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fleur
Jan. 16, 2004, 12:51 PM
inspired by the bad trainer/bad student blues over on dressage, let's talk about the best examples of total cluelessness that you've encountered! no names, no locations please http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

my favorite i think is a kid i knew who would "longe" her pony by attaching a longe line to the halter and running around the ring ahead of the pony, leading it with the line 30 ft behind her http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif she was very grateful to be shown the correct way to longe the pony.

so what laughable mishaps have you witnessed? this isn't meant to be mean, just fun, since lots of silly things can happen around horses!

fleur
Jan. 16, 2004, 12:51 PM
inspired by the bad trainer/bad student blues over on dressage, let's talk about the best examples of total cluelessness that you've encountered! no names, no locations please http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

my favorite i think is a kid i knew who would "longe" her pony by attaching a longe line to the halter and running around the ring ahead of the pony, leading it with the line 30 ft behind her http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif she was very grateful to be shown the correct way to longe the pony.

so what laughable mishaps have you witnessed? this isn't meant to be mean, just fun, since lots of silly things can happen around horses!

huntmeet
Jan. 16, 2004, 12:55 PM
How about the woman who trailered home from a show (about ten miles)with the trailer ramp down. She said she wondered why so many people were honking at her.

sweetnlo
Jan. 16, 2004, 01:02 PM
13 or so year old kid who had been taking lessons somewhere else for about a year seriously thinking she could ride in short daisy dukes and slip on platform strappy open toed sandals, just cuz she was on vacation and only wanted a trail ride.

creseida
Jan. 16, 2004, 01:24 PM
Woman, a rank beginner hired me to help teach her things and advise her what to do. I thought that while this wasn't ideal (go buy horses THEN ask what to do), at least she was smart enough to want to learn. Or so I thought, because every time I told her something she argued/refused to listen. I had 20+ years around horses, she had less than 1. Yet she wouldn't listen to a word I said and always had a reason or excuse why she didn't have to listen to my advice. (i.e. I've never had a problem before... and you have how much experience to draw upon to reach this conclusion???? If you know so much, why am I wasting my time here???)

The woman had a TB gelding she couldn't ride (afraid of him), a perfectly suitable non-TB gelding she WOULDN'T ride (because he wasn't a TB and therefore "not good enough for her"). She then went out and bought a 2 yo filly because "she always wanted a baby", although she had no knowledge of working with MADE horses much less babies. She was advised not to because of her lack of knowledge and space considerations. Didn't really have room for a 3rd horse to begin with, had hot wire fencing that mostly didn't work, and very little in the way of real grazing.

Was informed by me that the two geldings would fight over the filly. (Nonsense! They'll love her.) After 3rd day, filly impaled herself on a door after one of the geldings cornered her in an open stall (yes, she left all stall doors open so horses could come and go, although she was advised not to for this very reason). She couldn't administer medicine herself to half-wild 2 year old and wanted me to do it.

My reply: I think not, since you know everything and wouldn't listen to sound advice, you can call the vet and pay the price. I'm outta here. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

~<>~ COTHBB Leather Care Guru~<>~
~Member of the *Horse Vans* clique~

"Learn the rules so you may break them effectively"~Dalai Lama

Extra Ordinary
Jan. 16, 2004, 01:33 PM
I worked for this lady last summer who had a stable at her house. She had a cattle guard (those pipe things in the ground) to keep the horses in, but so she didn't have to open the gate to drive to her house.

Well, the horses were jumping out, so THE GENIUS THAT SHE WAS put in TWO so they couldn't jump out. Well, one horse tried to jump out, and I don't want to go into the gory details, but I found it that morning and he had to be put down.

I quit shortly after that, I felt bad for her losing her horse and all, but SHE WAS SO CLUELESS - and that's being nice!!

Madie

*Bo Frost*
*American Voodoo*

Clive's Mom
Jan. 16, 2004, 01:51 PM
All the BBer's who have posted pics of their riding, asked to be critiqued, then got offended when folks gave opinions. Clueless.

HelloAgain
Jan. 16, 2004, 01:51 PM
Middle-aged timid, inexperienced lady who decided to pull a ~11 year old QH Stallion who'd been standing in the field unworked for nearly a decade, geld him, and make him into her riding horse.

Oy.

Proud Member: Bull-snap Haters Clique, Michigan Clique, and Appaloosa Clique!

foursocks
Jan. 16, 2004, 02:02 PM
One of the weirdest things I ever saw was when I was still a junior and the girl who was #1 in the academic rankings at my school (I went to a prep school, so these things were important), decided she wanted to take lessons at my barn. She was nice, but a very confident know-it-all type who was used to being able to master anything immediately. She had taken lessons a couple of years before, and had learned to jump, and I think she thought it would be like getting back on a bike. Although I was doing the junior hunters on the A circuit at this point, my trainer would stick her in some of my equitation lessons. Three times, when I was trotting along behind her, she on a quiet and easy to ride schoolie, she went from riding perfectly centered to tilting to the side until she was so far tilted that she plopped onto the ground. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen in my life- it looked like someone had put a mannequin on a horse and it was slipping sideways. Her back was still perfectly straight the whole time, too, which made it absolutely incredible to watch. Three times. Finally, my trainer, who was looking a little flabbergasted, said- "Jane, you have to actually *grip* the saddle with your legs." She said, "Oh, I thought that you weren't supposed to really touch the horse with your legs, since that would make him gallop." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

She finally figured out the legs thing, but it was like watching a robot ride- I think she really couldn't understand how to relate to the horse as a living, fluid being, but instead wanted to be able to drive it like a car. After a few months, she gave up and went back to being Miss Smarty-pants at school and super athelete on the soccer field, where things were easier to control!

You can take a line and say it isn't straight- but that wont change its shape. Jets to Brazil

Tweeds-n-Kip
Jan. 16, 2004, 02:29 PM
One woman I met and taught lessons to that had dreams of becoming a grand prix rider-fell off at the walk-not just fell but flew. I horse stopped and looked at her like she was psycho! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Sweet lady, great personality, but this was priceless!!

P.S.: she did change her goals-has decided that dressage is more her speed now. hehehe silly silly woman

Freddie

Proud servant and pet of an OTTB!

Calico
Jan. 16, 2004, 02:40 PM
The people who bought the barn I board at last year; never had horses before, are clueless, and the woman is psycho.

MistyBlue
Jan. 16, 2004, 02:53 PM
The most clueless thing I've witnessed? Sheesh, where to begin? Most were made by a fellow boarder who was there for only 3 short months. She made more clueless decisions and did more unexplainable things in those 3 months than I've seen in over 20 years of riding combined. She was well meaning...but clueless.
1) When lunging her horse in our large dressage sized ring...she didn't want anyone else in it or NEAR it. No movement allowed at ALL near the ring as it distracted her horse's energy. So after trying repeatedly to chase people out of the ring and barnyard, she started her lunging sessions (she never rode that I've seen) she would collect rocks and use them to define her "area" of the ring. She would then tie two lunger lines together and string them across the 65' wide ring from rail to rail up one end. Then proceed to hang blanket brought from home over them to hide the view from her horse. If you made ANY noise on the area of the ring left for use, she'd immediately pop up and tell you to "shush!" This behavior took the cake in her antics, but there are plenty more.
2) Different fellow boarder from last year. (Who thankfully moved out) Had a BNT complex and wasn't capable of telling a stud from a mare if it was laid out on it's back with all 4 in the air. She tried: Lunging her exra extra hot TB in it's 12x12 stall, complete with whip and lunge line. Riding her horse in it's 12x12 stall. Wanted the BO to lead her horse into the ring from the barn if she planned on lunging it outdoors. The ring gate is about 30 feet from the barn door. Would pour straight bleach into her horse's auto waterer to clean out the germs. And not rinse it back out or even empty the bleach out. Claimed she was a vet, a BNT, a jockey at Suffolk and an Animal Communicator. Depended on the day what she was. Fed her horse 18 quarts...yes 18...of high octane grain daily, 4 flakes of hay, every supplement known to man and didn't want her horse having more than 1 hour turnout daily. Never rode it, barely lunged it. Had it in blankets in summer, splint boots and hind wraps all year long in it's stall. And couldn't figure out why the 6 year old TB was a keg of gunpowder ready to explode.

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique

wendy
Jan. 16, 2004, 03:02 PM
person who had owned three horses for years. Bought a new horse. He was delivered wearing a halter. New owner couldn't figure out how to take off a halter that didn't have a snap at the throatlatch (one of the ones where you have to un-buckle the crown piece), so the horse wore the halter all the time, even under the bridle, for at least six months before someone asked the owner about it.

harvestmoon
Jan. 16, 2004, 03:59 PM
Wow, MistyBlue. Just...wow. Horses sure do attract some nutters! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

____________________________

Ipsa scientia potestas est...
Member of the Dutch Warmblood Clique!

SweatySaddlepad
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:02 PM
We had a new boarder come to our barn who was doing the prelim jumpers and I and another boarder were sitting there watching her school her jumper, she was doing about a 15 meter circle at the cross canter, not an easy feat, the gal sitting next to me (the barn expert http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif) say's "she's not such a great rider, look she's in the wrong lead! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Made me chuckle

Seven
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:02 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Clive's Mom:
All the BBer's who have posted pics of their riding, asked to be critiqued, then got offended when folks gave opinions. Clueless.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

****
NEW YORK HORSE RESCUE (http://www.nyhr.org)

SweatySaddlepad
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:04 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MistyBlue:
The most clueless thing I've witnessed? Sheesh, where to begin? Most were made by a fellow boarder who was there for only 3 short months. She made more clueless decisions and did more unexplainable things in those 3 months than I've seen in over 20 years of riding combined. She was well meaning...but clueless.
1) When lunging her horse in our large dressage sized ring...she didn't want anyone else in it or NEAR it. No movement allowed at ALL near the ring as it distracted her horse's energy. So after trying repeatedly to chase people out of the ring and barnyard, she started her lunging sessions (she never rode that I've seen) she would collect rocks and use them to define her "area" of the ring. She would then tie two lunger lines together and string them across the 65' wide ring from rail to rail up one end. Then proceed to hang blanket brought from home over them to hide the view from her horse. If you made ANY noise on the area of the ring left for use, she'd immediately pop up and tell you to "shush!" This behavior took the cake in her antics, but there are plenty more.
2) Different fellow boarder from last year. (Who thankfully moved out) Had a BNT complex and wasn't capable of telling a stud from a mare if it was laid out on it's back with all 4 in the air. She tried: Lunging her exra extra hot TB in it's 12x12 stall, complete with whip and lunge line. Riding her horse in it's 12x12 stall. Wanted the BO to lead her horse into the ring from the barn if she planned on lunging it outdoors. The ring gate is about 30 feet from the barn door. Would pour straight bleach into her horse's auto waterer to clean out the germs. And not rinse it back out or even empty the bleach out. Claimed she was a vet, a BNT, a jockey at Suffolk and an Animal Communicator. Depended on the day what she was. Fed her horse 18 quarts...yes 18...of high octane grain daily, 4 flakes of hay, every supplement known to man and didn't want her horse having more than 1 hour turnout daily. Never rode it, barely lunged it. Had it in blankets in summer, splint boots and hind wraps all year long in it's stall. And couldn't figure out why the 6 year old TB was a keg of gunpowder ready to explode.

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Don't even think I could be lunged in that little of a stall http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif.

Batteries Included
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:18 PM
how about someone who trailered our horses to a show once and the entire time we were on the highway he had a flat tire...we called his cell phone and would tell him and he knew?!...he didnt do anything until we had everyone call him to tell him to pull over (we went with atleast 7 other riders!)

Caroline

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
un-rated pony clubber and PROUD!

O'Connor obesser extrodinar!...lol (ya have to know me to really get it)

pony ride gone lesson kid gone barn bum gone hunter gone jumper gone eventer gone horse owner gone pony cluber gone crazy!

domino
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:30 PM
a couple of summers ago i went look at some ponies that belonged to some people in my area. they were western riders, mainly reining. anyways, they had bought 4 ponies that they wanted to resale. the owner, who has grown up around horses, showed the ponies to us. after we had watched the last one go we were standing around with it talking. then she leans over and starts staring under the horse's belly with a weird look on her face. so naturally we looked to see what she was looking at and didn't see anything, so we asked her what was the matter. so she replies "is that a mare or gelding?"

hbm
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:37 PM
The best thing I ever saw was one year in FL. The king of equitation was giving a lesson. I was slowly riding by trying to listen in and learn when he asked the class to do a shoulder-in. Two out of three riders were doing it and the third kept trotting. He kept saying shoulder-in louder and louder. Finally he said to the third rider do you know what a shoulder-in is and her response was "yes, sir". He told her to Then Do It! She grabbed her outside shoulder with her inside hand and pulled her shoulder in to towards inside of the ring. The trainer put his bullhorn down and lowered his head without saying a word. I have to think I witnessed one of the few times he has ever been left speechless.

ShowJumps
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:48 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>How about the woman who trailered home from a show (about ten miles)with the trailer ramp down. She said she wondered why so many people were honking at her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I KNOW that one wasn't me ~ but that did happen once! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif The incident still leaves me quaking about what could have happened!!!!! I'm still not sure what I must have been THINKING that day! Thanks to a wonderful man who got me to pull over I only went for about a mile... I would never have forgiven myself if Mardi had been injured!

Just another reason to own a van!

I need an intervention...

BigBlue
Jan. 16, 2004, 04:59 PM
i was lunging a horse at my old barn, and a mother of one of the lesson kids came up t me and said:
What are you doing to that poor horse on the leash?

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif i thought it was pretty funny lol

TK
Proud owner of a jump crazy horse with an attitude problem

ShowJumps
Jan. 16, 2004, 05:06 PM
Now that I have confessed my most stupid moment...

The most clueless person I have ever met is a local woman who considers herself to be a knowledgable, professional horsewoman. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif She is always quick to offer advice and raves about her years of equestrian education, skill and accomplishments... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Yet, she is barely on par w/Mr Showjumps (who started riding seriously LAST year!). She has been 'looking' for a new horse since I met her but all of them have some flaw she can not live with... I'm convinced she is really afraid to: (1)get on something that isn't schooled to death (2)buy something that will give her no excuse if she doesn't do well...

I kinda feel sorry for her http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

I need an intervention...

tosca4711
Jan. 16, 2004, 05:45 PM
This ocurred long ago. A woman I knew was grooming a horse she rode (but didn't own). It was the middle of winter, and she had a bucket of cold water and a sponge. She was dabbing at the horse's sheath and saying "Come on Magic, let your little thingy down." Needless to say, the horse did not let his little thingy down.

Tosca

wickedfawn
Jan. 16, 2004, 05:51 PM
The most clueless "horseperson" i've ever seen was at my old boarding barn. She used to go around screaming at the horse "canter" "canter" the poor horse used to go racing around the arena. then she would say "Turn, Turn" like the horse was just supposed to know what she was talking about, or which direction to turn. I swear even my horse looked at her like she was an idiot. She would always brag about how she was self taught, like I couldn't tell.

