Non-physical disabilities

[ClassAction]

I have what amounts to a life-long struggle with bipolar disorder. I've been dx'd about 8 years now (yikes!) I'm hoping to get some insight from other folks about times when they feel too bad to go to the barn. When do you push yourself anyway and when do you let yourself rest/

Also, how have your horse(s) helped you through rough times?

[anabug]

I have major depression. I can spend months in the winter not going to the barn because I have no motivation. But if I don't ride/exercise, it just gets worse and worse, so I have to force myself to go.

[equineartworks]

Is there something that you can get in the routine of doing for the horses you ride that only you do?

Knowing that there is something you have to do, rather than seeing it as something you do just for you, often helps gives the motivation and extra push you need to do it. :)

[Leather hAlter123]

Though I've never been diagnosed I highly suspect I have some sort of depression or anxiety disorder (too stubborn to see a doctor and still playing the if I ignore it it'll go away game after many years) and also struggled with self injury all through high school and college.

On the days I feel the worst I still push myself to go to the barn by thinking of it as an obligation. I am the only one that rides my horse he needs to be exercised and kept fit. Once I'm up usually my horse will help put me in a slightly better mood. As equineartworks suggested, find something that only you do for the horse you ride and is something that needs to be done. I find having the responsibility of knowing it must be done helps keep me going even if I wouldn't get out of bed for anything else.

My horse has helped me by always acting extra cute if I'm having a rough time. He knows it's not the day to be silly when I'm on his back and he would stand perfectly in his stall while I just pet or hug him. And to be frank I probably wouldn't be around if it weren't for the horses I had in my life a few years ago. They play a big part in helping me at my worst.

[Bluey]

How about the opposite problem, being way too even tempered and OCD about getting "it" done, whatever that "it" is.
If something interferes, it is hard to keep doing whatever it is until time to go do the "it" that is the routine and needs to be done.

In all my life, I have yet to sleep in ever, have not missed doing chores but once, when they would not let me home after an operation on my arm, when my heart quit four times coming out of anesthesia and I had to wait until next morning to be released.
They didn't understand that having to wonder if all got done and done right was more stressful than letting me go on with my well ordered life.

I can say that horses love how I am, they can count on me never to blow a plug, or be down in the dumps or in any one way to alarm them.
I am the same me all the time, old reliable.:)

Always count your blessing, even when you may have some come along you would rather do without.:yes:

[SouthwestRerider]

My post just erased itself?
Classaction, you will have a lifelong struggle with bi-polar. It doesn't go away, but you can control the illness. I have had it much longer than eight years, and have learned to manage it with medications, a good Dr,and many strategies for coping with episodes, learned over the years.
Right now I am enjoying a slight "high" since I cannot afford the prescribed dose of one of the meds. As usual, it is a little hard to remember what the down is like- memory being the slippery thing it is, my brain pickled. So right now I can communicate with my horses. love them all, and ride just about every day after compulsively rock climbing a couple hours a day.- So remember , the illness is cyclical and the one thing that is true is that - it will change. It will get better (it will get worse) but you may have long periods of relative calm to look forward to.
There is a narrow balance to when to force yourself and when to back off and let the process happen. I know I will have times when it is best to not push it- pull back and make that choice OK. I do force myself to exercise- walking- and it seems to be important. But sometimes I do need to rest, to sleep more, to not see anyone and just get through the bad period, wait it out doing as little damage to your life as you can.
I have had a lot of learning to modify goals, and there is a time to throw them out the window altogether. Because of the meds affecting my balance, I will never again be the rider I was when young and high. Ok. I can just enjoy having the horses if I can't ride- just visit. If I can't visit ,enjoy them out the window. 'Course when your down enjoy isn't an option- but you must avoid the whole guilt thing. They can wait, you don't HAVE to ride.
I am writing too much, but I hope something I said helps.

[SouthwestRerider]

How has my horse helped me through rough times? I think I owe my life to my first horse, who I got as VERY depressed adolesent. I lived to ride that backyard horse every day. He was the perfect first horse, my best friend, and as the depression deepened, my only friend. Through a suicide attempt, hospitalization,and a whole lot of confusion- he was the constant.

[moonriverfarm]

I have slight "depression" issues, managed wholly with Zoloft, but there are still days I don't feel like riding and I have to force myself....once I zip my boots up, though, I am happy, and even happier once I get on my horses. In that way I do think they help with my mental state!

[Invite]

I think non-physical disabilities are sometimes more difficult to deal with then physical disabilities. There is such a stigma attatched only because people cannot understand things they cannot see or feel. Dealing with my physical problems has caused depression. I have gone through the "why me?" period. Non-physical pain cuts just as deeply as physical pain. Frankly, I think the world would be a much nicer place if we all had shrinks!!!

Exercise helps increase seratonin levels and thus creates a more even mood, sleep pattern, hunger pattern, etc. Anything you do around the barn is exercise and will help you feel better. If you are too depressed to ride, just groom your horse super thoroughly. At that point, you may have the urge to ride.

When I am "safe" to do so...safe as in I am well enough that I can stay on the horse ;) ...I will go on a long trail walk if my body or mind is too tired to "really ride." That always makes me feel better.

Non-physical issues are a huge problem and they are serious. I am so impressed that people are comfortable enough to share their truly deep problems. Disabilities come in many forms and I hope that everyone who posts on this forum is a big enough person to be compassionate toward the problems of our fellow riders. Whether our problems can be seen or are invisible, these disabilities make it tough to ride sometimes. Some days I hurt so much that I can barely crawl out of bed. Though it is physical pain, it is no worse then someone who is having the same issue because of emotional pain. We all need to stick together :)

[SouthwestRerider]

Thank you Invite. Part of the stigma is that very few people understand how difficult a mental illness is.

[Here Comes Luther]

My story is very similar to SouthwestRerider's. My first horse (who I still have) saved my life. I struggle with severe depression, which I successfully hid all through middle and high school, and my horse was the reason I never committed suicide. He just knew, and I couldn't have asked for a better first horse or best friend. Now I have him, retired, and my TB gelding, and they really help. If I'm in a downswing with my depression, I won't be motivated to ride, but just going out helps, and more often than not, I'll end up riding. My depression is managed with medication, and while I'll always struggle with it, I'm proactive about it.

Try to find someone who can help keep you accountable, and who will notice when you slip into a spiral. Don't let guilt overcome you or get in the way either...your horse won't reeeeallly care if he gets ridden, as long as he gets meals, and I'm sure he'd appreciate hugs and treats...sometimes that's all it takes to make YOU feel better too...

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

My research is very fundamental, basic neurobiology - understanding how neural circuits develop and function. We are beginning to better understand that depression can be very much a developmental disorder, and unfortunately, the brain is so complex and there is still so much we do not know. When I talk with people who are not in science, they understand the need for cancer research, or for neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinsons. But unless they (or someone they know) are affected, many still believe that depression is something you can "snap out of."

