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belleellis
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:05 PM
Would it offend you if someone invited themselves to your house and said things such as:
I wish you had a bigger house
It would be nice if you had a bigger house
Maybe one day you will have a bigger house
It would be nice if you had a second bathroom
or some variation of the above.
This happens EVERY TIME said person invites themselves to vist

sspry
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:11 PM
Don't know if it would offend me but it would piss me off. Especially if the y have been there before and know what the house is like. All that really matters is that you are happy! :) They need to get over it.

kathy s.
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:16 PM
Yes. And the next time this person wants to visit you could suggest a nearby hotel since your house isn't large enough to accommodate them.

magicteetango
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:16 PM
Um yeah. Tell them you will invite them over once you get a bigger house, and that you guys can meet up somewhere else until then since it offends them so much. That is obnoxious.

threedogpack
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:17 PM
nope, cuz it would only happen once.

then they would not be invited back or if it were a SO who invited them....I'd leave while they were there.

twotrudoc
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:19 PM
This is how you do-->

Stare directly at the person and say out loud "Why do you keep bringing up the size of my house?".
You can either accept their answer or keep drilling them until they just apologize for being a donkey ;)

ToesIn
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:19 PM
Thank goodness my monster-in-law doesn't visit. Sounds like what she'd say.

danceronice
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:20 PM
OFFEND? No. Irritate? Yes. I mean, if it's a mother-in-law, I could live with it, if it's just a friend, I'd be more irritated. Either way I'd probably eventually say "When you feel like paying for an addition, I take donations."

Canaqua
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:21 PM
Of course! Though it is such preposterous behavior that I'd have a hard time not laughing in their face...actually, why bother refraining? They would find the door closed next time they invited themselves over too, I have a mean dog who enforces my desire to exclude certain people from my doorstep...mostly salesmen, door to door proselytizers and policitians, but I can add to the list of unwelcomes for someone like that!

ParadoxFarm
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:21 PM
Not sure if I would use the word offend but I certainly would not like it. Is this family? For me that would be a little trickier. Not family? They would no longer be welcome. Family tends to feel more entitled to be rude....though still not acceptable. Maybe let said person know how you feel.

Linny
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:25 PM
If it's a MIL, you may be stuck but anything else and I'd be suggesting the nearest hotel for their next venture to your town. Suggest the presidential suite so that they will have enough room for their massive ego.

belleellis
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:27 PM
I do not want to go into the whole back story but it is family, just not my family.....if you get what I mean. That family member that lives here says, "oh they dont mean anything by it." However it is always promptly followed up with, "how much do those horses cost you?" (and I only have one, the other horse belongs to other person living here).

I am not easily offended but this has been going on for years now. I have tried the death stare to no avail.

planetlisa
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:29 PM
My sister-in-law did this the day we moved in and ruined what should have been a happy occasion. Her DH was helping us move, so I kept my mouth shut. Im still pretty bitter about it and i know its one of those things where id feel better if i forgave, but easier said than done.

If she wanted to visit again, I'd say pointedly "Oh, we simply can't...as you've noted, the house is so smallllll"

Trakehner
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:30 PM
I'd look at them and ask, "You got gas?"

spurgirl
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:34 PM
It would irritate me, sure. Next time the comment is made, I'd say sweetly, "Gee, thanks, you know one thing I'm glad for is my small house has a really nice door, right there. Don't let it hit you in the *ss on the way out."

Windsor1
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:36 PM
I would find it weird more than offensive. I don't know why anyone who didn't live in my house would be so fixated on its size.

Maybe you can choose to interpret it as your friend just wishes the biggest and best of everything for you. She thinks you deserve to be a conspicuous consumer with hundreds of square feet you never use (but still have to heat, cool, clean, and pay taxes on)!

For what it's worth, I much prefer little houses. They're cozy. :)

SMF11
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:37 PM
No, I would think those comments reflected something about the speaker, and really nothing about me. I would probably think the speaker had some kind of issue.

dixiedolphin
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:39 PM
Wow, that's rude as all get out.

If someone pulled that crap on me, I'd tell them I wish they would find someplace else to visit and kindly un-invite them from future visits to my home.

I have no time for people like that.

SillyHorse
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:40 PM
I'd look at them and ask, "You got gas?"
I don't often agree with Trakehner, but in this case, can I get an AMEN? :lol:

It's rude, boorish behavior. The fact that it's your in-law makes it even more egregious. Death stares don't work. A thin smile and a steady "My house and my horses are none of your business" might do the trick. I wouldn't worry about offending the offender -- s/he's clearly not worried about offending you.

hank
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:41 PM
I used to get all worked up about such silly things...now I wouldn't even hear such a comment, age will do that for you. It's your house and your life and your SO, comments from the penny ante section are not worth even a second of your attention. It's THEIR problem if they wish you had a bigger house. Don't take on other people's problems....

Bacardi1
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:41 PM
Another vote for "this would only happen once", because said "guest" wouldn't be invited again.

But then again - no. It wouldn't even happen the first time, because I have the balls to say NO to self-invited guests in the first place.

oldenmare
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:43 PM
Just dig in for your inner Southern Diva, smile your most saccharin smile, and reply (every time): "Why, bless your heart, thank you for caring". Then change topic or move on to another activity. Same response every single time she says anything that you don't want to respond to/tired of hearing. Don't be too snide, just nicely firm. She wants a response and if it were me, I'd refuse to give her one.

Oldenmare
A Practicing PhD in Southern Bitch

SillyHorse
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:45 PM
I used to get all worked up about such silly things...now I wouldn't even hear such a comment, age will do that for you. It's your house and your life and your SO, comments from the penny ante section are not worth even a second of your attention. It's THEIR problem if they wish you had a bigger house. Don't take on other people's problems....
You're right, but it's aggravating and there's every reason to want to put a stop to being aggravated in your own home by someone who has invited his or herself into it.

jacksmom
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:47 PM
Has my mother been to visit you?

Seriously, I've had to just lose it on her a couple of times and that usually works for a while. Some folks just don't get it, and they never will. Hold your ground.

onelanerode
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:48 PM
What oldenmare said. This situation is perfect for the syrupy-sweet "Well, bless your heart!"

AliCat518
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:54 PM
Um wow. Rude. I wouldn't invite them back.

I'm huge on hospitality, and I admit that I hate going to my in laws house because they 1. Don't have heat and 2. Only have one bathroom but those are MY problems and I would never say anything out loud. I certainly wouldn't expect them to change their home just because I visit a few times a year!

BLBGP
Mar. 19, 2012, 08:59 PM
How does someone invite themselves over without your permission?

Guin
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:00 PM
Yes. And the next time this person wants to visit you could suggest a nearby hotel since your house isn't large enough to accommodate them.

Yup.

That is insufferably rude. WWMMS? (What would Miss Manners say?) "I just feel terrible that the size of my home is such an inconvenience for you. Clearly you're very uncomfortable. Let me just call the Holiday Inn right now and tell them you'll be along shortly."

Guin
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:06 PM
Stare directly at the person and say out loud "Why do you keep bringing up the size of my house?".
You can either accept their answer or keep drilling them until they just apologize for being a donkey ;)

This is also a good idea.

Mukluk
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:21 PM
Additional tactics.

"I didn't hear you can you please say that again?" "I'm sorry I still didn't hear what you saying, can you please say it again?" Keep repeating over and over and they might shut the f*( up.

"Yes of course you are right. A great big A hole such as yourself naturally needs more space."

"I completely agree with you but we are a little short of funds at present. It would be quite helpful if you could provide us with a monthly payment to help speed up the process, $20,000 per month would be a good start. I'll expect you to have your payment to me by the 1st and will charge a $5,000 late fee if I have not received your payment by the 5th."

"Our religious beliefs do not permit us to reside in anything larger than ----- (provide square feet of your dwelling).

Good luck!

DeeThbd
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:21 PM
We must have the same former friend! house was built in 1876, and it does have indoor plumbing and electricity and heat as modernizations :) - and the commment was that I could sell it and buy something nicer.
WTF?! This house has personality and character way beyond what my former friend ever will, and I clearly told her I CHOSE this home! Why would I want something made out of chipboard and cut out with a cookie cutter? (which is an unfortunate description of her moder n home).
Sounds like this person skipped basic manners class.
Dee

carolprudm
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:35 PM
Just dig in for your inner Southern Diva, smile your most saccharin smile, and reply (every time): "Why, bless your heart, thank you for caring". Then change topic or move on to another activity. Same response every single time she says anything that you don't want to respond to/tired of hearing. Don't be too snide, just nicely firm. She wants a response and if it were me, I'd refuse to give her one.

Oldenmare
A Practicing PhD in Southern Bitch
Or my favorite "Well bless your heart, why EVER would you ask something like that?"

hank
Mar. 19, 2012, 09:38 PM
You're right, but it's aggravating and there's every reason to want to put a stop to being aggravated in your own home by someone who has invited his or herself into it.

Of course it's aggravating...It's meant
to be aggravating...and if you pay any attention to it, soon the car will not be new enough, the furniture will be too dingy, the children will be too short/blonde/underdressed/etc. Ask me how I know.....

The advice to the OP remains the same. If it is SO's family, you are stuck with the problem and the less energy you give it the better for all concerned. Selective hearing is your friend. Or you could just deck the idjit and be done with it:winkgrin:

A rational adult understands that not liking your house is their problem, as AliCat said above....and an adult with manners will keep quiet. As it is, the in law in question is working from an adolescent mindset and believes that their problems are up for the whole world to set right. Would you pay any attention to a 13 year old that sneered "Your house is too smalllllll....."?

Coanteen
Mar. 19, 2012, 11:19 PM
Are they trying to move into your house or something?

PiaffePlease
Mar. 20, 2012, 12:31 AM
"I wish you had a bigger house"....


"well, I'm taking donations"

Alagirl
Mar. 20, 2012, 12:35 AM
"I wish you had a bigger house"....


"well, I'm taking donations"

Yep, that's the one! :cool:

fooler
Mar. 20, 2012, 02:36 AM
CTS, Consider The Source.

Then ask yourself two questions
Is this person happy in their own life, if no then they are sharing their unhappiness with you and you can chose to not accept
If yes, then maybe it is a poor attempt in wishing "better" for you.

Are you and DH happy in you current home?
If yes then be very clear with "guest" that your home is perfect for you two and you wish everyone else were as happy.
If no, then DH may have told "guest" that he wants a different home and "guest" is overstepping bounds by trying to open the conversation.