When a person's quality of life seriously declines

[pony4me]

Over the past year, an elderly relative's health has declined significantly. She always said she didn't want to get in that situation and prayed that God would take her, but she's still alive. I don't want to get in that situation either, but it looks like one doesn't have a choice. If your heart is still beating, you're still on planet Earth, even if you can't walk, hear, recognize people, or know your own name. It's sad, and very depressing. Sorry to unload on you, but it's been a very bad day.

[Wayside]

You both have my sympathy. :cry:

[JanM]

That is a heartbreaking situation, and you have my sympathy. This is exactly why people need a medical power of attorney and a living will to say what measures they want taken to preserve their physical life when they don't have a good quality of life any more. I think this situation is everyone's nightmare scenario for their last years.

[Woodland]

I watched my Mom wither and die from a traumatic brain injury. She suffered 15 months a shell of herself and finally died from sepsis. Her medical power of atty kept her from being force fed and ventilated at the end. Because she was heavy and on medicare there was little they would do for her. Several rehabilitation centers refused her because she weighed close to 300 lbs. The care she needed to get better was not available to her without her being independently wealthy. So instead she suffered. She weighed 130 lbs when she died - less than half of where she started.


I can offer you this:
http://www.lcem.org/candlelight.php

And get her a medical PA ASAP!!!

[DancingQueen]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
It is hard to see grandparents or older relatives/friends who are just hanging out waiting to die, left by their husband/wife and bored with life.

I can't imagine what it is like to watch somebody who wants to move on and doesn't have the option. The helplessness that comes with wanting them to never go away and not being able to fix the illness and then their desire to pass along and being unable to even do that for them.

Sometimes I think that if you are terminally ill (or even just very old and over the whole thing) you should have the right to decide yourself when you have had enough. Most of us give our pets the gift of not having to suffer, I think that as a human we should have that same right.

I honestly don't think that God would mind too much if you decided to get an early flight and showed up a week or two early!


In the meanwhile, I guess all you and your relative can do is take solice in the fact that it is not eternal. One thing we can be sure of is that all flowers will eventually wilt.

In time her suffering will end and she will find peace.

My prayers are with you both.

[dressagetraks]

It is awful. I know. :cry:

But yes, absolutely, be sure wishes are in writing, for the family member right now but also for yourself. Go ahead and do yours. Having those down well in advance of need will help. I have it in writing and witnessed from Mom back as far as 1986 that she did not ever want feeding tube/IV support to sustain life if she ever couldn't get enough nutrition orally (with the exception of acute crash/trauma/injury and temporary measures, of course). That document is coming into play extremely right now, right alongside the POA and health care proxy.

Prayers are with you and her.

[buschkn]

I am sorry you are going through this right now. As an ER Dr. I see a lot of nursing home and elderly patients with terrible quality of life. I understand that it is a serious slippery slope, in that you don't want relatives knocking off Grandma for the insurance money, but I agree with DancingQueen that it is unfortunate sometimes that we don't have the option to end a person's suffering.

What I am ever amazed by is how many family members will fight to do everything and anything to keep someone alive who has a horrible life and often times doesn't even know who or where they are.

Definitely this is a good reminder for everyone to have their paperwork in order. This can happen to anyone, anytime, unfortunately. :( Hugs to you.

[pony4me]

The heartbreaking part is that paperwork is perfectly in order. Durable power of attorney for health care, DNR, living will and final directives that are very specific. No chemo or radiation. Fine, she doesn't have cancer. DNR. Fine, she has not had a heart attack. No feeding tube. Fine, she can feed herself. No invasive surgery. Fine, she hasn't needed any. Heart is good, blood profile is in range. Nothing is wrong except quality of life. It's obvious that this could happen to anyone, including me, if I stay "healthy."

Thanks for the hugs and support.