A wonderful resource is NARSAD - National Alliance for Research Against Schizophrenia and Depression - www.narsad.com and www.narsad.org.

I hope that we can come full circle - understand how our interactions with animals, especially horses, can be such a powerful therapy.

[ClassAction]

Invite I agree 100%. I don't tell many people about my illness (or if I do I usually couch it as a neurological disorder and don't get any more specific). In the past I've had people drop and run from me. Or people who react totally inappropriately from thereon out to anything I do that they perceive as "crazy". I'm not crazy just not well. Thanks.

So I've learned to be very discreet. I wonder though if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know it protects me but it would be nice to let people know that those with SMI are not necessarily crazy. I've met some crazy folks (mostly NOT inpatient ironically). I do wonder at the educating the public versus protecting my own privacy balance.

[mkevent]

Class Action, Dressage Geek, Invite-very well said!! Many people just do not know how to deal with those suffering from depression, bipolar disorder, etc. I guess it's like how some people are uncomfortable around those in wheelchairs-they don't know what to do so they stay far away and avoid eye contact. If you choose to only interact with nondisabled people(physically and mentally), you really miss out on a lot of beautiful souls-people with a wonderful depth of character, insight and empathy.

Every time you tell people that you suffer from a mental disorder, there is a risk of being judged or worse yet, alienated. I remember when Oprah Winfrey revealed that she suffered from depression-it took a lot of courage for her to do that. I think that she has probably helped countless people by that one act more than it has hurt her public image. I really admire her for that.

My feeling is that if I help just one person seek help or consider counseling or medication, it is worth that possible alienation. I don't tell everyone that I suffer from depression and I usually try to wait until they know me well enough that it's past the first impression stage. If it could possibly help them or someone they love by having someone to talk to, then it's worth it. The most important thing with a mental disorder is to know that you are not alone and you do not need to suffer alone. Everyone deserves to be happy-and if being on medication or in counseling allows you to achieve that, then that is wonderful. My medication does not "make" me happy-it allows me to be who I truly am. And to my surprise(and this was after overcoming my fear of going to counseling)-I like the person that I am-imperfections and all.

Of course, the cool thing with horses is that they've seen the good side all along and they don't have any expectations on us other than to respect and care for them as best we can.

[Invite]

This is a little off the subject of horses, but it has a lot to do with disabilities. Ever since Tom Cruise made those awful remarks when Brooke Shields was going through post partum depression, I have refused to go to, rent, or watch any of his movies. I will not spend a dime of my money on anything that will put money in his pocket. He is a great example of how ignorant people can be when it comes to physical and non physical disabilities.

We would all love to be "normal" riders. We would all love to participate in our sport without a disability hindering us. The fact is there will always be disabled people out there, be that disability physical or otherwise. COTH is helping us pave the way for future disabled riders by giving us this forum to work through out difficulties.

My thoughts of the evening are 2 thumbs up for COTH and the disabled riders brave enough to put themselves out there and 2 thumbs down to close minded people like Tom Cruise!!!!

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Of course, the cool thing with horses is that they've seen the good side all along and they don't have any expectations on us other than to respect and care for them as best we can.

This. THIS is what it is all about.

[ClassAction]

This is a little off the subject of horses, but it has a lot to do with disabilities. Ever since Tom Cruise made those awful remarks when Brooke Shields was going through post partum depression, I have refused to go to, rent, or watch any of his movies. I will not spend a dime of my money on anything that will put money in his pocket. He is a great example of how ignorant people can be when it comes to physical and non physical disabilities.

We would all love to be "normal" riders. We would all love to participate in our sport without a disability hindering us. The fact is there will always be disabled people out there, be that disability physical or otherwise. COTH is helping us pave the way for future disabled riders by giving us this forum to work through out difficulties.

My thoughts of the evening are 2 thumbs up for COTH and the disabled riders brave enough to put themselves out there and 2 thumbs down to close minded people like Tom Cruise!!!!

Absolutely. No more Tom Cruise (or anything remotely connected with the folks involved in scientology) for me. I hope his remarks didn't have too widespread damage as he was clearly....not himself.

[mkevent]

I think that the most judgemental people are the ones that have never learned to accept themselves. Trying to hold onto an ideal of "perfection" can be so damaging...

I remember my daughter had a friend whose mother was obsessive/compulsive about cleanliness. Because the OCD was about something generally viewed as "positive"(being clean), she never accepted that her illness was ruining her life. I find it so sad that she'll probably never experience inner peace or self acceptance. Because she was also very judgemental, she had difficulty maintaining relationships.

Admitting that we are not perfect can be so freeing-being able to laugh at yourself and your imperfections makes life so much easier. Yes I have depression-but I also have a great sense of humor!! My husband and daughters are able to joke about my OCD tendencies and I don't get upset-it is what it is. Ironically, my father and brothers don't believe in antidepressants-sometimes even loved ones might never understand and that's ok, too. Find the people that support you and help you. It's all about learning to accept and manage the disease and this forum is a great way to do that.

[sayyadina]

I have PTSD, and my ponies have helped me more than any human therapist ever has. I've been sick on & off since June (went off antidepressant), so I've been barely able to see them, which has been rough.

My mother was extremely abusive (hence the PTSD), and I've disowned her. However, I had no idea what it was like to have a mother. My Haflinger was very nurturing and loving, while also making me stand up for myself, and she's become my mom. Then my other girl was also abused, and is very sensitive, so she's a lot like me. The only difference between us is that she's a horse.

Right now, I just don't feel good. I'd like to see my ponies, but I don't feel up to the drive to the stable.

[TrueGrit]

I have PTSD, and my ponies have helped me more than any human therapist ever has. I've been sick on & off since June (went off antidepressant), so I've been barely able to see them, which has been rough.
...snip...

Right now, I just don't feel good. I'd like to see my ponies, but I don't feel up to the drive to the stable.

hugs sayyadina, been there. still there. probably always will be. With this illness, or any illness for that matter, we have a huge need for unconditional love. This is what we get from our ponies. ( If they're 17hh+ I still think of them as my "ponies". ;) )

You say don't feel up to the drive. Can you ask anyone to accompany you? Can you ask the BM to post a note ( you can fax it over ) on the Notice Board at the barn for sharing a drive AND/OR looking for a riding partner?

Ultimately, you might consider have a closer stable - not so easy, I know, but a possibility.

Staying home and feeling guilty about it is only going to make you feel worse, and being with our ponies helps us to feel so much better. So try to find a riding buddy or at least someone who will drive you there until you feel up to it. Who knows, it may take one or two drives before you're up to it. Do try to get to the barn, even talk to your BM if you feel comfortable - you never know when barn folks are doing errands and practically whizzing past your house on the way. I have found that many horse people do care, especially the mature ones, they've lived long enough to know that life isn't always easy.

[EKLay]

Wow, can I say thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread? It's hugely encouraging to hear other people's stories and advice. I grew up in a mentally/emotionally abusive family and I was recently diagnosed with a mental disorder. It took me a couple years to even be able to admit to myself that there was abuse in my background and there were some really dark times for awhile, but it was my animals that pulled me through it.

I do not own a horse, but worked at a barn for the last several years and whenever I was having a truly rough day, I could always count on the horses, my dog and bunnies to make me feel better. Being unconditionally accepted by them was/is one of the most healing things for me.

I would also struggle with not wanting to drive to the barn some days, but like others have said, what got me out there was knowing that all the horses were depending on me for feed/cleaning/turnout etc. Usually after I got to the barn and said a few hellos to my favorites I had enough to start what I was there for. (I realize my situation was a bit different, being that I was working for the barn and not boarding there, but knowing animals were depending on me was what got me going.)

I've made progress in learning how to manage situations and deal with my "triggers", but my animals are still a huge part of my support and I don't ever see that changing. :)

[ClassAction]

I have PTSD, and my ponies have helped me more than any human therapist ever has. I've been sick on & off since June (went off antidepressant), so I've been barely able to see them, which has been rough.

My mother was extremely abusive (hence the PTSD), and I've disowned her. However, I had no idea what it was like to have a mother. My Haflinger was very nurturing and loving, while also making me stand up for myself, and she's become my mom. Then my other girl was also abused, and is very sensitive, so she's a lot like me. The only difference between us is that she's a horse.

Right now, I just don't feel good. I'd like to see my ponies, but I don't feel up to the drive to the stable.

Where are you? I'd drive you! I think we've all struggled with the thoughts that "I don't have the oomph/It's too much effort." For me, the trick is to hold myself accountable to as many people as possible. I have two friends I tell and my therapist that I'll be at the barn tonight (even if I don't ride). Then I have them call me that evening to make sure I did it.

And EKLay, I'm so glad we're starting a discussion. The trick is to keep the discussion going and to try and change our lives for the better!

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Remember too, that the horses don't care if you are out there for scritches and a treat or longer hanging and grooming time or a hack. You don't need to place demands on yourself as to what you will do once you are at the barn except to spend time with your equines.

[grabmaneandgo]

Whatever gets you through the day is okay. If you need to sleep in, sleep in. If you CAN muster up the strength to get to the barn, then try to do it. Once you're there, let your mind and body tell you how far you want to push it. I agree with other posters on this thread... just BEING at the barn is enough to help. You don't HAVE to do anything once you are there, but you will probably find yourself doing things that relieve your discomfort.

If you're in a "high" state, try simply to be aware of it. My mother is bi-polar. I have more experience with the disorder than I ever thought I would. My mother's challenges are the "highs." While the depression is awful, the highs seem to have a greater impact on those around her. During her highs, she goes on shopping sprees and starts all kinds of big projects and makes grand plans. It exhausts her and she quickly spirals into the depressive state.

You may not have these same effects, but what we've learned about bi-polar is to try to be aware of your changing mental states. Sometimes just being aware of the changes in yourself can help you to deal better with the challenges each one brings. :sadsmile:

[*Teddy*]

I have a anxiety disorder so I frequently find myself in a panicky state- I Find working with extremley quiet horses works best as I get too nervous for hot horses and then they get upset which ends not so pretty.
I am undiagnosed OCD, if im not worrying about something else im focused on things that I shouldnt worry over(what someone says, what I did minute details).

I find now that if I dont go to the barn every week that I slip into being unmotivated to go even though im always better after the barn....then the ocd kicks in and I get upset about being unmotivated because I love the barn and cant control the unmotivated feelings.

Mostly people figure out im high strung pretty quick.

[Twigster]

I have what amounts to a life-long struggle with bipolar disorder. I've been dx'd about 8 years now (yikes!) I'm hoping to get some insight from other folks about times when they feel too bad to go to the barn. When do you push yourself anyway and when do you let yourself rest/

Also, how have your horse(s) helped you through rough times?

I have been struggling with depression since my early teen years, and I am so glad you started this thread.

For me, if I can get out and accomplish something, I am one step closer to beating the depression. To get out to the barn is sometimes very difficult, I try to get out 5 days a week, even if it is only for 20 minutes of grooming or grazing, or to watch a friend ride. Having a schedule I am accountable to has helped me tremendously, I have 5 days out, and 2 scheduled days off. Then when it gets especially rough I try to talk myself through to the next day off, instead of feeling like I am giving up.

I got my first horse a year ago, and it has been the best thing that ever happened. She pushes me, doesn't accept any less than my A-game, and really makes me engage physically and mentally with her. She has left me in the dirt more times than I will ever admit to, always on days when I was in no shape (mentally) to ride. At first this discouraged me, then it motivated me, because more than anything I wanted to ride. I got more lessons, and a trainer who understands my issues. Fast forward a year, and I have been off anti-depressants for 4 months (Dr allowed), which I had taken for a decade. All this because a lovely TB mare gave ME a job to do, and insisted I do it well. This mare taught me calm, focus and self awareness that I never thought I could posess.

(oh, and it has been a long time since a spook caught me unawares!)

[Big Red Beast]

Wow so many supportive people here! Im Bi-polar (diagnosed in 2000), and horses (especially my first) absolutely saved my life. After being hospitalized I realized how important sunlight, fresh air, and outdoor activities are to stabilizing my mood. Like others I am responsible for my horses, and since they are at my house I MUST get up, take care of their needs, and make sure they are all healthy, every single day. that alone helps me cope- the time outside filling water tubs, watching them interact with each other, doing silly things- all of it helps to remind me that things get better- and most importantly I need to be there to care for my animals.
My manic times are hardest for me with horses, I tend to loose my temper, or not think training through step by logical step- expecting my horses to catch up with me. Breathing exercises help, as well as acknowledging the problem, also knowing that I can untack/ put the horse away at any moment and not do any harm helps.
Horses arent my only saviors- my dogs force me to walk almost every day, my pygmy goat is a constant source of amusement, and my pet pig is just hillarious!

Any one have any tips on how to help people around you cope with your depressions?
this seems to be a reoccurring issue- people dont understand that you cant just 'get' happy when you are clinically depressed

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Twigster - that is simply an incredible story!

Big Red Beast - *sigh* it is education, I think, and it takes time. People used to think cancer was contagious. Think HIV, too. People are always afraid of what they don't understand.

[ClassAction]

Big Red Beast I totally agree with you that having animals depending on you will get you out and about when nothing else will. Though I don't have a horse (yet) my cat always gets food, fresh water and a clean litter box even if I haven't showered in a few days.

And anyone should feel free to PM me to talk at any time. We need to take care of ourselves at all times and each other whenever possible!

I've found that to get others to understand how mental illness works it is really helpful relate it to other illnesses. I'm like a diabetic in that I rely on my meds to keep my body in balance the way they depend on insulin. It's like of like I have a persistent cancer in that it can go into remission but there's a good chance it will come back over and over again so I always need to be vigilant. And for some people I just have a "neurological disorder where my brain chemicals are out of whack."

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Funny - that is how I describe it, as well - I explain that in diabetes, insulin is out of whack, and in depression, brain neurochemicals are out of whack, we are just not at the point where we know which ones, and why, and we don't have unbiased diagnostics like you do for blood sugar levels.

[Twigster]

BRB- I have found a couple of memoirs written by people with mood disorders that have helped both me and my husband understand what I am going through. He still struggles sometimes, but they have given him new perspectives. One of them is "Darkness Visible" by William Styron and the other "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jamison. Neither are light hearted, and can be gut-wrenchingly brutal in their descriptions, but they have so much to offer to those who have these diseases and to those who want to understand them better.

Thanks DG, I owe this mare so much, I never thought I would be where I am and I have her to thank for it.

CA- I also use that description, in addition to helping others understand, it also helps me to cope when I hit a roadblock or take a few steps backwards. I have to keep telling myself it isn't my fault.

And now, when I am faced with a setback, I try to head for the barn. Clears my mind, helps me regain perspective, and then I get to ride :D

I'd like to second CA's offer, please anyone feel free to PM anytime!

[Meredith Clark]

I have a anxiety disorder so I frequently find myself in a panicky state- I Find working with extremley quiet horses works best as I get too nervous for hot horses and then they get upset which ends not so pretty.
I am undiagnosed OCD, if im not worrying about something else im focused on things that I shouldnt worry over(what someone says, what I did minute details).

I find now that if I dont go to the barn every week that I slip into being unmotivated to go even though im always better after the barn....then the ocd kicks in and I get upset about being unmotivated because I love the barn and cant control the unmotivated feelings.

Mostly people figure out im high strung pretty quick.

I have the worst anxiety. I was on medication during college but I've been off it for a while. I worry SO much.. if I was a horse I'd crib :lol:

I also have pretty bad ADD so it's a bad cycle of;

go to the barn, run around in a haze of ADD-ness, leave the barn and then worry the entire way home that I've left something plugged in, forgotten to shut a gate, etc.

I redid my horse's wrap almost 20 times the other night b/c I was convinced I was going to bow his tendon. When I took the wrap off (which had drooped a bit) I was SURE his tendon was bowed. I convinced myself he was fine (which he was/is btw) and drove home. Stopped about 10mins into the drive and turned around to check him again.

I was really surprised when I was diagnosed with ADD (I was 22 at the time) but it's not all about being a hyper kid. I'm not really hyper active at all but I have a really hard time concentrating and when I should be paying attention to one thing I'm thinking about something else, and then when I think back on the original thing I was doing I can't remember so I worry about if I did it right.

[equineartworks]

My DD's stuggles with anxiety, as many people with Asperger's do. ClassicSportHorses worked with her for about 30 lessons and WOW! The right horse, the right instructor...magic. :)

Have any of you read "the Healing Touch of Horses" by Bronwynn Llewellyn (sp?) fabulous book. I loan out my copies to teen students, parents etc. It gives them a glimpse into what horses can do for us besides the physical aspects. I dislike talking about the benefits horses bring to us in clinical terms with students and families...their worlds are over saturated by terms and conditions that are never fully explained or understood. This book speaks to them on a personal level. It's lovely...just lovely.

[*Teddy*]

I have the worst anxiety. I was on medication during college but I've been off it for a while. I worry SO much.. if I was a horse I'd crib :lol:

I also have pretty bad ADD so it's a bad cycle of;

go to the barn, run around in a haze of ADD-ness, leave the barn and then worry the entire way home that I've left something plugged in, forgotten to shut a gate, etc.

I redid my horse's wrap almost 20 times the other night b/c I was convinced I was going to bow his tendon. When I took the wrap off (which had drooped a bit) I was SURE his tendon was bowed. I convinced myself he was fine (which he was/is btw) and drove home. Stopped about 10mins into the drive and turned around to check him again.

I was really surprised when I was diagnosed with ADD (I was 22 at the time) but it's not all about being a hyper kid. I'm not really hyper active at all but I have a really hard time concentrating and when I should be paying attention to one thing I'm thinking about something else, and then when I think back on the original thing I was doing I can't remember so I worry about if I did it right.

THats exactly how I get! I get sooo focused on something like did I shut the gate ect that I literally stay up all night thinking about it. I'm mellow but when im hyper im reallly hyper, which if that happens during a anxiety attack I literally cannot calm myself down without medication which really sucks.

But I find that the anxiety cycles are much more tolerable if I am at the barn at least 1x a week-its better than thearapy for me:)

[fitzwilliam]

We have several people at our barn who suffer from depression or bipolar disease. They have been pretty open about their struggles which I think is a good approach. Everyone cares about them and tries to support them in any way possible. For our dedicated trainers it is better that they know someone is going through a rough time than thinking they are just neglecting their responsibilities to their horses. If things are tough and a person can not make it out, they can call and any one of us will ride or lunge their horse. I think in today's world everyone has a family member or friend who suffers from some form of mental illness. By being open you can educate others about your disease. Horses provide respite for all of us - "furry Prozac" in their own wise ways. I am not naive (I work in a Psych hospital), there are individuals who deny the existence of mental illness. However I do think most people involved with animals are in touch with their healing properties and are open about peoples' needs than the average person. Maybe I am just very. very lucky to be in my barn which is more like a family than a business. I hope you can find the support you need from both your four legged and two legged friends.

[Bluey]

I think that a large number of people with some kind of mental problems, especially those that involve social contact. like to be around horses and work with them, if what ails them is not antagonistic with being around horses, as in pathological hygiene cases, where everything seems dirty, which most in a barn honestly is.;)

Why are so many of the less balanced humans attracted to horses?
I think that horses seem and many are unassuming, want to get along and their demands on their human are large in time and energy, but emotionally simple, where each person can project their own needs on them in a basic way.

Once that human becomes more conversant in horses, they discover that horse are as sophisticated individuals as humans can be, but by then most have aquired the skills to handle that and that transfers to how they can then interact with humans, in a less threatening, more positive way.

I think that such is for many why they are involved in horses and why so many people in horses seem a little bit odd at times.:yes:

We have to admit that, especially in today's world, you have to go hunting for horse activities.
Horse activities are not there for everyone to chose and take it or leave it as will, as going to eat out, go to the movies, or to play golf.
You have to work at finding horses and spend an enormous amount of time, money and energy on them, you have to be attracted to something about horses to even care to go that route, in today's world full of so much else to pass our time.

[mkevent]

I'd like to put out the offer if anyone ever wants to PM me, they are welcome to. Having a support system is so crucial.

An interesting thing happened to me this week. We had some friends over last weekend, and they were discussing their teenage daughter who was experiencing some depression/anxiety issues. I was open about my disease and told her that she was welcome to share the story with her daughter. The mom came by yesterday and told me that her daughter was going to seek help and try medication if it is recommended. Sometimes you never know who you will help-I look at it as a "pay it forward" kind of disease.

I also want to mention not to give up if a certain medication does not work for you. I was in pharmaceutical sales for a number of years and had antidepressants as some of my products. There are a number of different drugs available and they all work differently for different people. Some are better for the "can't get out of bed" depression, some for depression with anxiety, etc. It is very rare for someone just to have depression or just to have anxiety-most people have a mixed bag of both. Find a doctor willing to work with you and try to find the medication that works best for you-even if you have to try 3 or 4 different products before finding the one that works the best.

Believe it or not, there are still doctors out there in family practice who do not believe in antidepressants. It makes me angry to think of the patients who finally have the courage to seek help only to be turned away by the one person who could really help them. Maybe these people never get help. That's why I share my stories with others that I feel may benefit from it.

[Big Red Beast]

Class Action- that is a great way to explain it! I think I may use that in the future!

Bluey- your question about why unbalanced people are attracted to horses is one I think of very often- Horses were not 'easy' to get into my life ( I grew up in the city with no 'riding friends'- in elementary school I rode my bike to the nearest barn I could find and helped out in exchange for ride time)
I center my unbalanced life around horses because they are innately balanced (barring abuse, or neurosis). most animals are I think- and I strive to emulate that balance in my own life. somethings Ive learned from the animals:
- Nothing feels better in the middle of winter than standing in the sun with a friend
- Play every chance you get
- eat when your hungry, drink when your thirsty (try not to do it in excess! :) )
- sometimes you just have to kick up your heels and run around!
- Enjoy contact with others
- Trust.

Twigster- Ive ordered both books- thanks for the recomendation!

MkEvent- your comment about meds is so true- Ive been on more than 25 different meds, some did nothing, some made me to groggy, one made me hallucinate, currently I am on low doses of 4 meds, the amounts of which change during the seasons to manage the phases Im in. I was told its pretty common for people with BPD to be sensitive to drugs, and many people use several meds as a way of managing the situation... does anyone else have experience with that?

Id also like to extend an open invitation for anyone to PM me if they want to talk or whatever... and if anyone lives in my area Id be happy become part of their support system in any way possible :)

[Twigster]

Thanks for the recommendation equineartworks- I am so looking forward to reading "the healing touch of horses", got a copy in the mail. I love the internet!

[Meredith Clark]

I literally cannot calm myself down without medication which really sucks.

But I find that the anxiety cycles are much more tolerable if I am at the barn at least 1x a week-its better than thearapy for me:)

The anxiety meds I took were good, really helped. I was put on Concerta for my ADD and it made me so sick. I mean, I felt like I was going to die sick. I couldn't eat, I felt sh!tty all the time, I eventually had to stop taking it b/c a lower dose didn't do anything for the ADD.

Now graduated and moved I'm looking for a good doctor.

[LexInVA]

I personally can't wait to be medication free. That stuff does more harm than good for me and I don't feel like I need it anyway at this point in my life.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

The problem with these meds is that while we understand their direct mode of action (i.e., prozac a/k/a fluoxetine acts to inhibit reuptake of serotonin between communicating brain cells, meaning there is more serotonin to signal to the receiving neuron), the effects of these drugs are not seen for a few weeks. This implies there must be "downstream changes" - but what are they? One of the more recent research missions of the National Institutes of Mental Health is to understand sex and sexual maturity changes in the brain, and how that affects responses to these types of drugs. We are not all the same - so many changes in the brain occur as a consequence of adolescence, aging, environment, genetics, sex differences. And so it makes sense that what may work for one person will not work for another, even with the same disease - and even that is not well defined, because we don't have good diagnostics - we are not even certain what the issues are - the perturbations in brain chemicals - which came first, which are secondary? When did they happen? (More and more we realize these are developmental diseases.) What is reversible? How do you fix one thing without screwing up something else?

I think horses work because they help destress - and stress is a major causitive factor for depression, stress can precipitate crises in a predisposed individual (well, stress causes a lot of changes in the brain). And to have what is generally considered a large and sometimes scary animal respond to you and trust you - that is key.

[TheBrownHorse]

This post has made me *SIGH* in a huge way. I've got one good teenage year left in me, but I've been diagnosed bi-polar, OCD traits, self harm, eating disorder.... etc.

I was looking for somewhere to post this, and it's long so hopefully ya'll can follow it!
I look into the mirror and see the young woman staring back at me. This cannot be me, not that face, not that body. These are not my arms, too fat. These are not my thighs, too wide. This is not my stomach, too flabby. I contort myself in front of the mirror to manipulate by body’s image, seeking to find a stance where I believe myself to look semi-acceptable. It doesn’t work. All I see is fat.

Having an eating disorder, in some ways, becomes so instinctual it’s simply second nature. What might sound uncomfortable is where we seek our comfort. What might sound unbearable is where we seek our control. And these things, these needs, our necessities and abilities to gratify and meet our wants, is what makes such an out of control disorder a very centering experience.

Not saying that throwing you food up is peaceful, or that bingeing is fun, or starving is pleasurable, but in some sense, all of these things are what calm us down. It becomes our instinct, our first method of self-soothing, our everything.

There are certain things that are instinctual to horses, too. The most unnatural thing to ask a horse to do is to pick its feet up. Doing this completely inhibits the horses most natural thing, which is to run from danger. In picking their feet up and inhibiting them from their first natural protection mechanism, we ask horses to do for us what may feel uncomfortable to them. But in all actuality, working with horses and teaching them to not run away from each blow of the wind, these are things we do for both of our safety.

So when I sit curled up in a ball on my bed in tears, crying because I cannot sit with the food I ate, I think about my horses, and how their ability to sit through uncomfortable emotions overcomes their basic natural instinct. They stand there, possibly scared, but they stand there. I sit, possibly scared, but I sit. Both of us, together, are facing our fears, facing things that are unnatural to us, yet both of us do this, together, we both face our fears and stand tall.

So I go out to the barn that day. I was intensely fascinated and enthused by life at an alarming speed.

Scarlett, my little thoroughbred mare, lets her brilliant beauty and splendor, which speaks a thousand words as to her character, shine. Her head is in her heart, and her heart is on her sleeve. Characterized in her acute sense of whereabouts, her surroundings and in her doings, she’s exquisitely aware. The outline of her body is clearly defined, her sleek satiny copper coat gleams and reflects a soft orange glow like a summer sun setting in the horizon.

And I went to the barn that day because I was going. I was going and going and going. And going and going.

So I do what I always do. It’s like walking; putting one foot in front of the other, so habitual, so instinctual, so ingrained that we go about walking without thinking about it. I slipped into her stall and ran my hand down her sleek muscular body-- stopping at her chest as I hit her favorite scratch spot, I stand a while and watch her head lower and her eyes soften.

I take the lead rope, as I always do, and place it around her neck, and let her head slide into the black halter with a leather crown. I buckle the halter and take the lead rope, like I always do, and walk her out of her stall, just like I always do. I do this like I always do so well that it’s like I don’t even consider it doing anything at all. These ways of going, of walking, of reading, the way in the life of a horse is so instinctual that I never think twice.

And I place her in the round pen, just like always, and walk to the center. I ask her to move out at a canter, just like always, and she quickly moves away.

I watch her run and run and run as I stand there and think that I’m running and running and running on the inside.

And I wait for her to slow her pace down, and she doesn’t, she just keeps going and going and going and for 45 minutes I watch her run and think, that’s how I feel inside. And wonder, that’s how I feel inside.

It’s so uniquely brilliant about horses that they reflect so much of who we are-- what we’re feeling, how we’re feeling, why we’re feeling, when we’re feeling.

And sometimes, we as horse people, ask our horses to run and run until they submit-- where they lower their head and lick and chew there mouth and think, think about giving in to the pressure that’s making them run, think about finding a leader to save them from this running.

And by this point I’m frustrated because she’s not submitting, she’s not asking ME to be her leader, she’s running and running and running.

So I look inside myself, inside my running, and think about what it’s going to take to stop me from running and running and running on the inside. Though it’s difficult to admit, I realize that I need to take action, to be proactive, to watch my horse run and know that I’m looking at a mirror of myself. No more “fat Rachel”, no more “big arms and flabby stomach Rachel”, this Rachel is running from something, she’s running away. I verbalize, quietly, that I’m scared. I’m scared because my horse won’t stop running, that I won’t stop running. I admit that I can no longer take this, and am willing to find a leader, someone to help me from this craziness.

And finally she stops. She lowers her head and licks and chews her lips and walks over, calmly to me, and asks me to be her leader. And I look inside myself and realize that I, too, have calmly walked inside myself to look for guidance, for I know that I have the capability to slow myself down. She rests her head upon my shoulder and huffs warm breathes of air into my ear. I take steps forward, placing one foot in front of the other, as she takes steps in unison with mine. I stop, she stops, I move to the left, she moves to the left. And we walk together, placing one foot in front of the other, just like we always do.

Lots of kudos to whoever read that novel. hopefully someone can relate.

Loved reading everyone's responses <3

[mkevent]

TheBrownHorse-I am impressed by how much you have learned about yourself and your ability to understand what you are facing!

Horses are a great centering force for all of us and sometimes I think they teach us so much more than we teach them.

Thanks for sharing.

[Invite]

Brown Horse you were very brave to share. Please do not take this as an insult, but as a person who formerly had an eating disorder which began as a diet to get the perfect equitation body, you need professional help. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Often, people will control their eating via starvation or purging because food is one thing you can have complete control over. As a person who does not know you, I can only offer a shoulder to lean on. It seems as though you have a distorted body image, but you are very brave. Please get some help. If you cannot go to your parents, to your school guidance counselor or your school nurse.
Best of luck to you

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

,

It’s so uniquely brilliant about horses that they reflect so much of who we are-- what we’re feeling, how we’re feeling, why we’re feeling, when we’re feeling.



This statement is brilliant. You are spot on. If we listen, we see ourselves reflected back from our horses.

I think that wanting the best for your horse comes back around to helping us as well

[TheBrownHorse]

No insult taken, Invite, I've actually been in treatment twice for this, just got out the second time a couple of months ago and seem to be doing pretty well!!! Thanks so much for your concern, :)

[Wayside]

Again, thank you to everyone who has been brave enough to share in this thread.

These sorts of issues can be absolutely crippling, and can have a huge impact on your horse and your riding, as well as (obviously)the rest of your life.

I know I have found great comfort with my horses in emotionally trying times, and I hope everyone here can continue to make it out to the barn and enjoy that horse therapy.

[Invite]

No insult taken, Invite, I've actually been in treatment twice for this, just got out the second time a couple of months ago and seem to be doing pretty well!!! Thanks so much for your concern, :)


Thank you for not being offended. It's just that people often attatch a stigma to psychological issues and I would hate to see someone fail to get treatment because they were afraid of the stigma. I find it very unfair that someone with a physical disability that is visible to everyone is treated differently by society then one who suffers from an unseen disorder. I am so happy you have been getting help and seem to be doing better. If you ever need to vent, feel free to pm me if you don't feel comfortable posting on the board. Good luck!

[nuts4cowboybutts]

TheBrownHorse - your writing took my breath away. You can express yourself better than many who are two or three times your age.

I'm very impressed.

You seem so insightful. I hope your insight and ability to communicate and your love of horses serves you well and brings you much success in the future.

[Tommy's Girl]

I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been taken to a clinic called the Brain Bio Center (it has closed, sadly) when I began to exhibit uncontrollable symptoms of bi-polar disorder, in early 1990. That clinic used only vitamins to stabilize me, and despite years of suffering before getting there, have not had another bi-polar episode. It's been what - almost 20 years - now.

I mention this only as although there are a lot of conflicting ideas about alternative treatments, this clinic literally saved my life. When I feel depression, anxiety or any instability coming on, right at the beginning, I take my fish oil and B's (the only part of the extensive regimen I still practice), and lo and behold, I am OK.

I wish you luck in finding a regimen to help even the moods, and think the advice to be solely accountable for one thing with your horse is very sound. If you would like more information on the science behind what I consider was my "cure", please pm me.

[ClassAction]

Just wanted to resurrect this thread to say that I spent yesterday just sitting with some horses that are particularly special to me. There's not much like having a pony munch on hay in her stall while just resting your head on her shoulder. Then she'll rest her head on my shoulder which doesn't work as well for me but she enjoys it. It really helps to calm my demons (both the emotional ones and the ones that whisper).

Love the horses in my life.

[JollyBadger]

That you so much for starting this thread!

I am in my early thirties, and last summer I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. They actually turned out to be "side effects" of the ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive) I was also diagnosed with a couple of months later.

Because the inattentive type does not have the physical hyperactivity and energy levels "typical" of the ADHD most people are familiar with, I remained undiagnosed and managed to daydream my way through school.

All of the "hyperactivity" is in my brain. . .kind of like being the TV department of a large department store, with all of the televisions playing something different and constantly changing channels, but not being able to control any of them. The brain is constantly searching for stimulation. If the environment wasn't fulfilling that need, it would come up with its own stimulation. . .usually by daydreaming at inappropriate times, like during class. Not my fault the teacher was boring.:winkgrin:

Or, I would change the way I did some routine task at work in order to make it more interesting to me. Although it did not affect the quality of my work and it actually made me more efficient. . .that didn't go over well with my supervisor. She interpreted it as insubordination and lack of respect for her authority.

After spending my entire childhood and young adult years being told that I'm "a smart girl, just not trying hard enough" I came to the conclusion that I was just a burden and a problem for my parents, teachers, and supervisors. By last summer, right around the time I was finally diagnosed, I was well into severe depression to the point of just wanting to give up. Every night I'd go to be hoping that I would fall asleep and just never wake up again.

Horses were the one thing that I seemed to do well, and the one thing that motivated me when nothing else could. Now that I understand more about the disorder itself, it totally makes sense.

Being around horses satisfied my brain's craving for external stimulation - the way they feel, the way they smell, their size and strength and the beauty of the way they move, the noises they make when greeting or fighting, the sound of their hooves, the way they use their bodies to communicate, the importance of understanding the individual temperament of each animal, and having to be constantly aware of your own surroundings in order to anticipate the behavior of your horse.

Not to mention that the horses didn't care about my grades in school or my last performance review at work. They were not bothered by the fact that I am a social oddball and often very shy around people I don't know. I finally bought a horse of my own eight years ago. In my lowest times, he was the only thing that motivated me to get out of bed in the morning. He's also a wonderful "ice-breaker" because he is a whore for attention (:lol:), and I find myself having friendly and totally non-awkward conversation with total strangers while they pet my horse.

When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, I was relieved. Sounds kind of strange, but it's true. After so many years of just thinking I was just stupid and lazy and unable to hold a decent job, I began learning how to manage my own life in a different way.

There are still many people who believe that ADHD is an invention of drug companies, or an excuse used by parents for their "undisciplined" children. ADHD is often used as a punchline to jokes, and the entertainment industry makes light of it.

Remember the supervisor I talked about earlier, who didn't like the fact that I sometimes changed my routine at work? She eventually had me placed on disciplinary probation and finally terminated, although she was fully aware of my diagnosis and the fact that ADHD is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Other people seem to think that it is something that can be overcome by just "trying harder." That's kind of like telling someone who wears glasses that they are just making excuses, and they could see perfectly fine without their glasses if they just squinted harder. :rolleyes:

[Tiffany!]

I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polor and Depession....and I take meds everyday to leval my moods.

[Arcadien]

Hugs to all, I was drawn to this thread today as though I've made great strides recovering from many varied issues, this time of year is always harder for me, and this year has been particularly hard. Counting down the days to Dec 21st helps (I instantly regain "hope" after the days are getting lighter a minute a day, I guess that lifts the shadows!)

But I feel a bit overwhelmed with my sis going through a nasty divorce, my youngest niece being diagnosed as psychotic schizophrenic, my Dad recovering from his 3rd major heart attack while his Parkinsons slowly closes in on his body, and on top of all this still struggling to hold on to my farm all by myself, working two jobs as in this time of uncertainty, its so hard be sure which is most secure, I must try to please both until one wins a contract that ensures some kind of long term security, which is really stressing me!

Just last week I realized that after a long time of feeling pretty decent, I was really starting to struggle again (moderate depression & anxiety is my personal challenge - it seems to be a trend in my family, sigh. I also suffered from pretty severe anorexia from 16-19, and have to keep an eye on myself there, as in times of stress I find myself automatically "denying" myself nourishment, groan).

But I've been here before, and know it will get better; and know the things that help me, and started pursuing them. Checklist:

1. Riding (check - moving horse to barn with indoor this Tues so I can keep that in my life!)
2. Exercise (check - have a class called "Bootcamp" I love at my fitness club twice a week plus Yoga twice a week)
3. Diet and controlling bad habits (this one needs work! I drank WAYYYY too much at one company xmas party, not good, must impose limits! Ordered a book "Eat Clean" to see if I can do some improvements on my largely takeout/microwave dinner diet)
4. Seeking contact with friends and family (working on this - when I feel down, I tend to automatically withdraw into myself - exactly the opposite of what helps lift the dark mood! I have to really make myself go out, call a friend, commit to follow through with an egagement - it can be hard to motivate myself to do it, but I know it always makes me feel better so I will keep trying!)
5. And last but not least professional therapy - I am on Paroxtene now for 10 years but I'm thinking it may be time to reevaluate and I KNOW I benefit from talk therapy - it is so hard for me to place the call and go to that first appointment, but it NEVER fails to make me feel much better, so I must carry through.

I think I may print out that list and hang it somewhere I can check I'm actually working on the things I said I would.

Anyway, thanks for starting this thread, and I'm another one that won't mind if someone PM's or emails me just wanting to chat (or wail, lol). Its so hard to reach out for support when I'm like this, but I'm old enough to know it HELPS! I have to shake myself off and resolutely proceed to do the things I know will help.

Oh, I wanted to send special hugs to the girl with the eating disorder - obviously, I've been there done that. I know exactly what you mean about looking in the mirror and not seeing what is there. People not in the know just raise their eyebrows when I say that, but I know how true it is. For instance, at my worst I was 97 pounds (5'7") and still disgusted with the fat hanging off my body (I know, I know); now, I look at myself and think I look pretty good - I'm 134 pounds now. Just an example to prove, this is a disease, people don't just do this to themselves for whatever - it's a real twisted up head case thing. Anyway, please write it you want more comparisons or to chat - it's not an easy thing to get over, and takes a long time, and you have to deal with relapses, but I know it can be recovered from - I did, I still have a few triggers, but I just note them and can be rational about it, let them go, and go back to focusing on exercise and a healthy diet.

Hugs again my friends,
and many good feeling cyber vibes to you!

[Hip]

I want to chime in and say my big thanks to the OP that started this thread. I hadn't seen it before but I'm glad I looked in again.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything but I've always thought I was a bit depressed. It seemed that almost each post had something that spoke to me! :yes: My horses have saved my life all my life. I've never done any thing suicidal but I've thought about if I weren't here, who would take care of my babies?? So, while I'm taking care of them, they are taking care of me.

When I go to the barn, most times it takes almost an act of God to get me going but then I think that my horses are probably starving and 'that' gets me moving, slowly but I'm moving. Then once I'm at the barn and all are fed, something happens and I feel more alive. I feel more alive at the barn than just about any other place in the world.

As for taking meds, it seems my system is so sensitive that I can't even take vitamins for too long a period, because it does something that makes me feel hyped/weird, so I try to eat properly. Going for walks helps a lot but the weather has been bad and my town doesn't have a mall to take walks in. So, somehow, I try to balance things and go on with life.

Really nice to know others out there deal with the same things.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Glad you found the forum! It's a great group of people.

[pAin't_Misbehavin']

Anyone know the author who writes the murder mystery series about a character with bipolar disorder? I read her in law school and was fascinated (having grown up with a mother with bi-polar disorder) but can't remember her name. (Law school being kind of an amnesia-inducing experience:lol:)

Anyway, if y'all can figure out who she is, I highly recommend her books.

When y'all are experiencing "highs", is recklessness ever a problem for you in your riding? I ask because I remember how Mama was by nature a fairly fearful person, and very introverted - but when on a "high" would do things like get up and address large gatherings of people (something she avoided like the plague when not "high") or spend tons of money on non-essentials (a child of the Great Depression, Mama was usually extremely frugal). So I've wondered if that feeling of invulnerability might also manifest itself in the athletic performances of people with BPD. Do you at times find yourself taking risks you'd normally avoid?

[Big Red Beast]

paint- I do notice a more "why the he** not- Ill give it a try" attitude when Im "high" Ill jump higher and ride a more aggressive course, Ill encourage more forward and expressive movements than normally. my horses are all pretty fit- so thankfully it is not usually something that effects their bodies negatively. and I recognize what I do/ have done- and give them the next day off. but I do always try and remember that my confidence is a result of my chemical imbalance- and its not fair to push the younger horses like I can push my more finished guys- so I do pick who I ride each day carefully.

I also seem to "need" more new stuff- much like your mom- and sign up for things I may or may not have the time or desire to do once I'm not on my "high"

Im interested to see what others have to say-

[pony4me]

To TheBrownHorse....your writing is skillful, insightful and captivating. You have a real talent there. There are a lot of good writers on COTH. Maybe next year for Christmas, a fund raiser for the rescues could be a book of some sort??? Just a thought.

To everyone else, has anyone tried neurofeedback therapy? My son has Asperger's and depression and Tourette's and has been marginally functional on meds all his life. He has recently started neurofeedback therapy, and it seems to helping. He still has a long way to go. He's only had seven or eight sessions out of an estimated 40, but says he notices a change in how his brain works. He says it's hard to explain, and it may be only a placebo effect, but we will continue with the program. The downside is it's not covered by any insurance so it's out of my pocket. I will gladly miss a couple of A shows to get him fully functional. I have deep admiration and respect for those of you who keep on truckin'.

[ClassAction]

Big Red Beast,

As someone who rides with bipolar, I'm always examining my choices. I 'm going to suggest that you get evaluated by a professional (if you aren't already). These "slightly aggressive" choices can lead to some really crappy outcomes. If you'd like to know some of mine, feel free to PM me. I was never classically manic as in up for five days, directing traffic naked or hallucinating but you don't need all that to get hurt or hurt someone else.

Tweak meds, whatever you have to do. It sucks but it's better than the alternative.

[TheBrownHorse]

I just wanted to check in to see how everyone is doing!

I' RIDING AGAIN and it's amazing. consistent riding. and nourishing my body at the same time.

Hope everyone is doing well!

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Thanks for the update! And glad things are going well.

[*Teddy*]

My update: Im pretty sure I need to be medicated now for the anxiety/ocd because they are really starting to not be very helpful and I find myself either very up or down....not fun

[ClassAction]

My update: Im pretty sure I need to be medicated now for the anxiety/ocd because they are really starting to not be very helpful and I find myself either very up or down....not fun

It's not the end of the world. Just make sure you have a psychiatrist you trust. You don't have to connect with him or her just trust their judgment.

I hope you get good help! If you have any questions, please PM me.

[AppendixQHLover]

I suffer from depression and social aniexty.

This winter has been very tough on me with the bad weather that has been in the mid-atlantic. I didn't see my horse for 3 or 4 days. This weekend I made myself go see him and ride him. I felt so much better after spending time with him. Even if I just go brush him and give him some cookies it helps.

My social aniexty is 10x better than it used to be. I still get really odd around people I don't know but my melting time has gotten better.

I have been forcing myself to exercise this winter. This week..I actually put on makeup to come to work. That was a effort for me.

[ClassAction]

It's good to know your limits, AQHL. It's tough to deal with them (and that you know you have to respect them!) but really good to know them.

I'm glad your horses are helping you feel better :)

[red squirrel ridge]

I am so happy to find this thread. I mean it sucks that people have to deal with this stuff but at least we aren't alone.

I was recently diagnosed as ADHD (who does that ever explain a lot !), I've been dealing with anxiety and depression most of my life and I also have a sleep disorder.

My question is how do those of you with similar issues stay motivated and focused long enough to actually accomplish anything? I've always struggled with this and its most frustrating to me in regards to my horses. I have various goals and things I want to get done but it seems like I always get sidetracked, overwhelmed, bored or anxious. Then sometimes I get so enthusiastic about something (for instance I'll decide I want to switch my horses vitamin supplement, or set some training goal) and I will put so much time and energy into researching and pondering all the options that I am completely useless for anything else. Then I feel guilty for not getting more done or letting myself get so wrapped up knowing that I will move on to something else shortly. Has anyone found a good way to manage symptoms like these ?

[cllane1]

Not sure if this has been mentioned or not, but I've found it helpful to give myself permission NOT to ride if I'm really not feeling it. This can, unfortunately, morph into a string of days where I just keep putting off riding, but when I do get back on, I feel much more refreshed and positive about it. Let's face it: riding, no matter how wonderful, can sometimes be just one more "thing I have to do." And if I give myself permission to back off, I don't beat myself up about it. I know that my horses are fine, taken care of, and aren't being harmed by a few days off.

FWIW, I suffer from moderate anxiety and depression/dysthymia.

[JollyBadger]

I am so happy to find this thread. I mean it sucks that people have to deal with this stuff but at least we aren't alone.

I was recently diagnosed as ADHD (who does that ever explain a lot !), I've been dealing with anxiety and depression most of my life and I also have a sleep disorder.

My question is how do those of you with similar issues stay motivated and focused long enough to actually accomplish anything? I've always struggled with this and its most frustrating to me in regards to my horses. I have various goals and things I want to get done but it seems like I always get sidetracked, overwhelmed, bored or anxious. Then sometimes I get so enthusiastic about something (for instance I'll decide I want to switch my horses vitamin supplement, or set some training goal) and I will put so much time and energy into researching and pondering all the options that I am completely useless for anything else. Then I feel guilty for not getting more done or letting myself get so wrapped up knowing that I will move on to something else shortly. Has anyone found a good way to manage symptoms like these ?

I also have ADHD-I as well as depression, and I can totally relate to what you wrote! Sometimes it's like my brain just goes into auto-shutdown as soon as it decides that a goal is going to take too much ongoing work. Or, like you said, I put so much work into one aspect of a project that I fizzle out before actually finishing it.

Wish I could say I've figured out a way to manage this. Sadly, what usually happens is that I just end up frustrated by myself. It doesn't help that people who are unfamiliar with ADHD (especially the inattentive/not primarily hyperactive type) often make the judgement call that we are just lazy and need to try harder, because it's one more thing for me to beat myself up over. It's no wonder depression is a common co-morbid condition among those with ADHD. . .:(

[*Teddy*]

THanks classaction!

[red squirrel ridge]

Thanks cllane1 and Jolly Badger for the replies,
I am thankful that both of my equines (pony and donkey) are young and therefore have short attention spans and can handle having "growing up time" without a lot of formal schooling. I am also trying to keep working on ground manners etc. when I don't feel like proper schooling. Like when I do chores I try to do some quick stuff like asking them to wait for me to fill feeders before digging in, moving away from pressure- backing, side passing etc. and of course lot of pets and scratches. As they are young the 30 sec. "training sessions" seem ok, they end up wanting more attention then getting fried. Also I think visiting the COTH forums is a huge motivator. I am really looking forward to spring so I can really start working with them again. I live in a very rural mostly non-horsey area and keep my "kids" at home so its not like I have a lot of barn buddies to hang with, so its nice to talk with horsey humans once in a while:yes: