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Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 11:30 AM
How do you balance both of you, especially when you have very limited funds to spread around?

For me, when I was a junior, I basically reached all my riding goals and quit after college due in part to a back injury. I started up riding again about 4 years ago at age 37 and have been fortunate to be able to ride other people's horses and lesson on nice show quality horses. I have no ambition with respect to showing right now since I am horseless and poor, although because it's in my blood, I do find myself missing being part of the showing world.

On the flip side, I have a 7 yr old daughter who loves to ride and is just starting showing. I can't afford to buy or lease her a pony at this point and she's still too much of a beginner to really be responsible for a pony of her own anyway. I would love to get her riding at least once more per week and a partial lease or something would be ideal as far as I'm concerned (though I don't think that situation is available at her barn).

SO if one of us is going to show or lesson more, who is it? Selfish me or my daughter? I feel like I've accomplished everything I wanted to in riding and it's her turn, but I can't help being jealous that she gets to show and I don't. I feel like if I have the money to show, it should go to her because she needs the experience. And if I have the money to lease a horse, it should be a pony for her. BUT, deep down, I still want it for myself.

Anyone else deal with these issues? Or I guess, I know the right answer, but how do I make myself happy with my lesser status in this riding family?

Hunter Mom
May. 10, 2010, 11:47 AM
I think I could've written this. DD is 8. She got "my" horse when I outgrew her ability-wise, and I moved onto another horse. We had leased a pony for her. One thing I found was that we got five times MORE riding in with two horses than one. She can be on hers and I'm on mine.

That said, it doesn't sound like that is an option. If she's just beginning to ride, is there a local circuit you can go to? If you have one like we do here, could you each share appropriate horses? I have often shared my horse with another rider in a lower division which saved both of us money. If she's just, say, doing W-T right now, that may be something you could do.

Could you find a horse to lease or buy that you could share? We bought Mare with the intention that we could both ride/show her if need be. It worked out great. When we had to, she would do the 18” w-t and I’d do 2’6”. You’re only paying one stall, office fee, etc. but both get a few classes in.

Or rotate shows - you one time, her the next. DD has shown at 3 shows this year, me – none. My not showing hasn’t been financial this year, but still has not happened.

spacytracy
May. 10, 2010, 11:51 AM
If it was me and my daughter (who is too young to ride yet), I would concentrate most of the effort on her, but save a few shows for yourself! You might find that one or two shows a season is just the "fix" you need to feel like you're still getting yourself out there and doing the darn thing!

The problem with indulging your children all the time and never yourself (with ANYTHING, not just riding) is that you are left feeling unsatisfied and resentful, and this will inevitably spill into your relationship with your family. You have to make yourself happy in order to make others happy. And if doing a few shows at the expense of HER doing a few shows, will make you happy, dont' feel guilty! Think of how lucky she is in the first place to be able to ride and show! Most kids don't get that opportunity at all.

You've worked hard and I think you both deserve a little piece of the pie.

Hope that didn't come off like I'm some selfish mother but I think there's room in there to please both of you!

Come Shine
May. 10, 2010, 11:54 AM
It's too bad you don't live near me. I have two that would be perfect for a mother/daughter part-board. Have you put out any feelers for something like that? You may be surprised.

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 11:57 AM
Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old :) She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.

barnbum81
May. 10, 2010, 12:01 PM
I am horseless, my daughter has three ponies, enough said. My time will come again someday! Right now I am busy playing groom and biting my tongue during lessons :). I have gotten into the breeding end though and love it so far!

Bearhunter
May. 10, 2010, 12:02 PM
I am sure you will get many responses (from many a HSM.) I however, don't feel I can give you very sound advice based on my experience as a child. I can definitely sympathize with your jealousy however at the same time understand that you want to give your kid the chance.

My mother grew up riding but gave up her horses before she was married. When I was about six, she took it up again in a big way and despite the fact that I wanted to ride more than anything (she knew this), the horses were for her. I never got to ride seriously until I was an adult, ironically with my mother many, many years later.

As an adult now, I feel not only possessive of my horses but a bit entitled (for lack of a better word.) Perhaps this feeling is wrong but it honestly describes the way I feel. If my boys wanted to ride (I have 11 year old twins) I would of course try and indulge them, but they have no interest. If they did, I imagine I would feel very much the same as you.

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 12:02 PM
oh and don't get my wrong, I LOVE watching my daughter ride and show *almost* as riding myself. BUT because I've been fortunate to ride such nices horses of late, I do get the hankerin' :)

myalter1
May. 10, 2010, 12:30 PM
I am in a similar situation. I was able to lease myself a horse this year to show, AND lease DD a pony (she's 7 and teeny - pony is 11.2.)

Unlike some of the responses, mine is a bit different. I am showing a lot more than DD. She loves to ride and wants to start showing mini stirrup. She's been to 1 show; I've been to about 8 since I leased my horse in December. I haven't show in years, and goodness I WANT TO SHOW. Her time will come. And for now, she is content to a show once in a while. I know I probably can't afford to lease this horse again next year and I am trying to qualify for the M& S Eq finals. Maybe I am being selfish. DD seems happy with this arrangement. We'll see how long it lasts!

Come Shine
May. 10, 2010, 12:32 PM
Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old :) She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.

I'm a mom with 2 kids who ride so I have a 'Mom' horse and a 'kid' pony that would be perfect for someone like you and your daughter.

Chaila
May. 10, 2010, 12:36 PM
I'm in the market for the smallest horse a 5'6" 160 lb woman can get (partially because I feel more confident on little horses) so that my daughter now 4 will have something to pony club down the road.

I'm not sure how that'll work. I may end up riding less than I want. But we're boarders, so we'll be a 1 horse family.

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 12:46 PM
yes i definitely can't wait until she's 10 or so then maybe we can share :) For now I need a big horse and she needs a little pony. i rode a horse last fall (who was sold, darn you sidesaddlerider) and I could totally see us sharing him. He would have been the perfect children's/adult horse for my family in about 3-4 yrs. Oh well!

SidesaddleRider
May. 10, 2010, 01:09 PM
yes i definitely can't wait until she's 10 or so then maybe we can share :) For now I need a big horse and she needs a little pony. i rode a horse last fall (who was sold, darn you sidesaddlerider) and I could totally see us sharing him. He would have been the perfect children's/adult horse for my family in about 3-4 yrs. Oh well!

Sorry about that... ;) But hey, in 3-4 years, I'll find another one, no worries! And did you *really* want to scrub all that white, Ms. Chestnut Lover?

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 01:13 PM
Sorry about that... ;) But hey, in 3-4 years, I'll find another one, no worries! And did you *really* want to scrub all that white, Ms. Chestnut Lover?

HAHAHA He didn't get quite grimy didn't he ;)

Marimee2
May. 10, 2010, 01:41 PM
I have to agree with you....it's so hard to give up your horsie wants for those of your kids! Even when my kids were small I had my own horse and did horse show about 8-10 times per year. At that time my kids were taking only weekly lessons. Now that they are older and showing a bit more, I don't ride at all.
I'm lucky enough to be smaller.....I bought my kids a "medium" pony that ended up being a large pony. I rode him for the first 3 years and then turned him over to my daughter when they were both 8 years old. So now, while I technically do have something that I "can" ride, I never do because all of my time at the barn is spent watching my kids ride.
I miss it terribly, especially standing at the fence watching the shows. But I do really enjoy watching them ride and grow. I keep saying that I will get a horse again for myself someday, but I can't even imagine how I would be able to afford it! My future goal is to be able to partial lease or borrow something to ride - hopefully in the next 5 years!
On the plus side....now that my 9 year old is a capable rider at the walk/trot/canter, I have been able to borrow a horse on occasion and we can ride together (after I get two horses tacked, the younger kid situated with a book/toys, and get us all to the ring!).
Maybe the future is looking brighter!!!

Hunter Mom
May. 10, 2010, 01:56 PM
Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old :) She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.

Keep it in the back of your mind, though. DD was 6 when we got Mare. I was a re-rider (also 5'7" and fluffy) and the mare is so good she'd teach me what I needed, then shift down to tote the little one around. She's a 15 hh QH. Neither of us looked out of place on her.

BTW - I'm starting to think one of my other personalities wrote the OP!

Limerick
May. 10, 2010, 03:23 PM
Unless your seven year old is begging you, I wouldn't push the showing on her. My oldest started showing leadline at five and then walk, trot the next year, cross rails the next, etc. etc. She told me last year that her favorite part of showing when she was young was playing with her friends. Yes, it's great experience but it's not necessary. I think if they start doing Short Stirrup when they're nine or ten, they catch up very quickly to their peers.

My younger daughter is seven and has a super Nanny pony. I am waiting patiently for her to ask about showing. She is mostly just interested in trail riding at this point so I might be waiting a while. I've got adorable leadline photos of her so I can be patient. ;)

So I say; indulge yourself right now if you can. :)

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 03:28 PM
Unless your seven year old is begging you, I wouldn't push the showing on her. My oldest started showing leadline at five and then walk, trot the next year, cross rails the next, etc. etc. She told me last year that her favorite part of showing when she was young was playing with her friends. Yes, it's great experience but it's not necessary. I think if they start doing Short Stirrup when they're nine or ten, they catch up very quickly to their peers.

My younger daughter is seven and has a super Nanny pony. I am waiting patiently for her to ask about showing. She is mostly just interested in trail riding at this point so I might be waiting a while. I've got adorable leadline photos of her so I can be patient. ;)

So I say; indulge yourself right now if you can. :)

HA so true :) and no she is not being pushed into showing. I plan on her doing 5-6 shows this year and then hanging up the stirrups until next year when hopefully she'll be in short stirrup (and age 8.5). She is 7.5 now and just went to her first show, mostly because I wanted to see how she liked it. She had a great time, was reserve champion, and wanted to go again the very next day :)

Hunter Mom
May. 10, 2010, 04:31 PM
Mine is happy going to shows to be with her friends, too. Especially bigger shows. Of course, since she and Mare have won several championships this year already, she's stoked about showing!

dab
May. 10, 2010, 04:44 PM
Does learning to drive interest you? You could share a pony with your daughter and groom for eachother --

RugBug
May. 10, 2010, 05:54 PM
I'm not a mother (as you know), but I really don't see it as selfish to split the available resources between the two of you. IMO, it will be better for her and better for you. She'll learn valuable lessons about budgeting, sharing, patience, etc and you will not be biding your time until you can ride more. It will also teach her healthy boundaries between how much of yourself you should give up for your loved ones and how to continue your life/interests in a constructive manner. Does that make any sense at all? I understand wanting to give your child(ren) everything, but IMO, that isn't always the best thing for them in the long run.

myalter1
May. 10, 2010, 06:02 PM
Rug bug
so well put. I often feel that I am being selfish by showing more than my dd. You gave me a new perspective on it. Thank you.

gardenofsimple22
May. 10, 2010, 06:04 PM
Does your DD's trainer have anything suitable for you to show? or do you ride elsewhere.

Maybe you can groom at shows for the kids and help wrangle them and get horses to the ring for her and she'll GREATLY reduce your own fees next time...

just a thought.

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 06:45 PM
Does your DD's trainer have anything suitable for you to show? or do you ride elsewhere.

Maybe you can groom at shows for the kids and help wrangle them and get horses to the ring for her and she'll GREATLY reduce your own fees next time...

just a thought.

I do lesson with DDs trainer and the horse I ride does show - and he's super cute. I also have the opportunity to show a friends horses. I just question my motivation for wanting to show and can I really justify it. These are not my horses, I am not going to be competing at the level I used to, nor do I deserve to since I have only just started riding again. It just seems like a waste of money.

Chaila
May. 10, 2010, 07:04 PM
I am not going to be competing at the level I used to, nor do I deserve to since I have only just started riding again. It just seems like a waste of money.

:lol: I don't think there's any part of this sport that isn't a waste of money :lol:

I mean if you look at it objectively.

But nothing you love this much is a waste of anything. It's not rational. Never look at this rationally or you'll go completely insane thinking of all the practical things you should be doing with the $$ like a *real* responsible adult.

RugBug
May. 10, 2010, 07:28 PM
I just question my motivation for wanting to show and can I really justify it. These are not my horses, I am not going to be competing at the level I used to, nor do I deserve to since I have only just started riding again. It just seems like a waste of money.

But why do you have to have a good reason to show? Can't you just show because you want to and you enjoy it? So what if it means your daughter only shows 4 times instead of 6. It's not like you're crushing your daughter's hopes and dreams.

There's a culture that tells women that once you have kids, it's all about them. That you have to justify spending time/money on yourself after you have them. I honestly find that a bit oppressive. Woman are still the people they were before having kids, with the same interests/hobbies/goals, etc. If you aren't taking away* from your child, then by all means, ride and show.


*riding is an extra, so less shows or splitting the available riding money isnt' taking away anything. It's just restricting the amount spent on one person. Taking away would be you riding to the total exclusion of your child...possibly the way Bearhunter's mother rode.

Roxy SM
May. 10, 2010, 10:23 PM
But why do you have to have a good reason to show? Can't you just show because you want to and you enjoy it? So what if it means your daughter only shows 4 times instead of 6. It's not like you're crushing your daughter's hopes and dreams.

There's a culture that tells women that once you have kids, it's all about them. That you have to justify spending time/money on yourself after you have them. I honestly find that a bit oppressive. Woman are still the people they were before having kids, with the same interests/hobbies/goals, etc. If you aren't taking away* from your child, then by all means, ride and show.


*riding is an extra, so less shows or splitting the available riding money isnt' taking away anything. It's just restricting the amount spent on one person. Taking away would be you riding to the total exclusion of your child...possibly the way Bearhunter's mother rode.

I totally agree!

x
May. 10, 2010, 10:29 PM
I would say that you need to allow yourself to do some showing, too. Reason: otherwise it is possible that you'll be trying to do it through your daughter, and be pushing her unconciously in ways that may not be that beneficial to her.

Mamy
May. 10, 2010, 11:23 PM
I so understand how you feel!! I get it from 3 kids though!! My 11, 6 and 3 year olds!! My 3 year old every single day begs to horse show.
For now, my 11 year old and I share my horse. My 11 and 6 year olds also take lessons at the barn that we board at, on the barn's ponies. And my 3 year old gets to cool out my horse. My 11 year old REALLY wanted to show this past Saturday. but I had to move my horse to our current barn, and that took all my money. I felt really bad. But she understood.
I REALLY want to show. I was just talking to my mom about this. I specifically asked "Am I wrong for putting time into my riding?"
But you know, I make sure my kids get to ride too. I think(hope) I am teaching them that it is ok for moms to have "things" to do, as long as they balance it with their kids needs(wants) also. Thats the story I'm selling to myself today anyway,lol!!

Bearhunter
May. 10, 2010, 11:25 PM
But why do you have to have a good reason to show? Can't you just show because you want to and you enjoy it? So what if it means your daughter only shows 4 times instead of 6. It's not like you're crushing your daughter's hopes and dreams.

There's a culture that tells women that once you have kids, it's all about them. That you have to justify spending time/money on yourself after you have them. I honestly find that a bit oppressive. Woman are still the people they were before having kids, with the same interests/hobbies/goals, etc. If you aren't taking away* from your child, then by all means, ride and show.


*riding is an extra, so less shows or splitting the available riding money isnt' taking away anything. It's just restricting the amount spent on one person. Taking away would be you riding to the total exclusion of your child...possibly the way Bearhunter's mother rode.

RugBug, so well put. I am such a strong believer in valuing everyone's interests in the family, not just the children's. Yes, when I was growing up it was completely unbalanced in the opposite direction -- my mother's passion was the only one that mattered. Now, it seems like we (as a society in general) cater SO MUCH to our kids' interests and desires, that many mothers dismiss their own interests completely. In our home, everyone's hobbies and interests are important and command special time.

trina1
May. 10, 2010, 11:30 PM
I have to say if the kids want to ride and/or show, and you can provide that opportunity, let them have it. I had my junior years, and they will outgrow ponies soon enough. However, they can tell I am happier when I ride too!

DancingQueen
May. 10, 2010, 11:36 PM
I think you will be doing your daughter a favor in many ways by keeping yourself riding and perhaps showing a bit.

As somebody mentioned she will learn about budgeting and sharing. You will also stay in touch with her struggles in her riding and showing.
If you "give it up" for her there's a big chance that you will loose track of that and put too much pressure on her. Both to fulfill what you lost and becasue it looks so easy from the sidelines, only when you do it yourself will you know how hard it can be! LOL

Third and most important, the outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man (or woman). If you enjoy riding and it clears your head (always works for me) and makes you happy, then she will have a happy, content and relaxed mother. A really good thing!

Mayaty02
May. 10, 2010, 11:55 PM
Thanks all - and no I will definitely not consider giving up riding again. I went all winter without riding and I nearly bit everyone's head off. And I am fortunate to have opportunities to ride for free or low cost. I guess it's the taking the expense up a notch by showing and leasing/owning that is what I am pondering.

I truly do believe it's "her turn" and I want her to have what I was allowed to experience as a kid (if she wants of course). I just need to manage my own happiness as well.

I guess the net net is that it's important that I do what makes me happy too and find a balance there. Thanks for all of your insights.

peachy
May. 11, 2010, 12:39 AM
I totally could have written the OP. It's nice to hear that there are other moms who ride and are trying to make it all balance out, too. My daughter (age 12) and I share a horse. On the mom to daughter spectrum, it's a slightly better match on the mom end, because he's big and athletic, and I do feel guilty about that sometimes. Particularly when I see some kids riding around on the real been there done that, packer types. But if she keeps working towards the goal of riding him well, she'll have an amazing horse to grow into. Fortunately we are very lucky to have a trainer who has a barn full of horses and is always able to find something for one of us to ride so that we can always ride together.

This year, if we are lucky, we might do 5-6 schooling/local type shows divided between the two of us, with me doing 2-3. Theoretically, we could both ride in the same show if I just did a couple of classes, but frankly I've found it too distracting and have decided that it needs to be either/or.

If she really was hungry to be out at the barn every chance she could, working multiple horses, asking trainer to help, etc. (kind of like me as kid :)), I would start to think more and more about stepping aside. But she's pretty laid back and riding is one thing among several which she really enjoys. So I feel like the current arrangement is healthy.

Also with these years going by so fast, being able to do a sport/activity together seems like the biggest benefit, and outweighs either of our competitive goals.

Limerick
May. 11, 2010, 08:46 AM
This needs to be said again,

"You will also stay in touch with her struggles in her riding and showing.
If you "give it up" for her there's a big chance that you will loose track of that and put too much pressure on her. Both to fulfill what you lost and becasue it looks so easy from the sidelines, only when you do it yourself will you know how hard it can be! LOL"

Peaches, sounds like a great arrangement for you and your daughter. :yes:

thatmoody
May. 11, 2010, 09:01 AM
I could have written the OP as well, except that DD is a teen who is about the same height as me, but with different needs and wants. We just retired her dressage horse, and she is learning how to jump and wants a horse to jump on, but can't afford a younger horse, so she's kind of stuck. Meanwhile, I have a really nice dressage horse if she wanted to show him, but he can't jump (Friesian with limiting health issues). So we are kind of stuck. For now she has a nice ride on someone else's horse but I have a feeling she's about to lose that. She can ride the "retired horse" all she wants, btw, but can't jump him, so we've discussed her just pleasure riding for a season and then getting a prospect in the fall or winter (my finances should have improved somewhat dramatically by then).

In the meantime, I am not going to be doing much until she can get her situation settled, just out of a sense of fairness. But there will always be something - her horse will be injured, my horse will be, or something, so we always have to have a backup plan. We enjoy riding together, and it's a good bond between us. Last night she watched me ride because she didn't feel like riding, and was my "eyes on the ground" as I requested - she called out to me when I wasn't sitting straight, or when my hands tipped inward. That's good learning for her, as well.

englishivy
May. 11, 2010, 09:04 AM
I just wanted to add one thing.

Having had quite a few clients whose moms were former riders, I can say from a trainer's perspective they are an absolute blessing.....and a curse.

They are fantastic in that they understand the industry. From realizing that sometimes a horse is just having an off day to accountability of the rider in the saddle to not freaking out about a cut and calling in hysterics (b/c they've seen hella worse!). We don't have to hold their hands at shows, explain the buying/selling process, or justify the costs of board.

BUT.

They can also tend to "helicopter" around the horse and kid and do a lot of the work the kid really should be doing. I had one kid who couldn't do standing wrap or even put a bridle together b/c mom ALWAYS did it (heaven forbid the kid not do it P.E.R.F.E.C.T. :rolleyes:) and it was a real dis-service to the kid. She was certainly old enough to learn how to do all these things, but was not given the opportunity even when she begged.

So for all you moms who used to ride and have given it up for your kids' opportunity, make sure you are giving them the chance to learn all you learned throughout the years.

If you can't help but do it all.....buy your own dang horse! ;)

thatmoody
May. 11, 2010, 09:13 AM
I just wanted to add one thing.

Having had quite a few clients whose moms were former riders, I can say from a trainer's perspective they are an absolute blessing.....and a curse.

They are fantastic in that they understand the industry. From realizing that sometimes a horse is just having an off day to accountability of the rider in the saddle to not freaking out about a cut and calling in hysterics (b/c they've seen hella worse!). We don't have to hold their hands at shows, explain the buying/selling process, or justify the costs of board.

BUT.

They can also tend to "helicopter" around the horse and kid and do a lot of the work the kid really should be doing. I had one kid who couldn't do standing wrap or even put a bridle together b/c mom ALWAYS did it (heaven forbid the kid not do it P.E.R.F.E.C.T. :rolleyes:) and it was a real dis-service to the kid. She was certainly old enough to learn how to do all these things, but was not given the opportunity even when she begged.

So for all you moms who used to ride and have given it up for your kids' opportunity, make sure you are giving them the chance to learn all you learned throughout the years.

If you can't help but do it all.....buy your own dang horse! ;)

that is seriously the truth, and so funny, because that's exactly the reason I DID decide to "buy my own dang horse." I couldn't keep my HANDS off my daughter's horse! It was driving me (and her) nuts, but I just couldn't stand it. So I got my own, and we've been happier ever since. Now I'm too busy to interfere as much.

Mayaty02
May. 11, 2010, 09:28 AM
I just wanted to add one thing.

Having had quite a few clients whose moms were former riders, I can say from a trainer's perspective they are an absolute blessing.....and a curse.

They are fantastic in that they understand the industry. From realizing that sometimes a horse is just having an off day to accountability of the rider in the saddle to not freaking out about a cut and calling in hysterics (b/c they've seen hella worse!). We don't have to hold their hands at shows, explain the buying/selling process, or justify the costs of board.

BUT.

They can also tend to "helicopter" around the horse and kid and do a lot of the work the kid really should be doing. I had one kid who couldn't do standing wrap or even put a bridle together b/c mom ALWAYS did it (heaven forbid the kid not do it P.E.R.F.E.C.T. :rolleyes:) and it was a real dis-service to the kid. She was certainly old enough to learn how to do all these things, but was not given the opportunity even when she begged.

So for all you moms who used to ride and have given it up for your kids' opportunity, make sure you are giving them the chance to learn all you learned throughout the years.

If you can't help but do it all.....buy your own dang horse! ;)


LOL I am very conscious of the fact that I probably drive my daughters trainer batty (and I do feel badly about that) but I do try to not interfere. My daughter is only 7 and I must confess that i tack up the pony. She helps but she isn't tall enough to get the saddle on, or the bridle over the pony's head. I can't help it! :winkgrin: But hopefully since she'll be at riding camp all summer without me, perhaps she will get better at it and I won't be able to help. It is so hard not to do it all yourself! :)

ETA she does clean all the tack - mine and hers!

December
May. 16, 2010, 01:17 PM
My 16 yr old daughter and I both ride and show on a limited budget. We have found a barn that has a really great part-lease situation, so we each have our own horse to ride and show. This way the cost is similar to owning one horse, but we can ride at the same time, as I really would never be able to get to the barn 5-6 times a week.

At your daughter's age, I wouldn't even be considering having her show and would totally use the time/money to show yourself. In 3-4 years, maybe she can start to show a little more than you, but I don't think that any critical skills are gained by showing this young. Yes, it is fun, but if only one of you can show, then at this point, I would suggest it should be you! She will have all those years from age 10-11 to 18 to show more intensively, and you may find yourself taking a back seat then.

Remember, George Morris remarked that a complete rank beginner who starts at age 12 can completely catch up to the skills of someone who started riding "since they could walk" by age 14. And your daughter is already riding. As far as show skills, I found that my daughter completely understood the drill with about 4-5 shows.

equest
May. 16, 2010, 02:04 PM
Bearhunter and Rug Bug, I agree. I do not have a child (yet...), and I grew up (unlike Mayaty) without much access to riding due to my parents' financial constraints. My mom wanted to me ride but it just was not possible to do more than a lesson now and then. Eventually, I got back into riding as an adult am finally able to part-lease and lesson on a nice horse. So many parents sacrifice their own goals and dreams for their children (or worse, end up projecting and living vicariously), it is great to support their hobby but I think is also valuable to teach them about financial realities by sharing the riding resources with mom, and giving those critical life lessons that come from working at the barn in exchange for rides. The whole "character-building" experience....

Trees4U
May. 17, 2010, 09:49 AM
I didn't read all posts but here's my story

I took a "backseat" when it became apparent that dtr had talent (& of course -youth) to go alot further than I. I never gave up my own horses but put my showing on hold and yes- the $$ went to her. I did live vicariously thru her, she always included me in the "hands on" stuff & I loved every minute of it. Best memories ever and horse shows that I KNOW I would never have been good enough for. And she appreciated it. (Now moreso as she is on her own & realizes how much all that cost!:yes: )
No regrets..

barnbum81
May. 17, 2010, 09:51 AM
I didn't read all posts but here's my story

I took a "backseat" when it became apparent that dtr had talent (& of course -youth) to go alot further than I. I never gave up my own horses but put my showing on hold and yes- the $$ went to her. I did live vicariously thru her, she always included me in the "hands on" stuff & I loved every minute of it. Best memories ever and horse shows that I KNOW I would never have been good enough for. And she appreciated it. (Now moreso as she is on her own & realizes how much all that cost!:yes: )
No regrets..

:yes::yes::yes::yes::D yep, exactly the same way I handled it, and the same train of thought

Jaideux
May. 17, 2010, 11:19 AM
Seriously.

The most amazing parenting a parent can do is modeling for their children healthy boundaries and habits. If your child grows up in a world where Mommy has mommy time, and sometimes Mommy's needs and wants win, you child will grow up learning the world is not all about her. She will learn about sharing and prioritizing.

You don't not buy yourself clothes just because she wants some, right? And you don't change what you're making for dinner just because she wants something else... right?

When she is old enough to make a better-informed decision, you can put it to her pretty simply: We have this much money to spend on horses. I am going to take my "half" (or whatever portion you like) and go to 3 local shows this year to have fun. Would you like to spend your half on some local schooling shows, or one big expensive rated event? Until then, you call the shots on how the money will be spent. At that age, showing once or twice a year in a little show will probably be plenty of excitement and specialness. It was for me, anyway... ymmv.

If one day you cross a bridge and decide that seeing her go to an extra show would make you SO much happier than going to a show yourelf, cross that bridge when you get there. But show while you still can. Model responsible self-care for your daughter while she's still young and forming her world schema. Hopefully she will grow up to be someone who respects and loves others, and tries to support them as well as she can without becoming someone who sacrifices their whole self and is left with nothing but dust at the end of the day. You don't want to become resentful of her. You don't want to sacrifice your mental health for hers. There is room for everyone to get a piece of the pie, here. Maybe not as big of a piece as they could, but... that's sharing.

Someone earlier posted about how they both each half-leased a horse. That sounds like an awesome option if you can find a situation like that, especially if you don't think you can get down to ride at least 4-5 days a week. At least until she's big enough to share a horse. But again! If you share a horse, remember that you have an equal stake in it. Maybe even a bigger one, if you are doing more work and spending more money.

I mean... I got to (kind of) pick what color I painted my room, but the final say was with my parents. As they reminded me so often... it was their money, their house, their decisions. When I'm an adult, I can spend my money however I want, but until then, it had to be within the realm of their approval. Not only did it make me hungry to be a responsible adult who can 1) have money and 2) spend it how I want, but it also taught me a lot about taking OTHER people into consideration that I probably wouldn't have without those limits.

Full disclosure: my parents were pretty fair with their limits, and picked their battles. Hair cut/color? Whatever, it will grow back eventually. Room color? Whatever, as long as it was tasteful, not black, and I did most of the work painting it. Being out past curfew or skipping a family reunion picnic? HELL to the NO. Missing curfew meant they would worry until I walked in the door (this was pre-cell phone), and skipping a family reunion showed no respect for the people who loved me that we only saw once or twice a year.

Long story short: don't give up your own enjoyment for hers. Not entirely. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing game.