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View Full Version : Unexpectantly lost my mare today. UPDATE post #58 Cathartic post.



englishivy
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:03 PM
I lost my mare today, super out of the blue, and feel like I need to share it with others. For some reason, I am finding comfort in that. Below is the email I wrote this letter to my clients this afternoon. Thank you for letting me share.
_____________
Although I am sure most of you heard already from Harmonie the very upsetting news of Angie's passing, I wanted to send you an update of what happened, how I am doing, and where we go from here. I know there are many questions, and I'd rather tell it personally than have it related by others.

For those of you not so familiar with Angie, she was my first real horse. I just celebrated my 21 year anniversary with her this past Feb 19th. She was the dam (mother) to Adelle, Kit, and Oliver and a boss mare to many throughout the years. About 10 years ago, we discovered a ringbone in her front right which rendered her unrideable. But she still held a special place in my heart. She was my first horse, my first love, my first ride in the hunter show ring (outside of the beginner ring), and ironically, my first re-school. I loved her dearly.

Today was no different than others. As I went out to catch Oliver to work him, she cantered up with the rest of her pasture mates just fine. I worked Olie, and returned him to the pasture an hour later. I immediately noticed she was standing rather awkward, and I knew something was wrong. Dr. Ken Marcella confirmed what I already knew; she had broken her hind right leg (at the top of the cannon bone). There were no other options but to euthanize as soon as possible. She was given pain medication to allow my mom-in-law enough time to pick up my kids from school and get them to the farm.

Baylis was very upset, but was able to give Angie a hug, kiss, and take some pictures with Angie and I. We then had Deacon join us, and the three of us took some pictures and said our goodbyes. Deacon was so cute, holding her lead rope with pride, then giving her a pat and a kiss. They then left to go back to our home.

Angie didn't want to go down, and I know she wasn't ready to give up. She didn't want to leave her herd, her family, or me. But as I said before, there were no other options. She went peacefully with me stroking her face and telling her how much I loved and missed her. I have some of her tail, mane, and forelock; I am not sure what I will do with it, but probably a special bracelet, maybe with some tail from Kit, Adelle, and Oliver inner-twined with it.

We allowed her pasture mates to be with her for a while before we pulled them out. Each one had a different reaction, but you could tell they knew she was gone. We then gave the horses that had connections with Angie an opportunity see her and and give their goodbyes. Adelle, Kit, and Oliver were taken to see her, to give them a chance to say goodbye to their mother. It was rather awesome to see they still had a connection to her, despite not being in a herd together. We also took Roo (he lives across from her), and also Joe, as he has known Angie and was pasture mates with her for many years. It was bitter sweet to see them with her.

A burial service then picked up her body around 2:30; she will be cremated and returned to me next week. I thought we might have a memorial for her sometime next weekend.

As of now, I will not be at the barn today, tomorrow, and probably Sunday. I have a lot to process, but I hope to start riding and giving lessons again on Mon. I think teaching and being with you all will help me heal. I am sorry that the girls did not get a chance to say goodbye to her, but there wasn't any way to allow it.

Angie was an amazing mare, a wonderful teacher, and a patient friend. Almost every cataclysmic event that occurred in my life, she was there to go through it with me. We were even pregnant at the same time! I will never be completely whole with her gone. I hope all of you give your pony an extra hug this week, whether it is yours, one you lease, or one you just take lessons on. They are amazing and wonderful creatures, and with us too short a time indeed.

______

Thanks for listening.
Maureen

fargaloo
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:07 PM
So sorry for your terrible loss. Angie sounds like she was a gem, and it hurts so much to lose them before their time. ((hugs))

ToTheNines
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:08 PM
My heartfelt sympathy. Your post made me cry as I put myself in your shoes today. Goodbye and Godspeed to heaven, Angie.

2DogsFarm
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:09 PM
So sorry to hear your news.

But what a lovely tribute to Angie.
{hugs} and you're right - this is the absolute right place to come & share the story.

MoonWitch
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:11 PM
I'm so very sorry....Godspeed Angie!! Run free and without pain now...and peace to those that loved you...

Laurierace
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:11 PM
Godspeed Angie, your job here was well done.

Marla 100
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:14 PM
A beautiful story of a loving friendship. Hugs to you this weekend.

BAC
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:15 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences. Nothing really makes it any easier to go through, I wish you didn't have to experience this. I went through something similar when the groom found the horse I was leasing dead in his stall one morning, without explanation.

Long Spot
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:19 PM
So very sorry, English Ivy. She sounds like a wonderful mare, friend and family member. I am so sorry you lost her.

JSjumper
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:20 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a shock to lose such a special animal so quickly and unexpectedly like that... trust me, I know. Give yourself plenty of time to process, and try to focus on all the joy that she brought you, not the pain that you are experiencing now. It will get better, and the momentous feeling of loss will become more and more manageable by the day.... hugs :cry:

Simbalism
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:22 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss. She sounds like an awesome horse.

Donkerbruin
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:26 PM
Sending lots of hugs and love your way. I'm so sorry.

OneGrayPony
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:30 PM
So very sorry for your loss.

Gracious
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:32 PM
So sorry to hear about your loss. It is so evident from your posts here how much you love and care for your horses. Hugs to you and everyone who loved Angie.

eclipse
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:53 PM
So sorry for your loss. :cry:

bizbachfan
Mar. 2, 2012, 04:56 PM
thanks for sharing about a special horse, very sorry!

Crown Royal
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:11 PM
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Reading that brought tears to my eyes. :cry: At least you have her offspring as kind of a part of her. Again, I am so sorry.

ridingagain
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:12 PM
So very sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful tribute. Big hugs...

supershorty628
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:15 PM
I'm so sorry. What a beautiful tribute. Big hugs to you.

CVPeg
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:30 PM
So sorry for Angie having to leave. Thanks for sharing. It does help. Sounds like she had an absolutely wonderful life with you. Take care.

Rel6
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:37 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad you got a chance to say goodbye. Sounds like she was a special mare.

TSWJB
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:49 PM
That was sooo sad!
sooo sorry for your loss...

ParadoxFarm
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:50 PM
Sounds like a very special horse who was very well loved. take your time grieving. I am sorry for this loss.

bits619
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:51 PM
Thank you for sharing your wonderful tribute here. I'm so sorry for your loss.

KitKat987
Mar. 2, 2012, 05:56 PM
Very sorry for your loss. She sounds like a special lady.

stolen virtue
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:07 PM
So sorry for your loss and pain. Glad you let your children say good bye, it is such a hard part of having pets but one we have to accept.

Sugarbrook
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:07 PM
Add me to your nice list of those that feel your pain and want you to have a hug today. I just had our vet aide our wonderful big guard dog, and friend with his passing on Wednesday. Take care of yourself. I feel your pain.

eventgroupie2
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:18 PM
Nothing to add but massive hugs from VA - so sorry for your loss but so glad you had many good years together.

Trevelyan96
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:28 PM
Maureen, my condolonces and lots of hugs for your loss. Having gone through the exact same thing with Trav 3 years ago, I know what a shock it is to find them injured and in pain like that and having to make that final decisions so quickly for them.

Godspeed Angie.

SpringPferd.Farms
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:28 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's one of the hardest parts of being an equestrian. Our horses are much more than just animals, they are our best friends, sympathetic ears, companions on a lonely day, largest of our family members and even our children. Godspeed to your mare!

Somermist
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:46 PM
So very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

spurgirl
Mar. 2, 2012, 06:55 PM
I lost my little mare to a pasture accident last Saturday, it is so difficult. Every day gets a teeny bit better, but it is very hard.

My thoughts, prayers, and {{{HUGS}}} are with you.

I'm sure your Angie and my Lacey are galloping together tonight...

mostlynothing
Mar. 2, 2012, 07:09 PM
What a wonderful thoughtful and loving owner Angie had. Hugs to you and sending you a generous serving of healing power.

SquishTheBunny
Mar. 2, 2012, 07:29 PM
Hugs. Just went through this. Sudden losses are so hard for us, however its a blessing for the horse. Simply, its just not fair sometimes - too soon. :(

Renn/aissance
Mar. 2, 2012, 08:12 PM
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Angie sounds like a mare among mares. Godspeed, good girl.

Zu Zu
Mar. 2, 2012, 08:19 PM
Thoughts and prayers and hugs for you ```

RIP Angie ```knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~

I am so sorry :cry:

englishivy
Mar. 2, 2012, 08:22 PM
Thank you all for your kind words.

As difficult as this is, at times I am at peace with what happened. She did not suffer for long, and I was there to bid her safe journey. I never said good-bye; deep down, I know she is still with me. :sadsmile:

NSRider
Mar. 2, 2012, 09:40 PM
So sorry for your loss of Angie, englishivy
<3
May you meet her again in the greenest of pastures

jetsmom
Mar. 2, 2012, 09:59 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. She was lucky to be so loved.

dreaminOTTB
Mar. 2, 2012, 11:36 PM
My deepest condolences - your tribute to her was absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. It is so easy to see how much she was loved and cherished. I know you will never forget her. I believe horses like that are imprinted on our hearts.

stolen virtue
Mar. 2, 2012, 11:47 PM
I lost my little mare to a pasture accident last Saturday, it is so difficult. Every day gets a teeny bit better, but it is very hard.

My thoughts, prayers, and {{{HUGS}}} are with you.

I'm sure your Angie and my Lacey are galloping together tonight...

You both have been on my mind. My prayers and hugs to you both. It is so hard when we have to say good-bye.

AndNirina
Mar. 2, 2012, 11:58 PM
So sorry for your loss. She passed on Dr. Seuss' birthday, so this quote from him is apropos: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." It sounds like Angie brought a lot of joy into your life, and you in turn gave her a wonderful one. She was a lucky mare, it's just hard to see them go. Hugs to you and your family.

Sunnyhorse
Mar. 3, 2012, 12:14 AM
Ivy, I'm terribly sorry. I lost my darling pony Sammy in the space of two hours in November — the shock and grief are hard to process. There isn't much that can ease the pain right now, but I hope it won't be long before you're able to remember your Angie with a smile instead of tears. And please accept my admiration for how you thought of everyone around you — your kids, Angie's babies, the other horses, your boarders and students — in a time of immense personal pain. They're all lucky to have you.

ETA: Spurgirl, also sending hugs and jingles your way. :)

hequestrian
Mar. 3, 2012, 12:27 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. (you too spurgirl) sending jingles and hugs to both of you. We lost my older sisters gelding this fall, it wasn't as unexpected but I do feel your pain.

Sounds like she was a great mare. May she rest in peace.

Instant Karma
Mar. 3, 2012, 12:37 AM
These horses sure know how to break our hearts, don't they:sadsmile: Im so very sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you had some great times together and a lot of great memories. May she rest peacefully and gallop in ever green fields with the rest of the greats.

RumoursFollow
Mar. 3, 2012, 01:51 AM
So very sorry for your loss. You were so lucky to have so many years with her. You're also so lucky to have Dr. Marcella. He is such a kind and compassionate person and I'm sure did his finest work to be sure your horses last moments with you were the most comfortable they could be. Hugs to you!

Gali's girl
Mar. 3, 2012, 02:49 AM
My sincere condolences. Remember this however: you gave her the greatest gift one could ever ask for by letting her go, surrounded by people who love her. If only we could all be so lucky. She's definitely looking down on you and your family from across the rainbow bridge.

SarahandSam
Mar. 3, 2012, 08:16 AM
So sorry for your loss... rest in peace, Angie.

ayrabz
Mar. 3, 2012, 08:30 AM
I'm so sorry. But thank you for that wonderful read and such a heartfelt tribute. Its hard to 'open' these goodbye threads sometimes because its all so very real to each one of us. But I love reading that bond in the words, and know and understand why each of us want to come here to share with all those who 'get it'.

Godspeed, Angie.

Starda01
Mar. 3, 2012, 09:03 AM
So hard to lose such a special partner and companion. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Your mare will live on in your heart and in the legacy she left with her progeny. Jingling for your healing, too.

GingerJumper
Mar. 3, 2012, 09:10 AM
So sorry for your loss :( jingles and hugs for you and yours.

runninhigh
Mar. 3, 2012, 11:09 AM
Thank you for sharing. Six years ago I lost my gelding Wawbeek the same way. It still makes me tear to this day thinking about it. I had turned horses out and when I came back from the post office it was obvious something was wrong. I wish I stayed when our vet put him to sleep. However at the time I could not bear watching him go.

Heart felt prayers for you and your family.

This quote helped me

Somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horses go,
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.
~Stanley Harrison

MintHillFarm
Mar. 4, 2012, 09:37 AM
I am so sad for you!!! Thinking of you today...

I know the pain you must feel...I lost my 6 month old foal to a paddock accident while I was away on a business trip. Still painful to bear.

Chester Step
Mar. 4, 2012, 09:54 AM
So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful letter.

2hounds
Mar. 4, 2012, 10:09 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Chrono is a great place as it is helpful to share losses with others.

I lost my Thoroughbred colt Creed unexpectedly years ago. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye as I told the vet not to let him suffer (I was an hour away).

Your sharing Angie's finally moments with family and her wonderful life with you is, believe it or not, cathartic to many of us here...including lurkers like myself. Thank you.

((hugs))

Dane

kookicat
Mar. 4, 2012, 10:12 AM
I'm so sorry.

Crazy-Pony
Mar. 4, 2012, 10:43 AM
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
when their time on earth is over and done.


For here, between this world and the next,
is a place where beloved creatures find rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
til The Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.


No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
for here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed.
Their bodies have healed with strength imbued.


They trot through the grass without even a care,
til one day they whinny and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes sharp and alert.
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the herd.


For just at that second, there's no room for remorse.
As they see each other...one person...one horse.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past
The time of their parting is over at last.


The sadness they felt while they were apart
has turned to joy once more in each heart.
They nuzzle with a love that will last forever.
And then, side-by-side, they cross over...together.

englishivy
Mar. 4, 2012, 07:23 PM
Once again, thank you all so very much for your kind words. It really has helped me to hear all the supportive stories of others who have lost, as well as the empathy from those who understand our bond with these amazing creatures. I feel our universal love for horses bonds us as horseman. May I extend my own sympathies to the others who've experienced loss.

Today was the first day I went down to the barn to handle the horses. It was my day for bringing-in, feeding, and later I will do night check.

I was doing ok with bringing-in, even dropping the grain. It was when I had to set up grain for tomorrow AM that it hit me. I was confused with the buckets in front of me, because one wasn't in its usual place. I also had scooped up her grain before I realized....

I cried. A. LOT. I went ahead and pulled her blankets off the bar so as not to pick it up out of habit tonight when I blanket. I couldn't bear to put them away, so I left them sitting on the floor.

I couldn't help myself but to go into her stall, where I immediately wept and fell to the floor. It sucked. A. LOT.

I know it will get better, slowly, every day.

But the barn isn't the same without her.

When talking to my assistant, the only one beside the vet and a friend who was there when it all happened, I realized a few things that I wanted to share.

We talked about how in 25 years, I've never met a horse quite like Angie. I don't think I ever will again. It seems everyone who knew her agrees. I see moments of her in each of her kids, with her son Olie the most like her. That gives me much comfort.

We talked about why I bred Angie, and what I hoped to accomplish with it. I said I did it to "perpetuate her line", because I wanted a piece of her after she was gone. No, she wasn't some amazing show horse, nor did she have stellar bloodlines. And I found myself saying, "but she was so much more than that, so much more". That brought a smile to my face.

hundredacres
Mar. 4, 2012, 08:06 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's a long time to know anyone...my heart aches for you.

I loved the last line in your update ~ it made me smile too.

Zu Zu
Mar. 4, 2012, 08:45 PM
Hugs for you ````

I lost my 'heart horse' to a smiliar accident which I witnessed ````
7-31-91 ...still can not 'talk' about it much ...

It happens so quickly and it hurts SO very much ! :cry:

Again I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Angie ...

Ace
Mar. 4, 2012, 08:54 PM
Hugs...when I lose my dogs, I want to be with them, though my mother has offered to hold them to save me the trauma. Sadly, we had sent my horse off to William Woods in his later years since I was in college, too. I hope he had a good ending...

You are a good owner and each day it will get a little bit better.

Ace

PinkBoots
Mar. 4, 2012, 09:23 PM
Sending jingles and hugs your way <3