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fargonefarm
Dec. 11, 2003, 01:14 PM
As I was cleaning my stalls today, I got to thinking about all the funny things my non-horsey significant other has said to me over the years. Some that come to mind are:

After a very poor showing by my greenie at his second event, my boyfriend asks why horse was so bad. I said that it's because he's green. Boyfriend then asks, quite seriously, "When's he going to move up to another color"? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Another time, after my upper level mare claimed temporary insanity during dressage, boyfriend asked why I didn't sell her and get a horse that behaves http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

SO- lets hear em' gang! What goodies have you got to share???

Riding: the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

fargonefarm
Dec. 11, 2003, 01:14 PM
As I was cleaning my stalls today, I got to thinking about all the funny things my non-horsey significant other has said to me over the years. Some that come to mind are:

After a very poor showing by my greenie at his second event, my boyfriend asks why horse was so bad. I said that it's because he's green. Boyfriend then asks, quite seriously, "When's he going to move up to another color"? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Another time, after my upper level mare claimed temporary insanity during dressage, boyfriend asked why I didn't sell her and get a horse that behaves http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

SO- lets hear em' gang! What goodies have you got to share???

Riding: the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

Pol
Dec. 11, 2003, 02:20 PM
This happened yesterday. I was on a hack ride. I met a man who was out working on his new house nearby. I was riding my 17.1hh TB who looks like he stepped off the track this morning. The guy walked over and said,"WOW. That is a good looking horse." (of course we all like to hear that!) So I said,"Thanks." He said,"What is it, an ARABIAN?" So, that nice fat compliment he had given me shriveled right up because OBVIOUSLY he didn't know squat about horses.. NO, YOU BIG STOOPIT, I said, (not really, but sheesh.) So, I launched into my big education speal and now he knows a little more about our furry friends! With any luck he'll let me keep riding thru his land!

caballo_saltando
Dec. 11, 2003, 03:24 PM
My husband thinks the correct term for lunging a horse is "spinning" a horse. He also thinks that any horse that can jump is "scopey" (he tries to be in the know) and any horse that isn't lame is a "good mover." which, come to think of it, he might be hittin the nail on the head on some of that!

SandraD
Dec. 11, 2003, 03:31 PM
My husband thinks that if a horse is sick it can only be colic or founder.

When I sold my older gelding last month there was a lot of interest since he was well known in the area. My husband was getting a bit upset about how many times I was leaving him with the kids so I could meet people. He thought I should just tell everyone to come out at the same time and have a little private auction for the horse. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

-Member of the Short Stubby Leg Clique-

fargonefarm
Dec. 11, 2003, 03:36 PM
OMG-I want to print these out their so funny!!
Keep em' coming! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Riding: the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

frugalannie
Dec. 11, 2003, 04:02 PM
Mr. Frugal's favorite part of dressage is when they do "sideways stuff".

When we first moved into our 18th century house, we had very little furniture, and houses of this era do not come with closets. So I was in the process of sneaking out at lunchtime and searching for appropriate furniture (cheap, of course), and so was Mr. Frugal. He came home one day, very proud of himself, but laughing as well. Seems he had gone into a fancy furniture store and asked the salespeople to help him find a broodmare. He couldn't figure out why they looked so puzzled until he realized on the way home that he'd meant to say "armoire". Got to love a guy who can laugh about that!

And every one in my family but me says that foals are "milking" rather than nursing.

tjh82703alb
Dec. 11, 2003, 05:02 PM
lol, theses are funny, I got one..
My aunt and I were lunging our, at the time 4 yr old appy, and of course, it was new to her so the whole "going in a circle" blew her mind! lol, and so my uncle was watching because it's suppose to be "his horse" (you know how that goes). and He said what if we tied her to the hitchin' post and let chip (our other appy) do it and then she can watch and know how. My aunt and I both started cracking up, and he didn't have a clue why. lol!

"In what other sport do you put on leather boots, stretch-fabric breeches, a shirt and tie, a wool jacket, a velvet covered cap and leather gloves, and then go out and exercise?" -A. London Wolf

JSwan
Dec. 11, 2003, 05:20 PM
My horse bucked me off a couple of weeks ago. I was just bruised and sore, but I had to listen to my entire family (with the exception of my husband) tell me that my horse was a "killer".

My mother told me she had talked to a "trainer" in her carpool that said trained horses do not buck and that I obviously did not know how to ride (that may be true but really...)

I was hacking my horse in a pasture a while back and my REALLY non-horsey husband walked by and in a snotty voice said, "You really need to get that horse in a proper frame".

And when writing a check out to pay for lessons, my husband (the same one) obviously adding up all the money I've spent on training, said, "When will you know how to ride?"

I've been riding since I was ten!

"I have observed in women of her type a tendency to regard all athletics as inferior forms of fox-hunting”- Evelyn Waugh

SHelame
Dec. 11, 2003, 07:24 PM
Years ago my now x husband was moving some dirt
with a payloader in the gate between my mares
pasture and barn. She wanted in so she was
stepping in the bucket and trying to barge through even though there was no room. Later on I was laughing with him about her trying to barge through. After that I heard him telling
one of his buddies what had happened and explained to him it was called "barging" like he learned a new horse term. The terminology always baffled him. Im still laughing about it!!!

jennachica
Dec. 11, 2003, 08:01 PM
My dad was really mad that about all the vet bills I had to pay, so he came up to me in a big huff and told me to gather all the info on my horse because he was going to put him up on e-Bay! I told my dad that people dont sell horses on e-Bay, and his response was "Rubbish, you can sell anything on e-Bay" !!! What a freak!

VetRep
Dec. 11, 2003, 08:44 PM
I have to chime in...not with something someone said, but with what someone did...it was SO cute.

My brother lives in Burlington, VT, and I don't get to see him very often, so a few years ago I asked him to meet me at Huntington HT since I'd be so close. Well, he was a great sport for the entire (unusually) hot July day. I was warming up for Show Jumping when I noticed him standing on the sideline, and reaching his arm out and leaning toward me with a bottle of Gatorade in his hand as I cantered by--just like they do for cycling or marathon competitors! He had the most sincere, earnest look on his face--he wanted to help in any way he could. I just had to swoop by and grab it! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

He's a handsome guy, too...many of the other girls competing saw it and thought it was just adorable.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher

bip
Dec. 11, 2003, 10:24 PM
I took my husband to watch a dressage show. We were watching upper levels, which I thought would be interesting enough, but he was bored to death. A scientist (neurosciences), his mind soon began to wander. First, he was really impressed with the horses' frames and how their foreheads are perpendicular to the ground. He said it would be more interesting if they got two horses going at a powerful extended canter around and around the arena, and then down centerline and **KEBLAMB**** Crash into eachother to see if any new particles were created (think supercollider where they do this with electrons or protons or something)

That got him thinking, they should have dogs do dressage! I asked him how they would tell the dogs the movements and he said, "They could be ridden by monkeys." I asked him how we would tell the monkey what to do and he said, "With electrodes."

Now, no flaming my husband for animal cruelty, he was just joking and was really bored so he had a lot of time to be REALLY creative.

And though I found it very funny, I'll never drag him along again! I'm afraid of what he might come up with next time!

triosmom
Dec. 12, 2003, 03:40 AM
These are great!!! I love the one about supercollider dressage horses!
In '87 I bought a 3 year old OTTB who happened to still be a stallion, but very mellow. Well, he had no breeding potential and I'm a single- horse, amatuer so it was clear that Sam would be gelded as rapidly as possible. The night before the surgery, I made a flip remark about 'Susie Sissors' coming to see Sam the next day. My husband turned absolutely WHITE! I had to explain the procedure and he had to SIT DOWN. He thought Sam was getting a vasecotomy! (sp?)

Just remember, I had it done to him....

gully's pilot
Dec. 12, 2003, 04:07 AM
My favorite personal stoopit comment:

First, realize that I work part-time, have two young kids, and have just started eventing a year ago, on my green home-broke horse, at beginner novice.

I was signed up for the Mark Phillips clinic at The Fork (didn't get to go--Gully was lame--I heard it was a blast) and was excitedly telling my non-horsey friends. I said, "He's the coach of the Olympic Event Team!" and one of them said, "Wow! I had no idea you were that good!"

They were thinking I was under consideration....

Which, the more you think about it, the funnier it gets.

SandraD
Dec. 12, 2003, 04:49 AM
I would just run with the Mark Phillips thing. It's funny, but at least they think your doing a "real" sport, rather than "Well, the horse does all the work". My boss rides dressage for pleasure and her daughter does low level eventing and pony club, but everyone else in the office is clueless.

-Member of the Short Stubby Leg Clique-

MsRidiculous
Dec. 12, 2003, 05:15 AM
I was just chit chatting with a random stranger one time, talking about horses. He asked me how much a horse would cost, and I told him the price of my gelding- who was actually quite cheap. His eyes got really big and he said "WOW! That much for a used horse?" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

-Amanda

www.risingstarfarm.net (http://www.risingstarfarm.net)

flypony74
Dec. 12, 2003, 05:23 AM
My wonderful long-term equine parter is a big white leopard appy mare, who my husband adores and has been around since the day he met me. One day, we were at a horse show, and a big, distinctively dappled gray walks by. Hubby comments on what a nice appaloosa that is...

The worst was when I was running my tack shop. The store had stuff for everyone....from high end english tack to western stuff for trail riders. Well, this guy comes in one day, and you can tell that he is NOT a horse person, but more likely has some poor equine soul carting his uneducated butt around on the trails. He needed something for his wife's horse. "But you know," he says, "that horse is about durn near crazy. When I tied him to the gas grill..." At that point, I desperately tried not to listen any longer, and I though I was going to be sick for that poor horse, but he proceeds to tell me about how much his vet bill were and how his gas grill ended up a mile down the road.

Another incident while running my tack shop... A man calls, saying that he was in earlier that day to purchase wormer, but needs to know how to properly administer it. I explain in a nutshell, and he says, "oh, I think I did it wrong. I noticed that the box said to give it orally, but I, um, gave it rectally." He then proceeded to ask me if it would hurt his horse (I told him to check with his vet...I wasn't getting in on this one!), and then sheepishly asked if it would still take care of the worms. Duh!

I finally set up a photo album...take a look!
http://community.webshots.com/user/flypony74

norlibl
Dec. 12, 2003, 06:43 AM
I was involved in running a barn/co-op for a few years. We rented the property from a man who was definitely not a horse person and was decidedly a perfectionist.

One day one of the horses tied up and in his pain was pawing and scraped in the cement in the aisle. The owner was livid and could not understand why the owner let this happen. We explained over and over that the horse could not be moved, but he just didn't see that as an excuse.

It took many such conversations before we finally realized why we weren't getting through to him. He thought the horse was simply standing in the cross ties. He had no clue what tying-up means.

I guess he didn't 'speak horse' like the rest of us!

Jupes
Dec. 12, 2003, 07:54 AM
My SO is definitely NON-horsey, but he's been to watch me at a few events and tries earnestly to pick up whatever info he can.

One day, I was bemoaning the fact that over the past few years my dressage has improved consistenly, while my jumping has remained hit-or-miss. He then *rolled* his eyes and said, "Oh NO! You're not going to become a *DQ* are you?!" I was so taken by surprise, that I laughed my head off. I have NO idea where he picked that up!

Laurel&HollyFarm
Dec. 12, 2003, 10:37 AM
I actually have a funny one from my horsey husband. His horse, a gelding, was not very good about being wormed, so I decided to help him. When I successfully got Rocket to take the wormer, he immediately said "Good Girl" like he was praising the horse. So I said, he's a he. To which he replied I was talking about you! You might have had to be there but it was really funny. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Holy rascal
Dec. 12, 2003, 12:09 PM
My thoroughbred gelding was boarding at a mostly arabian barn for a while. One of the young girls at the barn asked me "Why doesn't your horses mane grow?" Seeing as how I keep him clipped and his mane nice and pulled it was pretty funny. She really thought it just didn't grow http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

jbogart
Dec. 12, 2003, 12:32 PM
My husband was giving a very beginner child a lesson on a pony. The boy had never ridden much before so my husband talked to him about basic parts of the pony and the saddle. At the end of the lesson the little boy was asked what the part of the saddle is that he has his feet in. The boy promptly replied, "holsters." So from now on, we jokingly call our stirrups, holsters.

maplebrook
Dec. 12, 2003, 12:48 PM
I had the opportunity last fall to compete at the Kentucky Horse Park in the Team Challenge representing my local CTA. I was so excited to when I got the invite to go. To emphasize to my husband how important this was to me, I told him how it was my goal 2 years ago to ride at the Horse Park. His reply was "so since you've achieved your goal, after you ride there, are you going to stop riding?"

INoMrEd
Dec. 12, 2003, 01:42 PM
This is a great thread!

Nearly five years ago, we went to a show with my soon to be new horse. My non-riding very supportive horsey hubby was terrified of him as when he tried to hand me my water bottle while mounted Knowzy spun, struck out at him and then tried mowing him down. To that he asked "We're not really taking this THING back to the ranch are we?"

I said "Oh honey give him a couple of weeks in Libby's Boot Camp, I'll make a good guy out of him."

Now the two of them loff each other. Now when Knowzy see Wayne he thinks he's a 6'3" carrot!

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - DAVE BARRY

fargonefarm
Dec. 12, 2003, 03:15 PM
I just thought of another one...

A couple of years ago when my SO went to his first event with me, I handed my horse over to my more experienced mom so I could walk my stadium course. There were, of course, many other people doing the same thing. My non-horsey SO then turned to my mom and asked "so what are they all looking for out there". To this day he still can't figure out the purpose of a course walk! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Riding: the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

Killian
Dec. 12, 2003, 03:31 PM
Vet Rep -

I love that story - so cute! It reminds me of something my husband would do.


<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by VetRep:
I have to chime in...not with something someone said, but with what someone _did_...it was SO cute.

My brother lives in Burlington, VT, and I don't get to see him very often, so a few years ago I asked him to meet me at Huntington HT since I'd be so close. Well, he was a great sport for the entire (unusually) hot July day. I was warming up for Show Jumping when I noticed him standing on the sideline, and reaching his arm out and leaning toward me with a bottle of Gatorade in his hand as I cantered by--just like they do for cycling or marathon competitors! He had the most sincere, earnest look on his face--he wanted to help in any way he could. I just had to swoop by and grab it! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

He's a handsome guy, too...many of the other girls competing saw it and thought it was just adorable.

_I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end._ - Margaret Thatcher<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Killian
Dec. 12, 2003, 03:32 PM
BIP
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

That is so funny! I've seen monkeys race ponies at the fair! Your husband might like to see that!

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bip:
I took my husband to watch a dressage show. We were watching upper levels, which I thought would be interesting enough, but he was bored to death. A scientist (neurosciences), his mind soon began to wander. First, he was really impressed with the horses' frames and how their foreheads are perpendicular to the ground. He said it would be more interesting if they got two horses going at a powerful extended canter around and around the arena, and then down centerline and **KEBLAMB**** Crash into eachother to see if any new particles were created (think supercollider where they do this with electrons or protons or something)

That got him thinking, they should have dogs do dressage! I asked him how they would tell the dogs the movements and he said, "They could be ridden by monkeys." I asked him how we would tell the monkey what to do and he said, "With electrodes."

Now, no flaming my husband for animal cruelty, he was just joking and was really bored so he had a lot of time to be REALLY creative.

And though I found it very funny, I'll never drag him along again! I'm afraid of what he might come up with next time!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

rosijet
Dec. 12, 2003, 06:53 PM
My wonderful hubby was with me when my TB went in for emergency (is there any other?) colic surgery. I was watching through the observation window with my hubby who was thoroughly grossed out. When the vet had a bunch of intestine pulled out (and if you've ever seen it, you know how it takes on a life of its own) and was examining it, my husband said, "Will he be able to get all of that back in there?" It was just the comic relief I needed at that moment.

And before the surgery when the rather tall, long-armed vet did a rectal exam all the way up to his shoulder, my husband looked horrified, turned white and backed towards the door. Priceless!

"Crazy is just another point of view" Sonia Dada

NRB
Dec. 12, 2003, 09:24 PM
I was at my hubby's family one Thanksgiving and found my step mother in law terribly irrate over some bills sent to her by the full care boardong barn where her daughters horse was kept. She couldn't understand why her daughters horse needed new shoes every 6 weeks. "Couldn't he just wear the same ones all year long?"

Best one yet from my friend who is in the continual search for a saddle that will fit her Morgan mare. She's bought and sold about 5 by now. She was discussing the most recent aqusition that she had home on trial with her husband saying that she didn't think that the tree was wide enough. He took one look at her butt and said how wide do you need it?

riverpup
Dec. 13, 2003, 05:18 AM
Wow....
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> That got him thinking, they should have dogs do dressage! I asked him how they would tell the dogs the movements and he said, "They could be ridden by monkeys." I asked him how we would tell the monkey what to do and he said, "With electrodes."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

HA! I've had dressage tests that would have been beaten by a monkey riding a dog! NO electrodes needed, I'll bet a monkey could learn a a dressage test pretty quickly.... I wonder what breed of dog would be the best dressage dog? My guess would be the Doberman, because well, they are German.

When I pull on my boots, I know who I am~

Flatbroke Farms
Dec. 13, 2003, 06:16 AM
My mother always mispronounces 'Secretariat'. She says Sagittarius instead. Everyone else in my family finds it hysterical. I just think it is blasphemous.

***************
Kiss

~Riding: The art of keeping a horse between my butt and the ground.~

HFbellefille
Dec. 13, 2003, 08:45 AM
Several years after I started riding my dad said out of the blue "I'm so glad you're done with those 'up-down' days." I was sure I still had up days and down days and couldn't figure out what he was talking about. Turns out he had been watching my trainer give a lesson to a really new rider (standing in the middle of the ring yelling "up, down, up, down").

bigdreamer
Dec. 14, 2003, 05:02 PM
oh the joys of eventing... and explaining it to people.

I was trying to tell my friend the difference between H/J eventing and dressage. So when I was done- she was like... so... in H/J... you jump things? *yup* in dressage... you don't jump things. *yup* and in eventing... you... jump things..... ... *ummm, well yes, but its...* *interrupts me* yeah, i'm confused, don't talk.

it was quite amusing, u just had to hear the way she said it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

i also find it quite amusing that NO MATTER how many times i tell my dad it's "doing dressage" he still uses it as a verb- dressaging.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
http://eventingforlife.tripod.com/bahada/ ~the mares site

Whiskey Lullaby
Dec. 14, 2003, 05:14 PM
Wow, this is a really fun topic!

This happened last week: My brother, who is six, was watching me try out a horse to lease. It was pretty funny, since the owner knew little about her horses. To test out her knowledge, I asked her if the horse was reg'd as a gaited (since he was a Tenn. Walker). She responded yes, but my little brother blasted out " If he is gaited, where are his bars and locks?"! Wow, I really need to convince my siblings into riding!

Speak kindly to your little horse,
And soothe him when he wheezes,
Or he may turn his back on you,
And kick you where he pleases.


Member of the Teen Clique!

triosmom
Dec. 14, 2003, 06:30 PM
I'm loving this thread! You guys are cracking me up!
I have one more:
My mother-in-law (total non-horse person)came to 'cheer me on' at a dressage show years ago. She arrived after the last rides for my friend and me on a hot summer day. She watched as we pulled braids, hosed the horses, emptied water buckets and packed the trailer. Her comment? "I thought you said this was a sport. This isn't a sport, it's WORK!"

littlebitty_destiny
Dec. 15, 2003, 03:28 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jennachica:
My dad was really mad that about all the vet bills I had to pay, so he came up to me in a big huff and told me to gather all the info on my horse because he was going to put him up on e-Bay! I told my dad that people dont sell horses on e-Bay, and his response was "Rubbish, you can sell anything on e-Bay" !!! What a freak!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey.. just so you know, I DID find a pony for sale once about 2 years ago! Really cute, actually. For $12,000.

~*~THE HEIR~*~

littlebitty_destiny
Dec. 15, 2003, 03:33 AM
I think what's funny is that almost every non-horsey person I've talked to practically has hysterics when I say I "lease" a horse.
"What does lease mean?"
"Like renting."
"You can't lease horses!"
"Why not? Yes, you can!"
"What, like a car? But it's an animal!"

~*~THE HEIR~*~

gully's pilot
Dec. 15, 2003, 05:45 AM
My lovely husband is one of those completely non-horsey people who goes along with the program at great cost to himself--he doesn't speak the language. Recently, when I went to a local h/j show, he felt very sorry for me when I got the pants beat off me by some teenagers in an "advanced" equitation flat class. I said, "Honey, it's okay, I haven't done that in about 15 years," and he said, "But you've been working so hard!" Turns out he thought h/j eq was dressage.

However, he has a strange ability to instantly memorize the rules of every sport on this earth, so that when in my very first green bean event I did a transition at E instead of C, and then said, "Oh, shoot!" quite loudly (I've always wondered how many more points I would have lost if I'd said "Oh, shit!" instead), he refused to feel sorry for me at all. He said, "But you can't talk in your dressage test. It's against the rules--EVERYONE knows that!"

Janet
Dec. 15, 2003, 08:43 AM
A former (late) SO referred to longing as "line control horses".

Janet
chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle, and Brain

Bogie
Dec. 15, 2003, 06:07 PM
Wow, I wish my husband would say something funny about the horses! Mostly he just complains.

bip
Dec. 15, 2003, 08:41 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Miss Dez:
Wow, I wish my husband would say something funny about the horses! Mostly he just complains.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, that was BEFORE I had my own. Now he mostly just says things like, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy him a condo?" and "Doesn't he ALREADY have shoes?" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

*Trinity*
Dec. 16, 2003, 10:51 AM
My very non-horsey grandma was watching me ride a couple summers ago. The horse I was riding had a fit and reared up, then bolted. When I finally brought him to a halt, my gramma clapped her hands and said, "Oh, dear, that was so pretty! How do you get him to do that?" Oh geez... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

*Trinity* & *Spartacus*

AJHorsey
Dec. 16, 2003, 12:20 PM
The first event I had competed in, my Dad was along as support crew. I had walked my x-c course once already with tle, but wanted to check out one more thing before the next morning, so took my dad out to see what it's all about. He was used to watching us go over the stuff at home, and knew that the horses could knock that down. He figured that x-c would be the same thing out in the open. He turned white, and kept asking me if I was sure that Strider was capable of doing this stuff the entire course walk. Then this past summer, we went back to the same event. He once again walked the course with me, though this time it was, "Hey, you shouldn't even have to think about anything this time- it's way too easy for you!" Talk about a complete change here....

My mom still complains that I cut Strider's mane, that there is no point, and that the judges should just like a horse with a natural, long mane. Says that ,y horse has lost his identity b/c I braid it for shows, and keep his tail braided and bagged in the winter.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Standardbred lover- owner of Studs Hooligan, aka Strider, ex- pacer, retrained for eventing
Standardbred Clique
ARMY Brat
Disgruntled College Students Clique
"I am a great asset!"-Maj Burns
"You're only off by two letters."-Hawkeye ~M.A.S.H.

BigBlue
Dec. 16, 2003, 12:46 PM
I was lunging my horse at my old barn which teaches primarily beginner lessons. The mother of one of the noobies said to her friend:
OOO! look at that stunning horse that girl has on the leash!
I laughed.....and laughed...and laughed

TK
Proud owner of a jump crazy horse with an attitude problem

polo3day
Dec. 16, 2003, 12:53 PM
Wow, this is too funny!

Once at Radnor - I was walking around on xc day and I heard a spectator saying "Horses don't actually *breathe* when they are galloping - the motion of their forearms pushes the air in and out of their lungs as they run!" ...Yep, that's exactly how it happens! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

I am almost afraid to mention this but a few guys who are regularly dragged to events by their SO's have been talking about developing "THE MAN BUS" which would probably be some form of ancient school bus, complete with at least 2 sattelite tv's (one for sports and one for .... whatever else!!) maybe a poker table in the back, lots of beer, food, etc. Can't you just see it!?

Also, don't you just love how when someone finds out that you ride, they have some horror story about someone they know getting closelined or being dragged by a horse or something!

2ndyrgal
Dec. 16, 2003, 01:01 PM
At a horse show with my TB hanging his beautiful head out over the stall door...

Lady: "What a beautiful head your horse has"

My husband: "Yes, it would look lovely hanging on the wall
behind the bar".

She was not amused, muttered something about PETA and left. My best friend and I just howled laughing.

On*a*Star
Dec. 16, 2003, 07:45 PM
I always remember one time, as myself and some friends trudged into our hotel one evening after an event, obviously tired and dirty as by ever evening you are. And a tourist's turned around and pointed at us and said; "Oh Look! The've been hiking!"

It was sooo funny!

-Treat yourself like otherpeople, and what would you be like?-

Zonked
Dec. 19, 2003, 12:49 PM
my dad and my friends dad always say" that horse has very good equitation".

http://community.webshots.com/user/critter1112488

emcallaway
Dec. 19, 2003, 01:20 PM
Okay I have one, but it was done by a horsey person! At my office's Christmas party there was a group of us all standing around talking about horses and it came up that one of our male clients, who is a "writer", used to breed, break and show H/J's. Later on, after everyone had had quite a few drinks, we went on to talk about taking some of our non-horsey friends on a trail ride. The non horsey guys started cringing and claiming that they always manage to ..."hurt themselves" when they rode. So asked our experienced male rider what he wore when he rode, Boxers or briefs? He thought I had asked him what he wore when he"wrote", and to my shock and surprise proceeded to drop his pants in front of everyone and proclaim "BOXERS!" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

HAHAHAHAHA!!! I looked back at him and asked:
" Ted, are you okay to drive?"
HAHAHAHAHA...

Mustang Sally
Dec. 19, 2003, 02:19 PM
You guys are killing me! This is just what I need on a looonnnngggg Friday stuck at work! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I have a story of my own to share - I ride in an area where movie crews frequently film. This past summer I was riding a hot little mare past a set (they were on a lawn, I was 20 ft away on the road) and she started getting nervous and wanting to run home. I wasn't about to let that happen (eventers must be brave, right??!!) so the end result was us leaping, bouncing, snorting sideways past the crew.

One lady noticed (must have heard the sharp striking of hooves on pavement) and oohed as we snorted by. This was followed by mass interest from the rest of the film crew/actors, who started to come towards us as a group to pet the (plunging!) horse.

They thought she was beautiful and exciting (sure she was - http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif picture a Black Stallion impression complete with arched neck, rolling eyes, flying tail and snorting) and wanted to give her carrots from their catering table. I didn't have the heart to explain that I was not in fact trying to show off some fancy training move, but just trying to make it past all the cameras and lighting screens in one piece! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Waste no time arguing what a good person shall be, be one."
-Marcus Aurelius

Xanthoria
Dec. 19, 2003, 02:22 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by uva:
Once at Radnor - I was walking around on xc day and I heard a spectator saying "Horses don't actually *breathe* when they are galloping - the motion of their forearms pushes the air in and out of their lungs as they run!" ...Yep, that's exactly how it happens! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, not to be a poopy-head, but that's true!

"Figure 5. Respiration-locomotion coupling in galloping horse. a) Inspiration: Protraction of the forelimbs, caudal displacement of the visceral piston, lumbosacral extension, cervical movement which pulls the rib cage forwards and outwards; b) Expiration: Weight bearing, down movement of the neck and cranial displacement of the visceral piston that compress the rib cage, lumbosacral flexion.Â*"

from:

http://www.ivis.org/special_books/Lekeux/art/chapter_frm.asp?LA=1

Basically, front legs forwards pulls air into the lungs, and the weight of the gut pushes air out as the gut comes forward in the 2nd half of the stride. So horse breathes once per stride.

Who knew, huh?

____________________________
Limited Edition OTTB logo!
http://www.xanthoria.com/ottblogo.htm

artienallie
Dec. 19, 2003, 07:28 PM
Mr. A&A became really interested in dressage when I told him many of the higher level moves were based on battlefield manouvers. Of course, now whenever he sees a piaffe, he quietly says "squish! squish! squish!" because the horse is crushing enemies underfoot. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

dottified
Dec. 19, 2003, 09:05 PM
Remembering that I made this comment myself not too long ago reminds me of how far I have come in the horse world. I saw a friend of mine scraping the water off of her horse after a bath. Having never seen that done before, and living in a humid southern state, I asked "Why do you do that? To keep them from mildewing?"

mountain girl
Dec. 20, 2003, 10:27 AM
My in laws are so clueless after all these years. They still think my horses should stay inside a heated barn during winter. They don't get that the kid's pony is grown up and won't get bigger. Conversely, they didn't use to get that my tb filly would grow huge, and is mine, instead of being the kids' new pony. Also, when they were visiting, me and the kids proudly came home from a challenging show with a bunch of ribbons and trophies. Their only comment was, "Those are lovely ribbons, dear".

from coastal Maine, where boatlovers rule, and horselovers ride.

tractor queen
Dec. 21, 2003, 11:48 AM
I have a friend who is notoriously anal about keeping the barn immaculately cleaned, swept and orderly (such that she spent more time
"at the barn" than her husband thought she should). He eventually broached the subject, commenting that "your barn is cleaner than most peoples'homes", she was quite pleased (what horseperson wouldn't be)and said "thanks". His response ..."it wasn't a compliment!"

baileygreyhorse
Dec. 21, 2003, 06:33 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I am almost afraid to mention this but a few guys who are regularly dragged to events by their SO's have been talking about developing "THE MAN BUS" which would probably be some form of ancient school bus, complete with at least 2 sattelite tv's (one for sports and one for .... whatever else!!) maybe a poker table in the back, lots of beer, food, etc. Can't you just see it!?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
That's a good one! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Founder of the Packrats Anonymous Clique
Proud Member of the Dirty Grey Horse Clique
http://community.webshots.com/user/pnekman

OhioColleen
Dec. 21, 2003, 06:57 PM
My 4 year old son helps me muck stalls and feed 2 days a week. His job is to water and to give each horse 2 flakes of hay. I was listening to him chatter to himself as he was in the hay room getting the hay. "And Rebel gets 2 slices, and Diamond gets 2 slices, uh oh, we need another loaf!"

To you, she's a horse. To me, she's a family member who is big, hairy, walks on all fours and is easily startled.
~Colleen

polo3day
Dec. 22, 2003, 09:09 AM
Oh brother, I knew it. On the rare times I have posted here I generally manage to put my foot in my mouth....! Umm,... Happy Holidays?... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Pixie Dust
Dec. 22, 2003, 01:04 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dottified:
Having never seen that done before, and living in a humid southern state, I asked "Why do you do that? To keep them from mildewing?"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL; makes sense to me!

My SO calls events, Tournaments.

He doesn't know I pull Hektor's mane (I think this would horrify him) but he did notice that Hektor's mane was shorter one day. He calls it the Tom Cruise do......the horses are looking rather scruffy right now, so he said we need to get up to the barn to give both horses a Cruise do. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple. Oscar Wilde

Xanthoria
Dec. 22, 2003, 02:09 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by uva:
Oh brother, I knew it. On the rare times I have posted here I generally manage to put my foot in my mouth....! Umm,... Happy Holidays?... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heehee - no: I only heard that myself recently, don't worry http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Zonked
Dec. 24, 2003, 09:18 AM
My Relatives call events.. Meets. "So when is your next meet".

_____________________
R.I.P Dublin &lt;&lt;3
_____________________

http://community.webshots.com/user/critter1112488

brycebequick
Dec. 24, 2003, 11:12 AM
This is so much fun. I've got one!

One of my old secretary's once left me a handwritten message informing me that my farm manager called. The message was:

"Your horse's teeth are floating."

Apparently, the dentist had visited the barn that morning.... too funny.

barbaraG
Dec. 24, 2003, 11:34 AM
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Me! Me!

A friend of Mine called "Events" "Shows"

But, she's learning. A Harvard trained Attorney, so I think she will get it! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Eleanor
Dec. 28, 2003, 07:13 PM
I am laughing so hard. Here are some of my funnys
I went in to a store stright from the barn, hay in my hair, dirt, riding boots the hole thing. the lady that works there says to me "do you ride horses." as she is handing me my change I say " only when they let me." the guy behind me laughed so hard.

At one of my events my mom, sister and brother came to watch me ride, well they were alittle late for the cross country and had to stay out at the road. So they parked by one of the fances that I have to jump. They could hear this horse coming form a long ways off and My brother says to everyone " that olny could be my sister. She has a way of making the horse go faster and loader." well everyone can still hear this horse and up over the hill comes this horse that could be heard for miles away. And who could it be but me. Later when I was done riding my friends dad comes up to and tells me what my brother said.

GatoGordo
Dec. 28, 2003, 07:25 PM
One time a while ago when I was talking about Rolex or Fair Hill my mom said, "What is that guy's name again? Donald O'Connor?" Hey, she's doing better than most people!

There are only two types of eventers out there: Those who have fallen in the water jump and those that will. -- subk
Founding Member, Bird Nerd Clique; Eventing Yahoo In Training; formerly known as BostonGold

hb
Dec. 29, 2003, 11:36 AM
My boyfriend was reading through my Practical Horseman magazine this weekend. He loves to become an expert after reading one article. He asked - did you treat your horse for thrush this week, this article makes it look pretty serious.

Then he found the Jumping Clinic. He snorted and said "who does this George Morris guy think he is?" and said if anyone told him what to wear and how to groom his horse he'd tell them to mind their own business.

Toby2Socks
Dec. 29, 2003, 12:23 PM
My aunt will regularly compare western riding with "eastern" riding. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

&lt;3 Toby Two Socks &lt;3

TrueBlue89
Dec. 20, 2005, 09:07 PM
Haha, definately making my day guys.Some people huh?...The other day I was in the tackshop with my mom looking at some X-Mas stuff,and picking up new show stuff.Some lady comes over to us, and starts talking to us.We could both tell she knew almost nothing about horses, let alone eventing.Especially when she proceeded to tell me, that at an event, we don't do stadium, we do hunters. It's not hilarious, but at the time, it was funny.She had that "I know everything" tone to her voice, it was just too funny:P

TrueBlue89
Dec. 20, 2005, 09:43 PM
Not to mention...My number one favourite thing.Past summer a friend,my aunt, and I all went to 5-day long Can Am with the horses.We spent the 1st 3 nights sleeping in the horse trailer with sleeping bags.Our 4th day we over worked ourselves way to much,and desperatley needed showers, so we agreed to get a hotel.Turns out that because of the show, almost everywhere was booked, so we had to stay in this really expensive and fancy hotel.We walked in the door,smelling of 4 days worth of horse manure,and dust, our boots tracking mud,breeches no longer beige,hay in our hair, and saddles/bridles slung over our shoulders...People were wide-eyed.We dropped our saddles in our room, and headed to dinner*still in our riding apparel*.We laughed about it all through dinner.We even made bets on how long it would be untill the waiter broke out his nose plugshttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

3dazey
Dec. 21, 2005, 04:49 AM
Many moons ago, my new boyfriend (now dear hubby) came to an event to watch me ride. The arenas were designated by letter instead of number (Arena A, Arena B, Arena C). Dear hubby creeps up to some knowledgeable-looking spectators and asks, "Can you help me? My g'friend told me she is riding in Arena B, but how can I tell where that is? I see an A, a B, an M, an E..."

Kind spectators took him to the correct arena, explained about the letters AND stayed to watch my ride...then told him to mention that my lengthenings were good. He said later, "wow, your lengths were really great!"

I just had to marry that guy!!!

Fence2Fence
Dec. 21, 2005, 06:01 AM
My SO is a beginning rider (I suckered him into the sport), and the jargon is really difficult to master. Halter and bridle catch him up at times. Honestly, he's made me appreciate the depth of "horsie langugage" and "eventer language." Unfortunately, I can't think of anything funny. I'm glad I can usually figure out what he means to say.

As you all know, the 2010 WEG is going to be hosted by Lexington, which is my hometown. I had two people in the office ask me if this was something I was aiming for. LOL I currently compete at novice with my young horse--in my most hopeful dreams I hope to be competing Intermediate by 2010! I replied to the question,"Well, the riders who compete at the WEG are people who mostly ride professionally."
Cleanest way to get myself out of a lengthy reply! WEG? ME? bahahha!

Hilary
Dec. 21, 2005, 06:04 AM
It's not so much what he says, but what he does - he tried to remove a bridle by unbuckling the cheek peices. - it did accomplish the job.

And he was handgrazing someone and I noticed he'd clipped the lead to the upper ring, not the noseband ring. I was about to correct him, when I realized that for this purpose, it was actually safer as the lead didn't touch the ground as it did when he handgrazed with the lead clipped lower.

But he does pick up things and surprise me sometimes - he casually observed once that the new boarder "was really not put together as well as your horses - his proportions of leg and back length are all off" -and it was true - the horse was longbacked and looked like he had stumpy legs.

The other day he was making fun of the cat and said she was going to colic and get abcesses.

cosmos mom
Dec. 21, 2005, 06:34 AM
I used to keep my horse at a farm with a bunch of retired and semi-retired QH show horses. Gary was allowed to ride one mare- a very savvy ex showhorse. She would steer him all over the ring- where ever she felt like going-The mares owner yelled "Kick her, make her go! Get mean with her Gary! Show her who's boss!"

His reply was "Well, she's the boss- she's been doing this longer...Besides, If I kick her now, she'll kick me later!"

tbtula
Dec. 21, 2005, 07:18 AM
My wonderful boyfriend tries very hard to learn about the horses. One day I was about to explain my "dream barn I'm going to build when I win the lottery" He cut me of and replyed, I know honey, you want a nice indoor with rubber footing, sprinkler system, 10 stalls,4 board fencing with electric on top, nelson waterers, a bunch of fancy horses and a hot guy to clean stalls with no shirt on" Damn! He actually listens! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Then the first show he ever went to with me (a small schooling show) I had him hold one horse while I warmed up another (dumb me decided to bring two green OTTB's) Well the lovely gelding he is holding decided to roll, with my tack...I yelled at SO to get him up and his reply, "I can't, I don't have any carrots!"

Ruth0552
Dec. 21, 2005, 07:23 AM
I wish I had some funny things off the top of my head... but I don't.

When I was a kid and my dad brought me to horse shows, then I did H/J/Eq., he would always make the most innapropriate comments at the most inopportune times. Such as, "well, I think your horse is much nicer than that one" or, when someone fell off or knocked over a jump, "one down." Sigh.

I will prod my fiance later to see if he says anything amusing.

badawg
Dec. 21, 2005, 07:30 AM
I was chatting with a lady at work that shows Quarter Horses at Halter. She knows that I ride, and asked me what I do with them. I told her that I event, and she said, "Well, what events?" As in, like, western pleasure, or hunter under saddle? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif I then had to explain to her about eventing's phases, that it's an olympic disciplince...She tuned out pretty quickly. She totally didn't get it. Pretty odd at the time, I thought!

greygirls
Dec. 21, 2005, 07:54 AM
This thread is hilarious!

My adult daughters came to support me at an event, arriving after the bell had rung and I had entered the dressage arena. So my one daughter comes up to the rail and says, "Hey Mom, you wanna bite of this hotdog?"

How do you yell "shutup" without moving your lips.

My daughters rode hunters when they were kidshttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

slp2
Dec. 21, 2005, 07:55 AM
Well, my hubby has some good ones--but he purposely says them because he likes to mock us horse people. He overhears some of the never ending horse discussions between me and my horse buddies, picks up stuff and then "twists" it purposely. Some of it's pretty funny. One of his best, recent ones was about a fellow boarders new horse. This woman is a very timid rider but has these big ambitions for all of her horses. She recently acquired a new horse with lots of challenging training issues. The horse is a lovely mover and has quite a bit of potential . . . but only for someone who is a REALLY good rider (read: this horse is waaaay to much for this rider). But the woman has her dreams about what she'll be accomplishing with this horse . . .

Anyway, someone asked my husband, "What breed is her new horse?" My husband responded (you might have to say this out loud to get it) , "Oh, it's a Grand Illusion mare". Sounds JUST like Andalusian when he says it, but . . . it's SO much more accurate of a description!

Another favorite of his is to watch a horse in dressage and say, "That horse looks like he's really on his forehead". He KNOWS it's wrong, but he is totally mocking US!

mustangrider
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:05 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by OhioColleen:
My 4 year old son helps me muck stalls and feed 2 days a week. His job is to water and to give each horse 2 flakes of hay. I was listening to him chatter to himself as he was in the hay room getting the hay. "And Rebel gets 2 slices, and Diamond gets 2 slices, uh oh, we need another loaf!" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That is just too cute!

KimPeterson
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:19 AM
My husband thought (way back when we first started dating) that when you rode a horse you picked up the reins loose and slaped them up and down on the horses neck, hee ya, to make them "go". He said he saw it a lot in the movies and just figured that was for forward cue...the polo pony he was riding at the time just stood still and looked back very ho hum... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

alterforsaftey
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:19 AM
I boarded at a place that also had pony parties (look it was cheap and I was poor) Anyhow I went riding bye on my hunt clipped chestnut (you know the kind that turn into pumpkin color) I stopped to listen to this guy who was at this pony party explain to his very much young blond bimbo type girlfriend that he is going to buy her a horse like mine. "one of those rare paint breeds with perfect markings"

The same barn different day, another party goer walked by the stall of a junior who was taking her horses temperature. when asked by his friend he claimed "the girl was worming the horse"

KimPeterson
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:23 AM
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I think it was mentioned earlier but I still get people asking when the pony will be a horse...I just say he is a slow grower....http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

juliab
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:41 AM
My hubby says all the usual stuff like: "The horse does all the work" and if I complain about being tired after riding he'll say "Imagine how Argo feels!" If I compare one horse to another and say they look similar, he'll say "Yep, they both have 4 legs and a tail" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif And best of all when my weanling colt was being gelded and didn't respond to the sedative very much. He reared up and managed to get me on the nose with his little hoof (I wasn't hurt much thank goodness). My husband's comment was "Serves you right!"

circusponydreams
Dec. 21, 2005, 09:07 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Mr. A&A became really interested in dressage when I told him many of the higher level moves were based on battlefield manouvers. Of course, now whenever he sees a piaffe, he quietly says "squish! squish! squish!" because the horse is crushing enemies underfoot. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's great! Cracked me up. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

NaturalSelection
Dec. 21, 2005, 09:11 AM
My parents never come to events. They know nothing about my riding. However, this summer, Mom wanted to see what it was all about and agrees to come and watch dressage and x-c at an event close to home. I tried to explain that things would run on time and said that they should plan to show up 15min before my ride time. Of course the whole family was late and I was half way through my test when my Mom runs up to the side of the ring and start shouting and waving her hands (like she is flagging down a rescue plane, no joke) -- "Katie, Katie, we're here!" then to my sister (but still plenty loud) "Why doesn't she notice me?" I actually laughed the rest of the way through my test. It was great. Hey, at least she was enthusiastic, right?

After dressage we all walked the cross country course and I pointed out some of the jumps that might give me problems (bank complex, big red bench that is hard to see the depth) my Dad's response was that he felt I should "run extra fast" at these jumps to be sure to give my horse a good "running start" so he could clear the whole thing. Interesting...

Lori B
Dec. 21, 2005, 09:56 AM
littlebitty_destiny -- when I try to explain leasing a horse to non-horsey friends, I tell them that Topper is my timeshare horse. Somehow that clears it up for them....I tell them that some folks have a timeshare on a condo at the beach, and I have a timeshare on a bay TB gelding. :-)

I love the story about the guy who thought that the purpose of a course walk was that you were all looking for something out in the grass. Then I imagine everyone peering into the grass looking for a contact lens or something. Very very funny.

_GiGI_
Dec. 21, 2005, 09:57 AM
Not overly funny, but my parents were both good horse show parents and tried to get at least a basic understanding of what I'm doing. However you can image that dressage is boring, so now whenever I mention dressage to my dad he replies with "Oh, horsie horsie left, horsie horsie right". Somehow it is cute everytime he says it.

purplnurpl
Dec. 21, 2005, 10:30 AM
my other half and I were watching the "inside eventing series last night"

my fella declaired to me that he wanted to run around real fast and jump big things. Therefore I needed to teach him NOW!

I responded by giving him this absolutely blank look.

He said, "hey, I ride dirk bikes and can karate kick someone in the back of the head...why would riding by any harder. I have good balance."

I mearly sighed/smirked and nodded my head. : 0

Seal Harbor
Dec. 21, 2005, 11:19 AM
These are hysterical. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif I have to add mine although they are about my ex husband and I'm from the H/J world.

When I was showing my then husband use to call the under saddle classes "herd classes" , anything with Limit in the name became "Limited" (could be true!). He did some of that on purpose because it made me crazy. Although my trainer thought it was funny and started saying it as well.

We owned a nice baby who grew up to be pretty nice horse. I'm not stupid, horse was shown in both our names so his name would be announced when the horse got a prize, then he didn't complain about the bills so much. He was allergic to the horses but came to the shows and held the horse and did what he could. Even grazed him and brushed him. Once he was grazing him in a grooming halter (my fault) and the horse popped out of it, at a horse show, he didn't freak out just put the thing back on. Then freaked out. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Poor guy. At least with grass around he knew the horse was not going anywhere. He did tell me no more grazing in the grooming halter, it wasn't safe. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

He also got on him a couple of times, he is not built to ride, more like built to play football. Anyway horse was just moseying around at the walk and he was sitting like a sack of potatoes, so he stretched up tall and horse became engaged at the walk. He told me the horse was running away with him! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

The most brilliant thing he said, and I thought he was crazy at the time, was when watching the then 5 year old jump around little tiny fences and he declared that the horse was going to be a 4 foot horse. He was right. The horse did the regulars at the A shows and did well.

Lynda

bovon
Dec. 21, 2005, 11:21 AM
A while back I was having problems with a horse tossing his head while we trotted to the right. It was only when we traveled to the right. When I told my (very non-horsey at the time)husband about this problem, he said "why don't you just trot him around only to the left. He still works in that direction, doesn't he?" God bless him, he thought it was as simple as that!

Blugal
Dec. 21, 2005, 12:15 PM
I boarded at a mostly western barn in cowboy country. One day in the middle of winter I was tacking up my horse and one of the cowboys says, "That is so cool! Where'd you get that two-toned horse? I've never seen a colour like that!"

He was trace clipped. I should have told him that they are super expensive but I could probably find him one...

Moonie
Dec. 21, 2005, 12:21 PM
Oh my gosh these are sooo funny!!

Here is mine from my dad... he thinks he is the "best cowboy around".

So I buy this 9 YO OTTB with the hopes of doing training level in a few years. Dad starts to complain when OTTb gets hurt a few times in a row and then says "Why don't you just bubble wrap him? It would be much cheaper than all these wraps and gooey stuff you put on him!"

It made me laugh for a while..

3Day-Eventer
Dec. 21, 2005, 04:42 PM
The dressage trainer at my barn was invited to do a musical kir for a dinner party at a lady's home (its acutally a farm). Most of the guests were non-horsey, but the lady putting on the party is very 'into' dressage and wanted to show it to her high class friends.
He did his performance, everyone clapped. Afterwards, a lady came up to the owner of the horse when she was taking out his braids, and said, 'do you have to make those things really tight to get him to hold his head like that'. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
She just laughed. She paid big money to import him from Germany, but she had a good laugh about that!!
If only it was the braids that made their heads like that!! I might have a chance!

mythical84
Dec. 21, 2005, 06:47 PM
So the SO came over today to give me my xmas present and asked about my new horse. I said that apparently Harry had reared when the barnowner went to turn him out the first day. Later on, I asked him if he wanted to come ride (asterix offered up her lovely giant) and he said he was afraid of getting "rear-ended". I just sat there shaking my head.

Another time my dad was watching my dressage test, and my mare preceded to balk, 1/2 rear and spin throughout the entire test and when he came out he said, "that looked good". Poor guy didn't know why I glared at him and walked away.

buschkn
Dec. 21, 2005, 08:31 PM
These are awesome! I have laughed out loud several times, keep em coming! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

My Dad is technically non-horsey but is a very competitive person so has gotten way into it with me over the years and now knows a lot, though not enough to coach me, even though he thinks he does. I am currently on my 4th really nice green horse bringing along and selling on at a profit. The first one my dad told me I got "lucky" to find such a nice horse, and I told him I looked long and hard to find it. Then the 2nd one came along and he told me I got "really lucky" and so on and so forth. Well, by now he knows it is a lot less luck than perseverence but he still likes to tease me b/c it used to really piss me off. Now we just laugh about it.

My boyfriend, who doesn't know anything about horses but has already learned a lot in a just the 8 months we've been together has had some gems. When I got second to last on my OTTB in the dressage at our first event he said "Yeah honey!! You beat somebody!" I LOVED it.

The other day he was flipping through my latest Ebay purchase- "The DeNemethy Method". When I got home a few days later and said that Eli has been really good he asked if he had been "forward, calm, and straight"? A little tidbit picked up from the book which I found hilarious.

The other things he does is still call all riders jockeys. After all, we do live in Lexington, KY. It's hard to train that one out of him. For the most part, though, he is awfully good and picks up on things fast. He is always pointing out horses that "have a good jump" etc and believe it or not, he's always right!!

kcrubin
Dec. 22, 2005, 05:29 AM
Once my non horsey sister came to watch me compete. My normally quiet horse completely lost it over and over in dressage due to a large flagpole with flag beside the ring (it was windy) and a stock trailer with a kicking and screaming horse coming down the drive on the other side. After my test I was really disappointed and my sister trying to console me said, "Well, did he get any extra spirit points?"
Gotta love our non-horsey supporters! The test is long gone and we still laugh about her saying that.

slp2
Dec. 22, 2005, 06:45 AM
I've got another one I just remembered. A neighbor of ours decided to build an indoor arena and horse set up. Another neighbor was trying to prevent them from building it (he was worried that they would be running a public stable). To "smooth over" relations, the horse owners agreed to sign a statement (drawn up by the local township board), stating that they would not be boarding horses, or "hosting any horse pageants"! Even my non-horsey husband was laughing about them using the term "pageant" for "horse shows". I still keep hoping they WILL host a "pageant" so I can bring my mare (outfitted in her tiara) to compete. I'm just worried how she will fare in the "Bathing Suit competition" . . . she's got some extra junk in the trunk so I may need to find something, ummm, slimming for her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

annemarie
Dec. 22, 2005, 07:28 AM
Im taking some time off work to be a working student in January and everyone in the office thinks I am going to train for the Olympics. I havent bothered to correct them.

jhodkin
Dec. 22, 2005, 08:37 AM
It's no surprise our non-horsey friends get things around their neck a bit when you consider the unintelligible language we use...

- '...it's a bit on-the-leg...'
- '...that girl can't ride one side of that horse..'
- '...ride from your inside hand to your outside leg...'
- '...that horse is all upside down...'
- '...that horse weaves...' (that's especially clever considering it's got no thumbs !!!)

...I could go on ! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

cosmos mom
Dec. 22, 2005, 08:39 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">It's no surprise our non-horsey friends get things around their neck a bit when you consider the unintelligible language we use...

- '...it's a bit on-the-leg...'
- '...that girl can't ride one side of that horse..'
- '...ride from your inside hand to your outside leg...'
- '...that horse is all upside down...' </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Right- I guess "put him between you leg and you hand" could mean: On your lap http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

circusponydreams
Dec. 22, 2005, 09:47 AM
In the same vein - "He chipped in," (chipped what?) or "They got buried to that one," (I didn't see anything fall on them?)

savvy
Dec. 22, 2005, 10:01 AM
These are so great and of course I just have to add some.

Many years ago (after watching some harness ponies at a show) my dad said we should buy a shetland pony and train it to be a hackney.

When I told a colleague that I rode english he looked concerned. He asked me why and I explained that for jumping etc. it was much better than western. He still looked concerned and then tentatively asked me if I had any physical problems that meant I needed to ride english. I really didn't understand until we figured out that he thought english meant side-saddle.

When I was a teenager and transitioning from western to english, my instructor started eventing. She built a dressage ring and I had never seen anything like that ever. I asked how she kept the horse in the ring when the fence was so low. Oh my!

And finally, a friend asked me to go to this "big show in Kentucky in 1978" where there would be really good horses jumping (neither of us knew what eventing was). So the world championships was the first event I ever saw and I was hooked. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Molly Sorge
Dec. 22, 2005, 10:12 AM
At one event this summer, my non-horsey-but-trying boyfriend couldn't understand why I was upset after XC--my green mare had had a silly stop at a ditch, and I was kicking myself over it. But every fence he'd seen had gone well, so he was excited for me.

Apparently, later, out of my earshot, he'd asked the non-horseey-but-knew-the-basics-boyfriend of a friend of mine about why I was upset. Apparently, the advice he recieved was..

"Never just tell them they did well--wait till you hear them tell someone else how it went, and then repeat that back to them...."

My boyfriend, according to all reports, nodded his head thoughtfully and appreciatively to this sage advice.....

amandasnowy
Dec. 22, 2005, 10:36 AM
purplnurpl your post cracked me up! My non-horsey boyfriend is of the same opinion.

He races downhill mountain bikes (yeek, scary to watch!), and he's decided he wants an 18H+ horse that can run really fast and jump a truck. I tried to explain that it's hard to find large drafts that can clear the bed of a pick-up, but he's sure there's one out there waiting for him!

StrawberryFields
Dec. 22, 2005, 04:54 PM
hahahah! those are GREAT!!!!

tbgurl
Dec. 22, 2005, 07:44 PM
I can't classify my husband as non-horsey since he was into horses even before we met, but he had only limited exposure before me and is still learning.

So I was telling him about how I'd like to breed my mare to a certain stallion. He asked me where the stallion is located, and I told him he is in Maryland (we live in CA). So he looked thoughtful for a minute and said, "So they'll send his...stuff...here?" LOL He's quick.

Another time, somehow the subject of gelding a horse came up. He was under the impression that geldings were simply vasectomized. I had to explain that they removed both testicles entirely. He cringed, and then looked at the gelding we were taking care of and said in all seriousness, "Man, I'm sorry".

Along the same topic, the night before I took our female kitten in to be spayed, he asked me if she had to get "cut". I wasn't sure why he asked, but explained that it was better for her, and she wouldn't drive us crazy when she went into heat. Then he looked confused and said, "Won't she still go into heat?" I explained then that they would take out her uterus and ovaries, so she wouldn't ever go into heat. He thought she'd just get her tubes tied or something like that.

And recently we were talking about moving to WI and buying property there, and I was talking about getting heaters for the water troughs in the pastures. He informed me that that wasn't necessary, as the horses would just eat the snow in the winter. Hmmm...that may be true of deer, but I really think the horses would prefer unfrozen water. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Devistated100X
Dec. 22, 2005, 07:58 PM
Didn't read all the prior posts but....

Working one day I was telling someone I had to run home and put the blankets on the horses... my non horsey employee asked "so do they just lay down and you cover them and they stay like that all night?" I amlost peed my pants in laughter!

My parents (who never understood the horsey thing as I grew up) asked me why I continue to take lessons... "it looks to me that you know how to ride - so why do you take lessons?" - Sigh I wish it was as easy as just sitting there as every non horsey person thinks.

Carol Ames
Dec. 22, 2005, 08:53 PM
Merf for many years was forced to wait untilafter ///cristmas, when, I couldget candy cames at half prm alsoliked grapefruits, and oranges rind, and alll, and he knew thathe red astocking by his doorheheld many goodies!When we lived in Kentucky.nd, we had a warm, and, muddy Christmas, I took his blanket off so, hecould roll in thed that i had to use a mtal curry http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif to break it up enough to brush it off!He hd his dreamilyhappy look onhis face! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Carol Ames
Dec. 22, 2005, 08:55 PM
[QUO
Merf for many years was forced to wait untilafter Chistmas, when, I couldget candy canes at half pricehe alsoliked grapefruits, and oranges rind, and alll, and he knew thathe red astocking by his doorheheld many goodies!When we lived in Kentucky.and, we had a warm, and, muddy Christmas, I took his blanket off so, he could roll in the mud than i had to use a mtal curry http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif to break it up enough to brush it off!He hd his dreamily happy look onhis face! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Bacchus
Dec. 23, 2005, 05:20 AM
When I told my SO that I had to train my new OTTB before I could really start riding him well, he said, "He was a racehorse, isn't he trained to do everything?" Ha!

Luckington Lane
Dec. 23, 2005, 07:57 AM
My boyfriend came to a hunter show with me to cheer me on. When I came out of the ring with a sixth I complained how my greenie SO deserved a better place. He just kind-of looked at me and said he thought green was my favorite color, not blue (oh dear). He disappeared and came back later with a smirk on his face and said he found where they hid the ribbons and could steal all the ribbons I wanted! This is the same boy who fell asleep at the show in a lawn chair holding my horse, promptly waking up to my glare and saying - we needed to focus on our game before the big meet! Ah, no horse in sight as he had gone off to graze.

(Using my sister's name - I know I need my own COTH name!)

kcooper
Dec. 23, 2005, 08:41 AM
My non-horsey husband was handwalking a three year old OTTB who I was fostering as she recovered from a bow. She needed her evening walk and I had 8 women in my house for book club. My husband LOVED this filly for some reason and actually volunteered to walk her that night b/c he knew I was busy. After he was out there for a while, I heard the distinct sound of galloping hooves in the driveway. I quietly excused myself and ran outside and the filly came barrelling at me over the rosebush hedge. I caught her as my husband came running up the drive after her. He said "I don't know what happened. She was eating grass and I wasn't really paying attention BECAUSE I WAS DICTATING." (Yes, on his dictaphone with the three year old on stall rest four weeks off the track). Then he says, "I just don't understand why she did that . . . I thought we had an understanding." Needless to say he has been much more receptive to my lectures on safety since then. (And thankfully, that tendon was fine.)

Candle
Dec. 23, 2005, 08:49 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by purplnurpl:
my other half and I were watching the "inside eventing series last night"

my fella declaired to me that he wanted to run around real fast and jump big things. Therefore I needed to teach him NOW!
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mine said that to me and I was kind of like http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif and showed him where to take lessons. Well, he's a pretty damn good rider now considering how long he's been in lessons! He's really fun to ride with too. So, never say never!

However, I lent him my Pony Club manual, the D one so he could start to understand riding cues and stuff, and he comes to me a week later and goes "well, I skipped over that first part of the book, that Dressage stuff. I just want to run fast and jump stuff!" I tried to explain how dressage was the foundation of riding, even just basic dressage, but now every time we talk about dressage, he gets this all-knowing look on his face and goes "I don't like dressage. My horse and I won't need it. We'll just run and jump stuff". So now I'm trying to think of a discipline in which he can just run and jump stuff. I think he's too tall to be a steeplechase jockey.

Olympic Engagement
Dec. 23, 2005, 04:59 PM
haha these are great!!

My uncle worked as a drug tester on a thoroughbred track for years! you would think he would have learned more...

When I got a TB a few years ago, I told him that "Ollie" was a Thoroughbred and he said "Oh I thought it was called a Horse" and couldnt believe that they had breeds!

willothwisp
Dec. 24, 2005, 08:18 PM
My friend was telling me how she once was in the country and there was a sign next to wire that said It was electric and caution. She said she thought it was just to warn the horses and touched it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Ambishahn
Dec. 25, 2005, 12:41 AM
hmmm....i work for a vet who specializes in repro- she has about 50 head at the farm at any one time- she's also usually short on help during breeding season, so i got my 17 year old brother to start working doing stalls and the like- the second day he went to work for her, he walked into the barn where the vet had a big WB mare in the stocks palping her- he told me he thought the horse was constipated and the vet was "helping out"

the first CTR i competed in, my mother asked me how i did, i told her i got a 97, mother replied "wow, you got an A"

one day a spca officer drove up to the barn and said he had to investigate a claim that we were abusing our goats- (believe me nothing on our farm is anywhere near abused)- apparently some person driving by told them that we kept the goat in a small pen and were letting the horses attack and bite it- ????? spca officer had a good laugh when the small area way the middle of the round bale feeder that the goat always got into, and the horses "biting" it were just eating the hay around the goat!!!!

imapepper
Dec. 25, 2005, 08:38 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by J Swan:
And when writing a check out to pay for lessons, my husband (the same one) obviously adding up all the money I've spent on training, said, "When will you know how to ride?"

I've been riding since I was ten!

"I have observed in women of her type a tendency to regard all athletics as inferior forms of fox-hunting”- Evelyn Waugh

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

bip
Dec. 25, 2005, 08:59 AM
I am the one with the supercollider dressage horse husband (post on the first page of this thread, which I can't believe was TWO years ago!!!)

Anyway, I recently bought one of those clipboards from Dressage Extensions that has a dressage arena on it, and it comes with dry erase pens so you can study your test. When my husband saw it, his eyes lit up. He took it and started furiously drawing arrows and Xs, then said, "OK, here's your play. You and Yesenia stand here, and your trainer and her horse stand over there. Then you break this way, while Yesenia [my mare] goes in to score." I asked how Yesenia would know what to do and he assured me that she is very smart and "That's why you practice it."

RunForIt
Dec. 25, 2005, 01:22 PM
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif I finally have something to post on this thread...this morning I was telling my youngest brother (even at 49 still the "know-it-all" wise-butt of the family) about the horses pawing and rolling in the big, deep puddles of water, then rolling in all the mud - thank goodness with no blankets as its quite warm in Georgia on Christmas Day. His reply? "Well, you know that's how horses keep themselves free of FLEAS!" Yeah, right - they don't have any.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif...y'don't think he's right, do you? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Wojjie
Dec. 25, 2005, 07:47 PM
trublue89 - THANK YOU FOR RESSURRECTING THIS THREAD!!!! Other threads such as "funniest way to describe a horse in an advertisement" have been funny but this is the BEST!!! Thanks, and Merry Christmas!!

Amchara
Dec. 25, 2005, 08:17 PM
My BF said "Their named cannons for a reason" when he saw a horse kick out at another one.

I find it quite amazing the fact that I get him on a horse maybe, 4 times a year and he can do more then I could after four months of lessons! He will also lend his mind powers to say things that I never would have thought of, such as "Why don't you just put velco on one of you old track wraps, then you can use it for your pony club rating".

Briggsie
Dec. 25, 2005, 08:18 PM
Warren, my cutie Navy pilot boyfriend...went out with me to see the horses for the first time ever when we were just dating.

"I want to show you the new baby," I said.(one was just foaled a week prior)

we walk down the hill....and Zues, the big black percheron was standing by my gelding.

He pointed at my gelding, looking so much smaller than Zues.....

"wow, is that the baby? why can he eat hay so soon?"

Holy crap, i almost peed my pants. I just wanted to squeeze him to death beacuse he was so cute, but really was not kidding!

How Bout No (Karrie)
Dec. 25, 2005, 08:24 PM
LMAO Serene!! I just happened to see this post (clicked on the wrong link). I don't think I can look at Warren the same http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

gallopnz
Dec. 27, 2005, 01:46 AM
something I read ona similar line on another horse forum, was a lady who took some friends to see her horses, one of these intelligent, but unhorsey people, politely said to her, "wow.., is he kinda unusual with his legs being a different colour to his body?" owner laughed herself silly....he is a bay.

keric
Dec. 27, 2005, 07:08 PM
Fargonefarm might remember this one...

My husband, upon seeing an adorable pony in a stall at a schooling show commented, "He's so cute! When does he grow up and become a horse?"

Also at the same show, after witnessing a rearing and bucking exhibition in the warm-up ring: "You treat them so well, why do they act like that?"

Scootie
Dec. 31, 2005, 09:35 PM
I was trying to explain to Mr. Scootie's brother about why I use an English saddle instead of one with a horn. I was trying to describe the saddle to him and he said, "oh, aren't those those big uncomfortable looking ones?"

At my former barn this guy who goes around selling frozen meat and seafood dropped in and someone asked to wait while she put her horse out, then she wanted a price list. In the meantime I was grooming and tacking up this big raw boned OTTB mare who tended to be leery of strangers. The mare was watching the meat guy's every move. The meat guy was trying to make friends with her by saying in a real sweet voice, "hey big guy", Hey big fellow".

And I said, "she's a girl". And the meat guy said to the mare, "Oh, I'm sorry baby. No wonder you were looking at me like that!"

Recently I had a doctor appointment and somehow the subject turned to horses and the disaster of a dressage show I had been in. And the Dr. said, "I hear dressage people are kind of stuck up." So I thought, cool, he sounds like some kind of horse person, because most people just wouldn't think of that.

Then he said he really didn't like riding because, "the way I see it, one end bites, the other end kicks, and you fall off the middle!"

Yep, you got that right!

fargonefarm
Jan. 1, 2006, 09:45 AM
Ahhh yes, Keri. I do remember. Good times. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

costco_muffins
Jan. 1, 2006, 01:00 PM
my dad learns one new horse term a year or so (which means after 15 years he still knows quite little). one year it was "lead." every time a horse came though a course he would mention the lead the horse was on or tell a person that the horse wouldn't place well because its lead was incorrect. currently it is "hunter/jumper" and "equitation." i showed IHSA at school and he would explain to all his friends that i rode the hunter/jumpers and showed in equitation. god forbid them to ask what these meant - all he knew is that i own expensive pants and tall leather boots and occasionally looked pretty while riding!