PDA

View Full Version : You know your dressage was bad when -



Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jun. 5, 2004, 05:47 PM
As you leave the ring, you hope you might have broken 60 - and you're at an event, not a dressage show

When you see you actually scored 53, you think "Generous judge!"

Riding the test reminds you of that old saw about swallowing a live toad every morning, so nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day

It reminds the judge of the same joke, only she's not amused.

Half the riders in your division could have a stop XC and still beat you if you finish on your dressage score....

ON entering the ring, even YOU see the goblins dancing beside C...

I'm not saying these were ALL true of our test today, but I won't promise they're not, either.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Got more of your own, real or exagerated, to add???
-----------------------------7d

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jun. 5, 2004, 05:47 PM
As you leave the ring, you hope you might have broken 60 - and you're at an event, not a dressage show

When you see you actually scored 53, you think "Generous judge!"

Riding the test reminds you of that old saw about swallowing a live toad every morning, so nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day

It reminds the judge of the same joke, only she's not amused.

Half the riders in your division could have a stop XC and still beat you if you finish on your dressage score....

ON entering the ring, even YOU see the goblins dancing beside C...

I'm not saying these were ALL true of our test today, but I won't promise they're not, either.http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Got more of your own, real or exagerated, to add???
-----------------------------7d

CWO
Jun. 5, 2004, 06:06 PM
Did you stay in the ring?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

On the bright side, how was the jumping??!!

deltawave
Jun. 5, 2004, 06:18 PM
You know your dressage is bad when...

...you can see wrinkles ON TOP of your horse's neck because she's so inverted, and her braids are all touching on another even though they were nicely spaced when you put them in! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

RoyalTRider
Jun. 5, 2004, 06:22 PM
Your trainer puts a gag bit on your schoolie for staduim? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Your trainer goes, "All right, Sunshine, just try to finish, and if you can't, I'll open the gate and let you out" as you enter the staduim arena.

I promise, both of those have good stories behind them. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

When you come home, instead of asking how you placed, you get asked if you stayed in the arena (never happened to me).

You get home and inform your other trainer you fell off, and she responds, "Actually, you more jumped off, I heard." (In reference to a fall at a staduim jumping show, but maybe it would be worse in dressage. Yep. I just popped off for a cup of tea in mid air. I can't even fall correctly? LOL.)

You realize you have a way to make it to the top of an equistrian sport- submit these scores, and you'll qualify for Dressage at Devon. (That's a joke- I do realize it doesn't work like that.)

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jun. 5, 2004, 07:06 PM
CWO, LOL, yes, we stayed in the ring. But that really is the best that can be said of that test... Jumping was lovely, great fun, and I rode the water this time and she jumped in like a star - getting her final required qualifying XC for the Waredaca Training 3 day. Now it's just Dressage Boot camp for us. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif The good news is, while our D warm-up was fairly bad, it was better than our relatively good moments were not long ago.

LLDM
Jun. 5, 2004, 07:14 PM
When you jump into the dressage ring! And it is a dressage show! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

SCFarm

ponygrl
Jun. 5, 2004, 07:49 PM
[QUOTE] Half the riders in your division could have a stop XC and still beat you if you finish on your dressage score....
[/[QUOTE]

Been there done that. Finished on my dressage score (like a 47.5? or a 49.5?) and a friend who had two stops in stadium still beat me in the end. I was nottttttttt a happy camper.

alleged
Jun. 5, 2004, 07:59 PM
...while attempting your final salute, the judge stands up with a look of growing horrification and as you continue exploding toward her, manages to stifle out "JUST LEAVE!"

-No, we were not eliminated! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

Gnep
Jun. 5, 2004, 08:27 PM
If the judge says with a hopeful smile " Thank You " when you leave the arena.

When you read on your score sheet, wonderful horse with a lot of potential.

When the judge takes a cofee brake during your test.

When the scribe starts to giggle uncontrolable.

When scribe and judge have a animated conversation during your test.

It is really bad, when it gets real quiet and everybody comes to watch, how you are and if you are going to survive your ride.

JER
Jun. 5, 2004, 09:06 PM
You're going in to the ring for your 2nd test -- this would be at a straight dressage show -- and a pair of spectators say to you, "Is that the horse you rode earlier? You're very brave to go in there again."

Or when the judge writes comments that begin with: "Perhaps your horse is good at cross country but..."

Finnegan
Jun. 5, 2004, 09:33 PM
You know your dressage is bad when...

Your bridle tag number flies off and lands in the sand because you were wagging his head so hard to keep it down. (true story http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif )

~Bev

justblu
Jun. 5, 2004, 09:45 PM
You know your dressage is bad when:

The judge suggests you look into tennis lessons...

bigdreamer
Jun. 5, 2004, 10:04 PM
you just stop checking the scores after dressage completely because you know you are in last place. very very true story on a few occasions... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

you ponder asking the judge to just give you 2 points higher than the worst score so they don't have to waste their time watching you. not true, just thought that one up, but probably not a bad idea!

you overhear the judge when going by C say "God, would they just STOP doing that!?" didn't happen to me, but when i was scribing I think she said it loud enough intentionally.

when scribing- and you don't get to watch much, you can tell things aren't going well when the judge often makes mean comments or mumbles and says "don't write that" http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

also, when scribing, one judge told me that if a rider seems to be having one of those "can't get em' in the ring" days, she takes a bathroom break to hope they can work things out by the time they get back. very kind of her, but ho-boy, good luck on that test!

Raison d'etre
Jun. 5, 2004, 11:29 PM
When the judge rights, "naughty, naughty horse."

When the judge writes "very entertaining."

When your horse takes off bucking, you end up clutching for dear life, butt still in the saddle, which is now on her sideways, and you leave the ring. Call to the judge that you'll be back in to finish, go back into the ring, have a bucking fit, but seem to manage to finish, thank the patient judge for letting you re-enter and finish, and the judge responds, my pleasure, I was interested to see what would happen next. that was exciting."

After the first test without any buck, you get excited and proclaim to the masses that that was your first test without a buck, and the judge replies back that it was close and that bucking was just about the only thing she left out (we had various OTHER theatrical movements in that test).

Yes, yes, these are all true. All me and my pony. all different tests and different judges

canterlope
Jun. 6, 2004, 03:07 AM
You know your dressage is bad when...<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>the only thing the judge says to you as you are leaving the arena is "nice braid job."<LI>after your test, your groom says, "Wow, that's the fastest dressage test I've ever seen."<LI>just as you enter at A, your horse suddenly stops responding to your right rein altogether, twists its head so that it is parallel to the ground, and alternates between impersonating a giaraffe and a bull dozer. You do your entire test using only the left rein and when you halt for your final salute, your horse finally straightens it head and you see that its tongue has flipped over the bit and about eight inches of it is sticking out of its mouth, flapping in the breeze your entire test. Then, as if this isn't enough, as you leave the arena, the judge leans out of her car and say, "You do know that's really bad, don't you?"[/list]Sadly, all true.

Reynard Ridge
Jun. 6, 2004, 04:22 AM
You get an 8 for rider and the comment is "Nice job staying on!" True story.

ShadyBug
Jun. 6, 2004, 05:11 AM
You know your dressage is bad when....


Your horse stops and eats during your free walk...

flyingchange
Jun. 6, 2004, 06:16 AM
these are hilarious! thanks for starting this thread - the posts are making me feel like maybe I'm not alone in my dressage woes after all!

Judith L
Jun. 6, 2004, 06:45 AM
After judging me several times a well respected judge wrote "Keep plugging, you'll get there. . ." I laughed and took her advice. It was worth the trip.

bounce
Jun. 6, 2004, 07:06 AM
Ponygirl... I had just the same experience last weekend! When I saw the score, my reaction was, "This judge is a Saint! Wonder where she is going next... maybe I'll just follow her there!" Even my trainer and groom were impressed by how generous she was!

<span class="ev_code_RED">You know your dressage was bad when...</span>

You come home from the event, call the local CT, and ask if you can ride in the Preliminary CT 4 times, and just skip the jumping! And you don't mind paying the full fee!

elizabeth Callahan
Jun. 6, 2004, 07:39 AM
You finish your ride - really glad it's all over , the judge stands up and says" That's a very talented horse" You actually stop and look behind you in the ring to see if she's talking to someone else because you can't believe she is talking about the same creature that you are on

canterlope
Jun. 6, 2004, 07:48 AM
Just thought of a few more. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

You know your dressage was bad when - <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>someone you don't know starts a conversation with you a few hours after your ride and says, "Did you see the test that horse #49 did? OMG, it was horrific." Realizing that your horse's number is 49, your only response is, "No, I didn't see it, but I sure felt it."<LI>the Ground Jury interprets Article 1711. Dangerous Riding in a way that enables them to apply it to your horse and eliminates you immediately following your dressage test.<LI>the only comment the judge writes at the bottom of your test is, "Have you ever considered forgetting about eventing and doing the jumpers with this horse."<LI>as you're leaving the arena, you hear the rider waiting to go after you say to her coach, "Are you sure I'm not supposed to be doing Test D? That sure didn't look like Test C to me."<LI>the rest of the competitors in your division come to you and thank you for making their tests look really good.[/list]

Pie Evntr
Jun. 6, 2004, 08:47 AM
The judge writes "horse has a good sense of humor" at the end of the test!

VetRep
Jun. 6, 2004, 09:06 AM
You collect your test at the end of the day to find the judge went through and CROSSED OUT many of the scores the scribe had originally written, and re-scored them one point lower AFTER THE TEST WAS FINISHED! (The scribe wrote in pen, the judge wrote in pencil--so it was obvious). If the scores had been left as-is, it would have been a 41.0, it ended up as a 49.5! Apparently we made an INCREASINGLY bad impression!

Sannois
Jun. 6, 2004, 09:23 AM
LMAO OMG I'm just Roaring!
You know its a bad Dressage Test when while at your OLDboarding barn, 4 years ago, Dippy brain still remembers.. ITS FEEDING TIME!! As you are about to enter the ring, They start letting a few run up the fenced lane! Bad Practice especially at a Dressage show! BUT .. You enter anyway and procede to TRY and get through Training 3 Just when you thought it could not get any worse, It starts to HAIL!!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif Stayed on, and finished the test! As I was leaving the ring, Judge opened up the truck door said With a Thumbs up! Great job sticking with it! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Got a Great eventing score... 40! LOL Too bad it was a Dressage Show! I still laugh about it! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Peggy
Jun. 6, 2004, 09:35 AM
You read the results from the bottom up.

Comment on gaits - "hard to tell"

Overall comment - "did you mean to ride the whole test in shoulder-in?" Actually, yes, b/c otherwise the horse would be bent in the direction of the x-c course the entire time.

Overall comment - "next stop - Vienna??" (as in Spanish Riding school and airs above the ground)

Raison d'etre
Jun. 6, 2004, 10:17 AM
oooh- pie evntr - I've gotten that one too!!!



I have also scribed for a judge who, at the end of a less-than-stellar test told me that you should always write something positive at the end of a test. Then she preceeded to write "nice braiding job" (canterlope - was that you?)

RacetrackReject
Jun. 6, 2004, 10:58 AM
Comments were as follows:
Impulsion
Needs impulsion
More Impulsion
Some Impulsion
Any impulsion
Is that even a trot?

At least he wasn't a hot TB, but a 17.2 hand TB stump.

Oy! Followed by the judge marking out some scores and marking them lower then they had the scribe mark them (different handwriting).

My friend received "very nice ride on a VERY naughty pony" after a plane mistook the dressage rings for the runway and tried to land on their heads. The horse took off bucking across the ring.

doccer
Jun. 6, 2004, 01:48 PM
I'll be giggling for days http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sadsmile.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Carol and Doccer

**-*if you're not having fun, you're not doing it right*-**

ponygrl
Jun. 6, 2004, 02:02 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> the Ground Jury interprets Article 1711. Dangerous Riding in a way that enables them to apply it to your horse and eliminates you immediately following your dressage test.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I scribed a test like that once. It was truly vile. And the girl was FURIOUS. Well dearie, there's a huge difference between silly and making the judge and scribe start taking bets about how things are going to end...

At our last HT together, just before I started trotting around the ring as I said good morning to the judge my pony stopped and peed. and peed. and peed. I had a really nice conversation with them while he napped/peed. Then in his free walk he yawned the whole way across. GREAT stretch but I was giggling the whole time.

canterlope
Jun. 6, 2004, 02:03 PM
A few more and then I'll stop.

You know your dressage is bad when - <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>you finish, the judge asks if she can have a copy of the video she noticed your groom filming of you because she is teaching a judges' seminar the next weekend and thinks it will be a perfect and comprehensive example of every fault a judge must penalize a horse for committing.<LI>the rest of the riders at the event take up a collection to pay for you to take some dressage lessons. Not only do they raise enough money to cover the cost of two lessons a day for the next three years, there will be enough money left over for you to build an indoor arena so you never miss a day of training due to the weather.<LI>Right before you enter at A, you hear the announcer invite everyone on grounds to come on over to your ring because the next test should be really entertaining.<LI>someone on grounds starts a betting pool to see how long you will stay in the arena after you enter at A. Your coach wins the pot with a guess of 7.2 seconds.[/list]

Risk-Averse Rider
Jun. 6, 2004, 02:11 PM
You know your dressage was bad when...

... you find yourself cleaning arena dirt out of your horse's browband after the test.

Many of you have seen this video (http://www.aledobb.com/ezzell/faceplant.wmv).

Enter at A, working trot.
X: halt, faceplant.

Calico
Jun. 6, 2004, 02:45 PM
... your OTTB realizes the dressage ring is in the middle of a racetrack, and the test subsequently consists of a perpetual extended trot with the elegance of a jackhammer.

ThirdCharm
Jun. 6, 2004, 02:57 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LLDM:
When you jump _into_ the dressage ring! And it _is_ a dressage show! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

SCFarm <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, one of my students did this at an event--TWICE. The first time someone had left a hammer lying in the gap at "A" (from pounding in the stakes for the dressage ring I guess) and her horse LEAPED over it and cantered down the centerline (Novice Test C unfortunately does not request this!). The very next event they just lay the section of chain down on the ground in the gap at "A" and he jumped THAT. *sigh* That horse never was any good at dressage. But boy could he jump!

JenniferS

FrittSkritt
Jun. 6, 2004, 03:43 PM
When you finish your final salute and the judge says to you, "You can breathe now," as you pass her. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

ShadyBug
Jun. 6, 2004, 04:27 PM
Oh oh! Racetrackreject, i just had a test like that, horse was having an off day, and all of my comments came back
Lazy
Needs Impulsion
Still needs impulsion
lazy
very lazy
STILL Lazy
Still More energy
Even more impulsion

And then my comments were---Very Lazy the whole test. Humph.

KarenC
Jun. 6, 2004, 04:32 PM
How about you aren't even SHOWING, and your horse is the naughtiest one on the grounds?

I made the mistake of taking Mazzie to Battle Creek this weekend to be an outrider. I have been working very hard the last few months to condition her for endurance. I THOUGHT that since she is doing so well in that, she'd love to be an out-horse.

Um, no. Extremely fit horse + stop and go all afternoon long = temper tantrums galore. Although, I did find out today that she has talent for the high school movements. Not to mention she passaged here, passaged there, passaged everywhere (of course, I was just asking for a walk).

My bad, not hers. I should know her better than that by now. I survived, so did she, and I will return again - to jump judge, and leave Maz at home.

(although, I was worried about her fitness level - worry no more! she was dragging me around after the seventh trip around the course!).

subk
Jun. 6, 2004, 04:36 PM
...Your collective comments says, "nice turnout." (This is very similar to "nice braid job"--only a good braid job takes more committment.)

...The judge politely smiles as you are leaving the ring and tells you to "have fun on cross country."

It's really bad when they both happen on the same test.

My other favorite is "patient rider" in the Rider comment area. That was the comment I got when I refrained from beating him until after we left the arena. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Flying Hill
Jun. 6, 2004, 05:25 PM
- Your collective scores range from 3 to 8 on the same test
- At the end of your test the judge says "that was your first time doing this, wasn't it?"
- 3 strides after restarting after the judge rang the bell for error of the course you have to stop and ask the judge where to go next!
- Judge writes "will be a nice horse when she grows up." Horse is 19 at the time.
- You think the 3 you got on one movement was very generous!
- Judge's comment next to canter depart was "some distractions!" (i.e. nearly jumping out of the ring and a buck or two)
- You'd rather take the point deduction for an error than take one hand off of the reins for a salute.

doccer
Jun. 6, 2004, 05:35 PM
OMG!!! Risk Averse Rider http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I didn't know dressage was such a dangerous sport.

How did the rest of the test go?? And did you ever figure out what REALLY happened?? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Carol and Doccer

**-*If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right*-**

Sadie'sMom
Jun. 6, 2004, 06:16 PM
I knew I had a bad one when I had 10 photos to choose from afterwards, and I wouldn't have bought any of them. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

SayCheese
Jun. 6, 2004, 07:53 PM
Once the judge wrote (about a friends test): "Nice pony, learn how to ride it!" And if y'all think a score in the 50s are bad, she got a 70! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Another time, a judge said to me, "I bet you're excited for cross-country" or something to that extent b/c I had a kind-of tense test, but I got a 34 so I dont know what the deal was! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

yventer
Jun. 6, 2004, 09:02 PM
"... scores from 4 to 8..."??!!! That's a great test! Now scores from 2 to 5 indicate a BAD test. Until you've gotten a 1, 2 or 3, you've not *really* had a bad test.

But in in any case, you know you've had a bad test when

The judge is leaning out of the car to throw up into a bag.

The judge will not meet your eye on the final salute, but is talking to the scribe, and is STILL talking to the scribe by the time you exit the area.

Your trainer has her/his back turned to you with arms crossed after your test.

You walk up to the scoreboard and everyone becomes very quiet and leaves the area.

Y

regalace
Jun. 6, 2004, 10:03 PM
An awful lot of these are sounding familiar, is that a bad sign?

I have definitely had the Needs Impulsion comment more than once! My old horse loved to jump but wasn't thrilled with dressage and had figured out that I couldn't carry a whip, so he would routinely lollygag around. That free walk on the diagonal was like he was being taken to the firing squad.

So the next horse I bought, I swore I would never lack impulsion again. Our first test, the judge said (emphasis hers), "Slow down, there IS NO FIRE HERE!"

RoyalTRider
Jun. 7, 2004, 05:39 AM
-At the end of your test, the judge has that same look as a cat who just heard a loud noise outside their range of vision (you know, possessed look in the eyes?).

ChampionMercedes
Jun. 7, 2004, 06:02 AM
These are great!

I have a couple pretty bad ones from when I did a few dressage shows a while ago.

- You recieve a '1' on your final halt, with the comment "stopped for that many seconds, maybe." (Horse saw his buddy going into the next ring and got excited, decided that canter ment gallop and buck)

- Rider comment said "Congratulations for staying on, for a beginner dressage rider (my first dressage schooling show) you obviously have a good seat on the horse." The mare I was riding was insane.

The most embarrassing was at a dressage schooling show with a horse I'd only had for about a month:

We halted at C I believe, and had to halt for 3 seconds or something. Well the judges booth was right next to it, very close. He was curious so he stuck his face INTO the booth, knocked over her coffee and slobbered on the scribe. I wanted to die.

My trainer was doing a high level test and was required to do a half pass. Her mare really picked up her feet when half passing and actually half passed right out of the dressage ring.

RixChik
Jun. 7, 2004, 06:17 AM
How about the comment "disobedient" in every box after a test where the entire pattern was ridden in the "buck" gait?
Or the collective comments "This horse is dangerous" or "I question your ability to control this horse cross country," which is something of a contradiction to other collective comments, such "Brave rider" and "Good job staying on." Who knew you have to be brave to ride a dressage test? One of my favorite comments is still "This horse doesn't like mornings, does he?" after an 8:00 am test where his heels were well over the 4 board fence when he was bucking. The horse never got better (in fact, he got worse) and I finally sold him as a jumper, where he's much happier.

asterix
Jun. 7, 2004, 06:19 AM
My favorite, VERY recently, at a dressage schooling show (where we went to work on our dressage, only to discover that we don't need to work on it; it is always exactly as dreadful as it was before)...

"He has a lot of enthusiasm, but it doesn't seem to be for dressage..."

Heather
Jun. 7, 2004, 07:52 AM
-when in several sections of the test the judges comments say, "Gait unclear".

-When the judge mutters, "I hope it jumps" as you jig past on the way out.

-When there are entire sections of the ring you never get to.

-The kiss of death comment, "Nicely turned out pair." (Which is code for, oh god, I have nothing nice to say about that travesty, how do the braids look?)

-When the judge comes out of the booth, and says, "What HAPPENED?" And the answer is, "Uh, nothing, this is how they go."(This happened to a friend of mine at Rolex, no less).

-When instead of a 20/40 ring, you ride in a 15/35 ring, because pony is having nothing to do with the White Chain of Doom.

Robby Johnson
Jun. 7, 2004, 07:56 AM
White chain of doom? LOL! Rhodey is the polar opposite. I'm usually working really hard to make sure he doesn't trip over it on his way around. Totally un-phased and sometimes unaware!

I am the king of "beautiful turnout." It's like winning Miss Congeniality in a beauty pageant.

Robby

FrittSkritt
Jun. 7, 2004, 08:41 AM
LOL Robby! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

CluesGirl
Jun. 7, 2004, 09:10 AM
(true story!) the young mother next to the rail slowly steps in front of her child and they both slowwwly back away from the arena....

(I heard this on a top ten list somewhere sometime....)
when....your circles remind the judge she has to stop and pick up eggs on the way home. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Heineken
Jun. 7, 2004, 10:44 AM
When your terrified horse is in the infield of the track and shakes thru the whole test...and the judge says "Keep your chin up dear, it will get better"...
When, at the same event your trainer, a KNOWN hardass(JAGOLD...you know who) says "Well, I'm so proud of you for staying on!".

When, after that test, you vault off shouting "Loose Horse" and let go and he takes himself back to the stalls while you hobble and snivle slowly behind...

frugalannie
Jun. 7, 2004, 11:29 AM
My favorite comment from a judge was: "Big horse, small ring."

Batteries Included
Jun. 7, 2004, 12:07 PM
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">I loved the comment the judge gave me at King Oak a few weeks back...

"Naughty Pony" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

but dont worry, we're all better now... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span>

Bensmom
Jun. 7, 2004, 12:08 PM
<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>The judge's comment at the end of the test is: "Put him in a double and go straight to fourth level!" This was at the end of an Intro A test http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif after he had done collected canter up the centerline to his final halt. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif The same judge also called me patient. Repeatedly. She also gave me a decent score on his gaits, but wrote out the side "all three of them" Uh, yeah. Intro only has *two* http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif
<LI> The white plastic chain has to be repaired by hay twine after your horse has broken it in two places after seeing evil whimpering Dobermans on the berm above the ring. We were, of course, eliminated for entering the ring prior to the signal being given. Oddly enough, it was one of our very best tests after that. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[/list]
Libby

FlowerPower
Jun. 7, 2004, 04:16 PM
"Would make a nice parade horse." (Flower was picken' her nose with her knees!!)

Judge saw my trainer watching and knew her, so he wrote "Too much to list here - ask Phyllis!"

In her first few tests, Flower thouth the chain was the serpent of death and it was very important to not go anywhere near it!!

Sobriska
Jun. 7, 2004, 06:07 PM
A dear friend of mine once got this comment on her TB who was ummm... a bit hot
"my, he's really orange, you must feed him alot of carrotts"
ROFL. Sweet judge could not think of anything nicer to say.
Big TB has luckily improved tremendously since then.

OldLadyOnATB
Jun. 7, 2004, 07:04 PM
How bsolutely hysterical (and true http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif) is this one.....

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> -When there are entire sections of the ring you never get to. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks for making me laugh! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Elizabeth

deltawave
Jun. 7, 2004, 07:10 PM
Was pondering a few "dressage moments" on my long drive today...here are a couple more.

...when you finish your test, wave at the judge, and she says "I'm sorry". (true story, fortunately NOT starring yours truly)

...when EVERY SINGLE JUDGE on EVERY SINGLE TEST for an entire show season gives you the EXACT same comment ("fussy head") on your tests. True story--almost renamed Kelly "Fussy Head" as a result! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif It has a certain ring to it, no? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Made a darn good nickname for a while...

...when your horse leaps from E to H in one giant bound and you never find out why until you get the video and see an ENORMOUS grasshopper land on the horse's butt, spooking her into an explosion. Judge's comment "bug on horse" assumed until that point to be an editorial on the rider... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif (also a true story from Kelly's second-ever BN HT)

baileygreyhorse
Jun. 7, 2004, 07:22 PM
You know your dressage IS bad when- as you pass the judge's booth, you can hear the tone in her voice as she speaks to the scribe, and it's not a happy tone. Why can't they whisper? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif
Here's a few more gems from the judges.
"Appears something bothers horse" Yea lady, it's me that bothers him. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
"Capable looking horse" But....
"Tactfully ridden" Bonus points for not flogging him? Please? http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif
"Rider handled difficult situations with tact" Another plea for bonus "be kind to horsie" points.
"Good try...Good luck" Whatever. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
"Difficult horse" Only in dressage.
"Moments when I can see he knows how to bend and be supple. But mostly avoiding contact" OK, at least she saw a few good moments. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
When oh when will I get this dressage monkey off of my back!

Frank B
Jun. 8, 2004, 04:51 AM
After 'needs more impulsion' appears several times, there's a comment at the bottom: "Spurs ARE allowed at this level!"

Renate
Jun. 8, 2004, 05:01 AM
Horse explodes while performing the last canter circle at C because of the loud bell in ring 2. Horse leaps out of the ring in a dead run as if the starting gate just opened. I begin to turn the bolting horse to the left in order not to run over the spectators only to have horse fall completely to the ground on his left side. I'm fine and get to my feet before the horse. I'm concerned but also ticked off. Walk horse for a moment, get back on, and finish test at a trot. (Yeah, I know we were elminiated and he had no doubt pulled lots of muscles but it just a point I need to get across to him.) The judge was super. She told me that he is a nice mover but very tense and I stayed on longer than she thought I would. I left the arena laughing. My horse is a 17h, big boned OTTB (need I say more) and this happened about six years ago. Knock on wood, but this has been the only time he has jumped out of the arena at a show.

goobs
Jun. 8, 2004, 07:50 AM
These are so funny! I think the most "eventful" stuff happens at the dressage phase. I have had loose horses run right next to the chain during my dressage phase and I'm so tense and nervous and wrapped up on the test that I don't even notice - now that's BAD!

Horse spooking and rearing and trying to run away up center line; Cantering at X instead of at C because horse is beside herself with the goblins sitting in the trailer (couldn't get her anywhere NEAR that trailer that day) and of course trying to jump the chain, leave the ring, full gallop across the diagnol when it's supposed to be working trot.

But being on both sides of the dressage equation I find it better to have a a so so or somewhat crappy dressage test and a horse that jumps clean than a horse that is stellar in the dressage ring and a mess when it comes to the jumping phases. Which is what I am going through now and it sucks! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

FlowerPower
Jun. 8, 2004, 08:09 AM
My friend's horse (being ridden by a BNT who I won't name out of respect, and the fact I work for him and he would torture me...) spooked and took off at a gallop in the dressage test, sadly a foot got hooked in the white plastic chain and he took the entire dressage arena with him. (Made him a bit more difficult to stop, with the ring chasing him like that.) Fortunately he wasn't hurt and the rider actually tried to argue the elimination by claiming that he always had at least one foot in the arena - granted the arena was halfway across a field at the time. (it wasn't a serious argument!)

Sadly, I didn't see this happen, but have been told the story from everyone at the barn many times - it is the funniest story I've ever heard!

cau
Jun. 8, 2004, 09:17 AM
I have several candidates.....

Enter, halt, salute ..... and park.

At the end of the test, the judge says "he must jump really, really well...."

Timex
Jun. 8, 2004, 09:43 AM
so basically, form all these stories, i'm to take it that there is still hope for us in the dressage ring? LOL

Arcadien
Jun. 8, 2004, 09:52 AM
Judge to scribe: "I save that score for when they aren't doing anything even remotely resembling dressage." (I was the scribe, fortunately the rider was far away!)

Luv this thread! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
Arcadien

bounce
Jun. 8, 2004, 10:00 AM
I love these... and am feeling SO much better about my last 3 rides!!! Thanks everyone...

I have one from when I was a kid, riding an Adopted Mustang from the BLM.

Trot down centerline, halt, salute, proceed working trot.... (Turn, Turn, Turn!!!!!), oh never mind... jump ring, load into judges trailer... promptly knocking over table and chairs with judge and scribe still attached.

VERY embarassing for an 11 year old!!!! Very nice judge says... "Well, at least he loads!"

goobs
Jun. 8, 2004, 10:31 AM
BOUNCE! That story deserves an award! LOL! I am crying over here!

PalominoMorgan
Jun. 8, 2004, 11:36 AM
Great stories. These are all great.

gully's pilot
Jun. 8, 2004, 01:23 PM
"At least he loads!"

I'll keep that in mind for the next time I think I'm having a bad test.

How about the comment, "would have been a decent trip in hunter eq?"

mbp
Jun. 8, 2004, 04:48 PM
You know your dressage was bad when:

You have a fall on course and knock down the fence. Especially when the course you fall on was: "Between C & M, working canter" and the fence was a nifty little white plastic thing, 20M by 60 M.

You have a runout at A.

A gaggle of Pony Clubbers with kazoos appear and begin to play "Send in the Clowns" after your salute.

The judge's comment: No one who moves like that at the *sitting* trot should be allowed to wear white for ANYTHING.

You hear spectators whispering, loudly, "I thought cross country was supposed to be the exciting part"

BarbB
Jun. 8, 2004, 05:19 PM
you know your dressage was bad when....

the judges comments include "rider should learn the test"

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

cau
Jun. 9, 2004, 04:44 AM
OK, so I just learned that everything anyone writes even on the internet is "owned" by that person and shouldn't be purloined, even if you are dying to share it with a friend (I think this is a collison between law and reality as we know it, but there you go..). Given that this is the case, does anyone who has contributed to this thread object if I collate these stories into one list to post on our website? I will credit your email identity or your name if you send it to me at cau@emji.net.

Chris

Frank B
Jun. 9, 2004, 05:06 AM
Have at it! We ain't proud! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

But fer Gawd's sake, DON'T post our e-mail addys. We have enough trouble with spam as it is! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jun. 9, 2004, 05:13 AM
For an extra fee, will you attribute our story to someone else??? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

What's your website?? Sure, put me up, and I think you know my full name to attribute...

baileygreyhorse
Jun. 9, 2004, 05:24 AM
This thread has been so much fun! MrBGH was literally rolling on the floor http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif as I read him the tale of Bounce and her self-loading mustang. It has also made me feel a little better about my own dressage demons. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif
Chris- Feel free to use my comments. Use my screenname or my real name, Pattie E. Post a link to your site when you get it finished!

RoyalTRider
Jun. 9, 2004, 07:29 AM
Have at it. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Raison d'etre
Jun. 9, 2004, 09:40 AM
I agree- have at it, but as someone else said, I'll pay you to attribute someone else!

jumperpony_Blaze
Jun. 9, 2004, 10:48 AM
so little girl, why do you use a running martingale?

"to keep him from getting inverted and to save the metal baseball bat from wear and tear"

sophie
Jun. 9, 2004, 12:07 PM
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif
GREAT stories!!
You guys just made my day!!

bounce
Jun. 9, 2004, 12:10 PM
No problems with posting them from me.

NeverTime
Jun. 9, 2004, 03:30 PM
Two end-of-test zingers my old timber racer received:
1. Give him a few years to calm down (he was 15).
2. "Your horse looks like his tail's on fire." (said in a slow, southern drawl).

Mudroom2
Jun. 10, 2004, 05:51 AM
ring steward: "boy can he buck"
judge's comment on test: "good job staying on"

queenvic
Jun. 10, 2004, 06:04 AM
I couldn't resist this particular topic.
Two of the better comments I have received:
"Should salute facing judge."
and "Did well to keep horse in arena."

sophie
Jun. 10, 2004, 08:23 AM
ROFL don't you love it when judges try to find something positive to say, no matter what?!!

After the dressage test of the first 2-phase I took my Morgan to, during which she was doing her best to try jumping the chain and all our walks were jigs and/or canter-piaffes...the judge told me "cute filly, how old is she?"
The "filly" was 12.
http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Cobee
Jun. 10, 2004, 01:04 PM
<span class="ev_code_RED">AND THE WINNER IS!!!!</span>
ROLFLMAO

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> ...when your horse leaps from E to H in one giant bound and you never find out why until you get the video and see an ENORMOUS grasshopper land on the horse's butt, spooking her into an explosion. Judge's comment "bug on horse" assumed until that point to be an editorial on the rider... (also a true story from Kelly's second-ever BN HT) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seeing Deltawave as a bug, and the fact you thought the judge......... I can't stop ROLFL http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Fessy's Mom
Jun. 10, 2004, 05:26 PM
Thank you all so much for the non-stop laughs! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif I will remember all of these when I'm struggling to complete my first ever dressage show doing Intro with my green OTTB. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif What a wonderful stress reliever it will be! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/yes.gif

My personal favorite is the one about the mustang running into the trailer with the judge in it. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

AllyCat
Jun. 10, 2004, 09:05 PM
QUOTE...when your horse leaps from E to H in one giant bound and you never find out why until you get the video and see an ENORMOUS grasshopper land on the horse's butt, spooking her into an explosion. Judge's comment "bug on horse" assumed until that point to be an editorial on the rider... (also a true story from Kelly's second-ever BN HT)

OMG I'm dying here! Wish I had such a good excuse for this, uh, movement.

valmom
Jun. 11, 2004, 03:57 AM
I have been laughing so hard at this thread- I LOVE it. I thought I was the only one who finishes on her dressage score and is still LAST! (Way too many times)

blazew/4whitesocks
Jun. 11, 2004, 01:12 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by queenvic:
"Should salute facing judge." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know a girl at my barn who went off course and did this. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gifWe were rolling in the stands. Someone asked if that was a political statement.

Tom King
Jun. 11, 2004, 01:22 PM
You look at the score sheet and you are DFL.

asterix
Jun. 11, 2004, 03:24 PM
OK, what I don't get is where the OTHER people are...
you know, all those people whose horses just tick tock around in a nice profile, steady rhythm, click clack click...

while all of us are leaping, running, resisting, inverting, testing the arena construction, and pushing the judges to new depths of euphemisms?

'Fess up. You all must be out there. I know, cause I see you at all my events, out of the side of my eye, while struggling with the misplaced enthusiasms of my resistant, inverted, energetic beast.

Laur
Jun. 11, 2004, 06:07 PM
hehehe I love this thread! Well I can't come anywhere near the grasshopper or pony landing in the trailer stories but...


You know it's bad when you
- get eliminated for leaving the ring @ A, while trying to do a 20m circle at C (horse wanted nothing to do with the judge's booth http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif)
- comments say "good job staying on"
- nice young horse with lots of potential. Horse was 15.
- Judge jumps out of her chair and backs up when it becomes apparent that your halt at X is going to land you in her lap.

Peggy
Jun. 11, 2004, 06:58 PM
Dressage show at Flintridge on a 3 y.o. at his second show. We were in the ring next to "Checkpoint Charlie" for JPL with its assorted activity (plus they had a whistle and so did the judge). As we start around the outside, the previous rider warns me "watch out for the deer on the road!"

Things were going basically OK, until we did the turn right at B, turn left at E thing. Star suddenly lept into the air and spun around. We resumed the test, looking around with great paranoia for the "deer" the entire time.

Turns out it was a mirror rather than a deer. The sun was hitting the mirror just right. They'd covered it, but not quite all of it.

Judge's comment for movement (this is one of our more generous judges): (6 or 7) - incorrect bend. No one told me which way to bend when leaping and spinning http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

cau
Jul. 9, 2004, 03:35 PM
Here they are, collated! I didn't credit anybody (I thought that was fair..http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I want to post this elsewhere, so if any of you authors object, let me know!

Chris

Written for all of us who are leaping, running, resisting, inverting, testing the arena construction, and pushing the judges (who know they are suppose to say SOMETHING positive…) to think up new euphemisms for “oh my, that was awful”…

You know your dressage was bad when…..

· Riding the test reminds you of that old saw about swallowing a live toad every morning, so nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day; the test reminds the judge of the same joke, only she's not amused.
· Half the riders in your division could have a stop XC and still beat you if you finish on your dressage score....
· You can see wrinkles ON TOP of your horse's neck because she's so inverted, and her braids are all touching on another even though they were nicely spaced when you put them in!
· Your bridle tag number flies off and lands in the sand because you were wagging your horses head so hard to keep it down.
· On entering the ring, even YOU see the goblins dancing beside C. They are still there when you leave.
· At the end of your test, people don’t clap, they start breathing again.
· Your horse apparently regards the arena fencing as an interesting cavelletti exercise..
· It gets really quiet and the crowd shows up to watch. More than one person videos….
· Your horse stops and eats during your free walk...
· The judge and scribe start taking bets about how things are going to end...
· The only thing the judge says to you as you are leaving the arena is "nice braid job."
· Your horse enters, halts, salutes and parks.
· Your horse enters, halts, salutes and pees.
· There are entire sections of the ring you never get near.
· It occurs to you to ask the judge not to watch…
· The young mother next to the rail slowly steps in front of her child and they both sloowwwly back away from the arena....
· Judge jumps out of her chair and backs up when it becomes apparent that your halt at X is going to land you in her lap.
· You realize you no intension of checking your dressage scores before cross-country, because why ruin the WHOLE day?
· The Ground Jury interprets Article 1711(“Dangerous Riding”) in a way that enables them to apply it to your horse and eliminates you immediately following your dressage test.
· As you're leaving the arena, you hear the rider waiting to go after you say to her coach, "Are you sure I'm not supposed to be doing Test D? That sure didn't look like Test C to me."
· The rest of the competitors in your division come to you and thank you for making their tests look really good.
· After your test, people comment, "Wow, that's the fastest dressage test I've ever seen."
· Your scores range from 3 to 8 on the same test. You think the 3 was a gift from God
· The judge gets tired of ringing the bell and just reads the test to you.
· You'd rather take the point deduction for an error than take one hand off of the reins for a salute.
· The photographer took 10 photos and you didn’t buy any of them.
· The judge will not meet your eye on the final salute, but is talking to the scribe, and is STILL determinedly talking to the scribe by the time you exit the arena.
· Your trainer has her/his arms crossed after your test.
· Your trainer tries hard to act like he/she has no idea who you are
· You walk up to the scoreboard and everyone becomes very quiet and leaves.
· At the end of your test, the judge looks like a cat who has seen a monster from the 4th dimension.
· As you enter the arena, your trainer mutters, "All right, Sunshine, just try to do something in there, and if you can't, I'll open the gate and let you out."
· You get great scores for eventing (39!) unfortunately at a dressage show.
· You think “a running martingale would help and save wear and tear on the baseball bat…”
· Your horse joins the judge in the trailer.
· During your halt at C, your horse sees the judges stand and a) leaves b) grabs for her lunch/score sheets and/or c) pees
· After the test, your friend says, “How did the rest of the test go?? Did you ever figure out what REALLY happened?? “
· Someone on grounds starts a betting pool to see how long you will stay in the arena after you enter at A. Your coach (who has insider knowledge) wins the pot with a guess of 7.2 seconds.
· When you go to pick up your test, the lady handing them out says “oh, geez, THAT one”
· You have to clean arena dirt out of your horse's browband (or your boots) after the test.
· Your OTTB realizes the dressage ring is in the middle of a racetrack, and the test subsequently consists of a perpetual extended trot with the elegance of a jackhammer.
· Your SB realizes the test is in a stadium style indoor arena, expects organ music, and has a flash back… and flashes way, way back.
· People cheer --- really cheer – when you finish. The EMT wanders back to her truck.
· When you finish your final salute and the judge says to you, "You can breathe now,"
· The white plastic chain has to be repaired by hay twine after your horse has broken it in two places after seeing evil in the form of the letter “A.”
· The judge comes out of the booth, and says, "What HAPPENED?" And the truth is you think, "Uh, nothing; this is par for the course….”
· Other people ride in a 20/40 ring; you do your test in a 15/35 ring, because your pony is having nothing to do with the White Chain of Doom.
· You get eliminated for leaving the ring @ A, while trying to do a 20m circle at C. It’s that “white chain of doom” thing again.
· Someone you don't know starts a conversation with you a few hours after your ride and says, "Did you see the test that horse #49 did? OMG, it was horrific." Realizing that your horse's number is 49, your smile weakly and think, "No, I didn't see it, but I sure felt it."
· Your trainer, KNOWN to never say anything nice, says "Well, I'm so proud of you for toughing THAT out!".
· After your test, you vault off shouting "Loose Horse" and he takes himself back to the stalls while you hobble and snivel slowly behind...
· After your test, you think about vaulting off, shouting "Loose Horse!" and walking home.
· You finish your test, you nod at the judge, and she says, "I'm sorry.”
· Your horse mysteriously leaps from E to H in one giant bound and you never find out why until you get the video and see an ENORMOUS grasshopper land on the horse's butt, spooking her into an explosion. This explains Judge's comment "bug on horse" which was assumed (up until that point) to be an editorial comment on the quality of the e rider...

Things didn’t go so well when the judge comments..….

· “Nice horse (who of course is 11, 14 or 19 years of age) with lots of…er… potential.
· “Will settle down as he matures (and of course the horse is 11, 14 or 19 years of age)
· “I can only assume this horse jumps well.”
· “Very entertaining"
· “Should salute facing judge."
· “He has a lot of enthusiasm, but it doesn't seem to be for dressage..."
· “Gaits unclear”
· “Interesting to see how that all turned out”
· "Nice job staying on!"
· “Impulsion” “Needs impulsion” “More Impulsion” “Some Impulsion” “Any impulsion would be appreciated” “Is that supposed to be a trot?”
· “Incorrect bend” – and you didn’t realize there was a correct bend for the movement called “bucking like a maniac”
· “Did you mean to ride the entire test in shoulder-in?”
· “Nice gaits; all five of them”
· "Slow down, there IS NO FIRE HERE!"
· “That was your first time doing this, wasn't it?" -- and it wasn’t
· "Naughty, naughty horse……but quite athletic."
· “Patient rider" -- to reward you for refraining from beating your horse in public
· "This horse doesn't like mornings, does he?"
· “Brave rider," "Good job staying on," “Who knew you have to be that brave to ride a dressage test?”
· “Disobedient" in every box for every movement
· "Would make a nice parade horse."
· "Too much to list here - ask your coach"
· ‘I was interested to see what would happen next. That was exciting”
· "Keep your chin up dear, it will get better"...
· “Circles are meant to be round”
· “Everyone who rides has days like this.”
· “Airs above the ground are best left to the Spanish Riding School”
· “Behind bit” “Really behind bit” “See if you can get his chin off chest”
· or, as we all know, the Kiss of Death comment, "Nicely turned out pair." (Which is code for, oh god, I have nothing nice to say about that travesty; I guess the braids are OK)

Or when the judge…
· Turns to the scribe and giggles
· Strikes up an animated conversation with the runner as you do your second movement
· Stands up as your horse approaches her in explosion mode and says "JUST LEAVE
· Realizes you are having trouble getting your horse in the ring and decides to take a bathroom break in the hopes you can work it out by the time she gets back…
· Gives you a '1' on your final halt, with the comment "stopped for that many seconds, maybe."
· The judge leans out of her car and say, "You do know that's really bad, don't you?"
· Asks for a copy of the video she noticed your groom filming because she is teaching a judges' seminar the next weekend. You know why….
· Mutters to the scribe "God, I wish all these people would just STOP doing that!".
· Makes a comment to the scribe and then hisses "don't write that down! "

cau
Jul. 9, 2004, 03:36 PM
I forgot to beg apriori absolution for making modifications to some of your entries....

Any more?

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jul. 9, 2004, 07:31 PM
Is now when we start the betting pool for when a) this list appears elsewhere with some attribution to COTH, b) appears elsewhere with no attribution, and c) appears elsewhere attributed to "staff at X barn/magazine/GMO" ???

Which is to say, great list!! And I feel better since they haven't ALL happened to me. Yet.

Peggy
Jul. 9, 2004, 09:07 PM
May I use them, correctly attributed of course, for my dressage newsletter (local chapter of Cal Dress Soc)?

cau
Jul. 10, 2004, 03:21 AM
Why don't we hold off passing these around for just a few days to give people a chance to respond (and potentially ask for attribution, and/or to have things removed, or whatever).

Then, let's desseminate it with an attribution like

"Compiled from multiple submissions from the dressage-challenged on the Chronicle of the Horse Bulletin Board, based on an original idea by Jeanette PonyGirl" (that's correct, isn't it, Jeanette?)

cau
Jul. 10, 2004, 07:52 AM
As far as I'm concerned, everyone can use them everywhere. But please wait to give other authors (?) time to respond. Lets give them to the middle of next week, I.e, the 15th. How's that? And then please don't forget "attribution" which may change, depending on the responses. OK?

FlightCheck
Jul. 10, 2004, 08:51 AM
...when, after your final halt/salute http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif the judge says,

"Haff you beeeeen en an accident? Ees zat why you ride so bahdly?"

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jul. 10, 2004, 09:04 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cau@emji.net:

"Compiled from multiple submissions from the dressage-challenged on the Chronicle of the Horse Bulletin Board, based on an original idea by Jeanette PonyGirl" (that's correct, isn't it, Jeanette?) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I guess we takes our fame where we gets ithttp://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
"Jeannette" actually has all the letters you can throw in - 2 n's, 2 t's, 3 e's and that a!

If the royalties come flying in, maybe we can all get some - more- dressage lessons, eh??

Wonder at what point the internet will create embedded footnotes, so that automatically if someone lifts something from a site, a credit is attached and possibly the site manager could see where the info was copied to?? Hmm.

Peggy
Jul. 10, 2004, 06:43 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Wonder at what point the internet will create embedded footnotes, so that automatically if someone lifts something from a site, a credit is attached and possibly the site manager could see where the info was copied to?? Hmm. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
They have it for photos-"digital watermarks." Suppose that you would still have to do a search of some sort to find your stuff. A friend actually had a job doing this for a photographer who published, uh, salacious photos. Yup, she got paid for this.

canterlope
Jul. 11, 2004, 04:01 AM
I have no shame, so use whatever you want of mine. Just attribute it to Jeannette. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Jeannette, formerly ponygyrl
Jul. 11, 2004, 09:30 AM
Attribute Canterlope's stuff to me, and I'll take her dressage scores.
And again, for attribution that spelling is K-I-M S-E-V-E-R-S-O-N...

Jumper Dad
Jul. 11, 2004, 11:47 AM
I think the dressage test is just our 'penance' for having the opportunity to go jump stadium and xcntry !! Those two phases are why most of us (at least for me) event... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

Mad Mission
Jul. 11, 2004, 09:59 PM
Your horse jumps INTO the arena BEFORE the test has even started. (Scary bushmen monsters)

Your horse then jumps OUT of the arena at C on the first movement(Again Scary bushman monsters).

cau
Jul. 12, 2004, 04:29 AM
Ha!!!!!

Is this a true story?

I added another zinger last night, after fun and games at a combined test

"I assume this is your first time at this level"

cau
Jul. 12, 2004, 04:32 AM
You know, maybe my cluelessness in the dressage arena is related to my inability to spell!

Risk-Averse Rider
Jul. 12, 2004, 04:52 AM
I would like permission to post them on the site I maintain for my trainer www.alicesarno.com (http://www.alicesarno.com).

cau
Jul. 12, 2004, 05:57 AM
Fine -- I will send out an updated version on Wednesday with the attribution and the OK to spread it around. I'm still waiting to see if anyone is going to have a hissy fit about this.

Chris

cau
Jul. 17, 2004, 06:28 AM
OK, here it is. Send it around the world and let's see who doesn't give us credit for our cleverness!

Compiled by C. Uhlinger from comments made on the Chronicle of the Horse Bulletin Board based on an idea by Jeannette Ford

And!

Written for all of us who are leaping, running, resisting, inverting, testing the arena construction, and pushing the judges (who know they are suppose to say SOMETHING positive…) to think up new euphemisms for “oh my, that was awful”…


You know your dressage was bad when…..

· Riding the test reminds you of that old saw about swallowing a live toad every morning, so nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day; the test reminds the judge of the same joke, only she's not amused.
· Half the riders in your division could have a stop XC and still beat you if you finish on your dressage score....
· You can see wrinkles ON TOP of your horse's neck because she's so inverted, and her braids are all touching on another even though they were nicely spaced when you put them in!
· Your bridle tag number flies off and lands in the sand because you were wagging your horses head so hard to keep it down.
· On entering the ring, even YOU see the goblins dancing beside C. They are still there when you leave.
· At the end of your test, people don’t clap, they start breathing again.
· Your horse apparently regards the arena fencing as an interesting cavelletti exercise..
· It gets really quiet and the crowd shows up to watch. More than one person videos….
· Your horse stops and eats during your free walk...
· The judge and scribe start taking bets about how things are going to end...
· The only thing the judge says to you as you are leaving the arena is "nice braid job."
· Your horse enters, halts, salutes and parks.
· Your horse enters, halts, salutes and pees.
· There are entire sections of the ring you never get near.
· It occurs to you to ask the judge not to watch…
· The young mother next to the rail slowly steps in front of her child and they both sloowwwly back away from the arena....
· Judge jumps out of her chair and backs up when it becomes apparent that your halt at X is going to land you in her lap.
· You realize you no intension of checking your dressage scores before cross-country, because why ruin the WHOLE day?
· The Ground Jury interprets Article 1711(“Dangerous Riding”) in a way that enables them to apply it to your horse and eliminates you immediately following your dressage test.
· As you're leaving the arena, you hear the rider waiting to go after you say to her coach, "Are you sure I'm not supposed to be doing Test D? That sure didn't look like Test C to me."
· The rest of the competitors in your division come to you and thank you for making their tests look really good.
· After your test, people comment, "Wow, that's the fastest dressage test I've ever seen."
· Your scores range from 3 to 8 on the same test. You think the 3 was a gift from God
· The judge gets tired of ringing the bell and just reads the test to you.
· You'd rather take the point deduction for an error than take one hand off of the reins for a salute.
· The photographer took 10 photos and you didn’t buy any of them.
· The judge will not meet your eye on the final salute, but is talking to the scribe, and is STILL determinedly talking to the scribe by the time you exit the arena.
· Your trainer has her/his arms crossed after your test.
· Your trainer tries hard to act like he/she has no idea who you are
· You walk up to the scoreboard and everyone becomes very quiet and leaves.
· At the end of your test, the judge looks like a cat who has seen a monster from the 4th dimension.
· As you enter the arena, your trainer mutters, "All right, Sunshine, just try to do something in there, and if you can't, I'll open the gate and let you out."
· You get great scores for eventing (39!) unfortunately at a dressage show.
· You think “a running martingale would help and save wear and tear on the baseball bat…”
· Your horse joins the judge in the trailer.
· During your halt at C, your horse sees the judges stand and a) leaves b) grabs for her lunch/score sheets and/or c) pees
· After the test, your friend says, “How did the rest of the test go?? Did you ever figure out what REALLY happened?? “
· Someone on grounds starts a betting pool to see how long you will stay in the arena after you enter at A. Your coach (who has insider knowledge) wins the pot with a guess of 7.2 seconds.
· When you go to pick up your test, the lady handing them out says “oh, geez, THAT one”
· You have to clean arena dirt out of your horse's browband (or your boots) after the test.
· Your OTTB realizes the dressage ring is in the middle of a racetrack, and the test subsequently consists of a perpetual extended trot with the elegance of a jackhammer.
· Your SB realizes the test is in a stadium style indoor arena, expects organ music, and has a flash back… and flashes way, way back.
· People cheer --- really cheer – when you finish. The EMT wanders back to her truck.
· When you finish your final salute and the judge says to you, "You can breathe now,"
· The white plastic chain has to be repaired by hay twine after your horse has broken it in two places after seeing evil in the form of the letter “A.”
· The judge comes out of the booth, and says, "What HAPPENED?" And the truth is you think, "Uh, nothing; this is par for the course….”
· Your horse grunts with dismay when you ask for that canter after “C”; you’re pretty sure the judge grunted, too.
· Other people ride in a 20/40 ring; you do your test in a 15/35 ring, because your pony is having nothing to do with the White Chain of Doom.
· You get eliminated for leaving the ring @ A, while trying to do a 20m circle at C. It’s that “white chain of doom” thing again.
· Someone you don't know starts a conversation with you a few hours after your ride and says, "Did you see the test that horse #49 did? OMG, it was horrific." Realizing that your horse's number is 49, your smile weakly and think, "No, I didn't see it, but I sure felt it."
· Your trainer, KNOWN to never say anything nice, says "Well, I'm so proud of you for toughing THAT out!"
· After your test, you vault off shouting "Loose Horse" and he takes himself back to the stalls while you hobble and snivel slowly behind...
· After your test, you think about vaulting off, shouting "Loose Horse!" and walking home.
· You finish your test, you nod at the judge, and she says, "I'm sorry.”
· Your horse mysteriously leaps from E to H in one giant bound and you never find out why until you get the video and see an ENORMOUS grasshopper land on the horse's butt, spooking her into an explosion. This explains Judge's comment "bug on horse" which was assumed (up until that point) to be an editorial comment on the quality of the e rider..
· Your friend, who HAD been video taping, stops. Your “non-friend” fires up her camera.
· People ask “is this the first time at this level?”
· You disagree with the judge; alternately, you agree with the judge…

Things didn’t go so well when the judge comments..….

· “Nice horse (who of course is 11, 14 or 19 years of age) with lots of…er… potential.
· “Will settle down as he matures (and of course the horse is 11, 14 or 19 years of age)
· “I can only assume this horse jumps well.”
· “Very entertaining"
· “Should salute facing judge."
· “He has a lot of enthusiasm, but it doesn't seem to be for dressage..."
· “Gaits unclear”
· “Interesting to see how that all turned out”
· "Nice job staying on!"
· “Impulsion” “Needs impulsion” “More Impulsion” “Some Impulsion” “Any impulsion would be appreciated” “Is that supposed to be a trot?”
· “Needs more bend” “work on bend” “does horse bend?” and “horse should not be looking to outside of arena”)
· “Behind bit” “Really behind bit” “See if you can get his chin off chest”
· “Incorrect bend” – and you didn’t realize there was a correct bend for the movement called “bucking like a maniac”
· “Did you mean to ride the entire test in shoulder-in?”
· “Nice gaits; all five of them”
· "Slow down, there IS NO FIRE HERE!"
· “That was your first time doing this, wasn't it?" -- and it wasn’t
· "Naughty, naughty horse……but quite athletic."
· “Patient rider" -- to reward you for refraining from beating your horse in public
· "This horse doesn't like mornings, does he?"
· “Brave rider," "Good job staying on," “Who knew you have to be that brave to ride a dressage test?”
· “Disobedient" in every box for every movement
· "Would make a nice parade horse."
· "Too much to list here - ask your coach"
· ‘I was interested to see what would happen next. That was exciting”
· "Keep your chin up dear, it will get better"...
· “Circles are meant to be round”
· “Everyone who rides has days like this.”
· “Airs above the ground are best left to the Spanish Riding School”
or, as we all know, the Kiss of Death comment,
· "Nicely turned out pair." (Which is code for, oh god, I have nothing nice to say about that travesty; I guess the braids are OK)

Or when the judge…
· Turns to the scribe and giggles
· Strikes up an animated conversation with the runner as you do your second movement
· Stands up as your horse approaches her in explosion mode and says "JUST LEAVE
· Realizes you are having trouble getting your horse in the ring and decides to take a bathroom break in the hopes you can work it out by the time she gets back…
· Gives you a '1' on your final halt, with the comment "stopped for that many seconds, maybe."
· The judge leans out of her car and say, "You do know that's really bad, don't you?"
· Asks for a copy of the video she noticed your groom filming because she is teaching a judges' seminar the next weekend. You know why….
· Mutters to the scribe "God, I wish all these people would just STOP doing that!"
· Makes a comment to the scribe and then hisses "don't write that down! "

Scaramouch
Jul. 17, 2004, 03:29 PM
It appears I'm too late. Oh well!

At your canter circle at C you have to do 5 more circles at the trot to keep the OTTQH from galloping off to the XC course. As you finally proceed judge says to scribe "Thank God, I was just starting to get dizzy".

The horse will not get within 5 feet of the little white fence, unless of course he's running into it and doing a sliding stop to keep from going over it. Last comment on the sheet is "Ever consider Reining?"

The highest score on the entire test is your salute.

XCountry
Jul. 17, 2004, 04:20 PM
My friend's horse invented a new phase of 3 day eventing- dressagejumping. Yep, he actually jumped out of the ring. I'd say he was a little to excited for the show jumping phase!

eal
Jul. 17, 2004, 07:09 PM
Thank you everyone for an evening of laughs!
I haven't been on this board in awhile and was feeling a bit down, and this thread had me ROTFLOL!!!! thanks!

texang73
Jul. 19, 2004, 06:48 AM
Please add this one to the judge comments list:

"The first singing horse I've ever judged." - this actually appears at the bottom of one of my tests, when my horse kept very quietly calling to his stable buddy all throughout the test! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif It was actually pretty darn funny!

Kathy Johnson
Jul. 31, 2004, 07:55 AM
*after the final salute at x, the judge jumps up with way more enthusiasm than she did for the first salute, and yells for all to hear, "at least you stayed on!"

*the judge writes, "you need to work with a professional trainer." (and you're a trainer)

*the T.D. approaches after every class and looks down your boots at your socks.

carovet
Jul. 31, 2004, 09:02 AM
after final salute the judge says....

nice braid job

Kblue
Jul. 31, 2004, 09:57 AM
Your horse takes off during a canter lengthening and you have to say "WOAH ________ (insert name here)" which your horse responds to by going "OOOOOh I remember WOAH" and breaks to a trot.

java
Jul. 31, 2004, 11:04 AM
What about a score in the 90's? Do the math and see what kind of scores are in that test. The rider marks were also bad because at that point in our eventing career I decided that there was no point in doing much other than steer and I had a happier horse for the rest of the day. A very well know judge once came out of her booth in her high heels and walked over to me in the middle of the ring for a chat (lecture) about how I was not even trying!

That was our last preliminary test and my mare was always a star cross country.

Bugs-n-Frodo
Jul. 31, 2004, 03:25 PM
Ok, I just read this entire thread, laughed my butt off, then remembered that I must bring my sense of humor with me when I take Frodo out to his first few shows (we will be doing strictly dressage, I am too much of a wimp to do eventing). You guys are a hoot! This is the only forum I can read and KNOW that I am in for a laugh or two. We dressage folks take things way too seriously, which, I guess, is why we do dressage. The SHB forum is where I spend most of my time. There are some funny threads there sometimes, when there is not a hot debate going on... http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/uhoh.gif

Beezer
Aug. 6, 2004, 08:44 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Risk-Averse Rider:
You know your dressage was bad when...

... you find yourself cleaning arena dirt out of your horse's browband after the test.

Many of you have seen this http://www.aledobb.com/ezzell/faceplant.wmv.

Enter at A, working trot.
X: halt, faceplant. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm sorry to bump an old thread ... OK, no I'm not. A thread on Off Course linked to this one. I am so sorry I missed it the first time around!

But I am in <span class="ev_code_RED">hysterics!</span> And this face plant video! Dear God, people, why was that not sent to Animal Planet for the animal's funniest videos??

mpeylin
Aug. 6, 2004, 09:32 PM
don't worry beezer - i've been here two, laughing my butt off.

my favorite was how my dad's horse that I thought would be "fun" to show in the novice division couldn't go by flowers. Ever. No matter how many times I rode him by flower pots. Disaster.

And the judge comments "you need to slow down and smell the roses" (same horse, a while later, same judge "now it's time to smell the coffee")

Peggy
Aug. 6, 2004, 10:03 PM
While I remember looking at the video, I don't think I heard the accompanying "soundtrack" before. Sort of like the time my mom was videoing (for a commercial company) and a horse reared past the vertical during a test. When she handed it over to the rider she apologized for the audible gasp that was on her tape.

Merry
Aug. 6, 2004, 10:23 PM
The one and only dressage test I ever rode was when I was presenting my imported Dutch mare at a keuring for her IBOP riding test. She already got one of the highest steur (star) ratings in the nation with me, so I figured, what the hell, so I'm a huntseat rider, how hard can this be? Besides, at the time I was winning in the Ammy Owner hunter divisions at A-rated shows. I thought, "Just go like a hunter under saddle class. Piece of cake."

Well... Even though I had someone read me the test, and even though I thought my mare was just lovely, at the conclusion the Dutch jury approached me.

Through a translator, no less they informed me that <span class="ev_code_RED">this was one of the rare occasions where the horse looked WORSE under saddle than when shown in hand on the triangle!</span>

Oh, the horrors! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Erin Pittman
Aug. 7, 2004, 06:33 AM
My story is just a school show (not a schoolING show, but a school show). I was riding a TB mare that had been off for several months with an injury. She was VERY herd-bound. Part of the test required us to walk k-m. WELL. That required my horse to walk away from her friends http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif We got almost to X when she stopped and absolutely refused to move forward. I practically threw the reins over her neck, and then she started to BACK UP http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif. The judge had another rider go to the other side of the arena because it was quite obvious my horse would not go over there and be all by herself. On my score sheet, the judge wrote "Nice Walk" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Bugs-n-Frodo
Aug. 7, 2004, 06:29 PM
This was not actually a testat a show, I was riding a training level test, a day or two before my dressage schooling show, with my old trainer to make sure I had it down pat. HAHAHA! Well, I rode the whole test from "memory" and when I was supposed to track left, I actually tracked right... THROUGH THE WHOLE TEST! My trainer laughed her BUTT OFF! She let me do the whole thing that way, I think, for her own amusement. I don't know my left from my right, I never have! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Anyone have any hints on how to remind myself which is my left and which is my right, during a show? My trainer now tries to help, but I am hopeless. We do inside/outside most of the time.

(I just remembered this today during my lesson when my current trainer asked me to track right and I tracked left. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif )

LAZ
Aug. 7, 2004, 07:20 PM
Bugs and Frodo--

I WRITE with my RIGHT hand (this includes a mental scribbling exercise). If I can get my turn off the initial CL I can stay on test.

Pol
Aug. 9, 2004, 08:05 AM
I know my test is bad when (1) I ask the ring steward if I can hold my neck strap during the test (this at Prelim...). (2) The TD sees my warm up and decides he'd better stick around to watch the test, just in case. (3) The ring steward tells me at dinner that night that I am an INSPIRATION and (4) I get a 51.5. All this for the same test! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif