Am I losing my love for horses????? :-(

[Alternamen2]

So I have a beautiful, talented, bred-2-death trakehner mare, I'm a good rider, I have the money to be in the sport, I have my horse on-campus with me (within walking distance) at college with me, my parents just bought me a 2002 f-150 with a trailer soon to come....HOWEVER.....

I'm not happy. I see my horse 2, maybe 3 times a week cuz I simply don't have the motivation to go ride or even go to the barn, and though I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities I've been given, it just all seems irrelevant.

I know this sounds bad, but I think I may be falling in love with drugs more then anything else in my world right now. Even when I surround myself w/ the drug-free, horsey people at my school, all I can think about is leaving so I can go get messed up. Ironically, when i'm doing drugs all I want to do is be at the barn. I don't think I'd be happy quitting drugs all together, and I don't think I'd be happy quitting horses all together either, or I would have done it already. However, it seems like I cant do them both and be satisfied.

[Alternamen2]

So I have a beautiful, talented, bred-2-death trakehner mare, I'm a good rider, I have the money to be in the sport, I have my horse on-campus with me (within walking distance) at college with me, my parents just bought me a 2002 f-150 with a trailer soon to come....HOWEVER.....

I'm not happy. I see my horse 2, maybe 3 times a week cuz I simply don't have the motivation to go ride or even go to the barn, and though I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities I've been given, it just all seems irrelevant.

I know this sounds bad, but I think I may be falling in love with drugs more then anything else in my world right now. Even when I surround myself w/ the drug-free, horsey people at my school, all I can think about is leaving so I can go get messed up. Ironically, when i'm doing drugs all I want to do is be at the barn. I don't think I'd be happy quitting drugs all together, and I don't think I'd be happy quitting horses all together either, or I would have done it already. However, it seems like I cant do them both and be satisfied.

[TheOrangeOne]

You know what we'll tell ya. I know a family member had a similar situation going on and he went through NA. It has helped him trememndously and he even started competing again this year. It's not impossible. You can do it http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[TB or not TB?]

I'm really going to get flamed for this. Nonetheless.....

Quit the drugs. In what possible future scenario does it seem like drugs would fit into? If you have an amazing horse that you took to college, all the funds you need, trailer/truck etc.... WTF are you doing using drugs for? I'm guessing you're not paying for these things yourself, because no one in their right mind would spend that much time working to pay for a horse just to not see it. If you don't want to give up the drugs, give up the horses, because it's not fair to your parents to have them forking over a crapload of money each month so you can feel 'eh' about it.

Moreover, it's not fair to your horse or the riders who pinch every penny and would kill to trade places with you. True, I guess to you it won't matter whether it's fair or not, but it's a terrible waste of a good horse and money. If you're not entirely committed, why not sell the horse and truck/trailer and just ride the school horses or a 1/2 leased horse for a while? I'm not saying you have to be obsessed or that you can't be a casual rider, but to be in your position and do it is just narcissism. Most colleges have waiting lists to accept student horses. So you're also denying someone else a chance.

There isn't an excuse for drugs, I don't care who you are or where you come from. And no, I'm not just an old fogey - I'm probably near your age actually. If it's more important to you to get high than to ride, I suppose that's your priority, but my god what a waste. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

[Alternamen2]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by TB or not TB?:
I'm really going to get flamed for this. Nonetheless.....

Quit the drugs. In what possible future scenario does it seem like drugs would fit into? If you have an amazing horse that you took to college, all the funds you need, trailer/truck etc.... WTF are you doing using drugs for? I'm guessing you're not paying for these things yourself, because no one in their right mind would spend that much time working to pay for a horse just to not see it. If you don't want to give up the drugs, give up the horses, because it's not fair to your parents to have them forking over a crapload of money each month so you can feel 'eh' about it.

Moreover, it's not fair to your horse or the riders who pinch every penny and would kill to trade places with you. True, I guess to you it won't matter whether it's fair or not, but it's a terrible waste of a good horse and money. If you're not entirely committed, why not sell the horse and truck/trailer and just ride the school horses or a 1/2 leased horse for a while? I'm not saying you have to be obsessed or that you can't be a casual rider, but to be in your position and do it is just narcissism. Most colleges have waiting lists to accept student horses. So you're also denying someone else a chance.

There isn't an excuse for drugs, I don't care who you are or where you come from. And no, I'm not just an old fogey - I'm probably near your age actually. If it's more important to you to get high than to ride, I suppose that's your priority, but my god what a waste. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I agree with everything your saying and I've thought through all of that...

I guess I just don't know which is more important at the momment. I don't know if I'm ready to let either of them go. I've tried asking myself which brings me more satisfaction and I simply can't seem to make that decision. I'm in a very weird position.

[Fessy's Mom]

Very well said TB. The OP can't possibly think she was going to post this and have ANYONE say, "Oh it's okay, go ahead and do drugs, it's NBD." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif I agree that it's not fair to your parents for putting out all that money for you to be "eh" about riding. Of course being honest to them about why you've lost interest isn't in the cards, huh?

I really hope you just quit the drugs and find out why you were drawn to them to begin with. Best of luck to you.

[Fessy's Mom]

The only wierd position you're in right now is posting a BB and asking for help when you can't POSSIBLY think that using drugs is a viable alternative. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

No offense, but you sound like a very selfish person.

[jetsmom]

Please go get help for the drugs. I know you don't think so now, but they truly can ruin your life. Even if it's just pot, recreationally, you are setting yourself up for failure. Many companies drug test, so you could end up not even being able to get a minimum wage job. Sure, you have parents paying your way now, but there will eventually come a time when they won't be.
If you are doing something harder than pot, then the chances of addiction, health problems, pschosis is too real.
Again, please go get help. If you are giving up previously enjoyable activities so you can go get your next fix, you have a problem.

[EqTrainer]

I have a lovely, hard-working, talented junior student whose parents cannot possibly afford to give her the opportunities you have and *are wasting*. So, how about if you give her your horse and truck? She'll get what she deserves and you will have plenty of time to do drugs without feeling guilty about neglecting your horse. Everyone wins!

Seriously now. Go tell your parents and get some help. Yes, YOUR PARENTS.

[TheOrangeOne]

ditto jetsmom. Meeting my dad's frat brothers is my anti-drug. Some of em never came down....

[Natalie]

Alright, as a fellow college student, I honestly cannot believe I'm reading this. In fact, it's so absurd that I'm inclined to believe the poster is a troll. Seriously, drugs as an alternative? Exactly what school are you at? I think the choice is obvious, unless you'd like to wash your life down the drain.

Go ahead and flame me, but seriously...unreal attitude. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[Alteration]

I hope this *is* a troll, because if this is how Alternamen really feels, it's not a good position to be in. I know, I've been there. Alternamen, PT me if you want to chat.

[hoser1]

Please, please, please seek out your college's resources for counseling services. You need to go talk to someone RIGHT NOW about what is going on with you. It goes without saying that the drugs are a problem, but I suspect that you might have underlying depression or another issue that is driving you to feel the way you do. No kind of drug (including alcohol) is going to make you feel better or get you anywhere in your life, and may just buy you a one way ticket to the morgue. I'm serious...this is not a laughing matter, no matter how in control you think you are of your drug use.

Don't judge yourself for the way you feel or why you got into this situation. Don't worry about the way you are feeling about your horse situation right now. Just get yourself to the college counseling center, NA, whatever and get to the bottom of this. You need to find someone unbiased and trained in psychological & substance abuse issues to help you figure out what is going on with you, pronto!

Please, keep us updated.

[Caravel]

It sounds to me like what you are describing is depression. Feeling "eh" about something that in your head is your biggest dream come true is a pretty big sign!

And guess what can be a cause of depression? (Bet you can see this one coming!) Yep! DRUGS! Marijuana is classified as a depressant, as is alcohol. So unless you get help with the drugs and help with the depression, you could end up in a downward spiral which will end with NO drugs and NO horses. Life can be so much better than what you're fumbling through right now.

Take it from someone who's come out the other side.

[TBKate]

I agree with those who've said to GET HELP NOW. I was diagnosed with depression and serious anxiety 5 years ago...one of the things which tipped my mom off that I needed help was that I couldn't bring myself to go to the barn. As one who has been there (although I've never touched a non-prescribed drug in my life) I beg you, get thee to a therapist. And quickly. Best thing I ever did. I think the whole world should be in therapy.

As for the other stuff, once you're in some kind of treatment program you can determine whether the horses are still important to you. Until then, perhaps consider leasing your horse to some deserving person who will give it the love and care you obviously can't right now. Bringing your horse to college is a huge gift, so don't waste it on the drugs. Good luck, and please get yourself medical help.

[Hazelnut]

Well,
I agree with hoser1 and the others that say you are suffering from some kind of depression. There are counselors who can help you. It sounds like you feel helplesss and unmotivated. Your not losing you love for horses, you are losing the ability to make good decisions due to the drugs. Face yourself, be brave and go get help as soon as you can. Don't wait for years...

[Chef Jade]

I think that you even took the brave step to come on here and post what you did is a sign that you are ASKING FOR HELP!

So now go DO something about it... Get some REAL HELP. There is nothing to be ashamed about. The only thing shameful would be to waste a perfectly wonderful and good life by living as a shell of your real self on drugs. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

[MistyBlue]

Drugs only seem fun while you're high. You cannot be high all the time...or eventually you'll kill your body. If you do drugs but not all the time...all the rest of your "not high" time will be spent thinking about doing drugs and not enjoying anything else. While you're high you're killing off parts of you, that you will *never* get back. Ever. If you're high once in a while or often enough, your school work will suffer. Your horse life will suffer. Your health will suffer. Your valuable friendships will suffer. (the friends doing drugs with you are seemingly fun acquaintences...they aren't friends and don't care about you) Your parents will eventually suffer. And I'm pretty sure your parents aren;t footing the bills for your nearly ideal lifestyle right now just so you can crap on their parade by turning into a druggie. They obviously care about you an extreme amount. And are financially caring for you an obscene amount. And obviously to your detriment. Giving youngsters everything without any responsibilities turns them into what you're turning into. After college if this keeps up...you'll be out your previous passion of riding, an education, friends, parents who trust you and out of any way, shape or form of making an adult grown up life for yourself. Sound like fun? Those short periods of being high aren't worth this. Grow up, make an adult decision and act responsible since someone else who loves you is working their arses off to provide you an ideal lifestyle...which you aren't deserving at this time.
JMHO.

[Emryss]

And while you're out getting help, you also need to go out and help others. Seriously. Part of the reason you feel "eh" about the whole matter is because it's been handed to you with little effort on your part. Volunteer. Find a NAHRA group nearby if you want to be with horses, or mentor a kid who has nothing but talent, or tutor a struggling child. You'd be surprised how little you care for drugs and how much more attractive life becomes when you give of yourself.

[VirginiaBred]

Sounds like bordom to me.

Drugs so nothing positive for anyone, and mask reality. From the sounds of your posts, you tried them for unknown reasons, and you need to take a look at what those reasons may be.

Drugs are illegal. They will get you in trouble and mess up your life, which sounds pretty fortunate from what you say.

If you aren't sure of your feelings for your horse (which I personally believe are there, just as strong as they ever were), then try volunteering at a drug re-hab in your spare time, or work with kids whose lives aren't as fortunate as yours. That should open your eyes, and (hopefully) clear your vision.

You aren't doing your parents, your horse, your friends (and I don't mean the ones you do the drugs with) or yourself any good continuing on like you are now.

[RodeoHunter]

I agree with Emryss. Horse things are coming a bit too easy for you so you don't appreciate them enough.

Quit the drugs. You'd be surprised how much your drive and motivation will increase, especially if it's something hardcore you're doing.

[Kat the Horse]

<span class="ev_code_RED">Eqtrainer--don't be cruel.</span>

This breaks my heart--and I'm going to PRAY for you Altername2. You can SEE the direction you are going; feet that are walking South, can certainly walk NORTH. TURN AROUND. I BEG you, with tears in my eyes, please reach out to SOMEONE for help!

I have a beautiful 20 year old daughter who three years ago was well on her way to having her college education, membership to a very nice sorority, living with her best friends in the world, on her own in one of the coolest little cities in Kansas........

....and now she's in a flophouse somewhere here in Salina, probably stoned out of her mind. She's rail thin, unhealthy looking and totally hating herself because she *knows* she's thrown away a very everything she ever wanted.

And I have to stand by and ALLOW her to fall. Twice we have brought her back home, only to have her bring her drugs into our home and expose her 13 year old sister to this ugliness. It's getting COLD now, and the place where she sleeps has no heat, bugs and rats, and she seldom has food. I don't sleep much these days.

Altername2, PLEASE, I BEG you, for the love of your parents, think hard about what you are doing to yourself, your future, your family. Getting high with your friends may seem like the only time you have fun, but LIFE has so much more to offer when you are clear-headed, healthy, strong and sane. Drugs are NOT your friend and every good feeling they offer is counterfeit, just death in a happy-face mask! I wish I could post 'before' and 'after' pictures of my daughter. You would see what 3 short years of booze, grass, and methanphetimine have done to my beautiful girl.

I'm really PRAYING for you now.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

[OldLadyOnATB]

Of course...only stating the obvious...but drugs are illegal.

Want to know how bad you would miss your horse....spend about 6 months in jail.

Cruel but true reality. Please get some help.

Elizabeth

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

You have a PT, Alternamen2. Please check it and take it to heart, as there are those of us here that understand more than you think.

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

and I apologize on behalf of those who have quite obviously never struggled through the horrors of addiction. Some of these replies are extremely discomopassionate and heartless. I hope you take them with a grain of salt and take the important, helpful ones to heart. I'm praying for you.

[Esmee]

omg, i totally went through this same thing and am now looking back on it from the ripe old age of 29.
Except I was 16 when my mom GAVE my beloved horse to the BO because I was suddenly disinterested. I still cry to this day that I was so foolish to be more interested in boys and going out and partying.
I've lived in fun cities, done lots of drugs, gone to lots of parties and for me, err...odd to say this but when I got back into horses it was like finding god. I'm not really religious but the analogy is apt.

It's not true that you only regret things are the things you don't do...it's the things you lose. I can't believe now that I've wasted over ten years of riding, lost the horse I loved more than any guy I've ever been with...current one excepted of course...

not to mention the fact that I'm f*cked careerwise but that's a whole other stupid story relating to not focusing on what is important when I should have. Which is at your age! Seriously.

[EBO]

I really feel badly for you because I know what you'll have to go through in your immediate future.

You'll stick with the drugs because they're addictive and it's hard, hard, hard to break an addiction. (Yep, I mean you're now addicted.)

If you're very lucky, something will happen to you that won't be fatal, but will clearly show you what you're doing to yourself--like maybe you'll wake up in some sleazy hotel/motel with two guys you wouldn't speak to on the street if you were straight. Or worse. But the incident will be good in that it will get your attention, and then you'll finally realize you can't break your addiction by yourself, & eventually you'll find some help. If you're luckier than you have any right to be, you'll be able to quit then, but AA, which has the highest success rate, only manages to save 50% of the people who go to them.

You have to hit bottom, kiddo, before you'll want to quit the drugs. I hope your particular bottom isn't very far down, and I hope you'll be able to kick this killer before it's too late.

It makes me very sad that one of our sisterhood is hooked. Blessings to you. I hope you get out in time.

[Instant Karma]

Well. If you are too high to appreciate your horse, send her my wayhttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Seriously, if you have to ask that question, you obviously have a very serious problem that is quite far progressed. Drugs will benefit you nothing at all in the long run, and will only ruin your life and everyone that loves you.

Doesn't get much more selfish than that!

sXe herehttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[findeight]

Seen first hand what can happen when drugs or alcohol become your sole reason for living...when every thought you have is about getting more of them.

