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alter1
Jun. 3, 2011, 07:53 PM
I am using an alter(obviously).

I have part time help here that has worked for me for 2 years now.
Recently, I have gone away, and asked her to stay at the farm vs commute.
It was a win/win, since her living situation is pretty bad(as in habitable).
I think the world of this young woman and she has done a tremendous job working with my horses as well as just being a great help.

While I was gone, she 'reorganized' my house. Which is fine with me, since I am kind of a sloppy housekeeper. She is excellent at organizing stuff.

I am moving soon, and asked her if she wanted to move as well. I am moving to a very horsey community so its ideal for a young person.

Ok, so a couple of days ago, I open up my front hallway sideboy drawer(where I keep important stuff) and noticed it looked very different. She was in the house at the time, and I asked her if she had opened this drawer, and she said no. I thought, ok, whatever, it is different so obviously she had, but didn't call her out on it.

Today, I had to get a check out, and realized things had really been moved and changed, and also realized I had a very expensive piece of jewellry that I kept in there. It is gone. It isn't something I wear, because my dog chewed it, but its 18 karot gold and quite heavy. I always thought, when I am down on my money, I can always cash this in.

Needless to say, I am beyond sad.

When my helper arrived, I brought her into the house and said, I know you or someone went into my drawer, because it is arranged differently, and I am missing an expensive piece of jewellry. She began to cry and kept repeating 'I am sorry".
Please remember, I like this kid, so much I have put her in my will. I have no heirs.
For about a half hour, we both just sat with her saying I am sorry, and me saying, I don't know what to think. I trust you, but this is something which could be hocked easily and get a couple hundred for in the gold.
At the end, she said, I understand how you feel, and I know I am responsible. There was another helper on the farm too, but she did not stay in the house.

I asked her why she lied to me the other day about not going into the drawer and she cried and said, we were making you a scrap book of pictures. I said, ok, but why didn't you just tell me that you put the pictures I had on a counter in the drawer. afterall, she organized so much else in the house and garage.

I am really devastated. My sense of betrayl is huge. Yet, I am thinking, maybe someone else took it. etc, etc.

I rely heavily on this person. I will need to rely heavily on her during this very large upcoming move, yet I now feel I am not so sure I can trust her.

Part of me wonders how I would have responded if someone accused me of stealing something. I don't think I would say I am sorry, but hey, we are all different and respond differently.

I guess I am just asking for opinions on how I should go forward.
I am in need of a person to be here when the horses move, since I will go on ahead.
I also need someone to watch my place here after I move. She has told me she will come with me for a month to help me settle, but wants to come back here.
Anyhow, opinions, since my head is so sad.

deltawave
Jun. 3, 2011, 08:24 PM
Did you ask her straight out if she took the jewelry? What was her answer? If she took it, she needs to return it, yesterday.

If she says she didn't, check with some pawn shops, maybe, although it's easy to sell gold anywhere these days so you might be out of luck.

If she's a thief, she's a thief. It's not the worst sort of crime a human is capable of, but it does mean something isn't wired together properly in the "right vs. wrong" department. You want someone like that deeply in your life if they're not family?

back in the saddle
Jun. 3, 2011, 08:27 PM
I had a pet sitter (professional pet sitter) steal from me. Take it seriously no matter a kid or not and get the police involved. - immediately!!!! if she did it to you, she's doing it to others. Do not play nicey nice to these crooks.

Try to think of anything else 'valuable' to you no matter what the cost. Only after did I start remembering things did I realize they were ALLLL gone. Everything sentimental to me - gone. Things I had put away hidden that took digging for me to find.

This needs to get on her record somehow or if not, it needs to cost her a ton of money to defend herself at the very very least.

alter1
Jun. 3, 2011, 08:58 PM
I did not come out and ask, "Did you take my jewellry'?

I said, did you go in this drawer, the other day you said you didn't, but I know someone has been in this drawer. Have you opened up this drawer?

She said yes, and I said I am missing a piece of expensive jewellery. She then said she was sorry, and began to cry.

I guess I thought, why are you sorry. If someone had accused me, I would have said, I didn't take anything out of there. And repeated myself a million times. Saying I was sorry would not have been part of my response. Do you think that is normal to say 'I am sorry' when someone accuses you of taking something?

ALthough, I would bet the farm, the piece of jewellery was in the drawer, there were two girls who were working for me. One stayed here and has been with me for 2 years, and the other has worked for me for 6 months.

As far as involving the police, forget it. I have been dealing with them on an entirely different issue, and the bottom line is, unless you can prove it, they don't and won't do anything.

ladybugred
Jun. 3, 2011, 10:44 PM
I would sit her down again, and ask flat out "did you take X??" And why????

Maybe she apologized because she brought the other girl into the house, the OG took "X" and she feels guilty.

Has anything else gone missing in the two yrs she has worked for you and been a re arranger??

LBR

alter1
Jun. 4, 2011, 10:17 AM
She has not had the opportunity to 'live' in my house without me being there.
She was alone in my house for 2 weeks. It was during this time that she had every opportunity to go thru my stuff, files, drawers, etc.
She 'cleaned and reorganized' while I was gone, and had not done that before. In the winter, she sometimes helped me house clean by vaccumming, etc. Usually, she just helps with the farm stuff.

Over the two years of her working for me, we have developed a friendship too. So, I guess its hard for me to think she may have stolen something, but otoh, its missing. I have since discovered another gold bracelet is also mia. None of my other jewelry with stones are missing, just the solid gold bracelets.

I have caught her in white lies, exaggerations, etc. SHe takes excellent care of the animals. And at this time, I need her because of the move.

The gold braclets are easily hocked or traded in at one of those gold for cash places.

Last night the other young woman came to get her paycheck. I asked her if she had spoken to the other young woman who stayed here, and she said she didn't.
I then asked her if she had gone in the drawer or knew anything about a gold bracelet. She turned bright red, and said she never had been in the drawer, would not take something that didn't belong to her, etc, etc. I guess that response was more 'normal' imo, than the other young woman's response of "I am so sorry'. To give the I am so sorry woman's line a validity, she meant, I am so sorry, its my responsibility since I was in charge'.

Both woman are allowed in my house, but the mucker only comes in to use the bathroom, or while I was gone, they probably had coffee, etc. WHich I also do with them both. The other woman stayed here for the two weeks.

I have resigned myself to her stealing my bracelet.

I need someone on farm, but at this point, how do I leave and trust someone to stay in my home? I also need the help of packing as well as farm sitting while I travel to the other farm to see the progression.

I have a lot of valuable stuff, artwork, sculpture, silver, etc. Not as easy or valuable to hock, unless you know their worth or where to hock it, the gold was easy.
I guess I wonder, from my description of the two woman's response's, how would you go forward?

Has anyone had someone they trusted, steal from them, and how did you move forward?

If I didn't have the horses, I would not have the need to have the help. Additionally, due to the move, I can't take care of the horses, pack, etc.

Leprechaun
Jun. 4, 2011, 10:45 AM
So sorry for your loss - that stinks on all levels.

Kate66
Jun. 4, 2011, 10:53 AM
I am so sorry.

I think that her saying "I'm sorry" was indeed her admission of guilt. She was so sorry that she had abused your trust and taken the item. I wouldn't read it as any other way. I would flat out ask her where it is. If she pawned it then either you or her need to go and get it back and it needs to come straight out of her pay.

I suspect the other girl going red means that she knows about it, but probably didn't take it.

If you must have her staying in your house, I think I would sit down and quite clearly, once you have your other items back, say that you are disappointed and saddened by her behaviour. You have decided to go ahead and let her stay in the house again, but this time, if anything at all goes missing, unfortunately you will report her to the police and have her charged with theft, which will also unfortunately likely prevent her getting many jobs in the future. She needs to understand that the consequence of this action again, will indeed haunt her forever.
So sorry.

back in the saddle
Jun. 4, 2011, 10:59 AM
I would fire the one you think did it immediately.

If you have to have people in your house like we do at times, do what we did. Add an alarm system to the "off - limits" part of the house and make SURE everythign of value is in the off - imits" part. Show them the alarm/motion detectors and make it clear the alarm company has been given exact instructions on how to deal with that alarm system and anyone who sets it off. You can nicely explain that, it doesn't have to be threatening. But it's your house and anyone reasonable shouldn't have a problem with not being allowed full access to everything.

After our pet sitter experience, I'll never trust anyone in our house again while we aren't home. Assume they'll take everything. So protect what you can, put everything else in a safe deposit box. We had also used our pet sitter for years.

In response to Kate66: The police won't get involved unless you have proof she did something wrong. We had cameras on the outside of our house and she skipped a visit, another visit was 3 minutes long from the time she opened the door to the time she closed the door behind her. That was enough to get the police interested but without it, they wouldn't have done anything. The prosecuter didn't persue the theft because everythign she took could fit into her pockets and nothing was seen on film. so unless they can see it on tape or find it on her person you're s-o-l. And like the prosecutor told me: You're the one who let her in your home. :mad: So lets get this straight: You know she's a crook and you're still willing to let her back in? Makes a heck of a lot of sense to me - NOT!

LauraKY
Jun. 4, 2011, 11:33 AM
That stinks and I really have no advice. It's like a cheating husband; will you ever trust her?

ellebeaux
Jun. 4, 2011, 12:11 PM
Find another bonded legitimate petsitter.

Change the locks.

Change your will.

She has to be held accountable for her actions. That's the best gift you could give her at this point.

Speaking from experience.

ladybugred
Jun. 4, 2011, 12:11 PM
Could you put the valuable stuff in storage of some sort? That way you could keep her around to do what needs done, but not worry about stuff walking off.

My other suggestion would be to see if the mucker wants a job upgrade.

I would have a hard time keeping someone around who had betrayed my trust.

LBR

ellebeaux
Jun. 4, 2011, 12:13 PM
Oh, if you are in San Diego or Charlottesville area, I can recommend some awesome trust-with-your-horse's-life petsitters!

Chall
Jun. 4, 2011, 12:38 PM
For your horses, I'd board them at a stable until the time of the move, and pay the stable to assist on shipping day.
For the house, I'd hire professional movers (after removing anything portable/valuable and shipping that myself).
It's worth the cost of boarding to get you out of this situation, I hope that is economically feasible. But if you picked her because she is cheaper than boarding, well you've already paid a lot more in $ and emotional cost.
It sounds like you are dependent on her in some way that's not quite clear. Take care of your needs with professionals and once that is arranged, and your needs are met without depending on her , I think you will gain some clarity on the situation.

nickers@dawn
Jun. 4, 2011, 12:51 PM
OP you really have no idea who took the jewelry. Both girls were allowed in the house, either one could have done it. Either one could be covering for the other, or doesn't want to inform on the other party.

I would feel a betrayal of trust on all levels. It goes to the idea of a person's character. I would not want them taking care of my animals. Time to find new help.

Sorry this happened to you, I hope you can find someone better. If you do keep them both just know that it could get worse, and then how will you feel?

Ruth0552
Jun. 5, 2011, 01:36 PM
Hmm...

What are exactly is the living situation for this young person? How old is this young person?

I teach in a low-income urban area, and on a daily basis I see teenagers do whatever they can to find food. Almost all of them have free/reduced lunch, but even at reduced it is still 40 cents. So they have to find 40 cents somewhere, because mom doesn't have it, even though the state says she should. So, I am wondering what this person spent the money on? I might ask her that. If she says, rent, food, car payment, I might feel more lenient towards her. If you think she bought a new purse with it- that's a whole nother story. But I would be questioning, how much did you get, what did you use the money for, etc. Does this person have other sketchy things about them? Any known drug use, etc.?

It sounds like you don't have much family, and it sounds like this person needs more stable family. What if you were actually related to this person? What would you do then?

It also sounds like she doesn't have enough, and like you might have plenty. If that is the case, and I were you, I might say, next time just ask me for the money.

I'm not saying what she did was okay, or that you should just disregard it, but I think there are other factors that come into play. Young people without stable family, or with family that has less them, erm, steller values, still learn from their parents/family. So if her parents have a blurred view of right vs. wrong, it is totally possible that she does too, and it isn't neccessarily her fault that she does not have more clean cut ideals.

ReSomething
Jun. 5, 2011, 04:48 PM
What an unpleasant situation to be in. I'm sorry.

I have had live in employees steal in a more obvious fashion (embezzlement is close enough) and it is far easier to cut them off, it's also far easier to prove and make a case. Checks and whatnot leave a paper trail that's pretty hard to disprove.

This sounds like a crime of opportunity. Your young lady may have not taken it but may feel responsible. Perhaps she had a friend in the home. Perhaps the other girl had a friend, or someone told a friend. Gold is almost as good as cash at the moment - would you have kept a few hundred dollars in that drawer? For the farrier, perhaps? Not safe if it gets known around town.

I have teens visiting in my home and I lock up my prescription pain medications. I don't talk about my need to use them. I keep cash for the farrier, too, but not enough I can't afford to lose it because after all house fires make a mess of valuables too.

Having her in your will . . . well, that doesn't do her much good until you die. I'm from a family where relatives used "being in the will" as a way to manipulate desired behavior, which makes it not the kind and generous thing that it ought to be.

She doesn't want to come move with you and at this point if you even have her help then you need to organize your own valuables and put them away. Things often get misplaced during a move, I've done it myself and had doubts about a family member for months until we found the lost item stuffed in a box with "MISC" on the side. Sure maybe the family member stuffed it in there but he didn't take it.

I agree with some of the other posters. At this point you need to hire other help, board the horses, etc while you handle the transition period from one farm to another. From a worst case liability standpoint you'd be better off with licensed/insured /bonded entities during this time period, even if your jewellry had not disappeared.

alter1
Jun. 5, 2011, 05:29 PM
Thanks for the replies.

First off, she does not know she is in my will.
Boarding the horses could be an option, but I have a lot of horses. Which is why I need the help.

Nevermind packing up 50 years of stuff, or sorting through it all.

Also, she did want to relocate too. Its fun where I am going, especially for a young person.

I spoke to a friend over the weekend, who's live in step son(she raised him) stole her gold jewellery a few weeks ago, left home(he is 17) etc. Talk about betrayl.
She said, you need the help, we don't live in an area where help like that is easy to find. Shut up about it, pack and move.

I think I have to take her advice. I will not trust her in my home ever again.
To interview and hire someone at this time is just not worth it, if I could even find someone.

Oh, and Ruth, she comes from a very poor family, working class, etc. Major alcoholism of father. The kids are all basically good kids, and mom did a good job. I definitely think she knows right from wrong.
If she stole the gold, she used it to fix her car, etc. She is not someone who steals to go buy a new outfit. She lives in a camper on her parents property.

I have done a lot for this woman, and vice versa. I give her extra money very often if she does the slightest thing extra. I also kept her on, after she said she couldn't muck anymore. Sort of a girl friday who helps me with various things. Offering her to relocate is also a huge thing too. Last christmas, I gave her a college course to get her to go back to college. Either the tempation was too great, and I think she may have thought I would not notice it missing. As somene said, gold is worth money.

I may bring it up again tomorrow, and say(which she knows) that if you do something like break something, I'd rather you tell me.
Sort of give her the opportunity to tell me, and you and I won't have an issue, but lie and we will. Of course, I won't know if she denies it if she is really telling the truth. I think her mother would be horrified to know that she may have taken it.
Anyhow, I still feel as lousy about this as I did on friday. It just stinks all around.

back in the saddle
Jun. 5, 2011, 05:32 PM
How old is this girl?

alter1
Jun. 5, 2011, 05:41 PM
25 years old.

RainyDayRide
Jun. 5, 2011, 07:09 PM
tough situation...

I second the recommendation to put any portable valuables in a safe deposit box.. or get a small in home safe. And get them insured.

TrueColours
Jun. 5, 2011, 07:11 PM
I would take a different approach to be honest

Sit her down and say "I know you took both of my gold bracelets. Do you still have them or are they gone already?

THere is then no "yes" or "no" answer and she cannot say "I didnt" - she can only tell you if she has them or if they are gone

Then explain that they held sentimental value for you, you want them back, and she will have to work extra hours to buy them back for you

This way you make her 100% accountable for her actions and for her restitution to you

Good luck - it does stink in so many ways ...

OverandOnward
Jun. 5, 2011, 08:45 PM
It is not your fault that you misjudged her character. You are a nicer person than she is, and that is a good thing. It is hard for truly nice people to see the meaness in some people.

I think in your heart you suspect that you have discovered she is of bad character, and not worthy of your employment or friendship. And that's why you are turning here, to more objective strangers who haven't heard her in person, for an outside view of what you are sharing.

I am so sorry to say this - but based on my life experience, I believe this young lady is out to take all she can from you. She isn't "re-organizing," she's looking through your stuff for her targets. She's taking advantage of everything she's been able to get from you. I'm even more sorry to say that the "friend" alarms me even more - there are two of them, and one of you. This is not going anywhere good.

I think you should sever your relationship with her and her friend, and change your locks and your will. Take some extra steps to protect yourself and your goods, as once cut off, one or both might well come back in hopes of just taking what they can get their hands on. As far as past good feelings between yourself and this young woman, you can feel satisfied that in the best tradition of offering a helping hand you gave her every opportunity. She has that to use to someday better herself, should she choose to change the dark path she is on. Likely she won't make that choice soon, as she now believes that manipulating and stealing will bring her more, but it might happen later.

You can get immediate help from temporary staffing agencies who provide industrial, as well as clerical help. Moving companies with solid reputations offer packing services. Going foward, hire help on a more commercial/professional basis. Good people will come into your life when the time is right for each.

Good people are out there. Someone to be more to you than just a paid helper will appear when the time is right - it may be an employee, or a friend. :)




She was alone in my house for 2 weeks. It was during this time that she had every opportunity to go thru my stuff, files, drawers, etc.
She 'cleaned and reorganized' while I was gone, and had not done that before.I think she was doing much more than that. I don't believe for an instant that her intentions are good. Doing this while you were gone, without telling you first .... not a good sign, at all.


I have since discovered another gold bracelet is also mia. None of my other jewelry with stones are missing, just the solid gold bracelets.

I have caught her in white lies, exaggerations, etc. This is her true character. This will get worse - not better. In my very definite opinion. Regretful though I am to think so.



And at this time, I need her because of the move. You have other options. I believe you should put this young lady out of your life immediately - and her friend, and any other of her associates. I strongly believe that she & any associates should not be involved in your move in any way - they need to not be around any more. It is a very vulnerable time to lose stuff to a thief - which she is - among other things. She may even have unpleasant plans for this move.

And, with sadness, I also think that if you tell her directly, someone should be with you who also believes she needs to go. Because I think she will say manipulative things, and you may need some support to stick to whatever decision you will have made. I don't know if there is an option to tell her by email or mail and avoid the direct conversation, hopefully avoiding her manipulativeness to some extent.

Good movers provide packing services. You can find a thoroughly reputable mover on Angie's List. I have had very good service using mover packing services - I've moved alot on job transfers. (Avoid any movers that are even marginal - a mover needs to have a deep & solid local reputation.)

And/or - check your local yellow pages for Manpower, Inc. and/or other temporary employment agencies. Manpower provides help for all kinds of work, not just office. That is also true of some of the other temp help agencies - they can provide short-term assistance with routine farm chores, and moving assistance.

And/or - contact your neighbors and fellow horse owners, and ask them to help you find good help with the farm and the horses for as long as you need it.



To give the I am so sorry woman's line a validity, she meant, I am so sorry, its my responsibility since I was in charge'.That might be what it means. It might also mean that she is very good at knowing how to manipulate and keep you on the string.



... how do I leave and trust someone to stay in my home? I also need the help of packing as well as farm sitting while I travel to the other farm to see the progression.See above options. You are unintentionally limiting your thinking about your resources. There are many you are not yet considering, that you will know about and I won't. This young lady is too much in your thoughts, and once she is out of the picture you will find a lot of ideas coming to mind. Bonded professionals can provide both help and security. And there may be other people whose character you know much better that could help you.



I do believe that if you keep her even on the outer perimeters of your life, this young woman, and any associate she brings with her, will be a source of future sadness, regret and misery to you. My very cynical view is based on a lot of things, but unfortunately I do think that this is the situation. I wish you all the best. You deserve much better service, and help that has integrity and trustworthiness.

Please take care of yourself and enjoy a good life. All the very best to you. :)

sdlbredfan
Jun. 5, 2011, 08:51 PM
If you think she stole it (them?), ask her point blank if she took it to a pawn shop, and which one because you need to go together to get it back. Chances are good she will tell you. It is an admission of guilt, but with an open door to make restitution.

Don't ask if she stole it. That's a lose-lose question. Chances are she might lie.

And don't allow her to live in the house anymore while she sits for you. Her betrayal of your trust is the cause of the lock-out punishment, and she needs to understand that.

Take the rest of your valuables and put them in a bank safe deposit box, now. Remove the temptation, so to speak.

I hope you get your jewelry back.

This. I agree about temporary help agencies, moving help etc. Your Veterinarian may know of a reputable honest to goodness certified and bonded pet sitter to employ, also. Good luck and keep us posted! If you wish to PM any of us with where you are, although I can see why you wanted an alter for this topic, we CoTHers may be able to recommend other persons or ideas, once we know the general part of the country you now are in, and where you are going. You mentioned you have a lot of horses. Do you need help rehoming some, are some elderly and in poor health and in need of euth'ing rather than the stress of moving?

back in the saddle
Jun. 5, 2011, 09:04 PM
Yep.. get rid of her N-O-W!!!!! ASAP!!!!

JanM
Jun. 6, 2011, 07:00 AM
If you need to move and can't afford to have the movers pack for you, then you can save almost half by packing it yourself, and having the movers pick up your stuff. You can also use pods or other storage containers that drop off empties, you load (actually hire someone to load), pickup full ones (with your locks on it), and deliver to the other end. You can hire movers to pack the pods for you also, and others to unpack them. Also call a few movers for estimates on moving your stuff, and tell you how much packing/unpacking will all to your bill-it might be more affordable than you think. Until you get ready to move you should get rid of anything that won't fit in your new place, or anything you plan to replace anyway. There is zero point in moving something you'll just have to store or plan to get rid of after. Go through all of the tack and your personal stuff, and get rid of whatever you've just been hanging onto, put it on the porch and call a charity to pick it up. If you have things that are too big to move that you want to donate then many Salvation Army or Goodwill locations (and others) will come inside and remove items for you.

You need to hire people to help that are bonded, not some person you feel sorry for that has either stolen from you, or watched while someone else did. And this person definitely does not need to go with you when you move.
What are you waiting for? For this girl to tell her friends where you live and that you have valuables? You need to protect yourself-change all of the locks, change the alarm code and get rid of the girl now.

RockinHorse
Jun. 6, 2011, 07:12 AM
Thanks for the replies.

First off, she does not know she is in my will.
Boarding the horses could be an option, but I have a lot of horses. Which is why I need the help.

Nevermind packing up 50 years of stuff, or sorting through it all.

Also, she did want to relocate too. Its fun where I am going, especially for a young person.

I spoke to a friend over the weekend, who's live in step son(she raised him) stole her gold jewellery a few weeks ago, left home(he is 17) etc. Talk about betrayl.
She said, you need the help, we don't live in an area where help like that is easy to find. Shut up about it, pack and move.

I think I have to take her advice. I will not trust her in my home ever again.
To interview and hire someone at this time is just not worth it, if I could even find someone.

Oh, and Ruth, she comes from a very poor family, working class, etc. Major alcoholism of father. The kids are all basically good kids, and mom did a good job. I definitely think she knows right from wrong.
If she stole the gold, she used it to fix her car, etc. She is not someone who steals to go buy a new outfit. She lives in a camper on her parents property.

I have done a lot for this woman, and vice versa. I give her extra money very often if she does the slightest thing extra. I also kept her on, after she said she couldn't muck anymore. Sort of a girl friday who helps me with various things. Offering her to relocate is also a huge thing too. Last christmas, I gave her a college course to get her to go back to college. Either the tempation was too great, and I think she may have thought I would not notice it missing. As somene said, gold is worth money.

I may bring it up again tomorrow, and say(which she knows) that if you do something like break something, I'd rather you tell me.
Sort of give her the opportunity to tell me, and you and I won't have an issue, but lie and we will. Of course, I won't know if she denies it if she is really telling the truth. I think her mother would be horrified to know that she may have taken it.
Anyhow, I still feel as lousy about this as I did on friday. It just stinks all around.


So, in other words, you are going to continue to enable her criminal behavior? :eek:

back in the saddle
Jun. 6, 2011, 09:30 AM
Keep an eye on your prescription meds. ;)

Schune
Jun. 6, 2011, 09:59 AM
Maybe I missed it in the posts, but OP: HAVE YOU or HAVE YOU NOT asked this woman (and yes, 25 years old is no longer a 'girl') if she took the bracelets?

If not, I don't see why. There is a chance you may be able to retrieve them if she has not sold them yet. Treat her like an adult and ask her.

ellebeaux
Jun. 6, 2011, 04:26 PM
I'm sorry but 25 years old is not a girl. She's a woman who understands the consequences of her actions and obviously does not care about you that much.

Please get angry and get her out of your life. I'm so sorry she has betrayed your trust like this but, based on my experience, she is not going to change her ways unless she realizes that she has lost something of great value, like a job, since she obviously doesn't value your friendship or respect.

back in the saddle
Jun. 6, 2011, 05:12 PM
25????? :eek::eek:

Time to push the eject button for her. Eject eject eject this btch out of your life. You can do it on your own. You can. You will find a way. You do NOT need someone like this in your life. Look at the amount of worry she's already cuased you. Will you ever trust her or the friends again? If your answer is no, then why keep her around? You're moving, it's time to leave this one in her trailer where it sounds like she belongs. She sure hasn't earned the right to ride on your coat tails.

Jsalem
Jun. 6, 2011, 05:25 PM
Sorry about this.

If your concern is that you need help and you have no personal feelings in the matter, then I would say you fire this young woman. Try again and next time, be more careful with your stuff. Hire bonded pet sitters or at the very least, lock up your stuff. Try to avoid tempting dishonesty.

If this young woman means a lot to you, then you could try to help her. I would ask her straight up if she stole your jewelry. If she admits to it, then ask her how she intends to make it right. She either needs to return the jewelry or pay you for it. In either case, she has lost your trust. She'll have to earn it back. Hold her feet to the fire but give her a second (and only a second) chance. If this is personal, you might be able to make a big difference to this young lady.

deltawave
Jun. 6, 2011, 05:50 PM
Major codependent/enabling issues going on here. :no:

alter1
Jun. 6, 2011, 07:30 PM
And you are perfect, right Deltawave? Your pov is exactly why I came on as an alter.

Coming from a medical background, one would think you would know better than diagnose over the internet.

I appreciate the comments, and if this scenario was presented to me, I would say, cut bait too.

My big issue is I cannot prove she stole the items. Yes, circumstantial evidence does point to her.

There are two young woman who work for me. One the mucker, and the other is the person who has worked for me for two years.

We had a long talk today. I did come out and ask her if she did take the jewlery, that returning it would help our relationship, and by not, there would always be doubt. She said she did not take it.

She has had umteen other times where she could have taken things, many times. I have also given all my help a prepay prior to payday when they ask since they need the money. They know if they needed money, I would give it to them. She brought that up, when I said, I understoond what it was like to be poor and needing money, she said, she always knew if she needed money or an advance, she could come to me. (kind of rules out motiavation).

I rarely, actually never spill my guts on the internet. I keep my problems home. This is the first time I did because I really wanted to know other opinions and viewpoints.

Regardless, I need the help. She knows she will not be moving with me. I told her today, that the relationship was over in the fall. I highly suspect she will quit before then, since this isn't what I would call a 'fun' place to work anymore and she is really here to farm sit for my travels to the new place, which I also told her, she will not be staying here..

For those who say a bonded packer, etc. OMG, no way. I have hired those people in the past, and let's just say, no way.

Yes, I am alone. No family, a few friends who all have their own stuff to deal with.
The horses are not aged, but the majority of them were at feedlots. Running my own business, this farm and well, getting older doesn't give me the energy I use to have.
I need help. I am a pretty high energy woman for my age, but I cannot manage this place on my own. Where I live, you do everything on your own. We don't have businesses that will mow your fields, or spray round up or do deliveries for that matter.
This is why I am moving. To a place where, you need the field fertilized, you call up so and so. You need hay delivered, well, take you pick of farm stores.
You need day laborer's to trim bushes, etc, you can hire them.

I am a pretty darn independent woman, but I also know my limitations.
I cannot run this farm properly and animals be exercised, groomed, etc without some extra hands.

The situation stinks. I blame myself for being so trusting and not putting my valuable gold in a hidded spot or safe deposit.
I will never trust this person again, and probably won't trust either of them. I did tell them, house is locked and no one is to enter unless I am home.
As I said, it doesn't make for a pleasant environment, since we all enjoyed seeing each other, and helping each other out on our various tasks when an extra hand was needed. That is lost.

I won't be signing back in as alter1. No sense. Its done, it is what it is.

back in the saddle
Jun. 6, 2011, 07:40 PM
You did the next best thing- keep them out of your house. That's good.

back in the saddle
Jun. 6, 2011, 08:46 PM
Definitely file a police report. It won't help "catch" the crook unless they find it at a pawn shop.


Do you have a picture of it/them? They will look. Around here, the pawn shops are supposed to keep info about who brought the items in. They have people who go in and look for missing items. Good luck!

Also.....a word to everyone... Keep serial numbers of your tools safe. if your tools go missing, the police look for them viia the serial number.

JanM
Jun. 6, 2011, 09:37 PM
Alter1-I'm so sorry that you were betrayed in this manner by whoever stole from you. The feeling of personal violation in a case like this is so awful. In my view there are two kinds of people in this world; the first trusts others and is going to be disappointed sometimes; but the other type is the kind that trusts no one, is basically thinking everyone is out to get them, and is miserable. I think you are the first type of person and that is a much happier place to be, even though you'll be disappointed sometimes by people, which occured here. I think you're right about the move being a much better situation, and I hope that it all goes well. I would do a police report, because then you might be able to take it off of your taxes, and there's always a chance of recovery-I think property losses might be deductible. I hope things go better for you, and I think that since you have a lot of time to plan your move and you seem to be preparing for the future that things will improve. Good Luck.

Fred
Jun. 7, 2011, 07:30 PM
OP, I'm really sorry for the situation you are in. You sound like a really nice person, kind and generous - who has invested a lot into the relationship with this young woman.
You have lost something, but she has lost a lot more.
I think you have been given a lot of good advice - but at this point, I would suggest what JanM and others have said - definitely file a police report. There is the chance that your things may be recovered, and if not, insurance should pay for it.
Also put all your valuables in a safe deposit box until after your move.
I would also change your locks, or at least add a new dead bolt to each door.
If she has been staying in the house, no doubt she has/had keys, and could easily have duplicates.

It is horrible to lose faith and trust in someone, and horrible to feel your friendship and trust betrayed. At this point I think you are in damage-control and minimizing risk mode...
Good luck with your move.

ps. I have had a farm helper/house sitter steal from me. I never confronted her, but I never hired her again.

Lady Counselor
Jun. 8, 2011, 12:15 PM
A1, as you said, she "admitted" guilt via her response. And you are smart enough to see that and deal with it.

On a side note, you made mention of past experience with her and "white lies" and "exaggerations"
My personal experience has been that when you get someone who will do that, you have to be really careful that they don't spin even further away on the moral compass, such as what happened here. All too often I've met folks who would tell what seemed to be harmless lies, only to find that they were more than capable of much larger deceits.
When it comes to being around my farm, you BS me and you are gone, even if it's about small things.
I would much rather hear unvarnished truth, regardless of what it's about.
Oh, and one last thing for you. Body language. When you ask someone a question and they lie in response, they will very often move their eyes away from you, usually to the left and down.
Body language is a cool thing that can tell you volumes if you can read it. :yes:
I read your description of her response as guilt. The "normal" reaction would be defensive, voice raising, looking right at you as denial is made. Either she did it or helped someone do it. (boyfriend comes to mind, does she have one?)

Arelle
Jun. 8, 2011, 01:02 PM
I'm so glad you stood up for yourself.

I have seen this type of situation in my own equine life and as much as I want to scream and yell, "SHE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND YOU'RE LETTING HER! YOU'RE ENABLING HER AND I KNOW YOU LOVE HER, BUT IT DOESN'T DO HER ANY GOOD, IT REINFORCES THE NEGATIVE," I can't.

Kudos for re-inspiring my hope that even those with lots of generosity to give are able to see the forest for the trees and establish/clarify boundaries.

I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

alabama
Jun. 8, 2011, 04:49 PM
I'll admit I have a suspicious mind sometimes but as soon as you said she "reorganized" a red flag went up for me. Cleaning, sure, that would be nice but reorganizing - no, not for me. Reorganizing may be a way to camouflage (sp) that other stuff is missing. I mean, everything looks a little different anyway. You might be less likely to notice something not in it's regular place.

Also, don't just look for "stuff" that is missing. Did she have access to any paperwork? Checkbooks sitting in their box waiting to be used? Bills that might have account numbers on them? Extra ATM or credit cards? Go through your checkbooks and make sure no checks are missing from the middle of the book. Watch all your accounts VERY carefully even if you think she didn't have access. She had ample time to go through every piece of paper in your house. :(

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sometimes people just suck.

alter1
Jun. 8, 2011, 10:16 PM
Well, I said I would not be back.

Some things have changed. I am feeling more sick that I originally did.
I have since discovered, that not only were there 2 gold braclets stolen, but a beloved goldsmith artist stone bangle, its gorgeous. Also, my opal earrings from the same artist. Earrings were a purple opal, stones in the bracelet were boulder opal and some other unusual stones. These were not items melted down, and there were some other gold pieces in that drawer as well that were not taken, but not as beautiful as these two pieces, which of course were my favorite pieces of jewellery. My point is it was a selective steal. The gold bracelets were probably stolen for cash.

I spoke to the artist today, price is easily doubled if not tripled in price. She is heart sick for me too. She is unable to get some of the stones but will try and help me get something I can love. Just not sure if I can afford it at this point.

I did file a police report. Police don't seem too motiavated. Just took the report. Tomorrow I will call my insurance and see if I am covered. I did not have a rider on the jewellery.

Trainer came today, told her what happened, She said the young woman made some very odd comments to her about my taxes and financial situation while I was away. Trainer thought it was odd, but blew it off. Also, that the young woman was upset because she worked more than her hours and I didn't compensate her.

So, I now am seeing motiavation. I am also seeing the person who I have so trusted, most likely felt the jewellery presented itself to her. Probably took the gold bracelets, got cash.
Snooped thru files and saw my financial situation, and then got greedy over the nice jewellery and what the heck, already took stuff, whats a little more. She deserved it, right.

The mucker is out this week to minor surgery. So, the helper is filling in for her. I do not think I can keep this young woman around after this. I am going to have a hard time paying her, when I know in my heart she stole from me. Her job, since she quit mucking for me last fall, and I didn't have the heart to get rid of her, has been to be my 'helper'. Help with the horses, help packing and sorting, etc, just a girl friday so to speak.

when she 'worked' those extra hours, well, I was wondering why she was hanging at my house. Like go home, but then thought, she doesn't want to go home, its cold, no tv, etc. So, I let her hang out, but still had to do 'chores' of bringing horses in like I do every night after she leaves. I did not ask her to stay and help, as much as she chose to hang out and stay. I am not paying someone to watch tv or eat dinner with me. Obviously, she thought she should be paid.

I highly doubt after this that I will ever have anyone come into my home again. The dog comes with me, the cat will just have to 'live' with it and stay in the house while I am gone, or if more than a few days, will have to go to a boarding facility.

Envy and greed are awful things.

I don't think I would go with a bonded animal sitter. I don't really trust anyone right now.
I have learned, unless you can prove it, you can't do a thing about it.

So, now I know, it wasn't just the two braclets, but also a beautiful, and expensive pair of earrings, a beautiful and unusual 4 stone bangle braclet, a gold necklace, and I hope nothing else.

I was ok when it was just the gold braclets, but it feels much more personal to me now that my favorite 2 pieces of jewellery have also been taken out of my bedroom drawer. Not is that violating my personal space, but its also taking something precious to me.

She can work the rest of the week. One of the boys who works for me broke his leg, and the other boy comes in his place tomorrow. I am going to see if he can pick up more time. I have a feeling the young woman and her brother who works weekends for me will not be working for me soon.

I don't want to shoot myself in the foot and not have the help I need, but I also don't want her around anymore. I have to cover myself and be sure I have the daily help.
I also will be needing to hire someone who can take care of the horses when I go away.
Unfortunately, I do not live in a very horsey area, so its not like I can call a neighbor or have many horse people around.

Which is one of the main reasons I am moving.
Sorry for the ramble.

I guess if there is a moral to this story. Be very careful. Don't be like me, and trust that people will respect your personal space or possessions, regardless of how long you may have known them.

ellebeaux
Jun. 8, 2011, 10:55 PM
Oh, I'm sincerely sorry. As I said before, I have had a similar situation and it still hurts years later.

I hate that there are people like this in the world, but she is hurting and has had a rough life from what you said. That doesn't give her the right to betray you and steal from you.

Do check your credit cards and checking accounts for suspicious activity. Do take pictures of all your valuables just to remind you of what you have and anything else that could be missing.

Good for you for filing a police report and hopefully the insurance will replace the items.

Most people are not untrustworthy like this. Sorry this happened to you.

karlymacrae
Jun. 9, 2011, 02:56 AM
I'm so, so sorry for what happened. There's some wonderful people out there who can be trusted but there's also people who cannot, and imo once a liar, always a liar; once a cheater, always a cheater; & once a theif, always a thief, etc. I wish you all the luck in the world with your move.

JanM
Jun. 9, 2011, 07:50 AM
I think you should use the police report to put a credit freeze at all three credit bureaus today. Also, I would check your credit reports at all three credit bureaus also (annualcreditreport.com) to see if any accounts or other suspicious activity has occured. And as someone else said, you need to see if you are missing any blank checks or even entire books of blank checks. If you haven't changed all of the house and any other locks (tack room with many portable items) then you need to, and make sure all of the window locks work also. When you travel do a mail stop and have them deliver everything when you get back to receive it, and I have gone almost totally to online bill pays (you almost always can do this at the website of the company) so I don't have to mail bills out, and don't have to worry about bills and account information being in the mailbox where it's vulnerable. Also make sure there aren't other names added to credit or checking accounts so someone else can access them.

I know what you mean about the fact that besides the theft that the personal violation and betrayal is worse. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and hope that one person's betrayal doesn't change how you feel about others. There are still a lot of good people out there, and I truly think that you will find them.

back in the saddle
Jun. 9, 2011, 08:11 AM
Yep, change bank accounts, credit card numbers, etc.... You can lock your credit as well. Go to Clark Howard. Com and he describes how to lock your credit.

I would call her out on her speaking to your trainer about your financial info. Make her feel uncomfortable. Be mad be very very very mad. Can her, change your locks NOW. Don't pay her.

Give the police pictures of your items. Don't be afraid to call back and add to the report. I bet there's more missing. Exactly what happened to me. You think it's only x. And then you start remembering about y,z, etc.... And it's gone to.

And yep, the police aren't motivated because unlessthey have proof it is her they can't arrest her. I had cameras showing skipped visits alnog with a cancelled check showing I paid her for x visits. But what it didn't show was her stuffed pockets. So unless they find it at a pawn shop she'll get away with it.
Like I said before, we added an additional alarm system for the inside of our house on all rooms pet sitter is not allowed in. Keeps'm honest. ;)

deltawave
Jun. 9, 2011, 08:54 AM
The mucker is out this week to minor surgery. So, the helper is filling in for her. I do not think I can keep this young woman around after this. I am going to have a hard time paying her

Say the following 100 times, until it rolls off your tongue easily.

"YOU'RE FIRED"

Seriously. What is the upside of continuing this relationship?

Good luck.

back in the saddle
Jun. 9, 2011, 09:12 AM
Try to guilt her into bringing things back????

JanM
Jun. 9, 2011, 12:23 PM
Back in the Saddle is right about clarkhoward.com and his website. And definitely secure anything (like the tack room) that provides an easy source of income via theft.

I bet this has been going on for a long time, and that you didn't notice until you found out about the bracelet and then discovered it was much worse than you thought.

Delta-the person won't have house access and there is apparently no alternative until the end of the week, so I think the OP is stuck. This person will be gone and won't be allowed to hurt anything else so I think it's a sad situation that will be ended soon.

Monica67
Jun. 9, 2011, 03:22 PM
Wow, so sorry OP. What a craptastic situation. I would definitely heed the suggestions about locking your credit, calling your bank etc.

For instance, my old boss had an employee that took and cashed checks. It wasn't noticeable at first since she took a book of checks from the bottom of the box of new checks. Something that would not be noticed right away until it's too late.

I hope you can at least find your jewelry in your local pawn shop.

fefedog
Jun. 9, 2011, 03:47 PM
Sorry this happened to you, the petsitter, friend or not should be bonded and insured so if something happens it can be fixed,replaced or have a montary sum so you would not have been at a total loss . I would definately make sure the next time you have a petsitter that has this, Take referances from other people who have used petsitters also and remember not all pet sitters are untrustable. It is a shame that the bad one give the good ones a bad name. I would look else where and get rid of both girls.

alter1
Jun. 9, 2011, 07:24 PM
It may be easy where you all live to find bonded petsitters, farm help, etc.
Where I live, there is none. Yup. No pet sitters, bonded or otherwise.

Farm help, well, most people have family they can call on, plus there is not that many horses in this area to make it a worthwhile business for someone.

That all said, I found more jewellery gone. This morning I stated matter of factly, I am also missing my opal earrings when my long time employee showed up.
She helped me finish putting the horses out to pasture. I went into the house(not saying another word), and about 5 minutes later, she knocked on the door, said she couldn't take the tension, and left.

Sooooo, I spent most of the day cleaning stalls. My flat feet are killing me.

I am not surprised she quit. Our relationship was not going to ever be the same. She knew that. Yes, I needed her. She could do stalls, etc.
I keep all my tack in my house, so other than a pitchfork or a horse, there was nothing she could steal.

I just want to say, as much as I appreciate the comments, and I do. I also think some of you live in a different world, where help is handy and readily available.

I made a mistake over 5 years ago of doubling my herd, and thinking I could get the help. It has been an ongoing struggle to have reliable, steady help.

I totally understand not keeping someone around who does you harm, but its also mighty foolish to let someone go when you have no likely replacement.

I don't know about the rest of you, but for me, if I need something, I have to go get it. I don't have a honey to run or pick things up for me. I also am way over what one person should have for horses. Yes, I can afford them, but physically cannot manage them alone.
Boarding stables where I live are few and far between. they can't keep help.
One stable has a running ad constantly for barn help, and she boards and has less horses than I do.

I guess I am sharing this because I think off a computer its easy to say, get rid of someone. I took the steps not allowing anyone access to the house anymore, but adding the chores of cleaning stalls, on top of my business, and doing the rest of the farm stuff, never mind brushing or riding horses, there are only so many hours in a day.

I did not take my friends advice of 'keep them out of your house and use them to pack and take care of things until you move', who knows and understands the local job situation.
I was not sweet and there was tons of tension, well, maybe there may have been some hatred spewing out of me too. But, now I am screwed.
Physically, I can't clean stalls without breaking down myself.

Oh, and last night, I did look at the local board, and it is for my region. There were no openings.
Repeat after me. I live in an area with very few farms and horses.

I am not justifying by any means or think it is even remotely ok to steal. But, I still really do not know who stole from me. If it was this girl, then so be it. If it wasn't, I just drove one of the hardest workers I know away. I am not happy she up and quit when she knows I need the help and am short staffed right now. Its just one heck of a mess.

RedMare01
Jun. 9, 2011, 08:06 PM
So sorry. Your whole situation just sucks. :(

That said, there are still good people out there...don't give up on everyone. (((Hugs))).

Caitlin

back in the saddle
Jun. 9, 2011, 08:25 PM
Crittersitters.com And I'll think of more national pet sitting agencies as they pop into my head.

I've been there. There's not many around here either. I'd advertise in the paper barn help wanted.

As to your long time employee just quitting... SHE DID IT!!!! SHE created the tension. NOT YOU!! She knew her opportunity to take advantage of you was done. YOU did nothing wrong!!! She was "helping you" (ie evaluating her opportunities from this day forward) put out the horses and 5 minutes later she quit. SHE DID IT!!! Did you tell her anything or say anything? NO reason for her to just up and quit like she did unless she knew the gravy train had left the station.


You need to write miss little btch a letter saying how much you trusted her, lay the guilt trip on THICK and see if she has a conscience and the stuff reappears some day. "I hope someday you can find it within yourself to return my prized possessions." Don't flat out "accuse" her of taking anything, just say how much you trusted her, depended on her, etc.. etc.. but let her KNOW you KNOW she is quilty AND how she blew a great opportunity. Do NOT apologize, do NOT say how you still needed her help, do NOT give her a sense of satisfaction she's left you in a big hole.

Sorry this has happened.. been there, done that got the t-shirt. I really hope she pawned it and the police can arrest her. Did you tell her you filed a police report? Make sure you add the earrings to the list.

What about your house key? Are the locks changed yet?

JanM
Jun. 9, 2011, 08:48 PM
Alter1-I'm so sorry this worked out the way it has. But, I would take her leaving as a sign of guilt. Either she took the missing items (and who knows how much more), or she was the one who let the person into your house, which makes her just as guilty. I wish things were different where you live, and good help was more available, and I know that her leaving will make things harder for you. Is there some way to leave the horses out more to ease the mucking duties? I assume it horribly hot there too, so that might not be an option, but maybe turning out at night or something could help? Maybe since you aren't staying there for too long then offering a higher salary than normal would be an inducement for a new employee? Or maybe one of the other ones you said might be able to help would work more often for a higher amount, and since it's for a limited time then it might work.

fefedog
Jun. 9, 2011, 10:03 PM
I'm not sure if this helps but I am a personal petsitter and I have gotten clients threw my blacksmith and my vet . So try giving them a call. They are a wonderful resource. Good luck .

alabama
Jun. 9, 2011, 10:57 PM
If you can't find a pet sitter through the site above (crittersitters.com or whatever), call whatever temp agency is in your area. Tell them that you need manual labor. Sure, you'll have to teach them what to do, probably, but they'll be there to help muck or whatever. Let the movers pack you. You can get through this.

If nothing else, let the horses live out 24/7 for a while. That will cut down on the mucking.

alter1
Jun. 9, 2011, 11:05 PM
I have talked to my vets about the need for help, and its like singing to the choir.
Most pros move south or elsewhere. My vet totally understands how challenging it is. Plus, they come from 45 minutes away, so most of the people they know wouldn't make the trip.
My farrier lives an hour away, and he has been my farrier for 10 years, and knows what I have gone thru for good help. good ideas, but already tried them.:(

These are the reasons why I am moving. :yes:
I put myself here, by getting more horses. It has become too much for one woman.

Yes, I thought tonight, a few more horses are going to learn to live out! We are having storm warnings with severe lightening, so I guess it will have to be tomorrow.:(

I have two hs boys who help me, and one broke his leg last weekend, actually crushed it, and will be incapacitated most of the summer. he is such a good kid too. His friend who also has worked for me is willing to help me whenever I need it.
I figure, I will clean stalls, he can empty and clean water buckets and add shavings.

Also, stall mucker comes back on monday, so maybe this will just be on weekends that I will need help. I am not close to her like I was to the other woman. I also just didn't get the feeling she took the items. She is reliable in the fact she comes to work, but not reliable in when she gets here or will clean and fill water tanks, etc. She is not someone I would hire to take care of things if I went away due to her lax attitude.

I need a person who can feed when I go away, and I am working on that.
The hs boys are so kind and good, but they are boys(to be stereotypical) and don't always do detail very well. I asked him to ask in school for a girl who has horses. He doesn't know of any, but he said he'd ask around.

The real thing is I don't know who stole the jewellery. I truly don't. Yes, I think the young woman who has worked for me, most likely is the suspect, or it was a friend, who she is covering for.

I don't think it was the stall mucker, but nonetheless, the house will be locked if I am not here.

The jewellery is stuff. I am most upset over the betrayl and trust issue.

I want to thank the people who have offered help. I wish you were closer.
JanM. Your ideas are right on.
I have the hs boy who can help me with a pod. When I move, I will hire a moving company.
I already have the horses carrier selected.
I can make this work, and will. The fact the woman left, at first made me feel, omg. Now, I feel a bit empowered. I can do this.
The HS boys, and especially the one who broke his leg, hia mother is very in touch with that age group. I know once the surgery's and all the other stuff settles down, she will help me out, even if it means she walks thru the barns to make sure everyone is happy, stall doors are locked, etc. if i go away overnight.

I did file a police report, and also have contacted my insurance agent. I think the gold braclets are gone, gold for cash. The jewellery I love that was made by a local artist is so unusual that if it was hocked, it will be 'found'. However, I think whoever took it, took it for themself. I don't know, but its what I think. there were other valuable pieces, but not as attractive in the same drawer, that were not stolen.

That is what is so wierd. Its not like I was cleaned out, but selective things taken.

I do still have faith in people. I am an optimist. I just think I won't be so dumb as to leave valuables in a drawer.

I also like the idea of the person who said to have the alarm system set for rooms that people should not be in.

Hopefully, the police will interview me tomorrow and we can start posting in places to maybe find the items.
The insurance agent was miffed they were taking so long to do the police report.
I don't know how this works, but I am not too impressed. I feel the local police know they can't prove anything so it takes a low priority.
But, the pawn shop said he would not talk to me unless there was a contact and police report.
I guess, hope the pawn shops are a bit on the side of the law, but again, not sure how they all operate.
if anyone knows, or has suggestions about putting the word out in case I can recover stuff, let me know.

At least for the horses, I look at it that summertime living is easy. Pasture most of the day and evening. I just will have someone take care of them and keep the cat in the house if I need to go away overnight. I am thinking, that if I can keep some horses out in run ins, even though they have always lived in a stall, that it will help me tremendously. Plus, its how they will be living when we move to our new home.
I can't make trips to my new home(its too far), but thats ok. I have spoken to someone who will go check on things for me(for a price, which is ok).
I am more committed to moving now than ever.

I feel relieved to not have the woman working for me anymore. I want to move away and forward, and she was a daily reminder of how betrayed I felt.

alter1
Jun. 9, 2011, 11:07 PM
I spoke to the police about the temp, manpower, day labor agencies, and they told me to stay far away from them.
Being a single woman, I would be targeted. They are mostly in my area ex cons, etc. per the police.

back in the saddle
Jun. 9, 2011, 11:30 PM
That's odd. I thought those places were supposed to screen their employees.

I would DEFINITELY do a background check on anyone who works for you. Would you want to hire someone convicted of a sex crime involving kids if you had kids in your barn? (just an example) In my case, the woman was fine when we hired her, used her for years but she went bad -- really bad during the last few months of working for me. Several arrests and of course she didn't bother to tell me about them. :mad: In fact, she was arrested 2 days prior to the last pet sitting job for me and when I left a text for her to come she was in jail. I was wondering why it took so long for her to get back to me. :rolleyes: So AFTER you DO find people you trust, do back ground checks on them fairly often. You can never be careful enough.

I got the people mixed up in the other post. The mucker isn't "the" girl who stayed in your house. Got that. It's still an odd reaction to up and leave a job because she "felt tension". Odd. If you want this girl back to help, you need to talk to her and explain your feelings of betrayal and how the house is now off limits to everyone. Give the old "one person can ruin it for everyone" line. Still I wouldn't trust anyone in your house.

Def try to find pics of the jewelry to give to the police.

alabama
Jun. 10, 2011, 12:22 AM
I spoke to the police about the temp, manpower, day labor agencies, and they told me to stay far away from them.
Being a single woman, I would be targeted. They are mostly in my area ex cons, etc. per the police.
Well, that's sad. I was a Manpower employee at one point (years ago) and that segued (sp) into a full time job. I'm pretty sure they did a background check on me - but like I said, that was years ago (early '90s0).

Do you have a good relationship with the people at the local feed store? Maybe one of them could help out. You might have to change your routine - say, they can help AFTER work so you do mornings, etc.

I think it's a good thing she's gone even if it's hard on you. People who steal from you because you have "more" are spiteful. Spiteful people are dangerous. They don't always take their spite out on the person. Watch your animals closely.

ESG
Jun. 10, 2011, 12:31 AM
I'm so very, very sorry that you're going through this. :(

I know about trust, and I know about trusting someone you've tried to help, that betrays that trust. You don't want to believe that they'd be so petty and opportunistic as to jeopardize a long standing relationship. But that's exactly what such people do, because they have no conscience or regard for you or your possessions.

I'm glad the thief quit. I hope you get your special jewelry back (and I have a funny feeling you will), and I hope the hs boys and their parents will live up to your impressions and expectations of them.

Be empowered. Be strong. You CAN manage the horses until you move. So they're in run-ins instead of stalls; they'll be fine. They don't have to be stalled, turned out, brought in, and brushed for a bit, to be healthy and happy. You need to think about YOU right now. Horses are horses and will not know they're being "deprived" (:rolleyes: ) of their normal routine. You need to put yourself first right now, and let the minutiae of non-essential barn chores fall by the wayside. As you've stated, you're a lady of a certain age and can only do so much. For a limited time, until you move, your horses will cope with you only being able to do so much. Ask me how I know this. :winkgrin:

I don't pray, but I'm sending healing and strengthening thoughts your way. Take help where you find it, and don't be afraid to ask it of those who care for you. Good luck.

JanM
Jun. 10, 2011, 06:37 AM
The plan with the horses sounds good, and it sounds like you have possibilities. One hint on the pod-before you put something in there think long and hard about the item, since there is no point in storing or moving something you don't need. No matter how much I clean out I always end up getting rid of stuff after I move because it doesn't fit the space, or some other reason. And if you plan to replace something right after you move then get rid of it now and replace it there-that saves on time and effort.

And if you want to store items at home then I suggest one of the home file safes that is water and fire proof, and fits in a closet or storage area-they have them at all of the stores and keeps your valuable papers you might need quickly safe, plus they do lock (it's not a great lock but it does lock). I keep mine in the 'safe room' closet at my place, and know from friends that this might be the only thing I have left if the worst happens. Keep secured anything that is financial, tax forms, vital papers that are hard to replace, and precious items that are very portable. I also shred everything I get from junk mail to all address labeled items like old checks-combined with checking credit reports annually (actually you should check one every 4 months from each company to keep a better watch on personal and business accounts), and credit freezes you should be safer personally, and for your farm business.

back in the saddle
Jun. 10, 2011, 07:23 AM
Spiteful people are dangerous. They don't always take their spite out on the person. Watch your animals closely.

DITTO on this!!! There's a lot about my former pet sitter I haven't mentioned anywhere. The last visit also involved a very expensive emergency vet bill for one of my dogs. :(

ReeseTheBeast
Jun. 10, 2011, 08:06 AM
OP, big [[[HUGS]]]... I get the sense that you're heartbroken right now- understandably so.

If you are anywhere in the MD/DC/VA area, I am more than willing to help you out with anything you need. I can't imagine the stress you're under.

Like you, I am an optimist, and I always see the "good" in people... even if they don't see it in themselves. Yes, we get disappointed sometimes (ok, maybe a lot); but please don't let this change you. The world needs people like you, who fight the good fight; and try like hell to always do the right thing...

I always believe that "everything will be ok." No matter what, things work out for the best. I have no doubts that such will be the case for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry you were taken advantage of. :no:

atr
Jun. 10, 2011, 12:32 PM
I'm sorry. I do know how you feel. You try your damndest to help out folks in need and then they take advantage of you or steal from you. There are some very accomplished con-artists and professional leeches out there.

It starts to make you very cynical after a while, but my husband still has a softer heart than I when it comes to a sad story, and a more optimistic view of the human race it seems, and so the cycle continues.

OverandOnward
Jun. 16, 2011, 09:02 PM
A1, I am so pleased to hear that you are soldiering on and that in the end you will make it work for yourself. It sounds like the original decision to move was the real start of your journey to re-assert control. If one path doesn't work out, another one will open up -- kudos to you for what you are doing.

I am so sorry you put your good heart out there and reaped such a bad piece of work. And for your losses. But you are turning it to positives, and that is what matters most.

Of course you won't be hiring ex-cons and any other shif-less varmints of any kind. ;) If a company is bonded, then their insurance is standing behind any losses - get the details on that if you do hire help. And, if you aren't satisfied with the local selection, can you bring in more reliable help from elsewhere? Even from the place you are relocating to, all their travel expenses paid for, of course?

Angie's List is one of the best investments I ever made for screening out good help from bad. You can find references and warnings there, and it won't be the advice of just a few people, you can get a broad range of reviews.

Someone mentioned not taking all your stuff. If you are not too attached to your furniture, I have learned through experience that it is far less expensive to sell your current furniture and then buy what you need at the new location. And, often furniture in one house just doesn't fit or look as well in the next house. In general you will want to dispose of everything that is not terribly valuable or sentimental to you, because it is costly to move it, and at the new place you may find you don't want it anyway.

Good, reputable moving companies do pack reliably. I have used them in at least 5 (yes, five) states and have always been satisfied (different parts of the country.) If you use them, again check out their insurance coverage for losses, and that should give an idea how good their help is. Tell them straight out what your concerns are and hear what they have to say.

If you use mover packing services, once they are on site plan that you will not be doing any packing or other diverting work yourself. You will be keeping watch over what goes into what boxes, and labeling as many as you can, as that is something they will have you document in any case. Pack your most valuable small items ahead of time and consider transporting them with you. In the days before they come shift as much stuff as you can so like things are grouped together, ready to pack. That will get them in boxes together and make it much easier for you to track and label. Tape signs on everything, "pack," "don't pack," even give them label info "everything in this corner should be labeled 'x'."

And be aware - the pro packers/movers move fast. Be prepared, have the stuff you are keeping with you separate and even in your car so it isn't inadvertently packed! (That is, your overnight things and anything you are keeping with you on the trip.) Don't leave for any errands, you may come back and find they've packed things you didn't intend. Good movers will have it packed and loaded faster than you thought possible, even though it may seem to drag when it is happening.

And ... I may have missed it, but I am hoping you have changed your locks, and taken steps to secure your own personal safety, as well as your belongings and personal information. And I hope these are unnecessary steps. But there is no way to know.

Good luck again. Clearly you are someone who will make this happen and arrive in a much better place, in all possible ways. :)

alter1
Jun. 16, 2011, 09:52 PM
thanks for the kind words.
Yes, I am the kind that doesn't like moping too long. I prefer to look forward then dwell on the past or in a negative space.

I am angry now, not just the betrayal, more sad about that. Angry that the jerk stole from me. Angry at myself a bit that I didn't see the warning signs. Of course, its not till one reflects that you see the past in 20/20. She played me. I would almost think she may have a profession as a con artist.

I have learned more, and really don't want to say too much now, but will post again sometime if for no other reason than to share the results of this situation.

Police are involved, and I am afraid, this happens much more than one thinks.

I think I am going to go to Angie's list to 'check it out'.
I want to make sure no other sucker is taken in by her.

Crooked Horse
Jun. 18, 2011, 02:02 AM
Don't forget to change your will ASAP!

Crooked Horse
Jun. 18, 2011, 02:04 AM
Also, I am super honest and I wish I was younger. I'd come help you in a heartbeat and then you could adopt me! I don't wear jewelry so you'd be safe.

Please do keep us posted OP :-)

bits619
Jun. 18, 2011, 10:13 AM
Also, I am super honest and I wish I was younger. I'd come help you in a heartbeat and then you could adopt me! I don't wear jewelry so you'd be safe.

Please do keep us posted OP :-)

Aah, best username/post/thread combination ever! :lol:
I know it's just a coincidence but that almost made me lose my coffee :)

Edit: adding my positive thoughts and hopes for all good things coming for you, OP. If you're in Georgia, I'm available to help move or muck :-)

Chase23
Jun. 18, 2011, 10:48 AM
Is there a possibility of moving the horses to a boarding barn near the new farm? Sounds like the new farm is in a horse area. Even a month early might give you the time to pack and prepare for the move without having to do full care for all your horses.

Crooked Horse
Jun. 18, 2011, 11:36 AM
Aah, best username/post/thread combination ever! :lol:
I know it's just a coincidence but that almost made me lose my coffee :)

Edit: adding my positive thoughts and hopes for all good things coming for you, OP. If you're in Georgia, I'm available to help move or muck :-)


ROFL - good catch!!!!! Too funny.

Guin
Jun. 18, 2011, 01:30 PM
Do you have a craigslist in your area? Make sure you check it daily for the slimeball trying to sell your jewelry. Also check Ebay - you can narrow down your search to your local area. Keep in mind, CRIMINALS ARE STUPID. They will try the easiest, most obvious way to get cash for stolen goods.

A couple of years ago my house was robbed and the criminals stole my son's electric guitar. They were such morons that they tried to sell it to the music store half a mile from our house. I'd already alerted the store, and the employee kept the thieves in the store while he called the police from the office. Bang, to jail they went. It was very satifying.

Bogie
Jun. 18, 2011, 05:46 PM
I was going to suggest that you check Craig's list, eBay AND call any pawn shops in a 100 mile range and describe the jewelry that's missing.

It really sucks when someone stills items from you that have sentimental value in addition to being beautiful.

If you'd really like the jewelry back, you might also consider suggesting to people you know that you will offer a reward for the jewelry, no questions asked.

If someone took it because it was beautiful, they might be tempted to show someone.

Good luck to you!


Do you have a craigslist in your area? Make sure you check it daily for the slimeball trying to sell your jewelry. Also check Ebay - you can narrow down your search to your local area. Keep in mind, CRIMINALS ARE STUPID. They will try the easiest, most obvious way to get cash for stolen goods.

A couple of years ago my house was robbed and the criminals stole my son's electric guitar. They were such morons that they tried to sell it to the music store half a mile from our house. I'd already alerted the store, and the employee kept the thieves in the store while he called the police from the office. Bang, to jail they went. It was very satifying.

alter1
Jun. 18, 2011, 10:09 PM
Thank you to those who have pm'd me. I have to say that the number of pm's I have received make me realize how really nice horse people are. I wish some of you lived closer so I could take you up on your offers. As bad as this was to experience, its nice to get pm's offering help. Restores one's faith in people.

I don't have Angie's list in our area. I do check craig's list and Ebay.
The gold most likely was pawned at one of those gold for cash places and is long gone.

I am still hoping for my opal earrings and opal bracelet.

I also am starting to spread the word about 'reward'.

I am still trying to figure out the logistics of getting us all moved, plus my stuff, plus the new farm built. Its not just packing my stuff, which is no biggie for me. Its really, who stays here when I leave to go ahead with the smaller livestock, etc.
This is going to be an interesting adventure. All this planning and prep, went right down the drain. I am not a pessimist and like a challenge, so will have to rethink some things here.
A pod sounds really good, plus a moving company too. Its just really, who stays here to get horses loaded(I am having them shipped commercially, always planned to do that part anyhow). The shipper will make the trip in 20 hours, but I have to stay over and sleep, I can't do straight like he can.
Oh well, it will work out. I am seeking some people out to help me by staying over for a night to give me the head start.

Oh, and an email was sent to the lawyer after I posted explaining what happened and that under no circumstances was she ever to take care of my horses, and thus get the lion's share of my estate and any remainder go to her. I already signed the change.

I have a security company coming out on wednesday. I can't wait to learn about new systems. I am going to ask about certain rooms being wired as someone suggested.

I am not as shell shocked as I was. In fact, I am pretty angry. Guess I am going thru the stages of grief! denial, sad, anger, etc

JanM
Jun. 19, 2011, 08:57 AM
Maybe for the horse move you could stay and load and hire someone reliable on the other end to receive and unload? I'm glad you took care of the legal matters, and hope you also contacted all accounts you have to make sure she doesn't have access to them. I wouldn't be surprised if the gold items went out by mail to one of the gold places that advertise on tv-no local paper trail is probably a good thing when someone is a low down dirty thief.

It sounds like your move and life changes are coming together, and I think now that the initial disbelief is over that the anger and hurt you feel are coming up that you will take the precautions you can and move forward. I think that will the planning you are doing now that you will get everything done and move on with your life in a much better place. I know you'll get through this, and things will get better.

alter1
Jun. 19, 2011, 09:22 AM
Yup, I am moving forward, and think that I will have to lower my standards a bit and hope we all make it through this and on we go.

I will share with all of you the 'rest of the story' sometime. Its important to know, so that precautions can be taken.
I just don't want to share it now in case the con is reading this, which I doubt, but one doesn't know for sure.

There are so many gold for cash places around here. Walk into a hotel, cash for your gold, and walk out. No questions asked. Unreal, huh?

Oh, and on a local news channel, these people u tubed the theft of their kid's bike. They had set up cameras and the cam recorded the whole thing. I don't know how to do u tube, but think I am going to see if I can figure it out, that way, I can post the pics of my opal jewelry.

sam1979
Jun. 23, 2011, 01:14 PM
Hi there. I have been following your story... I really feel for you. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out ( I too have a feeling that it will). Keep us updated.... we are all on your side and I know that even though we are not physically there to help you through this, we are there with in spirit. :yes:

citymouse
Jun. 23, 2011, 02:52 PM
I have followed your story as well and I do hope that this individual is being or has been brought to justice!

Please know that the COTH community is there for you, even if it is just to listen if you need to "talk"!

OverandOnward
Jun. 23, 2011, 03:13 PM
The whole story will be instructive for everyone, it is generous to share it. :) I suspected the general outline by the very fact that you posted at all. Maybe the greatest harm this person did was not stealing your things, but making you feel dependent. Obviously you are strong, resilient and able! :)

Trust your instincts. They are good. Don't let other messages from outside about how something should be distract you from what your inner wisdom is telling you.

A1 you obviously have much to offer other people, and I do promise that there are people out there for whom you will make a positive, wonderful difference in their lives. Please don't ever doubt that. :yes: And there will be other people who bring enrichment to your life as well.

I look forward to hearing the update, the good and the bad. Looking forward to finding out that these changes are leading to a happy, satisfying life for your horses, yourself and others you will touch on your life's journey. :cool:

alter1
Jun. 24, 2011, 06:07 PM
Boy oh boy, you guys are great. Thank you.

I really don't want to share too much right now, since we are in the middle of things.

I am now 100% convinced this girl stole my property(jewelry, tools, and who knows what else).

I really would like to write more, ask for opinions, etc, but I want to see what may pan out before I bring you all 'the rest of the story'.

I can say, today is a very down day. For valid reasons, which involve this, but which I don't want to share right now.

I highly doubt the young woman reads this board, but, can't be too certain, so keeping my lid on things for the short moment and into the near future.

Oh, I did go to her facebook page, wow, folks, before you hire anyone, have kids, etc, check out facebook.
She said some rather disparaging remarks about me. I tend to be the kind of person that likes 'proof' of things. I did not take anything one person told me, but wanted corroboration.
So, yeah, on top of the theft, now I get to see how she thought I was a useless piece of crap who knew nothing about horses, and had nothing better to do with my money than throw it after horses.
Here I think I am helping someone, offering them a good opportunity to relocate, work with professional trainers, etc, and this young lady just not only used me for what she could, stole from me, she had absolutely no respect for me, and let it be loud and clear on her facebook account. She knew I didn't do facebook, so wasn't shy about what she posted.

This whole thing has changed my views, not just on people, but on the whole system.
More to come.

wcporter
Jun. 24, 2011, 06:37 PM
Boy oh boy, you guys are great. Thank you.

I really don't want to share too much right now, since we are in the middle of things.

I am now 100% convinced this girl stole my property(jewelry, tools, and who knows what else).

I really would like to write more, ask for opinions, etc, but I want to see what may pan out before I bring you all 'the rest of the story'.

I can say, today is a very down day. For valid reasons, which involve this, but which I don't want to share right now.

I highly doubt the young woman reads this board, but, can't be too certain, so keeping my lid on things for the short moment and into the near future.

Oh, I did go to her facebook page, wow, folks, before you hire anyone, have kids, etc, check out facebook.
She said some rather disparaging remarks about me. I tend to be the kind of person that likes 'proof' of things. I did not take anything one person told me, but wanted corroboration.
So, yeah, on top of the theft, now I get to see how she thought I was a useless piece of crap who knew nothing about horses, and had nothing better to do with my money than throw it after horses.
Here I think I am helping someone, offering them a good opportunity to relocate, work with professional trainers, etc, and this young lady just not only used me for what she could, stole from me, she had absolutely no respect for me, and let it be loud and clear on her facebook account. She knew I didn't do facebook, so wasn't shy about what she posted.

This whole thing has changed my views, not just on people, but on the whole system.
More to come.

:eek:

I'm so, so sorry. Nothing is worse than a good slap in the face to your own intuitions :(. I know that feeling; it rattles your core and changes how you look at people in general, permanently.

All I can say is, I hope you get justice and somehow, someday find peace with this whole situation.

back in the saddle
Jun. 24, 2011, 06:54 PM
Stand your ground and get it on her permanent record if you can.

Make copies of the facebook pages.

asb_own_me
Jun. 24, 2011, 07:06 PM
I've just read through this thread, got to this last bit and thought wow. Talk about adding insult to injury. The nerve of some people is amazing. I can't be the only one who would love to see her FB page ;)

OP, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I agree, the betrayal is heartbreaking, but I am glad that you are to the point where you are getting angry. Some anger is good. Anger equals action, where hurt usually just means wallowing. I'm glad that you are taking action to protect yourself, your property, and your horses, and that you are securing your plans for your impending move. I wish you the best.....and sincerely wish that I could be of some help to you.

Teacup
Jun. 24, 2011, 07:15 PM
Boy oh boy, you guys are great. Thank you.

I really don't want to share too much right now, since we are in the middle of things.

I am now 100% convinced this girl stole my property(jewelry, tools, and who knows what else).

I really would like to write more, ask for opinions, etc, but I want to see what may pan out before I bring you all 'the rest of the story'.

I can say, today is a very down day. For valid reasons, which involve this, but which I don't want to share right now.

I highly doubt the young woman reads this board, but, can't be too certain, so keeping my lid on things for the short moment and into the near future.

Oh, I did go to her facebook page, wow, folks, before you hire anyone, have kids, etc, check out facebook.
She said some rather disparaging remarks about me. I tend to be the kind of person that likes 'proof' of things. I did not take anything one person told me, but wanted corroboration.
So, yeah, on top of the theft, now I get to see how she thought I was a useless piece of crap who knew nothing about horses, and had nothing better to do with my money than throw it after horses.
Here I think I am helping someone, offering them a good opportunity to relocate, work with professional trainers, etc, and this young lady just not only used me for what she could, stole from me, she had absolutely no respect for me, and let it be loud and clear on her facebook account. She knew I didn't do facebook, so wasn't shy about what she posted.

This whole thing has changed my views, not just on people, but on the whole system.
More to come.
A lesson to the girl about the internet:
1.) Keep your facebook profile private.
2.) Don't post horrible comments on it because someone WILL see it.
3.) The internet really isn't all that private.

I'm sorry for your losses and that you had to go through the experience. You can chalk it up to a learning experience, but it doesn't take away the hurt and bad feelings. She betrayed you, violated your trust, and publicly slammed you. It's okay to feel angry, and you should.

Canaqua
Jun. 24, 2011, 07:21 PM
Wow, I'm really sorry she's treated you this way, especially after all you've done for her :(. Up until I read the part about her Facebook comments, I was going to suggest that she might have a boyfriend (or someone she wants to be her boyfriend), who stayed with her, who took the stuff and who she was protecting...young, insecure women will go to great lengths to get and keep a guy, ugh. But, since she was openly disrespecting you on Facebook...she's an entitled, ungrateful little witch...let her have it.

JanM
Jun. 24, 2011, 08:39 PM
alter1-anger can be your friend in this, and it will help you do what needs to be done. Yes, Facebook and other social media sites are many people's downfall these days, and many employers now look at this before hiring and find out lots of interesting information that the posters probably shouldn't have put out there for the world.

I know you'll do what you can, and I agree that the system seems to be on the criminal's side instead of the victim's side these days. Someday this person will get what's coming to her, and she better not count on getting away with things like this forever. She tries this on the wrong person and gets caught it might not go so well for her, because not everyone lets law enforcement handle things. She has already screwed her life up, and missed what may be her one chance to make a better life, and I know someday she will realized this-probably though she will find a way to blame someone else for what was clearly her fault.

Good Luck on taking whatever action you can, and take care.

Halter Alter
Jun. 25, 2011, 11:05 AM
The fact that she repeatedly said she was sorry would be her way of admitting that she took the jewelery? I could possibly forgive that. The fact that she did admit it in her own way. If that is what you feel she did.
Trashing on facbook? :no: I couldn't forgive that. :no:
Too bad, as she sounded like the perfect employee, possibly willing to relocate to help you out when you moved. Not many people would pick up and leave their home to help an employer out. Sad for her too. It sounds like she missed out on a nice adventure.
Have you confronted her about the facebook remarks?
Sorry this happened to you.

katarine
Jun. 25, 2011, 02:25 PM
alter1 you might google your own name, see if she's trashing you elsewhere...or your first name+your horses name, or one of them, see if they turn up together.

or her phone # and jewelry :(

alter1
Jun. 25, 2011, 03:07 PM
Thanks Katerine. I am not as savvy on internet stuff as some of you guys!
Some of you are awesome really as we know from the internet sleuthing you do.
One reason why I am not mentioning anything right now about some details, just in case.

Oh, and today, I discoverd she took a dog crate today when I was cleaning out the garage. My large one that I planned on using in our move. I have chickens, geese, cat, etc that I want to crate during the move. Each day something new is missing.

Thanks for any tips on sleuthing. I am considering hiring a pi, if for no other reason to catch her buying oxy or with something of mine.

Halteralter, are you kidding? Just to say "I am sorry repeatedly" but deny that she took it, just that it disappeared on her watch is forgivable???.
Sorry, but I am fuming. No excuse, and I don't buy that drugs are the reason to feel sorry for this good girl gone bad.
Thats the way people use to think about drunk drivers, oh, they were drunk, not their fault they crashed the car or insert what you want.

wrong is wrong.

cloudyandcallie
Jun. 25, 2011, 03:40 PM
[edit]

I'd change all the locks and make sure someone is there with your animals if you leave the farm for any reason.

Are you positively sure she did it? I mean, she could have had a boyfriend in and he stole the stuff, and she is "sorry" that he did it as it was her fault. Absent a confession where she says she did steal the jewelry, you pobably don't have enough evidence for the cops to arrest her. I presume the cops will interview her though?

back in the saddle
Jun. 25, 2011, 06:30 PM
you pobably don't have enough evidence for the cops to arrest her.

LOL That's what my pet sitter thought to!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

Lying about what she did is what got her arrested because he (investigator) watched the tapes and knew she was lying. Funny how video cameras can be there and unseen. You never know who has them and where they are. :cool::cool::cool:

Telling the truth is ALWAYS always always the best policy. ;););)

I would have dropped the charges had I gotten my stuff back. Instead.. petsitter ended up paying a TON more than was gained from my house on attorney fees. Crime does NOT pay. ;)

OverandOnward
Jun. 27, 2011, 12:02 AM
Don't know of course, but personally I doubt a bf was behind this. I will not be surprised to find out that, young as she is, this gal already has complaints and/or a record of this kind of thing. Getting close to someone who is (a) in need of general assistance and (b) generous. Or stealing from an employer in another context. Whatever the situation, my guess is that she plays along with every suggestion, to increase the person's (or employer's) confidence, and access to goods.

This can happen to unlikely victims, anyone, really. One of the best ways to protect oneself is through general knowledge and information about this kind of crime. Unfortunately, an internet search on fraud, and even the FBI's site, focus on more technology-related things - telemarketing schemes, mortgage/investment scams, and so forth. But getting close to someone who is perceived as vulnerable to gradually filch more and more stuff is one of the oldest and most insidious crimes on the book. Women are some of the most skilled perpetrators, I'm sorry to say.

I'm assuming that's what's been going on - well, it was in general, perhaps we'll learn how much purpose and design was behind it, as opposed to sheer opportunism by someone of low principals. That said, the appearance of the 'helping friend' is most alarming to me. If the two were truly working in concert ... well, A1 may have had a narrow escape, from major property loss and identity theft at the least.

And I'm thinking those facebook comments really meant "this lady is sharper and harder to take advantage of than I hoped!" :D

Anyway. It is good to be aware of a principal called 'self-selection.' It says that certain situations attract certain people, whether they are wanted or not. When a call for personal assistance goes out, people who are looking to take advantage are likely to answer the call, along with all the good people who also answer.

But that doesn't mean that there are not good people out there who are honorable employees, and worthy recipients of favor and a leg up. Such people often just need a temporary boost, and they will show their ability to survive and prosper independently from that point on. And go on to return the affection and regard, and eventually pass along help to others. :)

Hope the move is going well! Things get better from here, I'm sure. :cool:

alter1
Jun. 27, 2011, 10:23 AM
Again, I want to thank the coth community for their support. The pm's I have received are just beyond kind, generous, and supportive.

I still cannot share the investigation side of things, and I am sorry, I wish I could.

I think all of us can easily be a victim of this kind of crime. We have horses, usually dogs, cats or other house pets. So, we have to let people into our homes.

Do I think this young woman came here with the intention of stealing from me? No. I truly don't.
I think it started when she began doing oxy. I don't condone it, nor make excuses for it. She had worked for me for over a year before I think she got into the drug.

I will also tell you, my vets, farrier, my friends(who are of a more suspicious nature) never thought she was capable of this. All really respected her and were glad I had such a great helper.
I can tell you they are in shock too.

If you are single and need help around your farm, I am not discouraging you from hiring someone. But, don't do what I did. I never hid my jewelry, but left it in drawers that easily could be opened and voila. Plus, she had full access to my house.

Install a security system(as I am in the process of doing) and have a camera/notion detector for the areas no one should be in and let your farm sitters/helpers know that the place has cameras/motion detectors.

I shared too much with this person, to the point, the other helper even commented to her, where are the cameras going, because I don't want to be caught peeing. The young woman replied, don't worry about it because alter1 will have me put them up, she can't do anything on her own. Nice, eh.

She grew quite pompous about her role, and although I had bells go off, they weren't that loud. I recalled when I was younger and my mom having me do things for her. Most young people get it, and like the fact they can do more than their elder, its a rite of passage. Most do not think, hmmm, what a dummy and easy person to take advantage of.

I blame myself for much of this. At least the part of not being more suspicous, cautious person. Heck, I thought this person appreciated and understood. Instead, I think she envied that I live in a nice house, have nice things. Hello, life wasn't always that way, I worked for it.

Honestly, I will never be so trusting again. I will be friendly and nice, but when I am gone, cameras roll. You want to steal from me...great, be aware that I will see it.

This has really changed me. Maybe for the better.
I am moving somewhere that help will be much more available, and horse care will be less labor intensive.
I will not need to rely on help like I do here. Or if I do, they are professionals. Sure, they can still steal but as the saying goes, spite me once, shame on you, spite me twice, shame on me.
I wasn't putting a bathroom in the barn initially. I thought, heck, use the house. Now, I get it. You don't let anyone in your house. Remember, I had references on this young woman!

Oxy is not a drug that you can tell someone is high on per the cops. Its also very expensive, like 60-100 a pill. It is highly addictive and the user feels no pain. Those of us into horses, tend to have aches and pains(its hard work). I think there are many users out there who we just don't see it, since they do the job with no downed.drugged attitude.

they need lots of money to supply their habit. So watch out. You never really know. The cops even told me, users go to work, come home, carry on. Only difference is if they aren't getting it via a doctor, the off market cost is extreme amd they will do anything to get it.

The investigation is still continuing, so I can't talk about that yet.
Again, thank you. Many of you who have pm'd me or posted here, have really helped me remember, there are many good people out there.

citymouse
Jul. 1, 2011, 12:24 PM
Alter here's hoping you and yours have a wonderful holiday weekend! All the best and we are still thinking of you!

OverandOnward
Jul. 2, 2011, 07:22 PM
Oxy is not a drug that you can tell someone is high on per the cops. Its also very expensive, like 60-100 a pill. It is highly addictive and the user feels no pain. Those of us into horses, tend to have aches and pains(its hard work). I think there are many users out there who we just don't see it, since they do the job with no downed.drugged attitude.Wow. And now she has thrown away the opportunity of a lifetime, one not likely to come again, for this drug. That is very sad.

I googled it and found this ...
http://www.opiates.com/media/heroin-belleville.html

The new heroin slashed through Generation X like a vast scythe, felling hundreds of young men and women in their teens and 20s and flooding emergency rooms with thousands more.:eek::eek::eek: I am so sorry you came across this, A1 ... but I am impressed with how you've handled it ... and protected your farm and horses as well. You did wake up to the signals and catch it. As much as you lost, it could have become much, much worse had you not listened to your warning bells.

You also have excellent advice, a lot to think about. For all my warnings to another person, when I'm happy with with my horses and situation, it is easier just to not look for trouble signs ... but according to the articles, oxy is a rural drug.

I would add to your list of precautions that if an employee is strongly recommending bringing on a friend, proceed with greater caution. That sounds like such a terrible thing to say! There are plenty of good people in the world and it is good to help a friend. But ... undiscovered employee-thieves often try to get a 'helper' working with them. Their helper, because by working off each other, together they can take more than twice what one can, alone. And in your case, A1, living by yourself ... I do not like to think about how unhappy this might have gotten, although I hope that was never a true risk. But especially with a drug like that in the mix, things could get very strange.

Fwiw, what very little I know about spotting risky people does not come from honest business people and associates. It is from people who were once in the life, or very close to it (not me thank goodness.) (Now your story goes into the mix for me to learn from other people's experience! ;)) For me, just fwiw, recommendations from people I know to be honest go only so far. They can recommend in their area of expertise, but they aren't experienced thieves, con artists or drug addicts, and may not spot them. Because it does not make sense to them, when they can see how much better off that person would be on a straighter path. Your experience is truly a wake-up call, A1.

I would mention one more thing ... looking ahead, if this young lady someday in the future, near or distant, turns up on your doorstep (no matter how far away from her that doorstep is) saying she is cleaned up, lesson learned, very sorry, and she'd like to make it up to you / work for you again ... please pass. It is my unimportant opinion that future help for her should come from anyone else. Directing her to other resources would be your optimal role, if any at all. Addicts are addicts, skeptical though that perspective is, and this is a connection that has run its course for this lifetime. Just imho.

So glad you are going to be settled in a much better, more secure and safer place! Good luck and god bless! :)

alter1
Jul. 7, 2011, 07:29 AM
Well, here is my update.
Again, I share this because in many ways I think I am quite naive and downright ignorant when it comes to the legal system. Although, the Casey Anthony trial and OJ too somewhat confirm that the system can be easy on what we all know and think as the guilty person.

During the weeks since I first discovered my jewelry missing, I have also discovered miscellaneous other items too. I guess I have a feeling of being pillaged. She took horse training books as well as tools, jars of change, etc

What has been most disturbing to me however is what I see as a real lack of initiative on the police. In the first few weeks, I would contact them every other day to twice a week, asking them for any updates, etc.

Early on, they had a lead that she had pawned jewelry. But, when I went to the police station of the town where she pawned it, they told me they knew the places and that the law only required them to keep the items for 7 days, and then it is sent off to be melted. So, by the time I realized things were stolen, they were melted down. After that, I think the police felt without evidence, what was the point.

The farmsitter's brother also has worked for me, so I finally decided I needed to take a bit more action.
I contacted the mother first and explained how difficult it was for me to believe all this since I highly regarded her daughter. (I knew as a mother, she would not believe any of this.) I told her I had documentation that the daughter had pawned jewelry. Her mother said she did so at christmas time...well, this was stuff pawned months after that. Her mother said that neither she or her daughter had any gold to pawn, etc and again denied her daughter would do such a thing.
I brought up the oxy, again Mom was no way.
I may be sounding like mom was cooperative, she really wasn't. In fact, mom was a bit arrogant about the whole thing.
I said, well let's get this straightened out. Have your daughter return the police phone calls and do a lie detector. Mom said she would contact daughter.

So, the weekend came along, and I told the brother, here is the deal(since I hadn't heard from mom and daughter did not return cop calls). You need to have your sister call the police and schedule an appt, or you don't have a job.
I explained its pretty simple, if she did not steal, she'd make an appt.

Mom calls the next day very nasty says, daughter will call the cops and piss in a pot.
Well, we know the end of this story. Daughter has not called and its been 2 weeks since mom called me.

In hindsight, its always 20/20, I so wish I had confronted the daughter, and had the cops interview her while she was still here. I think they were very lax in investigating. They didn't interview stall mucker until 3 weeks after the report.
I am not at all impressed with how our system works at all.
We all know she stole my items, yet we cannot force her to come in for an interview. That part I don't get. How do they get anyone to come in and be interviewed?

I will repeat. I trusted this young woman, she had worked for me for 2 years. Its not like I didn't know her, but obviously I did not.

I am having motion detectors installed in my house, so if someone stays over in the future, I can say, don't go in that room or the alarm system will go off.
the only bad part of all of this is that this farmsitter stole things out of every room. I mean, who has a motion detector wired for their garage or the basement, etc. Thats when you need cameras.

Since I am moving, I am doing the alarm system to protect from freezes and water damage as well as entry and motion.

I know folks have suggested bonded, etc farm sitters, but many of us don't live in an area where that service is available. So, I would encourage protecting yourself with an alarm system or something. Do not trust anyone. I trusted this young woman, she was great with the horses, to my face she was 'on my side', etc. Bullshit, she was a good con, setting me up.

You really don't know who you are dealing with, and as we get older, we don't know half about drug use. That link onward posted is what I have been told about oxy.

I really came on here originally to ask if her reaction to my question/statement about missiing jewelry was a normal response. I did not believe she would or could steal from me.

In the weeks that have ensued, I have been processing lots of emotions, etc. I am an extrovert and basically trust people and don't have much of a suspicious attitude. It takes a lot for me to think badly of someone. I am an easy mark I realize.

We all may share at some point due to age, illness, living arrangement, etc is the enormity of caring for these animals we love. If we are alone, we are that much more vulnerable, since we have to depend on outside help. In my own case, I know I was so thankful to have someone work for me on an ongoing basis. Regretfully, I allowed her to get close to me, and I ignored the red flags.

In hindsight, I look back at how I slowly became more dependent on her help. I thought it was a good thing, offering her more responsibility as well as perks. She looked at me as a loser and with disdain, not appreciation. To my face, she would ooh and ahh me, but behind my back, she would put me down, which was why I think she also felt entitled to help herself to my things.

Beware when having people in your home, on your farm. It is so nearly impossible to prove anything, and you will most likely never get your items back.
If you are injured or older, please remember you are more likely to become dependent, and with some people that doesn't mean to take advantage of you but for some it does. Respect for older people or the fact it has been a lifetime of savings and work which got you the farm, your belongings, etc is not understood by many young people who think they deserve it now.

Be very careful about who you let in your life and home. I know I might sound jaded, I am a bit more than I was. I won't let anyone access to my home again without a camera or motion detector.

I have not dealt with the insurance end of things. I reported it, but not sure what I will be compensated for. I am bracing for that disappointment!

We are really on our own. I do feel quite let down by the police.

I will be talking to my lawyer and asking him, is there really nothing the police can do? I am sure every jurisdiction is different, but I guess I had more confidence that there would be some action, rather than what appears to be a very passive investigation, such as looking on craig's list, etc. I really wish they put out a 'bring her in for questioning' bulletin if another town's police stopped her for speeding, etc.
It isn't murder, but how do they get those guys to come in to talk? Just seems odd to me.
Be careful folks.

alter1
Jul. 7, 2011, 07:41 AM
BTW, overandonward. I will never, never even consider hiring this person again. There just is no way I would even entertain it.

Because of her family(which is not such a great family, all addicts or alcoholics), and because both she and the brother know my layout, routine, etc, I keep a gun handy at all times while here.

It is not beyond my imagination now that I have seen the devil to also not understand that a desperate act may be to 'visit' me to steal, demand money, etc.
I can be naive, but I also was brought up in a family who hunted and who also understood, guns are not toys, but if it comes to someone threatening harm, then a gun can be your only defense.

I guess I am glad that I have spent a good portion of my life thinking people are all good. I am rearranging my thoughts that most people are good, but there are also those people who appear good but are not. I know I don't have the antennae's that most do on judging character, and because of the lifestyle I lead(horses), I need to take extra steps.

I will be happy to leave this area. The area I am moving to has professional access to all kinds of help, from farm sitters to farm maintenance. I will not be so dependent on hired help, but can truly sub out work, which will expose me to more people coming onto the farm, but they do that as a profession.
For the farmsitters, I already have a woman a bit younger than me who does that for a living, as well as many horsey neighbors who probably will be happy to trade off.
Plus, the horses get to live out more, so labor intensity is not so much. Yeah. Independence.

JanM
Jul. 7, 2011, 12:10 PM
Good for you. Life will be better, and I can't wait until you move and have a lot of good, honest helpers available.

HydroPHILE
Jul. 7, 2011, 12:35 PM
Wow. I just read the whole series of events, and it makes me upset. I can't even imagine being in the OP's shoes. It also makes me upset because my fiancé and I are good people, and we do part-time work around horse farms in our area (just manual labor basically.) It makes us normal and legitimate people look absolutely awful (even with references and offering a background check.)

I will be happy when you finally do move to your new location. It seems as though both you and your horses will be happy.

candyappy
Jul. 7, 2011, 03:55 PM
I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. Please don't be afraid to trust and let people into your life again. As a teenager I cleaned stalls at the barn where I boarded. The owner was a wonderful caring man who treated us all like family. He was burned time and again by those who took advantage of his goodness and caring. 20 + years later I still think of him as my 2nd father. I am so thankful for what he taught me and how he trusted me and also how he was an example to me of how to treat others.

Jewelry can be replaced, even though valuable and a monetary loss , at least the animals weren't harmed.

My parents went on a 2 week vacation and a neighbor friend was going to feed their dog. My dad was a pastor and this man went to their church. The house was next door to the church. My brother who lived with them was also gone. My brother got home a few days before they did and found the dog had NOT been fed at all!! He immediately started feeding her. She had survived on toilet water. My parents arrived home unawares of what happened and paid and thanked the man for feeding the dog and he took the money and said nothing!! People from church said they could hear the dog barking and every time she heard someone walking by she would run to the big front window and watch.

While this in no way compares to your situation, it about killed my folks who loved this dog with all their hearts. They just let it go and I hope that one day you can let this all go. We will all have to answer one day for how we have lived our lives and believe me the truth will be revealed.

I wish you the best in your new move and pray that it will be a better situation for you.

asb_own_me
Jul. 7, 2011, 05:38 PM
This has certainly made me think twice about our farm-sitting arrangements -past and present, and into the future. You just never know.

wireweiners
Jul. 7, 2011, 05:45 PM
How long ago did the theft occurr? Many of those gold for cash places and/or pawn shops wait until they get a "load" of gold before they send it for scrap. So there may be a possibility of getting your bracelets back. Check with all the local pawn shops for your other jewelry.

Don't discount the hs boys as being able to help when you have to be away for a few days. Their care may not be perfect, but horses can survive less than perfect care for a few days. Leave them outside. They'll get used to it and it will be easier for you. My horses live out 24/7 with just trees for shelter and they do fine. So your guys will survive outside until you can get some reliable help. The cat will survive for a few days by itself too as long as it has a litter box and plenty of food left out. Maybe your trainer could stop by every other day or so, just to make sure things are ok.

alter1
Jul. 7, 2011, 06:35 PM
Candyappy, I think what your father's parishoners did to him and their beloved dog is way worse than having material possessions stolen.

I initially posted because I wanted feedback about her crying her heart out that she was so sorry and if that sounded wierd to anyone else..
As time has gone by, I feel I have learned a lot, although it was a hard lesson(when do they stop??) and wanted to share as well as forewarn others.

Having horses, etc, we do rely on farm sitters, etc. I do think most are good, and in 30 years plus of keeping horses at home, this is the first one who has violated that code of ethics, trust, etc. It hurts to know I and my property were violated, especially by someone I thought I knew for 2 years. So ASB, do rethink your plans.

Cameras are the best imo.

The gold was gone wireweiners, I checked. Where I live, the bugs would carry the horses off, and some of mine do not have shelter except their stalls so have to be managed a bit more labor intensely, and that is why we are moving. To a place like where you live, where horses can live outside comfortably.

I am going away for the night soon, and a new young woman with the help of one of the hs boys will feed, etc. I am hoping she will work out, so I can go for longer and maybe bring a load to my new destination. I have known her since she was a youngster, and know her parents, but honestly, that means very little to me now. One of my best friends recommended the stealing con farm sitter, so one never knows.

My cat is not going to be at all happy. But, hey, either am I about the situation.

For those of you who do this for a living, farm management, labor etc. God Bless you. I just found a very bad seed and it is her loss.
I know there are honest and good people out there, but I just will be more cautious and protective in the future.

Kat the Horse
Jul. 11, 2011, 09:27 PM
Also, I am super honest and I wish I was younger. I'd come help you in a heartbeat and then you could adopt me! I don't wear jewelry so you'd be safe.

YES! We could be hired on as the 'Road Apple Twins'! I actually MAKE jewelry...albeit very basic beads and bangles for other people, but seldom wear it myself 'cause it just gets in the way of my horse-related activities.

I would LOVE to spend my days caring from the horses...and mucking stalls is just about my favorite activity, barring any actual equine contact activity.

It almost sounds as if you are located in KANSAS Alter1! Ain't much here, neither!