More amusing trainer sayings

[Renn/aissance]

You can never read too many of these...

"That was a Hail Mary Mother of God spot."
"You want me to try it again?"
"NO! That's why I go to church!"

To a few small children who hunched: "Sit like you've got boobies like Katie!"
Katie is her daughter, who wears something like a double-D.

About appropriate horse colors for the hunter ring to a woman who was looking for a colorful horse: "Listen up Donna, I'm going to say this once and once only. No buckskins. NO blue eyes. And no spots!"

After a horse refused and a girl fell off:
"Hey Renn?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you please convince Dollar to start earning his dinner?"
To the horse's owner:
"[Megan,] I'm putting Renn on him because her horse used to do this and knock on wood she just fixed it. Also, she hasn't fallen off in awhile."

[Renn/aissance]

You can never read too many of these...

"That was a Hail Mary Mother of God spot."
"You want me to try it again?"
"NO! That's why I go to church!"

To a few small children who hunched: "Sit like you've got boobies like Katie!"
Katie is her daughter, who wears something like a double-D.

About appropriate horse colors for the hunter ring to a woman who was looking for a colorful horse: "Listen up Donna, I'm going to say this once and once only. No buckskins. NO blue eyes. And no spots!"

After a horse refused and a girl fell off:
"Hey Renn?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you please convince Dollar to start earning his dinner?"
To the horse's owner:
"[Megan,] I'm putting Renn on him because her horse used to do this and knock on wood she just fixed it. Also, she hasn't fallen off in awhile."

[hotlava]

How about "She rode that jump like she was shot out of a cannon with her eyes closed."

[Indy]

To teen rider who wasn't paying attention in the schooling ring:
"You're not DOING anything! Am I going to have to check to see if you still have a pulse?"

To the rest of us standing by the schooling ring who started laughing at that comment:
"I have a warmblood horse & a warmblood kid...it's not a good combination."

[KMarcou]

I always laugh when my trainer sees a long spot coming up on someone and one stride before the fence yells "Hold on!" That's when you go "Oh crap" and start to pray... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Timex]

to my student who has owned her horse for going on 10 years and has a bad habit of looking down:

"you already KNOW what the horse looks like, look UP!"

[Hucklebug]

The legendary Jane Marshall Dillon on the topic of an "up" horse.

"My your horse is inspired today."

[Jodes, Aefvue Farms Bartender]

"Hey Dishy..don't pick a fight w/ the big, red dude"

Pretty funny..considering the big, red dude usually wins.

[2 tbs]

My trainer has a ton of sayings...some are funny, some are just worth living by!

My favorite one as of late since my horse has been wacky is: "He who learns to walk away, lives to see another day". It's not her saying but she uses it wisely!

I had a habit of making my 16'3 moose of a TB move like he was 15'1 and lame...basically just smooshing him into a little ball and making him hop up and down. When on course (in schooling of course) she'd always tell me she'd have to spot a tree to make sure we were still moving. Now she always says that to anyone who's chuggin along..."I have to spot a tree...let go!"

And for the exact opposite riders: "Shot from guns...slow down!"

[Madison]

Trainer: "Do the roll-top, then turn left to the oxer"
Student: jumps roll-top, then turns right trying to find said oxer.
Trainer: "No, your OTHER left" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[icy98ach]

"Don't sit there like a bump on a log"

[katie16]

To the rider who leans on the neck... "It's not horseNECK riding, it's horseBACK riding!"

[2 tbs]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by katie16:
To the rider who leans on the neck... "It's not horseNECK riding, it's horseBACK riding!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OH! I like that one!!! I'll have to remember that when I'm watching the lesson kids at my barn ride for hours on end on the weekends!!

[MEH180]

lol another looking down one. just after i got my horse " I know he looks pretty, and you want to admire him, but look up!)

While riding a haflinger pony around a jumper course at a schooling show coach yells from the side lines "GET FATTY GOING!"
Oh and always "Chest OUT!" my shoulders like to round

[jrjumpersrider]

the first trainer i had with my jumper used to say "Good, bad, or ugly your goin"

[pleased-as-punch2800]

I have one just said to me recently

(by the way im like 5'1" and thats a stretch)

She leading my horse into the ring for a medal call back...
"Now remember this is an wqutation class, put your heels down so your legs dont look so damn stubby!"

Then she smacks my horse in the ass and he trots away from her into the ring.
PURE GOLD!
What a confidence booster http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[HopelessHunter]

A remark on my horse's taste in geldings: "Your chestnut mare just doesn't know how pretty she is... like me!" (my trainer is a redhead, and refers to herself as a chestnut mare)

[Hollywallz]

To get me motivated before I showed in OK:
"We don't haul for 6th place!"
Oh yea THAT one worked when I ended up 8th. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

"It's a mounting block - not a DISmounting block" Said after being dumped when pony ran away and "refused" the mounting block .. In other words he said - "Oh NOW I get it - I'm supposed to stand still at the mounging block

[FUTUREJUMPER]

Another looking down one:

What the hell are you looking at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are u reading a book!

Dressage trainer to a rider who couldn't keep her hands together--get me some hay twine and a knife! (it wasn't as bad as it sounded) she just made a circle with the haytwine and made her hold it in between her hands so they wouldn't come apart.

[NumberTenOx]

A couple of my favorites:

"Don't let the dog ruin your distance." Not as bad as it sounds, mostly refers to the fact that the dogs usually catch on when you're headed for a jump and get out of your way.

"Keep your brain between your hands and your legs." Not an innuendo, it means "stay focused".

[Delighted]

An old one from a trainer (I'm, uhm, not tall): Get your leg down. More. More. More. That's it? That's as far down as it goes? It's barely past the saddle! God, you're short. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

And, from my coach today - she was talking about wanting to school some big tables on our xc course, but her horse is lame. I told her she could take mine, since he's brave. Her response? "Yeah, crazy stupid brave. No thanks!" Oh, that inspires me to school him myself.. seesh! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Plumcreek]

To slouching early-teenage girls:

"Bring your shoulders back, the kleenex in your bra can't be THAT heavy!"

[imissvixen]

During my last lesson when I was trying to get my old boy to move on, I was told that I was riding like I was giving birth and it wasn't pretty.

[dressagegirl]

as a adult is ever so slowing cantering to a double combination i hear from the trainer"KICK HIM LIKE HE IS GOING TO THE OLYMPICS!

[MistyBlue]

Originally posted by katie16:
To the rider who leans on the neck... "It's not horseNECK riding, it's horseBACK riding!"

LMAO! I LOVE it! I'm filing that one away for future use if you don't mind! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I hear quite a few doozies from my coach when I'm attempting my dressaging lessons. (I'm not a dressage rider, not even close. Yet.) When I concentrate while in a dressage saddle I look down. Not in any other tack as I had that habit beaten outta me as a kid...but it's come back in spades in the darned dressage saddle. Things I hear:
"Yes, your horse is still there...who do you think is making you look so bad right now?"

"Lose a contact again? You need lasic surgery my dear." (Ummm, I don't wear contacts, LOL)

"Did you write a cheat sheet on your pommel?"

"Come here...I'm taping a pencil to your shirt front...you keep looking down and you'll get lead poisoning!"

"Honey, I didn't ask for a theory on space/time continuum...it's really not that hard to do this!"

"Leg, leg, leg, LEG, LEG, L-E-E-E-E-G! I want to see manure come out of her nostrils!"

[Solstrom]

For how to hold the reins, to new students my coach always say
" hold them like they are 2 little birds, if you hold to tight you'll squeeze the life out of them and if you turn your hands in to far you'll bash their little heads together"

[Hidden]

When I'm doing well I have an "educated hip". Sometimes I hear "don't let him bully you into leaving that stride out"

[dianad]

After finally doing a line RIGHT....

"Once is luck, twice is skill!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Dammit.

[shade]

Oh Solstrom...I like that one...I'm going to have to use it...LOL...

[OverOxers]

well not all of these are from trainers:
I have a bad habit of looking down when I'm doing any kind of lateral work, and I do a lot of lateral work to keep my old guy supple. My friend Sam asked me one day why i look down when I'm doing that dreassagey stuff. Kinda embarassing actually cause I jsut had to admit it was a bad habit.

My trainer "hey did you drop some money, you can stop looking I'll find it!"

"Stupid should hurt"

me about my horse: "he's being a goober today"
my trainer: " He's 4 what's your excuse?"

my trainer always called it a "chocolate chip" when we'd chip at a jump, I cam out of the ring after missing horrible to one jump at a show and she looked at me and asked if I was making cookies.

and the favorite "Show off your training bra!"

[Capt.Jack'sGirl]

My trainer stands silently for almost twenty minutes, while I trot around the ring waiting for her to make a course...

Then she says "I'm trying to figure out a turn you and wonder-horse can't do, make you work for a change. I shouldn't have to think this early on a Saturday."

Later on in the same lesson, after I'd completely missed a rollback from not paying attention...

"Excuse me, Monica? I think you left your brain over that last oxer. Could you pick it up while you try that turn again?" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[purplnurpl]

from an excellent clinician:

"Quit knitting me a -blank- sweater!"

"I know this is the scary fence that everyone wants their kodak moment over....."

said about packer upper level horse: "now that's the kind of horse I like to ride when I have a bad hangover, you just sit there nice a peaceful!"

said by coach: "your quarter has officially run out"

That was a chip Mr. Kebbler would be proud of.

[Renn/aissance]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "Bring your shoulders back, the kleenex in your bra can't be THAT heavy!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

-busts out laughing- That's priceless.

[Southern Sister]

When I chip a jump my trainer says "Hey honey you need to pick that wood out of your teeth"

When I am just not ridding well: "You need a glass belly so you can see when your head is up your a**"

[SaddlePotato3]

I have a lazy horse and my trainer always tells me to "ride him like you stole him".

Also, back when my leg was all over the place, he's say "your leg is moving all around like a barn door in a tornado!"

[1-800-Dial-A-Distance]

about a schoolhorse: "His quarter's up"


and one that my trainer stole from me: "I came down to the last single oxer (fill in appropriate jump or turn) and just ran out of talent"

1-800

[Moxie]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NumberTenOx:
"Don't let the dog ruin your distance." Not as bad as it sounds, mostly refers to the fact that the dogs _usually_ catch on when you're headed for a jump and get out of your way.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I've heard that one before! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif dumb Evergreen dogs.

[SaudiHunter]

Riding down a very forward line, trainer yells:
"Get it Girl!"

College coach said when I was riding an extremely hot gelding:

"You piss horses off."

[h/j4life]

Mine always says, "I used that excuse once," however, this can be very easily turned around on him...http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Staish14]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Solstrom:
For how to hold the reins, to new students my coach always say
" hold them like they are 2 little birds, if you hold to tight you'll squeeze the life out of them and if you turn your hands in to far you'll bash their little heads together" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's from Sally Swift's Centered Riding book. It has some great lines like that.

[Isolde]

I have many:
On looking down at the horse
1)I'll let you know when he changes colours until then look up
2)ride like you are about to come up on a cliff.
3)The staff comes into the arena everyday to find the money that has been dropped so stop looking for it.

I have many that I use, I had a british instructor when I was 12 and he always used to say "keep those bosums up dear" so I use that when I want to kids to pay attention to me it always makes them laugh

I have a student that wouldn't hold her release long enough over the fences so I told her to count 1 sexy man 2 sexy men she asked if I thought 3 would be better and I told her that I didn't think she could handle 3 sexy men.

If I think of more I'll post them.

[ser42]

Very cute heterosexual male trainer says to female rider, "Relax your pelvis!!" It wasn't meant to be funny, but it sure had the woman grinning ear to ear....

[Barn Dirt]

When I soften my hands over poles I tend to just tip them forward instead of giving. And I've also got a 'gay left wrsit', so it tends to tip and do all kinds of things it shouldn't. My coach's idea:
"You are a waitress. You are holding two steins of beer. Now straighten up those hands or you're going to spill it all over the place! Great, is that some terminology you can understand?!"

And once when I could not for the life of me get a horse stopped: "Ho. Ho. Ho. HO. HO. HO HO HO HO HO! I sound like a psychotic Santa Claus, stop the damn horse!"

[Madame Butterfly]

Hmmmmmmm. ...can't think of any. Oh well. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

[SaudiHunter]

Barn Dirt, I love the psychotic Santa Clause! Too funny!

[Esquire]

We have a rider in our barn who hears, at almost every lesson, variations of the "look up" comment. The one we always chuckle about is "Look up, look where your going, yes, your horse is still the same color she was the last time you rode her."

And last year while schooling before a big class, and schooling badly I might add, my trainer yelled at the top of his lungs (while I was clear across the ring), "You are on a seeing eye dog, would you just leave him alone and let him do his job?!." The other trainers got a good laugh at that one; me, not so much...

And then of course, for the "professional" amateurs, the ones of us who come from important day jobs and think we know more than we do, we always get "This is my office! When you show up here to ride, you are no longer the General Counsel of the company, you work in the mail room and you work for ME!" This comment usually comes after we mumble a few choice words under our breath after being "lectured."

[Its a Hunter Jumper World]

when dong 2-point or jumping: "stick out what your momma gave you.. unless your momma didnt give you anything!!"

teaching kids who havent been riding long and dont know much: " stop humming the saddle when you post!"


thats all for now there are many others but i cant think of them right now.

[Dusty]

I teach mainly beginners...when trying to get them into a two-point I find that this analogy really works: Pretend that you're in a porta-potty and there is no way you're gonna touch that seat with your bumm, also keep looking up to make sure that no-one tries to open the door http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[Skybox]

When going through a bit of a stopping phase with my amateur jumper, I wanted to be forgiving when it was me who made a mistake.

My trainer would say, "He's an amateur horse. It's his job to find the other side."

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

This is more my father's paraphrasing that's funny. Years ago I bought a lovely amateur horse from Hugh Kerrigan, whom I had ridden with for years. We went to the Golden's Bridge Colt Show for the filly's first outing...I won everything and was champion, but Hughie screamed at me all day, as was his wont [in his thick Irish brogue] for not keeping the new green mare under her pace and adding the stride her first time out. Mom was ill..so my poor, cheque signing Father had come to the horse show instead of her...a true rarity. As I trudged from the ring at the end of the day, in tears, with a huge tricolour and silver bowl, Dad asked Hughie; "What is it my daughter did wrong today"? Hughie slung his arm around my father's shoulders and replied; "It's a fancy mare you've bought your daughter Mr. D., but she's a feckin' whore of a rider"! When asked by my mother, upon our return home, what I had done wrong at the show, my father replied; "I think Hughie implied that she rode too commercially". LOL!!! Bless you Dad!!!

[Madame Butterfly]

Hmmmmm. naw, still can't think of any...hmmmmm http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

Another of Hughie's, constantly aimed at me; "You could make a MULE tense"!!!!

[Gravie]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Timex:
to my student who has owned her horse for going on 10 years and has a bad habit of looking down:

"you already KNOW what the horse looks like, look UP!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

On a similar note, my trainer told me this because I was (unknowingly) looking down: "Did you drop something?"
"No..."
"Then what are you looking at?! Get your eyes up, woman!"

We were talking about religion one day with a group of folks with various religious preferences, and one remark was how certain rider wasn't religious. And rider or trainer, I can't remember, said, "Well, when you get in tight spots/chips with those jumps, it doesn't matter if you're religious or not, it gets you praying your hardest!"