Get help and take control of your life instead of letting these substances rule your every thought.

You aren't losing your love for horses, it's being eclipsed by the drug's hold over you. The drugs will encompass your every thought, drive your friends away and drive you out of the barn.

Your school has confidential help available...and you are certainly not alone, Many have been or are where you are now.

Please do not end up like my closest friend for 20 years did...dying waiting for a liver transplant as a ward of the state. Alone. She was so out of it they were unable to contact anybody until after she died and they searched her things.
She had it all. Money. Brains. Good looks.

Don't go there.

[IFG]

Get professional help. My brother died of a drug overdose. My biggest regret is that by the time my family realized that he was so heavily into drugs, he was too old for my parents to commit him to a treatment facility.

It was not just himself that he hurt. He OD'd a few days short of his 42nd birthday. By then, he had two wives, a daughter, step-daughter, my parents and me. We all suffered.

Get help now before it is too late. Talk to your school counselors, talk to your parents. Do not pass go. Get into a residential treatment program.

When you get out, run from anyone who you have used drugs with before. They will suck you back into the muck.

This sounds harsh, but it is the only way to save yourself.

[IFG]

I forgot to add. In retrospect, I think that my brother was self-medicating himself for depression (or some other condition). If you get help, you can get medication to make your feel better that will not be addictive and destroy your life.

I wish you luck.

[HorseProtectionLeague]

My aunt died last year of a drug overdose, leaving behind a very lonely dog. Think of how much your horse would miss you if the same thing happened to you...

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

I did not plan to return to this topic as I feel the OP has been given the ability to PT me if she doesn't wish to post here again. Either she has gotten help, since she is so obviously desperate, or she is denying the fact that her problem is taking control of the things she loves.
Whichever is the case, suffering from and addiction is a serious disease. Regardless of whether you, yourself, buy into that, it has been classified as a disease. Addicts need to be TREATED by professionals- oftened liscensed medical professionals. Most serious addictions require chemical detox treatment, and many, many addicts are lost before they even realize what kind of help is available. It is because of the negative, pompous, self-centered attitudes of some of the posters on this thread that many addicts never seek help, much less acknowledge their use as a problem. The social stigma encouraged by this kind of attitude casts a superior image to those who are simply sick. Addiction is caused by many things, whether it be genetic, or the product of a mental disorder, people that use are AILING. They need help. And it is up to communities to assist one another in getting treatment for their afflictions.
Thankfully, there are a growing number of people across the world that come to understand the social responsibility we have to our peers. Were it not for people of strong, loyal, and reliable character like them, most addicts would never make it past denial. We owe it to everyone- especially our fellow equestrians- to offer support. If you don't agree, you don't have to, but please refrain from posting narrow-minded, un-sympathetic words to a friend suffering through an extremely difficult time.

[darkmoonlady]

OP the reason you don't want to hang out with your horses is you have an addiction. As long as you feel like it is ok to give into that addiction, your life is going to spiral ever downward to the inevitable but unavoidable bottoming out. The thing about that is, you may or may not live through it. It sounds like you have a great life on the surface. What is the underlying issue that makes it so you need to self medicate yourself so you don't have to live that life. I guess those are the things that you need to ask yourself and think about. I had a good friend who I watched (despite going the tough love route and not having her in my life because I didn't want to see her die, tho I knew it was going to happen) die from a prescription pill addiction. Your parents sound very supportive, go and say to them I need help and go to rehab, get it out of your system and get the help you need or you may not get a choice later and your family will have to plan your funeral and not your home from rehab party.

[TB or not TB?]

The addiction part isn't what gets me - I have a lot of sympathy for those suffering from any sort of sickness, mental or otherwise, because I've been there and know what that's like. No, the part that always bothers me is that they start at all. That goes for my friends to smoke, drink, do drugs, etc. A lifelong friend recently decided to take up smoking, after decades of being a firm and outspoken non-smoker. Last month another friend blew his brains out with a shotgun because of cocaine induced suicidal fantasies. I just don't get it. Why would you *start* a habit that will only hurt yourself and your loved ones in the long run? I don't mean just trying it once, either, because that *generally* doesn't hook you right away depending on the substance - I mean the regular and consistent use. That is probably the most selfish thing in the world except suicide. It's the ultimate 'gotcha' played on your friends, family, and self.

Depression isn't something that one can decide whether or not they want. Neither is addiction, but the drugs, alcohol and smokes are. The best medical professionals out there can't cure addiction or depression - the individual has to take SOME step or have some desire to change, or nothing will happen. Once said person has realized that there's any chance that they may have a problem, or that life isn't going quite right, they have the opportunity to either take a step (baby step or big leap) towards help, or go back to the addiction. I have infinite compassion, understanding and support for those who have taken such a step, whether they're winning or losing the battle at the moment. If you realize that you may have a problem and do nothing about it, then yes, that's quite selfish, because you admit you know you're going to crash and don't care who you hurt while doing it.

Sorry for the essay. I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I've known so many heartbreaking experiences around these issues... so yes, you're probably right that I don't have a supportive enough attitude. So, to the OP, let me apologize if I have disheartened you, but let me further encourage you to take that small step towards help, and know that there are an endless amount of people who will be ready to give it.

[Al Falfa]

I dont think this is areal post. JMHO

[QueenMother]

I'm with you, Al.

[ProzacPuppy]

Would I be out of line asking what drugs you are currently dabbling in?

Speaking as a child of the '60's ("sex, drugs and rock and rock"), there are drugs and there are DRUGS. The second category I would put crack and heroin. The first category would be your pot, cocaine, and a rainbow of pills of different pedigrees.

Most people outgrow the first category (with the possible exception of pot- I know alot of 50 year old ex-hippy attorneys who still smoke the occasional joint) or it is self limiting due to cost.

The second group, the DRUGS, are horribly addictive and a dead end. No one ever has a Life and a Crack Addition (as opposed to the pot smoking professionals). If you are dabbling in the second group I suggest you stop being delusional and get yourself help immediately. I repeat- Crack and Success do not EVER mix (just look at Whitney Houston http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif).

If on the other hand your issues are with coke, tell your parents about your dilemma and I'm sure that problem will go away pretty quickly. Despite what people say, coke is not that addictive (as distinguished from crack) and unless you are extremely wealthy you probably have not done nearly enough to be addicted. So if your parents take away the money, the coke habit is gone too. Very few college students have enough skills to earn the money to support a really good coke habit.

So- in a nutshell, if you are doing "recreational drugs" (coke, pot, pills) just stop being so immature or responding to peer pressure and stop. And if you are doing DRUGS, get help ASAP. Or you will end up losing more than your love for horses.

[eventer999]

&gt;&gt; I've tried asking myself which brings me more satisfaction and I simply can't seem to make that decision. I'm in a very weird position.

You're in a position millions have been in. If you wait to get help, the "descision" won't be yours. The very nature of drugs is changing your brain so you BELIEVE they are giving you satisfaction. This is the DRUG putting that in your brain, not what you actually think. If it was totally a choice, why would people live on the streets cold and hungry for this "satisfaction"? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get help while the choice is still possible for you http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[ponygirl]

I'm not to sure if this is a troll or not, but I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and tell OP a true story that has impacted many of us.

There is a 19 yr old girl I have watched grow up as I've known the family since I was 17 and I'm now in my mid 30s. Her family owns a barn and has been in the horse business for many years. She grew up riding Arabs and went to nationals yearly. She was a star soccer player and if you saw her you'd wonder why some modeling agency has not discovered her yet as she's stunning. She was also a very good student in school and her future was very, very bright. Folks were sending her horses to train and she loved it. Girl meets boy. Boy introduces girl to drugs. Girl quit riding, grades started to drop and her attitude went from good to bad to ugly. Her body started to show the signs of what pot and meth can do. Parents of the girl put her in rehab numerous times. Took away her car, etc, etc. Girl and the boy started stealing from their family. Girl and boy ended up living on the streets. Girl started hooking for money for drugs. They went from pot to meth to heroine. The downward spiral finally hit the bottom when they killed a woman in a shopping mall, while trying to take her purse. She was run over by the car they were driving as the woman refused to let go of her purse. Girl was so high she had no idea she ran the woman over. Both are incarcerated and are awaiting their trial date. I'm sure she never ever thought this would happen to her or that she didn't have control of her drug addiction. I'm also sure that poor woman who was killed never thought that walking to her car in Walmart parking lot would be the last thing she did. I know what this girl used to be. I know her family and have seen what it's done to them. I can't imagine how the victims family feel. I tell you this b/c it's a true example of harsh reality. One can never say "It won't happen to me" because if you dabble in drugs, yes it can. Please think about your family, your friends as well as yourself. It's not just about you, it's about everyone who loves you too. Folks have given you very good advice here on this board. Please take it.

[JanWeber]

You sound depressed - losing interest in things that were once vitally important to you (and not replacing them with another interest) is a prime symptom. Is school challenging enough? Were your grades good enough to get in somewhere else? If not, perhaps the thing to do is to work hard and transfer somewhere more suitable. Do you have any life goals? If you were my duaghter (who IS a freshman in college and has her horse and my car up there), I'd tell you to send the horse home and have your trainer (somebody who knows the horse and doesn't have to deal with everything you have to deal with right now) find a lease situation so that the horse is in work and you can focu on regaining your perspective. Go NOW to your school's Student Health Services Department and tell them what's going on in your life. They won't judge you - they will help you. And if you don't get some help, it'll be a longer road ahead.

[Feenikks]

My best friend was about your age (College Age) when he chose drugs over LIFE... and I mean LIFE .. he was found DEAD in an apartment ... over dosed from coke and heroine... his body fluids drowned his heart...

I used to hit the pipe once in a while .. until my friend died from it. There on out I am so against people ruining or killing their selves all for a little "fun".

I say... GIVE UP YOUR HORSE, TRUCK & TRAILER TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS IT. You, go ahead - stay with the drugs... nothing I say here is going to change your mind but if you do stay with it look back into the archives here on this post (hopefully you will be alive to do so) and read me say "I told you so".

Flame me all you want...

[ProzacPuppy]

Forgot all about acid. Not really addictive but check out a few stoners who did a little too much 20 years ago. Many people never get back to normal once they quit taking acid.

I've got a brilliant brother who took a little too much acid during his ivy league days in the '60s. It has taken him almost 40 years to get his life under control enough that he only just recently became able to support himself, quirkiness and all. And he's an attorney. He gave up the drugs decades ago but the drugs had already done their damage.

Acid will mess up your hard wiring permanently- no joke, no old wive's tale or urban legend. And pot smoke appears to be much more carcinogenic than cigarette smoke.

If you become addicted you will end up doing things for that high that you would never have considered doing otherwise. And if you are lucky, you will live to regret it.

I know that when you are 20 you feel invincible and immortal. You are not. You will end up used up by drugs and die an ugly and lonely death if it doesn't kill you immediately. And your parents will be left to stand at your funeral and wonder what they did wrong and why you never asked them for help.

And I apologize for offending sensitive souls but drugs are ugly and cruel and hurt alot more people than just the drug user.

I have also worked as a drug and alcohol counselor during the '70s. I've seen the worst and heard all the excuses (hell, I once made those excuses when I was young, immortal and wiser than people giving me advice). Now that I'm old, my body is beginning to show the results of youthful excesses in many painful ways, I admit to being clueless and I'm looking down the barrel of my own mortality- I am always willing to try and save someone the painful lessons I learned the hard way.

If you are not trolling, you have gotten plenty of advice here- all that you should seek help. And whether folks admit it or not, alot of the advice comes from first hand experience. Take it or leave it.

You knew before you asked the question what the answer was.

[Feenikks]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Esmee:
omg, i totally went through this same thing and am now looking back on it from the ripe old age of 29.
Except I was 16 when my mom GAVE my beloved horse to the BO because I was suddenly disinterested. I still cry to this day that I was so foolish to be more interested in boys and going out and partying.
I've lived in fun cities, done lots of drugs, gone to lots of parties and for me, err...odd to say this but when I got back into horses it was like finding god. I'm not really religious but the analogy is apt.

It's not true that you only regret things are the things you don't do...it's the things you lose. I can't believe now that I've wasted over ten years of riding, lost the horse I loved more than any guy I've ever been with...current one excepted of course...

not to mention the fact that I'm f*cked careerwise but that's a whole other stupid story relating to not focusing on what is important when I should have. Which is at your age! Seriously. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Esmee - Are you my sister?? Maybe we were in the same part of the world at one time, or was at the same "bash" for a three day rant.. but, the reason for my above post was because Ive been there and see the bad of it all.. now at my ripe old age too.

I do pray for alter but I think your post is strong.

[Sansena]

You sound like so many junkies I've known...

"I've got the world by the balls, but look... I'd rather do this smack..."

pathetic.

[Bogie]

Go directly to the health services department at your college. Do not pass Go. It would be best if you told your parents, but if you do not feel comfortable with that route at this time, at least get some help from your college. Health care professionals at colleges and universities have a lot of experience helping students who are depressed and/or are taking drugs.

Good luck!

[Alagirl]

OK, for the obvious, drugs are bad, thus illigal...You need to deal with it, NOW before you get hurt!

No, I myself never did any drugs, heck I never smoked...BUT I have seen the devistation it can cause to the family members...

A friend of mine is in dire straights because her son was on meth...it just about killed her! Not to mention the factual damage he did in $$$ while strung out, it is virtually killing her, mind and spirit!

Get counseling! Get into treatment! NOW!

[Emryss]

Alternamen2 - I, along with hundreds of people on the board thought about you over the night. I sincerely hope you decided to get help rather than get high after your one post. As a mom, I would die for my kids - no exaggeration. At least go to your folks. After they kill you, they will help.

FrenchFry, most words here have been exceedingly kind and encouraging. Even the ones you might think are "discompassionate and heartless" can be useful - it's called Intervention. Every ex-addict I know knew Drugs were Bad; they knew their lives could be ruined; and they knew rehab was available and that it was hard. None of them say that kind words brought them to rehab - it was being b****-slapped by reality that did. Examples: one left her baby in the snow because she was too stoned and tired to carry it (babe is safely adopted), one nearly died of liver failure, others went to jail, and some died of suicide and/or overdose. All had families and friends who loved them, wanted to help, and were shoved away by the selfishness of the drugs. It was only when they started giving of themselves, and not taking from the kindness of others, that they started making a real recovery to the point that drugs were no longer attractive to them.

I can guarantee no one here wants to see any of that happen to anyone. We cared enough to read the problem, and we cared enough to post. And we care enough to check in for a progress report.

Get help. Give of yourself. The gift you receive in return is amazing.

[Alternamen2]

Thank you guys...a lot to think about. I've considered rehab but get scared by it. Not so much because I'm scared of not being able to quit...I'm actually scared of the stories I've heard of rehab. I've had a few friends go through rehab and each one of them has told me that most of the time its just a place for people to get more drug connects.

I guess i'm also simply afraid of failing at quitting too. I always hear ppl say that you'll quit when your ready and at that point when your ready its easy, but I guess I don't know how to tell if i'm ready or not? I know i'm sick of feeling like I do, so I would think that would constitute being "ready" but for some reason I still feel like quitting all together is almost unrealistic.

Thanks again for your feedback!

[Jasmine]

Bull Manure. It's never easy to quit. That's why they call drugs ADDICTIVE. If it were easy to quit less people would do drugs. If you're asking the question "should I stop?" then you're probably ready to stop.

GET HELP NOW. From a friend or two who don't do drugs, a preacher, anyone. Heck, your parents sound like they love you. Go to them for help. They might be helpful.

Good luck.

[HorseProtectionLeague]

You won't just be able to quit 'when you're ready'- that is saying the same thing as smokers who say, "I can stop whenever I want." It will be incredibly difficult, but I think it is a decision you have to make for your health and the people who love you- and I am sure there are lots of them!

[MSP]

You are not loosing interest in horses you are loosing interest in life. Find out why you are so attracted to drugs and deal with it. When you get your life back in order you will resume the things that gave you joy like horses.

The drugs are not making you happy, they are just an escape!!! You shouldn't need to escape from your own life.

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

don't be fooled by the misconception that when you're "ready" it will be easy to quit. Recovery is never "easy"...it takes work...and in order for it to work, you must be willing. There are different types of "rehab" - in-patient, out-patient, group, individual...the first step is to be evaluated by a professional to see what your specific needs are. Do you need to be de-toxed? If so, that should be done under the care of a doctor, as detoxing can be dangerous on your own.
As for rehab being a place to make more connections, well, hell, you already have connections...just stick with the people who are obviously ready to begin recovery and forget the ones who are there because they are mandated by court, parents, etc.
But definitely seek assistance. You don't have to be living out of a box on the street to hit bottom...get help before you do. VOE, here.

[Alagirl]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Alternamen2:
Thank you guys...a lot to think about. I've considered rehab but get scared by it. Not so much because I'm scared of not being able to quit...I'm actually scared of the stories I've heard of rehab. I've had a few friends go through rehab and each one of them has told me that most of the time its just a place for people to get more drug connects.

I guess i'm also simply afraid of failing at quitting too. I always hear ppl say that you'll quit when your ready and at that point when your ready its easy, but I guess I don't know how to tell if i'm ready or not? I know i'm sick of feeling like I do, so I would think that would constitute being "ready" but for some reason I still feel like quitting all together is almost unrealistic.

Thanks again for your feedback! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


A journey of a million miles starts with a single step!

Off course, put a bunch of addicts in one room and they will share how they get the stuff.

But you have to make the decition in your head that you will get clean and beat this. Much of addiction is ingrained habbits that must be broken, once out of de-tox and rehab and returned to your environment that fueled your habbit you have to battle again. But you can get help for this. From your parents and non0using friends and I stretch the non-using part or all is for nothing, change schools if you have to!

BUT DO IT NOW!!!!! One step in the right direction!

[ProzacPuppy]

What drugs are you doing?

Type of drugs has ALOT of influence on type of rehab, length of rehab etc.

From a parental point of view, I think your parents should know about the situation so that they can help both emotionally and financially (the more you pay, the nicer the rehab center).

[*MCR]

If you have already thought everything throught, and just can't make the decision, what are you asking for our help with? We can't make the decision for you. Obviously, if you have thought it through like you said you have, you know that you are being incredibly selfish and stupid by doing drugs, and that giving up riding would be the only *right* thing to do until you sort things out. There will always be other horses, and it sounds like your parents are very supportive. If you can't decide, give horses up. They will be there if you decide to go back to them.

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

yeah, well the more expensive rehab is not always the BEST rehab...going to a country-club setting should not be the first consideration... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[GreyDawn]

Rehab is NEVER easy. Drugs will not just help you lose interest in your horse. Drugs will help you lose interest in everything and everyone in your life except getting the next "high". AND THOSE FRIENDS WHO DO DRUGS WITH YOU OR SELL YOU DRUGS OR TELL YOU REHAB IS JUST A PLACE TO FIND OUT ABOUT USING MORE DRUGS....ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!! My brother just began a serious attempt to free himself and his life of drugs. He did detox, inpatient counseling and is now very active in Narcotics Anonymous.
He has been clean now for 5 months after a 10 year drug use. He still has a long way to go but the immediate changes are a blessing. He is like a new person and his life is already changing for the better. The wake up call came when my brother realized he was giving up everything and everyone he loved for drugs, going into financial debt and feeling like "crap' all the time physically, spiritually and emotionally and getting nothing positive in return. Thank goodness he did not lose his family or his job which could have become a reality if he had not sought help. You sound like you have so many positives at this point so ask someone, anyone for help NOW. I think you would be surprised how many people are out there that would help you. Just look at the people on this BB who are concerned about you and they don't even know you. As for your horse..you are not losing your love for your horse. You are are not functioning as the person who once rode and loved that horse without mind altering substances and all the depression and other baggage that comes with drug use. Hopefully you will seek help and once again feel your passion for riding again.

[shade]

Your so-called friends that told you that rehab was nothing but a place to find connections ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS..and I suspect are still using. There are many many excerllent rehab's out there that will help you get your life back on track..it's not too late..actually it's never too late but the sooner you start the sooner your life will improve 100%...you are so young..don't throw you life away..it's much too short for that..I know, been there done that..been drug-free for over 25 yrs now..thanks to rehab..

[equest]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Bogie:
Go directly to the health services department at your college. Do not pass Go. It would be best if you told your parents, but if you do not feel comfortable with that route at this time, at least get some help from your college. Health care professionals at colleges and universities have a lot of experience helping students who are depressed and/or are taking drugs.

Good luck! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good advice. This will be a confidential experience and no one will have to be the wiser, not your parents and not your friends. But you will have to turn your back on your drug-abusing friends. Tell them why, and explain to them that you will be there to support them after they decide to clean up.

Drug use may be considered by most people to be some sort of rite-of-passage of the college years, but when someone realizes that the drugs are consuming them, as the OP has apparently realized, it is time to seek help.

I partied during my twenties, not unreasonably, was never "addicted" but was looking for something, maybe I was depressed. I lived in a big city and wasn't riding during those years. After I moved away from the city and the group of friends from college/grad school, I got into riding. Whenever I have an exhilirating ride, I think about how much much better I feel riding than I ever felt when partaking of any substance. To me, riding is the best natural high there is.

[ProzacPuppy]

Seahorse farm: Wasn't necessarily talking about the abilities of the doctors and therapists but more about the creature comforts- nice rooms, soft beds, good food. I've also seen the ones with linoleum floors, 2 inch thick mattresses and shared rooms, institution green walls and institution green food.

I suppose it depends upon your addictions whether comfort is important or not. If you are a crack addict who has been sleeping under a freeway overpass, not so much. But if you're a middle aged professional addicted to Oxycontin, comfort counts for alot.

I still am curious as to the substances being abused.

[Briggsie]

If you are going to continue using drugs....giving up the horses is a no brainer....because eventually, you are going to give up everything. You are going to give up horses, even if you dont want to. You are going to give up your family, your dignity, their pride,your pride...your future. Do you really want to be a social degenerate who cannot even function as a normal productive member of society? You are also going to give up a family.....the house you probably always dreamed about when you were a kid....the beautiful kids...the dog, the caring husband one day...its all going to go down the drain. You are going to be giving up a lot more than horses.....maybe the horses are the least of your problems if you are doing drugs...dont you think? I am probably being as harsh as anyone who does drugs is weak minded. Why could you let a substance control your life? Go make something of yourself....please get help. The world really does not need one more person to support on the taxpayers money...one human being who screwed up their life, when every chance to succeed was given to them. This just really angers me..I had to work my ass off to get everything I have. NOthing was handed to me. NOTHING. and you are going to insult your parents like this? Ruin your life like this? When you have the world at your fingertips? I wish I only had it as easy as you say you do now. Get some help. Take up exercise or something constructive with your body.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

reading this, ok, is the OP looking for attention, or all the people responding to her? what can't you read? especially with his/her responses? this is indeed the Jerry Springer show for horse folks. You like your drug of choice better than your horse/truck/trailer, ok CHECK OUT, get off the internet, make a clean break and stop whining, you want help, go somewhere with people trained to help you, not the internet.

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

It's gotta be a troll, Harry. ..oh, and my sentiments exactly.

[dehere98]

Alternamen2-

Some people tend to be prone to depression and drug use. It fills a void, eases pain and makes us feel better, or atleast different than we normally feel. It doesn't make you a bad person.
If you are questioning your drug use, then you already know there is a problem.
Thinking in terms of never using drugs again is unrealistic for you right now and not what you need to focus on.
The question is- Do you feel like your life is out of control? And if so, what can you do about it?
I think there are a number of people on this forum that have been there, including me, that are willing to talk with you if you want guidance.
You don't have to be alone. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

And to this I say, STOP it, no one who really gives the time of day to a beggar, drug problem or not, would be on this forum whining, JESUS H CHRYSLER this is a troll. ALL you housewives on here, break out the Betty Crocker and make some brownies, stop getting your whities in a knot about a synthetic drug user with a keyboard!

[HorseProtectionLeague]

Uhm... I'm new here so this may be out of line but... you, male, get out your lumberjack shirt and go chop some wood or something and quit whining about people trying to be nice.

[MistyBlue]

But...but...what if mine aren't white? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[MistyBlue]

Oh, and I *never* Betty Crocker...all from scratch. I'd rather Betty White than Betty Crocker. Or maybe Betty Ford? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[Hopeful Hunter]

Well, IN CASE you're not a troll -- and in case I've won the lottery, yeah -- try this on.

Horses are legal; drugs are not. One may help you become fit and healthy; the other will take your health, your life and all you value. One might provide amusing anecdotes for conversation; the other could land you in jail -- or certainly NOT land a future job -- if you spoke of it. One contributes to the economic health of the country through ancillary purchases; the other has destroyed our cities and much of our minority youth.

So....the choice is yours. But drugs are illegal for a reason and it's not because they're "fun."

[Emryss]

harryjohnson like to poke beehives, can't you tell? Whining is part of the board, here. We rescue horses, barbecue others, teach others how to use a tack noseband, discuss the ancient history of Gypsy Vanners and help others. Even if this person is a troll, someone else might need a kick in the pants.

Brownies are made, but the laundry needs folding. Mind if I do that later?

I got the popcorn ready 'cause this promises to go a few more pages.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

Emryss, I am with you on discussing the Gypsy Vanners and the tack nosebands, but someone going on and on ad nauseum about this "drug" problem? If I want to talk horses, I come here, If I want to talk Football, I go to another forum, and if I want to talk about my personal life, I do it with friends and family. And sure, fold the laundry later, just make sure there is beer in the house for the weekend (easy there, just kidding).

[hiddenlake]

Figures that today's dose of testosterone would come from a poster named harryjohnson...all I can think of is hairyjohnson...

If that's your real name I apologize but if it's a play on words I think it's hilarious. Actually, I'm kind of surprised that you didn't put "big" in front of your user name http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

If you're trying to get the women on this thread riled up with sexist comments, you've got the wrong audience. Most of them are too busy mucking stalls, tossing hay and mending fences to be offended. But they might lower themselves to crack a beer with you. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Seriously, whether this is a troll or not and even if you don't think it's horse related, if one person reading these posts takes this information to heart when he/she might otherwise have been thinking about using, then it's worth it. If it was your wife, friend or relative that posters were trying to help, I bet you'd find it worth the time.

I think bigharryjohnson would make a great name for a horse... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Briggsie]

Harry Johnson(sorry, but your name reminds me of a harry you know what)

DOnt be offended by that. I would like to think this person is not a troll...but sounds that way. I also would hardly like to think that those of us who offered real advice...are not all betty crockers who have nothing better to do than fix people on the internet with psuedo lives. If you want to put us all in the same category, then fine.....we are betty crockers... but you apparently are a guy....so on with my shovenist statements.....why dont you break out your power tools and go fix something that is really broke? You are just a quilty for even posting as well. No hard feelings..I just dont think we are betty crockers. that was way sexist. You probably have a beer gut that could use some gym time anyway......go hit the weights buddy. i am right now. Besides...only gay guys start more drama....sounds like I might have found the right category for Harry meat rocket......

[Emryss]

Mr Emryss hates beer.

This person might or might not be a troll. On the offchance that s/he is not, it takes me a grand total of perhaps three minutes to read and type a response. Is three minutes of my time too much to spend on the chance that my words might help someone's child, whether this person or another? I'd hope to shout that someone would give a damn about my kids, even if they were faceless strangers.

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

LMAO!!! If I'm not mistaken...I'm pretty certain I KNOW Harry. If so, he's all too real, that is his actual, if unfortumate, name...and he's as opinionated, chauvinistic, and piss your pants funny without knowing it..in person!![Come on, Eastcoasters, think hard].....and I'll make book that Miss I'velostinterestinhorsesCrackho is a troll.

[Briggsie]

If he that is his real name...that is so funny. If he really is like that in person....he is probably a male version of me. I am sure he is a cool guy, but betty crocker?? come on? my kids are going to actually be able to say "my mom wore combat boots" cause its true. I am no betty crocker type...or a house wife. And if anyone on here is a house wife......so be it..more power to them. Its a job,isnt it?

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

I swear that's his real name...when he spouts off his "sermons on the mount" at horse shows, the old sot just glares at everyone with sanctimonious disdain as they laugh their asses off. He is deadly earnest and finds none of his own opinions the least bit amusing. I'm pretty sure he was an English Prof at UMass at one time. I'll get reamed for my poor sentence structure, not the content of this post, when he reads it....and I swear to God he's a pretty good horseman.

[ProzacPuppy]

Okay harryj- Get a grip, spit, adjust your balls, and dig your Jockeys out of your crack. You wanna play stereotypes we can all get a whack at harryjohnson too.

Possibly a troll, possibly just another self-centered young person (I know all about them, I own two). Either way, some of us get our jollies typing out responses, flaming each other, baiting those opposing opinions.

If your time is so valuable, don't read the thread. Alot of us do this during work, so technically we are being paid to respond to ridiculous postings.

But I really take offense at the Betty Crocker, white underwear or the ridiculous idea that we are (shudder) housewives. So take your chauvinistic stereotypes and head out in your Ford F150, failing to stop and ask directions until you are thoroughly lost.

And to the OP- if you are not a troll- snap out of it. The world does not revolve around you, your friends are not the brilliant individuals you think they are nor are they the terrific friends you think they are, when you hit rock bottom they will either abandon you or be dead and understand through it all that no matter what you do the only ones who will love you no matter what are your parents and your horse.

[HHG-N]

[QUOTE] we can all get a whack at harryjohnson

hehehe (sorry I could not help it!)

[sid]

My exhusband (circa 1985-1991) was a recovering alcohol and cocaine addict (ah...took a long time to "recover" from activities of the Woodstock era http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif).

I thought his description of why it takes so long for people to get into recovery (if they every do) was good: "Addiction is the only disease that tells you that you don't have a disease".

Of course, that could also be said of Alzheimer's, I suppose. Either way, they're both killers. Sadly, one is controllable (by quitting drugs/drinking), other is not. That's the bottom line.

If this poster is "real" -- I hope you'll keep that in mind as you struggle with this.

[monizuki]

I don't think I can bring myself read all of this thread. I beleive this is a troll. What pothead has an intellectual discussion like this? It's absurd.

[hiddenlake]

Monizuki, with all due respect, if you took the time to read the whole thread you would notice that the OP has only posted a few times. The "intellectual" discussion (comments by bigharry aside) has been conducted by others. The OP may well be a troll, but basing your reasoning on the portion of posts you have read is a bit premature, don't you think?

And you may want to rethink the stereotype---there are lots of brilliant minds out there who happen to do drugs. A waste to be sure, but the truth nonetheless.

[FoxTrottingArabian]

Gosh, I hope this isn't real. Because this is making me sick.

Keep in mind, I am a college freshman.

First off, you should know, drugs are a dumb idea. My aunt could tell you that. She's in jail, again. Her 16-year-old daughter is living with my grandmother and we're pretty much expecting her to get pregnant any day. My aunt has hepatitis and is not expected to live to the age of 50 (she's 42 now). She looks 20 years older than her age, has no teeth, has no veins left, and is really quite hideous. This is the same girl who was in the competition for Junior Miss Oklahoma. She has never lived anywhere but slums, and she probably won't. If she gets out of jail before her daughter graduates high school, it's going to be a shock. This is what drugs do to you.
As for horses...do you have ANY idea how lucky you are to be where you are?! I have loved horses for years, but never got to ride until I was 13. My family couldn't afford riding lessons, so I begged. I found people willing to let me trade work for lessons. I found people who were kind enough to let me ride for free. I worked hard for every second I got to ride. When I was 16, the people I babysat for agreed to trade me a horse in exchange for a year's babysitting. I had to sell Smokey after five months because he was too green for me, and that still hurts, because I know I won't have a horse until I'm through with college.
I drive a 1990 Mazda 626 I bought, with my own money, from my friend, who described it herself as "so crappy no one will want to steal it", which it is. I go to a college where you work in exchange for tuition. I only have to pay $3800 a year for room and board, which I STILL am going to have to work through the summer at the college to get, because my family can't afford it, which means I won't get to see my three younger sisters and my parents except for maybe every couple weeks, which might be a blessing in disguise because my parents may be on the verge of a divorce. It also means I won't be able to go back to my current job as a groom, which really hurts, because I worked hard to get that job and I am good at it.
I am disgusted with the idea that someone could have a great life, with the stuff they want given to them, and throw it away for DRUGS, while I, the Gold Award Girl Scout (the Eagle Scout equivilent), the girl who has a half-dozen academic awards, the girl who is known as being nice, great with kids, hard worker, the girl who people have told they wanted her kids to grow up "just like you, Kate!"...*I* have to fight for EVERYTHING in life. I will have to work THREE jobs for the next two months just to pay for part of my room and board.
This disgusts me.

[ROB]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Alternamen2:
Thank you guys...a lot to think about. I've considered rehab but get scared by it. Not so much because I'm scared of not being able to quit...I'm actually scared of the stories I've heard of rehab. I've had a few friends go through rehab and each one of them has told me that most of the time its just a place for people to get more drug connects.

I guess i'm also simply afraid of failing at quitting too. I always hear ppl say that you'll quit when your ready and at that point when your ready its easy, but I guess I don't know how to tell if i'm ready or not? I know i'm sick of feeling like I do, so I would think that would constitute being "ready" but for some reason I still feel like quitting all together is almost unrealistic.

Thanks again for your feedback! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


If you know you have a problem then quit NOW. The next thing you will lose interest for will be for school and your education, then working to support yourself.

Stop the excuses and quit. Is there any chance you will get better by not trying to quit. NO. I have a feeling you have never been held accountable for your actions. HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE NOW AND GET HELP.

NO SYMPATHY HERE AND NO SUGUAR COATING.

bottom line. Quitting drugs takes courage. This is one thing you must take full responsibility for and only then will you quit, No one can quit for you It's all on you.

GOD BLESS and GOOD LUCK

[HHG-N]

On a serious note,
To all the posters who slam this troubled person, whether her story is true or not, just because she has many material things, may not mean she has EVERYTHING. I know plenty of fortunate children who gotten themselves into situations like this because they did not have the non-material things they needed like love and attention. Just a thought...

[monizuki]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by hiddenlake:
Monizuki, with all due respect, if you took the time to read the whole thread you would notice that the OP has only posted a few times. The "intellectual" discussion (comments by bigharry aside) has been conducted by others. The OP may well be a troll, but basing your reasoning on the portion of posts you have read is a bit premature, don't you think?

And you may want to rethink the stereotype---there are lots of brilliant minds out there who happen to do drugs. A waste to be sure, but the truth nonetheless. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well my experiance with those involved in drugs just must be vastly different then yours. My very best, most brilliant friend in the world snorted her way into idiocy. She's not my only experiance, just my saddest. I admired her for her brilliant mind, startling original ideas, and wished I was just like her. Took her a whopping 6 months to get that way, and we ended our friendship there. The few times I've seen her since then have made obvious nothing has changed since then either.

Broke my heart. And this troll is an insult to all the people who have gone through that. My comment was about the OP first post. If something doesn't feel right, then it's probably not.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

I am puzzled, how can anyone take offense at Betty Crocker? If it makes you feel like you are smashing the glass ceiling by taking a shot at me, have at it, I am not going to take offense. And ma'am, when I drive a truck, it is something more substantial than an F-150, and it is equipped with a GPS, so directions are not necessary.

[Briggsie]

Just like I said....he has tools to use. How can anyone take offense to betty crocker? because this is hardly the era where all women do anymore is cook and chatter. I am not a house wife...and I sure in hell dont cook for any man who would expect me to. Betty would. I dont. I have a kitchen aide mixer...but am saving its use to make testicle pate for the next shovenist man i come across. aside from that, I have a real job that makes a handsome salary, and dont have time to be making muffins or for some asshole to assume that is all I am good for. And as far as something more substantial than an F150? Its not the size of your truck that makes you a man Hairy....but what you got in your pants. I hate men that try and make up with their trucks for the lack thereof.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

Sure hope your job with the handsome salary doesn't require much in the way of spelling skills. Haven't you found spell check yet? It's free! And speaking of chauvinist and sexist, why don't your comments lean towards that of femi-nazism?

[TheOrangeOne]

Lord have mercy! Don't be so insecure everyone! If someone wants to be sexist, find humor in it, I don't see why one woudl take offense. They just don't know better.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

Thank you for being a feminine voice of reason TheOrangeOne.

[TheOrangeOne]

You're welcome, any time. Bettey Crocker isn't necessarily a bad thing. I can't make brownies worth a damn without her http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[TBsRgr8]

I was talking to my mom about this thread earlier and gave her a brief rundown of the earlier portion- before it became a slamfest of troll or not a troll. She had an interesting point. What if the OP is actually a "troll" but posted the scenario of a friend who posts on the board in hopes of the friend getting a much needed wake up call?

I'll put my vote in for "Who cares if it's a troll or not a troll? If someone (whether the OP or not) who needs to see this thread with some real responses gets the help (s)he needs, then it is a good thing."

[Emryss]

Let's hear it for moms! Yours sounds like a smart cookie.

[Briggsie]

spellcheck? who cares. I am typing way too fast...and not thinking really about what I am typing about. Okay, next time I will spell check....I know that it is free.....thanks for the memo. And no offense orange horse......but you are not even out of high school! Look forward to meeting more like Mr. Hairy.....

Was I offended? no....just don't really like being labeled. Or stereotyped. That was my point.


I just realized my addiction....spellcheck in MS word. Wow, who knew I would not be able to function without it? I am way too lazy to cut and paste everything in it to check for spelling errors.....thus to prevent being open to the interpretation of a chauvinist. Why are my comments not leaning toward that of a feminist? Because I am not one. I just cringe when men view women as subservient housewives who don't do much else but cook and bicker. Lighten up Hairy.....honestly..you say something that could be taken as offensive...don't expect for people not to comment. I really won't lose much sleep over it.

[Briggsie]

At any rate......back to the subject....can't we all just get along?

I notice not much input from Alterperson....
Maybe still trying to figure out which one would get her further in life..Drug? Horses? DrugS?.....no, horses? That is a toughy...That I would really have to sleep on. I am sorry, but have to agree with Harry. The more and more I thought of this....if you really cannot think that one through and decide on the obviouse choice.....you really are just someone who has issues. I don't feel sorry for people like that. I just don't Why? Well, I know I am not perfect...but I also know that we are all responsible for our decisions. No one forces us to do anything....

[HorseProtectionLeague]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by harryjohnson:
Sure hope your job with the handsome salary doesn't require much in the way of spelling skills. Haven't you found spell check yet? It's free! And speaking of chauvinist and sexist, why don't your comments lean towards that of femi-nazism? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, dear, I believe you mean "Why, don't your comments lean towards femi-nazism?" ...Just as long as we're picking on people's spelling, let's be fair and correct grammar as well.

Personally, I have no problem with either male chauvinists or femi-nazis. In fact, I love them all so much I'd like to lock them all in a room together for two weeks, open the door, and see what's left.

[glfprncs]

In an attempt to redirect this thread... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

It is possible that the OP of this thread is a troll. However, it is just as likely that the OP is an individual who, at a young age, has made some choices that they deep in their heart knoq isn't exactly 'right,' but aren't willing to change because of the current benefits. In a world where we demand excitement and drama (seriously, look at the 'chit' we watch on t.v. regularly) on a regular basis, riding a 2-year-old Trakehner filly may not seem as exciting to a traditional college aged person as immersing themselves into the world of drugs. However, immersing oneself into this world will have some serious repercussions if the choices the OP is making do not change soon.

It's easy for us on this board to say "Quit now!." Sure, its easy for me to say it because other than the occassional drink(s) of alchohol, I've never been curious to 'try' other substances. I do, however, have several family members who are dead due to addictions to alchohol, and I have many horsey friends who were very talented, but gave it up because of the 'pull' of a variety of illegal drugs. It was discouraging to see individuals with great talent spiral into this world, and many are still there. Others, however, have dragged themselves up from that place, through hard work, support from professionals, and dedication. The choice to become drug free cannot be an easy one. Mentally, it may be easy to tell yourself, "I'm going to quit." However, if any of you have ever tried to give up a bad habit...you know it isn't easy (I STILL can't stop biting my fingernails after 20 years!). Add to that habit the dependency that your body has on a substance, and it becomes an emotional and physical battle. For many, the fear of failure or the pain of quitting stops them in their tracks. It's easier to get high than to succumb to the pain from not getting the fix.

That said, it is very important that at such a young age, the OP try to think past the 'feeling' that one gets from the drug of choice, and to think about what can happen in the rest of your life. My husband's father was a brilliant man. He was an exective with the Ford Motor Company, had a great job, was well-respected, made a ton of money, was an avid snow skiier and amateur trap-shooting champion. He was also an alchoholic. Vodka was his drug of choice...and it's even legal. He was a 'functioning drunk,' and went to work almost daily after drinking 1/2 to a full bottle of vodka. One day he called in sick to work...he just couldn't get out of bed. His wife (my mother-in-law) then felt the only thing she could do was to call his boss and tell the truth. Turns out, his boss was also an alchoholic who had turned to AA. So, his boss went to the house, helped him pack his bags, and took him to rehab. My husband, 15 at the time, was angry, and refused to go see him. He relapsed once more after his intitial rehab, and went back again. He then was committed to his sobriety. On Christmas Eve of my husbands 16th year, his father went into a diabetic coma...a result of his years and years of alchohol abuse. Five weeks later, his father's body couldn't take it any more, and he bled out internally and died...his body simply being too weak from years and years of physical abuse.


Today, my husband is 31 years old. Christmas is not a season that we celebrate because the effects of one person's drug abuse still lingers on.

To the OP...the fact that you posted on this bulletin board shows that you know that you need help. I urge you to pursue ANY of the avenues that other helpful people on this board have suggested. While drugs are a personal choice...your personal choices do affect others. I haven't met a mother or father that has ever enjoyed burying their own children. I have, however, met many mothers and fathers that would do ANYTHING to help their children overcome obstacles in their lives.

I apologize for the length of my post...

[ProzacPuppy]

I was giving the OP the benefit of the doubt as to trollhood.

It is entirely possible that she, like myself at that age, got to college (possibly the wrong fit either socially or academically) and felt lost, over or under-challenged or just began to question who they actually were. (In my case I had always been the teacher's pet, pres of everything, superachiever and in high school that was my identity. Got to college and found myself afloat in a sea of superachievers and began to search for a deeper sense of self). Confusion, anxiety, depression all can lead to drug use. It calms, soothes, gives you a sense of connection to "friends" albeit they are also drug users. It helps you avoid facing the actual problem. AND there IS an underlying problem. Drugs fill a void.

Of course, when one is strung out, perception is altered and you can not be as deeply introspective as one would like to search out that underlying problem for yourself. You need to get off the drugs and get help from a therapist or counselor or good, straight friend to talk it through and find out why you turned to drugs to cope.

And as for Betty Crocker references, I just take exception to the fact that HairyJ seems to think that it is still a relevant stereotype. I was a terrible parent (kids lived at daycare), I have lived in 4 houses in 20 years (corp transfers) and have never even had to clean the ovens as I've never actually used one. I make excellent reservations http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif. I've spoken with my kids more by cellphone than in person I think and when they were little my secretary went to more school open houses than I did. I forgot birthdays, shopped for Christmas gifts on Christmas eve after I left work. Now there is modern stereotype. Ugly and regretted but true.

Bottom line is that the OP, whether trolling or serious, has started an interesting dialogue.

Also, depending upon how seriously involved in horses and showing she was, it is highly possible that she might just be losing interest in horses due to years of riding, shows, lessons etc. Possibly she never took time earlier to have more social life which college tends to force you to do due to the dorm life and the semi-closed society if fosters.

Going off to college is a major life change and forces young people to do a lot of reevaluating their sense of self and their world. Drugs are a crutch to help avoid the truths.

[VCT]

OP -

YOU ARE F*(KING UP! Seriously. I don't mean to be harsh but I really want to grab your attention here. One of three things will happen.

#1. You will quit the drugs now, and get your life back in order.
#2. You will wait a while before realizing how much you are screwing yourself and then quit. At this point you will have missed out on some degree of opportunities that you will NEVER have again, and MAY IMPACT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. No joke!
#3. You will not quit and you will either die soon, die later, or live a crappy meaningless disease-ridden life until you die.

As far as the difficulty of quitting. Quitting anything you are addicited to is always difficult. You have to begin to see how the addiction influences your thought patterns. When you are not jonesing you might be thinking, "Yeah, I really gotta give this up." and then.. later all that changes as you begin to WANT again. THIS IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION. That new little voice, the one WANTING... that is NOT you. THAT is the addiction. That is the addiction twisting your thoughts around and feeding you a junky mindset. It can be REALLY hard to see this as separate from the _real_ you... but it IS. It's the addiction. If you can see this, then you can see that you really do want to quit. Or you wouldn't have said the things you've said and posted on here. The thing that is holding you back is the evil little voice that belongs to the addiction. Some people call it the junky mentality, some call it the monkey on your back.

It is NOT an original part of you. It is an artificial part that has been created by the drugs (very clever of them eh?).

Its like some freaky little evil side of you that fights for control.. like Gollum vs. Smeigel in Lord of the Rings, if you've seen that. I know its a weird analogy but its seems to help people "get it".

Good luck, PT me if you want.

[gray17htb]

Op , on tuesday evening I will be attending my friends wake. On wednesday morning we will be burying him. He was only 33. Partied one last time just a little too much and they couldn't get his heart started again. One of the nicest people you would have ever met , that came from a great family. Think hard before you get high, because you can't think while your high. It's not worth what could happen, and you just never know.

[harryjohnson Aefvue Senior Gardens]

HorseProtectionLeague, yes, I do stand corrected, you are absolutely right in regards to my punctuation (or in this case lack of it).

And Briggsie, yes, I am chauvinistic, I have no problem admitting it, but in truth, my Betty Crocker comment was not targeted at a specific person, simply towards the situation that was at hand. I do stand by my comment that I truly believe that someone with a real problem would not go to a bulletin board for advice, they come here for attention.

[Briggsie]

Harry..I am a reasonable person...okay fine. We get a long now. I agree though......if they had a real problem with drugs...and were so torn by drugs or horses....their time would not be wasted on the internet....they would be meeting with the crack pipe instead of the keyboard.

[mango1612]

I'm going to agree with the earlier people. Go to a counselor, student health center, etc and get help. It seemed to me that before I made an appointment I was just scared to go and see someone, but as soon as I had a time I was scheduled to go, there was a feeling of "I'm going to be okay now". Going is scary, but looking back, not going is so much worse. You don't realize how good things can be until you get some help. You can't do it on your own.