt she'll last in our company another month. She complains that her raises aren't enough and she has too much work (even though it leaves her plenty of time to play solitaire http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif) and she has bought a HUGE house she can barely pay for because she had to have it (a first house, no less). Headed for disaster? I believe so. But I'll bet she THINKS she had a glorious childhood. Shame her parents didn't teach her anything important. One day she may realize trading in those ballet lessons for self-control lessons would have been the biggest gift and display of love her parents could have ever given her.

And in any event, I'll bet your dog IS happy to see you when you get home, loves you and just wants to spend time with you (not to mention the fact that you probably taught him/her not to crap on the rug). BTF's words have shown that she does not want time with her parents, she just wants them to wait on her. If you want to compare dogs and kids, I'd compare her lack of respect to your dog crapping in your bed. But there is still a BIG FAT HUGE DIFFERENCE in the analogies, in my oh so humble opinion.

BTW, my children play softball, are involved in two 4H clubs (horse and livestock...we spend all summer raising sheep and showing horses), ride, dance, extracurricular activites and have an extremely busy social life. They have pets galore, including their ponies which cost me a fortune. I do what I do because I love them, but the day they call me lazy because I can't, or simply won't, do something for them...you can bet their lives will change drastically.

PiedPiper

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:52 AM

Okay, a point of view from a twenty something year old.

It is all about approach. How are you approaching your parents, how are you approaching this BB? What is your tone, inflections, body language, word choice, etc? These things are very important so use them carefully. Think of this as a lesson in life. We all want things so we have to learn how to get it. How will you learn to get what you want? There are so many avenues that you can choose so think about them. But telling us/your parents that they are lazy, ungrateful, that they SHOULD do anything, well that doesn't go over very well.

Being "self-centered" is what a teenager is. That is how you are evolving from a child into an adult and parents understand that, and trust me, allow for it way more than you would imagine. But imagine being 25 and thinking back on your childhood and teenage years and what you did and didn't do. Do you want to remember how you complained and cried and threw temper tamtrums to try adn get what you want? I think you have been given so excellent advice and if going out to see your horse is truly that important to you than you will find a way to get done. Walking 5 miles may not be the most pleasant thing to do but think what is at the end of the road, your horse and not having to ask your parents. This is showing yuor parents your initiative to get something done on yuor own, a great step to being an adult, and they are more likely to continue to encourage your horse ownership and riding. But the bottomline yuo need to really remember is that you are a minor and not owner of your horse, your parents are and at any moment they can but a for sale sign and then this discussion will be mute. Remember that always and especially before mouthing off. Put yourself in their shoes first and then speak.
Good luck and I hope you find a way out to the barn every day! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Grab mane and kick on!
www.shadowgatefarm.com (http://www.shadowgatefarm.com)

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:53 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
And you all do have some valid points that I am taking to heart, but it also really hurts my feelings to hear you guys say I'm a spoiled brat...Without getting to know me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We're not all saying that, and I'm sorry that one of us hurt your feelings. I do not think you are a spoiled brat. I actually think your parents are at fault here for reasons not worth going into.

As to your comment that "Sorry I'm an immature teenager. I'm working on it," the reality is that being a teenager sucks, and the immature part sometimes comes with the territory. Being a teenager without SUPER parents (I'm not saying you are or you aren't) sucks worse. Good luck.

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:55 AM

Again, I appreciate your advice. All of it, even if it made me angry or hurt my feelings.

...What if my parents don't allow me to walk or ride my bike? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif Most of the time, I'm sure they will...We aren't even in a largely-populated area but...I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, seriously.

I can ask my friends for rides.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:56 AM

BTF...I just caught your most recent posts and believe you actually might be coming around. Admitting that you may act spoiled at times is a start. Now start trying to figure out how can change your behavior and I'll bet your parents will notice and become more agreeable. And realizing what they do for you may help the process. No one was trying to bash you...it just took some work to get you to see how you came off in some of your posts.

Good luck and I hope you get things resolved. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:58 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
elizabeth...I see the point you are trying to make BUT (big but here) a dog is not a kid.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The dog part of my post was an afterthought. I'm am stunned that you are focussing on THAT. Matter of fact, I'll go cut it to avoid other folks skimming the more important, substantive part of the post.

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:58 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
BTF...I just caught your most recent posts and believe you actually might be coming around. Admitting that you may act spoiled at times is a start. Now start trying to figure out how can change your behavior and I'll bet your parents will notice and become more agreeable. And realizing what they do for you may help the process. No one was trying to bash you...it just took some work to get you to see how you came off in some of your posts.

Good luck and I hope you get things resolved. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I do try and come off as mature and respectful, I really do. Obviously I slipped up on this post, I read it and thought[to myself] that it sounded fine...It really surprised me when I got some of the replies I did. Made me want to cry!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:01 AM

I'll read more after school. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Proud member of the Teen Clique

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:09 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by elizabeth:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
elizabeth...I see the point you are trying to make BUT (big but here) a dog is not a kid.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The dog part of my post was an afterthought. I'm am stunned that you are focussing on THAT. Matter of fact, I'll go cut it to avoid other folks skimming the more important, substantive part of the post.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, but I did address the more important part. You, as a non-parent, missed it obviously.

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:15 AM

BTF...don't let anyone's remarks (including mine) make you cry. Whenever you ask for advice, accept all of it graciously, and then decide what works best for your situation and your life. No one on this board knows all of the details. The only information we have to go on is what you've said and HOW you've said it. And I'll bet that as much as you might be spoiled (don't get offended by brat...I use the term generously around my household http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif), you're also pretty normal. You'll be fine.

And remember, sometimes, no matter what you do or say, you are not going to get what you want. Learning to accept this with grace is a huge step towards maturity.

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:23 AM

BTF it does sound like our points are hitting home. Have you considered doing what I stated in a previous post? Just getting things done before they get home from work would put them in a good mood no matter how crappy their day was!

What you said about getting to know you- I used to think this, as well. But the sad truth is that this is NOT the way that the majority of the world works. Life (unfortunately) is very much about first impressions. And I know it sucks because it takes people at least a few times meeting them for them to warm up to me. I am NOT good at first impressions. It sucks, but it's life, and since I know the problem, I am working on ways to remedy it.

The first step to solving something is admitting you have a problem- and recognizing the problem.

In your specific situation, your problem was (is) that you are blaming your parents entirely. While they may have a role in this, because they bought you the pony, made you realize how important it is to you to be out there, etc. You also play a HUGE role in the problem. You are saying it is entirely your parents' responsibility to want to take you out to the barn to see the horse they gave you, etc. etc. and this is something you are entitled to. Well, I have news: you are not entitled to anything except love, food, and shelter...But your parents are entitled to take your horse away. The good thing is, you realize that you are going to have to do something to make them feel up to taking you to the barn every day. So take this advice, suck it up, and get to work. Impress your parents this week by cleaning up after yourself and maybe a little bit after them. Help out around the house and then maybe this weekend ask them to sit down with you and have a chat.

This will impress them to NO END. They will be like "WOW! It looks like we have done everything right, and we should definitely reward our daughter for being such a mature, outstanding young lady!"

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I promise!!!!

And yea, my parents gave me every opportunity that they could when I was a kid- they offered me things- a car, vacations, dance lessons from the time I was 3 till I was 18, riding once a week, softball, basketball, soccer, when I was a kid...Tennis in high school, etc. and they did it all for ME because they knew that it was stuff that I loved. But they offered me what they could, and if I wanted to take it to the next step, I had to get a job and pay for it.

I hope all of this makes sense, I just want you to see that if you are mature and level-headed about things, you can get anything you want from (pretty much) anybody. You just have to know what cards to play.

And one day you'll look back (I hope!) and be like "Wow, when I was 16, I was COOL" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Cuz I know I do http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Oh, and now, because I see what my parents did for me when I was younger, my dad doesn't have a job...And I work full-time to help them out. That's what being a family is all about.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

[This message was edited by Kels on Jan. 20, 2004 at 01:44 PM.]

deltawave

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:25 AM

BTF, please don't take it personally. First of all, being a teenager is ALL about being hypersensitive to the opinions of others. Nobody here is saying what a bad person you are, but the tone of your original posts undoubtedly ruffled some feathers. You won't get through life withour ruffling someone's feathers some of the time, nor should you aspire to never ruffle any! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

If people here (myself included) are a little hard on you with their advice, it's often because they've been in a similar situation and have seen things come out badly, or they never had the opportunities you have (a horse at your age) and would've killed for the chance but it never happened. Also, many of us here are parents and I'd venture to say we all try our very best, just like you do, and still have things come out less than perfect sometimes.

So although you're trying to look at this in an adult fashion, that's obvious, don't let the fact that you're still a teenager and therefore fairly sensitive deter you from taking the advice here, which is all pretty good IMO. Not everything comes packaged nicely, and sometimes the things people say that make us cry are the things we take quickest to heart! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I speak from experience on that one! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I often think that one of the greatest things about getting older is NOT having to be an adolescent any more, and in 2nd place is the perspective that the years offer. Try to be grateful for what you have (this should apply to people of ALL AGES) and instead of kvetching about a situation you find intolerable or unfair, find a positive way to CHANGE it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

---------------------------------------------
"If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
Pictures! (http://www.deltawave.homestead.com/photos2.html)
Helmet Nazi, Bah Humbug, Mares Rule, Breed Your Own and Michigan cliques!

alabama

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:31 AM

Five miles? Shoot, if I were you I'd either walk or ride my bike. Five miles is nothing.

RugBug

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:40 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by elizabeth:
I actually think your parents are at fault here for reasons not worth going into.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

elizabeth,

I will agree that the parents are, in part, at fault. Entitled children are not born, they are made. But BTF is old enough to be responsible for her actions and her attitudes.

BTF, people have given you some really good advice. I've still seen you only mention finding other ways to get out to the barn instead of ways of making things easier at home. Kels had an excellent post...get home and unload the dishwasher, fold the laundry...without being asked, without seeing it as a bribe. Contribute to the general family well-being and more than likely, your parents will be more willing to contribute to you.

Your horse is a privilege that it sounds like you've come to expect, just like you seem to expect a car or access to a car when you turn 16. A car is privilege (unless you foot the bill for it...the car itself, but also gas, insurance, etc). You are not entitled to either of these things. The most your parents have to give you is food, shelter, clothes, and love. Anything else is a bonus because, gasp, they want you to have the things that make you happy. Don't use their generosity against them or make them regret it. Learn from it, be generous in return.

My Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/slorugbug

shmon

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:45 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
It also really hurts my feelings to hear you guys say I'm a spoiled brat...Without getting to know me.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And I wonder how it would make your mother feel to hear you call her "lazy" without realizing what exactly it is she does all day?

------------------------------
"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life."

equigirl

Jan. 20, 2004, 10:57 AM

When I was 16 and my mother was too "lazy" to drive me to the barn, I threw hissy fits all the time.

Now I realize she was clinically depressed with a social anxiety disorder and was too afraid to leave the house. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

BTF- try to be nice to your parents. I know it feels unfair that they bought you the horse and now they won't let you see it, but think about it from their perspective- they love their kid so much they gave her something. But now they get no thanks for it, and they're fed up. So no more giving (which in this case means rides).

And, for the record, it is possible to buy and keep a horse on a minumum wage job. I did it all through high school. You just have to want it bad enough.

Good luck http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."

deltawave

Jan. 20, 2004, 11:17 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> The most your parents have to give you is food, shelter, clothes, and love. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And before these "woe is me, my parents won't give me MORE" threads go even further, can we all stop and put things in a little perspective by thinking about the kids for whom above items #1, 2 and 3 are a struggle??

Reality check over. We now return you to your regularly scheduled poverty-free life. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

---------------------------------------------
"If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
Pictures! (http://www.deltawave.homestead.com/photos2.html)
Helmet Nazi, Bah Humbug, Mares Rule, Breed Your Own and Michigan cliques!

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 11:28 AM

Phaxxton

Jan. 20, 2004, 11:40 AM

I'd really love to hear from your mother on this one. There are two sides to every story, and forgive me if I don't buy the "she's too lazy" argument. I HIGHLY doubt that is it.

Also, and I mean this sincerely... If your mood is that severely affected by not being at the barn every day or by not being driven to the barn, then you might consider counseling. I mean this honestly. It's not healthy to have that much emotional stock in something like that. I love my horse, and I try to see him everyday. But I do not become depressed or severely unhappy when I can't get there. Something to think about.... I am hoping you were just exaggerating, as of course, I do miss my horse when I can't see him. If you aren't, though, you might have a problem that needs attention.

[This message was edited by Phaxxton on Jan. 20, 2004 at 02:55 PM.]

Sandy M

Jan. 20, 2004, 12:23 PM

Haven't read all the replies, but get the general impression that you are getting negative responses.

The bicycle suggestion was probably good for good weather, but considering where you are located...definitely a no go at this time of year.

Now... I am just throwing this out for consideration: I'm sure you are very grateful to have a horse and frustrated at not getting out to ride it as much a you feel you should. You've been jumped on regarding what your parents "owe" or do not owe you in this regard... but I gotta wonder if getting you the horse was the big deal... after much pleading, promises, etc.... and now your parents are being sort of passive/agressive in limiting your time, hoping you will give up and they will no longer have the expense...?????

