Since we can't all get along, we might as well laugh

[3fatponies]

Anybody who feels irreverent humor is permissible, feel free to join myself and a few other "rude hellions" in the TQ(Trail Queen) "Learn How to Ride or Move Over!!" Clique!

Rules for Joining:
1. Must be able to laugh at oneself
2. Must be able to take criticism from assorted internet strangers without excessive chest-beating and weeping(we don't like wimps here! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif)
3. Must be able to debate without personal attacks when you find yourself cornered
4. Must be polite(rude is, after all, a state of mind, and should stay that way) at all times when dealing with any of the above
5. Must avoid excessive labeling of others as "rude," lest the word lose all meaning


Anyone is welcome to join and travel at any speed they like--we don't claim the monopoly on anything but the ability to take a joke.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[mustangrider]

Count me in too! Let's hit the trails and bust a move!

[Huntertwo]

I'm in - I'll "try" to abide by the rules. lol

[3fatponies]

Maybe someday we can all get together and try mowing each other down! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[appaloosalady]

Yea!! Count me in http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Maybe we should compare weights (the horses--perish any other thought!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif) and see who stands the best chances of being the final one standing? Hmmm, I have a big, fat lunk of a horse I would have to chose for this, especially if there is any money involved--this might be a bet I am willing to risk.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Huntertwo]

Well, I have a 13.2h POA, maybe 850 soaking wet. lol I guess I'm out http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

Although to her credit, she does beat up her pasture mate who is a Hanovarian Warm Blood twice her size http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[eclipsefarm]

I'll join, but I'm bringing my goats. Everyone besides the real TQ's might as well clear the path now! Although when it comes to a rider in trouble, TQ's would probably snub me. Per other thread, I would've slowed down and not thrown a fit about it.

[marta]

ok, i'm going to join, just b/c i loff the signature line http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

while a relative light weight at approx 900 lbs, my mare can make such incredibly mean faces, i'm certain that she can even get eclipsefarm's goats to move over.

[Cartfall]

Since I am one by experience, although no longer active in competition and in my heart will always be a "distance rider", I think I can be a member of this groupt!!!

I drive trails more than I ride, and believe me, I know what it means to have to move over or off of the trail!!!!

[RTM Anglo's]

Well of course I am in...I love to mow greenies over, been doing it for 40 some years. Started out with my sister, and moved on up through my brothers and recently I mowed my mother over. Even though mom wasn't a greenie, I still had fun at it.

I got a real knack at it. And don't worry...it isn't the size that counts...ahhahahaha it's what you do with it.

Yup. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif


Mom would be proud.

[RTM Anglo's]

Oh...I forgot.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
I got the handbook on TQ...you guys need me! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[fotie]

Hey all you guys can practice on my greenie. I volunteer. Make sure you come up fast behind her because she is an ex-racer.

[RTM Anglo's]

Thanks fotie,

My horse gets tired of always being the one that falls off the hill, I think she may need to heal up some before we go out again.

[fotie]

No goats, she loves them...but maybe those huge parelli balls. Don't show'em to her until I am on her.

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by eclipsefarm:
I'll join, but I'm bringing my goats. Everyone besides the real TQ's might as well clear the path now! Although when it comes to a rider in trouble, TQ's would probably snub me. Per other thread, I would've slowed down and not thrown a fit about it.

Go fast, slow down, do whatever you want! We embrace diversity, opposing viewpoints and a decent sense of humor, so you'll fit right in. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by Huntertwo:
Well, I have a 13.2h POA, maybe 850 soaking wet. lol I guess I'm out http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

Although to her credit, she does beat up her pasture mate who is a Hanovarian Warm Blood twice her size http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

You never know, my lunky boy might just give way out of sheer fear! Quick, teach her to look really, really mean, and you can probably win. Hmmm, tiny but fierce mare entering the competition...I may have to rethink my bet. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by fotie:
No goats, she loves them...but maybe those huge parelli balls. Don't show'em to her until I am on her.

Anyone for FIRECRACKERS?!? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif BWAHAHAHA!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I know, I know, let's race up behind Fotie's greenie and then toss firecrackers at her from one side, while bouncing a gigantic Parelli ball off her other side. At the same time, she must also have the goats perched on her rump, of course! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[ComingAttraction]

I want to join!!! I have several greenies and several green students I am willing to offer up...We could put the green students on the green horses and then sit back, pop open a coupla brewskies, light up them firecrackers and then watch the show!!! He He...mental note, must get those release forms signed!!! I think that lesson could be called bombproofing, don't cha think?

[appaloosalady]

My driving horse is about 16.2 and weighs in at around 1600lbs, I'll ride him!!!! We can plow greenies over on even the widest trails!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by ComingAttraction:
I think that lesson could be called bombproofing, don't cha think?

Bombproofing, America's funniest home videos--is there really any difference? I also want to put on a big white sheet(without eyeholes, to make my lurching more authentic--I am always ready to sacrifice for my art http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif)and chase them around the trails, while screaming "AAAGGGHHHH!!! I AM A HORSE EATING MONSTER!!! GGGGGRRRRRRR!!!"

Since we don't want no stinking sissies, I fully expect the rest of you to be throwing firecrackers and beercans(empty or full, your choice, though throwing the full ones seems kind of wasteful to me) at them from your lawnchairs, while yelling "You pansy!! Keep that seat, or I will use a NAIL GUN to keep it for you!!!"

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by appaloosalady:
My driving horse is about 16.2 and weighs in at around 1600lbs, I'll ride him!!!! We can plow greenies over on even the widest trails!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

RIDE HIM?!? Good lord woman, that's not a horse, that's a sleeper couch with legs! Forget ride him--let's use him for a NAP! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[appaloosalady]

Don't forget the llamas, every good bombproofing session needs llamas. I've got some fireworks, too... much more effective than mere firecrackers.

3fatponies- he would make a nice couch, maybe double bed?

[fotie]

Firecrackers are perfect. As you throw them at me, make sure to ask me if I am ok though...

[RTM Anglo's]

fotie,

Come on here...we aren't complete morons...of course we will make sure you're all right in-between events. I always look out for other riders. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Never through full beer cans...it is such a waste, http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif at least offer it to the horses first.

Hay, maybe we could all bring our dogs? I got two, and so does my daughter…that makes four. They love to bark and pull tails; one is really good at biting ankles. She can chase too if you give her treats. They do these really neat circles around the horses while barking continuously…then hide in the brush to lunge out abruptly. It’s so cool to watch.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[situpandride]

hey,let's ride past the ostrich farm

[ComingAttraction]

Ostrich's (not sure how to pluralize that one http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif, hopefully the grammar Nazi's aren't on this forum) I think fotie has a couple of those near her farm we could possibly borrow for a bombproofing clinic!

[situpandride]

i used to board at the end of a runway and hot air balloon sightseeing business, next to an ostrich farm and the hunt used to ride through 3 days a week, it was fun, i think the hot air balloon guy got extra money from his clients when i rode, they had a spectacle to watch from overhead. i swear i heard people oohing and ahhing over head when my horse did her airs above the ground, either it was the balloon guy or God

[ChocoMare]

I'm in.

And I think I've got you all beat in the Size Department. You don't get much bigger than 1900 pounds of 17.3 Percheron. When we head off down the road, everyone moves! Bwahahahah!!!!!

She ain't lovingly called The Equine Bulldozer for nuthin'!

[3fatponies]

Damn, I think I miscalculated on the betting thing....maybe we need divisions, like in boxing?? After all, what kind of poor sport would I be if I didn't stack the deck in my favor?? AL and CM can ram into each other and we can call it "The Battle of the Titans," and cheer them on with obscenities, launched beer bottles and reward each point scored by shooting blanks from a .22. (Due to the hazardous nature of this event, both contestants will be required to wear those "Fat Sumo Man" rubber suits while in the saddle)

For the Bombproofing class, I think we should definately add the ostriches, and the hot air balloon, though both should LUNGE at the horses(the balloon should try to do so within his abilities, of course). We could also add the soundtrack from a war movie and teach the dogs to leap onto rumps. Let's not tell the greenies about that ahead of time though...I want the maximum entertainment for my dollar(plus, if we sell the tapes to a video show, we could even make a profit after expenses!).

Fotie, I have a reputation to keep up, so you'll have to understand that I am forbidden from asking if you are alright, but just must instead be screaming at you to "stop sniveling and fretting!" while ringing a track starter(so your greenie feels at home). To demonstrate the superiority of the TQ, you must be bareback and backwards on your horse playing a trumpet(or any other musical instrument of your choice--extra points for a piano), of course. I appreciate your desire to add a helpful, friendly note by suggesting that people ask if the riders are okay, but I simply cannot allow something that might indicate we have the slightest interest in the welfare of others on horseback--our reputation is at stake, after all!

We might also think of adding something for the experienced trail masters--such as crashing a junker car into a tree just as they are within 25' of that tree, coming from the opposite direction. The winner of the class wll be the one who waits until the car explodes before walking away. Additional points awarded for the rider who manages to walk away with the reins in one hand, while picking a wedgie with the other.

[fotie]

I have always wanted to learn how to play the drums...

[3fatponies]

Fellow Members--

I have just recieved the unfortunate news that one of our Members, RTM, is being accused of an Eighth Grade Education. Now, I know that mistakes as grevious as this one are frequently made in youth, when we believe that learning and considering the opinions of others is valuable, but this is still a serious accusation. After consulting with my spiritual advisor, Crazy Wilma's Siamese cat, Ernie, I believe that we can resolve this matter, forgive RTM if this distasteful accusation proves true, and move on with terrorizing greenies, hikers and spectators on the trails.

RTM, if you can provide documentation that proves a grade point average of no higher than a 2.0, reports of your behavior in keeping with our motto(ie. beating up smaller children and stealing their lunch money, sassing the teachers until they secretly wanted to backhand you, etc.) and/or the testimony of a family member that refers to you as "stupid" and "downright evil" in the same sentence, we will accept you back into the fold.

If you cannot produce these things for a justifiable reason(such as you burned down both the school and your childhood home, after removing all the animals, of course), we will accept a video in which you pass the TQ test of mowing down four hikers, a mother pushing a stroller down a steep incline(part of baby to be played by a watermelon) and no less than 6 greenies on horseback within a 20 minute span. I suggest a large public park during tourist season for the easiest pickings.

We await your response.

[RTM Anglo's]

Oh, no.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif
I have been found out! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

I am a TQ, really, please…. don’t ban me…I will have nowhere to go! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

Honestly, I work at being a good TQ. Everyday I run out of my house screaming at little kids on big fat horses that wear helmets and have cute piggy tails. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif I never let anyone pass on the trail, and have taught my horse to fart on demand. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif I swerve from side to side on the trail, and always ride in front of others that wish to pass, but staunchly stay in my position. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif I make sure I go to music class so I can perfect my loud shrew like voice while riding next to people that are afraid to talk over a whisper when on their timid horses. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Please, I’m sorry, I will never get a grade over a D again. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif Are you listening o-great one??? Please answer me. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

OK, I’ll bring the beer…will that help?
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[3fatponies]

I think I just wet myself....

[RTM Anglo's]

Yup, http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Diapers work good too. The crinkle crinkle noise greenies really like. You so smart.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[MissBri]

Would you be needing some dirtbikes/ATVs? Properly equipped with the aliens from the 'outer-world' of course!
Then let's not forget the oh so deadly silent predator.... mountain bikes ...woooshing past, then sliding to a stop.
Can someone hide behind a tree with a metal or plastic milk container partially filled with small rocks? Pleas shake the container violently just as the greenies are moveing past.

[RTM Anglo's]

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gifI gots me one friend. Her horse is most talented. It can fart too on demand, real stinky. Well, I likes her a lot, cause she never judges me. We have fun on the trail, drinking beer, doing shots of whisky and smoking maryjowanda. We likes ta walk in the woods a bit, see all the prudy animules, talk to the birds….run some greenies over for fun whens we bored. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

We don’t have wide horse like some of the people here does, but we hold hands (nothing funny now…we ain’t that sort you know http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif) and we holds tight…real tight and we screams at the tops of our voices (sounds like a flute I swear http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif) and bowl right over on them. Sometimes it hurts our arms real bad. But we just have another shot, and tell them greenies as they be running after them there horses of theirs to “buck up ladies, your butts was getten big and you needed to walk there”. Smoke a little more maryjowands and look for more greenies. Is real peaceful here.

Yup, that’s what we do in the big town of OR ton Ville. We have a lot of fun…you all should come on by sometime, we could fix ya up real well. Honest, I bring the beer.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

RTM, Okay, now that I had a moment to compose myself (and change), I will tell you that your description of your activities(and the promise of beer) has made me realize that you are indeed one of us. In honor of that, I would like to propose hosting a camp-out in a crowded public park, where we will perfect our skills and ensure our reputation is not damaged in any way by this incident. In honor of RTM's creativity, I propose that all member horses be trained to fart on command at that time, as that will make a wonderful addition to our PR efforts.

After the ride, but before the police arrive, there will be a pinata in the base camp filled with fifths of liquor, packs of smokes and small plastic bags of prescription anti-anxiety meds(bring your own funny cigarettes--I ain't sharing). Once the pinata is broken, members are required to consume at least 1 item from each of the aforementioned groups and then try to outrun the police when they arrive. The winner will be declared by the total number of points achieved before being taken into custody, which will be given in the manner described below:

1. One point shall be given for each rider's successful effort at vomiting on a hiker, two points for a biker and 3 for a stroller(smallest target).

2. One point shall be subtracted for vomiting on a fellow TQ.

3. Five points shall be awarded for jumping the police car.

4. AL and CM may disregard the above rule if they wish and earn those 5 points by doing more than $1500 (per rider) of damage to the bodywork of the police car.

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by MissBri:
Would you be needing some dirtbikes/ATVs? Properly equipped with the aliens from the 'outer-world' of course!
Then let's not forget the oh so deadly silent predator.... mountain bikes ...woooshing past, then sliding to a stop.
Can someone hide behind a tree with a metal or plastic milk container partially filled with small rocks? Pleas shake the container violently just as the greenies are moveing past.

Good, good...I suggest that the mountain bikes be equipped with bullhorns, and long, crinkly streamers, too. ATVs will require engine work that results in backfiring no less than 2 times per minute, and said aliens must have long stalky eyes that wiggle....

[Cartfall]

I can add helium ballons in any shape to fly behind my cart. I can "garuntee" a scare factor of about 8 or 9 anyway.

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by Cartfall:
I can add helium ballons in any shape to fly behind my cart. I can "garuntee" a scare factor of about 8 or 9 anyway.

Excellent! And may I suggest a midget with a marching-band style drum would make a fine copilot?

[Cartfall]

Oh, heck, why don;t we do the whole circus parade? Complete with a marching band, wild animals, the guy on stilts ought to be worth a few scare points!!!

[3fatponies]

Yes! The man on stilts is an excellent idea! You must join our clique, as you clearly have an excellent insight in the best ways to ruin trail riding for greenies! I must make a note to add the man on stilts to our bombproofing clinic--perhaps he can leap from the hood of the junker car just before it hits the tree??

[Cartfall]

I have already added the clique to my signature right below the clique I founded ealier this year.

How about this--the guy on stilts being pulled behind the car on skis and just before it hits, he uses his jet pack to lift clear and then----lands right in front of the horse coming at him!!! 25 feet is too much clear factor!!!

[3fatponies]

Will the horse be required to fart on command while this is happening?

[Cartfall]

You know, you are working way too hard at this--

Give me a set of sleigh bells and you will see all kinds of things. Actually just go for a cart ride some time around horses and riders who have not seen them and watch the fireworks.

At my local saddle club, the Pleasure Queens (both english and western) have pitched such a fit about our drivers/carts scaring their horses at a show it is ridiculous. We are NOT ALLOWED to drive around the arena ring road to warm up while there are any classes going on. We are NOT ALLOWED to drive during the lunch break in the arena with the ridden horses BECAUSE WE MIGHT SCARE THEM. They give us two minutes prior to class to go in and warm up. Thanks so much.

Don't get me started on the DQs reaction when we asked to have driven dressage added to their program. Same reaction from the western speed freaks when we asked for driven speed classes--oh, no, you will scare our horses.

The smart people will use us as a training opportunity. We are most willing. We have even offered to have clinics where these stupid people can bring their stupid horses to become familiar with the idea of a harnassed horse.

Okay I am off my soap box now!!! sorry to have high jacked your thread!!!

[3fatponies]

Not at all--perhaps we don't need to venture to a large public park to find our next set of victims, since you seem to know where a whole lot of 'em can be found.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[3fatponies]

I am also going to add an additional class to the clinic for Trail Masters. In honor of the thread that brought us together, I propose that we create a projectile called "Da Fair Hill Bomb," and offer training in the use of it.

Feedbags will be stuffed with a selection of items to be chosen based on availability, such as kitchen garbage, paint cans, beer bottles, rocks etc. The feedbag will then be tied shut wih twine and carried by the rider(in front of the rider is the suggested method).

Upon spotting a likely hiker, biker or greenie hogging the trail, the rider must throw the feed bag and score a strong enough hit that it bursts on impact. Striking another horse directly is prohibited, and in the case of greenies, a direct hit should lift them from the saddle for full credit.

As a TQ becomes more experienced, she will be permitted to make alterations to the weight and contents of the bag to personalize it for her best throw. Any TQ who can lift a greenie out of the saddle 8 out of 10 times while the greenie's horse is "bucking, rearing, spinning and blowing sideways," will earn the honor of being known as a "Da Fair Hill Bomb Master" for a period of no less than two years.

Start saving those feed bags!

[RTM Anglo's]

Cartfall,

Too funny and it is so amazing how a much a bunch of nobody’s can change the rules for all. It is so silly to think about. I mean, horses have pulled for centuries, and humans should remember that. Just because driving isn't so popular (really it is a art, I wish I knew how to do it) the masses have grouped and ousted your butt.

These goodie-two-shoe attitudes drive me so nuts when it comes to horses. It is called training your horse. Most people only know how to pull them from the stall (and some not even that) and saddle up and ride around in a circle, then even scream when another person enters the ring and doesn't ride at their chosen pace. Now you're talking DQ and PQ mentality.

I got a good one for you that you will appreciate. It’s a story now…you has to pay attention to understands it. And 3fp, you will see the talent that is horse has...he could win you Bomb Master award.

Me and my buddy (aforementioned) with the talented horse, we was up north, in the woods campin. And we’s needin some firewoods for our little fire (about 6 feet wide and 12 feet highs) so we went out alookin. Found some wood and stacked it up, we’s figured it would take us several trips…so we smoked some more of our funny cigarettes, and had a shot or two and pondered…hmmmm how is it that we’s can make this easier on us? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Brainstorm, http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif I used the edimacation I got back in OR ton Ville schools (figured that’s were I gots it from) and decided to put it in the burlap bags we haul ours feed in, and drags it behind the talented horse I all tolds you about. Well, he did real fine until we crossed the road and the bags started russleing. Then he gots real quiet, and his eyeballs sorta popped out of his head, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif and he starts this spinning thing. Round and round he went, with this there bag flying in the air like a buoger that wont gets off your finger. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Well, we was laughen and such, sorta funny…the bag started getten higher in the air, and the talented horse, well he didn’t like it much. He was like a marry-go-round in the middle. Can you picture this? And the bag was about 4 feets in the air at this time. Well, as he keepa swinging, he got closer and closer to the outhouse building (made for humans to poop in, I learned that too) and BAM. Hit it dead center. Well it was just too much for this talented horse. He farted his famous fart, and pooped too. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif We told him it was alright, and he could put his eyes back in his head again. Cause, we weren’t gonna do that anymore. He was real quite after that. And we had to poop in the woods after that too. Oh well, at least I got my finger and it washes real well.

So we went back to doing shots, thinking, smoken. Waited for some strong mens to come by and helps us. What more could we have done?

[3fatponies]

I think you need to start packing those feedbags and practicing your aim, because your horse is already experienced enough that you are a shoo-in for the title!!

[marta]

ROFLMAO!!!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif
rtm anglo's that's some story http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gifI was thinken again last night, I got to wondering…it could be others didn’t get a good edimacation like me. I don’t fault them none, they can’t help it if their brains don’t work. I was thinken anyhow, that maybe if they listened to some of our stories here, they could learn some. Kinda like, they could learn by asmosses. I learned that too, it’s when your brain sucks up information like water from smart people. See my pappa was a well man for water…so I got one up on most of ya cause we got water in our family. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Well, pappa…he learned me well when he was alive, you know…before the orphanage and all. Cause I gots me my formal edimacation there (still haven’t spoken to Mary about tricken me there) I recall when I was a youngster, I’d try to go with pappa to work. Well he didn’t know, I just hang on the back of his semi, got real strong arms doing that. Anyways, he’d always be surprised when he walked around the back and see me standen there. It was hell on my feet, but I got me a callus real quick doing it. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

See, them morning rides with pappa, they taught me how to hold on tight, and not let go…even around corners and passen other vehicles. I could see how pappa drove. That’s where I learned, yup, that’s where I learned. We always passed on the right, seemed no one was ready for it then. And I try real hard not the scream, cause that would be real sissy like (pappa wouldn’t be proud of that). I learnen how to bank the corners with my weight, so I wouldn’t fly out into traffic. Now I always waved to the people as I went…never rude.

Now heres the part of asmosses. Learn to hang on, always smile and wave, bank the corners, and don’t scream.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Well,
thats about it for a few days. See me and my buddy we's planning on going up north in the woods again this weekend. Taken the talented horse and one of my greenies. We's going to a favorit spot of ours...same place with the broken out house.

See they got a nice river there...but you got to be careful when crossen it, cause greenies don't always knows they can float. I had to teach of few before as they want to run on the bottom like one of those crayfish things. I tell them I ain't got no snorkel for them. See I learned that from jock who sto on the TV (we call it the boob tube...ahhahah its funny when I say it and we all crack up real hard here).

Yup, I taken the greenie so she can learn from the talented horse. I suspect she will be right smart when we's get home. The plan is to ride out 10 miles to the party store so I cans drink me a cold beer in the parken lot...and we cans then run all the way back to camp. I cant's take my dog no more cause shes getting old and can't run and all 20 miles. I could tie her to the back of my greenie...thats how I learned and all, but I tolds you all that storie.

Maybe I will have some more stories when I gets back. Love and kisses. Remember to wave, and be polite to all greenies on the trail.

[mrs.smith]

Hey, can I join? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

1. I got the horse. A 14h tall, 14h wide haflinger mare.

2. We have done the following together:

Slid on our a$$es down a vertical drop because we both hate to back track.

Crossed a four lane highway in the crosswalk while minivans packed with brats, bikes, joggers, and pedestrians looked on with shock.

Rode calmly by a road paving crew while being entertained by a OTTB freaking out (no offense to the OTTB clique).

Told a group of mountain bikers to get the @&#^$%# off of OUR trails. And they did. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Oh, and we both drink beer. Ice is optional.

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by RTM Anglo's:
Now heres the part of asmosses. Learn to hang on, always smile and wave, bank the corners, and don’t scream.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Are you sure it's not "assmosses???" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by Fast Alice:
Hey, can I join? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


Fast Alice,
Sure you can join! You have to promise to increase the amount of abuse and dangerous risks in your riding program, but you sound like you are on the right track and will be a valuable addition to our PR efforts. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif May I suggest Da Fair Hill Bomb for the next group of mountain bikers you encounter?? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

PS- at 14h high and 14h wide, I imagine your mare will excell at our "fart on command" demonstration during the TQ Celebration. May I suggest you begin feeding her beans now for a truly impressive debut?

[ComingAttraction]

I think I qualify for this club. Recently in another thread I was called the "greatest thing since sliced bread". So to honor that title I will add bread to my bag. I will blow up the plastic baggie that it comes in and pop it just as someone tries to pass me, this can simulate a backfire if done properly! That should add some fun to our ride!

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by ComingAttraction:
I think I qualify for this club. Recently in another thread I was called the "greatest thing since sliced bread". So to honor that title I will add bread to my bag. I will blow up the plastic baggie that it comes in and pop it just as someone tries to pass me, this can simulate a backfire if done properly! That should add some fun to our ride!

CA, was the "greatest thing" comment delivered by someone you annoyed when you used logic to point out the holes in their argument? If so, that alone earns you admission!! However if it was a sincere compliment, you can still be in, since you have displayed the proper attitude by coming up with a way to use bread bags to torment greenies and increase the chances of an accident. Now go forth as a proper TQ(don't forget to emphasize your inherent superiority at any chance), and cause some wrecks!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

I am so proud of all of you!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[ComingAttraction]

Yeah...well then I am off to Fair Hill this weekend with my baggies. I have also realized that I can roll up the bread into little balls and throw it at passers by....just like the kids in my eighth grade spanish class did to my teacher when her back was turned! That was enough to send her to the crazy house so I am sure it will be very well received on the trail. That Spanish class sure taught me a lot about being deviant, not much about spanish though!

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by ComingAttraction:
I have also realized that I can roll up the bread into little balls and throw it at passers by....

You know, a rock in the middle would add some much needed weight and improve your aim.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[MissBri]

OOO OOO OOOO (Raising hand excitedly) I have a pea shooter, I can shoot teeny red paintballs at the greenies rumps - yuk yuk - both species!!!!!Ohh I can see the confusion now, spinning ponies, wild eyed riders, all believing some Maine-iac in the woods is shooting them (AH, but I am, I AM!). Then I can rattle and shake my trusty, rusty, can of pebbles to send them panic stricken and bumping and stumbling all over each other to get the heck away from me!!!!! Oh my goodness, I just love it!!!

[ComingAttraction]

OMG!!! I just remembered that the BF has a paint ball gun. I have always wanted to use that thing. Now's my chance, ohh, just think of all of the pretty colors! I will be able to track my "kills" so to speak! Sorry but I have to run now and get the gun before BF comes home and finds out. Also, must go out to driveway and collect some pebbles. One can never be "too prepared"....Maybe that is what makes us different?

[ComingAttraction]

Anyone have a tranq gun...that way we could kill two birds with one stone. Although it would end our neverending supply of fun if we tranqued all the greenies, maybe we could tranq the riders? Nah, again no fun as there facial expressions and screaming is what makes us do what we do!

[3fatponies]

Now, now, let's not get overzealous in our desire to rule the trails, ladies. Shooting paint guns, traqs and pea shooters is a perfectly appropriate action for a TQ, but the rules of fair combat must be observed at all times: NEVER hit the horse. The rider, well, who cares about them?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif As for the greenie horses, well, we have to cut them a break: it's not their fault they are being ridden by morons. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

CA, to solve the problem of tranq'ing the riders and missing out on the fun of screaming and terrified facial expressions, I suggest a half-dose as a starting experiment, then adjust as needed for maximum amusement.

[3fatponies]

So as not to confuse, let it be known in the TQ group that when we use the term "greenies" in reference to improving the skills and techniques that have earned us our "trailer trash on horseback" reputation, we are referring to the riders, not the horses. After all, we can't punish innocent animals--just annoying people. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[ComingAttraction]

Geez, I just can't stop laughing! Does that mean I have something wrong with me?

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by ComingAttraction:
Geez, I just can't stop laughing! Does that mean I have something wrong with me?

I heard somewhere that it means you are rude.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[ComingAttraction]

Oh, good, because I was beginning to think that I was sick and twisted!! HEHE!!

[Barnfairy]

Give me a set of sleigh bells and you will see all kinds of things. Actually just go for a cart ride some time around horses and riders who have not seen them and watch the fireworks. *Barnfairy trots in with her sleigh bells on Sandy's breastplate a'jingling*

'Don't need no stinking sleigh to wear sleigh bells. I've been clearing greenies (and not-so-greenies) out of my way with sleigh bells for years.

From the looks I get, you'd think the wearing of sleigh bells was rude or something. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Sandy (15h 900lb crapaloosa) doesn't fart on command, but he does grunt and groan loudly while peeing, which he has no qualms about doing on the trail whenever the mood strikes...

jingle jingle jingle

[3fatponies]

Well, jeez, Barnfairy, whatcha waiting on? If you teach him to fart on command then he can really earn that "crapaloosa" title.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Welcome aboard!

[Barnfairy]

Not only is Sandy a crapaloosa, but his nickname around the barn is Turd Ferguson (seriously, we really call him that.)

We have the pooping part down. Sandy dispenses poop a few balls at a time on rides away from home, leaving a trail in case we have to turn around and head back the way we came.

But Sandy's just not much of a farter, I'm afraid.

I'm not above sitting on a whoopie cushion, though.

Or hey! Maybe an airhorn would work. It's not quite the same as a fart sound, but it would surely get a reaction.

Shnork!

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by Barnfairy:
We have the pooping part down. Sandy dispenses poop a few balls at a time on rides away from home, leaving a trail in case we have to turn around and head back the way we came.

Well, as far as offensiveness goes, you have pretty much got that part down as far as hikers and cyclists are concerned.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[Cartfall]

I have been gone for a few days and see what happens!!!!

3FP, come on with the whole gang, we have our Pleasure shows every second weekend of the month. It would be a hoot!!!!

RTM Anglo, you are too funny!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I can just see that sh-- house coming apart!!!! Hope you a nd friend were not in the line of fire!!!!
I am looking forward to your continued stories!!!

[grayarabs]

Will you accept a former DQ turned TQ?
I wish I could prove that I recently rode my trails with horse above the bit (well "h" he wore no bit- but no matter) and he stepped on the same beer can two times - coming and going - and barely flinched. Please please please?

[stephjm]

I have been lurking here for a little while, and you guys are making me laugh so hard! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I have been working with a 2-year-old Rocky Mountain Horse, who will hopefully someday be a first-class trail horse (he shows a lot of potential).

So, if I say that I'm actually thinking some of your ideas would be great to help my greenie horse get bomb-proofed, would that make me sick and twisted too??? Or would that only be the horse's take on things? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by grayarabs:
he stepped on the same beer can two times - coming and going - and barely flinched. Please please please?

Well, okay, you can join, but only if you promise next ride that you will be the one who drinks the beer and throws the can where he can step on it, both coming and going.... I like the bitless thing--did you make sure to accompany it with tearing around at breakneck speeds so that hikers threw themselves into ravines to avoid being squashed?? If you are not sure if you performed up to the TQ level, the general number of obscenities that you receive in the course of a ride should provide you with some measure of where you stand:

1 Obscenity per ride=beginner level TQ.

Exercises to improve to Intermediate: try standing in front of the mirror, alternately chanting "I am the only one who matters," with the battle cry, "Learn how to ride! Get your lazy a$$ out of my way, you poser!" Teach your horse to gallop in a straight line so you can drop the reins on his neck and make obscene gestures as you pass. If you are confused as to which ones are appropriate, I suggest you travel on a New York or New Jersey highway during rush hour. A 20 minute trip should provide you with ample material.

2-5 Obscenities per ride=Intermediate level TQ

Exercises to improve to Advanced: Teach your horse to lunge at people on foot by having the annoying neighbor's children stand about 50' down the trail from you, shaking a grain bucket while you yell "YEEHA!" and spur your horse (Note: make sure the neighbor has good family health coverage before starting. If not, buy some extra vetwrap and gauze.). Once the horse understands his job, place the grain bucket in a stroller and repeat as necessary.

More than 5 obscenities per ride=Advanced

Once you reach advanced, you are a Paragon of the Trail Queen Clique. At this level, you can coldheartedly mow down anyone in your way, and your horse will paw them until they shriek and turn over anything edible in their pockets. At this stage, you just need to keep your edge sharp. To do that, consider some new exercises, like visiting the local park on "Seniors Day," determining a reasonable number of points for wheelchair hits and then get busy.

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by stephjm:
So, if I say that I'm actually thinking some of your ideas would be great to help my greenie horse get bomb-proofed, would that make me sick and twisted too??? Or would that only be the horse's take on things? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

You know, we do offer that clinic.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Sparks_5]

I would say that I fit in nicely to the TQ group!! My pony may be 14.1, 1,200 pounds and sporting Daschund legs, but she trots at 13 mph and runs circles around horses twice her height! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif 13 mph isn't too shabby for a really short horse!

I ride alone because all the other putzy trail people can't keep up! And besides I get sick of babysitting all the greenies so I pretty much do my own thing.

My girlie and I are quickly becoming trail masters! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif There isn't a hornet's nest, black bear, or speeding semi that can hold us back.

Once a DQ, but NEVER ONE AGAIN!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif TQ down to the heart and soul!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[3fatponies]

Sparks_5, I saw your posts on the "Rude" thread, and you are definately one of us!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

As soon as I saw that "why didn't you get off and walk" comment, I thought, "Hey, she's one of us! She doesn't care about the PC 'let me be your keeper and wipe your bottom' crap, either!" Welcome aboard! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Now go forth, and offend! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[LostFarmer]

Wow a clique that I can belong to! May I join? LF

[LostFarmer]

Most of the trail riding I do is dealing with a cow. Leading a pack string with salt, moving cattle back to the correct range, or doctoring a critter. One time I had a couple of hot shot bikers come barreling down through a bunch of cows and calves I was pushing back to better grass. These two fools scattered the bunch (about 20 head) and then went laughing down the trail. I was PISSED to say the least. I gathered the group and finished moving the bunch. The same two riders tried it again on another trail a few weeks later. This time I took down my rope and roped a calf streching him on one side of the trail and me on the horse on the other. The two bikers had a choice to make go off trail around us, or get closelined. The speed with which they were traveling made both choices bad. Both riders opted for the close line. Both became dissconnected from their bikes. Now take into account I had time to undo my rope and rope a calf after I saw the riders.

Whenever I need a laugh I remember the OH Sh!T look on the riders faces when they realized they were about to be ejected. Priceless

LF

[appaloosalady]

Originally posted by RTM Anglo's:
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gifI gots me one friend. Her horse is most talented. It can fart too on demand, real stinky. Well, I likes her a lot, cause she never judges me. We have fun on the trail, drinking beer, doing shots of whisky and smoking maryjowanda. We likes ta walk in the woods a bit, see all the prudy animules, talk to the birds….run some greenies over for fun whens we bored. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

We don’t have wide horse like some of the people here does, but we hold hands (nothing funny now…we ain’t that sort you know http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif) and we holds tight…real tight and we screams at the tops of our voices (sounds like a flute I swear http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif) and bowl right over on them. Sometimes it hurts our arms real bad. But we just have another shot, and tell them greenies as they be running after them there horses of theirs to “buck up ladies, your butts was getten big and you needed to walk there”. Smoke a little more maryjowands and look for more greenies. Is real peaceful here.

Yup, that’s what we do in the big town of OR ton Ville. We have a lot of fun…you all should come on by sometime, we could fix ya up real well. Honest, I bring the beer.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif


RTM- Were you at Ortonville Rec Area this weekend? I'm sure I saw you at least once when we flew past each other, I was the one throwing the man-eating chihuahua at all the greenies and swearing at everyone who wouldn't gallop up the blind, rock-infested hills http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by LostFarmer:
Whenever I need a laugh I remember the OH Sh!T look on the riders faces when they realized they were about to be ejected. Priceless
LF
LF, I already pointed out that you NEED to join in the other thread. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif How could we ignore someone who CLOTHESLINES people on the trail?!? I mean, come on, you are an inspiration!! Of course you must be a part of our rude little club! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[AlmostDun]

This thread is really amusing. Yet another clique I'm not cool enough to join. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif I ride a fat, slow QH because I like my adventures to occur at 6 mph. I think my horse needs some excitement to get his blood stirring. Can I volunteer to be a greenie? Horse and I are very good at standing crosswise on the trail while grazing and looking clueless. (Usually because one of us is, in fact, grazing, while the other is, in fact, clueless.)

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by AlmostDun:
Can I volunteer to be a greenie? Horse and I are very good at standing crosswise on the trail while grazing and looking clueless. (Usually because one of us is, in fact, grazing, while the other is, in fact, clueless.)
Almost Dun, as a greenie, do you promise to try and put some effort in making sure that your grazing occurs in the MOST annoying spot you can find? Alternately, think about allowing your horse to graze and then dump next to parked cars, right at the driver's side door. If your horse is spectacularly fat, perhaps the "Clash of the Titans" clinic event would appeal to you? It's not really dangerous, since you get to wear a "Fat Sumo Man" suit.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[AlmostDun]

One of our favorite spots to graze is a five foot wide alley between two wild rose hedges which are taller than I am on horseback. Is that appropriate? We also left a pile in my landlord's driveway while he was cooking dinner on the grill.
I don't think the clash of the titans thing would work. My horse isn't spectacularly fat, just kind of pudgy. He's also only a little over 15 hands. (In addition to disliking speed, I also dislike falling off from great heights.) I think I'd need something draftier to really get the thunder rolling.

[3fatponies]

Well, the driveway pile while your landlord was cooking dinner gives me hope. Since he's pudgy, do you think your horse would be able to master the fart on command thing?

If not, I still see no reason that you can't join, but we will have to work on what your contributions can be to the group. Perhaps you and Lost Farmer could work the clothesline trick together? Your horse sounds like the job of anchor might be a natural choice. Da Fair Hill Bomb could also be a good choice for you, as we could station you at one end of the trail (where there is ample grass, of course) and you could peg hikers, bikers and greenies as we drive them out into the open. How's your arm strength?? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

[AlmostDun]

I feel so inadequate. I don't think I'd be very good at Da Fair Hill. I throw like a girl. Could I be a klutz with a backpack? I envision filling the backpack with apples, my lunch, cans of bug spray, water bottles, a walkman, geologic survey maps, a GPS, etc. and forgetting to close the zipper. Then the contents of the pack could come raining down on my horse's butt, causing him to spin like a Catherine wheel while ejecting even more stuff from the backpack.

[3fatponies]

That's a great idea, but let's replace the useful items with Ziploc baggies of kitchen garbage. Your job will be to master the amount of force required to bounce the bag off your horse's rump and on to another person, where it will burst. Kind of like Da Fair Hill Bomb, but without the throwing.

Another contribution could be verbal aggression. It's important to create as much havoc as possible so that everyone understands that we are more important than they are, and coincidentally, our needs are the only ones that matter. The trick is to be completely unpleasant, while not quite crossing over the line to where the authorities will become involved. Here are some exercises to help you prepare:

1. Go to a shopping mall and verbally attack the first person you see, screaming things like "You a$$hole, you're in my way!! Move, larda$$, before I kick you so hard I drive your spine out the top of your head!!" It is imporant that you start on the easiest people to get your confidence up, so begin with the elderly, small children and anyone who appears unsure or anxious. You can also combine that verbal assault with threatening gestures, or a "runaway" shopping cart("Ooops, was that your foot? Too bad you couldn't get the hell out of my way! If any of that blood gets on my boots, I'll be back to beat you senseless, Mom").

2. Visit a fast food restaurant staffed by bewildered teenagers, place your order incorrectly and then blame them. Incorporate throwing the food you received, screaming generalized obscenities and if the furniture is not attached to the floor, threaten to use it as a club if the right burger is not delivered PIPING HOT, right now.

3. Call any state agency and demand that you be heard by "the person in charge." You may raise your voice, but make sure not to use or obscenities or threaten them, to avoid the state police becoming involved. Politicians are great for this, as you can throw out random accusations of graft and threaten to go to the media. Make sure to personally insult the person you are speaking with--anything about their intellect or geneology is always a good choice.

When you can manage all of the above without feeling uncomfortable or being arrested, you are ready to take it to the trail!

[RTM Anglo's]

Great laughs folks! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

I have been a busy girl. Went up-north for a two-day reprieve, and my daughter has been ready to have a baby. The stress has been amazing. Got back and the next morning she was scheduled to induce labor.

Short of long, she had a baby girl, after two days of hell. Should be coming home today. So the driving back and forth and sitting and waiting for three days is coming to an end. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif


appaloosalady, so you too live in MI? Where at? Obviously you know of Hadley hills area. No I wasn’t in the area last weekend. I went to southbranch on the Shore-to-Shore trail. Great place to go if you haven’t already checked it out. The countryside is very pretty there, with the river running close by.

I met some pretty nice people there over the weekend. Some of our kind in fact. The camp was packed and we had some good neighbors. Took my green mare, and guess what? I took responsibility for the crazy thing too…can you imagine that! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Got a good story…late one night our neighbors crashed our fire. One couple were the young sort in early twenties. We were all pretty lit-up if you know what I mean. The girl, Mandy stated that her BF liked fireworks…so on the 4th…when her BF, Travis was lighting them up…they got this crazy idea to have him drop his pants and shoot a bottle rocket off the crack of his A$$. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

Well, all went according to plan the A$$ was exposed, Travis bent over and the rocket was placed between his cheeks. Mandy lit the fuse…but there was something they didn’t think about. As the rocket released and shot out into space…the fuse burned his A$$ on the way out! Ahahhahahahhaha This guy was so funny! Said he had 2nd degree burns on his cheeks all the way up! Ahhahahahhah I think they might have learned something there! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

So great to met people that can laugh at themselves and share their stupidity. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

We also met people of all degrees of riding. The sort that knows what they are doing, and the sort that think they know what they are doing, AND the sort that think they own the trail. Whaaa Hahahahhah. Well I got to plow through with my greening…yelling out as I go… “green mare…green mare…don’t get close…get out of our way…we be coming through.” Well most liked this and got the hell out of the way…and then others just looked sorta surprised like…What the hell is a green mare? And why do I need to watch out? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

Well, they figured it out right quick…as we swung side to side and Miss Magida laid back those ears and barred her teeth. She just didn’t understand that other horses could use the trail too. And that her and the talented horse were not the only ones in existence. Imagine the surprise of folks too when I laid into her A$$ and set her straight for each occurrence. What? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif What was that…that woman hit that horse! What is she doing…oh my. Ahhh yes people it is called training. I don’t go for that crap. And Miss Magida is a tall Arab…15.2 and about as flighty as they come. So we snorted and did the side pass throughout the day, while we watched peoples eyes get big. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Yes, folks. I was the rude one. I inconvenienced some people, and made a scene or two. Rode out 10 miles to the store, and rode back. The twenty miles doesn’t seem to do too much on a horse with adrenaline. Them Arabs can go and go. This one will be a good one, she just has much learning to do.

And no…she couldn’t handle the burlap bags at this point! Ahahhahah She'd be running the trails all by her lonesome I am sure, cause she’d have done left me up in some tree or on the back side of a mountain. Hmmmm http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gifOh yeah, that is what it is…taking responsibility for my actions. What a concept. Can you believe it…ride a green horse and you might have issues. Gosh I must have learned that to from my fine edamacation in Or TON Ville.

Party on Garth.
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Got another one and NOT for the innocent of heart. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

This is back in the day of my youth, whens I wasn’t so smart and all. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I was 15 and wanted to ride to the local beach where all my friends were hanging out. My mom didn’t let me do a lot of things so I always took my horse and rode to friends’ houses and such so she never knew. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif So my friend and me rode out on two of our horses. One was very well trained and had his merits. The other was a crazy boy that was born with limited brain space. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Well we rode out 10 miles to the beach and everything was good. Minus the kid that ran out of his house screaming at the top of his lungs “horsey…horsey…I want to pet the horsey”. This sent us down the road about a mile faster than I had anticipated. But we got there. Then the problem…how do I tie the horses up and hang out with my friends on the beach? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

I looked around and all there were was small trees, trashcans, and picnics tables. The trees wouldn’t do it, and the cans were not heavy enough…but the tables…hmmmm they were the heavy-duty type, and very heavy. So using my fine 15 year-old underdeveloped ecamacation, I thought…. why don’t I just tie him here? So I did. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

I was walking away and watching him at the same time when something particular happened…. the horse pulled a little…and the table lifted up some. I thought…well that doesn’t look too good…but my friends were a few more feet away and I had my priorities. So, I kept walking. Then I hear a snort come out of him…you know the one that says, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif “What the hell is that?” http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif. I turned around to see him lurch back, and the table…well it hopped forward. He didn’t like that…as the table was coming alive and was looking to eat him. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

I started to change my mind…maybe I didn’t have my priorities right. I started to walk back…real fast like. The horse pulled back faster and harder this time…the table reared its legs at the horse. Oh…man…horse really didn’t like that. Whoa I said…and started running. $hit…said the horse and pulled really hard and that table lifted right up. The next thing I know the horse is running…and the table is flying next to him. He runs through the park…people staring. My friends are screaming “Holly isn’t that your horse”…NO $hit Dick Tracey. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

He blew by me, down the boardwalk and straight to the lake. As he jumped off the sidewalk, (2 ½ feet drop to the beach) I couldn’t see him anymore, as I was too far back. I freaked…were did he go? He should have been running down the beach. Past the concessions and down the boardwalk I ran. I reach the sidewalk and looked down. Holey crap! The picnic table had lodged its leg straight into the ground about 2 feet and was broken into pieces and my horse was OUT COLD lying on the beach. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

I thought…oh god…I killed him. Got to his side and picked his head up, no response. Looked at his legs, and everywhere and there were no cuts, or broken bones. A guy ran up and said he never seen anything like it. The horse jumped out…and the table soared above him. Then the table crash straight down, and flipped the horse right around in mid-air. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Oh god I thought, he broke his neck. I untied him and pick his head up again…yes he was still breathing. Then all the sudden his eyes opened and he jumped up and looked at the table with the biggest snort I ever heard. I agreed with him and we decided to get away from that horse eating picnic table. As I walked him I looked him over; he looked fine, no problem. I decided that maybe the beach wasn’t for us. So we went back and saddled up and started to leave. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Just then the park rangers came. I gave them my name and number and left. Surprise surprise when I got home…my mother knew all about it. Crap. And I had to pay restitution of over $400 for the table.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gifGosh…you think I learned something that day?
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

gtd

Yes, our whole family is full of stories...we like to entertain each other. Laughing at yourself is good for the sole. Laugh and learn.

What happened to your signature? Did you leave our clique?

[3fatponies]

RTM,
I swear I would ride with you anytime, simply because I think I would end up laughing like an idiot, seeing what mischief you got into. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

However, if you have gotten some ideas and want to bring fireworks, I may have to reconsider.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

Ah, but here's the thing--that IS how we act when confronted with lovely, polite people, so you need to just pick that crown up, bend it back into shape and slap it on your head, lady! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

For all our joking, you have just conveyed the true nature of us "trail queens!" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[appaloosalady]

rtm- I'm up in Lapeer, used to live in Davisburg. Also used to raise endurance Arabs, have a few by my stallion out on the circuit http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Give me an email at hmfappies@aol.com if you ever want to meet at Hadley, hubby and I have excellent greenie proof mounts http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

3fp- you are absolutely right about gtd, that really is what we are all about!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Gosh o mighty appoloosalady,

You are but a stones throw away.

Sure thing...would love to ride with ya.

I am kinda strapped right now in time...back in school for my masters, and my daughter has the new baby...but in a couple of weeks I will have some free time.

Do you ride in the winter?

What breeding was your stud? Did you ride GLDRA? Brigton has a ride in Oct, you should go.

[appaloosalady]

RTM - We do a little riding in the winter, more if it isn't below zero http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Try to ride every weekend during the fall though (at least until deer season http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif)

My stud is a Bask/ egyptian cross. He has some babies doing GLDRA rides. We used to go to the spring and fall Brighton rides, but the hubby's horse is getting too old, will probably do it again with one of our young appys when it is old enough.

[MissBri]

OK I just reread this thread and I think I qualify as a TQ...or at least my mare does!

One time we were forging a new trail, well, actually kinda lost the trail we were on so just started bushwacking through the woods. We come down a heavily wooded STEEP slope, crashing bushes and saplings, sending rocks and deadwood tumbling, then burst through a thicket onto a trail to the wide eyed horror of three mountain bikers, two hikers, and a couple of green riders, all huddled together, just staring at us. "Oh my GOD we thought it was a Bear or something" one of them stuttered - in Northern Essex county, not likely. My old mare just pranced a little, snorted, farted, pooped, then spun and trotted right off - me giving a huge wave with my whole arm and shining a smile that just split my face. Oh what fun!

[VCT]

You know... after reading this thread (and laughing hysterically) I came to realize.. I love where I live!

I remember reading a post earlier in the year near July 4th where people were bitching about fireworks scaring their horses. Now some of them said the trash from the fireworks was coming onto their land so I can understand that... but the noises? Quit whining. sheesh.

Also, I read in this thread about how someone who drives can't even warm up at a show because the ridden horses will get scared.. oh CMON.. how lame are they? I'd be so pissed if I was you.

I live in the middle of Amish country and theres a lot of "country folks" around here too. Theres gunshots, fireworks, groundhog holes being blown up, machinery, logging, Amish buggies, cows, steers, chickens, pigs, peacocks, all other manner of poultry, screaming rednecks hanging out of cars blazing down the road at warp speed, etc etc etc.

My horses are so used to all this crap.. and I sure am thankful for it!

[RTM Anglo's]

So, I gots me another story to share. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

This one happened a few years ago, whens me and my friend with that talented horse was on the trail. You sees, in my riding area…we share the trail with snowmobilers, hikers, cross-country skiers and hunters. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif Yup, we lives just on the outskirts of the big city wheres it starts to get woodslike. Many of the local hunters come to our woods during deer season, as it’s closer to their homes and such.

Our little area can become filled with these deerhunting mens. Making their little porta shacks and looking like Rambo. Somes, well theys real serious…and they yells at us when we go ridding by cause we scares the deers an all. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif Can’t understands why theys be hunting on a bridle trail and becomes confused when a horse goes by…but theys do!

Anyways, back to mys story.

So, we be doing the normal thing…you know…drinking and doing shots and riding real fasts though the woods…hollering and looking for greenies. Well, “us” being the daisy duke type (I tolds you all that before) saws a couple of horses…being rodes by mens. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Yee Haw…we thoughts. So we wanted to catch them, but we was on another trail and they was on a different one. So we took off running really fast and tried to beat them to the connecting trailhead. We gots to the trail head…and missed them….so we tracks them like the Indians we are…and picked another trail. We blasted down this one, and saws them down on the lower trail. I guess our Indian spirits weren’t that good. So’s we decided to crash through the woods and jump on the trail. (They was right cute so we’s thought) http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

At the bottom we ran down the trail. These guys were really good riders cause they was moving. Whens we got to the trail head…well we was disappointed again…as they had cleared the head…and we was left to our Indian spirit…so we stopped and laughed. At that points we decided to go potty…the trail was right there. We jumps off…pee’s and gets back on. We lights up this maryjowanda and voices our disappointment that we didn’t caught them cute boys. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

Just then…this hunter stands up about 20 feet from where’s we been standing. He’s all painted and craps in his hair…he looks like he’d fallen down a steep steep hill, cause theres trees and stuff coming out of him all over. I heards somewhere they call this camouflage, but I’m not rightly sure of that.

Anyhows…as he stands he points like the scarecrow in the wizard of oz, and says “they went that way”. Oh man, we was really startled. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Thank goodness we just pee’d cause I sure would have then. Instantly we both brakes out into uncontrollable laughter. Although the horses didn’t think so…see this there hunter…well he scared the bee-jezzers out of both of them. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Well, that talented horse, he let his fart out…and low and behold! He picks the right way to go and hits about mach 5. Well, my horse wasn’t going to be left behinds. So we blasted off too. We should have listened to them horses all along…cause talented horse knew all along. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

We learned two lessons that day. Be carefules when peeing in the woods during hunting season. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Them hunters…live up in trees…and make houses all over. I think they likes spying on us horse riders. And the other lesson…listen to your horse whens you need to pick a way to go. They’s usually right. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[3fatponies]

ROTFLMAO!!!

RTM, since the hunter "exposed" himself when you peed nearby, perhaps you should have just dropped trou to get them cute mens to stop instead of chasing 'em.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif Come now, you wouldn't want to refuse and be RUDE, would you??? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

3fp, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

What's up with these posters? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif And why don't they all display their signatures? I’m laughing at what they are saying, but they aren’t showing their allegiance. I want to recognize my fellow TQ and show support. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Thought this was your job getting new recruits for the "TQ" cause? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif Writing the rules and posting new events…but where’s the follow through? And when is our new event? I haven’t heard…my greenie and my friend on the talented horse be awaiting your new News Letter. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

I think some of the TQ's are in disguise and not displaying their credentials when posting. Are they embarrassed? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif hmmmmm

Ok...let me see those signatures ladies! (mens too) http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Folks,

I have been labeled again.

Not only am I lacking in edamacation, but am the loudest and most obnoxious TQ. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

I have to add to my signature and announce this to the clique. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

I am not sure my signature space can take all of this abuse! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[3fatponies]

RTM,
You are, despite your high-level education, a constant source of pride to TQs everywhere for your ability to endlessly irritate, inflame and instigate personal assaults in response to your postings. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

In honor of those unique attributes, I propose that we offer an "RTM Anglo's Rush Limbaugh of the Trails" Award, in which the TQ who can demonstrate the largest amount of hate mail, harassing phone calls and restraining orders will receive a year's supply of rage-inducing steriods, a dozen cases of the caffinated products of their choice, a variety of offensive t-shirts with such slogans as "Like I give a sh!t what YOU think??", a truckload of hard liquor, a dozen cases of firecrackers and complimentary "family member" prescriptions for anti-anxiety meds.

The presentation of the award will occur at our Second Annual gathering, which will be approximately six months after the first to allow all members time to post bail or work off the community service they were assigned after the First Annual Gathering.

At the 2nd Annual TQ Gathering, the award ceremony shall culminate in the winner's prize ceremony, in which the prizes are unloaded and stacked behind the Mounted winner. When RTM Anglo's, the honorary chair, announces that the challenge will begin, any TQ member may employ any of the approved techniques (The Da Fair Hill Bomb, The Clash of the Titans, The Lost Farmer Closeline, or The AlmostDun Catherine Wheel), with the exception of The Coming Attraction Tranq Shoot, to unhorse the winner and claim the title and associated prizes.

Alternatively, making the winner cry by screaming personal attacks may also qualify. Once crying has occured, myself and RTM will judge the severity of the insults. Should they display logic, actual knowledge of the winner or should the challenger fail to properly foam at the mouth, the challenger shall be judged disqualified.

[RTM Anglo's]

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif You're killing me with logic!

ahhahaha http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Your are truly the CEO of our clique!

I proudly accept my prizes and position as the most edamacated, loudest, obnoxious TQ, and anxiously await the new events!

Thanks for the News Letter...May we all be informed!

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[3fatponies]

Your sig needs to properly announce your honor. May I suggest: 2005 Winner of the "Rush Limbaugh of the Trails" Award ? Once you step down to the position of honorary chair at the 2006 2nd Annual Gathering, the award shall henceforth be known as "RTM Anglo's 'Rush Limbaugh of the Trails' Award."

[RTM Anglo's]

And the crowd goes crazy! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Thank you...thank you all! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

And to all you future TQ's... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif look upon me...and see what you too can become! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

I wear my title proudly!

Again, thank you all. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif



3fp,

You too need to update your title...to CEO TQ. In honor of your great incite, leadership, and Newsletter skills. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[3fatponies]

I was actually hoping for a title like "Master Of All," "Deity," or perhaps "Most Important Person in the World," but I will happily settle for CEO (Chief Exacerbating Officer).

Does this mean that I can't put a rule in the bylines that states that all members must kneel before me when speaking and tithe 25% of their annual income, along with their best looking mens?? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

[MissBri]

I bow to thee RTM and also to you 3FPs!

RTM I too have found my inner Indian - as a teen we used to wait at the top of a hill, below us a well used trail. This trail was one of the main routes for the 'rental' horses. Back in those days they would take out groups of at least 10-15 'riders' - and I use that term very loosely! Most of us didn't own saddles, and helmuts were pretty much non-existant amoung our crowd. Anyway back to my tale...Well, we'd wait until most of the rental group had passed, then we come whopping and crashing though the woods, down the steep slope, just in time to cut off the rear guide and send the rental horses scattering! YEE-HAW! we'd then rush past all of them bucking and crashing rental horses (who by the way were very trail savvy and probably knew we were coming) - saying "Sorry, 'Scuse Us, coming through!" OOOh did those trail guides get all red and bothered! We could here them exclaim as we rode laughing out of sight "Godd@mn B!tches! Payback girls payback!" Never did get any pay back from them! Yuk Yuk Yuk!!!!!

[x-rab]

RT's tee shirts are already for sale. They read "Queen of Everything". 3fat can be "Princess of Quite a Lot".

[3fatponies]

You weren't looking at my butt when you decided which T-shirt was mine, were you?? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Ouch, http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

Mine say queen of everything! I am not sure if I am worthy of that!

I thought I was the loud and obnoxious one? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Question?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

If two groups of greenies are traveling on a trail, and one wishes to pass the other...how would this get done?

Minus all the screaming and yelling.

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[MissBri]

Well, lets see.....
assuming it's a fairly narrow trail, and there's at least one or two trail savvy very alpha mares in each group - I'd say it'd be pretty much a mexican standoff, ears pinned, ugly faces, tails switching, butts taking aim. If a greenine did decide to try and break through to the other side I can imagine squeals of outrage, lunging, snaking necks, bared teeth, hoofs flying, and a greenie ashen faced, bugger eyed, frozen with terror, as her/his horse trys to negotiate through the onslaught.
Hey - this sounds like something we should arrange!!!!

[AlmostDun]

Oooh. I see an opportunity for my gelding's skills here. He adores the ladies. I'm sure two lovely alpha mares coming from opposite directions would fry his little brain. He wouldn't be able to decide which one to flirt with first. He'd probably yell a bit to get everyone's attention, leave a few stallion piles to warn off the competition, and then block the trail so he could pay his proper respects to the belles without distraction.

[Fancy]

Originally posted by MissBri:
One time we were forging a new trail, well.... We come down a heavily wooded STEEP slope... then burst through a thicket onto a trail to the wide eyed horror of three mountain bikers, two hikers, and a couple of green riders

If MissBri belongs to this clique, then I think I must to. My mare and I only started trail riding this summer, but last weekend was our finest hour so far. We got sidetracked off the horse trail onto the mountain bike trails (OMG, do you know how narrow and windy those trails are? There oughta be a law!!!) and scared the bejeebers out of several bikers. The first one whizzed around a curve and appeared out of nowhere right in front of us. Scared the hair off of him (and our horses--but we won't mention that part). By the time we got back to the horse trail (2 1/2 miles of pure hell) you could hear the bikers calling to each other "Watch out! There's horses on this trail!" So, phu-leeze! Can we join the group? We'll study really hard so we can do better next year. Honest we will.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

Of course you may join! If you read through the thread, there are some suggestions that you might be able to adapt to encourage your horse to become a more suitable TQ mount.

I would suggest having someone attach a bucket a grain to a bike and then slowly approach you. If you need to, have the cyclist stop right near you and shake the bucket. When the horse moves to investigate, encourage her with phrases like "Get 'em girl!" and "Don't kill this one!" Gradually increase the volume and intensity of your voice as you train her until the veins in your neck are popping when you scream. Once she begins to mug the biker when you scream "Don't kill this one!" have the biker switch the food to his clothing. Try to pick someone to help who is capable of taking a fair bit of abuse, such as someone who works in customer service.

Once she immediately responds to the bike by charging it, knocking the biker off and pawing him while you scream, you are ready to adopt some of our other crowd-pleasing techniques. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Fancy]

Originally posted by 3fatponies:
Of course you may join! If you read through the thread, there are some suggestions that you might be able to adapt to encourage your horse to become a more suitable TQ mount.

Oh, thank you, thank you. I promise I will study them ALL.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

[Fancy]

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Was it something I SAID? This thread just sat down and died!

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

And we were having SUCH fun!!!

[AlmostDun]

I've just been too busy. I've been celebrating the start of bowhunting season by getting back to nature. You know, braiding feathers into my horse's mane, painting both of us with mystical symbols, riding bareback, and practicing my archery from horseback.
Do you know how long it takes to find an arrow in the woods after you've missed your target? How about a whole quiverful? And how about the length of time it takes to find your horse again after you've accidentally thwacked him with the bow string? I can verify bow strings definitely hurt; I've nailed my forarm a few times. Still, it seems really unkind of him to run away and make me look for him for hours when I didn't mean to hit him. Especially when he knows I've probably got a headache from being tossed off. The indians didn't have helmets, so it just wouldn't seem authentic for me to have a big hunk of styrofoam on my head while I'm practicing my hunting.

[Noctis]

i showed the rules to my horse..and he thinks that i should join! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Fancy]

Originally posted by Noctis:
i showed the rules to my horse..and he thinks that i should join! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Me too, Noctis. My mare thinks this would be fun. She is practicing with a doll and a baby carriage so she can pick up the baby and shake it right in front of the mom. THAT should get us a few points!

[RTM Anglo's]

Careful, faint at heart, don't want to offend anyone! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

So last week I was out with a couple of buddies, and riding in the woods. We ran across this mother and her two girls riding. The first time we past them they were already on the side of the trail, giving way to us (I thought that was pretty intelligent). http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

The second time we passed them the trail was very dense in many places. Much trickier and would require that the horses breakup and stand along the trail. Seemed the mother and daughters would have these skills - about 5 mins of waiting for them to do this (as they said they’d pull to the side) we realized it wasn’t happening. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

So us three volunteered to pull to the side instead. Well us three had it done and the mother and two kids proceeded to try to walk past us. The first kid allowed her horse to walk up to our horses and sniff (I thought I was going to pop!) http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif. I asked her nicely to please continue on…that it was dangerous to allow strange horses to get into contact. She was unable to move her horse.

So I pushed my horse in farther into the brush, (my mare didn’t like that at all) as did my buddies. Then the second daughter horse moved up to were the first daughter was and effectively blocked the trail to back out of where we were. I called to the mother to please…move forward so we might escape out behind her. I was met with a confused look. In the meantime we were at least 10 mins into this adventure, with two horses blocking the trail back, and the mother blocking the trail forward, and Us three with our very upset horses standing in brush up to their necks. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif

OK, ok, I said nothing. I just clamped my lips shut and looked down. Can you believe it! I said I was going to be nice to greenies and not be rude (ok really who is rude here???) When finally the mother realized that us three were NOT having fun, and our horses were getting quite perturbed, my one buddy said to her “lady, please move forward so we can get the hell out of here”, she moved forward about enough space to get a pony by behind her. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

By this time the two daughters had there horses turned around and stalking at us farther forcing us to either allow their horses to sniff, or fall back farther into the neck-high brush (which my mare was really getting ticked off at me). http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

It was a TQ – Greenie stand off I tell you. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

I saw the pony length, bitched at my mare NOT to touch the mommy’s horse and pushed her for the opening. The mare jumped out of the brush like a mountain lion, and my two buddies followed like a shadow. At the trail, I wasn’t going to say a thing, but surprisingly one of my buddies said “well, wasn’t that the rudest”. I laughed and laughed, no wonder she was my friend, she had common sense. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Wouldn’t anyone on the trail acknowledge holding up another rider for more than 10 mins is rude? Or is it my duty to stand, smile, wait, wait, and push my horse into poky brush, wait, wait, smile, nod, and wait. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

Now, lets guess how long you think this mom and daughters had been riding, and never took to heart the dangers of riding trail and NOT progressing any farther in skill. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sleepy.gif

Ok, I'm done

[Barnfairy]

Wouldn’t anyone on the trail acknowledge holding up another rider for more than 10 mins is rude? That is certifiable rudeness-by-ignorance.

So I take it that the brush was just too dense for you to crash on by? I don't think I'd be able to make Sandy wait for ten minutes -- I'd be forced to educate these clueless ladies one way or another.

[3fatponies]

There you go--we're rude, right?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Perhaps you should have dismounted, offered to lead one of their horses, then given it a good grooming before giving her a leg up and setting a time to come clean her stalls? Oh, and don't forget to curtsy, either! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

No, there was no way out, just wait until they finally got it together. I think I am just to “work” orientated. You know, some people can relax and take it easy, seems I never can. Even if I am doing something for relaxation, I still have to get-on-with-it. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

I get a horse, I clean-it-up
Tack it up
Jump on
And go. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I don’t just stop on the trail and talk (unless it is for drinking beer, socializing with good-looking or amusing men, smoking, peeing, or the like – oh, fixing tack too) http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

So that means, just seeing another person I am not inclined to stop and shoot the $hit. I am amazed at the expectance of many riders…that you must stop and talk. I am from the old school…just nod and wave and ride on through…(unless one of the top pertains). http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

Passing others on the trail for many is a time to talk. I find that very irritating, as I don’t want my horses to talk with any other horses EVER. Even if I stand in a group, I turn my horses butt to the outside, and have enough room on the inside to turn and leave without coming into another’s “personal” space.

I wonder if many of the new riders understand the reasons NOT to allow horses to sniff each other? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

I wonder if they view my actions as rude? I know I view theirs as rude. I don’t want my horse getting sick, getting kicked, bit, or body slammed. I like my space just fine.

I can’t believe the cluster F----s, I see of groups of horses and people. Oh man, horses squealing, turning, biting, while owners/riders just sit there and laugh or complain at each other about the others horse. Like they have no responsibility for it! Gosh, protect your horse and its space; most horses hate it when another horse gets into their space. At least most mares do. These groups always look like fun to be in…but I can’t turn my mind off the fear that one of these horses may just turn and kick, bite or body slam. I always stand to the side, or play through.

I am amazed at the amount of space difference many riders give to pass. Sometimes the rider is so obnoxious and expects a football field to pass (screaming and yelling as you go), and then other expect the 6 inches they moved off the trail to be enough. Gosh, can’t some thought be given to “the golden rule” and giving what you would like to receive? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Yes, this woman didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with taking up 10 mins of another person’s time. Like it is expected. I am sorry, but I am not cut from that cloth. Many times I am riding, it is done with the purpose of a “work-out” or getting to a certain destination (if only to drink a beer…well then we all have our priorities now don’t we?)

Ok, done bitching.

Two Simple,
Hay, thanks for the compliments on Zar. Although on the sad side, I have not updated my web page for quite a while. And I have to change his page. We had Zar euphemized only a week ago, he was becoming very ill. He lived 24 years and was a beautiful and trusting stallion, his disposition was one most geldings don’t have. He will be missed. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/cry.gif

[BarbaraJ11]

oh my. I am months behind your postings, years behind in practice, and haven't been on a real trail ride in decades. I am trying to return to it, but in the meantime I hope I can become a junior member-a trail duchess perhaps? A Peon?
I can't walk very far distances and so at disneyworld I rent a scooter. Want to talk rudeness? People walk in front of you, drag toddlers in front of you, and you can NOT stop on a dime. I have been known to not try very hard to stop when yet another huge man just barges between my husband, (who is walking directly in front and trying to keep off the maurading families), and myself. oops. so sorry. Not to mention the parents who rent a double stroller-let the kids walk, and use it as a battering ram. I go for the ankles like a corgi.
does this count? I feel on a horse I could reach higher and do more damage, though not in Disneyworld.
I have a well developed vocabulary of insults starting with 1950's "you stink", through turning 18 in 1968 "give me an F" up to raising three children "who the H stole my PEEPs" and "over my dead F'ing body". I hope this counts for something.
Barbara, small thrills for small minds!

[3fatponies]

You certainly have the TQ attitude, so welcome!! Now remember, when you go to Disneyworld, make sure that you combine cursing with twacking people with your scooter. Might I also suggest a gigantic bag that you can hang off the edge and fill with rocks to clear the way a little better? If you plan right, perhaps you can arrange for it to be about kidney height? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[BarbaraJ11]

Thank you for the warm welcome and wholesome hints! I have a plan of my own to put forth..
I figure these are The Trail People Who ARe Not Rude, I am doing you all a service by whacking them soundly. I mean, someone has to do off season work on them so you can follow up with the hard stuff in summer. As soon as I am in shape I shall ask that we innaugurate the season with a Jersey Special to kick things off properly.
We can ride full tilt (well, YOU can, I shall bounce behind you)passing the spinning horses and squalling riders while yelling happy Jersey stuff -Giddaddaheah, Go Sleep with the Fishes,
wanna make something of it, and the ever popular Welcome to rural New Jersey, now get the Expletive out! Ah fuggetaboutit.
Barbara

[Sabina]

Originally posted by BarbaraJ11:
Thank you for the warm welcome and wholesome hints! I have a plan of my own to put forth..
I figure these are The Trail People Who ARe Not Rude, I am doing you all a service by whacking them soundly. I mean, someone has to do off season work on them so you can follow up with the hard stuff in summer. As soon as I am in shape I shall ask that we innaugurate the season with a Jersey Special to kick things off properly.
We can ride full tilt (well, YOU can, I shall bounce behind you)passing the spinning horses and squalling riders while yelling happy Jersey stuff -Giddaddaheah, Go Sleep with the Fishes,
wanna make something of it, and the ever popular Welcome to rural New Jersey, now get the Expletive out! Ah fuggetaboutit.
Barbara

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So...you from Joirsee? Humph. Big fruitbattin' deal. My sister's from Joirsee. Ise knows peoples....dis does not impress me. Whatdya think this is, da Sopranos? Wee's in Cali now. Waits your turn. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[BarbaraJ11]

Originally posted by Sabina:
So...you from Joirsee? Humph. Big fruitbattin' deal. My sister's from Joirsee. Ise knows peoples....dis does not impress me. Whatdya think this is, da Sopranos? Wee's in Cali now. Waits your turn. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Oh like wow. you must be so mellow and like calm and nurturing. You've probably forgotten how to have 5 people talking at the same time, plus eating dinner and fending off children.
All that calm, understanding, peaceful, Om-ing kind of thinking, never interupting someone else, or jumping in line. That is so why you had both Gov.s Moonbeam AND Swartzenator.
Plus that darn weather. Oh it is lovely in SF. RIght --- it's 65 foggy, freezing degrees year round. ugh.
Barbara (it's cold here and last night we had an ice storm)

[AlmostDun]

Oh boy! Is it time to revive this thread and plan more activities on the trail?
I'm so excited! I got a new horse over the winter. Now I can be a really irritating greenie. Last year half the team at least, the horse, had a clue how to survive outside an arena. Now my new buddy and I can sail off into the world like a ship of fools.
New buddy has already demonstrated many endearing traits. He loves to grab things in his mouth. I think it's cute, so I haven't done anything to discourage him. He's stopped spooking when he knocks bicycles over. He just goes straight for a pannier and rifles through it in search of a granola bar.

[mbj]

Okay , so who has a nice big flashy mule to ride who brays on command--good obstacle challenge for greenie dsmolition derby event.Premium status.Bray and fart would be elite status.Stars for performance awarded just like with the warmblood associations, eh?Unfortunately for mule, no chance for get or produce stars.

[dawglover]

ooooh ooooh, I want to join...
I have my "perfect" horse who does no wrong but I have a couple of projects, too, like a TB that MUST BE FIRST and the former race track pony that thinks his job is to move over and let me grab the horse thats trying to pass us...
Lets hit the trail!

[BarbaraJ11]

My thought is that since I* am returning after a time so long it was before you all were born I get double-greenie status as The Once and Future Greenie, plus if I ride a greenie it is again a double.
two, two, two mints in one!
As I design the Jersey Special Trail Ride and Greenie Hunt Spring Meet I need feedback on the course design. (I feel comfortable in the Development of Creative Expletives, since I can just ride behind the group and take notes)
So, do you prefer taking tail and ears or running them to ground? Do we get meet cards? (never hunted of course, but read that Rita Mae)
Barbara
ps I hope all have read there have been dog deaths from greenie treats..

[BarbaraJ11]

p.s. I do have a dog that can howl and fart at the same time.
If a few more people get one, we could form a real Hunt.
Barbara

A true greenie huntin' dawg (http://www.coonhoundrescue.com/rescuedogs.html)

[AlmostDun]

The Once and Future Greenie
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[dawglover]

I have a small pack of flatulent JRT's that love to hunt!

[3fatponies]

Well, since we have so many dog lovers on board, I think we need to encourage them to best represent us as rude and dangerous to anyone we come across.

Accordingly, please take a moment before going out on the trail with your dog to prepare him/her for a new role:
1. Encourage your dog to eat as much fresh horse manure as possible. Practice patting the dog and indicating delight as each road apple is consumed.

2. Once the dog has consumed a minimum of 20% of its bodyweight in fresh crap, gently stimulate its stomach until it vomits. Make sure to yell a chosen command at the time of vomitting and praise the dog greatly after it vomits. Repeat no more than once a day until the dog hurls on command. Suggested commands include "Nice shoes!" "LL Bean?" and "Tourist!"

3. Once you are sure that the dog knows the command, feed him/her as much poop as you can and mount up. Wait until you come across a yuppy hiker or someone wearing some type of sissy exercise gear and then have the dog perform his new trick.

Alternately, you can work with the dog's genetic gifts and/or reputation. For owners of Dobies, Rottis, Pits, Shepards or any other breed that is falsely villified by the truely ignorant, give a realistic looking baby-doll to the dog to carry around on the trails. Feel free to cover the doll in ketchup and yell "Bring Junior back here, you bad dog!" as needed for maximum impact.

Hounds should be taught to bellow on command while standing in front of the hiker or other offending person. Teach them to give tongue at commands such as "No, Spike, don't kill ANOTHER hiker!" and "Watch out, I think he has rabies!!"

I welcome any other breed specific ideas you all may have. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[MissBri]

Aussies, border collies, heelers - have the circle the hiker/biker barking and or nipping the heels in an attempt to herd.

[Fancy]

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

My beautiful shepherd lady would have loved this game. She met all visitors at the door, barked like crazy, and if they freaked she laughed as she watched. I am willing to SWEAR that she terrified them on purpose!

[BarbaraJ11]

I would like to point out that my lovely baying, bawling, farting coonhound is a black and tan. No one in NJ having ever seen the breed, people cross the street assuming his a a big old rotti. If I use TQ's techniques I should be able to get him to bay and fart to a scary statement almost immediately.
For any doubters, I once knew a big german shepherd who would leap at people and go nuts if you said "down, girl, quiet". ho ho ho
it's off to scare we go.

Barbara