I think my one boarder is unhappy. What to do?

[Treasmare2]

After a boarder starts to make negative comments about the care of their horse and the mud in the paddocks and then tells others not in the stable that the care is expensive do you keep that boarder? This is a private stable that keeps one boarder that comes every spring for six months. The horse is a hard keeper and very expensive to keep(wastes as much hay as it eats) and I have only kept the horse because the rider has been riding company. I am thinking the arrangement may have out lived its convience. What would you do?

[Nipntuck]

Fill the vacancy before she comes back in the spring. ;) Seriously, if she's unhappy, it's not a good fit and she won't magically get happy and it will become toxic.

I would just tell her that it isn't working out and that she needs to make arrangements for her horse elsewhere. Keep it professional, impersonal, and succinct. If you have a decent setup, you will find another boarder aligns better with your farm.

[Fharoah]

Well I don't think that border is being fair. Have they done everything to help this horse e.g. have its teeth done by a reputable equine dentist, tried a panacur powerpack ruled out ulcers, anything which may make this horse an easier keeper? I would politely give this border notice keep emotion out of your discussion.

[Hampton Bay]

Ditto Nipntuck. If you are hearing rumors from ONE boarder, then she's starting them.

[CosMonster]

Doesn't seem worth it to me, either. When I ran a commercial boarding stable I put up with a bit...now that I run a private (mostly to have someone who can care for the critters when the SO and I both need to be gone) one, I don't put up with any of that sort of crap. :lol:

[Treasmare2]

To be fair this horse is taken care of beautifully.....he has mouth problems from several years of neglect so his teeth are done twice a year by a vet (equine dentists are illegal here...so sad) and he was power packed last year and is wormed on a cycle every three months. He is just a hard keeping nervous energy eventer who right now looks the best he ever has.....he has lots of weight and muscle now but it took amazing amounts of feed to get him there and keep him there.

Costs go up and in the spring I had to increase board by 50.00 and since then there seems to be a simmering level of dissatisfaction. I have thought about this a bit and the reality is it is her choice to keep a hard keeper.....it is not my choice and I have no control over escalating costs to keep a horse. I can not absorb these costs for a horse that is not mine. He has to be maintained on premium feeds as he simply will not eat "regular" feeds. I do not mind the care he needs and I do not care about making any money on the horse but he needs to at least cover his costs. I am in a position that I think she thinks I am making a bundle. I am sad about this but feel that he is alot of work and the "company" I get is not worth these expressions of dissatisfaction. I think I was on my way to making a decision but hearing that I am too expensive has helped tipped the scale. My barn is my familyroom really. It is where I spend my relaxtion time and I like it to be a happy place. I just hate to end something that seemed to work so well for a period of time but it is no longer working. I don't want to be considered mean however but it is something that has to be managed without emotion as someone suggested.

[deltawave]

Somehow that last paragraph needs to be communicated to your boarder.

[kookicat]

Somehow that last paragraph needs to be communicated to your boarder.

I agree with this. I'd start by having a informal chat with her and finding out what is upsetting her. You could always ask her to provide her own feed and extra hay if needs be.

If that doesn't work out, you still have the option of asking her to leave.

[tBHj]

Buy or breed another for yourself to fill the stall? :D

[Zu Zu]

I agree with the problem becoming toxic ~ life is too short for an unhappy boarder in a family barn of happy people and their horses ~ you do not need this boarder.

[Treasmare2]

The potential toxic nature of what it could become is my biggest concern. I want to remain friends.

Breeding :eek: I would be homeless!!!!:yes: No not homeless....dead.

[JohnDeere]

If its not worth it dont do it.

You dont owe anybody anything except for certain speshul people. When the boarder leaves this year simeply say I have decided not to board anymore (or something similar). You dont have to say anything else. If you want to explain do but dont feel you have to.

[kookicat]

The potential toxic nature of what it could become is my biggest concern. I want to remain friends.

Breeding :eek: I would be homeless!!!!:yes: No not homeless....dead.

Have a chat with her, find out what's bothering her and go from there. It can't hurt, and you can always get tougher later if you need to. :cool:

[bird4416]

You should have a chat with her. Getting things out in the open can't hurt.

[chaltagor]

Somehow that last paragraph needs to be communicated to your boarder.

If only there was some way to do this! I can't figure out a way either.

[Noctis]

I'd have a sitdown with her. We've had to do that in the past with boarders, and see whats really up. Especially since you guys are "friends", you should be able to just say "Hey...heard you were unhappy. What can we do to fix this for both of us?". Good luck. Openness is the best policy, at least imho.

[Summit Springs Farm]

I say get rid of her and her horse, she should have come to you first about her dissatisfaction.

Instead she talked about it behind your back, then she is not the kind of person you want at your barn. End of story...

[LauraKY]

Our boarding contract includes free choice hay (up to 40 lbs) and up to 6 lbs of Safe Choice or TC Senior per day. We also have round bales in the pasture in the winter. Anything more...boarder pays cost plus 5%. Supplements must be bagged or in SmartPaks. That way we don't get stuck paying for large amounts of expensive grain. If they want alfalfa cubes, whatever, the boarder is charged for it. That way we're not losing money and the boarder feels like he/she has some control over the costs.

[Allagash's mom]

Agreed with the above. "boarding" doesn't mean unlimited feed/grain for *every* horse. There has to be a cost ratio involved and what a 'normal' horse is expected to eat. I've been in many barns where higher quality grain cost extra or we had to provide our own -- they'd still feed it if it was bagged up for them to dump into the grain bin, but we all bought and provided the 'extras' ourselves. Some horses need it, some don't. It's up to the owner to provide those 'extras' when they have a horse who DOES need them.

[tcgelec]

I am in a position that I think she thinks I am making a bundle. I am sad about this but feel that he is alot of work and the "company" I get is not worth these expressions of dissatisfaction. I think I was on my way to making a decision but hearing that I am too expensive has helped tipped the scale. My barn is my familyroom really. It is where I spend my relaxtion time and I like it to be a happy place. I just hate to end something that seemed to work so well for a period of time but it is no longer working. I don't want to be considered mean however but it is something that has to be managed without emotion as someone suggested.

You don't need any more reason or explanation. She is causing you to be uncomfortable in your own barn. If she wanted to find a way to make it work she would not be trash-talking you behind your back.

It's sad when a relationship that once worked no longer does....but it's no longer working. That will most likely not change. It's over. It's been over, you're both just hanging on because that's what people do.

You will feel an incredible sense of relief when she is gone. Your barn will be a happy place again...

[deltawave]

If only there was some way to do this!

There is a way: sit down with the person, swallow your nerves, and start talking. :)

I'm not saying it's easy, or pleasant. I *hate* confrontations like this, but when I start getting heartburn and losing sleep over the imaginary confrontations in my mind when these situations come up, I'm ALWAYS relieved when I make it happen in real life, even though it's awkward at best and miserable at worst.

Bad news and/or uncomfortable discussions are NO FUN for either party, but unless one party (or both!) is a raving nut-job, it's usually a relief for everyone to get it over with or out in the open.

[kipster]

Well said Deltawave! I just had one of this 'talks' today. And it is so much better now that it is 'over with.'

[Treasmare2]

Thanks guys...very good advise on all counts. I think I will let myself calm down for a few days then have a talk.

[manyspots]

I realize its not exactly the same, but I had to have a sitdown with my boarder, who is also a very close friend, in September. I came to the realization I was getting taken advantage of... and I was partially to blame for allowing it to happen and NOT opening my mouth.

At the start of our boarding arrangement, we did not have a contract. Her gelding lives at my house and is my only boarder. We have an agreement that she cleans the barn/paddock three days a week in exchange for reduced board.

I came to realize the reduced board was compensating me for NOTHING but expenses. I was getting nothing for the extras, such as watering down his hay (he's heavey), feeding time spent, maintenance for his care (above and beyond daily feeding and mucking), etc. And I also realized she was literally doing the bare minimum.

Through the help of my fellow COTHers I came up with a strategy and a contract and had the hard talk. Her response was that she never really looked at it that way because she didn't have to do all that extra work. She more than understood my request to raise the board and have a contract. She even provided a peice of equipment to help me with watering the hay. Since then, our relationship has been seamless! I am so happy I did this rather than let is affect our friendship. Her horse is older and does require extra care, which ultimately I don't mind doing but needed SOME compensation. She has more than stepped up to the plate!

I would suggest just getting it out in the open, and if need be revisit the contract issue. It helps.....

[Treasmare2]

I hope so....people who do not keep horses realize the hidden costs and the costs in time. Time things are straightening blankets, feeding , haying , watering leading to paddocks, stopping to check a shoe because it sounded funky, waiting for the horse to decide to be caught at the end of the day all tha before you even tough stall work and fixing the stall door or shifting stall matts. The invisiable costs are the bedding that gets tossed out, the uneaten hay that goes in the much pile, the extra electric and insurance, the rock picking of riding ring , fencing costs, paint and repair for jumps, the wear and tear to my vehicle transporting feed, the stresss and responsibility I feel caring for someone else's horse....its endless. Our time is free because we get paid nothing on this horse. I have explained this many times to her but it doesn't have an impact but I am willing to try one more time. Convience needs to be considered too....I am close to a major city and I have to pay more for hay and bedding than they do in the farming regions but I am way closer to her home that most places. This winter will be an interesting cross roads I think. All these things could be discussed but I am thinking perhaps less wordy and direct is the way to go. I need to get clear in my mind what I would prefer for my self too as that changes the nature of the discussion. Need to weight the pros and cons. I have some thinking to do.

[mvp]

I have been on both sides of the fence. I know about the "little things" that BOs do for horses and which add up. But being a boarder, we assume that you guys have costed things out (in both financial and emotional terms) and charged what made you happy enough with the arrangement.

If you haven't done your costing, please don't get mad at your boarder. There's no way she can know what her horse's share of the mortgage, insurance, drive-way rerocking bill is.... or it should have been in your mental calculations.

In the OPs situation, it sounds like riding company is part of what she got out of the deal. The company should be pleasant.

If not, have the conversation about whether or not the boarder is happy with things as they are. As boarders, we need to assume that "what you see is what you get" or *ask* up front if we would like to see something other than what we see. But we don't get to stay at a barn and bitch to others about it.

[jn4jenny]

I hope so....people who do not keep horses realize the hidden costs and the costs in time.

Actually, some of us do not keep horses and we still understand the hidden costs--and we're much more sensitive than your boarder is. Having a hard keeper is not a good excuse.

My BO and I have open communication lines regarding my horse, who is one of the two hardest keepers in the barn. We reduced hay waste by hanging a Nibblenet small-hole hay net in his stall. I could have bought a cheaper small-hole hay net, but I value my BO's time and the Nibblenet is much easier to use than the cheaper nets. My BO figured out that bedding on a thin bed of pelleted bedding + some added wood shavings in the center of the stall was the best system for reduced shavings waste (for him, anyway. I've seen lots of shavings systems at lots of barns, it's just a question of your mucking method and what's available in your area). I found a cheaper feed that was more appropriate for my horse's needs than the barn's "house feed", then I used algebra to figure out how much of the cheaper stuff my BO could feed without exceeding the cost of his usual barn feed (so my horse gets more food and my BO's bottom line doesn't suffer). I put a restaurant-supply-store pump on my horse's oil supplement so that it's as easy as "pump and go". I try to be laid back about blanket changes, but when my current blankets wear out I will be purchasing a Bucas Smartex Light, which is rated from 64 degrees to -5 degrees. That should eliminate blanket changes altogether.

I suggest that you frame the conversation as two separate issues:

1. Wanting barn to be a drama-free space and wanting to get complaints/issues out in the open

2. Discussing the reasons for the cost increase. Like you said, some people really DON'T do the math because they don't have to. Most people back off when they hear the cost of hay, grain, and shavings. The few who don't back off will generally back off when you add, "And that does not include the cost of care/custody/control insurance, increased utilities bills, cost to build and maintain the barn/arenas/paddocks/fences/etc., and the hours of labor." If she still thinks the value for the price is poor, she can find somewhere else to board.

And if she's still being passive aggressive after a week or two, I'd give her 30 days' notice. You don't need to endure a whole winter of bitchy behavior.

[Tif_Ann]

I agree with the others about what boarding means - at the two barns I've boarded at the contract spelled out exactly what we were entitled to. Both allow up to two scoops of "barn grain" per day - the current barn I'm at the barn grain is simply oats, not sure if there are vitamins added or not - and the last barn the mix was oats and corn, with some oil and vitamins. Both barns would, however, feed different or additional grain that was provided by the boarder. There was no discount on board if you don't use the grain provided, however. The last barn I was at allowed for up to six flakes of hay per day (about 30 pounds) and after that you had to pay extra. That barn also fed only 4 flakes per day as a baseline but you just had to ask for the other two flakes if you wanted them.

I'd say - if the cost of boarding is the concern - change your contract. Lower the cost to a basic care cost. Provide the hay - however much you want, and maybe a baseline grain - couple scoops of whatever your horse feeds. Offer to feed whatever she wants - as long as she provides it.

That is ONE solution. Maybe the easiest solution is to just not board her this year though ...

[matryoshka]

One boarding barn where I trim asks her clients out to breakfast when they need to chat. She tries to create a friendly environment before having to discuss hard facts.

As a BO, firm boundaries are important so you both know how to behave and what to expect.

I'm planning to board my little Arab mare for a few months so I can work her in an arena. The contract seems sufficiently detailed, but holes may become apparent as time passes and unexpected things crop up. I sure hope they are very up front with me about what they expect from me as a boarder. If I make a mistake and they don't tell me, I won't know to change anything.