I just don't know...is it time? Update post 40..He's gone [Archive]

KellyS

Nov. 7, 2009, 09:46 PM

I am struggling with this decision...I've always been the one to say, "You'll know when it's time," and when we put our last horse down we just walked in the barn one day and knew it. But this time...I just don't know. :(

I have a 20-year-old QH gelding. I've had him since he was 7 and I was 17. He was diagnosed with heaves/COPD when he was 12 and has pretty much been retired since then as he really couldn't handle being ridden.

Since his diagnosis, we've done the regimen of breathing treatments and meds. Our last resort, when he was bad, was dexamethasone IM. And over the past year, this has become the only effective treatment...nothing else manages the breathing difficulties. However, in the past month, the dex is barely helping; he is having a very difficult time breathing the majority of the time.

I'd been holding out hope that he'd improve in the winter, once the weather finally got very cold and all the fall allergies were over. Last weekend he was very bad and my husband and I started talking about if it was time to put him down or not. We'd always said that when he started to have more bad days than good that it was time.

He has been a little depressed lately and for the first time looks old. But he also still takes moment or two to goof around in the pasture and is always happy to eat. I just don't know...wait it out...or make the decision before the dead of winter hits (as I want to bury him on the farm)? We've always said better a week too soon than a day too late (I think that's how the saying goes; I remember Coreene saying something along these lines), but I really have no idea if now is the time or not...

I tell myself that maybe it's not time because I don't "feel" that it is for sure, but the other part of me feels that it will be hard for me to come to terms with this as he is my childhood friend and buddy. It is so hard. Any else been here? What did you do?

Delaware TB

Nov. 7, 2009, 10:03 PM

Trust me. You will know when it's time. I have a 4 yr old with multiple lameness problems that started with 2 subluxated pasterns as a yearling in the paddock. The ground has been muddy, and he really became very lame. He was to the point that he had stopped eating. I made the appointment last Monday to have him put down yesterday. But by Thursday, the ground was better, he was sounder, and he was eating. So, I put things on hold for now. It is never easy. Just follow your heart. You know your friend better than anyone. He will tell you.

Coreene

Nov. 7, 2009, 11:41 PM

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry you are facing this decision. It sounds to me like Mother Nature is steering you towards making the call - if the meds have stopped working and he has a difficult time breathing most of the time, he cannot be a happy horse. Huge hugs to you, it is so sad when the time with our gentle giant friend is gently coming to its end.

FancyASB

Nov. 8, 2009, 12:28 AM

I'll tell you there is something in the air, I usually don't have problems with allergies but the last week or so has been horrible. I've noticed some of my horses have runny noses too. Not sick just something in the air. I have oaks and pines on my property and lots of grass growing after the last rain. I have a Paso Fino gelding that foundered, he has his good days and bad. The last few days were really bad for him and I thought it was time - but this morning he was out and about walking in the pasture. I'm glad it was the weekend so I had put off my decision. Good luck with your guy!

Reynard Ridge

Nov. 8, 2009, 05:56 AM

What Coreene said.

And, I'm so sorry. :no:

shalomypony

Nov. 8, 2009, 07:40 AM

I don't know what to say.I just lost my best friend on my birthday,a few days ago.I had been agonizing for quite some time about if I should let him go.At one point he got very thin and I was quite sure I had to let him go.I gave it one more shot with some amplify supplements .He gained so much weight in 7wks......he looked so good(as you can see in the pic on my post nov 3)I felt really pretty good about everything.Well he slipped and fell in themud.Long story short,I wish I would have had the courage to put him down earlier...before something like that could have happened.It is an impossibly difficult decision.I feel for you and wish the best and that the right decision becomes clear for you.

mvp

Nov. 8, 2009, 08:26 AM

You'll know when it's time. AND everyone has slightly different standards about quality of life for the horses they know and look at every day. Don't let anyone not standing there eye ball to eyeball with you and your gelding make the call for you.

But his breathing problem makes me think of "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs." You know about this? The dude was a psychologist who tried to create a universal ranking of stuff we want versus stuff we need.

He puts thirst and sex way up there, perhaps even ahead of food. I'd put breathing even ahead of thirst, FWIW. I'd have a hard time watching a horse whose breathing was messing with his perception of quality of life.

The best I anyone can recommend is that you ask yourself when *your gelding* thinks life is too much work or not good enough to be worthwhile. It should be his call. And if you can spare him pointless suffering, remember that that is a good thing.

Zu Zu

Nov. 8, 2009, 08:48 AM

You will know ~ trust yourself on that ~ you will know~ your horse will tell you & you will hear him. Thoughts and prayers & Jingles.

FindersKeepers

Nov. 8, 2009, 09:50 AM

Kelly, so sorry you are facing this.

We have a barn full of retirees with heaves. For what it's worth, this fall has been absolutely awful for all of them. I can't believe that it's just coincidence that they all just happened to progress to this point at the same time. There has to be something out there in the air that's really effecting them. The vet came out to give us more dex last week and looked them over. He said he has seen more heaves issues this past summer/fall than ever before. (he's been in practice for 30 years)

We are facing this same dilemma as you with our ancient rescue pony. He has really struggled this fall. The vet advised to wait until we have a few frosts and see if he improves. He said we will know when his breathing is at a point that he needs to go. He is still happy to eat, still plays in the field, hasn't lost any weight or energy, so to let him be for now.

I truly sympathize with you. We've had this debate for months now. Maybe we should just do it now while it's still nice out and he's so happy... but I can't shake the thought that he will improve when the plants die off...

KellyS

Nov. 10, 2009, 02:08 PM

Thank you all so much. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I will know when it is time. He had a bit of a bad weekend but bounced back and looks great this week. I feel that I'm mentally prepared to make the decision and follow through...whether that's now...a few months down the road...or even a few years down the road. I just couldn't come to terms with it at first.

He's a tough old horse...not matter how bad his breathing is, he's very stoic and still is eager to eat and carries on normally. These types make it harder because it's not like they are exactly shouting that it's their time to go.

I know the gift we give them is taking away their pain and making it ours but it is damn difficult some days. As a good friend once said, we owe them a good life, and a good death.

Cloverbarley

Nov. 10, 2009, 02:53 PM

The more I think about it the more I realize that I will know when it is time. He had a bit of a bad weekend but bounced back and looks great this week. I feel that I'm mentally prepared to make the decision and follow through...whether that's now...a few months down the road...or even a few years down the road. I just couldn't come to terms with it at first.

Yes you are right, you will know. Right now you are just wondering whether it is time, therefore you know it isn't quite the time yet. Apart from emergency situations I think we've all been down this "wondering" route, so you aren't alone, but time passes and we realise that then was not that time and we wait till it is the right moment; when the sparkle goes out of their eyes and there's some sort of sixth sense there that they seem to be transferring to us telling us that they are ready, and then we know for sure. And then we act on it. I've had a number of horses put down in my lifetime and I can confidently say that yes I've always known when the right time has come, just as I can confidently say that yes many times I've also wondered whether this is it, when it hasn't been.

I hope the cold weather brings your old boy some reprieve and I have to say around my area there has been a lot of spraying going on and although none of mine have coughs or breathing issues, a handful have slight eye infections which is not related to being with one another as they all live in different fields.

Stacie

Nov. 10, 2009, 04:41 PM

If you come out and look at him and think "It's time" and then spend the next 5 minutes telling yourself things like, "well his eyes look bright...And he is eating OK...And he was playing the field just a few days ago...And..."

Then your first intuition that it is time is probably right :(

Think about it. From a evolutionary standpoint a horse that shows weakness is dinner. They have a biological imperative to look and act healthy even when they are sick or in pain. So if your INTUITION says it's time, listen to it. You know the horse better than anyone.

For some horses, waiting until it's painfully obvious that it is time is essentially waiting until they have a broken spirit and that is just too long.

HungarianHippo

Nov. 10, 2009, 06:20 PM

I'm sorry, I know it's hard.
When facing this decision, I remind myself that the horse will not miss being alive. He will not know anything about what's to come. He has no concept of "going too soon" and no regrets, no goodbyes to do. I much prefer to give a horse a peaceful end *before* the balance between good and bad days gets much past 50/50 (assuming it's chronic condition, can't be managed effectively, etc). I would not dismiss the consideration of winter's approach as overly "practical", I think it's an important factor. If you pretty much know next summer won't be good for him, and you know you can't bury him once winter sets in (and you don't know whether the current rebound will last), then it's completely reasonable to handle it now while you have good choices.
Try hard to banish your own emotional ties or sense of loss in your thinking. It never goes away, but it shouldn't be part of the decision. To me, I think that's the real slippery slope that may lead owners to hang on too long, waiting for more and more signs and more certainty. In other words, waiting for events and/or time to essentially take the decision out of their hands.

I truly know how hard the decision is, I've made it myself and it's never easy.

RedHorses

Nov. 10, 2009, 07:33 PM

Zu Zu

Nov. 10, 2009, 08:53 PM

Glad to hear your gelding has bounced back - Jingles for you two !

KellyS

Nov. 30, 2009, 01:45 PM

I just wanted to let you all know that I spoke to the vet today and we'll be putting my horse down in the next week or so. This is so hard for me. I'm sitting here at work...he just called me a little bit ago and I really can't cry or talk about it until I get home.

I still haven't felt the overwhelming "it's time" feeling I was hoping for. My husband spoke to our vet about 2 weeks ago when Rocky started to get bad again and our last ditch effort (and a good prognostic factor) was doubling the dex dose to see if we could improve his breathing. High doses keep it in check, but we really can't decrease or take him off it. This weekend I noticed him just standing by the gate staring off into the distance...my husband also noticed that he is "off" personality-wise.

I have to say that my husband is the stronger of us two because he's the one who has given me the strength to admit it's time. He has asthma and tells me how awful it is not to be able to breath. Rocky is just very stoic. It just seems like 20 is young...and for some reason I still feel guilty about this. Like there is something else I should do, or I should give it more time.

I do feel relieved that we've made the decision. And I feel selfish because 2 other reasons I didn't want to do it were (1) because I know how painful it is going to be for me and (2) his turnout buddy Dutch loves him so much and I don't want to put him through this either.

My husband is making the arrangements to bury him on the farm. Once that's done I'll make the appt with our vet. God...I don't know how I'm going to get through the next week. It will be so hard going out there and seeing him...but I want to give him as much attention as possible. :(

hey101

Nov. 30, 2009, 01:52 PM

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. Sometimes doing the right thing can be incredibly hard, and heartbreaking. Hugs to all of you, especially Rocky. :cry: Hang in there...

lovemyoldguy

Nov. 30, 2009, 02:53 PM

Kelly, I am so very sorry you've had to make this decision. I know what you're going through - I went through the same thing with my gelding in January of this year. It might help you to search for my thread around that time - COTHers gave me such excellent, heartfelt and comforting advice when I was in the same situation.

I made the appointment for my gelding a week in advance. That last week was really hard - it's like you're in a bad dream, and you're grieving in advance, and it's hard to get through each day. I used that time to spoil the crap out of my boy - I gave him extra meals, treats, turnout in the 'off-limits' backyard, etc. I also took pictures and videos every day, and I'm glad I did - I'm even have his whinny on video.

I wish I could say something to help you, but all I can offer is a hug and shoulder. Please PM me if you want to talk. I know this is hard, but you're making the right decision. You'll be in my thoughts.

Kaleigh007

Nov. 30, 2009, 03:01 PM

You have made the right decision. I have severe asthma and agree with your husband on how awful it is to struggle for each breath. Not only do all your muscles ache from the struggle but it exhausts you. There is an older horse nearby that literally stands there with her nostrils flared like she had just run a race, her whole body heaving,head bobbing with each breath and yet they will not put her down because she gets better in the winter, but boy does she SUFFER thru the summers. Not a good quality of life in my opinon.

marta

Nov. 30, 2009, 04:43 PM

i have a friend who made a decision for her mare and euthanized her a week ago.

it was one of those grey areas, too. she was suffering from degenerative conditions in various joints but had good days and bad days. she was on daily dose of bute. injections no longer worked. but theoretically she was well enough to continue going out in the a.m. and coming in the p.m. maybe some days a little gimpier than others.

it was a very hard decision, yet now, 1 week later i know it was the right decision.

i think that as hard as it was for you to make that call, when it's all over you will have no doubt that you did him the last favor.

(((hugs)))

DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"

Nov. 30, 2009, 05:08 PM

Big hugs to you.

Chester's Mom

Nov. 30, 2009, 06:03 PM

I just, literally just went through all of that myself. My second horse was euthanized two weeks ago yesterday. The question of "is it time?" is a gut wrenching issue that we cannot simply answer and be done. Our hearts are so bound up in the answer that we can't always believe what our heads are telling us.

I had to make the decision for my first horse too, and making that decision the second time wasn't any easier. Being this close to your situation myself I could write you pages of advice and anecdotes. Can I share this blog with you instead? Here's a link to the first post:

http://endgame-journeys-end.blogspot.com/2009/09/and-so-it-begins.html

Wow! Powerful blog, thank you RedHorses... OP this quote stood out to me was this one

"I finally realized that while the answer to the question "could I keep him going through another winter or several?" is a definite yes, that is the wrong question. The real question needs to be "Should I?" and to that question I must reluctantly answer "no". He definitely deserves better than being forced to endure life simply because I'm not ready to let him go. I never will be ready. "

Hugs to you and may you be as strong as you need to be!

Perchancetodream

Nov. 30, 2009, 06:10 PM

I am so sorry. That is never any easy decision. Maybe he is ready, and you are't.

Addison

Nov. 30, 2009, 07:40 PM

Hugs to all of you.

talloaks

Nov. 30, 2009, 08:02 PM

Wow! Powerful blog, thank you RedHorses... OP this quote stood out to me was this one

"I finally realized that while the answer to the question "could I keep him going through another winter or several?" is a definite yes, that is the wrong question. The real question needs to be "Should I?" and to that question I must reluctantly answer "no". He definitely deserves better than being forced to endure life simply because I'm not ready to let him go. I never will be ready. "

Hugs to you and may you be as strong as you need to be!

The above is SO TRUE!! I had to put my beloved mare down earlier this month and it was the hardest decision I've had to make. We knew she had liver cancer but she looked so good outwardly, but her spiking temps even with all the meds along with terrible bloodwork told us it was time--but she looked so good and ate so well. We wanted to let her go before it was too late and she would be in distress. It was the right thing to do and I am at peace that we didn't wait longer, she would never be healthy again.

Years ago I had a standard poodle I kept patched up by the local vet because I couldn't say good bye to him. Later looking at photos I realized I kept him going because I couldn't part with him, and it was way past his time. I vowed then, never to keep a suffering animal alive just for me, how selfish I had been.

Let your beloved horse go, be kind and end the suffering, then cry the river of tears because you miss him. Death is a part of life and letting them go always hurts us but gives them peace.

God Bless.

Zu Zu

Nov. 30, 2009, 08:25 PM

So sorry ~ thoughts and prayers for your gelding and his buddy, Dutch and you. "IT" is the most difficult decision an owner ever has to make ~

twofatponies

Nov. 30, 2009, 08:51 PM

Hugs!

MunchkinsMom

Nov. 30, 2009, 10:23 PM

FalseImpression

Nov. 30, 2009, 10:32 PM

Hugs to the OP. I have only had to put down dogs but I can imagine a horse in just as difficult. Thank you for sharing your blog RedHorses. I was in tears reading it. Hugs to you too from Ontario as well.

shea'smom

Nov. 30, 2009, 10:35 PM

Dang. this is just too hard sometimes. I have a 29 year old mare that is getting that look. Hugs to you.

KellyS

Dec. 1, 2009, 10:21 AM

Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your kind words.

The appt is set for 1 pm on Thursday. I barely kept it together on the phone to make it, and the receptionist was so kind and told me how I was doing the right thing and even if I didn't feel at peace now about it, that I would afterward.

I was worried that I'd walk in the barn last night and question the decision. Like Talloaks said--when they are eating and carrying on with life, it makes it hard, even when you know their quality of life is waning quickly. However, I did feel at peace and spent some time grooming him and just giving him lots of attention (and treats).

I feel morbid thinking about the arrangements, but I want to do a couple of things, like put straw down in the burying place, and cover him with some of his old show blankets that I've had stored away. And use his show halter with his nameplate on it. Some moments I can step away from the situation and be almost clinical about it...but then the emotional side hits me.

I want to be there with him at the end and spoke with my vet about making sure it went as peacefully as possible. I am dreading it though.

monstrpony

Dec. 1, 2009, 10:32 AM

I wish you strength for this week, and later, peace. You are doing the right thing, difficult as it is. {{{{Hugs}}}}

Chester's Mom

Dec. 1, 2009, 11:14 AM

You will be in my prayers, especially Thursday. Lean on us dear. :sadsmile: We've been there in our own fashion and we understand.

marta

Dec. 1, 2009, 03:09 PM

i'll be thinking of you and your horse on thursday.
jingling that everything goes smoothly.
make sure you have someone else there with you to keep you company.
more (((hugs))).

you're doing the right thing.

Zu Zu

Dec. 1, 2009, 03:17 PM

Jingles for your planning ~ I do that also ~ offers you some peace and closure on your own terms. I line the grave with brome and also include a show cooler won by the particular horse & four red roses and a love note. Will be thinking of your handsome boy and you and Dutch from now and onward through Thursday and beyond. GODSPEED BIG HORSE.

Brigit

Dec. 1, 2009, 03:22 PM

I'm so sorry. It's a hard decision to make but a good one. We're responsible for our animal's quality of life and therefore have to make the tough decisions. You mentioned that you haven't had that "it's time" feeling yet. I think you're wise and kind to do it now when he's still comfortable with an increased dose of dex. So many people wait too long for the "it's time" feeling and by then it's far past that. Just remember, you are doing the right thing, even though it seems so hard. Hugs!

JoZ

Dec. 1, 2009, 03:31 PM

& four red roses and a love note.

Four and a half years it's been since sending my old guy to the Bridge, and this line has me all teary. What a beautiful thought (and practice).

Kelly, I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Big hugs to all of you, for strength and for peace.

arabhorse2

Dec. 1, 2009, 03:46 PM

Kelly, you and your precious oldster will be in my thoughts on Thursday. You're doing the right thing by letting him go before winter gets a good grip. It'd be harder on him if you left this until the spring. Spoil him rotten, and let him just be a horse these last few days. I laid Conny to rest with a new halter. I'd bought it specifically for him, and he'd only worn it once or twice. No way was I going to put it on another horse. It was hard enough putting his tack on someone else, and adjusting the bridle to fit a head that wasn't his.

RedHorses

Dec. 1, 2009, 10:41 PM

:cry:

Thanks for the kind words about my blog guys. It truly was an epiphany for me that day when I realized I was asking the wrong question.

KellyS - cyber hugs and support from me too. I know it doesn't help, but my boy was only 18. Somehow I knew he wouldn't see 20, but my first horse was 26 when he went and 18 just seems so young in comparison.

I don't know if you read my blog, but there was about a week where every night before I went to sleep I watched the video I'd shot of my horse while I was hand grazing. It helped me a great deal.

Don't forget to tell your horse, even if only silently while you are with him, that you are going to help him get past the pain and breathing issues. That he can go. You will miss him terribly, but that you will be okay and he can go on. Admit that you aren't ready to let him go, and that you never will be, but that you don't want him to endure any more for your sake. You will be okay. It's not the words that matter - it's your spirit telling his spirit that you love him enough to let him go on and you will help him to go on Thursday and he must not worry about you.

I told my horse that he must leave the pain and fear behind - these did not define who he was. His heart and courage and generosity were the essence of who he was and he should take those and my love. There was no fear in him when the time came - a little surprise when his legs stopped holding him up, but no fear, and no fight.

Hugs KellyS - you do whatever you need to do afterwards. The ceremonies we have for the dead are for the living left behind and each of us needs to do what we need to do without concern over what another might think about it. :(

KellyS

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:01 PM

He's gone. :cry: This, along with the day we lost our horse Traveler, was the hardest day of my life.

It poured last night, but the sun was out first thing this morning. I fed him a huge breakfast and he went out with his buddy Dutch for the morning. Around 11:30 pm we brought them in and I spent the next hour grooming him...talking to him, crying, and giving him all the horse treats he would eat.

He looked so good today. I gave him 20 ccs of dex last night and another 20 this morning so he was breathing great, but he looked tired at times and I knew that even the good moments were going to be fleeting if we went on any longer. It still made it hard though to see the spark in his eye...my old Rocky.

As it got closer to the time the vet was supposed to arrive the clock seemed to go slower and I was more and more upset. We had a wonderful husband and wife team coming to bury him...but when they pulled in with the backhoe it just did me in.

Our vet arrived very soon after that. Dutch was really upset when we tried to take Rocky out of the barn so we had to sedate him. He has my yearling Rally next to him, but he loves Rocky. That broke my heart.

We walked down to the burial site. We picked a spot in our back hay field under the trees. Our vet sedated him heavily and once Rocky was very sleepy, I gave him a kiss and told him it okay to go and that he needed to say hi to Traveler from us. At that point, I handed the lead to my husband and turned away. I thought I could watch, but I didn't want to remember those last seconds, not knowing how things would go.

As soon as our vet gave the final injections, Aaron came over and held me. Rocky was gently guided to the ground by the vet and passed as peaceably as I could have imagined. I gave him a final pat, continued crying my eyes out, and then Aaron and I walked up to the barn to see Rally and Dutch while Rocky was buried. He's tucked in a bed of straw with his favorite 2 blankets and one of his championship ribbons.

It feels so surreal tonight. Those last few moments when you know you're never going to see them again, hear their neigh, or wrap your arms around them makes you want to scream no and stop everything. And then you realize that all they know is a wonderful life until the end...the only pain is your own.

Godspeed Rocky. Your were my best friend and the best horse a girl could have.

Pictures of my Rock Star from today:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2041677&id=1059684218&l=6d1fd3bfc8

shalomypony

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:15 PM

Oh my you are such a good and brave owner.What a beautiful boy he is.I'm sitting here crying hysterically....I just lost my 36 yr old a couple wks ago on my birthday.I feel for you.You did the right thing and the hole in your heart will never ever go away,but it will get a wee bit smalller with time and not hurt as badly as it does now.I'm so sorry for your loss.:(

bird4416

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:15 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.
(((big hugs)))

bf1

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:15 PM

Hugs to you - I am so sorry for your pain. Have some comfort in the fact that he had a lovely morning - but it sounds as though it certainly was time for him. For his sake I am glad there was no crisis.

TKR

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:28 PM

I'm crying with you and for you, Kelly. I know the pain so well and know I'll face it again with some elderly and very beloved horses, cats and dogs. It just doesn't get easier and it's not fair, but God bless you for doing the right thing. I think they are mystic in some ways and just know how much you care and it's time.
PennyG

monstrpony

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:39 PM

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

:cry::cry::cry:

Bluey

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:43 PM

So sorry for your loss.:cry:

citydog

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:50 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

He was a lucky horse to be so loved.

Come Shine

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:55 PM

And then you realize that all they know is a wonderful life until the end...the only pain is your own.

May your pain ease in time with the wonderful memories of a life well lived. Hugs.

Laurierace

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:55 PM

He isn't gone at all, he is just set free. You gave the greatest gift anyone can receive, a pain free life. You took his pain away and made it your own, that's as good as it gets and he will be eternally thankful.

caryledee

Dec. 3, 2009, 07:58 PM

:cry: I'm so sorry...your beautiful boy will live on in your heart forever.

RedHorses

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:04 PM

I grieve with thee :cry:

Wanderluster

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:11 PM

Kelly, I am grieving a loss just a few weeks ago my lovely, fat, shiny and bright eyed 22 yr old gelding cantered passed me in the turnout. He had a heart attack and died in front of me. I thought that maybe he had stumbled and fallen but when I ran up to his side he lifted his head and whinnied at me and was gone. I cannot tell you that it was easier to lose him that way. It is painful and gut wrenching to say goodbye whether it is planned euthanasia or they simply pass away on a day where only they knew it was time. May time give you peace and lessen your pain. You did a noble thing for your friend and loved him enough to be unselfish. My thoughts are with you.

LearnToFly

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:27 PM

Hugs to you and Godspeed to Rocky.

He looks like he was impeccably cared for and loved. That's the best end a horse can know.

MunchkinsMom

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:31 PM

My deepest sympathy on your loss. May happy memories replace your pain.

sdlbredfan

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:32 PM

I cannot think of anything eloquent to say, but I am sorry, and am empathizing with you. Laurierace's comment is really profound.
Jeanie

fargaloo

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:46 PM

What a lovely and noble face he had.
We all grieve with you and wish you strength.

Tif_Ann

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:46 PM

Lots of tears and hugs from me tonight ... your posts tear me up because I said goodbye to my own Rockstar this spring ... even though we did right it hurts horribly.

Futuresmom

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:47 PM

Kelly-
Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss...My heart aches for you. You gave him a wonderful life and one day you will meet up with Rocky & Traveler. Until then...hang on to all the good memories.

Godspeed sweet Rocky!

~Pamela

twofatponies

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:48 PM

Big hugs from me, too!

manyspots

Dec. 3, 2009, 08:52 PM

Reading your post, I relived the day I laid away my forever horse... my old man... three years ago. I still remember every vivid detail. No regrets, but I miss him like crazy.

With tears in my eyes, I send you many hugs. It does get better, but you will never forget....

Zu Zu

Dec. 3, 2009, 09:07 PM

Thoughts and prayers for you and Aaron and Dutch and Rally. RIP ROCKY. He was truly a handsome gentleman ~ thank for sharing the pictures especially during this impossible time of grief.

snkstacres

Dec. 3, 2009, 09:31 PM

You did the right thing, the responsible thing by your boy. Kudos to you and hugs for your loss. RIP Rocky.

FalseImpression

Dec. 3, 2009, 11:56 PM

I don't know you and I did not know your horse, but your words touched me very deeply and I am crying with you. I have not lost a horse and I keep hoping, by reading these threads, I will be as strong and unselfish as you.
RIP Rocky.

IveGotRhythm

Dec. 4, 2009, 12:24 AM

I cried my way through every one of your posts. You are the most brave and loving of owners to care more about your horse than yourself. Please know Rocky thanks you and was lucky to have you.

blue&blond

Dec. 4, 2009, 12:48 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts more then words can say.

I know, like so many here, how hard it is.

Take comfort in knowing you did what was right at the time it was right.

Hugs to you.

Polydor

Dec. 4, 2009, 01:06 AM

Godspeed Rocky.

P.

trinityhill

Dec. 4, 2009, 01:30 AM

I am very sorry for your loss today.

Losing a long time partner hurts like no other, but your rockstar is up there right now in the greenest of fields and no longer struggling for breaths. We are so very lucky to be able to give them the gift of passing on before the pain gets unbearable, you have done the right thing by him even though it hurts. Whenever I think of my horse of a lifetime that I lost in the most terrible night of my life and the pain and tears come rushing back, I just think of him waiting to greet me to not just walk through the pearly gates but to offer me a ride to jump clear over them, and knowing that he will be there for me when my time comes helps to ease my pain. Your rides with him may be gone for now, but he will be there waiting for you in full health when the time comes.

DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"

Dec. 4, 2009, 02:16 AM

I am so, so sorry, but know that you gave him the greatest gift.

SLW

Dec. 4, 2009, 06:37 AM

Rocky was a gallant horse owned by a compassionate and selfless horsewoman. If only every horse could be so fortunate. ((Hugs)) to you this first morning after.....

OnThinIce

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:04 AM

I was afraid to read this thread because I knew I'd end up crying. My condolences, KellyS. It's small solace, but know you did the right thing, and you did right by him.

trubandloki

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:05 AM

So sorry for your loss!

BoysNightOut

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:11 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

Saidapal

Dec. 4, 2009, 09:30 AM

When you promise them a forever home it will usually leads to the tough decision at the end. But how blessed are we to see them along in their lives and provide them a peaceful and safe ending. We are so deeply rewarded in so many ways with memories and the knowledge that we took care of them to the end.

Bless you and many cyber hugs.

FalseImpression

Dec. 4, 2009, 09:42 AM

Kelly, I also remember when you rescued a horse not too long ago, just to give him/her a peaceful end, sparing him/her (can't remember) the auction/slaughter bound trip.

You are one special person.

annikak

Dec. 4, 2009, 09:50 AM

I am so sorry for you. A harder decision could never be made.

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest- and you have done that with your guys- brave, wise, compassionate decisions.

Hugs to you, and Godspeed to your guy. He is beautiful....

marta

Dec. 4, 2009, 10:07 AM

he was a beautiful horse. you gave him this last gift. he's pain free now. you did the right thing.

arabhorse2

Dec. 4, 2009, 11:34 AM

My deepest condolences. It's hard to lose them, but harder to watch them suffer. Godspeed, Rocky. You're in fine company at the Bridge. My own best and brightest was waiting for you.

TBMaggie

Dec. 4, 2009, 11:39 AM

So very sorry for your loss. You and your lovely boy broke my heart - and thank you for sharing your beautiful and touching pictures. Your Rocky loved you, it's clear.:sadsmile::sadsmile:

elsbet

Dec. 4, 2009, 01:38 PM

Kelly, my heart goes out to you. You did the right thing, although it was probably one of the hardest things you've ever done. Know that you are not alone.

Many hugs to you on the loss of your friend.

Godspeed, Rocky.

foggybok

Dec. 4, 2009, 02:39 PM

I am so sorry for your loss! He was a beautiful horse and obviously well loved and well taken care of. Please know that you did the right thing. I am still haunted by my old 21 year COPD horse that we put down last year, the story is similar except the ending. He was having trouble breathing, but the dex was helping him. He had lost some weight from the work of breathing, but seemed to get around OK and I thought he was happy. I kept him going on the dex until the day the dex caused him to get laminitis. Then I had the choice of saving his feet or letting him breathe.... Neither of those options was viable, so we put him down. Had I done it earlier, he wouldn't have had to suffer through the pain of the laminitis.... We can never know these things for sure, but you did not make this decision lightly and you did it with his interests in mind. he thanks you for taking care of him until the end. My thoughts are with you.

moonriverfarm

Dec. 4, 2009, 02:43 PM

Wow. I only hope my guys look at fabulous as Rocky when they are 20! What an elegant boy, and what a brave mama. I pray that you will feel the blessing of the angels for giving Rocky what he needed, both in life and in death.

laskiblue

Dec. 4, 2009, 04:39 PM

Rest in peace, beautiful Rocky.

jenm

Dec. 4, 2009, 04:50 PM

Kelly,

If hugs could take away the pain you must be feeling, I would send you a million of them. Rocky was so very, very lucky to have been loved by you. May you find peace and comfort in the many beautiful memories that will forever live on in your heart.

~Jen

KellyS

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:20 PM

I cannot express how comforting the posts on this thread are. The grief is so physically painful today...I just miss seeing the goofy expression on his face and hearing his very distinctive whicker...which was reserved for when I walked in the barn. Dutch stood at the gate this morning and whinnied for him--it broke my heart. Hopefully he will find some comfort in his new buddy--the very old donkey Homer, our newest addition who needed some TLC.

A friend told me last night that his peaceful death--just folding to the ground gently and going to sleep--told us that he was tired and ready to go where there was no pain and suffering.

I miss my friend.

P.S. Yes--we did bring a horse hopelessly crippled and headed for a not-so-good ending to our farm late this past summer. We gave him one night of lush pasture and then helped him pass the next morning. Even with a horse I hardly knew, it was incredibly difficult. He'd been let down by all the people around him, but at least we made sure he knew compassion and kindness before he passed. :cry:

equinelaundry

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:28 PM

Picture 15 is my favorite. I bet he could be a silly boy. May you find comfort in your memories. He knew he was loved and isn't that wonderful?!

chai

Dec. 4, 2009, 07:51 PM

Kelly, I went through the same thing recently with our 35 year old gelding, and mr. chai and I have been through it countless times before with the parade of old and infirm horses that have found their way to us.

It never, ever, gets any easier, but I hope in the coming days your sadness will be replaced by happy memories and the little smiles that surprise you when you suddenly remember something cute or funny that Rocky did.

I hope Dutch is doing ok. It was so sad to read about his reaction to Rocky leaving the barn for the last time. They love so deeply. ((Hugs)) to both of you.

Dapple Dawn Farm

Dec. 4, 2009, 08:12 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I type this with tears in my eyes remembering all the beloved animals that have shared my life and gone on ahead of me. May you have some comfort knowing he's no longer suffering and running in green pastures until you meet again...

tazz001

Dec. 4, 2009, 08:35 PM

Sorry for your loss but know you did the right thing by letting him go before he got worse and suffered terribly....a very selfless thing for any animal owner to do.

Godspeed Rocky....know that you were loved and will be missed forever.

tcgelec

Dec. 4, 2009, 08:50 PM

Bless you for giving your friend the ultimate act of kindness between horse and human...taking his pain and making it your own.

Our mare Magic passed the day before Thanksgiving in 2005 after a week of round the clock care. When Thanksgiving Day came, our pain was actually physical, as well as emotional. I remember that our dogs, three of them at that time, just wrapped us in love as we were trying to deal.

Now, four years later, the sting is gone and we cry only from laughing so hard at telling the stories of Magic Mare's antics. She was one in a million.

That will happen for you also. Not too soon. But soon enough.