View Full Version : student/ teacher relationship...?

Mar. 17, 2012, 07:45 PM
I am a senior in college and I have a big time crush on one of my professors. He is in the PhD program, is 27, is a total sweeatheart, and has a great smile. After his class ends in april I will never have another one with him again, I checked. That being said, once class is over and grades are posted (can't be changed after that point), I really want to ask him to hang out, aka go on a date, outside of school.

Is this totally inappropriate?

Mar. 17, 2012, 07:46 PM
He is also single and NOT married :)

Mar. 17, 2012, 07:55 PM
I am a college prof and I would say that any college prof that would do that has some shaky ethics. You're still a student in the school and he is a professor. Totally inappropriate in my book.

Mar. 17, 2012, 07:57 PM
Once you are done with school, go for it. Otherwise, you may cause a serious problem for him as it may not be acceptable for any faculty member to see a student. Some colleges allow it if there is no conflict of interest and others outlaw it outright.

Mar. 17, 2012, 07:58 PM
Yes, it is inappropriate. My sister was the teacher in this situation (well, TA ;)) and even though she was only like a year older than the student, they were both adults, both single, etc. it was a huge ethics violation. I remember it because she was really unhappy to have to turn him down as he was cute and had a great personality. :lol:

I guess you could ask him out, but you'd be putting him in an awkward spot and I'd be a little wary of anyone willing to throw professional ethics out the window like that if you took you up on it.

edit: actually, nevermind me, listen to Lex. ;) It never occurred to me that any universities would allow some relationships if there was no conflict of interest, because neither the one I attended nor the ones my sister did allowed it. But still, it's very shaky ground and you should at least find out what those rules are before you proceed.

Mar. 17, 2012, 08:01 PM
It is allowed as long as they are not your actual student, but my guess is that it's probably frowned upon. I completely understand why, but it still bums me out a little.

Mar. 17, 2012, 08:04 PM

Mar. 17, 2012, 08:10 PM
If you're a senior, won't you be graduating anyway? Once you're no longer a student, I can't imagine why it would be a problem.

And it sounds like he's a grad student TA, not really a professor. After graduation, go for it.

Mar. 17, 2012, 08:13 PM
I'm staying in school for an extra semester so I won't graduate until december. I had a feeling it wouldn't be a good thing, and I'm glad I asked to make sure, so hopefully he will still be around in december :) thanks for all the words of wisdom its much appreciated

Mar. 17, 2012, 08:17 PM
nvm, I left the reply window open while I went out to feed the horses :lol:

Mar. 17, 2012, 09:41 PM
I am a college prof and I would say that any college prof that would do that has some shaky ethics. You're still a student in the school and he is a professor. Totally inappropriate in my book.

I'm sure your university probably has a code of ethics posted online somewhere that outlines the exact rules, but I think it's inappropriate either way.

Mar. 17, 2012, 10:41 PM
Uh, I'm a college professor and I think it's perfectly appropriate to ask him out after you graduate. I've had several friends who have gone out and/or married their students/professors.

Of course all my students are a gazillion years younger than me so I find the idea of ME dating a student rather gross, but your age difference is certainly reasonable!

Mar. 18, 2012, 12:05 AM
Erm, I dated two of my professors...one while I was taking one of their classes (a lab in undergrad) and I dated the PI of a lab I worked for during grad school. :::Shrug::: It worked out for me. My work was not graded by my professor but by his TA, so my relationship with him was not considered against my University's policy. As for my PI...that was probably poor judgement on both of our parts. It ended very well, and I worked for him for almost two years after we were through, but it could've seriously affected my work and I was young and not thinking at the time.

OP, maybe I have a completely altered perspective because of my experiences, but I see nothing wrong with asking your "professor" out, especially because it sounds like he's teaching as part of his curriculum and not because he is adjunct faculty or on a tenure track. So essentially when you're done with "his" class (which I assume that he's teaching, but is actually the assigned class of a member of the faculty of your University), you're both just students at your school. And if it's not against University policy and you really feel that there's a spark there...I'd say go for it. But, hey, I'm probably not the voice of reason here :P