[2 tbs]

Another of my personal favs from my trainer is: "He/She does it once, shame on him/her; He/She does it twice, shame on you!" Usually heard after a student's horse refuses a fence, cuts a corner, misses a lead, or any of the other things that the rider should be able to correct.

[Silk]

The best one I heard in a while was when a young girl on a MADE equitation horse put the horse to a three foot oxer and asked for an impossible distance.

Trainer(screaming): GOD couldn't have jumped it from there!

[Capt.Jack'sGirl]

Said to a rider on a lazy, barn sour school horse...

"Honey, you see that stick in your hands?"
*rider nods*
"You may want to use it, unless you like growing mold on your breeches"

Said to the same rider, a week later, still refusing/forgetting to use the stick...

"If you only have it for decoration, why don't we just let the dog play fetch with it, eh?"

[Renn/aissance]

Jumping an oxer:
"Don't look for the big one. Don't look for the big one. Don't look- hooooooooooooooooly shit!"

"What were you doing up there, inspecting the satellite?"

Trying out an expensive sale horse for a friend, while the goofball horse I was leasing from her was back at the barns:
"So how's it feel to be on a real horse?"
"Hey! Gotta's a real horse!"
"Really? Could have fooled me."

"You can ride the Dork today."
"Which Dork?"
"There's only one."
"Jake?"
"No, the other dork."
"Gotta?"
"Still striking out."
"Regis?"
"Right after three, go get tacked up."

"Stick him in draw reins. He's forgotten the purpose of his back muscles again."

"YOU KILLED THE BIRDIE!"

[RHdobes]

Dusty---"Porta-potty" and RaceTB---"rode too commercially"-----SO FUNNY!!! LOLOL!

[melliebay Aefvue Farms Chesapeake Bay]

we have a lesson horse at the barn who absolutely will not go first if the kid can't ride. So the kid ends up sitting in the corner kicking and sticking until another horse comes along and the lesson horse will follow him. I call the "rescue" horse the "Donkey towing service"

[Shipsinator]

I know this isnt a trainer saying...but it sure cracked me up.

This girl riding a schoolmaster says to the trainer, "can you work with here on this." The trainer is just like, "ummmm" since its obvious to everyone else that the rider is the one who is doing just about everything wrong.

Doesnt sound funny now, but it was histarical at the time!

[TheOrangeOne]

"That was...not what we wanted"
"Ok, lets do the exact same thing at less than 400 mph"
"Grace. What were you thinking?"

[Cindeye]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Racetb:
"I think Hughie implied that she rode too commercially". LOL!!! Bless you Dad!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Howling with laughter on that one! Ah, the Dads that paid the bills and suffered in silence!

[b328]

My trainer said a funny one yesterday. I went off course in my first class, and then a big fat chip to the 1st fence of my second class. My horse behaved like a saint the whole time. While I was waiting for the person I trailered with to finish, my trainer comes over to my horse and pats him and says-
"Sorry buddy, you got the short end of the stick today."

[Janet]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NumberTenOx:
A couple of my favorites:

"Don't let the dog ruin your distance." Not as bad as it sounds, mostly refers to the fact that the dogs _usually_ catch on when you're headed for a jump and get out of your way. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Like this, you mean?
Gillian and SPort jumping dog at Fair Hill (http://chronicleforums.com/groupee/forums?a=tpc&s=6656094911&f=2096094911&m=13860019&r=64260779#64260779)

[Janet]

One of Mike Page's sayings is "I saw your horse put an ad in the Chronicle, looking for a better rider".

[Solstrom]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Staish14:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Solstrom:
For how to hold the reins, to new students my coach always say
" hold them like they are 2 little birds, if you hold to tight you'll squeeze the life out of them and if you turn your hands in to far you'll bash their little heads together" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's from Sally Swift's Centered Riding book. It has some great lines like that. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Most likely!!

Sally Swift is worked into all of our lessons!!

[Esquire]

Gotta love just hearing your name repeated 3 times, and slowly, while the trainer is nodding his head downwards...so discourgaing, yet meaningful.

And we still get the SHUT UP AND RIDE comment mostly at shows when we must seem to be distracted (and he has the lovely t shirt to go along with it). We have told him, though, that we would disown him if he were to wear it at shows!

[icicle333]

my favorite trainer cracks me up. he says things like...

when i would ride this semi insane rusher around a course..."what the hell is your motto...'when in doubt leave it out!?'

he always has a tin or altoids and when i would lesson on this fat old lug who wouldn't move, he would throw the can of altiods at his butt...it would just bounce off and the horse would trot faster for 4 steps and then completely stop!

[mnolen9698]

After my mom had a not-so-hot round, she dismounted, ripped her her gloves off, threw them on the ground and sternly said "Bad gloves - look what you made me do!" We all had tears in our eyes laughing.

[Sing Mia Song]

Esquire, does David still have the "Because I'm the trainer, that's why" hat I gave him, ohh, 7 or 8 years ago?!

[Chef Jade]

My first show as an amatuer was horrible. I really had forgotten how to ride, and went off course multiple times. My trainer said, "What happened to you? You took the harness off your helmet and your brains fell out!"

[samismypony]

trainer: "Dont hit your horse on the chest, he'll go backwards, hit him on the butt, he'll go forwards"

same trainer: "where would you go if I hit you on the butt?"

random other trainer: "I'd go home" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[Jumpers21]

I heard this convo yesterday between my trainer, and a rider at our barn who has the bad habit of looking down (especially over fences)

Trainer: "You Land Where you look, Taren"
Taren : "That's total Bull, I usually land at
least a few feet away from where I was
looking"

[Silk]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by b328:
My trainer said a funny one yesterday. I went off course in my first class, and then a big fat chip to the 1st fence of my second class. My horse behaved like a saint the whole time. While I was waiting for the person I trailered with to finish, my trainer comes over to my horse and pats him and says-
"Sorry buddy, you got the short end of the stick today." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ahem...same trainer who said, "God couldnt have jumped it from there..."

Quite a sense of humor, huh?

[Esquire]

First time is a mistake, second time is a fluke, now you've got it.

Or, SHUT UP AND RIDE. (I think it is the t shirt that one of the other boarders bought him that causes this one).

Then there is also the occasional blonde jokes such as "are we having a blonde moment today","your blonde is showing", etc.

And finally, he got a shirt in the islands last year, so proud of himself, and it reads "The beatings will continue until the morale improves." Enough said on that one... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[Esquire]

One more, straight from the trainer's mouth,

"I have struggled, sweat and bled to learn my craft...now, it is your turn."

Yikes, try hearing that when you are just moving up to do the VERY HIGH jumpers...

[ItsMeBri2]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chef:
My first show as an amatuer was horrible. I really had forgotten how to ride, and went off course multiple times. My trainer said, "What happened to you? You took the harness off your helmet and your brains fell out!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ROFL. I love that one.

[Justa Dream]

After doing a nice line or fence, "Now let's see if it'll happen twice in a lifetime."

[MissintheSouth]

Pat was a big fan of:
[after a huge long spot to a big oxer]
"Hail Mary[crossing himself], I am glad I wore my Depends today!"

[after two or three times of making the same mistake]
"If you do that one more time I am going to kick you so hard you will be spitting up boot polish!"
(he was kidding of course, I don't want anyone to think he was abusive or anything, just addament!)

[Portia]

My trainer's normal saying to put some life in a horse by giving him a swat is "tap him up." But when the horse really needs to wake up and move, it changes to "whack him up." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[jordiensyd]

Former trainer stood on the side of the ring and told us to keep our headlights shining - her version of the sit up straight instruction.

[bumoyu]

Mine sometimes says (when you are really out of it) "How long did it take you to know that you were different?"

[A.Horse.of.Course]

Another one about looking down...
"I'll let you know if your horse isn't there anymore."

I've also gotten the "holy shit" line while jumping. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Esquire]

Sing Mia Song, I asked him and he remembers it well, but has "worn" that one out. You should know, however, that you are on our wall of fame at the barn, a picture of you from Harrisburg. Hope all is well.

I am seeing such similarity in these sayings...it doesn't take long until you have heard almost all of them, and at least once.

[Jessi P]

My favorite one was of my trainer yelling

"Its not THAT high!!!"

after she snuck the top rail of the last jump of the gymnastic up on me to 4'6"...and I am sucking back thinking "Boy that looks bigger than it did last time around."

And the time she started screaming at me "STOP. Stop NOW. I mean it, stop, RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!" His polo was coming off and I was oblivious (hey, I was 14.)

Another time..... "HE can trot an X to a 4'6" vertical, its YOU who has the problem with it!!!"

[Sing Mia Song]

Esquire, I'm so touched! That grand old horse has gone on to his reward, unfortunately, but David helped up us achieve a lifelong dream--taking a $500 horse to Harrisburg and Washington! I put a "thank you" ad in the Equiery that year thanking him for "humane training." Well, it was mostly humane!

[pahunterrider]

My favorite one when I had a horrible round, my trainer would tell me to find another way out of the ring. Scared me to death!!

[pahunterrider]

Oh, and in one lesson, different trainer, called me an a*******, and then told me that is what my horse was calling me! Yes, there have been some bad lessons on my part!!

[sprack]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sing Mia Song:
Esquire, I'm so touched! That grand old horse has gone on to his reward, unfortunately, but David helped up us achieve a lifelong dream--taking a $500 horse to Harrisburg and Washington! I put a "thank you" ad in the Equiery that year thanking him for "humane training." Well, it was mostly humane! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I would love to know the name of that horse! was he a hunter or jumper?

[zedcadjna]

I had a trainer tell me my horse isnt a woodpecker, that was when he chipped in to a jump.

When trying out my first jumper, Trainer saying, if you dont jump that fence now ( 5'3 vertical) then we will stay here all night til you do, I have blankets in my truck.. Me saying ok here I go I jumped it w/ my eyes closed thank god that horse was a saint..

[ItsMeBri2]

HAHA. pahunterider-I do have been told that if I have a bad round that I better just jump outta the ring, go out the other gate, find a new way out etc.

I have also been threatned in this manner: "If you don't lay down THE round, I am going to give you a big huge wet one right here in front of everyone!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[Renn/aissance]

"How can you have dyslexic moments when there's nothing wrong with you?"

Likewise, "You're having an ADHD day, and I know you're not ADHD, and he's not, and I'm not. Get it together before I have to blame the cavaletti."

"Well, if you wouldn't wear too-small tank tops to the barn, you wouldn't pop out. Stick your feet back in the stirrups and give me that extended trot again, please."

[Esquire]

Sing Mia Song, David was sorry to hear that he has gone on to greener pastures.....stay in touch and please look us up at shows, or at cornerstonefarm@annapolis.net.

Now back to the topic, how about: "blondes on bays."

[Coppers mom]

My dad always says "No winner no dinner" on the way to and at shows to kind of break the tension. It's hilarious, and he's got the dry attitude that makes it even better!

I had one brutally honest trainer who said to me one time "What the HELL are you doing Sarah?! You're riding like POO and your leg is as loose as a prostitutes!!"

[Denzel]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zedcadjna:
I had a trainer tell me my horse isnt a woodpecker, that was when he chipped in to a jump.

When trying out my first jumper, Trainer saying, if you dont jump that fence now ( 5'3 vertical) then we will stay here all night til you do, I have blankets in my truck.. Me saying ok here I go I jumped it w/ my eyes closed thank god that horse was a saint.. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh wow...just had to comment on that height...that is HUGE! It's 2" short of being as tall as I am! Keep the thread going guys! It's HILARIOUS!

Andi

[Invested1]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Coppers mom:
My dad always says "No winner no dinner" on the way to and at shows to kind of break the tension. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That is AWESOME! I just might have to steal it! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Sing Mia Song]

Esquire, LOL! Tell David I dyed my hair red to hide the gray--but I've still got a (dark) bay horse!

Sprack, his name was Sweat Equity. We called him Mystic. And, to qualify it, we didn't do the "real" divisions at Indoors, just the foxhunting series. But when I bought him, he was a lame, crazy, dangerous stopper (I had ridden the horse years before and loved him, and snatched him back with no expectations from the people who had him). Once I got his trust, that horse would follow me through fire.

So, even if he didn't have to qualify, the fact that his past owners watched him from the stands at Washington while he clocked around and got ribbons like an expensive horse, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif well, it just made it all complete. He lived out his life in grand old style and colicked the day before Hurricaine Isabel came to MD, in September 03.

Okay, hijacking over, please commence with your regularly scheduled thread!

[Esquire]

Sing Mia Song, you have the entire barn now wondering just who you are...but they have all seen the pictures.

His latest saying, besides all that I have mentioned, is..."Maybe we should get her a tennis racket instead." He usually mumbles that one under his breath, but just loud enough for us to hear it. We know it is just an off day and things will get better.

Red?? You are ruining your image here...that is a great photo!

[Sing Mia Song]

Oh, I got the tennis racket comment, too, way back when!

Funny story--guy I dated in college, who rode more or less because his sister did, not because of any real desire to perfect the craft, was actually given a tennis racket by his trainers. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif He took it in good humor.

[Jodigurl]

I have been told many things and called many names during horrible lessons, but I will never forget during my teenage years a trainer from England came to California to help us with some Connemara ponies. I was about 15 then and whenever he wanted us to sit up straighter he would say:

"Titties to the air girls"

I, of course, was mortified! I don't think I had any "titties" back then!

[HopelessHunter]

its a hunter jumper world and I have the same trainer so since she is at my house we are going to put this one up together::

"she looks like she should be playing tennis"--our trainer says this when she doesnt think they should be riding a horse

[jonquilTN]

I was at a show doing my first Medal class and the fences just looked HUGE to me. I was visibly nervous and my trainer asked me if I was afraid of wood. Of course my answer was "no". Her retort "well good, those fences are just a pile of sticks".

While watching another rider's lesson (who didn't have the best equitation) I heard the trainer tell her she did not need a horse, but rather a water ski boat.

when I was 6 and taking my first "posting trot" lesson, my trainer told me to "move my hips back and forth like Michael Jackson". Even funnier, I had no idea what she meant!

a chipped fence = a "Mama my face hurts"

.....maybe I'll think of a few more....

-Amy

[melliebay Aefvue Farms Chesapeake Bay]

I have a student who I lovingly refer to as a "world class knitter", cause she sure as heck can't ride!

[Jumpers21]

I got these from a old school trainer I used to ride with - Grumpy Ole Man he was ( God Bless him!)

"I said to do that line in 6, not 4! Next time I'll remember that you can't count, and tell you to do it in 8, you pain in the a**."

"Hold the reins like spaghetti strings means to LIGHTEN up, not pull on his face like how you pull on those pliars to zipper those too tight jeans. How the hell did you manage to sqeeze your chubby butt into those, anyhow?"

Trainer - "Take that line"
Me- "Are you serious"
Trainer - "Serious as a heart attack"
Me - "Well, I think if I take that line, I'm gonna HAVE a heart attack"
Trainer - "And if you don't take that line, what I'm going to do to you will be much worse than if you had a heart attack, so I suggest you shut the hell up and go do it before I kick your a**."

One time I had a nasty fall, and my ankle really hurt - here's the little convo we had.
Me- Damn this hurts, I should go to the Dr.
Trainer - shut up and ride
Me- Damn, this really hurts
Trainer- Shut up and ride
NEXT DAY
Me- Told you it really hurt, fractured ankle
Trainer - shut up, get on, and ride.

LOL I loved that Ol Fart!

[Limited Edition]

"do that course ONE more time"

of course this line is repeated about 20 times before the end of the lesson. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif