PDA

View Full Version : My Mom "friended" me on Facebook WWYD



Bluehorsesjp
Nov. 25, 2009, 09:25 PM
I do not have a close relationship with my mother. In short she makes me insane. The longer version is that she constantly judges me, so I basically have her on a need to know basis about my life and life happenings.
A year ago my step dad "friended" me and I accepted. Probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. Found myself editing what I put on my wall quite a bit. And now my mother is starting her own Facebook page.
UGH now what do I do?

Absolut Equestrian
Nov. 25, 2009, 09:28 PM
Set up a "limited profile" option. You can choose which friends get to see everything (i.e. wall posts and photos) and those who only get to see certain information (i.e. work info and location only). Add your Mom and step Dad to the limited profile list.

kateh
Nov. 25, 2009, 09:29 PM
Two words: limited profile. You pick what she sees: she can see almost everything or next to nothing.

twofatponies
Nov. 25, 2009, 09:33 PM
I'm glad my mom is still just using email. She'd be sending me messages every five minutes if she were on chat or facebook or something. :D

SarahandSam
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:23 PM
I ignored my mom's friend request. When she asked me about it, I told her that Dr. Spock always insisted that she be my parent, not my friend. d;

horse-loverz
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:24 PM
oh my mom just got a Facebook page too.. and I am dreading that friend request... but OTOH.. I did friend my 15 yo daughter.. primarily to keep an eye on what was being posted... so I guess I'm a hippocrite. :lol::lol:

mroades
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:42 PM
If I had a kid, the only way they would be ALLOWED to have a facebook or myspace is if I could see it. Sorry, but the internet needs parental supervision too!

Mara
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:46 PM
In my case it was my sister in law. She's a sweetheart, but kinda airheaded and VERY religious. So once I accepted her friend request, swearing and raunchy talk were out. Not that I engage in either frequently (well, okay, I can be a bit free with the f-bombs), but still. I felt censored.
Plus she LIVES there. Honestly. Every time I logged in she immediately hit me up with a private chat window. She really has driven me off that site.

Kairoshorses
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:50 PM
I will warn you: when we hire someone, we look them up on FB, MS, google them, etc. Make sure that if someone does that to you, you're not going to be embarrassed....or worse yet, lose a job.

Paragon
Nov. 25, 2009, 10:58 PM
I do not friend any family members apart from my siblings. I have found it to be a bad idea.

MHM
Nov. 25, 2009, 11:13 PM
I ignored my mom's friend request. When she asked me about it, I told her that Dr. Spock always insisted that she be my parent, not my friend. d;

I literally laughed out loud at that one! :lol::lol::lol:

FatPalomino
Nov. 25, 2009, 11:23 PM
Bluehorse-
I am in the very same boat. My mom friended me a couple months ago. I accepted, but, I find myself deleting some of her crazy constant posts on my page, because they drive me NUTS. Eeeekkkk!

I am so excited about the limited profile thing. Wish I had done that since the beginning. I'll have to look into that.

Perfect Pony
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:07 AM
I don't know!! My biological mother friended me...and she abandoned me at 6 months and I have only met her a handful of times. I have been thinking on it for weeks!

ponyxjd
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:39 AM
I have a strict no family rule- unless they're cousins who're my age. I've got nothing to hide, I just don't like being more accessible to them than I already am. I'm a student and have been on facebook for a few years and am still adjusting to seeing *legit* (=out of college to me) adults on it. Luckily my parents don't have accounts, but I have aunts and uncles who do- and FRIENDS' parents who try to friend me, and I just ignore the requests. I have one very obnoxious relative who called me to ask when I was going to friend her, so I had to, but she doesn't know she's on the limited profile setting. :lol:

DancingQueen
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:53 AM
Accept her friend request, monitor what you keep on your page (this includes untagging incriminating pictures) and shut her out of your status updates.

Or just be the person she wants you to be!

Ok so fair enough, I didn't start until my late teens but part of how I decide if I should or should not do something is if I can tell my mom about it.
It has been a stretch a few times and over the years I have forced my mom to become a little more relaxed. LOL

I don't tell her everything but I don't do or say anything that I can't take responsibility for to her face if I have to. It provides me with a nice little border for what I can and can't do. When evil me says do it! And good me says I don't think we should but I don't want to disappoint my friends or make this guy who just bought me a drink upset.... My inner voice channels my mom and if I can tell her about my night it's ok. If not, I say no and go home!

It may not seem like a great way to make your decisions when you are a teenager but the way the world works today everything is available and not many people really care about your best outside of your Mom.

LearnToFly
Nov. 26, 2009, 01:11 AM
I will warn you: when we hire someone, we look them up on FB, MS, google them, etc. Make sure that if someone does that to you, you're not going to be embarrassed....or worse yet, lose a job.

Exactly. I don't put anything on facebook or twitter or my blog that I wouldn't be okay with my mom or cousins or future employers reading. That includes pictures and links. I will delete a wall post if it contains foul language. I have no risque pictures or pictures with alcohol even though I'm 22. (I mean, I don't really do much that requires censoring but its still a good practice)

That said, limited profile is DEFINITELY your friend.

Tiffani B
Nov. 26, 2009, 01:16 AM
I will warn you: when we hire someone, we look them up on FB, MS, google them, etc. Make sure that if someone does that to you, you're not going to be embarrassed....or worse yet, lose a job.

Good point. I google myself a few times a month just to make sure nothing weird shows up.

Even though there is NOTHING embarrassing on FB I would hide from a potential or my current employer, they are not able to view it since only my friends can see my page.

LearnToFly
Nov. 26, 2009, 01:25 AM
Good point. I google myself a few times a month just to make sure nothing weird shows up.

Even though there is NOTHING embarrassing on FB I would hide from a potential or my current employer, they are not able to view it since only my friends can see my page.

My name is ridiculously common. Plus, there's a major character in a movie with my name, and the actress that played her lives in my hometown. A google search of me produces almost nothing... Which is a good thing when you find out your BF's crazy ex has been stalking him and everyone he knows... ;)

EponaRoan
Nov. 26, 2009, 01:45 AM
I ignored my mom's friend request. When she asked me about it, I told her that Dr. Spock always insisted that she be my parent, not my friend. d;

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol:

I joined Facebook so that I could play Mafia Wars.

Bluehorsesjp
Nov. 26, 2009, 02:15 AM
I ignored my mom's friend request. When she asked me about it, I told her that Dr. Spock always insisted that she be my parent, not my friend. d;

Oh that is good. I might have to use that.
But then I was an idiot, and "friended" my step dad in a weak moment. So.....

Bluehorsesjp
Nov. 26, 2009, 02:19 AM
If I had a kid, the only way they would be ALLOWED to have a facebook or myspace is if I could see it. Sorry, but the internet needs parental supervision too!

Yes, but I am almost 40. I don't think I fall under the parental supervision umbrella no matter how much my mother wants it.
I mean I know I don't fold my socks correctly, or cook for my husband enough, but I think at my advanced age I get to choose to do those things. :D

Bluehorsesjp
Nov. 26, 2009, 02:36 AM
There are no incriminating pictures on my FB page. I mean I am an adult, os I don't have wild drinking pictures, no girls gone wild pictures. I don't swear on my page, although I certainly do in real life.
And if you were an employer looking you would find pictures of my horses and dogs, maybe some funny videos, and maybe some veiled comments in my status about how much Monday mornings stink.

As for my Mom, we are very different from one another. I wish that I could base my decisions on "if I could tell my mother", but the decisions that I make in my life that she disapproves of are more " I rescued a dog" "Oh honey another one. What color is it? What black another black animal? How many animals do you really need?" things like that. It isn't that I am going out and being wild and irresponsible.

So I will figure out the limited access feature. I guess I would just like her to be able to see my photos and info, but not my wall. What if one of my friends mentions something about our troubled relationship. That could be bad.

RegentLion
Nov. 26, 2009, 09:03 AM
My parents don't have FB so that lets me off the hook... kind of. I have friended some mutual friends that live in my parents home town and THEY have taken it upon themselves to "keep my parents updated."

Which, not so much so nice.

In the end, I decided that since FB is VERY PUBLIC, I needed to be VERY CAREFUL about what I put on there in any case. So I censor myself. And don't mind a bit.:)

Just "friended" my aunt actually. ONLY thing that bugs me is when people try to chat with you all the d*mn time. I stop that by telling them that if I don't respond it isn't because I don't WANT to talk--just that I"m not always AT my computer and able to chat. ;) A few ignored chat requests and they back off.

see u at x
Nov. 26, 2009, 09:24 AM
I finally set my chat status to "offline." I just couldn't take all the chat requests anymore. If you want to talk to me, call me, put in on my wall, send me an email, but please don't try to chat with me via Facebook. Sometimes you just can't get rid of people! :lol:

HighFlyinBey++
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:27 AM
OP, friend your mom & put her on limited access. If she becomes a problem, unfriend her & put her on the blocked list.

I have my profile on "friends only" so you could google me, but you wouldn't see anything but my profile pic & list of friends. It's pretty stupid to leave your profile wide open to everyone. You wouldn't leave the house naked, why do it online??

I like being connected & I don't put ANYTHING out there that would cost me a job. I watched soaps. I know anything I say can come back to haunt me at anytime so I don't lie or exaggerate. I'm open with my POV on many things and less willing to back down in discussions with the elders I was taught to respect.

I rarely log into chat because I cannot control WHO sees me. You want to talk to me? Email or pick up the phone for heavens' sake--and I tell people that!

I'm friends with my mom (and dad since they don't see why they should have separate pages), my sister, my almost-20 y/o son, aunts, cousins, horse friends from across the globe, co-workers, high school classmates & even found some people I'd gone to Germany with in 1986 (still searching for others).

I've also been friended by people I don't know. I check them out first, then if I accept I put them on limited access till I figure out who they are and if I want to continue the link.

BelladonnaLily
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:38 AM
If I had a kid, the only way they would be ALLOWED to have a facebook or myspace is if I could see it. Sorry, but the internet needs parental supervision too!

Same here. But I am assuming that the OP is an adult, so that is different.

I have my mother, sisters, uncle, cousins and all 3 daughters (they can't have a facebook otherwise) on mine. I figure that if it is something they can't see, I shouldn't post it on the internet at all. More might heed that advice. I have alot of my daughters' friends on mine too, and trust me, I now have a good idea of which ones I'd turn them loose with ;) Some are still the nice same good kids online, some potray themselves as complete tramps. So, good info to have.

But, I am not in the OPs position. If my mother was the interfering type, I probably wouldn't friend her either. Some mother's can make innocent information an issue and that would get on my nerves.

So, just don't friend her and be honest about why.

enjoytheride
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:44 AM
How do you set up the limited profile option?

HighFlyinBey++
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:47 AM
Go to Settings in the upper right of your homepage, then Privacy Settings and Profile. Choose what suits your needs.

LearnToFly
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:52 AM
Just "friended" my aunt actually. ONLY thing that bugs me is when people try to chat with you all the d*mn time. I stop that by telling them that if I don't respond it isn't because I don't WANT to talk--just that I"m not always AT my computer and able to chat. ;) A few ignored chat requests and they back off.

You can turn chat off ;)
That way random people don't IM you all the time. Plus, fbook chat is super awful

LearnToFly
Nov. 26, 2009, 10:54 AM
I'm friends with my mom (and dad since they don't see why they should have separate pages),


That is super cute

RegentLion
Nov. 26, 2009, 11:08 AM
You can turn chat off ;)
That way random people don't IM you all the time. Plus, fbook chat is super awful

I do that quite often, actually... but there are times when there are people I do want to chat with or am waiting for someone to come online so we can have a pre-arranged chat.... My DH travels for work and we can sometimes get in touch on FB quite easily and so I don't like to be 'offline' when I need to get in touch w/him.

To the MAX
Nov. 26, 2009, 11:26 AM
I am friends with my mom, all of my uncles, all of my cousins, all of my aunts, etc. I don't do anything particulary bad but I am a typical college student. I suppose my family is just really cool :cool:

Gray Horse H/J
Nov. 26, 2009, 11:28 AM
I consider myself lucky. My family and I are super close, and my mom is one of my best friends. Even as a teenager I wouldn't have cared if she was on my Facebook page. As it is, she barely uses the thing.

But my brother is on my page, my mom, my cousins, my aunt. I think it would be hilarious if I could get my grandma on there. :lol:

But none of us are the dramatic type. If we didn't get along it probably wouldn't work. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is the type that likes to use FB as her own personal soap opera. She has literally pissed off so many people with things she has written about them on there. We do not get along at ALL, and she tried to cause a lot of tension and drama between my brother and I by writing some very hurtful things about me on his page. It didn't work, much to her dismay. I was relieved when I finally went to block her and she had beat me to it.

FB can be great. I love looking at people's pictures, and I've reconnected with a lot of old horse friends. You just can't be an idiot on there.

Gray Horse H/J
Nov. 26, 2009, 11:31 AM
I suppose my family is just really cool :cool:

Mine too. :D We even plan family get-togethers for no other reason than to hang out, eat a lot of food, and drink wine. I usually have more fun with them than some of my friends!

Lou-Lou
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:06 PM
My mom isn't on Facebook, but I wouldn't care if she saw what I have on there. I have horrid language, but not incriminating pictures or anything like that. I mostly put just pictures of my horses on there.

However, the pastor at my church friended me, but I haven't really policed myself. I'm just a horrid person I guess. :D

Come Shine
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:17 PM
lol! My 13 year old son 'friended' me and now I keep watching to make sure everything on MY wall is o-kay. :)

Jazzy Lady
Nov. 26, 2009, 12:44 PM
My mom is on my facebook. I cleaned it up a bit, but she has full privaledges. I'm 25. I keep my profile clean anyway because I am a professional and would like to appear as one. If my mother wants to judge my actions at 25, that is her problem, not mine.

shea'smom
Nov. 26, 2009, 01:13 PM
I have noticed lately that some of the teens that had friended me have disappeared. I assume they decided they did not want to have to censor their stupid comments. Geez, do they not realize that people can read their stupid remarks!? The cussing, the love life woes, holy moly, SHUT UP you sound like a fool!

BigHorseLittleHorse
Nov. 27, 2009, 01:25 PM
haha my mom just friended me this morning! I accepted, because I never post anything on facebook that i'm not ok with everyone seeing... but I also sent her this link so she would know what not to do on fb :)

http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

Jessi P
Nov. 27, 2009, 03:00 PM
So does this mean I shouldn't be too upset my 17 yo son UNfriended me after about 6 months on FB? :winkgrin::lol::winkgrin::lol:

That means he's NORMAL, right? :lol::yes::lol:

Mozart
Nov. 27, 2009, 03:03 PM
I heard somwhere that the fastest growing of Facebook users is in the over 55 age category. Hence, Facebook is rapidly becoming uncool. I have long been uncool as I use words like "hence".

Not quite the same old Facebook if you are "friends" with, say, your mother-in-law! :lol: