Favorite trainer sayings

[abbie4me]

I know this one was done a while ago, but thought it might be fun to compare as to what was said so long ago. Here are some good ones from my coach at school:

1. "Lookin dumb" (when we make a mental mistake... i.e. diagonal, lead, imperfect position)

2. "All men are @$$holes and when you forget, they will remind you."

3. "Never choose a boy over horses because boys will let you down, horses never will." (my personal favorite)

4. "Now, for round ten of our trotting high jump competition at a whopping 2'6" (last day of class last year)

5. "Little steps, little jumps"

6. "That was a good win"

7. "You're grossly unprepared." (I came down to the ring without a crop)

[abbie4me]

I know this one was done a while ago, but thought it might be fun to compare as to what was said so long ago. Here are some good ones from my coach at school:

1. "Lookin dumb" (when we make a mental mistake... i.e. diagonal, lead, imperfect position)

2. "All men are @$$holes and when you forget, they will remind you."

3. "Never choose a boy over horses because boys will let you down, horses never will." (my personal favorite)

4. "Now, for round ten of our trotting high jump competition at a whopping 2'6" (last day of class last year)

5. "Little steps, little jumps"

6. "That was a good win"

7. "You're grossly unprepared." (I came down to the ring without a crop)

[Ririe1]

i read this quote a few years ago and I think its by George Morris..

" Just when you think you know it all, you realize that you are just beginning to learn"

[hasahorse]

"You're killin' me here" - Said by my trainer when I a) make a particularly poor jump, or b) am panicking over doing a course of 2'6" at a show when I have jumped 2'9" to 3" at home. They just looked really big.

[abbie4me]

I just thought of a few more from JT. Any of you who know him will remember these:

"It's walking and chewing gum stefanie" (meaning keep riding while looking for the distance)

"Honey, you must not be able to dance cuz you aint got no rhythm."

"What's up groovers." (JT is probably almost 50 or there abouts)

"YOu only have a certain number of jumps in your life. Why would you want to mess up any of them?"

"Which is smarter, you or the horse?"

[Go-Go]

Abbie - you forgot:

"Now, Hon, try to hit that" (usually tossing crumpled pack of cigs, napkin, flower, whatever else might be handy on ground in front of jump, but the best was when someone really couldn't find a distance and another trainer shouted "Hey, Jack, give up! They don't make cigarette packs large enough to help that one to find a distance!")

"I call 'em all Hon. I can't remember their real names."

[findeight]

The only knowledge that counts is what you learn after you think you know it all.

Jimmy Williams.

[Whiskey Lullaby]

"Let that butt touch the sky!" (in two point)

[abbie4me]

Hey go-go:

Did you go or do you go to rmwc? I'll be a junior next year. If you did, do you remember a horse named Merlin?

[Vandy]

Fran Dotoli:"Lift and separate!" (yeah, the chest thing http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif)

[Nootka]

"you look down, you end up on the ground"

Me explaining to beginners (and some advanced ppl) why looking down is not the best thing to do while .... basicly doing anything...

[hippofile]

"Don't stay up too late just because you don't have school tomorrow (except pronounced more like 'skewl' because she's from the midwest).

"Be proud and show off your chest" (aka shoulders back and sit up straight)

[Linny]

My former trainer:
"Look at the ground...land on the ground..."

"If you aren't going to listen to me, ride in and dismount. Your are wasting you money and my time." (He never said this to me, thank God)

Current trainer:
"That was death defying, lets try again"

"He can't jump til the END of the stride, dont leap up his neck in the middle."

"Let's see if he's smart enough to learn from that..."

[Johanna]

"Well..you cowgirl-ed it through that line..but at least you made it through. Lets try that again..."
Heh..somedays I think I'm an english cowgirl at heart http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[hunterpa]

My personal favorite things to say are:

Looking down at your horse's head is like looking down at the steering wheel of your car when you're driving... the car goes where it wants to go if you aren't looking, and the horse will do the same thing.

sit up... Sit Up... SIT UP!!!


Count your rhythem, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2 (as I lean gradually forward) squeeze and jump!


Don't flop your legs, use your heels to kick! (all of my little kids think flopping their lower legs around is the same as kicking)... kick your pony's fat belly not his girth!

I'm sure my students could come up with a million more of my strange teaching mannerisms (I like the head cocked to side lean forward move as they go over jumps) but I'm tired and I can't think of any more right now.

[green horn]

Put your pinky away- You are not sipping tea with a Queen!( aka... hold your fingers together)

You look like a monkey!( when you a clutching maine and trying to stay on the horse)

[Madame Butterfly]

Once upon a time, someone said to me:

"If you could do it by yourself then you wouldn't need me."

I guess I didn't...

[LLDM]

"WHAT is so fascinating down there?"

SCFarm

[ELCJet]

Hmmm...they are amusing now:

"You look like you're riding a toilet!"

"I can see daylight!"

"Crops across your thigh at ____ _____ Farm"

Ah, the memories!!

[vxf111]

The two I recite in my head http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

"You look down, you are going down."

"You jump ahead, you jump ALONE."

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

~Veronica

[Whiskey Lullaby]

"Slow down, take it easy" often followed by a "STOP darnit!"

"You got'em, arms together and sqeeze, show ya have them!" (yes, reffering to that.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif)

"Fresh right off the platter!" (after a #2 in the show ring, gross)

[OLD A/O]

Here are a few I will not forget:

1.) Quit looking for the spot from the parking lot.

2.) That horse just saved your life!!!

3.) When in doubt take it out. (strides)

Edtited for spelling mistakes-

[sanctuary]

Some of my favorites that I can't believe I've actually said:

"Don't worry about kicking that pony in the belly...you've got 4" of fat before you even get to pony!"

"You look like you're having a BM"

"You cannot canter for him, SIT UP for the transition"

*Asks for crop from student...proceeds to beat them on the head (wearing helmet of course)*TURN THE BRAIN ON!!

"Picture yourself doing it perfect"



"

[Madame Butterfly]

"You're a cat on a hot tin roof..."

[S4zeus]

"Act like you've got a pair"
Telling us to stick out our chest and open up our shoulder.

[fourmares]

Make the wrong thing hard and the right thing easy.

[Exitpoint]

. . . suffering builds character.

A favorite of my coach and mentor, Chuckie Waters, when I was a wee kiddie. And, yes, we did plenty of suffering under his tutelage and I have to admit that with the balm of a few decades' life experience, character did result therefrom.

Regards,

D. Spink

[Irish Ei's]

Not that left...the other left
Point one East and the other one West.
That crop you're holding is not a fashion accessory.
Let Go!!!

[Go-Go]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by abbie4me:
Hey go-go:

Did you go or do you go to rmwc? I'll be a junior next year. If you did, do you remember a horse named Merlin? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

Uh, no - I am decidedly not still in school, but I wish I was! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I went to school in Tennessee, too, but thanks for making my day! I was an amateur with Jack for a few years.

[eab]

"That horse only has so many jumps in his lifetime... you just wasted 8 of them!!"

"It's a good thing your horse can take a joke, because you weren't seriously asking him to take off from there were you?"

You've got em... stick em out!!!!

[Sandy M]

With reference to jumping a schooling course:

Do again so we can see if it was talent or just luck.

[Room 31]

"You're going nowhere!"
(When I have "no canter")

[Stonewall11]

hey that thing Jack does with the flowers and napkins really works, liza always has me do that http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[DiZzyLiZzy]

A few from my current trainer who never passes up a chance to make fun of me (I'm sure he means well... lol):

"Have you ever heard of... Edward Scissorhands...?"

"SHORTEN YOUR REINS!!! You look like a monkey hanging on to it's mother!"

"The 70's called and they want their shirt back."

"Liz, I only have one very important piece of advice for you: marry rich."

[Alyson]

One of my favorites from Bob Ferry (in the most annoying screeching voice you'll ever hear)... "tuck in that fanny. Tuck In That Fanny. TUCK IN THAT FANNY! God D...it I said tuck in that fanny!"

Chuck Layton - Hey look everybody - she's doin the chicken dance. Didn't know we were at a wedding. (that was said of a rider we saw schooling before a class - not one of his students either)

[MyGiantPony]

I forget who said it, but it's a tag one of the girls on the sidesaddle egroup uses: "Use Mr. Stick, that's what you've got him for".

And then there's: "What, did you pi$$ on the judges Wheaties?" (when not getting a ribbon after a really good class)

And: "Always go out with full artillery" (meaning spurs and whip)

[Skeezix]

Jumping is only flat work with obstacles in the way.

[jester1113]

"Remember, the horse is not a motorcar. He is a bicycle!"

Along the line's of Skeezix's AK quote:

"a jump is only as good as the flat work that proceeded it."

Oh, and RIDE THE MOMENT, don't ride in the future.

[HiJumpGrrl]

this was just last week:
"you've got your butt stuck out like a duck's tail. FIX IT!"

"sit down, you're scaring me"

"every round is not a jump-off, do you understand?"

[Ride'emCO]

My old trainer, after a line in a lesson, "Hmm...now...What were you thinking there?" Expecting an actual answer! Um, I wasn't?

[tblagg1110]

Knockers North. (Stick our chests out)

[abbie4me]

First team meeting with JT (tallon):

"You are all athletes, eat like athletes."

[Other]

Oh goodness...I'll have to think on this one.

A favorite, from back in junior land. Trainer exclaims in frustrated at-wit's-end:
"Other, WHY is it that you insist on looking not only DOWN but also BEHIND you?!?!? What is it, exactly, that you are trying to see?!?"

Other panics and replies: "Um, well, actually...I don't know"

Trainer: "You don't KNOW?!?! WHAT is it that you see back there??"

Other sighs, and quietly mutters: "I guess...I guess I was just trying to see if I got the change behind. I was just trying to check the back leg."

Trainer shocked. Silent for a moment, in disbelief: "Are you serious, Other? You CAN'T SEE THE BACK LEG!!! How many years have you been trying to do this?"

Other: "Well, yeah, but I can ALMOST see it. I'm getting much closer. And I'd say, oh, probably 8 or 9 years. I'll see it one of these days!" (The best part is that I'd been riding with her for 10 years).

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

In the paddock before my first jump race:
"Go to the stick till they call the ambulance!"
I believe that was Rodney's brother http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/winkgrin.gif

At my first show with my new a/o horse..Hugh Kerrigan put his arm around my father's shoulder and in his Irish brogue stated "It's a fancy mare you've bought your daughter Mr. D..but she's a feckin' whore of a rider". LOL!!!

[Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd.]

I have to add a note to Hughie's comments..My poor father, who knew nothing of horses except that he parted with great sums of money constantly, attended the show that day only because mom was sick in bed. The mare was champion, but Hughie screamed all day and of course I was in tears as I trudged to the car with my silver bowl and tricolour. When asked by my mother upon our return home what I did wrong that day...my father quietly cleared his throat and stated "I think Hughie said she rode too commercially". LOL! Go dad.

[Irish Ei's]

Get a crop...We all know this one will canter backwards if you let him!!!

[Whiskey Lullaby]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Get a crop...We all know this one will canter backwards if you let him!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We must have the same instructor, haha! Mine says that all the time!

[Madame Butterfly]

Talking about DemonBoy doing a triple at Mach 1 speed: "That was a little scarrry.."

[Bea]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Other:
Oh goodness...I'll have to think on this one.

A favorite, from back in junior land. Trainer exclaims in frustrated at-wit's-end:
"Other, WHY is it that you insist on looking not only DOWN but also BEHIND you?!?!? What is it, exactly, that you are trying to see?!?"

Other panics and replies: "Um, well, actually...I don't know"

Trainer: "You don't KNOW?!?! WHAT is it that you see back there??"

Other sighs, and quietly mutters: "I guess...I guess I was just trying to see if I got the change behind. I was just trying to check the back leg."

Trainer shocked. Silent for a moment, in disbelief: "Are you serious, Other? You CAN'T SEE THE BACK LEG!!! How many years have you been trying to do this?"

Other: "Well, yeah, but I can ALMOST see it. I'm getting much closer. And I'd say, oh, probably 8 or 9 years. I'll see it one of these days!" (The best part is that I'd been riding with her for 10 years). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I love this! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif Maybe because I have the exact same deficit!

[Anticipation]

one of my friends used to ride with Chuck Waters.
Some of our favorites:

before going into the ring at a show: "Pastels are for pre-schoolers and pansies".....meaning he wants BLUE AND RED ribbons :-)

"Are you hungry because you just ate EVERY jump in the ring?!"

And from my trainer:

"Who are you? Helen Keller?" .... when I have a bad ride :-)

[Other]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Anticipation:

And from my trainer:

"Who are you? Helen Keller?" .... when I have a bad ride :-) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

One of my trainers uses a similar line when giving tours of the barn to new owners or prospective clients or parents, etc. She points to my jumper (the one I've had longest and love the most) and says:

"And this big dumblood is one of our favorites. He's so easy Helen Keller could win the A/Os. He can even read the courseboard. He's a true babysitter in every sense of the word. Oh, by the way, that's his owner, Other. She's very lucky to have him! "

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/sigh.gif She usually gives this little intro while I'm schooling in the ring, looking like sh*t and eating jumps like it's my job. Grrrreat. Lemme tell ya-it's a HUGE boost to my self esteem http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/dead.gif

[Other]

Just remembered more from back home.

"You know, Other, some horses are more inclined to leave the ground when they are aware that a jump is in front of them"

I hacked my horse (aka: hollow-backed egg-beating moose) a while back for the 1st year under saddle because my trainer had 2 others in the class that actually had a shot at a ribbon. Mine just did it because we were really close for wins in the over fences. The judge took pity and gave us 5th, with that point being just enough to edge us into Champion. I was ecstatic.

I ran back to the barn waving my pink ribbon grinning from ear to ear. My other trainer just looked over at me and said, "You better frame that ugly thing, because that's the best piece of the hack you'll ever see on that horse". (THANKS Mrs. Trainer. Glad you have so much faith in the junior HUNTER you just bought me)

[2487lyf]

"Position of strength"

[gotlucky]

one's i use often is:
"you just left from east jesus!!!"
or referring to looking down,
"see dirt eat dirt"
or the old stand by when someone is afraid of the jump,
"the jump is our friend"

[Other]

"Let your heart be your guide." Mr. Trainer Man says this about everything horse related.

OK, I'm sorry, but I am sitting here with Mr. Trainer Man and showing him this thread. He can't believe I didn't put this one up there. I know, I know, I'm up to like 5 posts in the past 4 minutes...This one was classic though. For the non-young riders crowd, of course.

I was out late (I mean like 5 am late) with a group of trainers/GP riders at a horse show in the south. Didn't know them well, being from the Northeast, but I had tons of fun. Unfortunately, it was the kind of fun that you have at the expense of your liver.

My class was at 8 am the next day. I was HURTING, (or still very intoxicated) and refused to do the walk.

A few of the trainers came up to my Mr. Trainer Man and jokingly told them he might as well scratch me, saying "her head is NOT in the game my friend, and in about 5 minutes it will probably be hanging over the port-o-let". When asked why I chose to show up hungover for the class and waste everyone's time, I just gave him his favorite canned answer. "I dunno, I let my heart be my guide??" He didn't laugh.

I schooled miserably, with trainers cracking jokes on the side of the warm-up (meanwhile I didn't see THEIR drunk butts trying to ride anything...), but went in and jumped clean.

Oops-of course it didn't occur to me to learn the jump off, so I yell over to the ingate for a prompt. I gun arounnd the course as fast as possible (mostly because I am about to pass out) and horror of horrors, can't find my last jump. Anywhere. I pretty much pull up and stop, and look over at my trainer like a short stirruper that has gone off course.

Everyone is laughing at me, and my trainer just smirks and says "Let your heart be your guide".

... I took a quick glance at all the jumps, and then galloped off towards my fence, laughing, knowing I would never live this moment down. So what was the last jump? Oh, right. The Jack Daniels fence!!!!

[dropitlikeitshot]

Something I say that gets people laughing, in regards to keeping your shoulder's back and your chest open...

"Remember girls, you want rich husband's!!"

And another one when they're hunching that was told to me...

"You look like a big gorilla up there!"

[Anticipation]

the trainer at my college one time said:

"riding without a crop is like having sex without a condom. You just DON'T do it."

[BarbB]

"are you done counting the hairs in his mane yet?" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[PalominoMorgan]

Well, I took some lessons at a prominent hunter barn after riding on my own for a few years. Some of the favorites I remember are:
"Are you a dressage rider?"
"Why are you crossing your hand over his neck? Is that a western thing?!?" I dunno, I was just trying to get lesson horse to actually turn.

"You can't jump for him."
"You hit him in the back."
"We like square corners here."
"Why don't you trailer your mare out for the month?" (B/c my mare lives 6 hours away and you're board is $1050 bucks a month.) "Outside board is only 385." Wow, I pay $205 for full care with an indoor and outdoor. "Oh... where do you live again?"
That's about all I can think of for now.

[Capt.Jack'sGirl]

This is alot funnier now then when I heard it...

"Your horse is great. Now if you just had two brain cells to rub together, you might get around a course!"

[Ski Bum]

Some of my personal favorites from my trainer are:

"That was a chunker" - talking about a huge horrible chip

"Just camp out a little bit" - wait longer

"It's good practice to just go in and figure out where you're at" - showing a horse that I have never been on before with no warm up

Kristin

[maxamillian]

"STOP! You're scaring me!" (Beginner lessons)

"Ribbons are all about the money. What color do you want?"

"Look up, notice anything? Like five other kids coming right at you?!" (Again, beginner lessons)

"I'm gonna take that pony and get you a piano." (Little girl with piano hands)

[Tiffany01]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "I'm gonna take that pony and get you a piano." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


My trainer tells me that also lol

[hideyourheart03]

One old trainer of mine would sometimes say "YUCK!!!! ... Now do that again ... and RIGHT this time!"

[RoyalT]

I just found out from other students at my barn that when things are going badly and my trainer says, "You're OK....You're OK" ... that I'm probably about to die.

[ESG]

The capper - (stolen from a Jilly Cooper novel):

"If Jesus Christ rode that donkey into Jerusalem like you rode that last round, he deserved to be crucified!"

Followed closely by:

"You rode like a costive (constipated) chimpanzee."


I love Jilly Cooper.......................http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[zedcadjna]

You look like your heading for take off...( Riders that flaps their elbows )


He's a horse not your boyfriend is what I heard a trainer say once as Im schooling a students horse, and they are schooling their student, I almost fell off I was laughing so hard...( I think he was talking about sex)

[chancin'it]

Just a few personal faves...my old trainer was full of good ones!

"Get him off his forehand...he's running around like a bumper pull trailer!"

"I think your horse has two brain cell's left and they are chasing each other."

When the horse is having a bad day we say their gerbil has fallen off its wheel....when we are having a really bad day we say the gerbil has fallen off the wheel, left the building and put a for sale sign is in the yard!

[Denzel]

Haha, my coach has a bunch of 'em! One is, "Use the KISS method...Keep It Simple STUPID!" She has a bunch of funny ones like that...I can't remember any right now..but one quote that I love is the A snaffle in the wrong hands, is like a monkey with a razzorblade lol.

[Irish Ei's]

What are you worried about...his ears will tell you what you need to know

[SCEqQueen]

My recent personal favorite happened a few weeks ago when I took an attempt at riding my horse bareback to the pasture.

"Hold On! Hold On! Hold On!".....
"Ok....BAIL, BAIL, BAIL!"

[ponychic3]

" you look like a monkey humping a football" (old trainer pumping)
" you look like you going to the special olimpics"
"what are you a bat?"
A bat? (asked student)
"yea or is the another reason your too blind to see a distance"
" If you scew up again like that, you best find another exit out of that ring"

[WendyWDS]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Avantgarde:
Something I say that gets people laughing, in regards to keeping your shoulder's back and your chest open...

"Remember girls, you want _rich_ husband's!!"
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My instructor in Florida was known to occasionally yell, "LIFT AND SEPARATE!" from ringside. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[kansasgal]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by findeight:
The only knowledge that counts is what you learn after you think you know it all.

Jimmy Williams. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Hi! Just have to say love, love LOVE that one. Thanks Jimmy! Thanks findeight!


Kansasgal

[xegeba]

some idiot in my past said something about the posting trot and my "moneymaker" . NEXT!

[fourmares]

I have to say that I am surprised at how sarcastic and negative your trainers are. I was hoping this post would be full of useful, thoughtful, insightful sayings and not just a bunch of ways to tell a rider that they suck.

[xegeba]

Coaching across the board, fourmares. Ever been to a football practice?

[WhatzUp]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gotlucky:
one's i use often is:
"you just left from east jesus!!!"
or referring to looking down,
"see dirt eat dirt"
or the old stand by when someone is afraid of the jump,
"the jump is our friend" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am going to rebreak my ribs laughing !!!

LOFF these !!!

"Jumping is dressage with bumps"

Yours in sport,

Lynn

[Sing Mia Song]

From my junior years:

"Make a decision and stick with it!" (I'm famous for my eye--look, there's the long spot, oh, it's too long, should I do it anyway? No, pull, pull, pull, oops, CHIP)

From the Harrisburg course walk about my little QH's short stride: "Walk in the ring, pick up your canter and go as fast as you can. Then, when you're coming down that first line, GO FASTER!"

"KEEP GOING!!!!" Usually said when I get hung up on the fact that I've missed the change behind.

Another Fran Dotoli one, said to my best friend, who had a tendency to lean forward: "You need to get an erection--sit up! Be erect!"

[MissFit]

"once is luck
twice is talent
three times is schooling"

AND

"is there a reason I shouldn't just shoot myself now?" (my trainer--after I tanked a class I should have won)

[merrybeth]

"Boobs on either side of the mane!" -learning to fold

"Kick the B'Jesus out of him"

"You looked like the headless horsemen over that one" -ducking

"You have hands like a gorilla" (never been told that...but I have heard British people say that)

"When she comes around and starts bucking and carrying on like that, sit back and give her a strong half-halt...Which is a nice way of saying 'sock her in the mouth'."

"The horse is only as good as the rider" (*cringe*...I hate that one)

"Look for the red-butted monkey's in the trees!" -to make you keep your eyes up O/F

"DON'T BE NERVOUS" -telling me this with her hands gripped on my shoulders in a very worried expression....didn't work

"You look like you are warshing dishes" (she is northern...and I wasn't keeping my hands straight)

[jackandlily]

"Your pony WILL jump the fence, WITH the puddle in front of it, and you sure as hell better RIDE him to that fence!" (after one rider said her pony wouldn't jump the jump because it had a puddle in front of it)

"Somebody slap me because I think she just jumped ahead over that fence!" (of one of your adult riders who can seriously do no wrong)

"You're riding like crap. Suck it up, get over yourself, and go do that line correctly."

"What did you think of your ride?"

(when I was riding a particularly hot horse and getting a bit nervous) "You're going to meet some horses you don't want to ride. That doesn't mean you can stop RIDING. So either keep on sitting up there and doing nothing, or I'll let you ride her bareback the rest of the lesson. Your choice."

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif My trainer may seem harsh, but believe me she is great. She always offers some positive things about your ride, but the second you start pouting she is sure to put you in your place.

[Boberry]

Show ring mantra..

"Lift him into the canter.
Keep'em ahead of your leg, even in pace, and straight.
Look for the fence.
Smile and pat when they clap."

In Ireland hitting the ground with my _ss in front of the hunt, a fellow rider extended his hand and said "Ay, you've hit the Irish ground, you're one of us now."

After going off course "That was great, just do it backwards" -from the judge http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[lmlacross]

A former trainer used to refer to my ducking habit as "leaning forward and kissing your ass goodbye."

[Irish Ei's]

Hey, Ei...this time you beat him!!
Picture me hitting ground before front feet land!!

[jumperpony_Blaze]

whenever my trainer says 'good job' after a seris of jumps when i am schooling, i get bucked off right after she says it.
she has learned not to say anything untill i am walking.

then when i finish a good first round or jump off, people clap and Tucker takes off.

Going back into the ring to ride for ribbons- 'don't get taken off with'

[tosca4711]

I had an instructor who used to exhort his little girl students to "Be a man up there"

Tosca

[Carol Ames]

from jimmy Williams "It's what you learn after, you know it all that really counts!

[fourmares]

Your rein contact should be like having a private conversation with your best friend.

When you come out of the corner your brain has already seen your distance. All you need to do is maintain your stride and your rhythem. People blow their spots because they feel the need to do something, or they take their leg off an loose the length of stride.

[SayCheese]

Poke him and see if he's still alive.
Was he still alive?

(aka WAY TOO SLOW!) http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[molly*star]

"Get your hands out of your crotch!!!"

[C. Biederman]

"The 70's called and they want their shirt back."

LOL at that one!!!

Where to start? How about w/sarcasm:

"I don't understand why he wouldn't leave from there--you gave him the international sign to jump." (Applies whenever I lean at the long one and an ugly chip results.)

Or this, for when I get too intense/competitive/ uptight/otherwise lose perspective:

"Just chill. We aren't curing cancer here."

And whenever I am (or my horse/daughter/daughter's horse is) being a little wimpy:

"Time to cowboy up."

[Tory Relic]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Other:
"Let your heart be your guide." Mr. Trainer Man says this about everything horse related.

[snip]

Everyone is laughing at me, and my trainer just smirks and says "Let your heart be your guide".
... I took a quick glance at all the jumps, and then galloped off towards my fence, laughing, knowing I would never live this moment down. So what was the last jump? Oh, right. The Jack Daniels fence!!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm coming in kind of late here, but I had to say, Other, I like all the posts you did in those four minutes, but this is one of the funniest things I've ever read. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[abbie4me]

"eat raw meat"

JT telling a rider to toughen up

[Horsessrb]

"Girl, you have no rythm. Sing a song or something on your way to a jump. Forget it, don't try to find to find a distance. He'll pick a better one than you for sure."

"Um yeah, just get off now."

"Back, back, back that thing up."

http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/lol.gif

[Levi's owner]

Rachel Kennedy's saying, "That was a chocolate chip Mr. Keebler would be proud of."

My trainer says (often), "What were you thinking?"

"Are you purposely trying to do serpentines over the jump????"

"You did your 'oh sh*t' move."

[hideyourheart03]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Levi's owner:
Rachel Kennedy's saying, "That was a chocolate chip Mr. Keebler would be proud of." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My old trainer used to have a shirt that said that. I always found it pretty funny.

[MadMary]

My favorite saying from my old trainer-
usually said after a rider had a couple of refusals at a jump that she didn't think the rider should have a problem with-

"over, under, or through"- I don't care how you get there, just end up on the other side of that jump!

[Levi's owner]

Was it a Grand Prix shirt? Grand Prix put that saying on their shirt because of Rachel http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[blazew/4whitesocks]

To get my hands up: "Get your hands out of your lap! It looks like you're playing with yourself!"

"Do you want a picture of the back of his head? Look up!"

yelling at a show: "I don't like yelling in public!"
reply with a smile: "I know" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

While riding cross country: "Get friendly with the tree. Don't get his business card and phone number, just introduce yourself."

"He's a big boy. If he messes it up it's his own fault and he'll have to live with it."

[blazew/4whitesocks]

Just thought of another one.

When I was turning my wrists to the inside: "Your hands look like a gay man's."
When I gave him a weird look: He walked around the ring with his arm up and hand bent down at forty five degrees.

[Flycatcher]

I have wrist problems like Blazew4white socks, but I'm always told to fix them by pretending I'm double fisting beers.

[blazew/4whitesocks]

oooo, one more...

"Well now that you finally have boobs you might as well show them off."

[Go-Go]

Gee, Zulla and Blaze, I was told to sit up - like I was on a barstool and picking up dudes. Where oh where is our dear trainer's mind, anyway???

My favorite is what he told Zulla about the fencepost, which will f$*@ you up, apparently.

[blazew/4whitesocks]

The one about my boobs was from the Mrs. trainer. Same with the hands up.

[blazew/4whitesocks]

ok,ok,ok, last one...

After I totally mess up and fence and Webster saves my a$$:

"That's why we feed him. Now do that again!"

[Go-Go]

Blaze, you are funny.

I often get some baloney about the samurai warrior and putting my mind in a void. I hate to say it, but it actually kind of works. Probably because my mind is in a void anyway, but don't tell Mr. Trainer.

[blazew/4whitesocks]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Go-Go:
Blaze, you are funny.

I often get some baloney about the samurai warrior and putting my mind in a void. I hate to say it, but it actually kind of works. Probably because my mind is in a void anyway, but don't tell Mr. Trainer. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Samurai warrior?????????????????

[Go-Go]

Yup. I always crave sushi after lessons.

[icy98ach]

"Don't just sit there like a bump on a log...."

[jumperpony_Blaze]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Blaze, you are funny. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

and for a moment i thought you were talking about me http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[ss3777]

The funniest thing I ever heard was in Ireland...After a riding a bunch of horses that every single dealer said were "GRAND" I got on one that the dealer informed me needed "a bit of the stick" This as I was trotting off to hunt with the Scarteens!!

[Madame Butterfly]

"Don't talk the talk...walk the walk."

[Darkstar]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MissFit:
"once is luck
twice is talent
three times is schooling"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I Like this variation, of my trainer's saying

One is one
Two is two
Three is Ten Thousand

Meaning once (or first time she tells you something) is shouldn't be perfect
Twice it shouldn't be perfect
But after three times, it should be like you have done it your entire life.

[capote]

http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[capote]

Sit up....you look like quasimoto!
Always a favorite of mine