Drakaina16
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:09 PM
OMG! These have alternately made me cringe (18 qts!) and laugh my butt off - see crazy-women who cordoned off "her" part of the ring. That's a whole new complex! The "shoulder-in" one is great too!

Danya

Invite
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:11 PM
When I was about 12 or so, my mother, my trainer, and I went to try out a large pony hunter prospect. My trainer heard about him through the grapevine and thought he might be the perfect pony. Needless to say, we made an appointment, and took the trip to try out the pony. The whole experience was quite memorable http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

We arrived at this major ghetto of a farm and it was bad. The horses were all in a small paddock with rotted fences, ankle deep in mud http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif It was total culture shock for me.

This guy comes out dressed all in white. His button down shirt was half way unbuttoned, with chest hair and gold chains hanging out. He tells us we need to try the pony out quickly, as he has plans with his boyfriend. He rolled up his white pants & went into the paddock BAREFOOT to catch the pony. He was wading in the mud, lunged for the pony's halter, slipped, and fell flat on his face in the mud http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

We had to try this pony out on a dirt path. My trainer wanted to pop him over something, so "mud man" went into the woods to find a big stick. The pony was incredible. The weird guy refused to allow us to have the pony vetted....someone else bought the pony, he ended up lame and they never could get him sound http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

I suppose searching for bargain ponies and horses lets you meet all kinds of weird folks!!!!

Impromptu
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:12 PM
Ughh....Don't get me started. And it wasn't even stuff that could be laughed at... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Sara. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"I'm not predjudiced, I hate everyone equallly." ~ W C Fields

DiZzyLiZzy
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:26 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Invite:
This guy comes out dressed all in white. His button down shirt was half way unbuttoned, with chest hair and gold chains hanging out. He tells us we need to try the pony out quickly, as he has plans with his boyfriend. He rolled up his white pants & went into the paddock _BAREFOOT_ to catch the pony. He was wading in the mud, lunged for the pony's halter, slipped, and fell flat on his face in the mud http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The picture that immediately came to my mind was Robin Williams as Armand in *The Birdcage*... OMG I LOFF that movie and I laughed so hard when I read that description!!!

Member of the Non-GPA Clique!
http://community.webshots.com/user/dizzylizzy549

Party Rose
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:36 PM
After working for an equine vet for many years, one would not believe the stories & practices that clients would communicate to me.

You would just not believe it.

AMAZING....So amazing that I don't dare repeat any. I'll just leave that up to your imagination.

Hunter88
Jan. 16, 2004, 06:43 PM
Well... a girl who rides at my barn put on her TS backwards (yes, backwards) (i actually think they were front zip also, but i could be wrong) my trainer had her ride like that, and then after she got off she came over to my trainer and said "my pants fit really weird today! They are SOOO baggy in the front!" that one nearly made me split my sides laughing

Another one, I was watching a show and a trainer let her students run relay races in the schooling arena!!! like complete full out gallop races....??? can someone explain this because i dont get it

Whoever said Money couldn't buy happiness didn't know where to buy a horse

I DONT HAVE A GPA! (clique!)

katiemae
Jan. 16, 2004, 07:00 PM
How about when you search on the web and you see 17.9 hh...or something rediculous like that...it makes you wonder huh? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

"A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart and wins with his character"

mickey
Jan. 16, 2004, 07:10 PM
yep, I have had not one but TWO students put on their TS backwards!!!!!!! They have started their own support group as, of course, I noticed it immediately before the went into IHSA show ring and proceeded to LMAO so they were somewhat distracted...probably not terribly professional, but unavoidable nonetheless!! The more sensitive one was horrified, the other didn't bat an eye but did comment on unusual fit......DUH!!!

I blame it on the fact that the side zip TS zip on the left, which is often confusing to the right handed folks of the world, nevermind pockets, tags etc http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

HuntJumpSC
Jan. 16, 2004, 07:21 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Clive's Mom:
All the BBer's who have posted pics of their riding, asked to be critiqued, then got offended when folks gave opinions. Clueless.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Don't even get me started! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif And can I include those BB'ers who ask for advice, then when they don't like the advice they get, they go on and do what they want anyways, and the hell with those who have been there and learned from their mistakes who tried to help them... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Then, when something happens, they post about it, wanting help & sympathy...To me, that's pretty clueless http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

II===II SUZ II===II
"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot, 'tis a silly place"
*No Regrets, Sentimental Journey, & Miz Scarlett*
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gifSCer's Clique*http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif*Group W Bench Clique*http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif*Packrats Anonymous Clique*http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif*Flying Horsewomen Clique*http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

JenEM
Jan. 16, 2004, 08:10 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mickey:
I blame it on the fact that the side zip TS zip on the left, which is often confusing to the right handed folks of the world, nevermind pockets, tags etc http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif All of my pants/skirts that are side-closing close on the left. That's not just a TS thing, or even just a breeches thing.

Beyond that, I've seen a lot of clueless people. Most of the time it's because they simply won't ask how to do something right, or ignore the advice they're given.

JusJumpIt
Jan. 16, 2004, 08:48 PM
Thanks for the smile ya'll, I soo needed to have a little laugh tonight. I had a wonderful young man working for me, hard worker, fast learner but had not worked around horses long. One of my boarders bought her horse one of those "Bra's" that prevent shoulder blanket rubs or "headlights". We always call the bra, Burnies underware. My barn worker was helping blanket one night, and after what seemed like hours he came to the office, he needed help getting Burnies blankets on, "he keeps jumping around". We went down to the stall and there was Burnie, sucked up in the corner, with a giant, red, nylon "wedgie. He thought underware and put the shiny, bright red bra around and through Burnies but. It even kinda fit, he lifted his back legs and had the horse step into it, then pulled it up (very, very tight) on his rump. The part that should go between his front legs he had pulled up through his back legs. Even though I felt sorry for Burnie we laughed till we cried. Goes to show, be carefull what you say, you might get just what you asked for. I really wished I would have had a camera.
Right down the road was a large stable that leased horses for trail rides, one afternoon the Park Police came to my barn to ask if we were missing any horses, and if not would I help them catch a few horses that were running around the road. I hacked out to meet him and the two horses were in the woods just off the trail, one had a tree limb tied to his reins and it had gotten caught in some underbrush. When the one horse got stuck the other stayed with him. We walked up to untie and catch them, as we approached we noticed a pair of jeans hanging from the saddle hore, (western tack). The Police Officer and I went looking for the riders, we were worried thinking someone was hurt. The barn they had rented the horses from had been called by the park police, and they had also sent out a search party, lots of Police looking from their cars, on foot, on bicycles and mounted, just quite a large search party. We found the riders not too far up the trail, they were red faced and frantic out of breath. It seems this couple went on a trail ride and had stopped for some "extra" activities. They tied the horses by the reins and removed some clothing, the guy hung his pants on the saddle horn, and when the horses left suddenly he was left almost in his birthday suit. That time although I laughed like crazy, I was glad I did not have a comera. I would have really liked to hear the story he told the barn manager.

horse_poor
Jan. 16, 2004, 08:56 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by JusJumpIt:
Thanks for the smile ya'll, I soo needed to have a little laugh tonight. I had a wonderful young man working for me, hard worker, fast learner but had not worked around horses long. One of my boarders bought her horse one of those "Bra's" that prevent shoulder blanket rubs or "headlights". We always call the bra, Burnies underware. My barn worker was helping blanket one night, and after what seemed like hours he came to the office, he needed help getting Burnies blankets on, "he keeps jumping around". We went down to the stall and there was Burnie, sucked up in the corner, with a giant, red, nylon "wedgie. He thought underware and put the shiny, bright red bra around and through Burnies but. It even kinda fit, he lifted his back legs and had the horse step into it, then pulled it up (very, very tight) on his rump. The part that should go between his front legs he had pulled up through his back legs. Even though I felt sorry for Burnie we laughed till we cried. Goes to show, be carefull what you say, you might get just what you asked for. I really wished I would have had a camera.


OMG i am laughing AND snorting at this!!!!!!!! too funny!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Molly, Aristotle, and Brown Baggin' in MN
****************************
http://community.webshots.com/user/mavw1971
proud founder of:
~senior horse clique
~obsessed with clean/disinfected water bucket clique
~OMG i turned the wash stall into a laundromat clique

proud member of:
~i have no money but i still ride clique

"if ya aint got it on the flat, ya aint got it over the jumps....and dont let him use the wall as a crutch.." kristine pfister stephenson, 1992

Drakaina16
Jan. 16, 2004, 09:19 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>After working for an equine vet for many years, one would not believe the stories & practices that clients would communicate to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I want stories. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Danya

Lazy Palomino Hunter
Jan. 16, 2004, 09:45 PM
otma<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Drakaina16:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>After working for an equine vet for many years, one would not believe the stories & practices that clients would communicate to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I want stories. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Danya<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I work at a kennel, and we get some REAL whackos about their pets. We had one dog who *had* to eat off of REAL china her owner brought, another that had all its food topped with mashed potatos (not even instant ones! REAL ONES his owners made and brought), people who can't understand why Fifi is overweight (you mean a toy poodle DOESN'T need 2 1/2 cups of food plus half a can and leftovers twice a day? But he always looks so hungry!), and of course, my personal favorite...


Muffin the mud-encrusted Samoyed (BIG HAIRY and previously WHITE, PLUS very hyper and enjoyed rolling in the mud), whose owners called 45 minutes before they wanted to pick her up to request a bath. She was PERFECT while I wetted her down, put soap on her, and then she turned into a MONSTER when I went to rinse her off. Snapping, whirling, growling, lunging beast! AFter about 10 minutes, I managed to muzzle her and finish rinsing and drying her- much to her protest! She rumbled and clawed and fought the whole time. When her owners arrived, I made a comment about how she didn't seem to like being bathed very much... their reply?

"Oh yeah, she's a monster about it! When WE give her a bath, we tie her up and squirt her with the hose from the opposite side of the yard to keep her from attacking us." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif THANKS FOR TELLING ME!

Alison

Farriers are like cats. They don't like to go out in the rain and they don't come when you call them.

Mardi
Jan. 16, 2004, 10:20 PM
I was giving a lesson to a 20 something woman who was learning to ride because her boyfriend had horses. During one of her lessons, she was walking the horse along the rail. I said to her "Ok...stop and back-up." She did. Then I said "Ok...go ahead and walk." And she said "Forward or backwards ?" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Thanks for the great stories you guys.

sanctuary
Jan. 16, 2004, 10:23 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>

my favorite i think is a kid i knew who would "longe" her pony by attaching a longe line to the halter and running around the ring ahead of the pony, leading it with the line 30 ft behind her http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif she was very grateful to be shown the correct way to longe the pony.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ROTFLMAO! TOO CUTE! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

sanctuary
Jan. 16, 2004, 10:50 PM
Wow. These are too good. Let's see....

I had a student that said she used to ride when she was a kid. Said student is now close to 50. She shows up for her first lesson in A SKIRT. So we just do a groom and tack lesson. When I tell her to come dressed to ride the following week, she looked at me like I was crazy and said "Do I have to wear pants?" The same woman, shows up last week in a brand new pair of chaps...and asks me why the suede doesn't go up over your butt. Same woman gets on one of our dead quiet school horses and is trying to trot around the ring. She remembers how to post, only...get this...she was holding on to his mane with BOTH hands and turns to me and says "He won't steer!" This one is going to be fun, I could go on and on.

Another first timer shows up for her first lesson in a brand new WHITE Down jacket, white pants, everything. She never wore it again.

One of my students thinks she can do more than she can. Pair her up with one of my ponies..he he. Pony won't stop if you just pull on the reins, you have to ask for a nice downward transition. We're working on downwards, she pulls and pulls and pulls trying to get the halt, pony keeps going and going and going. After watching her suffer 2x around the indoor, I tell everyone to go ahead and walk on (they had been at a halt), she sits up, lets go of his mouth, and don't you know it...pony stops! LOL

Had another trainer tell me this one. Was schooling a student over fences, tells her to go ahead back over that one. The student backs the horse up OVER the crossrail. God bless that horse!

Have another student that looks at me like I'm from Mars anytime I tell her something. She thinks she already knows it all. I tell her her girth is too big, I'm told no it's not. She ends up getting off 6 times during the lesson to fix it. She then asks me why I won't let her go canter. DUH! THEN....the following week, she does the same thing.

Had a boarder who used to feed her horses all the leftover cereal from her house, and literally bags of animal crackers at a time. Then she couldn't understand why her horse colicked. The kicker...she kept feeding the junk after spending $8000 on surgery! Some people never learn.

Creseida - I can relate. I had a woman whose hubby bought a Tennessee Walker for field trials. She wanted to learn how to ride. Her first 5 lessons she hyperventilated as soon as she got on (I should mention the first 4 she'd hyperventilate as soon as she'd walk into the barn she was so scared). The 6th lesson she wanted to know why she wasn't trotting. When I told her that she needed to be able to walk around the ring first without me holding on and steer, she got offended and never came back. No feelings hurt here.

Boy, I could really go on and on. People amaze me.

abberz
Jan. 16, 2004, 10:52 PM
about three years ago, i went to look at this super green large pony who was for sale. the pony and i got along great, but anytime i would use my leg a tad bit the mare would just kick out and freeze, i just though oo shes a greenie and is a mare it'll get better once she gets into a little more training. well that was the one time that i had tried her. we had called the owner who wasn't present at the time i had tried their pony, about the pony's history, and so they did and then they were like we will warn u shes a nut! and so we asked what does she do, and they were like if u want to get a change, u must not use your leg - the mare doesn't like it when u do so - so u must tell her to change when u want her to swap. and they kept going on and on how that is how she had showed in the childrens at some A in NY. i can just see it now, some kid yelling change at every corner. that would be a funny site.

.:abberz:.
jeffery.chantilly lace.foxlair lakota.magic rain.raindance.magic carpet ride.farnley marengo.like a dream

OverTheTop
Jan. 16, 2004, 11:13 PM
I have PLENTY... all from last summer while boarding my TB at a backyard-type barn. I thought it'd be okay since I had him on self-care and was feeding him myself and such, but how WRONG was I?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

The barn owner asked me to ride his 8 y/o mare for him because he couldn't get her to do flying lead changes. Having never seen him ride or the horse go, I dumbly agreed...
me: "So how do you usually ask her for a flying change?"
him: "I usually stick my toe behind her hock.."
me: http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif
him: "You know, her hock? :http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gifointing to her shoulder:: RIGHT THERE."
me: http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif


I was longeing my boy, the biggest comformation disaster to ever walk the earth. I have to wrap all 4 legs and keep those pull-on bell boots on him so he won't tear himself up. Anyways, you can hear him interfering... barn owner walks up.
him: "ah, so he's got that ol' TB creak just like my TB"
me: http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif


My horse colics late at night on July 3rd. I called him to let him know that I was going to take him into the clinic if walking him and banamine didn't help. This is when I realized that he had put my horse's account with the vet under HIS name and not mine http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif
me: "Did you even CHECK on my horse when you fed this evening?"
him: "Yea, he was running around with the rest of them" (my horse lived in the paddock boardering the pasture where the rest of the horses were... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif)
me: "So you're going to tell me that my horse went from being perfectly fine to frantically rolling around when I found him?"
him: "Relax. If he was rolling then it's just a small stomach ache, nothing more."
me: http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif


I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think of at the moment.

---
Life's the dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow.....

My Pictures - Frisco "Over The Top" (http://community.webshots.com/user/friskyfritter)

LoriO
Jan. 17, 2004, 12:33 AM
Oh I've got a good one!! At a place I used to live at we had a gentleman ,probably in his late 60's show up at our door. He had just bought a horse and needed somewhere to keep it. So Jeri, the woman who owned the place started asking questions.

Turns out this guy is a clown..no really..a clown!! Childrens birthday parties, etc. Well he had bought a "surrey with the fringe on top" a while ago and had just bought a horse to pull it. To make things more interesting, this guy knows nothing about horses, never ridden one, never driven one, nothing! Does the horse he bought drive?? He didn't know!!!

Well, he brought the horse to our place. Sweet horse, poss a standerbred as he paced but the guy didn't know anything about the horse.

The most clueless think I saw him do was also downright scary! He would have trouble catching the horse. Horse would run all over the place and not let the guy near him. Horse would even let the guy get close to him then, bam, off again! Well,one day I'm sitting there talking with him and he tells me he found out a way to catch the horse with no problem. He starts telling me how he would squat down out in the paddock and that the horse would run over to him, rear up in front of him and then the horse would let him put the halter on http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

I quickly put a stop to that!!! I found an old leather halter and attached a piece of rope to it. I firmly told the old guy that the halter and rope stays on that horse at all times until he learns that the , chase me/run and rear game was not acceptable!!!

I would spend hours with the horse after each vist to undue all the problems that the guy created!!

__________________________________________________ __________
**"You are under arrest for operating your mouth under the influence of ignorance!" MPD Officer Beck
**"Member of the COTH Law Enforcement clique!"
**"Member of the Western clique"

Rocky
Jan. 17, 2004, 04:28 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mickey:
yep, I have had not one but TWO students put on their TS backwards!!!!!!! They have started their own support group as, of course, I noticed it immediately before the went into IHSA show ring and proceeded to LMAO so they were somewhat distracted...probably not terribly professional, but unavoidable nonetheless!! The more sensitive one was horrified, the other didn't bat an eye but did comment on unusual fit......DUH!!!

I blame it on the fact that the side zip TS zip on the left, which is often confusing to the right handed folks of the world, nevermind pockets, tags etc http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

___________________

Mickey,

I believe I share your pain on one of these... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

My new barn mantra...has changed to when the h@!! is it going to warm up?

Mouse2713
Jan. 17, 2004, 04:53 AM
Once while I was at an equitation clinic in Tampa, this large woman on a little tiny pony sized arab told the instructor that she couldnt jump. He said ok and started the lesson. He put two poles on the ground and asked everyone to trot them. They were about 6 strides apart. Then the class cantered them. Everyone was doing well and the trainer was teaching opening rein for steering, so he put one end of each pole up on the bottom rail of the four board fence. The lady on the arab said, I told you I cant jump, the instructor said, just try the exercise, because it isnt really a jumping exercise, just a steering exercise. Chunky lady said, Im telling you that if I do this exercise I will fall off. The instructor (patiently I might add) said, well why dont you just try the exercise and see. The lady trotted over both poles perfectly balanced, then trotted up to the trainer and threw herself (literally threw herself) in the dirt on her face, got up, and walked out of the ring, saying over her shoulder, I TOLD you that I would fall off if I did that! This was the guru of equitation, and we got a lecture on how you could talk yourself into failure if you wanted to bad enough.

SargPepper
Jan. 17, 2004, 07:34 AM
I'm sure I've witnessed more stupidity than I can remember, but the one thing that sticks out is from a boarding experience I had last winter.

I was trying out my new mare and, as I don't have an indoor and it was both freezing and icy out, I asked some family friends if I could board at their place for a month or so. This was a barn I had bought my Arab gelding from 12+ years ago, so I know these people and thought I remembered what their level of care was there. It quickly became clear to me that this was not going to work. The horses got no turnout because of the ice (which was okay, but they could've had time in the indoor by themselves, right??). But they also weren't getting their stalls cleaned except maybe once a week http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif. I cleaned my horse's stall for the majority of the time, and even helped the BO clean many of the other disgusting stalls several times. I figured the cold weather was hard on everyone last year (we spent weeks in the 0 degree mark), and this lady is doing all the care of the horses with a horrible back that has undergone many surgeries. The kicker, BO states that she has a new job paying off training for her Saddlebred show horse.... Doing what? Cleaning stalls and turning out horses!!!

I left within a couple of days of finding this out. And when I got my final board bill, there was no reduction in my board rate for all the extra work I had helped her with. Needless to say, I was a little upset. I think that is a clincher for the most clueless thing I've encountered so far. I keep my horses at home, so I am the stupidest one at my barn now. Hehehhe...

---Jen

"If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented rollerskates." --Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

foursocks
Jan. 17, 2004, 08:17 AM
I've got so many more of these...one is a man who found a total bargain of a horse in someone's backyard- not that he would know it, because he has no idea what he is doing. Horse is actually really nice- not fancy, but has a nice long stride and jumps really well- green and young, but totally bombproof, which is amazingly good since man is actually, utterly, entirely clueless. So many things- aside from the fact that he incomprehensibly cut the horse's once beuatiful tail in half, there were several I got to see last time I rode with him and his girlfriend. She is also clueless, scared to death to do anything but trot and has her own savior of a horse, but she is always dressed up in lots of really expensive clothes! First, after grooming for an hour (their horses are clipped), they finally get out to the ring. He has a dressage saddle on (he doesn't know dressage) and it has no stirrups. He looks at it for a minute and then says- oh- ha- I guess I need stirrups! I was wondering why it was so light! (sheesh, I think, smile weakly at him and just keep doing what I'm doing with the horse I'm on).

Next- we are all three in the ring, they walk around for a really long time and then he starts to canter. No trot, no warm-up, just canter. And of course it is the wrong way that I am going, but neither of them seems to have any concept that aiming your horse at someone else's horse may not always produce the desired result of them getting out your way. I am on a three year old who keeps spooking, so I am trying to be careful not to suddenly steer him in a different direction, but I have to watch out for the danger twins. I say- I'm on a really young horse- it would be great if we could all go the same direction. Ok, they say, and the guy jars to a halt, turns the horse around, and canters that way. His sweet horse is sort of loping around with a patient expression on his face and the guy is flapping around like a sheet in the wind. Elbows, knees, back, head- whatever. He looks like he is trying to wrestle something, his reins are so long you could jump rope through them, and his toes are actually pointed *down*. His girlfriend (who, meanwhile has done a few nervous trots around the ring while her horse looks like it is going to take a nap) starts giving him instruction- ok, turn your toes in- further, further- and hold tighter with your leg. So now his toes are still pointing down, but they are also actually poking the horse in his sides. Then he decides to leave the ring for a while and takes a little trail ride down into this area which is not a riding area- there is a big open space, but no one goes down there because the footing is bad. Suddenly he comes loping up from that area, flapping away, and rides straight onto the blacktop driveway. I'm holding my breath, waiting to hear a crash. He comes ambling back into the ring and decides he's going to canter a little more. Meanwhile, the woman has tried a little canter- clutching frantically at the reins and mane, with her horse cutting the corners and basically aiming at me- which ends after about 20 seconds. They both get off (she has ridden in something other than a walk for a total of about five minutes, he has cantered his horse back and forth for about a half hour). Later, I hear the man saying he isn't going to put his horse's blanket on because he is so hot. Oh my god....well, luckily, the stable guy sees that the poor clipped horse is naked and puts it on him later. I am shocked to learn that they are both taking lessons- she clearly is, but has yet to pick up on some of the basics, but with him I think it is a case of him thinking he really doesn't need to be taught anything- he can canter, right?

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

You can take a line and say it isn't straight- but that wont change its shape. Jets to Brazil

Paddys Mom
Jan. 17, 2004, 08:52 AM
I think I do just fine now, but you guys would laugh and cringe if I told you some stories about my early horse days about 20 years ago. I can't believe my old gelding is still alive and healthy and doesn't hate me.

My first pony was a monster. He wouldn't go where I wanted to go and would only go as fast or slow as he wanted. I think he was actually a contesting pony before I bought him. I figured out that if I walked him around the arena to the far corner and turned him towards the gate he would gallop. I thought that was fun, so that was all I did when I rode him. Walk around to the far end, gallop to the gate, repeat. Of course, that was all that pony would do then.

Fast forward to my first horse - I was 12 and he was a green 3 year old. They told me he was broke. So I bought a shiny new saddle, hopped on, and got repeatedly thrown. And I mean immediately, as soon as I got on. My mom kept making me get right back on. And this was before helmets were known to be so important - even showing you just used the little velvet covered cardboard things. Finally, a trainer felt sorry for me and hopped on him. Within a few minutes, she got off and told me this horse had obviously never been ridden and that my saddle was so slippery from Leather New that I would never be able to stay on.

We progressed in our riding. Horse care...oof...I routinely fed him his 6 pounds of oats right before riding him. I didn't want him to get hungry while we were riding. If I didn't feed him first, then I would definitely feed him right after our ride.

I tied him once or twice with the chain over his nose. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Found out why that is not a good idea.

I had no idea about sheath cleaning for the first 5 years that I owned him. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

I tried unsuccessfuly to bang his tail. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I cleaned other people's stalls for $5 a month. And they took advantage of me by accepting this offer.

A lot of lessons and reading and years of experience later, I can't believe all this stuff didn't kill my horse. Nope - he never coliced or was lame (knock on wood). The worst thing ever wrong with this horse was a stone bruise once.

MistyBlue
Jan. 17, 2004, 09:16 AM
Paddy's Mom, those first horses are saints and saviors, aren't they? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif I had to giggle through your post as I was nodding my head and admitting, "Yeah, I did that too!"
My first horse was a severe abuse case, and crazy from it. I "saved" her from being sent to slaughter for being dangerous as a 12 year old. The BO sold her to me for $1. And promising to board her for one year at his place. Being 12, I was thinking "Oh, love conquers all." I had visions in my head of this very bad tempered horse doing anything I wanted because I loved her. Wellll, she did eventually. But it took a few years instead of the week or so I was thinking at the time, LOL! And I'm DARNED lucky I'm still around to tell the story of my first horse...still can't believe the stuff I did and lived through. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique

Scootie
Jan. 17, 2004, 09:27 AM
My favorite Horse Person Wanna Be would have to have been my old Girl Scout leader.

Now understand that neither being a Girl Scout nor riding horses fit in my parents' agenda for my life. What happened was the local GS troop was working on what was then called the "Horsewoman Badge", which involved taking a series of lessons at a local dude ranch. One of them was the girl next door. Apparently someone said something to my mother, because she brought up the subject, not me.

So I began a brief, highly unsatisfying stint and a Girl Scout, and my folks got a lifetime guarantee I would never grow out of my horse craziness http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif. Of course, I had read every book on the subject and knew all my saddles, bridles, bits, etc. Even knew the difference between "hunter seat" and "saddle seat". The only thing that was painfully missing was any meaningful opportunity to learn to do the real thing in real life. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

Girl Scout Leader turned out to be a total dingbat, even wearing her hair in a poodle cut to emphasize her ditzyness. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif We had to go to special meetings at her house to work learning the parts of the horse and all the other stuff I already knew, and on Saturdays she piled us all in her station wagon for the long ride to the "Up and Away Dude Ranch". The Dude Ranch was a little disappointing, since the only English saddles were the real old timey kind and didn't have keepers for the stirrup leathers, which I thought "hunter seat" saddles had, and they used the mixture of old tack common at rental barns ca. 1963--old timey flat saddles, western saddles, army surplus McClellan saddles, and at least one Buena Vista saddle. But I was happy just to finally be able to get on a horse and by the end, I even learned to post although I eventually learned I had learned incorrectly--although it served my purposes for a long time.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Now Mrs. Leader did not ride with us, but she was certainly the expert. She said she did not ride because she had a bad back. She hurt her back riding her uncle's big red Saddle Horse, who was "mean" and dumped her in a creek or some foolishness. She went on and on about how SHE rode this Saddle Horse because she was a "good rider", but told us to never go near a horse wearing four reins because it was a Saddle Horse. And "Saddle Horses are vicious!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif The warning about the four reins was repeated at every trip.

One time, the ranch owner's granddaughter was out showing off her pretty pinto pony, and it was wearing a nice western saddle with a matching breastplate and bridle. It was the sweetest little thing and granddaughter let us pet it and it was just standing there enjoying the attention, when Mrs. Leader noticed and made us all come around to the other side of the picnic pavilion. She forbade us to get near that pony because it was wearing a "martingale", and "you can not trust a horse that is wearing a martingale". http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Another time, we were coming home on a warm day so we had the car windows open. We stopped for a light next to a gas station where some people were standing around with horses, eating Nabs and drinking Cokes, taking a break and minding their own business. I noticed one of the horses was wearing a "hunt seat" saddle, and what I recognized from my books as a rubber pelham, not an uncommon bit in those days. He was just standing there with his head down doing nothing as I admired him with envy.

As I gazed covetously at this gentle beastie, Mrs. Leader commenced SCREAMING at the top of her lungs, loud enough that the people with the horses looked up, NOW YOU GIRLS LOOK AT THAT HORSE! IF YOU SEE A HORSE LIKE THAT WITH FOUR REINS, STAY AWAY FROM IT! THAT HORSE IS DANGEROUS!

Mrs. Leader turned out to be the Girl Scout Leader from Hell. The next year she made us spend the entire year doing the Sewing Badge and I left the troop shortly thereafter.

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

[This message was edited by Scootie on Jan. 17, 2004 at 11:36 AM.]

cool_eventr
Jan. 17, 2004, 02:48 PM
One time at a VERY nice privately owned barn, I mean, polo fields, two barns, cross-country course, all for this one person and her handful of decent horses, I was with my instructor for the day, and this lady just stops, in the middle of her lesson, gets off, and pees right in the middle of the field. We were flabbergasted. Her reply? "Oh, I do it all of the time, the barn help does not even notice anymore."

Whiskey Lullaby
Jan. 17, 2004, 03:05 PM
My little preppy sister - throwing the saddle on backwards after finally picking it up, stabbing herself with a hoofpick when she picked it up backwards, breaking a nail off while undoing a halter for me. The one time she did get on a horse she refused to put on a helmet because her hair would get ruined.

Speak kindly to your little horse,
And soothe him when he wheezes,
Or he may turn his back on you,
And kick you where he pleases.


Member of the Teen Clique!

Sooperspeshal
Jan. 17, 2004, 05:44 PM
OMG these are so funny! (Like the lady who peed in the field...hehe) Some are kind of sad though, that the horses have to put up with that. Oh boy, I have plenty of these, but I'll only list a couple.

