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View Full Version : Spinoff: Still a "V" in early twenties?



Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 09:15 PM
So...this bothers me some days and I'm going to just put it out there...how odd is it that a woman in her early twenties is still a virgin and has yet to go on a date? Not that men haven't asked (a few have, I haven't been interested b/c they're just...not the type I'd want to hang out with). Not that I'm unattractive (or so I've been led to believe I'm attractive). Not that I don't want to go on one...I just...haven't. And sometimes I feel like a total dork b/c the majority of my friends aren't virgins any more and I know relatives wonder why I'm not "beating men away with a stick" or busy every Friday/Saturday night.

Any others out there who just are waiting for a good one? I feel like I haven't met anyone yet who makes me think, "You are so interesting, and we click, and I want to spend that much time with you". Or rather, I've met a couple but they've all been taken. :(

Is it really that unusual for someone to remain a virgin this long? I feel like I'm destined to spinsterhood b/c I haven't slept with someone yet!

:(

mroades
Dec. 24, 2009, 09:21 PM
No you are not weird. High standards are a good thing!

redkat
Dec. 24, 2009, 09:41 PM
Oh gosh. Do not be ashamed of this.

I'm in my late 20s, single and live in a liberal, metropolitan area and have surprisingly become more conservative about this particular thing as I've dated and grown older. These days, having "relations" is something that can kill you! It is always best to watch out for your health and your heart.

Have you ever watched "Millionaire Matchmaker?" She has this rule, "No 's--' until you're in a committed, monogamous relationship" and this is something I've adopted. It doesn't sound like you've been able to reach this point yet, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your friends can have their own ideas about how they live their lives, and they don't have to apply to you.

Frankly, though...I think we have a couple of things in common. I'm a natural hermit-type, self-sufficient, perfectly happy at the barn or at home, and don't really need anyone else's company, and I'm picky. I have to make a huge, concentrated effort to date guys, and going out and at the very least getting some free dinners might really benefit you. You might be surprised who you meet and who you forge a connection with when you otherwise might have rejected them completely.

So no -- you're not destined to a life of spinsterhood because you are still a "v", but waiting for Mr. Right to come along before you accept a date might not be in your best interest. Just look at all the bad dates as "practice."

Grataan
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:04 PM
WTF is wrong with saying virgin? It's not a dirty word.

I think it's admirable! Good for you OP.

WorthTheWait95
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:14 PM
I'm in your age group (21) and while I'm in a serious relationship right now I have several friends around my age that are virgins. I admire them for not giving in to pressure. I waited a while as well, in high school I felt like the only virigin in the whole school! None of the guys I knew really impressed me in any way and I had no interest in dating. I'm glad I waited for my current boyfriend. He's a sweet guy, smart, motivated and driven. He's also older then me which probably helps with the maturity thing. Much more interesting and mature then the guys I knew back then. Don't settle, you'll only regret it!

I have to say that I can also fall into a bit of a hermit pattern. I'm pretty content going to work, the barn and home. I do have to force myself out some weekends but it's definitely worth getting out there.

jnel
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:19 PM
Don't worry about the virgin thing, that will happen when the time is right. Why not take the pressure off yourself and just hang out with different guys in a casual, friendly way. Sometimes you really need to get to know someone and then all of a sudden they become attractive to you, someone that you really enjoy being with.

Montanas_Girl
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:22 PM
You have nothing to be ashamed of! My best friend, ex-roomate, and another close friend are all virgins (at 25, 32, and 31, respectively).

I would agree, though, with the previous poster who ccautioned you against rejecting guys whom you don't immediately click with. Dating is not just about sex or even about "forever". You have to date a lot of guys before you even know what you want and don't want in a mate. I have a two date policy for new guys. I will date almost anyone who offers twice. By then I have a pretty good idea whether or not I want to pursue anything more serious.

LexInVA
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:30 PM
Nothing to be ashamed about. I lost my virginity in my early 20's. 21 to be precise. Never had any problem with it or any complaints from women after-the-fact though I think a lot of young adults make more out of sex than it really is because of the whole relationship/emotional attachment thing. That's not to suggest that you should go around porking random strangers, because you shouldn't but a lot of people use either sex or a relationship as a gateway to obtaining one or the other. I see it all the time with 20 and 30 something singles and it leads to drama, pregnancies, and all sorts of nonsense which is why I have removed myself from the idiotic dating scene in my area and focused on making friends. That's really how you find the best partner for a relationship. Truth be told, you'll also find that you should be comfortable with yourself before you should try having sex with someone else. It sounds like you're lacking a bit of self-confidence and that can be dangerous when you have sex on your list of things to do because many men will see that and strike accordingly.

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:42 PM
Well... I will be the odd one out.. not to say I think it is ODD or anything like that - I don't - but I also think that this is something you maybe don't want to go on indefinately. Like cantering. You have to do it at some point or it becomes a REALLY BIG DEAL when it wasn't THAT big of a deal to begin with..

I guess what I am saying is - I wouldn't hold out for the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect.. because there isn't one. And if that ever becomes an issue, you will be a virgin forever. OR you will THINK you've met the perfect one and everything is perfect and so you'll do it and then when you find out it's not perfect you'll be devastated.

There is something in between acting foolishly and saving it for something that may not ever happen. Just saying.

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:49 PM
Frankly, though...I think we have a couple of things in common. I'm a natural hermit-type, self-sufficient, perfectly happy at the barn or at home, and don't really need anyone else's company, and I'm picky. I have to make a huge, concentrated effort to date guys, and going out and at the very least getting some free dinners might really benefit you. You might be surprised who you meet and who you forge a connection with when you otherwise might have rejected them completely.

So no -- you're not destined to a life of spinsterhood because you are still a "v", but waiting for Mr. Right to come along before you accept a date might not be in your best interest. Just look at all the bad dates as "practice."

This. This is me. :lol:

However...I do actually enjoy flirting (get lots of free stuff! :D), going out to parties, have a great time hanging out with guys, I've always been a "guy's girl" that would rather hang out with guys than girls but but only a few have stirred that "go for more" feeling. They've been off limits though (in serious relationships). So, I keep my eyes open.

I'm not a big promoter of marriage (not against it per se, but it seems a lot of ppl are into it for the big wedding or the destination honeymoon rather than the simple fact of the legal contract) or "Mr. Right" or some silly "Prince Charming will come save me" type either so it's not that I'm "saving myself". I just honesty want someone I respect and enjoy being with rather than just someone who simply has the equipment. But it seems like I'm in the minority these days and I sometimes feel ashamed to admit I'm still a virgin. I don't want to get the pity comments like, "You'll meet the right guy soon!" :sigh:

Thanks for the encouragement so far. I'm glad a few people don't think I'm pathetic for being single and a 20something virgin. :uhoh:

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 10:57 PM
Well... I will be the odd one out.. not to say I think it is ODD or anything like that - I don't - but I also think that this is something you maybe don't want to go on indefinately. Like cantering. You have to do it at some point or it becomes a REALLY BIG DEAL when it wasn't THAT big of a deal to begin with..

I guess what I am saying is - I wouldn't hold out for the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect.. because there isn't one. And if that ever becomes an issue, you will be a virgin forever. OR you will THINK you've met the perfect one and everything is perfect and so you'll do it and then when you find out it's not perfect you'll be devastated.

There is something in between acting foolishly and saving it for something that may not ever happen. Just saying.

I agree 100% w/ this and if I could just find someone who wouldn't crow about it afterwards, I'd do it to get it done and have some fun. But good lord, why are men such chickens so often? They act like I'll bite. I'm not an ice queen! You're at a party and you have lots of company, lots of interested guys (buying you drinks, chatting you up, etc.) who then won't seal the deal by asking me out. ??? I actually decided to be proactive about this the other day and when I asked if he might be interested (in a casual 'go get coffee' type thing), he said that he was really surprised, and flattered, but that he was in a long term relationship. :sigh:

Also, I don't want anything serious: I plan on working all over the place before I even consider settling down. It seems to me that I'm offering a pretty good deal; fun, not too serious, plenty independent (guy's nights = awesome, go have your fun), you do your thing, let's meet up sometimes...but you can't treat me like I'm dirt or like it's another notch on your bed post. Maybe I need to change something about myself to attract these kinds of men? :confused:

SkipHiLad4me
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:11 PM
I was in my early 20s before I lost my virginity. I grew up in a very conservative home and although I didn't adhere to the no-sex-before marriage policy, I had just decided personally that sex wasn't something I wanted to share with just anyone who had the right equipment ;) So although I had multiple opportunities, I held out for the right guy to come along who I really felt comfortable with and really connected with. There are times that I joke that I should've been more of a whore when I was younger :lol: but I really think I did the right thing for myself by waiting as long as I did. I really think there are far more virgins in their 20s than pop culture would have you believe so don't feel pressured to do anything just because "everyone else" is doing it.

redkat
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:14 PM
I actually decided to be proactive about this the other day and when I asked if he might be interested (in a casual 'go get coffee' type thing), he said that he was really surprised, and flattered, but that he was in a long term relationship. :sigh:

Maybe I need to change something about myself to attract these kinds of men? :confused:

No...don't make the mistake of thinking there's something wrong with you for ANY of these things. You don't need to change yourself at all. Possibly just your methods. Just keep asking! And when you get asked, get past that first impression and say yes. Give him a chance until you know for sure you're really not interested. This might happen on the first date, but that just goes into the pile of what is referred to around my (very female) office as "A.G.G.E." -- A Girl's Gotta Eat.

I do think we're twins, as I'm also always the friend with most guys. I had to seek out completely different pastures after exhausting friends of friends and setups. I'm now doing the online thing, and trust me -- I just want to stay home. But I'm not. I've met some great people I never would've otherwise considered, and I'm really glad of it.

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:16 PM
If you have been mostly around men your age, it might be that you need to find a way to spend time around guys who are older. Just a guess.

AlterMeToo
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:16 PM
Try being in your early 30's and in the same boat. :eek:

I have reasons. I was raised in an uber-conservative religious household... most girls got married in their late teens. :eek: That was really not my style, but I was never rebellious enough (or to be honest, had enough "leash" to pull it off) to date.

It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I had a serious "rethink" and broke away. At this point, I'm picky! And I don't have a problem with it...

When it happens it happens. I do agree with what EqT said, but still think some discretion is called for. Just don't wait until you're in your 30's! :lol:

danceronice
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:16 PM
Oh gosh. Do not be ashamed of this.

I'm in my late 20s, single and live in a liberal, metropolitan area and have surprisingly become more conservative about this particular thing as I've dated and grown older. These days, having "relations" is something that can kill you! It is always best to watch out for your health and your heart.

Have you ever watched "Millionaire Matchmaker?" She has this rule, "No 's--' until you're in a committed, monogamous relationship" and this is something I've adopted. It doesn't sound like you've been able to reach this point yet, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your friends can have their own ideas about how they live their lives, and they don't have to apply to you.

Frankly, though...I think we have a couple of things in common. I'm a natural hermit-type, self-sufficient, perfectly happy at the barn or at home, and don't really need anyone else's company, and I'm picky. I have to make a huge, concentrated effort to date guys, and going out and at the very least getting some free dinners might really benefit you. You might be surprised who you meet and who you forge a connection with when you otherwise might have rejected them completely.

So no -- you're not destined to a life of spinsterhood because you are still a "v", but waiting for Mr. Right to come along before you accept a date might not be in your best interest. Just look at all the bad dates as "practice."

Heh, well, I'm not sure I'm an excellent argument for it being a way to avoid spinsterhood, but I didn't really get past first base until I was twenty-eight. (Mostly because maybe I'm picky, but I only seemed to attract geeks in college and in grad school I had other things on my mind, like al-Qaeda crashing a plane into the building one Metro stop up from me in earshot of me and some serious PTSD and having spent a week in the hospital and a year with a standing appointment at the hematologist's besides.) It's really not something that's hard to pick up once you find someone worth it.

It's the old double standard, of course, but I *would* suggest looking for a more experienced Mr. Right, though. It's sort of the sexual version of green horse + green rider = black and blue.

Also...I never really understood in high school why people were in such a hurry. High school boys were largely repulsive, and older men who'd WANT an underage girl were creepy. Once you're in your twenties the older men make more sense, but under 17? They've got issues.

LexInVA
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:19 PM
I agree 100% w/ this and if I could just find someone who wouldn't crow about it afterwards, I'd do it to get it done and have some fun. But good lord, why are men such chickens so often? They act like I'll bite. I'm not an ice queen! You're at a party and you have lots of company, lots of interested guys (buying you drinks, chatting you up, etc.) who then won't seal the deal by asking me out. ??? I actually decided to be proactive about this the other day and when I asked if he might be interested (in a casual 'go get coffee' type thing), he said that he was really surprised, and flattered, but that he was in a long term relationship. :sigh:

Also, I don't want anything serious: I plan on working all over the place before I even consider settling down. It seems to me that I'm offering a pretty good deal; fun, not too serious, plenty independent (guy's nights = awesome, go have your fun), you do your thing, let's meet up sometimes...but you can't treat me like I'm dirt or like it's another notch on your bed post. Maybe I need to change something about myself to attract these kinds of men? :confused:

Perhaps you are in the wrong kind of environment? College perhaps? I find that being around like-minded people is the best way to find someone you have chemistry with. That's why I'm very selective about who I will spend my time with. A lot of the people around here who are around my age (21-33) have very unrealistic expectations about relationships and life in general due to their self-centered existences so I look carefully at someone before I decide to let them into my life.

caffeinated
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:20 PM
Well you could look at it from a couple angles....

One interesting angle is... why are the guys you occasionally would be interested in always in relationships? There's something about that that's just a little odd, right? Almost wondering (and this could be way off base) if you're sort of on some level afraid of the whole thing, so you only open yourself to people you can't actually have?

In any case, even if that's true on any level, I don't think it's totally weird or anything. Just as long as you don't build it up too much and turn into something really huge, so that when you do get to a point where you want to be in a relationship, it becomes a block.

In a lot of ways, I'm kind of like you - I was always fine alone, and did well being single. I was always legitimately happy outside of relationships, whether I was staying home or going out or dating or not. There's a site/book you may want to check out called "quirkyalone" :) That said, sometimes saying yes, even to situations you don't think are quite right, can work out really well (not just with the sex thing, that's not what I'm talking about). My current SO... I was really unsure. The timing was wrong, we share a workplace, and after the first date, I really wasn't sure about any of it. I said "yes" anyway, and we went out again, and it's turned into something really, really good.

So... you know, just because you don't feel something special or a spark, or anything worth pursuing 'that' way, you never know. Sometimes you gotta just take the plunge :)

Not that being single is a bad thing at all. Sometimes I wish I'd had more of it in my life, I was always super happy when I was single :)

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:20 PM
It's the old double standard, of course, but I *would* suggest looking for a more experienced Mr. Right, though. It's sort of the sexual version of green horse + green rider = black and blue.

Oh yes, this is so true.. one of you should know what you are doing!

And.. I have to say this, because it made me laugh so hard I nearly peed when she said it.. but it was so true...

no one ever wishes they'd had LESS SEX before they got married - hindsight is always 20/20 <LOL>

Sorry, I am not trying to make light of this.. just seems like once you are an elderly lady that you see things a bit differently..

personally I wish I had gone to Italy BEFORE I got married ;)

caffeinated
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:23 PM
It's the old double standard, of course, but I *would* suggest looking for a more experienced Mr. Right, though. It's sort of the sexual version of green horse + green rider = black and blue.

Funny, but also true!

Meredith Clark
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:34 PM
Coming from someone who does have to beat guys away with a stick every Friday and Sat night...

:lol:

Just kidding!!!!

If you are in college, or even if you're not.. that age is really awkward. If you didn't loose it to your high school sweet heart who you were going to "love and be together for ever and ever and EVER!!!!!" then once you get to college or your 20s most guys have already done it and either don't want a virgin b/c they're afraid they'll be too clingy, or don't want a committed relationship anyway.

I was in a sorority in college so there were frat guys around all the time.. talk about discouraging!

Now that i'm 24 all my friends are starting to get married :eek:

Every time I sign onto Facebook there's a new status update from someone I know thats like "OMG i'm getting MARRIED!!"

4 of my ex boyfriends are now married and 1 already has a child.

I'm planning a "I'm still single" ceremony and I'm registered at Dover Saddlery and Jimmy Choo

Have you thought of on line dating? I have a friend who met her future husband on E Harmony! (she is a virgin)

Good Luck and remember whatever you decided.. do it safely.

redkat
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:35 PM
It's the old double standard, of course, but I *would* suggest looking for a more experienced Mr. Right, though. It's sort of the sexual version of green horse + green rider = black and blue.

I wish there were a "Best of" OT day...because this? This is true.

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:40 PM
Well you could look at it from a couple angles....

One interesting angle is... why are the guys you occasionally would be interested in always in relationships? There's something about that that's just a little odd, right? Almost wondering (and this could be way off base) if you're sort of on some level afraid of the whole thing, so you only open yourself to people you can't actually have?

Agree. 100%. :lol::lol: That seems to be my new catch-post-phrase. :winkgrin: I caught myself doing it again w/ a boss a while back and just put myself in time out. I think I *am* a bit afraid of the whole thing and do fall for the already attrached and therefore fairly safe guys. Erg. I recognize that, I'm trying to avoid it, I'm really trying to put myself out there more for the single types.

It doesn't help when you're career focused on the horses and college age guys (your age guys) are 8 out of 10 mostly dumb asses. And the Italy remark? Been there twice, those guys are so suave it scares the crap out of me. :lol::lol: I want to just let loose and go w/ it but holy cow, it's hard!

I've even thought, "Are you lesbian?" :lol: And since I'm quite uninterested in women (and have a nice little stable of fantasy men to trot out during daydreams, mmm...:cool:) I just go back to..."Okay, so you're just a dating chicken." :no::lol:

And to whoever said geeks were attracted to her?! Yesss. I've gone to parties/social gatherings w/ guys who seem suddenly to want to put a ring on my finger. Nope, thanks, but no. I've even had guys offer to go to WEDDINGS as my date. And here my friends are dying for their BFs to go as a wedding date. And then there are guys who want to sleep with you, but you know the rest of the village is going to hear about it by the next day. Neither of those types are appealing. :/

It's frustrating when one is fearless in so many areas of life...and just...so afraid in this area. I guess it really IS a lack of confidence? But I *feel* confident: so long as I don't have to let anyone "close". *sigh* Now I think I need a therapist's couch. :lol::(

caffeinated
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:42 PM
define 'geek' - because sometimes those guys make the best boyfriends :) As long as they're not too clingy and needy, anyway. But the men who aren't super pretty with chiselled abs and maybe are into nerdy things - I find they put more energy into certain things. Or they at least do their research. heh.

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:44 PM
Have you thought of on line dating? I have a friend who met her future husband on E Harmony! (she is a virgin)

Good Luck and remember whatever you decided.. do it safely.

I've thought of it. I sort of feel like it's a cop out, a way for me to keep this kind of wall up around myself. Idk.

NOT to say online is a cop out for others!! Just in my situation, it may be...

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:46 PM
define 'geek' - because sometimes those guys make the best boyfriends :) As long as they're not too clingy and needy, anyway. But the men who aren't super pretty with chiselled abs and maybe are into nerdy things - I find they put more energy into certain things. Or they at least do their research. heh.

My def. of "geek": too clingy, desperate for cuddle time, follow you around like a puppy, etc.

The cool "geek": brainy, nerdy, does what he wants, is independent but interested in you/your comments/your whatever. Does not want to paint your toes for you however. ;)

All for a sensitive guy. Just...I don't want a guy I can steamroll. :no::sadsmile:

Meredith Clark
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:46 PM
I've thought of it. I sort of feel like it's a cop out, a way for me to keep this kind of wall up around myself. Idk.



It's only a cop-out if you never log off and actually go meet them! :lol:

oh! Also make sure you don't have any c*ck-blocking friends! Sometimes you don't even realize it but if you're at a bar with a friend that has a boyfriend.. or just a miserable person in general it will effect your ability to meet guys.

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:47 PM
Ah well... I see a third trip to Italy in your future :winkgrin:

LexInVA
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:49 PM
Coming from someone who does have to beat guys away with a stick every Friday and Sat night...

:lol:

Just kidding!

If you are in college, or even if you're not.. that age is really awkward. If you didn't loose it to your high school sweet heart who you were going to "love and be together for ever and ever and EVER!!!!!" then once you get to college or your 20s most guys have already done it and either don't want a virgin b/c they're afraid they'll be too clingy, or don't want a committed relationship anyway.

I was in a sorority in college so there were frat guys around all the time.. talk about discouraging!

Have you thought of on line dating? I have a friend who met her future husband on E Harmony! (she is a virgin)

Good Luck and remember whatever you decided.. do it safely.

I don't think the homeless pervs camping out in the Food Lion parking lot for the nightly trash dumping count for the purposes of this discussion. :lol:

As for online dating, it's a minefield. You'll find more people but you'll also go through a lot more than you might not want to repeat over and over. It's especially bad for a woman because they have to deal with the constant onslaught of horny men who do nothing but harass them and the serial daters who lie their way through a new partner every few weeks to get new sex partners. I've had enough experiences to know what kind of woman to avoid and unfortunately, they seem to be coming at me like someone is selling "Lex Divining Rods".

redkat
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:50 PM
define 'geek' - because sometimes those guys make the best boyfriends :) As long as they're not too clingy and needy, anyway. But the men who aren't super pretty with chiselled abs and maybe are into nerdy things - I find they put more energy into certain things. Or they at least do their research. heh.

Right. Besides, you can help them become pretty. You just have to see their potential and help them discover clothing besides video game or phrase T-shirts (or at least layering a nice buttondown over the video game T-shirt.) They're like finding your future show horse in someone's pasture! It might take a little work, but it can be worth it. Many of my friends are married to geeks, and they're happy as clams.

Do not overlook the geeks. Geeks are smart. Geeks get jobs. Geeks are accepting. Geeks think it's cool that you're watching a Star Wars marathon on Xmas Eve... (not...that I'm doing that or anything...)

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:51 PM
Ah well... I see a third trip to Italy in your future :winkgrin:

:D Is that the trip that requires Victoria Secret lingerie and a LBD (little black dress)? :lol:

Meredith Clark
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:52 PM
As for online dating, it's a minefield. You'll find more people but you'll also go through a lot more than you might not want to repeat over and over. It's especially bad for a woman because they have to deal with the constant onslaught of horny men who do nothing but harass them and the serial daters who lie their way through a new partner every few weeks to get new sex partners. I've had enough experiences to know what kind of woman to avoid and unfortunately, they seem to be coming at me like someone is selling "Lex Divining Rods".

fine fine...

me and my friend "signed up" for E Harmony after my friend got engaged to the guy she met there.

It was a nice ego boast getting tons of e-mails every morning saying:
"Meredith! Gregg wants to meet with you"
"We've found you a match in Chris!"
"You and Kevin are totally compatible!"

They just seemed so hopeful for me :lol:

I never actually paid for the service so I couldn't talk to or meet any of these guys but it was nice to know they were out there

Meredith Clark
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:53 PM
:D Is that the trip that requires Victoria Secret lingerie and a LBD (little black dress)? :lol:

In my experience guys prefer nothing at all... save your money!

:lol:

caffeinated
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:55 PM
Yeah, I'm not real keen on the online dating thing... I met one guy for lunch who ended up (years later) dating someone I went to high school with and throwing her down a flight of stairs.

And then I went out with a really great guy who I really liked - very respectful, nice dinner, seemed totally normal and into some things I would like to get into (music and entertainment wise). All was well.... until he called me five times the next day. When I answered the last call and said I'd get back to him in a few days about going out again, he then emailed me six times and called three more times. At which point, I though, hmm, maybe not. And then he proceeded to call and email randomly for nearly four months. Not only "hey can we get together?" but the random "I haven't heard from you and I'm worried..."

such a shame. he was such a nice guy!

In any case, OP, maybe it would be good to hang out with people outside the college set. Try something like meetin.org, it's not a dating site, it's more like an 'instant friend' generator where you can get together with new people for specific events and outings. Not necessarily to meet guys, but to expand your network outside the kind of guys you know from your everyday networks.

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:55 PM
Right. Besides, you can help them become pretty. You just have to see their potential and help them discover clothing besides video game or phrase T-shirts (or at least layering a nice buttondown over the video game T-shirt.) They're like finding your future show horse in someone's pasture! It might take a little work, but it can be worth it. Many of my friends are married to geeks, and they're happy as clams.

Do not overlook the geeks. Geeks are smart. Geeks get jobs. Geeks are accepting. Geeks think it's cool that you're watching a Star Wars marathon on Xmas Eve... (not...that I'm doing that or anything...)

But they're usually so shy! I breeze into a group of them and they all fall silent. Now...how do you single one out without his heart failing? :winkgrin: I'm just kidding. And apparently feeling oddly cocky considering this is my "I'm still a virgin" thread. :lol:

No, but really...I love a guy w/ glasses. And someone who can carry on a good conversation. No hot body is necessary for me, just...I like confidence. How to find a geek with confidence?!?

As for the Star Wars marathon. I'm admitting my sexual inexperience on a horse board on Christmas Eve. I think my evening activity trumps yours on the "may not be considered cool" category. :lol:

redkat
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:56 PM
I'm doing Eharmony. It's hideously expensive, but I find the "quality" is higher than meat-markety sites like match.com.

Let's face it. I'm gone from my house from 6am - 7pm M-F. I have a life. I have female-dominated hobbies (riding, etc.) I have friends. When am I supposed to meet guys?

I'm not interested in the guy in the bar downtown playing beer pong at the age 34. So...Eharmony it is. It's kind of nice to talk to someone for a bit before you actually meet them in person.

danceronice
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:56 PM
define 'geek' - because sometimes those guys make the best boyfriends :) As long as they're not too clingy and needy, anyway. But the men who aren't super pretty with chiselled abs and maybe are into nerdy things - I find they put more energy into certain things. Or they at least do their research. heh.

Pudgy sci-fi nerds in my case. Sorry, if you can't keep up on the dance floor and/or a horse, don't even bother. (Ballroom guys--yes, most are in fact straight-have also TOTALLY spoiled me in the personal-hygiene department!) I find having a guy with a hobby that requires he be scrupulous about grooming and/or having to fit into fairly tight pants on a regular basis has its advantages. Also anyone I feel I could take in a fight, or who's more of a girl than I am. Clingy wallflowers. They don't have to be a bodybuilder, just reasonably fit and capable of interacting with a wide social circle without needing their hand held.

Of course my biggest problem is just my job--I don't meet single younger men in my line of work. Hence actually having tried eHarmony--I will say some of the stereotypes ARE true--it's very hard to find a guy who'll even go "Maybe" instead of "yes" on "Wants Kids". And you do get some of the weirdo clingy types even ELECTRONICALLY.

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:56 PM
:D Is that the trip that requires Victoria Secret lingerie and a LBD (little black dress)? :lol:

I am thinking yes. Although I might wait until I got there to buy the lingerie, it's so much nicer over there :)

I think there is a lot to be said for that idea. IME men in Italy really LIKE women. It's one thing to be attracted to women.. it's another to really *like* them. It's good to be liked, for real, under these circumstances. Loved is an entirely different thing, probably for a different time, but liked.. is nice.

I tried to explain to Mr. EqT that when I was in Italy, I felt adored by the entire male race. It was refreshing and restored my faith in men. He didn't get it, but who cares, now I know where to go if I end up single again!

alter-too
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:58 PM
Well... I will be the odd one out.. not to say I think it is ODD or anything like that - I don't - but I also think that this is something you maybe don't want to go on indefinately. Like cantering. You have to do it at some point or it becomes a REALLY BIG DEAL when it wasn't THAT big of a deal to begin with..

I guess what I am saying is - I wouldn't hold out for the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect.. because there isn't one. And if that ever becomes an issue, you will be a virgin forever. OR you will THINK you've met the perfect one and everything is perfect and so you'll do it and then when you find out it's not perfect you'll be devastated.

There is something in between acting foolishly and saving it for something that may not ever happen. Just saying.

I can say that's definitely not my problem. I'm not 'saving' it for anything, in fact I've never understood that craziness. If you save until marriage, then what if the other person completely sucks and has no chemistry in bed? Then what?! Although I guess if you had no prior experience it wouldn't matter :lol:


This. This is me. :lol:

However...I do actually enjoy flirting (get lots of free stuff! :D), going out to parties, have a great time hanging out with guys, I've always been a "guy's girl" that would rather hang out with guys than girls but but only a few have stirred that "go for more" feeling. They've been off limits though (in serious relationships). So, I keep my eyes open.

I'm not a big promoter of marriage (not against it per se, but it seems a lot of ppl are into it for the big wedding or the destination honeymoon rather than the simple fact of the legal contract) or "Mr. Right" or some silly "Prince Charming will come save me" type either so it's not that I'm "saving myself". I just honesty want someone I respect and enjoy being with rather than just someone who simply has the equipment. But it seems like I'm in the minority these days and I sometimes feel ashamed to admit I'm still a virgin. I don't want to get the pity comments like, "You'll meet the right guy soon!" :sigh:

Thanks for the encouragement so far. I'm glad a few people don't think I'm pathetic for being single and a 20something virgin. :uhoh:

I really could have written this post. I have no religious conviction or upbringing that is making this so hard. Do I want to have fun, yes! But it seems like a bad idea from at least a health standpoint, let alone an emotional one, to go with the 'simply has the equipment' thing. And the other thing is, I have this (maybe crazy?!) idea that just going for it, especially "too" early puts less value on the relationship part of things. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just completely weird and oldfashioned?


I agree 100% w/ this and if I could just find someone who wouldn't crow about it afterwards, I'd do it to get it done and have some fun. But good lord, why are men such chickens so often? They act like I'll bite. I'm not an ice queen! You're at a party and you have lots of company, lots of interested guys (buying you drinks, chatting you up, etc.) who then won't seal the deal by asking me out. ??? I actually decided to be proactive about this the other day and when I asked if he might be interested (in a casual 'go get coffee' type thing), he said that he was really surprised, and flattered, but that he was in a long term relationship. :sigh:

Also, I don't want anything serious: I plan on working all over the place before I even consider settling down. It seems to me that I'm offering a pretty good deal; fun, not too serious, plenty independent (guy's nights = awesome, go have your fun), you do your thing, let's meet up sometimes...but you can't treat me like I'm dirt or like it's another notch on your bed post. Maybe I need to change something about myself to attract these kinds of men? :confused:

I could seriously have written your last two posts. It's good to know I'm not theo nly one walking around feeling like I have it stamped on my forehead. I feel like I offer the same things - not too serious, let's hang out some. But it seems that guys so far consider everything a freaking booty call. And I totally hear ya on the 'crowing about it afterwards' thing.


If you have been mostly around men your age, it might be that you need to find a way to spend time around guys who are older. Just a guess.

I came to this conclusion after my most recent failed attempt at a relationship. Men my age are just not mature enough for me - my friends and family have always said that I am an "old soul"- I think that's accurate. No, I don't find frat boys that want to go to keggers every other night and smoke weed to be fun or entertaining! What the heck...

You always hear about older guys wanting younger women, but I'm not sure how much reality is in that...? But I do think knowing my personality, and also that I've always gotten along much better with people older than me, that finding an older guy is probably the way to go...wouldn't even know where to start with that though! :no:


Well you could look at it from a couple angles....

One interesting angle is... why are the guys you occasionally would be interested in always in relationships? There's something about that that's just a little odd, right? Almost wondering (and this could be way off base) if you're sort of on some level afraid of the whole thing, so you only open yourself to people you can't actually have?

I think part of this is simply not knowing when someone you're interested in is already in a relationship. Not necessarily that you're seeking them out. Like, there's no neon sign flashing above their head to indicate their single-or-not status! Which is clealrly what some of us need :lol:

Alterago
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:59 PM
In any case, OP, maybe it would be good to hang out with people outside the college set. Try something like meetin.org, it's not a dating site, it's more like an 'instant friend' generator where you can get together with new people for specific events and outings. Not necessarily to meet guys, but to expand your network outside the kind of guys you know from your everyday networks.

Good idea. I mostly am at school or the barn. Classes don't lend themselves to instant friendships and neither does the nearly all-female barnscape. Even the stall muckers are married. And w/ large hispanic families. :lol: Nothin' happening there. ;):lol:

EqTrainer
Dec. 24, 2009, 11:59 PM
Geeks.. ohhh.. I dunno.. I understand the confident thing. I don't want to have to train a man. I don't want to have to dress him or teach him how to eat well or any of those things..

I think the OP really needs an older man. George Clooney would do. Can anyone hook her up?!!!

FlashGordon
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:06 AM
I came to this conclusion after my most recent failed attempt at a relationship. Men my age are just not mature enough for me - my friends and family have always said that I am an "old soul"- I think that's accurate. No, I don't find frat boys that want to go to keggers every other night and smoke weed to be fun or entertaining! What the heck...


You always hear about older guys wanting younger women, but I'm not sure how much reality is in that...? But I do think knowing my personality, and also that I've always gotten along much better with people older than me, that finding an older guy is probably the way to go...wouldn't even know where to start with that though! :no:



Sounds much like me... my friends were/are always older, my dad always called me an old soul. Always found it hard to relate to people my age. College was boring because I outgrew the kegger/college thing in one semester.

Anyway, met my British husband when I was 19, he was 27. Parents were none too thrilled at first until they got to know him. He'd traveled for many years, had a lot of life experience, though he was still very down to earth. It was (and still is) a much better match for me than boys my age.

I thank god every day that I did not marry my high school boyfriend as I had once wished to when I was 16.... :eek:

Now the Italy idea..... just take BC with you! My sister went to Italy when her then-husband, a marine, got stationed there. She loved it. She also ended up divorced. And then pregnant with a gorgeous Italian man's child. (oops!) But she still returns regularly (with baby, who is now 7) and she would live there in a heartbeat if she could..... she is all about those Italian men.....

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:06 AM
Classes don't lend themselves to instant friendships :

This is a huge myth!

My sorority sisters never understood how I met and dated guys in my classes but it's so easy! There's plenty of ways to strike a conversation;

"hey do you have an extra pen mine died" (then you have a reason to talk again-to give it back)

"do you have notes from the other day? can we grab a coffee after class and exchange notes?"

"lets get a study group together!" (and then forget to invite anyone else)

I had some good relationships with guys I met in my class. You can tell a lot from guys in class.. what classes they take, if they show up and are serious, stuff like that :yes:

(says the girl that's still single after 5 years of college...)

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:07 AM
fine fine...

me and my friend "signed up" for E Harmony after my friend got engaged to the guy she met there.

It was a nice ego boast getting tons of e-mails every morning saying:
"Meredith! Gregg wants to meet with you"
"We've found you a match in Chris!"
"You and Kevin are totally compatible!"

They just seemed so hopeful for me :lol:

I never actually paid for the service so I couldn't talk to or meet any of these guys but it was nice to know they were out there

eHarmony is a total waste of time and money. I found the following were serious problems:

1. Too many users with free profiles who get on there for fun but don't actually do anything. Yes, I'm looking at you Miss Clark. :cry:

2. They don't make users inactive if they don't log-in. You can easily get matches with profiles that are several months to several years old.

3. No real way to filter matches or "search". What you get is what you get because the service says you are compatible.

4. Lots of women refuse to put up pictures for various reasons. Most have no self-confidence, others are lazy, and some are hiding things.

5. Communication breaks down easily and a lot of matches won't respond at all for whatever reason with no rejection notice. I often stopped getting replies after two/three messages back and forth for no logical reason. No sign of incompatibility or lack of "whatever" in the messages. It happened a lot so I gave up on pay-sites.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:07 AM
I came to this conclusion after my most recent failed attempt at a relationship. Men my age are just not mature enough for me - my friends and family have always said that I am an "old soul"- I think that's accurate. No, I don't find frat boys that want to go to keggers every other night and smoke weed to be fun or entertaining! What the heck...

You always hear about older guys wanting younger women, but I'm not sure how much reality is in that...? But I do think knowing my personality, and also that I've always gotten along much better with people older than me, that finding an older guy is probably the way to go...wouldn't even know where to start with that though! :no:

Yes. You. Me. Same boat. :no: My friends are all in their thirties. Some have kiddos, some are lifelong "horse moms" w/out kids and never plan on having them. I have literally zero friends my own age. College to me is a back up plan, and I only care about getting out w/ a diploma. I'm not a school spirit kind of girl, eh. ;)
So, I've got my attributes, men take double looks...so I'm confused!?!? Where are the available smart non-beer pong men?! Also, I have had more Indian and Hispanic men hit on me in gas stations than I have any guy hit on me at college parties. Eq Trainer, maybe you're right. I need to spend some time outside the States. :lol: Although, hey, I had a truck driver blowing me kisses the other day on the interstate so maybe I should try a truck stop? JUST KIDDING! Seriously jk.

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:09 AM
eHarmony is a total waste of time and money. I found the following were serious problems:

1. Too many users with free profiles who get on there for fun but don't actually do anything. Yes, I'm looking at you Miss Clark. :cry:

2. They don't make users inactive if they don't log-in. You can easily get matches with profiles that are several months to several years old.

3. No real way to filter matches or "search". What you get is what you get because the service says you are compatible.

4. Lots of women refuse to put up pictures for various reasons. Most have no self-confidence, others are lazy, and some are hiding things.

5. Communication breaks down easily and a lot of matches won't respond at all for whatever reason with no rejection notice. I often stopped getting replies after two/three messages back and forth for no logical reason. No sign of incompatibility or lack of "whatever" in the messages. It happened a lot so I gave up on pay-sites.

sorry! I decided I'd rather have that $100 than true love :lol:

thank god you found me here on COTH for free! - xoxox

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:12 AM
Geeks.. ohhh.. I dunno.. I understand the confident thing. I don't want to have to train a man. I don't want to have to dress him or teach him how to eat well or any of those things..

I think the OP really needs an older man. George Clooney would do. Can anyone hook her up?!!!

Or, if I can make a request/trade...Clooney for Sean Bean (hot, hot, HOT)? Where's the drool icon? :lol: EqTrainer, you and I are thinking along the same lines here. :P

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:13 AM
5. Communication breaks down easily and a lot of matches won't respond at all for whatever reason with no rejection notice. I often stopped getting replies after two/three messages back and forth for no logical reason. No sign of incompatibility or lack of "whatever" in the messages. It happened a lot so I gave up on pay-sites.

Yeah...but at least you GET to talk to people, which is better than match.com where 99% of my inbox consisted of messages like, "hit me bak QT lolz."

I think women have an easier time than men in online dating.

caffeinated
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:14 AM
So, I've got my attributes, men take double looks...so I'm confused!?!? Where are the available smart non-beer pong men?! {/quote]

Smart, fun, interesting people play beer pong too :)

[quote]Also, I have had more Indian and Hispanic men hit on me in gas stations than I have any guy hit on me at college parties.

Current SO is Indian/Guyanese... and... wow. heh. Just saying. Sorry. TMI. *blush*

EqTrainer
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:14 AM
Well, I have seen some really amazing things happen on CoTH. Who knows what might happen if you ask for Sean Bean for Christmas? Someone around here might know how to make that happen.

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:15 AM
Can I also add that we just may need a "single gals of COTH" Italian vacation?

caffeinated
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:15 AM
Or, if I can make a request/trade...Clooney for Sean Bean (hot, hot, HOT)?

OMG yes... hahah

(though it seems in the real world he is not a good prospect for a good, positive dating experience, LOL)

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:16 AM
Yeah...but at least you GET to talk to people, which is better than match.com where 99% of my inbox consisted of messages like, "hit me bak QT lolz."

I think women have an easier time than men in online dating.

Agreed. I did the free profile on eharmony and am still laughing at one match's professed occupation...(wait for it)...
Occupation: badass
:rolleyes:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:18 AM
Agreed. I did the free profile on eharmony and am still laughing at one match's professed occupation...(wait for it)...
Occupation: badass
:rolleyes:

:eek:

Um...yeah. No. I'd prefer "Master beerponger" to that, I think.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:18 AM
Can I also add that we just may need a "single gals of COTH" Italian vacation?

Uh, yes. Please. I have a family trip there coming up 2010 and will need many excuses to escape said family. ;)

Horsey COTH friends to run around Italian cities w/ sounds like a helluva time to me. :cool:

alter-too
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:19 AM
Yes. You. Me. Same boat. :no: My friends are all in their thirties. Some have kiddos, some are lifelong "horse moms" w/out kids and never plan on having them. I have literally zero friends my own age. College to me is a back up plan, and I only care about getting out w/ a diploma. I'm not a school spirit kind of girl, eh. ;)
So, I've got my attributes, men take double looks...so I'm confused!?!? Where are the available smart non-beer pong men?! Also, I have had more Indian and Hispanic men hit on me in gas stations than I have any guy hit on me at college parties. Eq Trainer, maybe you're right. I need to spend some time outside the States. :lol: Although, hey, I had a truck driver blowing me kisses the other day on the interstate so maybe I should try a truck stop? JUST KIDDING! Seriously jk.

I'm pretty sure you stole my story. Just sayin'! :winkgrin::lol:

Most of my friends are mid thirties-40s also, and I'm starting school under duress (well, not exactly -- I'm looking forward to it but it's not what I'd rather be doing!). My friends can't really introduce me to guys because most of the people THEY know are in committed relationships/married or just too much older than me!

You have to promise not to laugh. But you should watch Tough Love on VH1 sometime. It's competely ridiculous in some ways but there is some good advice that made sense ("Oh, crap. I do that. Better work on that...oops"). I'm a little slower on the uptake with the looking good thing - I was an ugly duckling as a child/teen so I never really got dates anyway. Now that I'm 50# lighter and know how to dress, do makeup etc, you'd think I would be able to snag SOMEONE.

If you find this intelligent anti-beer-pong available man, you must send him immediately to be cloned!

Also internet dating scares me a little. Not because I'm afraid to meet someone online, but more that reaction that a lot of people still have when they ask "So how did you two meet?!" and the answer is "Well, the interwebs!!!111!" I guess that's stupid to care what other people think but still!

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:20 AM
Horsey COTH friends to run around Italian cities w/ sounds like a helluva time to me. :cool:

We even have wellies for when Venice floods!

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:20 AM
OMG yes... hahah

(though it seems in the real world he is not a good prospect for a good, positive dating experience, LOL)

Damn, don't spoil it for me.

Okay. I'll take that Greek guy from My Life in Ruins. Beard, beardless, clothes, no clothes. Just deliver him to my house. :yes: *fans herself* Gah...gorgeous.

Okay, we're getting off topic here. I need dating help. Not fantasy help. That's plenty healthy. :lol::winkgrin: TMI...:eek:;)

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:22 AM
I was in a steady relationship when I lost my virginity when I was 20. I continued to date said person for another year and a half before our relationship ended. I do not regret who I lost it to nor when I did.

I have several friends who are my age and still virgins and I applaud them for it. It certainly makes life easier not having to include the whole sex aspect of it.

That being said, I have had my fair share of fun - safely that is. Of course, once you throw sex into the relationship mix, there are additional feelings that become involved. And then sometimes you find that you were very happy that you, ahem, "checked under the hood" before you bought the car. Nothing is as dissappointing as thinking you are buying a diesel truck to only find out it has a Geo engine.

And I agree about looking at older guys. I have found guys my age tend to lack ambition or goals, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. Of course, sometimes they come with baggage (children - which I can't deal with, divorces, etc)

Oh - and forget Italy. Go for Brazilians - much better :) There are plenty of them in Texas also!

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:22 AM
So...this bothers me some days and I'm going to just put it out there...how odd is it that a woman in her early twenties is still a virgin and has yet to go on a date?

I was a virgin until I was 24. A product of very religous parents (and I can't spell tonight, nor do I care that I can't spell :lol:), a short leash, a very dedicated view of wanting to ride professionally, and fear of getting pregnant. When I moved out I told my mother I was moving out because I wanted to have sex with as many men as I could, let's say I was rather upset that night. :winkgrin:

In the process of moving out I met my now ex-fiance. Told him I was a virgin, he didn't believe me for a few weeks until we landed in bed. Let's say that one unexperienced partner was... well... not real good at best. I can't imagine two inexperienced people.

Thankfully, at my wild point when I was going out partying hard and running with a wild crowd my age I had my ex at my side to keep me out of trouble.

Go out, meet someone, broaden your horizons, sleep around some before you get engaged, be safe about it, and have some fun.

Wanted to add - to the alter that said they were an ugly duckling, so was I. And, it's about how you carry yourself, how confident you are, and it's *hard* to shed that emotional baggage.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:24 AM
You have to promise not to laugh. But you should watch Tough Love on VH1 sometime. It's competely ridiculous in some ways but there is some good advice that made sense ("Oh, crap. I do that. Better work on that...oops"). I'm a little slower on the uptake with the looking good thing - I was an ugly duckling as a child/teen so I never really got dates anyway. Now that I'm 50# lighter and know how to dress, do makeup etc, you'd think I would be able to snag SOMEONE.

If you find this intelligent anti-beer-pong available man, you must send him immediately to be cloned!

Okay, you're coming to Italia too. Bring heels. Just...wear them in the hotel lobby, flash a little leg, then switch to something non-lethal on the streets outside. :lol:

I will check out the Tough Love. Right now, parents are visiting and that might not fly too well. :winkgrin: I will admit to reading the dating advice stuff from time to time online. I think maybe I give off a "don't approach me" vibe sometimes. Some friends say I intimidate men. Good grief. Should I act like a wilting flower? :( Do you have that same issue?


re: sleep around before getting engaged. I enjoyed reading your post, but I honestly don't care about marriage. If I never have to wear that freaking dress, I'd be happy, but I'm just...I fight a negative stereotype when it comes to the woman who "gets around". There are some who do it gracefully (right guys who get it) and there are some who think they're "on top" who are really just being used. NOT saying you were either, I don't know you, but that's sort of my mindset on that and its always hard to change how you think about something like that.

alter-too
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:27 AM
So what's the consensus on meeting people in college? That was one thing I was looking forward to about going to school, but maybe I have it all wrong and I will meet many beer-pong-weed-kegger frat boys...

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:29 AM
Okay, you're coming to Italia too. Bring heels. Just...wear them in the hotel lobby, flash a little leg, then switch to something non-lethal on the streets outside. :lol:

I will check out the Tough Love. Right now, parents are visiting and that might not fly too well. :winkgrin: I will admit to reading the dating advice stuff from time to time online. I think maybe I give off a "don't approach me" vibe sometimes. Some friends say I intimidate men. Good grief. Should I act like a wilting flower? :( Do you have that same issue?

I LOVE Tough Love on VH1. But the biggest thing Steve talks about is being CONFIDENT in yourself. I didn't date in high school and wasn't what one would consider good looking or skinny. Now, after college, I work out, know how to do my make up and hair, and am confident in my abilities (in both my job and riding). I am HAPPY with who I am as a person. I'm not cocky about it, but I'm confident. When I guy gives me a compliment, I thank him for it. Guys cannot stand it when a girl just shrugs off a compliment "You think I'm pretty? Ugh, I feel so fat tonight!" Not good - all they will think is that you won't ever be happy with what they say.

You cannot be happy in a relationship until you are HAPPY with YOURSELF!

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:31 AM
Some friends say I intimidate men. Good grief. Should I act like a wilting flower? :( Do you have that same issue?

YES. I'll admit to not making a lot of eye contact and being a bit arm-crossy, at times, though. So it's not all them, but I do try to be aware of these things. I get told all the time that I'm intimidating, though, or that guys "just assume" I'm taken.

I also walk like I'm going somewhere. I get called on this one, too.

I think I missed girl class. :no:

FlashGordon
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:31 AM
So what's the consensus on meeting people in college? That was one thing I was looking forward to about going to school, but maybe I have it all wrong and I will meet many beer-pong-weed-kegger frat boys...

You gotta think outside the box. IME meeting boys at parties, bars, etc. probably isn't what you are looking for.

My theory is that women need to just pursue THEIR interests and forget about men. Seems that is when you meet the most feasible matches... when you are busy doing your own thing and focused on your own interests and goals....

alter-too
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:32 AM
Okay, you're coming to Italia too. Bring heels. Just...wear them in the hotel lobby, flash a little leg, then switch to something non-lethal on the streets outside. :lol:

I will check out the Tough Love. Right now, parents are visiting and that might not fly too well. :winkgrin: I will admit to reading the dating advice stuff from time to time online. I think maybe I give off a "don't approach me" vibe sometimes. Some friends say I intimidate men. Good grief. Should I act like a wilting flower? :( Do you have that same issue?

YES! Absolutely.

Another problem? My height. I am significantly taller than quite a few guys and most women. Now you all might think this would be great but it really isn't - the last guy I think was put off a little bit about it (actually I think he sort of wavered between being uncomfortable with it and appreciating my supposed self-confidence-through-height?)

I am a fiercely independent gal. I ENJOY being by myself and I don't need other people around all the time. I'm completely self-sufficient, financially, and I think this translates to be a legs-crossed ice queen...why? I do not know! I would think those would be positive traits that would be highly attractive to men but obviously I'm not experienced and maybe I have it all wrong.

And I am in full support of the Single Ladies COTH Trip to Italy. :yes::cool:

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:32 AM
So what's the consensus on meeting people in college? That was one thing I was looking forward to about going to school, but maybe I have it all wrong and I will meet many beer-pong-weed-kegger frat boys...

I had a couple of really good, meaningful relationships with guys I met at college.

Even a few frat boys!

The one good thing about the Greek system (at least at my school) is everyone knew everyone.. so there was no "@ss hole pretending to be a nice guy" b/s.

We knew who were the creeps and who were the date-able guys and no one was afraid to call a spade a spade.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:32 AM
You cannot be happy in a relationship until you are HAPPY with YOURSELF!

Agreed. But. There's a problem when you're too content w/ your own company. Barn time, school time, career focused, like to go out have a good time without always making compromises/including another person's opinion into decisions, etc....that can lead to my problem, I think. That I'm maybe too content alone to get out there and try dating duds to find a good one. Maybe? Whatcha think?

Foxtrot's
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:33 AM
Some people are just late bloomers, others dating in elementary school. It's OK.

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:34 AM
YES! Absolutely.

Another problem? My height. I am significantly taller than quite a few guys and most women.

Tall women do have a harder time dating. My friend's daughter is 6'2 and Wendy has a tough time getting dates. She's beautiful.

I'm 5'4, don't know what my excuse was!

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:34 AM
So what's the consensus on meeting people in college? That was one thing I was looking forward to about going to school, but maybe I have it all wrong and I will meet many beer-pong-weed-kegger frat boys...

Oh, there are good guys. But you're not going to find them, necessarily, at the beer-pong-weed-kegger parties on frat row. Or you might, holding their beer-pong-weed-kegger-frat friends over the toilet as they puke. You'll have group projects, lots of organizations and clubs, etc. There's definitely a lot of opportunities to meet people if you try to.

My parents met in college. Two sets of married friends met in college. Two other friends met on a college trip to Asia that is nicknamed the "Love Boat." :confused: It definitely happens, but there are plenty of us who emerge single from the other side...

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:36 AM
YES. I'll admit to not making a lot of eye contact and being a bit arm-crossy, at times, though. So it's not all them, but I do try to be aware of these things. I get told all the time that I'm intimidating, though, or that guys "just assume" I'm taken.

I also walk like I'm going somewhere. I get called on this one, too.

I think I missed girl class. :no:

O.m.g. We really are twins. I make plenty of eye contact but I have a Very Bad Habit of crossing my arms.

re: walking. I'm tall, and long legged. I also walk like I'm going somewhere. And my legs take me there quickly. :lol:

I never wore make up in high school, never went to dances (retarded, girls stayed in the bathroom half the time, guys were goofs who couldn't dance to save their lives anyway), was always having conversations with teachers about class material, etc. When I was a freshman in college, a guy who had known me slightly in HS told me (after we'd hung out for a while) that he'd never attempted to make a move b/c "you always had your nose in a book".

*sigh*

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:38 AM
Agreed. But. There's a problem when you're too content w/ your own company. Barn time, school time, career focused, like to go out have a good time without always making compromises/including another person's opinion into decisions, etc....that can lead to my problem, I think. That I'm maybe too content alone to get out there and try dating duds to find a good one. Maybe? Whatcha think?

Oh I understand. I'm in the same boat - the single boat at least. I work 7 days a week and am actively getting my horse ready for what is shaping up to be a great show season (*knock on wood*). It is hard meeting guys when you don't get out much. But sometimes you just have to make yourself get out there. Most of the guys I have met recently were showing in the same region I am, but I'm a reiner, so guys are more plentiful.

Of course, there is the whole "It will happen when you least expect it" line. The next time someone says it to me...I'm gonna deck them.

alter-too
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:40 AM
Agreed. But. There's a problem when you're too content w/ your own company. Barn time, school time, career focused, like to go out have a good time without always making compromises/including another person's opinion into decisions, etc....that can lead to my problem, I think. That I'm maybe too content alone to get out there and try dating duds to find a good one. Maybe? Whatcha think?

Agreed. Plus at some point, you just wanna get laid! :lol: Men are so that way in my limited experience so far, but we womenfolk don't seem to be allowed to be like that.


I LOVE Tough Love on VH1. But the biggest thing Steve talks about is being CONFIDENT in yourself. I didn't date in high school and wasn't what one would consider good looking or skinny. Now, after college, I work out, know how to do my make up and hair, and am confident in my abilities (in both my job and riding). I am HAPPY with who I am as a person. I'm not cocky about it, but I'm confident. When I guy gives me a compliment, I thank him for it. Guys cannot stand it when a girl just shrugs off a compliment "You think I'm pretty? Ugh, I feel so fat tonight!" Not good - all they will think is that you won't ever be happy with what they say.

You cannot be happy in a relationship until you are HAPPY with YOURSELF!

Yeah, agreed with this too. I really identified with Jenna on this season. She is gorgeous and shouldn't have any problem getting a date, but she still acts like the person she used to be. I think to some degree that's my trouble. I spent those years that most people experiment with dating, sex, etc not doing those things and now I just have to figure out how to "work it"! :yes:

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:41 AM
College is hit or miss. If you live in campus housing, it's easy to meet other people because you live on the campus and therefore are in proximity for much of the time when you're not in class. If you're just taking classes like I did, then you won't likely meet anyone unless you're a smoker and you partake in the pre/post-class smoking circle. I tried to get involved in various campus groups but the organizations/groups at my campus were either ethnocentric, religious centric, or just not of any interest to me. I did get involved in two groups outside of my various academic honor societies but neither one really had anything going for it and the people were questionable at best.

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:43 AM
I never wore make up in high school, never went to dances (retarded, girls stayed in the bathroom half the time, guys were goofs who couldn't dance to save their lives anyway), was always having conversations with teachers about class material, etc. When I was a freshman in college, a guy who had known me slightly in HS told me (after we'd hung out for a while) that he'd never attempted to make a move b/c "you always had your nose in a book".

*sigh*

I never got asked to a dance once in HS. Why? ALL my friends were guys. I wasn't dating any of them, but it was enough to make none of the interested boys ask me out! I was also definitely a bookworm. Still am, only the book is now my iPod with the kindle app..

You've also posed something I struggle with, and that's really the desire to WANT to wade through all of the muck out there, and open myself up to all of the good and bad that goes with trying to date, or beginning a relationship. I got out of a relationship earlier this year, so I've been ping-ponging back and forth on this one, but you're never out there until you're out there.

It's sort of like how when riding, you will fall off. This is a given. In dating, you will meet jerks. You will have bad dates. Things will happen that you do not understand, but you have to keep trying. It's all part of the process. I can somehow understand this when it comes to horses, but not with guys. Dating, like learning to ride or training a horse, is a process.

Pirateer
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:45 AM
Hey as long as you aren't wearing sweatshirts with kittens on them you probably have a chance :)

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:46 AM
Oh I understand. I'm in the same boat - the single boat at least. I work 7 days a week and am actively getting my horse ready for what is shaping up to be a great show season (*knock on wood*). It is hard meeting guys when you don't get out much. But sometimes you just have to make yourself get out there. Most of the guys I have met recently were showing in the same region I am, but I'm a reiner, so guys are more plentiful.

Of course, there is the whole "It will happen when you least expect it" line. The next time someone says it to me...I'm gonna deck them.


:lol::lol: And then again for me, please. ;)

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:46 AM
Hey as long as you aren't wearing sweatshirts with kittens on them you probably have a chance :)

:lol:

I'm 1 more cat and a sweatshirt away from being a crazy cat lady

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:51 AM
I never got asked to a dance once in HS. Why? ALL my friends were guys. I wasn't dating any of them, but it was enough to make none of the interested boys ask me out! I was also definitely a bookworm. Still am, only the book is now my iPod with the kindle app...

Ok. I'll admit something here. The guys who asked me out were shorter than me. And it definitely played a role in my decision to turn them down. Now, it wasn't the ONLY reason, but...I'm a guys girl enough that I don't want to FEEL like the guy in the relationship. Sheesh. If I feel that I could get your car out of the mud faster than you could, I'm just not that interested. :( Is that vain? :confused: I just want to feel like the "girl" in a relationship!!

Re: reiner. You're lucky. I did the western thing but met only a certain type. Fun to hang out with, drink beers with, ride/work cattle, you name it, good guys but wow. Women = fun in the sack, see ya later, what was her name again? Never mind, here's another one.
Listening to them brag in the truck when we were driving to work/town, whatever made me kind of want to avoid young men for a while. :lol:

Pirateer
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:53 AM
:lol:

I'm 1 more cat and a sweatshirt away from being a crazy cat lady


I was reading an older issue of Glamour the other day and in their section "Its Ok to..." i read the following:

"Its Ok To...Get that second cat!"

See? Its ok to be a crazy cat lady. And no, my cat has not been wearing a lovely selection of christmas sweaters. :lol:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:55 AM
Ok. I'll admit something here. The guys who asked me out were shorter than me. And it definitely played a role in my decision to turn them down. Now, it wasn't the ONLY reason, but...I'm a guys girl enough that I don't want to FEEL like the guy in the relationship. Sheesh. If I feel that I could get your car out of the mud faster than you could, I'm just not that interested. :( Is that vain? :confused: I just want to feel like the "girl" in a relationship!!

No, it's not vain to want to feel like the woman. I just dumped a guy because he wanted me to both wear the pants in our relationship AND replace his mother. Which... :no:

You might try compromising on height. It will certainly increase your options. I try not to focus too much on the physical until I know someone better, but to be fair there are things I'm just flat out not attracted to.

My friend who is a 5'4" guy married a 4'11" girl. There is someone out there for everyone. :)

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:55 AM
:lol:

I'm 1 more cat and a sweatshirt away from being a crazy cat lady

God, I hope not. That's a depressing thought at your age. But you do live in Elkton afterall..... :lol:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:56 AM
I was reading an older issue of Glamour the other day and in their section "Its Ok to..." i read the following:

"Its Ok To...Get that second cat!"

See? Its ok to be a crazy cat lady. And no, my cat has not been wearing a lovely selection of christmas sweaters. :lol:

But I already have two cats...!

Ibex
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:59 AM
I refuse to get a third cat. I think it will cross the line. Even tho kittens are just soooo damn CUUUUTE! :lol:


But then, I also got rejected from eHarmony. Apparently they couldn't figure out how to categorize me. Which may say something in itself.... :winkgrin:

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:02 AM
[QUOTE=Grataan;4574830]WTF is wrong with saying virgin? It's not a dirty word.[QUOTE]

'tis even in da bible, ain't it? 'course, I always had my doubts about that 'un. Less jus' say dat Joseph had a set o' horns on him bigger 'n a muskox.

aw righty, as ya were.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:04 AM
I refuse to get a third cat. I think it will cross the line. Even tho kittens are just soooo damn CUUUUTE! :lol:


But then, I also got rejected from eHarmony. Apparently they couldn't figure out how to categorize me. Which may say something in itself.... :winkgrin:

bwahahaha Geez, Ibex. Did it really reject you? That seems like a poor response for a match making business. Maybe..."systems down, please try page at later date?". :lol: I saw a few guys on eharmony who looked interesting but a LOT of guys who seemed...not so interesting. ;)

I may not be the crazy cat lady (yuck) but I am the crazy dog lady. Love my canine beasts. :yes:

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:05 AM
I refuse to get a third cat. I think it will cross the line. Even tho kittens are just soooo damn CUUUUTE! :lol:


I had 14 cats this summer... Does that make me the crazy cat lady?

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:07 AM
I was reading an older issue of Glamour the other day and in their section "Its Ok to..." i read the following:

"Its Ok To...Get that second cat!"

See? Its ok to be a crazy cat lady. And no, my cat has not been wearing a lovely selection of christmas sweaters. :lol:

Leo Mangosteen (http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v154/170/109/734384419/n734384419_158992_7130.jpg)

Although he's actually a Jew (http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v169/170/109/734384419/n734384419_196243_3856.jpg)

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:09 AM
Leo Mangosteen (http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v154/170/109/734384419/n734384419_158992_7130.jpg)

Although he's actually a Jew (http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v169/170/109/734384419/n734384419_196243_3856.jpg)

If we all take photos of our adorable animals...maybe we have more in common than we'd like to admit and it IS affecting our dateability?

:lol::lol:

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:10 AM
If we all take photos of our adorable animals...maybe we have more in common than we'd like to admit and it IS affecting our dateability?

:lol::lol:

I don't date anyone Leo doesn't approve of :winkgrin:

pintopiaffe
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:11 AM
I suppose I ought to alter...

But I actually believe in waiting for marriage.

And I haven't had a date in 20 or 30 years... :lol:

alter-too
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:11 AM
Three cats is the demarcation. Fact.

14 goes way over the line. Sorry SteffiC:lol:

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:13 AM
I suppose I ought to alter...

But I actually believe in waiting for marriage.

And I haven't had a date in 20 or 30 years... :lol:

:lol: Or maybe...:cry: :winkgrin:

Join the COTH Italy trip. :cool::winkgrin:

Ibex
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:13 AM
bwahahaha Geez, Ibex. Did it really reject you? That seems like a poor response for a match making business. Maybe..."systems down, please try page at later date?". :lol: I saw a few guys on eharmony who looked interesting but a LOT of guys who seemed...not so interesting. ;)

I may not be the crazy cat lady (yuck) but I am the crazy dog lady. Love my canine beasts. :yes:

Oh, I kept it! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the time:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched."

FWIW, I've since heard of quite a few women who have also been rejected - usually the smart, independent type with a math/science/engineering type job...

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:14 AM
Three cats is the demarcation. Fact.

14 goes way over the line. Sorry SteffiC:lol:

I'd wait on judgement on SteffiC...she has knowledge of available attractive men but hasn't taken them for herself? There may be more to her problem that the 14 cats. :lol:
jk SteffiC :cool:

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:16 AM
Oh, I kept it! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the time:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched."

FWIW, I've since heard of quite a few women who have also been rejected - usually the smart, independent type with a math/science/engineering type job...

:( Hmm. It told me at first I had no matches but then...matches galore pouring through each day. Have you checked that site since the free profile thing? I use a "spam" email whenever I do stuff like that and just go in periodically and erase the inbox. :lol::lol:

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:17 AM
I don't date anyone Leo doesn't approve of :winkgrin:

So all I have to do is tame your pussycat?

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:18 AM
I'd wait on judgement on SteffiC...she has knowledge of available attractive men but hasn't taken them for herself? There may be more to her problem that the 14 cats. :lol:
jk SteffiC :cool:

Stefffic has been on the market for 42 days :lol:

Prior to that she was engaged for 3 years - he survived the 14 cats and 6 dogs, but I usually kept it at a more reasonable 4 - 7 range.

However, after 3 years with him I'm shocked I'm not a lesbian. It was pretty ugly at the end. :winkgrin:

I might join the COTH single trip, too. When are we leaving? Tomorrow?

My rules - must be a horseperson, be over 6', and be at least 30. I'm easy to please, really... I am!

Those attractive men are also almost 10 years younger than I. ;) and a foot and a half taller. :D

Meredith Clark
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:19 AM
So all I have to do is tame your pussycat?

One should not speak of handling pussies on Christmas!

and with that I say goodnight to COTH!

and to the OP: even if you don't solve your "V" issue.. I hope you get a sexy new years kiss :x

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:20 AM
One should not speak of handling pussies on Christmas!


You said it. Not me, though I was sorely tempted. :winkgrin:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:22 AM
FWIW, I've since heard of quite a few women who have also been rejected - usually the smart, independent type with a math/science/engineering type job...

My brother was also rejected, because they didn't think he was "in a place where he should be dating" or something that basically translated to, "We think you're crazy, please go away."

I do know that they try to make your guy one-up you on job or education, so if you're a woman with a PhD and a day job as a rocket scientist, they might not be able to work with that. Two of my married friends logged on to Eharmony and tried to get it to match them, but it wouldn't. They started messing around with it and finally identified that it was that she had a Masters and he had a BA.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:24 AM
Stefffic has been on the market for 42 days :lol:

Prior to that she was engaged for 3 years - he survived the 14 cats and 6 dogs, but I usually kept it at a more reasonable 4 - 7 range.

However, after 3 years with him I'm shocked I'm not a lesbian. It was pretty ugly at the end. :winkgrin:

I might join the COTH single trip, too. When are we leaving? Tomorrow?

My rules - must be a horseperson, be over 6', and be at least 30. I'm easy to please, really... I am!

Those attractive men are also almost 10 years younger than I. ;) and a foot and a half taller. :D


:lol: Well, with that generic of a set of criteria, I don't see how you've managed even 20 days on the market. :winkgrin:

As for the available attractive men, they're in my height range then. Goody. :cool:

We can leave for Europe any time. I'm not that invested in this college thing anyway. ;):lol: Apparently I need a mad hot fling w/ a 30 year old Italian man who likes women to jump start my US dating tour. :lol:

Lex, ach...you need to start your own off topic thread if you want to discuss pussycat taming. :winkgrin:

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:26 AM
:lol: Well, with that generic of a set of criteria, I don't see how you've managed even 20 days on the market. :winkgrin:


There aren't too many single, strait, horsemen in my area. I have my sites set on one, but he's working overtime until after the 1st.

Everyone else down here pulls their 4 horse trailer with their Dodge Dakota and thinks I'm crazy because I ride english.

I might change that from horseperson to rich, old man with one foot in the grave :lol:

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:27 AM
and to the OP: even if you don't solve your "V" issue.. I hope you get a sexy new years kiss :x

Mmm, me too. Now to just find the non-beer pong, weed kegger new years party I want to go to...:lol:

Night M. Clark! Merry Christmas and thanks for the posts. This thread has made the holiday thus far bearable. :winkgrin:

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:29 AM
There aren't too many single, strait, horsemen in my area. I have my sites set on one, but he's working overtime until after the 1st.

Everyone else down here pulls their 4 horse trailer with their Dodge Dakota and thinks I'm crazy because I ride english.

I might change that from horseperson to rich, old man with one foot in the grave :lol:

I admit to using certain traits to my advantage in the old man category. Like a friend always tells me, "It's as easy to marry a rich man as it is a poor one." :lol:

Was that a Freudian slip when you wrote "strait horseman". Are you subconciously yearning for a George Strait cowboy lookalike? In his Dodge Dakota? ;)

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:31 AM
I admit to using certain traits to my advantage in the old man category. Like a friend always tells me, "It's as easy to marry a rich man as it is a poor one." :lol:

Was that a Freudian slip when you wrote "strait horseman". Are you subconciously yearning for a George Strait cowboy lookalike? In his Dodge Dakota? ;)

It was a wine induced slip. LOL

I will date any responsible horseman, whatever discipline they ride. But, if I wouldn't put my horse in his trailer... how far is that going to go?

And, to carry over a thread from TOB, I wouldn't let him park his truck in my garage either. :lol:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:32 AM
There aren't too many single, strait, horsemen in my area.

Yes, I was definitely going to add "straight" to your list above.

I'll date under 6', though. They just have to be my same height or taller.

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:33 AM
Yes, I was definitely going to add "straight" to your list above.

I'll date under 6', though. They just have to be my same height or taller.

They have to be tall enough for me to wear 5" heels with - preferably 6" heels.

I'm 5'4. ;) I'm not dating a guy who's shorter than I am in my heels. Love my heels, wear them everyday.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:36 AM
They have to be tall enough for me to wear 5" heels with - preferably 6" heels.

I'm 5'4. ;) I'm not dating a guy who's shorter than I am in my heels. Love my heels, wear them everyday.

God. If I wore six inch heels I'd be 6'5. :lol: Oh dear. I'd need to date a basketball player to wear your heels anywhere! :eek: Good onya though, heels are sexy.

I have a friend who is 6'6 or so, gorgeous, etc. but alas, we're just friends. I love wearing heels out w/ him though. I'm not wearing any lethal 6" things though! :lol:

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:38 AM
God. If I wore six inch heels I'd be 6'5. :lol: Oh dear. I'd need to date a basketball player to wear your heels anywhere! :eek: Good onya though, heels are sexy.

I have a friend who is 6'6 or so, gorgeous, etc. but alas, we're just friends. I love wearing heels out w/ him though. I'm not wearing any lethal 6" things though! :lol:

LOL Who said anything about spikes?

I do own a pair of 7" heels - 3" platforms on those, though. They're wooden, too.

That's one advantage to bigger feet, I can comfortably wear 5's, 6's are okay, 7's are not for vertical wear, but they do make them in my size... ;)

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:40 AM
I wear flats just about every day. I love the latest platformy heel thingies, but after seeing a girl fall ass over teakettle while sliding down the airplane ramp in her 6" heels I realized I like my ankles!

More men for me. I am only 5'6". :yes:

Amchara
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:41 AM
Sort of relate. Had a high school sweet heart, that ended, and been single ever since. Interestingly, I also spend a lot of time with guys at school, most of which are married or engaged or taken. Great school friends though. My one single guy friend from school texted me a few days ago to tell me all of his brain cells were gone (beer pong douche, anyone :lol:? )

I remember when I was little, I didn't understand how two people could like each other at the same time. I'm still pretty baffled by how that could happen ;). It's mutual though; some sad puppy like nerd jumps ahead of me in line at starbucks so he can buy me a drink or an older/mature guy capable of good conversation doesn't like my race.

I've also been told by a friend that I have a "Don't "mess" with me" vibe, but for the most part guys my age just want to mess around with girls. Not too encouraging. Can I join you guys in Italy?

Ibex
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:41 AM
LOL Who said anything about spikes?

I do own a pair of 7" heels - 3" platforms on those, though. They're wooden, too.

That's one advantage to bigger feet, I can comfortably wear 5's, 6's are okay, 7's are not for vertical wear, but they do make them in my size... ;)

How the heck do you WALK in those things??? :eek:

I top out at 4". However, they make me 6'2", so I've never felt the need.... :lol:

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:41 AM
I sort of walk ridiculously in heels; I'm so used to striding out in boots or sneakers/muck boots that I find heels restrictive. I guess if I tried for a sexy cheetah walk rather than the army march I seem to naturally adopt, I could walk half way well in them...

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:41 AM
I wear flats just about every day. I love the latest platformy heel thingies, but after seeing a girl fall ass over teakettle while sliding down the airplane ramp in her 6" heels I realized I like my ankles!

More men for me. I am only 5'6". :yes:

My mom is 5'10, my dad is 6'4 and all my extended family - aunts and uncles are over 6', except my maternal grandmother who is 5'1.

I wear heels in self defense in my family. :lol: Otherwise I get lost in the shuffle...

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:43 AM
I remember when I was little, I didn't understand how two people could like each other at the same time. I'm still pretty baffled by how that could happen ;). It's mutual though; some sad puppy like nerd jumps ahead of me in line at starbucks so he can buy me a drink or an older/mature guy capable of good conversation doesn't like my race.

I've also been told by a friend that I have a "Don't "mess" with me" vibe, but for the most part guys my age just want to mess around with girls. Not too encouraging. Can I join you guys in Italy?

We're creating quite a contingent. Anyone's invited. ;) Are you in the 20something group w/ moi?

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:43 AM
How the heck do you WALK in those things??? :eek:

I top out at 4". However, they make me 6'2", so I've never felt the need.... :lol:

Very carefully? :lol:

I took 4 years of ballet and 1 year of modeling when I was young enough for my mother to force me into it. Maybe that's it?

It's all about where the shoe bends - if it's the proper place for your foot then you can walk effortlessly. AND, a small platform makes walking easier, because you don't feel cracks, rocks, etc... when you land on the ball of your foot.

Maybe I should teach y'all heel walking before the Italy trip? :winkgrin:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:45 AM
I sort of walk ridiculously in heels; I'm so used to striding out in boots or sneakers/muck boots that I find heels restrictive. I guess if I tried for a sexy cheetah walk rather than the army march I seem to naturally adopt, I could walk half way well in them...

Oh, I can teach you when we get to Italy. The 14 years of ballet did some good for me.

Just don't expect to be able to army march. You can still walk quickly, but you'll have to reduce your stride a bit.

Edited to say.... I did do the MC Hammer dance in 4" heels at the last wedding I attended...

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:49 AM
Oh, I can teach you when we get to Italy. The 14 years of ballet did some good for me.

Just don't expect to be able to army march. You can still walk quickly, but you'll have to reduce your stride a bit.

Edited to say.... I did do the MC Hammer dance in 4" heels at the last wedding I attended...

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

How about a slink? I'll work a slinky walk in heels... ;)

ETA: if we go, we need to stop at a certain butcher's shop where you may all ogle the butcher. He is Adonis reborn. Heel walking 101 should probably be completed at this stage of the trip. ;)

Pirateer
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:49 AM
I need remedial heel walking please...
Also I claim the 20 something straight men over 6'5...

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:52 AM
I need remedial heel walking please...
Also I claim the 20 something straight men over 6'5...

You're in Alaska and still single?

I was considering a move to Alaska next year in an attempt to find a man. Guess I'll rethink THAT!

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:53 AM
I need remedial heel walking please...
Also I claim the 20 something straight men over 6'5...

Proof of height is necessary before claim can be validated, miss. ;) You've got some tall women competing with you in this thread...'cause if I'm wearing any sort of heel, I'll be needing a 6'5 guy too. :lol:

Also, WTF. You're in Alaska? How favorable is the male to female ratio there compared to the rest of this country? eeks. Maybe I do have to look internationally...

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:56 AM
Okay, I have done some research. Italy might need to be the first stop so we can all bask in the advertised adoration that will be bestowed upon us simply because we are women. After that, we have a choice of Germany, Sweden, or the Netherlands, all of which have an average height of 5'11.5".

Those are the countries with the world's tallest average heights. Poor Italy, at only 5'9.5" just may not work for some of us.

Amchara
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:58 AM
I'm 20, just under 5'4" and could use some lessons on how to walk in heeles. My best friend lived in Italy for a year and said that if she was at the airport and having trouble with her heavy bag, all she had to do was smile at one guy and a handful would be falling over themselves to help her. Damn her.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:59 AM
Okay, I have done some research. Italy might need to be the first stop so we can all bask in the advertised adoration that will be bestowed upon us simply because we are women. After that, we have a choice of Germany, Sweden, or the Netherlands, all of which have an average height of 5'11.5".

Those are the countries with the world's tallest average heights. Poor Italy, at only 5'9.5" just may not work for some of us.

Exactly. Love me some German accents. :yes: Very sexy, imo. :lol: And the blue eyes that tend to go w/ it? :yes::) redkat, I approve of this plan. ;)

dizzywriter
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:00 AM
You all got into shoes, and I was going to say something dirty.
But I will anyway.
As a rather tall one, with a DH that's taller when he stands up straight (and he never does), you may have to live a few more decades for that not to matter.
But as for the V word, and whether to make an effort to not be one, I guess the question really is: do you want to? Not "do you want to not be a v?", but "do you want what it entails not to be one?"
If that idea gives you the feeling of Ohhhs, that's one thing.
If it gives you the feeling Icks, that's another.
If it gives you feelings of neither, are you the master of your universe?
No need to answer, just stuff to think about.

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:13 AM
But as for the V word, and whether to make an effort to not be one, I guess the question really is: do you want to? Not "do you want to not be a v?", but "do you want what it entails not to be one?"
.

now I know why they call you "dizzy"writer...

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:14 AM
Exactly. Love me some German accents. :yes: Very sexy, imo. :lol: And the blue eyes that tend to go w/ it? :yes::) redkat, I approve of this plan. ;)

hate to pop your bubble, but most Germans have brown eyes... ;)

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:15 AM
And to the OP- I hope it's not too weird, cause I'm in the same boat!

I think my problem is that I'm just shy. I have some friends who are shy but come off as 'cute/giggly/shy'. I think I end up coming off more as 'cold and distant'. Which isn't me at ALL. Sigh.

My mom tells me all the time, "People think you're aloof. You've got to open up a little." Well. I try. But I hate being fake so if I'm not feeling it, and can not get my "hi there" attitude up quick enough...well, you get the regular cool/distance/reserved me. :lol:

It'll be an interesting group strolling the Italian streets. Men may run the other way. :winkgrin:

MaresNest
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:15 AM
All you ladies who are turning down geeks, please send them my way. I am seriously head over heels for those brainy, Star Wars watching, pocket protector wearing types. And, sadly, I don't have any in my life right now. :(

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:17 AM
hate to pop your bubble, but most Germans have brown eyes... ;)

Hmm, in my experience they've almost ALL had blue eyes...and they've been tall.

At least, the ones I've met in Europe. Haven't met that many here in the States. Maybe something happens to them in the plane over the Atlantic? ;) jk :winkgrin:

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:18 AM
I was considering a move to Alaska next year in an attempt to find a man. Guess I'll rethink THAT!

I hope you like your guys unshaven, smelling of sweat, dog poop, and diesel and wearing the same clothes all winter (I've hung out with too many mushers). Oh, and share their bed with a couple of huskies in full shedding mode.

As they say up here, the odds are good but the goods are odd.

StefffiC
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:20 AM
As they say up here, the odds are good but the goods are odd.

I don't mind odd... in some ways. :lol:

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:22 AM
As they say up here, the odds are good but the goods are odd.

That is now on my list of favorite phrases!

Donkey
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:22 AM
As others mentioned a trip to Italy would be perfect for you. I also recommend France. :winkgrin:

ETA - Italian men would never run

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:26 AM
Well, I am headed that way again this next year. ;)


re: Alaska Don't they have a saying about "honey, when you leave here, you're ugly again?" Or something like that? Read it in a Pam Houston novel, I think...

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:27 AM
ETA - Italian men would never run

?? Explain for my v-ness. ;)

Donkey
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:29 AM
My mom tells me all the time, "People think you're aloof. You've got to open up a little." Well. I try. But I hate being fake so if I'm not feeling it, and can not get my "hi there" attitude up quick enough...well, you get the regular cool/distance/reserved me. :lol:

It'll be an interesting group strolling the Italian streets. Men may run the other way. :winkgrin:

I was referring to the above - should have quoted!

dizzywriter
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:29 AM
now I know why they call you "dizzy"writer...

Oh? That's what I call myself.
Elaborate.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:30 AM
I was referring to the above - should have quoted!

Ah, gotcha. :) I haven't been back to Europe since I was a teenager...it'll be fun to visit without the training wheels. ;)

LexInVA
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:31 AM
On that note, I'm going to bed.

dizzywriter
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:32 AM
On that note, I'm going to bed.

Gotcha!

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:33 AM
re: Alaska Don't they have a saying about "honey, when you leave here, you're ugly again?" Or something like that? ...

haven't heard that one before. I was already ugly when I got here.

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:33 AM
I think we've made good headway here. :)

spotted mustang
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:35 AM
Oh? That's what I call myself.
Elaborate.


well, it made me dizzy. Too many words that look alike, and I've had some eggnogg (with s.th. in it). :yes

Cheerio!

Donkey
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:37 AM
There once was a project at my workplace that had to send employees to work in Italy on a regular basis. They had to stop sending single womem because everyone that was sent ended up married and quit work to be a housewife within a year of being relocated.

So if you go don't stay too long! And just imagine what a short vacation could do for you...

Lone
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:38 AM
It'll be an interesting group strolling the Italian streets. Men may run the other way. :winkgrin:

Very valid point- we may need to divide and conquer!

JER
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:46 AM
I clicked on this thread because I didn't know WTF a 'V' was.

I thought maybe this thread was for Pynchon fans. But I guess not and anyway, I'm no Pynchon fan.

If you want to meet men, go to Reykjavik. As in Iceland. Go out to any bar at night and you will meet men. Lots of them. Lots of tall, Icelandic men.

(Don't go to Italy to meet men. Bad idea. I can say that because I'm Italian. A better place to meet Italian men is Argentina -- the culture has evolved with migration.)

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:49 AM
If you want to meet men, go to Reykjavik. As in Iceland. Go out to any bar at night and you will meet men. Lots of them. Lots of tall, Icelandic men.

This is promising:

"The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development issued a survey which ranks Icelanders as among the world's tallest people. According to the report, Icelandic men are actually third, behind Dutch and Danes, in terms of median height, but Icelandic women are the world's tallest women."

Iceland was not included in my earlier source.

Woodland
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:51 AM
Back to the OP's first post. I just had a conversation with my grandniece involving someone she knew that was trying to "give it up" before she goes to high school next fall :eek:

I told her that it is the ONE thing you have that only YOU can choose who to give it to. It can be taken forcibly from you, but that is rare - thank GOD! When you decide to bestow it on someone you love there is no going back it is forever. Permanent! Indelible! So be picky!

Then I showed her the picture of the man who was my first kiss when we were freshmen in high school. And I said "I am stuck. That is the first guy I kissed and I have to live with that. Let that be a lesson in being choosy!!! Imagine if it was sex! YIKES!" The man did not age well - :no: So it was one of those "don't let this happen to you " moments.

I noticed with my Son's friends - and these are the uber smart going to rule the world types - that they are just as picky as the girls. They know kids they went to school with that are already Moms & Dads in their late teens & early 20's! They can see what a hard road it is and they want no part of it! They are careful and choosy and want to wait until they know it is "the one". These are not the kinds of young men that hang in bars or strip clubs. They are so much more than that! They have goals and are ambitious and educated. They are the kind of guys that will be making 6 figures before 30 - so honey wait there is someone just as picky and successful as you just around the corner. And when you meet sparks will fly!

From one picky person to another, date A LOT! Finding a man is like shoe shopping you have to try on a lot of pairs to get the right one! I l-o-v-e-d dating and got it all out of my system before I met the MR of my dreams. That way when I met HIM I knew HE was the ONE! If I had no experience I might have passed on the perfect, for me, guy. So get out there girl! Dating does not mean s-e-x!

redkat
Dec. 25, 2009, 03:02 AM
Back to the OP's first post. I just had a conversation with my grandniece involving someone she knew that was trying to "give it up" before she goes to high school next fall :eek:

I told her that it is the ONE thing you have that only YOU can choose who to give it to.

I l-o-v-e-d dating and got it all out of my system before I met the MR of my dreams.

Yikes! Good on you to sit down and talk about this with your grandniece.

I think what the OP and some of us sort of stumbled upon is that we sort of...don't feel the compulsion to really date, or we do, but it's less than comfortable for us. What did you like so much about dating?

Renn/aissance
Dec. 25, 2009, 03:27 AM
Well hell, guys, I'm buying a plane ticket. :lol: Long-distance worked the first time, only it sucked! (I met my now-ex through an online forum. He lived in London, I in Maryland. That was a fun time zone difference!)

Some of my friends and I kept telling ourselves, "We are going to got to Ireland, where the men and the horses are both stunning, and we are going to have fun." As it happens I will be in Ireland this summer. Hmmm... ;)

Pirateer
Dec. 25, 2009, 03:51 AM
Proof of height is necessary before claim can be validated, miss. ;) You've got some tall women competing with you in this thread...'cause if I'm wearing any sort of heel, I'll be needing a 6'5 guy too. :lol:

Also, WTF. You're in Alaska? How favorable is the male to female ratio there compared to the rest of this country? eeks. Maybe I do have to look internationally...

I'm 5'3" :)

Lots of men in Alaska. Lots of them who live in the backwoods and lots in the military and lots of them who work on the slope.

And thus, nothing a smart girl goes near ;)

meupatdoes
Dec. 25, 2009, 06:19 AM
Ugh, speaking of German guys, I went on a date with a German med student who offhandedly said (I hadn't mentioned the horses yet),

"I just don't understand the whole 'pet thing'. I mean, if you are going to spend all of that time, and all of that money, on something... wouldn't you rather spend it on a child?"

Good God, the 'record scratch' noise on THAT date was practically audible and I was like, "CHECK PLEASE."


I am 6' tall, wear stilettos, and will compromise on height.

That said, your shoulders must be wider than your waist or it is a No Go. Can't help it. Fair is fair though, and if a guy just isn't attracted to me because I am 6'3" in my heels, that's his perogative.

There are some people in my life that I know would be GREAT to date but for whatever reason I am not attracted to them. I get annoyed with myself but there is no use fighting chemistry, or getting offended when chemistry doesn't work from the other direction either, for that matter.



And, on being attracted to guys in relationships thing:
That happens to me ALL THE TIME, but it can't be a defense mechanism because I generally find out about the relationship status only AFTER the attraction has taken place. It is so annoying!!!

But on the other hand, sometimes it is easier to be attracted to someone you otherwise may not have been if you see that they are great in a relationship. Kind of like it is easier to say, "Man is that a nice horse," when it is already clocking around the A/Os than when it is an unproven entity.
The trick is beating the bushes and spotting the potential early!

Older men are much more attractive, but sadly also much more likely to be married.
Sometimes you just can't win.

:lol::lol::lol:

Tucked_Away
Dec. 25, 2009, 10:08 AM
But on the other hand, sometimes it is easier to be attracted to someone you otherwise may not have been if you see that they are great in a relationship. Kind of like it is easier to say, "Man is that a nice horse," when it is already clocking around the A/Os than when it is an unproven entity.
The trick is beating the bushes and spotting the potential early!

Ha, horsey metaphors. I was just saying to myself yesterday, "Self, it is one thing to find 'beautiful and troubled' attractive in a horse. It is a whole 'nother thing to find it attractive in a man."

Not a virgin, but I do spend longish stretches single, and this is a big part of why[1]. The overlap between "guys I find interesting and attractive" and "guys not obviously too crazy even for me" is. Um. Not large.

On the other hand, quirky Thoroughbred types and I get on like a house afire...:lol:

Quickest feeling-sorry-for-myself cure I have ever: go skim the Craigslist personals. Could be worse! Could be dating one of those guys!

[1] The other part is just that I seem to be several years behind the curve in this stuff, which was occasionally vexing in college--not so much in high school, when I was too oblivious to notice!--but does seem to be resolving itself nicely as time goes by. So there is, y'know, hope.

rcloisonne
Dec. 25, 2009, 10:33 AM
Still a virgin in your 20s is no biggy but not ever having had a single date? Now that is odd. Sure you actually like men? Not that there's anything wrong with that. :lol:

EponaRoan
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:38 PM
I keep thinking this thread is about the lizard people aliens.

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2008/10/10/v-lizard-alien-lady.jpg

EqTrainer
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:46 PM
As others mentioned a trip to Italy would be perfect for you. I also recommend France. :winkgrin:

ETA - Italian men would never run

Ok, I'm back and I agree w/this!

Ladies, when you go.. can I be your matron chaperone? I'd like to just feast my eyes again... I have never seen so much beauty in such great supply and I am not talking about the architecture!

I married a French man so I can say that yes, the eye candy there is mighty fine too.. but shorter. And the j'adore is not quite as pronounced. Italian men LOVE women, they love their mama's, they love baby girls, they just love women and it is so obvious..

the *last* time I was in Italy I was pregnant w/LMEqT and about 30 times a day an Italian man would look at me, look at my belly, look back UP to my eyes and say Ciao Bella.. hello beautiful..

yes, that is what you need to hear when you are pregnant!

DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:53 PM
I agree with EqTrainer - but also, another view. I informed my parents, at 16, I would not be a virgin when I got married. Not that I was dating, not that I was looking to get married. But I had always wanted to go to Europe, and figured that a honeymoon might be the first chance (not realizing there would be international conferences and colleagues in my future). And I said, "I'll finally get to France or Italy, and frankly, the ceiling of one hotel room looks just the same as any other and that's not what I would want to be looking at."

And you know what? Not being married is not bad at all. Relationships - good ones - are partnerships, and require effort from both partners (my parents have been married for 60 years). And a bad relationship can suck you dry.

Be choosy. That's far better than the alternative!

danceronice
Dec. 25, 2009, 12:54 PM
Three cats is the demarcation. Fact.

14 goes way over the line. Sorry SteffiC:lol:

My friend and I did the math--if you live alone, you can have up to four cats. Any beyond that and you are a crazy cat lady (even if you're male.)

If there is more than one person in the house, you can go up to about seven. Beyond that and you are crazy cat people.

meupatdoes--yikes. Yeah, one of my eHarmony things is "never ask me to chose between you and 1) my pets or 2) my ballroom pros. In both cases, you will not come out ahead." (My pros are rather like the big brothers I never had, and also rather astute judges of character. Chris in particular, if he doesn't like someone personally, there's probably a pretty good reason.)

I'm starting to think I need to pack up and move to England or Scotland or Northern Ireland to look for men. (Not Wales, though. Someone has to be the butt of sheep jokes. ;) Italy for the fun trip, though! And I can walk in heels on just about any surface.

And at 5'4", IF you measure me in the morning before my spine compresses, I really can't compromise on height--5'6" is about my absolute minimum. I probably am too physically picky, but I really don't think fit (neither bulked, obese, nor skinny), well-groomed, and taller than me is too much to ask.

ALTERnate view
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:05 PM
To present a different opinion- do it while you can. Have fun!

I lost my virginity to a guy I had met a few times before. Never called or heard from him after that, and I'm kinda glad. It was really bad sex, anyways... ;)

I'm a smart, attractive, young woman, and I'm planning to have a successful career. Just because I don't need a relationship to sleep with someone doesn't mean I'm a lowlife. I just have a very casual attitude towards sex. I'm an opportunist and if it feels right at the time, I'll do it.

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:13 PM
Still a virgin in your 20s is no biggy but not ever having had a single date? Now that is odd. Sure you actually like men? Not that there's anything wrong with that. :lol:

Answered this question earlier in the thread. ;)

I went to a private mainly girls school, my only hobby was horses, and when not actively involved in either class/horses I was reading. I cut myself some slack when it comes to the dating history. If you're not out there, who can ask you? Now that people are asking...it's my fault for not taking them up on it. ;) That's changing though. New Year's resolution: give the boys a chance. :lol:

You know, sometimes I think it'd be easier if I was into women! Too bad breasts and female etc. do nothing for me! Great if it does for someone else, but for me...I love men. :yes:

seeuatx
Dec. 25, 2009, 01:47 PM
I did not date at all until I was in college, and even then it was casually until I met my (now) husband. I kept my V card well past the point that most of my friends considered "normal".

I've really gotten sick of hearing that virginity is abnormal after, oh age 16 or so. There was an advice column on the Today show website where the "expert" actually hinted that the mid-20s virgin either had mental issues (aspergers was the actual one named) or was abused due to her status. :eek: . So it's "perfectly normal" for 13 y/o s to "experiment with their sexuality" by texting nude photos to their boyfriends, but god forbid one of her friends still is a virgin in 10 years, she must have a social disorder.

Also we can look at the dating norms in the last 5 years or so. Teens and College age don't date or have relationships, they hook-up. They go out, have some fun, and go home. No commitment, not awkward silences in the morning. Not sure where that leaves them when the female Hookee comes back several weeks later with a positive pregnancy test (or std test for that matter). If I were in the same position today, I'd probably still be holding out. "Hooking Up" is not enough incentive to lose it to some random guy, IMHO.

Woodland
Dec. 25, 2009, 02:56 PM
What did you like so much about dating?

I grew up in a large family. My sisters were beautiful out going blondes. I was a mousey studious horsey brunette. For reasons i do not wish to discuss I was made to leave home at 17 and was on my own. I was lonely I was broke. As I learned my way through the grown up world by hit or miss I gained the confidence I lacked in high school. I read a lot of romance novels to fill the empty time. I learned to make use of my assets by reading Cosmo on the train going into the loop to work. I know it sounds silly - but you have to get training from somewhere. And I had none.

I always thought guys were making fun of me when they asked me out so i always said no. Then I took a chance and said yes. I found that there were guys that were interested in what I had to say and that thought I was beautiful. I was cautious about being hurt or misled so I never gave away the big V or much else to all of those who asked. If anything it made them pursue all the more.

I loved feeling desirable and worthwhile. I loved feeling beautiful and "enchanting". I loved to listen to guys talk about themselves - remember I was lonely and missed conversation. I learned to ask good questions so they would talk more. Like tell me about your hobbies and your school and your ambitions and your dog(this is a really good one - you can learn a lot about a man through his dog!) etc. I was very careful to not get messed up and careless by over indulging in booze(key). I loved that they wanted to hear about what I loved as well. I loved getting dressed up. I got to go to hundreds of concerts and movies, dozens of plays, countless dinners, lunches even met a few for breakfasts. I saw fireworks and drag races and drag shows( he was a a body builder with serious issues).

Being alone and miserable turned into one of the best times of my pre married life. Oh I met a LOT of creeps, but I met a lot of great guys - some became my good dear friends. i was even engaged a time or two before I met THE man I would marry 28 years ago. I became confident and knowledgeable. So that when I met a GREAT guy, I knew what he was! Not right away. Hubby and I were friends and riding buddies for well over a year before we ever dated. I KNEW him and fell in love with him as my best friend.

What did I love about dating - just about every thing :) I got it all out of my system and was ready to settle down when Hubby asked me on our first date. We went horse trailer shopping, had lunch at Portillo's and then to the county fair. I went in jeans and a tee shirt all day - comfortable - like great shoes! My Mom said "He is a guy that really understands you, you will marry this one" She was RIGHT!

Go for it dear - the only thing you can discover is that you hate dating. No harm no foul.

Oh and that "3rd date rule" is a lie!

Alterago
Dec. 25, 2009, 03:01 PM
I did not date at all until I was in college, and even then it was casually until I met my (now) husband. I kept my V card well past the point that most of my friends considered "normal".

I've really gotten sick of hearing that virginity is abnormal after, oh age 16 or so. There was an advice column on the Today show website where the "expert" actually hinted that the mid-20s virgin either had mental issues (aspergers was the actual one named) or was abused due to her status. :eek: . So it's "perfectly normal" for 13 y/o s to "experiment with their sexuality" by texting nude photos to their boyfriends, but god forbid one of her friends still is a virgin in 10 years, she must have a social disorder.

Also we can look at the dating norms in the last 5 years or so. Teens and College age don't date or have relationships, they hook-up. They go out, have some fun, and go home. No commitment, not awkward silences in the morning. Not sure where that leaves them when the female Hookee comes back several weeks later with a positive pregnancy test (or std test for that matter). If I were in the same position today, I'd probably still be holding out. "Hooking Up" is not enough incentive to lose it to some random guy, IMHO.

Thank you for this post. Sincerely!

greysandbays
Dec. 25, 2009, 03:31 PM
According to my purebred Italian SIL, Italian men are short, hairy momma's boys. But I guess I could see how a horse mommy could go for that... :D

But if you start looking at crossbreds, Italian x German is NOT a good cross! :eek:

Beethoven
Dec. 25, 2009, 05:22 PM
I was 19 and lost it to my current boyfriend. We will celebrate our 6 yr anniversary in April. Plan to get married when our life works out for that. I am glad I waited. :yes:

Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Be proud and you will know when you meet the right person. I had never really dated before my boyfriend either. He is my best friend and soul mate. :)

propspony
Dec. 25, 2009, 05:32 PM
hmm... as for the German thing...

For some reason I have a track record of dating Germans and Austrians. I think I threw a Canadian in there once just for variety (I liked his accent :-D). I don't plan it that way, they just sorta... find me and then I get sucked in.

I think 2010 is going to start a new rule: If your German is better than mine, you're going to have to prove you're not crazy BEFORE the dating starts. LOL! :-p

Although... there is always hope... and it's been 50-50 blue eyes to brown eyes.

EqTrainer
Dec. 25, 2009, 06:08 PM
According to my purebred Italian SIL, Italian men are short, hairy momma's boys. But I guess I could see how a horse mommy could go for that... :D

But if you start looking at crossbreds, Italian x German is NOT a good cross! :eek:

I guess it depends on what part of Italy she's from :lol: I've visited most of the middle of it and while sure there were some trolls, the vast quantities of tall, dark and handsome men made them easy to overlook..

and I'm 5'9" so it's not like I think 5'5" is tall :winkgrin:

pintopiaffe
Dec. 25, 2009, 06:40 PM
Somehow I'm just *compelled* to share this...

My new FT job is in a hospital, security. I am also a Law Enforcement Officer. Most assume because I'm a cop w/horses that I'm a lesbian. NOT.

Anyway.

I have had the funniest, sweetest experiences with two EXTREMELY ETOH (hospital talk for 'drunk (far) beyond off their arse') smart, articulate, but really alcoholic guys in the last two weeks. One had a DEGREE in Classic Literature (which probably explains both the ETOH and the homeless part--I *can* say that because I'm an English Minor... :lol: )

Both proclaimed how beautiful I am. Both proclaimed I am smart and kind and funny (I agree with those, most of the time)

Both were almost fatally DRUNK! :lol: One was a .39 and actually managed to walk out under his own power AMA (against Med advice.) .40 is generally where your brain forgets to tell your heart to beat or your lungs to breathe... :uhoh: t'other was a .30. The OUI 'legal limit' is .08 if that gives you any idea.

At any rate, it's a HUGE tangent, and I'm not even sure it has any value to add to the discussion--but TOTALLY cracks me up. And is SO far OT that the only place it could be posted is here on OT day.

Somehow I feel like it pertains to the German/Italian etc. discussion. You know, as in, Drunk is just another category. :lol: :winkgrin:

And, if I ever get *really* worried, or feel some sort of biological clock ticking, I know where to find them. :lol: :eek: :winkgrin:

EqTrainer
Dec. 25, 2009, 06:43 PM
Well PP...

I am of the belief that people become their true selves when they are drunk.

In fact, being a fan of the slightly tipsy stage myself, I would never consider being w/any man I had not seen at least mildly drunk.

Kinda wierd but you have to have some way of sorting them out :lol:

sid
Dec. 25, 2009, 07:35 PM
Not to make light of the subject, but EqTrainer -- I've heard that gin brings out the worst and scotch brings out the best...

...if there was only a special elixir that was like truth serum...:lol::winkgrin::p.

To the OP, do what you want to do when you feel it is "right", maybe not perfect, but not something that feels "wrong" in you gut. Nothing wrong with being in touch with your feelings as long as not avoiding out of some sort of internal fear...or OTOH succumbing due to some sort of outside or social pressure. That's the rub, you need to figure out which it really is. If it's neither, there's not a darned thing wrong with you.

SaturdayNightLive
Dec. 25, 2009, 07:41 PM
...if there was only a special elixir that was like truth serum...:lol::winkgrin::p.



It's called Absinthe. Be afraid. :eek:

Trakehner
Dec. 25, 2009, 07:54 PM
Virginity...guys don't care, it's really not that important to us. It can be a royal pain in fact...girl doesn't know what she likes, puts way too much importance on a semi-lunar hymen and it can be too much drama.

You want to be certainly "picky"....but there is reality too! I had a friend who would only go with a beautiful blond with big boobs....he sure wasn't their idea of their fantasy guy...not in looks or money. He wouldn't settle for a nice girl, he had his fantasy girl he demanded, so he was alone.

I had friends at the barn who when the other girls asked about their date, the first questions were: What's he drive, what's he do for a living. They were basically asking "How much does he make?" Very sad and shallow...they deserve to be alone with that attitude.

Virginity is overpriced...not worth the fight/wait/proving total LUV. If others don't value it as the "owner" does, it's not a draw or a valuable enticement to a guy (or girl for that matter of virginal guys).

Be less picky, enjoy different behaviours and personalities...you might find an interesting person you'd never expected to like. Don't sleep with em' stupidly...value yourself and not having a venereal disease (Chlamydia is through the roof nowadays). Kinda' scary out there now.

*jumper*
Dec. 26, 2009, 12:24 AM
I'm 19. I've had two boyfriends, both relationships lasted less than a month.

I simply cannot stand guys my age. I'm sick of the games, the immaturity, the mindlessness. Most guy friends I have are 3-4 years older than me, and at this age there's really no relationship opportunity there. At some point I finally just realized that I can't deal with the majority of guys my age, and I don't want to. I have serious goals, and I kinda put my riding career before any kind of relationship. It's not that I don't want one--there are many times I'd love a guy to hang out with, talk to, etc--but I'd rather wait for the right person than continue to deal with all the crap.

So no, you're not alone. I don't really see things changing anytime soon, and for now I can deal with that. Good things come to those who wait, right?

WindyIsles
Dec. 26, 2009, 12:37 AM
Some of my friends and I kept telling ourselves, "We are going to got to Ireland, where the men and the horses are both stunning, and we are going to have fun." As it happens I will be in Ireland this summer. Hmmm... ;)

LOL

Good look with finding the Stunning Irishmen (horsey is another story ;)) - then again my area of Ireland (Co. Clare) my family's been there so long (6 Generations for my mother, 8 for my Stepdad) that I can't go anywhere without bumping into a cousin (dating prospects = nil)

Currently dating a German-American former Marine.

My family took that well... :lol:

Family: ...what do you mean he's not Irish? :eek:

CoolMeadows
Dec. 26, 2009, 12:51 AM
I'm starting to think I need to pack up and move to England or Scotland or Northern Ireland to look for men. (Not Wales, though. Someone has to be the butt of sheep jokes. ;)

My brother went to St. Andrews and I had so much fun at his graduation! Hello there, thousands of well built Scotsmen with sexy accents. :D Good choice on the Brits too, probably my best relationship. One major flaw: he didn't want me to have horses. Sorry, no go. He still stays in touch... wonder if he's over that requirement yet?
And watch those Welshies! Christian Bale, anyone.

halla
Dec. 26, 2009, 01:16 AM
I don't think you're weird at all, and wouldn't worry about it. I'm like really liberal but just never was attracted to that many people, took my time about this one. And honestly I think the whole virginity/sex distinction is overrated. What other activities to we have a word for not having done yet? I just don't see it as defining in any way.

I also don't think you're necessarily missing out much on the dating thing, after watching friends go through bad date after bad date with the occasional bad boyfriend (and also good!) mixed in. I dated someone for a a bit in highschool that I wish I hadn't, someone in college who turned out to be gay, and then my current SO. We met in college, spent 6 months pining for one another and hanging out constantly before realizing "oh! he/she likes me to!" and have been together for over five years. I'd always happily thought I'd end up with a nice short stereotypical geeky guy who only I thought was at all cute, and was very surprised to instead get a very very athletic dashing tall blue-eyed (but still quite geeky) guy. You can fall for the most unexpected things. He wasn't at all my type, and I still don't know what he was thinking. I think we also have a way of assuming that the people we like couldn't possibly like us, and pining after friends only to find out later they were reciprocating the whole time.

Anyway. Just think of it as weeding more people out. Who wants someone who thinks you are intimidating anyway? Or who would care if you haven't dated before?

At least you aren't my one friend (late 20s) who keeps falling for guys, thinking it might go well, only to find out they are joining a monastic order or going to school to become a priest. I am not kidding. And she isn't weirdly religious or anything.

So where are all these hot Italians? I was near Venice for five weeks and saw two. Luckily I give off some kind of nasty vibe, and was left alone, but a friend had her boobs poked, and another was invited to take a ride on a moped to a park etc. I was ... not impressed. Spain seemed much much nicer :D Better looking, and better manners. I'm happy the SO has started watching soccer online constantly, the Barcelona coach is quite pleasant to watch.

TheOrangeOne
Dec. 26, 2009, 01:24 AM
Yeah, I missed the hot Italians when I was there too. I saw one at a train station, total, but I didn't spend much time in remote/non touristy areas.

I actually had a shrink spend half an hour going on about how, being at the time 18 and a virgin, I must be a lesbian who was molested by my father as a child. :rolleyes: People are so weird, that was really traumatizing. I ran crying to a guy friend who was like "look, if you want to have some random sex with no relationship, I'll do it, I can find 20 guys to line up, but that's not what you're looking for." If any of ya'll want just sex, that's not hard to find. Go to a bar, walk up to someone who isn't wearing a ring, and tell him what you want, it's not that there's something particularly wrong with you, it's just that you want something different.

DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"
Dec. 26, 2009, 02:28 AM
I do know that they try to make your guy one-up you on job or education, so if you're a woman with a PhD and a day job as a rocket scientist, they might not be able to work with that. Two of my married friends logged on to Eharmony and tried to get it to match them, but it wouldn't. They started messing around with it and finally identified that it was that she had a Masters and he had a BA.

This can be a HUGE problem. Getting my PhD in Biochemistry pretty much took me out of the running. You'd think that the guys I met in grad school or in my post doc years would have been candidates, but I went to Rockefeller and MIT. The ones that weren't in committed relationships were either too socially inept and/or with enormous egos that would not allow a woman to be as good or better than them in scienceland.

neverfALTER
Dec. 26, 2009, 02:46 AM
private :)

Lauruffian
Dec. 26, 2009, 12:34 PM
Okay, this thread is massive so I haven't had a chance to read it all, but I just wanted to say:

1) I didn't have a "real" boyfriend until I was 21. I had been on several first dates, but had never been very comfortable. I was a late bloomer in that regard. This relationship didn't go very far, but it was a good practice session. Heh, a relationship with training wheels, I suppose.

2) I was a virgin until I was 25. For the record--my first time was with a 26yro man and it was his first time. We had been trying to hold to religious-based sexual directives, but the tension was so thick I finally said, "I'd rather have sex with the wrong person than marry the wrong person just because I want to have sex." We were careful, of course. And I have to say--having sex was the best thing we did for our relationship. As Christians, it feels heretical to say that, but it was absolutely true for us.

3) I married the only man I've ever had sex with. It just turned out that way for us. He's my best friend, the best friend I've ever had, and I am his. We've been married nearly 9 years and now have two beautiful little boys.


Every person and every relationship is different. This was the path I wound up taking. :)

eponacowgirl
Dec. 26, 2009, 01:28 PM
Just chiming in to say- 25 and still proudly a virgin.

But how many times have I had to have this conversation? "Listen, dude, just because I'm a virgin does NOT mean I'm a prude."

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:18 PM
Just chiming in to say- 25 and still proudly a virgin.

But how many times have I had to have this conversation? "Listen, dude, just because I'm a virgin does NOT mean I'm a prude."

Epona - just let me know when one asks you if he "can put it in to see if it fits."

Alterago
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:24 PM
Just chiming in to say- 25 and still proudly a virgin.

But how many times have I had to have this conversation? "Listen, dude, just because I'm a virgin does NOT mean I'm a prude."

Yeah, why is it that people think b/c you haven't slept around yet you're just a prude? :confused: When did standards become such an oddity? :lol: Personally, I'd like to sleep with someone who knows what the heck he's doing rather than with the pimple and angst ridden teenagers of high school or the "nail em and split" frat boys. ;)

I'd take a first few lessons from that guy in Unfaithful. :winkgrin: He seemed to know what he was doing...:cool:

pintopiaffe
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:25 PM
You'd think that the guys I met in grad school or in my post doc years would have been candidates, but I went to Rockefeller and MIT. The ones that weren't in committed relationships were either too socially inept and/or with enormous egos that would not allow a woman to be as good or better than them in scienceland

It's not just scienceland! I went to a Uni famous for girls getting their MRS degree... :p Very small, VERY traditionally Catholic.

Only problem was if I didn't meet him there (which I didn't, lots of good friends, a little necking backstage of the theatre ;) )where the hell am I going to meet him NOW? :lol:

Of course, I had several good friends who became Father Whatawastes.

If you think being educated makes it hard, try being educated and a *cop* :lol: :uhoh: :dead: :winkgrin:

danceronice
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:35 PM
Yeah, why is it that people think b/c you haven't slept around yet you're just a prude? :confused: When did standards become such a oddity? :lol: Personally, I'd like to sleep with someone who knows what the heck he's doing rather than with the pimple and angst ridden teenagers of high school or the "nail em and split" frat boys. ;)


Of course the problem there is that...well, the guy has to practice somewhere to become the person who knows what he's doing....so who does he practice on? It IS a bit unfair.

But yeah...when did it become SOP that everyone HAD to be promiscuous or they were obviously a prude, a victim of molestation, a religious fanatic, a closet case, or any combination of the above?

DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:37 PM
pintopiaffe has a point. Bad enough to be smart, but smart with a gun, especially when you know how to use it?

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:37 PM
But yeah...when did it become SOP that everyone HAD to be promiscuous or they were obviously a prude, a victim of molestation, a religious fanatic, a closet case, or any combination of the above?

I'm gonna go with thank you Mr Freud.

And Alterago - were those western guys you were hanging around rodeo guys? Cause that is what it sounded like.

sid
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:40 PM
PP..:lol::lol:

You know, there are others who are "born again" V's ...as if there is such a thing.;)

The "V" may go away in youth due to peer pressure or SOME pressure, but the serenity that comes from believing that virtuousness -- and not feeling pressured internally or externally -- is not a bad thing. In fact it can be a great time in life for many.

I've known many women who are much more happy in life not worrying (in middle age) about whether they "should" or they "shouldn't". They no longer want to live life feeling that their sexuality defines them...or the pressure to do so. They're not feminists. Just tired of worrying about it and getting on with doing things that are important to them...;)

The "re-V" comes later in life when there is no pressure at all. Now THAT's a subject for another thread.:lol::lol:

I can't believe I'm even posting this, but I think it's a great topic and deserves dicussion. Applause to the brave OP who opened up the discussion..

Huntertwo
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:44 PM
Don't set a time-table for yourself. When the time is ready, whether you're 25, 30 etc. it will happen.

I didn't lose mine until I was 24. And it was only after dating the guy for several months first!

Many of my friends were into the one night stands...blech! Yes, there were many times I could have done that, but I just couldn't do it unless I was committed.

Now OTOH I feel sorry for the girls who are 14,15,16 who do it solely out of peer pressure. That is sad....:no:

Huntertwo
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:47 PM
I'd take a first few lessons from that guy in Unfaithful. :winkgrin: He seemed to know what he was doing...:cool:

Was that the movie with Richard Greer and Diane Lane?

If it is, Yes, that guy knew what he was doing....yummy!

Alterago
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:52 PM
Was that the movie with Richard Greer and Diane Lane?

If it is, Yes, that guy knew what he was doing....yummy!

:lol: Yes. :D Yes, again. ;)

And thanks for all the posts, everyone! Wow, got quite a turn out! Not feeling so odd now, which is nice, and feeling like I'm also a bit more confident about the whole "getting out there" thing. ;)

translation services
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:52 PM
I may be just a naive virgin (who doesn't know what she's missing) but I find sex to be over-rated. Not that sex can't be a pleasure or unique experience but it is just that, an experience. Like I said, I am a virgin, I am young at 18 and I could care less about losing my virginity, it isn't a big deal in my life. It also won't be a big deal when I do lose it.

I have found that NO MATTER THE EXPERIENCE, life goes on. No reason to spend any extra time fretting because in a year or two it won't even matter. I enjoy life and I look forward to new experiences, whether they be college, work, boys, or sex.

My current plan for life it to go to college, get good grades, get into grad school, and get a job that supports my horsie obsession. Hopefully picking up some dates and guys along the way. Maybe finding Mr. Right by the end of all of it.

Do not waste a minute of your life worrying about the world expectations and just enjoy your short time on this earth.

you, sir are an Old Soul.

all this and more, in its time, at the right time and perhaps never for some things

and all this is normal for some of us.

Alterago
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:55 PM
I'm gonna go with thank you Mr Freud.

And Alterago - were those western guys you were hanging around rodeo guys? Cause that is what it sounded like.

Yep. :eek::yes:;) Bull riders. :p

re: other poster's point about men practicing...right. Men do have to learn it somewhere. I don't want to be the girl they're learning from...and there are men who learn from older women. "That Summer" by Garth Brooks ring a bell for anyone? :lol::lol: I know it's just a song, but still...

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 26, 2009, 09:59 PM
Yeah - stay away from rough stock riders. Besides - many of them can't get past the whole 8 second ride thing. Ropers are much better.

Alterago
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:03 PM
Yeah - stay away from rough stock riders. Besides - many of them can't get past the whole 8 second ride thing. Ropers are much better.

:lol::lol::lol: Egos a couple miles high too, I noticed. ;)

All the ropers I know are farriers!!? Why is that? Nearly EVERY farrier I know is/was a roper. Huh.

ETA: not that I mind farriers!

bugsynskeeter
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:07 PM
:lol::lol::lol: Egos a couple miles high too, I noticed. ;)

All the ropers I know are farriers!!? Why is that? Nearly EVERY farrier I know is/was a roper. Huh.

ETA: not that I mind farriers!


lol - I almost said something about their egos.

And I know many a ropers who are farriers as well. I guess its just easier to go to ropings every weekend without having to worry about a real job.

And dating farriers comes in MIGHTY handy. As does dating your hay guy.

Mach Two
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:11 PM
OP,
I am in the people business, in many ways, and I'm naturally shy, but have learned that some people think I'm stand-offish, and intimidating.
So when I am trying to gain new contacts, I work on sending out the individual "I LIKE you" messages to people I come into contact with.

Parties are torture for me, and If I told you my occupation, it would seem odd, but I am able to smile my way through them.
But by all means, do some practice dates with guys you already know, with whom you can relax and have a good time.Go have sushi or see a fun movie.

As for having remained a virgin, there is no shame or stigma there. And no hurry. And maybe, just maybe (don't know where you live, and it's not legal in most states) a professional might be just the thing for the first time...their job is to make a woman feel special and wanted. Then the pressure is off for the guy you really really like, and only you need to know that the "awkward" first time is out of the way.

I met my sweet husband several years before I ran into him again on an online dating site, neither one of knew, up to then that the other was unattached. I'd been married before, and so had he. The detailed search delivered several prospects, I picked a face that was "Hey! I KNOW him! He's a great guy!"

We dated happily for four years, then decided to get married

OneGrayPony
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:16 PM
If I feel that I could get your car out of the mud faster than you could, I'm just not that interested. Is that vain? I just want to feel like the "girl" in a relationship!!

I skipped a *bunch* of posts, but this quote kind of struck me. You see, I'm as feminine as can be (no, really, I am). And yet...I'm a horsewoman. I can get a car out of the mud, hork haybales, fix tractors, and I'm likely to be found around the house in a dirty-azz pair of jeans with a streak of mud across my cheek.

My husband? The love of my life? Is the most ANAL-retentive person I've ever met. He's one symptom shy of OCD. His barn clothes look like they've come out of the eddie bauer catalog. He's plenty masculine in many *ahem* ways (he's cuban...and I won't say anything more than that), but...yea, so, I definitely wear the pants in a lot of ways...and I like it.

At any rate, I know the original topic was really about sex - and to be honest, I wish I would have been a little more selective when going through my college years. For every one man who is good in bed...there are a lot of...not good ones. Far better to...learn yourself well.

Alterago
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:18 PM
lol - I almost said something about their egos.

And I know many a ropers who are farriers as well. I guess its just easier to go to ropings every weekend without having to worry about a real job.

And dating farriers comes in MIGHTY handy. As does dating your hay guy.

:lol: Perfect horsey hubby: rich vet-farrier-ag guy who can handle the independent streak in most horse women. Feel free to add on this model...:winkgrin:

alter-too
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:22 PM
:lol: Perfect horsey hubby: rich vet-farrier-ag guy who can handle the independent streak in most horse women. Feel free to add on this model...:winkgrin:

Better add Cabana boy into the mix :cool:

Again, better send him to the cloning facility immediately if you find this creature!

BTW I too want to thank the OP for starting this thread. I guess there are lots of us out there that are feeling a little bit better now! And also reveling in the fact that we're not completely abnormal. Or if we are, not specifically for that reason! :winkgrin:

Rhyadawn
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:27 PM
Okay... now that I have finally caught up on this thread...

Don't sweat it! Sex is not the be all end all of the world. If the lack of O's really stresses you out, buy some batteries (and if that isn't self explanatory ask a friend).

You don't want to end up with the wrong guy just because you wanted to have sex with someone. I used to believe in waiting for marriage, then I watched 5 of my closest friends throw their lives away to bad marriages. I don't believe in waiting for marriage anymore.

However I don't believe in sleeping with just anyone ;) I actually hate the mentality that its just sex, and why shouldn't it be happening. Worrying over diseases, pregnancy (women get so screwed that way), and just the general stress of the whole thing just doesn't make it that desireable.

So what have I really said, I don't quite know. If I could do it all over again I would probably have waited longer and not made the mistakes I made. But I have no regrets about my near celebate state now.

Mach Two
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:29 PM
:lol: Perfect horsey hubby: rich vet-farrier-ag guy who can handle the independent streak in most horse women. Feel free to add on this model...:winkgrin:

...who sounds like Sam Elliot and looks like Antonio Banderas...

eponacowgirl
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:10 PM
:lol: Perfect horsey hubby: rich vet-farrier-ag guy who can handle the independent streak in most horse women. Feel free to add on this model...:winkgrin:

And actually, I'd prefer he spend a lot of time traveling. :lol:

Coreene
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:15 PM
Pffft. Sleep around.

chemteach
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:25 PM
Pffft. Sleep around.

We need to hear from Aunt Esther on this one!

magicteetango
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:26 PM
With the right person, you're missing a lot. With the wrong person, you're missing absolutely nothing. I wish I had saved mine for longer, those "experiences" don't mean very much nor, not to be crass, were they satisfying enough to justify them.

Sex is a special thing and if you have waited this long, wait for someone you at least have romantic feelings for. It's a shame to wait this long to throw it away with someone you don't care about.

And it doesn't make you weird, I think it's great that you've waited.

Alter_Ego
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:30 PM
I haven't read all of the posts here because this thread has gotten ridiculously long and some of the posts have gotten "off course" :lol: but I will comment anyway. ;)

I sometimes feel like I am also destined to be some sort of crazy cat lady spinster. I am in my mid 20s and not only am I still a "V" I have never been on a date and have never even been kissed! :eek: Talk about pathetic. :rolleyes: When I was still in school I was super shy and now I find that I am so wrapped up in horses that I rarely meet any interested single guys. (It is a mainly female dominated sport after all, and all the guys I meet seem to be taken or don't bat for the correct team.)

Sigh... what's a girl to do?

Sancudo
Dec. 31, 2009, 07:38 PM
I haven't read all of the posts here because this thread has gotten ridiculously long and some of the posts have gotten "off course" :lol: but I will comment anyway. ;)

I sometimes feel like I am also destined to be some sort of crazy cat lady spinster. I am in my mid 20s and not only am I still a "V" I have never been on a date and have never even been kissed! :eek: Talk about pathetic. :rolleyes: When I was still in school I was super shy and now I find that I am so wrapped up in horses that I rarely meet any interested single guys. (It is a mainly female dominated sport after all, and all the guys I meet seem to be taken or don't bat for the correct team.)

Sigh... what's a girl to do?


Not sure! Add me to the list here. Well, I have dated, a little bit, but never been kissed or any farther. And I'm really quite attractive, I assure you. I'm just tall, and thin, and quiet, and probably intimidating. I was even raised in a liberal family. I even have a guy that would do anything to date me for the past 6 years-- I just don't like him that way. I guess I am pretty picky when I fall for guys, and don't feel like settling in the meantime.

But really, I even love football, I'm a great catch!

Alterago
Dec. 31, 2009, 10:19 PM
I haven't read all of the posts here because this thread has gotten ridiculously long and some of the posts have gotten "off course" :lol: but I will comment anyway. ;)

I sometimes feel like I am also destined to be some sort of crazy cat lady spinster. I am in my mid 20s and not only am I still a "V" I have never been on a date and have never even been kissed! :eek: Talk about pathetic. :rolleyes: When I was still in school I was super shy and now I find that I am so wrapped up in horses that I rarely meet any interested single guys. (It is a mainly female dominated sport after all, and all the guys I meet seem to be taken or don't bat for the correct team.)

Sigh... what's a girl to do?

Here ya. Haven't been kissed either. Honestly, it's embarrassing....to me. I hate admitting it.

re: Sancudo Yeah, I hear all the time men want a "tall, leggy, full chested woman, etc." and just roll my eyes. Well, they don't seem to want this one! Lots and LOTS of looks, but nada when it comes to a number, etc. They even chat you up or flirt but when it comes down to it...nothing. Not sure if its a vibe or what but it's frustrating. When *I* ask, they're usually interested but why oh why do *I* always have to ask!?!?

Happy New Year's everybody!!! :yes::)