View Full Version : Need Encouragement.
Nov. 19, 2011, 06:45 PM
I'm pretty sure I'm slowly losing my mind. About a year ago, after a year of trying to bring her around sound, I had to retire my beloved mare. She was a spit fire but when she was good she was really good and I loved her dearly. I found her a good trail riding home and I found myself an incredibly sweet 2 yr old ottb filly to bring along. During all this time I also got engaged, got married, and now trying to finish our house. Needless to say I haven't actually been able to really ride or work with a horse for almost 2 yrs now. Which at first I was okay with. I figured the filly needed time to be let down and grow up and while I was busy planning a wedding and everything she could mature. Now here I am...married...still busy as h*ll and getting more and more irate that I can't seem to get away to work with this darling of a horse. My husband is not the horse type at all and just doesn't understand. He almost seems to take offense to me wanting to be in the barn. I'm very much OCD so the fact that I have this on my mind and I can't seem to do it is just driving me nuts. My chest gets tight and I just panic that I'm not working with this horse. I just want to scream!!!
Okay...rant over. I apologize. But thank you for letting me get that out.
Nov. 19, 2011, 10:19 PM
Okay, I'm in a similar situation as you. (Newlyweds, remodeling house, young horse(s).) I'm lucky in that my new husband was already broken into the horsey lifestyle. (Ex-wife chose life at the track over him.) But when he starts to gripe about my riding I remind him how *ahem* bitchy I get without my animals. I also remind him that he came to this relationship knowing that I was a horse person and that I had told him that I was not giving them up.
Do I feel guilty when he's working on the house and I'm riding? Sure, so I make every effort to help out as much as possible when I am there.
I did take a year and a half pretty much off from riding when we first started dating, but I still had the horses. It didn't hurt anybody one iota to just be pasture puffs, it probably helped my older TB jumper's ulcers to finally heal.
So to sum things up -- train hubby to let you slip out the door to ride and if it doesn't happen, it's not gonna hurt that filly one little bit to grow up some more.
Nov. 20, 2011, 12:56 AM
Seriously, walk out the door and drive to the barn. I havent been married forever (under 10 years in fact) but I have been married long enough to know that you and he will be so much better off in the long run when you do your individual things that make you happy. It can be hard to understand the expense and time required with horses when you're not into it, but if he respects you as a person, he WILL get it in the long run. If you want to go to the barn, you need to go. Its not healthy for you or for him for you to stay. Go! He AND the house will be there when you get home.
Nov. 20, 2011, 08:20 AM
Another person with a non-horsey husband here! My daughter rides ponies and we are selfcare in our new barn. Thankfully dear hubby has not only myself but both of my daughters to deal with when he gets crabby over the ponies!! My husband plays in a band so he goes off to do his own thing on a regular basis, this helps soooooo much!! I am away a lot with the girls and the ponies and he has adjusted. It took time but now he knows that they're a huge priority in our lives and he knows they make us happy so its gotten much better!
I am on my second marriage and I will give you this small piece of advice, don't give up who YOU are, you can't give up pieces of yourself to make someone else happy, it will never work. I did that the first time around and I woke up everyday at age 32 wishing I had died in my sleep the night before. I was not physically abused but I had given up everything that made ME happy to keep someone else happy, and I was miserable! Its been a long process figuring out that everyone is responsible for their OWN happiness, I will help you out all I can but not at my own expense. There is also a fine line between happiness and selfishness and learning that makes it easier to stay married! Good Luck and go see that filly!!!
Nov. 20, 2011, 08:31 AM
It does seem as if you have taken on a lot. You have huge demands on your time and attention. I'm not suggesting you need to give up horses, but maybe you just don't have the time to train a green horse now. That is a big commitment. Maybe you could get your horse fix and barn time in another way.