Actually this one is kind of long, but it's fun.

Setting: 4:30 AM Big end of year medal, Me in barn tent, beggining to tack up my horse.

Barn's Groom: http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gifNo, you can't tack up yourself, you need me to do it for you! You'll get you show clothes dirty!

Me: Okay, fine. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif(thinks) *Oh great, the creepy stalker groom with an unhealthy obsession with my horse. I wonder how many times she snuck out of the hotel and crept secretly into his stall last night (like she does every day)*

Her: Right, I'll put the bridle on first then. (put's bridle on over halter)

Mehttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gifnerevous) are you sure you don't want me to do it? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Her: I know what I'm doing okay? (trying to take halter off from under bridle)

(Consider about half an hour later, a bridle completley dismantled, a saddle put on the butt with no saddle pad, two boots put on the wrong legs backward, a very angry and confused horse and a very frustrated me.) I had managed to fix the bridle and martingale.

Groom: Um, you seem to have put the standing martingale on wrong, see it goes on the cheekpiece-
Me: Do not touch the matingale! (gumble grumble) *saddle on my knee, trying to pry bent and broken billet straps out of girth buckles with a hoofpick*
Groom: How did you mess up that?
Me: YOU put them (grrr) through the wrong part of the girth buckle and now theyr'e stuck. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif
Groom: Well sor-ry, but you have to tell me these things!
Announcer: Ring call for the junior medal!
Groom: You should hurry up! You're late! If you had let me help you know, you wouldn't be so late.
Me: Arrrgh! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
Groom: God, calm down! Are you cold? You're shaking!

Only one more. This actually turned out to my benifit so I shouldn't complain.
The woman who sold me my first horse was selling him for two reasons.
1. She was afraid to jump the perfectly bombproof, scopey horse (he can jump 4') Over anything higher than 2'9"
2. She wanted to do grand prix and he wasn't "fast" enough.
Okayyyy...

horse_poor
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:00 PM
*sits in the back of the room and feebly raises hand*

i spose i fall into this group http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

my horse and another horse i work with are almost identical, right down the the same star and ermine sock on the LH--only dif is brown, my horse, is a bit thicker and has a longer tail

i was going to work with cappy, the OTHER horse, with some bridle issues he was having. i marched into his stall, presented the bridle, and to my delight he accepted it. i tried this a few more times and got the same result.

i was hopping up and down and feeling quite proud of myself that i accomplished this with cappy.

then i realized i was in browns stall, who opens his mouth and gums for the bit

I WAS IN THE WRONG HORSES STALL!!!!!!

i felt stupid and of course i got flack for weeks about not being able to recognize my own horse

Molly (aka MissNovember), Aristotle, and Brown Baggin' in MN
****************************
http://community.webshots.com/user/mavw1971
proud founder of:
~senior horse clique
~obsessed with clean/disinfected water bucket clique
~OMG i turned the wash stall into a laundromat clique

proud member of:
~i have no money but i still ride clique
~ i dress my horse in purple and am proud of it clique

"if ya aint got it on the flat, ya aint got it over the jumps....and dont let him use the wall as a crutch.." kristine pfister stephenson, 1992

A/O Jumper
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:22 PM
This girl at my barn turned her horse out in the ring because the pastures were so nasty. Turning out in the ring isn't really allowed if people want to ride in it. I was tacking up my horse and watching her chase the horse around the ring, so it would run around. Well I was standing outside the ring mounted and when she went to catch the horse, it wouldn't come...go figure, if you are teaching it to run from you, why do you think it would want to come near you. I was so irritated because it took her like twenty minutes to catch it.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

OnyxThePony
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:23 PM
THIS probably takes the CLUELESS cake....(and I've posted it before but it's worthy)

Woman boarder: why are you always messing around with your horses hooves?

Me: huh?

WB: You're always scraping the underneath with that metal thingy. Why do you keep bothering her with it?

Me: the.....hoof pick???????

WB; yes, blah blah blah..self sanctimonious rant..what do you think you're doing to her...blab blab...

Me: explains the whole hoof pick philosophy http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

ok folks, get ready for the kicker here:

WB: well I NEVER do THAT to MY horse, and you'll never catch me doing it either! I know you are crazy because I notice you have to have the farrier out every 8 weeks- yes I've keeping track- and while I've owned horses for 20 years, I've never used that what-do-you-call it picky thing, AND, NEVER ONCE had to have the farrier out!!!


aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

Neither Fear Nor Anger

Heinz 57
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:29 PM
Not too long ago, one of the students was tacking up a school horse for her lesson. So, she gets on, warms up, and is instructed to go over the little vertical. So, she does a nice job and instructor goes to change it. The student has stopped near the jump, and is talking to instructor. Instructor immediately notices that student has used the elastic breastcollar as a GIRTH! Her reasoning was, she didn't know what it was and there was no girth with the saddle, so she thought it was just a different kind of girth.


Amazingly, her saddle managed to stay on for the time.

Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
*Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

A/O Jumper
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:39 PM
Amazin that girl keep the saddle on the right side of the horse..she must have good balance!

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

NancyL
Jan. 17, 2004, 06:52 PM
Woman, yes the kind with more money than knowledge, buys a horse.

Horse is very unsuitable for her (young, hot etc.. "he wasn't like that when I tried him" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Anyway, she buys two more horses and puts the first out in pasture. In the middle of winter she decides to go see the first horse but can't find him in his field of one and comes back saying "that isn't my horse, my horse has short hair".

Steamboat
Jan. 17, 2004, 07:24 PM
More stories along the lines of equine veterinary medicine . . . .

Best emergency after-hours page

#1. Freaky co-dependent client ( you know, the ones that call the vet office wanting to know what to feed their horse, or what tack/show clothes to buy . . .) pages me because she thinks her horse's leg is cut. I, obviously knowing this clients' grasp on reality, ask her to describe the laceration, to figure out if it needs my attention for stitches, or if it is just an abrasion. She says she sees something "grey", and thinks it might be tendon. SO, I start up the truck and head on out.
She pages me AGAIN, as I am half-way there. "I've found a laceration on the other leg too!" Looks the same, she says. I am visualizing a horse that caught itself under a gate, ripping it's back legs to shreds.
So I get there, horse is standing quietly in the crossties, happy as can be. I'm looking at the legs, and see nothing. "Is this the horse?" I ask.

"Yes!!!" The owner is screaming.

"Which leg are you talking about?" I ask.

The owner is getting frantic, I ask her to point out the problem.

She's looking at the horse's chestnuts. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif


Emergency page #2

Old racing TB client with more money that god and more property to prove it. Pages me at 5AM on a bright spring morning. Seems his old grey broodmare is cavorting over the hills with a fawn by her side. Wants to know if mares can adopt and raise deer. She was bred last year but did not take, how could she have milk for a fawn?

Visit to the farm that morning proves a beatiful 3 day old chestnut colt on the side of the mare.

Suggest client get glasses and a new repro-vet (seems as this mare was ultrasounded THREE times after breeding and the vet said she never caught from the breeding . . ooops!)

Emergency page #3

Called out to see a "disappearing di%#". This fellow breeds his own stock for racing. Never has me check the mares or foals after foaling, but mind you, he has to page me everytime one is born, thinking I need a "birth announcement" or something. Can't get him to stop paging me, and saying "it's a boy" and then hanging up, so I just deal with it.
Seems as this "colt" lost his "who-who". I remember this "birthday" call last year. Now, the guy is out to tattoo them and DNA test for registration. Seems as if his prize two year old "colt" is now a filly. ( Guess he thought the umbilicus was a male anatomy). Had to have me "make sure" it was really a filly.

He officially named her "King for a Day".

Page # 4

Cold winter day in Minnesota. Get a page from an Amish couple, seems as there is some type of herd health problem, all their mares are urinating blood. Now, they just got turned out in the pasture with their new 18 Hand stallion, "could he have hurt them?"

Long trip up to Amish country on icy roads with no names . . .

All mares are fine. Seem to be enjoying their "new man", had to explain to clients the phenomina that happens when hot urine hits cold white snow. The porphyrin the in the urine turns bright red and stains the snow a reddish color.

Emergency page #5

Woman freaking out that her prize QH mare is crashing and having seizures and can't stand up right.

Mare is just happy to be in the stall next to a stallion. She is leaning and rubbing so hard on the stall wall between them that she is almost horizontal. Is so in love that the woman can't lead her out of the stall or get her off the wall.

Now that's IN HEAT!

Emergency page #6

This call comes at 2AM

Now, it's august, and I don't expect to get paged after 9PM in the summer hours. Foaling season is over and no one in their right mind is tending to their horses after sundown.

Another frantic woman in tears. Says she went in to the barn, and her horse is "not right".

Now, when 95% of my horse-savy clients call and say "Doc, she ain't right", I take it serious, they know when their horse is off, and we usually catch the colic before it gets to be anything too major.

I do not know this woman.

I ask her to explain what she means.

She sounds drunk.

"well, usually I come into the stable, he is right there with his head over the door, and he usually nickers to me when he sees me".

I ask what he is doing now.

"Well, he's kinda listless, he's in the back of his stall with his head down and his eyes are kinda lifeless".


Darn horse is asleep. It's 2AM.

Seems as if she met some friends at the bar who wanted to see her horse, so she took them over to the boarding stable after closing-time to "visit". Usually she sees him in the afternoon.

I told her to go home, check on him tomorrow afternoon, like usual, and if he seems off, to call me.

She never called.

At least I did not have to get out of bed for that one . . . .

Hmmm, I ought to write these down into a book. Maybe I'll make more money off the book than I do at veterinary medicine . . .

Either that, or I gotta add a "tupidity charge" on my bills!

Dianne Barnhart DVM
Bascom Hill Equine Inc.

TC Manhattan
Jan. 17, 2004, 07:27 PM
JusJumpIt, "Burnie's Underwear" is absolutely a CLASSIC!!! Laughing so hard the tears are running down my face! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif

"Have no expectations, only abundant expectancy."

horse_poor
Jan. 17, 2004, 07:41 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TC Manhattan:
JusJumpIt, "Burnie's Underwear" is absolutely a CLASSIC!!! Laughing so hard the tears are running down my face! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif

"Have no expectations, only abundant expectancy."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

i am STILL laughing about burnies grundies!!! in gfact i cut and pasted it and sent it to a none horsey friend of mine and he EVEN just about died laughing

Molly (aka MissNovember), Aristotle, and Brown Baggin' in MN
****************************
http://community.webshots.com/user/mavw1971
proud founder of:
~senior horse clique
~obsessed with clean/disinfected water bucket clique
~OMG i turned the wash stall into a laundromat clique

proud member of:
~i have no money but i still ride clique
~ i dress my horse in purple and am proud of it clique

"if ya aint got it on the flat, ya aint got it over the jumps....and dont let him use the wall as a crutch.." kristine pfister stephenson, 1992

nollekins
Jan. 17, 2004, 08:05 PM
#1: Shipped pony to barn down south owned by my boss. Get a call from barn manager: "What's wrong with her legs?"
Me in a panic: "What? NOthing! Her legs were perfect when I loaded her!"
Barn Manager: "Well, then why are they bandaged?"
!!!!!

#2: Prominent Rap/Pop songstress wants to learn how to ride. Is advised to show up "In riding boots or other boots with at least an inch of heel". Shows up in Manolo Blahnik "Equestrian" knee-high stiletto boots--you know, the black ones with the brown tops that make them "horsey"

#3: Jilly Cooper: In "Rivals" describes a scene where Rupert and his girlfriend have a hot, sweaty, naked, bareback gallop followed by wild sex. First of all, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW, and second of all, what did they do with the horses while they were bonking?

mickey
Jan. 17, 2004, 08:50 PM
Rocky, you got it http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

SaddleFitterVA
Jan. 17, 2004, 10:00 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JusJumpIt:
Thanks for the smile ya'll, I soo needed to have a little laugh tonight. I had a wonderful young man working for me, hard worker, fast learner but had not worked around horses long. One of my boarders bought her horse one of those "Bra's" that prevent shoulder blanket rubs or "headlights". We always call the bra, Burnies underware. My barn worker was helping blanket one night, and after what seemed like hours he came to the office, he needed help getting Burnies blankets on, "he keeps jumping around". We went down to the stall and there was Burnie, sucked up in the corner, with a giant, red, nylon "wedgie. He thought underware and put the shiny, bright red bra around and through Burnies but. It even kinda fit, he lifted his back legs and had the horse step into it, then pulled it up (very, very tight) on his rump. The part that should go between his front legs he had pulled up through his back legs. Even though I felt sorry for Burnie we laughed till we cried. Goes to show, be carefull what you say, you might get just what you asked for. I really wished I would have had a camera.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OMG, this had me laughing until I had tears in my eyes. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

mickey
Jan. 17, 2004, 10:44 PM
Burnies undies is priceless!!!!!! Too D#$M funny and I would like to say kudos to Burnie for tolerating this somewhat unusual predicament http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jewels
Jan. 18, 2004, 12:19 AM
I was putting volunteer hours in at a barn. Now the main pasture there is a 40 acre pasture. Its set up so there is a fenced off enclosure where all the round bales are kept. The horses have access to these bales until we close the gate. We have this enclosure for when we do hayrides for the public. We lock all the horses in the 'feed pen' and that way none get loose when we drive the hayride into the 40 acre, and we can leave the gate open for later when we drive the team out. Well our "great new employees" (according to the barn owner) are working with me. Apparently they didn't understand the concept of the "feed pen" even though they had been working there nearly a year. So they closed the feed pen with NO HORSES in it, and opened up the 40 acre pasture gates. Needless to say all 29 horses decided to escape through the wide open gate. Then the new employees claimed they couldn't help me catch the loose horses cause they "didn't know how." So yes, I had to capture 29 horses all by myself because these morons "didn't know how" to catch a loose horse. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

"You could say I'm a few flakes short of a bale" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
*Member of the Short Stubby Leg Clique* *Teen Clique* & The Riders of Rohan Clique*

SunshineGA
Jan. 18, 2004, 09:04 AM
I can totally feel for Lazy Palomino Hunter....

I work in a kennel and Im a relief tech (usually a daily thing!). Well with some people its like DUH.

We have the people who bring in gourmet food too...

BUT the story to top all stories in my kennel?? We had 2 pitbulls come in for boarding from the same family. Woman requests that they be boarded together so receptionist put them together (if it was me, I wouldnt have... 2 big dogs regardless of breed together, alone, no way). Ok, so I'm in the middle of bathing another dog and all I hear is bam-bam-bam-bam, so I run into the kennel and it *looks* like the pits are just playing, so I open cage before it gets too serious. Dogs roll out of cage and all I see is blood all over the smaller one. Well everyone in the kennel runs, I try to beat the crap out of one to get it off, yell for help, no one helps until vet hears commotion. The one pit was shaking the other like a ragdoll and would not let go. Finally I have one vet grabs the other by the legs and we rip them apart. One pit needs stitches so we call owners....

Owners response...

"Oh yeah they do that sometimes, I geuss I should have told you guys!"

OH MY GOD!

Same type of story, different events- We have a fenced in back yard to let dogs run in/potty in. We're out back walking dogs (We have to watch them) and dog in question runs across yard and jumps fence so fast no time to prevent him from doing so. Don't find dog for a few days. When called owner (immediately after dog jumped fence) to help find dog/inform her of what happened she says...

"oh yeah I guess I should have told you guys she climbs fences"

Hello people... come on

"When life gives you limes, make margaritas!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Member of the IHSA clique

http://community.webshots.com/user/sunshinengcsu

Albion
Jan. 18, 2004, 10:00 AM
Sunshine GA, the pit story reminds me of a family that lives way (way) down the street from me -

After the hurricane this year, I took my not-very-pitbull-like-pit out for a walk at 7 am to see the damage. We're walking down one of the main drags when a lady on her front porch strikes up a conversation - she notices my pit, etc. etc. and is showing off her rather large male, who seems friendly enough, but I'm still not letting him get near my very timid female, who is by this point wedged in between my calves. I notice dog is missing an ear. I comment on it, as I had never seen a pit with only one ear cropped - only both ears. And it looks like a bad crop job, as in 'scissors' (I'm starting to get nervous at this point, 'cause I'm thinking 'fighting dog'). Lady goes:

'Oh no, the other one did that, we came home one day and there was blood all over the house & Fruffie here was missing an ear. We're still not sure what happened to it, never did find it."

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I nearly fell over & I hustled my dog out of there (she has *two* lovely, floppy, non-cropped ears & I want to keep it that way!).

Most clueless horseperson:

When I was 12 or 13, I boarded my pony at a pretty large (40+ horse) boarding facility. A totally green rider came in with a 2 or 3 year old Arab - cute horse, with a flaxen mane & tail (we figured this was the main selling point). This lady just had stars in her eye about the horse - couldn't do a damn thing with him, couldn't ride him, etc. She had a trainer come out, but it's difficult to learn how to ride on a not-yet-broken, very hot, very skittish young horse. The horses went out in turnout groups (one big, one small for geldings and mares seperately - so four herds) - the Arab went out with my gelding's group. Horses were turned out in the morning after breakfast, brought in at the evening for dinner, left in for the night. Arab would NOT come in from the pasture - no matter what. They finally had to take to leaving him out there while they let everyone else in - and he'd eventually come in.

Lady (not suprisingly) fell off and broke her arm and elbow - she left the facility shortly after that, but still had the horse.

'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

fleur
Jan. 18, 2004, 11:06 AM
here's a cute one that has actually happened several times...when i was teaching up-downs this summer, i supervised everything beginning at putting the halter on and ending with putting the cooled horse back in the stall. this of course meant that i assisted mounting up. most of the kids were little pros at this, but everyone gets confused sometimes. occasionally i would have a kid stretch up and get their right foot in the stirrup. i would cock my eyebrow and ask, "ok, are you ready to mount correctly?" and they would nod, swing their left leg over the saddle, and be looking down at the horse's tail http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif so cute, definitely a good way to learn to remember the correct method of mounting http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

MistyBlue
Jan. 18, 2004, 11:55 AM
Hee hee, you have to love the little up-downers when they mount backwards. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Someone on this BB recently had a REALLY cute wee one comment she shared. Something about asking a small beginner to ride on the rail, to which the tiny tot looked up at the top of the rail and said they didn't think they could get the pony up there! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I still giggle when I think of that, I can just imagine the solemn little face and expression, LOL!
I had one up-downer once who wanted to have her imaginary friend announced as a co-pilot during her first schooling show. Thankfully, the announcer complied, this little girl was really worried about offending the invisible 'Emily.'
Another little one once told me in a very serious voice that he was taking lessons so he could be a REAL horseman like his dad. Wondering why the father wasn't teaching his adorable 5 year old boy, I asked what his daddy did. He looked me straight in the eye and told me his dad worked for a big company and worked for Human RaceHorses. He said, "You know, those 2 legged horses that race." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique

riveau
Jan. 18, 2004, 12:41 PM
Here are a few of my favorite "clueless encounters".

Many years ago I was boarding in a backyard suburban barn. A new teenage boarder and her father showed up one afternoon. They were on the other side of the barn so I could hear them but not see them. All I could hear was the father exclaiming "This is a small stool- Oh, this is a really big stool". A few moments later I heard him say "look at this stool- it's also small". I was amazed that a novice horse person would have developed such a strong interest in manure, so I strolled over to see what was so interesting. When I asked him what he was talking about, he pointed to the STALLS on that
side of the barn. Some were smaller than others-I had all I could do to control the laughter!

----------------------------
"You can observe a lot by watching." -Yogi Berra

http://community.webshots.com/user/cadeau_flambe

SBT
Jan. 18, 2004, 01:26 PM
These are HILARIOUS! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I think we've all done our share of "clueless" things, but I have a doozy. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif I started riding at age 8 with a 3-day trainer. I walked, trotted, cantered, jumped, and did simple "dressage" figures, like serpentines, figure-8's, etc. Went X-C a few times (with a death grip on the mane!).

Anyway, in the 2 years I spent with this trainer, she never once taught me to post on the correct diagonal. When she asked for a "diagonal," it meant I was to cross the arena on a diagonal line: M to K, for instance.

So then I switched to a huntseat trainer. She asked me if I knew my diagonals, and I said, "Yes." So I'd be trotting around and she'd ask if I had the right diagonal. I'd guess (I had a 50/50 chance of being right, as it turned out), and when I was wrong the trainer would say, "Fix it." I'd trot around until I got to a corner, then look down the diagonal line and say, "It's right." http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I don't know WHAT I was thinking, except that I was too shy to tell the trainer I didn't understand what she meant. After a few of these utterly-confusing lessons, the trainer had me ride in. She said, "Tell me what a diagonal is." I pointed diagonally across the arena. Needless to say, she was quite amused. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif She then took great pains in teaching me how to post on the correct diagonal, and explained that it had nothing to do with the diagonal lines of the ring. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

As far as other people's cluelessness is concerned, my horse's former owners were pretty bad. It was a mother/daughter combination. Daughter was a rank beginner (though definitely showed some talent), and the mother was an "I-rode-and-showed-eons-ago" expert. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif So what better first horse than a big OTTB? Albeit a very quiet, patient OTTB, but an OTTB nonetheless.

He became quite pushy on the ground, not standing to be bridled, pulling back on crossties, biting (oh, those famous "love bites!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif ), shoving, you name it...he was obnoxious. Rather than lay down the law with a suitable smack, shove, or back-up, the mother's solution was to YELL at him. Of course this just upset him and made things worse. He was ridden in a saddle that sat on his withers, with a too-loose girth. Any attempt at telling the mother this was incorrect got met with a, "So-and-so said it's fine," or "I like it that way because..." She couldn't stand the idea of being wrong. The same was true of her riding. To her credit, she was an extremely athletic person, so I'm sure it was hard for her to understand why riding didn't come as easily as, say, running or weightlifting. Still, she was an un-teachable person. Every instruction was met with some type of defensive comment. She waterskied on the horse's mouth, which would have been worse if not for his tendency to waterski on the rider's hands. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif She was very heavy in her seat and loose with her leg. But no one could tell her she was wrong. Everything was the horse's fault. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif When the daughter rode, she was very heavy with her crop, and also yelled at him. When he rooted (his favorite ex-racehorse pastime), she'd scream, "Head up! Head up!" like he knew what that meant. Every time the daughter rode, the mother never stopped giving instructions...even during lessons with the trainer. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

The horse (now mine) put up with this for a year before he finally started to act out a little. The owner was convinced he was a rotten apple, and said so to everyone who would listen. Eventually the trainer took him over, despite the owner's protest, but did eventually convince her it was time to sell. I was enlisted to ride the horse. One day the owner came and saw me riding her horse. He was going very well that day. She was FURIOUS, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif and didn't like it that I'd pulled his mane a little to even it out (she'd let it grow down past the bottom of his neck, so he resembled a plow horse instead of an elegant TB). Trainer explained that this was what needed to happen if she wanted to sell the horse (mane pulling included). Owner stormed off. I guess she was mad that someone else could get her horse to go well, and she couldn't. But really, it wasn't rocket science. She could have been getting the same results if only she'd listened to the trainer and other people trying to help her.

She was there one day when some foxhunting people came to look at him. For whatever reason (he may have stung himself in turnout, or...IMO...these people may have interpreted his lack of balance for lameness), they said he was off on his RF. Owner exclaimed, in front of potential buyers, "Oh! That's not even his BAD leg!" (LF has "racing jewelry" that needed extensive laser treatments when he came off the track, but he was quite sound by this point). Well, there went the sale. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Trainer was LIVID. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

To make a long story short, I fell in love with this intelligent, patient, quiet, easy horse, and bought him. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif His old owner moved on to a dead-broke QH, switched to a western barn, and is much happier. MY horse is happier too...and his manners are much improved. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Heart in a horse is every bit as important as it is in a person. ~Jimmy Cruise

FrittSkritt
Jan. 18, 2004, 01:51 PM
Oh geez... some of these are PRICELESS!

A few years back, the barn I kept Rainy at took in a new boarder. The horse? A green broke 5 year old Morgan mare with the WORST ground manners I've ever seen. The boarder? A 10 year old girl who has ridden maybe once in her whole life. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Anyway, boarders are req'd to supply hay, grain, & shavings for their horses... Girl's family never has any of the above on hand, and when they do, it's the worst quality crap ever - I think they must have stolen hay bales from a construction site to feed to their horse.

Not to mention that her knowledge of tack & equipment is zilch -the mother thought that the seat size had to do with fitting the horse's back.

And the kicker... apparently one day the Dad gets on the horse and is riding it around the field with the family watching. Horse takes off, saddle slips from being too loose, dumps Dad, and proceeds to run around like a maniac for an hour. I later found one of the stirrups to the saddle in the field. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

After selling the Morgan, they proceed to buy a half-starved, lame, broken down QH gelding. Girl comes to ride gelding, meaning she comes down once a week, hops on, and gallops him around the ring, gets off, and sticks him back in the paddock without cooling him off. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Worst of all, they hauled this horse in an antiquated, rusted out pony trailer with a station wagon. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif


-KC (formerly known as PoloPony257)

* * * * * * * * * * *
"They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity." -Calvin and Hobbes

Member of the "Vertically Gifted" clique, "I don't wear a GPA and proud of it!" clique, Connecticut clique, Missed Out On Ponies (MOOP) clique, IHSA clique, and -=Flying Horsewomen=- clique!

Rainy's Page (http://shakti.trincoll.edu/~kchurch/rainy.htm)
Photos! (http://community.webshots.com/user/outatime257)

Edie
Jan. 18, 2004, 02:19 PM
One of my favorites was the new boarder in my barn who, when I commented on her mare's pinned back ears and attempts to bite told me " its a sign of affection"! Seems that is what the previous owners told her to excuse the ugly face.

RHdobes
Jan. 18, 2004, 02:23 PM
We'll ignore the fact that I bought my first horse without ever riding him... ;-) Didn't last long, learned my lesson.

A family purchased a medium pony for their daughter, a young girl, about 10 years old. This pony had been shown in 4-H, did EVERYTHING, and was very eye-catching---a deep chocolate brown with white blaze. The first year, the girl and pony didn't do anything, but the second, they started winning right and left.

Girl convinces her parents to sell pony, as she wants to go to "State" (4-H), and she will need a HORSE for that. Parents her a newly gelded, leopard Appaloosa with a LOT of aggressive behavior. The Appaloosa is then sold for a unbroke gelding by the name of "Trouble" (*hint*) which is eventually sold for an UGLY palomino pinto pony with heeves.

I don't know if she ever made it to "State."

A woman buys her horse and boards at the same barn as I. I know this gelding--nice looking, registered palomino Quarter Horse--shown to death but too lazy (at that time) for the show ring. Woman buys him for a trail horse--a pretty good life.

However lazy he is, he isn't stupid. When they go out riding, gelding rips reins out of hands and grazes on everything in sight. One time, the owner triumphantly told me that she had "scolded him the entire way home." Like he cares.

Woman ALSO takes to bringing him in from the pasture just to groom him. When she is done, she puts him in his stall and grains him. Then leaves him in when she goes home. The barn owner comes out each time to find the horse tearing up the stall because grain is gone, and he wants to go OUT NOW! TO BE WITH HIS BUDS!

The woman insisted that her horse WANTED to stay in his stall but never stayed long enough to see how he behaved after his grain was eaten. She moved her horse eventually, and it was a relief to everyone there.

Iluvgoldies
Jan. 18, 2004, 02:31 PM
My favorite one was being a TA for an equine repro class at my college. Come to the barn late one night to check on a mare who is close to foaling, and two girls from the class are already there and extremely excited. They said that the mare's udder was soooo swollen they couldn't even find the teats to do the milk test!! I walk into the mares stall and they said what are you doing, "Fluffy" is in that stall.

I about died when I looked over to the stall they were pointing at, as the resident stallion was residing there!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daisy, '92 chestnut TB/QH mare
Stetson, 7/22/03 AWS colt (State of the Art x Daisy)
Trooper (QH), Aristotle (Standardbred), Patches (Paint)
and ofcourse the minis : Smokey, Shania, Maggie and Faith

PaintedWhisper
Jan. 18, 2004, 05:11 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MistyBlue:
1) When lunging her horse in our large dressage sized ring...she didn't want anyone else in it or NEAR it. No movement allowed at ALL near the ring as it distracted her horse's energy. So after trying repeatedly to chase people out of the ring and barnyard, she started her lunging sessions (she never rode that I've seen) she would collect rocks and use them to define her "area" of the ring. She would then tie two lunger lines together and string them across the 65' wide ring from rail to rail up one end. Then proceed to hang blanket brought from home over them to hide the view from her horse. If you made ANY noise on the area of the ring left for use, she'd immediately pop up and tell you to "shush!" This behavior took the cake in her antics, but there are plenty more.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
And i thought the Woman at my barn was alittle "different!"

-Emily-
"Nothing Takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love"-Charlie Brown
http://community.webshots.com/user/uvgot2whisper
http://community.webshots.com/user/uvgot2whisper

Gayle
Jan. 18, 2004, 06:50 PM
Okay it's me that was kind of clueless, okay, really clueless with my first horse one day shortly after I got him. Beautiful saint of a Palomino quarter horse. Nice ride, full grooming before and after. Time to go back to stall for dinner. To give a better visualization of his umm size: my friend's husband used to hum the Budweiser theme when I would ride him. Lets just say Orbit hadn't missed many meals. So I am leading the chow hound back to his stall and thinking to myself how quietly he is walking considering he knows dinner is waiting and aren't I proud that he is behaving himself. WHEN trainer and several barn kids ask why I am dragging the halter down the aisle? I look back to discover the big jerk had wiggled out of the halter (that I hadn't done the snap on) and ducked into the nearest stall to the cross ties and I am at the OTHER end of the barn. Needless to say I never made that mistake again and they still haven't let me forget that I did it the one time!

"The credit belongs to those people who are actually in the arena...who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions to a worthy cause; who at best, know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, fail while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

TacticalHonor
Jan. 18, 2004, 07:17 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iluvgoldies:
My favorite one was being a TA for an equine repro class at my college. Come to the barn late one night to check on a mare who is close to foaling, and two girls from the class are already there and extremely excited. They said that the mare's udder was soooo swollen they couldn't even find the teats to do the milk test!! I walk into the mares stall and they said what are you doing, "Fluffy" is in _that_ stall.

I about died when I looked over to the stall they were pointing at, as the resident stallion was residing there!!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Something a lot like that happened at one of my old farms. It was for the most part a breeding farm and it had four seperate barns: stud, bred mares, boarder, and owner's riding horses.
Well, the newest barn help (think Barbie in muck boots with the attitude of a twelve-year-old) was helping with the turn out. We told her to go get Checko from the stud barn in stall 3: "i know where Checko is blah blah blah"
So she brings out "Checko" from stall 3 in the stud barn and then comments on "D@mn...his balls are HUGE...i wish he was a human" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif To which I reply, "I never knew you were a lesbian" and as she spits and sputters I turned around and put Denzy (who was due in about 2 days) back in stall 3 of the foaling barn.

Thankfully, she was soon fired after wrecking the Gator because she thought it could "make it over the tiny (read: 3 ft wide) ditch" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Coca-Cola
Jan. 18, 2004, 09:00 PM
I vote for greenacres on this (http://chronicleforums.com/groupee/forums?a=tpc&s=6656094911&f=7076024331&m=742603831) thread. Said person went to an exhibitor's party, knew what the legal limit for DUI was in their state, knowingly drank enough to exceed it, got behind the wheel knowing they were legally drunk, and got busted for DUI.

To top it off, greenacres has absolved themselves of ANY responsibility for this, choosing instead to blame the party who reported them to the cops. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Rocky
Jan. 18, 2004, 09:30 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MistyBlue:
Hee hee, you have to love the little up-downers when they mount backwards. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Someone on this BB recently had a REALLY cute wee one comment she shared. Something about asking a small beginner to ride on the rail, to which the tiny tot looked up at the top of the rail and said they didn't think they could get the pony up there! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I still giggle when I think of that, I can just imagine the solemn little face and expression, LOL!
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

____________

I posted about the little kid saying "I don't think I can get him up there" when I said to "walk on the rail"....that one still makes me grin....and it was about 8 or so years ago...

My new barn mantra...has changed to when the h@!! is it going to warm up?

Eleanor
Jan. 18, 2004, 10:20 PM
my most clueless is not horse related.

I was the top server at the restrant that I worked at so I got to train the new help. Well one night I am showing this new gril that had worked 2 days already, how to do close up. We get to the bar and I am telling her that you put the ice in the sink and run hot water over it. she says to me "do I have to turn on the water?" Little O' me says "No the tap knows when the ice is in the sink." and I just walked away.

my place. www.skorrybrook.com (http://www.skorrybrook.com)

Teach
Jan. 18, 2004, 11:19 PM
This is such a funny thread! I'll add mine (sorry, it's a bit long due to backstory!).

We had a boarder move in about 2 years ago with a nice little Appy x, fairly green. Owner is a 40-something guy who of course thinks he's a cowboy, so proceeds to brag up & down the barn & collects quite an audience for his first ride; we are a primarily English barn, heavy on dressage but with a few Western riders (I'm a reiner myself), & almost completely female. I suppose it doesn't speak too well of us that we were sort of expecting a show http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif--Owner had already impressed the staff & farrier by grandly telling us that he had put shoes on the horse at his own expense before he even bought him because "Horses need to have shoes on". Here they come, western saddle with back girth done up TIGHT & for a bridle, halter with bit tied to it with baling twine & 2 lead ropes snapped to rings. I recommended loosening or removing the 'bucking strap' & was told that "This is how we did it when we roped" (funny, my old-school western trainer from college never mentioned that! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif). Also advised him that his troxel helmet (required by the barn owner, who is no fool!) is on backwards; he claims that he never wore a helmet in the old days, so he's not used to it. So he attempts to mount & pulls the outside rein so tight the poor horse can only circle & circle. Finally gets himself on the horse & trotting, only to go overboard the first time the horse stops dead. Announces that he really prefers trail riding & gets Girlfriend to open the gate. Off they go down the lane; mere minutes later we can see the horse bolting across the field, sans Owner. Minutes after that, Owner leads horse back & puts him up, claiming that he doesn't want to ride too much since horse is out of shape (I don't think he realized we could see the field from the upper ring!). This pattern is repeated at intervals over several months until owner decides to sell the horse, claiming that he has no idea WHY he acts like this--he thinks it must be the saddle. I & my owner suspect that the problem is a) horse was purchased from local barn with rep. for shoddy care & keeping horses thin & submissive (he was fairly underweight when he arrived) & b) Green on Green=black & blue! Owner free-leases horse to one of my advanced riders & attempts to sell him; since his "marketing" consists of telling everyone he meets how wild the horse is while simultaneously asking a ridiculous price (think nice local eq horse here), he doesn't have much luck. Eventually we end up buying the horse at a greatly reduced price and less than 1 year later, had small children riding him in lessons. This past summer one of my western riders won her first show on him in the SAME saddle! He's also doing 1st level dressage & jumping 2'6, & over last summer when we showed, we had six reasonable offers for him. When Former Owner stopped by to visit in the fall & was told this, he decided the horse just 'likes girls better because after all, he IS a boy horse!" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

***"With gas prices the way they are today, we can't afford NOT to buy a pony!"***

jvanrens
Jan. 19, 2004, 05:34 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Teach:
Here they come, western saddle with back girth done up TIGHT & for a bridle, halter with bit tied to it with baling twine & 2 lead ropes snapped to rings. I recommended loosening or removing the 'bucking strap' & was told that "This is how we did it when we roped" (funny, my old-school western trainer from college never mentioned that! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not to be a wet blanket to this VERY funny thread, but FWIW ropers do tend to do up their back cinch snugger than other western riders who use them. They definately don't want the back of their saddle popping up at all when roping, and the snugger hind cinch keeps this from happening. I've been riding western for years too, and I found it odd when I first noticed the farm owner "snugging" up his hind cinch, but he took my clueless question about it right in stride and explained that it's much more comfortable for the horse to not have that hind cinch smacking them in the belly when roping (especially if you're heading), and his horse was down right broncy when he was leaving it looser, but fine when he snugged it up a bit more, and this was a trained reining horse so he was used to the looser hind cinch. So go figure huh? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Just when I figure I know it all http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif, somebody brings me back to reality. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Jo

~~Some days are a total waste of makeup.~~

horse_poor
Jan. 19, 2004, 07:37 AM
this just happenedned yesterday-----when it was -3547895 degrees out--i had just stopped out at the barn to give my beasties some treats

we have a "boarder" who knows it all-----insists on stuffing her brrodmares with grain until they are so big they can hardly walk, doesnt do anything with her foals or work with ANY of her horses, etc

then a woman wonders into the barn who obviously didnt belong there---you know they type-walking slow, looking around, trying not to look out of place--this was about the time i was going to head home--i asked if i could help her and she said she was there to pick up "boarders" foal (now i use the term "boarder loosely"----this foals owner is a horse collector and cant bear to sell any of her horses yet continues to breed them etc and currently owes the barn over 3k in back board) well, not being sure if her horses could be removed i popped into the office and asked the BO dad if it was ok and he said yeah, a financial agreement had been arrived at in writing and they just wanted this "boarders" horses off the property as to not accrue any more costs.

now keep in mind said foal is appx 8 months old, has had no handling excpet for that of the barn staff leading her out to her paddock from her stall and back again, never been transported except as a weanling with her mom, and has never had a blanket on. the woman who came to pick her up said she had a blanket when i said its -23482390890 degrees out and you wanna move her TODAY??? then i saw she had an open type stock trailer she said they were only going 10 miles it was no big deal blah blah blah. and i thought "well, i wouldnt do it if it were MY horse, but its not so whatever"

so the person she was with took her outside in the wind and cold to blanket her-i thought why not blanket her inside???? but whatever again. they let her smell the blanket then attempted to throw it on her---that went over like a lead ballon. (i was spectating from the warmth of the barn) after 7 attempts the BO dad and i went out to help and i took the blanket and snuck it on her----by now the poor foal was scared to death.

then these people walked her to the trailer and expected her to hop on--i said uh shes never been transported alone and they said oh we can just scoot/push her on and i LAAAAAAAAAAAUGHED and said uh no you wont--shes a feisty little thing and shes scared and it aint gonna happen.

now as all of this is going on keep in mind its -17389472895 degrees out and windier than crap--they kinda wind that not only hurts your face mut makes your eyes water. the BO dad suggested moving the trailer to an area where the ground was unlevel so the step up wasnt so high.

so they did and again said foal wasnt budging and by now starting to sweat and shake. and i was swearing left and right about how we got stuck doing this for someone who doesnt even pay her board and why isnt her A$$ out here doing this. i went into the barn to warm up like 4 times and whined to anyone who would listen about being stuck doing this for someone who doesnt even pay her board and why isnt her A$$ out here doing this. i was pi$$ed

in a nutshell we tried grain, lunge whip, lunge line, pushing, pulling, loading another horse, pleading, yelling and all we wound up was the start of frost bite and a nervous wet foal who leanred 19445 new ways to kick and buck.

so back in the barn went the foal along with BO dad insisting he could not feel his ears and me whining quite a bit louder about being stuck doing this for someone who doesnt even pay her board and why isnt her A$$ out here doing this. except this time it was to the BO and i added that now the foal learned a great lesson about throwing a fit=not having to get on trailer and who in their right mind would want to move an untrailered foal in this cold----BO called "boarder" who said she would have vet tranq the foal and pick her up and put her on the trailer---my reply was well, she had better have her A$$ out there to do it herself or have the vet there to supervise cuz i dont want the liability of the foal getting hurt and her screaming liability (which is the reason we didnt push it that hard today because she is they type that would do just that)

then to make matters worse the "boarder" wants her 2 pregegrs mare inside--which i understnad as one is 5 weeks from foaling, but she doesnt want to pay for it and she says she will be there to foal them out-----riiiiiiight-----so in a few weeks i will be cruising the boards at 4 am on foal watch-----but then she also says she will be moving them to another faciltiy feb 15th http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif i thought omg shes moving one of them 2 weeks from foaling that is so fat from her insisting on overgraining them that i dont think she would fit on a trailer and if she did in fact fit on the trailer, the minute they pulled out, the trailer hitch would break from all the weight------her broodmares are so fat that the nutrition people couldnt even get the weight tape around them to measure them and were appaled at their condition----but she knows everything so you cant say anything to her.

i cant wait til all her horses are gone because it drives me crazy how she does nothing with them

signed---- ME
(toned down sig as to not offend others http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

MistyBlue
Jan. 19, 2004, 07:46 AM
Thanks Rocky, for the life of me I couldn't remember who for the life of me had posted that. Thanks again for sharing that, it's one of the cutest things I've heard. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Equine Crash Test Dummy
Member of: Non-GPA Clique
80's Clique
Connecticut Clique
Helmet Nazi Clique

ride2hounds
Jan. 19, 2004, 08:51 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by greenacres:
Coca-Cola

YOUNG NAIVE AND HAS NEVER MET ME....POOR CLUELESS KIDS WHO CAN'T READ.

Please dear most clueless people you have MET! Get off the horse go back to school!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Notice that greenacres doesn't deny being clueless. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Of course it's hard to deny the obvious, but based on the DUI post, I'm sure greenacres will try to blame someone else for his/her cluelessness. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Too Funny!

Darden
Jan. 19, 2004, 09:27 AM
This happened at the last place we boarded- you'll see why we moved out in a a minute.

So our very large, very slow good old boy likes to bolt when you turn him out. I lesson with certain trainer for a year and he sees said good old boy bolt when not led out with grain. Knows all about it- he teaches me on good old boy.

Said trainer takes over management of barn. I meet with trainer and clueless wife (now barn manager) to confirm that the reason we own this horse is that the last owners were afraid of him.

Clueless wife leads horse out without grain. Good old boy (did I tell you that he's very old and very slow?) bolts (re: lopes) away from gate with lead on halter.

Wife sets up meeting with me to complain that horse is dangerous and, did I know? He bolts.

HELLO! This horse will NEVER run away from FOOD. Never, ever. GET IT?!!

We moved out within the month.

To top it off, once I gave notice, Clueless Wife locked my good old boy in this stall and refused to allow anyone to turn him out.

Yes, we are very happy at our new place! And yes, the new staff knows how to lead a horse in one hand and hold a bit of grain in the other.

Problem solved.

Vandy
Jan. 19, 2004, 10:21 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Coca -Cola

YOUNG NAIVE AND HAS NEVER MET ME....POOR CLUELESS KIDS WHO CAN'T READ.

Please dear most clueless people you have MET! Get off the horse go back to school! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh WOW...Okay, it's not really worth starting another thread to say that Greenacres is the most clueless person I have ever encountered on this BB, and rude to boot!

ESG
Jan. 19, 2004, 11:16 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gayle:
Okay it's me that was kind of clueless, okay, really clueless with my first horse one day shortly after I got him. Beautiful saint of a Palomino quarter horse. Nice ride, full grooming before and after. Time to go back to stall for dinner. To give a better visualization of his umm size: my friend's husband used to hum the Budweiser theme when I would ride him. Lets just say Orbit hadn't missed many meals. So I am leading the chow hound back to his stall and thinking to myself how quietly he is walking considering he knows dinner is waiting and aren't I proud that he is behaving himself. WHEN trainer and several barn kids ask why I am dragging the halter down the aisle? I look back to discover the big jerk had wiggled out of the halter (that I hadn't done the snap on) and ducked into the nearest stall to the cross ties and I am at the OTHER end of the barn. Needless to say I never made that mistake again and they still haven't let me forget that I did it the one time!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif


Thanks SO MUCH for the best laugh I've had in ages! That has to be the topper. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

RHdobes
Jan. 19, 2004, 11:18 AM
Briefly....

A co-boarder told me that she NEVER warms the bit, no matter how cold it is out. I tried all the arguments, but no go...

Gayle
Jan. 19, 2004, 02:05 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Thanks SO MUCH for the best laugh I've had in ages! That has to be the topper. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So glad I could help! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"The credit belongs to those people who are actually in the arena...who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions to a worthy cause; who at best, know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, fail while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

TC Manhattan
Jan. 19, 2004, 03:31 PM
GREENACRES, thanks for doing your bit to try and ruin this great thread. I read Coca Cola's link to the referenced situation. Live with it. Be a grown up and accept responsibility for your DUI. No one poured alcohol down your throat with a funnel. Consider getting help. And leave this great thread alone! This is supposed to be about horses, NOT alcoholics. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

"Have no expectations, only abundant expectancy."

Applesauce
Jan. 19, 2004, 04:06 PM
Greenacres: You wanted your thread closed, so leave this one alone. We don't care to hear your stupid rambling again here because obviously you have NO CLUE!

Now, back to the funny stuff please. Any more stories about wedgies? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Support Wildlife...throw a party!

Charisma
Jan. 19, 2004, 04:18 PM
This is a story my trainer told me after teaching a week of "camp" last summer.

A boy was having trouble picking up the lesson horses foot so he could pick it out. Trainer said "sometimes it helps if you say "foot" or "Pick up your foot" to the horse. Boy stood back from the horse and said "Foot, pick up your foot" and the horse just stood there like, umm that isn't exactly it! Trainer said it was so funny, she then went over and showed the boy physically how to pick up the foot while giving verbal command.

Other stupid story from our barn, very annoying student/child and her equally annoying cluesless friend go out to get horse from paddock, it is a large field with about 15 horses in it. I go out to paddock to get my horse to see that she and her friend had left the GATE OPEN while they were deep in the field fetching their horses! AGH! Lesson #1 Shut all gates! Haalloooo! I was just glad the horses didn't take opportunity as it knocked!

clueless habits that personally annoy me:
(then I will stop!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif)
-sitting on the floor while putting wraps on horses legs
-no putting polos on correctly so they slide down horses leg and come undone while horse is worked
-attaching crossties to the horses bit... then leaving the horse in the aisle forever


!!!!

MCJumper
Jan. 19, 2004, 04:32 PM
1-I was horse shopping for the fist time when I was about 12. We casually knew some people that were selling their 16.1 hand Appendix gelding. Well, we went down to see him, and he was definately a nice looking horse. Anyways, they put him in the cross ties so we can look him over. I ask if I can see him under saddle. "no". I was like uhhhh, why not? The went on to say "well, you can get on him if you want, but I don't trust him, noooo way. He's psycho. No way I'm getting on." Well, that made up my mind quickly.

2-I just bought my new horse and move to a nearby stable. Nice facilities, big ring, nice place. Well, in one month, my mare lost about 200 pounds, became slighty headshy, and developed a cranky attitude. The barn manager-a WANNABE knowitall cowboy, tells my mom that this mare is going to kill me, and that he would never let his child on a horse like this. Well HELLO! I believe he skipped feeding her because he didnt like her, and yea she was hot, nut she was also a thoroughbred mare. We moved quickly, and now my mare is better than ever, and guess what? I'm still ALIVE!

Maria
Never Knew

http://community.webshots.com/user/mcjumper

Goofy TB Mare
Jan. 19, 2004, 05:05 PM
Hmmmm, probably one of the ladies at the barn that brought a pony off the internet...sight unseen...on her own. This lady was kinf od a ditz brain to begin with. Well, not only did she pay $14,000 for the pony, but it was also in Canada!!! We live in Memphis, Tennessee!! The pony was already on the trailer down here before she told out trainer about it.

http://community.webshots.com/user/chunkymonkey868

**Forever South**
**Bama's Blues** not mine but he's my babyboy!
**Brinkum's Cross**

Vandy
Jan. 19, 2004, 08:47 PM
So this 14-year-old girl comes to our barn for first lesson with BNT. She is wearing a huge, baggy, un-tucked t-shirt. BNT says, "Next time come to your lesson dressed appropriately. You need to wear a polo shirt."

Next lesson the girl shows up and her shirt is indeed "Polo" by Ralph Lauren...but it's a men's XXXLarge.

Applesauce
Jan. 19, 2004, 09:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Vandy:
So this 14-year-old girl comes to our barn for first lesson with BNT. She is wearing a huge, baggy, un-tucked t-shirt. BNT says, "Next time come to your lesson dressed appropriately. You need to wear a polo shirt."

Next lesson the girl shows up and her shirt is indeed "Polo" by Ralph Lauren...but it's a men's XXXLarge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh my GAWD!!! That's a good one. So what did the BNT do at that point? Did she still get the lesson? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Support Wildlife...throw a party!

Kels
Jan. 20, 2004, 07:18 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Vandy:
So this 14-year-old girl comes to our barn for first lesson with BNT. She is wearing a huge, baggy, un-tucked t-shirt. BNT says, "Next time come to your lesson dressed appropriately. You need to wear a polo shirt."

Next lesson the girl shows up and her shirt is indeed "Polo" by Ralph Lauren...but it's a men's XXXLarge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LMAO!!!!

-Kelsey-
It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
http://www.gottaride.net/forums

jilltx
Jan. 20, 2004, 07:49 AM
I don't know which is more disturbing...the fact that I have witnessed most of these same stories ie people in action...or the fact that there are so many of them out there!!

I'm beginning to think that "common sense" is really not all that common.

~Jilltx
http://doobage.redirectme.net/horses/kelly2.jpg

"I wonder if they are using the same wind that we are using?" - The Princess Bride

OverOxer
Jan. 20, 2004, 08:00 AM
Just happened recently...

I'd had my horse treated by an acupuncturist/chiro and he found a couple sore areas and treated them accordingly. Time comes for a second treatment and I didn't get a chance to come talk to the guy during the procedure since I was at school, so he asks me to come down and have a word just as he's finishing up with another horse. Not a problem for me, since we're a pretty close barn and we talk to each other a lot about what's going on with our horses, etc. So, the chiro tells me my horse is a little strained in the hind and needs to do a lot more trot work. I thank him and explain that he'd been off work for awhile and hence wasn't in the greatest muscle condition.

We're talking about a good flat plan for my guy and the owner of the other horse he'd just finishing was listening and just as the chiro says, 'Lengthen the time you do your trot work,' the guy goes 'Oh, yes, lengthen your trot time. Yes, I know what you mean. Extend your trot. Yes, lots of extended trot.'http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Riiight. Afterwards he tells me, 'Wow, your horse's back end is worse than mine!'

Well, really now? Maybe because we regularly compete 1.40m and your horse hasn't competed bigger than, oh, 0.60m? Well, duh, he's bound to be sore.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Ah, well.

This guy is notorious for, despite the fact that he's never jumped bigger than 1.00m, telling people what to do. Even if they're better riders and horsepeople. But no biggie, it's kind of funny.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif There was another occasion when I was working through a bounce and he goes to me afterwards, 'You must shorten your stride and stop taking off so long. See, your horse didn't even fit a stride in that combination.'http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Another time, I was prepping for a show and found this great, deep and forward distance into a 1.30m x 1.50m triple bar. Super. Anyway, this guy tells me after, 'If you're going to find such a short distance, you need to be slower. Much slower. The slower the better for a short one. And besides, that was too deep. You need to take off as far as the height... Or maybe width?... Of the fence. Either way. It was wrong. Going so forward, you should've taken a longer distance.' Ah, yes, take the flyer to the 5' wide triple bar and watch my horse pop the back rail. What fun.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Ah, he amuses me.

Liretta
Jan. 20, 2004, 12:05 PM
Okay, here goes...
Couple move their horse into the boarding stable where my mare lives. One night husband comes out to ride. I look at his attire and think, wow, those boots alone must have cost $500. With the expensive outfit and tack I think these people must ride at high levels. Wrong! First of all, it takes him about 45 minutes to put the saddle and bridle on the horse. Then he leads her outside to mount and she won't stand still. He does not ask for help. Instead he leads her down the aisle to the indoor, mounts her facing the door to the aisle and once mounted she trots down the aisle and out of the barn! I asked our barn manager if that mare was hard to ride and she said "no, why?" and I told her what had happened. The barn rules are, you cannot be mounted at any time in the barn, let alone ride in the aisle. Obviously the mare had his number! So, the guy walks the mare around the outside of the barn for a while and enters the arena at the far end. I happened to watch him for a minute and realized this guy who is 6'2" at least is riding in stirrups shorter than mine (I'm 5'1"). After all this work, he only "rode" for about 10 minutes. When I told another boarder what happened she said, they want to sell that mare because she has an old injury and can't jump. I said, "they can't ride! What do they need a jumper for?" It turns out they were planning on buying an OTTB and own a 2 year old. I just don't get it.
They don't board there anymore, thank goodness.

barngirl
Jan. 20, 2004, 12:47 PM
THese are funny,
My favorite.. sadly I missed seeing it in person was the person was lunging her horse in the indoor at a winter "B" show.. Apparanetly at one point she beings lungingher over fences... As the horse jumped the fence she would flick the line up over the wing. Well at some point the horse knocked down the rails, the line didn't make it over the wing and the horse ended up running around the wing until it was all wrapped around the wing. Luckily the horse wasen't hurt... but the show manager did come down and ask that the trainer remove herself and the horse from the arena.
Sometimes people just don't think.

Liretta
Jan. 20, 2004, 01:07 PM
Hey, barngirl, I'm in A2 also! Who do you train with?

FEI_JR2004
Jan. 20, 2004, 01:32 PM
A lady at our [dressage] barn has done some of the most clueless things ever. She goes to Germany to buy a horse. Now, this lady is a very... shall we say LARGE... lady. A nicee big DraftX would have been fabulous for her, or even a larger WB. So she sees this absolutely phenomenal talented Hanoverian, who happens to be 15.2 and very slightly built. Although they found a very nice horse that was more her size, she would only buy this one because he was so gorgeous and he moved so nicely. So, luckily she works a lot because if she rides him too many days in a row the poor horse is so backsore. She also complains all the time about how she can't sit his movement, that same movement that she bought him for!!!

A friend of mine, who was maybe 16 yrs old, was always at the barn. One day her dad (who likes to watch rodeos) came to watch her ride, a day when she had a jumping lesson. She was jumping 4'6" on her fancy $1mil GP jumper her daddy had bought for her. On this particular day, the horse had some extra energy and took off after the jump and was racing around the arena bucking like a maniac. She amazingly enough stayed on through the whole thing and when she gets him stopped, her dad starts yelling 'Yee-haw, ride 'em cowgirl!' right as she goes by him. this starts the horse up again. She comes off after 5-10 bucks, and lands pretty hard, and actually broke her back. her dad and trainer come running over and the dad, dead serious, goes 'hey, you stayed on for 8 seconds!' as she cries. not pretty.

hunterprincez
Jan. 20, 2004, 01:36 PM
At my old barn we had this rather well off lady who had just gotten her first horse. She normally had someone tack and untack her horse for her. One day we were really busy and she offered to untack him and give him a bath. My trainer told her to put some Vetrolin in some water for him after she gave him a bath. The clueless owner says ok then goes off to give him a bath. About 45 min. later she comes up to my trainer and says she is having a problem with the whole vetrolin thing. My trainer gets a funny look on her face as the lady leads her to the horses stall. The horse is happily munching hay in the corner of his stall when we look in at him. When my trainer askes what is wrong she blurts out she has been trying to get him to drink the vetrolin she told her to put in the water now for 30 min. but he just won't do it. Being a 12 year old child at the time I had to turn and walk around a corner so as to avoid laughing hysterically while my trainer explained to this lady that you put it on their body not in the water.

barngirl
Jan. 21, 2004, 12:43 PM
I ride at Willowbrooke Farms in South Lyon, with J. Blades. Love it there. My horse is very happy!!!!

Liretta
Jan. 21, 2004, 12:47 PM
I'm thinking of trying her for my daughter, but not until Spring. I am looking around right now. She has done some lessons with Jenn Brooks and her riding improved alot, but I have to pay to use a lesson horse at the farm she teaches at, and it runs up that bill really fast!

Sparky22
Jan. 21, 2004, 01:42 PM
People who clip their ponies when it is negative degrees out so they can bring them to a show when it's negative degrees out.

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

--------------------------
I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest
-- John Keats

huntmeet
Jan. 21, 2004, 01:53 PM
This is a little long, but...
Several years ago, I lived on a farm with my then-husband who was learning to ride. We also had a few boarders, one of whom had a totally worthless OTTB. This horse had her number BIG TIME and routinely stopped at everything--even a pole on the ground! She wanted to event and spent lots of time (and $) doing flatwork, clinics, etc. But basically, she was scared of her horse. Anyway, one morning, I looked out the bedroom window where I could see the jumps in the lower field. Ex-husband had gone to take my bombproof horse out for a ride before work. As I watched, I realized, with horror, that he was not on my bay mare, but on my boarder's bay gelding. (No, the two do not look anything alike!) He cantered a circle, then proceeded to jump a beatiful, flowing course with this meathead horse: oxer, rolltop, wall: all things the horse wouldn't go near with his real owner. I about died!! The funniest was when I asked him how his ride on "Jinxed" had been. He said "she" was good, but he felt like she wasn't really herself! And, no, we never told the boarder...

goobs
Jan. 21, 2004, 02:14 PM
Huntmeet! I about peed my pants with that story! These are excellent! I won't post mine because it would take up about 20 pages - unfortunately.

Clive's Mom
Jan. 21, 2004, 03:14 PM
Clueless - Folks who post personal stories on this BB, then get all fired-up when folks drag up those stories in later threads. Clueless. &lt;sigh&gt; http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

CoconutGrrl
Jan. 22, 2004, 01:43 AM
Ooh, this has been fun. Well, here are my stories:

Clueless Me: When taking the "kids" out to the sun pens for some turnout, I get into the bad habit of tossing the lead rope on their back and letting them walk on in. One day I do this with our (nice) Hanoverian and he goes in, but stops to look at me... I look up and realize there is no fence at the far end of the pen!! Thank goodness this guy aint going any farther than the nearest food or friend... some of our others would have been long gone! Needless to say, this fixed me of that habit, and I make sure the pens are intact before using them now.

Clueless but Cute: I have a horse I just washed in the cross ties, drying. A lady who brought her kid in for a lead line lesson asks me if I put something special on that horse's coat to make it look like that. I say no, the horse is just wet.

Clueless but Not Cute: At the (largish) facility I work at, there is a "riding academy" belonging to a particular ethnic group, promising riding instruction in their language. No problem with that, but they are completely unable to find a trainer with any sense whatsoever. Their trainer, "Tennis Shoe", overworks horses to the point of collapse (this has happened TWICE), lunges horses to death on the same lead, washes them in cold water on cold days, cracks lunge whips at his horses when kids are in the arena on their ponies.... so on, so forth. A lesson consists of getting on a horse and going around for about an hour in one direction at a fast trot with a death grip on the reins. The horses are unschooled and every time Tennis Shoe gets on one, it seems to go backwards before going forwards. Not the intentional sort of backwards, either. The lady who owns this riding academy has a horse that may very well be ok if with a proper trainer. She has a Gucci (I'm not kidding - Gucci!!!) custom saddle. But she never seems to ride for very long.. the horse never seems to go in any orderly fashion, again the death grip on the reins and that backwards movement. I ask her how her lesson was afterwards and she's like "oh, ok"... I know she saw me having a great lesson and I can't help but wonder if she realizes that the lesson I had is what it should be like....
So anyway, Tennis Shoe the trainer gets yelled at a lot for doing dangerous and borderline abusive things, and because he is feeling "pressure", the owner has bought her own facility to run this academy at. So now there will be no oversight whatsover. It sucks, because at our facility, when the horses collapsed we were there to deal with it, and at least we know they are getting fed :-(

That's a pretty long rant, but I've wanted it off my chest for a while!!!

Paddys Mom
Jan. 22, 2004, 07:21 AM
I used to feed dinner at the self-care barn where I used to board. We had one absentee owner who would bring 50 pounds of grain at a time and constantly run out. We would tell her all the time, "You're out of grain!" Finally, she told me in an exasperated voice, "If I bring 50 pounds, it should last at least 8 days." I patiently explained to her that a 3-pound coffee can holds more than 3 pounds of grain. I don't think she believed me, but she did finally start to bring more grain.

I came in one morning to find a foal in this same rocket scientist's horse's 10 x 10 stall. It seems she had taken this mare to be bred without telling anyone at the barn and just thought it wasn't pregnant since it wasn't showing by the third or fourth month (no vet check of course). We all just thought the horse was wormy. When we called to tell her, she showed up with her camera and friends and then didn't come back out for months. Sad. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

HunterJumperz
Jan. 22, 2004, 09:42 AM
My barn was at an unrated horse show a few months ago, and came back with this story.

A lady tied a pony up to a jump standard and went back to her barn to get something (I believe the barns were right next to the rings). Something spooked the pony and off he went running with a jump standard trailing behind him. Needless to say, that spooked the pony even more. Unfortunately there were cars parked near where this happened and the jump standard did quite some damage. Cars were dented, windows were broken, among other things. When the pony was finally caught, the lady's response was that she only left him there for a minute......uggg http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

Jen
hunterjumperz@aol.com
www.angelfire.com/fl4/Ridgepoint (http://www.angelfire.com/fl4/Ridgepoint)
<A HREF="http://www.lakewalescarwash.com/fancy.html" TARGET=_blank>
Fancy This- my girl </A>http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
Paint Hunter Clique
FL Clique
Chestnut Mare Clique

Vandy
Jan. 22, 2004, 09:52 AM
hunterjumperz - I saw something like that happen too...This clueless lady at a boarding barn where I had some students tied her horse to a heavy, metal fencing panel that was leaned up against a trailer...She went into the barn, the horse spooked and went running through the parking lot like a bat outta hell with a 5'x8' metal fencing section attached to him. He was so panicked he jumped over the fence into the arena where I was teaching a lesson! Thank god he didn't hurt himself or anyone else...

The worst part: he was tied by his BRIDLE, not a halter. Clueless woman expained: "I thought the bit would keep him from pulling back, he has done this before with a halter on..."

Hands Down
Jan. 22, 2004, 10:53 AM
A girl is on her 3rd lesson, I was supervising her while she groomed and tacked up beforehand. Her mom shows up to hang out and learn a little about this whole horse riding thing, (from a very safe distance of course) The girl is picking out the feet when mom pipes up with a few questions for me.

mom-"What are those?" pointing at the ground under the horse.
me-" What? his feet?"
mom-"Yeah his feet...um, how are they attached?"
me-"well, they just kinda grow there."
mom-"oh"

In case your wondering if the horse had shoes on and she really meant that, well no, he didn't. He was't wearing bellboots or anything man-made at that point....

She was quite satisfied, and didn't feel the least bit embarrassed, that animals, such as horses really grow feet.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

.:----:.
*Hands Down*
http://community.webshots.com/user/childernshunter007
*formely blue ridge*

goobs
Jan. 22, 2004, 11:20 AM
Coconutgrl - is her gucci saddle a particular color like blue or red made out of alligator? Was it made by Gucci or Paolo Gucci? Just wondering!

keljo
Jan. 22, 2004, 03:07 PM
Well this one isn't exactly "horse" related, but it is "equine" related! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
During college, I worked at a wildlife park that gave wagon tours while the animals came up to be fed. During one such tour, a group of zebras was nearby. A woman, in her mid-40s I'd guess, begins frantically almost-screaming, "You need to get someone out there to help that zebra! He's hurt! He has a stick impaled in his belly! Help him!"

Taking a look...
"Um, ma'am, that's not a stick."

"Yes, it is! There is a stick stuck in his belly!"

"It's not a stick...that's a male zebra."

"A male? But the stick?"

"That's his p___."

"Ohhh" and she quietly sat down for the rest of the tour.

And maybe someday I'll tell you all about the zebra colt that jumped into the wagon with the senior citizens' group! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

haybrook
Jan. 22, 2004, 08:09 PM
I have learned a whole lot in my first four years of horsekeeping! The first time I saw my friend scraping water off of her horse after a bath, I said "Why do you scrape the water off? Will he mildew?" (I live in a humid climate where most wet things will mildew in the summer.)It's been a fun trip!!

Scootie
Jan. 22, 2004, 11:00 PM
Well, I can't say I am immune to cluelessness either.

A couple of years ago(I hadn't been riding very long), I went to ride on a very windy, blustery day. The wind was so bad you couldn't accomplish much but fart around, which was what I was doing. There was a new horse at the barn--a big, ugly, stupid looking drafty thing, but a sweetheart.

They were trying out this darling creature for the first time, and I was sitting on my horse watching the "elephant show" WHEN......
A big gust of wind came up behind us, and CRAAAAACK!!!! took out a limb from a tree behind us. Then I was sitting on the ground with the horse looking at me with his best "humans are bizaare" look.

Every now and then, the story still comes up about the day the big wind came down and blew Scootie off the horse!

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

CoconutGrrl
Jan. 22, 2004, 11:58 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by goobs:
Coconutgrl - is her gucci saddle a particular color like blue or red made out of alligator? Was it made by Gucci or Paolo Gucci? Just wondering!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It is a blonde leather and the girth is made in the style of a traditional Gucci belt - 2 green stripes with a red stripe in between, and traditional Gucci buckles. I am guessing that it was by the Gucci company (not the wayward Paolo) and custom made.

I just wish there was a way to explain to them that having a fancy saddle doesn't make them better riders or better horsepeople http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

JE
Jan. 23, 2004, 03:00 AM
I have been rolling on the floor at some of these.

My contribution ...

I was boarding at a co-op barn once, sort of self-care but everyone rotated doing turnouts. I had to be away one weekend and all my usual emergency backups were unavailable. I was forced to call in my (non-horsey) family. All they had to do was muck out two days, fill water buckets and hang haynets. How hard could it be? Esp. with my oh-so-clear instructions.

Came back to find my mother and my aunt swearing never to do this again, and I wasn't to ask them again. "Why?" say I. "It takes SOO long" say they. I wonder to myself, what could take so long? I ask. Turns out, they were filling the haynet by leaving it hung up and pushing 4 flakes of hay bit by bit THROUGH the little holes. "Now we understand why you spend so much time at the barn." they say.

TC Manhattan
Jan. 23, 2004, 07:44 AM
OMG, that haynet story is THE BEST!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

"Have no expectations, only abundant expectancy."

Roxy Redhead
Jan. 23, 2004, 10:16 AM
This thread is just too funny!!

I boarded at a farm a few years ago with a friend. My friend's husband decided that he wanted to ride, and a nice quiet non-colored paint horse was available for lease (very chunky QH-looking chestnut). For quite a while, he would only ride when she was out, and they would just go out for trail rides. The horse was really great - not spooky, enough spunk to be fun but not dangerous in the least. Friend's hubby (FH) was having fun riding his 'new' horse.

After a while, FH had the day off work so called and told his wife that he was going to take the horse out on a solo ride. Everything had been fine, so no one saw a problem with this. He caught the horse in the pasture with no problems, but he noticed that the horse had a swollen eye so he called his wife, although it didn't appear to be bothering the horse. Then he called again because the horse was being really bad in the crossties, and wouldn't stand. He called again because he the saddle didn't fit, wasn't sure if he was doing something wrong. Then he went out for a ride; called the wife when he came back in, said the horse was really bad, tried to buck him off several times until he got really pissed and yanked on his face (with a western curb bit) and got after him, then he behaved. He was still concerned about the swollen eye, so she said she would stop by and check on the horse.

Shortly after, she swung by the farm and went out into the field to check on the horse. No swollen eye, nothing. Everything looked fine. Then she saw one of the other chestnuts in the pasture had a swollen eye - and a mark from a western saddle on his back. Uhoh. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif The other chestnut was an OTTB that bucked everyone off and that the owner had pretty much given up on. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Turns out that hubby caught and rode the wrong horse ... he wrote a really funny letter that he hung at the farm, apologizing for the error and also apologizing to all the boarders ahead of time "just in case" he ever accidentally rode someone else's horse (he never did after that).

Katy, owned and loved by Feather, the Spotted Wonderhorse
** Member of the Appaloosa Clique **
** Get Spotted on an Appaloosa **

sanctuary
Jan. 23, 2004, 10:57 AM
These are so funny, yet some are downright scary.

Along the lines of getting on the wrong horse... we have a boarder who walks up to the greenie I'm riding right now and says "Man, that's a good looking horse! When did he get here?" I look at him and say...uh Pete, he's been here for 7 years and has been living next to your horse for the past 4 months! The guys such a sweetie! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Absolutely love the haynet story!!!

On my own account of being clueless, happened just the other day... Hauling hot water across the driveway stinks, so we've decided to load the buckets full of hot water in the back of the pickup truck. I'm driving across our skating rink and start to slide right toward our horse trailer. I'm thinking...oh God, don't let me hit that. I get the truck to stop and breathe a deep sigh of relief. BO comes out of another barn and says "Are you ok" and I tell her I think I'm stuck (I'm trying to back up, but the darn truck won't budge) so she comes over along with 3 of our working students and starts trying to push the truck. I'm flooring the gas and we're not going anywhere. BO comes around to the driver's side and says "Um, you're not in gear". I had the truck in Neutral! DUH!!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Truck moved right after that! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Amazing thing, I've had a license for over 10 years...it's a good thing I ride better than I drive! My kids were looking at me like I was the biggest moron!

All I can say about this thread is that it's true that God protects the ignorant! Heaven knows if I tried any of this stuff I'd be dead! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

SayNoMore
Jan. 24, 2004, 12:14 AM
I'm sure ive done my fair share of clueless things, ill have to think of some. how bout this though
Theres a family at my barn that has 3 horses, the 2 daughters ride every once in a while (with various excuses for canceling, ranging from sickness to "i got a tooth pulled yesterday and im still sore" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif) but the younger daughter is riding her pony in a lesson apparently he was "bad" (well no shit, you haven't ridden him in weeks http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif) so i've got my horse in the cross ties and i look outside where shes supposedly hosing him off, i dont see her. go back to my horse look out about 10mins later shes just now hosing him off. then she takes him into the outdoor arena and starts making him stop and stand. then she starts longing him- with a lead rope. i go out to ride (my trainer was indoors giving lessons, never saw any of this) and im like uhh what are you doing? she says he was bad. i get on, she puts him in his pasture. im riding by concentrating on my horse, completely oblivious to the world around me when my horse spooks, i look over and the pony and his pasture mate are galloping down the pasture (it shares a fence w/ the outdoor) i look and theres the kids swinging the leadrope around walking up to the horses http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif i get my horse's attention back on me, come back down the side w/ the pasture and shes longing him again! w/ a lead rope, in his pasture! my horse has already spooked once cuz of her, and her longing her horse in the pasture isnt really helping. i was so pissed off, that poor poor pony

http://community.webshots.com/user/saynomore16

NancyM
Jan. 24, 2004, 07:10 PM
The owner of some of the horses that used to board here. Age...mid fifties. He tells us that he is a student of Natural Horsemanship. Gives us a riding demonstration, during which I had to leave as he was "war whooping", galloping around our ring, hauling on mouths, kicking and spinning around. I couldn't bare to watch the show. Horse doesn't have a clue either. Then he is going to load his horse into the horse trailer. After half an hour, the horse dragged him down the gravel driveway on his back. Major roadrash. Extremely funny.

www.cordovafarm.visit.ws (http://www.cordovafarm.visit.ws)

IveGottaJumpinQH
Jan. 24, 2004, 08:06 PM
What a great thread. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


A man had a horse on trial at my barn. A very cute, quiet hunter. Since he rode as a kid that automatically made him a great rider as an adult, right? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Well he gets on the mare and she is too "crazy" for him. He decides to get of and lunge her. So he goes back to the barn and gets a whip. He starts lunging her (read: making her gallop around the arena like a lunatic) by holding the whip in front of her. Then he was SHOCKED when she spun around and went the other direction. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif So he gets her pretty worked up and then he decides to stop her. To do this he RUNS after her and screams, "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!" He was shocked when she wouldn't stop.

Shantine and Cody

IveGottaJumpinQH
Jan. 24, 2004, 08:21 PM
I thought of two more. :-P

1) At my old barn a trainer brought her client to try out a super WB hunter. I ride him for her and he was fantastic. She gets on him and over uses her leg and crop. I suggest that she doesnt need so much, because hes a very sensitive horse. She says, "Well thats what you are supposed to do when you try out a horse...to see how they will react in a difficult situation." http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

2) I was at a big hunter jumper show and there was a lady that was schooling her horse in the warm up ring. So she is lunging her crazy baby in a huge circle taking up most of the arena. Her baby starts to pull and drag her around so she decides to TIE HIM TO HER WAIST! She quits lunging him and used this "method" to lead him for the rest of the day. Whenever he spooked and pulled her forward she would start running with him to make it look like she did it on purpose. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Shantine and Cody

ESG
Jan. 24, 2004, 08:43 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CoconutGrrl:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by goobs:
Coconutgrl - is her gucci saddle a particular color like blue or red made out of alligator? Was it made by Gucci or Paolo Gucci? Just wondering!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It is a blonde leather and the girth is made in the style of a traditional Gucci belt - 2 green stripes with a red stripe in between, and traditional Gucci buckles. I am guessing that it was by the Gucci company (not the wayward Paolo) and custom made.

I just wish there was a way to explain to them that having a fancy saddle doesn't make them better riders or better horsepeople http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, that sounds like a standard saddle Gucci made quite a few years ago. I saw one in the window of their Worth Avenue store back in about 197?.

SargPepper
Jan. 24, 2004, 09:00 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by IveGottaJumpinQH:
Her baby starts to pull and drag her around so she decides to TIE HIM TO HER WAIST! She quits lunging him and used this "method" to lead him for the rest of the day. Whenever he spooked and pulled her forward she would start running with him to make it look like she did it on purpose. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ohhhhh geez!! I've heard of this method used with dogs, but HORSES??!! Lady is lucky she's alive to do such stupid things.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

---Jen

"If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented rollerskates." --Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

CoconutGrrl
Jan. 24, 2004, 09:33 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ESG:
Actually, that sounds like a standard saddle Gucci made quite a few years ago. I saw one in the window of their Worth Avenue store back in about 197?.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Only thing is, this is a newish saddle. Maybe Gucci still makes saddles for the more "label conscious" foreign markets there are (like Korea). I am quite curious about this saddle, I must go examine it before they leave.