Folks, it's easy to assume that someone is being ungrateful, but there MAY be an underlying negative attitude on the parents' parts here. Too bad the time factor and getting to the horse wasn't negotiated when it was first obtained.

Oh well, hang in there: Only a few months to go... or will there be a car access issue then??

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:04 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Sandy M:
Haven't read all the replies, but get the general impression that you are getting negative responses.

The bicycle suggestion was probably good for good weather, but considering where you are located...definitely a no go at this time of year.

Now... I am just throwing this out for consideration: I'm sure you are very grateful to have a horse and frustrated at not getting out to ride it as much a you feel you should. You've been jumped on regarding what your parents "owe" or do not owe you in this regard... but I gotta wonder if getting you the horse was the big deal... after much pleading, promises, etc.... and now your parents are being sort of passive/agressive in limiting your time, hoping you will give up and they will no longer have the expense...?????

Folks, it's easy to assume that someone is being ungrateful, but there MAY be an underlying negative attitude on the parents' parts here. Too bad the time factor and getting to the horse wasn't negotiated when it was first obtained.

Oh well, hang in there: Only a few months to go... or will there be a car access issue then??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
It was a big deal to get me my first horse. I've wanted one since I began riding, at age 6. Having a horse is a big financial strain for my mother and step-father.

Kels,
Just because I do not mention your ideas, does not mean that I am considering them. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Personally, I'd rather clean sheathes all day than lift a finger in the house...But whatever works.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:07 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by equigirl:
When I was 16 and my mother was too "lazy" to drive me to the barn, I threw hissy fits all the time.

Now I realize she was clinically depressed with a social anxiety disorder and was too afraid to leave the house. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
My mom does have clinical depression. And I should be more considerate, but we are both on medicine for me...And I sure know my medicine doesn't help fully, but...Yeah. I don't know what I'm saying. She is also very sore from a shoulder injury but I've just thought...How hard is it to drive when your shoulders hurt?

Don't shoot me.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:13 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Sandy M:
Haven't read all the replies, but get the general impression that you are getting negative responses.

The bicycle suggestion was probably good for good weather, but considering where you are located...definitely a no go at this time of year.

Now... I am just throwing this out for consideration: I'm sure you are very grateful to have a horse and frustrated at not getting out to ride it as much a you feel you should. You've been jumped on regarding what your parents "owe" or do not owe you in this regard... but I gotta wonder if getting you the horse was the big deal... after much pleading, promises, etc.... and now your parents are being sort of passive/agressive in limiting your time, hoping you will give up and they will no longer have the expense...?????

Folks, it's easy to assume that someone is being ungrateful, but there MAY be an underlying negative attitude on the parents' parts here. Too bad the time factor and getting to the horse wasn't negotiated when it was first obtained.

Oh well, hang in there: Only a few months to go... or will there be a car access issue then??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
It was a big deal to get me my first horse. I've wanted one since I began riding, at age 6. Having a horse is a big financial strain for my mother and step-father.

Kels,
Just because I do not mention your ideas, does not mean that I am considering them. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Personally, I'd rather clean sheathes all day than lift a finger in the house...But whatever works.

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just as I am sure your mother would prefer doing something she loves that others might find disgusting than lift a finger in the house...

Quit thinking of only yourself, because everything has two sides. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

equigirl

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:15 PM

Your mom has depression, a shoulder injury but still manages to work full time, keep a husband and a household, and drive you to the barn some of the time? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

She counts as a superwoman in my books. YOu should be far kinder to her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
________________________________________________
"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:17 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by equigirl:
Your mom has depression, a shoulder injury but still manages to work full time, keep a husband and a household, _and_ drive you to the barn some of the time? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

She counts as a superwoman in my books. YOu should be far kinder to her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Me too- SUPER super woman because she still does a TON for you!

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:18 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by equigirl:
Your mom has depression, a shoulder injury but still manages to work full time, keep a husband and a household, _and_ drive you to the barn some of the time? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

_She counts as a superwoman in my books._ YOu should be far kinder to her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
________________________________________________
"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am kind to her, unless we are at eachother's throats. I hate it that it seems like I'm not from this thread.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:20 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kels:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by equigirl:
Your mom has depression, a shoulder injury but still manages to work full time, keep a husband and a household, _and_ drive you to the barn some of the time? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

She counts as a superwoman in my books. YOu should be far kinder to her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Horses have slaves."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Me too- SUPER super woman because she still does a TON for you!

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif
I never said she didn't!!

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:21 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kels:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Sandy M:
Haven't read all the replies, but get the general impression that you are getting negative responses.

The bicycle suggestion was probably good for good weather, but considering where you are located...definitely a no go at this time of year.

Now... I am just throwing this out for consideration: I'm sure you are very grateful to have a horse and frustrated at not getting out to ride it as much a you feel you should. You've been jumped on regarding what your parents "owe" or do not owe you in this regard... but I gotta wonder if getting you the horse was the big deal... after much pleading, promises, etc.... and now your parents are being sort of passive/agressive in limiting your time, hoping you will give up and they will no longer have the expense...?????

Folks, it's easy to assume that someone is being ungrateful, but there MAY be an underlying negative attitude on the parents' parts here. Too bad the time factor and getting to the horse wasn't negotiated when it was first obtained.

Oh well, hang in there: Only a few months to go... or will there be a car access issue then??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
It was a big deal to get me my first horse. I've wanted one since I began riding, at age 6. Having a horse is a big financial strain for my mother and step-father.

Kels,
Just because I do not mention your ideas, does not mean that I am considering them. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Personally, I'd rather clean sheathes all day than lift a finger in the house...But whatever works.

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just as I am sure your mother would prefer doing something she loves that others might find disgusting than lift a finger in the house...

Quit thinking of only yourself, because everything has two sides. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sorry if you feel I am only thinking of myself. And in the beginning of this post, I was. On page 4, I was migrating towards not thinking of only myself. And now, I may come off as thinking only as myself--because I am trying to ignore mean-hearted stabs at me. At least that's how it comes off to me.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

deltawave

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:28 PM

BTF, nobody on this thread REALLY knows you, so don't take these comments to heart. We can only judge by what we've heard from you, and make no mistake--people DO judge others on face value.

I'll wager that NOBODY here truly wishes you ill, so please accept the criticism NOT as a personal indictment but as a response to what you typed and the way you typed it.

It hurts to grow, but I'd say based on your comments you've done a lot of it today! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

---------------------------------------------
"If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
Pictures! (http://www.deltawave.homestead.com/photos2.html)
Helmet Nazi, Bah Humbug, Mares Rule, Breed Your Own and Michigan cliques!

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:41 PM

How hard is it? I dunno- let's try dislocating both your shoulders and put you behind the wheel of a car.

...I thought that in the past. Not now.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Yowsa

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:47 PM

Okay, I'm going to stay totally out of this debate as much as I can (biting tongue severely) and give you a suggestion.
Get an after school job at the barn. Feed/turnout/muck stalls, etc. Have that work go toward paying the bording costs. Your helping mom and get to be at the barn. My guess is your mom (who sounds like a wonderful person) would be more willing to cart you to a job when the benefits suit you both.
Just a thought.

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:47 PM

I knew it was just too good to be true that this was just a troll-vent.

How very, very sad that this is a REAL post by a REAL person. Good Lord how I pity her parents. . . . .

(and how much I would LOVE for them to see this spoiled brat's post here. . . . )

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

and dreaming

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:51 PM

I haven't read all the responses, so pardon me if this post is redundant.

I went through the same thing for a while. My mom doesn't work, and is therefore demoted to being the family chauffeur - dad usually doesn't get home until after the rest of us do. For a while, she complained about taking me to do the barn ("Do you HAVE TO ride today? I don't understand why you can just give her the day off and go out tomorrow." I'm thinking, "Because you won't want to go out then either, thats why," in true teenager fashion). Point being, you're not alone http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Like someone mentioned, get a bike. I know it's impossible to ride it during the winter, considering it's pitch black by 5pm, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif but it will come in handy in the spring.

Driving with a shoulder injury is pretty tough, I can imagine. It's never happened to me, but you use your shoulders more than you'd think when you're driving.

I think you have to accept the fact that it may be impossible for your mom to drive you to the barn every day, and it sounds like you've started to do that. I'm sorry that everyone is jumping on your back about this issue...it's a really tough one to judge without actually being in your situation. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Just think...SIX MONTHS! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

MardiGras

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:52 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by deltawave:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> The most your parents have to give you is food, shelter, clothes, and love. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And before these "woe is me, my parents won't give me MORE" threads go even further, can we all stop and put things in a little perspective by thinking about the kids for whom above items #1, 2 and 3 are a struggle??

Reality check over. We now return you to your regularly scheduled poverty-free life. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Exactly. Exactly. But parents who are well off, often lack that perspective themselves, and are utterly unable to convey it to children. As I mentioned, being self centred and self interested is inherent to adolescence, but it strikes me that very few people grow out of it, and are then surprised that their kids are spoiled monsters.

And just for the sake of credibility (not to say I wasn't a spoiled brat in other ways)- I grew up in a family that brought home MAYBE 25 grand american after taxes. So as you can imagine, I was lucky to get a riding lesson here or there.

Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford NOT to buy a pony!

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:56 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
I knew it was just too good to be true that this was just a troll-vent.

How very, very sad that this is a REAL post by a REAL person. Good Lord how I pity her parents. . . . .

(and how much I would LOVE for them to see this spoiled brat's post here. . . . )

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
That hurt my feelings.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 01:59 PM

JUST THINK - how much more obnoxious this "person" will be once she has "wheels" at her disposal.

I am "sure" that she will be helping out her mom all the time right? Grocery shopping, doctor visits. . . .right????

Right. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:00 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
JUST THINK - how much more obnoxious this "person" will be once she has "wheels" at her disposal.

I am "sure" that she will be helping out her mom all the time right? Grocery shopping, doctor visits. . . .right????

Right. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I am NOT a bad person. I may be rude, but I am not bad. I love my mom and even if it doesn't seem like it, I do help around the house and I do say "please" and "thank you".

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:05 PM

I am sorry again, to come off as a brat.
My mom is not lazy, I have had that drilled into my heads by you all. I understand that now.
She is not lazy, okay?

I am just angry because this is a frustrating thing for me when I am trying to train and condition her and I can't get out there. But since I already said that, I won't bring it up again. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Proud member of the Teen Clique

tosca4711

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:07 PM

BTF's mother is clinically depressed and on meds. This is obviously hard on the mother but it's hard to have a parent with this kind of disorder. BTF has to cope with things other teenagers don't. Perhaps that is why she has so much invested in the horse. It's her safety valve. Also, I think BTF also said she is on meds. Perhaps she really needs this horse right now. Aside from this, we don't know BTF's mother.

Tosca

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:12 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by tosca4711:
BTF's mother is clinically depressed and on meds. This is obviously hard on the mother but it's hard to have a parent with this kind of disorder. BTF has to cope with things other teenagers don't. Perhaps that is why she has so much invested in the horse. It's her safety valve. Also, I think BTF also said she is on meds. Perhaps she really needs this horse right now. Aside from this, we don't know BTF's mother.

Tosca<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
You have a PT, Tosca. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Lochness

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:14 PM

BTF - I have a couple of other suggestions, since my bus suggestion went by the way side. A. as everyone says you do sound spoiled. Your obviously in high school and old enough to have a job - so get one. b. Who cares if you like housework you should be doing the whole house if your mother has a hurt shoulder for goodness sake! c. sit down and discuss what days you will ride and on the other days do something else, run, bike, something to show you are really into being a good rider/athlete. d. try to get your mom involved in horses.

When I started riding (and had gotten my first horse) I got up 2 hours before school and cleaned the entire house everyday. Then afterschool I worked, about 40 hrs a week, I paid for everything. My mom took me to the barn 5 days a week, I was lucky. But in the same sense I included her. She liked to brush and graze and even give my horse bathes so I let her - even though it slowed me down. Though I certainly never asked her too. At shows I let her me involved in the whole thing and along the way she made friends with other girls at my barn moms. That way she began to enjoy taking me to the barn as it was fun and relaxing for her too, not just me. Also, I maitained a 4.0, even if it meant staying after school on top of everything. So, though you may not think you are sounding spoiled, you do. Put things in perspective. I have a friend, who is a foster kid that I teach, she is lucky to even be able to touch a horse and is thankful for the one ride a week on an old stiff horse. At least you have two parents, a home, and a horse. Horses are not everything. Your mom is probably doing you a favor by not taking you to the barn everyday. Use the days you can't ride to build your grades and a college resume! Ok, I've gone on long enough.

RugBug

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:

I am NOT a bad person. I may be rude, but I am not bad. I love my mom and even if it doesn't seem like it, I do help around the house and I do say "please" and "thank you".

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Eh, BTF, you're not a bad person, just a typical teenager. Honestly, the ones that most of us are describing are NOT typical.

I was pretty bratty as a teen. I specifically recall one christmas that I asked for stirrups leathers. I had saved, bought my own saddle and stirrups but I still needed leathers. I didn't get them. Boy did he$$ fly when I said something about not getting them on Christmas morning.

I now look back and know that $70 for stirrup leathers was 70% of my mom's budget for my christmas presents and that she didn't want to spend that large a sum on one item. But I was still a spoiled brat in my reaction. Hindsight is 20/20.

If you really want to make it out to the barn more, YOU have to make it happen, not relying on someone else to make it happen for you. Find a way. YOU can do it. Bike, ride a bus, walk, work harder at home. Many people have posted to you how they made stuff happen for themselves...lessons, owning a horse, etc. If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to do it yourself. Right now, you don't want it that bad. You want someone to give it to you. Until you make that next step (which is really growing up just little more) you will feel frustrated and trapped by your parents and what they are and aren't willing to do for you.

My Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/slorugbug

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:18 PM

See thing is, my mom loves my horse. She loves to come out there and go for a bareback stroll while I lead her, loves to feed her carrots, love to...be around her. When she wants to go out, that is.

Anyway, sorry I waysided your bus idea, Lochness. I haven't read all of them--just skimmed.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:21 PM

Well I don't want to be typical.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

[referring to RugBug]
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[This message was edited by b0rntofly on Jan. 20, 2004 at 05:34 PM.]

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:33 PM

AGAIN - I assume that 6 months from now you will be posting here telling us how much you are helping out your mom with your new wheels - aside from giving said mom "rides" on your horsey. . . .

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:35 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
AGAIN - I assume that 6 months from now you will be posting here telling us how much you are helping out your mom with your new wheels - aside from giving said mom "rides" on your horsey. . . .

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for being rude.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

FeistyMare

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:37 PM

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif
I'll check this again in the morning.

Again, thank you all for your suggestions.

Tosca--You have a PT!
Proud member of the Teen Clique

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:41 PM

Not "rude" at all. Read back thru all of your past posts if you want to read "rude".

I really feel sorry for your mom. At your age, you have your own horse - which is more than many at your age on this board have - & you are WHINING on a public posting board that your mom won't drive you to the barn as frequently as you would like.

BooHoo - Poor you. Again, I say - when you GROW UP, post here & let us know how it went. . . .

(Oh, & "Proud Member of the Teen Clique"? PLEASE - you are doing a real disservice to the teens here who appreciate what they have without whining about it. Don't really think you're a member in good standing. . . .)

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

Bliss

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:42 PM

Okay, I skimmed most of this. But speaking as a 20-something stepmom of a teenager...

I am SO HAPPY when I come home from a looong day's work and discover that my teenager has VOLUNTARILY done something around the house. Like pick up the cups he leaves around, or vacuum, or clean his bathroom.

It is _amazing_ how this brightens my day. Because otherwise I would have to ask him to do these things. And usually he will tense up in this special way he has that lets me know he is not rolling his eyes or heaving a big sigh at me, he is keeping it all inside so he won't get in trouble. I know he hates doing chores.

I hate asking him, cause I know he doesn't like it. But seriously, at some point, he's got to clean the bathroom before monsters start breeding in there.

All of this is to say~ just try it. In my house, doing some chores is worth big gold stars. It tells me he knows what he has to do/what needs doing around the house and is showing some sign of maturity by doing it.

And because I don't have to spend the time fretting over him not doing it, or doing it myself, I have time to bake him cookies or take him places. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Good luck.

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:47 PM

Bliss - you ain't gonna instil this sort of stellar behavior in this twit. She apparently feels that the sun & moon rise & set over her & her horsey.

And on top of it all, she wants the rest of us to feel sorry for her. Boo Hoo

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

dior

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:54 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>you're not a bad person, just a typical teenager. Honestly, the ones that most of us are describing are NOT typical.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A typical teenager? It never would have crossed my mind to be this ungrateful to my parents, and if I had, well, I wouldn't have a horse any more. My friends, who are also teenagers, ride and have their own horse (and much more), and they are not rude or ungrateful to their parents. My brother's friends, many of whom are very well off, are respectful and thankful of their parents. I don't think it's typical behavior at all - to me, that's just an excuse to act sullen and obnoxious and self-absorbed.

wanderlust

Jan. 20, 2004, 02:58 PM

Yikes, breezymeadow, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today? I'm all for calling a spade a spade, but namecalling really isn't necessary, nor is it helpful.

~formerly Master Tally~

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:01 PM

Not that I know of - lol!

But must say that if I were this young lady's parent(s), a "Horse For Sale" ad would be in the next day's paper.

You are apparently more tolerant of snotty adolescent behavior than I am. . . .

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:07 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
Bliss - you ain't gonna instil this sort of stellar behavior in this twit. She apparently feels that the sun & moon rise & set over her & her horsey.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

WHAT is going on here? Beezymeadow, why would you name-call a kid? I mean, folks do it all the time, but you? You? Name-calling? I am so confused.

Has the whole world gone mad?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Next thing ya know, DMK is going to be starting a "Bush-Dole in 2004" campaign.

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:14 PM

Now I'M confused. What name calling? "Twit"? Is that what you all are talking about? Must be, because that's the only thing I can find in my posts.

And I REFUSE to retract it, if that's what the brouhaha is about. This poster has the nerve to post on a public board that her parents are too "lazy" to drive her to the barn to see her horse????

Please guys. If you want to razz me about any other post of mine, feel free. Just not this one.

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

galadazed

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:17 PM

WHEN *I* was young I had to walk 20 miles to feed my horse before school and 20 miles to school, then 20 miles back to feed and then home again!.............

Ok, just kidding, it was more like 7 miles, but I did it before school AND after school because my father could not afford a boarding barn and guess what? They were the happiest years of my life.

Start walking or running kid!

tosca4711

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:18 PM

Gotcha

Tosca

You have a PT, Tosca. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:19 PM

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:29 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
Well I don't want to be typical.

]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, you certainly aren't THAT. Most kids would never have the gall to come on a public forum and call their mother lazy. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, put on some boots and walk yourself out to the barn--or get a job and have a taxi take you. Do something-you are the captain of your ship. Quit blaming others for your situation and step up to the plate.

You have a lot to be thankful for-I guess you have missed out on those posts these last 7 pages. Like I tell my kids who watch Cribs on MTV and think everyone has that much money, and live lives like Jessican Simpson-get over it. We don't have that money, and it won't ever happen. If you want to live that way, get a good education and I wish you luck-I'll come visit.

Until then, please try to appreciate what you DO have instead of bitching about what you don't. I certainly wasn't lucky enough to have a horse at your age.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:34 PM

Am laughing as I type this. . . ..

although still refuse to retract one iota (gee, do you think she knows what an "iota" is??) of my posts.

I began my love of horses at the age of 4. My parents couldn't even BEGIN to think of buying me a pony/horse. It just wasn't in the cards/budget. At the age of 10 I did get to take once a week riding lessons - granted that my grandmother or a neighbor could take me (my mother never learned to drive).

This is WHY I find it so unbelievably obnoxious that this child has the audacity to post on a public board that her parents are LAZY because they won't drive her to the barn to see her horse.

AGAIN I SAY - boo hoo. Get your little twit self a bike or some friends (gee, why isn't that a surprise. . . ) & tote yourself to the barn. You are lucky enough to have a horse of your own!!!!!!!!!

And to those of you who feel that I am being too harsh here, too bad.

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

wanderlust

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:42 PM

Oy vey, breezy... the irony of this is that I DID wake up on the wrong side of the bed and I'm the one cutting her some slack. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif: Maybe its that I'm not so far removed from the teen years, or maybe I just feel bad for kids these days. I dunno. But I'm usually the last one to be a softy.

I can tell ya one thing, though. These smatterings of posts from teenagers, especially those on the h/j board, make me seriously consider whether I ever want spawn of my own. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

~formerly Master Tally~

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:53 PM

I'm not insightful enough to tell you why, but for some reason, hearing about how some folks have less than others and some folks should be happy with what they have and some folks never had a horse or a lesson or whatever, the following Glenn Frey lyrics come to mind:

There's another kind of poverty
That only rich men know
A moral malnutrition
That starves their very souls

Damned if I know how it is relevant, but there it is, for what it is worth. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

CanadianGolden

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:53 PM

breezy--

I am not siding with BTF. Personally I agree that calling parents lazy is extremely rude, probably inaccurate, and not something I would ever do even in the worst of circumstances, because I know my parents aren't lazy.

That said, I do think you're being overly cruel-- she has shown some vague signs of remorse/improvement, and I truly believe that calling her a snotty twit is neither helpful nor polite. After all, you don't know her. Maybe she is spoiled, but maybe she's depressed and experiences severe emotional issues if she doesn't see her horse regularly.

In that case I would recommend her explain this to her mother and ask how rides could be arranged in exchange for work etc.

=Future Johns Hopkins University Student=
=Member of the Only Child Clique=
=Member of the Teen Clique=

*You mean there was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?*

hitchinmygetalong

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:54 PM

Whoa whoa whoa! Or as one old poster's username said WHOA DAMMIT!

This is getting, how shall I say it? Counterproductive?

Can I try (gently) to steer the topic into the realm of cool, calm thinking?

BTF:
I am going to make the assumption that you are not an evil teenager. I am going to make the assumption that you are not as gifted in the world of written communication as some of us are (like ME! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif). I am going to make the assumption that you are very frustrated and don't know how to approach your folks.

(Bear with me here, I haven't read all the posts.)

Here is a suggestion (or two):

"(Mom/Dad), I know it's rotten weather. I know it gets dark way too early. But I really need to visit the horse, it helps me deal with life. When would be a convenient time for you? I really appreciate you doing this for me." (a hug would not be out of order, here)

"(Mom/Dad), how 'bout a "family" night? We could go out to the barn, and then afterwards can we stop at (restaurant of choice) and have a nice meal together and guess what!?!? No dishes!" (Again, a hug would not be out of order)

"(Mom/Dad), is there any chance you could run me out to the barn? We drive right by (hardware store/bookstore/grocery store) and you can swing by and pick up that (hammer/book on dealing with teenage daughters/pot roast) you've been wanting." (Ditto the hug)

The point here is, try to make it more of a "can we get together 'cause I miss you guys" than a "I demand you do this for me and you should do it because you are my parents" kind of thing. Another assumption I dare make is that your parents find NOTHING appealing about the trip to the barn so you need to work on making it more fun for them, either by turning it into quality time with you (Okay, okay, I can hear you gagging but it's true) or something for THEM.

I have a 15 year old daughter who has totally lost interest in going to the barn, so now I find myself making that drive all by myself and BTF, I wish I wish I wish it weren't that way. I miss her.

Give your mom a hug. If she's going through the same (caution: euphemism for menopause ahead) "changes" I am, it is a very, very bumpy road. Remember when you first started changing, how exciting it was? You were growing into a woman! Well, this change is kinda the opposite, our blooms are fading and it's a very poignant time.

Be patient and kind to your parents. Your sacrifices will be repaid in triplicate.

Take care. And I am still assuming you aren't the spoiled little brat you make yourself out to be.

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."
-Louisa May Alcott

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 03:54 PM

Wanderlust - let's just cry on each others shoulders - & let this stupid brat figure out her own problem. . . . . http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

tosca4711

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:00 PM

I haven't got a maternal bone in my body, but I understand BTF's position. She has said that her mother is clinically depressed, which probably means that there are problems in the household. BTF has implied that she is very unhappy. The horse is her escape. Yes, she is lucky to have a horse, but maybe she is paying for it in other ways. I have some experience along these lines. My horse was my lifeline.

To BTF: I had a very rocky start, but things worked out very well for me. I have a career I love, I still have a horse, and I'm happy. You probably can't do anything to change your situation right now, but hang in there. Get the best education you can, get a good job, and stay passionate about your riding. Good luck.

Tosca

PeriwinkleBlue

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:00 PM

Gee-ee-eez!!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Some of you are being WAY too mean to this kid! I think following your own advice would be a good thing - you're all telling her to get a change of attitude and not say rude things about her parents, but you're saying it rudely and calling her a "twit", etc.

Just as a parent is more inclined to help the teenager who shows true appreciation and a good attitude, don't you think the teenager here is far more likely to take your advice if you actually offer it with a little less vitriol?

Personally, what I see is that BTF is actually taking the comments to heart. She's figuring out that her mom is doing a LOT and in 7 pages has gone from complaining that her mom is lazy to recognizing that her mom has a LOT to deal with. That shows more maturity than y'all are crediting her with - there are some kids on this board who simply ignore all criticism or harsh advice completely. At least she's acknowledged that she needs to change her attitude! I say good for her!

And honestly, riding a bicycle in a Minnesota winter is just not an easy thing to do. Nor is walking in that kind of weather. During the summers, yeah, I'd recommend she do that, but not during harsh weather. That can be downright dangerous.

'K, I'm done. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

*****************************************

"See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like." - Captain Mal

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:01 PM

wanderlust...in reply to your having children...BE VERY VERY CAREFUL... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif you could be old, broke and on meds in no time flat. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

BTF...I left you alone for a few hours and you seem to have gotten yourself into trouble again. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif 1) Accept responsibility for yourself (including remarks you've made on this BB). 2) Accept that you are never going to get EVERYTHING you want. 3) Work towards getting what you want, ON YOUR OWN. If you are 6 months away from the legal driving age, you are WAY old enough to put some energy into this.

Since my last post, I've learned you and your mother are on meds...your mother for depression and you for ?. There is more going on than you're telling us and more than you probably should tell us. I'm assuming if you're on meds, you may have a physician or counselor you could talk to. Give that a try instead of us. You've made yourself look like a, in breezymeadow's term http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif, a twit.

[This message was edited by BelladonnaLily on Jan. 20, 2004 at 07:15 PM.]

[This message was edited by BelladonnaLily on Jan. 20, 2004 at 08:12 PM.]

Heinz 57

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:02 PM

So wait a second....

We've got posts running wild about absentee owners, and posts about parents who won't even drive us to the barn. I'm confused. Why do these things add up?

I know where BTF is coming from. I also know that just because you do all the chores and say please and thank you night and day, doesn't mean that depressed parents will drive you. I did every chore thinkable, said please and thank you and dotted every i, yet last may my mom said she didn't feel like paying for anything anymore. No lessons, no lease, nada.

I can't walk and I can't ride a bike; my mom doesn't think its safe for me to walk on the gravel sides of a two lane highway, even if its only 10 miles.

I'd just like to say this though; I'm not razzing those who say BTF is spoiled and needs to appreciate her horse, and I'm not razzing BTF. All I want to say to b0rnt0fly is, just hang in there. try to do what you can, and if it doesn't work, you'll find a way. My instructor said, and I quote, "She's too talented of a rider for me to let her stop." And she's kept that opinion to this day.

If your parents manage to fall into some financial trouble, or just decide they don't want the burden... you'll find a way to be around the horses, and if as its been said you really are spoiled(IMO you're not), you'll find all the humbling you need in your search.

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I work hard for what I have, and its not much. No horse, no license, no car, no rides. Not all teens don't have a job and expect everything in the world, guys; I work my arse off at school, AND working at the barn for my instructor, AND at a job. I also have things to do around the house. No matter who we are or where we go, we'll all find a time that will humble us beyond our very belief... until then, no one can change a thing about anyone. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif

Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
*Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:02 PM

"vague signs of improvement"

Like, where??????

And "vague signs of improvement" mean, like, what??? That 6 months from now she MIGHT drive her mom to the supermarket???

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

PeriwinkleBlue

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:02 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> and you can swing by and pick up that (hammer/book on dealing with teenage daughters/pot roast) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif You ARE gifted, hitch! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

*****************************************

"See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like." - Captain Mal

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:12 PM

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA

Granted - I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, but I at least think I can keep on topic.

My personal "fury" here is that a youngster had the audacity to post on a public board that her parents were too "LAZY" to drive her to the barn to see her horse.

She obviously doesn't have a clue as to what might be going on in her "family unit" that might premeditate "barn" shuttles. Nor does she seem to care. Except for "herself" obviously - otherwise why post on a public board?

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

RugBug

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:14 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Heinz 57:

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I work hard for what I have, and its not much. No horse, no license, no car, no rides. Not all teens don't have a job and expect everything in the world, guys; I work my arse off at school, AND working at the barn for my instructor, AND at a job. I also have things to do around the house. No matter who we are or where we go, we'll all find a time that will humble us beyond our very belief... until then, no one can change a thing about anyone. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

that's just it Hienz 57. Until BTF decides she really wants it and stops relying on other people to give it to her, it's not going to happen.

It's like all the people who in the past have asked me to teach them how to play guitar. Now, playing guitar is not "easy" but it is something you can teach yourself. I would show them a few things, readily give them chord charts and exercises, tell them 10 minutes a day would get them playing pretty quickly, even let them borrow my old guitar and then left them alone. The ones who really wanted to learn spent time practicing. The ones who didn't really want it continued asking me to teach them. They never tried to do it on their own. Thus my theory: You have to really want it to make it happen and if you do, you will.

You (Heinz 57) obviously want it, work hard for it and so people are helping you out. Hard work is usually rewarded.

My Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/slorugbug

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:19 PM

I think it had to do with the comments you made to me earlier today where you mentioned your dog.

Like I had said, as parents, we all start out with starry eyes and plans for how it will be when we raise our children, and what we hope for them. Sometimes, no matter how we do as parents, they don't always react the way we hope. I wish you luck when you have children Elizabeth. My friend is a psychologist-she kept telling me how things were going to be with her two sons, when the second one was born. I quietly smiled to myself and chuckled "right"...she'll see. And now that she's in the thick of it with two young children, she doesn't make those boastful statements any longer. My take here is just that it's hard to see the side of the parent when you are not one yourself-and being a dog owner doesn't count.

I can't speak for what Belladonna Lilly meant, but that's my take on it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:22 PM

I suppose I was slightly offended by your holier than thou approach to childraising when you haven't a clue as to what you're talking about. The thought that you would give your child EVERYTHING he/she wanted and expect that by example only, everything would work out just peachy is just, wow...

I shouldn't have been mean but I personally know people with parenting "ideas" along those same lines that actually HAVE children. These children are selfish little monsters and will have so much trouble when they enter the real world. Very sad, actually.

RodeoHunter

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:24 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
Wanderlust - let's just cry on each others shoulders - & let this stupid brat figure out her own problem. . . . . http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Are you kidding me???

Do you know what it feels like to be called stupid?? I couldn't care less if this is the internet, words hurt and can have damaging effects. Honestly breezymeadow, you are one of the posters on this board that I respect the most and I can't believe some of the things I'm reading from you.

Brat? Sure. Twit? Stupid? What right do you have to name-call?!

Yes, BTF needs a reality check. Not a huge slap in the face.

Kudos to all of the posters who are trying to help her see the other side of things. From what I've read from BTF's posts she has a lot to learn but is willing to listen.

**Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**

Heinz 57

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:26 PM

But breezy...

what if they really ARE too lazy? When my parents have asked me to do something for them that is twice as out of my way then it is theirs... is that not lazy? I'm not your servant, and I don't ask you to be mine. I appreciate the roof, food, etc. but I try to show it in other ways like helping out... is this really needed??? I always thought it was supposed to work something like the real world; Talk to me how you'd like to be talked to; treat me like you'd like to be treated.

Maybe I only have an interest in this because my house has many, many underlying "unspoken" rules, such as: I'm not allowed to have an opinion that disagrees with a parent's. I'm not allowed to treat parents the way they treat me. AND.... I am part of the bellhop/maid service/room service/waiter/house keeper. I'm also not allowed to treat my sister the way she treats me, but thats a whole different, un-needed story.

Point being, Some parents ARE too lazy. Some parents say they are too tired, and then go out for a night on the town. Maybe BTF's parents are like that, and maybe not.

Like I said, she will grow into a time where funds lack, and she will have no horse. Then, she will find all the humbling she needs, and more, without name calling, put downs, and stereotypes. She will find it only within herself, not through any of us.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif I miss the time when my parents would support a horse. Some things, you just can't replace. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
*Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:29 PM

ohh, rodeo, off the subject, but how nice to see the clique that I started...I took it off my tagline, opted for the "bowed tendon" clique instead http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif....if it's not one thing, it's another. Just wanted to say how nice that was to see...southern sister and I had a helluva time naming that too! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif...

*ok, back to the regularly scheduled rant*...a lot to learn is right http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

Jenje!

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:30 PM

Well, you wanted my opinion... here is is, fresh off the presses. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I don't think you're a spoilt brat. I think you're a kid, just like me. Kids are moody by nature... the fact that you recognize that it's not all your mom's fault is a big step!

Me, I've got a great mom. (Dad's another story... heh.) She paid for my first horse, paid for his care, et cetera... and never gave me crap about it. I love her to death. I know that money can get thin, so I don't ask much... she gives too much as it is. She's understanding, listens even when she doesn't agree... and does all she can for me. I appreciate her and try to make things as easy as I can...

That said, yes, I get frustrated with her. Mothers and their teenage daughters will fight! There are times that, try as I might, I can't see where she's coming from... times when I'd be prone to thinking her closed-minded, or even... gasp... lazy! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif And sometimes I need to talk about it. There's nothing wrong with that! When it comes right down to it, though, a public BB full of mothers isn't the place to do it.

I know you keep your parents' best interests in mind 90% of the time (ex. the post you made about your dad), and that everyone lapses/gets frustrated. Don't take the harsh stuff to heart, Raech. Debating things that could lead to judgements of character on a public forum is ALWAYS touchy... and while the majority of these people are trying to help, you'll find some cranky ones in every bunch. Take it all with a grain of salt -- you know your mother and yourself better than the rest of us, and if you feel that you're working towards the improvements that need to be made, well. We can't much bash you, can we? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I don't think you deserve some of the responses you've gotten, but hey, that's okay. Chalk it up to a learning experience... you'll find that 99% of the unpleasant things you'll face are just that!

I'm with the ones who've said that you could try to make things a bit easier on your mom. Mine gets migranes; I'm constantly offering to get her stuff or just get the kids out of her hair for a while. Other than chores (huge plus!), maybe offer to give her a massage on one of the days she's sore? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I know chores aren't fun... boy, are they ever NOT fun! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif But do 'em anyway. If just plain making your mom smile (and it will if you do enough... I promise!) isn't reason enough, consider this: an unhappy parent is gonna be MUCH less pleasant to deal... and less likely to take you to the barn.

Schatten

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:33 PM

Okay,

not attempting to condone this kind of behavior that BTF has demonstrated. but unlike most of you i remember very well what it felt like to be 15, it wasn't very long ago for me.

First of all, i HATED high school, especially freshman and sophomore years. i used to beg and plead to not be made to go and when i did go, i was miserable. the only light at the end of that tunnel was the thought that at 4 o' clock, i could go see my mare. if i didn't get to go, not only was i worried about the care she getting and upset about not getting to ride, but life was meaningless! seems silly now, but at 15, that's how it was.

if any of you are psychology students, you'll recognize that adolescent years are the years when children have a very self centered view of the world. if my mom couldn't take me to the barn, my brain didn't follow the same logical channels it does now, i was just really unhappy about the situation.
NOW, this condition (adolensence) is remediable, i certainly grew out of it. give the kid a break and try to remember what it felt like to be 15, i wouldn't want to go back to that age for ANY amount of money.

On top of that, i hear a large amount of jealousy that this girl owns a horse and maybe doesn't have to work for it. it's not her fault that her parents can afford one! for those that had to struggle for everything they got, that's great and i'm sure that they are for the better having done that. but there are some of us who maybe didn't have to struggle as a kid, to afford horses and whatnot. it's not fair to be hard on someone just becuase they had a more privledged upbringing anymore than it fair to be hard on someone with a less priveledged upbringing.
some parents need their kids to help pay board, some honestly don't and think that it would be best for the kid to concentrate on schoolwork and just riding, not barn work.
one is not better nor worse, just different.

i think i was probably a lot like this at 15. but yeah, i'm not anymore. i think it's a 15 year old thing, honestly, not a horrible, bratty kid thing. i'm eternally grateful for everything i've been given, both currently and when i was growing up. but it took some time to realize that the world does not revolve around me.

http://community.webshots.com/user/lskel84

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:34 PM

Heinz-you bring up a good point, but the fact remains that it is your parent's house...their house, their rules. (I'm not saying that's right, just how it is)....parents should allow differing opinions and such, but while my kids are living in my house, and I am feeding, clothing and educating them, then it's our rules. It's cliche, but true-when you grow up, you can have your own house and run it the way you want to.

My son wants us to have the houses he sees on Cribs---I tell him the same thing-he wants Cristal in the SubZero. I told him I'd visit him when he grows up and that comes to fruition http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Hang in there-I am sorry there is some lack of communication in your family--I think good rousing discussions are wonderful for families-and if nothing else, I try to be very very fair in my parenting as to what kid does what. It's hard, but that's only fair to them. Sometimes parenting sucks-definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's an ongoing thing. When do we find out if we did it right? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:36 PM

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Everyone is going NUTSSSSSSSSSSSSS http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I don't think she's stupid BUT I do think she is ungrateful.

I also think this post is getting her thinking- and that, in the longrun is a good thing.

BTF I have advice for you- read each one of these posts, and write a list of each (EVERY!) suggestion that has been given.

Then toss out the bad and keep the good...Maybe show the list to your parents- I think they would be surprised that you would go online to look for ways to help them out.

Seriously, I do think you're ungrateful...but a lot (NOT every) of girls your age are...I am not excusing it, but you KNOW the problem, so fix it.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

PeriwinkleBlue

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:37 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>She obviously doesn't have a clue as to what might be going on in her "family unit" that might premeditate "barn" shuttles. Nor does she seem to care.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We must be reading different posts, because I'm seeing improvement in her, caring and trying to help her mom. She's trying, so cut her some slack! She's a typical teenager, and a lot better than SOME I could mention, that's for sure! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

And I really think the "stupid brat" comment was waaaay over the top. That goes beyond constructive criticism right into just plain mean. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

*****************************************

"See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like." - Captain Mal

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:39 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
The thought that you would give your child EVERYTHING he/she wanted and expect that by example only, everything would work out just peachy is just, wow...

I shouldn't have been mean but I personally know people with parenting "ideas" along those same lines that actually HAVE children. These children are selfish little monsters and will have so much trouble when they enter the real world. Very sad, actually.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
As to the notion that I'd give a child everything, I most surely would not. I can't imagine that that would ever be feasible. I mean, I'm sure my kid might want a Porsche when they turn 16, and perhaps I'll be so lucky as to be able to afford one for the kid, but I wouldn't BUY the child one - that's just asking for trouble! Too much power, too much speed, too little judgment. No good comes of that. But if the child wants a horse, and I have the money for the horse, and I KNOW about the studies that show that horses are good for women (if I have a daughter), and if I know about the studies (or anecdotes) indicating that animal exposure is good for children, why would I deny my child that or condition it on my subjective assessment of her level of gratitude or condition it on how *I* feel on a given day?

And I didn't comment on it at the time because I didn't want to belabor the point with you, but I don't think that giving kids material things is what makes them monsters. I think that failing to teach them good values and failing to model for them ethics and such is what gets you in trouble.

Lots of my friends were raised by super-wealthy parents. And these friends turned out just fine - no "entitlement" issues, good workers, self-motivated, etc. I imagine it was because they watched their very wealthy dads work hard, they were taught about money and responsibility, they were taught about respecting employees, they were taught about being polite and doing the right thing, etc. etc. The friends who readily come to mind had parents who became financially successful, in part, because they WERE hard-working, kind, respectful, gracious, ethical, etc.

I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou, nor do I profess to know much about parenting. I am just trying to convey my views on how I would try to avoid being in a position where I felt like I had nagging, demanding, ungrateful kids. I don't know - I guess I got lucky in seeing some examples of parenting that didn't result in that or where the parents didn't feel that way.

And, I'll say, if I haven't already, that I bet parenting is a million times harder than I could ever imagine. No doubt. No doubt. So I don't mean to at all be seeming as though I KNOW how to do it, and it is easy. I fully expect, when I have kids, that I'll be reading books and asking for help non-stop and struggling more than I could ever imagine. Kudos to those who parent well and are sending kind, good citizens into the world.

[This message was edited by elizabeth on Jan. 20, 2004 at 08:22 PM.]

RodeoHunter

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:39 PM

lol lilblackhorse! With Southern Sister being MIA and you changing your tagline, I was beginning to think that I got promoted to president! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

But the bowed tendon clique is probably a better one to be part of, at least tendons can get better. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

**Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:39 PM

And one more thing...

Medicine or not, depressed or not, that is NO EXCUSE to be irresponsible and ungrateful...I am not calling you irresponsible so don't take offense and go cry, but it does NOT give you an excuse...

There was a time when I thought this and now I realize that it isn't. It's not an excuse for people to feel sorry for you because I have another bit of news for you: like half if not more of the population is on SOME KIND of medicine for depression, etc.

Get over it, you're not the only one, and I guarantee MANY, MANY more people are worse off than you.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

RugBug

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:43 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Heinz 57:

what if they really ARE too lazy? When my parents have asked me to do something for them that is twice as out of my way then it is theirs... is that not lazy? I'm not your servant, and I don't ask you to be mine. I appreciate the roof, food, etc. but I try to show it in other ways like helping out... is this really needed??? I always thought it was supposed to work something like the real world; Talk to me how you'd like to be talked to; treat me like you'd like to be treated.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Families are not like the real world. Kids are not mini-adults. That is why all the tension occurs in adolescence. Kids are trying to become adults, wanting to be treated as such, but are not yet fully taking all the responsibilities (nor should they have to). It's about growing up...it's why kids want to leave home.

Parents shouldn't treat their children as little slaves, but some things are just part of being a kid. Helping each other out, maybe when it's twice as far for you as for them, is part of being a family, not something to be logged in the "I did this for them so they should do this for me" notebook. Everything is not equal for kids and parents...nor should it be.

My Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/slorugbug

Heinz 57

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:47 PM

I know, lilblackhorse....

I'm just happy to be here. There were some years in there where life was much different; the "evil stepmother" syndrome. My day went like this: School, volunteer, cook dinner, do dinner dishes, do homework, practice piano for an hour+, do chores, go to bed. Repeat. Weekends just involved getting up at 3:00 to go help my dad deliver newspapers, eat breakfast, dishes, chores until 1:00 or 2:00, free time. No TV, locked cabinets so no snacking. My priveledges were a $12 piano lesson every other week. Thats it. Books were tbe best friend I had, putting me at a 12.9 reading level in grade 7. Also didn't have many friends...

Which is why I say, BTF will come around when life gets harder, but until then, no one can make her. The rules in my house may royally suck, but I follow them. As my dad, whom I love dearly despite the mistakes he's made, says, I got my mother's temper and my father's demeanor, even though they couldn't stay together. Borntofly will have to see things on her own.

I'm looking for a best friend to replace the one I had from my lease... and I think I'm on to something. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
*Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

[This message was edited by Heinz 57 on Jan. 20, 2004 at 08:02 PM.]

Heinz 57

Jan. 20, 2004, 04:58 PM

But RugBug, I thought that when your parents taught you to do things for yourself, no matter how small...

that it was supposed to transfer over into adulthood. We aren't taught to do things for ourselves just as children, and, if we're going to teach our children to do things for themselves (like get a job, work for your horse, etc), then why not set the example. No one should have to say anymore, "Do as I say, not as I do".

I guess this all ties into BornToFly; we want to teach people to work for what they want and do things themselves... then hopefully we'll all do the same.

I do try..you can't hold that against me.

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
*Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:15 PM

elizabeth, I apologize for being mean and nasty. I should have found a more mature way of getting my point across and realized that we obviously have two different approaches to and/or ideas about parenting.

I can't delete what you've quoted, however.

MyShadeOfPink

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:22 PM

Alright. I've skipped like.. 7? Pages cause I need to go to bed. Sorry. Anyway...

Stop. Sit back. Look at your life. In 6 monthes you can get a job or two, you can go and buy yourself a car, start paying your own vet bills and board bills. And THEN you can call your mom lazy. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Maybe.

Being a teenager is rough. We're all for the most part on occasion horrible to our parents. Here's one of yours http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Hopefully you just didn't say that to your mothers face.

How about you get one of those ribbons that you got at a show that you put all that sweat and work into getting, write number one mom on it and give it to your mom, who helped pay for the lessons and the horse that helped get you there?

I'm sorry but everyone is right. You were being a brat. But guess what? Your mom will forgive you. Mommies always do. Cause she loves you, today, tomorrow and forever. How about calling your trainer/barn owner and offering them some stall mucking in exchange. And in the meantime, help your mom out.

As much as your poor soul hates housework, try helping her around the house. Surgery sucks, and you should thank your lucky stars that nothing happened to your mom during surgery (minor or not surgery is ALWAYS dangerous) and do what you can to help her.

Your horse will be there tomorrow and next week. I'm sure your smart enough to work somthing out.

In the meantime, give your mom a hug. Gently, avoiding her shoulder.

And don't make me out to be mean or insulting. Cause i'm also a mean teenager. And I've pulled the same crap before. But I've learned the hard way and have a bad relationship with my mother, who is bi-polar. I'd give anything to take it back. Don't make the same mistakes.

Jennie
"all these lines fall short of what i had in mind
a failed attempt to capsulize a feeling
so i just try fail and try and try again"
See my albulm Updated 11/11 (http://community.webshots.com/user/myshadeofpink)

wanderlust

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:25 PM

Wow...

borntofly, I hope you realize this conversation isn't really about you anymore and people are just generalizing about child-rearing. Teenage-dom is tough, I was a miserable, cranky, unhappy teenager. My parents would call me ungrateful from time to time when they were annoyed with me. I never intended to be so, but it also never struck me to lay down at their feet and kiss the ground they walked on for what I had. I just didn't know any better.

But I've got to admit- when you are a kid and things are given to you without you begging for them, you tend to take it for granted. I can now appreciate how hard it was for my parents to provide me with a barn, horses, a truck, a trailer, etc, etc. When I was 15, I didn't have a clue how difficult and draining it was for them financially.

I now give them things that they wouldn't buy for themselves... nice bottles of wine, electronics (I shoved them into the 21st century when I bought them a DVD player last year), gourmet hot fudge sauces for my mom. I'm a confidant for both my parents- they now call me when they have something they need to decide about. I'm sure some day in the future, my brother and I will have to start making decisions for their welfare as they age. I think it all evens out in the end.

breezy, I understand where you are coming from, but calling someone 'stupid' is just plain mean.

belladonnalily, I know... what to do when I'm 75 and infirm and have no kids to take care of me. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

~formerly Master Tally~

elizabeth

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:29 PM

Thanks, Belladonnalily. I went back and edited my post to cut the quote out.

And, quite frankly, I've really liked hearing your views on here, since you are in the trenches, so to speak http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif. (You know, I think you are only a year or two older than I am, and, I'll tell you what, I give you credit for being able to raise your kids and manage everything and simultaneously have a job and farm animals and all that. . . . Dear God.)

hitchinmygetalong

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:34 PM

Not to ring my own bell or anything but I still think my post (middle of page 7), along with very few others, are the only ones that make an attempt to be constructive here. The rest of you are absolutely not addressing the issue, you are attacking the poster.

Nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

C'mon guys, give my post a read. Feedback welcome.

And BornToFly, if you are still with us (brave girl!) let us know how you are weathering this storm.

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."
-Louisa May Alcott

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:40 PM

MyShadeOfPink - If I live to be 100 I don't think I will EVER read a post more intelligent or better written than yours.

I bow to your kinder nature.

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 05:48 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by lilblackhorse:
ask nicely, help around the house, and someday TALK to your folks and let them know how much you appreciate them and what they do for you and tell them how much the riding means to you---how can you compromise or help out the situation? Can you organize a carpool or something? Earn money for gas? Just thoughts...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

well Hitch, here you go, I posted this one page ONE...I think this was pretty constructive. No, I didn't give her a script, I figured she's almost 16, so she should be able to find the correct words to speak to her parents. What did you find the matter with this? This certainly didn't attack the poster--it was said to show the parent's point of view, and give her some honest, doable things that she could follow through on to gain the respect and admiration of her parents.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

Kels

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:01 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hitchinmygetalong:
_Not to ring my own bell or anything_ but I still think my post (middle of page 7), along with _very_ few others, are the only ones that make an attempt to be constructive here. The rest of you are absolutely not addressing the issue, you are attacking the poster.

Nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

C'mon guys, give my post a read. Feedback welcome.

And BornToFly, if you are still with us (brave girl!) let us know how you are weathering this storm.

_"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."_
-Louisa May Alcott<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I tried http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

agedbayhunter

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:02 PM

BTF, I'm trying to ignore the last nine pages and just offer a suggestion: if you ride after school, perhaps one reason your mom is reluctant to drive you is because it interferes with dinner preparation. Maybe you could offer to prepare (or help prepare) some meals over the weekend that could be frozen and then easily reheated during the week when you get back from the barn. I know I would have LOVED this kind of help back when I was driving a taxi for teens. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

And a second suggestion: you might diffuse some of what's going on here if you were to rewrite the title of this thread.

Agedbayhunter, an aged mom who has seen it all! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:08 PM

Hey guys, I think this thread could seriously win a "Best of COTH" award with just a little more effort http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

elizabeth...don't give me too much credit. My house is a disaster, my hubby is cranky and my horses had to stay up tonight (they HATE that) because hubby doesn't do turnout blankets and I was too tired to get to the barn and he had to feed. And my 10 yo daughter has already asked me how old she had to be to move out. Of course I responded that I would be happy to help her look for an apt on her 11th birthday. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Seriously, I will say she's a really good kid and I'm lucky to be her mom.

Hitch, I think constructive criticism was lost on this kid, at least in the beginning. Calling her stupid did seem a little harsh, but I personally thought "brat" WAS fitting.

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:13 PM

I think you are right Belladonna...there was a lot of very constructive ideas in the first few pages that were lost on her. C'est la vie.

Your kid wants to move out, eh? LOL--and people laughed at me (Now I don't remember who it was,it's probably due to the drinking), but I highly recommend keeping a box of wine on the backporch for these evenings. It may not be cold enough in VA for your to have it cold, like mine, but I highly recommend it. After the second glass on night like you have had, you can barely hear the screaming and complaining coming from the kids. Makes cooking dinner that much more exciting too http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif...worked for Julia Child http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:20 PM

LBH http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Fortunately all 3 kiddos are tucked away nicely. I'd love a good glass of wine now, but I was unfortunately "blessed" with an overactive hangover response. No drinking for me during the week (even 1 glass) or I won't be rising in the morning. And mom worried when I was a rebel teen that I'd become an alcoholic.. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif She should have just worried that I wouldn't survive my teenage years and left it at that. She always was a worrywart. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gifhttp://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Blugal

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:31 PM

Well, I could nominate this thread for Best of COTH... since at first I was just interested in what y'all had to say to BTF... But after hearing everyone's stories, I'm realizing how much luckier I am/was than I thought (and I did know I was lucky).

Thanks guys. It's time to phone home and thank my parents again. (4th-year Univ. student whose horse is finally for sale. I'm still a bit stunned I made it this long with a horse - and it never would have happened without my parents, coach, and barn-owner who is more like a second mom to me. Barn/house chores to do for her this weekend too I guess!!)

Blugal

Anything easy has its cost. -Barenaked Ladies

Kandace

Jan. 20, 2004, 06:46 PM

Ride your bike.

My parents drove me to my horse's barn ... let's see ... perhaps three times in six years. I was there seven days a week, 365 days a year despite their "laziness." I never missed a single day. During the winter, I got cold. During the summer, I got hot. During the rain, I got wet. It was worth it.

Kandace

The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlive it -- William James

PiedPiper

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:30 PM

Oh my goodness what has happened here!?!

Breezy, what kind of responses were those. You are showing the same maturity level as the teenager with the name calling and such. Jeez, lighten up.

Now I am not a parent, thank goodness, but I work with teenagers all summer and maybe it is the area I live in but she sounds pretty typical. She is a good kid that is obviously being a teenager and is writing on a forum with her version of her life. I can guarantee she is probably a sweet and thoughtful girl in person with typical teenage angsts. Jeez, for my area she is still more thoughtful than most but then again this is Northern Virginia.

I remember that all I had to do to lease a horse in high school was to have A's and B's well every semester I would have a C or such and there would be a long lecture and I would moan and cry and beg that just do it for me and I would keep those grades up. Well I only was able to do it one semester and how I blamed my parents for being mean and stingy. Well hindsight has shown me that it is my fault. It was so easy to fix, the grades wouldn't have been that difficult if I had really tried but I didn't. She is the same. I also think her generation is much more likely to do most of their daily "talking" on line. So no I don't think she is anymore awful for saying her parents are lazy here. That was her perception at that moment, obviously an exageration but still her opinion. Please everyone who is bashing her, are you telling me way back when, when you were a teenager, there was no teenage rebellion, no snotty behavior, no complaining to friends about your mother!?! PLEASE. I know I complained, I know I still complain. Most of my friend's parents were just as screwed up as the teenagers. Sure I get along very well with my parents, especially my father now, but even 5 years ago there was alot of unresolved problems that got in the way.

BTF, I know what it is like to have a mother who is clinically depressed. My mother is finally taking meds now but was not when I was growing up. I can tell you we all know when she goes off of them and know to warn the others. I think you have been given some constructive criticism here as well as some rotten insults. Take from here what you need ot better your situation. And just an FYI, though I completely agree with you and say the same thing about my husband, don't say you are training or conditioning your parents. I know where you are coming from but I don't think others are appreciating it. You are on the right track and I use the same training tactics for people as I do with horses. Works every time!

Good luck and don't take the insults to heart. No one here really knows you so no one can really insult you. They are only insulting the "image" that has been portrayed here, not the real you.

Grab mane and kick on!
www.shadowgatefarm.com (http://www.shadowgatefarm.com)

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:32 PM

Sorry guys. As mean &/or cruel as you may feel my posts have been, I refuse to rescind or apologize for "stupid", "twit", or "spoiled brat".

If my grandmother were still alive today, I would STILL be ready to kiss her feet for getting up at the crack of dawn to drive me to my once-a-week riding lesson. My dad went to work at 5 a.m. & didn't get home until after 8 p.m. My mom never learned to drive. Grandma was it. Not only did she take me to my weekly lesson, but always treated me to breakfast afterwards, & always bought me little treats - like horse/riding books, riding gloves, crops. You know, nice little things that meant an awful lot to a horse-crazy little girl.

All of you here who continue claiming that "we're getting through" to this initial poster apparently aren't reading all the posts. You must have missed the one where she says "how hard can it be to drive a car with a dislocated shoulder"? Is this young woman REALLY this callous?? And then the claim that her "mood" turns for the worse if she "doesn't get to see her horse when she wants to". And throws fits if she doesn't get her own way? That's just downright scarey.

I can't believe that I am the only one here who finds this person's mindset - horse or no horse - VERY disturbing. VERY, VERY disturbing. "Stupid", "twit", & "spoiled brat" don't even begin to describe how disturbing these posts are.

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

[This message was edited by breezymeadow on Jan. 20, 2004 at 11:06 PM.]

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:41 PM

breezy, I for one, do not feel you should rescind your posts. It's the way you feel. I happen to lean way closer to your side of things. I tend to be pretty blunt about these things, and I certainly have an opinion too. On the other hand, I'm attempting to not alienate this kid either. Who knows what her life is really like, and scarey as it may seem, we could be the only voice of reason she has.

This kid asked for advice and she got it. And I've been called stupid before, primarily because I was acting that way.

lilblackhorse

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:48 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
She is also very sore from a shoulder injury but I've just thought...How hard is it to drive when your shoulders hurt?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey Breezy...I support you, but just for the record, I think she meant that she was trying to condition and train the HORSE. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

However, in all this hubbub, I missed that line that I quoted above. Good grief, that takes the cake. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif I've been reading how some people are saying that "we're getting through"...yeah right. There are several young posters here who have had some lovely, thought provoking posts. I hope BTF really reads these and puts some serious thought towards them. Then again, the words of my mother come floating back to me "Honey, you're pissing up a rope." Somehow that's what I see in this thread.

I am just as disturbed that all the good ideas and comments from kids her age, and from parents alike haven't made a dent. I've yet to read anyone saying "Hey, those nasty lazy parents, how DARE they not drive you out to see the horse that they bought for you!" Maybe that's what she's holding out for....support for her side. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif Somehow, I doubt after 9 pages that's gonna happen.

I have shared this thread with my two children. FWIW, they are apalled at the behavior and comments posted by this poster. I still say she should be ashamed of herself.

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

breezymeadow

Jan. 20, 2004, 07:57 PM

THANK YOU!!!!! I knew that I couldn't possibly be the only person here who finds this young woman's behavior shocking, to say the least.

(Oh, & you're right & I stand corrected. She WAS talking about "training/conditioning" the horse. My error & I apologize for apparently getting caught up in the frenzy of the moment. . . .)

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

alabama

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:12 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
Now I'M confused. What name calling? "Twit"? Is that what you all are talking about? Must be, because that's the only thing I can find in my posts.

And I REFUSE to retract it, if that's what the brouhaha is about. This poster has the nerve to post on a public board that her parents are too "lazy" to drive her to the barn to see her horse????<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I agree with you. This person hasn't shown any clue that she understands how she's coming across.

I was so tired today after work that I was thrilled to get the horses fed and get back inside with a glass of wine and a blanket (I was cold - lol!). I can't imagine having to cart some ungrateful kid around after a day like I had today. These kinds of posts make me happy I can't have kids; otherwise, I might throttle one

horse_poor

Jan. 20, 2004, 08:36 PM

i find it interesting that i posted that i too am in mn and asked BTF where in mn she was-that perhaps i could help her out

havent heard a word in response http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Scootie

Jan. 20, 2004, 09:25 PM

Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

We probably all agree that BTF's initial post and the title of the thread weren't very nice, but it may not have been at all as it sounds.

FWIW, I think all these suggestions have merit. Some may be useful to BTF, but not all will work in her case.

And to whoever said all mommies and daddies are forgiving, sadly, this is not always the case. The only qualification for being a parent is to simply possess the right biological equipment that is in working order.

I was a teenager living in a very abusive environment. In dysfunctional families people often have assigned roles. Mine was the "scapegoat". As an adult I know that my dad could not stand the sight of me. Why I don't know. I probably reminded him of some part of himself he could not accept. I was never allowed to be successful at anything. Ever. Horse? Most of the little riding I did was an occasional visit to the local hack barn, and then only if I was not on the "bad list", and I had to pay for it.

Even then I knew that I could not speak of what was really happening without coming across as a spoiled brat. It was written off as "typical teenage angst"--we all "know" that teenagers are: unhappy, think their parents are monsters, are "spoiled and indulged" as my mother would say, etc. So what do you do when your parent IS a REAL monster. I learned to suck it up and try to act "cool". I clammed up and wouldn't say anything to anybody. I almost died as a result.

Of course, if I could do it all again, knowing what I now know, things would have been very different. Young people are at a disadvantage this way.

So I believe giving BTF some benefit of the doubt as to what she is really saying might be a good idea. At least she remained on the board for some time and responded to the suggestions, maybe not always appropriately, but at least she started to open up about the real issues. But only to have them slammed back in her face. If it had been me, I would have gotten the heck off the BB and never come back.

Also, I think modeling is the best route here. Why would anyone respect someone who calls them bad names or writes them off as spoilt. What BTF probably wants the most is validation that her problem is real, and then ideas for how to address it. Bear in mind that what worked in your case might not work in hers.

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

horse_poor

Jan. 21, 2004, 05:09 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Scootie:
Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

no we cant sit on the computer all night but considering i made the offer on the 19th----ie 3 DAYS AGO.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

doesnt matter to me-----i am siding with breezy on this one-----i rode my bike to the barn when i was a teen---for gawds sake i even chose to buy a horse over a car----my parents told me i could use my savings account for either a car or a horse. i rode that bike, begged rides from friends, and was at the "mercy" of my parents to get me to the barn. i was thrilled when my parents even inquired into my horse's well being--i cannot imagine them actually buying a horse for me or supporting it. i paid for everything, worked 2 jobs to pay for it, went to high school and even got good grades.

i am a parent now as well and if my kids even so much breathed that i was too lazy to take them to the barn/tae kwon do, hockey, etc, whatever activity they were whining about would be gone justlikethat. and if i found out they posted about the said laziness on a public forum, their butts would be sitting at home doing NOTHING.

i have very little tolerance for ingratefulness.

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 05:31 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
Sorry guys. As mean &/or cruel as you may feel my posts have been, I refuse to rescind or apologize for "stupid", "twit", or "spoiled brat".

If my grandmother were still alive today, I would STILL be ready to kiss her feet for getting up at the crack of dawn to drive me to my once-a-week riding lesson. My dad went to work at 5 a.m. & didn't get home until after 8 p.m. My mom never learned to drive. Grandma was it. Not only did she take me to my weekly lesson, but always treated me to breakfast afterwards, & always bought me little treats - like horse/riding books, riding gloves, crops. You know, nice little things that meant an awful lot to a horse-crazy little girl.

All of you here who continue claiming that "we're getting through" to this initial poster apparently aren't reading all the posts. You must have missed the one where she says "how hard can it be to drive a car with a dislocated shoulder"? Is this young woman REALLY this callous?? And then the claim that her "mood" turns for the worse if she "doesn't get to see her horse when she wants to". And throws fits if she doesn't get her own way? That's just downright scarey.

I can't believe that I am the only one here who finds this person's mindset - horse or no horse - VERY disturbing. VERY, VERY disturbing. "Stupid", "twit", & "spoiled brat" don't even begin to describe how disturbing these posts are.

My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

[This message was edited by breezymeadow on Jan. 20, 2004 at 11:06 PM.]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You are NOT the only one who is thinking that this girl has got to be joking.

And like I said previously- I don't care what kind of medicine she is on, or what she says, your mood being affected because you cannot go to the barn EVERY DAY is not normal. I don't get out there every day, sometimes I don't get out there often, and it bothers me, yes, but does it depress me even further? No.

The longer this thread gets, the less likely she is to read it.

And as I suggested to her earlier- go thru and read EVERY SINGLE POST and write down EVERY idea...then throw out the BAD (after you have considered it, REALLY given it a chance) and keep the decent.

Everything anyone has said to BTF on this thread is valid- she is ungrateful, she is a brat. And if she really doesn't want to be seen this way, she needs to shape up- NOW.

You know, I want to have as many kids as I can dish out love for, and afford to have. This makes me think about changing my mind.

My boyfriend's parents raised three kids on $30k a year- on average- there were years that his dad was unemployed. All three kids were in a private school, and they had everything they ever NEEDED, and then some things that they wanted. But they seriously never asked for much because they are NOT materialistic. They know what they had and are grateful for it.

I tend to be a bit more materialistic but I am growing out of it. BTF you need to think about this. The world does not revolve around THINGS (horses). There are a lot bigger problems out there for people to be dealing with than you.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 05:33 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>

_3 DAYS AGO...._ http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

2...

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

FeistyMare

Jan. 21, 2004, 05:57 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kels:
And one more thing...

Medicine or not, depressed or not, that is NO EXCUSE to be irresponsible and ungrateful...I am not calling you irresponsible so don't take offense and go cry, but it does NOT give you an excuse...

There was a time when I thought this and now I realize that it isn't. It's not an excuse for people to feel sorry for you because I have another bit of news for you: like half if not more of the population is on SOME KIND of medicine for depression, etc.

Get over it, you're not the only one, and I guarantee MANY, MANY more people are worse off than you.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I can't believe you guys assume I'm ungrateful. I'm not. Well, I can be, yes.

Breezymeadows...Wow. I hope I don't grow up to be like you.

I actually talked to my mom about it last night. I am helping out around the house more.

I can't believe how rude some of you are. We are all rude.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:00 AM

The way you use your words will either help you or kick your ass.

That was one of the first things I was taught as a child. (In much nicer terms http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif)

You asked for advice, we gave it.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

FeistyMare

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:04 AM

So obviously you'll think I'm a spoiled, inconsiderate brat.

Can we forget about this post? It doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. I've listened to all the advice and already followed some.

If I delete it, will you all avoid my other posts because you dislike me?

Proud member of the Teen Clique

4_beatin_it

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:14 AM

You asked for advice...but what you really wanted was validation that being disrespectful and self centered was ok.

I have to agree with breezymeadow, you are coming across as a selfish spoiled brat.

"If I delete it, will you all avoid my other posts because you dislike me?"

I don't even know you, Are you realy 15? The tone of your posts seem quite childish.

If I found my own daughter saying these things on a public BB, there would be a "For Sale' sign up today! As a matter of fact I did show this to her, and at 10 years old, she thought you needed to learn some respect as well as to begin to do for yourself instead of whining about it.

PS...edited to add: IF you think you are being picked on, then ask the mods to delete the entire thread.

Scootie

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:19 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Scootie:
Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

no we cant sit on the computer all night but considering i made the offer on the 19th----ie _3 DAYS AGO...._ http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

WHOA THERE! I would not want my daughter to respond to an offer of any king of help over the internet from someone she did not know unless I had personally done a LOT of checking. It might be perfectly well intentioned but how should she know? If BTF is ignoring your offer, I am actually relieved.

doesnt matter to me-----i am siding with breezy on this one-----i rode my bike to the barn when i was a teen---for gawds sake i even chose to buy a horse over a car----my parents told me i could use my savings account for either a car or a horse. i rode that bike, begged rides from friends, and was at the "mercy" of my parents to get me to the barn. i was thrilled when my parents even inquired into my horse's well being--i cannot imagine them actually buying a horse for me or supporting it. i paid for everything, worked 2 jobs to pay for it, went to high school and even got good grades.

i am a parent now as well and if my kids even so much breathed that i was too lazy to take them to the barn/tae kwon do, hockey, etc, whatever activity they were whining about would be gone justlikethat. and if i found out they posted about the said laziness on a public forum, their butts would be sitting at home doing NOTHING.

i have very little tolerance for ingratefulness.

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am SO NOT impressed. Not everybody has access to a barn to work at. Not all teenagers can hold down jobs, particularly if they suffer from severe depression or other PHYSIOLOGICAL conditions. Not all PARENTS will permit their children to do these things, believe it of not. Whether or not the children "deserve" it. You know everything you ever accomplished as a minor was not 100% to your credit--if your dad wanted to make your life miserable he could have not allowed you to ride your bike on the roads, called the barn owner and told the barn owner send you home and notify him. He could have forced you to sell the horse, or even advertised it and sold it himself. He could have beat your butt if you did not wear dresses 24/7... And some parents do these things because of a personal agenda that has nothing to do with the child or her behavior.

That you were able to get where you are today by hard work was commendable...but it was a combination of hard work and SHEER LUCK! I know you probably don't want to hear it but it is true. You were LUCKY to have had parents who seem to have been basically decent and suppportive in their own way, to have had good enough health to do what you wanted, access to income sources, etc. Not all kids have such opportunities.

I agree that BTF's initial posts had a nasty sound to them and they did not sound nice. This are certainly things I would not expect from my daughter now, but a few years ago, I wouldn't have put it past her, but she learned quickly what flew in front of Mama and what didn't. Kids learn very quickly what not to say in hearing of their parents and to make sure what they say behind their backs don't get back to them. And whether a lot of "adults" want to believe this, sometimes there is an element of truth in what they say.

Sometime the younger persons on this board seem to forget that this board is not totally made up of their peers and spout off in ways that are not acceptable to adults. This type of venting among peers is appropriate, the energy has to go somewhere. If BTF truly has made a mistake, it most likely was that one.

Also, you make youself sound UNgrateful in your post. So don't complain about others.

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:20 AM

If you delete it, will we avoid you? Did I avoid you on your other thread on the bb? No. That's being immature.

4_beatin_it: 15 IS a child http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif But I am not so far off, and I can't say anything!

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

4_beatin_it

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:26 AM

Kels, No, 15 is a teenager, while not an adult yet, certainly not a child. Children throw temper tantrums when they do not get their way, teenagers should be attempting to outgrow that if they want to be viewed as a young adult.

Dragons is so stupid!

4_beatin_it

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:26 AM

4_beatin_it

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:26 AM

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:29 AM

Yes, but have you BEEN a teenager recently? Because that is not always the case these days, unfortunately.

I know more teenagers that would throw HUGE temper tantrums than small children.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

BelladonnaLily

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:33 AM

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:39 AM

lmao...:X http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif AHHHH! Hopeless.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

Scootie

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:47 AM

Kels, don't take this the wrong way but I think you should lay off. I don't know why you have to be so angry toward BTF. She hasn't done anything to you personally, at least that I know of. OK, she is not living HER life the way YOU think SHE should. Guess what? BTF has a right to not accept the mere suggestions given here unless they make sense to her. BTF is also the ONLY person who can decide what makes sense to her and what does not. YOU can NOT do this.

Don't be like some girls I knew in High School. You know the ones who convinced all the adults they were so "mature". Then went around telling others how to live their lives, how to deal with their parents, what to think, etc. Of course it was only in context of what they knew, which was absolutely nothing about the lives of their "targets". I learned to ignore them, did not even consider their "directions" and 30+ years later am glad I did not. Those girls got good grades, went to good colleges, got good jobs and now are the bosses, supervisors and managers from Hell because either they never learned to walk in the shoes of others, or more likely, their fears, anger and bitterness towards those not "like them" were never resolved.

I think you are a smart young lady, and I like to think you know better than to head down that primrose path. In the end you will be neither respected or liked and the world will NOT be a better place.

You've said your piece. You're ideas are sound even if the presentation sucks. There was nothing wrong with your ideas and you gave them. Anything further is not constructive and you are giving BTF good reason to not give you the time of day.

An example of what I am talking of relates to your prescription for writing lists of all the suggestions. Sometimes using the concentration it takes can be exhausting for a truly depressed young person. Try it with a combination of undiagnosed and untreated depression and undiagnodes and untreated ADD if you want real torture. BTF knows more about her own capabilities than you do so she has a right to decide whether to do it or not.

End of discussion.

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

lilblackhorse

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:52 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:

I can't believe you guys assume I'm ungrateful. I'm not. Well, I can be, yes.

I can't believe how rude some of you are. We are all rude.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, that was eloquent. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Did you even read that? It makes no sense. Like those cartoons when I was young.."No, I'm not", Yes, you are", "No, I'm not."

Yes, you canme here and asked a question, and then dug yourself into a hole with each answer, what are we supposed to infer? I think it's telling that so many of us have shown it to our children and they too roll their eyes. I hope for your sake that someday you will grow up and YOU for a child. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 06:56 AM

Scootie, I never said she didn't.

Do you want to know about a TRUELY DEPRESSED YOUNG PERSON? Because really, get me started.

Snap.

Seriously, I am not telling her to do this or to do that, but simply restating ideas because I think that BTF will not read every single post that has been given to her.

She contradicted herself in the above quote and I was pointing that out, as well as belladonna.

And I suggest that you try it with Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and a mother who is also bipolar. Please, try it. Step into my shoes.

I seriously want BTF to learn from MY mistakes- I am that kind of person. I like to let people know how I fixed things and that YES it may not always work for them (hence I said that she could weed out the bad ones that didn't work for her situation.) but considering EVERY option is always the best route.

Please, I don't care if you think that I am one of those girls from highschool, because I am not. In fact I could've cared less about 3/4s the people from my HS- they were all stuck up drunks and I laughed at their mistakes- rather then try to help them learn from them. This is not me typically, but when you grow to have a deep disrespect for someone you typically tend to not want to help them.

Fortunately, I don't have that disrespect for BTF. I think she is a (for the most part) typical 15 year old girl who needs to learn a lot. Which is why I was trying to give out suggestions- she ASKED for them, as well. Honestly, I can't believe you are even targeting ME out of this thread.

That's really fine, because this is the internet http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif and although I have a DEEP respect for most of the people on this board, there are always different opinions on everything and that's life.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:00 AM

BTW, just so you know- I was not one of those girls yet I managed decent grades, I am in college w/ a 3.2 GPA (decent, I can do better) and I WILL be the boss some day- but I will not be the boss from hell because I have NO fears- people unlike me don't scare me, they intrigue me, and I have so much to learn from them.

I know that I am probably smarter than MANY girls my age, and I use it- I don't take advantage of it- and I enjoy educating other people about different things.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

horse_poor

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:08 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Scootie:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Scootie:
Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
no we cant sit on the computer all night but considering i made the offer on the 19th----ie _3 DAYS AGO...._ http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

_WHOA THERE!_ I would not want my daughter to respond to an offer of any king of help over the internet from someone she did not know unless I had personally done a LOT of checking. It might be perfectly well intentioned but how should she know? If BTF is ignoring your offer, I am actually relieved.

LMAO!!!!!!!!! who said anything about meeting me or me doing ANYTHING personal for her??? I merely asked where in MN she was as i thought perhaps i might know other horse people in her area to refer her to for a potential carpool situation----but beings that i am a MOM and LAZY, i wont even go that far

doesnt matter to me-----i am siding with breezy on this one-----i rode my bike to the barn when i was a teen---for gawds sake i even chose to buy a horse over a car----my parents told me i could use my savings account for either a car or a horse. i rode that bike, begged rides from friends, and was at the "mercy" of my parents to get me to the barn. i was thrilled when my parents even inquired into my horse's well being--i cannot imagine them actually buying a horse for me or supporting it. i paid for everything, worked 2 jobs to pay for it, went to high school and even got good grades.

i am a parent now as well and if my kids even so much breathed that i was too lazy to take them to the barn/tae kwon do, hockey, etc, whatever activity they were whining about would be gone justlikethat. and if i found out they posted about the said laziness on a public forum, their butts would be sitting at home doing NOTHING.

i have very little tolerance for ingratefulness.

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Scootie:
I am SO NOT impressed. Not everybody has access to a barn to work at. Not all teenagers can hold down jobs, particularly if they suffer from severe depression or other PHYSIOLOGICAL conditions. Not all PARENTS will permit their children to do these things, believe it of not. Whether or not the children "deserve" it. You know everything you ever accomplished as a minor was not 100% to your credit--if your dad wanted to make your life miserable he could have not allowed you to ride your bike on the roads, called the barn owner and told the barn owner send you home and notify him. He could have forced you to sell the horse, or even advertised it and sold it himself. He could have beat your butt if you did not wear dresses 24/7... And some parents do these things because of a personal agenda that has nothing to do with the child or her behavior.

who said i worked at a barn? i worked at mcdonalds and waitressed--took the bus there after school and arranged for rides home with co-workers------it was made very clear when i made the decision to buy this horse that it was MY responsibility for its care and support and my options to get there were either by 1) bike, 2) a preselected approved handful of frends, or 3) them if it were prearranged in advance. true teenagers have physical and mental issues that prevent them from holding down a job, but if they are not physically/mentally able to hold down a job, how are they to be responsible for the care of a horse who solely depends on others for its well being, or how are they to prepare for the "real world"?? and if a teenager is fortunate eenough to not have to support a horse on their own and actually have parents help them, then they had damn well be at the whim of their parents who are footing the bill. and what the fuh??? what do DRESSES have to do with this?????

That you were able to get where you are today by hard work was commendable...but it was a combination of hard work and SHEER LUCK! I know you probably don't want to hear it but it is true. You were LUCKY to have had parents who seem to have been basically decent and suppportive in their own way, to have had good enough health to do what you wanted, access to income sources, etc. Not all kids have such opportunities.

my parents and i do not speak much due to issues we had when i was a teenager that carried on into my adult life----the majority of the issues being LACK of support--my health isnt the greatest and like others i did and do suffer from depression, but i did what i had to do--i put myself thru college, supported my horses thru college and have access to income sources because i bust my a$$ and WORK-has NOTHING to do with luck-winning the lottery is luck--success thru work and determination is called self sufficiency--it has to do with determination and the will to get the job done, period. it has to do with working as a teenager not only to make myself more marketable as an adult but to support my horse, it has to do with the willingness to go to school get grades so a better JOB can be had later in life. it has to do with preplanning---if i get this horser then A, B, and C will need to be done---- all kinds of suggestions have been made to BTF and the majority of them have been ignored or justified as to why they WOULDNT work. i have told MANY a student of mine that were in their teens to repeatedly thank their parents for making their riding possible and i tend to get VERY cranky when i hear one of them lipping off to a parent or geting snotty to them and then remind them that in most cases without their parents, they wouldnt be riding. again, as i said,, if i found out my kid posted on a public BB that i was "lazy" because i wouldnt drive her ingrateful butt to the barn on her whim, the horse would be GONE

and since i am a LAZY MOM i am not going to expend any more energy on this thread-----

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Scootie

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:20 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kels:
And one more thing...

Medicine or not, depressed or not, that is NO EXCUSE to be irresponsible and ungrateful...I am not calling you irresponsible so don't take offense and go cry, but it does NOT give you an excuse...

There was a time when I thought this and now I realize that it isn't. It's not an excuse for people to feel sorry for you because I have another bit of news for you: like half if not more of the population is on SOME KIND of medicine for depression, etc.

Get over it, you're not the only one, and I guarantee MANY, MANY more people are worse off than you.

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I can't believe you guys assume I'm ungrateful. I'm not. Well, I can be, yes.

Breezymeadows...Wow. I hope I don't grow up to be like you.

I actually talked to my mom about it last night. I am helping out around the house more.

I can't believe how rude some of you are. We are all rude.

Proud member of the Teen Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

BornToFly,

I think you made a bad judgement call when you started this thread and phrased it the way you did. You said things you should not have in this particular setting that probably would have been OK if you were among peers you know pretty well. I doubt you REALLY believe your Mom is lazy. It just sounds like she is dealing with a lot of bad stuff right now and needs to take care of herself. However, that does not make it less frustrating for you, and no matter how well you understand, you still might be feeling neglected.

Your bad choice of words should not have provoked the "wolf pack" response, but sometimes it happens. You know, it starts being constructive, you got a little defensive, the whole thing rolled downhill. I think you should chalk this all up as a learning experience about being careful about what you say and who you say it too. If you need to fuss about your mom because you are frustrated, perhaps you should seek a BB that is all teens or better yet find some sympathetic friends of your own age--that way nothing potentially incriminating gets written down.

Personally, if I were you I would opt to close this thread since it has ceased to be really helpful. I hope your mom's shoulder gets better and you are able to resolve some of your issues or at least better tolerate the next 6 months! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

diKecnadnuS

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:24 AM

I know just what youre going through...my parents were often way too busy to drive me or pick me up when i wanted to get there. My trainer started taking my home everyday...but, eventually my parents bought me a moped to drive to the barn...it worked out perfectly!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"While girls schools are notoriously wild, the true party-hearty girl attends Hollins" ~The Preppy Handbook

-Adult Pony Rider Clique-
-Disgruntled college student clique-
-Short stubby leg clique-

~*Smoke Rise Charlie*~(R.I.P.) ~*Asgard Rhinestone Cowboy*~ ~*Caught Napping*~ ~*Sundance Kid*~

tosca4711

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:48 AM

I don't have children because I don't want the bother. When you have children one of the most important things you can give them is your time. You do not owe it to your children to buy them expensive material goods, but you do owe them your time and interest. This does not mean jumping when the kid snaps his fingers, but rather spending time with your kid because you consider it worthwhile. I realize people are busy, but if you chose to have children, they are your business.

Kels:

I am not slamming you, but you have not always handled your problems with grace either. You complained in another post about your boyfriend's lack of support for you. When people sympathized, you backtracked and said you could be manipulative and tended to exaggerate. Perhaps you aren't handling your problems as well as you think.

Tosca

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:53 AM

Ah, but Tosca, that is one mistake I have yet to learn from http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif We're still getting there.

Therefore, I don't preach on that subject.

But things I have been thru and come out alive and a better person for, I like to tell about.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

Anna's Mommy

Jan. 21, 2004, 07:57 AM

To who ever asked about truly depressed young people...yes, the are out there. I was one of them many years ago. Was I just depressed because of the normal teenager frustrations, no, there were things in my life that created those feelings (I don't want to get into the exact issues here). But young people can get depressed. It is popular to be "depressed" right now. Clinical depression is not something to be taken lightly and it can happen in young people.

http://www.ultimateequine.com

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 08:00 AM

I wasn't asking about them, I was stating that I was/am one.

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

N103

Jan. 21, 2004, 08:16 AM

B0rntofly, as a 20 year old who had this "problem" in the recent past, I have some additional advice (maybe it's been said though).
For one, driving is not fun..it's kinda miserable after a certain point. I know it seems fun at your age, but after you have to go grocery shopping, sit in rush hour traffic, sit at a desk/work all day, do errands, etc., it's really not simple to drive 5 miles one way (which is 20 miles round trip, maybe 45 minutes or so). Once you start driving/doing as much as your parents do, you'll see what I mean http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif I wish I had realized when I was younger how much my mom did for me when she drove me to the barn! When I get home after driving 1 hour in rush-hour traffic, the last thing I want to do is get in a car.

I agree with the suggestions on doing chores for your parents when they drive you-and ALWAYS thank them! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif For example, vacuum the cars, wash the cars, do laundry, dishes, help w/ shopping, etc.

And I'll just give one more example:
Parents wake up, get ready for work~1 hour
Drive to work~1/2 to 1 hour
Stay at work~8 hours
Drive home~1/2 to 1 hour
This leaves about 4-5 hours in the evenings for them-their lives http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif, and that includes "running the household". So give them some credit!

DMK

Jan. 21, 2004, 08:35 AM

I have just reached the conclusion that I am grateful for many things.

I'm grateful that my parents decided to keep me, in spite of my teenage years. Lord knows why. I was lazy, a smart ass and entirely ungrateful of the sacrifices they made. And they made plenty in order for me to have and keep my horse. Oh yea, and I knew everything there was to know as well.

I am grateful to have learned that just because I made some very stupid remarks in my State of Teenage Brilliance, that it didn't mean I was completely useless as an example of Teenagerhood.

I'm also grateful to learn that a few mistakes here and there didn't mean I grew up to be a complete waste to society.

But most of all, I am SOOOOOO grateful that when I was a teenager, there was no internet and BBs, so when I lashed out in a moment of Teenage Stupidity, usually the only targets were my parents (who disabused me of any notions of superiority) or close friends (who sympathized, because, hey, isn't that what friends are for when you are a teenager?)

Who knows how many more hangups I might have developed (the mind boggles at the thought!) if I had been publicly excoriated on a public forum for foolishly venting my frustrations??? Why I might hae even grown up to be a person who could make even common sense advice sound like a public haranguing from the Bastion of Formerly Perfect Children! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Gotta go call Mom and thank her... And maybe Al Gore while I am at it, given that he waited until I had more than a few teenage logic neurons bumping around up there before he unleashed the power of the internet on us all! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

"I used to care, but things have changed..." Bob Dylan

FeistyMare

Jan. 21, 2004, 09:18 AM

It's okay if you guys are rude to me, I can handle that...But please, don't fight about it on this thread. I know you all seem to want to help [and yell] at me, and that's fine...But only at me. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I'm closing it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
Thanks, seriously. I have given a lot of great advice and I'm sorry I come off the way I do.

Proud member of the Teen Clique

deltawave

Jan. 21, 2004, 09:33 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by DMK:

But most of all, I am SOOOOOO grateful that when I was a teenager, there was no internet and BBs <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hallelujah and can I get a BIG AMEN! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

It's bad enough having to cringe at the MEMORY of some of the stupid things I said, did, and thought when I was a teenager, but I can't imagine having to live with a permanent RECORD of it! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I'd say I was a pretty average teenager attitude wise: sullen, lazy, self-centered, you name it. Somehow I managed to pull all "A"s, learn right from wrong, and figure out how to make my way through life. My family had issues, we never had money, I still rode when I could, blah blah blah...what I'm trying to say is that I think I had a pretty average, if not privileged, upbringing. I'm now trying to be a good parent to MY kid, who, in spite of my best efforts will, NO DOUBT and God willing, shoot his mouth off at me, resent me, and go through a phase called adolescence, too.

So to all of the people who grew up with perfect attitudes, skated through adolescence without a hitch, with parents who never allowed even a breath of resentment to be vocalized, and who now have perfect children, kudos to you! The rest of us, who are sharing this world with you, somehow made it as well.

BTF, best of luck to you...it's a rocky road but you'll get through and become the adult you want to be! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

---------------------------------------------
"If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
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FeistyMare

Jan. 21, 2004, 09:39 AM

Thank you deltawave!!

Proud member of the Teen Clique

agedbayhunter

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by deltawave:

BTF, best of luck to you...it's a rocky road but you'll get through and become the adult you want to be! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What deltawave said. Being an adult isn't always a picnic...but I would never, ever be a teenager again! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

BTF -- There are some good suggestions sprinkled throughout this thread, but there are lots better places to go for advice than a BB (as involving and as much fun as this one can be). Try a teacher, counselor, your minister, etc. -- someone you know personally and trust.

Good luck to you!

chaotic mind

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:12 AM

BTF

I had several times thought of posts I could make but I realise that alot of what I had to say had more to do with my situation than with yours so I will spare you that.

I do have this advice. There is a book out there called "Closing the gap" by Jay McGraw. It is one of the few books out there ment to be read by teens and parents both. You will read somethings that you don't want to hear and I am sure your parents will too. It is a good book though hard to find as bookstores have a hard time keeping it in stock.

Hopefully it will help you see things from your parents side and your parents to see things from your side and with that common ground you build a good relationship with them in the future.

I wish I could give you a sucess story on my part, but well for us it came out too late. Too many bridges burned, too much trust betrayed. Hopefully you and your parents will have better results.

Your problem is an old one. The bard even wrote about it from the parents point of view " How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!" William Shakespeare

Founder Serpents tooth clique

We live in a strange world where being good at telling falsehoods is almost considered a virtue and seeking the truth is considered a sin.

Kels

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:14 AM

Doctor Phil's son, right? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

-Kelsey-
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

chaotic mind

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:31 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kels:
Doctor Phil's son, right? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

-Kelsey-
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes though I bet Daddy at least proof read it.

Founder Serpents tooth clique

We live in a strange world where being good at telling falsehoods is almost considered a virtue and seeking the truth is considered a sin.

DarkerHorse

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:51 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by lilblackhorse:
ok, you caught me at a bad moment. I am the parent of two kids, probably your age. I am also the chief taxi driver and expected to schlep my ungrateful children's butts all over hell and gone to see their friends and to dance classes.

These are the kids right now who are badmouthing me because I choose to spend my day off sitting and reading by the fire instead of hauling them all around. As it is, I will have to take one to tap class at 3.20, pick her up at 4.45, then take them tonite at 7.20 and pick them up at 9 , when I'd rather be in my jammies snuggled in bed. However, these are also the same small people who couldn't be bothered to empty the dishwasher or put the dirty dishes away or bring down their dirty clothes for ME to do...the list goes on. And they get mad at me for not wanting to do something for them.

So--I guess my point in this rant is to ask....how is your behavior? Are you a pleasant person to be around? Do you _appreciate_ the fact your parents PAY for you and most likely for your sport...not to mention the gas and the hassle of taking you places?????

I would be a far nicer mom and more amenable taxi driver if my kids ever had the _common courtesy_ to THANK ME once in awhile without being sarcastic.

A simple "Hey mom, I really appreciate all the time you put into driving me to the barn (dance,school, whatever). I know it's hard to you to make the time to do it, but being at the barn makes me really happy". That's what I'd like to hear.

Instead I come here to these bb's and hear ungrateful kids (not saying this is you-have read it before tho) badmouthing and calling their parents horrendous names when they are paying all the bills, and some spoiled kid is bitching that they aren't getting to buy a fancy new name brand saddle or fancy new horse.

I think sometimes a lot of teens just think this money and such grows on trees, and that you are_entitled_ to anything that you want. It's not like that--I am not a mean parent, but I guess the reality is, like any person, I'd be a whole lot more willing and happy to do things for people (kids or otherwise) if they are polite, and do things for ME too. When's the last time you did something to help out at home when you weren't asked?

I am not saying you don't do these things, I don't know you, but I am making a big generalization and pointing out my maternal pet peeves....and you got me on a holiday with rain where I am stuck in the house with two nasty kids http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif.

good luck--ask nicely, help around the house, and someday TALK to your folks and let them know how much you appreciate them and what they do for you and tell them how much the riding means to you---how can you compromise or help out the situation? Can you organize a carpool or something? Earn money for gas? Just thoughts...

_Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques_

"What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Being a mother is a choice. If you don't like it why did you have the kids to begin with?

-----
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Phaxxton

Jan. 21, 2004, 10:57 AM

DarkerHorse - I don't think that lilblackhorse is saying that she doesn't want to be a parent or that she dislikes being a parent. You're twisting her words around and assuming a lot that I don't see. Where did she say she doesn't like having kids?

Being a parent and enjoying being a parent doesn't mean being 100% happy with everything every minute and catering to every whim of your child. It's providing the basic needs and love for your child; it's teaching them respect; and it's teaching the responsibility. So, being a mother is NOT a choice to cater to every desire of your children. I don't think that insisting on some respect is comparable to not wanting to be a mother.

Kitti's Karisma

Jan. 21, 2004, 11:07 AM

I feel for you Borntofly! I'm about 8 months from getting my license. Getting rides to the barn is like pulling teeth! I am eternally grateful to my parents for sacrificing money on my sport, but selfishly I like to ride as much as possible too! Unfortunately my mom has been really sick with cancer since August, and is just now beginning to heal from surgeries and radiation, while my dad has a full time job. It's difficult to get out early enough on weekdays, on top of homework! I don't like to ask for rides to the barn anymore, so I ask my dad in advance when he'd be free to take me. It's been a long 6 months, let me tell you! I use the barn to get away from stress on top of seeing my mare, so it's difficult not getting out there! I'm not going to reprimand you or whatever because I know exactly what you're feeling. I didn't take your first post the wrong way either, if that helps! I do think the "bum a ride" idea is worth it though, I've been hitching rides with barn moms for ages now! Take care...

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